#i mean...i HAVE made some progress on writing and scoping

[novelmonger]

I think I forgot to post a scoping update this week. I forgot multiple things I was supposed to do on Friday, so I guess that shouldn't come as a surprise. What happened on Friday? Did Friday happen at all?

The entire month of August doesn't quite feel real. The whole summer feels like it's neverending, but also passing by in the blink of an eye. I'm sure that's partly because of my grandpa's passing, partly because of remodeling the bathrooms, which has been a bigger upheaval that I realized it was going to be even though I didn't really need to do much myself.

I feel like I'm waiting for life to go back to normal. Like I'm waiting for just a single day where I can stay home all day and have no distractions or claims on my attention, where I can just hole up in my room and actually buckle down and work on writing and scoping homework. Because it seems like, even when I have a few hours in between workmen coming to the house, or going to my grandma's for a meal, or a thousand other responsibilities and errands that aren't supposed to take much time, I blink and those hours are gone and I haven't done anything more productive than catch up on my Tumblr dashboard.

Tomorrow I'll be eight hours behind on what's supposed to be my scoping schedule. And I'm probably not going to have time to do much, if any, homework until Thursday this week. I'm getting horrible flashbacks to college, even though my current deadlines are completely self-imposed. It's that feeling of finding yourself balancing on a ball that's rolling down a hill, and you can't stop or you'll fall flat on your face, but you also can't catch up or slow down. It's like a very calm, subdued panic, if that makes any sense.

I don't really have much of a life, and yet I still have no time to do anything. And I'm still running on only 5-7 hours of sleep a night, which is entirely my own fault, but if I stopped earlier each night, I'd only have even more to catch up on the next day....

I probably just need to go to bed. Things usually seem slightly more manageable in the morning, even if that's bleary-eyed at 5 a.m. and none of the circumstances have actually changed a jot.

Oh. And I'm on Chapter 15.

[ghost-with-a-teacup]

hello!! I loved what's in between so much and I need some more miguel o'hara fluff😭😭

if you're talking requests could you write one about how miguel and the reader have obvious feelings for each other but arent dating, Peter b trying to be the wingman and tagging mayday along while trying to set them up.

idk if this prompt has any scope, but I just liked the idea 😭😭

𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Reader

Summary: You have feelings for Miguel, so Jess and Peter decide to play cupid and help you out a bit :3

Warnings: None!! It's just pure fluff, silliness, paired with the classic best friends to lovers. Enjoy!!

You had a problem.

You had a very, very big problem.

Alright, so it wasn’t that big of a problem, but it lingered on your mind day and night. From the moment you woke up to the moment you went to bed it was on your mind.

What was it, you ask?

You might, just maybe, have feelings for your best friend. Now, you knew the tropes. Best friends to loves was arguably one of, if not the best trope to have. But those were stories, this was real life. It made it all the harder when your best friend was Miguel O’Hara, leader of the Spider Society.

Frankly, it was a miracle you even became friends with him in the first place. Somehow you had wormed your way into his heart and had the honour of being his closest friend. This however meant that it was highly unlikely for anything to progress further beyond the scope of platonic love.

This was a fact that you had grown to accept in the months of realizing your feelings. This didn’t mean you didn’t mope over it though.

~

“Ugh,” you groaned loudly, your forehead pressed into the cafeteria table as you lamented your feelings out into the world. A happy giggle interrupts your swirling mess of thoughts, however, and you turn your head and are met with the sight of Peter B. and Mayday by your side.

Lifting your head up, you open your arms and Mayday happily climbs into your lap, babbling softly. You feel your heart warm a little as she played with your fingers, her red hair a mess as she laughs happily.

“Can’t stay upset for long when this little one is around,” Peter says, smoothing out her hair that somehow only becomes more messy.

“This sucks, Peter,” you whine to the man, and he smiles sympathetically.

“We’ve all been there y’know,” and you only huff slightly. Peter was another one of your closest friends and the one you happened to rant to the most about your unspoken feelings.

“Would it hurt so much to just tell him?” he asks, and you whip your head over dramatically, a horrified expression on your face.

“I would quite literally rather take a dive straight down into Earth-67982 with all the gators than tell him,” you say, and Peter only snorts.

“C’mon, it’s not that bad! How do you expect to get anywhere if you never tell him how you actually feel about him,” he says, and while you knew he had a point you chose to disregard it.

“I’m perfectly happy where I am Peter. Single, and still with a best friend,” you say, but you sigh softly. “It’s not that easy anyway. There’s no way he likes me back, and it took him long enough to talk to me beyond anything superficial like the weather or the happenings of other universes. How am I supposed to confess to him,” you say, pinching Mayday’s cheek lightly. She scrunches her face up and you can’t help the giggle that escapes.

“Ah, relationship woes?” Jess jumps in, and you yelp in surprise while Mayday only laughs at your expense. You glare at her playfully and she imitates your expression in turn which makes everyone around the table laugh.

“We’re not in a relationship, so I don’t think it really counts as a ‘relationship woe’ Jess,” you say, turning to the woman as she settles in next to you for lunch.

“You could be in one if you mustered the guts to actually confess instead of pining for him like a lovesick teenager,” she says, and you shoot her a deadpanned look.

“There is no way in the 7 hells that I am ever going to confess to him, I mean, just look at him,” you say, nodding over to where he was picking up his own lunch from across the hall. “In the billions of possibilities that exist, there is not a single one where he likes me back.”

“Don’t see yourself short, you never know,” Peter says as he and Jess share a look, cogs turning as they scheme their own plots.

~

You were just walking about the HQ, stopping periodically to talk to the Spiders you knew. It was your day off, and your own universe decided to be boring today so you figured what better place to hang around than Earth-928?

Well, it was supposed to be your day off, until your name is called over the intercom alongside Miguel’s, telling you both to come to the monitoring room.

With a groan, you nod to the Spider you were talking to before walking over.

“Jess? Is something wrong?” you ask as you pop into the room, Miguel is already there and turns to nod to you in greeting which you return with a grin.

“There’s a mission I need the two of you to go on,” she says offhandedly, swiping through the screens as she studies the universe’s events.

“But Jess, it's my day off! There are literally hundreds of other spiders you could send on this mission,” you whine, the aches of the mission from yesterday still lingering on your body. Though almost imperceptibly she glances over at you, making it clear that there were hidden intentions behind this mission, and you press your lips together knowingly. You supposed she was in the mood to play Cupid.

“Why do you need us specifically?” Miguel asks, eyes narrowing suspiciously. It was his day off too, you were about to go see him as he worked on all his gizmos, he still wore his work outfit in place of his regular suit.

“This guy’s a bit of a tough one, so Lyla and I decided that we needed our best out in the field. Be ready to head out in 20, he’s already on the move,” she says, and you sigh lightly, unable to disobey orders.

Miguel only pats you on the shoulder.

“Bold of you to assume you think you can order around the Leader of this place,” he says jokingly.

“I can order around anyone I want when the Leader puts me in charge for the day,” Jess retorts as she puts her hands on her hips.

“Good point,” he relents.

“Uh-huh.”

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” you say to Miguel as you head out together.

~

“…wasn’t this guy supposed to be a ‘tough one’” you say, quoting the air as you stare down at the anomaly you were supposed to take down. Miguel only snorts in response before shrugging. There, in your line of sight was the anomaly; a snail that moved at a top speed of maybe 2 kilometres per hour that a single well-placed trap could take down in seconds.

“Easier for us,” Miguel says simply before swinging down and doing just that. Immediately the force field wraps the villain up like a present, and his mask disappears from his face as he looks over at you.

At that moment felt your heart skip a beat as he grins up at you playfully.

“Are you going to hang up there all day or are you gonna head back with me?” he calls out as a portal opens up, snapping you out of your stupor.

“C-coming!”

~

“Peter, why don’t you get one of the younger spiders to babysit? Don’t get me wrong, I love Mayday just as much as the next person but I’m not that great with kids,” you say with a worried smile.

“That’s why you’ll have Miguel to help! I think you two will make a great team,” Peter says, handing Mayday over. You eye him suspiciously when the realization strikes.

“This is all a ploy to get me and him together, isn’t it?” you ask, and Peter puts on an oblivious face.

“What? No! No way, this is just a friend asking for a favour,” he replies.

“Don’t lie! You and Jess have been up to something for the past week, that mission, the closet, and now this,” you huff.

“Alright, fine. Maybe we did plan this out, but maybe the two of you just need the push,” he says, a hand on the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Peter, he doesn’t like me back. I know that already,” you say frustratedly, but sigh softly. “I’ll help you out, but no more games alright?”

“Alright,” he relents. “Thanks for this though. MJ and I haven’t had time to ourselves in a while,” he says, and you give him an understanding look.

“What are friends for?” you smile.

~

“Mayday! Get down from the ceiling, please?” you plead, watching as she babbles happily while crawling across the ceiling. You were right up there with her as Miguel stood on the floor with his hands on his hips, watching with blatant amusement.

“Miguel, a little help here please?” you ask him, and he only snorts.

“You seem to be doing just fine,” he says, and you let out a groan. Finally he gives in to your pleading.

“Solecito, you wanna come down now? I think you’re going to give your babysitter a heart attack,” he says and immediately she drops down from the ceiling into his waiting arms. You let out a sigh of relief as you follow suit.

“She only listens to you, I swear,” you say as you look at her, huffing softly.

“She likes playing around, and you have the most reactions so you’re her main target,” he replies, and you boop her nose playfully.

“You’re a little menace, aren’t you.” She only babbles happily at that.

“I’m going to grab her lunch, will you be okay by yourself?” you ask Miguel, and he bounces her up and down as she giggles loudly.

“We’ll be just fine, won’t we chiquitita,” he says with a small smile. It makes your heart warm as you watch them play together. You knew how hard it was for Miguel to be around Mayday after losing his own daughter, but he seemed to truly adore the little girl. It was precious to watch.

“Alright, I’ll be right back.”

~

After searching aimlessly for a few minutes, and a couple of mishaps you finally have a small bowl of food to feed Mayday. When you come back into the living room, you find Miguel sitting on the floor with Mayday in his lap, a toy grasped in her hand.

“I think you’d make a really good parent if you ever want to have kids one day,” Miguel says offhandedly as he continues to watch over the little girl. You feel your cheeks warm in embarrassment at the compliment.

“Seems like the same would go for you, Miguel,” you say as you watch the two of them fondly. You can’t help the thoughts that flash through your mind. The two of you, together, sitting in a nursery just like this one with a child of your own. It was far-fetched and would probably never happen, but it doesn’t hurt to imagine all the ‘what-ifs’.

“Though that’s ironic of you to say considering I was just hanging on the ceiling trying to get her down not even 15 minutes ago,” you say, and he chuckles lightly.

“Parenting isn’t always smooth sailing, but you have a softness that makes the little ones feel safe. I see it when you’re with Mayday, even with the kids at HQ. Don’t sell yourself short,” he says, glancing over at you before holding out his hand to take the food. Somehow you feel your face heat up even more as you sit down by his side.

“Thanks, Miguel,” you say softly, and he only hums in response.

~

After all the events of the last week, you find yourself lost in all your swirling feelings. All those possibilities, all those moments you spend with Miguel wishing that they were more, it quickly became overwhelming. It’s why you find yourself trekking up to the observatory of HQ.

This was your favourite spot to come to when you were stuck in your head. Very few of the Spiders knew about it, which made it the perfect hiding spot when you wanted to be alone with your thoughts.

The ceiling panned up into a dome of intricate glass, allowing the light of the stars to shine through. Though realistically it was more the light of the futuristic Nueva York, the city that never sleeps. It didn’t make it any less beautiful though.

“So this is where you’ve been,” a voice cuts through the silence, and you jump slightly as you turn around to face Miguel who only chuckles at your expense.

“You found me,” you say softly, smiling at him though it doesn’t quite meet your eyes. A look of concern washes over his face, and you wince.

He could always read you too well.

For a moment you just sit there in the silence, the only thing breaking the quiet being his soft footsteps as he approached you. Every step he took had your heart racing faster and faster until finally, he was by your side. Glancing at him, you see that he’s already looking at you, and there was something on his mind.

“Do you like me?” he asks softly, and you turn away from him, instead choosing to look out through the windows. Slowly, you sigh, still unwilling to make eye contact.

“Do you want me to be honest?” you say just as softly.

“I do.”

A lump forms in your throat as you fidget with your hands a bit, wondering if you should just lie. If that would make this any easier.

It was hard for you to be vulnerable with people, from a young age you were conditioned to hide how you felt because it made you seem weak. And even worse, you were told it made you a burden on other people.

You never wanted to be a burden.

It was hard for you to be honest with your feelings…especially if they were about how you felt about someone you loved. You think this is the first time you’ve ever loved someone like this, and you swallow harshly at the thought.

“I do…like you,” you whisper finally so that only his ears could hear. “I know it's cliche, but it's nothing but the truth when I say that I’ve never felt, felt feelings with anyone else the way I do with you,” you ramble, realizing that once you started you weren’t able to stop yourself.

“It makes me scared, Miguel. Feeling this way? I don’t know how to do this,” you gesture between the two of you, but still hesitating to look into those beautiful crimson eyes you adored so much.

“You’re my favourite person. Throughout every universe, every infinite possibility it’s still true. And I’m scared because it seems like throughout my life every single time I have something good it slips out from beneath me, and I can’t afford to lose you. I, I can’t,” you say, a single tear trickling down your cheek.

For a moment he doesn’t speak, and the car falls silent until he inhales lightly.

“That…is a possibility, it’s true. Maybe what we have, what we could have won’t work out. But maybe we’re that one possibility where us together is possible,” he says as he takes your hand into his own. It was warm.

So warm.

Finally, you dare to look into his eyes, and inside them, you find a swirling storm of emotions that you get lost in.

“Can we do this? Do you think we can?” you ask hesitantly.

“As long as you’re willing to try, mi vida,” he says, squeezing your hand lightly.

“I think…I want to try,” you say softly, and his eyes immediately brighten up like the sun rising over the horizon, lighting up everything in its path. He smiles at you, and you can’t help but smile back.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, and all you can do is nod as you feel your heart jump to your throat in anticipation. You’ve never wanted to do anything more.

Gently his hand rises up, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear before settling on your cheek as he leans in. You close your eyes as his lips touch yours, and a small happy sound escapes your throat.

It didn’t feel like how the love stories described how your first kiss would be, with explosions and fireworks.

No. It felt like the first breath of fresh air on a warm sunny day. Like the heat of a fire after a long day in the cold.

Kissing your best friend was like coming home, a comfort in every sense and oh so right.

After a few seconds that felt like an eternity condensed into a single moment, Miguel pulls away. You look up at him with teary eyes, not tears of sadness but instead pure and utter joy as you smile brightly.

“I think this might be the start of something wonderful,” you say to him.

“I think so too, mi vida.”

A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading because that entire confession was what I imagined I would say to my crush ghfkjghdfkjghfdk (I was in my feelings, as a result this fic was born)

Taglist: @beiroviski, @scaraza, @blueoorchid, @remuslupinwifee, @local-mr-frog, @johfaam0, @rawegggohan, @honeycriess, @alexenoirex, @chimpkinnuggies, @rqdior, @banana—belle, @notasadgirlipromise, @6billionyearsold, @gods-perfectidiot, @ieatmunson, @honeii-puff, @wh0re4zaynmalik, @toplinehyunjin, @ohworm-writes, @ishii03, @snowywhiterose, @leftcupcakedefendor

[nihilnovisubsole]

hey, gang! miss me? no? too bad, because i miss you. i think about you all the time. i hope the year has treated you well. this is, what, the third, fourth year i've done a year-in-review post? have i done more than that? it's after midnight. i can't be bothered to check. i fear a lot of the mysteries of getting older, but i will say, i don't mind that it's easier to shrug certain things off. i look back on all the times i hid from some scary fandom discourse and go, "god, why did i care?" it helps to have other things going on.

on the other hand, i guess 2024 was the year of finding out what happens when you put everything into your day job and leave nothing for the weekend. it was a wild year at work, which i assume is normal as a game ramps up to ship. i gave a lot, which was good! i'd be lying if i said it didn't take a lot out of me. important people at trade shows have now seen things i wrote! i got to work with voice actors! good news: a lot of your faves are great people! i also made, like, no progress on any of my own projects except the picrew, which i still chip away at. yes, i still draw. more on that later.

one or two people in my coworkers-turned-friends circle have broached the subject of occupational burnout and whether i've reached it yet. as i said last year, i remember what voltage burnout felt like, and it took a much weirder, angrier journey to get me there. it's kind that they're looking out for me, though. i think it's something all creative people could stand to keep an eye on. a buddy of mine even gave a GDC talk about it. it's a shame GDC is so stingy with access to its talks. at least this article has a great summary if you're interested in learning more.

there were other things, though. my mother broke her hip in june, which forced me into a caregiver role that i'm not suited to. don't worry, she's fine now. i love her, so it was important to me, but it didn't leave a lot of time to sit and write for fun. i started what i thought would be a casual fanfic project, wildly over-scoped it, and made a ton of work for myself. i outlined an original story about a difficult, personal subject and a culture i'm descended from, but not really familiar with. there's a lot of pressure to do it right, is what i'm saying. i'm taking the only path i can think of, which is to bury myself in research. the trouble is, a lot of the literature about this time and place is also very challenging, so it burns a lot of brain calories. it's a far cry from what usually gets me to start a story, which is "i want these characters to sleep together. let's see where it goes."

in a different time, i would've taken this struggle as an omen that i wasn't the right person to write this story and abandoned it. it's critical that i don't take the coward's way out this time if i'm going to honor the question i asked at the end of last year. "what is my work saying?" my mother told me the same thing a few months ago: "i think you're a good writer, you just need to find good things to say." i take that to mean i have to write closer to real experiences, which means including the parts i don't like: disappointment, loss, mistakes, uncertainty. i had all of this year to figure out how, and the evidence shows i didn't. i don't know what to say. "oh well?" maybe you can't put a deadline on these things. in the meantime, hercule and aida deserve more stories (it's an hercule and aida story), and i want more people to know about them, and maybe i can say something real through them.

this was also the year that i reckoned with the other side of "all it takes is money to make problems go away." i was able to travel, i mean really travel, for the first time. all it took was being able to throw a chunk of my salary at it. i had some shipping drama [sorry, not the romantic kind] where i had no choice but to pony up a ton of customs fees. my arm PT didn't work, so i'll have to try a specialist who's out of my insurance network and pay full price to see them. this must be what they call "being a successful adult." i thought it'd look different. i wanted to live in the city and have a hot, mysterious boyfriend. well, i can still live closer to the city if i keep saving up for that house, and maybe some hot, mysterious guy will take pity on me someday. do you think they like 32-year-olds who play video games and have flat chests? i went all the way to paris and still didn't find out. damn! 🤌

nah, i'm kidding. i mean, i'm not, but i have other things to worry about. as i mentioned above, things with my arm have taken a curious turn. after six and a half years of assuming i had tendinitis, i found out, not only is it likely not that, i may not be injured at all. the particulars of this theory get out into the weeds of neuromuscular science, so i'll only bore you with them if you want me to. the point is, if any of it holds water, it would go a long way toward explaining why none of the typical rest/heat/stretching/strengthening protocols have worked. it's actually unfathomable how much effort i've put into solving this mystery just so i can get back to drawing fictional people kissing. you can call my creative work boring or predictable or whatever you want, but never say i haven't committed to the bit.

i don't tend to read my previous years-in-review. this year, i did, because i sensed i was grappling with a lot of the same things as last year. there's nothing i hate like being repetitive. not that you would know from the way i keep writing the same three character archetypes. humor me here. i was all set to keep whining until i reminded myself how 2023 had gone, and i thought, "geez. it wasn't that bad." nobody i love died, for a start. my health is better. i have some unread books sitting around. as terrible as 2023 was, i survived it. if you're reading this, you did too.

so here's what i'm going to do. i think you should do it with me, though whether i'm in any position to give advice is up to you. i'm not going to make any predictions about whether 2025 will be bad or good. i'm just going to see what happens. deal? all right. we'll check in next year. you'd better be there!

[sabrinahawthorne]

What's Happening in 2025

I think it's time for an update, and a tentative schedule for the coming year - so let's do that.

Games

Development on CLASH! really slowed down in the latter half of 2024, and while the reasons for that are by and large out of my direct control, I still feel a little bad for not speaking about it for so long.

I am still working on CLASH! - promise. The state of the game is that I'm working around a design challenge (regarding Techniques and how they relate to Fighter customization) by dissecting the game to a more bare-bones version and playtesting the parts that need tweaking until I can iron out those wrinkles. Once I've made some progress with that issue, I'm going to start fitting more pieces back onto the system, playtesting as I go, and putting out further playtest materials.

I don't think I'm going to finish CLASH! in 2025. Looking back, I definitely bit off more than I could chew in trying to complete it in 2024. A project of even this relatively small scope is orders of magnitude more complex than something like Broke Wizards. So in 2025, I'm going to pace myself with it. It's still going to be my focus, so don't worry, especially if you contributed to its crowdfunding campaign. 2025 will have goodies for you, even if the game itself probably won't be done. But I'm going to give the book the time and care it deserves.

But it isn't going to be the only thing I plan on making this year! I've got a handful of lighter things I want to put out. For one, I really want to release supplements for Broke Wizards. Adventure modules, mainly, but I've also got and idea for a magical items supplement with some new rules for crafting and the like.

This year will probably see a new Yon release as well! It's going to look pretty different from A Tyrant's Throne, and it's an exciting prospect.

Keep an eye out through the year. You'll like what I've got coming.

Public Appearances

That's such a bizarre thing to be posting about. Anyway.

The only certain event I'll be at is an episode of the Dovecote with @darlingdemoneclipse! I had a blast my first time, and it made my day when Eclipse offered me another go. I'll be on the show on the 27th of January, and I hope you'll join us.

A less certain prospect is a possible appearance on @tinytablepodcast. As of this posting, Broke Wizards has made it to the second round of voting as a submission for the show! If it wins, then the wonderful folks there will do me the amazing honor of playing my game. You should join their Patreon and vote to get my game a place on the show. And to support the show, of course. They make good stuff. If they end up playing it, then I'll make an appearance for a post-mortem Q&A!

I'm very excited about the possibility, but you should listen to the Tiny Table podcast regardless.

Other Stuff

The bad news is that I'm going to be focusing a little less on writing in 2025. Not ignoring it completely - hopefully the Games section of this update is proof of that - but a little.

The good news is that I'm doing some teaching this year! I won't go into too much detail right now, but the gist is that in 2024, I was given the opportunity to teach game design to beginner designers, and I'm going to take the gig. It's nothing prestige, mind. This is a recurring job at a local arts center, and I'm by no means an expert in this field (at least compared to some peers of mine). But I do have experience as a self-taught designer, and I'm honored and delighted to have the opportunity to give new designers a jumping-off point.

Relatedly, I'm going to be spending a lot of time this year introducing new players to RPGs. This, too, is also going to be a thing local to where I live, so if you follow me you probably won't hear a lot about it. But I'm excited about it, so I'm talking about it.

A Personal Note

You no doubt know this already, given how I have been - and will be - posting about it, but I'm having surgery this summer! It's nothing serious, and it's obviously not urgent. But it's something I've needed done for a while, and it'll be the end of several long-standing issues for me.

What you also certainly know by now is that I'm holding a sale to raise funds for that surgery for the next six months. All my games are included in it, and anything I release before it's over will be added to it. I'm also pushing my ko-fi during that time.

Needless to say, I probably won't be doing much from July to September this year. Not nothing, but not a lot, either.

Thank you all for the support you've shown me this year. It doesn't go unnoticed. Happy new year.

[secretskeepoffandommadness]

Omegaverse Ikemen Prince Poll Results

First, thank you to all who contributed. I didn't expect as many votes!

I will post screenshots if the results and give my opinion on characters briefly, but neither of them mean that it will be 100% the dynamics I will use in my main writings. These will have a proper post on my main blog when I'm ready.

For start, I will say I love the idea of most of the princes being Omegas, but I will start with some guys who I can't say as that at all.

As much as I love the conflict of personalities that seem the opposite of the dynamic's expectation, some characters just fit better with their expected dynamic.

For Ikemen Prince, in my opinion, these characters are: Jin, Leon and Sariel as Alphas.

Results seems to agree with it, because their votes are so close to unanimous, with less than 30% divided for the other dynamics.

And on the same category but a different dynamic from above: Rio as a Omega.

His votes aren't quite as high, but are still over half of them.

A character I like the idea of the conflicting dynamic x personality, but can't see that being my main option, instead I would save this for specific AUs, is Chevalier. So my final opinion is that he is an Alpha (although he seems quite neutral, and I can also see him being kind of adynamic, but that's beyond the scope of this).

Community votes also go in the same direction as his percentage is also quite high.

Princes I'm quite neutral about because I still don't know them enough. But if I had voted, I would go with Alpha for Luke and Beta for Gilbert.

Their votes are more spread out. Gilbert is the first my vote wouldn't be for the most popular option, but people probably know him better than me.

Clavis is another I'm still learning about, but I know him better than the former two, and for me he is the most Beta of the princes.

Seems people agree.

Silvio is very confusing. He comes off as pretty Alpha-like in the begging, but as hus route progresses, the more I can see him as an Omega as well.

In the end, unlike with Chevalier, I lean mire towards Omega Silvio. Mostly because it seems fun.

But I don't disagree with community's opinion being mostly Alpha. It makes the most sense.

Yves is another I'm conflicted on. Omega seems obvious, but I like Beta Yves as well. I would go with the later only to test it.

As expected, his votes for Omega are quite high.

For the twins, I was more sure of Alpha Licht and Beta Nokto, although the later also has strong Omega vibes.

People match my opinion on Licht and the vibes I had from Nokto.

As for Keith, I made another, separate poll, but I will consider the first one here.

Host seems pretty Omega while Alter has strong Alpha vibes. Although I like the conflict if the opposite, the only way for them to have different dynamics is Alter feeling like a different dynamic than the one Host presented as, but they still would have the same biological dynamic that rules some things about them...

They are really confusing and have all kinds of opportunities, but I like their presented dynamic and Host's being Omega and Alter adjusting to it.

But I understand community going for Beta. It balances out having two of them with different vibes and don't go towards the obvious.

That would have been my second option.

I only have vibes on the new princes, since we know little of them. My votes would be for Alpha Matthias, Beta Azel and Omega Kagari. (although I've seem someone post about Omega Matthias and I'm not opposed to all of them being Omegas.

The only one where my opinion differs from community vote is Azel. You probably also know more about him than me.

As for the side characters, I added them late, but I never really thought about them. I would go with:

Alpha: Cyran and Lucien

Omega: Carlo

Beta: Liam, Roderic and Walter

The only one I don't match final vites seems to be Roderic.

Last but not least, Emma.

I was in conflict. General otome protagonist vibe is Omega and I wouldn't disagree with it.

She also has a vibe that would make me think Alpha. But compared to Mai, she doesn't have as much if that Alpha vibe.

So I think of her more as a Beta.

(less decisively, maybe her dynamic could be whatever pairs well with her partner and the kind of fic you want)

Community went with the same dynamic as me, but Emma herself said she's an Alpha 😁

[jellytheteawolf]

Gonna vent a little on here bc there's less ppl and it won't be pushed anywhere, mostly venting abt feeling some sort of imposter syndrome

I'm so fuckign sad. It's been building up the past month I feel bc I haven't been able to sit down and make original art. I've been really into nezha lately which helps with keeping my creativity a little, but I feel bad bc I haven't made anything original/focused on my original work lately

I have so many wip comics and pieces and in the past ie through highscgool I almost never had multiple wips at once bc I always managed to finish every piece I started. But now I have many ideas limited time/energy bc uni (or I might just be making excuses for myself who fucking knows) and I can't finish any original work at all. I feel like my skill is stagnating

Back in hs I took ap studio art in my junior and senior year, and I made full pieces like every week. Even when I was feeling burnt out I still managed to make something and my skill level shot up. Now I'm like. Fml

It's not the fact that I feel I am "losing relevance" or feel "pressured by the algo" or wtv. I've been sub 1k on all my social media for 6 yrs and I've long made peace with never having a large audience that'll like my original work /gen, I have many talented moots and that's good enough for me. It's the fact that I'm afraid I'm going to die without ever having published/shared my oc story, and my ocs + original stories will die with me

I've been concepting my Heartbreak story + ocs since middle school. They are my true passion project and inspiration and reason why I feel drive to create and be alive. I think of everything, the scope of it all, and I feel it'll never happen.

By scope I mean the complexity of the story and my skills being unable to convey it properly. On one hand I either put too much detail into a page that it isn't sustainable, or I don't do enough and I feel unsatisfied. Maybe all creators feel like this, maybe this is normal. But I want to fuckign bash my head in

I've been repeating to myself that any progress is still progress. And that trying at all is better than not doing anything. But online I see ppl saying things along the line like... no one cares if it's a passion project if it's bad. And usually I'm good abt not gaf but it's been getting under my ski and sometimes I wonder if it's better to just save myself the effort and heartache and just. Not do it

Especially bc I'm not majoring in art/my career won't be in art. When I was applying for colleges my mom told me that if I chose art path she would not pay my tuition nor support me in any way shape or form. "It's your life and I won't interfere" except fucking leave it entirely huh. I get it comes out of a place of care esp since they're first gen immigrants and they know that other paths are more stable but it's just. Idfk man

And I'm a pussy. A fucking coward. I am stuck in a gray area where I don't want to "suffer" like an art student and be forced to make so much art where the joy is sucked out of creation for me. But I love art too much to just let it go. I can't choose one or 5he other completely bc I'm greedy and stupid

And yea art as a hobby exists but then circle back to my ocs and stories and fear that I'll die with nobody ever knowing their story.

I want to make a oc comic so bad. But I'm too cowardly to commit to the effort and tears it'd take to make it good. I'm too cowardly to be on my own and get cut off, too cowardly to be an art student, too cowardly to do fucking anything except feel bad about myself. And I could write it. Except I'm shit at writing and it doesn't scratch the same itch drawing does.

And all of that combined with the idea that it doesn't deserve to be seen/shouldn't be seen if it isn't "good." Makes me feel I should give up

I won't though, at least not completely. Because I genuinely would not be able to forgive myself if I gave up. Idek know what I'm doing I'm scattered everywhere I can't think of anything. I have no vision for my future in a world that demands a clear vision to survive.

I tire myself too. I'm just like a cockroach who wants to die but can't commit and do it. If I feel horrible everyday, at least I'll try for my friends. If I can make my friends happy at least a few more days in the infinite future I think I could. Forgive myself a little. 老娘 is fucking tired

[itsu-saragi]

Devlog #7 - Little by Little.

Good timezone and Happy November! Sorry for the late update once again, I should've written this yesterday but I was in an emotional funk last night lmao. Nevertheless, here we go:

Writing

October's writing goal was to get my love interest character, Aven, locked in. While I don't think I've gotten him fully figured out, I believe I made some decent progress so hey, that's worth celebrating, right?

This was a harder endeavor than I expected. In last month's update, I mentioned how not only do I want my LIs to be interesting and appealing, but also have a character arc and be cohesive to the theme.

Up until this month, I felt that he had appeal and a decent character arc, but he didn't feel interesting enough nor did he have a strong connection to the narrative's theme. So to solve this problem, I dug into my VN's theme- which is "mundane joys"- to analyze what that meant. Then I started applying those meanings to Aven.

I think that worked, he now feels more solid as a character. I'm still worried that he might not be that interesting, but I hope to slowly tinker and improve on him as I continue this writing hell.

I realize that I'll continue to revise everything I'm creating- characters, lore, the entire goddamn narrative- until the day I ship this VN out. So I'm not too worried about making Aven "perfect". The improvement will come with time, I'm trying to trust the process.

On a separate note, I finally coalesced all my world-building notes into a single document and that felt GREAT. Now that's worth partying about.

I'm setting my VN in present-day society but with a touch of magic (I like to call it "irl but a little to the left"), and for the past year I've been jotting down ideas on how it all works. But I didn't organize those notes until now.

I also had several friends check the lore for plot holes, so that felt nice. Progress.

And one last writing update- I've also been working on the story outline aiming to map out story beats so I can send it to my editor for review. It's a very loose process for now, like I'm throwing ideas at the wall and seeing what sticks but that's okay. I want to take my time with this.

Programming

I don't have much to report on this aspect, unfortunately. October was writing month. I should pick up the slack, especially because I'm a complete beginner.

I always have a mental hurdle I need to overcome when it comes to programming. It's like knowing how complex and confusing code can be makes me nervous to even start RenPy, lol. But at the end of the day, this is the only thing stopping me from learning, so I need to shut up and do it. Or at least, complain my ass off while doing it.

So I think that's what I want to focus on for this month. Thanks to October's writing hell, I've started to figure out what elements I need for this game (character customization, storing & referencing MC choices, etc.) so it'd be best for me to build a prototype using that scope.

Ohhhh boy, this is gonna suck. Let's fucking do it.

November Goals

Focus on programming. Learn and build a prototype based on the estimated scope, so I can apply it to the final build.

Continue working on the story outline.

Thank you for reading! Feedback is always greatly appreciated.

[mournmourn]

I was asked by @vinthund for a breakdown of the killing moon/organ chrords playlist, here's my meta ramblings down below ✨

I chose the songs by how they resonated with käsh for me with either themes, lyrics or the genre. I also had a rough feeling of a timeline/story when I was choosing the songs. I wanted the songs to reflect a progression of where we leave them at icip. That magical moment in the forest? Yeah, they transferred their respective homicidal instincts to each other.

I tried to convey this while writing the bio for the playlist, but this isnt a story with a happy ending. Im very much a truther of icip!käsh being a hannigram story re-visioned, and if youve seen the whole show, it is very much a tragedy.

I have drafted a more soft and happy käsh playlist bc I too want some fluff after being focused on this list for a good while. So, that's coming later ☺️

Have fun and sry for being morbid on main lol

SLAUGHTER HOUSE

Aftermath of icip: riding into the sunset moonlight in the truck, while the storm gathers. An omen for some, surely.

Deliverance

The breakdown of the song at the last minute reminds me of icip. Lyrics wise it is about Kä's side of introspection.

Tommy agrees.

Graveyard

Scoping out prey. Just for a goof, I swear.

Eat Me Alive

Chase and a first kill. Themes of masochism & cannibalism. Kä's feelings. He likes the aura of game and pursuit in Tommy. He loves to see the chase happening real time.

Haunted

Tommy's showing the side he hasnt yet shown to Kä. It is very much appreciated

Laura les is in 100 gecs, 100 gecs made a song with Tommy as feature. The cycles, man.

gOth bb

First interval.

Kä's aftermath of dealing with the first kill. It feels exhilirating but he has moments of clarity in intervals, realising the terrifying reality of their actions. But the power feels amazing. Tommy notices this inner turmoil.

Feral Love

Peak of attraction in their dynamic. Dumping of the body into the lake. Tommy feels sentimental and vulnerable.

I Want You

Tommy's feelings towards Kä. It's as much about love as it is about wanting to consume, own, treasure, and hide from the world.

I'm Not Done

Tommy had been almost found out once. He loves to tell that story.

Tear You Apart

Mutual feeling of their relationship. If I knew how to edit videos, I'd do an icip edit with this. Tiktok edit core, but I've had this song on my liked list since 2015.

Biting down

Second interval.

In order to consume and to love is to bare your teeth and chew. Seeing your partner as a meal can mean a lot of things.

Stockholm Syndrome

I don't see their relationship as a stockholm syndrome, this is mutually being freaks and as bad as each other. The lyrics and atmosphere however are perfect.

Kä's feelings of being whisked away to their rampage. He revels in the pretentious feeling of being taken apart, and their mutual violent nature.

Keep the Streets Empty for Me

They have a dynamic. One distracts, one takes chase. Tommy is an entity on prowl.

Kerosene

Tommy will take care of him, rinse the crimson from his hands and embrace him in the smell of kerosene and disinfectant. The hold feels like a bed of web. He's lulled into a rest without sleep.

Acid Rain

Third interval.

Chase. Rain. A forest, again. Too little oxygen to the brain. Too much strain on calves. Sense of wrongness, failure, fear.

If I Had a Heart

Obsession isnt enough to aspire love. Love isnt enough to aspire devotion. Certain hunger cannot be sated by mere attraction.

The Killing Moon

He senses the turn in the tension. He'd willingly become the sacrificial lamb if it was required to see him smile again.

13 Angels Standing Guard Round

It's quiet again.

How Will You Meet Your End?

[crystalelemental]

My wife moderates a fanfiction forum, and informed me that is it Femslash February. We have no idea if this is something specific to a particular fandom, but I'm interpreting it as a general "post yuri." Can do, boss. I hope to have a few for the month, though admittedly life circumstances as they are, fewer have made any progress than I'd like. But, I did finish some. Starting with one for Little Goody Two Shoes, because at the end of the day, I just think Elise/Lebkuchen is cute.

I've mentioned before that, in the broad scope of the game, I think the sacrifice endings are more thematically resonant, while the happy endings can feel a bit off. These posts are a good summary of my general stance on the endings, and why they don't feel like they land as well. I do think the story does best with the sacrifice ending, and really sets up that this is what Elise would do.

That said, I'm currently in a state of enjoying the fluffy stuff, and I really like Lebkuchen, so I make a bit of an exception for Bells of Dawn. Not because I think it's doing anything better than the other two happy endings, it's purely personal preference. But I do think it's a bit...abrupt, and kinda too neat and tidy? I feel like Elise's life isn't going to change all that much, especially at first. Traveling costs money these girls do not have, and Elise's work history as it is, she's likely going to fall into the same odd jobs as before. Her decision to pick Leb over wealth, while a fluffy emotionally happy outcome, means she's still poor and breaking her back for minimal pay, and likely a bit miserable. I don't get into it as much, but Leb's kinda similar. Her whole deal is being kinda frustrated at how much the villagers take advantage, demanding her attention and support at all hours of the day while Father Hans is overly critical of everything she does that isn't perfect. But while she's leaving to escape that, Leb's also open about how she knows she's working herself sick for these people even as she hates it, and isn't making much effort to get away. As far as the canon ending goes, Leb's still at the church where Elise expected to find her; she'll stay where she hates being without intervention. Running off may eventually break that hold, but the first thing she's likely to encounter is that she's going to be quick to help people and burns herself out doing it because she won't directly push back. I don't think either start their journey happy.

So while I'm all for a satisfying ending, and wanted to write something I thought was cute for the two of them, I did want to give the impression that it's not all ideal. That both aren't entirely happy in their situation at first, but the difference is having each other. The main draw here is that Elise would put Lebkuchen's safety first to reach the good ending. It's not so much "I can forego the desire for riches," but rather "I can't put Leb in danger for it." If it wasn't for Leb's presence, I doubt she'd bat an eye about a demon contract for wealth.

This was also an attempt to be a little more...purposeful in what I'm writing? I dunno how it turned out, but I like to think it went okay. Hopefully you enjoy it, too.

[velvet-cupcake-games]

Hey there I just wanted to check, with another writing delay does that mean to release is postponed/delayed again? I noticed you didn't actually mention that this could be a factor that would delay the game, but so far it seems to be the biggest factor delaying its release. I'm not sure why you haven't mentioning that when you speak about delays and have been focusing on the art as the thing delaying the release. But it's clear from your weekly updates that the writing for the first route is still not done.

I'm a backer of the KS and it's clear from previous questions you've answered here that I'm not the only one concerned about the lack of writing progress being made for Made Marion. But my biggest concern is your lack of acknowledgment that that is the biggest delaying factor at this point. I really didn't want to write this message, but it's been almost 2 and half years since the KS and I think your backers and pre-order buyers deserve some clarity around the actual delivery time of this game.

Hiya! Nope, there is no further delay to Robin's route due to writing at this point. (Bolded for TL:DR, the rest is ramblings.) Robin's route is still on schedule to release in early November. I'm being more granular with my exact writing progress in our Tuesday updates precisely so that I can provide the transparency that was requested. So you'll hear about my good weeks and my bad weeks, but please don't worry too much if I have a bad one.

The project's writing and coding are the things I can personally control. I had a rough week last week and ending 4a isn't quite done yet, but it's close enough that I know I can still deliver on time. I have re-chunked out my time so that I will complete ending 4a in smaller writing chunks alongside coding Chapter 3, which is actually how I do my most productive work.

When I didn't include writing as a possible delay factor for Robin's early November release, it wasn't because I'm not acknowledging that writing has been a major delay factor (I dedicated an entire KS update to that this summer). It's because I was personally pledging that my chunk of the project will be done in time for the November release.

For the project overall, the writing and art completion are about equal in terms of delay factors right now. I am still waiting on the full completion of three vital sprites needed for Robin's route and several character sprites that have smaller parts in Robin's route but are important on later routes still need to be done. Our cut-in art is behind schedule as well. Once the sprite art is fully finished and our lead artist only has to worry about CGs (and doing the KS wallpapers), the writing will indeed be the biggest factor in terms of when things come out (cut-ins are more flexible since only a few are vital). But right now, all of us except the fabulous Sandra (background artist) are in the same boat.

The year I lost to long Covid brain fog aside, I will say I regret setting what I now realize was a far too optimistic completion time for the project. I didn't know what I didn't know and didn't have access to a lot of knowledge about how long these projects take.

Now that I have a lot more data points to analyze, I realize that assuming it happens close to the start of development, 4-5 years post-Kickstarter is much more realistic for games of this scope. Because I underestimated so severely and because of my lost year, I'm trying to deliver as much as I can as quickly as possible, which is why I'm putting things out route by route with Early Access.

In the future, I'll be doing things very differently. After Made Marion and its DLC is completed, I'll be taking a good long time to finish most of the writing for my next game before I worry about commissioning art or doing any crowdfunding, if I decide to do crowdfunding. I'll have the cushion to do that after having put out our first game.

In the meantime, what I can pledge is that Made Marion is our top priority; I'm not doing jams or smaller games in the meantime, I'm just making this game.

This will probably be the last ask like this that I answer for a while, as it does ratchet up my anxiety. I will continue to report our progress on a weekly basis in preparation for our November Robin launch!

Edit: For clarity on underestimating completion time.

[zombubble]

In Memory; In Truth chapter FOUR, wherein we expand our scope just a bit:

Nie Huaisang chuckles, now. His relationship with Wei-zhenjun is decidedly different. Where Mo Xuanyu has chosen to put his faith in the god and treats him accordingly, Nie-zongzhu still treats him like an old friend. They’re casual with each other. Familiar. Nie-zongzhu finds it amusing that Wei-zhenjun ascended, but not in a malicious way. He does not worship Wei Wuxian, but has been kind enough to make offerings regardless. A favor to a friend, he says they are, and a way for him to repay Wei-zhenjun with offerings and merits, if only a little. Yawning, Mo Xuanyu looks at Nie Huaisang. “It’s so early. They’re really supposed to be here, soon?” “Lan-er-gongzi wakes at sunrise,” Nie Huaisang says. “Wei-xiong doesn’t have to sleep. We need to eat breakfast same as them. They might as well get here early.” “You want an update as soon as possible, too,” Mo Xuanyu points out. Nie Huaisang looks at him, his smile shifting into something a bit more shrewd. The thing about Nie Huaisang is that he’s foppish and whiny, incompetent and absolutely unsuited to his position. The real thing about Nie Huaisang is that’s exactly what he wants you to think, and all of that covers a calculating mind and a frankly terrifying sense of determination and a willingness to justify the means with the end, regardless of what they are. Interestingly, he’s a lot like Wei-zhenjun in some ways.

New players on the scene!!! Yes, in this AU Mo Xuanyu lives! I've been having so much fun writing him. The Mo Xuanyu I created in my brain (because we have so little of him in canon) is fun and kind and determined and willing to fuck someone up in unsavory ways if that's what it takes.

There's some stuff I haven't written yet with him that I'm really looking forward to..... once I get through the scene I've been chewing on for the last few days. Progress is being made, though, and I'm almost at the end of draft number one.

Thanks to @thewalrus-said for helping me choose which bit of this chapter to post, though admittedly I did know this would likely be the final outcome once I sent it.

Thanks to all of you for reading, and I will HOPEFULLY have this weekend free of Moving Bullshit, but we'll see!

[thewatercolours]

3, 7, 13, 15 for the EOY writer post?

3. Did you achieve everything you wanted to this year?

I was pleased with the number of oneshots I shared, and time I spent investing in my imagination, and the care I put into drafting my multichapter, "Path of Kingship." I certainly had a number of plans that fell through, of course, honestly I'd be a bit bit disappointed with the scope of my plans if I didn't dream bigger than I could actually accomplish!

Some plans that didn't play included properly reviving my dormant original novel, The Brilliant Hour (it's been sitting at roughly 70k for an age, and it's a delicate dance between remaining open to the fact I haven't entirely scrapped it, and preventing it from being a roadblock to other creativity because I can't let it go.) I did a lot of concept work on a new fiction about a high seas-based monastic order and a kidnapped royal, but the timing didn't seem to be right for it. I hoped I would finish "Path of Kingship" before the year was out, but it's still in progress. Well, some of these may still be groundwork for the future, and for those that weren't? Well, I enjoyed them anyhow.

7. What are three songs you put on your WIP-playlist this year?

A song from the Path of Kingship playlist: "Stronger" by Ellie Holcomb. The moment I heard the lyrics I could feel the resonance with Graham's arc from terrified newbie to confident leader.

A song from The Brilliant Hour playlist: Tried to rebuild this playlist from memory. I had an expansive playlist for this novel on Itunes before my account locked me out. I'm sorry to lose all the ones I've forgotten, but some songs are indelibly linked to story, and come to mind immediately. One is "Marrakesh Night Market" by Loreena McKennitt, which had a heavy hand in inspiring the opening chapter.

A song from Anders Solmor's playlist (Saltmarsh - not a traditional wip since it's from my rpg campaign with my brother - but I do so much writing for it and approach it so much like a writing project it counts): This feels ridiculous, and I'll add that I'm not a Swiftie. But I found a string quartet version of "Look What You Made Me Do" that's going to be perfect for Anders once he has his realization. Having a traditional-sounding instrumental version fits the Saltmarsh vibe, but in my head I can hear the words. I'm delighting myself with the double meaning of the refrain lyric if I associate it with Anders. He was made to do so much without even realizing it - and when he finds out that knowledge might make him do something quite different.

13. How did you change as a writer? Did you learn anything new? Started to plan instead of pants? Share your wisdom!

Other than what I've mentioned in another ask - let's see. I continue to fight the good fight to trim back my prose's tendency to indulgence and purple. I don't know if I got any better at it, but I was more ruthless in intention at least! I also found it helped me to consciously decide when a work was something I wanted to polish to the best of my ability vs when it was just a "doodle." I do believe in putting one's best foot forward and developing one's skills, and the works that mean a lot to me deserve to have my best effort. But sometimes it's ok to dash something off as a little connection with the two or three people who read my work, especially the King's Quest stuff, and not agonize over perfection. So I guess, I gave myself permission both to truly throw myself heart and soul into the good stories, and to say, "Ah, it has Graham in it. They'll probably like it" for the doodles. (Is this a sound philosophy? I don't know, but it seems good for me at least in this chapter of my life.)

15.Time for shameless self-promotion! answer with a piece of writing you want others to see/read! (if you have nothing posted/published this year, any other year is fine too ^^)

If you want a tiny taste of my original fiction, or just something really short, here's an excerpt that stands OK on its own: "The Ungentleman." Pseudo-eighteenth century world, mainly focused on a fun dynamic between the two mains desperately imbibing sweets before they commit themselves to a situation where there probably won't be any sweets.

If you want a taste of my fanfiction, "Path of Kingship" stands okay on its own, regardless of whether you know King's Quest. The upshot is that a guy who never expected to be king finds himself on the throne, and tries on different approaches to his new position like boots. Some zaniness but also introspection.

[crescencestudio]

VELOX FABULA: A TALE OF DELUSION AND MEMORIES

So… I’ve been keeping this relatively DL on this side of the internet. Twitter got a couple of sneak peeks, but in case you all didn’t know, I participated in Velox Fabula, a game jam where we are given a community theme and have 10 days to make a full game.

And when I say I participated, I mean I Participated.

Before I get into things, let me just say that as a disclaimer… I had Every Intention to enter this jam as an Extreme Sideline Supporter.

Shall we get into a “post-mortem” of sorts?

Let’s set the scene, shall we?

Crescence has just finished Intertwine and Otome Jam. They are feeling Good and Creative. Alaris has made good progress in the month of July and starting weeks of August! Crescence Sees Velox Fabula, and while wanting to participate, decides not to because they’ve just done one jam, they want to focus on their main game, and maybe they’ll touch grass a little. Who knows?

Enter about 1-2 weeks out of Velox Fabula, and people are posting their teams. Crescence gets FOMO. Many besties are involved in Velox Fabula. So Crescence reaches out to a team that’s pretty big and offers to do just QA! Help with brainstorming, scoping, narrative design, etc. That’s not too bad!

Another friend reaches out.

This is someone Crescence has always wanted to work with. Crescence will just be a writer! Again, that’s not too bad! Why not!

So now, come VF Jam, and Crescence is on two teams (I was originally on three actually LOLlxoap).

First 24 hours go off with a bang. The theme is Unreliable Narrator. There's lots of brainstorming, throwing ideas around, refining, and eventually we land on two ideas.

On team one, we have an otome game inspired by [REDACTED] that will feature and MC who is [REDACTED] and a character who [REDACTED]. The game ends up having three love interests and is Deeply Ambitious but with 10 people onboard we decide to push ourselves.

On team two, we have a point-and-click game with a rich story that explores MC's background and a narrative twist where [REDACTED]. It's fantasy-inspired, because bitches know me and fantasy. And has MC choose to cherish or forget their memories through the ingredients they decide to add to a potion.

Both of the stories are fun and relatively different compared to what I've done so far. One, while still fantasy, has a writing style that is more vivid and emotional compared to my usual more grounded writing. The other is, well, Horror. Which I have no experience writing.

And so the Jam begins

The first third of the jam is a blur of frantic writing, editing, narrative design, and more. It's a hodgepodge of ideas on how the script and gameplay will go together. What's the visual identity? What is the Story we're telling? What's the Mood? And how do we unite all of these things to elevate the atmosphere of the game itself?

Enter the second third, and I'm wrapping up writing on team two. I get asked to do GUI for potion team, which I hadn't anticipated. But hey, I'm feeling inspired. Plus, I want to learn how to code all of these GUI features in for Alaris. Why not use this as a learning experience? So I agree. Horror team needs some help writing, so I jump in as well. I've never written horror, but there's already an outline. How hard could it be?

In the span of maybe 3-4 days, I end up writing about 15k words and editing maybe 10k worth of words. Somewhere during this time frame, I've also made progress on Alaris

Enter the last third of the jam and these games needs to be Made. I code the GUI for potion team. I reformat both scripts for both teams to Ren'py format to ease the burden on coders while they figure out other game features.

Enter the last 12 hours, and I am still coding and QAing both games. Not even caffeine runs through my veins anymore; it is straight adrenaline.

Enter the last 30 minutes. Horror game has submitted. I am still QAing for potion team. Are the labels getting called correctly? Is the dialogue showing up when it should? We submit with less than 5 minutes to spare LMFASODLIJ

i still laugh at this

As I come out of the Jam haze, I feel two main things:

Proud of myself. Like I fckn did that. Considering the context of how I had come into these roles (as an NPC if u will), I contributed pretty heavily to these games. And I think not having to be director made me see the skillset I've slowly built up as a game dev. It was that moment where you step back and fight that imposter syndrome a little bit, which has been a Heavy companion with me throughout my game dev journey.

Tired but (Creatively) Rejuvenated. I think this jam was surprisingly what I didn't know I needed for Alaris. After Otome Jam, I definitely made progress and was excited to get into Alaris. But after this jam, where I feel like I am Done and 100% satisfied, there's no longer any temptation for any other project. Like I feel solely focused on Alaris, which is extra exciting because the next couple of routes are some I've been most excited to write!

At the end of it all, I feel like I learned so much from so many talented people. And I think my writing, GUI, and coding skills have come out for the stronger because of it. Something I like to do with my games is integrate every component together (biggest example is Intertwine and how the GUI plays a part in the narrative itself). Watching people who are exceptional at coding, GUI, etc. helped me learn different ways to approach my own creative process. And I am so unbelievably excited to bring all of this into Alaris! Velox Fabula was an unforgettable experience---it was cracked, fun, delusional all in the best ways. And I'm honestly pretty proud of the products we've made from it! If you haven't gotten a chance to, please feel free to check out:

A "beautiful and melancholic" game that explores the power of memories, emotions, and more in a fantasy potion setting:

And an eerie horror game with twists and turns that lurk around every corner, only to be interrupted by Cute Love Interests

[nitro-nova]

Birthday devblog

I'll post a small oops large gamedev update on Combat Nightsuit Saboteur. My last post about it was in April.

During that month, I started working on concept art for the character and sprite.

Starting to get into May, I was working on art for interior areas like you're seeing above, and was starting to develop an idea for the art direction overall. Developing art assets like these while maintaining a full-time job is pretty difficult (every game's a miracle blah blah blah), so I had to accept that my pace would be slow.

I was doing some basic level designs here and testing them out with Clem while taking notes on feedback. I was researching platformers as I was doing this, so it took a little time.

In July, I wanted to find ways to mitigate how long it took to develop art assets. I started working on a prototyping art style so that I could have something in place. I also made a tool for calculating pixel art columns and gutter widths.

I also started taking notes on what lightness values of the character to avoid using in my assets, so that she doesn't blend in too easily. I took a break afterward to visit family with Clem.

I resumed work in August and started sketching out ideas for individual rooms.

I use GIMP for pixel art, but one of the unfortunate gripes I have is that its color palette mapping produces inconsistent artifacts. To combat this, I employed Dither Machine for more consistent pixel gradients.

By September though, I was getting frustrated with my pace, and a burning thing in the back of my mind was that even though the scope was small, the game wasn't fun or interesting, and I wasn't even making progress in the one level I was planning.

I mean, up until this point, I was trying to be kind to myself. I had a full-time job and was sleeping 6-7 hours a night so I could use the time after 10 hour shifts to draw pixel art and watch videos. I was making time for friends and going out with them.

Maybe I have an attention disorder? I do watch more YouTube than I really should (generally I try to use it for listening to music while I create, but I admit I sometimes get sidetracked by bops too lol). I imagine getting suboptimal sleep every day and having to catch up on weekends doesn't help.

I decided in September to change the project. An increase in scope, because I needed to make something I was more familiar with. Six characters, but you only play as one. No longer a jump-and-shoot, but a Strider-like, with an added focus on a beat-em-up combat system. I spent a few days writing backstories and getting the setting more in order, which would help me develop assets with more direction to it.

I refined my character sprite some more, started working on animations.

This shift in design was giving me a second wind, and I knew that I needed a more-than-basic platforming system. I was also promoted at my job, which came with a schedule change (I also got married lol, October was a big month). I decided to adjust my sleep schedule to 8-9 hours a night, and dedicate a single hour per work day for chores. As of today I am much healthier.

October was a major programming month. I started development on what I do best -- a Strider-like platforming engine.

Running, jumping, walljumping, corner grabbing, and ceiling grabbing were implemented. By the end of October, I was finished and successfully deployed the code into the project. To celebrate, I played around with anime color palettes and tried out my art style with a Blender project.

God it looks badass, I don't regret spending time on that art, after all. Despite how much I suffer, productivity-wise, it's stuff like this that motivates me to push on and create. It sounds a bit silly, but this image saved this project from death, because I can't let go of how much I dream of making games and animations.

If I really do finish this project, I can only imagine how much the world would like it. I just know I'm cooking, here. I've been thinking about inviting friends to help (the promotion came with an income increase, but it mainly helps me afford things more comfortably, sadly). I know for sure I need a project manager who may be able to secure full-time development funding, a Kanamori of sorts, to help develop a schedule and try to stick to it. Artists and quality checkers would be amazing, too.

November's development is smaller, but that's because it focused a ton on figuring out a pixel art animation process.

A/B Pose Sketches: Sketching multiple before after poses, like the ones my friend Rawri drew.

Selection, mainly determining which A and B sketches look best.

Joint-Keyframing: Those are the head and joint versions you see me make, with the pink helmet.

In-Betweens: Planning how the motion is meant to carry out.

Limb Shaping: Adding the limb silhouettes

Detailing: Adding the blues, golds, silvers, and black parts. Includes a check for any details I missed.

And that's where I'm currently at!

Edit: Actually, no, I need to say that people HAVE been helping me, here's who I'm shouting out:

Clementine - My wife! Thank you for loving me and supporting me and buying groceries and cooking meals for me and working hard. Genuinely I could never make progress without you helping me.

Mechanicalrot - Our partner! You also help give advice on projects and cook sometimes. I love you as well!

Robin and Eli - My family. Thank you for also buying groceries and helping me with dishes/trash and for your support. (strange-alchemy gets a shoutout for being supportive as well <3)

Saphica - Additional moral support and partner in crime. Thank you for reviewing my artwork and helping me stay positive even when I was feeling rough.

Rawrienstein and AndromedaZach - Amazing friends lending their art experience to help improve my art and animations. It means a lot that you hope for my success.

Rose - Another wonderful friend, thank you for having us over and cooking and showing me movies.

Jaycee - Wonderful friend, thanks for liking my posts and supporting me, too. :]

[schwender-exe]

Yet somehow further devlog #6

Ahoy all, it's around that time of the month again where I show off what I've been working on! While, this time I don't quite have a game ready to be shown, I do want to show some tools and scripts I've been working on in the meanwhile in preparation for a game genre I want to try and tackle.

#1 Dialogue scripts!

Since my on/off break at the start of the month, I've been reworking an old dialogue tool I've made starting way back when I was still working in Love2D. Originally, it was hastily put together, not quite understanding the full scope of how it all worked, but hey, it ran. Since then, I've ported it over to Godot and been making major improvements, taking some notes from my event system script (a script which lets you queue "events" to run in a specified order, waiting for each event to be completely finished running before continuing to the next one.) to make it its own thing!

Since the original Love2D version of the script, I've always wanted to reproduce something I saw from a tweet (which I can't find anymore, of course), which showed the in-house 'dialogue script' reader which was easy to write/read and even color coded on top of that which made it even easier to read! I remember being so inspired by that original tweet that, well, after all this time I can say I finally made something practically on par with it! here's a little snippet as an example:

This doesn't show the full scope of what I created, with ~17 keywords total, some of which having different effects depending on sub-keywords, eg. "money add 100" or "money remove 100", etc.

While it's not modular enough for me to 'pack it and ship it' out for the masses (trust me, I'd have to make a lot of changes for it to properly work more modularly and fit into others' projects), but I'm proud of what I created nonetheless.

#2 Point and click buttons

I've messed around with a point and click style game for a while, but never really got far into it because I always like things working a very specific way, and one thing I could never get working how I want them to is buttons. Specifically, the ones Godot has by default. They do their job, but at the end of the day it doesn't fit exactly what I want out of them, especially for a project like this. So I set out to code my own buttons, heavily based off and using what Godot have already set up.

Behold! ...Yeah, I know it's not much to look at, but it was hard! I swear! I mean, check this out:

I fit in a few different mouse detection types (think of it like the button's hitbox), and different ways the button will react on hovering over it! I know, I know. probably not very exciting, but it was fun to program together and get working! There's a lot more on the back-end, specifically with that mysterious "Hover Name ID", which I can set to be 'undiscovered' (like in the screenshot) if it's a location on a map, or maybe you want to have an area locked off and hidden until you progress through the story a certain amount? Perhaps the name of a character changes until a sudden twist?! all easily done with a line or two of code rather than having to wrestle the code down and change it to work a specific way.

#3 Put it together and you have yourself a Visual Novel

Yeah, that's right. I'm working on a visual novel! Hah! Well, that is as soon as I'm able to get what I deem a fun and exciting story and manage to get it out of production and available for everyone to play. Now, some might say "why not use an engine/framework that's already out there and built for visual novels so you don't have to do all this work? Like Ren'py?" and to that I say... fair point. However, I've always loved writing some of the backend scripts, even if they aren't the most pretty. They get things done the way I want them to, which means I can work more efficiently and have fun making scripts and whatnot along the way.

I know this isn't exactly the most exciting for anyone who's used to seeing me post cute pixels and miles of progress, but something's clearly up with me lately and until I get to the bottom of it I'll have to inch forward with my progress and show what I've achieved, even if it's not the most exciting.

tl;dr I made some nice backend tools which allow me to more quickly work on some fun project(s) in future, hopefully.

As always, for anyone who would like further knowledge, feel free to ask! And to all those who read this far, thank you!

[mediaevalmusereads]

A Canticle for Leibowitz. By Walter M. Miller Jr. Harper, 1959.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Genre: science fiction

Series: St. Liebowitz #1

Summary: In a nightmarish ruined world slowly awakening to the light after sleeping in darkness, the infant rediscoveries of science are secretly nourished by cloistered monks dedicated to the study and preservation of the relics and writings of the blessed Saint Isaac Leibowitz. From here the story spans centuries of ignorance, violence, and barbarism, viewing through a sharp, satirical eye the relentless progression of a human race damned by its inherent humanness to recelebrate its grand foibles and repeat its grievous mistakes.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: implied cannibalism, torture, and violence

OVERVIEW: This book has been on my TBR for a long time. I can't say what prompted me to pick it up now, but I'm very glad I did. I liked this book way more than I thought I would - probably because of my background in medieval studies and my fascination with the neo-medieval. Miller's work is incredibly imaginative and skillful in the way it deploys its imagery, and so, because I could hardly put this book down, it gets 4.5 stars from me.

WRITING: I very much appreciated the craft that went into making this book. Miller is a master as balancing telling and showing, creating complex characters that come to life on the page and an environment that feels fully real.

The worldbuilding is especially admirable for the way it reimagines the post-apocalyptic world. I loved the way Miller blended premodern Christianity with post-apocalyptic Christianity, redefining relics and incorporating nuclear war into its catechisms. I also appreciated that the exposition was minimal; because the story focuses on one monastery, we're given only enough worldbuilding details to make sense of the world as it relates to the monastery. We don't need a full explanation of how each government operates or what individual lives are like. We just focus on the monks and their relationship to the world, and I loved that lens of looking at the post-apocalyptic landscape.

But perhaps the thing I admired most about this book was the way Miller incorporated recurring imagery. This book is told in 3 parts, and each part is separated by a few hundred years. However, the narrative feels more coherent both because it stays centered on the one monastery and because a number of images keep popping up to create a sense of consistency. Some examples include the buzzards, the statue of St. Liebowitz, the old man in the burlap sack, etc. It made me think of the narrative as a kind of puzzle to solve while also reminding me that things stayed the same even as time moved on (perhaps reflecting one of the themes of this book?).

PLOT: The plot of this book examines the (re)development of human civilization following nuclear war through the eyes of a handful of monks at a single monastery in the American southwest. The (re)development is told in three parts with the events separated by a few hundred years: part one follows Brother Francis, a young novice who finds an untouched fallout shelter in the desert during his Lenten vigil; part two follows Dom Paulo, the abbot, who must navigate the political and technological consequences when a secular scholar takes interest in the monastery's relics (found in the shelter from part 1); and part 3 follows Dom Zerchi, who is in charge of the monastery when humanity inevitably redevelops nuclear weapons and threatens war once again.

I loved these three narratives, mainly because the scope was both limited and implied a more broad significance. We focus exclusively on events tied to the monastery, which means we're invested in the things that affect the lives of the monks, but also, we are made to understand that what is happening at the monastery has a wider impact on the world (without Miller having to bluntly tell us so).

I also loved that each section had an impact on the next, even if the events were separated by centuries. Because of the "relics" found in part one, a new scientific Renaissance is allowed to take place in part two, which allows mankind to redevelop weapons in part three. It made for a constant sense that the narrative was building towards something, and by the end, I was absolutely satisfied by both the cyclical nature of human civilization and the sense of hope that endured in the monks.

If I had any criticism, I would say that there were a couple moments when the pace seemed to drag in part two. However, this book is relatively short and we don't spent enough time in each section for the pacing to be a problem. I can also see how the Latin might be annoying for some readers; because we're following monks, a significant percentage of their dialogue is in Latin. Despite having rusty Latin, I was unbothered by the multilingualism, but your mileage may vary depending on whether or not you want to let the language wash over you.

CHARACTERS: There are a number of characters in this book, so I'm only going to focus on a few primary ones, for brevity.

TL;DR: A Canticle for Liebowitz is an impressive book. With a richly imagined post-apocalyptic world, deftly deployed recurring imagery, and memorable characters, this novel explores the cyclical nature of human civilization through a religious lens and questions whether humanity is, at its heart, doomed to destroy and remake itself over and over.

Brother Francis, the protagonist of part one, has a few personality traits that make him rather endearing. When we meet him, he's fairly young and has a timidity that is almost humorous. He is also deferential to authority but firm in the way he speaks about what he saw, and I thought this made him an interesting choice for being the person that finds the relics. Because of his timidity, he doesn't fully explore the fallout shelter himself (which kept me in suspense), and because of his youthful devotion, we get a lot of innocent (or naive?) interpretations of the world around him (which was amusing).

Dom Paulo, the protagonist of part 2, is a bit more confident and was interesting for his relationship with secular scholar Thon Taddeo. I especially loved the debates between the characters, most of which centered on learning and knowledge, and the mutual respect between enemies was complex and refreshing.

Dom Zerchi was fairly forceful and preferred action over thought, and this trait made him a good choice as a protagonist in part 3. I liked that he was presented as a character with fairly strong convictions, especially about suffering, life, and death, and that these convictions were challenged as the narrative progressed.

Memorable side characters include the man in the burlap sack (who showed up in each part, causing me to wonder if he was the same man or three different men), the Poet (from part 2, who played the role of the Shakespearean fool), and Mrs. Grales (a woman in part 3 who has two heads). All characters felt sufficiently developed and didn't overshadow the main narrative; in fact, they were just on the periphery and their presence did a lot to enhance the main story.