#i know why and it's bc i can never be concise ever

[fruitageoforanges]

ughhhh. slogging my way through a fic chapter. drinking cocktails may be helping or hindering my writing/motivation

[raylangivins]

Thank you @coyotesuspect for tagging me to do a fic writer interview!!! I love shiteing on about writing :)

How many works do you have on ao3?

41 and like half of that is from the Beatles boom of the last couple years 🫣

What’s your total word count?

242,272

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

live through this and you won’t look back (check please, jackparse); if being afraid is a crime, we hang side by side (wolf 359, kepcobi); baby, it’s all relative (beatles, mclennon); i thought i knew you, what did i know (beatles, jane pov mclennon); slip of the tongue (beatles, mclennon)

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Yes!! Although I’ve gotten bad about getting back to comments on old fic bc i always open it in a new tab to respond later and then I forgor. But I’ve turned on the ao3 inbox so i can get better about finding them again. I love receiving comments and I genuinely appreciate all of them. Be rude not to reply!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Any ‘68-‘69 era beatles fic I’ve written tbh, but i think the worst of them is one and one and one is three where I forced poor Paul to endure a threesome with John and Yoko :)

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Oh god idk, one of the angst-less pwps probably. tune me up and turn me out I wrote with the express purpose of depicting John and Paul being horny and in love so maybe that one. Also I have a forever soft spot for wouldn’t it be nice? because the ending is so 🥰🥰🥰 ROMANCE!!!

Do you write crossovers?

Wrote one this year about Don Draper hooking up with Paul McCartney :) plus this oldie about Jean-Ralphio from parks and rec becoming the 11th doctor’s companion.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Only from troll accounts

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Brother I write any kind. I’ll write kinks I don’t even like if the muse demands it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No but I’ve had someone finish a fic I abandoned years ago on ff.net and then they message me about it being like “can I finish this” and then I checked he fic and they’d already posted it and only asked permission bc someone asked them if they did lol.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think I did in the ff.net days but I can’t remember if anyone’s done it since

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No :( I’d love to. I have no idea if I’d be any use though, I have such a self-contained writing process.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Raylan/Boyd or Pacey/Joey probably, neither of which I’ve written anything for lmao

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

There’s a jackparse fic that I’ve been trying to write since the summer of 2020, and tbh I’m still delusional enough to think I will get it done eventually even though I’ve written almost nothing for it. Never give up, never surrender!

What are your writing strengths?

This sounds dumb but I’m good at capturing vibes. I like to be concise so I try to pack a lot of emotion in the fewest words possible.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I don’t care for physical descriptions so I don’t do them as much as I probably should. I think this, again, goes with my desire to be concise lol

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If it’s a word or line here and there fair enough but if you’re writing a whole exchange that I don’t understand, my eyes are just gonna glaze over it. Dawg, I cannot read that! And also I think there’s such nuance to the way people switch languages when they’re bilingual and a lot of not bilingual people writing bilingual characters do not understand that. It’s both more and less casual than the way most people depict it.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Gossip girl :)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Idk I don’t usually go into a fandom expecting to write for it, it’s more that I join and sometimes the desire strikes and a lot of the time it doesn’t. In terms of beatles which I am consistently writing for, I really want to write a Paul/George fic which I haven’t done yet. But I love a little childhood friendship moment <3

What's your favourite fic you've written?

I love all my children equally, but stuff from this year I’m particularly delighted with are a great threat just because the universe of Paul being the girl beatle was so delicious to play with and also toxic yuri >:), and The McCartney Issue cause it hit me while I was in the midst of struggling with sort of writer’s block and a bit of a confidence dive in terms of writing, and it came to me so fully formed so it was nice to know that spark was still there, and I had a lot of fun with it.

Tagging, if you’d like @javelinbk @crepesuzette2023 @jeanharlowseyebrows @wurmzirkus @planetaire ❤️

[svnflowermoon]

heyy, i seem to remember you being good at advice, so do you have any advice on how to survive high school?? like genuinely girl im struggling over here </3

hi my angel, i absolutely am <3 i'm so so sorry you're going through a tough time at school sweetheart, and i've been through that for the past five years of high school, so i definitely have advice for u boo

yapping below the cut because unfortunately i can't be concise ever

as someone who's about to finish hs (october/november this year), the main things i struggled with was jealousy, insecurities, and friendships. now, in my last year, i still have a lot to work on with the first two, but i do think i've gotten better, and i've succeded in surrounding myself with the sweetest people who are so so so good for me <3

i'm gonna be realistic here, i know how u feel. truly. genuinely, school was such a major reason i didn't think i was going to make it to eighteen, but here i am. i fucking hate school. i'm not going to try and be like "oh just be positive" bc girl no. no. i hated it. i'm enjoying it right now, but aside from my friends, i despise it. school has taken all the joy out of learning for me and i went from gifted kid to academic burnout reaaaal fast. yeah, getting a sweet treat or a matcha latte might help you sometimes, but romanticising it and hoping your issues go away is not the answer.

for me, my insecurities and jealousy have literally been haunting me all through high school. i grew up with one close friend, and i was always excluded. for most of high school, i felt like everyone was better than me, like they knew some secret to life that i didn't know yet. i would see those cool girls post on instagram and i would feel like dying, tearing my hair out, sobbing. because why were their lives so much better than mine?

so here's my first piece of advice: stop comparing yourself at your lowest to someone else at their highest.

whether you're comparing grades with that one genius friend, comaring lives with someone on instagram, comparing anything. here's the truth, you only see what people want you to see. you only see the best parts of their month, the best moments of their summer. you don't see the ups and downs of life because they don't want to post those - and fair enough, i don't post that shit on my insta either. everyone posts the cute moments, the aesthetic moments, no one talks there about how they struggle. the things people post are their highlights, the best versions of themselves. yeah, maybe you bedrotted a lot today-they probably did too. they didn't post that, they posted the cute outing with their friends from a few days ago. they didn't post their emotional turmoil, they didn't post about that bad grade they got, they posted about their cute fit and their iced matcha.

my next advice: you're not behind. stop beating yourself up because you think you're never going to make it and everyone else seems further ahead than you.

truly, everyone thinks this. everyone is scared, even the people that say they're not. do it scared. you're on the same page as everyone else, very few high schoolers are magically miles ahead of the average - although some do have their own businesses, which you just have to shrug and go "oh well, i'm glad they've made it. if they can, i can too." you're gonna figure it out. genuinely, coming from someone who absolutely has not figured it out, but has complete faith that i will, at some point, figure everything out. you're still a teenager. slow down, you're gonna be okay. go out with your friends, have fun, be stupid. you have your whole life to work, to prepare for the future. let yourself breathe.

my next advice: let yourself feel.

this is a difficult time for everyone, and emotions come and go. your happiness will not last forever, but neither will your saddness. let yourself experience these emotions. i know everyone says this, and yeah, i never believed people. but it gets better. that "better" might now be constant, and sometimes you'll still hit that rock bottom, sometimes you'll still feel that hopeless saddness. you're human, emotions are fluid. it will get better. it will. from a fellow high schooler, believe me. whether it gets better later in high school or just later in life, it will. i always think about this one tumblr post that says you have a 100% success rate at surviving things, because yeah, exactly. you're still here. i'm proud of you.

my last advice: find your people.

i know it's hard, i know. but seriously, surround yourself with likeminded people who are good for your mental health. my teenage years have brought me many bad friends, but also many good ones. i love my current friends more than anything, and i genuinely don't know what i'd have done without them. you're not alone, don't force yourself to go through everything alone.

anywayyyy ur girl is a yapper mwah i hope this helped a little bit <3 i know it's not about school as in academics but i fear i still havent figured that out LMAO but i do think that the emotional side of high school has always been hardest for me <3

[zuureleena]

i drew the mercs, miss pauling, admin, and my tf2 oc on the plane to uni 😭

i did all of these a week ago and completely forgot to post them HAJAHAH miss p, the admin, and a rlly simplified ver of my tf2 oc miss lynn!! (zoey lynn hehe + js rambles abt her) under the cut

IM ACTUALLY REWORKING HER DESIGN RNNNN bcs i made her on the sims 4 LMAO and realised how much better and concise she looked, but i really wanna try and make her look like someone you'd js see irl? sooOOo tryna make her also recognisable from silhouette alone and blahablahblah tho she isn't the kind of character that would rlly make too much of a difference in the tf2 universe

i js wanted to make a loveable character LMAO who'd have more of an impact on the relationships and kinda the story?

i liked the idea of miss p having an extroverted bestfriend who's also her wingwoman bcs miss pauling is obvs an awkward lesbian mess who needs help in the love department, and vice versa bcs zoey is into scout and miss pauling is js so glad to have him move on n realise that they r better as friends!! and that he needs to be with someone who isn't annoyed by him 24/7 (IM SORRY, LWNAKS MY SELF-INSERTEDNESS GOT IN THE WAY HAHAHAHA I CANT HELP IT) also, i haven't rlly thought of any orientation for zoey... i'm thinking of her js being a het woman or js whatever u wanna interpret her as!! cuz her sexuality isn't a core thing abt her

she's an absolute harbinger of chaos who'd do anyt for money and some company (this girl has been hella lonely n stressed out of her mind and i'll explain why in an oc post🤭🤭) and even tho she never outright admits it, she does enjoy the freedom of violence she gets to have as a mann co assistant 😭 (which will ALSO make sense when i explain her background to u guys later on)

and bcs of her long experience w shady bosses and asshole customers she's had to deal within all the jobs she's had, she catches onto the administrator's whole thing with the australium fairly early into the job, but she's in tooooo deep now and is like "damn. do i get myself out of this fucked up job (that i am fucked up enough to actually enjoy) or do i stay bcs i literally have everything i've ever wanted....shit." like,, she did say she'd do anyt for money but at the cost of what 😭 [also MAN i wish we got that final comic so i can js make zoey's suspicions make sense??!?@ but in a way it js works bcs it's js this massive mystery that we don't even know of ourselves???? so likeee, im js assuming its smth rlly dangerous or smth bcs helen literally goes to the most insane lengths to get australium and finish off her final... thingy.. that uh DEBT is it... i forgot what she called it BUT WHATEVER BUSINESS SHE HAD TO ATTEND TO B4 SHE DIED QOABJASH]

OH AND YEAH, zoey hates how bossy the admin is and is an ass abt it at times, and the admin wants zoey gone so badly bcs shes an annoying little shit (which she is and honestly, her and scout can be annoying shits tgt <3) but miss p always convinces her to keep zoey BAGAHAHA and they do get things done much faster w zoey there sooOoOOo 🌝🤭

i mean she does try to kill both miss p & l anyway but still, she can't deny that they r both good at what they do

BWOSBQJS BYE I DONT THINK ANYONE IS GONNA READ THIS AHAGAH BUT THANK YOU IF U DID 😭 I HAVE SM ABT ZOEY AND I RLLY WANT HER TO BE LOVEABLE AUGHWGS

[loth-creatures]

Knowing how much Ahsoka struggled to be Sabine's master --- would she get advice from Kanan when she visits Lothal? Most likely giant wolf to giant wolf??

Wellll see I kinda ditched the entire Jedi!Sabine narrative. Listen if they HAD to go that direction, I believe they could have done it well but they really did not (to put it generously), and while I've considered trying to do it better myself, at the end of the day I wish they just hadn't done that at all.

Tldr: Ahsoka and Kanan probably will have a giant wolf to giant wolf conversation but idk if it'll be about looking out for Sabine or searching for Ezra or what

So this is my tentative and unrefined interpretation of Ahsoka and Sabine's relationship for SWW Ahsoka, aka roughly how I imagined it would be like before that damn show ever came out (sorry in advance this spiraled all over the place. I meant to elaborate a little bit and then I couldn't stop. I tried to keep it concise but. There's a lot to unpack that I didn't expect to have to unpack in order to get to the point lol)

First and foremost Sabine isn't fucking Force-sensitive. Ahsoka teaches her a lot about the Jedi, and continues her lightsaber training, and I think Jedi teachings and excercises can have a lot of value to ordinary people! But she's not trying to be a Jedi. Ahsoka does feel mentorly instincts towards Sabine, partly bc she knows what she's going through as a very young veteren and genocide survivor. Partly bc she does feel the need to pass her knowledge on to someone. Partly bc deep down Ahsoka is pretty damn lonely too, and Sabine is very family-shaped. And also because wolfwalkers stick together.

They call her Ahsoka's 'practice padawan' as a joke. Huyang is like. You really ought to find a Padawan one of these days. And Ahsoka's like. Why would I need a Padawan I have Sabine. And Huyang is like. Listen I'm very happy to have Sabine with us but you ought to get a real Padawan.

But how could Ahsoka ever take on a student while she's still wrangling with whether or not she wants to be a Jedi? Which, they never actually show her making a decision on that. Or rather there's really no transition between "I am no Jedi" and whatever she's got going on in the show which. Long story short, I hated it. Ass writing. In my personal opinion.

I think I’m just gonna lean into the idea that she feels like she can't truly be a Jedi whether she wants to or not bc she was trained to be a soldier instead, combined with the fear of Anakin's darkness manifesting in herself, distrust of his training, etc. Up until the point where she decides to put Anakin behind her for good and trust in her own experiences, during her WBW adventure (which goes way differently in my head but I will elaborate on that later. Maybe.) But for the purposes of this au, she doesn't even commit to being a Jedi again until dying for the 3rd(?) time and honestly maybe she still doesn't. Maybe it takes all the way to wet puppy Shin dropping in her lap that she sees her path as a Jedi path. Idk.

Ahsoka's arc is not an aspect of the story I expected to address in depth myself so idk how much I'm gonna get into it within the comic itself. It's hard to go over every issue bc lothwolfwalkers is just an anthology series adapting small chunks of the timeline that I find work well with the wolfwalking, and I'm trying not to make more work for myself than I have to, bc I already have plenty. Rewrite is maybe a strong word, when I'm just cherry picking what I liked from the ahsoka show and adjusting what I didn't like in a way that keeps the overall plot intact for simplicity sake. I will eventually write an official detailed ahsoka-from-my-head post, but the comics will just be little scenes based on that.

Anyway,

Regarding Sabine and Ahsoka's falling out. It doesn’t happen. In fact I think Ahsoka will take Sabine under her wing after the fall of Mandalore and they just immediately start looking for Ezra in the unknown regions, bc Sabine is like hey I have nothing left here can we go look for my brother now. They don't find anything. Eventually Ahsoka gets wrapped up in other business and Sabine ends up back on Lothal depressed as fuck (despite Kanan, Hera, and Zeb's best efforts to be there for her, infinitely more than what is depicted in the show) until Ahsoka finds the map and shows up for round 2. Or smth like that.

Side note: I am going to declare the Wrens MIA not dead. Because I hate hate hate that they were unceremoniously killed off screen and wasted the way they were. I guess I could just unkill them completely but well I am a sucker for that angst and something about the devastation of that reveal seared it so deep in my head that I can't imagine the story without it now (thanks for that Dave. Fuck you Dave.) So uh, they're trapped on Mandalore with those other survivors from Mando S3. After Sabine's already left for Peridea they manage to finally get off Mandalore due to S3 events and track down Hera and are like WHERE IS SABINE. Cue Clan Wren Ghost Crew team up to get their fucking kids back. Though everyone will probably make it back on their own before they figure out a way to hop galaxies.

[astrum99]

@patronsaintofdemons from original post

*runs at u* *snatches u by the arm* *shaking u shaking u* I GOT U. YOU RE NOW A VICTIM OF MY THOGHTS . DO NOT RESIST. 

No joke I woke up yesterday morning at 4am, saw ur tags, and couldn’t get back so sleep for a whole hr bc I got so excited to talk abt whatever funky waves my brain is generating ( I am at peak obsession right now, I am generating enough energy to power a small city))

Sorry if I’m being awfully deranged. I'm not used to being Comprehended and Perceived as an existing entity. Please excuse the part of me that is vibrating so hard I am about to emit light beams from my eyes like some sort of cartoon character. Anyways.

Ultrakill, so far, doesn’t actually have a super complex lore. The story is succinctly simple and tragic. The characters as well. I won't focus on that because my obsession lies in Gabriel. From your tags, it looks like you haven’t gotten deep into the game (yet), so I don’t want to spoil the fun if you ever decide to watch a playthrough of the game, or play the game yourself.

And I can avoid spoilers because, for this post, what I latched onto is not his character arc, but his inherent setting of “an angel”.

“Why are you thinking of an angel”

Well. For starters. I wasn’t thinking about angels at first. I was thinking about his thighs and what he got down there. 

Stay with me. The horniness is fading. The poetry is starting. (shaking you)

Click see below.

No? As if you had a choice.

Jokes on you, I lied. This is less of a poetry and way more of an incomprehensible ramble on why Gabriel is irresistible to me. I hope you enjoy it anyway. <3

Humans are largely made of storytelling and wonder. A desire to strip back layers and layers until a deep, concise answer is found. Then we move on. The study of magic: biochemistry, aerodynamics, fusion physics. We boil the universe down to the barest essentials, then examine some more. We looked inside ourselves: blood, plasma, enzymes. Until we reach the concept of consciousness and suddenly, we are incapable of going further. Attention turned to the sky: planes and rockets; astronomy and “what happened before the Big Bang?” in a child's voice. And we saw that the stars were moving further away from us, faster too, and we thought "we'd have to keep going."

It is at these ends that things become interesting. Never-ending debates of questions that will never be solved because of our inability to go beyond the limits. Reaching the skybox of the universe and unable to do anything more than to speculate what lies further still.

It is no wonder that the thought of an angel captivates man. If it exists, then its nature of being far outside of our observational capability becomes the ultimate lure for artists and scientists alike.

For example, what form would it take? A question of pure speculation, no different than a child's image of aliens. Brainstorming shapes and curvatures and weight in the three-dimensional space, fruitless and fantastical.

An abstract form, perhaps. So abstract that it becomes a type of cosmic horror or a Lovecraftian horror. The burning of eyes, the melting of mind. To lay eyes on it is to condemn yourself to death. Radioactive elephant's foot. We'd try to see it regardless.

A holy being, perhaps. Formed like a man but spills pure light when cut. Would it even cut? What does it mean if the imperfect blade made from the hands of a lowly man had sliced through its skin? Skin? Does it have skin? Like a salamander? Like a leopard? Can a creature’s skin contain the light of god? …Would it leak like a broken puppet? Does it sometimes hate itself like how some of us hate the silhouette of our shadows?

A man, perhaps. Uncertain if it became an angel because the mold of humankind was filled to the brim with divinity, or if it is divine because the pile of carbon assumed the role of an angel. Does it know? Does it wonder? Does it see man in itself, and itself in man? Does it feel lonely to be separated from its lightless siblings that wander the earth freely and sinfully?

And if it is man, as physical as it can be, how close am I to it? …What makes you sacred? Can I see? Can I touch? Can I study your form as millions of humans studied every inch of their world, concrete and abstract? Do you see me as ants? Or family? Would you grieve for me as I have for the songbird?

If I cut you open, will you hold yourself down for me?

Will you forgive me for desecrating you like so?

I think I would be ok with dying by your hand if it is you: let me trade my sight to see you, let me trade my life to touch you. To know you is to cross the limits of the beasts. Sacrilegious.

… And I don’t think you’d allow me to. It’s not in your character. Another angel perhaps, from another story. But I’m thinking of you. And so I can only think, like ancestors before me, and descendants after me. Of the study of magic, of self, of sky.

Of angels.

Truthfully, I’m not a believer in a higher being, never have been, probably never will; but standing on the boundary between life and death and yearning to know the feeling of an angel’s skin under my fingertips are the closest thing to a prayer I have ever experienced. Passion burns; I tend to the fire.

And it’s so regretful that I will never know (because you are an angel) and I will never know (because you are born of fiction) and I am never supposed to know (because to completely understand something or someone is to remove the wonder and hope and passion - like how life without death is timeless and still).

So, this is a love letter of sorts. Because I can’t be the only one craving to know every crease and crevice of this holy being made wearing the same shell as a creature who roams the earth blindly, bumbling, and mad.

------

By the way, please excuse grammar issues. Both my writing in the original post and this one are messy and not thoroughly edited. I just type my brain words out in one setting (partially because uni is in full swing). Sorry if this is on the too-long side of things. I was 700 words into my take on human storytelling before I went: “wait, I’m going way off topic” haha Hope this version is more palatable!

Also just wanna let you know: I just started posting my writing, so your tags were one of the first few that came in and got me really excited! I’m always so happy to read the tags of people who enjoyed my stuff. Thank you!

[dedkake]

20 questions game

tagged by so many people! ty i think this is everyone: @logicgunn @wonkyelk @trainofcommand @frankthesnek

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

there are 209 of them (i have to write this as a sentence because tumblr thinks numbers need to be massive on their own)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

word count: 340,984

3. What fandoms do you write for?

on ao3? mostly x-men and stargate atlantis

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

they're all xmen lol. by a mile: Snowed In Ready and Willing Mismatched Here Tonight A Matter of Convenience (i like one of these fic 10000x the others, but i'm Not Surprised)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do mostly. now. i didn't used to -- interacting with fandom people stressed me the heck out for a long time. i find it much easier to talk to people over here in sga :) however--i still can't bring myself to interact on some of my long personal ace fics.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

heck i don't know. i love angst. i'm sure i wrote some very angsty stuff in the past that i literally cannot remember rn. for sga i think a couple of my s5 'could've started like this' fic might do:

water on pine and release and shame

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i have no idea how to even start? most of them? /sprinkles happy endings all around

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really. occasionally people make comments that rub me wrong about my ace fics, but not outright hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

when the inspiration strikes, sure. i think my smutty fic are pretty. diverse.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

generally no. i don't. and i generally don't read them. but i did once, after spending some time with @juliusschmidt, write a one direction fic. in which xmen were featured.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes <33

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

it's been a LONG TIME. since i've actually co-written anything. but i used to cowrite and coplan fic all the time. way back when.

it seems really difficult now. but maybe because i do a lot of my thinking out loud, so planning with friends online is a Trial.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

why are we fighting? i love all my babies. and i'm a multishipper at heart.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

please take a peak into my wip folder someday, and you will be amazed.

but i don't post wips, so no one besides me will be sad about my never finished wips <3

16. What are your writing strengths?

being concise? sensory description? maybe?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

can't plot worth a damn.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'd rather it was all in one language, with the use of descriptive dialogue tags or narration.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

gundam wing! my boys! back on ffn <3

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

oh this is a Challenge. just focused on sga bc it's all i can hold in my brain. here are a few i think about often

it could've started like this... no that's cheating laugh it up give me a minute ad infinitum places unknown

tagging anyone who wants!! okay @zhabke and @pinkoptics

[dogstarblues]

20 Questions

got tagged by @artemis-devotee. seemed like fun! ty botan!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 11 works and i can tell you four of those are poetry.

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

17,831

3. What fandoms do you write for?

on ao3? used to write for the ch**tiverse, still write for Victoria Goddard's Nine Worlds. well, okay im on hiatus from participating in fan stuff bc i got too much going on and i have complicated feelings abt fandom. but. on ffnet? naruto, inuyasha, bleach, fairy tail, danny phantom. i think.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we have time (love this one - much needed natural hair content in that fandom, much needed)

you can't even see how much you're mine (i'm really proud of this one)

before we have time

just for now

gazing at the sun

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i respond to everyone's comments if i can remember LOL

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

you can't even see how much you're mine. really exorcised my polyamory baggage with that one LMAO

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

mmmmm none of them end poorly but they end heavily, if that makes sense? but also they don't. like most of my fanfiction as an adult in my 30s is discussion of wants and needs in a relationship and hashing out things that need to be talked abt

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i have on ffnet when i was a teen and giving every naruto character in my biopunk fanfic like 4 codenames SDKVDFLVMS

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yuh. "just for now" is smut (old man yaoi). and there's another i think. i wanted to really confront my sex repulsion and explore my own boundaries around what i write.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

naur i never understood crossovers v well. i love an AU tho

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

probably not. on ffnet it was SO goth edgelord and now it's extremely poetic prose. (and when i say POETIC prose i mean it tend to be concise and abstract, not that its purple) who wants that LOL

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

naur

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

yes! my first fanfiction was with my childhood friend Sunshine and we posted a double-self-insert absolute MANIC fanfic set in the world of Inuyasha posted to ffnet. one of my fondest memories. i dictated, she wrote.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

i don't have one these days but i shant say what it used to be only that it made me insane from the time i was 14 to the age of 25.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i had an old man yaoi urban fantasy au wherein a character who used to be the chosen one had been imprisoned and was surviving the trauma of that as a music teacher and i read a ton of prison literature for it and watched documentaries and watched interviews and spent WEEKS researching trauma from incarceration and what it means to be incarcerated (part of this was because my birth father was about to be incarcerated and i was trying to write through my understanding of what he'd be going through) and researching what town councils do. and then a (now former) friend had torn apart the fic paragraph by paragraph during beta and wrote how boring parts were and no one wanted to hear abt me talking abt poetry in the fanfic and it was my FIRST fanfic since i was in my early twenties and i basically deleted the whole thing out of embarrassment and hurt. iykyk who it was. idk if i can ever go back to that. i just don't. i want to but. even strangers in workshops aren't that cruel LOL

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm a pretty/poetic writer good at relationship shit i think. i'm good at grounding the reader in a sense of place and my writing is very tactile. it's embodied.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i am a pretty/poetic writer

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i know some spanish and a little french and even less russian (i'm like learning that one through osmosis) but it's not v applicable. hmmmm i wouldn't try unless i was fluent.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

inuyasha

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

either the naruto biopunk fanfiction on ffnet (i turned that one into a fanfic from a biopunk short story i had written in high school it's v close to my heart even if edgy) or "you can't even see how much you're mine" bc i put a lot into that or "we have time" because your partner doing your natural hair IS a love language.

if yall wanna hop in i'm tagging @toopunkrockforshul @cadencekismet @markeyverse

[mutxnts]

20 fic questions

tagged by @oodlyenough to do this!! thank you <33

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

i have 22 works posted!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

42,292 words! that actually really surprises me bc all of the things i write are one shots, and they aren't particularly long. i thought this number would be farrrrrr lower

3. what fandoms do you write for?

currently only ace attorney!

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

a cold night in ikea (xmen) good old days (ace attorney) lost (xmen) sunsets over genosha (xmen) hot, sticky, sweet (ace attorney)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes!!!! i always make a point to respond :) i don’t really get that many comments on my fics so i always want to show some appreciation for the people that do take time to write something!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i guess lost? but the thing is i don't really like to write pure angst. most of the angst i write has a happy ending so by definition, that's probably the only fic i've written that has an angsty ending

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmm see this is difficult when most of my fics have a happy ending and i think it's a little subjective which one is the happiest. but maybe sweet, sweet bliss since it's basically just pure fluff?

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully not, although i did get a slightly weird comment a couple months ago that i THINK was trying to jokingly tease me about how the characters were being ooc bc phoenix never gave edgeworth a blowjob in the games. and then they ended the comment with “but good job writing a story.” the problem is i did not know the person and so it did not really feel like much of a joke and it just. idk it felt very weird so i ended up deleting it

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i only recently started posting smut. i still feel a little awkward about it bc both times it’s been pwp, and with that it’s just like. yeah here’s two guys fucking. that’s it. but maybe that’s just the ace in me talking and feeling kinda weird about it gjsjfjdjfjdf

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

normally no i do not, but i started talking about which pokemon some of the ace attorney characters would have with a friend. and from there we started talking about so many headcanons that i started writing something for that universe bc i was inspired, but i honestly haven't touched it in a few months bc i got distracted writing other things lol

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of, so hopefully never!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!!! again this goes back to my fics i wrote as a kid (so back when i was still on wattpad), but a few people translated my fics into other languages. the only one i can remember specifically was it was translated into turkish, but i remember there being other ones as well

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not! and i think that’s just bc i write roleplays with people instead

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

either cherik or narumitsu <3

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the one i ended up posting anyway since i feel like i'll never come back to it skdfjgjsdfgkj

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m a pretty concise writer, since i write how i think most people would speak. if that makes sense? my answer in the next question kinda gets into that, but i think i’m just not really someone who goes super artistic with my writing

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i think i’m not the best at writing prose. like, i’m not great with using very flowery, poetic kinda language or vocabulary. i struggle with that a lot. also, i can’t really write long fics, or even multi chapter fics. i just do not have the energy or motivation to do either one lol so that’s why all my fics are one shots

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i try to do it as little as possible bc i only know english, so i have to turn to google translate. and even then i try to stick to only pet names and other terms of endearment, so it’s not like i’m even really writing full sentences or anything in another language

19. first fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

honestly it's so hard to choose but maybe blinding lights! i'm pretty sure it was the most excited i've ever been to write a fic, but i also recall really enjoying the setting of a cold night in ikea and being able to write that :) that one was the first time i had written fan fic since i was in high school, and it made me fall in love with writing again

tagging @japanifornication @sevenyeargap @ivy-saurs and anyone else that wants to do this! though no worries if you don't want to :)

[chemmerson]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you for the tag @lemony-snickers <3

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? - 28

2. What's your total Ao3 word count - 220, 092

3. What fandoms do you write for? - mostly naruto (kakashi) and jjk (nanami). i have also written for the legend of zelda, attack on titan, and haikyuu!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

hey, champ (and other awkward exchanges) - 1,040

take a chance on me - 674

butterflies - 619

the way you make me feel - 446

friday afternoons - 325

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? - yes i try to as much as i can! i really try to show appreciation because it always means to much to me when someone goes out of their way to express their thoughts <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? - i am very guilty of never writing angsty endings LOL

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? - literally all of them lol. i love happiness and love and cheesy romance!!!! sue me lol

8. Do you get hate on fics? - there have been people who have expressed their dislike lol. but never any trolls or hate or anything.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? - i do not

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? - i haven't ever! though it would be an interesting endeavor.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? - not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? - no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? - no but that would be very fun!!!

14. What's your all time favorite ship? - everyone knows...zelink is my life. zelink is everything. zelink is my entire heart <3

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? - hmmm maybe just for tonight? i love the concept bc wedding date nanami is EVERYTHING but i wasn't sure which direction to go in so i got stuck haha

16. What are your writing strengths? - hmmm...i am not the best person to ask lol. maybe dialogue?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? - i am NOT concise lol. someone tell me to shut up pls

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? - i would definitely do my thorough research and make sure that it makes sense in the context.

19. First fandom you wrote for? - my first official fanfiction was attack on titan. my first published fic was for naruto!

20. Favorite fic you've written? - this is very hard. primaveral is my passion project and a fic that is reflective of my heart. but hey, champ will also always have a special place in my heart <3

tagging (no pressure!): @powerfultenderness @strawberrystepmom @whats-her-quirk and whoever would like to do it!

[comfortunit]

literally just found you today thru those rants and 100%. ive talked about it with friends but we keep it to ourselves bc fandombrained people are so vitriolic & reactionary but you get it. fandoms as they are now are simply a function of capitalism and i wouldnt even say most are fans of the media they say they are but of the roving dudeslash fandom who NEED to see characters forced into their static cookiecutter trope pairing/mirroring themselves and fuckin or theyll die. fandoms in general also tend to be a cesspit of racism & terrible attitudes towards sex work despite their fascination with/fetishization of both race and sex work in general and its like the smaller the fandom is the more of a toxic microcosm of let people haaaaave funnnnn it becomes (idk why i wrote this i was just super surprised to see another mbd fan who was also a sex worker, hiii same hat i am waving to you from across the street)

i went off about this in a mutual's personal server even more than i posted/ranted about here on tumblr because it really pisses me off, especially when you visit low-rating reviews of any mbd book, extra especially fugitive telemetry (like "how Dare this author whose work i love give me a novella after a full-length novel release?!" it's so fucking ungrateful! and it demonstrates such a disgusting lack of basic reading comprehension).

here's one review i saw posted the month i picked up the book and happened to be using goodreads to track my progress at the time, for example:

out of ideas?! it's one of the more tonally different stories in the series. when i finished the book for myself, i came back to this review and i just did not know how someone could ever say something like this. did we even read the same book?! is she "out of ideas" or did she give people another short-form story that was packed with concise and exacting language, tackling a multifaceted web of brand new interactions that make murderbot's personhood that much more dimensional, and they turned their nose up at it because "ugh 🙄 why can't we just have more full-length novels full of stuff that i can pretend is evidence of my fantasy OTP ship being canon"? the idea that a story is "low-effort" to "produce" simply because it's short is such a fucking insult to writers who know anything about writing, especially short-form masters like martha wells. these books are raw concentrated emotion.

to use a food comparison, because i've been getting emotional about the bear recently, it's like comparing a family/holiday feast to an 8-course meal from a star-ranked restaurant. they are both incredibly valuable, in different ways. the novellas are basically 'the perfect bite', they are incredibly well-written, they're rounded stories about rounded characters. intricate, delicate, plated to perfection, and at the end you realize that you've had enough of these small courses (chapters) that it's like. wow, you realize how fulfilled you are; every 'level' engaged is maxed out... and a feast made to feed an entire family like the full-length novel(s) (since the next book is a full-length novel, too) is hearty, it's quantity from a quality-minded author, it's nourishing, it's fulfilling, it's going to get a lot of mileage from every character included. these are different experiences prepared by the same chef. trust that she's going to treat you well. you know?

but you don't let diners into the kitchen to make changes to the food everyone else is going to eat. i might be going a little far with the metaphor but i swear to fucking god if tor.com does the fanservice shit to mbd i'm going to lose my fucking mind.

but again. i have faith in martha wells, i have hope and i know she would never do that to us.

edit: oh my god where are my manners HI FELLOW SEX WORKER WHO LOVES THE MUDERBOT DIARIES! THANK YOU! HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY!

[magicbeings]

hi mia <3 coming from the wip game, pls tell us about geraniums!!!

oh god, that-

It'd be another age gap smutty story (what can I say, I have a problem).

it's set in the 90's or 2000's, I haven't decided yet, and it was inspired by a tv show from my home country that aired when I was a kid... and well, I've been trying to write about this in a concise way, but I apparently CAN'T so I'm just going to brain dump

but basically it’s supposed to be a completely obsessed with each other kinda toxic relationship age gap very smutty very kinky kinda angsty with Remus being very pathetic and discovering his sexuality for the first time at 40 something

and here's a read more for anyone who wants to read me yapping about this plot

so REMUS has no idea he is gay (hahahhaha). he's like 40 something, and he is married to Tonks, and he is PROFOUNDLY unhappy with everything in his life. man is having a full-on Midlife Crisis™ and then, Tonks asks for a divorce

he loves her, but he knows he can’t make her happy (bc he is gay and she is a lesbian but shhhh they have no idea yet, they’ll find out soon enough)

thing is, they have Teddy, and Teddy is a kid and they’ve already promised him they’d all spend the summer together at Godric’s Hollow, and they don’t want to traumatise Teddy by ruining his summer, so they decide they’ll keep being married until they get back home

Godric’s Hollow is where Tonks grew up, and it’s basically owned by the Blacks. they’re the most powerful family in the city and Tonks was raised by her grandparents bc Andromeda died or something. and the whole family hates Remus because they never supported Tonks’ decision to marry him because he’s poor and unsuccessful and doesn’t come from an old money family like the blacks

ANYWAY so Remus arrives in Godric’s Hollow and he’s already having a hard time overall, what with being very unsuccessful professionally and being so fucking unhappy and not knowing what’s wrong with him and also the fact that his wife wants to divorce him now

and then the Blacks are horrible to him and he ends up having a huge fight with them and barging out of the house. He’s walking around and he stops to buy cigarettes and then he sees that someone is moving into this  little charming house and then he sees who it is, on the balcony

It’s Sirius, obv, we all know Sirius is hot and he is also much younger than Remus. and Sirius is like placing his little plants on the balcony and as he looks down to Remus he gets distracted and drops one of the vases – it’s geraniums, that’s why the file is named geraniums hahaha

anyway, Remus picks up the vase and they start interacting because of it, Sirius asks him to come inside and help him transplant the flowers to another vase, etc,

and Sirius is basically a little shit, he is very much interested in seducing Remus (just for kicks) but Remus has this whole moral thing that holds him back,  because he is still technically married and also this is something he never explored and he is sexually confused

but anyway, Remus obviously can’t resist and they end up in this secret affair

and there’s a lot of push and pull. Sirius is basically messing with him at first, seeing how far he can make Remus go for him, and Remus can’t ever resist, he starts lying to his family MAN IS ADDICTED, but he has to deal with all his guilt and everything. they’re basically kind of toxic and obsessed with each other and end up hurting each other and other people because of it

eventually he also finds out Sirius is a Black, but a disowned one, and that also has consequences to the plot… idk I think I yapped to much already hahaha

[ritzcuit]

2, 11, 23, 48

yippee :3

2; favorite case?

i can never answer things concisely can i...i still think 2-4 is like Insanely Good. the drama. the kidnapping. the evidence coming in at the last minute...the franziska...And of course the will powers cameo for no fucking reason. LOVE that for him. His lil suit. And honestly the vibes of 3-5 are immaculate. verryyy fun case... and of course... 6-3... My beloved... i really love it i love how rebel-sympathizey it is. and i love datz fucking around and wasting a trial day like What Is His Problem! OH tgaa2-5, i think, i adore it. i'm only remembering certain parts though. and 1-4 Ok most of the final cases i love them 😭😭it's too hard to pick ONE specific case...

11; least favorite aa game?

Who the hell cares about justice for all im afraid... arguably idgaf about aa2 OR aa3 besides their final cases. and aa4 pisses me off on principle... but thats not really fair... my problems with aa4 are more the fandom than the game's fault.. aai1 i've never managed to finish oops

23; investigations or trials?

HONESTLY i really shouldnt answer this because, as someone who mostly watches other ppl play them, its the same experience. but. i think trials?! i love investigations for all the filler text... and i barely know what's happening in any given trial tbh, but like, omg the dramaaaa. When the pursuit theme. like come onnn. you cant hate it. also i like the lobby courtroom music. it's almost like the more intense and engaging part of the videogame is more fun

48; if there could be an ace attorney crossover with whatever franchise you’d like, which one would you choose?

(gloomy)they'd never do anything with my fave characters so why would i gaf

has there ever been a sanrio x ace attorney collab? or are they just sitting on money. because they should do that. Or like. gavinners crossover with a mobile rhythm game 😭😭LMAO BRO ace attorney can collab with d4dj bc they LOVE putting vgm in that game. Cute...........

[thegalaxysedge22]

After Ever - Chapter 4 (ALTERNATE VERSION)

pair: sylus/MC tags/tw: swearing, annoying MC word count: 4.7k song rec: nightmare by halsey (both bc of the nightmare but also the theme) a/n: this is an ALTERNATE version of chapter 4 without some violent gore also don't drink this much coffee important: if you want to follow this fic and updates but don't want to follow me bc im annoying (understandable) check out the tag #after ever fanfiction also if anyone wants i can start a tag list

you can find the unedited version of this chapter here

Kore jolted awake in a cold sweat that had plastered her hair to her face. The nightmare had been so vivid, the repressed memory coming back to life. She hadn’t thought so graphically about that moment in years. She had spent ages in therapy trying to cope with what she had seen, and stop her from reliving it all everytime she closed her eyes. Why did it suddenly come back to her? Why now? And why the actual fuck was Xaiver in it?

She had never recovered enough of that memory to get to know who her savior was, but she had always wondered. It had happened on the day of the Chronorift Catastrophe fourteen years ago and now that she had learned about Lumiere, the first Hunter, she couldn’t help but think that it might’ve been them all along. 

I might just be making shit up, I mean I don’t even know if this Lumiere has an evol to begin with, she thought to herself. She decided it was as good of time as any to learn more about the legend.

Shaking her mouse to wake her computer, the clock read 2:38AM, she had been alone in the building for a while now. She did, however, sleep longer than she had intended.

Like an obsessed teenager, Kore started learning everything she possibly could about Lumiere. She went through blog after blog and forum after forum – she was pretty sure that she had stumbled upon Nero’s blog too, it looked just like what she had caught him so intently focused on. His dedication to Lumiere was clear as this was the most extensive and concise resource she could find, the scale .

The basics of Lumiere were what Nero had already told her, almost to a verbatim. However, she found out that Lumiere did, in fact, have a light evol. I knew it, she thought to herself. She can’t help but wonder if Xavier is a big fan of Lumiere as well.

The amount of knowledge Nero had accumulated about Lumiere was impressive to say the least. On the blog was an imprecise timeline of Lumiere’s heroics during the Chronorift Catastrophe. The blog made note of how the timeline should be taken with a grain of salt as it was primarily based off of eyewitness reports and that some of these reports seemed to overlap or place them at places too far apart to make sense. 

Along with the timeline there was an interactive map. Kore was blown away by its accuracy. Somehow a majority of the locations had pictures of the immediate aftermath, the carnage, of course, was blurred out or covered up outright. Nero must’ve gotten his hands on the official 360 images, she was unsure if they were ever officially released to the public.

Not entirely sure of where her attack took place, Kore scoured the map looking for any places that matched her memory. She did this by clicking on random locations, without rhyme or reason, sometimes clicking on the same location more than once. The final location, in the middle of the map, was one that brought the fear back into her soul. She stared at the image of the place where she nearly lost her life fourteen years ago, the same place that housed her nightmare.

Impressively, there was even information about the wanderers behind each attack, the details there were especially sparse but it was shocking that there were any to begin with.

On the blog there was an “About” page, interested in what Nero had to say for himself, Kore clicked the tab.

Hello Lumites, my name is N.

When the Chronorift Catastrophe happened I was 5 years old, playing outside at the park when the Wanderers first came. I watched helplessly as they attacked my mother and baby sister. Just when I was sure I was about to be killed, a savior swooped in. It was Lumiere. They saved my life that day and I have never forgotten them. 

I will spare you the details because they are both gruesome and could lead someone to my identity (there are many accounts of children like me being saved by Lumiere, so I am not worried about that being public). Since that day, I have devoted all of my free time into learning more about Lumiere and preserving their legacy. I will not let what they did for me and many others be forgotten. 

Let the legacy of Lumiere be a light for us all.

Kore’s eyes were starting to become strained from all of the reading, she rubbed her temples in hope that it would relieve some of the tension. Alas, that was not meant to be and her head was still throbbing. Her stomach grumbled and so did she. 

If she correctly recalled Zayne’s ever changing schedule, he should be getting off his shift about now. Knowing how bad he is at taking care of his own basic needs and the rumbling in her stomach pushed her to ask him to meet up for food. Besides, she had a lot to tell him. He said okay.

Kore and Zane definitely had a weird doctor/patient dynamic, one that would be questionable under other circumstances. The two had known each other their entire lives despite having had lost contact for a few years; they were basically life-long friends. He was also one of the very few people who were qualified to care for Kore’s condition, a condition which now made sense that it was so rare after finding out about the aether core.

The pair of them were sitting in a booth in the back corner of a 24-hour diner she used to frequent. The middle aged waitress had already come and gone, making Zayne squirm a little when she had called him “Sugar” before asking for his order. Surprisingly, Zayne had followed in Kore’s footsteps and ordered a large plate of waffles. Kore had raised her eyebrow at this and he had just shrugged and said something about when in Rome.

When their food came to their table Kore was busy pouring the last bits of the carafe into her mug. Zayne had already advised her that it was not wise to drink that much caffeine that quickly, especially with her heart. Kore had waved his worries off and it wasn’t like he could force her to do anything, so he had no choice but to accept her actions, but he did give her a disappointed stare everytime her hand went for the carafe. 

“My oh my, you two sure got quite the taste for coffee now dontcha,” the waitress said, placing their food down. Kore practically had the carafe upside down trying to drain it of any coffee lingering. The waitress saw her struggle and plucked the container from her grasp saying, “Here, let me get some more for you, Sugar.”

“I know I said I would drop it, but it really isn’t good for you to be having that much caffeine,” Zanye said, “Have you been sleeping alright? I noticed the bags under your eyes and got worried about your sleep schedule. Have you tried-”

“Oh no, Zanye,” Kore interrupted, shaking her head, “we are not at the hospital. You are not going to go all clinical on me. I brought you here to talk more about the aether core.”

Zayne stopped cutting his waffles, lowered his head and sighed. With a fork in one hand and a knife in the other, he rested the backs of the utensils on the table. He looked back up at Kore, meeting her gaze and said, “And here I was hoping for a pleasant meal between two friends.”

She couldn’t tell if he was upset or not. He could be hard to read at times, but the flicker of humor in his eyes was all she needed to know he wasn’t offended. A smile blossomed across her face.

“Was that a joke I heard, Zayne,” she teased him.

He gave a smile back with a hint of mischievousness, although he was definitely still shy, he was far removed from the reserved child she knew growing up. She couldn’t help but wonder if that change happened during the few years that they had lost contact.

“You know how you mentioned that my health was on the decline?” Kore asked changing topics, to which Zayne nodded almost solemnly. 

“Hypothetically,” Kore posited, not really wanting to give her plan away just yet, “if you were to be able to get ahold of an aether core, would that help with understanding my disease?”

“Yes it would,” Zayne said after a moment's pause, “but I don't see how you would be able to get one considering how rare they are.” It was clear that he wasn’t picking up what she was putting down. “However, if we were able to get ahold of an aether core it could aid in discovering more about your condition and why it is so unique.”

His response was cut short when their waitress came back with another pot of coffee. “Here you go sweetheart,” she said, refilling Kore’s cup, before setting it down. Kore greedily accepted the coffee, downing the cup before refilling it

“Thank you so much, you are my hero,” Kore said, singing the women’s praises. 

“Oh bless your heart,” their waitress said with a laugh, hand over her heart, before leaving their table. Once she left, Kore turned back to Zayne and the conversation at hand.

“Well…” Kore started, “what if I told you that I could get my hands on one.”

Zayne sat up a bit straighter in his seat, leaning towards her. “Then I would be impressed. Right now they are purely theoretical, as we don’t have any confirmed specimens. But with all of the evidence we currently have along with Dr. Noah’s testimony, I would be inclined to believe in their existence. But I have to reiterate how ”

“Zayne, have you heard of the N109 Zone?” Kore asked, leaning in. Zayne faintly nodded, his quizzical eyebrows made clear that he was unsure of where this was going. “It’s important to know that the whole zone is well known for trafficking just in general.” Kore stopped, scanning their surroundings and leaned in even further, practically hovering over her food.

“Okay, so there’s this organization named Onychinus,” her voice dropped as she spoke, but her pace picked up the more she talked, “I have a lot of issues with them, but that’s a whole other thing. But they have been tagged as the largest trafficker of protocores – Oh, and one more thing you need to know, they are like this massive organization and have a lot of power in the N109 Zone – and so if anyone is going to have knowledge of illicit protocore modifications, it would be those fuckers. And if we’re lucky, they might even have an aether core in their possession. 

“So, if I were to go to the N109 Zone and start mentioning aether cores, with the extent of their power it is likely that news of some random woman talking about an extremely rare, and by default, extremely valuable item would trickle back to whoever is in charge, right? It would likely be some person at the top of Onychinus, which would be useful, basically it would be like killing two birds with one stone! I could find out more about aether cores and even get my hands on one, and I would be able to confront Onychinus and make them pay for what they did to my family.

“Then I can bring the aether core back to you and you can study it and then hopefully we can better figure out what is wrong with me,” Kore finished her tirade with a manic look in her eyes. Zayne had been growing concerned about her well being as their interactions continued and this was just the icing on the cake.

“I thought you said that this was all hypothetical,”  he said cautiously.

“It is,” Kore was quick to reassure the doctor. 

Zayne was unable to determine how serious she was being; he had never been good at reading people’s intentions. He was well aware that sleep deprivation, which Kore was showing clear signs of, can make people become irrational, and add that to the intense grief she was experiencing, it really was unclear if she would do something so stupid. Deciding to err on the side of caution, Zayne concluded that it would be best for them both if he were to warn her about the multiple flaws in her plan.

“I hope that you are being serious Kore, this should all just be hypothetical,” Zayne started, “Going into a dangerous area that you lack local knowledge of with the intent of goading an organization that is known to be violent into finding you is a very bad idea. Announcing that you have a highly valuable item like that in a place you are unfamiliar with would make you a target and could get you seriously injured, or worse, killed.

“I know you know this but it bears repeating. Your life is not worth the possibility of finding an aether core to study when it still isn’t clear if it is indeed an aether core that is causing your condition, and even if it is you heard Dr. Noah say that there are other patients like that, so there would be other avenues for us to gain more insight into your condition.

“So while this is all hypothetical, I really want you to keep this all in mind, as not only your doctor, but also as your friend, your safety is important to me. I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Zayne concluded, hoping that she would understand the dangers of this idea and that it would stick to being strictly hypothetical.

Kore offered him the most convincing reassuring smile she could give knowing her mind was already made up, and that seemed to be enough to pacify Zayne’s worry. The two spent the rest of their meal laughing and chatting about unimportant recent events until it was time for them to both go home and get some much needed rest.

Kore spent most of the day lost inside her head, sleep largely eluding her. The gears in there had been working overtime as she had debated on Zayne’s words from the day before. She had made a run to the store for more sources of caffeine - at this point it was virtually the only thing keeping her going. And just her luck, by the time she had checked out it was downpouring outside. Fully unprepared for the rain, Kore cursed and pulled up the hood of her sweatshirt. Luckily, her apartment was nearby. Kore started the journey back to the safety of her home.

She saw the canopy of her apartment building up ahead. Knowing she was in the homestretch, she put her head down and sprinted towards the shelter. Unfortunately, as soon as she stopped being hit by the rain, she ran into and hit someone else.

“Oh shit, I am so sorry,” Kore said, lifting her head, “Wait Xavier?”

Xavier looked just as surprised to see Kore there, shaking like a stray kitten in the rain. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked him quizzically.

“I live here,” he said.

“Well I guess it is a small world afterall,” Kore said, a wave of sadness washing over her when she remembered how often she had heard her grandmother say that. Brushing that pain off, she continued, “I live here too.”

“Oh,” Xavier said. 

“How was work? Was it terribly boring without me?” Kore joked, bumping his shoulder as the pair made their way inside.

“It was a slow day,” Xavier said with a faint laugh. He hits the up arrow for the elevator and the two wait in relative silence.

“How-” “I-” 

The two spoke at the same time, they both offered to let the other speak first. The dance continued for a little bit longer before they gave up.

The elevator doors opened and they both got in pressing their floors, Kore pressed 6 and Xavier 7.

“Oh wow, it looks like you live right above me,” Kore commented. Xavier hummed in response, causing her to huff in frustration before regaining her composure. 

“I wanted to thank you for sharing your access with me, and I was wondering if you would be able to extend it to me for a bit longer?” Kore questioned with pleading eyes. 

“I’m afraid that I can’t do that,” Xavier said, turning towards her “I wasn’t even supposed to do it the first time and if I do it again I fear that somebody might notice.” Kore’s demeanor deflated with that, clearly feeling dejected by his response.

“But I can tell you more if you come with me,” he continued.

“I would love to but I gotta put all of this stuff away,” Kore said gesturing to the bags of groceries in her hands. It was then that the elevator opened on her floor, but she hesitated before countering, “Why don’t you come with me?”

Xavier nodded at her request and they both departed from the elevator. They made their way down the hallways stopping at apartment number 634.

“Wow, I literally live directly above you,” Xavier commented. 

Kore was struggling to get her keys out and nodded automatically before pausing once she got them in the lock, “Really? That’s crazy.”

She unlocked the door but stopped shy of opening it, “Wait, are you allergic to cats?”

Xavier shook his head, eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly.

“Okay, good I was just checking,” Kore said, finally opening the door. Almost as if on cue a small calico cat came prancing to the entryway, rubbing up against its owners legs as a greeting.

“I told you I’d be back, Harrold,” Kore said, her fondness for the older kitten making its way into her voice. She placed the bags of groceries down on the floor and scratched under the cat’s chin, “Xavier, this is Harrold, my cat.”

Once Xavier stepped further through the doorway, shutting the door behind him, the curious cat came over to him. After a thorough inspection, Harrold seemed to decide that Xavier was alright and brushed up against the guest as well.

“I actually found him a few months ago- I think maybe four – he was out in the alleyway out back eating out of a trash can, and it was pouring rain. The poor guy was soaked to the bone and stick thin, poor man looked almost pathetic” Kore scooped up the cat, kissing his face as she talked. Xavier let out a little chuckle, thinking about how earlier he had likened Kore’s appearance to that of a soaked stray cat when he ran into her outside.

“Obviously I took little Harrold in. The vet told me that he was practically on death’s door when I brought him in for a checkup,” Kore continued, “Also, he’s a male calico cat, which apparently is like super rare. The vet had said that she had never seen or even heard of one in her thirtyish years of experience. I think she said that they make up one out of every three thousand or something insane.”

Kore continued the story of how she had nursed the stray back to health and Xavier internally remarked on how much of a chatter box she was being, in fact, he cannot recall if she had ever been this relaxed and this talkative in his presence. 

Upon finishing her story, Kore put the cat down, who was starting to squirm in her arms, and kicked off her shoes in the vague direction of the door. Xavier followed in her suit, placing his shoes neatly by the door. 

Groceries in hand, Kore made her way deeper into the apartment, Xavier trailing behind her. She made quick work of putting everything away before she turned back to her guest, “So you said that you had some more information that you could share?”

“Let’s start with what you found out so far and I can try to fill in the gaps,” Xavier said. Kore guided them both to the table and they sat down.

“Basically I was able to gain a bit more information on the N109 Zone, including a little bit about it before the Catastrophe,” Kore started, Xavier’s eyebrow raised in curiosity. “There was also significantly more information about Onychinus, like how they seem to be connected to a lot of unexplained deaths of Ever researchers. 

“There was also a bunch of information about Onychinus’ role in the protocore trade, which leads me to believe that they would definitely have knowledge of aether cores and likely have or have had them in their possession.” Xavier nodded along as Kore talked.

“They also seem to have had a role in the deaths of my grandma and Caleb,” Kore said solemnly before shaking off the negative emotions. She clapped her hands on the table, standing up, “Would you like anything to drink? I got tea, water, beer, and I’m about to make some coffee.”

Xavier accepted her offer for a cup of water, taking a small sip upon receiving it. Kore made her way back to the kitchen and started making coffee with the fresh beans she had picked up earlier. Once the noise of the grinder stopped, Xavier started talking.

“You’re on the right track with the aether core thing. From what I know Onychinus does deal with them, but primarily under-the-table. Aether cores are something that you really would have to be in the know to be able to get your hands on. It’s not like you could just waltz on in, ask for one, and be able to get it - you need to have an established relationship with Onychinus before they would let you in on something so valuable.

“I am not quite sure but I think that the knowledge of aether cores existence isn’t something that is kept hidden from people, but it's not like it is something that people would know a lot about. Because it is so widely sought after, many people try and manufacture them themselves, but it is such a dangerous process that very few succeed at it, and many die trying.”

Kore was surprised, she had no idea that aether cores could be manufactured, but if that truly was the case then it would make sense that the one in her heart was made as well. Following that line of logic, Kore convinced herself that if Onychinus could make them, then they were likely the people behind the one that she had. It was possible that the group just had strong ties to those responsible, but it was likely the doing of Onychinus themselves.

“I think I need to go after them, Xavier,” Kore said. “They can’t keep getting away with things like this. How many more innocent people have to die before they are stopped? How many more people need to be hurt?”

After a moment of silence, Xavier lets out a sigh, “I was worried you were going to say that.”

“Kore,” he said, looking her dead in the eyes, “you need to understand how dangerous this idea is. You have virtually no knowledge of this place, do you even have a plan on what to do when you get there? I don’t think that you are in the right state of mind to be making such rash decisions. You’re going to get yourself killed if you keep going down this route. Do you even have a plan? Have you thought about this at all?” Although his voice remained calm, there was worry in his eyes.

“I am not here to tell you that you can’t but you need to really think this through before you dive in head first or else something bad is going to happen,” Xavier concluded.

“Okay then what do you think I should do then,” Kore pushes back.

“I don’t think you should go at all,” he said in an uncharacteristic outburst of emotion.

“If I go I might die, but if I don’t go I will die,” Kore screamed back.

“What?” Xavier questioned stunned. Kore pours herself some coffee while he responds and rounds the counter sitting down at the table.

“Over the long weekend I went up to the Arctic and saw my old doctor. He told me about how other cases like mine typically have their patients experience a sharp and sudden decline in their health and then die within a year or two. Then he ran some tests on me and was shocked to find that my condition was deteriorating. He tried to brush it off like it was grief making me like this but there was something in his eyes that screamed that he wasn’t telling me the whole story.” Tears were welling up in her eyes when she met his gaze again, “I’m scared and I don’t know what else to do. With my whole family dead, what do I have to lose?”

Xavier suddenly understands what she meant, as he had felt it too, the haunting emptiness of losing everything that you hold dear. His gaze softened and he nodded softly. “If you are going to do it anyways, despite what I say, come up with a plan at least, please.”

“I do have a plan, I told you, go to the N109 Zone, find Onychinus to get an aether core and kill their leader, then come back home.” Kore said it like it would be simple, like she would be assembling furniture, not risking her life, which irked Xavier, it was clear she wasn’t understanding the gravity of the situation.

“That is not a plan, that’s an unrealistic outline,” Xavier said sternly.

“I did the research, I know what I am getting into, the details aren’t that important,” Kore said, squeezing her mug tight enough that her knuckles turned white.

“You know a lot of the information that you found is going to be outdated, right?” Xavier asked, frustrated “The government is slow at collecting intelligence, it isn’t going to be safe for you to assume that nothing has changed. Do you even know where you are going once you get there?”

Kore, suddenly grateful that she printed out that brochure, went over to her bag and plucked it out, along with a pencil. She slammed the paper in front of Xavier with a smug look, tossing the pencil on the table. Xavier reached for the pencil and immediately started altering the map, ignoring Kore’s objections. He crossed out roads and marked buildings

“I can’t tell you everything, but I can give you some updated information,” He said, going on to explain the lay of the land, including prominent hangouts for Onychinus members and important locations.”

“How do you know all of this, Xavier,” Kore asked once he was done talking.

“That is irrelevant,” he responded in a heartbeat, “also it is helping you so why does it matter how I know it.”

His answer raised Kore’s suspicions. The recollection of her nightmare earlier, the one where Lumiere’s face was replaced with Xavier’s, flashed before her eyes, and she remembered Nero saying how Lumiere was recently spotted in the N109 Zone. She was quick to dismiss that line of thinking, it didn’t make sense anyways.

Together, they hammered out a more concrete plan, determining the best places for her to go to as well as where she should avoid. Xavier still felt uneasy about the whole ordeal but Kore managed to convince him it would be alright. She also managed to get him to agree to cat sitting Harrold while she was away.

After Xavier left for the night, Kore quickly packed her bag with everything she could possibly need while she tried to figure out the best order of operations like she promised she would. 

a/n 2.0: guess who we meet next chapter 🤭

[funnfinnreal]

for people who missed x/jevin/doc's livestream (Joe was there but he wasn't streaming) - they did a hermitcraft season 9 town hall and so I'm gonna try to write down as much info as I can get

warning: long post - i tried to be as concise as possible but this was a 2+ hour stream. also it’s somewhat disjointed but that’s just bc i went in the order they said things

I wasn't there for all of it so if I missed something that's why. also they can talk faster than I can type so I may have missed some stuff there

-they wanted to take a longer break this time, they've never had much time between seasons since the start rly

-they were planning on the 19th originally, but it had to be pushed back

-x's posting of the date on the video wasn't meant to be seen? YouTube stops videos on the final frame, it was only supposed to show up for a split second

-there were reasons for everyone to get a break, not just one hermit, everyone had complications

-they met very close to the "start date" so they didn't have everything figured out NSJFHJS and ppl had more complications coming up

-due to the uncertainty and complications they pushed it back

-doc said "quicker than you think" for the new season!! he said they need maybe one more meeting before the start

-Jevin clarified that this was NOT just because of Scar - several hermits has complications

-X said it's not healthy to speculate on why and it's affecting some of them, just send Scar support and nothing else

-Doc said they're not gonna give a firm date in case more complications arise

-Doc also said they're all just youtubers trying to also lead normal lives!! they're not trying to misinform things just Happen

-they have a date, it's soon but they're not gonna say bc of what Doc said

-it's going to be a full season! not a short season like 8. they plan seasons around updates and the caves and cliffs split messed them up. "we learned a lot from short seasons - don't do them"

-the short season was an experiment for them, and it sounds like most of them didn't like it

-Joe said not to read into people's health based on the launch date - the date does not mean anything about Scar's health and it's stressing him (scar) out

-Joe said it was later than he would've thought? soon regardless

-sounds like time between seasons is going to be the norm from here out - they enjoyed their independent time to recharge

-the date has to be unanimous (or consensus driven as Joe said - there are usually one or two people who have different opinions but they understand they have to work in a group) (as do all of their decisions) remember there are 26 hermits some with fulltime jobs - I can't even coordinate a date for my 4 friends man I can't imagine

-some hermits may not be there at the start due to schedule but they'll all be there at some point. again scheduling for 26 people is almost impossible

-stress and iskall WILL be there this season FULL TIME!! they needed a break but they're both very excited for the new season

-everyone who was on s8 will still be on s9

EVERYTHING AFTER THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO DO WITH THE DATE, JUST OTHER ASPECTS OF S9 AND HERMITCRAFT IN GENERAL. 

-x has 13k viewers (he broke his record!) and he said he's going to try to stream a lot in the first week of s9 (so go follow his twitch)

-they add new members by first voting, then asking the person to join - it takes a lot of time to add new members because they have to vet them thoroughly and they don't add temporary members - once you're in you're a full member, there's no probation, no hazing, the newest members are on the same level as the oldest right away

-no one has ever denied joining as far as they know, but Joe almost said no! he did solo challenge maps and wasn't sure if he wanted to come in or not and said he thought it was a scam at first MSJFJSJ

-part of the vetting process is being fairly sure the person will Want to join - they wouldn’t ask someone like dream bc they know he probs wouldn’t care to join

-THERE WILL BE A SHOPPING DISTRICT THIS SEASON!! last season the idea was separate districts to promote stories and competition, but it didn't really work LMAO. most people just ended up being independent and selling the same stuff as all the other shops - people weren't gonna check every shop on the server just to find one thing

-shopping district was always a natural thing, it wasn't initially planned and enforcing rules about it takes away the "natural-ness"

-they don't consider popularity when adding members, subcount means nothing, they look at your content, how you carry yourself in public, etc

-it's annoying to ask people to join an smp or to ask ppl in the smp to add a specific person - X brought up a recent fwhip tweet

-Joe brought up being bothered about joining Grian's series and how annoying that is - he doesn't know why he's not and he doesn't care - it sounds like all the hermits get this

-Gem and False joined!

-they've picked a seed but they can't say much about it - X did accidentally say that he was gonna be the only one on an island tho lmao. they did a poll to see if ppl cared about the seed and were surprised when most people said no

-there will be a "starter town" in s9 - almost everyone will start in the same area and eventually spread out - this was something they did in s3 and liked it a lot so they're bringing it back. hermits don't Have to do it but it's the general plan

-there are no plans to form groups again, but they could form organically

-the data pack with the texture changes (derpcoin, beef's food, scar's hat, etc) was an experiment that they tried. a lot of viewers love it and a lot don't. some of the textures were way too detailed and didn't look vanilla enough.

-they may add custom textures in s9, but they have to look vanilla and can't be excessive

-overall, they just have to test content real-time! they don't have data about things, they just Do Things and if they fail they fail. s8 especially was meant to be very experimental

-the mods used on the server are mostly for performance and video-making reasons. minecraft is not meant to be played by 26 people at once.

-they WILL still have proximity chat! and it will be on the server until they can't anymore. a lot of communication barriers are solved and the audio quality is better than discord in recordings with it. they all seem to love it

-some like to use litematica and some don't but they're allowed to use client-side mods like that. there's a code of honor there, where they won't use automatic aspects of the mod, just the blueprint function. same with other client-side mods

-the hermatrix and moon were modded (kind of obvious but I wanted to add it in NSJHFS). the moon mod was super complicated - the blocks floating weren't just random and neither was anything else! that's the heaviest modding they've done

-doc is probably gonna make a video showing off the moon mod and make it public

-they're not adding the create mod. i didn't think they were but a lot of ppl on the streams were asking

-there's no senority in hermitcraft. everyone has an equal voice. ik i said that already but jev said it again. joe reiterated this and said the server wouldn't work if they didn't. "bring in people you trust and act like you trust them"

-X wants to abandon "all forms of symmetry and counting" for his builds next season - no numbers. (when he said he was abandoning symmetry false popped in and said "hey!" which was funny)

-stories on the server are somewhat scripted - there's a beginning and an end planned out and maybe some cornerstones but how they get there isn't predetermined. sometimes someone will talk about what type of story is important to them but again it's not defined

-I GOT AN AD but they're talking about storylines more. X dipped out for a minute so i switched to Doc's stream to make sure i didn't miss anything

-generally the person who created the story guides it but they keep reiterating that there's a huge improv element

-ren joined and he tried to use some intro music but his mic kept cutting out MSJHFHD but ya ren is there now. and X came back

-they don't feel that vanilla/survival limits them, if anything it challenges them to be More creative

-they're super ready to challenge themselves, they don't feel the magnitude of their builds have plateaued or anything

-several hermits are potentially planning minigames this season

-they're all always challenging themselves and doc talked about how they're playing with their youtube idols! they want to look good for the people they admire! doc specifically mentioned Scar and Etho as his. being in a group of amazingly talented people and being able to bounce ideas off of them/get criticism is very inspiring

-you're probably not gonna be able to join hc but it's such a great experience they're all saying you should try to make your own thing like it! even if it's not minecraft, just making a group and doing cool things together is amazing!

-ren said that overall they're gonna be "digging into the old school" this season and bringing back a lot of stuff from older seasons. maybe smaller pranks, minigames, the starter village, etc

-they try to encourage collabs as much as possible. in any group there are ppl who get along easier/record together better than others and so collabs just don't work for everyone together. there's always gonna be ppl in a large group who hang out more within a smaller group.

-also timezones are a huge thing. they'll wake up early/stay up late if there's a concrete thing but if they're not usually awake at the same time they're not rly gonna collab

-they're planning to update to 1.19, sounds like they're gonna do the same thing they did with 1.14 but they're not sure (it sounds like there may have been a miscommunication)

-tbh i recommend going back and watching the vod if u have the time, there's a lot i can't get down

-they don't care about trends/popularity, they want to make their own stuff without obeying the algorithm

-there needs to be some mystery about them in order to make their storylines so they don’t want to reveal everything

-also their own audiences affect how they do their content/stories - ren and doc have an older audience compared to grian etc

-they mostly add youtubers but if you have very exceptional content they'd consider anyways. streamers are live so much they might spoil content so they look more specifically for youtubers. also not all of them agree on that

-jevin had to go at this point

-gem writes plans for her stories in advance but she has a lot that she uses for different things

-big things, like the s6 civil war are largely impromptu. they may plan the start of the season but they don't necessarily plan how the full season is gonna go

-apparently Gem and Pearl have a lot of plans together, they're good friends outside of the server and they're planning some pranks and chaos. im excited

-they're being very vague about potential new members but it sounds like there won't be anyone new this season. they just said "maybe" but joe said that usually they add when people take the season off or leave and nobody is doing that this season

-at the very least, ren and doc aren't continuing their s8 hermatrix storyline. x is not continuing either, he doesn't care much for rp. for the most part they don't want to re-do any old storylines, but they didn't say anything about other hermits. so everyone except X, doc, and ren is up in the air

-they're never gonna do modded. doc rly doesn't like it and it's very hard to make good modded content, it's a lot of grind for not a lot of reward. some hermits do like it tho! Gem talked abt her own modded series. joe likes non-technical mods/packs bc tech packs require a ton of wiki reading. doc and X pointed out that there are often a lot of exploits that break the game

-other series have a big time commitment in general. most hermits don't have time for more than one. gem doesn't have a lot of responsibilities outside of content so she can but it's hard for a lot of other hermits

-hermitcraft is a long-game type of content so they're able to take breaks, even though youtube doesn't like that

-doc said he's never gonna get a dad bod despite being a dad. not relevant to hermitcraft but i wanted to include this

-apparently sometimes other hermits will ask others to change builds if they think it doesn't look good enough for the server SNFJJS not too often bc they dont want Drama but it does happen

-there's probably not gonna be a theme for the starter village, ppl don't have a lot of resources at that point anyways

-X is gonna try to be more spontaneous this season

-there wasn't a lot of new info after that point, a lot of ppl hadnt been there at the start so they just reiterated other stuff

this ended up being SO Long so uh... sorry. I hope it was informative tho! and kinda disjointed but i mostly put it in the order they said things

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

Hiii, bilingual-beast-boy here!

As a fellow DP comics Gar lover, I wanted to hear some of your thoughts on Nicholas Galtry and Gar.

Specifically, I'm really curious about your reasoning for why Gar would have stayed with Galtry despite how abusive the man was.

Like with his powers, you'd think Gar could have gotten away from him if he really wanted to (which, clearly he did). His green skin makes him stick out like a sore thumb in public, which would make it difficult to hide from authorities (or even a private investigator Galtry may hire with his inheritance if Galtry was really desperate) if he ran away, but it's not like a pair of handcuffs would be able to stop him.

Maybe Gar just didn't want to run away if he would constantly be in hiding, or maybe Gar wasn't sure what would happen to his inheritance if he ran away? I don't know much about inheritance law, and neither would Gar tbh, but I can totally see 1) Nicholas telling Gar that all of his parents' money would automatically go to him if he ever ran away, and 2) Gar loathing the idea of his parents' money going to that creep.

Or, alternatively, maybe Gar never tried running away because deep down he thought he deserved it? Gar definitely has that self-hating, self-induced penitence streak about him, but I'm not sure if it would have been that strong when he was with Galtry. I feel like that streak really started going strong after the DP died, and we can clearly see his hatred of Galtry and his desperation to get out of Galtry's care in the comics.

Anyway, not sure if you'd ever thought about this before, but I can't come up with a solid enough answer on my own and was curious about your thoughts :)

i think honestly the biggest reason he never tried running away is bc... leaving an abusive situation, especially as a CHILD, is fucking terrifying!! people stay in abusive situations bc abuse makes them more afraid to LEAVE than to stay and suffer, often it takes YEARS for even grown adults to work up the courage to leave, so a kid with NO ONE and nothing to run to? no friends, no family to hide with to stay safe? yeah, its no wonder he didnt try to run...

but i do think that youre right in the way that, in some way, he thought he deserved it. i dont know exactly how long he lived with galtry, but i know how young he was when his parents died, and being RAISED by someone like that definitely makes you believe you arent worth much, or that how THEY treat you is still better than whatever you'll find elsewhere, the old "nobody will ever care about you as much as me" shtick ykno?

the fact he tried going to the DP at all is incredibly brave, especially after being turned away MULTIPLE TIMES, after being told they didn't believe him, that his situation couldnt be as bad as he says (another reason victims fear going to anyone for help, not being BELIEVED) he still kept coming back! bc even despite all that, theyre still the only people who have shown him any kind of understanding or care...

tbh i really need to read more to have more Clear Concise Thoughts on the situation, but god damn gar's life is... rough to think about. its actually an incredibly ACCURATE portrayal of abuse, both in the forms it takes, AND in the ways it affects gar's psyche, personality, behavior etc ... it hurts me but its actually really well written in my opinion