#i lost the original file... sad..

[momopatchi]

"passive egression" Rough anim loop

[almondpiglet]

Drag queen reigen 👁️👁️? Here’s a hundred dollars 🤝💵

you are in luck my friend!! i have started a couple of drag reigens a while ago that i forgot to share here! i plan on finishing these soon hopefully (i just need to remember how to color oof)

[azriona]

Apologies to anyone who received a "new work from azriona" notice from AO3.

Turns out the old HP fics weren't as lost as I thought; the transfer from FictionAlley finally went through for the Riddikulus fics. Anyway, they're deleted now, I refuse to let their inclusion look like new and/or recent engagement with the brand. I've also requested that the rest of my fics be blocked from importation; hopefully this doesn't happen again.

If you did get an email, I am so sorry. I hope it didn't cause you distress; I do not participate in HP anymore and I have no intention of resuming anytime soon. (Unless JKR comes to her senses, anyway.)

[starreiii]

a miku i made w/illustator a few years ago

[arcticmist0324]

The real question I have about the United Healthcare/Mangione case is if the Monopoly theme is intentional and if he (or whoever the mastermind is) has read Barry Lyga’s “I Hunt Killers” trilogy-specifically the second book Game.

[baeshijima]

nothing is more soul crushing than finding out pages and pages worth of fic planning is permanently gone and deleted from any recovery/storage space bc it was something probably deleted from at least 2 years ago 🧍‍♀️

[jayjayels]

Can't believe I painted this like 5 years ago

(a couple progress shots under the cut)

[artsysharkboy]

Max is the older brother of my dnd character, Parker. He went missing when Parker was around 18. Parker was told that he had died but he’s actually very much alive and just missing. Parker grew up in a family of monster hunters but his parents decided that they no longer wanted the family to continue with that life so they hid everything from Parker. Max, however, was very aware and continued to be an active hunter until his disappearance. I personally don’t know what happened to max because I let my Dm have total control! Which is a little scary for me because my Dm can be evil sometimes but it’s also very exciting! Parker is a part of a boy band that accidentally got sucked into the monster hunting world when their manager/former hunter found them getting attacked by a ghost before a performance. As of last session I believe he has finally come to the realization that his family lied to him his whole life and that the suspicious circumstances around Max’s “death” are definitely related to this world he was forced away from. My dm does such an awesome job with this campaign I’m so excited to keep playing!!

[singlethread]

Newest purchase hehehehe

[popqorn]

my favorite tags on this post so far by @raineofthedragons and @avaricehere

✨SPIN THE WHEEL TO GET YOUR CHARACTER✨

[gf2bellamy]

Okay okay so I was watching episode 6x6 (Devil's Night) and the beginning when Spencer was really excited to share the origin of Halloween and talk about his Halloween plans and everyone just went 🙄 when he invited them mad me so sad - my poor baby just wanted someone to talk to :(

So is it alright if I please request fem!bau!reader just shyly being like "I'd love to come, if that's okay 😊" and he's like 😳🥹🥰 "yeah"

I found a link to that scene if it helps (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrBzi9VBIFw)

halloween — spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: some facts abt halloween a/n: thank you so much for your request ( and the link !! ) <3 i hope you like this <3 also this healed something in me bc this scene always made me sad like i'd go with you pookie ☹️

You sat at the conference table, flipping through the file in front of you. Next to you, Rossi sipped his coffee, deep in thought, while Derek leaned back in his chair, absentmindedly twirling a pen between his fingers.

Suppressing a yawn, you blinked tiredly at the text on the page. But then your ears picked up on something, or rather, someone.

Spencer.

His voice carried through the open door and just like that, your mood shifted instantly, a small smile tugging at your lips before you could stop it.Derek caught the change. From the corner of your eye, you noticed his amused smirk as he tilted his head slightly in your direction.

He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to.

The look alone was enough to say busted. Still, he simply shook his head and returned his attention to his paperwork, letting you off the hook.

Moments later, Spencer and Emily entered the room. Spencer was mid-sentence, his voice animated, eyes bright.

“—it became a little more commercialized in the 1950’s with trick or treat and today it only rivals Christmas in terms of popularity.”

As he spoke, his gaze found yours, his expression softening just slightly as he smiled in greeting. You felt your heart stutter in response, but you quickly masked it with a small nod, returning the smile.

Emily, on the other hand, looked less than amused. With a sigh, she dropped into the chair beside Rossi, rubbing her temples.

“All I asked was what he was doing this weekend,” she muttered, exasperation evident in her voice.

You glanced at Spencer, who remained standing, still lost in his Halloween tangent. Your eyes trailed down, taking in his outfit, a soft red cardigan over a button-up.

It suited him, and you had to resist the urge to comment on how ridiculously cute he looked.

Across the table, Rossi, Derek, and you were all watching Spencer with varying degrees of amusement. His hands gestured slightly as he spoke.

“You know, I'm toying with the notion of either going to the Edgar Allan Poe puppet theater or the reenactment of a 19th-century phantasmagoria,” he said, sounding excited when naming those two events.

As he talked, Garcia swept into the room in a burst of color, her outfit an explosion of orange hues. Your gaze flickered to her for a brief second, a smile forming at the sheer Garcia-ness of it all. Rossi, however, had no interest in indulging Spencer’s train of thought. He raised a hand in protest, shaking his head. “I don’t want to know.”

You frowned at his answer, turning back to Spencer with genuine curiosity. “I do,” you chimed in, tilting your head slightly as you watched him.

“Phantasmagorias are these amazing pre projected go shows invented in France where the showman attempted to spook the audience using science magic.” Spencer explained, his voice picking up excitement.His eyes lit up as he emphasized the words science and magic, his enthusiasm practically infectious.

And if you weren’t already hopelessly smitten, well, you were pretty sure you had actual heart eyes by now.

Spencer met your gaze, and for a fleeting moment, his confident rambling faltered. A faint blush crept up his neck, blooming across his cheeks as he registered the way you were looking at him. But, ever Spencer, he pressed on, his hands moving expressively as he spoke.

“And it just so happens that I have an extra ticket,” he said, nodding slightly, his voice just a touch more careful now.

You weren’t oblivious, you could practically feel the impending remark forming on Derek’s lips or the teasing smirk playing at Garcia’s expression. Rossi looked thoroughly unimpressed, as if this entire conversation was a waste of his time. The disinterest from the others was obvious, and you knew exactly where this was going.

So, before anyone could ruin the moment, you spoke up. “I’d love to join you,” you said, your voice warm.

The room, somehow, impossibly, grew even quieter.

Spencer’s wide eyes locked onto yours, his lips parting slightly as though he wasn’t sure he’d heard you correctly. “Really?” he practically whispered.

You nodded, offering him a warm smile. “Sure. It sounds fun.”

For a second, Spencer just stared at you, as if trying to determine whether or not you were joking. When he realized you were serious, his lips curled into a small, shy smile. His fingers fidgeted with the hem of his cardigan, and you could see the gears turning in his mind, he hadn’t expected this.

Garcia’s eyes flicked between the two of you, a knowing grin slowly spreading across her face. Derek, meanwhile, chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

Spencer, still looking a little shocked but undeniably happy. “O-okay,” he stammered, clearing his throat. “Uh, great. I mean—yeah, it’ll be fun.”

“Well, pretty boy, looks like you’ve got yourself a date,” Derek teased, his tone light but clearly pleased.

Spencer’s face went an even darker shade of red. “It’s not a—” He stopped himself, glancing at you quickly before deciding not to finish that sentence. Instead, he cleared his throat and adjusted his cardigan, trying to regain composure. You just smiled to yourself, finding his flustered reaction entirely too adorable.

Maybe this Halloween was going to be more fun than you thought.

[irrealisms]

i've seen a lot of people talk about mcyt as a constantly burning library of alexandria recently, and to some extent that's true. people are constantly deleting their blogs, going scorched earth with animatics, fanfics, etc., that they made. but i've also seen people (three in the last few days!) make this claim about VODs, when talking about large fandoms like DSMP and QSMP, and.... guys. that was true in 2020. that's not true anymore. archivists have been working tirelessly for years now to make sure that isn't true.

the dsmp VOD masterlist is here. in november 2020, it's missing 16 VODs, if i am counting correctly--which is still a fairly small minority, but it's a lot, and it sucks!--but in november of 2021, it's missing one, and that's because the cc of that VOD does copyright takedowns, not because the archivists didn't save it. no one in the archivist project is deleting VODs off youtube with no backups the way people are deleting fanfics. three months ago, one of my dsmp archivist friends finished coding a tool that let them reconstruct VODs out of twitch clips, and reconstructed six tubbo dsmp VODs from 2020. not only are we basically not losing VODs anymore, we are actively gaining VODs that have been lost for years, that were thought to be lost forever. the library isn't burning anymore; it's being rebuilt.

the qsmp VOD masterlist is here. it is usually a month or two behind the present day, to give creators time to archive their own VODs, but... look at it. in january of 2024, every single qsmp vod was archived. the same is true of december of 2023, and november, and the vast majority of months for the past year.

i'm not going to say that there isn't a problem. just a few days ago, i realized that a lifesteal VOD from last year was missing--that its youtube upload was messed up somehow, and no one noticed and it wasn't mirrored on the internet archive and the person who uploaded it deleted the original file. and now it's gone forever. this made me super sad! like i said: i'm not going to say that there isn't a problem.

but... look at the lifesteal VOD masterlist here. lifesteal's a smaller fandom than qsmp or dsmp. open the 2022 tab and you'll see months and months of lost VODs, of no one's VODs being saved, because there weren't any archivists saving them. then open the 2023 tab and see: they lost four VODs, over the course of a year. even in smaller fandoms, archivists are working. they're making progress. they're saving VODs. in 2024, lifesteal archivists screenrecorded five streams on tumblr live to make sure they would not become lost media. mcyt may be a constantly burning library of alexandria, but the people with fire extinguishers are dedicated. they're making incredible progress. i know people with petabytes of VODs saved, who have spent money on extra storage for this. i know people who are constantly running up against their storage limits as they download/upload to the internet archive/delete for space/rinse and repeat. a decent fraction of the time, my internet at home is slow because it's downloading VODs.

and these aren't the only mcyt fandoms with archiving projects! the outsiders smp VOD masterlist is here. origins smp VOD masterlist is here. smp earth VOD masterlist is here. rats smp VOD masterlist is here. there are so many others that i just don't happen to know about. the older and smaller a fandom is, the more likely it is to not have an attached archiving project, or for the archive to be missing a lot of VODs. but... guys, we've saved a lot. there are people out there, working tirelessly to save even more. yes, mourn what we have lost--the archivists i know are also the ones mourning the most for the VODs that are, in fact, forever lost media. but don't dismiss how much people have saved. we are making progress. we are losing less and less every month. the vast majority of the dsmp and qsmp still exist, i am not going to say they're the same experience as watching live because they're really not, but.. they're out there. people have put in a lot of work to save them.

if you have publicly available VOD masterlists or other mcyt archiving projects that aren't on this post, please add them in a reblog. i want this post to serve as a reference for how much archivists have saved in this community; unfortunately, i'm not super connected to every community. but i know that--for every person deleting things, there are people working, tirelessly & with little external reward, in so many different mcyt fandoms, to save things. and we should appreciate that more often.

[shepherds-of-haven]

The End of an Era, and the Road Ahead

Hi everybody, the recent news about Dashingdon shutting down feels like it's a bittersweet turning point for many in the ChoiceScript community. Before Don stepped up and took things into his own hands, volunteering his own money, manpower, and time to create and maintain the site, there was no good way for people to host ChoiceScript demos and games in one place: I think the previous solution had been different Dropbox links (which was eventually nuked by security changes in how they hosted files) and possibly separate Neocities sites? Without the Dashingdon site, none of us would have had such an incredible space to gather, share and explore and experience games together, or--for some--even feel motivated to write a ChoiceScript game in the first place, not without an easy and intuitive way of sharing it with others in a playable format. The Dashingdon site significantly lowered the barrier of entry for anyone wanting to make or play or share games; more than that, it was a place of memories, creativity, and connection, and I fully believe that it served as a vital backbone of the ChoiceScript community for many years. A lot of that community relies on the efforts of volunteers--including the creator of CSIDE and the moderators on the forums--and, as with them, I can only thank Don wholeheartedly for his generosity and his 10 years of tireless, selfless, and often thankless work. The fact that a lot of people didn't even know he was a volunteer shows his altruism!

However, all of that work could have only fallen on the shoulders of one person for so long. It's a sad loss to see, though, and I'm very sorry to everyone mourning the loss of the community space, old or inactive WIPs, and save files that will be lost when Dashingdon goes dark at the end of the month. I do wish that there could be an official, stable, company-supported place for authors to host their games in one place, but at least there are alternatives for people to migrate to! (Thank you too to @hpowellsmith and everyone in the community who's taken it upon themselves to spread the news and try to make this transition as smooth as possible for everyone surprised by this announcement. And thank you to the volunteer who's taken up the banner at cogdemos.ink!) I don't know if cogdemos.ink has a page set up to help defray costs, but Dashingdon himself has a ko-fi if you want to leave a tip or thanks for his years of service to the community!

To that end, I want to reassure you all that Shepherds of Haven is safe and isn't going anywhere, and that this change won't affect the game's future. The news has, however, sped up my announcement of something I've been working on for a long time: transitioning away from ChoiceScript and moving Shepherds of Haven to Twine.

Granted, this wasn't how I originally planned on sharing this news. Patrons have known about this move since I decided on it, but I'm a dogged perfectionist, possibly to a fault. I wanted everything to be absolutely polished before unveiling the Twine build, but this unexpected news has been the nudge I needed to take the leap sooner. It's always been my habit to polish my work to an extreme degree: I will rewrite entire novels five, seven, however many times it takes before I send it to my agent or editor... or even before I show it to my own fiance! I still haven't let him read Shepherds, or the novel that I've been talking to him about since 2019, because it "isn't ready" yet, not in my own mind. A common refrain I've always heard from career associates is that my work is "unusually impeccable" by the time it hits their desk. When I do share something, it's usually done. But if I'm learning anything as I grow as a writer, it's that progress matters over perfection. The sudden closure of Dashingdon has made me realize that no one moment will ever feel perfect--and that’s okay. I have to accept that things will never be as perfect as I want to make them before I let them out into the world. Instead of holding myself to an impossible standard, I’m embracing this opportunity to push forward and bring you something I'm truly proud of. (However nerve-wracking that may be!) So, instead of reuploading the ChoiceScript demo somewhere else, only to take it down again later, my efforts are going to shift entirely to getting the Twine version ready for release. It’s a huge task, but it ensures I’ll have complete control over Shepherds of Haven and its future. If I drop everything and focus entirely on this for the next several weeks, my best estimate is that it will take 3-5 weeks of full-time work to make that final push and finally get everything caught up and ready.

Why Twine? There were a lot of reasons behind my decision to move. The biggest of all was that, as the game's wordcount grew, so too did my creative vision for it, and I found myself longing for a version of ShoH that could be just as visually rich and mechanically engaging as I was imagining. Codex entries, interactive maps, infinite saves that can be downloaded directly to your device! Moving to Twine removes the limitations of ChoiceScript's simpler engine, and allows me to honor the game's creative potential and deliver on it in a way that feels true to the journey we've shared so far. It's also a platform that offers greater flexibility and independence for both me and the game: I've put so much work into this project that I'd prefer for its success to rest more in my hands, even if that means taking on the monumental task of publishing it myself, rather than anyone else's.

So. Both the public demo and the alpha build will be released in Twine as soon as I can make that happen. The majority of the work's already done--I just need to get the alpha build caught up with some lingering day off interludes and Chapters 8.5 and 9, and I need to address a queue of lingering quality-of-life questions and tweaks. I want to also note that, while there are very exciting additions to unveil, everything foundational to ShoH remains exactly the same. The story, text, and original functions have been ported in their entirety to Twine, outside of basic edits and refinements that would have happened in the normal course of revision, anyway. I have even taken pains to implement a visual "classic" setting that will replicate the font, colors, and general simplified look of the original version, if players want to use that instead. :) But otherwise, this thing is stuffed to the gills with awesome new features. Custom music soundtrack! Clickable maps! Actual trading card collectibles! Stunning new art! Revamped codex and store and inventory systems! Helpful tutorials and autosave points! Important quality of life improvements, like being able to select pronouns separately from gender and change them any time! This doesn't even touch the surface of it, but needless to say, I think we're going to have a lot of fun. Thank you all for your patience, encouragement, and support so far, and please give me some time to get my ducks in a row. A new version of Shepherds of Haven will be ready for you to play soon!

[autisticrosewilson]

so I’m not a fan of Talia (this is important to my ask) but i see a lot of Talia fans. and i really want to ask, without anyone getting angry, why people are fans of her with her history?

the main things i know about her are how she drugged Bruce to make Damian in Batman and Son, and her relationship with Nyssa in Death and The Maidens.

is there more to it? i don’t want to explore on my own if its just that it’s never explained, is there an arc to reference or anything?

That arc is actually retconned because Grant Morrison admitted that it was racist characterization.

Talia had 30 years of characterization before Damian needed a sad backstory. She WASN'T raised as an assassin, she was studying to be a doctor when her and Bruce met. Because she was invented in the 70's she was modeled more after your typical bond girl, and leaned more towards spy than assassin. She hated killing and felt immense guilt the few times she had to.

Her and Bruce loved each other deeply, but Talia also loved her father. Ra's tends to get sanded down to "insane, cruel, and needlessly violent", but the whole point of the league is preserving the environment and endangered species. Talia agrees with his goal, but not his methods and this conflict is what allows Bruce to come between them.

For a lot of her history her main conflict is between the man she loves and the man who raised her, which changes in Damian's ORIGINAL origin, Son of the Demon. Bruce enthusiastically consents and is excited to have a baby with Talia, but Talia realizes that Bruce will never give up Batman and that whether she raises the child herself or gives him to Bruce he'll never get to have a normal life. So she tells Bruce she lost the baby and gives up Damian for adoption in secret.

The next big change in her character happens in JLA: Tower of Babel, explicitly said to be the FIRST time she's ever helped her father with one of his big schemes and she hates it. This marks her breaking point as she ditches Ra's entirely. This leads into President Luthor Secret Files where she takes over Lex Corp and GUTS it. Naturally Clark is suspicious of her, but she continues to help Bruce.

Then, Death and The Maidens happens. Talia is tortured and brainwashed. Batman, supposedly the world's greatest detective, explicitly said to LOVE Talia, sees this extreme shift in loyalties and behaviour, and leaves. Either not noticing or not caring. There is no resolution to this plotline.

Damian's nonconsensual origin follows this up on the basis that Talia's character after she's been brainwashed is just, who she is and who she's always been. Unfortunately it became her most popular story, and even though it's no longer canon it's done UNTOLD damage to her character.

Talia is so deeply compassionate and she cares so much for everyone and everything. She's endearing and she's insanely competent and her moments with Bruce are some of the most genuinely heart wrenching I've ever read. Batman Chronicles #8 continues to be one of my favorite comics EVER. I highly recommend you read her 70's-90's comics.

[buckybabybaby]

not like this (not on your birthday)

Plot: rushed confessions over a dodgy comms link with Bucky.

(friends to lovers, mutual pining, confessions, angst, bff Joaquín cos if he’s not your love interest I’m still including him <3, happy ending)

A/N: my birthday was over a month ago - this has taken a lot longer than I imagined! I originally started writing this about 4 years ago so I’m happy it’s finally finished. Joaquín wasn’t in this at first, I had Tony in his place, as Joaquín wasn’t the falcon, so may be being slow worked out for once because I think he fits so much better <3

I have a load of other birthday themed fics here <3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: angst, near death experience, feeling/being trapped, talk of dying, being in hospital

Word count: 3.8K

Masterlist

AO3

***

As the dust settles from the ceilings you've just fallen through, the emergency lighting proudly displays the level you've found yourself on.

Nineteen. Minus nineteen to be precise, hundreds of meters from the surface, from safety, from hope. You scoff at your naivety, thinking this was going to be a simple recon mission, just grab the files and destroy the building once you're out. That's all you needed to do, not end up in a pile of rubble, radio sitting besides you looking almost as broken and useless as your ankle feels.

You'd studied the plan for today so many times that even now, with a possible concussion from the fall, you know the exact timings by heart, confirmed as you hear the first explosion in the distance. Just an outbuilding for now but the rest will follow shortly.

There's not much time. With shaky hands you reach for your smashed radio, even though it feels pointless, pressing every button on the device in the vain hope it'll do something. Nothing, of course, until a crackle in your ear reminds you of the secondary communication link, less reliable but all you have.

Bucky's voice has never sounded so good, steady and calm and bringing tears to your eyes. You're going to miss him

"H-hey," You croak, mouth dry.

"Where are you? Are you safe?" His tone is sharp, even through the tinny speaker, leaving no room to lie.

"Not really"

There's silence for a second too long and you think you've lost the link, until; "Where exactly-"

"Nineteen floors down, with an ankle twisted so badly just looking at it is making me feel sick. The passage we thought would lead us out of the building into the forest had been filled in, and when I tried another route the floor gave in so now I'm just, kinda, stuck. I'm sorry Bucky."

You speak in a rush, catching your breath after as the silence from the comms drags on again, this time accompanied by the far off sounds of dynamite destroying concrete bunkers.

Finally he replies. "Okay, I'm on my way."

You sigh, far too composed considering. "Don't be silly, Bucky, you can't. I know you're at least a mile away. Even if you weren't, I'm too far down to get to before…"

You don't finish the sentence, not needing to.

In one ear the intercom provides muffled indistinguishable shouting, in the other you're aware of the building creaking as parts of it collapse.

You don't want that to be the last thing you hear.

"Bucky? Can you talk to me? For as long as the connection stays. I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be, we'll get to you."

He sounds desperate and you feel the first tear fall. "Okay." You let him believe you believe that. "But can you anyway? Please?"

You can envision the tension in his posture, the way his jaw is probably clenched, metal hand likely crushing something as he works through the impossible situation. It sounds like he's just sat down heavily, his chair protesting as he breathes out.

"Just something nice, happy. Please?" You press when he doesn't reply. "Like, my birthday? It's soon, did you know?"

He laughs, once, sad. "Of course. I've been looking up cake recipes. You remember that slice I got you from the bakery a few weeks ago? I wanted a full cake but they don't do that, apparently. Ridiculous. So I'm going to try to make it myself. "

"I can't imagine you baking."

"No? Well, you'd be right."

"Did you put your arm in the dishwasher again?"

"Now that's just rude."

You grin, feeling lighter. He always makes you feel better, no matter the circumstances, his friendship one of your greatest treasures. It took a while to break through his walls and win him around, but you did, and now you can't remember what it was like not having him so close.

"And presents?" You ask, remembering last years haul. "What has the great Bucky Barnes bought me this year?"

"That's the best part." His tone changes, pride obvious. "I really had to think, you're not easy to buy for but I'm sure you'll like what I've got you."

"Intriguing. What is it?"

"Not telling. It'll ruin the surprise."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Bucky, please. I don't want to die not knowing."

You can hear the way he chokes on his words as he answers. "You won't die."

"Okay, but can you tell me anyway? So I have something to nice to picture while I'm here."

If he was with you, you'd use the face you make that gets him to agree to anything. It seems your words have done the same trick today. Listening as he rattles off a whole inventory of smaller presents you smile, resting your head against the wall behind you.

With your eyes closed it could be any other evening chatting away with Bucky. Those were your favourite moments with him, sat somewhere cosy in the compound, letting him rant about a mission, or the latest scheme of Sam and Joaquín's that has wound him up, sometimes memories from before the war and his and Steve's early years.

"And you know that coat you wanted but said you couldn't justify?" Bucky finally ends his list. "I got the blue one. That's the main present, most of the smaller ones are either in the pockets or tucked into the sleeves and the hood as I wrapped it up. So you'll get one at a time as you open it."

"Like pass the parcel?" You chuckle at the thought. "That would have been nice."

"It will be nice," He corrects.

Your eyes sting. You're almost convinced.

Another explosion shakes the floor beneath you, causing loose rubble to trickle down from above, covering you in a fine dust and making you cough. It brings you back to the present, reminds you that you're on borrowed time.

"Bucky, can you promise me something?" You're the one who sounds desperate now, not waiting for him to respond. "Promise me you'll start sleeping in your bed more often?"

"Of all the things-"

"I know you don't unless I make you," You interrupt, thinking back to the times you've stayed over and found him on the floor at night. "I also know you sleep so much better when you do."

Bucky makes a non-committal noise but you don't let it deter you.

"You deserve nice things Bucky. Deserve to be comfortable, to enjoy the little luxuries."

"I do. With you."

Your chest hurts with want. "Okay. And when I'm not there? Please be kind to yourself."

That was something you've said to him countless times, after missions that went wrong, or when he'd woken up from a nightmare and you'd calmed his mind. You knew all about his insecurities, the endless guilt you've tried to chip away at, hoping one day your positive words will outweigh his dark thoughts.

Even as the shock from your fall fades and the pain from your injuries cuts through the adrenaline, you need to tell him one more time.

"You are not responsible for your previous actions. And even if you were, everything you've done since has more than made up for it. But there was nothing to make up."

He doesn't say anything in reply, letting you continue your monologue as the thoughts keep coming.

"And will you allow the others in a little more, when I'm not there? They care for you. It was hard work to get you to open up to me, don't let it take as long with them."

Shifting your weight off your bad leg, you swallow, needing to say this next bit even if your heart protests.

"And do you remember when we talked about you trying to go on a date again?" You definitely do, and how you wished you were the one he wanted to ask. "You should. You deserve to find love, Bucky."

That finally gets a response, laughing disbelievingly as he says, "No one can love me."

"Yes they can."

"You're just saying that. How could they?"

You take a deep breath, against the light-headedness and also to steal yourself for the coming confession. "How could they? Very easily, Bucky, because I love you. Not in the way Sam and Joaquín do. In the way that someone loves someone with their whole being, loves someone so completely it leaves no room for any doubt. I just wish you could see yourself the way I do."

The rumbling sound of dynamite fills the air as your tears make tracks through the dirt on your face. The sharp pain running through your body keeps you alert as you wait for his response, hoping you haven't said too much, haven't made him uncomfortable with this forced declaration of love.

"Bucky, did you hear? I said-"

"I heard."

Closing your mouth again, you let the static sit over the comms, let him absorb your words.

"This is not how I imagined you saying that to me. Not like this. Not through a call." He breathes out eventually.

You smile sadly. "Me neither."

"I never imagined you'd be the one to say something first."

Frowning, you try to understand. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you must know how I feel about you? I've been waiting for the right time to see if you felt the same too. Was planning something for your birthday if I found the courage."

Your head is spinning, from the conversation and the blood loss you've just noticed you must have.

"I mean, I know I said earlier no one can love me, but I get the feeling someone could when I'm with you."

You wish you could hug him, you get the feeling he needs one right now and you certainly do. This wasn't part of the plan, leaving Bucky with even more trauma was never the intention and you can only hope he doesn't blame himself for what’s going to happen to you.

"Bucky, can you promise me something else?" You rush out in a panic. "Promise me you won't hide away after this. I know it's not easy to lose someone but let the others help you through it, okay?"

"Oh, sweetheart. That won't be necessary."

You miss the pet name and how his voice has softened, too worried by the implication of that sentence. "What do you mean by that? It's okay to ask for help, please don’t-"

"No, doll. I'll be okay 'cos I won't be losing you."

A light from above blinds you momentarily and you squint against it, wondering if you're hallucinating the Falcon suit as it lands in front of you.

"You two are breaking my heart," Comes the unmistakable voice of Joaquín from inside. "Do you know how long I've waited for one of you to snap, to finally say something?"

A delirious laugh bubbles out of you. Whether or not this is real, you allow yourself to be comforted by the sight, to pretend that rescue is possible. Letting him scoop you up, it soon becomes clear it is reality as your laughter turns to a gasp of pain, the movement sending pain shooting through your ankle and a previously unnoticed injury to your thigh.

"Stay awake for me, okay?" He says, seeing your eyes flutter.

You give him a less than convincing nod. Adjusting his hold on you, he starts the ascent back to safety and you go limp.

Joaquín shouts your name but, knowing that even if you still die at least if will be in the arms of your best friend and not buried under a tonne of concrete and metal, you let the darkness drag you under.

***

There's a steady hum filling the room as you finally stir awake. The world feels heavy and fuzzy and far too bright, you're in pain all over, worse in concentrated areas, one of your ankles, your thigh, the back of your hand. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath.

Opening them again, on the side of your bed you spot a head of messy brunette hair, but not that of the person you expected. Deep brown not blue eyes meet yours as Joaquín shifts and blinks across at you, his face lighting up as he sees you're awake.

Sitting up, he wipes the sleep induced drool away from his mouth with a quiet laugh. "Don't tell Bucky I dribbled."

You laugh too. It hurts. Wincing, you attempt to adjust your position, Joaquín stepping in to help you move the pillows until you're a little more comfortable.

Staring down at your body, you try to assess the damage.

"Is it broken?" You ask, nodding towards your cast.

"Yep. Sorry pumpkin."

"Pumpkin," You repeat back with a giggle, long used to Joaquín's cute terms of endearment.

You let him fuss around you as you take in your surroundings. You would recognise the medical wing in the compound immediately, especially after spending so much time there after Joaquín's last accident only a few weeks ago.

You try to piece it together. "How did you get to me so quickly? Weren't you back at the base on bed rest?"

"When have I ever done as I'm told?" He smirks. "No, I snuck out and man and I'm glad I did. Your tracker dropped off the system and I moved straight away, it was lucky you weren't too far from your last location."

"I thought they locked away your suit when you're out with an injury?"

"They do. Sam nearly had my head, going against every order to get to you. But only for a second until he saw there wasn't another option."

Your eyes are wet as you realise the same thing. "You saved me."

He shrugs. "Just like you do every other mission."

"No Joaquín, this is different." You argue shakily. "I could have-"

"But you didn't, okay?" He own voice trembles as he clasps your hands. "You're safe. A broken ankle but not much more. Everyone else is safe too," He adds, answering your question before you can ask. "You know I'll always be there if you need. That's what we practice for, what a team is meant to do."

He wipes away your tears, keeping hold of your hand as you let his presence comfort you. It's quiet for a moment, save the machines monitoring your stats, but with Joaquín silence never last long.

"And on a positive note, I think Bucky finally likes me now."

You roll your eyes. "Bucky liked you already."

"Maybe. But now I've saved the love of his life I'm basically his best friend."

His cheeky grin has you hiding your face in your hands, memories flashing back. "Did I embarrass myself?"

"Don't you remember?"

You do, but you're not sure what is real and what you've imagined. Not the whole thing, obviously from Joaquín's teasing, but are you misremembering the reciprocation?

"Has he been here?" You ask, desperate to speak to him in person and not over a crackly comms. Maybe it's the painkillers but you feel brave in a way you're not used to when it comes to Bucky, something only a near death escape could contribute to.

"You just missed him. I've just manage to persuaded him to go eat something finally, he's been moping around in here for days."

"Days?" You gasp. "How long have I been out?"

Joaquín's expression softens. "A while, pumpkin. Tomorrows your birthday, so nearly three days now."

"That's quite a long time," You say weakly.

"And Bucky didn't leave your side the whole time, until an hour or two ago. You've got a good one there."

"I haven't got him," You mumble, trying to suppress your smile.

"Not yet," Joaquín sing-songs, fluffing up your pillows as you think over the meaning of Bucky staying by your side, more sure than ever you need to see him.

The universe answers your wish. A rustling at the door to your room catches both of your attentions, a bunch of balloons and flowers entering the room followed by a super solider who has, in your opinion, never looked so good.

"Joaquín, how it's going in-."

Bucky stares across at you when he sees you're awake, and as you take him in it's like the rest of the world fades away. His shocked expression melts into that smile you love, your own face mirroring his, cheeks warm.

Joaquín snorts. "Well, I'm going to take that as my cue."

Pressing a quick kiss to the crown of your head, he starts to leave, passing Bucky on his way out. Joaquín hesitates, then also kisses him on his forehead, having to stand on him tiptoes to reach and laughing crazily as Bucky tries to swipe at him as he dashes out the room.

Seconds later he pops his head back around the frame. "Remember, I heard everything, so don't pretend it didn't happen. For my sake as well as yours."

Letting the door close softly behind him, you're left with Bucky, your previous confidence fading slightly as he watches you quietly.

You shift your focus to something else to stop it getting awkward. "What's with the balloons?"

"Oh." Bucky seems to have forgotten about his handful of decorations, finally placing them down on the long window sill and drawing one in particular out from the colourful bunch. "Your birthday, of course. I've still got a few minutes left until the big day."

Tying the sting around your bed frame, he let's you pull it down to see the pattern on the face of the balloon, a red star on silver.

You laugh at his proud grin. "How long did you spend looking for this?"

"Not too long. Had to get back to you."

That sobers you up. Swallowing, you gesture for Bucky to sit in the chair Joaquín was previously occupying, breathing becoming a little irregular as you try to find the right words.

Bucky starts for you. "Ignore what Joaquín said, if you want to forget what we said then we can."

You shake your head, noting the way he looks as though the very thought is breaking his heart. "I don't want to forget anything."

He smiles at that, a little nervous still. "So, when you said-"

"Yes."

"That you love-"

"Yes."

"You weren't just saying that 'cos you thought you were going to die and wanted me to believe that I'm worthy of something as pure as you?"

You scrunch your nose up at his phrasing. "We both know I'm not exactly pure." You say, reaching for his hand. "And I would never say something so important if it wasn't true."

"So you really love-"

"Yes."

It's like every ounce of tension leaves his body at your reassurance. You share a soft, promise filled smile before he's rising up and collecting the flowers from the pile of gifts he brought.

"That’s good, otherwise the bouquet I've got you would be really awkward."

"Friends give each other flowers," You argue as you take them, admiring the artful way they've been arranged.

"Not ones where they've specifically asked the florist to add flowers that portray how I feel about you." Sitting on the edge of your bed he points to each bloom in turn. "This one is for true love, this means that I'll always be loyal, this is devotion, this one I think is for-hey, don't cry."

How can you not, when this is what you're met with? Bucky can be so charming, you've seen it when he interacts with others at press conferences and during photo shoots, but this is the first time you've felt it directly.

He dries your eyes as something shifts between you two. "The flowers are great but I think this is the point where you kiss me."

"Oh yeah?" He smirks, placing them safely on your bedside cabinet. "Sure you're recovered enough for that?"

"Try me," You challenge, letting him guide your head back against the pillow before his lips find yours.

He's so gentle with you, barely brushing your mouths together before he leans back to check on you. Letting out a whine, you grip his collar to bring him into your space again, into a sweet kiss full of the pent up longing you've both been suffering.

But when you try to deepen the kiss, eager to feel him as close as possible, the room fills with an ear splitting noise that has you pulling away with a confused cough. "What's that?"

"Your heart monitor."

"What! Like Tony's?"

"No, silly." Bucky laughs gently at your panic. "A heart monitor. Checking it's not beating too fast cos your boyfriend is getting too enthusiastic."

You completely melt at the term boyfriend, urging him to lay down with you, letting Bucky shuffle carefully so you're laying comfortably, half on him.

As you listen to the beeping slowing back to just above its regular rate, you remember another detail from your life changing conversation.

"Will you still sleep in your bed? I don't remember you actually promising me."

Bucky hums thoughtfully. "That has more to do with you being there than the mattress or anything."

You all ready suspected that, but the confirmation has you sighing, wanting the best for this man. "Guess I'll just have to stay over more often."

You're mostly joking but Bucky certainly isn't. "Won't hear any complaints from me."

"I better not." You say, curling up more into his side.

Bucky takes a moment to check his phone, making a startled noise before showing you the screen displaying two minutes past midnight.

"Happy Birthday, doll. Just you wait, I have a few surprises for you."

"Ooh yes, my coat!"

Bucky scoffs. "Well, that's not a really a surprise now I told you, is it? Nope, I had to go get a whole new set of presents so you wouldn't know exactly what you're getting."

"So I'm not getting my coat?" You say with a pout.

Laughing at your expression, he reassures you. "Of course you are. And a whole lot of other things that you'll find out about later."

Resting your head on his chest, you soak up his warmth, his heartbeat solidly comforting. Bucky subtly adjusts you against him as he sees the pull of sleep try to take you.

"And as soon as I can, I'm taking you on a proper date." He promises. "We can have a do over, a second birthday to make up for having to spend it in hospital. It wasn't meant to be like this so get ready, that one will be really special."

You take in your surroundings, the flowers, balloons and gift baskets, and most importantly, Bucky, so attentive and so beautiful beside you.

You press a short, none heart racing kiss to his cheek. "This ones been pretty special all ready."

***

(Bucky doesn’t forget about your cake either, presenting it to you after your breakfast the next day. Its not the prettiest buts it perfect cos he made it for you <3 )

***

AO3

[dduane]

Oh, just in passing: a couple of SPOCK'S WORLD notes

(from @magicalgirlcrazycatlady:

!!!!!!! AUDIOBOOK SPOCK'S WORLD!!!! EXISTS? READ BY THOSE TWO?????????

Yep. If you go over to, say, Ebay, you can usually find somebody selling the audiobook on cassette (and if you're very lucky, on CD).

It hasn't been reissued in decades, and I can't really be sure why. It may be that there are union-based (meaning SAG[-AFTRA]) issues with the way Nimoy and Takei were compensated for the original performances; so that if the audiobook was reissued in more modern media, the publisher would have to deal with the way union rules for such performances have changed. (Which might run into serious money.)

In any case, it's a shame it's not more readily available. Both of the gentlemen involved did a fabulous job. I've had the pleasure of telling George so, and I'm sad not to have been able to tell Nimoy the same. (sigh) Anyway, it was a pleasure and a privilege to be involved in the endeavor.

...Also, per @rightspocko:

#oh my god you did that in 2 weeks#and you rewrote it so quickly and it’s still superb!#i never would’ve guessed because it’s so well structured and well written

The rewrite went as well as it did (and frankly as well as it could have done, under the circumstances) because before I ever started work on that book, I'd written a comprehensive outline.

It's not widely understood, I think, that when you're writing for a big IP owner / licensor, it is impossible to sell them a new project without first writing an outline that makes plain what it'll contain. Pantsing—however much some writers may enjoy that mode of novel writing, however much some may feel it to be the superior mode—has no place in the licensed-universe sales process. No licensor is going to even agree in principle with your agent that you're going to be brought in to do an original novel, let alone write the contract to back up their intent, until you've submitted an outline that tells Corporate in considerable detail what they (and their stockholders) are going to be getting for their money.

In the case of Spock's World, this rule went double, perhaps triple—regardless of the success of my previous work for Trek and Pocket. Spock's World was going to be their very first ever hardcover Star Trek novel. The whole project was a gamble... and the corporate Powers that Be therefore needed to know exactly what I was going to be giving them. So I did what I usually do for a book of the projected length—an outline somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-25 single-spaced pages. (ETA: For the hell of it, I just spent half an hour or so digging around for it, and [at the virtual "bottom" of a storage hard drive] found the ancient .arc file in which it'd been packed away. The outline is dated March 3rd, 1988, and comes to about 22 single-spaced pages. ...Call it 8K words and change.)

The outline, as always, was the "road map" I'd drawn for where I was going, to avoid wasting time in possibly getting lost along the way. All the structural work and serious plotting was already complete in the outline... ready to have the prose racked up in it, as a bookshelf's built ready to house its books.

And that's why the result, despite the near-disaster, still looks okay. All I had to do* was write again what "lost material" I'd already written, with the outline to guide me, or prompt me, where my memory failed. To this day I feel strongly that the book was significantly better because of that second write-through, however enforced. So this whole process turned into kind of a blessing in disguise (despite my poor lower back's more or less constant screams of protest).

That outline was what saved my butt... as others would, in years to come, further down the line. Those interested in having their own butts saved when necessary, and their writing life generally made less stressy, can look over here and see the outlining "blueprint" I use. C. J. Cherryh put me onto it; and what Carolyn doesn't know about writing a well- and tightly-plotted SF novel, seriously doesn't matter.

...And now I'm going to go make some spaghetti sauce. :)

*"All I had to do." CAN I EVEN HEAR MYSELF. (helpless laughter) It was like climbing hand over hand out of hell. But at least I could always see the light at the top of the tunnel...