#i need to tidy some of them up
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the baby fever got me bad
#ooohhh if only i was comfortable sharin the big csp of half assed wips#i need to tidy some of them up#the fuckin....chubby baby hands....#pina art
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i have a few days off work and time to draw but can’t decide what characters to draw so !!! requests open!! :D
#umm pretty much any fandom ive drawn recently is up for grabs… alnst… link click… etc#hq ofc…#will also draw witch hat atelier#and im currently reading tgcf so i may be willing…#if i do get more than 6 i might do them all anyway we’ll seee#i tried doing this a couple years ago n got lazy whoops but I’ll try finish it this time!!!#im also planning to use this time to tidy my room n put together a new bed so will need some breaks from that JFJHK
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I headcanon that Ford’s eyesight is really quite abysmal which makes getting his hair cut a huge problem. On top of being an inconvenience and a waste of his precious time, he’s giving complete control over to a stranger for the entire duration, Long story short, Stan got pretty good at cutting hair, before he was kicked out.
When Mabel finds out she insists he cuts her hair, and when he gives in he does surprisingly well, topping it off with a headband of her choice, of course.
Dipper absolutely refuses to let Stan anywhere near him with a set of scissors, which is fair enough all things considered.
During his time through the portal, Ford cuts his own hair when it gets too unruly but never quite gets the hang of it. He spends 30 years on the run in dimensions of varying levels of hostility where the idea of letting someone hold a blade to his head is foolish at best.
When they leave on the Stan-o-War II, Stan packs his clippers and a cheap pair of barber scissors. He isn’t really sure why, but it feels important, somehow.
#Gravity Falls#Stanford Pines#Stanley Pines#Mabel Pines#Dipper Pines#I just think it would be comforting to know that no matter how much has come between them and how much they’ve missed#of each other’s lives- of their OWN lives.#Ford still hates getting his hair cut. But he still trusts Stan enough to do it- even if there’s some wariness the first time#and he still needs Stan? For that? He didn’t learn to do it himself?#But also. I think Ford would find comfort in the idea that Stan would still do it???#yes you survived on your own for 30 years in a demonic hellscape#now sit down and hold still while your brother tidies up your hairline.#idk I got a haircut like a week ago and I’ve been thinking about Ford and haircuts ever since#Mine#Nickellaneous#Queue
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watched someone do a ranking of padmé's outfits but they were so wrong i had to make my own. so have the definitive ranking.
#star wars#explanations behind the tiers that need them are:#regina incognito: reference to rex incognito the best thing genshin ever gave me#breakfast for the baby that tidy it up: BOTW hell yeah i love this scene and its a good dress too#headdress worn only by queen amidal: when i was a kid my brother had the star wars visual dictionary and i got obsessed with padme's pages#and one of them described this as 'headdress worn only by queen amidala' and some SOME REASON i got really fixated#on the fact that it was ONLY worn by her#to the point where i remember it to this day#please don't psychoanalysize me for that one LMAO#(i remember being like so... does that mean it's her and not a body double? so maybe that confusion was part of it)#anyway the outfit is kinda mid#girl that's sabé: i'm like 90% sure only sabé wears this dress but i definitely CANNOT tell sabé and padmé apart#so if i'm wrong oops but it's funny#look i made something
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christmas eve ramble tags and some pictures of me and nice things from this year that i have randomly at 2:47am on christmas eve decided to post on tumblr. like why am I posting my face idek but I just felt reflective and i always just dump my rambles on whichever blog I'm using the most 🙈 i have not thought very hard about picking these. my motivation is that i want to force myself into acknowledging that for the majority of this year i felt good. I did good things for my health, and at work, and for my friends and family (even though I am desperate always to tell myself that i have never done anything good for anyone ever.) I found a new fun thing & lovely kind fun people to help me explore it. i got to sleep with my hand on/in Henry (cat not popstar) belly fur. yes i started having panic attacks about stuff to do w my dad, and money is tight (i mean i live in syd..) and i miss my mum and sara and i maybeee spent far too much time speaking to my ex fiance until he went on some rant about family law and I got the ick for once and for all lmao - but i was happy on many occasions.










#so we're doing Christmas tomorrow on Christmas Eve#well its 2.30am so we're doing Christmas today on Christmas Eve#ive been up late making Cypriot Grain Salad and freezing packs of scallops#no not a strange chrissie tradition just the fish place i ordered from listed them as $3.50 each so i ordered 12 just as a little two bite#mouthful each along w the oysters#and they sent 12 packs of 6#which do NOT cost 3.50 each#i actually feel a bit bad#anyway i froze most of them#we didn't do a tree this year#i think last year i did the tree and needed to needed the connection to mum#but this year when i mentioned it to Imi she sighed. and its no fun on your own#so i bought a lovely Christmas Bush and ive twisted those wire fairy lights around it and some little icicle tinsel#i need to sleep for a few hours and then get up and tidy the balcony and vacuum and clean the toilet and wrap presents#can you imagine if i had been able to have kids i am so last minute its awful#oh and a friwnd who had a horrid miscarriage#sorry they are all horrid#but shes pregnant and thats really great news#and my dad was nice to me today when we talked#also i took an extra week of leave off so now im having a month#which is so nice#im going to finish two fics#send cards and parcels to ao many people#i have replies from when my mum died ive still not done#im going to clean out the grarage#im going to swim everyday and try my harsest not to get burnt#okay maybe every second day#summer!#iveet stuff w my dad take away my happiness i had for the first half of the year - also mourning Sara#but i feel a bit more in control and im going to lean in to being proud of what i achieved this year and in finding new joy
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can’t wait to live alone someday
#bits of banter#and actually feel safe in my own home for once#never having to tiptoe around someone and end up scared and frightened whenever they’re upset with me over little things#not needing to run away to my own room because if I’m alone then there’s no one around to make me feel that way#just me and my cats#that’s all I want#free to watch/play/read what I want without having to do it behind someone’s back#or feel like I can’t read/watch/play certain things because what if They want to first. or. if we said we’d do it together. at some point#and now I can’t go against that for risk of upsetting them#not having to apologise for every little minor thing I do#not having to tidy up after someone all the time doing all the work#sorry. I just needed to write my feelings out I guess. because guess who feels unsafe in their home rn
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sleeves!
#note to self: do not become a hand model#just getting this picture was an adventure#project notes: yes I finished the second sleeve at work#I am now working on the hem and it may be a game of yarn chicken#I need about three inches more that I'll probably get with a ribbed hem#alternately I COULD add a few more regular rows before I dive into the ribbing#I may do that and that'll earn me about an inch#and then if I have enough yarn left I want to work a narrow strip of ribbing up the sides so I can add some button holes#I don't have buttons yet...#finally I gotta tidy up the neckline but that'll be included with the sides#I'm not currently a fan of how this drapes but I'm hoping a hem will help that#and then I can start a new project!#also it literally JUST occurred to me that I should have turned the sleeves inside out to seam them....#crochet#mine
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kind of want to start transitioning into a more cleancut "adult" vibe to ... if not my bedroom then at least my deskspace in the rec room. it's just difficult because the kids in the system and Sunny love childish decor (and I do too tbh fdsjkl) but it is just so visually cluttered and I think I will feel a bit better and less scattered and overwhelmed if there is less visual clutter. autism moment LMAO.
#also irl friend's comment about my bedroom looking like a childhood bedroom is still bugging me a little bit fdsjkl#and she knows now why it looks so childish. there are children in the brain LOL they feel safer if it looks more kid-friendly#but i am just losing my mind slowly bc i literally put up Any and All decor that i have#i stick things on the walls simply bc i have them. i think i want to be more purposeful with it now#esp bc i have money to use to choose my belongings with more care and freedom!#but also i worry if i get rid of anything then it'll just end up in the landfill.... but i know i am in danger of becoming a hoarder#it runs in the family fdsjkl my dad's dad is very much a hoarder unfortunately#why is my family all so fucked up 😭 i've got the worst genetics i swear to god fsdjkl#anyways. i need to think on this. looking at pinterest rn for some motivation to keep cleaning FHSDJKL#and i am seeing some rly nice decorating ideas that are a bit cleaner and more grown-up and ... it looks so nice sdfjkl#i would like my space to Feel clean when it's clean. rather than just... physically tidy. i want the vibes to also feel clean!!#idk how to explain it fdskl everything just feels cluttered even when it's been freshly organized and cleaned#i've always considered myself a ''maximalist'' in terms of decorating but now i just. want things to be clean 😭😭😭#i'm tired of dust and tired of having issues cleaning bc theres too much stuff to move etc etc etc#i think i want to only have an excess of craft/art supplies and clothing. everything else does not rly bring me joy methinks#i love clothes and fashion and upcycling w that stuff and i love making art!!! so i think i will try to focus on those w my belongings#damn i rly am spring cleaning huh LOL#🐑🌻
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For the love of all things beyond human comprehension can someone please please just tell me what is wrong with my brain and why I act and think like this and why nobody has ever thought I’m normal except when they’re trying to deny that there’s something wrong
#cyberr speaks#vent#rant#brain#there is something wrong with me#✨psychologically✨#and I need help that I will never get#gods I just want to know what it is#I’m so tired of always playing this guessing game#of#‘is my inability to keep my room tidy just laziness or a mental block of some kind’#of ‘why can’t I just stay focused for one second’#of ‘oh hell I just zoned out’#of ‘I’ve been surpressing this thing for so long that I no longer know if it’s a real thing i experience#or if I’m just making it up’#of ‘is this a melt down or I’m really just that weak as to cry all the time’#of ‘why am#getting these thoughts. they’re not me’#of ‘why aren’t I like them. why don’t people like me. why can’t I just act like them. why do they think I’m weird. what’s wrong with me’#what’s wrong with me#always the same question#over and over and over and over#and over#again
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i need to tidy up my room and then i think I'll swap the books on my two bookcases bc i feel that they will fit better this way
#i want them to be in chronological order cause thats the only way that makes sense to me#but also some books feel weird being next to each other#like i cant just put dracula next to the do over (which is in the order i read it the first time)#but if i put it last (since im rereading it and it will be the last book ive finished) it will be on the shelf at the bottom#which is barely visible#ideally id put the grisaverse books and dracula in one shelf but it wont fit for just a tiny bit#or instead of rearranging them now i can wait until i read like 6-7 more books and then i will have to get a new bookcase anyway#cause i wont have any more space#yeah ill do that#but i must tidy up my room anyway cause i have things everywhere and my clothes are in 3 different rooms around the house#and we need to put up the shelf for my uni books#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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I went through this phase where all of my main character sets had a structure similar to the following: two besties living their consensually codependent dreams, the world's most awful bastard (affectionate but also derogatory), and an irresponsible adult who sort of accidentally adopted these teenagers and now has to try to be the responsible adult.
And honestly? That was banger.
#writing#characters#found family#fiction#ship dynamics#(not necessarily romantic ships)#(these stories generally didn't have romance or there would be an additional character bc none of these make sense romantically)#thinking of so many of my homemade blorbos#they all had individual flavor to them too#but this was the overall structure of character dynamics i was just obsessed with for some reason#friends to accomplices follows this for the most part (jake is extra)#(for those who haven't been following me for long enough to know fta is my super special wip that I eventually want to tidy up)#(my true soulmate of a work of fiction. i just got it right ig)#(which is funny because my average writing quality in that era was Not Good but friends to accomplices? everything about it just.#scratches exactly the itches that i need fiction to scratch. i just gotta make it not sound like a 14 year old wrote it)#(more of a process than you'd think)
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Lowkey love putting Characteristics to different Design Elements.
So both my Nemesis and Smiler characters have large upper canines, right? But they're somewhat different sizes and they both treat them differently.
So, Nemesis has shorter fangs, but they're slightly more curved. This makes it slightly harder to speak and they do have a small lisp, and when theyre in their more human form, they have a very weird way of speaking cause theyre not used to their jaw and lips being so free.
Theres also the little habit shes into where they press their tongue to the spot the tooth meets skin, which causes little scratches and can sometimes make him bleed. It doesnt really HURT her but it still concerns Gala a little anyway. And it scabs over quickly enough. Its like picking at your lip.
Smiler has larger teeth, with less of a curve, though it does have a little snag at their tips. This means they also have a slight lisp, but it's nowhere as extreme. However, their Teeth are still big when theyre in a more human form, theyre just able to be put under their lips.
Also, thanks to them being relatively sharp and straight, theyre pretty good for stabbing. Which Is Kind Of The Point (with a kink at the end so the wound isn't neat. Like a fishhook.) But going around Eating People isnt Smilers MO. It much prefers psychological warfare. So, instead, they steal apples and just shove their tooth through it. Sometimes they use melons, but Apples are easier to nab and have tastier skins. They head out at 8am into the market and see how many apples they can steal. Its made a game of it. It's record is 15.
#alton towers ocs#i dont have up-to-date images of them beyond the ones ive already posted.#i will be uploading a new Smiler one for Coaster Maynia but it needs some tidying first. i tried a more cartoony style.#The Very Dark Skin doesnt really translate well.
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fuck it. onceler croissant
#i still hate the onceler but never forget the halloween costume of 2021#and also the next year when i went as tflu entre so i basically just used the same costume but changed it up a bit#i can't throw any of it out bc i thought I'd never need any it again but a month ago my dad was like Has anyone got any suspenders?#and obviously my mum and my sister didn't have any and then i remembered. i do have some...#but they're bright green#but he wore them anyway#they were under a suit so it was fine#anyway I'm tidying my room and finding a load of stuff so. onceler croissant i suppose.#ramble
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y'know. i don't often hate the way my brain is and how difficult it makes certain things for me.
i do a little today though.
#i'm probably going to feel this way the rest of the week#got some Stressful Stuff on my plate - none of it is world ending no matter what my brain thinks#but it's stressful and needs to get done#we already took care of One of the big major things just today because i was having a breakdown about it#because peeks threw up on my favorite shirt after having thrown up all over my bed yesterday and i'm like#she does this when there's a lot of change and stress going on and we've just moved and also we're attempting peace negotiations between he#and Solaire and it's. y'know. hampered by the fact that she's poorly socialized and both of them are dumb as rocks#and so she's stressed out because of the myriad of changes happening to her#and i'm stressed out because she's stressed out PLUS all the other bureaucratic nonsense i have in my brain#AND there's external stress in my foundkin (we're workshopping ways i can integrate the Family Label to apply to folks who weren't terrible#to me when i was a child) and it's just like#i had a really good day yesterday#i've been having pretty good days in general and i knew the crash would come and i knew that i'd get stressed about these things to the max#and that's. like. I know the science and paths behind how we got here#but i also hate that i'm here in this mindset with these things and i also cannot do the laundry myself after all#first because stairs are not always conquerable (they are Exceptionally Not For Me as of yesterday to the point where i'm going to have to#limit myself to the bathroom that doesn't have 2 stairs down to it even if it's closer in the moment)#and second because i ABHOR the texture of tide pods but i cannot deny that they are useful and so much easier to use/keep tidy#than a jug of Cleaning Goo is#so like. i'm embarrassed that all my bedding needs washing and i'm embarrassed that my shirt needs washing#and i'm embarrassed that i make dirty clothes in general and i *am* getting over that#it's slow but the fact that physically laundry is not a task i can complete on the wet side of things#(i still really enjoy the process of folding and sorting though i don't get around to it quickly)#but like. this is one of the reasons why i get freaked out about the fact that i create laundry that needs doing#even if it's not actually my fault (i'm trying very hard to remember it's not my fault the cat threw up on my clothes#and them being put away would have meant she probably would have thrown up on something else that needed to be cleaned#like the bed for example - i cannot put my whole bed away so she doesn't throw up on it)#becuase i feel like i'm burdening someone else to do a whole bunch of work for *me* and i can't do anything in return#(as if i haven't been very deliberately trying to keep up with the dishes daily this whole week so i don't feel like i contribute nothing t#the household)
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#can i just say that . this fucking not being able.to diddly squat means im sqending so mhcb time just looking around my room#n bc it is a clusterfuck mess. i mean this is essentially a bomb zone atp. but ive soent months#trying tlcfigure out a way toclike Start and keepctje mlmentum going#bc ill clean for lile 40-60mins n then hit a wall bc i didnt figure the next steps out .#n due to just . spending so mhcb time Here ivr got a bar basic foundation of how to make this Decent Emoigh tk hsve ppl over#not Spic amd Span. but enougg so tbat i can have ppl over and not have them toss me a slecific look#and also . id like my pc downhere and i feel my dads comditions for it are 'make space and clean up' so#fuck it. im hoping to tackle it (or Some kf jt) tmr.#idk what vut im throwing kn a concert dvd and gritting my teeth.#fuck you i need to. this is bordering a health hazard n well . if not for my sake . my cats AT LEAST.#it is . easier for me tockeep this place clean when i have a vleaner base. like . i dont have to do so mhch#fucking work every week to just . keep it tidy#n in my defense this plce wasnt as tidy as it shouldve been when i moved in but i rlly did nawt care#but anyway . i will defend myself bc i dlntike living like this . i just . tjeres a Lot at force preventing me from#deeping vlesning it and starting Fresh .#so this week rlly is my last shot at . getting skme kind kf cleaning done.
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۶ৎ Mess of a man.
| Joel didn’t know why he’d let his little brother convince him a night at the bar was what he needed. But he might need to listen to him more. Smut!
[this is pure FILTH. I don’t know what came over me, I need this out my system and I need Joel in mine STAT. If you’re a minor pls don’t interact, this is not a safe space.]
Warnings; language, drinking, age gap (Joel is in his late forties, reader is 21) masturbation reference, daddy, unprotected sex, p in v, fingering, oral (both receiving), over stimulation, come eating?let me know if I’ve missed anything


"Still haven't gotten your dick wet, huh?" was Tommy's way of greeting his brother.
Joel grumbled something, propping his foot on the coffee table in front of him. "Get lost, Tommy."
He'd thought that with his daughter, Sarah, at summer camp he'd get six weeks of peace, get work done, maybe take his daughter somewhere nice when she got back. But he forgot he had a brother and he forgot how annoying he was.
Sure, six weeks without his kid was a perfect and maybe a once-in-a-lifetime to get his dick 'wet' as Tommy put it. But he'd been out the game for years, out of practise. He wouldn't know how or who to approach.
"C'mon, what kind of brother would I be if I let you mope around alone in the house," he said, whacking Joel on the shoulder.
"A good one." Joel took a swing of his beer, watching the sport without knowing what team was doing what.
Tommy turned off the tv and snatched away Joel's beer, getting him up from the sofa. "There's a bar I know where everyone looking to get fucked goes, c'mon."
Joel decided he didn't want to know how his brother knew this place but as Tommy was already grabbing his truck keys and heading out the door. He'd be damned if he let Tommy drive his truck.
Yeah... that was why he was going...
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
The bar was already loud when he and Tommy got there and ordered their beers. Joel would have one, maybe another if he was here long enough but then he'd go home and... see to himself if he had to.
It would have been nice to have something for the evening. It had been a long time and his own fist wasn't enough. He had a pick if he needed, he guessed. He wasn't immune to all the single middle aged mom's around him that would talk to him on the school drop off, invite him to one of their garden parties. Even some with rings on their fingers always lingered too long when shaking his hand or asking for some 'construction' advice.
But none of them did anything for him.
Tommy patted his brother on the back as he winked at the lady behind the bar. "See anything you like, yet?"
They'd been there... what? Ten minutes.
Then yes, he saw something he liked and his jaw almost dropped.
Tommy spotted the way he stilled and followed his gaze. "Holy shit."
You were with three girls- your friends, Joel assumed- and a guy hanging onto you, an arm draped around your hips. You were nursing a drink, laughing with your friends, tongue darting out to the straw of your cocktail.
Joel was done. He knew it immediately.
You were only twenty-one, young and beautiful and worse, Sarah's baby-sitter. Sure, his daughter was fourteen but on the late nights he had to work he didn't like to leave her alone.
Enter you. Good grades, polite, always called him Mr Miller like it wasn't the hottest thing. You stayed every night Joel needed to work, you cooked for Sarah, even ensured there was left overs for Joel and Tommy sometimes.
You'd tidy when he never asked, you never drank the beers he left for you. You were perfect.
And Joel knew, the first day you'd baby-sat his daughter over a year ago he'd made a mistake. He knew it when he watched you walk down his porch, when he started offering you lifts home and wishing you'd accept, when he had a wet dream like a horny teenager and it was you under him.
This was some cruel joke.
As if you could hear his thoughts your eyes caught over the noise of the bar. There was shock registering first and then you were dismissing your group to walk over to the Millers.
Joel gulped when he spotted what you were wearing. A tight high collared shirt, your hair pinned and the shortest skirt with heels.
Like a present to be un-wrapped...
"If it isn't the Miller brothers," you grinned.
"Hey darlin'," Tommy greeted first, reaching up to give you a small hug.
Joel's jaw clenched as you hugged him back. But Tommy was respectful, hands staying high on your body. Better than Joel would do.
You pulled away and smiled at Joel. "Mr Miller."
He nodded, taking a swig of his beer as he watched your tongue dart out in search for the straw. Fuck.
Tommy held a hand on your back. "I gotta take a leak, keep him company would you."
Joel didn't know what kind of game his little brother was playing.
"Of course," you smiled, sliding into the seat Tommy had vacated. "Don't I strive to look after the Millers."
Tommy chuckled and winked at Joel as he disappeared into the crowd.
"Hi there," he drawled.
You smiled. Maybe it was the lighting, or the alcohol, but your eyes were darker than he'd ever noticed. "Hey. Didn't expect to see you here tonight."
"Sarah's at camp," he said. He was painfully aware you knew. You hadn't been around in two weeks because he'd had no reason to ask you. Well, no appropriate reason.
"She enjoying it?" you threw a leg over yours, grazing his leg as you did.
"Think so," he said, "what about you, huh? Enjoyin' your freedom?"
You chuckle. "You know I love working for you, Mr Miller."
"Joel," he corrected you. He took a swing of his beer, watching you watch him.
"Jo-el," you draw out his name.
Something in Joel stirred, his pants couldn't be growing tighter, right? Thank god for the dim lighting.
He cleared his throat. "So this is where the kids hang out these days, huh?"
"I dunno about kids?" you said, leaning your body over slightly. "Am I a kid?"
Joel let his eyes wander down. The expanse of your legs, the skirt riding up your thighs and the way your chest rose and fell with your breath. Then slowly, he trailed back up your body. "I guess not."
Of all those times he'd watched you from the porch, you'd always looked back at him at least once, maybe twice to give a little wave as he leaned on the door. Or when you'd started accepting his lifts home and would always linger in his seat when he turned the engine off, the two of you leaning over the console and chattering a bit longer. Or when it came to staying to watch a game with him when Sarah had gone to bed when he knew you hated sport.
Of all those times he'd never let his mind wander as much as it was not.
"Tommy dragged me out," said Joel, taking more of his beer.
"He dragged you?" you chuckled. "You didn't want to come?"
"I'm glad I did," he said.
You take a longer sip of your drink, nodding. "I'm glad you did too."
Joel watched you a second as you tilted your head, a small tilt to your head. "You wanna another drink?" he asked. He wasn't even sure how much you'd had already. Was all this new look and attitude the cocktails talking?
"I should be good," you muse.
Joel decided in that moment he'd either spend the rest of the night in your company, or go home alone. "Your friends not missing you?" he didn't even want to look back at your friends maybe waiting for you. Or that guy watching you.
You also didn't care to look back. "Let them."
Joel smirked as he brought his bottle to his lips. "Atta girl."
He heard your intake of breath and felt satisfied. Your leg kicked off your other one and had grazed his, going down and down and he was sure you weren't doing this on accident. Not anymore.
"You can't say things like that," you chuckle, shuffling in your seat.
God, your thighs were pressing together tightly. Such a pretty sight...
You leaned over in your seat. "Do you know how many women would kill to hear you say that to them?"
"Well, i'm saying it to you, ain't I?"
You look at him through your lashes and Joel's legs widen to accommodate for the rising need in his crotch. It was wrong. It was so wrong. It was crossing a line. "I think I'll take that drink, if you're still offering?"
Joel nods and waved someone over to get you the same. The two of you talked a little more as you waited, your drink sliding over moments later.
"It must get lonely," you said, fingers dancing around the condensation of the glass. "That house all alone."
It seemed both of you had forgot about Tommy at that point.
The game being played between the two of you suddenly seemed real to Joel. "You tryin' to get an invite over?"
"Maybe."
You didn't miss a beat.
Joel looked at you. People were piling into the bar, music was being played but all he could focus on was you.
Your hand darted out, your fingers grazing his knee.
He looked down at his knee, where you touched him. Could you make out the dent in his jeans. "You know, i'm old enough to be your father."
"So should I start calling you daddy?"
He chocked on his beer. He managed to finish it, smirking to himself. "You got a mouth on you."
"You started it looking at me like that."
Joel rested against the bar. "I'm your employer."
You shrug. "And i'm not at work."
Joel looked around the bar and found his brother making out with a woman at the furthest end. He was sorted. "Why do you hang out here, huh kid?" if what Tommy told him was true he wasn't sure he could handle the idea of you coming here, looking out for someone that wasn't him.
You shrug. "It's a good bar, good drinks, good company usually."
"Usually?" he teased, his hands on his thighs. "You know, Tommy told me some filthy things around this place."
You lick your lips, holding back amusement. "Really?" you stand to your feet, leaning on the bar closer to him. You slot perfectly between his thighs.
His hand danced close to your hip but didn't touch you. Not yet. "People come here for one thing."
"Enlighten me, Joel."
His name from your lips made his brain fuzzy, effecting him more than any beer. But he couldn't do it, god, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Of the counter. Of how good you'd look bent over the counter, tight skirt bunched up at your hips.
But the words failed with him.
It was like you could tell, like you knew every move of his and every twitch.
You take one more sip of your drink before sliding it over the counter.
Joel watched as you got to your feet and worry rose on him. Worry he'd lose all he wanted.
"I'm going around the back, i'm going to be there for two minutes before I call an uber to go home. See you."
You meant it to. He watched you walk off, only briefly waving to your friends as you wove in and out of the people.
You were giving him two minutes to fuck over his life.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
You waited, and waited for what you thought was two minutes. Truth be told you didn’t have a watch and lingering around the back of the bar probably wasn’t the greatest idea.
You could tap your foot and wait, rethinking your words and actions and hope that every time the door swung open, it would be your boss.
Joel fucking Miller. What game were you playing? More to the point, what was he doing?
Looking at you like that, carelessly letting his eyes wander as he imagined everything he wanted to do to you? You weren’t immune to his looks, his touches that lasted too long and the way he always watched you walk up to your front door, the engine only roaring once you were safe inside.
But now it seemed- faced with the ultimatum of fucking you or leaving you as nothing but his daughter’s babysitter- he was choosing the latter.
You’d really thought your lonely nights with only toys and fingers for company may have been rectified.
As you push yourself off the wall you really thought-
A sudden strong and rough hand grabbed your wrist and turned you back until you were against the wall and until lips were on yours.
You knew the scent, knew the strength of the body as Joel Miller pressed himself against you, groaning and licking into your lips.
You hands are in his hair, tugging at the curls of black and grey as you let him feel all your body, his arms caging you in and hand dragging down and down and-
"That was three minutes, sweet girl," Joel’s beard scratched your neck as he dragged his lips over your pulse.
You hold back a moan. The music in the bar was loud and the only people coming this way were the ones looking for a quick piss. Still you wanted nobody to stop this. "Wanted to give you a chance."
He nodded into your neck, biting the skin and winning a gasp from you. Joel tilted his head back, searching your gaze that only saw him. "Tell me you want this."
You nod. "I want it."
His hand cupped your cheek, thumb dragging down your bottom lip. He watched, entranced. "You’d let me down anything, wouldn’t you?" He whispered, looking as if he wasn’t all there. That some part of his mind was already fucking you against the wall.
You lower your head until you can reach the pad of his thumb, kissing the tip. "I want it."
"Oh, fuck baby," he groaned, pushing the pad of his thumb further into your mouth. Promises of things to come. "You’re gonna kill me sweet girl."
Your hand ran down his stomach until it meant the tightness of his pants and running up and down until you could feel the press of his length in your palm.
Joel indulged for a minute. His thumb in the warmth of his mouth while your other hand rubbed him right. Then he snapped back into reality as the door banged on the wall.
Not there.
Against himself, he took his thumb from you and grabbed your wrist, alerting you.
"I need your word that if we do this, Sarah doesn’t find out," he said sternly.
You chuckled. "Well I’m hardly gonna tell her I screwed her dad, am I?"
"Hey," he held one finger in front of your face, defying your smirk. "Your word, little miss, or I can drop you off home and you can watch while I take care of the problem you created."
You gulped. Maybe for a moment you forgot it was Mr Miller you were affronted with. Quickly, you nodded your head.
"Good girl," he surged forward and sucked on the bottom of your lip, his hips digging into yours. He groaned as you ground on him, nails digging into his biceps. "Feel wha’ you do to me, huh? You know how many times I’ve had to fuck my own fist and think of you?"
You practically melt at his words, leaning back into the wall. "Joel… please."
"Please what? Huh?" he taunted, rutting his clothed hips into your own, biting down on his lip as you threw your head back, moaning at the sensation. "C'mon, tell me what you want. Be a good girl and say it."
"I want you to fuck me," you whispered.
Joel scoffed. He left his hips against yours. He tutted. "I'm an old man, darlin', you're gonna have to speak up."
"Fuck me!" you all but screamed, desperation turning you into a mess.
Joel grabbed your hand and started to drag you from the alleyway, searching around as if his daughter might pop up out of nowhere.
You couldn't care less, didn't think about the group of friends you were leaving, or the guy that wanted you. Your hand circled over Joel's stomached t shirt, nails scratching as you leant into his side, lips marking up his neck.
"Fuck, baby," Joel groaned as he searched in his pocket for his keys. You joined the search, your fingers searching all around the dent in his jeans. "Fucking desperate, aren't you, huh?"
"Can't wait, Joel," you whisper in his ear, lips brushing, shivers running down his spine as you squeezed his crotch. "Please baby."
Joel grunted. He was practically shaking with the need to fuck you, to feel you against him. To have his hands wander all over you and memorise the way you moaned under him. There was so much more he wanted. Wanted to have you scream, wanted your neck bruised with his love and his back to carry the scratches from you.
He just needed.
"Fuck," he couldn't believe he was being so reckless. Couldn't believe that with a kiss and a grope you had rendered him a horny teenager. "Get in the back, babygirl."
He held open the door and practically pushed you in, climbing over you.
You jumped into his lap as soon as the door slammed shut and Joel chucked his keys somewhere to the front. Your lips worked against his, claiming it as yours and invading an unknown territory. You moaned as his tongue ran against yours and sucked it into his own mouth.
His hands were warm and large as they gripped your ass harshly, a soft slap echoing around his truck.
"You gonna let me slide my fingers into your pussy, baby?" he asked against your lips.
You moaned.
"Hey!" he grabbed your chin, pulling you back to stare at him. Your lips were already red and swollen. "You gotta talk to me baby. You want my fingers? Say yes."
"Yes please," you say, catching your breath. Your chest felt heavy, your pussy throbbing. "Please, want your fingers."
Joel smirked, finger tips brushing under the band of your skirt. "So polite."
The space at the back of his truck was small and cramped but he'd be lying if he hadn't thought about this. Hadn't thought about you in the back of his truck, cock stuffed down your throat or his face buried in your thighs.
All those times he'd taken you back, it had never been as innocent as he would let on.
But having you in his lap, begging for it, practically drooling with just his words, he had a feeling you weren't as innocent as you'd always made out to be.
Joel let the elastic of your skirt slap into place, causing you to jolt into him. As you jolted, he used the leverage of your hips to pull your skirt up and feel under you. "Jesus baby- you're soaked."
His finger slid up the cloth of your panties, collecting the dampness and smearing it.
You gasp as he presses into your pussy, pushing the cloth into you. "Joel please, I asked so nice."
"You did, sweet girl, you did," he nodded, watching as your eyes squeezed shut. "Hey- eyes on me baby, right here." He gently slapped the under part of your chin to get you to look at him as he easily hooked your panties to the side and sunk a finger in.
You hum out a moan, head tilted back.
Joel found the crevice of your neck, dragging his beard against the soft skin and relishing in the red that bloomed. "You like it? You like my fingers inside your heat? God, you're so warm."
"Like it," you nod, eyes shutting again.
Joel groaned low in his throat as he grabbed your chin and forced your forehead against his. "You keep your eyes on me, you understand me. Or i'll drop you off home. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Mr Miller."
"Oh-" Joel sunk his ring finger in until he was knuckle deep. "You're so good for me."
You tighten around the feel of his fingers. He's barely curling them and already you're squirming at the sound of your own slick.
"Ride my fingers, babygirl, gowan' now."
Obediently you started to move, riding his hand. His rough palm moved with you. His mouth remained open in a small 'o' as you wither against him, moaning.
Joel couldn't help the filth that spilled from his mouth. But with every clench you gave around his fingers, you didn't seem to mind.
"So good for me... such a good girl,"
"Dirty too, riding me in the back of the truck you and Sarah ride in."
"Fuck, i've dreamt of this, you look so good with my fingers stuffed inside of you."
At his encouragement you grip his shoulders, moving faster until your skirt is ridging up your hips and the little wisps of your hair are sticking to your forehead from sweat.
His thumb pressed down on your puffy and begging clit.
"Shit- ah- fuck!"
Joel's hips involuntarily bucked up to yours. "You wanna cum, sweet girl?"
You bite down on your lip, nodding and looking at where his forearm- taunt and veiny- disappeared under you.
Joel rested his head next to yours, kissing the sweat at your neck. "Tough baby, you're so dirty. Dirty girls have to do a lot of waiting till they get their reward."
Slowly, he retracts his fingers.
"Look at all this mess," he tutted, looking at how his fingers glistened with your need. He pats your hips, "up."
You fall onto the seat next to him, legs spread and head resting back on the car door.
You watch as Joel lifts his hips, un-buckling his belt as he starts to pull off his boxers and jeans. Your foot danced over to his lap but he impatiently pushes it away.
"You want to cum, don't you?" he asked, sending you a dark look. His hand grabs your ankle as you nod and kisses the bare skin above your heel. "Then behave."
The hand that you had just been riding wrapped around his cock and brought it out.
Your mouth opened as you stared at the beauty of the thing. He was big, bigger than you'd seen and bigger than you'd dare dreamed. He shone with pre-cum and your arousal as he spread what was on his fingers. His hand worked himself up and down as he relaxed back in his seat.
He looked over at you. "Eyes up here, baby."
Your gaze flicked up to him. "So pretty, Joel."
He chuckled and tugged himself. "Always knew you'd like it. God, you've no idea the things i've dreamt."
"Tell me. Please."
Joel leaned his head back, moving up and down his length slowly as he re-called every filthy dream his mind conjured. "Your hands wrapping around me. Your mouth being so warm and wet as you fuckin' choke on it. God, bet your throat's not used to a man's cock, huh? Only used to boys, ain't that right?"
He opened his eyes, peeking at you.
You'd dared closer to him, leaning over. You nodded.
"Bet that kid in there was hoping you'd give him a chance," he went on, his other hand coming up and thumb and forefinger tugging at your chin. "He didn't stand a chance as soon as you saw me, did he?"
You shake your head, shuffling closer into his side.
He jerked your head toward him. "Answer me."
"Only want you, Joel," you tell him.
You lick your lips, eyes darting from him to his leaking cock. The tip was red, begging for attention. "Can I- Can I please?"
Joel stroked back your hair. "Go on then, baby. Have a play." He stretched his arms along the back of the truck and watched to see you move.
But Joel quickly realised you didn't come around to play.
You'd always seemed so innocent- so un-knowing- when you looked after Sarah, when you helped him clean down the kitchen, when he'd offer you lifts back or to stay over you'd always blush and lower your head.
You were lowering it now, throwing your hair back over your shoulder and holding the base of him.
First, you touch him with your lips lightly and he smiles, daring not to think this might be the only time he lets you touch him like this. Your lips are so pretty and pink, swollen and wet from kissing him as you drag them along the sides.
Then you pepper kisses along the skin and start moving your hand around the base.
"You really gonna tease me?"
"Wanna take my time," you mumble into his though, kissing the skin.
Next, your hand cups his balls that were heavy with need. He wasn't exaggerating, it had been years since his last good fuck and no amount of jerking himself off to the thought of you could satisfy him. As your fingers played with his balls, rolling them around and giving them warmth and attention they craved, you made out with the tip of his cock.
You collected his pre-cum with your lips and tongue while still fondling him.
He could feel his shirt stick to him, his chest rising and falling quicker. Shittin-fuck. How was he supposed to last if this was what you were giving him?
"Easy, baby, easy," he eased you, stroking back your hair.
He knew you heard cause you were smirking then opening your mouth and taking him deep, almost all the way in one.
Joel groaned and grabbed the door. "Shit-ah-"
He didn't care if he wasn't far from the bar. Didn't care if anyone tried to get a look in through the fogging up windows. He didn't care if Tommy came by and applauded him for getting his dick wet. All he cared for was the feel of your wet mouth all the way down him, spit drooling down his cock.
You were doing so well and he wanted you to know.
"You wanna take me deep, huh?" he grunted, clutching onto your hair and holding you down. You gagged around him. He chuckled. "I'm not even all the way in there. You got room for more?"
You dragged your mouth up, taking a deep breath and nodding. You wiped your mouth from the mess you made and went in again.
This time, you took him again and again, deeper, bobbing him in your throat until he was a grunting and groaning mess. His hips moved of their own accord, shoving himself in even when there was nowhere else to go.
But the sounds of gagging, of his balls slapping against his own thighs as he moved, of the moans coming out of you were enough to almost having him finishing in your mouth. Almost.
He wanted to, boy did he, but he wouldn't, not until your cunt had swallowed him.
Joel pulled you up, letting you release him with a pop. "Want to be inside, need to be inside."
The truck wasn't the best place but it was the only place he had for you. He wished he could give you a bed, give your hours to welcome him, but Joel needed like he'd never needed. He imagined this is what starvation was, having your treat dangled in front of you.
And you were moving with him, lying down on the back seats, legs accommodating him as he slid in between you.
Joel gently pulled down your panties and stuffed them in the back of his pocket. If he was gonna have to jerk himself off to thoughts of you again, having your soaked panties was the least he deserved.
He glanced down at your swollen pussy and salivated.
Your hand trailed down, circling your clit as you moaned at the time he was taking.
Joel grabbed your wrist, bringing it up to his mouth and nipped at the skin. "Only I get to touch, yeah, babygirl?"
"Yes," you answered, breathless.
Joel loomed over you, bringing the tip of his leaking cock to smear himself over your folds. "Tommy told me somethin' real interestin'. Ask me what?"
"I don't- I don't care about Tommy, right now," you grab his shoulders, trying to pull him forward.
"He tol' me-" Joel strained, his lips brushing yours. It wasn't just your torture he wad delivering. It was his own. "He said people go to that bar to get fucked. Is that why you were there?"
For a moment you seemed shocked to hear it. Then the palm of your hand held his cheek, running over the stubble.
"Worked, didn't it?" you teased.
Joel sunk into you with ease. "Yeah."
He hid his face in your neck as you arched your back into him. 'Take it, take it,' he spoke into your skin, tattooing the words there.
"Joel-" you gasped, holding onto his back. "Fuck!"
"You're ok, baby. You're ok, babygirl," his breath was short. He needed to feel you more, the half way in wasn't enough. "Fuck, you grip me so well."
You gasp, holding him in you. "Need-need more."
"I dunno baby, you think you got it?" he teased.
"Yes, yes."
"What have I said about speaking up?"
You groan, throwing your head back on the seat. "Fuck me, please Joel!"
With a grunt loud enough to be heard outside, Joel sunk further into you. 'Shit, yeah.... fuck,' spilled from his lips as he slowly took himself out of you before sinking in all the way again.
"You feel me?" asked Joel. He held himself up over you because he'd be damned if he wasn't gonna watch you fall apart on his dick.
"Feel it, feel you everywhere," you mumble.
You really did. You felt the soft seats of his truck, smelt him everywhere. The smell of old cologne, cigarettes (though you were sure he didn't smoke) and new wood. It wasn't just his cock sinking into you but his voice as he mumbled filthy things in your ear. His hand dragged down your face, gripping your neck. Not tight enough to cut airways but tight enough to make you squeeze him.
He stuttered, "sh-shit. If you do that again I won't last," he told you. "And I want you to come first."
"Then fuck me Joel," you said, looking up at him.
Joel looked down to where he disappeared into you. You were already rocking your hips into his, desperate for something- anything. His hand pushed back some of your hair as he stared at you with something more than need. Desire. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
Wasn't it? Wasn't it everything you wanted since he first laid a hand on your shoulder and led you into his home, welcoming you to his life. "Yes."
His thumb dragged out your bottom lip before his lips were smashing onto yours, wet and sloppy as his thrusts increased.
He moved his hips in and out rapidly, giving you no more time to adjust. It wasn't long before he had to release your lips to breathe.
"Ah- shit!" you yelled.
"That's it baby, be as loud as you like. Let the whole fucking street know who's fucking you," he panted. His hands were at your neck, holding the both of you steady.
"Joel!"
"Shit! You feel so good!"
Joel tugged down your top, not in the mood to care if it rips. It's not like he was letting you back in that bar. He pulled out your tits and latched onto them like a child, nipping at the nipple.
Your hand winds itself in his hair, pulling at the roots and throwing your body into his. You could feel his cock stretch you, the pain mixing delightfully with the pleasure. With every thrust he tipped you closer and closer onto the ledge and as his warm, wet mouth sucked on your nipple, the other hand squeezing and playing with the other, you knew it would be the best orgasm of your life.
"I'm gonna, arg-"
Joel licked around your nipple. "Not yet."
"Joel!"
"Hold it!"
He pushed himself up, holding onto the back of the seats as he used the position to put a foot on the ground and fuck into you harder.
The windows were steamed, your bodies slick with sweat.
The truck was fucking shaking at how hard he was moving you.
You threw a hand out behind you to hold onto the door, bracing yourself as you rocked your body into his.
Joel threw his head back, his neck stretching you and tempting you. "Best fucking pussy out there. And I've been wasting you as a babysitter."
"Yours," you mumble. He hadn't even asked and you were giving him the promise.
His lips tilted into a lobsided smirk as he leaned closer to you. "You mine, huh? All mine? My girl, my pussy?"
"Yes," you nod.
For a minute you can only hear your breaths with the sound of his hips slapping into yours.
Joel's fingers dig into your thighs and bring your leg up to wrap around his waist. "Mine," he all but growled into your chest, nipping at the skin. "Show me. Show me you're mine. Cum."
He thrusted into you hard, his thumb holding your stomach down and playing with your clit until you were coming all over his cock. 'That's it baby... all over me.... there's a good girl.... keep coming,'
Joel fucked you throughout. He had his own finish to reach but watching you fall apart, your mouth open in a silent gasp as your fingers claw into his shoulders.
He cupped your chin, smiling down at you. "You gonna help an old man out?"
You were in no state to, coming down from your highest high.
Joel cupped your ass and lifted you from the seats that were slowly soaking in both of yours juices. "Ah-" he yelled out at the new angle he was reaching, his balls heavy hitting your pussy. "Yeah- there- just there baby."
"Joel!" you yell. "S'to much."
"No it's not," he shook his head. His eyes were screwed up as sweat rolled down his cheeks. "You can take it. You know you can."
Your pussy was throbbing, squeezing him so intensely you didn't know how he was still moving.
You bit down on your lip as you watched him concentrating hard. You test the waters, wrapping your legs around his waist until your entire lower body was in his weight.
"Fuck!" Joel's jaw clenched as he looked down at you, his fingertips digging into the skin of your soft thighs until he was sure bruises would be there for only him to see. "I'm gonna... shit- Where you want it?"
"Inside, please," you mewl.
Joel looked at you, danger in his eyes. "No, baby, we can't."
You nod and squeeze his hips. "I'm on the pill."
The words were heaven to his ears.
You squeeze around him and Joel yelled out, falling atop you as he spilled out inside of you.
"Take it! Take it! Fucking let me- let me in!" he yelled, hips stuttering as he fell into you. One of your legs remained around him but the other he let drop, holding it weakly.
You were sure you were still coming down from your high as his hips stuttered on yours. You could feel every drop of him smear on your pussy and leak out.
Then Joel's fingers danced around the space his cock was softening in you, pushing it all back in.
His brows rose as he looked down, a shaking laugh coming out. "I-"
You didn't want to hear the words that came after. The regret. The 'we shouldn't have' or 'think about Sarah'. You just wanted this moment of feeling held and cared for by Joel to last a little longer.
Your lips move against his slowly, tasting the salt of sweat from the both of you on there.
He didn't push you away, he just held his lips close to yours, in small and attentive brushes. "How do you feel?" he whispered, pulling back enough to look around your eyes.
"Good," you nod, "real fucking good."
Joel chuckled and looked down. Slowly, as not to hurt you, he pulled out.
You moaned at the sudden emptiness in you, lying there to catch your breath and so you didn't have to prepare for regret in his face.
But it seemed regret was the last thing on Joel's mind.
He had no idea what kind of animal was possessing him or just how far his need went. But when he fell back against the door, listening out to the low drum from the bar, he saw your swollen cunt. Red and white. Red from how hard he'd fucked you and white from the mixture of you and him.
Something growled inside of him- maybe it was him- but before either of you understood what was happening, Joel lunged back in and spread your thigs, diving in.
You lurched up onto your elbows, looking down at him. You could see the top of his hair, his eyes closed and you could feel his nose moving around you and nudging you. "Joel, what are you- holy-"
Joel hummed into your pussy. It was heaven on his tongue, dripping into him. So sweet and all you. He'd never felt closer to a person before. Never felt such a need. He was slobbering like a damn dog over your pussy.
"What the fuck have you done to me, huh," he'd pulled back only enough so you could understand his words.
Neither of you were sure if he was talking to you or what laid between your legs.
He opened up your pussy and went in, tongue fucking into you. He was caught between wanting to push his spill back into you and eating you out till you were dry.
"Joel!" you screamed, voice breaking. "You-you can't-"
"I fucking can," he snarled. His face was being pushed into your cunt as he shook it, smearing both of you all over him.
There was nothing you could say or do before your legs trembled and you came all over his beard and lips. You didn't know what to do, whether to push him off you or pull you closer.
Joel held your hips into his mouth and groaned as he took in everything you gave him.
Every flick of his tongue had you shaking. Every time he gripped your thighs you made a noise of pleasure.
Hours might have passed since he first discovered heaven between your thighs before he pulled himself out.
His face was wet with you. It was sinful and like nothing you could ever imagine. "Look at what you've fucking done to me."
You'd made an absolute mess.
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