#i need that star in a blender stat

[comeonblub]

Writing again. This time it's a multi-chapter ISAT touch therapy continuation fic where Loop gets increasingly distressed about a growing mutual crush situation with Siffrin.

(They know why it's #SuperWeird, but they surely aren't going to tell Siffrin about it. So long as they remain Totally Normal, nothing will go wrong, right?)

"Anyways, let me put it this way for you, stardust… [You've gained the conversation topic (Touch Exposure Therapy)! When you loop back to talk to me, you can choose this option at any time! But only once per loop! Don't get greedy now!]"

[roksik-dnd]

It was always only a matter of time before I pulled all Abdirak resources into one folder for convenience. So far it has:

All of Abdirak's dialogue and the developer's comments for the VA and the animation team;

All of his spoken lines in .ogg format, courtesy of CellarSpider;

Official renders and screenshots of his stats, items, and books;

His 3d model and textures, assembled and ready to be previewed in blender; the shader setting were done by Star-Max, many thanks!❤️ The skin/hair/eyes colors were eyeballed, but the textures and the outfit's colors are gunuine.

Cosplay resources done by me, which include:

His hooks and belts, upscaled and prepared for 3d printing;

The vector patterns for his skirts, more of less in the right size;

The shoulderpads and belt vector patterns, created with 2.5mm EVA foam in mind. The middle and lower sections might need to be resized, depending on the physique of any given cosplayer. You might want to make a higher collar too.

[resi4skz]

Title: Mi Amore (oneshot)

Pairing: nonidol!Chan x Grace (OC)

Warnings: swearing in italian, smut

This is for @gracebang143 (i cannot tag her in it, stupid tumblr)

!! MINORS DNI !!

"Ugh, for the last time, Steph!" I exclaim as I put ice in the blender, chatter of customers in the background. "Olivia is my cousin and he's her boyfriend!"

"So?" She says and turns at the till, smiling at the customer. "Thank you for choosing Stat Lost, have a nice day!" She turns to me as she closes the register. "Look, we both know what of a person Olivia is. She's probably moved on to the ne-"

The sound of the small hanging bell on the door cuts her off. We both look at the front door at the same time to see my cousin, Olivia and her boyfriend, Chris.

Or Chan, as I like to call him. He was dressed in a black shirt and blue jeans, topped off with a black cap.

Gosh.

Why did he have to be so damn attractive?

Olivia walks over to a vacant table as Chan approaches me. I put on the biggest smile, as if he isn't my regular. "Hey, you're back."

"Yeah," he replies, taking out his wallet. "She'll have a macchiato with a cheese scone and I'll have a-"

"BLT with extra bacon and a watermelon lemonade?" I finish his sentence.

His eyes light up, giving me a small smile. "Yeah. Wow. You even remember customers orders?"

Only yours, is what I wanted to say. "Sort of. Since you're a regular here so I took the liberty of memorizing your order."

"Wow."

I tap on the computer screen taking his order and scan his card before giving it back. "Your order will be with you shortly."

"Thanks."

When I turn around, Stephanie is looking at me with a smirk on her face. Rolling my eyes, I start on his sandwich. Just gotta get through it. You can do it, Grace.

Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain on my finger. "Cazzo!" I glance down and see a small cut on my finger. Great, just I need. Quickly cleaning my hand, I gently wrap my finger in a bandaid.

"Everything alright?"

I jump at the voice before turning around. He needs to stop being so god damn good looking. "Yes. Your order is ready. Give me one moment." I put their order on a tray a d hand it to him. "Thank you for choosing Star Lost, I hope you enjoy your order!"

He chuckles, nodding. "Thank you, Grace."

My heart does that thing again. Oh wait, that's my stomach. I groan when he sits at the table with Olivia. "Have you maybe tried confessing?" Steph asks from behind me.

"What good will that do?"

"Maybe he'll realize what a crappy of girlfriend he has right now and maybe likes you back?"

Hanging my head in defeat, I walks towards the back door. I need a break.

------------------------------------------------------------

But when I come inside, I hear Steph and Olivia in a heated argument.

"What do you mean I can't have a free muffin? It's my cousin's bakery!" Olivia shouted.

"Because if we started giving away free muffins," I state stepping behind the counter and face her, "We'd be out of business. And it's not my bakery. Steph and I are partners."

"You're greedy. Why can't you just say that?"

"Babe, maybe we should-" Chan began.

"No, you stay out of this!" She brushes him off.

The fuck.....did she just tell him off? My blood boils, my nerves lighting on fire. "Olivia, simply just leave before you piss me off anymore."

"What?" She blinks at me. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"You want to know what my problem is? You might need a notepad because the list is long."

"Fuck you," she spat. "I hope this shitty place rots."

"Ah, the words from the famous home wrecker Olivia James," I say.

"Home wrecker?" Chan says as he looks between Olivia and I.

"Chan, don't listen to he-"

But I cut her off. I've had it with her bullshit. "Let me ask you something, Liv. Did you also try to lure him into your trap so he would give you money? Or are you fucking his buddies too like you did with Mr. Stanley?"

Mr. Stanley was our neighbor and his lovely wife, Diana would always bake these pecan pies that was mouth watering. One day, Mr. Stanley came to our house to drop off a pie and Olivia was the only one home. One thing led to another, once Olivia saw he was loaded, she seduced him and ended up sleeping with him. Many, many times. It wasn't until Diana saw them going at it in her home, on the kitchen table because she had gotten off work early.

Safe to say, Diana is divorced and thriving by travelling the world with her friends.

The look on Olivia's face is priceless though. "You...bitch!" She lunges at me from across the counter but I was quick to dodge.

Chan pulls her back and shoves her back before facing her.

Steph elbows me and whispers, "$10 says they break up."

"It all makes sense now."

"Chan, babe. Please listen to me." Olivia pleads. "She's lying."

"No," Chan says firmly. "You're always putting me second. You're always asking to go to expensive restaurants and to think I was spending so much on you. Tell me something," he takes a step towards her, completely towering over her. "Did Jake treat you well?"

"What?"

"Did he tell you to come here with me? Did he also tell you I was also going here?"

"Wha....what are you talking about?"

And then I see a different person come out. A new person who I wanted to know so desperately about. He runs his hand through his curls and smirks. The man actually smriked. "Why do you think I wanted to come here, Olivia?"

"You asked me on a date," Olivia replies. "What does this have to do with-"

"I know about you and Jake."

Oh shit. I watch Olivia's face turn into horror as she opens her mouth. "You're the one always yapping about your music all the time. I don't get what the big deal is, you're never going to make it."

I saw red. My blood was boiling. "Fermati!" I march over to Olivia as she blinks at me. "You do not get to judge a person based on their profession. You do not get to make assumptions. YOU do not put negative things in their mind to the point they want to end their lives."

But she rolls her eyes. "Please, you just had a scratch-"

I shove my shirt up on my arm, showing her the long scar going up to my elbow. "Does this look like a scratch to you that YOU caused?"

"What the..." Chan says and looks at Olivia, who's seething in anger. "I though you said she fell."

"She's lying," Olivia replied, her eyes narrowed at me.

"Oh, so you're saying that I magically got a knife and stabbed myself, making a huge line on my arm?"

"You bitch!" Olivia lunges at me but Steph stands in front of me and pushes her back.

"No one is fighting in our cafe, okay?" Steph announces then points at Olivia. "As for you, get out. You're no longer welcomed here."

"What?"

"Better yet, you're black listed from this cafe."

Olivia huffs and stomps her way out of the shop. "You alright?" Steph asks

"Yeah, thanks," I smiled and she gets behind the counter, immediately apologizing to the customers.

"Hey."

I slightly jump at his voice and turn around.

"Are you okay?"

"I should be asking you that."

He scoffs. "I'll be fine."

I nod. "Alright, well. I gotta get back to work." I make it two steps when he calls my name.

"Grace."

I turn. "Yeah?"

He looks at me, almost as if he wanted to ask me something. But he just shakes his head. "Nothing. Have a good day at work." And then he's gone.

------------------------------------------------------------

It was Friday and rush hour was just finishing when something catches my eye outside. "Che due coglioni?" I watch as Olivia tries to kiss Chan and he keeps pushing her back.

"Is she for real?" Steph says.

"I've had enough of this," I snap, taking my apron off and walking towards the door. When I open the door, I hear her crying.

"Chan, please. You've gotta believe me," she wails.

"Olivia, what the fuck is wrong with you?" I say.

Chan's eyes flicker towards me, almost lighting up making my heart skip a beat. "This doesn't concern you," Olivia hisses at me.

"Porca miseria, questa cagna!" She blinks at me surprised and I stand in front of her. "This man," I point to Chan, "has been nothing but loving towards you, has given you the time he should've spent elsewhere other than your stupid ass. You," I jab at her chest, "do not have the right to control someone as kind as him. You," I jab at her chest again making her stumble back a step, "do not get to do that to him."

"Grace," I hear Chan say from behind me.

"Do you even realize how hard it is to chase your dreams when no one belives in you? Of course, you don't because all you get to do is use others and degrade them till they have nothing left in them."

"Grace."

"What?!" I snap as I turn around, sniffling. Was I crying? But I don't get to touch my face as I feel a pair of warm hands cup my cheeks. "Cha-"

His lips. Oh my god his lips. My hands stay at my sides because I don't know where to put them. As he lets go, I look up at him. "I've been meaning to do that."

"What?" I blinked, perplexed.

"She's gone," Steph's voice makes us jump apart a step away from each other and she comes to my side. "Jeez, she's like a lizard, always coming in between."

I snort which leads to laughter as she beams at me. "Come inside! I'll make you guys something to drink!"

I watch as she heads inside before turning to him. "So..."

"So."

"What did you mean by what you said earlier?" I asked.

"Look-"

"Why did you kiss me?"

He sighs. "I never liked Olivia. She was just there, I guess to fill that void," he flicks his eyes down at me, "but that void was never filled."

I scoff, not believing what he just said. "So you mean to say, that you dated her-"

"I never da-"

"-just so you could dump her and then coincidentally you thought that a kiss would solve all the problems?"

"Look, Grace-"

"No," I say firmly. "You look here, Chan. I'm not the one to messed around with. And you were the least out of all the people I knew that would do something like this." His eyes widen at my comment and raises his hand but I put my hand up, stopping him. "No. I can't look at you right now."

And with that, I turn around and leave. Steph gives me one look once I'm inside and immediately gives me space as I go back to refilling the ice machine.

------------------------------------------------------------

A few weeks later, I finally had a few days off. I wanted to destress and just chill and relax in my apartment. But what I didn't know was that Chan would be standing at my doorway looking like he had been run over by a truck while I was in a tanktop and pj shorts with a bag of chips on my hand.

"W-what are you doing here?" I asked, clutching the chip bag.

"Can I...can I come in?" His voice trembled.

"Yeah, come in," I stand aside to let him in. As he walks by me, the same vanilla and smoke scent fills my nostrils, making me a bit dizzy.

"Do you want anything to drink? Water? Soda?" I ask, closing the door behind me.

"Water, thanks," he replies taking a seat on my couch.

Fuck. Never in my 22 years of my life, I imagined a man in my living room. Let alone Chan, the 28 year old man that I had been crushing on since I was 19. I hand him the glass of water and sit beside him.

"Nice place."

"Thanks," I replied. After a beat, I say, "So, what brings you here?"

"Olivia paid a visit."

"Oh?"

"And smashed all the windows of my car."

"What?!" I knew she would stoop low but to this level? "Are you okay?"

His eyes flicks up at me. "That's funny."

"Huh? What is?"

"Olivia would've asked if my car was okay. She wouldn't even ask me if I was alright."

"Well, she's a bitch," I huff, crossing my arms.

He snorts. "She did teach me one thing though." He turns his body sonhe's facing me. "To never take what's already in front of you for granted."

Holy fucking greek god. Why does this dude have to be so damn pretty? "You're lucky you're attractive, Chan. Any woman would be happy to have you."

"Look, about the kiss then-"

But I stand up. "I'm going to make some tea." I hurriedly walk into the kitchen and immediately fill the kettle with water. It was a good distraction-

An arm snakes it's way around my waist. I gasp, dropping the kettle in the sink and turn around. "What are you doing?!

"Why do you think I kept coming back to your cafe?"

"Because you like the cakes we make?"

"I came to see you, even on busy days where I could catch a glimpse of you working behind the counter refilling stoxk items. Once, Steph caught me staring at you and made me buy 10 pastries," he explains snorting. "Let's just say my friends got a piece each."

"Why are you-"

"-telling you?" He finishes my sentence. "Because I like you."

"I'm sorry, what?" My ears are deceiving me.

He giggles, poking my cheek. "I like you, Grace. I have for a long time now."

"How long?"

"3 years."

I blink at his answer. "I..I... don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

I look at him. "But you just told me you like me. How do you expect me to not say anything? To say that I like you as well?"

"Grace, you're not obligated to say- wait, what?" Turning his head, he blinks at me.

"What?" I try so hard to not smile.

"You just said you like me."

"No, I didn't," I lied, hiding my smile.

"Grace," his hand comes to cup my face, lifting my head to meet his eyes. "Tell me before I lose my mind."

"What happens if you lose your mind?"

His gaze hardens. "You don't want to know."

I wet my lips, partially opening my mouth. "Maybe I do." I hear him growl before he smashes his lips on mine. This time, neither of us push away. His tongue darts out and I open my mouth. His hand rub my arms, up and down. "Channie," I whimper, heat pooling between my thighs.

"Yeah, baby?" He says, his thumb brushing my lower lip.

"Can we, uhm, can we take this to the bedroom?"

He chuckles as he slides his arms around my ass hoisting me up. "Say less."

He practically sprints into my room and gently lays me down on my bed. His eye catches my blanket, the pink poka dots on the white colored sheet. "What?" I ask.

"Nothing," he shakes his head and takes his shirt off.

My breath hitches in my throat. Holy fuck. I knew he was fit but this.....holy fucking shit. Then his takes his jeans off, leaving a lot for my imagination when I see the buldge in his boxers as he takes those off too.

"Now you."

I sit up and take my tanktop off. My breasts bounce as I had no bra on. "Fuck me, Grace. You're beautiful."

My cheeks heat at the compliment and my arms come up automatically to hide myself but his hand stops me. "Don't hide yourself," he said as he hovers above me. "Fuck, I'm trying so hard to hold myself back."

"Don't," I gulp. "Don't hold yourself back."

"You sure? I don't want to hurt you."

I narrow my eyes and pull him down by his neck. "Channie if you don't fuck me in the next 5 seconds, I'm going to burn your clothes so you'd have to walk back home, butt naked."

"Feisty, damn," he groans as he takes my shorts off leaving. "As much as I would love to taste you, I need to feel you around my cock."

"Please," I whine.

He smashes his lips on me again, this time with desperation as he settles in between my legs. I feel the tip at the enterance of my cunt. "Ready?"

I nod. He lines himself before slowly pushing in. "Oh, shit- you're fucking tight."

I close my eyes, feeling the delicious burn as fully bottoms himself inside. "Mm, Channie. You feel so goo-" I get cut off as he pulls back and slams his hips.

"Yeah, fuck, you cunt feels so good," he pants and grabs my left breast. "And I love these, fuck, perfect."

He sets a fast pace and doesn't stop snapping his hips. He pinches my nipple, causing the familiar knot to form in my lower belly. "Fuck, I feel you clenching. Are you close?"

I moan in response and his thrusts pick up speed. The only sounds resonating in the room was the snap of his hips. "I'm going to cum," I moan. He brings his hand down to my clit, rubbing it with his thumb. And that was all it took for me to go over the edge. "Channie!"

"Oh fuck, milk my cock, baby. Make a mess," he groans as his thrusts become brutal and I'm pretty sure my poor cervix is bruised. "I'm coming, fuck, I'm gonna fill your tight little pussy. You want that? You want me to fill you up and make you mine?"

"Yes, yes! Make me yours, Chan."

"Fuck," he voice becomes strained as veins protrude in his neck and he stills, emptying himself inside me, painting my inner walls.

As we catch our breath, I notice he hasn't pulled out. "What are you doing?" I ask, still out of breath.

He suddenly grabs my thighs as I feel him harden. "Oh my god."

He grins, licking his lips. "Up for round 2, mi amore?"

A/N: this was for @gracebang143 hope you enjoy :)

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Hey Star! Bit of a weird question, do you know where's a good place to find a simplified ruleset for dnd 5e, specifically for a wizard. My wizard is finding it quite hard to remember all the rules and before I condense them all myself I thought I'd ask around and see if anyone has any resources that would do the trick. (Also, a quick update on the campaign, I made our kobold rogue worried about some mountains and now I know why you love to make your players worry. I feel very accomplished.)

Off the top of my head, I don’t know of any good resources for simplified 5e rules--I started out playing 3.5, so 5e is already about 14x simpler than what I originally learned.

I really want to convey that, as a 3.5 Druid on a campus with dubious-at-best wifi, I had one binder full of spells and another binder full of wild shapes, and spent 85% of my combat time trying to grasp the 3.5 grapple rules.  As a rules-laywer little-shit player, I miss having four thousand skills that I could finesse to give me stupid-high advantages on things like “Search” (plus thirty, I had a plus thirty to Search in my last 3.5 campaign), but 5e is WAY more accessible.

HOWEVER.  Even 5e is still pretty rules-dense, so let me try and hit some suggestions.  Without knowing the specifics of what your players are struggling with, these are going to be pretty broad, but you’re totally welcome to send in a more specific request if you want.

No one knows all the rules to DnD.  If a player, especially a new player, needs to check with their DM for every skill check and every attack roll, that’s okay!  Every DM I know keeps the Player’s Handbook in arm’s reach to panic-check a rule or a spell, or else they fully Griffin McElroy it and put the “rules” through a blender.  Please reassure your wizard from me that it’s totally okay if they’re having trouble keeping things straight.  As long as they’re having a good time, they don’t need to be able to recite the damage for Fireball off the cuff.  That’s what references are for.

The internet is your friend.  Again, multiple binders full of spells and animal shapes to be a 3.5 Druid.  This was because the internet on Friday nights got bad fast because Dolly (boys dorm) liked to run LAN parties, so googling my spells wasn’t practical because it took so long.  HOWEVER, the internet doth give many gifts, and if you and your party have regular access to it, I wholeheartedly recommend abusing that to your heart’s content.  Don’t even bother trying to keep that shit in order in your head or on your character sheet.  I shelled out for a DnDBeyond account, which does work great for my party, but you don’t need one--googling spells, special attacks, whatever, will work like a dream.  To facilitate your party being able to do this during fast-paced combat, as the DM, I suggest keeping people apprised of who’s coming up next in combat!  I do this by saying “Okay, Azara, you’re up, Heinous, you’re on deck,” as a way to remind people that they’re coming up and that they should be planning their next move, including looking up anything they might need.

It’s always a d20.  Okay, you don’t literally exclusively need a d20, but I resolved a lot of my mom’s anxiety about using the wrong dice by saying very plainly “if you want to hit someone, do something, or interact with the world in any way, you are going to use a d20.”  Everything else is near-exclusively used for damage rolls.  Damage rolls using Other Dice are described explicitly in spells or weapon attacks--for example, Fireball does 8d6 damage (described when you google the spell) and a greataxe does 1d12 damage (you should have weapon damage noted down beside the weapon).  Basically, it’s a d20 until your DM says otherwise.

Proficiency bonus is your friend.  You get a proficiency bonus in 5e rather than level-by-level skill point allotment like in 3.5.  This helps balance the playing field and limit minmaxing to a more manageable level, and also reduces the amount of math you need to do in order to level up.  Here is how any roll in 5e works: the number on the d20 + the relevant stat + (if relevant) proficiency bonus.  Let’s say you’re a Level 3 barbarian, and you want to hit someone with an axe.  You roll a d20 and get a 13, then you add your strength for a melee attack--let’s say it’s +4--bringing you to a subtotal of 17.  But you’re proficient with your axe!  So now you add +2 for your proficiency bonus, bringing you to a 19 all told.  Good job, your target is definitely going to feel it.  If you only know three numbers in 5e, they should be your proficiency bonus, your primary stat (for our example barbarian it’s Strength, for a wizard it’s Intelligence), and your armor class.  If pressed, you could probably get through a whole session with just those three numbers.  As long as you know what you are and aren’t proficient in (mark it down on your sheet if you haven’t already), you’re good.

Spell slots: write them down.  If you’re using DnDBeyond, they have a helpful little line of boxes to tick off each time you use a spell of a certain level, or an expendable ability like Rage or Action Surge.  I would recommend this technique, it’s the one I used when I did paper character sheets.  Make tally marks, tick boxes, cross out numbers, whatever.  If you have your spell slots written down instead of trying to remember what you still have available, you have more brain power to free up for other, more interesting things.

Combat’s a bitch.  Combat rules are the finickiest part of DnD, and again, do not feel bad about not getting them right off.  In fact, don’t feel bad about not getting it for multiple years.  I probably only got a good handle on combat in the last six months and I’ve been DMing for three years.  That being said, you can do three things during your turn, and one thing the rest of the time, and I’m going to break them down as best I can.  During your turn you have:

MOVEMENT: Pretty much what it says on the tin.  You have a movement speed based on what kind of critter you are (and occasionally what class you are, e.g. monks), and you can move that far. 

ACTION: This is where you Do Stuff, including but not limited to attacking.  You will start at a low level with one attack per action--that may be an axe, a spell, a punch, whatever, but you get to deal damage or protect your friends or whatever.  As you level up, some classes can do more stuff with a single action, notably fighters, who can basically evolve into a murder whirlwind with four attacks per action.  On your action, you can also interact with something (like, say, a bomb you’re trying to defuse or a lock you’re trying to pick), keep moving (this is called “Dash” and lets you move in the same way as the above MOVEMENT), get paranoid (this is called “Dodge” and gives you advantage on getting out of range of an attack), use your special abilities (like a ranger’s Primeval Awareness, or a cleric’s Channel Divinity), hide, (this is called “Hide”), or any number of other things.  You may also get something called an Action Surge, depending on your class, which lets you take ACTION twice in a row.  (High level fighters can actually do like...twelve attacks on a turn with this.  Fighters are underappreciated.  Be a fighter, julienne your enemies.)

BONUS ACTION: Something short and sweet that may also save your life.  Barbarians can Rage as a bonus action.  Certain spells can be triggered as a bonus action, like Hunter’s Mark or Hex.  Other spells can be used as a bonus action, like Spiritual Weapon.  Some classes can do other stuff as a bonus action, like a monk using it to attack or a rogue using it to hide.  If you’re not sure if something is a bonus action, it’s probably not.  It’s a fairly limited but powerful list.

If you’re not the person who’s currently taking their turn, you have something called a REACTION, once per turn, where you do something triggered by someone else’s turn.  Most importantly, this allows you to do something called an attack of opportunity when someone leaves your personal space--you get to whack them with whatever melee weapon you’ve got.  For some classes (notably wizards and anyone who can access the wizard spell list) you will eventually be able to use your reaction to exercise the Biggest Dick Energy in all of Dungeons and Dragons, which is called Counterspell.  Actually any spell saying that its casting time is “1 reaction” can be cast like this, but mostly people just use it for Counterspell.  REACTION is also what lets you “hold” your action, which means saying “I can hear Nym running toward me with the goblins behind her--I’m holding Fireball until the second the horde is in range.”  When the ‘trigger’ you chose happens, you can do your thing.  This means you’re committed and cannot adjust your plan if things change (in the example, Nym might still be in range, but your Fireball is still going to go off), but it also gives you the ability to lay a trap.  

Again, combat is a bitch.  The DM’s job is to know this stuff and help the players when they need it.  There’s no shame in needing a cheat sheet with this stuff noted down or needing to google references for casting time or whatever.  As long as you’re keeping things rolling and having fun, combat works however the DM says it does.  If you realize you made a mistake, just move on.  The nerd gods don’t care.

Any rule too obnoxious to live with can be dismissed by the DM.  You think I played around with 3.5 grapple rules when I was DMing?  Absolutely not.  In my campaigns you rolled a strength check and you lived or died by it with good grace.  If there’s something nonessential that your players really struggle with or you personally think is dumb as hell, just.  Don’t use it.  Wizards of the Coast isn’t going to come to your home and shake you down for ignoring travel rules or whatever.  Homebrew, my babies.

[etheshadowlord]

An unasked for and continued review of every Power Rangers Episode E can get a hold of Pt. 2

The following is a non-professional review of the Power Rangers Series starting from Mighty Morphin and working our way forward. This review Covers Episode 6-10. Note there will be spoilers.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Season 1 Episode 6: Food Fight.

Our intrepid young goody goodies are running a cultural food fair. Which gets quickly ruined by Bulk and Skull and their antics.How these two don’t get suspended or expelled is beyond me. Might be a weird luck stat? Regardless. Rita is not feeling so well and decides to use one of Finsters not so stellar monsters for the job of eating everything.

Things look like they’re going to Rita’s benefit until the rangers figure out that porky can’t handle a bit of heat. Rangers get their weapons back and bacon out of the nefarious ham.

Fun: 5 out of 5

Weird monster design: 3 out of 5

Now I’m hungry: 4 out of 5.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Season 1 Episode 7: Big Sisters.

Trini and Kimberly Volunteered to be Big Sisters for the Rambunctious Maria for a day. Meanwhile Aunt Rita Repulsa needs a child like Maria for her own plans. To get passed a barrier and get a couple of Power Eggs to gain the power to defeat the power rangers...

*Looks at the script.* 

No....that’s what it says... I mean Eggs are full of protein so it tracks but the barrier requiring the touch of an innocent child to open it and the definition of innocent child make little sense to me. Who designs this magic?

Anyway putty patrollers kidnap Maria and get her to open the box while also probably traumatizing the kid with the ugly chicken monster of the week.

 Rangers can’t reach communication with alpha and Zordon or even teleport so they instead take Billy’s RADBUG which is an acronym but we’re not going to go into that because it is a supped up Volkswagon beetle. So they take the car and go to the command center and go to save Maria using the radbug. They fight funky chicken for a bit before frying him once and for all with the Megazord.

Maria is saved and Rita has a headache, and the episode ends with Bulk getting doused in Veggie Chilli. Hold up, why is he getting slapsticked on? He’s been on good behaviour. Bulk was just minding his own business for this entire episode....what? Oh, karma for last episode. That makes sense, anyways.

Fun: 3 out of 5

Bad kid voice acting: 4 out of 5.

Com and teleportation outages: 0 out of 5 because they suck.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Season 1 Episode 8: I, eye guy.

This is another episode featuring a kid of the week, Willy and his VR game he made, which really just looks like face mounted displays showing video footage of a roller coaster ride. Anyway with the help of billy the kid is entering the science fair competition. Meanwhile ol’ Aunt Rita Repulsa has a new evil plan to kidnap the kid and steal his intelligence for her own?

*Looks at notes.* 

So what is she going to use him to create games to win the hearts of the masses and then take over the world legally? Oh nope the monster just saps the kid after absorbing them.

*Looks at notes again.* Hold on I think I need to call the FBI on Rita Repulsa.

Anyway before getting the monster out, Rita has some putties sent down to try and take the kid, worked last time. Well this time it didn’t and the rangers beat the clay faced goons and got Willy to the science fair.

Look before I continue can I just say that whoever wrote the script has no idea about computer electronics. I feel the urge to lambaste them for the term Quasitronic circuitry. I’m willing to let the Radbug slide and all the other ranger tech, but now I’m drawing the line.

And bring in another round of bulk and skull antics as they come to cause havoc and because of these bozos and their antics, WIlly gets disqualified.. Okay so this is what I call plot contrived BS. Willy didn’t even touch those 2 yet the professor decided that since Willy was one of the many people laughing as Bulk and Skull ran after their fashion makeover that he must have been the culprit?

Okay a distraction.before I unleash a world breaker move but can we say that the lady with the funky fashion makeover machine has a brilliant concept going? A machine that can help you change your clothes would be very useful for the disabled or people with limited mobility.

So after the idiot professor denies Willy what he deserves, he’s kidnapped by eye guy and...

jeepers creepers where’d you get those peepers, jeepers creepers where’d you get those eyes... where’d you get those eyes.Sorry had to.

Anyway inside the eyes of eye guy Willy is stuck on a gyroscope and to protect himself eye guy keeps his main separate so the rangers team finisher has no effect on him.

Billy goes to save Willy, Rita super sizes eye guy making him more of an eye sore than he was before, Megazord finishes the monster and Willy is saved and the professor gives Willy’s invention first prize. Thus ends another episode.

Fun: 4 out of 5

Eyes: Too many

Strict professor: Only 1.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Season 1 Episode 9: For Whom the Bell Trolls.

Hmmm.....a episode with a bunch of dolls....don’t like that. One of them is going to get possessed by Rita’s machinations isn’t it? Don’t like any of this.

So it’s Hobby Week at Angel Grove High and the main five showcase their hobbies/interests. Trini it’s dolls, Jason it’s martial arts, Zack it’s surfing, Kimberly Gymnasitcs, and Billy it’s a Model.....volcano? Anyway afterwards Bulk and Skull because clearly these two never got enough attention as kids try to pick on Trini and her dolls doing the whole keep away thing only for Bulk to get gooped by the Volcano.

I’m certain it’s non-toxic, right Billy?.... Billy?

Anyway we see Trini’s house and her room.... and all the pretty dolls she has.

Look, I’ll be Frank and I’m not Frank I’m E...but I find something unnerving about some dolls. I like them better than Horses but still.

So Rita sends....what’s his name....squatt? Yep, that’s him. Sends him down to turn Ticklesneezer into the monster of the week. This is a kids show so i’m going to let this plan slide to see where it’s going here.

Oh so she’s going to have him collect things....like a motorcycle, tokyo tower, Trini and BIlly in a car. Okay this plan is already pretty effective I’m surprised.

Meanwhile the others are at the youth center doing a bit of sparring before Jason showcases his martial arts skills by the age old trick of breaking wood.

We also get more bulk and skull antics...with bulk hurting his hand on a cake.

The squad get called in by Zordon to go save Trini and Billy fighting their way through the ever novel Putty squad and Baboo, Squat, and Goldar.

Kimberly saves Mini Trini and Billy from their bottle and from a Train. Hold on giving Kimberly another gold star for good work. And Rita Repulsa makes Ticklesneezer grow as she does with all her monsters.

And we see a Giant asian kid with the Megazord as the rangers attempt to bottle rita and her group. Errors in stock footage....and it turns out it was all a dream....oh okay so it makes more sense for their to be a giant kid there.

We close out the episode with one more instance of Bulk and Skull and their.....flea circus? Okay that’s actually kind of wholesome for a couple bullies....and the teacher ends up getting flea bitten...... instead of those two getting the slapstick over the head...well surprising.

Fun:5 out of 5

Dolls: Creepy

Reality: Questionable.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Season 1 Episode 10: Happy Birthday Zack.

*Puts on a party hat.*

Cake-o-matic, looks like an old toaster oven mixed with a couple filters and two blenders. But who am I to question genius. *Watches Ernie get covered with blue cake foam.* Who am I to question Gremlins.

So the rangers are preparing a surprise party for Zack and Rita is preparing a “Killer” surprise for Zack as well. Ernie is also pretty close to the truth regarding the rangers.....except obviously the Rangers are interdimensional beings....OBVIOUSLY, didn’t hear it from me though.

And Bulk and Skull show up. What are they doing out so late? Also shouldn’t the door be locked, isn’t this trespassing? Ernie gave the kids permission but not them. I’m terribly confused.

Anyway Bulk and Skull make complete fools of themselves while Rita is demanding progress reports regarding the monster of the week. Finster seems kind of annoyed. Already has the monster decided and everything. Dude needs a night off, go have some drinks. Look I know a place near the pits of evil. Nastiest drinks and nastier company but it’s a good time. Call me Finster we’ll hang.

Anyway the kids finish prep and work on keeping Zack in the dark, and in the dark of night we see Finster and Baboo proving that they could really go into the renfaire business as they work on a nasty sword that can cut through just about anything in the known universe. Well except the bonds of friendship and love but those don’t count. Rita summons her nasty knight on this nasty night and the games afoot.

Anyway the kids are trying to act cool for the surprise party, to mixed results which will obviously just make Zack hurt and distracted him from his fight against the Nasty Knight as Zack loses and dies and the Rangers are defeated and Rita wins. Game Over.......

....NAH! The rangers get to Zack and they’re still not beating this guy...huh....not even the Megazord is doing anything...well until they figure out the schict of the situation and break the nasty sword and the knight with the power sword thus ending plan.....10 of Rita’s. The kids then go to the youth center and celebrate Zack’s birthday.

Fun: 5 out of 5

Knights: Out.

Cake: 0 out of 5 it’s undercooked and way to foamy.

Anyway this concludes part 2 of this long and grueling review of every power rangers episode I can get a hold of and affront to professional reviews to the series as a whole. Bah I’m having fun and that’s all that matters.

Anyway stay tuned to more of this nonsense.

[junker-town]

The Celtics are back in disarray after another round of strange Kyrie Irving quotes

Kemba Walker lit Boston up for 36 points, and Irving commented on the defense the Celtics played

Kyrie Irving and Kemba Walkers had a showdown for the ages by combining for 67 points when the Celtics played the Hornets over the weekend. It was exactly what was expected out of two All-Star starters of the same position going at each other: buckets, crossovers, circus finishes and, oh yeah, more buckets.

Walker, though, got the best of Irving — and Boston as a whole — scoring a game-high 36 points, including 18 in the final 7:43 of the fourth quarter. Charlotte was down 18 when he began his barrage. They walked away with a 124-117 win against a Boston team that began the year with championship aspirations.

@KembaWalker (36 PTS) and @KyrieIrving (31 PTS) duel as the @hornets prevail at home! #Hornets30 pic.twitter.com/QUA8364j5d

— NBA (@NBA) March 24, 2019

This game was a launchpad for the Hornets, who went on to beat the Raptors on Jeremy Lamb’s buzzer-beater from half court the next day. The run of three straight wins keeps their playoff hopes alive during a season where making or missing the postseason could be the difference in keeping or losing their All-Star guard.

But the loss was a black hole for the Celtics, sucking the team into disarray. They went on to lose to the Spurs on Sunday, marking four straight losses in a critical stretch leading into the playoffs.

Despite having one of the most talented rosters in the league, Boston is playing like a team with no vision. Their leader has struggled to effectively lead, his words off the court seem to pull the team apart rather than bring the team together. He points to the young team’s lack of experience more often than not.

When the game ended, Walker left for the locker room by himself, before his teammates even left the court.

This time, Irving pointed out coaching

Irving said Walker torched the Celtics one-on-one all night. No matter who Boston switched onto him, Walker had his way. It’s what he’s best at: creating off the dribble and putting ankles in a blender. That’s exactly why Kemba Walker is an All-Star. His mix of speed, crafty ball-handling and three-point shooting make him one of the toughest covers in the NBA.

Irving, though, said Walker torches the Celtics every time the play. This is a fact. Walker is averaging 30.3 points on 49 percent shooting from the field against the Celtics this season.

He also said the team should have trapped Walker more, “like every other team does in the league.” That statement is a question of what Boston coach Brad Stevens has been implementing as his game plan against Charlotte.

Kyrie Irving after the #Celtics blew an 18-point 4Q lead, questions defense on Kemba Walker. pic.twitter.com/m6F0j9ZTTW

— gary washburn (@GwashburnGlobe) March 24, 2019

Stevens accepted Irving’s criticism of keeping Walker away from isolation situations, but also said he needed to do better in a few other areas of coaching that game.

Brad Stevens said he didn’t mind Kyrie Irving’s criticism about how Boston defended Kemba. Brad said he’s hardest on himself for what went wrong last night. But Brad also brought some stats about that bad fourth quarter. pic.twitter.com/TC9wsUUR11

— Chris Forsberg (@ChrisForsberg_) March 24, 2019

“Clearly when you have a 26-5 run against you .. there’s a lot of things that went wrong,” he said. “Seven of those 26 points came in isolation, where Kemba was isolated on one of our wings. And I certainly understand that there are times where [trapping him] is something to think about, it’s something to do.”

But it’s generally unusual to see a player calling out his coach’s game plan in public. Last season, we saw Isaiah Thomas do that in Cleveland with Tyronn Lue. That appeared to be the last straw. He, and almost half the roster, was traded shortly after.

Irving’s quest to be the Boston’s leader takes a new turn every game

He’s someone anyone would want on their team any day, but being a leader is different from being a lead scorer. Irving says the right things, sometimes, like accepting that championship basketball starts with him.

“We’re trying to build great championship habits and that takes time, and it takes a commitment,” he said. “It started with me, and I’ll do my best to keep communicating and get the best out these guys, because they deserve it from me.”

But his unrestricted free agency — a chance to leave Boston and play, potentially with Kevin Durant, Jimmy Butler or Kawhi Leonard — looms over like a dark cloud. Things haven’t gone smoothly, and the Celtics have underperformed after making Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals.

That, of course, was without both Irving and Gordon Hayward, who were injured for Boston’s playoff run last season. There’s no telling what could happen if the Celtics’ run ends early.

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Bean/Zykov Recalled; Turris Injury; Palat Update; Early Peripherals – November 26

  There was a welcome sight at Tampa’s gameday skate as Ondrej Palat joined the team. While he didn’t play in the game, it appears it’ll be just a matter of days before he returns.

The real question is what they do to the lineup. Going into Sunday’s game, the Lightning had scored four of five. Brayden Point’s line is humming along and the third line of Killorn-Cirelli-Joseph has been arguably the best third line in the league this year. It looks like one of Ondrej Palat or JT Miller could end up on the fourth line as Miller was earlier this season. Keep your eyes peeled on practice.

*

Without Viktor Arvidsson, without PK Subban, and now without Kyle Turris, that is what Nashville is up against right now as the team’s second-line centre was sent to the IR. Austin Watson was moved up to the top line with a second line of Fiala-Jarnkrok-Smith showing up.

*

There was a trade brewing between the Coyotes and Blackhawks very late Friday night (I'm writing this at midnight). It seemed to involve Dylan Strome and Nick Schmaltz, per Elliotte Friedman. Look for a full breakdown in the morning. 

*

Carolina recalled defenceman Jake Bean and forward Valentin Zykov.

People will be focused on Bean but for fantasy relevance, I’m not sure there’s much here. There are many, many defencemen ahead of him in the pecking order for any sort of ice time. His time will come, there just won’t be much of it right now.

The more interesting name for fantasy is Zykov. He had seen some top PP minutes at time before his demotion. Does he play in the top-9? Does he get PP minutes? We’ll see. They’re looking for scoring and Zykov has 35 goals in his last 68 AHL games. Maybe he can bring some.

*

The Los Angeles Kings have recalled Michael Amadio because Carl Hagelin has been moved to the injured reserve with a groin injury. Hagelin, having recently been traded for Tanner Pearson, had two assists in five games with the Kings.

Not sure there’s much fantasy relevance here, though the same could be said for most of the Los Angeles roster. Maybe Amadio shows something this time around?

*

Ducks defenceman Josh Mahura was sent down to the minors. It had been a decent stint for him with one PP assist, six shots, and six blocked shots in three games.

It’s a numbers game for the Ducks with their defence corps slowly getting healthy. Dynasty owners will have to wait another year (or a couple more injuries) before Mahura gets some consistent time with the big club.

*

Not much of note happened in the 6-1 drubbing for Calgary over Arizona on Sunday afternoon except for head coach Bill Peters. Calgary’s bench boss took a puck to the chin (literally) during the second period of the game. Tough guy that he is, he returned.

Both Mark Jankowski and Noah Hanifin scored a pair of goals in the game, the latter his first two of the year. TJ Brodie added his second goal of the season (to go with his assist) with Sean Monahan marking the other.

Mike Smith stopped 28 of 29 in the win, his first victory in over three weeks.

*

Tampa Bay laid the wood to New Jersey 5-1 largely thanks to the two-goal, three-point night from Brayden Point. Tyler Johnson also scored, giving him 10 goals on the year in just 23 games. He is shooting over 20 percent, though, so be wary of this level maintaining itself. If he can crack 30 goals it’ll be a very successful season.

This makes four regulation losses in five games for the Devils. The offence hasn’t been a huge issue in this slide – they still have 13 goals – but the lines were in a blender for much of the game as the team was clawing out of a big deficit early. Don’t be surprised to see new lines in their next practice, and that’ll be crucial for Nico Hischier’s value.

*

Nick Bonino had a huge hand in the Nashville 4-2 win on Sunday night. He had a goal and an assist, his first multi-point effort of the season. He’s now on a 40-point pace for the season. That adds some nice depth scoring the team has lacked in recent years. Austin Watson scored a hat trick, including one PP goal and one empty-netter. Don’t add him to your fantasy rosters.

Ondrej Kase was moved to the second line with Jakob Silfverberg being promoted to the top line for Anaheim. Though Kase scored for the Ducks, that’s a hit to his value as long as he remains off the top PP unit. Being on Getzlaf’s line is where he wants to be to maximize production potential in the fantasy game.

Kevin Fiala had an assist in the game but notably, he had four shots on goal. That makes 19 shots in his last six games. His shot rate had plummeted early in the year compared to last year as he managed just 1.7 shots per game through the team’s first 18 games. That is not nearly good enough. The goals haven’t started to come yet but if he keeps shooting like this and can earn back his ice time, they will. And they’ll come in bunches. Those in 12-team leagues or deeper should stash him on the bench if there is room and no need of the spot immediately.

*

Update on the late game in the morning.

*

We’re a couple days shy of being eight weeks into the NHL season. There is always going to be lots of talk about hot/cold starts, buy high/sell low players, emerging players, and so on. Sometimes we need to just take a step back and appreciate the game while informing our decisions in the future.

I thought I would go throw some interesting quirks through the first 25-ish games to start the season. This is all as of Sunday afternoon. Data from Corsica and Natural Stat Trick.

  The Vegas Fourth Line

It’s not very often we talk about fourth lines. The last one to get much notoriety might have been the Merlot Line in Boston during the 2011 Cup run. These guys typically play 10-12 minutes a night, don’t score very often, and frequently have some sort of hybrid energy/physicality role.

Some of those things are true about the Vegas fourth line of William Carrier, Ryan Reaves, and Pierre-Edouard Bellemare. Not scoring isn’t one of them as they sit with 2.06 goals per 60 minutes together at 5v5. That’s not a high number in general, but it’s just fine for a fourth line, and they are currently enjoying a higher scoring rate than the old Wheeler-Scheifele-Connor trio, teammates Marchessault-Karlsson-Smith, and the typical Nashville second line of Fiala-Turris-Smith. Whenever you can get a fourth line to outscore lines of that stature for any stretch like we’ve seen for the first 20-ish games, it’s a huge bonus for the team.

It’s not smoke and mirrors, either, as among 47 line combinations with 100 5v5 minutes together, they sit 16th with 2.92 expected goals per 60 minutes, sandwiched between the second lines for Columbus and Montreal. Individually, Will Carrier is second in the league in individual expected goals per 60 minutes behind Carolina rookie Andrei Svechnikov.

With their hit totals, Ryan Reaves and William Carrier both deserve attention in leagues that count hits, especially the former as he’s garnering some PP minutes. That they’re playing so well together only means they should stick together and not be healthy scratched.

  Tkachuk-White-Stone

Lines have been in flux for the Ottawa Senators all year. There have been injuries, call ups, and general under-performance defensively being the reason. The line of Brady Tkachuk, Colin White, and Mark Stone haven’t played a lot together (just under 50 minutes), but when those three have been healthy since Tkachuk’s return, they’ve been skating together.

They’ve been good together, controlling 53 percent of the shots and 75 percent of the goals on the ice in their small sample. The quirk isn’t that they’re playing well, the quirk is how they’re playing.

The Sens as a team are on the ice for 121.3 shot attempts for and against (combined) per 60 minutes at 5v5, the third-highest paced team. When Tkachuk-Stone-White are on the ice, that pace plummets to 94.8. For reference on how slow that pace is, the slowest-paced team this year is the Dallas Stars at 108.3. A clearly talented line skating for the third-fastest paced team in the league is 14.3 percent slower than the lowest-paced team.

This is important for fantasy for two reasons. First, a slow pace offensively usually means a tough time scoring goals. Now, not all lines are created equal. We’ve seen slow-paced lines on fast-paced teams have a lot of success – they’re not slower with the same severity as Ottawa’s line, but the old Scheifele-Wheeler-Connor line played at a very slow pace last year. They seemed to do alright, but all three players are gifted offensively, especially Wheeler and Scheifele. Can we say the same about Ottawa? Maybe in a year or two, but I don’t feel comfortable saying that right now.

The second reason this is important is because the Sens are a favourite team to pick on. Playing DFS? Stack against Ottawa. Playing season-long? Stream players playing against Ottawa. They’re porous defensively at even strength and on the PK. That line, however, is not. So just freely picking on Ottawa isn’t really viable anymore. We need to be aware of who will be matched against that line, because they are good, even if they aren’t firing/allowing shots all the time.

  Shots, Hits, and Blocked Shots

There are three peripherals that are very common both in season-long and daily fantasy hockey. Let’s look at pairs of combinations here and the weirdness therein: shots and hits, shots and blocked shots, hits and blocked shots.

  Shots and Hits

Since Yahoo! did away with penalty minutes in the fantasy game, replacing them with hits, physicality is even more important. Shots and hits account for a good amount of peripheral counting in Yahoo! standard leagues.

The league leader in shots+hits per game? The aforementioned William Carrier at 6.88. He slightly edges out Alex Ovechkin at 6.87 with Micheal Ferland in third place at 6.39. They’re the only players over 6.00:

    Two quirks here. First, the only defenceman in the top-10 is Rasmus Ristolainen. He’s always been a peripheral monster but the success of the team and introduction of Rasmus Dahlin hasn’t been able to slow that done. The second quirk is clearly Carrier. He leads the entire league in shots+hits per game and is doing so while playing 10:25 per game. For comparison, Ovechkin plays over 10 more minutes per game than Carrier, and yet trails in shots+hits per game. It’s astounding what the Vegas fourth liner is doing.

  Shots and Blocked Shots

Keeping track of shots and blocked shots is very important for those playing daily fantasy hockey. They help build a floor upon which lineups are made. Those not keeping track are likely re-depositing after two weeks.

The introduction of blocked shots naturally means more defencemen near the top than when including just hits, and in fact we have just two forwards in the top-10 for shots+blocked shots. One of those names may surprise some people:

    Over the summer, I wrote how Tyler Seguin can help in the hits category, which would be a benefit with Yahoo!’s new setup. I didn’t not anticipate him being more prevalent for shot blocking, though. He’s sitting with 15 through 24 games. Not a huge total, but he needs just 13 more to set the second-highest mark of his career and is on pace for 51, which would push him over 50 for the first time in his career. Once that shooting percentage turns around, he’ll be a monster in any format.

Laine is the name that sticks out. He’s sitting with 16 blocked shots in 22 games. That is a pace for 60 blocked shots. Only 31 forwards managed at least 60 blocked shots last year. Could we see Laine score 60 and block 60?

  Hits and Blocked Shots

The cornerstone of most peripheral roto leagues are hits and blocked shots. They give value to a lot of players that would otherwise have none and vary the value of upper-tier scorers who may not do everything. They add an interesting element, even if their counting is unreliable.

Unsurprisingly, there are a number of defencemen at the top of the list, with just two forwards in the top-20 and none in the top-10. Here is the latter:

    Seeing Noah Juulsen’s name at the top of the list is fascinating. Remember that he’s currently dealing with a facial injury, so we won’t see him on the ice in short order, but he had been averaging two blocked shots and three hits per game, the only player in the league to do so. He had been one of just five players to average two blocks and two hits per game, let alone three. His peripheral production had been incredible.

He’s still just 21 years old and finding his way in the league. There will be growing pains. If he can come around offensively, though, with this level of peripheral production, we’re talking about a star fantasy option. There is a huge gap between where he is now and where he needs to be, but that potential is brewing.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-beanzykov-recalled-turris-injury-palat-update-early-peripherals-november-26/

[buddyrabrahams]

Five key questions for the second half of the NBA season

This is the best time in the history of modern civilization to be an NBA fan. Stats have reverted back to what they looked like in the ’60s, we have seven-foot mythological creatures prancing around everywhere, and there’s enough petty league-wide beef to keep Arby’s in business for an entire fiscal year.

But as the sneaker dust settles and the hashtags lose momentum, those players and teams that can still maintain their chokeholds on our attention will be those we remember most when we look back on this wacky, unpredictable, and altogether glorious year of NBA basketball.

So as January turns to February turns to the All-Star break turns to the trade deadline turns to the second half of the season, let’s have a look at the five biggest questions awaiting us on the other side.

5. Can Russell Westbrook finish the season averaging a triple-double?

At this point, there’s not really a lot left to say about Westbrook, whose nightly fire-breathing rampages have slowly been accelerating the inevitable heat death of the universe. But perhaps his spirited quest to complete the hallowed season-long triple-double is a good place to start.

Oklahoma City’s resident pointzilla currently sits at 31.0 points, 10.6 rebounds, and 10.2 assists per game on the year, but conventional wisdom suggests that pulling off the feat may be difficult, particularly as fatigue begins to set in come the second half.

For one, Westbrook’s total rebounding percentage this season is a cranium-bursting 17.1. That seems just slightly unsustainable considering that no guard in NBA history has ever posted a TRB% of 16.0 or higher in any season of 50 or more games played. Westbrook’s 17.1 is also somehow higher than what Kevin Garnett, who led the league in rebounding four times, averaged for his entire professional career (17.0). It doesn’t help either that “The Brodie’s” quest to average double-digit assists is fundamentally dependent on external factors (in this case, on his teammates’ abilities to convert his passes into buckets) and that Enes Kanter, whom Westbrook averages 1.4 assists to a night, decided to go Rocky Balboa on a chair and could miss the next two months.

But at the same time, Westbrook’s big men have been more than willing this season to twiddle their mustaches and defer to their All-Star point guard as he rumbles down the lane to gobble up defensive rebounds. Perhaps it’s part of a concerted effort to streamline the fastbreak process and allow Westbrook to jetski from coast-to-coast. Who knows, maybe they just want to see him do the unthinkable just as much as the rest of us plebes do.

Whatever the case, that, combined with his paranormal 42.3 percent usage rate — which will keep the assist opportunities coming in bunches — means that Westbrook should at least have a puncher’s chance (or in his case, a haymaker’s chance) to pull off the deed. May the odds (and the statkeepers) be ever in his favor.

4. Will Joel Embiid lead the Sixers to the postseason?

[hums and meditates in a cross-legged position]

“I am one with The Process and The Process is with me. I am one with The Process and The Process is with me. I am one with The Process and The Process is with me…”

If you’re still not a believer in the Philadelphia 76ers, perhaps a berth in the 2017 NBA playoffs will be what has you genuflecting at the altar and leading the choir in a spirited rendition of “Amazing Grace” at the Church of Saint Hinkie. Led by the graceful polar bear known as His Excellency Joel Embiid, the Sixers won 10 of their 15 games in the month of January and sit just 4.5 games back of the eighth seed in the Eastern Conference.

Embiid’s sheer reign of terror on the defensive end has allowed Philly to stock up on defensively-challenged three-point bombers in the starting five (looking at you fam @NikStauskas @ErsanIlyasova). That has created a mutually beneficial relationship wherein JoJo covers for their lapses on D while they provide more breathing room for his Processing to intensify on offense. It has also brought the Sixers closer to the pace-and-space motion offense that head coach Brett Brown, a twig off the old block from Gregg Popovich’s coaching tree, is most comfortable running.

With T.J. McConnell surpassing all expectations, Nerlens Noel and Dario Saric finding their callings as second-unit firecrackers, and Embiid about to fly into a smoldering rage after not making the All-Star team and missing out on his date with Rihanna, now is the time to buckle up and Trust the Process to all kingdom come.

3. How far will the Clippers drop?

The Los Angeles Clippers find themselves in the midst of a Tom Petty-esque free fall right now. Chris Paul got his hand caught in a Russell Westbrook-sized blender and is out until March, Blake Griffin is still regaining his footing after his own lengthy injury absence, and the team is coming off a morale-murdering 144-98 asphyxiation at the hands of the rival Golden State Warriors (though in fairness, Warriors vs. Clippers is about as much of a rivalry these days as Itchy vs. Scratchy).

As it stands for the moment, the Clippers are hanging by a toenail to the fourth seed in the Western Conference but are just half a game ahead of the Utah Jazz and two games in front of both the Oklahoma City Thunder and of the Memphis Grizzlies. Plummeting down the West standings could actually have a silver lining as finishing sixth or seventh would take them out of Golden State’s playoff bracket and prevent them from having to step foot into the Oracle Arena deathtrap until at least the Western Conference Finals. But a first-round showdown against the silent Siths of San Antonio or the Houston Rockets pyrotechnics display would be a profoundly treacherous path to navigate, especially without the benefit of homecourt advantage. And with the Clippers’ core guys likely only getting less than three months worth of total playing time together this season, all bets are off.

So we’re left with several questions heading into the second half for Lob City.

Is Griffin healthy enough to put the team on his back in Paul’s absence? Can J.J. Redick and Jamal Crawford still be counted on to make baskets in crunchtime? Has Luc Mbah a Moute developed into enough of a threat offensively to not be completely cold-shouldered by opposing defenses come the postseason? Will the second unit still have a heartbeat? Will DeAndre Jordan’s hair ever go back to normal? Does Doc Rivers send in the reinforcements? And speaking of which…

2. How does the Carmelo Anthony situation play out?

Phil Jackson had made it his personal mission to distance himself from Carmelo Anthony like the avian bird flu, and that could have a major butterfly effect on the rest of the league.

‘Melo could end up on the aforementioned Clippers to finally fill that Defense Against the Dark Arts professor-like small forward position of theirs. Boston Celtics general manager Danny Ainge could throw the farm at the Knicks and allow Anthony and 5-foot-9 heat missile Isaiah Thomas to attempt a hostile takeover of the Eastern Conference (despite what this report might have you believe). Heck, LeBron James could even Jedi mind trick the Zen Master into believing that Kay Felder and DeAndre Liggins are (a) actually real people and (b) sufficient enough of a return package for Anthony. We simply don’t know.

What we do know is Anthony’s full no-trade clause and 15 percent trade kicker mean that not just any team with assets to offer and the cap space to absorb Me7o’s colossal contract can make a run at him.

Realistically speaking, Anthony probably wants to stay in a major market to play for a team that’s one lethal scoring threat away from legitimate title contention. Not many places fit that billing, which seriously squeezes the number of potential destinations for the nine-time All-Star. But wherever the 32-year-old Anthony ends up, there’s a not-zero possibility that he’s fool’s gold at this point of his career with his volatile personality, declining efficiency, and inexplicable vendetta against ball movement. Nevertheless, with all that risk also comes the chance that adding a 23.1-point-per-game scorer with strong rebounding production and a respectable-at-worst, supernova-at-best three-point shot will be what takes a team to the top of the mountain. So for all of Melo’s prospective trade suitors, I just have to pose one question: Do you feel lucky, punk?

1. Is this all just an elaborate setup for a Warriors-Cavaliers rubber match in June?

Perhaps this was all just meant to entertain us before we were forced to face our inescapable destiny: the flame-throwing Golden State Warriors squaring off against the big-talent, bigger-luxury-tax-bill Cleveland Cavaliers in a third consecutive NBA Finals for all the marbles. Well right now, the likelihood of the remainder of the year going chalk, absent of any and all Shyamalan twists looks prettay, prettay, prettay good.

The Dubs are exactly the bogeymen we thought they would be, and perhaps what’s most impressive is that they have managed to whip up a defense that’s just as elite this year (101.0 defensive rating) as it was last year (100.9). And that’s despite replacing Harrison Barnes and Andrew Bogut with Kevin Durant and [deep inhale through nose] Zaza Pachulia. Now that Durant appears to have figured out that he needs to work around Stephen Curry being Stephen Curry and not the other way around, we should probably start making a beeline for the emergency exits.

As for the Cavs, they’re suffering through one of their patented midseason crises at the moment, but we’ve seen how this script plays out before. They’ll have their collective see-the-light moment some time after the All-Star break (be it a team bowling outing, a LeBron James subtweet, or otherwise), rip off a double-digit win streak in March, and clinch the No. 1 seed in the Eastern Conference with enough time to spare to recharge their batteries and unleash nuclear hell on some poor souls in the postseason. Kyle Korver will stop fitting out eventually, Channing Frye and Richard Jefferson will skip arm-in-arm to Ponce de Leon’s fountain of youth, and JR Smith will be back with the pipe before we know it. Ho hum.

So is it safe already to pencil in Oracle v. Quicken Loans Part III? Or can hardwood fate be tempted? Can the benevolent basketball gods summon enough of their omnipotent power to prevent this seemingly-predetermined collision course? Can a surprise contender emerge from the ashes of slain challengers past to disrupt the history books and send all of our narratives into the garbage chute? It’s hard to say. But I’ll definitely have my Michael Jackson eating popcorn GIF ready as we embark in the ongoing process of finding out in the second half of the season.

*Stats courtesy of Basketball Reference and NBA.com*

from Larry Brown Sports http://ift.tt/2jTtiyV