#i keep forgetting to bring my sweater bc for the rest of the world it's 84+ degrees outside not including humidity lmaoo

[keeps-ache]

wearing pajama pants under my usual clothing because 1) i didn't want to take them off 2) it's cold as hell in this building all the time 3) i am so cozy dude you have no idea

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

--

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

[wcnderlnds]

where do broken hearts go / peter maximoff x reader

Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Reader Description: You and Peter used to be inseparable but now he can’t bear to be around you. Warnings: sad peter??? Word Count: 1601 A/N: okay full disclosure i dont usually write angst i’m usually a fluff/humour type of gal but i’m trying to delve into the world of pain so go easy on me. gif is from google bc... lazy.

You never thought you’d be back here but fate had a funny way of rearing it’s ugly head. It had been two years since you’d left Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. It hadn’t been an easy decision but you couldn’t stay there. After everything that had happened with Apocalypse, you realised that wasn’t the life you wanted to live and made a run for it. You wanted a normal life — not one where you could be attacked at any given moment for being different. So, you’d headed back to your family. Thankfully, there was only one person who knew where you lived these days and Charles knew better than to try and convince you to come back. Once your mind was made up, that was it. You were one stubborn person. That didn’t mean it didn’t break your heart to leave because it did. There was so much you’d left behind — your friends, your mentors and, most importantly, Peter Maximoff.

The moment you and Peter had met over ten years ago you’d instantly clicked. Charles had needed yours and Peter’s help with something. That something was breaking out Magneto from a high security prison but you didn’t really like to bring that up much. That was when you and Peter had first met and from that moment on you’d been inseparable. You’d decided to stay at the school to learn to control your abilities while Peter had gone back home but you’d stayed in touch the whole time. There had been so many times when you’d tried to talk him into coming to the school but he wanted to be with his family. Whenever you could, you met up and that had eventually turned into the two of you dating. You’d officially been together for three years when everything changed.

After Peter had showed up at the school and saved you (and everyone else) from the burning building things took a wild turn. Apocalypse had happened. It had shook you to your core. As much as you loved Peter, as much as you loved the people you were surrounded with on a daily basis you couldn’t take the risk of that happening again. So, you’d left. There was no goodbyes because that would’ve been too painful so instead you’d left your favourite silver haired speedster a letter. There had been so many times when Peter had tried to get in contact with you but you ignored him. If you were going to even have the tiniest bit of a normal life then you had to leave everything behind including the love of your life.

Now, here you were stood outside of the doors to the place you’d vowed to never return to. Your abilities had taken a bit of an unexpected turn. You had tried to keep it under control by yourself but when you’d almost accidentally hurt a family member you knew it was time to get some real help. If there were any other place you could’ve gone, you would’ve but only Charles, Erik and everyone at the school could help you.

With a deep, shaky breath, you pushed open the doors to the building you hadn’t seen in a while. Students were rushing around making their way to their next class. It was Hank who spotted you first. Quickly, he dashed over to you pulling you into a bone crushing hug. “(Y/N)!” He exclaimed. “It’s so good to see you! Charles told me we’d be expecting you.”

“Kinda need to breathe here, buddy,” you gasped, patting your friend on the back as he released his hold on you. “It’s good to see you, too. Does… uh, does Peter know I’m here?”

Hank frowned. “Not as far as I know but I think you should talk to him first before anything else. The last thing we all need is for things to be awkward around here.”

A heavy sigh passed your lips. He was right, like always. The last thing you wanted to do was waltz in and make things weird for everyone so you were going to have to be an adult and face Peter no matter how much it was going to hurt. 

After chatting for a little with Hank and a few others — Jean, Scott and Jubilee — you sought out Peter. Nerves were bubbling up inside as you wandered through the corridors hoping to get a glimpse of the speedster. Your palms were sweaty as you rubbed them together, a stress headache slowly but surely making its presence known. Maybe coming back here wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe you should’ve just isolated yourself and gone into hiding. It’d be better than having to do this.

It was then you finally laid eyes on him. He was leaning against the wall, looking at his watch as impatiently as ever. There was a brief pause while you had an internal pep talk with yourself then you made your way to him.

“Peter?” You said meekly.

At the sound of your voice, he looked at you. Before you could even open your mouth to say anything else he was gone.

*****

Since then you’d tried for three days to talk to him but every time he would run off or try to avoid you. Admittedly, it hurt but you knew you didn’t have the right to be hurt. He was acting this way because he was hurt. You deserved it but that didn’t make it any less painful. So, you asked Hank to help you out.

Impatiently, you waited in the danger room. Hands on your hips as you paced up and down in the empty room. The plan was for Hank to ask Peter to come and run through some scenarios with him then once he was in the room Hank was going to lock him in there so he couldn’t escape. At the sound of the door opening, you froze hoping this would work.

“Give me a second. I need to go make sure everyone knows we’ve got the room for a bit.” Hank patted Peter on the shoulder before quickly exiting the room and locking it. Peter hadn’t noticed you yet, a confused look on his face as he noticed the door locking.

“Hank, what the…” He banged on the door.

“He’s not going to let you out,” you said from where you were stood at the other end of the room. Peter spun around to face you.

“I have nothing to say to you,” his tone was brash — something you’d never experienced with him before.

“I know but, Peter, I really need - “ you started with a step closer to him.

“And I really needed you!” He exclaimed throwing his arms in the air with an exasperated sigh. “I broke my leg and needed you but instead I was handed a letter by Hank telling me you were gone. So, I don’t really care what you need. You bailed on me when I needed you the most.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, sorry,” your eyes began to brim with tears. 

“It’s too late for that. You broke my heart and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for that.”

“I was selfish and… I didn’t think. I was thinking about myself and that was wrong. I know that now. I’m sorry for leaving you. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I thought about you every single day. I loved you, Pete. I still love you and… I’m just so sorry.”

Tears had freely began to fall down your cheeks. It was taking all of Peter’s will to not close the space between you and wipe them away. No matter how much he was angry at you, he still loved you too but he couldn’t bring himself to get hurt again. 

“Everyone told me I’d forget about you and move on but it’s two years later and here I am still wanting to make you feel better instead of myself,” he looked at the ground. It hurt to look at you especially now that you were crying. “You broke me, (Y/N). I just….” He paused, shaking his head. “I still love you too but… I can’t. The trust is completely gone. I’m not willing to give you my heart again when you were so careless with it the first time.”

“I know,” you sniffed. Your sweater clad hand moved to rub at your eyes but was stopped mid way when Peter grabbed it, lowering it. The pads of his thumbs moved to gently wipe the tears from your cheeks which only made you cry more.

“I need time. I need to learn how to be around you again. I need to learn how to trust you again and then… maybe we can….” He trailed off unable to bring himself to say it. He didn’t need to give himself false hope. By now his forehead was resting against yours, his eyes closed as if it was physically hurting him to say his next words. “But, for now, I need you to leave me alone. Please.”

You nodded, taking a step back to put space back between the two of you as you shouted. “Hank, open the door.”

In mere seconds the door unlocked. With one last look and a sad smile Peter left the room leaving you alone. If there was one thing you knew, it was that you’d do anything to make Peter Maximoff happy again. If space was what he needed then you’d give him it. No matter how long it took — he was worth it.

[jpegjade]

Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmares)

SO remember how i told you guys that the next fic was gonna be angsty fluff? well i present to you the angstiest thing i have yet to write. (i had to reel myself back. i definitely went angstier but i decided not to go there this early in the game) - and yes, the title is a kid cudi song. 

Request: Okay another request… and I know you love to write angst so how about something where the reader is having a hard time sleeping bc of nightmares and has been trying her best to keep it from Spence but he obviously knows and tries to help?

__________________

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of one Spencer Reid. A brilliant young man whose life was cut short by the grips of life.” Some priest said, standing at the front of a podium. 

You were outside, standing under a tent with a group of people. You tried to look at their faces but it was like everything was in a haze. The priest continued talking but it’s like his voice slowed down, almost as if he went underwater somehow. You looked down, seeing yourself in your funeral dress. Was this real? 

“And now a few words from his fiance.” The priest motioned to you. 

It’s like your body started moving on its own. You walked to the front of the tent, in front of everyone. Slowly, their faces came into view. One by one, you recognized who you were looking at and all of them were crying. Even his mom was there, crying just as hard as everyone else. There wasn’t a dry eye in the tent area. 

“My heart is broken... “ You began, not sure where the words were coming from. Even now, you weren’t sure what was really happening but you started to piece things together. “The love of my life…” You started sobbing, the words getting caught in your throat.

“The love of my life is gone, taken by a cruel excuse for a man. If I could trade my life for his, I would in a heartbeat. His bright eyes, loving smile, he deserves the world and every good thing in it. And now… Now, I can’t give it to him…” 

You turned, looking at the coffin. He looked so peaceful, like no bad thing could touch him anymore. And that was true. He was relieved of his pain and suffering. Pressing your lips to his forehead one last time, you whispered, “I love you now and forever.” 

You woke with a start. You were drenched in sweat and sobbing, although it didn’t feel like it. Your tears were mixed with sweat. You wrapped your arms around your torso, rocking yourself as you tried to calm down. Your heart raced and there was a painful ache in your body. Something was missing, an empty hole inside of you. You tried to breathe but it felt absolutely impossible. Your chest was so tight with fear that you didn’t think you would ever calm down. 

Slowly, you began to breathe normally again. The room stopped spinning and you were able to loosen up enough to go get a glass of water. Your footsteps were quiet but your body felt so heavy. You struggled to stand up straight at the weight on your shoulders. Filling up your cup with water, you checked the time on the stove. It was only 11 PM. You must have fallen asleep early for you to wake up at this time. A few swallows later, you were ready to get back in bed. 

What the fuck was that dream… Shit Spencer. If that wasn’t a dream, if that was a memory, you were going to lose it. 

It was only 11 so you knew Spencer would still be awake, if not wrapping up at the office. When you used to sleep over at his apartment, he would stay up late because he had a cup of coffee late in the day and the effects were still hitting him. The two of you would stay up talking until one of you dropped. Sometimes, the conversations were good, all about how he was basically a superhero and you were a goddess, according to him. 

‘Hey, angel.” You melted at the sound of his voice. He was okay. 

“Hey yourself. How was work?” You asked, trying to keep things nonchalant. You just needed to hear him talk for a little bit and then you would feel better about everything going on. 

“It was tiring. I’ve been doing desk work since I hurt my leg.” He said, pretending to be annoyed. Or maybe he was annoyed, you couldn’t tell. 

You completely forgot he hurt his leg for a moment. All you could think about was that dream… 

“Do you want to come over?” He asked, disrupting your thoughts. You were glad but you were unsure about this. What if you had another nightmare? 

“I don’t know about that, Spence. I’m a little too tired to drive.” That was the only excuse you would think of to not go. “Don’t get me wrong, I would love to spend the night with you but I’m scared of falling asleep at the wheel.” 

“I like that you’re cautious. Well, I’m on my way home. Do you want me to swing by?” Spencer said, looking for a reason to stop by. 

“Only if you feel up to it.” You said, excited to have someone to help you stay awake. It would be easier to stay awake with your fiance there, right? 

20 minutes later, Spencer walked through your door. Immediately embracing you in a hug, he smelled of lavender and coffee. You weren’t sure how that worked but it did on him. 

“You’re always so cozy.” You said, face full of his sweater. It was beginning to be a long hug but you needed it. 

“Are you ready to actually let me inside?” Spence said, chuckling at the realization that it was becoming an extra long hug. 

“Inside of me or the apartment?” You laughed, finally letting go of him. 

“Your pick.” He said, smirking. 

“Get in here, you goofball.” You said, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside your apartment. 

The two of you laid on the couch, watching Doctor Who for a little while before you started to drift off to sleep. Your head in Spencer’s lap, legs up on the couch, Spencer just watched you drift to sleep, smiling at how rested you looked. 

“Spencer. Spencer, it’s me. You don’t have to do this. Please, baby. Just focus on me, okay?” You pleaded, your fiance’s back turned to you. 

“I can’t, y/n.” Spencer was crying, hard. “There’s so much darkness inside of me and I can’t navigate it. I can’t understand how to get rid of it. Some genius I am, right?” 

“Baby, no.” You took a couple tentative steps closer to him. You didn’t want him to get scared. 

“Yes. Yes. Yes. You say all these nice things about me and I can’t… I don’t understand.” He was still crying. That was a good sign. He still felt something. He wasn’t numb. 

“Spencer, listen to my voice. You’re not all dark, okay? That brilliant mind of yours isn’t going to figure it out if you give up now. Let me help you understand.” Your voice was hardly steady but it was just enough to keep him engaged. 

You kept inching towards him. Your hands were shaking still. You were almost there. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Spencer!” You yelled, bolting upright. 

You fell asleep. Shit. But Spencer wasn’t holding you anymore. You didn’t see him. You also weren’t on the couch anymore. You were in your bed, shaking. 

“Hmm? I’m right here.” Spencer said, turning over. He pulled you into his arms and held you as you explained your dreams and how they were backward.

“Spence, I’m afraid to go to sleep. I can’t handle you being taken away from me.” You sobbed, trying to slow down. 

“Hey, you’re not going to lose me at all. We’ve got plans and things to accomplish. I wouldn’t dare leave you to your own devices.” He chuckled. 

Hearing Spencer make light of the situation helped a little bit. You knew it was his way of helping you through the situation before he turned serious again. 

“Y/n, dreams are less about the future and more about the subconscious. Your fears manifest in two second bits of information but your brain slows it down to read the information. What you’re suffering from is common under high pressure or stressful situations. I know you’ve been suffering from nightmares for a little while. You don’t ever want to tell me these things but I find out eventually.” He said, pulling you tighter to his chest. 

You could hear his heart, slow and steady. The blood pumping in your ears started to get quieter the more he spoke. 

“You’ve been sleepless for at least a week. You’ve been wearing more make-up to cover up the dark circles and exhaustion. You have had an excuse not to sleep over at my place for a little while. Your clothes are always wrinkled and you have been more forgetful lately because you’re so tired. I haven’t said anything because I wanted to give you space to figure it out since I know you’ll call me when you feel like I can help.” He paused. 

“You know I’m here for you, right?” He said, kissing the top of your head. 

“I know. But it’s so hard… I thought I had this under control.” You sighed, wrapping your arm around Spencer. 

“Baby, you have to ask for help sometimes. You have to know that some things aren’t going to happen because there’s no way in hell I would leave you. The only thing I’m sorry for right now is that I didn’t step in sooner. I didn’t think it would get this bad…” Spencer got progressively quieter the more he talked. 

“Spence, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. I just… I feel like you have enough to worry about. I want to be the sunshine in your life, the thing you look forward to seeing because I bring you joy.” You sighed. 

“I know. But you don’t have to do anything to give me that feeling, sunshine.” He said, smiling. “I come home to the most beautiful, smart, incredible girl in the world every day, when I’m not on trips, that is.” He chuckled. 

“Spence… You’re too sweet.” You said, burying your face into his chest. You didn’t even realize he was shirtless until you lifted your head and put it back down on his chest. 

“Sweet like sugar.” He said. He smirked in the low light of the lamp on your bedside table. 

“Spencer, that light was in my living room. Did you move it?” You asked, wondering why he would do something like that. 

“When I have nightmares, I find that it’s easier to get my bearings when I can see what’s around me. In the dark, anything can happen. In the dark, the monsters come out. But in the light, you’re able to see that you’re safe. So I moved it so you can wake up and recognize you’re safe with me.” Spencer said. 

“You’re the best, you know that?” You said, getting sleepy again. 

“And you’re mine.” He said, followed by a yawn. 

There was something different about when you fell asleep this time. You had more control, felt more peaceful and less nervous. You were able to breathe again knowing that Spencer was right there with you. For the first time in a little while, you were able to get a peaceful couple hours of sleep.

[msiopao]

Sera with the Members

a/n: mark is in this because dream is now a fixed unit and he’s part of the lineup!!!!!!

WATERMELON ADDICT

was the person who made Sera comfortable since he reminded her of home

always asks if canadian bacon is better than american bacon

‘i dONt kNoW, sERa! mEAT iS mEaT!’

she didnt actually cry on stage when he was leaving but she cried when it was just the two of them and he recorded for the last time

it was her idea for hyuck to buy him a big bottle of ketchup

CANNOT believe that mark was a churchboy and ends up acting up in music videos

the duality SCARES her

calls her finny since her name is serafina

sera has her own room but she has an extra bed so he sleeps in there when he spends the night

learned this watermelon shake to help mark’s hangover

english all the time

ever since they met, mark has always placed his elbow on her head due to her short height

sera learned this fried rice recipe from her mom and he goes over to their dorm for breakfast

‘mark bls dont touch anything. get out of the kitchen and go watch tv or something’

always brings up his messed up eggs

‘gordon spitting facts tho’

whenever he feels too overworked or too pressured, sera has always made it a point to come over to their dorm and have a movie night with just the 2 of them with his favorite snacks and drinks

LONJIN

omg these two

sera is typically not mean but when renjun starts, she becomes ruthless

always calling out his fake personality

‘everyone, don’t believe him! he’s 2 faced!’

‘what are you even saying! you act like you’re so quirky and giggly but you yeeted jisung into the wall last night!’

‘YAH!’

so yea, they fight a lot

but its very playful and they know where that line is drawn and not cross it

he talks to her about space and aliens and she listens to every word bc renjun sounds so confident and happy whenever he talks about that stuff

they’re actually 10 days apart but sera acts like she’s 10 years older than him

‘IS THAT HOW YOU TALK TO SOMEONE OLDER?!’

‘okay, granny’

always in awe whenever renjun draws and paints and she really likes seeing him in his element

unbeknowst to her, he actually draws her a lot

wants to frame all of his work 

they go out to the roof and stargaze

he steals her airpods just to watch her go crazy

once hid her phone in the fridge

lives for his vocals

cannot believe how much he’s grown from chewing gum era to now

her heart strings were tugged when he cried in dnyl

renjun always says that he wishes sera was born as his little sister bc they act like they’re siblings

EYESMILE PRINCE

hmm

so their is kinda complicated

sera’s closest to him than all the members bc 1, he was her first friend and 2, he has cats

before, when they still went to school, her and jeno always went together

yes, jaemin and jeno and her went together in the beginning

but jaemin was in the hospital and recovering so it just became them 2

also, she goes to visit his parents so she can see his cats

this results to his parents and older sister adoring her

‘bongsik, nal, and seol are my kids’ - lee sera, 00 line vlive

she always craves for attention and when it isnt given bc he’s too busy playing, she just walks into his room and sits on his lap while he plays

tries to get his attention by saying stuff but he teases her by acting like she aint there

‘fine, i’ll go to jaemin’

jeno wasnt supposed to be blonde for the comeback but they were just messing around and next thing they knew, jeno’s tips were bleach blonde

when shes on that,,,, time,,,,, hes the only one in the dorm she listens to

not even johnny, who’s practically her father

collabs with her mukbang show and jsmr

he mentions her like at least once whenever he has lives that she’s not in

steals his glasses all the time just to watch him wander around with this confused adorable face

hugs are so cute w these two and czennies see them hugging in videos and she can barely reach his shoulder 

forehead kisses and sweater paws for daysss

NANA

drop dead gorgeous boy

shes not safe from jaemin’s affections

*cue jeno glaring at him for stealing her*

we all know how much he loves the members and whenever sera breathes, he busts his uwus

takes so many pictures of her

sera buys him lots of lip balms and carmex but he always forgets to put them on

sera hates peaches but she buys him peach flavored sweets whenever she sees them

‘NANA!!’

sera is also an attention whore so she always runs to him and wraps her arms around him and he squeals by how cute she is

bought him an expensive camera for his birthday

has a polaroid picture of him in her clear phone case

actually, her phone background is an old picture of predebut sera, jeno, and jaemin

one of the rare moments where she cried was when she found out that jaemin wouldnt be in a few comebacks bc he was sick

kept visiting him and jaemin cannot repay her enough

the dorm is full of ryan and winnie plushies from the sofa, a tiny winnie plush on the corner of the island counter, and their bedrooms

sera is the one who always throws away the his satanic drink even though it’s still full

‘yah, you need to think about your health and if it your body is tired, dont fight it by trying to drink these to keep your energy’

sleepovers with them are often and sometimes found sleeping on the spare bed in her room

FULL SUN

our big babie

oh boi when he got hurt

sera called him twice a day, one in the morning and one at night, just to check if it’s still hurting and making sure he’s resting

forever remembers when he dressed up as a girl 

‘you see, i’m not the only girl member. dongsuk is just on hiatus right now’

his name on her phone is ‘man-child’

when he went on tour with 127, she really missed him

like she missed him so much that she kept posting on instagram for him to hurry back home

still mad that he moved dorms to be with the older members

when sera got sick, she made him sing ‘no longer’ to her like a lullaby

when he asks sera to do something for him, usually she says no because he asks her to do ridiculous things but his aegyo always convinces her

thinks his color amblyopia is so fascinating and adds more into the unique traits he has

another attention giver and she loves hugging him because he gives really warm hugs

one time, jeno and sera had a fight and it got so bad that hyuck had to be called and he was the only one who got to talk some sense in sera to talk to jeno

but the legendary markhyuck summer fight was resolved because sera yelled at them and cried since they are best friends and they shouldnt be like that to each other

they made up since ‘wow sera cried’ and ‘the members are ready to beat us up if we continue this’

and by members, like all members, including the older ones

sera knows how much being the moodmaker title burdens him so she tries to ease that burden by talking to him just the two of them

DOLPHIN CHILD

look how adorable he is UWU

he is 1/2 of sera’s sons

like she’s whipped for him and jisung and he knows it too

‘noona~’

‘yes, i will give you the world, the stars, and the moon’

thinks his laugh is endearing and is sad that it isnt that high-pitched anymore since his voice got a little deeper

cannot believe how much he’s grown too

when he speaks in chinese, sera thinks its the cutest thing 

‘can we give his scalp some rest? its not healthy for the boy’

trust fund babies

you know how chenle has 3 airpods?

sera went through 4 phones since she keeps losing or breaking it

dont ask how bc shes as clumsy as namjoon

had this phase where he wouldn’t stop back-hugging his noona and she just left it alone

always buys him snacks and cooks him a lot of food bc she thinks he’s too skinny and wants him to be healthy and gain some fat on those cheeks again

on their break, she went to china with jisung and her lock screen is a picture of her and chenle holding his nephew

triggered her baby fever

czennies ship them but he makes it clear she’s the older sister he’s never had

nct dream took a vacation to her hometown and she bought them basketball tickets so chenle could see his idol

his mom practically adopted her since she goes over to his apartment all the time whenever the others are getting too much for her

she misses him so much its not even funny

JISUNG PWARK

our maknae is growing up :(

sera had the whole family sit and watch the first episode of dancing high

so proud of her boy

she called him during the show and it was shown and heard about her telling him to take care of himself and to not be too hard on his body and that she’s waiting for him at home

as the youngest member overall, sera babies him the most

he obvs takes advantage of it and she used to cuddle him to sleep when he was younger bc he had a hard time sleeping

again, cooks for him a lot since he’s a growing boy and making sure he takes vitamins and drinks water and limit sugary things

she calls his mom to give him updates about her son

remember his phone that he used until it actually died?

sera actually bought him a new one before that happened and just casually gave it to him

‘i know this was going to happen so i just took care of it. i have to take care of you, jisung-ah’

hypes him up whenever he dances bc wow this boy is actually talented

doesnt really like skinship but he tolerates it when she holds his hands bc theyre so much bigger than hers

one day just woke up and she got so confused when jisung grew up

‘did you grow in your sleep?’

‘n-no?’

loves his awkward nature and she keeps saying how adorable he is and cute he is whenever he acts cool

god, she’s just so whipped for him

but tbh, who isn’t?

aaaahhhhhh i cannot believe our wish came true and they became a fixed unit and we really getting a comeback and an mv in the 29th!!!

[disgrays-on]

state of grace

Word Count: 4.2k

Pairing: Jason Todd // Reader

Summary: You wonder what you’ve done to deserve this life sometimes, wonder how it’s real, how it’s even possible that you get to wake up to Jason every single morning, so happy and safe and in love and loved.

A/N: god this is probably boring but i just really wanted to write it. had to cut it off bc it was getting too long for my attention span lol this’ll probably look better/make more sense on desktop than on mobile though

The sun pours into the room, flooding it with bright, golden light. Outside, you hear the hustle and bustle of the day, cars as they went by and mild chatter whenever a group of people walk by. You’re still in bed, still in Jason's arms, head propped on his chest and fingers splayed over his steadily beating heart. You breathe the scent of him in, comfortable and familiar and home, letting your eyes fall shut when he nuzzles into you, still half-asleep and drowsy. One of his arms snakes around your waist, keeping you pressed against him almost protectively. You wonder what you’ve done to deserve this life sometimes, wonder how it’s real, how it’s even possible that you get to wake up to Jason every single morning, so happy and safe and in love and loved.

Breakfast is the usual spread, simple and easy. Eggs and different kinds of bread and butter and jam. Tea for you and coffee for Jason. You find comfort in the habit of it all. In seeing Jason’s small smile, the one he reserves for only you, so shy and yet so wondrous and never failing to bring you so much joy. In watching him cook, bare-chested with sweatpants riding low on his hips, even against your better warning. In hearing him hum along quietly to the music playing soothingly from the speakers where he plugged his phone to. He catches you looking sometimes, a glint of mischief in his eyes as they flicker up to meet yours, the smallest hints of a smirk on his face. You try your hardest not to flush under his gaze.

“Talked to dad yesterday.” Jason brings up this morning, eyebrows furrowed and eyes focused on the eggs he’s frying, voice still husky from sleep.

You look up from your laptop, a plaintive hum leaving your lips. Usually, you try not to work at the kitchen table but this time had been an unavoidable case, last minute emails to read and respond to. Jason's back is still against you, one of his hands gripping the handle of the pan, the other holding on to a fork. You take a second to wonder when this could have happened and how you could have missed it. “How is he?”

You can’t see his face but something in him changes, like he’s resigned. He shrugs noncommittally, “He’s alright.”

“You guys aren’t still fighting, are you?” You can still remember how awkward the last family dinner had been, the tension hanging heavily over the dinner table, so thick you could have sliced right through it with a knife. You can still remember how furious Jason had been but at the same time, how lost he had been because he and his dad rarely fought. You can still remember the way he'd clung to you, arms tight around you but still trying to pull you closer.

“No.” He sighs, “It's just- I don’t know. They’re planning on coming over next week.”

“Oh. That’s a bad thing? I thought you missed them.” You sigh when he remains quiet, only the sizzle and hiss of the eggs and the sound of Jason’s soft music filling up the air. “Your dad loves you, you know that? He only wants what’s best for you.”

“I know.” He murmurs, before he shuts off the burner and slides the cooked eggs onto an empty plate. There’s relief in the corners of his eyes and a small smile on his face when he turns to place the plate in front of you. Jason has never really been good with emotions, either receiving or showing them, so you’re not surprised at his sudden change of topic. “Here you go. Better eat up if you don’t want to be late.”

“Thank you.” You beam up at him appreciatively, before shutting your laptop and pushing it aside. He takes the seat across you with a plate similar to yours, the mug of coffee that you had poured for him, still steaming hot, not too far from his reach. Breakfast conversation topics usually range from your plans for the day to weird articles that either of you find on the internet but today, the both of you opt for silence.

“Oh, we’re still on for tomorrow night, right?” You ask afterwards, tilting your head up slightly to meet his eyes. He’s right beside you, insistent on drying the plates that you’ve washed, even though you tell him that he doesn’t need to. You’d actually been really excited for the little date night. A movie and a nice meal, a night when you could forget all your responsibilities for even just a little while and enjoy. Truly, you adore the kids that you work with - and you’d never admit this to them or any of your colleagues - but Jason’s Jason. Nothing could ever possibly beat spending time with him.

“Of course,” He bends down slightly to press a kiss on your temple. There’s heat in his eyes when he looks up to meet yours, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

You roll your eyes, shutting off the tap before flicking the excess water from your hands in his direction, ignoring the twinge in your heart at his burst of laughter.

The little school you work in isn’t too far from the apartment. A few minutes away, past a decently sized park with huge trees and beautiful flowers. You can never go to work without stopping by for a while. You and Jason frequent the place, taking long walks to clear your minds when neither of you can sleep or picnics on bright sunny days. It’s as picturesque as always this morning, clear blue skies and fluffy clouds, the sunlight bathing the landscape, the cool air of the morning filling up your lungs. You spare a few minutes to take in the view before moving on, mentally reminding yourself to bring Jason back for another picnic.

“Can we read this book today?” One of your kids - Little Coraline, your mind supplies, a sweet but shy young girl - ask, peering up at you with shining eyes, a book clutched in her hands. You’d been cleaning up after the last lesson, picking up stray crayons and loose paper. Behind her, a few others look on excitedly. It’s their break time but how could you even say no to their excited little faces? They’re all such a delight, nothing as difficult as some of the students that your colleagues had. They bicker from time to time, but it’s usually over the tiniest matters and they’re easily resolvable.

“Of course,” You smile at the little girl, plopping down to the carpeted floor, “What do you have there?”

“The little red ridin-” Her face scrunches up with effort, mouth twisting into a frown, “Little red hood!”

“The little red riding hood?” You hum as she hands you the book, you don’t remember ever seeing the book in your classroom but the kids brought their own books in from time to time. “Really? You promise you won’t get scared by this one?”

“I won’t!” She giggles, clambering onto your lap as you open the book. The rest of the kids hurry to sit around you, huddling together with sweet grins on their faces.

The rest of the day goes by as quickly as it does whenever you’re with your kids. Jason picks you up at the end of the day, even if you tell him that he doesn’t need to. He’s leaning back against his bike when you first see him, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed thoughtfully. You’re not sure if it’s because of his helmet, but he looks a bit frazzled, hair tousled and form heavy.

“You okay?” You ask him, after he gives you a distracted little kiss.

He nods, finally returning to you, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just work stuff.”

“Okay.” Even after all the years that you’ve been with him, there are still things that he isn’t particularly comfortable with sharing. You’re fine with it, really. Some secrets are better off as secrets. “Well, thank you for taking time out of your very busy day to pick me up.”

He gives you a little squeeze before he hands you your helmet.

Jason’s no longer so preoccupied with whatever it was that happened at his workplace by the time the both of you arrive at a grocery store. He’s enthusiastically telling you about this recipe that he’s been meaning to try as you walk down the frozen food aisle, a dumpling recipe that he found online, fingers intertwined with yours in the pocket of his jacket. The both of you discuss what needs to be bought - fresh ingredients, meat and vegetables and other kitchen necessities - before parting to cover more ground.

When you finally find Jason, all of the items you needed in your arms, Jason’s speaking to a petite old woman with salt and pepper hair, clad in a huge red and blue sweater. You recognise her as one of your neighbours, a few floors below yours, and you’re not surprised that Jason’s so friendly with her. He would never admit it but he had such a soft spot for your elderly neighbours, loved helping them or sitting down for tea with them whenever he could.

“They’re green peas, ma’am.” Jason nods, handing the can back to the old woman.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Her smile is bright, her laughter frail, “Sometimes things just don’t seem right to an old woman like me.”

“Any time.” Jason’s proud smile squeezes at your heart and you have to bite down on your bottom lip to stop yourself from squealing at how adorable he’s being. “Do you need help with your basket?”

“No, I’ll be alright. Thank you, dear.” She gives Jason a few pats on his forearm before she shuffles away, basket and can in hand.

“You’re adorable,” You nudge him slightly after placing all of the items that you’ve picked out into the basket he’s holding. You take a quick moment to see what he’s picked out, a few bottles of seasonings, sesame oil and rice vinegar and fish sauce, the ingredients he needed for his dumplings. You pick out a box of cereal that you’ve never seen him buy before, alarmingly bright in colour and frosted in more sugar than you think is healthy.  

“Dick likes those, wanted to try them.” You hear him murmur, and when you look up, his eyes are elsewhere.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Dick?”

“Never mind, it’s nothing.” He shakes his head, “We done?”

This time, at home, you cook alongside Jason. You work on tonight’s dinner, plain old grilled chicken and mashed potatoes while Jason works on his dumplings, hands steady as he pleats his dumplings. You tell him about the silly things your students did today, a young boy and his increasingly ridiculous reasons for not doing his homework, and later in the day, the same one trying to revolt. He chuckles, low and quiet, eyes still focused on the dumpling on his palm, as he begins to tell you about his own day.

“Taste this.” You hold up a spoonful of gravy to his mouth.

There’s a boyish grin on his face after he tastes it, “So good.”

You get dreams sometimes, and it’s always a cycle of the same few.

One, it feels like you’re flying. You feel the rush of the wind against your cheeks, and you hear laughter that isn’t just yours. There’s thrill in your bloodstream, adrenaline fuelling the pump of your heart. Jason’s there too, face pure happiness. But there’s something heavy lodged in your chest, a sadness hanging over your head, almost like there’s an impending doom around the corner.

Two, the both of you are on the ground but you’re surrounded by thugs. Jason’s masked but you know that it’s him. You’re throwing punches and kicks and a quick peek at Jason tells you he’s doing the same. You’re not scared, and it doesn’t seem like Jason’s scared either. The two of you are trading quips, laughing and joking around as if this was something that happened a lot. He tells you that he’s going to finish up first, playful and almost daring you to prove him wrong. You do.

Three, there’s only blood and darkness and Jason’s groans and grunts of pain. You’re gasping and panting for air and you don’t know why, but it doesn’t seem like there’s enough air for you or for him or for anybody. He’s on his back, clutching at his side that’s sliced open and dark blood is pouring out of his wound and you don’t know how you know, but you know that there is no coming back from this. This is the end. You can never shake the panic and you wake up crying every single time. It’s the worst out of the three, you think.

But whenever you wake up from it, Jason’s there. He’s awake and he pulls you back down to his chest, where you can hear the soothing beats of his heart. He curls around you tighter, and he murmurs quiet words to you, comforting and calming. You don’t think to ask him why he’s awake in the first place.

Sometimes, it feels like there are gaps in your memories. You don’t know your family, who or where they are, you ponder as you watch a couple clutching at their child’s hands cross a road. You can tell anyone about a random event that happened a few years ago but you can’t seem to remember what happened before you woke up a few days ago. Sometimes, you look outside and you see darkness, grit and grime and dirt and crime, broken things instead of the peace that you always see and it terrifies you.

At first, you think, maybe it’s you. Maybe there’s something wrong with you.

But there are gaps in your cognition, blurry little slots where memory should be but instead, there is only a void. It's empty, cold and bleak. And you know, you just know, that this isn't possible. That, surely, something should be there. It creates a dissonance within you, a disconnect from the world around you and the one that fills your memories, a thick bold line drawn to separate the two. There's an odd lacking, like the final piece of a puzzle has gone missing but instead of it hiding at the bottom of a box, it's just gone, like it never existed in the first place. And it makes you doubt, makes you so uneasy, makes you think that something's not right. That nothing adds up. That it doesn't feel right.

And you’re not sure why.

Or what to do.

“Hey.” You flinch at Jason’s voice, pulling you out of your little reverie. Water’s still gushing out from the kitchen tap, a pile of dirty dishes still at the bottom of the sink, and you rush to shut it off before turning to Jason.

“Have you seen those books that Bruce gave me?” He asks you, eyes flickering around the room, “I’m pretty sure I left them around here somewhere.”

“Um, no. I-” You furrow your eyebrows, as you take the sight of him in. He looks like how you feel. Lost. Exhausted. Confused at the words that just left his mouth. “Who’s Bruce?”

The feeling is still at the pit of your stomach, discomfort settling in your bones and unease snaking around your heart. It’s slightly cloudy today, dark grey clouds and a dark shadow covering everything. It feels different, like there’s a storm is brewing and there’s this electricity in the air. You bite down on your bottom lip. It just feels different.

“Thanks for your advice, by the way!” Your co-worker smiles at you from across your table. You didn’t even hear her come close. She must have noticed your confusion because she rushes to explain, “Remember the other day when one of my kids got blood on my skirt? Your advice worked! How did you know that the ammonia thing would work?”

“Right.” You gulp, returning her smile with a small one of your own. You don’t remember. You can’t. Your nerves are sharp, jagged glass. “Must have read it online somewhere.”

The date with Jason takes most of your mind off of it, the discomfort slithering away as Jason throws an arm around your shoulder and talks your ears off about a friend at work. The movie is hilarious, a buddy cop adventure turned romcom movie but the both of you spent quite a bit of time making out so you can’t really be too sure. His hands, warm and wandering. His lips, heavy and distracting. You had to put a lot of effort to not just moan out loud. At the end of the movie, he pulls you close to him, hips pressed together, a smirk on his face.

He gives you his jacket a quarter of the way to the restaurant, looks really pleased with himself as you slide it on. It’s huge on you but it makes you feel safe like nothing else ever has. His smile reaches his eyes as you tease him about it, and it’s breathtaking, and gosh, you’re so in love with him. You tell him as much and he tugs you into a kiss almost instantly. He only pulls away after he gives you one final kiss on the tip of your nose.

It’s all well and the feeling of unease doesn’t return until you hear muffled yelling and sounds of a scuffle as the both of you walk past an alleyway. Your first instinct is to turn around, to find the source of the voice and to help but Jason tugs you close and leads you away before you can. You can’t read his face but his lips are pressed in a line and his grip around you is tight. The rest of the walk to the restaurant is spent in silence. (There are flashes. Of the both of you in a similar situation. Except in that one, you’re in the alleyway. And Jason’s masked. And he’s fierce and angry and you can hear bones crack after each punch. You wonder and wonder, and the discomfort slithers back around you.)

Everything goes back to normal when the two of you arrive at the restaurant. Or at least, it seems that way. It’s loud, chatter from all the other patrons and cheery music blasting from the speakers. It’s nothing too fancy but it’s still quite an established restaurant so you settle into your seat quickly. The both of you talk about the movie - 9/10, you’d watch it again - and then move on to random things like the little kitten that you’d seen at the park and Jason’s newest client and their ridiculous demands. About a meal in, the two of you are already laughing and snickering, discomfort and troubles all forgotten, feet tangled underneath the table. He orders a milkshake and you steal it because he teased you about your fascination with him and he deserved it. He orders another one about ten minutes later and he lets you steal that one too.

But the dreams are still there and it’s the same but just ten times worse this time. This time, it just feels all too real. A part of you knows that something’s wrong. Heart pounding, sweating bullets, you sit up. Jason’s not in bed this time to pull you close so you shove away the covers and move to find him sat in the kitchen, a half-empty glass of water in front of him.

“Can’t sleep?” You ask him, taking the seat next to him and leaning your head against him. He lets you, pressing a small kiss before you feel him heave a deep sigh.

“No.”

“Bad dreams?” You press your lips against his shoulder. He rarely ever talks about his dreams or his nightmares but something tells you that tonight would be different.

“Sometimes, it feels like I’m dying while I’m asleep.” He says to you after a stagnant silence and you bite down on your lips to stop yourself from reacting. “And it feels real but I—”  

And the thing is, you know exactly what he’s talking about. You wrap your arms around his middle, pressing your face into his shirt. You’re not sure what pushes you to but the words spill past your lips before you can stop them, “You and I…We’re real…right?”

You feel him tense beneath you. You don’t dare to look up, to look at his face and see it flickering like everything around you seem to be doing recently, to look up and see flashes of something else, to look up and see him fading away. You didn’t know what’s happening or why it’s happening or what it means but you just want it all to be alright. You just want it all to be normal again.

He knows too, you think. That something’s not right but neither of you seems to want to admit it. Maybe it’s instinct, maybe you’re crazy but deep down, you know and Jason know that nothing is right. You know that when he’d picked you up that day, when he’d seemed so distracted, it had been him mulling everything over, when everything started to piece together for him. You didn’t know a Dick or a Bruce but he did. And the flashes of dreams are too real to be anything but a memory but it didn’t fit anywhere, like a too-big piece of a puzzle that couldn’t fit anywhere, that belonged to a different puzzle set altogether. The overlaps between your dreams, whenever he tells you about his - the rush of wind, the fighting, the masks - it’s all too much to be a coincidence. Even deeper down, you feel like all of it, this life right now, has always been too good to be true.

“Of course.” He says, voice thin and soft. You’re not completely sure he believes it either.

It all comes crumbling down a few days later, at a coffee shop near your shared apartment, in the middle of another one of yours and Jason’s playful bickering.

“Jason!” You hear someone call out and the sight of him stirs something inside of you. A young man with dark tousled hair, familiar blue eyes and a stature that’s so familiar and yet you still couldn’t quite put your finger on it. There are bags under his eyes, frustration and exasperation in his voice. You know this person. The words you want to say falls away, the conversation faltering.

“Am I supposed to know who you are?” Jason asks, even as the realisation dawns on him and the furrow of his eyebrows smooths out. He knows him. The both of you know him.

Tim.

Dick.

Bruce.

The masks, the fighting, the Red Hood.

And then everything just clicks and suddenly, it feels like the reality you know is falling around you, taking your heart along with it. Your first instinct is to deny everything that he - Tim - is saying as he begins to explain. Because it couldn’t be real, because everything that happened so far had to be real because even if there were moments when you’d been dubious about everything, it had been the greatest moments of your life and it couldn’t not be real. It wasn’t possible. A world where you weren’t actually together with Jason, where you didn’t really live with him or have this perfect domestic life with him where he made you breakfast and picked you up after work and the both of you are happy and safe and in love couldn’t be real.

And yet, it makes perfect sense. With everything that’s been happening, the little moments when your reality seemed to flicker in and out of existence, the emptiness and the dreams and the memories that should be there but aren’t, you realise that it makes the most sense. That being stuck in a weird time pocket, a fantasy alternate world, a different timeline than your original, isn’t so far-fetched. Because deep down, you’d known. And Jason had known.

The memories are quiet as they come back, slow but unforgiving as they crawl back to where they belonged. No matter how much you want it to be true, this world where you were together with Jason, where you lived with him and had this perfect domestic life with him where he made you breakfast and picked you up after work and the both of you were happy and safe and in love wasn’t real. Because in your world, Jason’s birth parents are dead and his relationship with his adopted family is shaky at best and he’d died and sometimes almost dies again when he gets too reckless in the field. Because in your world, there’s pining and heartbreak and blood and tears and pain. Jason isn’t in love with you and the both of you aren’t together and nothing is this simple in the other world.

Your hands tremble in your lap as you hear Tim and Jason discuss how to escape this weird situation that you were in, how to get back to a world where everything is dark and painful, how to get back to a world where you aren’t with Jason and he isn’t with you and it almost breaks you. None of it had been real. None.

[marigoldbaker]

frightening things

the aftermath of a declaration, and what it means for both the people involved and the people around them.

in which jenny and miss charlotte both Don’t Do Romance Correctly, tasha and natalie are as supportive as possible, and oliver is literally the biggest fucking mess a person can be while still in the background

(more oc stuff!!!!!!! inspired bc @lesbidar got me thinking about these kids again.....and then i wrote 2k words in 1 night......this was A Lot)

Tasha finds Jenny sitting on the pier, staring out at the sea with a strange, impassive expression on her face. It’s unusual to see Jenny this still, and a little bit frightening, so Tasha sits down next to her and quips, “Come here often?” because Jenny never can resist the opportunity to make a joke.

“Charlotte just told me she’s in love with me,” says Jenny.

This takes Tasha by surprise for a number of reasons. The first is that Jenny never, ever calls Miss Charlotte anything even close to her actual name (Tasha’s heard Charley horse, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Prince Charles all in one day), the second is that Miss Charlotte, last Tasha checked, was still in deep denial regarding her feelings for Jenny, and the third and most important is that Jenny has been very visibly head over heels in love with Miss Charlotte since the day Tasha started working with her, so it doesn’t make any sense that she’d be upset about news like this. “Okay,” Tasha says carefully, and tries to follow Jenny’s gaze out to sea, but there’s nothing on the horizon but fog and maybe a small buoy off in the distance. “And that’s a bad thing?”

Jenny shrugs a little, then says, “I don’t think you should see me like this, Tasha.”

“This is what friends are for, isn’t it?” Tasha says lightly, still determined to steer the conversation back into safer waters. She’s never seen Jenny serious for this long.

Jenny nods jerkily. “I suppose,” she says. “Truth of it is, I hadn’t had a lot of friends up until I started the Do-Gooders.”

Tasha scoffs a little at this. “Come on,” she says. “You have all those associates, all those old friends from way back when—”

But Jenny shakes her head. “No,” she says. “No, they’re—I’ve always kept my distance from them. They’re fun to have a drink with and reminisce, but I don’t think I’ve felt quite as happy as I do around all of you.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

Jenny swallows, hard, then says again, “Charlotte just told me she’s in love with me.”

“And again, I repeat, isn’t that a good thing?” Tasha can’t hold the feigned lightness anymore; she’s genuinely worried at this.

“Tasha,” says Jenny, “I’ve been alive for more than a century now, and I’m going to be alive long after Charlotte dies. I can’t—” She swallows, hard, then says, “I can’t pretend I’m a person again. I did that once, and—” She shakes her head. “Not again,” she says, more to herself than to Tasha.

For the first time, Tasha is aware of the fact that Jenny is over a hundred years old. It’s like some sort of a mask has been dropped, and suddenly there’s this not-quite-human sitting next to her with decades of pain and loss and loneliness weighing her down, and it’s frightening to Tasha. She keeps on thinking about all the times she’s come to Jenny with problems, all the times Jenny’s made her feel better with ice cream or a hug or a shopping spree for overpriced art supplies. Everything she is seems so trivial next to Jenny.

But then Jenny turns, and gives Tasha this wobbly smile, and says, “I think this is the most honest I’ve been with anyone in a long while.”

Tasha sniffles a little. “It hurts,” she says. “To know I can’t help you.”

Jenny’s smile fades. “Tasha, don’t,” she says. “Okay? This isn’t something that I resent anyone for, or, or something that I can even feel sad about at this point. It’s the way it is, and—Charlotte’ll move on, I’ll be fine, I—” Her voice catches a little and she buries her face in her hands.

“Hey,” says Tasha. “Hey, come here,” and pulls Jenny into a fierce hug, trying to mirror the way Jenny’s hugged her in the past. “It’s okay,” she says. “It’s okay.”

Jenny sobs, once, into her hands.

“We’re going to fix this,” says Tasha with conviction. “We are.”

“I am such an idiot,” says Miss Charlotte into the table.

“I wouldn’t say that,” says Zeke, who’s been patting her shoulder for the last fifteen minutes. Oliver glances nervously at the door and wishes Jenny would run back in the same way she’d run out, or that Miss Charlotte would give up on the whole Jenny thing and pull herself up from the table, or perhaps that Miss Charlotte had never said anything in the first place. He really can’t decide at this point.

“She’s—precious cargo,” says Miss Charlotte, still without raising her head. “And I just—I was impulsive, I should have handled it better, perhaps just asked her out for a drink—”

“Fact of the matter is,” says Zeke, “you did kinda tell her you love her. You’re going to have to work from there.”

Miss Charlotte raises her head with this sort of half-crazed look in her eyes. “There are spells,” she begins.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Charlotte,” says Natalie sharply. Coming from Natalie, this is sort of like if Jenny got up and killed someone with her bare hands. “You don’t fuck around with spells just because you made an impulse decision, okay? That’s not a good path to go down.”

“I know,” says Miss Charlotte helplessly, then, “I know,” then, “God, I’m so bloody stupid,” and she actually bursts into tears. Oliver exchanges a very frightened look with—well, no one, because Tasha went running after Jenny, Zeke’s still busy with the patting, and Natalie just kind of looks sad now, so he exchanges a frightened look with his reflection in the mirror. Lord, he really does take Tasha for granted.

“Hey,” says Natalie. “Oliver. Say something nice to her.”

“Why me?” says Oliver. His voice comes out as an undignified squeak, and he winces.

“Because you can’t just stand there looking freaked out,” says Zeke helpfully, and gives Oliver that sweet, encouraging smile that Oliver wishes wasn’t so adorable. But now definitely isn’t the time to delve into romantic feelings, particularly not when Miss Charlotte is having an extended meltdown over her own, so Oliver puts those thoughts aside and heads over to pat Miss Charlotte’s other shoulder.

“Stupid,” Miss Charlotte’s mumbling, scrubbing at her face with her sweater sleeve. This is not at all the graceful kind of crying.

“You know she loves you back, right?” Oliver says uncertainly. This isn’t really stretching the truth. Jenny always brings an extra bookmark everywhere she goes because Miss Charlotte always forgets one, and she has a candy dish in the office because Miss Charlotte loves cheesy Halloween candy, and her entire face lights up every time Miss Charlotte smiles at her.

Miss Charlotte looks up. It’s not really clear whether or not she actually heard what Oliver said. “She’s always said she’s not one to stick around,” she says in this small, thin voice that doesn’t sound at all like Miss Charlotte. “I just—wanted her to stand still with me for a moment.”

Everyone gets kind of quiet at that, because suddenly this doesn’t seem like a problem that has an easy fix. Which frustrates Oliver, because logically speaking, Jenny and Miss Charlotte should be happy now, right? Jenny loves Miss Charlotte, Miss Charlotte loves Jenny, they’re this strangely functional, strangely respectful team who work better together than even Tasha and Natalie (though that’s not saying a lot; Tasha and Natalie forget about most missions in favor of making out in alleyways). “You two will figure it out,” he says, and genuinely believes it.

Miss Charlotte still looks a wreck, but Oliver thinks he almost sees her smile. “My love for her,” she says, “it isn’t a request for her to love me back. I-I just, I needed her to know—and I truly didn’t think my feelings were reciprocated, or I never would have—”

“It’s all right,” says Oliver, and lets his hand rest on Miss Charlotte’s shoulder. She leans into him, just a little.

This is when the doors bang open and Tasha runs in. “She’s coming back,” she wheezes. “I tried to get ahead—thought you might need—a little warning—”

Miss Charlotte pulls away from Oliver and stands up very fast. Her face is all of a sudden completely unreadable, just like always, which is a little frightening considering that she’d been sobbing hysterically less than a minute ago.

Jenny steps around Tasha and stops on the other side of the table, looking at Miss Charlotte with a similarly indecipherable expression. It’s significantly more nerve-wracking to see always-open Jenny looking at Miss Charlotte with the same face she uses on bad guys and threats.

“I’m sorry,” says Miss Charlotte finally. Her voice shatters in the middle.

Jenny nods shakily. “Okay,” she says.

Miss Charlotte presses her lips together and nods too, and suddenly Oliver is very much of the mind that whatever’s going on should really stay between Jenny and Miss Charlotte. He’s trying to be as stealthy as possible, but ends up knocking over two chairs and nearly breaking a vase. Natalie and Tasha are both giving him looks, but Jenny and Miss Charlotte haven’t once looked away from each other.

Oliver hurries outside to Zeke. “Is now a good time to ask you out?” he says, because everything’s imploding, he doesn’t know if the Do-Gooders are going to be a functioning organization, and he’s only got Zeke’s number in the group chat.

Zeke bites his lip, sort of claps Oliver on the shoulder (it’s a little weird coming from a guy who’s like a head shorter than him), and says, “You’re kind of an idiot, man,” and then he kisses Oliver on the cheek. Overall, Oliver thinks he could have done without this day as a whole, but the cheek kiss was definitely a good thing.

The door swings shut behind their team, and Jenny is left with the single most frightening concept in the world. There are so many things she wants to say to Charlotte, and the thing is, she has all the time in the world to say them. But Charlotte doesn’t, and Jenny doesn’t know if she’s brave enough to stay and watch Charlotte die. No amount of happiness is worth watching Charlotte die.

“So, hey,” she says, trying to act like happy-go-lucky Jenny again. It falls flat. “I love you too. That’s pretty cool.”

“Iphigenia Mary-Grace Callahan,” says Charlotte, “you are skirting the issue.”

“God, you sound like my mom,” says Jenny, then, “How did you find out my middle name, anyway?”

“I’m a librarian.” Charlotte smiles a little exhaustedly. “That sort of thing’s my job.”

“Not really,” says Jenny, resting a hand on the table.

Charlotte nods. Then she says, “Jenny, I don’t think the life you’re living is a sustainable one.”

“It’s worked long enough,” says Jenny, uncomfortable.

“Anything can work long enough,” says Charlotte, and gives Jenny a familiarly exasperated look that makes Jenny feel strangely comforted. “You’re banking on this solitary life thing working forever, and that isn’t a safe gamble to make. Especially when you’re someone with the power to maim, kill, and massacre.”

Jenny feels an old, clawing fear rise in her. “I don’t know what else to do,” she says, helplessly. “What other options do I have? Just—fall in love again and again and again until all the faces blur together? Help everyone and befriend everyone and watch everyone I love wither and die?”

Charlotte reaches across the table and places her hand over Jenny’s. Jenny jerks away mostly out of surprise; she hasn’t been touched like that in—god, fifty years? Sixty? The dates are old and faded. But Charlotte doesn’t look hurt, just thoughtful. “There are spells,” she says in that I’m-Going-To-Suggest-Something-Stupidly-Reckless-Don’t-You-Dare-Try-And-Stop-Me voice. “Perhaps not for what I have in mind, but I am a researcher first and foremost—”

“Charlotte.”

“—and spells are built for adapting, knowledge for changing—”

“Charlotte,” says Jenny, “what are you suggesting,” and she hears the hope in her voice before she realizes she’s feeling it.

Charlotte smiles, in that truly terrifying way she does when she’s got an idea and she’s not letting go of it. “Vampires,” she says, “historically, embrace their nature and live in clans. Your case happened to be a fairly unusual one, and as far as we know, you’re the only vampire who doesn’t belong to an ancient family or some dreadful cult.”

“Okay,” says Jenny, bemused.

“What I’m saying,” says Charlotte, crossing around the table to stand in front of Jenny, “what I am saying is that no one has had any reason to search for some kind of a cure for vampirism, some spell or potion or—”

“Oh my god,” says Jenny. “Oh my god, Charlotte.”

“Don’t you tell me I can’t do it,” says Charlotte, but it isn’t a threat, it’s just matter-of-fact and almost proud. “I’ve researched magics and history and the points where they intersect, I know everything there is to know about vampire biology, I can conduct tests and gather evidence—” Abruptly, she stops talking.

It takes Jenny a moment to realize why Charlotte looks so stunned, and another to become aware of the fact that, somewhere along the line, she had reached out and placed her hand very solidly on Jenny’s face, and that Jenny had placed her hand over Charlotte’s, holding it there. All of a sudden, both of them are very, very aware of the fact that they’re in love.

“This really isn’t how I planned my Saturday,” says Charlotte weakly. “But—I love you, Jenny. I do. And I want you to be happy, and—I don’t think you’re the sort of person who knows how to handle eternal life all that gracefully.”

“No one is, really,” says Jenny. “Not when literally every fucking person you ever loved is a hundred years dead.”

She means it as a joke, but Charlotte’s face crumples a little, and that’s—new, and frightening, to know she all of a sudden holds so much sway over Charlotte. Or maybe it’s just in this moment, where they’re both messy and scared and in love. Still.

“I want so badly for you to be happy,” says Charlotte, and sniffles. Good god, the woman’s adorable.

Jenny exhales, then says, “Um, I want to kiss you? Is that doable?”

Charlotte laughs a little, stands on tiptoe, and hugs Jenny. And that’s actually better than a kiss, because Jenny’s never been this close to Charlotte before, and—she smells like processed sugar. “Were you stress eating Halloween Oreos again?” says Jenny, burying her face in Charlotte’s hair (curly, blonde, smells like vanilla).

“No,” says Charlotte into her shoulder, then, “Yes,” then, “Excuse me for handling it badly when the idiot I’m in love with went running out to God knows where without a word of warning—”

“You didn’t warn me when you told me you’re in love with me,” Jenny points out.

“God, you’re awful,” says Charlotte, raising her head, and she gives Jenny this new, sweet smile that’s a little scary in its openness. “And don’t expect things to change between us, either, this is—it’s an isolated incident. I’ve been in love with you for years, and I’ve managed to keep it professional—”

“And you’re talking to me about isolating myself,” says Jenny disbelievingly. “Chartreuse, you really are one of a kind of a mess.”

That makes Charlotte really start laughing, except she also might be crying a little, and it’s beginning to occur to Jenny that running out was one hundred percent the wrong decision to make. Maybe it was wrong all those other times, too, not just now, because—in the end, Jenny knows that Charlotte will let her go if she pushes hard enough. But Jenny’s come back for the first time in decades, and for the first time in her very, very long life, she’s seeing what happens when you cut ties and run without looking back.

“I love you,” she says. Because—what the fuck. You really do only live once.

Miss Charlotte buries her face in the crook of Jenny Callahan’s neck and holds on tight.

[ac-ars]

lutteo polish uni au PLEASE

my time has come

this got so long i have to cut this sorry 

luna is starting her first year at uni and she had to move from her hometown to attend her university at least she will get this ugly cheap dorm shared with hopefully someone not much weird 

bless cheap train tickets which means she will be able to go every weekend to her hometown and bring many jars of food made by her mom (goals)

people from her group are kinda cool but meme because since she is on the environmental engineering its uni of technology which means that most of her group are weird guys with first world problems (or buying twenty watches at once from ali express)

they get the less confused person and pick them as group president who finds out that there are materials from higher years, like answers to the tests, exams, done reports and other stuff

they send luna for it because she is the nicest

thats how she meets matteo balsano (in pl he would be named mateusz but who cares)

he is obviously in the students council of his faculty and has all important papers and knows all profs and he is very smirking at the younger lost student luna who knows like nothing and is scared of asking because all people seem to make fun of the greenies who dont know what is happening

also luna wants to attend all the lectures to be a proper student, she buys some big hardcover notebooks and highlighters to have material to study later

she fails

she ends up going on first lectures and then maybe second week’s ones too but then she either ends up falling asleep or skipping and staying at her ugly dorm sleeping because it’s not really worth it really

matteo ended up giving her the materials ofc and texts her sometimes subtly seeing on her insta story something like “where the f is room number 406??” or “this shit is boring help me” and she likes it kinda and he also sells her all tips about professors bc he knows it all

obviously is anyone surprised

no

he starts appearing in random places magically to help her find the room or something really

we should mention the time luna writes her first test and she is shook the questions are everything as last year, and two years ago, and three, and four, and,,,  

anyway everyone is even more shook when half people fails and then matteo or someone older idk who tells about the prof being too lazy to actually check and grade this shit they tell them about

throwing the papers in the air which means prof throws papers in the air and the tests which fall to the desk pass and those who are on the floor fail rip

luna likes hanging out with matteo obviously because he is funny and he is always having some coffee or water to share (poor student’s life doesnt allow those luxuries unless you are rich)

when we are by rich matteo is rich and he has his own apartment shared with ramiro or someone idk really but he has his own room, bed and mostly full fridge which is all boy in college can offer to a girl

luna doesnt really get that he likes likes her because lol he is acting just friendly and she doesnt know uni life enough anyway she has one bigger friend in the group (the rest likes her bc she cool and got them materials and knows older guy who gives them spoliers about uni which is always good)

this friend is actually jazmin who is on year lower because she started clothing design on asp year ago and now she decided she wants to be environmentally friendly so she is the chatty friend who keeps dragging Luna around the important places all around the uni and neighbor cities like famous club SPIŻ

luna hates this place esp the beer they are recommending in their song but she hates it and it all tastes the same besides weird staring drunk guys are disgusting she wants to go home so they call uber to drive them and its nice old man who keeps asking them about their grades in high school

one day luna has very difficult weird math exam and there is no answers anywhere so she texts matteo asking for @help pls i have no idea what is going on even and he helps her because obviously she manages to take a picture and send him and he solves it all and luna is nice person so she sends it to the rest of the group

they all later get money and buy him exclusive cheap vodka because he helped and he is laughing so much because he used to do it too

alcohol is every way to show your gratitude at uni remember this

matteo’s students council has this funny small room with computer and big blackboard and big windows and ofc old couch and he lets luna nap on it between labs when there is lecture or when she has no class and she appreciates this very much

it is definitely too cold when the late fall/early winter comes because those damn faculties have sucky heaters (it doesnt exist sorry wear winter jackets all the time) and matteo keeps bringing some random sweater for her because her two sweaters arent enough plus he gets her tea with vodka xDD

lets not forget about those typical students hang out parties where everyone is sitting eating pizza and drinking countless amount of whatever and the person who has the earliest bus back home loses the most fun 

lets not forget cars not starting up when its too cold and everything freezing, and snow is cool only for few hours bc then it melts and its shitty and luna got her jeans wet not once because she was running to the bus through the puddles

first sesja is kinda shit because profs keep saying that one can’t cheat from their phone or whatever but they pretend then don’t see anything and generally dont care tbh they just throw the papers or whatever 

luna passes all of her exams and when all profs decide to move their asses and insert the grades to the sots (3,0 is a blessing)

since luna passed everything matteo very not-hiding says that they gotta celebrate this and he will take her out for pizza

and pay for that

and for extra dessert

that was only first semester/first part btw

i wanna say thanks @ pink moon for helping

[tcm--holland]

project // peter parker

request from @emarvil: Hi!! I love your writing! Could you please do a fix where tom is your brothers best friend and like you only see him when he comes over to hang out with your brother and he's in the grade above you at school but like it turns into something rly cute??? Not sure I made sense... anyways can you also add me to the tag list for threat bc that shit is GOLD

word count: 1.6k

a/n: tysm for the request! this was adorable hjasghkjsf and i’m so glad you loved threat!!! lol enjoy this little unedited fic <3333

masterlist

_______________________

Dinner is always the most boring part of your day. Your parents have a conversation about work, and then they ask how your and your brother’s day went. You’ve tried to escape upstairs with your plate of food numerous times, but your mother always makes you come down and sit at the table. It’s precious family time, she’ll say. It’s a bonding experience. Yeah, right. There’s just so much bonding going on at this silent table.

Your brother speaks up as you’re shoving a spoonful of mashed potatoes into your mouth. “Mom, is it cool if Peter comes over tomorrow? We have to do a project.” Upon hearing this, you choke a little. Everyone turns to look at you.

“Sorry,” you mutter, gulping down some water. Peter hasn’t been over in nearly a month, and you hardly see him at school. You’re a freshman and he’s a sophomore, and you’re pretty sure he doesn’t think twice about you.

You vividly remember the first time you saw Peter. It was your first day of high school, and you were wandering around campus trying to find where the hell E312 was. You were already nervous enough as it was, and suddenly you were frozen in an empty hallway, paralyzed by fear. You were going to be late to class if you didn’t figure out where you were supposed to go soon. You could feel the hopeless tears starting to well up in your eyes when you heard someone call out to you. You turned around, and there he was.

Standing there with tousled golden brown hair and bright eyes was Peter Parker. He was in a Star Wars t-shirt and jeans, but you’d never seen anyone pull it off so well. He asked if you were lost, and you nearly said that you were lost in his eyes. He told you exactly where to go, and smiled at you before he walked away. Granted, you were still late to your class (turns out it was on the opposite end of campus), but didn’t even care anymore.

And then he befriended your brother in World History, and he came over for the first time. You had come into your brother’s room wearing your embarrassing middle school gym shorts and a hoodie to ask him for math help. And he was just sitting on the floor, looking down at some homework. Immediately, you turned around and left before he could see you, cheeks flaming. Ever since then, you looked forward to the days that he came over. You’d constantly make excuses for passing by your brother’s room, walking back and forth. Peter would smile at you each time, and you always returned it sheepishly.

It’s been forever since he’s been over, and now you can...keep walking past your brother’s room obsessively. You know it’s pathetic, but you can’t help yourself. It’s like you forget your own name each time you see him, and when he talks to you, you remember again.

“Which Peter is that, again?” Your dad asks as he spoons more rice onto his plate.

“Dad, there’s only one Peter.” Your brother sighs.

“Really? Hm. I must be thinking of Paul, then.”

“Only one of those, too…” He mumbles. You quickly finish your dinner and excuse yourself to your room. You hop around in excitement for a few seconds, and then realize you need a cool outfit to come home in.

You go through different outfits? A dress? No, that’s too out of the ordinary for you. Maybe a skirt...ugh, no, it doesn’t look good on you anymore. In the end, you settle for a something simple: black shorts and a tank top. The tank top is Spider-Man themed, custom made in your art class. You’re very proud of it. And to go on top, your royal blue school sweater.

You turn back to the rest of your room to find it a mess. Clothes and shoes are strewn everywhere. Obviously, it all has to look clean for the three seconds that Peter will spend passing by your room to get to your brother’s. Groaning, you begin to clean up.

That night, you go to bed with a smile. You can hardly sleep, you’re so excited. But the next day goes by surprisingly quickly, and you nearly forget about Peter. You’re busy at lunch finishing your English homework early, and your classes are filled with work. So by the time you bike home, you pleasantly recall that Peter’s coming over. You rush up to your room to make sure your room looks okay, and then finish up the homework you didn’t get done at school already.

By the time you hear the front door unlock, you have absolutely nothing to do. You hear the conversation drifting from downstairs.

“Dude, it’s been forever since we last hung out. How did you get so busy?”

“Well, you know, with the Stark internship and everything...it’s been pretty crazy.” Peter chuckles a little.

“Right, forgot about that. How’s your aunt doing?”

“She’s good. We’re good. Last year was really tough on her, but...yeah.”

You hear footsteps come up the stairs and quickly pick up the book beside you, pretending to read. You glance up over the top of your book to see Peter and your brother, heading to his room with Cokes in hand.

“Hey, Y/N,” Peter greets. You smile back, not trusting yourself to say anything. He pauses, eyebrows furrowing together slightly as he looks at you. “Are you reading that upside down?”

Your eyes widen slightly when you see that the text is, indeed, upside down. “U-Uh…” You quickly try to think of an excuse. “Normal books are getting too boring for me. So, to keep up my reading comprehension, I’m trying it out.” You mentally facepalm at this. Is that the best you could think of.

Peter gives you an amused smile. “Right,” he says, but before you can say anything else, he’s gone. You spent the next few minutes wallowing in embarrassment before getting up to go get a drink.

You return with a mug of white tea, prepared to walk past your brother’s room. As you do, you see Peter mutter something to your brother. He considers it for a second and then looks at you. You stop as your brother starts talking. “Did you do all your homework?”

“Uh...yeah...why?” You take a sip, glancing at Peter. He’s chewing on the back of his pencil as he watches. Why is it so cute when he does that?

“Peter thinks you could help us out if you have nothing else to do. Who knows, maybe you could learn a thing or two before you take this class next year.” He shrugs, expecting you to say no.

“Yeah, sure!” You say, almost too excited. Your brother gives you a suspicious look. “I mean, I’m a sucker for history.” You really are, you find it fascinating. You step inside and slide off your shoes to get to work.

You find yourself sneaking glances at Peter at every possible opportunity. But just as he turns his attention to you, you look away, rubbing the back of your neck. You tie your hair in a ponytail before you sketch out the lettering for the title. Peter watches in interest.

“You’re good at that,” he says, and you look up to meet his eyes. A shy blush coats your cheeks.

“I’m taking art,” you explain with a nonchalant shrug. Inside, you’re screaming because he complimented you. You stay silent as you work, listening to Peter and your brother lightly chat. You slide off your sweater as sunlight begins to stream into the room.

“Y-You like Spider-Man?” Peter purses his lips to hide a smile. You’re confused for a second before you glance down at your tank top.

“Oh. Yeah, he’s pretty cool.” Your brother snorts at this.

“Y/N’s obsessed with him. She came home one day after school and she wouldn’t stop talking about how she saw Spider-Man save an old lady or something. And ever since then, she’s been crazy about it. I don’t get it.” You shoot him a glare.

“I’m not crazy. I just…”

“Have an appreciation for a neighborhood superhero that just wants to do good?” Peter says, a hopeful look on his face.

“Exactly!” You exclaim, grinning.

“Hey, Pete, don’t you, like, know Spider-Man? Maybe you could hook something up with my sister here.” Your eyes widen at this, and you open your mouth to speak.

Peter beats you to it. “Okay, first of all, I met him. Once. I wouldn’t know where to find him even if I wanted to.” Your face drops slightly at this. He sees this and adds quickly, “But...I mean, I’ll see what I can do.”

The smile quickly returns to your face at this. “That’s amazing, thank you! You’re the best!” You feel the urge to throw your arms around him, but you resist since your brother’s here.

A while later, you’re making finishing touches. The project looks pretty amazing, thanks to your skills. Your brother leaves to recycle the soda cans and bring up new ones, leaving you and Peter alone. You’re leaned over the project, wisps of hair escaping the ponytail. You finally sit up and glance at Peter, who’s been looking at you. You offer a small smile, and he gives you one back. Your heart hammers in your chest as he reaches over and tucks a piece of hair behind your ear.

When you breath out, it comes out a bit shaky. You finish off your tea to try and calm down, and when you look up, his eyes are still on you. You swallow and find yourself leaning into him. Your faces are just a few inches apart and your hand is on his knee. You hear footsteps start coming up the stairs and you jump away from him. Both of you are grinning widely by the time your brother comes back in. He sees you two and frowns slightly.

“Did I miss something?”

___________________________

tag list:

@thelifeofanengineeringstudent @deans-angel-of-thursdays @half-superhero @baka-chanismyname @lilacyra @chelykat451-blog @webheadparkr @hailey-a-s @bonza-bear @beforethebraces @ketterdame @emarvil @mirageofthedesert @tonight-couldbeforgettable @kat-rivalle

[foresthuntermajrach]

Arctic - EzarelxGardienne imagine

Imagine that your OTP is not yet a couple. Person A falls into freezing water and passes out. Person B pulls them to safety but now needs to get Person A out of their wet clothes and into something dry. (from otpprompts)

Aka I had a dream and decided to write it down as a fic

AN/ Idk if it's not a lil ooc but I had to share it lol.

I dedicate it to you @incorrecteldarya bc I’m proud of this and I believe you will like it, sweetie. I hope it can make your day nicer with all the work that keeps you away from tumblr :>

@eldaryandy I did promise to tag you when I’m done lol (so so much time ago)

Word count: 2111 (aka the longest so far hah), link to AO3 can be found on the imagines page

“Shit” you breath out as you quickly unclasp the fastening of your cloak and force your boots off, the sweater, pants and socks following right after before you jump in the freezing water. You force the ready to escape breath to stay in your lungs as your eyes open and search through the icy liquid, quickly catching a glimpse of blue that you immediately reach for.

Your right arm wraps around the cloaked chest while your left helps your legs as they work hard to get you to the surface, adrenaline somehow keeping you conscious and strong enough to reach the sharp edge of the blowhole the man accidentally cracked in the ice.

The nails of your free hand scratch the slippery surface as you fight to keep your head over the water, before a swirly blue antler is almost showed at your face and you thankfully grab on it to let the animal help you get yourself and the elf out of the water.

The air is even colder now as you cough out the little bit of water that got in your system when you almost fell back under the surface, but you still have work to do. And as you ignore the cold and embracing him across his chest drag Ezarel further from the danger, you lift your eyes once more at the danalasm.

“Find a cave” it bows its head slightly and dashes over the snow-covered ice and ground while you turn back to the unconscious man.

You check for the breath and curse when you find none, quickly moving your lips onto his.

‘He’ll kill me later’ you think as you give him five breaths, before your palms land on his chest to continue the resuscitation until a choke on the water comes but no signs of returning consciousness arrive.

When you’re sure he breathes again you pause before proceeding with what you know has to be done. Your teeth chatter from cold, so you throw your cloak around your shoulders before you unbutton his outerwear with your already numb fingers. It’s hard but not impossible and soon enough only the underwear is left and as you close your eyes and turn your head to the side, your face burning, you force your hands to get rid of those too, before shrugging the cloak off of you and wrapping him in it the best you can while not looking... too much. You know you can use a blanket for that but it’s deep in your bag and you as well are aware that it’ll take forever to unfasten it with the current state of your hands.

A thought passes your mind that if not because of the “kiss”, you’re definitely going to get killed now if the elf learns about the fact you just stripped him, but honestly it’s the last thing you should care about now. It’s now you who you have to take care of and you think little as you shrug off your underwear before quickly pulling your remaining clothes on. They’re already cold from being left alone yet still dry and you know they’ll save you from freezing to death as your quickly rub your arms to bring some warmth back to your shivering body.

You prop Ezarel’s head on your lap, your hand placed close enough to his nose to keep watch on his breathing, while you look around, waiting for your companion's return. The white drifts surrounding you make the scene seem even more surreal than it is. Calm, although your hearth is racing still from the all emotions bubbling in your heart even since you heard the crack. You two have been too reckless to walk through the wet grounds, even with the grand frost that iced them over. After all, it’s never been a secret to you that in places like this the water often stays a little warmer right below the surface, not to mention the places with naturally weak ice that happen as long as the temperature does not go under twenty Celsius degrees for three days straight.

You thought this world would work a little different than the one you come from, but that made you forget the fact physics laws have proven to you many times to work similarly in both worlds.

Just then from the white surrounding you jumps a flash of blue and gold, and you let out a breath of relief.

It takes you much more time than you’d like to get to the cave it found, since not only do you have to drag the elf there but also pay close attention to your cloak so that it does not accidentally slip off of him as you flounder through the snowdrifts while staying alert in case you accidentally slipped from the solid ground to the ice again. And when you finally reach your destination you’re out of breath.

Yet, you’re far from having the right to rest.

“Go find something suitable for a fire, Eve” gasping, you instruct your familiar when it drops the clothes and bags you made it bring here for you and it immediately disappears outside, leaving you alone with the unconscious man and your things.

You place Ezarel in the further end of the cave (which by the way turns to be quite large) to save him from the possible move of the air close to the entrance and now you’re fighting with the bags’ fastenings to get all the necessary things out.

The blankets go first – you wrap the elf in them, giving him yours as well, while again checking whether he’s still breathing. You’re honestly just happy he dropped his bag when falling in the water, since thanks to that you can provide him with more warmth and first of all dry underwear . Which is incredibly hard to put on him while doing your best not to look.

Eve is quick to bring you enough firewood to make a small fire before it comes with more and when you finish the work on making the entrance smaller in order to keep more warmth in the cave, you allow yourself to sit close to it by the elf and eat a piece of bread and cheese you took out of your food supplies, the fingers of your free hand lightly brushing through damp blue hair.

It’s then that you have the time and are calm enough to fully reminisce on the happenings, do you remember how your heart stopped when suddenly the always smug man disappeared under the snow. A sour expression clouds your face as you study his currently calm features, your hand slipping to the still icy cold skin of his face and neck. You’ll be needing to warm him up soon if you want him to stay alive, you realise.

Sensation comes to him in drifts. Secure is the first he registers.

Warm is the second.

He can hear the cheerful crack of wood chips burning, feel their smell mixed with the freshness of the winter air and some sweeter tint he knows from somewhere he’s not sure of.

He finds some peaceful pleasure in it all, but the warmth is the nicest. The most of it is pressed to his back, some of it resting on his side and sliding to his chest ending there in a form of a hand. – His eyes snap open.

His vision’s blurry at first but he easily recognises the shape of the fire burning in the centre of dark rocks lit by echoes of it. A white and gold spotty coat of a napping danalasm a little further away from it.

His memory stirs as his hand closes on a smaller palm pressing to the centre of his chest. You two walking through the snow, him making fun of your annoyance due to the lack of attraction and the cracking sound coming from under his feet. Too quick for him to react.

“You’re awake. Good...” you slip your hand out of his before leaving the warmth of the joined blankets, hands immediately darting to your clothes neatly folded on the rocky ground.

“What... why are we naked ?” you let out a small squeak as he turns to you putting on your sweater.

“We’re not naked” you huff, an unwanted warmth spreading over your neck “Mostly.”

Belatedly, he realises he has some underwear on, his cheeks flaring up still as he refuses to look away from you putting on your pants.

“Did you... have you ..?”

You wrap yourself in your cloak and sit down close by him, your hand darting to his forehead to check the temperature as small smirk tugs the corner of your lip up.

“What will be more fun? Me telling you the truth or leaving you to your own imagination?” you copy what he’s once told you and he slaps away your hand.

“Never mind” he grumbles and you let a smile slip on your lips.

“Worry not, I didn’t look too hard-”

He shots you a dirty look and you cackle at this before you crawl closer to the fire, some of the shared warmth you got from contact with him withering away already. It’s not an often occurrence for you to tick him off so easily.

“Was it really necessary?” when you send him questioning glance he brings the blankets closer, red still tinting his ears as he looks up at you with a tired pout.

“Body heat’s more effective with skin-on-skin contact and if I didn’t keep your temperature up you wouldn’t wake up at all. I think you know that.” You shrug, bringing the material closer to your face to hide the colour it gains as you talk. You wish you could’ve stayed wrapped in the blankets pressed to the man’s back but knowing him it is out of the question. And you really don’t want to anger him more, especially seeing you’ve crossed so many lines already.

When you look up from the fire, you notice golden eyes staring at you from the other side of the cave. Your familiar pricking up its ears before it lays its head back down on the rocks, its antlers glinting in the fire’s light.

You turn when you hear Ezarel calling your name.

“Get back over here,” You blink your eyes, not really registering what he’s just ordered you to do “Before I change my mind.”

“Are you seriously offering me to snuggle up to you naked ?”

A playful smile slips on his lips on that.

“It’s a special offer. It expires in three, two-”

“Wait!” you get up a little too abruptly, your coat falling to the ground behind you and the elf snorts at your reaction.

“Did you really take me seriously? Pervert” he muses and you send him a murderous glare before with visible annoyance lifting your outerwear from the ground.

“Idiot” you shot back “It’d really be better-”

“It’s good to see you angry again,” he comments with a smile, before sighing “But I was actually serious. Even most children know hypothermia’s very dangerous and you’re obviously cold already. We’d both use that anyway.”

You rise a brow before without a word stepping closer and slipping off your clothes, leaving only your underwear intact. He sighs but says nothing as he lifts the blankets for you to slip under them and when you do, he brings your back to his chest.

“Now, that’s better. It’s me touching you and not the other way” he murmurs and you roll your eyes.

“I should have really left you in that lake” you comment and that gains you a chuckle resonating through your back.

“You wouldn’t survive a day without me here to babysit you” he shots back, pocking your side and you let out a squeal.

“Oh believe me, you’re only a nuisance” you huff in response but being turned away from him do not see the fond smile forming on his lips.

“You may be saying that, but you still love me.”

“Who sane would love an ass like you?” you grumble, but from the fact you’re still stiff ever since his comment and one other detail visible on the skin of your neck and ears, he knows he hit the sore point.

“Right, sure” He lets out a sigh and pushes his face in your hair, deciding it’s best to leave you alone for now. He’ll thank you tomorrow, now it’s better to give out to the tiredness pulling at his eyelids and as he noticed earlier, yours too.

And as you two finally fall asleep a pair of golden eyes keeps their watch over you.

[osetljiv]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2odvuQkrlARSSv6Pvm41GM?si=sjzD66aFTGa5TkMfcIurtQ)

hi i am doing this solely for myself/my own records so please feel free to ignore!!!!!! i wanted to challenge myself by making a top 10 albums list from the last decade - it was rly difficult because my ass truly cannot cut things down and be decisive, but here it is! 

i know many ppl r not into this kinda thing, but i really really love symbolic gestures - i love the idea that a new year (or a new decade!) can wipe ur slate clean, can give u a chance to be hopeful and excited and look forward to things - i hate change and i hate endings but the one good thing to come of them are beginnings! i love new starts, i love freshness, i love blank slates. i know that the end of the year/decade is arbitrary and doesn’t rly mean anything in the long run but....... it is important and super special to me!!!

i’m really not good with words/proper descriptions of the music itself, so i mainly just describe memories/associations i make to the albums, so don’t expect a proper music critic’s review or anything LOL… i am also not ranking by objective quality, but influence - these r the albums that personally made the biggest impact on me since 2010. i started off the decade age 13 and finished it in 2019 at age 23..... so clearly that is a very big difference in stages of life!!! i completed my teenage years, graduated from elementary school, high school & university.... i went thru many different friend groups, many different personality changes...... several big life events occurred…. many many hours were spent listening to music. and now i’m here! 

my only rules were 1. had to be on repeat for a significant amount of time, 2. preferably only one album per artist (to force me to pick between them), and 3. i had to consistently listen to the album as a whole (as opposed to just a few songs out of it)...... some of my fav songs in the world aren’t on these albums bc they were either released before 2010 or i didn’t listen to the rest of the album except for a handful of songs (as is usually the case for me). so the albums on this list are markers in my life, and i could (and did!) listen to them front and back. and ALSO they are not ranked from 1-10...... it was literally difficult enough choosing just 10 and i truly would not survive having to rank them as well. in release date order, here they are!!!!!

 owen pallett - heartland (jan 12th, 2010)

okay i know i just said i wouldn’t rank these but........... well this one is #1 regardless lol!!! the rest are not in any sort of order but this one has to be first (and how lucky that it was released first too!!!) this is the most important/special album to me in the world - it’s the first album released by my favourite musician under his real name, it has some of my most favourite songs of all time on it - it’s probably the first album in my life that i loved and listened to as a whole! when I was younger i never used to have favourite singers or favourite writers or favourite artists - i would have one favourite song/book/painting but never look into the creator’s other work, never had any interest in organizing things that way. but this is the first time i thought - “i adore this song..... and i adore all the other songs this person makes.... so i guess i like this whole album?” not to mention it’s a whole story and world - heartland tells a whole fable and sounds so beautiful doing so. owen was also the first concert i’ve ever been to! he is so beautiful and wonderful and this album is perfect and has my heart and can do no wrong! and as a plus it was released right at the beginning of 2010 so it truly started off the decade and set the pace. i really don’t know what else to say! heartland was a constant throughout the last ten years - i can’t tie it to one specific moment or feeling the way i can with the other albums. this one was really just the background of my whole adolescence, i guess, and i’ll love owen and this album forever!!!! love love love

 gorillaz - plastic beach (march 3, 2010)

i honestly didn’t listen to this album as a whole until the summer after grade 11/before grade 12 when i had to take summer school for math bc i failed (first class i had ever failed :’)!!) and needed the credit for my grade 12 courses (many of which i ended up failing anyway lol) BUT i still had hope at this point so this summer wasn’t that bad..... i remember i had to buy my own bus pass for the summer w my own work money for the first time and walk to the mall bus stop every day all summer to take the city bus downtown to the highschool that used to b a prison (RIP, it got torn down this year) to take summer math from 8-3, 5 days a wk. i loved those classes surprisingly? i remember that summer i dressed so cute every day, i would wear my extra ass dresses and knee high socks and do my hair all cute...... i’d steal my mom’s old lady sweaters w mini skirts and make my own coffee to bring w me and felt so adult..... i didn’t make any friends bc i thought they were all too cool but later learned that the girls in class rly liked me and remembered me the next year when i’d see them at their highschool when visiting for a trivia tournament (don’t judge!!!!) also the first time i got hit on bc a 30 yr old man in my class somehow got my email from the teacher and sent me a creepy email asking me out and i was too scared to go to school the next day lol..... truly feels surreal. but yes i would listen to this album (and demon dayz!) on repeat cuz i found the full albums uploaded to youtube so i remember i would just listen to the entire album all the way thru for the duration of the bus ride while looking out the window and daydreaming bc i couldn’t skip any songs and I couldn’t go on my phone bc the music only plays if u keep the youtube app open…. so it’s hard to listen to the songs individually now because i just picture the transitions every time!

 caribou - swim (april 20, 2010)

this was my summer between grade 8 - grade 9! up until this point i only had a handful of western artists that i listened to (before highschool i listened almost exclusively to Japanese doujin groups that remixed video game music…. do NOT judge!!!) and i felt soooo cool when i started listening to this album/others like it… had odessa downloaded on my zen creative mp3.... so freaking good!! got so embarrassed of my music taste after this LOL cuz my brother saw the album cover on my phone in highschool and asked what hipster shit i was listening to. little did he know.... its GOOD!!!! such a great album to just listen to all the way through. perfect background music for studying/ /walking/smoking/literally doing anything to! i can still listen to it and pinpoint different/new melodies in the back in certain songs. so good!!!

 crystal castles - (II) (april 23, 2010)

so many 2010 albums wow but LISTEN....... i first heard crystal castles in either 2010 or 2011, immediately after i first made a tumblr in grade 9.... this was the era when offensive bloggers and hipster british bloggers were like the only 2 sections of tumblr...... one of the first ppl i followed was this one super popular british blogger, this kid from london who was probs 15 and he had like, a pale grunge aesthetic and rly long bangs that covered his eyes.... i forget his name omg i wish i could see what he was doing now! but ya i loved him i thought he was the coolest thing ever, i went on his blog and he had autoplay and pap smear was the first song that started playing...... i remember being like wtf is this??? first time i heard music like that, with the video game sounds mixed in and the vocals so distorted. i literally was enamoured like i remember thinking i should hate it and wtf r these british freaks listening to but like..... i could NOTTTT STOP and i remember i wouldn’t even bother looking up the song on youtube or anything, when i wanted to listen to the song i would just go to this guy’s tumblr LOOOOOL god!!!! on the outside i was a cutesy girly girl but on the inside i was a pale grunge hipster british tumblr user!

 beach house - bloom (may 15, 2012)

this album is just the sweetest, prettiest memory…. it’s so.. crisp? and clear and pure and loving! beach house was (unsurprisingly) my spotify artist of the decade and i don’t care what rep they get or how similar their music may sound i love them with my entire heart! discovered them from tumblr (as i did most of my fav highschool albums) - first beach house song i ever heard was wild - i remember the first time i started being (SLIGHTLY) less mortified of talking about my music taste to other people, it was maybe in first year? i had gotten into my friend’s car, before we got super close, and she was playing a song off of bloom i think! and i remember my heart just stopped!!!! and i was so absolutely terrified of saying anything, but even moreso excited to see someone whose opinion i cared about who was listening to music that i liked, and so i gathered all my strength and tried to be super casual and say something like “oh, you like beach house, too?” (meanwhile i was literally shaking with nerves…..) and she just so easily said “yeah, i love this song!” and it was the most validating, comforting thing! and a while after that, one of my favourite memories: my other friend got hired at a local café/tea shop, the teeniest little place – it was like 3x4 metres, max – and she would close the store alone, and it was always completely dead, so the group of us would go and sit with her for her entire shift in this sweet warm little store – we’d have tea and coffee and scones – and over the store speakers, she would play whatever we wanted – and for a while i didn’t make suggestions, let everyone else choose, but! i worked my way up to suggesting she play bloom – and she would play the album all the way through, and she surprisingly really liked it?? and then it became the default soundtrack to our tiny hangouts in the tiny café :’)

 toro y moi - anything in return (jan 16, 2013)

WOWWWW truly such a throwback....... this is the first time i felt cool, TRULY cool listening to music LMAOOOO SO EMBARRASSING!!! i remember the day it came out, grade 11 i guess??? but i swear it must have leaked way earlier cuz i remember listening to this way before.... my fav tumblr user at the time (kiki deerhoof LMFAO now THAT is a throwback!!!!) was always posting abt toro y moi and made a mixtape w his music on it and i fell in love..... and i wanted to be cool too! so i would obsessively listen to this album when it dropped. the album drop also overlapped w the moment my grades/effort in school went on a steep decline (not that it caused it ofc but this was like…. the background music to my demise, in a way!) i’ll never forget listening to so many details on my chilly walk past my old elementary school at 6am to get to my bus stop - way too cool for school

 mac demarco - salad days (apr 1, 2014)

how fitting that chamber of reflection is playing in the coffee shop as i type this :’) this album was the soundtrack to my late grade 12/entire grade 13 experience. i was SO thoroughly and unbearably depressed LOOOOL it was really awful… i’m laughing now thinking back at it but honestly the feeling of being left behind by all of your friends and having to come to terms with not meeting ur own expectations of urself… having to repeat a year and being the oldest one in ur classes…… SO AWFUL!!!! really truly idk how i did it! but the whole time, all year, i would listen to this album. i would always play it on my walk to the city bus (in grade 13 i never made the actual school bus and i don’t even know how much money i must have paid taking the city bus every day bc i truly could not get out of bed early enough to take the free school bus but ALAS……) and i swear to you that entire year was grey and foggy and cold and damp… and i would play salad days (the song itself) and my emo ass would associate 100% with mac singing “oh mama, acting like my life’s already over….. oh dear, act your age and try another year,” and i swear he was singing it just for me, trying to slap me out of my stupor by saying “calm down, ur fine, ur life isn’t over, it’s just one year and you’ll be back on track!” and sometimes, SOMETIMES!! it worked!

 azealia banks - broke with expensive taste (nov 7, 2014)

i know i know..... i’m aware how we feel about azealia now....... and i know how overstated it is when ppl say “she may be problematic but she was an artistic GENIUS!!!” so i will not add more to the conversation but....... is this album not pristine? like what a masterpiece????? this album straight up defined my highschool experience even tho it was released at the beginning of grade 12..... all of grade 12/13 i was blasting this album while walking down the hallway hating literally everything! i grew up idolizing my bro and all he listened to (techno/house/etc) and loving it but being too embarrassed of copying him to get too into it, but then hearing azealia sound cute and sexy and scary while interpolating all these house beats. LITERALLY chicken soup for the soul… it felt like she made it just for me!! and even before bwet actually dropped, listening to 212 and all of her other singles waiting for her to finally drop the album she was tweeting about for years, like i don’t remember the last time i anticipated an album for soooo long? and she dropped it days after my 17th bday which really was such a perfect gift. listening to this w my friend who also loved azealia, pretending we were cool as SHIT and so grown up...... beyond influential

 frank ocean - blonde (aug 20, 2016)

ur lying if this album wasn’t a pivotal moment for u......... blonde is the sole reason summer 16 is viewed as a cultural landmark. i SWEAR!!!! i may have spent 8 hours a day on tumblr in 2016 but my ass was NOT cool enough to have been listening to frank ocean prior to blonde..... no i never listened to channel orange before this, yes i know i was behind the times! 2016 was the summer after my 1st year of uni, august i had just finished my summer school course so my summer was just starting (i was re-taking 1st year math bc i failed..... some things never change huh!!!! lied to my dad and told him i was tryna get ahead by taking bio in summer school... he believed me till he caught me in a lie by chatting w my friend he bumped into at walmart LOL.... and yet he never said a word :’) an angel) this was also the summer my dad left for a few months to go travelling across canada, he was gone all summer and my bro was busy working and so was my mom and i had the car all to myself for the first time. went on SOOO many drives this summer blasting this album. not to mention that since my dad wasn’t home the responsibility to drive my mom to work fell on me and wow i LOVED it? i realized i love having little responsibilities and having ppl rely on me in little ways like this..... i loved going to bed at 3am and having my mom gently wake me up at 5:30am, having a coffee with her before leaving in my ratty pajamas to drive her to work, the sun was just rising but it was already sooo hot, that summer i remember i couldn’t even hold the steering wheel cuz it was burning and my car didn’t (still doesn’t!) have AC, i’d drop her off to work up on the mountain and as i drove down the escarpment i would roll down the windows and blast pink + white right as the sun began to peek over the clouds and i would take a pretty sunrise pic every time before driving around for a bit, listening to this album, going home, and going back to sleep till 2pm

 blood orange - negro swan (aug 24, 2018)

i fully expected this list to be mainly albums released earlier in the decade, which makes sense – they would’ve had more time to have an effect on me – but as the final/most recent entry on my list, this album was beautiful enough to be a consistent part of the most recent year-and-a-half of my life!!! it’s also unique in that it’s one of the only albums on this list, i think, where i had already been a big fan of the artist’s previous work and was waiting for the album to drop. not 2 sound like one of THOSE people but i often find myself liking the first albums i heard from an artist/their older music better than newer work they release (not always!!! but often!), not from any kind of elitism or anything but honestly probably just nostalgia fogging my taste? especially for my first listen of a new album – it usually takes some time and a few re-listens before i really enjoy a newer release – BUT! from the moment dev released the album cover (which is so beautiful? one of my fav album covers off the top of my head) and dropped the first 2 singles, ESPECIALLY charcoal baby, i was so so enamoured with the album, right from the start. that whole summer i had it on repeat – early the next year i saw dev play in Toronto, and it was one of the best concerts i’ve ever been to – the lighting and colours and his dancing and demeanour, the other vocalists, plus we were right up at the stage, it was so stunning!!!!! this album has consistently appeared on all of my various spotify playlists, it rly can suit all moods and occasions, i love it very much and it’s the perfect album to round out my past decade in music!

 honourable mentions: SPEED ROUND

yes i’m a CHILD that cannot commit to cutting things down...... but tbh i’m surprised enough that i was able to preen my list into a top 10 anyway. so these r the honourable mentions that i couldn’t live with myself if i didn’t mention in some way!!!! all also very good and important and special to me, in no particular order!

mount kimbie - love what survives: i won’t lie this one hurt to not include on my top 10 :( i’m surprised too.... my friend rly fought for this to be included but i had to listen to my heart!!! however ofc i HAD to include it here at the very least. i was so shocked when it dropped, it was nothing like the rest of mount kimbie’s stuff i had previously heard.... i discovered them randomly when i was studying and spotify did that annoying thing where it plays “artist radio” or whatever so one of their older songs came on shuffle and WOW it was so good! and then i properly listened to them after hearing their songs with king krule... anyway this album is stunning and i am SO sad i didn’t get to see them when they came to toronto but i promise myself (and u!) that i will go the next time they come by!!!! u have my word!

foals - holy fire: this one also hurts a lot to not include :((( a LOT a lot! this one i’m really fond of, my fav foals album and one of the main albums i associate with highschool! so pretty, i’ll never forget hearing holy fire (the song itself) for the first time, so angry and satisfying and GOOD!!!

king krule - 6ft beneath the moon/the ooz: love both these albums soooo so much, i think 6fbtm came closer to almost being in the top 10 but others had it beat juuust slightly - these albums defined the beginning/end of my uni career, respectively, and i’ll cherish them forever! love archie’s ugly ginger ass with my whole heart

james blake - the colour in anything: was such a fan of james and was so excited when this album dropped - it was the start of summer i think? and i would always play it when i went for bike rides to the beach with my dad! such pretty music to drive ur bike to beside the water, all the way down the waterfront until we got to the next city over, riding past all the rich ppl’s mansions and trying to sneak a glance into their windows as we rode by

beyonce - self-titled: obviously the day this dropped - w no promo whatsoever - was a critical moment in music history!! we played this obsessively in high school, blasted this album the entire Europe trip in grade 12 and it just reminds me of travelling and planes and France…. so sexy!

solange - a seat at the table: rly truly a gorgeous album!! we played this in the car when my friends and i trekked to Toronto early one fall morning right after it dropped, we skipped school to go to some event at a café, and we had to wake up DUMB early, like 4:30AM, and i went to go pick them up and we were all way too tired to talk to eachother and stressed cuz we absolutely COULDN’T miss the train so i played this album the whole drive there while the sun was rising and it was so calming and pretty and special

[vivitalks]

for the prompt ask: 11 and Jack and Davey bc I feel like Davey would have to force Jack to wear a coat sometimes you know

i completely agree and this is accurate (pre-slash fic because i’m lame)

11.  “just tAKE THE JACKET”

It's late when Jack leaves the Jacobs's household. Late and windy and cold.

"Jack, dear, we can give you a ride home, it's no fuss," Davey's mom tells him, and Jack shakes his head.

"Really, miss Jacobs, I'll be okay. It's only a few minutes from here anyhow, an' the fresh air'll be good." He flashes her a charming smile and she returns it.

"Okay, well, if you're sure." She pats his shoulder. "I'm going to bed. Davey, make sure he bundles up."

Davey rolls his eyes, his back turned to his mom. "Yeah, Ima."

"Goodnight, sweetheart." She kisses the top of his head and ruffles Jack's hair, and then she disappears into her bedroom and Davey is left alone with Jack in the front hall.

"Well," Jack says, "I oughta get goin'." He shifts on his feet. Davey glances out the window – it looks cold, even though things can't technically look cold. There's a kind of harsh reality to the outside world, where everything is sharp edges. Davey cracks a smile at Jack.

"Sure," he says, turning around to survey his living room, "just let me get a jacket for you."

He crosses the carpet when he spots one of his dad's old sweatshirts, folded up on the edge of the couch. It belongs to Davey now – he'd gotten it from his father a year ago. Imprinted on the front are a few Hebrew words Davey can't translate, even though his dad keeps telling him what they mean. It's not his fault he keeps forgetting.

He holds out the sweater to Jack, and Jack looks from it to Davey, and then grins. "Nah, Dave. Thanks, but I'll be fine."

Davey blinks. "Jack, it's freezing out."

"'S not that cold," Jack protests. "I'm used to it."

Davey doesn't even want to think about what that means. "It's like forty degrees, Jack. That's only eight degrees above freezing, literally."

"Eight whole degrees," Jack reasons. "Eight degrees of me not freezin'."

Davey rolls his eyes. "Jack, come on."

Jack swats Davey's hand away. "Nope."

"Jack."

"I don't want it."

"Jack, just take the jacket!"

"I don't want your charity, Dave!"

Davey pauses. "Charity? This is a sweater. You don't even get to keep it. What are you talking about?"

Jack swallows, and Davey thinks he looks very guarded suddenly. "Nothing, I just – I won't be cold. I gotta go, Dave, really."

He turns to go and Davey grabs his wrist. "Jesus, Jack," he says slowly. "All I want is for you to not freeze on your way home. There's an easy solution. It's not like I'm working my ass off to find a coat for you. It's right here, I'm going to see you tomorrow so you can give it back...what's the big deal?"

Jack huffs. "I don't like takin' people's things, Dave. I don't like owing people."

"You won't owe me anything," Davey says, confused. "You're just going to give it back. Done and done."

Jack shrugs. "It is what it is."

"Plus we're friends," Davey adds. "It's not like I'm some stranger. We lend each other stuff we need, that's what friends do."

Jack scoffs, unresponsive.

"Well, as your friend, can you please accept this sweatshirt as a temporary gift to keep you warm? Please?" Davey persists. Also, it wouldn't hurt to see Jack in one of Davey's sweaters, because Davey has found that he looks really good in them. Not that this matters at all, but as a point of interest. "It won't be charity, Jack. It's a favor. To me. I'll owe you. How about that?" He pokes Jack in the shoulder, and Jack wrestles his wrist out of Davey's grip and sighs in a manner that seems altogether not quite disappointed.

"Alright, okay," he surrenders. "I'll take the damn sweater."

Davey grins and claps him on the shoulder. "Thank you."

"Pfft." Jack slips the sweatshirt over his head and runs his fingers through his hair twice to fix it from getting mussed up. Davey reaches out, on instinct more than anything, and readjusts the collar to sit more comfortably. Jack chuckles and gently pushes his hand away. Jack's always so gentle with Davey. It's strange, because he's got such a fiery temper and a fierce nature, but he never yells or slaps or yanks. Davey appreciates this, probably more than he can ever vocalize, because – loud situations make him anxious, and even though there can't be any way Jack would know this, and Davey's never told him, he still watches his volume and behavior. It's small, yeah, but Davey notices.

"Sorry," he mutters.

"Nah, it's good," Jack encourages. "See, what would I do without you? My mother slash best friend."

"I'm okay with only the latter," Davey says, ruffling Jack's hair, which is probably something he picked up from his mother. "Alright, brave soldier. Go home. Fare well. Get some rest. Bring my sweatshirt back tomorrow."

Jack flashes him that same charming smile he'd just used on Ms. Jacobs and Davey resists the urge to melt. Turns out charm works on him, who knew? "Might jus' keep it. Looks good on me, don't it?"

"Yeah," Davey says, and then coughs. "I mean. Depends who you ask. I'm indifferent."

"Yeah, right," Jack says, smile turning devilish. "You love this."

"No comment."

Jack raises an eyebrow. "G'night, Dave."

"'Night, Jack." Jack hugs him quickly and then, with a final wave, slips out the front door into the chill.

Davey collapses into an armchair. He's going to have to recharge his Jack-resistance battery. It's getting weaker every time they interact.  

[chellyfishing]

ok i finished kona so as promised my lil* post on walking simulators i’ve played. (*it’s not lil.)

first things first: a lot of these give off a creepy vibe because it involves you investigating a deserted place piecing together What Happened. i don’t personally consider them scary, as such, but i guess some people might? with minimal spoilers, i can say that unless noted there are no jump scares or battles and you can’t get a game over at any point. none of these except flower and maybe gone home are exactly the cheeriest of games, they’re not total downers and you can take away a lot from each of them, but there’s almost always death involved. also these are all short games, many can easily be completed in a few hours, some you might want to spread out over a couple days.

i’m a little hesitant to put gone home on here bc i haven’t actually played it myself, but i did watch a full LP. i don’t think it’s a spoiler at this point to say that there was a bit of a bait-and-switch with advertising and it’s not a horror game. it is actually a very sweet, heartfelt coming-of-age story about a teenage girl who left behind notes for her visiting sister. while this might be a bit of a spoiler, i saw a review that called it “a lesbian scavenger hunt,” which i think is pm all anybody needs to know to decide to play it.

the vanishing of ethan carter is the first one i played and probably still my favorite. i played through it possibly half a dozen times that first week, and it’s not necessarily that sort of game. at the risk of overselling here, i can’t tell you how much this had an effect on me. you play a detective who’s come to a small seemingly deserted town at the behest of a young boy (ethan). what follows are a series of visions, stories, and light puzzle-solving to get to the bottom of what happened to ethan carter. as the story unfolds things get pretty disturbing and there is some blood (stain variety, not gushing). there’s nothing that would, i think, rate more than a PG-13 though. i could go in-depth but just play it okay.

dear esther is credited with being the first walking simulator. you can hear about its humble beginnings as a mod for some other game i forget by listening to the audio commentary, which you have to do for one of the trophies. dear esther is, the most out of these, not what it appears. it’s almost more of a poem than a story, and there is a lot left abstract and open-ended; death of the author is encouraged. it’s probably got the slowest start, but i like the peacefulness of it. it has a sequence that is the most beautiful and transformative thing which then leads up to the climax, and by then you are definitely in a different game than you started. no puzzle-solving, you don’t pick up or interact with any items, no keys or secret passages to suss out. you just walk and look and listen. definitely melancholy, but then, the whole thing is what you make of it. also apparently there are loads are little background details that can change randomly each time you play it, if you’re into that.

firewatch is another one that seems creepy, but (i’m sorry to spoil, i just want people to be okay when they play!!) i promise you, if you can handle some sadness and bittersweetness, you’ll be fine. this game is a little treasure. i saw someone complain about the graphics and i like??? couldn’t disagree more? i mean first of all what do you expect but second all it’s got more of a painted feel to it than a hundred laboriously-created computer models. there are some views and areas that are just beyond lovely. anyway you play as henry, who’s come to sit alone in a tower in the middle of the wilderness for summer 1989? to watch for fires. henry’s a bit snarky and sad and would probably be played by paul giamatti. the other man character is his boss, delilah. the rapport the two develop is probably the high point of the game tbh. their banter is topnotch. while firewatch seems a little overwhelming in scope but it’s actually not. there’s not much gained by extraneously exploring but you’re welcome to it if you want. it’s mostly just a lot of walking with very easily navigable roads and rappelling and such while around you all this weird shit starts happening. henry and delilah discuss what it all means and what to do about it. all questions are answered by the end, except for the ones any good story leaves open for you to decide.

beyond eyes... i don’t quite want to say that i wished i never paid for or touched this game, because my reasons for my violent rejection of it are very personal. so, here it is neutrally. it seems like a colorful, peaceful game about a blind girl, rae, looking for her lost cat, nani. the catch is that rae is blind, and so you have to sort of “fill out” the world by walking around (laboriously slowly, bring patience). it really is lovely, kind of painterly-feeling with so many vibrant colors, and i was very pleased with it for a long while. and again, i don’t want to spoil it, but the ending caught me so off-guard, threw me for such a loop, and triggered me so unexpectedly that i immediately turned it off and deleted it from my system. suffice it to say the tone is a bit different from the rest of the game. so, i won’t tell anyone not to check it out. it is pretty and simple and it seems like the kind of game people might want to support financially. just... not me. it made me disproportionately angry and upset and ruined my day. if someone has played or does end up doing so, my reaction might seem a little extreme, but it was one of those things that struck hard without any warning and it was just not what i needed at the time.

i tried to wait for what remains of edith finch to go on sale and i failed. while i’m not convinced it has $20 worth of content (it’s possibly even shorter than dear esther but i’d have to check), it’s also gorgeous, so i guess we all make sacrifices. anyway i’m still sort of processing my feelings for this game. most of it is completely genius. it’s about a girl, edith, who’s returning to her family home for the first time in years. she’s the last finch left alive; they have a habit of dying young, most not even making it to adulthood. you find out the story of each finch and each is interactive in a different way, one you’re different animals, another it’s in the format of a comic book, it’s all really neat how it’s done. anyway, obviously this game talks about death a lot but never shows it; in fact, some of the sequences are so abstract you have to interpret them yourselves to decide what even happened. my main continuing reservation is... i don’t know what it’s trying to say. i don’t know what it’s all supposed to mean. i mean maybe it’s some crap about the value of life no matter how short or idk, but for the most part at the end i was kinda like, “ok.” i keep thinking i must be missing something, but i’ve no idea what. it’s kind of just a collection of interesting stories whose only discernible thread is they all happened to the same unfortunate family for some reason. it’s the kind of “open to interpretation” that makes me feel like something is lacking.  anyway i still loved it and do recommend.

kona. oh kona. let me start off by saying you can die in this one. they’re not that ubiquitous but there are creatures that can and will kill you, and sometimes they might startle you as well, and of course there’s the cold, which can also kill you. i kept getting pissed off at that fucking inventory because it was JUST BARELY too small and you never knew when you were going to need something. now that i actually do know it’ll probably be waaay less infuriating. there’s also a final boss, but the “fight” is basically you going “jesus christ it’s a lion get in the car.” it’s very intense, but i wouldn’t really call it scary. you don’t even have to do anything offensive at all to win, just run like hell. a couple more words about the gameplay: i mentioned the better coat. you actually can find the components you need for that early on and possibly go straight and get it? like i’m not sure if the game lets you but if it does, it makes exploration SO much easier. you still have to be careful but like. type b careful rather than type a. anyway it’s pretty much a must. um, you probably want to take your car for the sake of convenience, and also you can get a snowmobile later! there are a number of little achievements to earn, some of which make this game a lot more involved than any other on this list. like, it’s a very big area with poor visibility and you’re looking for very very small things WITH A CHEAP-ASS SWEATER CARL. anyway, as for what it’s actually about: you’re a detective again, come to québec in 1970 to find some seriously fucked up shit. this game isn’t really horror, it’s mostly just what the hell is going on this is so fucking bizarre. there narrative has a lot of stuff about colonialism and racism and a lot of Cree culture and lore driving it. it was funded by kickstarter btw. so yeah, a little too game-y, most intense and involved of the bunch, unsettled even me at times, but not meant to invoke terror or keep you up at night, only make you think about the circumstances that created this event.

flower is your friend. i’ve only played a little bit of it but honestly that’s all you need. you can just go back and do that bit as many times as you want cause this is a game that’s all about being a petal on the wind. it’s cute, it’s playful, both the score and visuals are charming and lovely. this is the game you play after running for your life in kona. recommended to have in your library if for no other reason than to know it’s always there when you need something simple and beautiful and andy dwyer is unavailable.

[nagitolovebug]

Star Asks

I’m answering these all for my silly wife whom i love this is for you @angeltendou

-Mercury: What’s your full name? Lmao I know I have like 30 million last names but as far as what most people (and I) know it’s AnaSofia Gonzalez.

-Venus: What’s your first language? Spanish lmao there are videos of me singing as a child in Spanish and I’m just like damn ok

-Earth: Where’s your home? Idk I guess it’s just a feeling but I feel at home wherever I’m safe, warm, and happy and I think I’ve found that with certain people which both terrifies me and makes me wanna cry but thanks to those people

-Mars: What’s your sexuality? Lol, I’m gay as fuck

-Jupiter: Do you have any siblings? Technically, I have one, by blood. If I’m speaking from the heart, I have a person who I consider no less, if anything much more than a sibling, so I’m going to say 2.

-Saturn: Any pets? Yes, a silly little cocker spaniel named Dobby (bc I’m a nerd)

-Uranus: What’s your hobby? Writing, which I do love, but haven’t done much of lately, I’m sad to say

-Neptune: When’s your birthday? September 23

-Pluto: What time is it right now where you are? 11:43 pm

-Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study? I’ve always wanted to major in writing and write my own novels, although, as of late, I’ve taken to a deep fascination of space and the sky and what lies beyond, and though science is not my forte I may look towards studying that as well. I’m also yearning to learn Italian.

-Sun: Have you ever had alcohol? Once, at a party at my grandparents house, I thought this mysterious drink on the counter was one my favorite sodas, Colombiana, but I wasn’t sure; so, to make sure it was before I poured myself some, I put my finger to the nozzle where there was a drop of it and tasted it. It was disgusting, and certainly not Colombiana. As it turns out, it was beer. Other than that, no.

-Sirius: Have you ever failed a class? Nope

-Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster? Yes, several, and I find them quite fun, although the sever anxiety I have before riding them could be left out, preferably. 

-Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes, several times. I spent a month in Colombia with my cousins, then returned a year later for a wedding. Also, as a baby, I’ve been told I went to the Dominican Republic. I’m going to England in the summer.

-Arcturus: Have you ever cried out of something other than sadness? Tears are second-nature to me, as free flowing as the blood in my veins. I’ve cried of fear, anger, frustration, happiness, guilt, out of being overwhelmed, out of feeling trapped, out of loss, out of complete gratitude and vulnerability to another person. Yes.

-Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about? I still have petty grudges for people I’ll never see again, real grudges for what someone has done to hurt me. I suppose a profound memory and the one that comes to mind when presented with this question is when I locked myself in the bathroom out of a paralyzation of fear and cried.

-Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about? My friends, and their well-being and happiness.

-Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone? No sirree

-Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret? Oh, all the time.

-Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend? Yes, we were incredibly close, and although we still talk it’s like there’s a big cloud above us and you know it’ll never be quite what it once was.

-Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t? At the moment I can’t think of any Profound Regrets, but I do wish I were less shy and spoke my mind more often than I do.

-Centaurus: Favorite holiday? Halloween!

-Orion: Favorite month? Honestly, every month past August is Party Time; I particularly love October 

-Cassiopeia? Favorite book? Hoo boy ok. I love all the Harry Potter books and most everything Rick Riordan writes but apart from that (which goes on my Pedestal of Incredible); The Song of Achilles broke my heart but it was gorgeous and I’m in love; also, Rainbow Rowell’s novels sweep my soul away and they too are lovely.

-Delphinus: Favorite study? I love space and the stars + Greek/Roman/Egyptian/Norse/etc myths captivate my soul and I’m infatuated with them

-Hercules: Favorite instrument? Hoooo bOy, ok: the drums are incredible and I love the rhythm and beat they provide, b u t, the violin is incredibly gorgeous and elegant, the piano is hypnotizing, and basically those are my faves.

-Gemini: Favorite song? Idk?? Honestly, it changes depending on what I’m listening to, but as of now I love Dear Theodosia 

-Pegasus: Favorite place to be? I love the space on top of my roof + the warm happy feeling of wherever I am w a friend

-Libra: Favorite color? All colors are beautiful but as of late I love green and mint green and every shade of green; I’m also in love with the infinite blue of the sky

-Phoenix: Favorite thing to wear? Jeans, sweater, socks (if shoes are required, then sneakers)

-Aries: Favorite movie? I don’t really have one because every movie I watch that I like I go “tHIS IS MY FAVE!!” but Captain America; Civil War broke my heart and I loved it, accompanied with Rogue One so I’m going with that

-Cyngus: Favorite weather? I like it when it’s really cold and windy, and light rain with no thunder or lightning is good. I also like cloudy and sunny, or just bright and sunny but not too hot; raining while the sun is shining is perfect

-Hydra: Favorite sound? Friend’s laughter is gorgeous, really pretty music, rain

-Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend? My (unbiological but still) sister of 9 years

-Andromeda: Do you consider yourself social? Hell no, but with certain people I’ll chat your ear off and they’re the ones who matter

-Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight? I mean...no? It takes me to get to know someone first and be friends before I develop any sort of remotely romantic feeling, so at least not for me

-Cartwheel Galaxy: When was your first kiss? I’ll get back to you when it happens ;D

-Cigar Galaxy: How’s your flirting skills? I’ve recently discovered that I actually do flirt without realizing, but through texting, so I suppose I’m rather decent,,(?) In a verbal conversation, however, absolute rubbish I guarantee it (not that I’ve tried)

-Comet Galaxy: Have you ever had to leave a relationship because someone changed too much? I’ll get back to you once i’m in or have been in a relationship ;D

-Pinwheel Galaxy: Would you date the last person you talked to? Absolutely

-Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now? ;D

-Bode’s Galaxy: Have you ever had a secret admirer? Not that I know of

-Sunflower Galaxy: Would you date/make friends with someone out of pity? Fuck no

-Tadpole Galaxy: Would you deny a relationship/friendship? Does this mean turn someone down? Yes?

-Whirlpool Galaxy: Have you ever cried over a breakup? Yes, but not one of romantic kind

-Comet: What’s your big dream? I have several, however unrealistic they may be. I want to grow up to be happy, to be in a committed, healthy, and loving relationship with another person, and for them to be happy too. I want to write a book, or books, that inspire people and mean something to them, something they love and cherish with characters they’ll fall in love with, something that will make them love reading and do what many authors have done for me. I also wanna make a change in the world, somehow do something profound that’ll make life better for people in need. Lastly, and perhaps the most far-fetched of all, I wanna explore space? Not just our solar system or Mars, but full-on Star Trek explore; I want to be alive when/if portals are made to explore deep space and learn more about what’s out there and contact alien life.

-Meteor: What’s something you wish you could tell, but can’t? I wish I could tell my family, more importantly my immediate family, that I’m gay

-Nebula: if you could undo one thing in your life, what would it be? My birth idk

-Shooting Star: If you could bring back one thing what would it be? Um idk, my motivation to do things? Happiness?

-Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years? Experience things and learn more things about myself and who I am, go through my Angsty Teen Discovery moment, and just enjoy life. Vote, drive, fall in love, get into college, graduate highschool.

-Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die? See the world/explore space

-Quasar: If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be? nOPE

-Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? Portals are invented and my Space Princess and I become astronauts and explore space!

-Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see? Everyone safe and happy, no hate, everyone living harmoniously regardless or race, religion, gender or lack thereof, or sexuality