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mythgrippa-blog · 2 years ago

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Day 0 - rebooting

Hello, call me Mythgrippa! Nice to meet you, the name comes from two fascinations I have, myths and Marcus Agrippa (my favorite Roman). I am currently doing my final year of computer science and I've done a lot, I'll list them out in a different blog post but it was a lot a lot and I'm left with only one semester which I'm quite excited about.

However, I think I must have overworked myself to get to this point, like I'm truly exhausted all the time, can't really focus on my work and having constant feelings of stress and anxiety, I used to be a stallion programmer but I can barely write a few lines of code and not feeling mentally overwhelmed.

This morning, like in the night I woke up to go to the bathroom and couldn't go back to sleep so I went online and got a bit too curious and searched up why I'm like this and found an online blog post which explained all the symptoms I've been experiencing with pin point accuracy.

I'm mentally exhausted, it makes sense because I'm always thinking about whatever school work I have and trying to get good grades, sleeping deep into the night trying to get work done. My performance has been declining, I still get work done but my quality isn't what it used to be. I've also been neglecting self care and not going outside, my skin is starting to show, I'm black by the way and my tone has started feeling... spotty? I don't know, I don't like it. My self confidence has kind of diminished because of it so there's that as well.

So, I still have a lot of work to do, like a software project for school that I'm the leader of, so I have to be the technical lead and also the semester hasn't started yet so I've to prepare for that as well. These are my stressors. I've to stop this mental daemon from running all the time.

To accomplish this, the article I read suggested these 11 solutions

Eliminate the stressors

My stressors would be mostly work, I can't just simply eliminate it because I have to finish this semester, and its not something I can set aside, plus my software project with my group isn't going so well so we gotta work our butts off for that

Work-life balance

Alright, this is part I get because I honestly don't have a life. The closet life I have is the friends I hang out with at school when on break and also the tennis games we go to, but I've mostly been a work person. So, for starters I need a life!!! But where to start... maybe I should start. Perhaps restricting myself to working up to 6 hours or less per day?

I could play video games or watch movies, I mean... hm... I'll try out the other games and watch more TV, I haven't been reading any of my novels or play board games. I'm off Twitter and Reddit, I don't like scrolling mindlessly for hours.

Damn it!! I remember that one of my friends has my board games, no matter I'll just play on ipad, hopefully there are good apps in the app store. I'll see what my other friends have to say. Well I'll see what I will do

Clear your space

I suppose this means I should rid of what doesn't kindle joy, I'm in recess at the moment and I'm back home, I don't have a room of my own so I sleep in my little brother's room (which used to be mine before I moved to uni), the spare that I usually sleep in is occupied by one of my older brothers. This room is a mess and I really can't do much about it other than tidy some stuff but the way things are laid out is just so annoying, so much wasted space. But this isn't my room anymore so I can't really do anything major plus my energy is down the drain.

Schedule (and take) regular breaks

I should take breaks when working, I used to study using Pomodoro and it was quite effective I won't lie but I've lost some of my discipline, at least partly attributed to the main reason I'm writing this in the first place.

How did I go so many semesters without taking regular breaks, not even like five minutes, I'm really a mad lad. I'll try to take at least 5 minutes off per hour, that should make it easier, but what constitutes a break? Doing nothing? I suppose that works

Get outside

In terms of this, I try to go outside but the weather is just so cold, but the sun does feel good but I'm the type of person who likes dark and gloomy weather accompanied by rain and thunder storms, I just really like that, the rain drops crashing onto the roof or window, the warm clothing I get to wear!! Oh my goodness, it feels like a mental refresher because I naturally feel easy and relaxed when there's rain. But I'll try to go out, perhaps a jog every now and then?

Do something new

Something new... well I could really try that, I used to go to the gym but school got so hectic I had to cancel my membership but I think I'll go back since I believe the hardest semester has concluded (last semester was the hardest honestly and I'm glad I made it out alive).

I'll try out other types of sports because I want to regain my stamina and activeness, my right leg though... its fine I'll be fine, I'll buy better shoes and sports gear. I'll try to be healthier, eat my fruits daily, and drink plenty of water.

That's a lot of stuff, how will I manage though? I'll figure it out but at least the idea is there

Reduce screen time

I mean... even though its the start of recess and I'm done with my old modules and the new ones haven't started yet, I'm still checking my emails and notifications, I do have the group project, and I'm doing Computer Science, I need a computer to science god damn it, how am I supposed to reduce that. I'll let this one slide. Because I can't really digitally detox... I'm not ready for that or even see the need to, but I can reduce the amount of time I spend on my phone, no phone time between 10PM and 7AM, that worked before in the past. But as for computer time, yeah I can't really reduce that.

Find positive ways to distract yourself

I used to have this bad habit I'm still recovering, I tricked myself into thinking it could help get the "edge off", I regret it and I'm glad I'm not that person, incase you're wondering its not drugs or weed or alcohol or any bad substances... I've never done any of that, and NO I DON'T VAPE. I'm as a clean as they get, but there's always been something I've been struggling with for almost four years now but I think I've finally learnt to let it go for the better.

You could say it was a negative distraction for myself, but no more of that I just need a positive way to distract myself, perhaps calling up an old friend? I haven't spoken to a number of people, I am messaging someone but they're not a regular person I talk to because of odd response times but I'm one of those people who'll reply as soon as they see your message no matter how long you take because I get people have stuff to do or don't feel like replying at times, its completely normal.

Perhaps I'll start playing games again? But that can get out of hand pretty quickly, actually... having coffee with my best friend can work? Yeah, there are plenty, I'll just ask her (oh yeah, a bit of a rant but I'm a guy, my best friend is a girl so yeah that can be a thing, why don't people get it! Guys and Girls don't have to date to have fun, goodness I hate my class mates, for CS nerds they're sure talkative, they're nice people but JEEEEZ). I'll ask her if I want to be distracted, or my other friends as well

Take care of yourself

I need to eat nourishing food, I ate a lot of KFC and boy it ain't good for ya, but it helps fill me up but I'll try to be better than that and eat better. I'll start eating from this restaurant I frequent they sell some delicious and nourishing food. I'll also try to sleep by 10 and wake by 7, that should be plenty of rest yeah? I will drink water every day, trust me I'm a water freak.

Focus on what you can control

I can't really do everything, so I should be able to tell others what to do, I am group leader after all. I'll see what I can do and what should be done, I'll delegate and try to organize more. So, that the objective is very clear. I'm not a stallion anymore, I can't code for hours on end like I used to, but luckily there's capable members in my group so I'll delegate the work to them and do my group leader duties.

Talk to a coach or therapist

Well that lists everything, I wrote so much without realizing it, this was all in one sitting so I'm impressed with myself. I always did enjoy writing stories, I'm not as creative anymore but when it comes to stuff like this, I have like 3 filled up diaries.

If you made it this far, I'm so impressed with you, thank you for taking an interest and reading my first public blog (I've written so many private ones that I'll never release because I'm so embarrassed plus its useless and uninteresting, like unfinished stories, other diary attempts, blah blah)

Well thanks again you and I'll see you in the next one

#student #computer science #cybersecurity #mental health #self care #self improvement #software design #software engineer

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zaissk-thasskar · 1 month ago

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Entry #2 - "The Gaze Of Lae'zel"

Hey.

I remember how, after finishing my first Entry, I was sitting there thinking: Do I even need to share this stuff? Should I start a normie Instagram account? Or maybe there's some better place for this kind of thing - where someone just posts their weird little creations and shares what they were feeling while making them, what thoughts were bouncing around, what kind of message, if any, is hiding in there.

So, naturally, I went to ask a AI xD (who else, right?).

And boom - it spat out: Tumblr. I barely knew what that even was. Just that it was some kind of blog platform, maybe a social network, I guess? Turns out, I was kinda right. But it's got a twist: Tumblr's always been this chaotic, creative, kinda unhinged (in a good way) space. It's always been home to weird, and soulful people.

Basically: perfect.

But I didn't make the account right after Entry #1. Only did it four days ago.

Was I gathering my thoughts? Maybe. But mostly? Life hit (You know, work, study. That stuff).

Still, even without a Tumblr account, I kept drawing. Almost daily. Sure, sometimes I took breaks - I'm still a flesh sack full of meat, and I need rest. And I refuse to turn sketching into some chore, or some monetization hamster wheel. I've already made that mistake with coding and motion design.

Tumblr feels like the opposite of all that. You just... post stuff. Maybe someone sees it and gets energized. Maybe you get energized in return. And that's beautiful.

So. Let's talk Entry #2.

At first, I was like: "Hell yeah, second drawing of my entire life? It's gonna be a portrait of Lae'zel! xD" (Yes, I really do love this character that much).

I was hyped. Confident.

At first it went okay. Face shape, decent. Eyes? Getting there. Nose? Check. The lines were flowing. But really, it was all just my delusional confidence talking. xD

I even have this ancient artifact - the half-done face - in awful quality, but hey.

Then I started staring at the drawing. The face was... too wide. Like a whiskey glass. The lips were tiny and weird. The jaw? Let's not even talk about the jaw.

But the eyes... oh man. That gaze I managed to capture? It was magic. Straight-up soul-stabbing. Disappointed. Judgmental. Like she was mad at me, for butchering her face. xD

Which is... honestly very Lae'zel. I love it. I still get chills when I look at that gaze.

And then... I got scared. Too scared to draw the other half of the face. xD

I was terrified I'd ruin it. That I'd mess up the second eye and have to either patch it up with ink sorcery... or restart completely.

See, I sketch directly in ink. No pencil. No outlines. No cheat codes. One try. One shot. No mercy.

And it helps - I can't erase anything. So I have to commit. I'm here to express, not to chase some imaginary "perfection".

Anyway, I eventually wrestled that fear to the ground and finished the second half of the face xD (You wouldn't believe the anxiety).

And the second eye? Turned out awesome. Like, sexually-charged-gaze awesome. I don't know how else to put it. xD

This is how the "finished" version looked. It was super cringe, but like... my cringe. My sacred cringe. So back off. xD

I spent some time just staring at it, wondering how to salvage the mess I made of my queen.

Then I made a decision - just flood everything in ink. Except the gaze. Leave that intact.

You've seen the final version already. I left Entry #2 alone after that. That wild, feral, predatory gaze - it was unmistakably Lae'zel. Zaissk approved. xD

Anyway, this has been a mini-story about how I simply could not go on living after accidentally creating a caricature of my favorite character. xD

And how I made the executive decision to drown the bad parts in ink - while preserving what mattered most: the gaze.

#art #drawing #sketching #traditionalart #inkdrawing #rawart #monochromeart #darkaesthetic #zaissk #thasskar

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umichenginabroad · 11 months ago

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Blog week 10 Transportation in China! 🇨🇳

Currently, I am writing this blog from a bullet train the Xi’an which I’ll be talking about next week! After rotting in my seat for the last 5 hours, I finally thought of a topic: transportation in China, what a fun and riveting topic.

Daily Transportation:

Class is about a 30 minute walk from the international student dorms so most of the time people find other ways to get to class other than walking.

Renting Bikes is popular especially among Michigan students who are only here for 3 months. There are lots of different bike renting services but the most popular one in the area are the blue Alipay bikes or the yellow WeChat bikes. They are really cheap, only 30 yuan for a 1 month subscription or 1.75 yuan per ride.

Mopeds are probably the most popular among locals. Students aren’t allowed to drive on campus so the next best option is a moped. Also traffic can be horrendous especially with crazy pedestrians and delivery drivers so often times mopeds are faster than cars.

On campus buses are also an option but I only know one person who uses it because he doesn’t know how to bike. I’m not too sure on the logistics but most of the time he ends up walking everywhere because the bus route isn’t very extensive and there aren’t that many buses.

DiDi is basically Chinese Uber but so much better and cheaper. Especially during raining season, sometimes we would actually split a DiDi car rather than or bike in the torrential downpour that lasted a solid month. If you split the car with 4 people it would also only be 5 yuan each so it is really affordable.

Transportation in the City

The dorms and the entire school is actually quite far from the downtown area so outings into the city tend to be a whole affair and a multi-hour trip but the public transportation is top-notch so it really isn’t bad.

The most common method to go to the city is to take the subway. Depending on where you want to go in the city the subway ride can be anywhere from 1-2 hours which can be a pain but normally it is just a 1-2 hour yap session. Most of the time the ride would be 6 yuan so really affordable and you can pay with just an Alipay code or by buying a metro card. The Alipay code is something you can activate in any city with a subway but the normal metro card only works in Shanghai. The subways are really clean and really easy to navigate even as someone who can barely read and never wears her glasses. For navigation on campus I recommend Baidu maps or a local map service but for navigation in the city, Apple Maps is probably your best friend. The only problem with the subway is that it does close at 11pm so if you plan on being in the city late at night, you might need another option.

You can also call a DiDi into the city. It is really convenient as you can track your driver to see where he is and you can cancel last minute if you really need to. However late at night, DiDi’s are a bit more expensive so during the day, DiDi’s are generally 70-100 yuan but at night it is normally 100-170 yuan. Regardless, if you split with some friends it really isn’t too expensive.

When you are in the city, you can also use the metro card or Alipay for buses which are pretty convenient in the city but generally I gravitate to using the subway more.

Transportation outside of Shanghai

Transportation outside of Shanghai has a bit of a learning curve but once you have it down, it is really convenient. You can book on WeChat. Make sure you pay attention to the time it takes for each train because if you are traveling far (like to Xi’an) you don’t want to accidentally book a slow train and spend 20 hours on a train. For far trips plane tickets are actually really comparable in price so if you want to profit/time max make sure you look at all the options and also remember bring your ID! Make sure you arrive early! Security is quite fast but the train stops boarding 10 minutes before the ticket says!

Hopefully this was helpful for transportation logistics! Next week I will talk about the trip I’m about to take in Xi’An! See you then :)

Erin Xia

Mechanical Engineering

Shanghai Jiao Tong University Joint Institute

#UmichEnginAbroad #ipeshanghai #ErinXia #ipesummer24 #china

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absainte · 1 year ago

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i just remembered an old embarassment.

you know, one of those that keeps you up at night.

i started blogging at a tender age of 13 and at first i used internet cafés to do so but later on, our town finally got lan and we were connected to the whole world! and the whole world was exposed to me who should wear safety hazard warnings.

you see, when i started writing a blog on blog.pl (gone :( ), it cost a whole 10 zlotys to make (10 quid) and nobody had online payments or digital bank accounts - we had to send a text that cost that much, which was fairly ingenious back then.

here's the thing - blog.pl was a great piece of software and it wss dead simple. i have never encountered similar ever again and i looked! they adapted the code from a german project but i have recently viewed the original and it was more complex. old blogspot kind of matched it but was less braindead in the coding department. in other words - i immediately dedicated myself to committing unholy abominations.

it started with my neighbour upstairs. i lived in a flat converted from a flower shop/poker club/strip club on the 7th floor that my mum made residential (she worked at the housing association that administered it back then) while the 8th floor had utility rooms and 2 flats - one belonged to a couple of serial cheaters and the other tended to have students. the guy living there when I was 13 invested in faster internet (our speed was half of modem one while he was 4x more) and a cd burner so he was the king of the neighbourhood and provided everyone with software/games/films. to be fair, lan used to be open back then too and we all had public sharing folders, which were great and actually worked fast. i recall that i played gta 3 on someone's pc without needing to move the files.

back to the sin that my neighbour has committed - he gave my mum a cd with frontpage saying that it's probably like excel and i might like it as i fancied every piece of software sorting information (i still do!). at first, i used it like i have used word and then i figured out that if i paste the code from the blogging portal into it - it lets me move the elements. i proceeded to break absolutely everything.

main post container? table. sidebar? table. metatags? tables inside of tables. buttons? ... iframes ... inside tables. any images? tables that i edited to get bigger or smaller pictures because i had no clue that i could manipulate photos. how did it all look? like a bunch of tables escaping one another because they all hated the horrendous colour schemes that i made. yes, i had no clue what screen resolution was.

due to it all being fresh back then - everyone else was starting in the same manner as me as barely anyone specialised in anything internet-related. all of the polish personal websites were mainly those blogs and you could read the whole daily feed of them in hours (at first ... just one hour). it grew and with it - i learnt to steal better code from other people ;) . divs were like a holy grail to me and allowed me to churn out designs with the energy of a hyperfixated teenager - i changed my whole blog every week!

this led me to the tragic event that i am trying to write about. during summer of 2003 - i had a whim to make my blog look very beachy and that meant one thing - i had a huge header image featuring random anime girls with big tits in their swimming costumes. did i ask myself if that would blind people? nope. did i think that it might make some uncomfortable? nope. did i see any sexual undertones and connotations to this? nope. did i look into fan service in anime? nah.

so, what's the issue if I probably changed it a week later? the issue was a new trend popping up and that had been satirical blog review blogs. does anyone remember sporking from the ancient times of livejournal? it was like that. everyone important submitted their sites to be brutally torn apart and i loved reading those posts because each author seemed convinced their little corner of the internet was perfect. the writers of the most popular blog of this kind did complement well-made and well-managed blogs regardless of someone's skill level so people took pride in those reviews.

i was convinced mine would get a glowing review too and that the whole bus would give me a standing ovation! boobs weren't a hit with the reviewers or my overuse of font effects and clashing colours but we all know that it is all about the writing! they looked into the most recent posts and mine were... yeah... surreal disasters.

what did 2003-me think about the world? how did i view it and how did i interact with it? nobody will ever know, because i have chosen to write novels about my inability to pack my stuff so that i could go out of town, and about my broken toilet and a whole thesis while cold milk is superior to hot milk in cereal (it is!)

the first post detailed how much i struggled with finding a bag to fit all of my books and cds into, so i decided to be a menace and packed it all into a fridge. somehow, my clothing or anything else was less important and never got mentioned but i doubt i packed it. the second post was written about the very next day where i bemoaned my broken loo and described each of my actions connected to using it which consisted of boiling some water and pouring it down the pipes, then doing the same with cold water and i spent pages upon pages of text repeating all of this. finally, the angry milk-venting post arrived on the third day and i detailed the whole of an argument between me and mum on who is correct about cereal.

i thought these posts were little, shiny, heritage gems of surreal polish essayist aesthetic and i wish i were kidding but i was a pretentious teenager who followed naturists back then and admired a poet writing about his furnace and about his curtains.

my poor blog was deemed unreadable. i was furiously livid for a week but i managed to move on after summer harvest, because i really liked driving a tractor and enjoyed photographic my cousin running away from the cows. both events became posts later on but the critics never read them!

who wants to read about my loo?

#blogging #old web #shame #embarassing #teenage mistakes #cringe

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freecodecompiler · 2 years ago

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Programming is more interactive now!

I still remember moments from the early days of my web development journey. It was early 2009 and many of you would correlate that the whole concept of serving video over the web was starting to get momentum.

There were barely any video based learning platform that I knew of back then. But there were some great blogs around. Couple of them I remember are davidwalsh’s blog and w3schools.

Every night, before goin to bed, I used to learn and practice HTML and CSS on w3schools. Maybe two or three simple CSS properties everyday, but I used to enjoy those a lot.

Being able to understand how a webpage works on a browser and more over, how to design a webpage was very exciting topic for me. But the best part was I used to practice those from my phone. I didn’t have a PC back then, instead I owned a Motorola SLVR L7.

Photo taken from the web. Please reach out for photo credit.

I know it was difficult, but w3schools and their eternal Try It editor was the reason I was able to execute CSS code from that 1.9 inch display. It’s been a long time since then (Man, I feel old!).

A lot has changed over the years, there are great learning tools available in the market. But one thing I see that didn’t change much are the static code blocks in countless blogs over the Internet.

Learning from videos are great but come on, you can’t copy code from the videos! So either you have to madly pause and type and execute your code or gather notes to try things on your own later. That’s a lot of work, we don’t have time for that.

I feel that blogs/web articles are still one step ahead if you want to learn coding. At least you don’t need to run behind content. You can look at the content and focus on part of code, right? But it lacks interactivity and excitement.

I am not saying there are no interactive coding platforms available, there are many. But majority of tech blogs are not interactive when it comes to executing the code part. What would you do if you wish to execute that code? Most of us will need a set-up to run that.

Of course there are online code compilers available. But still, you have to move from one page to another and come back. Same problem I faced with W3schools back then and I used to lose track a lot, because till date, the TryIt editor opens in a new tab.

Being a learner, wouldn’t it be great if you could edit and execute the code block in place? This is what I believe is called interactive (and there could be more).

So, I tried. To make learning more engaging, I have integrated freecodecompiler into my first Beginner’s Python blog series. I believe it will help a lot of people as it is mobile friendly as well. This is the best part that you can run the code then and there. I believe making things a bit hassle free can help people in a huge way. Please check it out and let me know if you like my idea. Happy coding!

#coding #programming #css #blogger #php #python #html

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liberty-belle · 2 years ago

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Vought Code of Conduct

THE BASICS

Daughter of Homelander (John) and Queen Maeve (Maggie Shaw).

I know “child of” characters aren’t always everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s fine. I’m not here to force my muse on anyone. However, if you are willing to give Madelaine (aka Liberty Belle) a chance, you might just be my new best friend. Just bare with me while I find her voice.

I am not in any way trying to erase or negate either Homelander’s or Maeve’s sexuality (as we know Maeve is, at least, bisexual in the show). Nor am I trying to say the two of them have anything other than a toxic relationship. The idea of Madelaine was/is to explore even more how Vought dictates the lives of the Supes. Fabricated relationships that they can market. Children they exploit from, basically, the moment of conception. Everything controlled and manipulated by executives thinking only of their bottom dollar. It’s fucking twisted and I love it.

I am waaaaaay too old for the drama. Please remember that IC and OOC are not the same thing and that nothing Madelaine says IC should be taken personally. She is bound to be a bit damaged, after all.

Same goes for anon hate. Too old for it. Either sign your name to it or shut the fuck up.

SELECTIVE-NESS

While the main description lists this blog as highly selective, I would say semi-selective will most likely end up being more accurate. Mostly I like to keep my dash clean and am terrified of people. But chances are, if you follow me, I’ll follow you back. Provided, of course, I have some understanding of your muse.

Occasionally, I may not follow someone back. And usually there is a reason. Not like a bitchy reason; more a practical one. Like posting an excessive amount of NSFW photos/artwork. I tend to pop in and out of tumblr while at work and well…I just can’t risk having dicks all over my dash.

SHIPPING

Madelaine here is bisexual, which means her ships will be a mix of f/m and f/f. Really, I will ship almost anything provided there is chemistry.

That being said, this blog will be multi-verse and multi-ship. Unless discussed as a plot point beforehand, Madelaine is not cheating on anyone.

I have no preferred ships/OTPs, nor do I, at this moment, have any NOTPS. I am open to exploring anything and everything.

THEMES & TRIGGERS

While I am more than old enough to write smut, I am actually not that good at it. Or at least I don’t seem to think so. I mostly prefer the ‘fade to black’ approach. Of course, this is subject to change depending on the scene. And the partner.

Anything that does get overly explicit will be placed behind a read more and tagged appropriately.

Same with triggering content. While I, myself, do not have any triggers, I am more than willing to tag whatever people need me to tag. All triggering material will be tagged ‘topic tw’

#rules #behind the curtain (ooc)

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xiabablog · 1 year ago

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Hiya girl~~!!

I have been waiting for a update, so happy you gave us one! But my goodness, it's so inspiring to hear how you've faced your fears and conquered challenges these past few weeks~!

Some of the things you talked really resonated with me, like you're not alone in feeling intimidated as the new person, especially as a Black woman in tech. Sharing your experience openly can help others feel less alone too. That was one of my goals with my coding blog like "haha look at me, a high school drop out barely managing to get into tech from a non-university route and I made it even though I still feel dumb 90% of the time lol 😭💀"

It's awesome that you took your time with onboarding and sought support from your mentor and colleagues. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. I am NEVER afraid to ask questions - I am known for question so many questions (but not too much, not in an annoying way~) and recently in my 1-to-1 meeting with my manager, he said he loved that I asked questions because it has started to help HIM remember the Junior level stuff he slowly forgot! Asking questions is a 2-way street~!!

Then diving into the project you got despite feeling overwhelmed is no small feat! Celebrating your progress and steps forward is key to building confidence. Take yourself out, go to the movies, celebrate and appreciate you and God's hard work!

It's also fantastic that you're prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries around work-life balance. This part I struggled with when I was I got my first Tech job, I wanted to do everything right and focused only on work. I slowly forgot about God, my hobbies and my friends (completely lost all of them but that's alright 😭). My mental health went downhill, but now I know there is life after work and as well as I want to progress career-wise, I have a life that I need to progress in too. God did not give me life to just focus on my tech job lol.

In the end, from my point of view, I am very proud of you! Especially from your struggles the past year or so! Keep up the good work and never give up!

With God by your side, there's no way you'll fail. Amen 🙏🏾

Hey, hey fam.

These past few weeks I have been onboarding. I let my insecurities get the best of me and didn’t want to take on an assignment early. I was dealing with some imposter syndrome and feeling the weight of being the new person. I felt like all eyes were on this little Black girl and wondering what she was going to do. I wanted to get better acclimated with my new environment and such, but also I was fearful. I’m glad I did take my time though. I extended my onboarding as much as I could and finally got started on my project last week. At first it all felt impossible, especially since my manager set an extremely aggressive timeline for it all (1-2 weeks). My teammates who I consulted about the project all told me it would take AT LEAST 3 weeks. I chatted with my mentor who I’ve mentioned to y’all who has never left my side about my fear and he suggested I ask exactly what I need to do. That encouraged me. It reminded me that I’m not even EXPECTED to know every step. Although I didn’t reach out to ask this, God heard me and a few people reached out directly with resources and help. They knew I was assigned this project and they reached out to part some wisdom and offer their continued support going forward. There was a moment when I couldn’t procrastinate anymore and I had to dive into things (a new language, a new code base, a weird interface, tangled code). I prayed to God to get me through and I felt him saying: one thing at a time. And I’m glad I did…I took one step at a time and soon things started to make sense. After a lot of time invested, I gained some confidence back and started to understand things. I made some code changes and made more progress than I thought. It’s all because I tried to face fear head on. I reminded myself that if God put me in this role, he wasn’t going to rip it away from me. He is with me at every point. If you aren’t convinced He exists, I hope you consider it, because if not for trusting Him, I wouldn’t have this praise report. I’ve written all my coding steps out in my tech spect. My team loves it! So much so, that my manager called my colleague and I his favorites on a call with the rest of the team! That was not appropriate, and made me feel like a target is now on my back from my team, but I was absolutely flattered. Some even DM’d me sharing their praise.

I felt so good I even took a work break and didn’t work after work for the first time in such a long time. I REALLY want to do well. I prayed to excel on the team quickly and I pray that is in God’s plan. I’m so used to struggling on my team no matter how agonizing it was. What was holding me back, no matter my prayers, was my fear and my inability to try as hard as I could. I want to try really hard, and I believe I can shock even myself, and that things will all turn out to be better than I expect, as long as I believe in God, pray for it, fight fear, imagine the best outcome, stop worrying, and trust HIM.

I thank God that He’s disciplined me. I want to also find balance. I haven’t worked out in a while just putting all my focus into delivering early, but I will pray for God’s help to make it a priority.

I pray yall are encouraged to fight fear and work for your wildest dreams as well.

On TOP of that, I work closely with a guy I think is kinda cute! Funny thing: my HRBP referred me to him, I reached out, he was kind, turns out were from the same city, he shared what he was working on, offered to meet with me 1:1 regularly going forward, we got paired in the same working group on our department’s offsite the next week, and then I ended up getting assigned to the project that works closely with what he is building! He doesn’t work in my office but is visiting soon and asked if I wanted to do lunch and whiteboard. I’m looking forward to it! I forget how to eat like a human when I eat in front of someone I like, so I’m going to try hard not to look like a weirdo! He has a girlfriend AND I am not going to entertain relationships nor romance with a colleague. I’ve learned from my past. I’m not even sure if I really like him or if I’m just THIRSTY. Ya girl has been deprived of male courtship for a while lol.

Anywho, I’m super grateful to God and things are going well. I have to stop bracing for impact and just continue to always expect for things to go well and know that if they don’t, it’s for a reason and God has a master plan. God bless yall.

#women in tech #coding #my reply

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gingerdusk · 4 years ago

Note

I’m having a hard time understanding what post + is? Can you explain it? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I’ve just seen you post about it!

So, Tumblr's decided to roll out this feature called "Post+," as a way to monetize their platform.

Basically, this allows content creators to put their content behind a monthly $3.99 paywall at will.

This, in itself, isn't...bad, per se. It works well for things like Patreon, for instance. But not only is Tumblr not the kind of platform for this (it's a very thin copy of Twitter's new super tweet feature, and on par with Youtube Premium), it's also HILARIOUSLY bad at its security.

Remember Ray Ban sunglasses? Blogs you follow turning suddenly into pornbots? Yeah.

This site is not secure by any means. It runs on spaghetti coding. Devs have quit because of how bad it is. XKit is so good because this site has a thin blanket keeping it from being flat-out open source.

So, Post+ is, in a word, bad.

Tumblr is a collaborative fandom and has a vibrant, mostly-anticapitalist user base with a large percentage of minors on it. Lots of us on here are broke. I'm sure you've seen the variety of gofundme posts.

Post+ preys on people who are either too young to be managing money on a monthly basis, or can barely afford their next meal, and offers no legitimate security for any payment information you put on here.

And on top of this, there's the legal problems.

Tumblr is a hosting site. If you post a Loki gifset behind a paywall and Disney decides to DMCA you, Tumblr can legally wipe their hands clean of it and still take their profit cut.

But you, the user? You're on the hook. Netflix and Dreamworks can take you to court over your "Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons" coffeeshop AU.

Tumblr has tried to smooth out this by saying that "most fanwork is considered creative commons."

This is not even remotely true.

If I had to guess, and I'm being generous in the naivete of the Tumblr staff, that assumption is probably based on the merch sales of things like ComicCon. But even THAT is legally ambiguous. One of the big things that courts, at least here in the USA where the megacorps live, consider when deciding if something falls into creative commons or not is whether or not the creator is making income off of it.

After all, Disney needs its royalties, right?

This is why AO3 doesn't allow people to post commission info on their site, and why back in the early days, places like Fanfiction net and Livejournal suffered repeated attacks from companies and artists that wanted their content untouched. (Anne Rice, anybody?)

Under no circumstances should you put fandom content behind a paywall, not only because you'll alienate the people who look up to you for your work, but because it's grounds for all sorts of legal troubles.

Even if you're found innocent, there's still fees to pay.

Moreover, this puts Tumblr in the corporate eye. All sorts of companies are going to be looking through this site for legal claims they can make to squeeze more money out of us civilians. We joke about how "oh, Disney will have to pay $10 to see my post anyways," but all it would take is a simple court order and Tumblr can waive all fees for company investigations.

Yeah. It's...BAD.

#not zelda #ask bee #post+#i have a lot of feelings about this and like none of them

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yamagucji · 5 years ago

Text

some tips for writing blogs, especially those who are just starting out. these are some things that works for me and may or may not work for others.

how to add a read more link on mobile

type :readmore: on a free space, then hit the enter or return button

personally i think they’re very helpful because it lessens the space you take up in your dash, and might encourage more people to rb

+ you can also add this on a spot where it gives a sort of cliffhanger, essentially making people want to ‘read more’

headers, banners, and dividers

though not necessary, it’s good to have a title for your work. make sure it’s bold and doesn’t blend in with your notes (aka pairing, warnings, etc.). this also helps when someone wants to look up one of your works in your search bar

i don’t really make banners or covers for my works. but some good apps that i know of would be picsart and canva. if you’re looking for ideas, i definitely recommend going into canva

wondering how to make those really small, thin dividers? you can make them using picsart! to make a divider hit tools > free crop > brush > size (adjust it to your preference > then draw a line along the edge of your photo > save

using the divider you just saved, go back to picsart and edit it again > draw option > hit rainbow square at the bottom left corner > hit suction/droplet symbol right below the check mark > color in the white spots bc for some reason picsart glitches and makes dividers look white-ish

new blog? just opened an account?

this is gonna sound really frustrating. but... tumblr needs to check if you’re a bot or not. what does this mean? it’s likely that your first few posts won’t show up on the search bar. you may not even get to edit your header/pfp yet ://

this happened to me and there was no visibility on my account at ALL. what helped me get ‘verified’ is that i followed a LOT of accounts, liked a bunch of posts, made some posts here and there. now that lets tumblr know you’re not a bot

visibility

the tumblr tagging system usually only allows the first 5 tags in your post to show up. so, what can do you about this? only use FIVE or less tags in your post. wait about 15 minutes or more until you can add some more tags in your post, and they usually all show up like that

another important thing about using tags is not to generalize! especially if you’re using a popular tag. but also don’t specify it too much where barely anyone looks it up. for example, if you’re writing a gn piece about oikawa, i recommend you use the tags such as: oikawa x reader, haikyuu x reader, oikawa x gn!reader, haikyuu headcanons, etc

a good rule of thumb is to use character x reader tags first, then leave the full name or fandom tag last

FOR NSFW: tumblr doesn’t let any tags with nsfw show up. so, give your nsfw works another tag. maybe #namegetspicy idk, you figure it out

FOR WARNINGS: especially if you’re a dark content creator, i highly encourage you to add tw:xyz tags. if you already have a warning note at the top then that’s great. but even better for readers who prefer to actually block these tags that way they never get to see it

another important thing to note is that people have different timezones. it helps if you rb your work at a different time of the day, in case people missed it! (icymi) i’ve noticed that reblogging helps to make your post show up in the tags

interaction + feedback

first and foremost, you are not obligated to write for your followers, and neither are your followers obligated to interact with you. remember that everyone has their own individual lives, and they have their own things to do— so do you, too.

make friends! become mutuals with other writers, visit their ask box. i know it can be daunting having to initiate these things, but you might just turn out to have fun! you can’t expect people to interact with you if you’re not interacting (back). it’s... kind of a two way thing yk? no need to be afraid to interact with other writers. oh, and rb other writers works!

pspsps join tag games or do ask games. it’s fun and very interactive

it never hurts to ask for feedback. i usually do this in a more subtle way because i don’t really expect a full on analysis on my works. maybe a little, is this okay? or feedback appreciated. sometimes it takes a little bit of coaxing for the silent readers

formatting your posts and blog

i generally put in the title at the top in big, bold letters

then comes the header/divider. helps to make the post more... visually appealing ig?

it’s important to add warnings (if any) and the pairing. the audience is not all female, and it might be a little frustrating for male readers having to find out its an x fem reader piece like halfway through your fic

if you have multiple works posted, it’s really really helpful to have a navigation page!

you can organize the posts you make with tags! for example, if you’re shitposting, you can use a specific tag for that. if you have a nsfw related post (ESPECIALLY when your blog is open to the general audience) please make a tag for it

themes + colors

if you have a color in mind but don’t know which direction to go from there, i recommend looking up color + aesthetic

looking to use the same color? download a name color app that’ll give you a hex code for any color you want to use. then, you can type in that hex code for when you’re choosing a color for your tumblr bio

wondering how to make your header image small like mine? just choose a photo for your header and turn off the stretch image option

want to use a different text color that tumblr doesn’t offer? it’s not as complicated as you think. you’ll have to go on a desktop to do this and do some html (but trust me, it’s not very difficult). look up “HTML noob but trying my best - how to use colored text on desktop”

^^ i don’t have the link for the color text tutorial so you can try looking it up

how to make an aesthetic navi and masterlist

step 1: decide a theme! if you’re stuck, think about a character + color/season/mood or look up “[insert] aesthetic” to find some inspiration. or you can try looking at other blogs too

step 2: find a color scheme! it’s easier if you choose fewer colors. if you want to use the same color for both divider and text, download a color name app in order to get the hex code of that color.

step 3: add categories to your navi! most navigation pages include a link to masterlist, about/byi, and rules. your navi should have a title that indicates that it’s... a navigation page. you can add thin colored dividers with the same color to make it easier for followers to navigate

step 4: you can choose to create a ‘cover’ or a picture for your navigation and masterlist! again, i recommend you use the canva app as a starting point

extra: search up emoticon symbols to spice up your titles!

reminder for you as a writer

you’re not obligated to do any of these things. i’ve noticed that we tend to build pressure on ourselves when it comes to content and interaction. remember, this !! is !! for !! fun !! when you realize that it’s no longer fun, then know that it’s time to take a break. and there’s nothing wrong with a bit of self care.

^^ c/p from this post lol

at the end of the day, follower count and interaction doesn’t define you. again for the love of beings, you’re here on your own accord.

will be adding more if needed/asked.

#cupid; talks!#cueuepid

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radioactivebowtie · 3 years ago

Text

In the depths of night, I realized that I never wrote a dedicated post for Finn and Reagan’s lil relationship?? Not very fair for it to only be discussed in big long posts about other stuff when others get their own if you ask me!

Warnings: Rand Ridley is in this- (I’m so sorry) -Like very toxic parental relationships, and mental health issues (code for project jellybean being mentioned) Other than that just spoilers for the show and mayhap references to other posts you can find on my blog?

Ok! So I have mentioned in my post about project Jellybean (And how it would affect Finn and such-) that Finn and Reagan used to be friends. I do however have an amendment to that- They absolutely acted more like let’s say,,, partners, something like we could say we are dating and you wouldn’t bat an eye, that kinda shit.

So something about the fact that these two were close enough to shatter Finn’s heart when they think Reagan doesn’t remember them, or that they weren’t important enough or something is just SCREAMING- “We had a fucking dope friendship and Reagan was basically adopted into our family!” Isn’t like it would be the first adoption-

But even despite that, JR would absolutely eat these two up? It would be pleasing for him to know that Reagan genuinely wants to be Finn’s friend, unlike the kids who go to their school. So she would be over all the time, whether or not he would tell Rand the real reason is debatable.

OK so I don’t like Rand who does?? BUT he would actually have some part in this unfortunately so let’s get this sorted.

So Finn just wants to hang out with Reagan, and Reagan wants to hang out with another friend who likes them for them and treats her like her actual age. And let’s be honest, JR knows Rand isn’t the best with kids, especially his own

So when Finn comes to him literally BEGGING to have a sleepover with her?

HE ABSOLUTELY LIES SO THAT HIS BABY CAN BE HAPPY!

So Finn and Reagan act like she just lives there with them, like she is their best friend and just do regular kid stuff!! It helps to make them feel normal.

So they make dinner! And then have to get someone on the staff to make it because WOWZA can Finn ruin a fucking meal- Everything they try and cook burns so fast ISTG

They watch movies and cartoons in their jammies! Filling the entirety of downstairs with joyous and genuine laughter.

And honestly? JR treats her better, He enjoys seeing Finn so happy, and even if he has to lie to make it happen - honestly not that big of a deal-breaker - He absolutely will, he will do it as many times as they need him to.

So, when Finn isn’t sneaking Reagan over somehow for a sleepover? Finn is hanging out with her in the still, somewhat empty halls that are outside of their dad’s offices. Reagan has her nose buried in whatever textbook she has for her class and Finn is desperately scribbling in their math homework Albeit mostly with Reagan’s help- But Finn brings her candy, specifically sour patch kids!

It is the most Reagan candy and you cannot convince me otherwise

So Finn is sharing candy with her in the hallway, head-bopping to Sk8ter Boi by Avril Lavigne the year after it came out. Singing along happily and off-key to the song playing through their iPod mini, a single earbud in one of their ears each. Only pausing when Reagan throws it out of her ear the moment Rand comes into the hallway to make sure she’s doing her work.

But then it happens, Finn is just barely out of Fifth grade when it happens. Fresh out of elementary school and- now their missing their friend.

Finn knows how hard it is for them to make school friends, especially now that Cognito is really getting off the ground and their fathers’ reputation seems to mean more to the kids in their private school than Finn’s feelings and friendship, But it gets even worse when all of a sudden they aren’t allowed to see Reagan.

Now Finn isn’t stupid by any means, but they weren’t ever going to guess the real reason why Reagan didn’t remember them or could no longer talk! And there was no way in HELL that JR was about to try and explain to his 12-year-old kid who is already very traumatized that he isn’t going to bring Finn to Cognito or anywhere NEAR Rand now that he’s seen how he treats Reagan.

And especially not after Reagan suddenly doesn’t remember Finn. He doesn’t even mean to find out, it was inevitable though. JR asking her passively how she’s doing and whether or not she’d like to come over to study with Finn.

His eyes widen and his heart drops to his stomach when she asks who that is. He can’t get an answer out of Rand, the room full of smoke from Rand’s god-awful cigarettes. He goes home early that day, taking Finn out for Ice cream but not telling them why. It’s awful to have to lie to his kid, he knows it’s fucked up. He doesn’t give a shit about lying to the public, but this is his kid! They’ve been through hell and back because of him! They deserve better than this, better from him.

So even if Finn is confused and missing their friend? They don’t know what they can do about it so, they just,, continue on.

They go to school and talk to people, but none of them are as nice and genuine with Finn as Reagan. But they make it work. They keep playing soccer and doing their work and before they know it, they see that Reagan’s already passed college, already heading to the finale, working at Cognito.

They remember it was something they had talked about as kids, popping sugary candy into their mouths as they watched cartoons on the couch in their living room. Reagan’s smart, they both know that. No matter how normal Finn treats her it’s hard not to notice the friend your age being in high school before you’ve hit middle school. So when Reagan tells Finn that their dads letting her work in the company Finn’s totally excited for them! It’s just that,, they just don’t think they’ll make it there. They know they COULD get in just by asking their dad but that felt like cheating, no matter HOW much they’d want to work with Reagan. How much fun they think it’d be.

So, when they see she did make it, and that she’s doing super well with the stuff she’s been good at for as long as Finn can remember is exciting. And then once they graduate JR asks if they want to work at Cognito- and Finn hesitates? They kind of did? But they didn’t think they deserved to? But they tell him as long as it’s for something they’d be good at and they have to actually apply. No special treatment. So they - and by they I mean JR - trial Finn in a bunch of different areas, and while none of them quite fit they all notice something.

Finn notices things, really specific things that others would probably not? Like they can’t focus, something that’s very much not a new problem. But the stuff they notice during the parts where they can’t focus on the main thing that they’re supposed to be working on is shocking. Finn will just casually know who’s walked by and can probably say all their names, they can tell you how many times someone would get up during a meeting to get water, and they will know the exact time someone will turn into the media manipulation hall when they try learning in there. So, they put them into the security team! And Finn does great! They keep tabs on everyone in a way anyone else barely anyone understands if they’re honest. But they get the job! Fulfilling half of their childhood dream to work at Cognito with Reagan.

But then they figure out what the power of the cameras bring. The chance to see their old childhood bestie in action!! They see a lot of people on the cameras sure - A true people watcher at heart - But now they get to pretend that they both did it together, like sure! Technically they are co-workers, the plan still happened! They just didn’t get there the way they intended to. And they very much assumed they would be working together which didn’t end up happening either. So instead, Finn sits on the sidelines in their monitor office, watching the gang and cheering them on! They respond to any audio they can pick up as if they were there and are in a constant state of “GO RAE GO!!”

But then they actually cross paths.

And despite how it totally may seem, it doesn’t go great- fuckin shocker

So okay, Finn will absolutely not clock onto the fact that something has been done to Reagan- We cannot blame them, Rand is too evil for their sweet mind -So Finn is sad when she introduces herself. Just like she was a stranger, as if Finn didn’t already know them. And honestly, as sad as it is. They just assume that Reagan forgot about them? Finn’s mind just assumes that they weren’t important enough, and it isn’t like JR goes waving around that their related so that wouldn’t help them. Plus they don’t exactly look like the tiny feminine brunette they used to be anymore. none of this is true-

But they can’t prove that their theories are wrong? Because even if they did ask Reagan she would have no fucking clue what they were talking about. So Finn doesn’t say anything in fear that if they do Reagan will just stop talking to them fully, thinking they’ll annoy her away again. So Finn’s just being themselves, overly excitable and talkative. Reagan thinks Finn is nosey, but they do their job.

Finn shows up in Reagan’s office a lot. Something that annoys Reagan to no end, at least at the beginning! So in the beginning there were some missteps! Like Finn going to touch something and Reagan throwing something at them to try and stop them, or Finn overstepping personal boundaries and trying to act like they did when they were kids! Something that probably would have been fine if Reagan actually remembered them- Something that Finn is aware of they do not blame Reagan and they have adjusted to her needs and wants - And eventually Reagan just expects them to show up at some point in the day? It feels weirder when they don’t stop in at all if she’s honest. But she can’t tell you why

And she guesses that Finn doesn’t really do anything? They just talk? Like a lot. It becomes some honestly really nice white noise while Reagan works on stuff? And Finn doesn’t really mind if Reagan isn’t fully listening while they talk! They don’t really need that, for them being around Reagan again is enough. Sometimes Finn brings Reagan little gifts? Reagan definitely appreciates them, even if she’s unsure how Finn knew her favorite kind of candy? She doesn’t think that she’s ever mentioned that she likes sour patch kids?

At least she doesn’t remember doing so-

Finn doesn’t explain it to her until y’know, The mindscape trip. Suddenly all the things Finn does and did do in the “beginning” of their interactions. Even the little things, like the candy and the nicknames, start making more sense.

But there’s a lot going on and neither of them has literally any time to figure out their friendship issues when Reagan’s worried about the fact that her entire childhood is a lie and that Rand has taken over the company, and Finn has to worry about the fact that their dad might now be dead and that they may now have lost their only family for the second time. Y’know just their worlds being on fire.

So instead, they don’t talk about it until it’s at least a little calmed. I mean nothing is correct or fixed. But when they do get to have an actual talk it absolutely is full of tears? Finn is overwhelmed and happy okay. Reagan remembers them! She remembers all the things that they used to do! Finn doesn't feel fucking insane anymore! Even if they now have a million more reasons they want to both die and absolutely throttle Rand fucking Ridley.

But eventually, they would have some talks? Like, the first few are tenser. Finn’s still dealing with losing their dad and Reagans still reeling over basically her entire childhood and the fact that her dad is now running Cognito inc. something that she had thought was her dream since she was little. Both are what would be described as a more than reasonable excuse to ignore your relationship issues! So when they do get to actually have that talk that kind of, explains the feelings and emotions that they’ve been feeling since y’know childhood.

It honestly goes well? Like at the very least, better than either of them was expecting? I don’t think that it would change much at all if I’m honest,,

They both talk and Finn discusses how they felt while Reagan didn’t remember them. But I might go over their talk in another post-

Okay,,, that’s all for now,,,, I spent a month or two on that I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did <3

#This was honestly really fun #Like I love these two sm #Reagan deserves so much like ISTG #Mwuah #I kith her #we can eat lucky charms and watch cartoons #I love them sm ISTG #AND I FUCKING LOVE WRITING LORE #LIKE JESUS #THIS WAS SM FUN #OKOK IM ACTUALLY GONNA POST IT #inside job oc #inside jobsona #inside job sona #The Lockbox📼🔓

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3dpe · 4 years ago

Photo

Long time no blog! I come bearing one nice gif, and 4 scenes of awful software gore.

As per the What’s Next post, I’ve been doing a lot of tidying up. The engine is now running nicely in Python 3, and the Core app is ready as soon as I finish some server work - so stay tuned for beta testing opportunities :)

I decided to spend some time in the Battle2.5D plugin - now renamed StageFight - since I overhauled a lot of UI and scripting code recently. The top gif shows the current status - still some bugs to fix - and the other 4 were stops along the journey. My favourite is the 4 ton Fishka.

Longtime listeners may remember this post, where I was trying to work out the in and outs of Pokémon Black/White’s battle staging. Well, I finally got to the bottom of it - story under the cut.

So, in the 5 years since that post, I’ve learned a lot of useless information, and some of that is how to track footage in 3D, using Blender.

Since I never had any luck getting the battle scene geometry out, and I really wanted to know some more intimate details like the camera’s field of view and positioning, I thought I’d try some reverse-engineering. As usual with my grand ideas, the line between genius and lunacy is fuzzy.

I started to track some normal old emulator footage, but sub-pixel fuzz was making accuracy impossible. You need 8 perfectly tracked points for blender to calculate the camera angle, and I barely managed 4 wobbly ones.

I soon lost patience and decided to look into uprezzing DesMuMe. I did some research and found an old, Japanese, windows-only 2014 build that someone had hacked to increase the resolution for models. Perfect!

I tried to record some more footage in OBS... but it was compressed to hell, and the big blobs of colour that endeared me to this generation were not getting me any sort of precision to track anyway. Another bust.

I realised my best chance at accurate tracking was going to be to make it render in wireframe. This is a pretty easy switch for OpenGL - you can just add a single line of code. Maybe I could get the source code and recompile it?

After a lot of searching, I did find the source code - but it was relying on libraries compiled in 2012, and would not compile at all. I also got very upset with Windows and Visual Studio, and had to steam off for a few days before trying anything else lol.

Of course... when I came back, I discovered the Mac version of DesMuMe has a setting called “GPU Scaling Factor”...

I felt very stupid.

DesMuMe is actually very easy to download and compile on Mac. After a bit of fiddling, I got my 4x scale precision wireframes! Some tracking in blender, and bam! Accurate camera positions, angles, and FOV.

Then I spent three days getting very upset, until a passing stranger explained to me the difference between left-handed and right-handed coordinates, and the final piece of the puzzle fell into place.

At some point in the future, as part of the engine’s Help docs, I’ll post the .blend file publicly so that anyone can model custom battle backgrounds and plinths.

It’s very satisfying to solve a 5-year mystery like this. And also to know I never have to open Visual Studio again.

#3dpe #engine #coding #StageFight #Blender #motion tracking #game dev #battle

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millllenniawrites · 4 years ago

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warmth (Poe Dameron x Reader)

words: 5.6k yes it is the longest thing on this blog shush

summary: The Resistance’s victory celebration quickly turns sour when their trusted Commander, Poe Dameron, recognizes a toxin in the air. This favourite doctor is the only one he trusts with the information he has. You’re the only one you trust to look after him.

warnings: smut (this is 18+ people); afab!reader; porn with plot; sex pollen so that automatically makes it dubcon; doctor!reader; swearing, drugs, dirty talk, Poe Dameron is so whiny when he’s horny holy fuck; bondage; oral (f receiving); unprotected sex (wrap it up folks); pet names (good girl, honey, sweetheart, baby); this relies on Poe’s spice runner past (the one I use in Helix, not the gross canon one) but it’s not directly dealt with and it’s super vague

a/n: I was trying to find a place to feature Kade Sol who is my baby sunshine light of my life from the Helix series and I snuck him in here! also this was a worldbuilding writing exercise that somehow turned into the filthiest smut I’ve ever written so there’s that

As the last First Order ship disappeared from the sky, a victory cry sounded through the Resistance fighters. Poe Dameron landed on the tarmac of Cida’s Travel Station, popping the hood of his X-Wing. He grinned, watching the rest of Black and Blue squadron land around him, all hopping out of their ships and rejoicing on the deck.

They didn’t lose anyone in the air today. That alone was cause for celebration.

It had been three weeks of trying to break the First Order’s blockade on the Cida system. King Caran had graciously accepted the help of the Resistance, backed by the New Republic’s ships, and allowed them to set up a temporary base on Cida Prime. In exchange for liberating their system, His Majesty had granted the Resistance usage of their hyperspace lanes, which would cut the transport time from the Hosnian system to D’Qar in half. An easy trade, if anyone had bothered to ask Poe.

Which no one did, these days. But he was doing his best.

Kade, his captain, shook him from his thoughts as he called from the ground, “The King is asking for you, Dameron.”

He dropped out of his ship, quickly hugging Kade, grateful as always to have his best friend by his side, before jogging into the command centre of the makeshift air base, where King Caran and Admiral Ackbar were waiting.

“Commander Dameron,” the King’s booming voice sounded through the small room as Poe entered.

Poe bowed low, nearly folding himself completely in half. “Your Majesty.”

A pair of Cidan guards’ in navy uniforms flanked him as he trailed behind the King and Ackbar. Poe found himself tuning out the negotiations, agreeing with Ackbar on instinct as the two men spoke. They took more twists and turns than Poe could count. He began marking various basins, leaking different coloured smoke as landmarks, in case he needed to find his way out.

Not that he thought the King wasn’t deserving of their trust. This was a war. He just wasn’t going to risk it.

As they entered what appeared to be the King’s office, Poe felt almost out of place. Like he was floating, a gentle burning feeling in his gut the only thing grounding him.

In a turn of events Poe was not expecting, he found himself missing you.

He loved Kade. Of course, he loved Kade. His second. His partner in crime. But the flight home was sure to be a boring one without you.

It wasn’t tradition, necessarily. But each time the two of you had taken a mission together, it had been a resounding success. And on your way home, he’d celebrated between your legs.

And you’d taken care of him after, like the good girl he knew you were.

The burning moved lower, a sweet smell settling in his nose. One Poe recognized, from a time before the New Republic Navy.

Fuck.

Voice panicked, “King Caran,” Poe stood, realizing he had interrupted the King. Breathing heavily, he scanned the room, eyes locking on a small stone in the corner. It sat on a warming plate, small tendrils of yellow smoke disappearing into the air.

Caran laughed, following Poe’s gaze. “You know your therapies, my boy.” The man seemed… pleased. Proud. “A gift, from us to you.”

“With all due respect, your Majesty,” Poe coughed, a phantom of the sensation he had only felt once before aching deep in his lungs. “Most organisms outside of the Cidan’s can’t handle Stiima the way your graciousness can.”

“My apologies, my friend. We thought that it would help to calm things. For negotiations, of course.” Caran met Ackbar’s eyes, anxiety evident. “Please understand it is simply the way we celebrate such a great success as we have seen today.”

“I understand, your Majesty.” Ackbar side-eyed Poe, concern evident. “Are you alright, Commander?”

The ringing in Poe’s ears drowned out the last of their conversation. The next thing he knew, he was back on the tarmac, shouting, “Kade. Get everyone in the air. Now.”

He beelined for his shuttle, locking himself in the cockpit. Hand clenching as he felt himself relax into the passenger seat, the pain of his nails digging into his palm grounding him.

“Poe, you good?” Kade banged on the door.

He didn’t answer, focusing on the

Kade finally got the door open. “Poe, what the fuck?”

“Fly.” Poe said through gritted teeth. “I need you to fly.”

So Kade did.

They didn’t dock to the main carrier, flying above it. They would wait until it jumped to hyperspace before they followed.

Poe watched as fighter after fighter flew into the large ship. Ears filled with cotton, he barely heard Ackbar’s order over the comms for anyone in a shuttle to stay away from the ship.

Code Orange.

Quarantine protocol.

Poe couldn’t stop his mind from going back to you. The last time you were on mission together. The way your mouth felt.

Your eyes.

The innocent way you would smile, naked and spread out under him…

“Poe?” Kade asked, sitting forward in his seat. “Are you alright?”

Poe hit a comm button on his dash, connecting him directly to command.

“Commander Dameron, are you alright?” A young man’s voice came through his headset.

“I need you to connect me to med.”

“Is someone—”

“Connect me to med, officer. I need to speak with the doctor.”

You opened the hull door of Poe Dameron’s shuttle, a small case of bacta and other various medications tucked under your arm. Coughing into your mask as you entered the dark ship, you quickly located the panel to seal the door behind you, saluting the mech on the ground that would lock you in after the door eased shut.

The convoy had landed hours ago. The medic team had been slowly working through shuttles, administering antidotes to those that could take them.

It wasn’t poison. You’d ruled that out early. But the obvious effects of dehydration were evident. Poe seemed to know what it was, from the way he sounded in the recording Ackbar had passed off to med, but no one else was familiar with the symptoms everyone seemed to be presenting.

Looking around, you stayed still for a moment, letting your eyes adjust to the dark. You had been in his shuttle before; you knew you were in the cargo bay, and if you followed the wall to your right, you would find the ladder that would lead you to the cockpit. Your mission. The plan. Assessing Poe and Captain Kade Sol’s symptoms.

But if you went to the left and pushed the thin black curtain aside, you would find the small closet that served as his bed on long missions.

Your bed, when you joined him.

It was hard not to smile, remembering the long nights in hyperspace with the famous Commander. The way his curls tangled around your fingers. How his stubble felt against the inside of your thighs…

Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you shook your head with a small embarrassed laugh and began to work your way to the ladder.

Even with the grey cloth pulled tight across your mouth and nose, you could still smell the musk of the air, heavy in your lungs. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it had a true weight to it, like slightly overripe fruit or warm spices, much worse than the three shuttles you had cleared before this. The rungs of the ladder were warm like the air, slick with moisture, a telltale sign that Poe and Kade had done as asked. There had been no air circulating in the ship since they landed. If any of the airborne toxins had gotten into the ship, it wouldn’t have had the chance to escape outside.

You smiled as your hands brushed their oxygen canisters, hearing the slow leak of fluid. Always thorough, Dameron…

Your hands grazed the small railing that guarded the catwalk to the cockpit as you made your way down to the sealed door.

“Commander Dameron? Captain Sol?” you called, hoping they could hear you through the dense metal. “It’s Doctor--”

The hiss of the door caused you to jump and you stepped back, taking in the form of the Captain. The large man nearly filled the doorway, dark clothes making it difficult to see him in the blackness of the ship. “I know who you are. Command came through a little while ago.” His voice as gruff as always, but he said it with a smile. “I’ve had no symptoms, but I figure you still need to check me out?”

“Yes, Captain.” You nod, “If you wouldn’t mind going back into the cockpit for me…”

He grumbled something you couldn’t make out but did what you asked, sitting in the only passenger seat in the small room, empty save for them.

“Where’s Commander Dameron?” you asked as you knelt in beside Kade, fingers on his wrist.

You ran through the basics of your training as he talked.

“Poe didn’t get so lucky. Got hit worse than most people, from what we’ve heard. He was in the King’s office. Said something about a… diffuser?” When you nodded, he seemed to relax. “That’s why he made the call. Asked me to lock him up until a medic got here. He was specifically asking for you, so I guess we got lucky.”

You were grateful for the dark, hiding the way you flushed. “Guess so.” Unable to hide the warmth in your voice, you gave Kade a small smile. “There isn’t a brig on this ship. Where—"

“His quarters. Stun cuffs magnetized to the wall.” He seemed almost embarrassed, ducking his head. “I’m not sure what’s wrong with him, exactly. Just that he hasn’t really stopped making noise since about twenty minutes after we landed.”

You hesitated. Generally careful about the information you give out to patients, you weren’t sure it would be appropriate to explain, but Kade and Poe were a package deal. Rarely did you see one without the other. They’d been joined at the hip since long before they had defected to the Resistance together.

“It’s a potent aphrodisiac.” You murmured, standing behind him and tilting his head to check for discolouration on his neck, “Most people got hit with… well, let’s call it Level 1 symptoms. Loose tongue. Unable to really control what they’re saying, or at least not thinking it through. Level 2 are action: making choices you wouldn’t ordinarily make. The… aphrodisiac part. If you get to level two, we’ve found they wear off in about three hours. No antidote needed. Just fluids and rest, after it all. But you’ve been in here almost a whole day…” and Poe’s condition hadn’t improved.

“Which means what? He’s at level 3?”

There wasn’t a level 3.

Coming around in front of Kade, you nodded slowly. “Was he complaining of… pain?” you flinched as you said the word, knowing the man had no idea what you were truly asking.

“Right before he asked me to gag him. He had moments he was lucid… basically told me to leave him locked up, no matter what he said.”

There was only one other person that had said the drug hurt, and she had been fine for a few hours now.

Kade chewed idly on his bottom lip, seemingly lost in thought. “Not easy being locked in while your best friend is raving like a madman.”

“The gag was a good call. He’ll thank you once he’s back to himself.” You tried for another smile. “You seem okay. Vitals are normal. Rosa is just outside. I’ll let her know that she can open the door. She’ll give you a mask and escort you to showers, and then back to your quarters. They’ll send a medical droid to check you out fully before you’re allowed to intermix with the base. Just in case.”

“Thank you, doc.” Kade stood, heading out the door to the rest of the shuttle. “Poe is—”

“I know.” You nodded, not really thinking through your words. “Closet. Curtain.”

Kade paused, turning to look at you for a moment. His eyebrow twitched, just slightly, before he dropped down the ladder. You appreciated that he hadn’t said anything, having a sneaking suspicion that he didn’t know you only off your medical reputation.

Your excursions with Poe were a relative secret, not wanting command to restrict you going on missions together because of your… you weren’t really sure what to call it. Enough people had stories about him that you knew you weren’t exclusive, but being with him was different. It had always been different.

Though you supposed all the people he took to bed could say the same thing.

You pushed the heavy curtain aside.

He was laid back on his cot, only one of his boots on. Poe struggled against his cuffs, attached to the wall above his head, and whined through the gag in his mouth. The bed squeaked and shook. It was a significantly less pleasant sound when you were standing there, not on top of him…

You shook your head quickly, a reminder that you were working, before you knelt on the ground next to Poe’s head. His eyes widened as he focused on you. Reaching for the fabric cutting into his cheeks, your fingertips grazed his jaw. “I’m gonna remove this, okay?” you murmured before eased the gag out of his mouth, letting the loop of dark cloth hanging around his neck.

“Sweetheart…” he whined the moment his mouth was free to move, his voice cracking around the dryness of his throat. You set your med case on the floor and opened it quickly, digging through bandages and bacta patches before finding what you needed. You lifted a small canteen to his lips, letting the water trickle into his mouth. He coughed, spluttering a little before he was tilting his head away, gasping, “Please, sweetheart. I need…”

You shushed him gently, swiping a cloth over his lips. Trying to distract him, you softened your voice, “You got everyone out before it could get bad, Poe. Everyone else is safe.”

He turned his head to look up at the ceiling, seeming to relax a little. Your eyes found his throat. Watching him breathe, swallow, reminded you of the way his skin tasted…

Fuck.

You coughed again into your mask, murmuring, “I’ll be right back.” and ignoring the way Poe whined as you let the curtain fall behind you.

Once you were a few steps away from him, you could breathe a little easier. The air was hot, fucking scalding through your mask, and you tilted your head back a bit to force yourself to breathe deeply. Slowly. Calmingly.

You reached up, touching the pad of the in-ear to firmly press it into your head, “Rosa? You copy?”

The woman’s high voice came through, louder than before. Her voice seemed to be directed straight into your skull. “Everything alright in there, doc?”

“Everything’s fine. Commander Dameron has symptoms we haven’t seen before and I think I’m contaminated. It’s not bad. I can work through it. But I’m going to take my comm out just in case.” You really didn’t need command hearing your unfiltered thoughts.

She grumbled, “Maker. You sure you’re alright?” You swore you could almost see the way her eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, Rosa. I’m good. Level 1 or less. Just make sure those doors stay locked until we come off it. Don’t open them for anyone. Even the General.”

She turned on the link long enough that you heard her laugh before she said, “Sounds good. If we need you, we’ll come through the cockpit.” A brief pause, “Stay safe, doc.”

“You too, Rosa.”

Pulling the plastic out of your ear, you double checked that you had it turned it off before returning to Poe’s side.

He relaxed the moment you were back in view, hips stilling on the bed. You tried not to stare at the obvious tent in his pants.

His eyes seemed to focus better than before, saying quietly, “I heard you. Talking to Rosa. You shouldn’t have touched me.”

He was right. It was probably your proximity to him that did it. But you had to do your job. That was your only priority, of course. Of course…

“Like I’ve ever been good at keeping my hands to myself with you around.” You froze as the words slipped past your lips, unable to stop them.

He didn’t seem bothered by the sudden accidental honesty, but his eyes glazed over again, trailing over you. “I miss your hands…” he groaned, biting his lip and sending a wave of heat through you.

“Careful, or I’m gonna put that gag back in.” Voice sounding forced even to your own ears, you sat down on the floor, your back resting against the bed.

He mumbled something you couldn’t quite understand, until he repeated himself. “Take yours off. The… the mask. If you’ve got it…”

He was right. If you’d already been exposed, there wasn’t any point in keeping it on. It was hot. There was no one in there but you. You weren’t hurting anyone. You could take the mask off. It would be fine. You—

“Sweetheart…” Poe groaned, rattling the cuffs.

You ripped the mask off your face, tossing it near your medical kit.

“G-good. Can you… can you please take my arms down, honey?” he tugged at the cuffs again. If you had turned to look at him, you would have seen the desperation you knew was painted across his features. “It hurts.”

His whine sent a pang of guilt through you. “Why did you know what the drug was?” you asked, hoping it would distract him.

“It’s used in party drugs. The way it burns… it’s not like anything else I’ve ever—” He shifted, trying to get more comfortable, despite the way his pants were twisted around his legs from hours of struggling. The fabric stuck against him and pulled, and he moaned, guttural and sweet and chipping away at the wall of self-control you had haphazardly built against him.

“Poe,” Meant to be chastising, the word landed somewhere in the realm of yearning and breathless.

“Anything, sweetheart. Please.” Rolling his head back and forth on the bedroll under his head, he sounded close to tears as he whined, “I think my dick is going to fall off if you don’t touch it.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, helping to break the cloud of arousal circling your head. “I don’t think that’s a medically sound diagnosis, Commander.”

“Say that again…” he breathed.

“Medically—”

“No.”

Your sharp intake of breath was the only sound in the shuttle.

“Commander?”

He tilted his head back, groaning, “You say my title and I can’t stop thinking about being inside you.”

“It’s just the drugs.”

“You know it’s not just the drugs.” You could have sworn it was a growl with the way the low sound of his voice tore through you. “I need you to touch me, honey.”

“Will you stop talking if I do?”

“Come lay with me and give me one hand back. Then I’ll stop talking.”

Negotiating meant he was lucid, if only partially.

“I thought you said it makes it worse if I touch you.” You squeezed your eyes shut, like that could block out the image that his soft gasps conjured in your mind.

“It’ll get worse before it gets better.”

“Always got a fucking answer for everything…” You grumbled, but it worked. Carefully, you eased yourself up off the floor and onto his small cot and leaned over him. One ring of the cuffs released with the click of a few buttons.

After freeing the gag from around his neck and tossing it to the floor, Poe’s free hand immediately reached for you, gripping your thigh. Even though the thick fabric of your pants, you could feel how warm he was. “Sweetheart…”

“You said you’d stop talking.”

“Lay down. Lay down and I’ll stop talking.”

You had agreed to it. And when his fingers dug into your thigh and the wave of relief washed over you at his touch, you weren’t about to argue.

So you laid down, back to him, letting his free hand roam up and down your side. Under your shirt. Down under the top of your pants that he didn’t bother to undo. There wasn’t any focus to his movements. Where he touched you, you relaxed, and as his touch moved on, your skin burned.

You didn’t notice the high-pitched whine leaving your parted lips until Poe’s hand came to rest on your throat.

“Does it hurt?” He traced from your jaw to your collarbone, over and over, putting just enough pressure on your neck that you were gasping.

“N-no… Are you…? Does it hurt for you?”

“This is better. You being close makes it better.”

“It’s just warm.” That was the only way to describe it. It was like he had set you on fire. Everywhere he had touched ached.

He groaned, breath hot against your ear as he rutted his hips against you. “Let me help, sweetheart…” No amount of squirming was going to make the heat go away and you couldn’t figure out how he could be so slow about all of this. “I can make you feel good. I can make it go away. Please…” His fingers trailed across the exposed skin of your stomach, soothing the burning feeling that wracked your body.

You gripped his wrist, bringing his hand up under the hem of your shirt, needing his cooling touch. Arching your back, your ass grazed him and you groaned together.

“Please sweetheart.” he begged, voice low and sending vibrations through your back where he pressed against you. “Let my other hand down. I promise I’ll make it worth it.” He rattled the cuff still glued to the wall for good measure.

He didn’t have to ask you twice. Rolling over, you shoved him onto his back and swung a leg over his hips. Grinding down as you reached over him, you released his hands, leaving the cuffs on the wall, up and out of the way. He was quick to flip you onto your back, hand cradling the back of your head as his lips met your neck.

“Pretty girl…” Poe murmured as his hand tangled in your hair, wrenching your head back to expose your neck. “Such a pretty girl for me… so fucking sweet…”

“Poe… Poe, please.” The whine left you before you could fully decide what you were begging for. Just more. More of him. His hands on your body. His lips on your skin.

The heaviness of the air weighed you to the cot, your knees down to the thin mattress as he slotted himself between your legs – still fully clothed – and you fell apart in his arms. Gasping into his mouth, body convulsing, you could barely move with the way he was positioned above you. You couldn’t open your eyes. You could barely breathe with the way every small movement sent searing heat straight to your core.

“Fuck.” His dark eyes focused on your heaving chest. “Do that again.”

He fought with the ties on your pants, tearing the sides as he forced them down your legs, taking your underwear with them.

It was all you could do to keep from screaming as he sunk two fingers into you.

Each movement of his fingers battled the heat coursing through you and let you come back to yourself, if only for a moment. His other hand splayed out on your stomach to keep you still. He pushed your shirt up and you ripped it over your head.

Your head spun as you realized he was still completely clothed.

Leaning down, he sunk his teeth into the inside of your thigh. Where you expected pain, pleasure ran down your legs. Following his trail of bite marks with soft kisses, up closer to where you needed him, he blew softly on your folds and you cried out, bucking off the cot.

You could hear the squeaking of the bed as you squirmed. Each laboured breath Poe took as he nestled himself between your trembling legs. The rasp in his voice as he murmured, “...wettest fucking cunt I’ve ever seen...” before he lowered his face to meet the apex of your thighs.

His mouth on you didn’t offer the relief you were so desperately searching for. It somehow made it worse, every swipe of his tongue followed by a trail of fire.

You pushed at his head but he barely responded. “Poe… Poe please… I need your cock…”

He hummed lightly against you, his tongue working you slowly, like you weren’t threatening to burn up underneath him.

Finally, you grabbed onto a handful of his curls and pulled.

He only looked up in mild annoyance. Gripping your wrist tight, he forced your hand to the cot. “I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.” Though the words were soft, his tone was gruff.

Poe slowed his soft circles on your clit and you whined again, pushing up into his mouth. “Stay still.” He mumbled against you.

Each of his motions were so methodical, you could have sworn you were the only one dealing with symptoms. Until he glanced up at you with his almost-black eyes.

You stopped breathing.

You weren’t afraid. You could never be afraid of Poe. But you’d never seen him so unhinged. Like he was going to jump, and you were coming with him.

He snatched up both your wrists, leaning over you. Tipping your head back, you tried to kiss him but he moved further, up above your head.

In one quick motion, he locked both your hands in the cuffs on the wall.

“I need it. Please. I need--” He didn’t finish the sentence, hooking his hands under your knees and spreading you out for him. His tongue found your clit again and you couldn’t hear your own scream over the rush of blood in your head.

He’d always been accommodating. He took constructive criticism well and was determined to get you off, no matter what he had to relearn, when the two of you had fucked before.

Now, he took each of those little pieces and, like he’d been given the code to your body, he took you apart.

Every stroke of his tongue would have seemed planned if not for the way he moaned into your skin, the way he grinded his hips into the cot beneath him. You gave up fighting against the cuffs, instead focusing on rolling your hips against his face.

He held still, letting you move the way you wanted. Letting you use his tongue. Guiding your hips. It wasn’t until he set you down and you opened your eyes that you realized that he was dripping with you.

His chin glistened as he sat up and yanked his shirt over his head. His eyes didn't leave yours as he undid his pants, shucking them off and tossing them somewhere with his shirt. You didn't care. You didn’t care where his clothes were or where yours had disappeared to.

“My-- the cuffs. Poe, I need to touch you…”

Your hands were in his hair the moment he released you, pulling his mouth to yours. He tasted of you, and the heaviness in the air, and the familiarity of him that you’d grown so intoxicated by.

Ordinarily, he’d tease you. Just like this, your legs spread for him. He’d drag the head of his cock over you until you stopped threatening him, until you melted and became putty in his hands and your begging became wordless.

But he didn’t have the patience. You could see it in his face. He angled his hips, sliding into you slowly.

With this, there was relief. But it came as quick as it went and you were again whining under him, your cunt clenched tight around him.

He pushed deeper, his face tucked into your neck. “Relax, baby. Relax. You’re so-- so fucking…”

You didn’t know how he was going so slow. You didn’t know how he managed to stop, only halfway inside you.

All you knew was that you needed him.

You pulled his hips into yours. After two orgasms, there was no resistance. He bottomed out, gasping into your mouth. “Pretty girl…”

“Fu… Fuck me. Poe please please fuck me--” You pulled at his shoulders, his hair, grinding up into him as much as you could with him fully on top of you. “It hurts. Please…”

Whatever well of self control he’d been drawing from seemed to have dried up. Snapping his hips into yours, he kissed you.

His tongue dominated your mouth, not giving you space to breathe. Or think. Or do anything other than take what he was giving you. Your nails dug into his upper arms, leaving little crescent moons behind. His soft gasps of encouragement had you writhing beneath him.

“Perfect little… You take me so well, honey. Like you were fucking made for me…”

His words alone threatened to take you over the edge.

The burning came to a throbbing head in your core and you arched up into him, trying to pull him closer. Deeper. Anything to quell the fire inside you.

“Poe… Commander… P-please let me cum…” You weren’t in control of your words anymore. You weren’t in control of anything. “I need you.”

You wrapped your legs more tightly around him and his hips stuttered but he wasn’t stopping. Not for fucking anything.

“Let me feel you, pretty girl.” He growled against your neck.

And you unraveled.

The relief washed over you in waves as you lay beneath him. Between each peak, you could hear your own panting, feel the way your body fluttered around him.

You floated in the bliss.

Vaguely, you felt yourself roll over. Something cold dug into your side, but you couldn’t figure out how to move. Or figure out how to want to.

Your chest was still heaving as he traced along your ribs. A warm body came flush with your back. Fire trailed his dancing fingers.

“Sweetheart…” A soft moan at your ear. Breath, warm on your neck, sending a ripple through you. He pressed his hips forward, his hard cock sliding against your ass. “I need more. Please?”

You shifted your aching hips back towards him. “Please.”

You weren’t sure how long passed before you returned to normal – sated and thoroughly exhausted, but normal. Your skin no longer burned at the gentlest of touches. You could stand to look at him, to draw over the planes of his chest as he laid beside you without feeling the unyielding need for his cock inside you.

Your fingertips traced gently over the straining cords of muscle in his neck and he shuddered.

“You bit me.” He finally whispered.

You dissolved into a fit of giggles, curled up against his side. His arm wrapped around you, pulling you onto his chest.

“I’m sorry.” You laughed against his neck, kissing over the hickies you’d left behind.

“Don’t be. It was hot.”

“Where’d I bite you?” You propped yourself up on an elbow, looking down at him.

He tapped his upper arm, right underneath a series of bite marks. Ducking your head, you kissed over them, murmuring soft ‘I’m sorry’s between pecks.

“It’s okay. Really.” He tapped under your chin and you met his gaze. “Was that okay? We’ve never used cuffs or anything before and I’m really sorry--”

You kissed him to cut him off. “I’m okay. I trust you. You know that, right?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he rolled on top of you, an intensity in his eyes that would have scared you if you didn’t know him.

“I’m glad it was you.” Forehead pressed to yours, you shuddered as his soft breaths fanned across your lips. “I was hoping it would be you.”

Your breath caught. Gently, you brushed away the curls that fell in his face, tilting your face up and bringing your lips to his again.

He mumbled between kisses, “Can I take you for dinner?” You were too stunned to say anything, letting him kiss your bottom lip gently. He lingered at the corners of your mouth, leaving light kisses behind. “Hm? Will you let me take you out, sweetheart?”

“On a date?”

“If you don’t want it to be a date, it can just be a thank-you dinner--”

“It can be a date. Can it be a date?”

Giggling against your mouth, he said, “It can. I’d like it to be.”

“We should probably get out of this shuttle first.”

“Maybe put some clothes on before that?”

“Maybe.” Your nose brushed his. “Maybe I’d like to kiss you first.”

“Maybe I’ll let you.”

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron x female reader #poe dameron smut

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thetriggeredhappy · 4 years ago

Note

recently rediscovered your blog and read the fic from your dad spy au where scout starts out as the "guard" and then becomes scout from there and lemme tell you that shit put me on some s-tier brainrot. like a cranial decay type beat.

i had a concept in my head that instead of being hired as a guard, he could have been hired as a right hand man to the administrator like pauling, because i think hed be awesome in that position. like imagine having a personal merc who can get in fast and out even faster. but maybe he would stay in the base like the rest of them, sort of like a secret on call intel gatherer, who also maybe sometimes has to dig a couple graves. and also like, nobody on the team expects anything from him at first because its this 20 year old newbie kid. hes dressed in his formal clothes and he talks like somebody from relatively around boston but not quite. i can just imagine one day he comes back during a team dinner with his shirt half untucked and stained with blood, hair disheveled as he asks soldier if he can borrow his shovel, or him debriefing them for a mission when miss pauling is busy. same vibe as the fic i mentioned before but scout gets to have a job as cool as miss paulings. honestly id write it myself if i didnt have the attention span of a fly

anyways your scout content gives me life thank you

scout teamfortress but 20% more competent standing next to miss pauling teamfortress while she's doing her job and doing like silly quips and otherwise contributing nothing like it's a buddy cop film is literally my fucking ideal

(warnings for some canon-typical violence)

“Oh, Pauling, it’s good to see you again,” greeted the chairman, smiling in an imitation of a grandfather and clasping her hands perhaps too-kindly considering she barely knew him. “Young as ever, and still so stylish, I see. And who’s the new fellow?”

“He’s just here to help with transport, Mr. Montgomery, nothing unusual,” Miss Pauling replied, returning his smile and adjusting her glasses. “Heavy cases, you know how it is.”

“Of course, I remember you almost toppling clean over last time we made a trade!” Montgomery agreed, frowning at the memory. “You’ll pull a muscle that way, better to be careful. It’s a pleasure to meet you, young man. And your name?”

“Mr. Normandy, sir,” the new kid replied easily enough despite his slight East Coast accent, giving the man a firm handshake, expression neutral and stony, the picture of professionalism. Internally, Pauling breathed a sigh of relief.

“Firm grip there, young man,” Montgomery praised, nodding approvingly. “Tennis player, perhaps? Or golf?”

“Baseball, sir,” he replied, still evenly. “First baseman.”

“Ah! Of course! Were you any good?” Montgomery joked.

“At everything but playing in front of the crowds, otherwise I’d be in the major leagues,” he replied, tilting his head just slightly to imply that he was joking, his sunglasses glinting at the movement, and Montgomery barked a laugh.

“I like this one, Miss Pauling!” Montgomery said, and Pauling just barely caught herself from physically relaxing at it.

“We do too, Mr. Montgomery,” she agreed. “I was under the impression that you’re very busy today, so we won’t keep you for too long, we just wanted to sort out the final details surrounding the manufacturing rights for the—“

“—Pacific Northwest branch, up into British Columbia and Alberta, of course,” Montgomery agreed, nodding faintly. “Of course, of course.” He turned to regard his own man in a dark suit, the one standing to the right, who appeared to be unsuccessfully trying to stare down Normandy, who was completely ignoring him. “My briefcase, please.”

The man handed over the briefcase, and Montgomery put it on his desk, opening it and pulling out a sheaf of papers. “All our requests are submitted and approved, at this point we just had a few dustbins to take care of regarding initial percentages and making sure everything is wired to the correct accounts, which names are undisclosed, things like that,” Pauling explained as he glanced through the papers.

“Right, right, everything looks good here,” the man murmured, nodding to himself, sending his long-white hair just ever-so-slightly out of place. “I’m assuming these more sensitive documents should be sent some way besides through the mail?”

“If you finish them today I can take them with me, otherwise either me or Mr. Normandy can return to pick them up at your convenience,” she replied, to which Normandy gave a singular nod.

“Oh, it would only take me a short while,” Montgomery said, waving a hand. “We have a lovely lounge just down the hall from here if you’d prefer to wait there, it should only take me ten, fifteen minutes at most. In the meantime, I do believe there’s also the manner of payment for services rendered.”

Miss Pauling tilted her head just slightly to one side, confused.

“I arranged with Helen already,” Montgomery explained, not looking up from where he was initialing a few things. “The payment, rather than being wired, she asked to be made in material investment. A venture of mine from years ago that she’s willing to sit on. Rather than gold or bonds, she agreed to take some old currency of mine that my family collected, from early 18th century New Zealand and Australia. Monetarily it’s worth around the same, and I’m quite a bit attached to it to be entirely frank, but it was at her request to buy the whole collection from me, and after years of the work we’ve been doing together, well, I’d never trust it with anyone else.”

He gestured to the other man, the one on his left, who stepped forward to hand him a manila envelope, which he passed to Pauling.

“Inside is both keys, the door alarm codes, and all other security information for the building where the collection is being stored. They’ll ask for a few codes and confirmation of identity, only because several other art collections and artifacts are being stored there by other affluent individuals such as myself.”

“Thank you, Mr. Montgomery,” Pauling said, taking the envelope gratefully.

“Think nothing of it, my dear. Helen talked me into it all her own,” he said easily enough. “Now, gentlemen, if you would let Miss Pauling and Mr. Normandy into our lounge? I should have these wrapped up before any of us can even think about lunch, eh?”

One of the suits showed the two of them through the doors and down the hallway, through two doors bracketed by similar suits who simply nodded politely at Pauling and ticked their chins at Normandy as they passed them.

Normandy posted up beside the door for all of three seconds before they shut and Pauling pulled her glasses up, rubbing at the bridge of her nose and making a vaguely distressed noise. He then promptly relaxed, instead leaning his hip against an armchair probably worth the same amount as a small car. “So, uh, we’re glad that he’s giving us a bunch of commemorative coins from when dinosaurs still walked the earth?” he asked just below normal speaking volume, eyebrows raised.

“Yes. Very glad. Because unlike about six people total on the planet, he hasn’t figured out yet how valuable those are.”

“What, is a picture of a kangaroo on some copper really gonna make up for a couple hundred thousand American dollars?” Normandy asked, sounding doubtful.

“Not copper. Something else,” she replied. “I can’t tell you much more about it other than that, but these coins are made of something priceless to us. And to the Administrator.”

“…Love? Memories? The magic of family?” he joked, cracking a smile, and she rolled her eyes, moving to open the envelope and start reading the papers inside. “Hey, uh, not to question whether my job should exist, but what the hell am I doing here, exactly? Besides carrying a briefcase. Like, chivalry isn’t dead but I really don’t think you need me carrying your bags and holding the door for you.”

“You’re helping with security, basically,” she replied, adjusting her glasses to squint at tiny handwriting about the collection. “Mr. Montgomery is trustworthy, but he mostly hires out to… well, people like us. His security detail is mostly people we’d rather have screened, freelancers, stuff like that. A lot of people we contract out to are like that. Most of them have heard about me and know better than to try and pull something, since I can hold my own pretty well, but if they haven’t, seeing a second person might persuade them to think it over again.”

“Oh, so I’m like, uh, when it says ‘tow zone’ next to the no parking signs even though nobody checks, or when they’ve got a camera in the corner of the store that isn’t even plugged into anything,” he said, and the looked up at him, confused. “Like, uh, what’s the word… I’m a casual deterrent.”

“Sure,” she said, because it sounded like he knew what he was talking about, shuffling the papers back away and closing the envelope again, making a note to ask the Administrator if she should change their current containment procedures to be closer to Mr. Montgomery’s. “Just… if there’s a fight, you deal with it, otherwise you just stand there and look like you’re paying attention.”

“That’s what the sunglasses are for,” he agreed. “I was blinking morse code at the guy across from me literally the whole time.”

“You know morse code?” Pauling asked, surprised.

“Just the alphabet, ‘S.O.S.’, and ‘ass’.”

She rolled her eyes again, and that’s when the door opened.

She expected Mr. Montgomery, not one of the men in suits. “Excuse me, both of you, if you don’t mind,”the man said, accent having the slightest English tilt to it, a Londoner if Pauling had to guess. “You’re Miss Pauling, the Mann Co. affiliate, yes?”

“That’s me,” she agreed, hesitant, and glanced at Normandy.

“I’m afraid there’s been a mistake. Mr. Montgomery have you the wrong envelope on accident,” the man said apologetically, extending a hand forward. “We apologize for this unfortunate mix-up, it’s really quite embarrassing, but those documents are sensitive and we’ll be needing to see them back now.”

Pauling looked at him, and within a moment, shifted her expression. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” she agreed, nodding. “No, right, of course. These aren’t the papers for the currency collection?”

“I’m afraid not,” the Brit agreed, head tilting just slightly, hand still extended, moving a fraction further forward.

“Well, thank goodness we figured out now and not with us halfway back,” she joked, and moved to hold the folder closer to her body. “I’ll take this right back to Mr. Montgomery, then.”

“He’s sent me to correct the error,” the man explained simply.

“Right,” she said, and saw in her periphery that Normandy had already started sneaking a hand in towards his primary, clearly having pieced together something she was only suspecting. “We can bring this to his office, then, right down the hall.”

“You misunderstand,” the man said, taking a step forward again. “I’ll be taking it to his office myself.”

“That’s funny,” Pauling said. “I didn’t realize you had clearance to be in there. Or to be carrying a semi-automatic instead of a standard handgun.”

The Brit reached for the semi-automatic, and before he could even get it out properly, Normandy hit one clean shot to the side of his head and another to his thigh, sending him crumpling to the ground.

Pauling had only as far as pulling her own handgun free, thumb on the safety, and breathed a sigh of relief, glancing over at Normandy, shifting to more comfortably hold her gun. “Quick reflexes,” she noted.

“Just noticed a lot sooner, maybe,” he shrugged, stepping forward to glance over the body, tucking his gun back away.

“What was your hint?”

“He’s here to give us the right folder, yeah? Well, why were his hands empty, then?”

She was just starting to nod and realize that as well when a second man shouldered through the door, holding a gun at the ready. Normandy scrambled to draw his own, but Pauling fired a shot into his knee, shoulder, and neck to send him dropping before he was even close. “There’s quick on the draw, and then there’s prepared,” she said pointedly. “Gotta think of if there’s more than one, new guy.”

He nodded, and drew his gun again, bending to hit the guy on the ground at the temple hard enough to knock him out if he wasn’t unconscious already. He then glanced up at the sound of a shout from the other side of the door, two men shouldering through, guns drawn but lowered. It was only the firm eye contact they made with both her and Normandy that made her pause the millisecond it took to realize these ones weren’t trying to kill them.

“Pauling, what on earth is going on here?!” Montgomery demanded, entering the room and staring with wide eyes at the bodies on the ground. “What could’ve possessed you to—“

“He was trying to run off with these documents,” she explained quickly, gesturing with the envelope. “He knew whatever was in here was valuable.”

“He drew his gun, sir,” Normandy added, tipping his head down towards the body, and Pauling glanced down as well and found herself a little surprised. He’d rearranged the man just slightly, apparently, adjusting the arm to be holding the gun a bit further outward. “Other one was aiming to kill.”

“My, my,” Montgomery tsk’d, shaking his head as he surveyed the scene. “What a mess. My apologies, Miss Pauling, Mr. Normandy.”

“It’s alright, but you need to start doing more thorough checks on your staff, Mr. Montgomery,” Pauling stressed.

“He’s only been here two weeks, sir, he was one of the men we hired in a hurry after the incident last month,” one of the bodyguards said, and Montgomery shook his head.

“Thank goodness nobody was hurt,” he sighed. “Mutiny, and besides that, they’re bleeding on my carpet. Here are those papers, Miss Pauling—what a day, eh?”

“It’s really alright, we handled it,” Pauling assured him, giving her bravest smile, a little exasperated now.

“Right, right, you and the first baseman,” he agreed, and Normandy fought back an actual smile.

“If you’d like, we can take care of those for you,” Pauling said, gesturing at the bodies. “To pay you back for the carpet and the scare.”

“Sounds fair to me,” Montgomery agreed, clearly relieved.

“My dad’s gonna be pissed, by the way,” Normandy was so helpful as to say on the way back up the path to the base. “And you’re fielding that.”

“About the suit, or the fight?” she asked, glancing at his clothes where he was somewhat covered in a fine dusting of mud and grime from the gravedigging, shovel still in his free hand.

“Both. Mostly the fight. Your fault for saying it’d be an easy one to start with,” he said.

“If it was going to be that much of a problem, you wouldn’t have gotten this job. I’d just have made you go do dishes all day or something,” Pauling replied.

“Point taken,” he said, walking ahead to get the door, holding it open for her. “Wait, we’re allowed to mention what we do, right? Just not names?”

“Or locations, even with travel distance. Round up to the hour if it comes up,” she replied.

“Sure, sure,” he agreed, trailing a step behind her as she led the way through the base.

In the common area, there was a bit of a ruckus happening. Soldier, Heavy, and Demo appeared to be having some kind of arm wrestling competition on a rapidly-toppling table, the Engineer was on a stepstool trying to fix the ceiling fan, and Sniper appeared to be half-watching the beginnings of an argument between Pyro and the Spy regarding use of the oven as Medic patched up a burn on his arm.

“Hullo,” Sniper greeted the two of them, sounding a little bored, Medic giving them a brief, polite nod. Normandy’s eyebrows were raised pretty far as he surveyed the room.

“Hi, Sniper,” she greeted in return, then cleared her throat, raised her voice. “Team meeting in five minutes! New mission for next week!”

Groans from the room at large, the eight mercenaries starting to finish up what they were doing and filing out. Spy moved over, glancing over Normandy and starting to talk to him in rapid-fire French, picking smaller bits of gravel off of his suit as they walked.

“Alright,” she addressed the room, Normandy peeling off from getting mother hen’d by Spy to stand next to the blackboard with her. “Monday, you’re all going on a transport mission. Getting the truck from point A to point B with everything in the boxes intact. Already we’ve had to put up with some people trying to get ahold of these things, so bring your guns.”

“Oh, our guns, you said? Lads, this is a serious one, keep your heads on a feckin' swivel, she’s sayin’ we might even need guns, can you believe it?” Demo faux-gasped, and chuckled when Spy bopped him on the arm, rolling his eyes at the Scot's theatrics.

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved off, flipping through the papers a bit. “So Engie, I’ll need the keys to the truck, me and Normandy are going to be loading those tomorrow, all of you need to be at this drop point bright and early.”

“How early?” Heavy rumbled.

“Six. Hour and a half of drive from here.”

Some complaints from the room that she sighed at.

“Hey, hey, calm the hell down,” Normandy cut in, and she glanced over at him where he had his arms crossed and a stern look on his face. “You chuckleheads get to have all eight of you to unload the damn thing, me and Miss P gotta do all the rest of this on our own and probably kill twenty guys on the way there and back. She had to be up at 6 AM, workin’ since 7 AM, lunch break at noon and nothin’ else, and we just got back now at, what, fuckin’, 10, 11 PM? Any of you work her shift and then see if you even got the energy to complain about wakin’ up early, how about that?”

The room went utterly devoid of complaint or backsass. “Thank you, Normandy,” she said politely, and he just nodded once, glancing off to the side. “Anyways, anything new on this end? Spy, how are you adjusting?”

“Very well,” he said simply. “I have nothing pressing to say. Once I’ve been updated from the stock weaponry provided here to my requested preferred weaponry, I believe I should do just fine.”

“I see you already have Herr Normandy digging graves,” Medic chimed in. “Straight into the hard labor, ja?”

“Eh, hey, y’know, it’s why they keep us young people around,” he shrugged, grinning, and there was a brief uproar to drown out Medic’s entirely offended scoffing and Spy’s snort-laughing.

“Get ‘im, lad!” Demo cheered, and Normandy indeed looked fairly proud of himself.

“Monday, transport mission,” Pauling noted over the noise, writing it up on the chalkboard to hide her own smile from the room. “Normandy, you and me are doing the boxes tomorrow. Everyone on the same page? Good. Dismissed. Oh, and Pyro—stop taking the fire alarms down when they beep. They’re beeping because you light things on fire in the base. Do that outside.”

“Oh, hey, uh, helmet guy, All-American Beef,” Normandy called, and Soldier straightened up. “Here’s your shovel back. Gettin’ my own tomorrow.”

 Soldier walked directly over to him, clasping a hand on his shoulder. “That’s a high honor, Cadet,” he said, tone grave. “Do not take this responsibility lightly.”

“I, uh, I won’t?” he said hesitantly, and blinked a few times as the shovel was carefully taken from him before it was promptly marched from the room in double-time. Only then did Normandy look over at her. “So he’s always like that?”

“You’ll get used to it,” she assured, dusting chalk from her hands. “You should get to sleep soon, we have to be up early.”

“Sure thing, Miss P.”

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #my fanfiction #dad!spy #father-son bonding au #shut up me #que?#in this au he picks a fake name like she does. later i think demo starts calling him norman and some of the others do as well as goofs #also apologies for montgomery i couldnt quite get away with not naming random rich guy. just barely scraped by with guards one through four #everybody talks

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