#i mean this is like basic fundamentals but ya know it somehow still needs saying

[peanutbutterandbananasandwichs]

Sam and Dean are always withholding information from and lying to each other, constantly. That’s literally the plot of the show every season.

There are important differences between the types of "lying and withholding information" (I'm going to use the word lying primarily here going forward for simplicity but it is referring to several different types of behaviours and is not being used intrinsically as a value judgement) Dean vs Sam does, and these are fundamentally tied to their positions within their abuse dynamic (and more broadly within their roles within the larger Winchester family abuse dynamic).

Lies abusers tell, and their motivations for doing so are distinct from the types of lies told by abuse victims in an effort to manage their situation and avoid conflict (within the abuse dynamic this isn't to say that abuse victims cannot lie more generally).

Dean does sometimes tell some of the same types of defensive "lies" as abuse victims, and this shouldn't be surprising as Dean is a victim of childhood abuse. ("I'm fine" for instance, something they both frequently say when they clearly are not, and something that whilst not exactly healthy for themselves is a defence mechanism and not - generally speaking - fundamentally a harmful action to the other).

The clearest distinction between Dean's abusive lying and Sam's defensive lying: Dean lies and withholds information about Sam from Sam. Sam withholds information primarily about himself from Dean.

Dean lying to Sam about Sam or things that have happened to him, or things that Dean has done to him is a frequent and repeated pattern. Instances include, but are not limited to: lying about Sam's resurrection in "All Hell Breaks Loose", not telling Sam when he finds out about Azazel feeding Sam the demon blood as a child ("Metamorphosis"), lying about Sam having been soulless and of course the big one, lying for months on end about the Gadreel possession, both in order to obtain the 'yes' needed for possession in the first place and then in for the subsequent time during which Sam was unknowingly possessed. Dean's lies allow him to maintain a position of power and control over Sam and Sam's body.

By contrast when Sam withholds information about himself he's usually seeking to maintain control over his own self, his body, his personhood, and his agency. And to avoid negative reactions from Dean that often lead to him being hit, shouted at, or otherwise punished.

The most stark example of this contrast for me is the situation regarding the demon blood administered by Azazel.

Sam finds out about this in "All Hell Breaks Loose", he chooses not to tell Dean, this is well within Sam's rights, this is an issue that affects Sam and Sam's body and nobody else, he is under absolutely no obligation to tell Dean and he has every reason to believe, given Dean's reaction to previous examples of Sam's "otherness" that telling Dean would not have elicited a positive or supportive response.

Dean finds out about the demon blood in "In the Beginning", he proceeds to keep this from Sam and it is only brought up because Sam accidentally reveals that he already knew, its pretty clear that Dean had no immediate intention of telling Sam himself. This was not Dean's right, he has no right whatsoever to withhold information about Sam and Sam's body from him.

[perpetual-fool]

-

Starting serious work on my conlang, and got swindled into watching a show.

I've worked out that fundamental meaning has to be a function between observations. I think I can abstract that to 'arguments' and 'premises', but I need to work out data types, what sort of things there are which could be premises. It shouldn't be that complicated, but I'm finding it hard to wrap my brain around it for some reason. I think that's because I'm trying to sort out my existing understanding, and much of that has been corrupted.

I kept seeing clips of the show online, it suggested something interesting was happening. Problem is, it's not, nothing's happening. Like, I would have to start with how things are, then see what develops from that. Instead, it's like characters are sort of vaguely pantomiming a plot, except the plot doesn't fit the circumstances or the characters. Like for instance, the character known for wantonly killing decided to spare the main antagonist for no reason, so that the antagonist can come back and antagonize later. And also there's no justification for the antagonist to antagonize, and everyone is trying to kill each other despite the fact that all of them are trying to achieve the same thing. Or, character makes a heartfelt plea to convince someone of something, but say nothing specific and make literally no argument about it. That is, there is no causal relationship between how the world is supposed to work and what's happening in the plot.

And I'm wondering if this is just a sloppy version of what actual people do. It does mirror a lot of their behavior. Ya' know, the truth is true whether or not it's valid, or whether it happened, or whether it even could happen. And the equation isn't that complex. If they're not starting from the premises then they must be starting from the argument. Oh! say, arguing over whether the ends justify the means. an argument without its premises. I have wasted so much fucking time trying to make myself understood. Last attempt, I had this whole thing about multiple phrasings, examples, counter-examples. But none of that will fix communication if the other party is actively trying to destroy it. Ambiguity for instance, I'm pretty sure that's a feature and not a bug. Like, off the top of my head I know three different versions of "argument", and they'd would decide which one(s) I meant here to justify imposing what they want onto me. That was actually the thing that tipped me off to the fact that it's them and not me. I'd clarify 'I mean term(a), not term(b)' and then they responded as though I meant term(b).

Honestly the most disappointing thing for me about season 2 is that they still refer to the timelines as 'sacred' or 'branched'. So like, (spoilers for Loki S1) the deal with 'the sacred timeline' was that it's the one He Who Remains came from, what was or was not a 'branch' and who was or was not a 'variant' was defined by HWR. But now HWR is dead, the terms no longer have any meaning. Every timeline is a branch, everyone is a variant. So it's like the writers don't even have the most basic grasp on their worldbuilding. Somehow that feels more significant to me than bad setups or nonsense plot. I guess maybe it was the most engaging thing they had going. Like, what's most interesting for me is when I have to reframe how I think about things. I'd love to hear a take on time travel that's not just 'the past rewrites the future' or 'there are parallel timelines'. Say, the scene where Loki is talking to OB in the past, and as it's happening in the past he remembers it in the future: if they'd actually justified that somehow that'd be cool. (Aside, variations of "you can't actually change anything" are cop-outs.) It makes sens that they wouldn't, you'd need to come up with an alternative causality, which would be difficult to impossible. But it'd be fun.

[takaraphoenix]

Ship game!! What about Nico and Will?? It’s pretty popular, but I don’t think I’ve seen you write much of it…

That's an interesting one in that I have vocalized my reasons for disliking it way back when it first became popular but instead of just linking that, it has been years so I think it's time for an updated version.

Firstly: This post is gonna be properly tagged and not crosstagged so if any shipper comes across it and feels the need to bitch about it, just don't; your lack of curating your own tumblr experience is not my problem! ;D

Now, there are three key factors that play into my dislike of this ship: How it was written, what it represents, how the fandom around it acts.

1. It’s rushed and uncomfortable

In BoO, it was incredibly rushed. They had literally five sentences of interactions before they walked into the literal sunset together. Five. It was just entirely born from Riordan's Noah's Ark Complex, where he just can't let people be single. The series was ending and he needed Nico to have an endgame so he rushed into some random romance with zero build-up.

The way their interactions went down was also severely uncomfortable for me. Will was acting so offended by Nico not wanting to go to camp and be friends in an entitled way that he had no right to be, he downright guilt-tripped Nico about how he had wanted to be friends. Nico has been just so severely traumatized at such a young age and his coping mechanism, as unhealthy as it was, was to run away and hide. Will acted like Nico not wanting to form attachments to people who could potentially leave him again was somehow just an Edgy Emo Decision and not a direct reaction to his trauma. His entire approach to Nico was basically all these hippie posts of "Don't have depression!! Just go out into the sun and stop being depressed!", which is already a bad take with non-medical people but he's supposed to be a doctor (and let's not get into the shadiness of him technically being Nico's doctor).

There is also an inherent "I can fix him" angle to this ship and to me, only few ship dynamics are more uncomfortable than that. If you want to fundamentally change a person's behavior and personality, you... don't actually want to be with this person.

Now, here's where my points overlap, because the following parts of their writing that bothers me also stand for what this ship fundamentally represents.

2. Solangelo is a queer ship written by and for straights

I'm a queer woman and as a queer woman, I want queer wish-fulfillment, not what straights want out of queerness. I'm kind of tired of that, I've been sitting through it for enough decades now. That's, of course, not to say that no straight writer can give proper queer representation, but far too often do straight writers - even the most well-meaning ones - project straight desires of queerness into their queer representation.

Let me explain that closer through this ship.

Nico's been in love with Percy for years and I'm going to do my best to not hijack this post with some Percico agenda; that's not what this his about, this isn't some "my ship is better than your ship" ship-war nonsense. It's simply a canonical fact that Nico has had romantic feelings for another character for years.

A character who, in this medium, is heterosexual. And if you're queer, you've been there. In love with your straight best friend. It's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason.

We have also all been well-meaningly rejected by said straight friend.

And here's the straight desires for you: The queer person who was in love with a straight person just immediately stops having those feelings and will then as quickly as possible fall in love with the next queer person they meet to be happy and no longer uncomfortably in love with a straight person, because that thought makes the straights uncomfortable.

Queer wish-fulfillment would be for Percy to return those feelings, for the queer character to get his first love, to not be rejected. That thing queer teens always dreamed about for themselves.

Aside from the wish-fulfillment angle, the pacing is another problem. Let me repeat, Nico was in love for years. But a five sentence conversation with Will once causes a crush on Will and we see him physically turn away from Percy and toward Will just immediately to rebound and actually fall out of love with Percy and in love with Will. Anyone who's ever been unlucky in love will attest to just how unrealistic and ridiculous the pacing here is.

It's also straight queerness in another respect; Nico has been the first ever queer character we meet in that world. He loves a straight guy - and to get over that, we introduce the second queer character. Because heaven forbid there are multiple queers to pick from. No, in straight-written queer romances, there is always that one main queer and then they introduce a second one and the two just immediately hit it off and develop a romance like all a queer person needs to form attraction to someone is the confirmation that the other person shares your sexuality.

Also the notable gay guy on gay guy ship here, whereas the more queer-wish-fulfillment option would have also included more nuance to the queer experience, because Percy doesn't have to be heterosexual just because he has only been with girls so far. It's a very old-fashioned - think 90s and early 2000s - kind of straight-written queerness that there are only exactly two homosexuals and that those two homosexuals then pair up.

And, listen, I'm not immune to these outdated straight-written queers entirely, I have many such ships that I grew up with that I am still fond of because they were groundbreaking at that time and they weren't outdated yet back when they happened in said 90s and early 2000s. I am however a grown woman now and just like I have grown, so has queer rep so I am not as easily baited into falling onto my knees in gratitude for canon rep. You have to go with the times. And this ship, by all that is given to us, is just entirely outdated straight-written rep.

Which, I mention earlier that even straight-written rep can be good. If the author tries. Riordan doesn't really try though; he does the bare minimum when he writes any of his rep - and there have been many, many more qualified voices being very vocal about his depiction of people of color and, as a woman, I've been vocal about his depiction of women. I don't want to derail this post with all of that, but I do think that it bears mentioning that Riordan doing rep but only doing a bare minimum and not putting in the necessary work to deepen the representation he wants to give is a repeating pattern that has been pointed out many times by now.

(I’d also like to point out that no, it is not just the ship and not just the listed instances that make it straight-written rep for straights. It’s Nico’s entire queer arc, starting with his forced coming out. A severely traumatizing event that is completely brushed over because the straight author doesn’t understand the impact this has on queer people. Not to mention the framework; Nico’s coming out isn’t Nico’s story, it happens in Jason’s POV, it is given to us through the POV of the straight bystander who gets to be Best Ally by assuring Nico that being gay is okay. This kind of coming out is not a queer wish-fulfillment, it’s a straight wish-fulfillment of getting to be the straight savior, the ally to show the gay the light of acceptance. And, additional to the ridiculous pacing of how fast Nico gets over his love for Percy, Nico also gets over years of internalized homophobia just because of, I don’t know, Jason’s few encouraging words and the fact that Will paid attention to him? For a gay kid who was in the closet all his life, the nonchalant way in which he publicly confessed his crush to Percy at the end made absolutely no sense and was written as basically a joke, finished off with Nico literally high-fiving Percy’s girlfriend despite those two never having seen eye to eye before but this is straight wish-fulfillment so all straights are Super Allies, because that’s the way straights want to see themselves, even though Annabeth has shown before just how jealous she can be and she most definitely wouldn’t go around high-fiving people who confess to her boyfriend. Nothing about Nico’s queer arc in HoO felt natural or queer or satisfying.)

Sure, Solangelo on a surface level is big because it's a canon queer couple in a YA book-series and kudos for that and yay for the kids who get to grow up seeing queers in YA books, but I actually do think that kids growing up with books written in the 2010s shouldn't grow up with 1990s levels of representation, because the 2010s overall are actually at a far more nuanced and better level of representation when it comes to queerness. And I do reserve the right to quit on too straight-written and too outdated queer rep in a landscape where I can get more satisfying representation elsewhere; we don’t live in times anymore where you necessarily have to love every bit of rep because it’s the only one you get.

Now that we've gone through my first two gripes, let's wrap this up with the final point, because it also directly ties into this.

3. The new wave of antis hiding behind this ship

A huge part of the fandom is so busy kissing Riordan's ass solely for giving them queer rep at all they think that both the author and the ship are beyond flawless and that kind of attitude is not good. Just because an author includes rep doesn't make either perfect. Absolutely no one is beyond critique - especially not when said critique comes from the very people the author is representing. And even beyond any "valid" critique on the ship, quite frankly, someone should also be allowed to just not like it, without any reasons given at all.

But there is a certain... protective obsessiveness about this ship that doesn't allow a not liking. Very similar to how PJO bore this mindset around Perc/abeth already. It's okay to have OTPs, even OTPs that you have a blindspot for and just don't want to see any flaws in. It is however not okay to then go around attacking people who don't like the thing and mind their own business.

Solangelo's bred a new generation of antis in this fandom. And, particularly with the fact that this post too receives an "anti" tag, I feel like there needs to be a clarification (because tumblr likes to forget what actually makes an anti). Not liking something doesn't make you an anti, venting in properly tagged posts doesn't either; it's the people who harass others, who seek out the content they dislike to then complain that it even exists and who actively try to make others stop creating for it - those are antis.

And with Solangelo's popularity, there was a high rise in Percico antis, who sought it out, were unnecessarily nasty about it, harrassed creators and tried to enforce some kind of "Solangelo supremacy" that won't allow other ships for the characters.

I've been in fandom long enough to be perfectly aware that not all Solangelo shippers count into this category and that there are completely normal and nice Solangelo shippers, but this is a Venn diagram where the overlap between Solangelo shippers and antis is too large to not widely associate the nasty people with the ship itself. (I've been there myself, shipping the very ship behind which a fandom's antis all hid. The second-hand embarrassment of having these people give the ship a bad name is horrendous and I do feel bad for all the normal Solangelo shippers.)

The more often I encountered these people, who made Percico bad (sometimes in wildly ridiculous manners that bent and deliberately misinterpreted canon) and who in the same breath praised Solangelo high, the more tired I grew of that ship. It's a simple game of association, really. You see that linked to the gross and nasty behavior and you start associating the ship itself with that gross and nasty behavior - and with all the things I said before that already weighed into my dislike of the ship, this just was the final tipping point, really.

And that's it. That sums up why I dislike Solangelo. It was hastily rushed, uncomfortable in its execution, it is outdated rep that very much feels as straight-written as it factually is and it does not feel aimed at me as a queer person but rather at the straight audience and it has gathered a cult following of quite uncomfortable people who on their own would be reason enough to avoid it so you can avoid them.

Send me a ship and I will explain why I do or don't ship it

[deuce-duce]

Am I...?? (Inwardly GASPS)!! Which Part...??

Today is March 2nd 2021 and I got my puter back and went to look at what I had last written on December 16th 2020. When I opened the file, it had been changed… dates had been obscured and certain things had been reworded… So… I have decided to go back through all of my previous posts to ensure the integrity of what I am writing stays that way! During this process I will be putting together a collection of my favorite quotes and post fragments. Which I will dub Rock and Roll’s Greatest Hits, if you live near me go buy airhorns Ill tell you why, When the greatest hits album comes out. What your about to read is primarily from Dec. 16th with a few changes or should I say… restorations?? Probably a little of both to be honest. Everything is still as it happened, I just add better descriptive words and fine tune the analogies so that they are easier to digest… My English teacher always told me that was what I was good at! Along with many others… who have said the same… not only do I understand it… I’m able to explain it in a way that others understand as well. ENJOY

On the seventh of December I woke up not too sure if something had occurred that night or not… as I have mentioned before they use a numbing agent that basically masks the pain until it wears off approximately 12 hours later… When I a woke on this day I was having moments of clarity and for some reason just couldn’t keep them to myself. talking to one of the staff members of the homeless shelter I expressed my destiny that I actually had one, that was going to bring me to greatness… then out of nowhere I just blurted out there is going to be a power shift!!!! And at that very moment I couldn’t believe what it was that had just come out of my mouth. I didn’t even believe it at first because the guy at the desk was like IDK… about… that… but when I went back into my room, the look on my roommate’s face said it all!! It seems as though those who pull strings and orchestrate a lot of this… put all of their eggs into one basket. I don’t know exactly what the terms of thee bet were but I’m assuming it had/has something to do with me not being able to control my compulsivity associated with my dissociation. Unfortunately for them I made a deal with God. It was while I was on quarantine and even though I was in a basement all by myself people kept F$%^&*!> with me. This is when I prayed stating that I would not falter, for my body his temple his craft and his glory. that I need to take care of myself and my destiny, for it is in his hands and I won’t let my selfishness or imperfections stop him from fulfilling his plan. Over and over again I have cried and cried about how fundamental and powerful this is all going to be. EFFIN CRAZY!! And now that I know without anyone telling me and it literally being given to me somehow is what is freaking everybody out. How do I know or how the hell did I figure it out!! I really couldn’t tell you and the only thing that is possible is that our Creator endowed me with such responsibility. Crazy!! (this was before I considered the probability of God being a woman, A mother, A Lover)

Low and behold one of my favorite artists Mr. Kid, Maniac, Rager, Wizard, Pursuer of Happiness Cudi dropped a new album entitled Man on the MOON Three. Ill have to say it’s a wonderfully made album! The album delves deep into who Scott is… I know the Fans are going to love it.

Rewind a little bit sorry for my hiatus just needed to stay focused and well as your aware have been led here not by accident and had some things that I needed to take care of before I started writing again. Not to mention I have been dealing with a lot only to know that I am who I am for a reason Rockstar Knights off MOTM3 has a lot to say concerning who I am and what I have realized as a result to my struggle. The Song is a collab with Trippie Redd and really encapsulates so much, that its hard to describe in words.

I had a very interesting conversation with my mother the other day and came to a pretty profound thought. 1st I was telling her how I was being told that I am too….!!! Smart!! Like WTF!! REALLY!! Is that even a thing?? But I didn’t let it get to me too much as it probably is the reason I face so much adversity, No matter the community I enter into. This is how I have explained it to her and a couple other people in the community as well as the Rasta Man in the PNW. The best analogy I could present is if a plant with a fire burning so big and so hot on one side of the plant, a fire so big and hot that it probably would kill most other plants, but not this plant. This plant had sooooo much drive and will to live that instead of giving up it grew in the opposite direction of the blaze. While the roots could withstand the blazing inferno becoming one with the heat and pain Upon the journey away from the fire (society) the plant developed different characteristics colors and attributes that no other plant had. Essentially that journey completely changed that plants physiology Psychology and possible its genetic makeup altogether. Now that the plant has grown so far from the fire (Society) that its all alone. Now theres a different kind of fire where he once thought was safe. But as he grows back towards the fire to escape the new blaze (tyranny) he realizes he will never be able to be the same as the fire he grew so far away from. Now the only option the plant has with death being imminent is to grow as big and bright as quickly as possible before it is engulfed on all sides.

All this taken into account along with factoring in the two major belief structures in the world one Being Creation or Evolution (The Big BANG) this plant which has defied all odds still shines brightly displaying its colors and unique characteristics no matter how dark the room may be it still continues to bloom! Is this a Divine will and plan or are we experiencing the next step of Evolution??? My honest opinion is its both! For the mere ability to adapt and change and prevail in situations others couldn’t dream of or even have nightmares about is truly remarkable and in my eyes is an act of GOD! Just as any evolutionary step would be. The crazier part is… he has no handle!! Nothing to grab on to leaving no way for anyone to grab hold and control! AYE….

I thought this all might just be me being stubborn or simply an idiot until for some reason I opened up my meme App. Something I never open or even look at and the first thing that popped up was a picture and quote saying that many told Marilyn Monroe that she was only beautiful because of the clothes and dresses she wore. It then concluded Marilyn Monroe did a photoshoot in nothing but a burlap potato sack. The photos and the message she sent were completely opposite of that which was being said by spectators. Now!! As scrolled to the second meme I was expecting something funny!! That wasn’t the case what I saw next was the upcoming alignment of the two largest planets in the solar system Jupiter and Saturn. Not only does their alignment happen only every 20 years but the proximity of this occurrence to the earth as well as the proximity to each other hasn’t been the same for close to 800 years… What does it all mean… IDK but The Christmas Star is what their calling the alignment and if your familiar with the bible is the star that the kings, from other lands followed  to bring gifts to baby JESUS! Who knows what this alignment could usher in.?

So profound thought comes to me on a daily basis now it’s so strange the way that it comes it will just be momentary thoughts that will pass through my conscience and as they go by I latch on to it delve a little deeper and experience an overwhelming amount of… IDK what to call it but it feels very powerful so much so that it brings me to tears… I don’t know exactly what the future holds but I think that is what makes this so great! I just keep my mind open Like apple IOS Systems letting everything come and go as it pleases when something goes by that strikes me, I latch on and don’t let go. Its weird how it all happens.

Steve Jobs once said that if he had never had an acid trip that he would have never of come up with the operating system for Apple and after explaining to you what I do as a spiritual and destiny seeking process I believe was his thought process as well. This in of itself is what I think they mean when they say to keep an open mind. Just so you know I didn’t come up with that little bit about the late Mr. Jobs by plan it just came to me when thinking about how to have, use and keep an open mind.

The reason I explained this to you was because this is how I Pray! After I pray I sit still with an open mind allowing multiple ideas thoughts and perspectives to pass through my brain… until like an IOS operating system, something speaks to me… when I latch on to it, focus on what it means and what it will mean… “I Get Those Goosebumps Everytime” (Goosebumps, Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar, Birds in the Trap Sing Mcknight, 2016). This is how you know! A little extra for ya, when I went to look up the info for my first Hip Hop citation it was 11:11 lol there they go again… its really a cool feeling!

Can someone tell me if that APA or MLA…?? Ya know what!! Eff IT!! None of my writing is orthodox, besides I kinda like the way I did it haha

Kid Cudi’s new video just dropped and I couldn’t be more amazed with all of the hidden messages that are in there. He is officially the man on the moon. Passion pain and demon slaying like a maniac on the pursuit of happiness. Love that DUDE!!

That’s all I got for 12-16-2020 Five More Days…

LOVE & PEACE

Songs

Heaven On Earth – Kid Cudi

Goosebumps – Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar

Dirty Heads – Sound Of Change

 Just so you know the only thing I added this time other the cleaning up what I had already written was the praying part. Although I originally remember that being the purpose as to why I wrote what I did looking at it today March 2nd 2021 it wasn’t there… have a great day everyone. Ill post this on 3/3/2021

I've added parts to the story on my business cards and will leave then random places, what you do with them is up to you but I think It would be cool for those who want to stop me to have to work extra hard just like they make me!!  

LOVE

[fvlminare]

✗✗✗   you see [ camille rivas ] around lately? yeah i heard that the [ cis female ] is up to no good. [ she / her ] has been here for [ three years ] now but they’re still pretty [ calculating ] which is fine because they’re also [ ardent ] so it balances out. the [ twenty-six ] year old [ dancer at mayhem ] actually looks like a lot like [ sofia carson ], don’t you think? it’s best to watch out, though, because it’s been said that they’re really into [ the rush of cocaine in her veins & a vice grip on her throat ]. 

henlo it me again! i hope u guys aren’t sick of me yet bc here’s my other bb! say hello to my boss-ass bish gal camile! she’s sassy, classy and a lil badassy. she’s a rather feisty, fiery, ball of rage and anger who cba with ur bullshit tbh n she’ll tell u this too if u piss her off enough! she’s lowkey cutthroat and always out for number one, aka: herself. but, i mean, she does have some redeeming qualities and her hair is bomb af so that makes up for it all really, doesn’t it? basically that meme: ‘ she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll punch you in the face. ’ anywho, you know the drill, slap a lil luv on this n i’ll come pester u for all the good stuff : - ) 

fundamentals.

CAMILLE ALARA RIVAS     —     twenty-six, dancer at mayhem,   +   an honest-to-god vixen   /   hellcat   /   lil demoness ! 

aesthetics   ➤   dresses of black lace and red velvet, the scent of chanel perfume lingering in the air as she floats past, blood-red fingertips coiled around the pistol grip of a gun, red-bottomed heels clicking against marble floors, rose gold highlighter shimmering along the height of prominent cheekbones, satin dresses draped over a svelte frame that is shrouded in an air of mystery and intrigue, baby pink roses in a vase on the window sill, deft fingers stained with charcoal and oil paint, the melodic chime of piano keys, delicate digits adorned with moonstone gem rings, a coy smile spread across full crimson lips, long raven locks blowing in the cool breeze of a summer’s evening, battered books with dog-eared pages, a sense of freedom and carelessness when dancing for fun, & a sense of allurement and captivation when dancing for work.

nicknames. cam, cami, mil, millie, spawn of satan >:~)

date of birth. april tenth.

gender. cis female.

pronouns. she + her.

birthplace. manhattan, new york.

orientation. pansexual + demiromantic.

education. bachelor of dance degree obtained from nyu tisch school of the arts.

spoken languages. can speak fluent english, spanish, & latin.

negative traits. capricious, ornery, impulsive, guileful, caustic, brusque, obstinate, destructive, deceptive, & promiscuous.

positive traits. ardent, whimsical, intrepid, graceful, poised, elegant, headstrong, observant, independent, & confident.

strengths. optimistic, energetic, creative, practical, spontaneous, rational, knows how to prioritise, great in a crisis, & relaxed.

weaknesses. stubborn, insensitive, private, reserved, easily bored, dislikes commitment, & has a rather risky behaviour.

talents. ballet, knife throwing, hand-to-hand combat, horse riding, figure skating, piano, violin, painting, singing, & dancing.

physiology. hazel eyes. dark brown hair. five feet, four inches tall. of a petite, slender stature with subtle curves and long hair. has a long silvery scar on her back. her skin is clean of any tattoos. has both earlobes pierced. requires glasses but wears contacts most days. is right-handed.

psychology. aries zodiac. fire element. ravenclaw house. istp-a. true neutral. type seven enneagram. choleric temperament. intra-personal intelligence type. addicted to alcohol, tobacco, and cannabis. suffers from addiction and abandonment issues. her vices are lust, greed and wrath. her virtues are ... ( again ) honestly, probably just diligence tbh.

background.

possible triggers   :   child abandonment, abandonment issues, foster homes, alcohol, drugs, violence, gore, blood, murder, & death.

a synopsis.   ok so for this gal, let’s all give a big, warm welcome to sadness ( no, i was in no way at all inspired by salem from sabrina for that line ) bc boy oh boy, her life has been constant grief and pain, tbh. strap in for the bumpy ride, i’ll give u cookies for compensation. OK SO, camille was abandoned as a baby, never did—and still doesn't—know her biological parents and she doesn’t want to either, tbh. she bounced around from foster home to foster home, never sticking in one place for too long. given her turbulent upbringing, she was somewhat of a difficult child. too boisterous, too unruly, too stubborn, too inquisitive. too much of everything but never enough of anything. never enough for anybody to want her. it didn’t take the girl too long to figure out that it was just her alone, against the big bad world. from the age that she was old enough to realise it, camille knew that she had to fend for herself—that she could never truly rely on a single soul but herself. the hollowness inside her chest never quite satiated, leaving her empty and only too well aware of the lack of her real parental figures. as a young adolescent, this started to crawl under her skin and mess with her mind. it rendered her void of affection and unable to form genuine bonds with others—filling her with deep-rooted resentment that festered beneath the surface of the indifferent demeanour she plastered over herself every day. she always felt starved of love: as if some integral part of her heart was missing, leaving a gaping void that nobody could ever fill. anywho, she fell in with the wrong crowd which did little to aid her foster families hostility toward her. truthfully, most of her experiences in various homes were ... not pleasant. she’d encountered abusive ‘parents,’ horrible ‘siblings,’ and even worse schooling days. pressing the self-destruct button is this gal’s speciality thus she found herself gravitating towards her vices: things and people she knew were no good for her. drink, drugs, people, you name it. quickly, she realised that these things were no longer any good at keeping her dark side at bay: she needed something more, something deeper. thus, she began going down the road of petty crimes—stealing cars, smashing windows, theft, setting fires both metaphorically and literally. due to this lifestyle, she wound up entangled with some real shady folk who did … even shadier things. most specifically, she started dating a real jackass who was violent and truthfully, a horrible person, really. stupidly, she decided to run off into the metaphorical sunset with him * insert eye roll emoji here. * so, fast forward a year or so and things took a swift nosedive when her lowlife boyfriend’s hands were round her throat and not in the kinky way. while she’d clawed at him and tried to fight him off, she struggled against his weight and strength until, eventually, she lifted the first makeshift weapon she felt: a rusted pair of scissors. [ TRIGGER FOR VIOLENCE, GORE, BLOOD, MURDER, DEATH ] and, in a blind state of panic, she jammed them right into his jugular vein, his blood squirting out and decorating her face in crimson splatters. he’d stumbled backwards, clutched onto his neck, blood spurting from the webs between his fingers. naturally, camille was shook about this but somehow managed to flee the scene with less guilt rattling her soul than she’d imagined. [ TRIGGER OVER ] in her mind, it was an act of self defence. it wasn’t too long after the incident that she found herself in a rather perilous situation that resulted in her sudden realisation that she needed to get her damn life on track. therefore, she done the responsible adult thing and got herself a decent education. somehow, she managed to get into university where her life started to shape into a positive one—the kind she’d always dreamed of. once she graduated, camille decided that she wanted to see the world. following a couple of years travelling, she wound up in santa ysabel where she quickly fell into the employment of mayhem. admittedly, this was a far cry from the future she’d envisioned when she was just a sweet, innocent lil child. still, all in all, she kind of digs who she is and what she is: after everything she’s been through, she loves herself. it’s been a long and winding road but camille finally believes that she’s settled in her life now. tho she still refuses to let people in, her abandonment issues terrifying her to the degree that she feels that anybody she’d ever let into her life would eventually leave her in the end. * insert sad face emoji here. *

random extras.

her tell? playing with her hair: when she’s lying, nervous, flirting—you name it!

can drink any man under the table. 

she loves art in every form: paintings, sculptures, music, dance, people, etc. she loves the freedom that expressing herself through these mediums gives her.

she’s ... experimental. she’s experimented with just about everything: hairstyles, clothing, drink, drugs, people ...

can be hella calculating and vindictive so do not cross her.

quite power-hungry tbh.

she does have a shot at redemption but she doesn’t want it lmao. she’s already been to hell so why bother trying to right her wrongs?

and boy, are her wrongs a century-long list shkjsh.

high key is not above killing people who don’t do things her way.

doesn’t believe she’s capable of loving anyone.

she’s lowkey a perfectionist to the point of being ruthless, also cutthroat and egotistical.

if ya ain’t of use to her, then what the heck is ur purpose???

she’s v ambitious, v morally ambiguous, v self-serving and v self-involved.

she can be ... aggressive sometimes and most definitely has anger issues.

dry sense of humour one million per cent.

her signature look is her blood-red lips.

extremely skilled with knives and blades. and always carries one on her person at all times.

her most prized possession is her brushed chrome zippo lighter. it has her initials engraved into it and where she got it from, or who is something she’ll never tell.

always says she needs to quit smoking but never does and probably never will either.

did someone say ... resting bitch face???

tho when she smiles it’s like sunshine uwu

high key will sleep with anyone.

first place is the ONLY acceptable place, ok??? 

one of those people who just excels at everything she tries her hand at.

absolutely adores animals. much prefers them to humans.

she’s quite adventurous and loves to feel the adrenaline in her blood.

doesn’t take herself or her life too seriously.

always up for a good time and is usually the life of the party.

outspoken and quick-witted with a sharp tongue.

much too sassy and sarcastic for her own good.

really, she does what she wants to, when she wants to, without seeking the approval of others.

truthfully? she’s a bit of a spitfire if you really irk her. so, watch out.

you can find a pinterest board for her by clicking anywhere here.

[curupiracue]

The Reporter’s Crows, and a Truth-seeking Deception

Sigh…

Couldn’t find anyone, huh…

“Hm. I wonder what Nim is doing?”

Though I wonder, I can likely guess… Probably “fooling around” (I mean, it’s studying, but even that is fooling around given the circumstances), and that is assuming he is awake already… Yeaahhh… Probably not.

I mean, it’s pretty handy for me that he is such a sleepyhead, even if I don’t sleep that much… But still.

Sigh…

Crááá!

“Huh? That a crow?”

Hmmm… A crow, huh... No way. I’m just overthinking things. ...But then again, when Nim was rambling about this city, didn’t he mention all the bird species living on the region? He didn’t mention crows at all, so unless this is someone’s pet...

“I mean, it’s my pet, you know.”

Oh, great.

“That has got to be rudest “hello” ever.” I say, turning around to face her.

“You live and travel alongside that sorry excuse for a human being. Thought you’d have heard worst by now.” Not towards me, at least. That’s what I think of saying, but she turns her attention to the crow and cuts me off “Oh hey there, Jesus! Any news?”

“Uh, you have a crow named Jesus?” some random guy passing by asked.

“Well, what would you name a crow?”

“Uh, I dunno’... Bob, birdie, blackey, Shadow’s Night?”

“You’re boring. Get out of my sight.” And so the man did, feeling humiliated and intimidated.

“Poor guy…”

“Pff. Anyway, it looks like Jesus has nothing to report… you can keep flying, dearie!” With that, the crow went off flying.

“...How many of those things do you have?”

“100. But I only treat 10 of them as pets, else, I would get saddened with their deaths.” I wonder if she meant more or less a 100, or precisely that number, but I quickly abandon the train of thought. I didn’t much care for that. More importantly…

“Well, I don’t really like seeing you here. If you and Nim meet, I’m afraid one or the other will end up dead.”

“Why! How insulting… I think it’s pretty clear who would die in such a confrontation...”

“Yeah, you.”

She glared at me. ...Best not to provoke her too much. She’s way stronger than I am, after all. Even if her power is directed less towards combat.

“Sigh, this isn’t to the point though. More importantly, though I don’t like seeing you here, I think you might actually be needed. We’re having trouble making any progress with so few clues to go by.”

“Well, that’s obvious. Even more obvious, is that, given some time, I could find the serial killer. Or, rather, I WILL find ‘em. Now the question is… If it is so, then why the hell should I ally myself with you guys?”

“Well, you showed up… you must have had a reason for that. Unless that reason was just mocking me.”

“Yup, that’s it actually~”

Now was my turn to glare at her.

“Hahahahah! Gee, chill. Even I’m not about to stand by and let such a fucked up murderer get away. And though I could do it by myself, I’d better get some allies. ...Even if these allies include an asshole.”

“Yeah. You’re birds of a feather.”

“...Correction. TWO assholes. I’ll be going now... Should anything come up I’ll contact you (alone, preferably hundreds of meters away from you-know-who)” She started walking away, but with with a certain air that convinced me she had more to say. Though I wasn’t sure if I should, I stayed put waiting.

Turns out, I was right.

“Oh yeah, and that guy who passed by and talked shit about Jesus totally wanted to bone you. You should go right ahead, since you and Mr. I-should-die-soon are not a thing yet, somehow. Ok, now really, be seeing you!”

...Totally not gonna’ do that NOW.

(sigh) I’d better get going. Nim couldn’t possibly be still sleeping. ...Maybe.

Well, I needed a walk to get my thoughts in order anyway, so…

Wims Fourth. A journalist who took on various cases and researched all sorts of weird incidents to try and get good material. She’s generally pretty neutral, which alongside with her unpleasant personality makes her hard to work with… but, those things are just minor impediments. If they weren’t, well, there wouldn’t be any sort of cooperation or friendship in this mental world. No, the real problem is her mutual grudge with Nim.

As for why they hate each other so much, well, that’s a long story. So much so, that I haven’t heard all of the details yet. Suffice it to say though, that although they’re both surprisingly reasonable for jerks, that reasonable goes out the window when they’re together. I wasn’t joking when I told her that one of them might do something they would regret when together.

But in spite of that, it’s good that she got involved. She’s clever, and her genius brings along some powerful utility constructions as well: apart from secret police crows, she can also summon film tape of a person’s memories and rapidly look through them. Since the construction needs to sneak into someone’s mind to take the information from there before copying it and bringing it to her, you can theoretically block it, but… it’s not like she’s erasing the memories or tampering with them in any way. She’s just sneaking inside and walking quietly, basically. Since it’s so sneaky, and simple enough she can focus on making it even more sneaky, you’d need to be much stronger than her to even detect it, let alone block it.

I don’t think there’s anyone who fits the bill. Not even Nim or that serial killer.

So, in other words, there’s a door right in front of me.

...Wait, I think I got lost in thought. Almost ran face-first on the door.

“Huh? Yo, Novalue, you here?” Nim “said” through a psychic message.

“Sure am” I send in response.

“...You didn’t ran face-first on the door, now, did you?”

“Nope.”

“Then, did you almost do that?”

“Of course not. I just got surprised because I suddenly remembered I wanted to buy some donuts, is all.” I lie spontaneously but carefully

Suddenly Nim opens the door.

...Holding a wallet.

“Oh, ok~ Sorry for thinking bad of you. Also, you left your wallet home, dumbass! Documents aren’t important because the police is made of weak shits, but what would you do if you wanted to buy something?!”

I take the wallet, and enter.

“Soooo~ anything to report?”

“I met Wims.”

(The prism spins, and senseless light is reflected with a different sense)

Suddenly, I feel like grabbing a few knives and going all Adam Lanza. No, but it was guns… Nim, you FUCKING DUMBASS!

Anyway.

“Did you tell her to go die?”

“‘Afraid it would have the opposite effect.”

“Should have called me then~ I could be the Diomedes to your Nestor~”

“Do I really have to be Nestor…?”

“Huh? Well… Achilleus to Patroklus?”

“Wait, I’d be dead then.”

I clasped my hands and smiled with malice:

“Your corpse is worthy a rescue~”

“...So, anyway. About Wims...” Suddenly, I got in a bad mood.

“Yeah, yeah I know. Just don’t go about expecting too much, yes?” Novalue was about to speak, but I shot him a discreet glare, and complemented the “shut the fuck up” with additional flow of information “More pressingly, let’s go take a look at the police files again! There ought to be a few left, né?!”

“You just want to take a look at the files again, don’t you?”

“Nein...”

“(sigh) Fine, let’s go.”

We walked towards the precinct without a care in the world. But who needs care when you have style? Surely the passerby were gazing at our mutual beauty with much envy~!

Upon getting there though...

“Wait, you’re the ones from yester- yes, of course we can provide the files for usage. Also, Nim, you’re the greatest that has ever lived: I can’t even imagine how one might surpass your fundamentally lofty and superior existence.”

Novalue gave me a glare. Well, maybe not a glare, but a Novalue glare. Most people would think he was feeling sleepy or some shit

“Nim. That last part was unnecessary.”

“Whatever moooom!” I replied, waltzing and skipping towards our destination. I suddenly stopped, however, as if remembering something.

“Então tipo, hey, Novalue! Can you tipo, like, uh, go ahead and shtuff? I need to do something here first~” Novalue looked at me with distrust:

“You’re not gonna’ do something awful now, are you?”

“By the love of the T bearded idiot crow Novalue! Have some more trust in me, yeah?! I feel like a train going to a station full of passengers wantingtogotoanotheroneandexpecti-AHHHHHH” I inhale “Ugh, fuck, I couldn’t say all of it at once. POINT IS. You should trust me more!” I finish with a pout.

“That, however, doesn’t answer the question.”

“No, I’m not gonna do anything awful.”

That seemed to convince him. Hey, I wasn’t lying! I was about to do something justified, not awful.

“Heeey, Mr. Guaaaard~”

“Huh? I’m not a guard, technically, and I do have a name you kn-”

“Oh golly. The magic trick wore off, great. (sigh) Individuality is wasted on you, not gonna’ lie. I mean, the same can be said about me, but… Mmmm, I’m awesome and you’re not. So, whatever you. Is what I’d say, or just think. But, ya’ know. Uh, not sure how much you actually remember from yesterday, since I wasn’t the one on memory-wiping duty, buuuut. I, the great ME am still with my memories intact~”

“Memories…? Ah! Then, you must be the one alongside that fagg-”

Suddenly, his body feels light and his head is slammed at the table. Totally not by me.

“YOU DAMN PIECE OF SHIT! YOU MESSING WITH ME, HUH?! YOU’D BETTER START THANKING ME FOR SHOVING YOUR HEAD INTO THE SURFACE OF THIS TABLE, ‘CAUSE IF I HADN’T SHOVED YOUR HEAD INTO THE SURFACE OF THIS TABLE AND INSTEAD ALLOWED YOU TO FINISH THAT WORD, YOU’D BE FACING REPERCUSSIONS OF A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL!” I threw his body back into the chair “YOU DAMN WASTEFUL SACK OF MEAT!” I turn my gaze to a mug of coffee alongside it’s ingredients “Oooh, coffee.”

“Man, coffee sure is bitter. I can’t take mine without tons of sugar. Generally, if I am to make coffee, it’s for Novalue, so I’m more experienced with making black coffee, though. Here, lemme’ make some.” I add in enough coffee for it to become saturated “Ah, whooops. Maybe a teeeensy bit to much.” I throw the sugar at the floor “won’t be needing that. Let your family feast on it. Now, say “aaaaah!””

“aaaaah!? GuulphgMMMM!”

“Theeeeere weee... go.” with a jerk of my hand, I break the mug on his mug, cutting just the right amount of flesh, before pushing his chair to it’s limits and making him fall to the ground.

Pom.

“Ouch, that looked like it hurt. But see, you could have broken something. If we had met, say, an year back, you definitely would have. Which reminds me, I’ll be taking this key.” I pick up the key for the emergency exit “Wait, I didn’t beat you that bad… I’ll be leaving this key.” I put the key back on his pocket. Would be bad if someone got trapped and they needed it… Though that’s not the reason I did this, it’s just that I realized Novalue wouldn’t much mind this.

Speaking of him…

“Yo! Novalue, I’m coming~”

I open the door and find him looking through some documents. He then looks at me, seeming bored and closes the file.

(The prism spins, and senseless light is reflected with a different sense)

Well, he sure took his time… can’t trust him to have kept that promise. Not that I much care. I close the file.

“It’s no use. Honestly, I’m thinking the killer must have some sort of connection to the police: sure, accessing the file wouldn’t be a problem regardless, but in order to be this through… if not a policeman, then maybe a lawyer or a judge.”

“Seems likely. I’m, uhh, guessing you didn’t find anything?”

“Nope.” I went to store the file away. “This whole trip is seeming useless to me… Maybe we should visit the regist-?”

“Hm? Whazis’?” Nim interrupts me, picking a file.

“What’s with that file?”

“Dunno’. Felt a little ajar to me, though I’m not sure why...” Hmm… though he alternates between not trusting it and boasting it to the point of unreasonability, Nim has a remarkable intuition. Might as well see where it leads. “Sebhbos Mmsseptnote? Ugh. Just looking at the photo disgusts me. Wonder if he was some jerk I met and forgot?”

“...I really doubt you’d forget something like this.”

“Tee hee~ Weeelll. Even for my most grand majesty, it could be possible… have I met him as a child, perchance?”

“Well, is it anything interesting?”

“Nah. He visited this city a long time ago. So not much is said. Doubt it’s him we’re looking for.”

“...If you say so… In that case, let’s look some more”

“Yes, captain!”

(Time passes...)

Well, today was an useless day. Every day felt like one, but this one actually was.

...And to top it all off, it seems Nim has no intention of letting me sleep.

“Wake up. Up up up.”

“Ugh...” I wanted to ask what time it was, but I had no energy to do it. Luckily, Nim was able to guess:

“4:14 and 57 seconds. Figured this time would be safest. Now get your head out of that pillow: I’m pretty damn cranky that I couldn’t have my intelligence sleep.”

“Mmm… safest?” I ask, still refusing to let go of the pillow.

“Yes. Thing is, that serial killer has been following us all day.”

“What…?” the news remove a bit of my sleepiness, but far from all of it; I am, however, now alert enough.

“It started with a bad feeling… so I decided to try searching using the Mental World, as well as paying close attention to everyone around us, though never actually intentionally doing it. And guess what, though I couldn’t see him well, nor properly identify him, there was always this sharply-dressed, thirty-something blonde man around, as well as a constant presence of a monstrous power that, although contained, I eventually identified as being his...”

“Before anything else… how powerful is he?”

“About… as powerful as me. ...P-Probably superior”

Huh… that makes him way more powerful than I am. Well, whatever. About Nim though...

“Don’t get anxious about it. First of all, there is an age discrepancy. Secondly, he probably doesn’t have much combat experience… or any sort of on-the-field experience with the Mental World. And finally… I’m here with you.”

He reacted simultaneously well and unwell, but didn’t complain. Probably because it was more of the former than the latter, and he was too sleepy for that.

“Well… So, about the plan.”

“Yes?”

“Basically...”

[victoriasugden-blog1]

I know you are on hitaus, but I'd love your opinion on Emmerdale at the moment.

You know what, I am on hiatus so for me now is a great time to throw my unfiltered opinion out there into the cosmos and log off and not have to deal with it.

This is negative to the point where if you don’t like negative stuff don’t read it, seriously. You’ve been warned. Also, this is my opinion ya don’t have to agree with me.

Robron:

“No actual plot here,”

I’m going to say what I’ve been biting my tongue and not saying since the spoilers came out in fear of repercussions from the fandom. This “storyline” if you can even call it that, it’s more a “plot” is rubbish. It’s hands down in my “ED didn’t give a fuck about actually making an effort” notebook: alongside the kidnapping plot and many other plots in general cause let’s face it there’s been a lot.

This plot for me is fan-baiting at it’s finest, cause ya know it makes fucking no sense in the plot their currently in, wasn’t developed or given even an inch of actual depth or real meaning and ya know what you might be thinking “Laura wait for Monday,” but I’m allowed to think this way from what I’ve watched.

We had no build up, Aaron just “decided” he was gonna propose at least we got two scenes with him how lucky! We only got one of Robert who just “decided” he was gonna propose literally out of nowhere presuming because Aaron didn’t mind holding Seb I guess? That makes buckets of sense. I’m not the person who likes fluff for the sake of it and just welcomes it when it makes no sense to the plot.

And yeah Comedy plots aren’t my thing, but I could have enjoyed it if it was well plotted out and storylined correctly. I’m calling bullshit here, I’m calling bullshit on the whole thing cause IM has been bigging up this wedding for over a year and you’re telling me they didn’t have time to plot this out? For real????

Like I’m a simple gal, you wanna give me comedy, give me comedy but at least plot it out, storyline it correct, give me some development and make it believable and I’m happy. I’m not watching General Hospital, I have higher standards for Emmerdale.

That’s when for me it feels like rubbish, that’s when it feels like Emmerdale’s just like “meh we don’t have to try let’s just fan bait ‘em and they be happy!” And look if you are, good for you, this is my opinion no one here has to agree with me. For me, I go crazy when it’s a storyline they’ve clearly put no effort into and is just mindless fan baiting. Yeah, I’m not a fan.

Charity:

“It was meant to be important but what? 1.0″

Please tell me again how this storyline was originally meant to be the police force and their abuse of power? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT STORYLINE? Because we’ve literally seen none of it.

It’s some fucking joke at this point, lbr half of Charity’s storyline was meant to be about how Bails was a cop/detective so no one fucking believed her? So why the hell aren’t we seeing that storyline? Yeah we’ve been hearing about the “trail” and we’ve had them send in DNA tests but like that’s it and it’s frankly I’m gonna say it again rubbish.

If this is about a cop and the way he abusive power, shouldn’t be we idk be seeing how the police are handling it? For me, that’s important to. If I was in Charity’s position watching this storyline, I still frankly wouldn’t want to come forward, not even an inch, because it wouldn’t have in any way made me feel like coming forward would bring me justice.

Maybe I gotta wait till the trail, but the way they’ve isolated her, more on the Vanity issue later, just feels unrealistic and takes away from a storyline that should be about her whole family supporting her.

For me, we haven’t really seen anything that highlights why a woman in these situations should come forward, and that’s the storyline Emmerdale was selling when they dubbed it “important” but like, am I shocked? No.

Charity & Ryan:

“We’re running around in circles”

I’m gonna start by saying: I like Ryan a lot, but do I think this storyline needed a “secret child?” the answer is flat at no. If anything I think it takes away from the storyline they were trying to tell above because it’s saying “don’t have a child that shares the coppers DNA well too bad your not gonna get justice!!” It’s also morphed into completely being about Ryan and Irene, and the real meat of Charity’s storyline which was meant at least I thought it was meant to be Bails seems to be forgotten and pushed back.

Apart from all that, they’ve decided to portray Irene as the one in the wrong, rather than Charity. I’m gonna be real here, Charity’s never been the mother of the year, she’s never gonna win an award. Noah didn’t even want to live with her at one point.

I’m sorry them portraying Charity as some a class mother is some a+ level bullshit right there. Of course, Irene is weary, this is her son, she’s  Ryan’s mother and she’s trying to protect him from the mess that is Charity. Don’t get me twisted, I do think if Ryan wants to know Charity then he should get that chance he’s a grown man, it’s his decision. But man framing her as some great mother is like nope I’m sorry I can’t handle that bullshit.

Last but not least, this storyline is going around in circles and is held hostage by Debbie’s storyline and like why??? “I’m gonna tell them! Nope wait I’m not” over and over again this is in my opinion badly passed. Here is Charity saying she wants to make a go of it with Ryan but doesn’t even get how fundamentally she’s hurting him by continuing to keep him a secret from his family after she promised to tell them.  

Ross:

“It was meant to be important but 2.0″

Ah Ross, don’t you just love it when acid is thrown in a character’s face and their somehow made to be the bad guy at the mercy of the character that ordered the attack on ya and ruined your life!

I’m not gonna go into too much depth because I think everyone knows how I feel about Ross’s storyline. It’s utter total garbage with no redeeming factors to it. They screwed over MP so hard he’ll be feeling it for years at this point. Like ouch.

I’d like to meet the person who thought this storyline was in anyway a good idea, not only has the person who threw acid been cleared, the person who paid that person has been pushed to the forefront, made to be the victim, and basically been told by pretty much everyone that what she’s done is pretty much “okay” cause it was an accident.

I get MP leaving screwed them over, but I don’t find that in any way a good excuse for not bothered to do a lick of research for this storyline. For not bothered to give a fuck about victims and turn it into a fucking circus show, where at the end of the day the victim comes off looking the worst.

Someone count how many times in those first few episodes they panned to Debbie’s face, and showed her crying. Someone count it for me because for the person who paid for the attack she’s shown a lot more she needed to be and by more I mean she didn’t need to be shown at all.

Joe:

“I’m a kind of Tate, but not really”

I don’t have much to say about Joe, purely because I have no fucking clue what they were thinking with this character, compared to what we’re actually seeing on screen. His entrance was strong, I imagine he was meant to be a villain before they decided to pair him with Debbie and pretty much ruin his character for me.

He literally got away with everything, including treating Debbie like a prostitute, living her and her kids homeless, sending Liv to prison and literally didn’t get punished for any of it…oh wait he jumped into a lake for a biscuit and almost died that was it.

Apart from his character given no depth, the reason for him being in Emmerdale in the first place was dropped. We shall never speak of it again apparently. They NEVER redeemed the character. They just cut off his balls and that was it.

Debbie & Joe:

“We’re a love story for the ages!! We promise..”

Remeber when I just said they cut of Joe’s balls, well your looking at what they cut them off for- for Joe to become a background character to Debbie’s plot. To pretty much “be totally in love with her” even though that wasn’t the plot. And for Emmerdale to push this couple even though they don’t really have chemistry because Debbie has chemistry with literally no one.

But don’t fret Emmerdale is gonna push it anyway, not let any character hate Joe / this couple for longer than 5 seconds and be completely tone deaf. So ya know there’s that: but it’s fine cause they’ve already ruined Debbie’s character for the foreseeable future to me.

Sarah:

“Side character”

Literally, her sl is for Debbie and Joe, why they recast an older actress is beyond me.

Graham:

“Tragic as they come”

There isn’t much to say about Graham, because he’s storyline hasn’t been fleshed out, it’s not developed and him getting a flashback episode is the most hilarious thing ever. Talk about giving a character with no substance a misery porn storyline and just expecting us to relate or feel bad for the character…another strike and a missing storyline.

Having one episode where Graham says he was an alcoholic and how he caused his pregnant wife to die and literally than not mention it again and stick in an affair with another boring character and then bring back his plot without actually giving it any attention or time.

Chaddy:

“It was meant to be important but 3.0″

Ah pro life, how are you, my old enemy? You don’t seem to ever be leaving Emmerdale. This storyline is filled with conations of how “weak” you are if you abort your child (and this is after the baby was announced to have a condition that won’t let her live more than a few hours after birth).

Guilt tripping parents who do by saying “we’re her parents don’t we owe it to her to try as hard a possible” FUCK YOU EMMERDALE, and basically making Chas an unbearable walking pro life advert, and basically shun the idea of giving her organs away even though that could have been a storyline that helped fuck tones of people.

This storyline features, no outside support, no support groups, no real-life experiences, the character basically shunning a woman who abort the pregnancy, and the actress actually saying “I did no research for this storyline” that’s right Lucy ACTUALLY SAID THAT. I mean they’ve made Paddy the better one in this storyline, like….. the horror.

And that was how they treated this storyline AFTER they announced the condition if we go into before that’s a whole other kettle of fish.

Tracy:

“I’m a savior, I’m gonna make it”

A breath of fresh air, literally she’s the only character to managed to escape this bullshit. Even though her sl was way too tied to Charity’s and I feel Amy deserved better. She was still given a well-paced storyline that worked gave her character the respect it deserved. My only qualm was that her abortion storyline was about David like fucking nope but at least she didn’t have to fucking carry that baby to term.

David & Maya:

“The bunny boiler one”

They came out of nowhere, won’t last long because Leyla is coming back and Maya is totally gonna be a bunny boiler. I don’t have much to say apart from damn Emmerdale you gave David this sl like 3 months after Leyla ax the character if ya have nothing left to do with him. Also, ax David causes his character is fucking gross.

Liam:

“Under the bus, we go”

Literally, nothing to say apart from the fact that they basically threw Liam’s character under the bus and brought him in for fucking David and like nope Emmerdale why? I’ve been wanting them to make Liam a regular for forever and they literally bring him in to throw in under the bus like what a waste of what could have been a really great character interaction.

Bob & Laurel:

“They hate us”

But their storyline is one of the only ones that actually had the only decently paced storyline, and was also storylined out well. Burn me at the stake.

Marlon and Jesse:

“They made no effort and stuck me with the chef”

I’m sorry I don’t like Marlon and Jesse, I think they don’t really have any chemistry. I think it’s a real shame because instead of spending months trying to push Jesse and Marlon together they could have fleshed out Jesse’s character and given her an actual storyline but nope!

They didn’t bother. Like think about it she’s been a regular for months and what do we actual know about the character? She had a good husband, she has a son and that’s it.

Matty:

“I’m undeveloped”

I like Matty as a character, so he’s entrance and storyline being underdeveloped and under fleshed tbh disappoints me. For me he’s storyline doesn’t feel that realistic, not that he’s trans or any of that stuff, it’s about how Moira took 3 episodes to just suddenly be okay and trying.

I know she’s beloved by the GA and they don’t want them to hate her for too long, but that was literally nothing, most parents who have a problem with it don’t come around in like a week. Not to mention Emmerdale is a conservative town, but everyone is suddenly okay with Matty after one meeting and for most their just automatically okay with it, it’s just not realistic.

Matty & Vic:

“Out of nowhere”

The thing is I could get behind Matty and Vic, but like it came out of nowhere and tbh Vic is still fucking wearing her ring to Adam and obviously still in love with him doesn’t even know he didn’t murder Emma and has been given no time to actually move on but I’m now meant to ship her with Adam’s bother? Ya, see my problem here? Yet another underdeveloped plot which seems to be the running theme.

And that’s it folks I’m out, have fun! This is my opinion, ya don’t have to agree with me!

[qqueenofhades]

Hiii! How are you, what's up, how's the life treating ya? Have you seen the Lucifer trailer from sdcc? Any thoughts? I'm kinda stuck on the Dan/Chloe kiss, but it looks great! Hope you're having a great week! ~DSEP

Heh, I haven’t watched any trailers/anything from SDCC, for any of my fandoms. I just reblog some pictures and look at stuff and go “hmm, cool,” so yes.

As for a Dan/Chloe kiss, I imagine that’s from the four standalone eps we were supposed to get at the end of s2, before they moved them to s3, because I know there were flashbacks to Chloe first joining the force among those. I have seen gifs of Linda and Chloe going to Lucifer’s penthouse and whooping it up, however, among others, and I definitely 100% approve.

The biggest news that I took away from SDCC, however, is the introduction of New Love Interest Guy, and hooooo, do I have theories. Some of which I already inflicted on @devilishyhandsomefriend, but yes.

Anyway, in short, here’s my spec: “Marcus Pierce” is either Michael, as in the archangel Michael, or some kind of agent/associate of his.

Why? Glad you asked!

First of all, the name set off my radar immediately. “Marcus” is from “Mars,” as in the Roman god of war, and “Pierce” is a violent-sounding action – you pierce someone with something, such as, say, a sword. So this dude’s name basically means “War Sword” right off the bat. Hmmm.

Next, the archangel Michael was, traditionally, the guy who led Heaven’s armies against Lucifer in the war: he was Lucifer’s main antagonist/major foil among his siblings, the most powerful, the one in charge of throwing Lucifer out of heaven and keeping him out. Marcus also seems to turn up right after Lucifer gets his wings back. Given as the entire theme of the season is about Lucifer’s identity as either angel/devil, I’m not buying that this guy who is specifically presented as Lucifer’s antithesis, everything he’s not – i.e. mature, reliable, serious, stable – is just some handsome square-jawed human that happened to wander into the place. So again: his name has warlike connotations, and he’s Lucifer’s opposite, and he’s turned up right after Lucifer’s angelic identity/connection to heaven has been restored. Yes, some of the role of most powerful/oldest archangel seems to have been filled by Amenadiel, but there’s still a space to bring on Michael. It could also explain why Chloe is attracted to him – he’s like Lucifer fundamentally, i.e. angelically, but he actually has, you know, his shit together.

Next, they have been pretty coy about the possibility of seeing more angel siblings, or who exactly the antagonist for the season is. We know that Charlotte Richards will be around as her human self now that Mom’s gone, but… she doesn’t really fit the bill for a Big Bad any more. The guy NAMED FOR THE GOD OF WAR seems a litttttttle suspicious to me, especially since we’ve been told right off the bat that Lucifer isn’t going to be happy with the situation and will feel insecure and challenged. To which I say: good.

Obviously, nobody really likes love triangles, but a) the writers have smartly subverted and played around with tropes and avoided being predictable in a ton of ways before, and b) honestly, Lucifer really, really needs a kick in the pants, and HARD. He’s changed a lot, but he still hasn’t changed in quite the way Chloe needs him to. He’s basically figured that he can fuck it up repeatedly and then waltz back into her life and retake his place (see 2x14) and he just has not gotten it through his damn dense head that this pattern cannot continue. Tom himself said that Lucifer never regarded Dan as a real rival for Chloe; he was “Detective Douche,” beta male, not somebody who could actually challenge him. Marcus/Michael/Pseudo-Michael, on the other hand… that’s a different story. If this is the guy who defeated Lucifer and threw him out of heaven before, or has some connection to him, then yeah, Lucifer is going to be hot under the collar and he’s going to have to take (finally…) a serious look at what he’s been doing and the ways in which, with good intentions, he’s been taking Chloe for granted the way he did Maze (and which we just saw Maze free herself from). But if Marcus IS Michael, and not telling Chloe who he is, Lucifer is going to have to think hard about doing the same himself, and whatever secrets he’s still keeping/inclined to keep.

I don’t want Marcus to be evil, just because a) the writers so rarely make any character completely dislikable, love to develop, have everyone’s best interests at heart, and want to tell a compelling story, and b) obviously, I don’t want Chloe to be forced to return to Lucifer just because the other guy turned out to be fake. Just as they’ve done such a good job exploring so far, she needs to (and Lucifer will not be satisfied with) anything less than her returning to him because she 100% WANTS TO BE WITH HIM, has made a realistic survey of possible options, and has chosen Lucifer over them all.

In the meantime, however, let’s be real: Chloe has put up with a ton of Lucifer’s shit, and as much as she cares about him, everyone hits their breaking point eventually, especially when Lucifer has been so confoundedly slow to learn as he has. Chloe isn’t going to drop him hot potato, but honestly, I think a lot of squirming is good for him, because we all know Lucifer only ever learns things the hard way. If he sees Chloe be attracted to someone who is seemingly actually capable of giving her a real adult relationship, he will probably try to copy/make those changes, fail disastrously (see The Dansformation) and then struggle his way into figuring it out somehow. But he has to do that, just as Chloe has to learn the truth. So you could either have Marcus as just completely human who represents the ordinary/mundane/usual world, and Lucifer the wacky angel on the other hand, and Chloe having to choose between that… but I feel like both Marcus and Lucifer are going to have to meet halfway, and both be revealed as not quite what they seem (for both us as the audience, and for Chloe). After all, this show loves it some twists.

Anyway, yes. The interest in season 3 is that Lucifer cannot go on as he has been doing, and Chloe cannot really go any further with him until she knows what the hell (literally) has been going on for the last two seasons, plus Lucifer has his wings back, plus he’s encountering a real challenge/somebody who he has to take seriously as a rival. Maybe Marcus is totally human, sure, but if he’s Michael, that adds a whole interesting dimension to what’s going on, and I do hope it plays out in a supernatural twist. That, after all, is the fun of the show.

(Sorry for the novel, heh. But yes. I have Thoughts. Hope you’re well. xD)

[autisticawesomeness-archive-blog]

I relate to that post so much. I've had genuinely nice wonderful therapists but I can't even begin to actually communicate my issues properly and it makes my anxiety and depression worse to go. Like I've had a doctor yell at me I just need therapy and. ?????

RIGHT?

Okay but seriously, I phrased this in a joking way, but the fact that 75% of my time in any given therapy is spent on me educating my therapist is ridiculous and harmful. Even (especially, actually) in therapies specifically targeting autistic people, I somehow still end up having to teach my therapist about basic concepts like executive dysfunction or, y’know, that my autism affects more than just my social skills.

And that is??? Absolutely absurd??? I’m not even spending my time arguing against things like functioning labels, because I know that that would just be a lost cause. All I’m asking is that I can successfully communicate my issues to them, without them constantly trying to fit me into neurotypical behavioural types, because! guess what! I’m not neurotypical!

And the majority of the therapists I’ve met genuinely listen to me when I explain things, and adjust their behaviour accordingly. But it’s so much work talking to them, because this explaining never ends. When they’ve adjusted one behaviour, they still have 20 other things to work on. And I’m the one that’s going to have to point them out and explain how to fix them. It’s exhausting.

“Then just don’t!” sorry, but that’s not an option. In therapy, I need to be helped, and I can’t be helped if my therapist doesn’t adequately understand how they need to help me. 

As an example: for neurotypicals/non-autistc people, it’s unhealthy to seperate yourself from human contact during grief. However, my social skills are severly diminished, and the energy I usually have to keep them up is basically gone. Isolating myself is, in my case, a form of self-care, and actually more healthy than being around others all the time. (now, this is a catch 22, because it also means that I have no-one to kick my executive dysfunction in the ass, which leads to me having serious self-care problems, but more social interaction would just stress me out.)

However, if I want to explain this to a therapist, I need to go through the following steps:

Convince them that autism is a different neurotype, which means that your brain is wired so differently that your needs are fundamentally different from a neurotypical’s.

Explain to them that social interaction costs me insane amounts of energy, because I’m not allowed to be myself with others, and that I actively need to adjust my natural behaviour.

This actually includes various other steps, like explaining that stimming is a natural body language, and that supressing it costs energy; explaining that maintaining eye contact is not only annoying but actively draining; explaining that on bad days, speaking is actively painful; explaining that I analyze every single word I say thrice because I naturally have no brain-to-mouth filter; etc.

Explaining that I have limited amounts of energy each day, and that if I waste my energy on social interaction, I can’t bring myself to cook that night.

Explain that neurotypical grief and autistic grief are inherently different, and give them a couple of links to read on that.

In the meantime, reassuring them that, no, you’re not doing anything wrong by making me talk to you, you are my therapist, you’re hired for this, yes it sucks that I have to climb through so many social rules when with you, but it’s more society’s than your fault. Because lord knows that after every point I make they go ‘oh, sorry’, and it’s rude not to reassure people then.

And THEN I can begin to tell them that having other people interact with me is not actually helpful to me.

And wouldn’t ya know half an hour has passed and we’ve just made a bare beginning of the groundwork for our session.

It’s ridiculous that I have to jump through all these hoops and have to educate my therapist, who studied for this, damnit, simply because neurotypical scientists who study grief and write books about it for psychology students to study assume that… what do they assume? That autistics do not experience grief? That we experience it the same as neurotypicals? What?

And it’s not exclusive to grief, either, but you get my point.

There’s a serious lack of consideration for autistic people in the psychology field. This is not a new statement, as wel all know what “therapies” are considered “helpful” for us, but I see very little people talking about the fact that this extends far beyond just autism-related therapies. Therapists have little to no knowledge about our neurotype, and what little knowledge they do have is often harmful and/or wrong. This makes me very, very hesitant to ask for help, even when I do grossly need it. Because I know that I won’t actually receive the help I need. I’ll just end up playing teacher. 

Anyway, sorry for the rant, but GOD, this irks me.

[dent-de-leon]

keith is a druid

basically hes gonna be using magic in season 3. theres a bunch of foreshadow for it so throwing it all under the cut 

main points:

his mom was a druid 

all druids are part altean as well as galra

we already know about haggar, but also, the way allura could take druid magic and throw it right back at her proves black/purple druid magic works fundamentally the same as light blue altean magic

and the original members in the blade of marmora were either altean or had a close relationship with altea, because thats where their magic swords were mined from

“the planet these were mined from hasnt existed in decafebes” the shamwow knife salesman says

we dont know what decafebes means exactly, but if we break it down:

it sounds like a hell of a lot

its in intervals of 10, caus thats what the prefix deca means

so where’d the magic swords come from??? how about a planet known for magic, which hasnt existed in 10,000 years, and that the galra definitately either lived on or interacted very closely with?   A   l te     a

the blades are made of “luxite”

lux means light in latin

suffix “ite” is from the greek lithos and means stone, so literally light stone 

altean magic is bright and glowy and light as opposed to the way galra druid magic is always so dark, so it makes sense if something called the light stone is from altea and associated with altean magic

if druids are part altean, and keith’s mom is a druid, then the shapeshifter altean genes could explain why keith’s not purple  

also, thace resisted haggar’s magic interrogation, and we dont know how. or maybe we do

haggar showing shiro his worst fears seems a lot like what the bom suit can do 

in short, the bom is familiar with, and has used druid/altean magic before, both in their weapons and armor 

the reason members of marmora can resist druid interrogation tactics is caus theyre already familiar with it, and we know keith’s mom was in the bom 

the reason he senses “weird energy sources” around the same time as haggar is caus hes a druid

the reason hes the only one who can connect to his lion over a long distance is the same as why zarkon can do it--aided by druid magic 

raw quintessence heals him (quintessence used on other people, like zarkon, needs a conductor--aka a druid, but for keith it reacts on contact. even the prison guard pumped with quintessence at beta traz, his was purple not gold, meaning a druid already refined it, like in Collection and Extraction) 

so the quintessence keith interacts with directly is like this

instead of like this

not only can he manipulate raw quintessence, he doesnt need any mechanical aid like this galra either, its all just him and his own power 

also, the fact that in Collection and Extraction keith is singled out as the one to see this process and confront a druid one on one, thats like, pretty significant just thematically and stuff. its keith out of all the paladins for a reason guys. its caus hes a druid alright

sidenote that if he was a druid, he might also be able to modify or upgrade shiro’s right arm, which seems to be somehow powered by druid magic

this makes sense from a symbolic standpoint cause keith is also the right arm of voltron 

ive seen some really good meta that shiro is a druid, but again, i still think its keith cause. even if the galra arm runs on quintessence, like the guard’s tech in beta traz, his arm is the catalyst. he cant interact with or use quintessence directly without out. but keith can

also, the color his arm glows looks purple like that refined quintessence, so again, i dont think he couldve ever activated the arm himself if another druid hadnt already worked with it 

and hey this seems like pretty heavy foreshadow 

the galra take his arm from him and another galra changes it so its no longer something distorted by the people who hurt him, alters it so that its maybe more comfortable or not as painful and helps shiro feel like hes regained some control over it

also the hand keith injures and magically heals is his right one. when shiro is strapped to ulaz’s operating table he goes “you took my hand!” make of that what you will but i definitely think its foreshadow to keith “healing” shiro to some degree 

the “keith unlocking new powers” in season 3 thing is referring specifically to quintessence/druid magic. the only galra we know of with altean-like “powers” are either druids or the result of druid experiments. so ya. druid 

its totally plausible keith could’ve opened up blue’s wormhole caus who was the only one other than lance that could sense blue lion?? that could connect with lions that werent his similar to princess “im connected to all the lions” magic user allura?? keith 

anyway review: druids were part of the bom and keith’s mom was one of them, keith has already shown he’s sensitive to quintessence and can still manipulate it in its raw state 

anyway long story short youre a druid keith