#i should have stayed the hell home
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hiveswap · 7 months ago
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Number 1 way to beat health anxiety: who gives a shit that i could get cancer. I could get hit by a car on my way to class. I could break my neck stretching. I could literally die rn. Cancer is not special
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anto-pops · 2 months ago
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I am so ferociously sunburned on the front of my legs that I actually can’t move. My knees can’t bend. I’ve been bed bound with aloe vera and an ice pack next to me since yesterday. I’m a burnt husk. Please put me out of my misery.
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fidgetspringer · 22 days ago
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Plotting a potential camping trip for next weekend. This little valley could work.
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nobodybetterlookatme · 2 months ago
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Tw covid
I've never been so fucking pissed off at my mom in my entire life. She came home yesterday after being gone a few days feeling sick and I told her to take a goddamn covid test which she fucking didn't bc she claimed it was allergies. It's fucking covid. We avoided that fucking thing for five fucking years just for her to bring it home with no fucking regard for the rest of us. And she didn't even stay away from us?? She was literally around us all fucking day no mask no nothing and said she'd test later if she still didn't feel well when she could've just done it yesterday when she got home and not exposed the rest of us. Like I'm fucking furious and stressed out and I have to fucking cancel everything I had planned bc she couldn't stay tf away and take a test yesterday
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aeolianblues · 7 months ago
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Sisyphus just had to roll a fucking boulder up a hill; every morning I clock into work and every morning I report my task under some false hope that there is a Final Task after which you are Free and have something akin to summer holidays and every morning I am met with a shrug anda Brand New Task where I have to get out of my comfort zone and work out what shit is, Sisyphus has nothing on me
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einaudis · 11 months ago
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hsslilly-blog · 5 months ago
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claire’s father 100% knows it was sebastian who told claire’s mother about the affair (because who else would have been? claire?). and sebastian knows he knows too.
#this is sad to me because i can understand sebastian’s reasoning sooo much. because like#you do not get the level of enmeshment claire and her father had going on.#claire doesn’t choose biology because she feels ‘pressured’. she chooses it because it’s the only thing she sees#i don’t blame sebastian for thinking he was going to hell claire. if he wasn’t around claire would be fine#but here’s the thing lmao her father moving out just means she gets to spend more time just with her father. when he gets to see her#plus with the divorce going on each parent used claire for their own interests. and claire’s father was really good at it#there’s no christine now but there’s claribel#anyway. her father never liked sebastian because he wears weird jeans and has a loser hairstyle. and he wants to go to film school#after the affair thing much less. and i think sebastian has always been terrified of him lmaoooo.#sebastian is really good at apprearing non chalant and normal but he was shitting himself every time claire’s father was around the house#like visibility. he was sweating stuttering this man is going to kill me.#meanwhile claire is like do you think my myspace profile looks cool like this or should i add another gif#visibly*#claire and sebastian could not stay in her room if her parents were home and that sucked because they’d have to stay in the living room#which was weird and claire is a weird person sebastian DID NOT want to have conversations with claire in front of her parents#so they’d watch films or alternatively they’d go to sebastian’s place. and that place was terrible for claire’s allergies. which she did not#know about. but she loved his cats.#ANYWAY. i think sebastian is even more terrified of her father after he tells claire’s mother about the affair. he doesn’t see him as often#anymore but he’s constantly Afraid her father is going toDo Something. and it’s scary because he always has claire#oc: claire swanson#oc: sebastian ballion
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imjustsoscaredallthetime · 1 year ago
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citizen-zero · 6 months ago
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WIBTA for taking advantage of my boss’ possible manic episode?
I know this already sounds bad but hear me out.
So I (30M) am the sole employee of this guy (62M) who’s honestly just a miserable boss and an even more miserable person. It sucks so bad working for him—the pay is horrendous, he’s verbally abusive, and the working conditions are awful (in the winter I literally have to stay bundled up the whole work day because he refuses to put the heat on in the office). He wouldn’t even give me holidays off if it wasn’t for the fact that there’s basically nothing to do those days because everywhere else is closed. I’m almost positive he unironically thinks poor people should die if they can’t work. His nephew (aka his only living relative and just the nicest guy) came by yesterday to invite him to Christmas dinner and he told him he’d see him in hell.
I cannot stress this enough—it’s BAD. I’d quit, but it’s been hard finding a better job and I’ve got four kids at home, including one with special needs.
Anyway, so here’s where I’m wondering if I’d be the asshole. Today was Christmas Day and he showed up at my house out of nowhere (huge red flag, I know). At first I thought he’d forgotten I had the day off and he was here to chew me out, which was worrying enough, but then his whole demeanor changed and he was super happy and excited and talking about how he was going to raise my salary. He even mentioned possibly making me a partner in the firm.
Now if that was it, I’d feel a little weird about the suddenness of it but it’d be fine. I’m not going to complain about having more money to feed my family. But then he started talking about how he wanted to pay our mortgage off. He talked about wanting to pay for our son to get the very expensive medical care that’s probably going to save his life. He mentioned at one point that he was going to be donating a huge amount of money to charity too—I knew he was rich but it staggered me. All this from a guy who doesn’t (didn’t?) even want to turn on the heat or the lights because it costs too much money.
It was such a sudden and drastic change that happened very literally overnight and now I’m kind of concerned he’s having a manic episode or something. I really, really want to accept his sudden generosity (I probably will; my wife is all for it and thinks he owes it to us), and I would love to believe that he’s truly had a sudden change of heart (an actual Christmas miracle lol) but I’m just worried about the possible consequences of accepting huge financial gifts like this from someone who I believe might be experiencing some kind of break from reality. Even if there’s nothing legally wrong with it, I’m worried about the ethics of it.
TLDR, my asshole boss might be in the middle of a mental breakdown. WIBTA if I accepted his offer to pay off my mortgage and my son’s medical expenses?
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exopelagic · 2 months ago
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applied for a job!!!
#praying my application was decent bc this is kinda ideal situation for next year at this point#I’ve been getting rlly upset abt everything and was feeling Bad this weekend for nebulous reasons that I think can largely be traced back to#not knowing what I’m doing next. so I’m feeling a little better now I’ve done this! and the application wasn’t even that painful to do#it just took a while. I saw it like two weeks ago while I was deep in dissertation hell and checked back today and Oops Closes Tomorrow#so I was working on it solidly from 5pm-1am with like an hour break to eat#man that’s a full 8 hour workday#did also manage to destroy a bunch of progress I’d made in not picking my nails (anxiety 😔) but bleugh can’t kick a lifelong habit instantly#but god yeah I’m like. really unsure what to do even if I get this job bc then I need to find somewhere to live and prepare myself for maybe#immediately working once I graduate? which would kinda suck but might be how it is#and also deal with staying in this city for another year#I don’t know how to feel about any of it and I’ve been really confused and upset by the whole thing bc I don’t like any options I have rn#what I would like to do is be going to start a PhD now I know I want to do one and go somewhere completely new with a framework built in for#reestablishing my life there. bc that’s the expectation when you start a phd#staying in this city is frustrating because the housing market is a COMPLETE shitshow and worse bc I can’t cycle or drive (I should learn)#and bc majority of my friends moving away and I have a feeling the ones who aren’t have other plans‚ and idk how much I’ll see them#going home is an even worse option but my parents really want me to. reeeaaally pushing that rn#I am not going into that here I will retain some dignity#but goddamn okay. I’m proud of myself for doing this and for managing to be optimistic about it while I was writing#it’s never been that easy before and I think I wrote a really good application#cautiously optimistic abt my prospects and abt the idea of staying here. this is just the first step towards that#and I have space to figure stuff out but this would give me some stability and I really want that right now#yeah! :D ooOOoOoOooOo you want to employ me so bad oOooOoOOoOoo#luke.txt
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emeraldcreeper · 3 months ago
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If I have to do Easter with my stupid aunt and her kid and that kids stupid kids, I don’t think I shoudl be held accountable for what happens if they try to make me “come out of my shell” or “be social” while I’m in an indeterminate amount of pain. If my back still hurts and I have a migraine as I do when things stress me out, like I don’t know, dealing with my extended family, someone will be getting bitten and it won’t be pretty!
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musiccokeandfrench · 3 months ago
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Just a reminder that every time you hear or see "Working from home while watching you kid makes you a bad employee and a bad parent," it's just capitalism talking
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domesticated-whores · 11 months ago
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I fucking hate the early stages of getting better where you only have maybe 1 or 2 solid, semi-healthy coping mechanisms that aren't the most reliable at all times and you're still shaky about it all. I'd rather just be better, but at least when I'm not okay at all I lose all hope in where I could be and I've already forgotten how it feels to be okay and stable. and I KNOW I need more, solid coping mechanisms. but I just went from absolutely no healthy ones and zero hope of getting better to having a few healthy-in-moderation ones and being able to verbalize some basic life goals, so this is progress. I'm not there yet, but this is what I've got and I'm getting there. And it fucking sucks because every time I get here it only becomes so much more obvious how far I have fucking slipped.
#and i hate the early stages of talking#because one of my healthier coping mechanisms is talking#and i hate everybody so its a lot of talking to him#and i cant really insert myself into his life like that yet because there isnt commitment or obligation#not that i would anyway often#but i feel like shit#and hes going out to do things with his brother#which good for him and i genuinely hope he has the best time#but i feel actually so bad that if we were properly TOGETHER together id ask if it were possible to reschedule#or if i could at least come over after and maybe spend the night#or ask for a check-in when he has time or SOMETHING#especially because i didnt get to see him yesterday and i probably wont tomorrow because he works later#but we arent there yet or anything#and i dont want to be clingy#i probably wouldnt make him reschedule or anything even if we were together like that#but i really wish we were staying over level right about now#because he probably wont even consider inviting me over if he gets home at 8-9 or even later#but i miss him because the anxiety spike im having is BAD and i havent seen him in a bit so now im wondering if he actually likes me at all#(pure anxiety talking and i have no reason to believe it but that doesnt make it fully go away)#and i would at least like a phone call or something#but i hate phonecalls because im quiet as hell so theyre awkward and im a sit in silence typa bitch#and he knows i hate phone calls#and hes talked at length about how he hates phone calls and prefers messages and all that#so i think hed take me seriously if i asked him to call#but i also dont want to worry him if hed take it seriously if i asked him to call#because he should enjoy his day off and do fun things and not feel any need to hang out with me all the time or anything#i dont want him to feel like he needs to schedule his life around me ESPECIALLY when we arent even together#vent#whores lovesick musings
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aeyumicore · 1 month ago
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caleb finds your prenatal gummies
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how does caleb react when he finds the bottle of prenatal vitamins you’ve been taking—but not because you're pregnant?
━ .ᐟ✧ PAIRING: caleb x female reader (afab) ━ ✧.˖ WORD COUNT: 1.9k ━ .ᐟ✧ WARNINGS: none really , pure fluff, but vague mentions of unprotected sex, talks of of pregnancy and having children, use of 'pip-squeak' ━ ✧.˖ LINKS: ao3 | twt
got inspired to write this as i was taking my supplements yesterday :') non-smut for a change ahhhh. enjoy!
THIS IS MY ONLY ACCOUNT. I WILL NEVER POST MY FICS ON OTHER TUMBLR BLOGS. I WILL ONLY POST ON THIS ACCOUNT AND ON AO3.
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”Always so messy.”
Caleb speaks to himself, voice a low amused mutter as he deftly clears off the kitchen counter. You were staying the weekend in Skyhaven, evident by the random items strewn about his massive home. 
Yet, Caleb can’t help but smile as he eyes your belongings carelessly discarded all over his kitchen and living room. Your favorite fuzzy blanket draped over the couch’s armrest, grazing the floor. Your shoes haphazardly taken off by the front door, right next to, but not on, the dedicated shoe rack. Coasters left behind on the kitchen bar, still sticky with dripped apple soda.
You were a menace. But he wouldn’t trade your specific brand of chaos for anything in the entire universe. 
You were the one that made this lonely empty house a home, after all.
His grin widens as he remembers just how clean your own apartment in Linkon always is. Naturally, he comes to the conclusion that you only act like this when you know he’s there to pick up after you. To take care of you.
The most important job he’s ever had. 
The sound of the shower continues to run upstairs while Caleb tidies up the living spaces. He quickly returns ingredients back to their designated cabinets, abandoned after you so thoughtfully cooked dinner for him last night. As he shuts the cabinet, he sighs, eyes catching sight of the various vitamin bottles you’d left on the counter, nearly hidden by the rice cooker.
He gathers them up in his large palms, finding a spot for them in his own cabinet of medicine and supplements. 
One by one, he meticulously puts them onto the shelf.
Omega-3, vitamin C, collagen, creatine, prenatal gummies, vitamin B-12—
Wait.
Prenatal gummies?  
Caleb’s violet eyes widen, his breath stuck in his throat, as he reads those red words over and over.
Prenatal gummies for pregnant or nursing women. With folic acid and DHA. Whatever that meant.
His heartbeat quickens as his mind races a mile a minute, his thoughts landing abruptly on the only plausible explanation.
Were you really…pregnant? 
Was it possible? Yes. 
On more than one occasion, definitely way more times than he could count on two hands, he hadn’t been…careful. You’d begged for it, but he should have known better. It was his job to protect you.
But it’d always been on non-fertile days, or that’s what your little period-tracking calendar had always said. 
No, Caleb thinks in a sheer panic. Please no. I can’t be a dad. Not right now. Maybe not ever. 
He’d barely been able to protect you at the lab. He couldn’t possibly let down someone else—a child, a baby. Your baby. That you’d made together. 
He would not survive failing your child. Through heaven and hell, that is something he’d never be able to recover from. 
Caleb runs a shaky hand through his dark brown hair, his normally controlled and collected Colonel’s mask completely and utterly shattered at his feet.
Right now, he was just Caleb, the man who dedicated his entire life, who’d give up anything and everything, to protect you—and would do so until his last breath. 
And this Caleb had never been more terrified in his entire life. Through an entire life of experimentation, through traveling the Deepspace Tunnel, through an explosion that nearly claimed his life, he’d never been more scared than he was right now.
Fatherhood.
The world felt like it was closing in on him—every time he’d failed you replaying in the ever expanding black hole that was his mind. 
The lab. Losing you during the Chronorift Disaster. Every bully, every knee scraped. Ever. The Toring chip. The list goes on and on. 
His chest tightened until he could hardly breathe, his knuckles white with the force at which he gripped the bottle of prenatals. 
He wasn’t equipped for this. 
And yet…he couldn’t deny how many times he’d thought about this life, with you. A life of mundane and blissful domesticity. No Fleet politics, no Wanderers, no imminent danger at every fucking corner. 
A life you’d created together. When he’d grown up thinking there was no such thing. That there would never be a world that the two of you could truly call yours.
“Caleb?”
Your voice pulls him out of his all-consuming thoughts. His head snaps up to see you coming down the stairs, your hair wet, body swimming in one of his big shirts. Your face, beautiful as ever, is laced with concern as you see how uncharacteristically pale he is.
When his eyes meet yours, you can’t help but smile, always so happy to see his face and sparkling nebulous eyes—even when he looked like he’d just seen a ghost. Your smile doesn’t fade as you approach him, palms instinctively coming to rest on his chest when you reach him. 
And just like that, he wasn’t so scared anymore. 
The thought of a little you running around. With that smile?
A mini version of the most precious thing in his life. One that’d undoubtedly drive him insane with that same attitude he loved so dearly. 
That had your laugh as he pointed out different types of planes soaring through the sky. Or your mischievous curiosity as he taught him how to fly his very first jet.
Yeah. He could get used to the idea of that. 
“Did something happen? You look like you’re about to be sick,” you raise an eyebrow at him. It’s then he finally releases the plastic bottle of supplements, setting it down on the counter with a soft ‘clack’. 
Your eyes immediately drift to the source of the intrusive sound, widening when they see what he was so fixated on.
”Caleb it’s—”
You’re cut off by your own squeal, Caleb’s big palms gently but firmly gripping either side of your waist, pulling you so close you could hear his pounding heart. 
“Am I—I mean are we actually…Are you pregnant?”
You can’t help but giggle at his frantic words, stumbling over himself with none of the usual poise and polish of the Farspace Fleet’s revered colonel. 
Caleb’s hand moves from your waist to your tummy, his thumb stroking softly against the fabric of his ratty shirt. His palm cups against your naval without thinking, already instinctively providing a protective barrier between the most important things to him and the rest of the world.
”I…I don’t know if I’d be any good at this,” he whispers, nebulous eyes bright with emotion, “I don’t know if I’d be a good dad.”
Your eyes widen at his vulnerable admission, not expecting it in the least. You’d never expressly discussed starting a family that extended beyond the two of you, but it’d always felt like something Caleb wanted. A stark contrast to his words, you always knew Caleb would be an amazing dad, if that was what the two of you decided you wanted.
Before you can interrupt, Caleb continues, “But—God help me…I will never let anything happen to you. Either of you.”
Your heart flutters at the sincerity of his solemn vow, and you find yourself unable to form the words you should say.
”Caleb…you….” you trail off with a gulp, unsure how to verbalize the torrent of emotions you have for this unbelievably incredible man.
“You’d be the best father.” Your quiet whisper rings whole-heartedly, voice thick with adoration and a bubbling anticipation for your future with him.
Caleb watches you with rapt attention, his heartbeat still hammering like the thrum of a hummingbird’s wings amidst the silence between you two. You’re about to open your mouth again—tell him you’re not pregnant, when he picks you up and backs away from the kitchen counter so he can spin you around. His strong hands are secure under your armpits, the smile on his face so effortlessly Caleb.
Behind the thin mist of fear in his eyes, this was the brightest you’d ever seen Caleb.
You can’t help but burst into a fit of giggles, clutching his muscled shoulders.
“Caleb, put me down!” you demand through your unabashed laugh of delight.
”No,” Caleb grins, “You’re never walking anywhere ever again—never lifting a single finger. Not while you’re carrying our baby.” He suddenly swings you so that his arm is hooked under your knees, carrying you like a prince would a princess.
You smile so wide your cheeks hurt, but you know you have to tell him the truth. You couldn’t bear to disappoint him, but what’s worse was giving him false hope.
Reaching up to tenderly cup his face with your hands, your voice shakes, “Caleb…”
Caleb smiles warmly at you, his cheeks leaning into your touch, “Yeah, princess?”
You bite your lip at how adorably he resembles a happy puppy, his earlier fear seeming to have evaporated into pure excitement. 
You find tears inexplicably forming in your eyes, grieving a pregnancy that was never even there to begin with. Blinking them back, you rip off the bandaid.
“I’m not pregnant.”
Seeing the befuddled expression in his features, his amethyst eyes squinting with unanswered questions, you continue, “The prenatals aren’t for that. A friend recommended them for my skin. Since work’s been a little stressful and I’ve been breaking out.”
You clutch his jacket, staring at his chest—waiting for him to speak. To express disappointment. Maybe even scold you for letting him believe, even if only for a minute. 
“You’re stressed? How come you didn’t tell me? What’s going on at work?”
Caleb only stares at you with genuine concern, still not setting you down, holding you tighter. Your heart hammers at the worry laced in his voice, drowning in emotions that that was what he was most concerned about. 
Your troubles.
“N-Nothing serious, it’s just workplace politics—anyways! The point is I’m not pregnant, okay? I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.” 
You can’t stop the apology from tumbling out, even when you know you have nothing to be sorry for. But just seeing how excited he’d been is enough to make you feel like a monster for being the one to squash it. 
Caleb sets you down so that you’re sitting on the counter, his thick body positioned between your thighs. Your heart can’t help but sink at the simple action that felt like it signified so much more. That he was disappointed with you.
But suddenly Caleb flicks your forehead with his index finger.
“Hey!” 
“Dummy,” he mutters, thumb soothing the area he’d flicked, “Why are you sorry?” 
“I—you were so excited,” you say sheepishly, “I probably should’ve mentioned I started taking them before you found them yourself.” 
Caleb chuckles, almost in disbelief, hooking your hair behind your ear. Before he can respond, you whisper, “You’re really not mad?”
“How could I be mad?”
His hand abandons the edge of the counter, once again coming to rest over your stomach. His thumb strokes you reassuringly.
“Just knowing that you think I…” he trails off, his own voice murky with emotions. 
“That I’d be worthy of being the father of your children.” 
You place your hand over his, squeezing gently. It felt almost comical—the two of you in the kitchen, hands pressed over your stomach like there was anything there. 
“Besides, I’m not in a rush,” he smiles gently, taking your chin into his fingers and brushing his lips against yours. 
“We have a whole lifetime to make our own little pip-squeak.” 
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malcriada · 11 months ago
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Help save Bilal's family!
i want to talk about my friend Bilal @bilal-salah0. for over a year now, Bilal has been living in germany, trying to adjust to his new living situation in a foreign country, learning a new language and working full time. 
when the war started, he was far away from home and his family and has been living in daily fear for their lives ever since. 
being forced to work long hours and promoting his family’s fundraiser at the same time, he has taken on more responsibility than anyone ever should. still, he managed to raise money for their evacuation fund and helped take care of his family’s daily needs with the money he was making while working. 
in a cruel twist of fate, all of this got taken away in an instant. he lost his job and his apartment and even his residence permit. which means he is at danger of deportation from germany that could happen as soon as next week!
i have been in daily contact with Bilal for a while now and connected him with some of my friends in germany. together, we are trying our utmost to make sure he can stay in the country. anyone who knows german bureaucracy knows what kind of hell it is. but we won't give up.
without his job, he was forced to dip into the money of his family’s evacuation fund to cover their daily expenses like food and shelter. this meant he had to raise his goal from €70,000 to €100,000. this was not an easy decision for him to make, he even asked for my advice on whether or not to do it, because he did not want anyone to think he was scamming people. 
even in such a desperate situation, Bilal does not want to be seen as someone who would ever take advantage of people's generosity
his family is comprised of 18 members, 10 of them are adults and 8 are children under 16 years old, some of them newborns who were born amidst the chaos of war and displacement.
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currently, he is sitting at:
€71,817 / €100,000
donations have been slowing down ever since he reached his original goal. i cannot stress how important it is that they pick back up!
WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME! HE NEEDS TO REACH HIS GOAL BY AUGUST 15TH!
THAT MEANS HE HAS TO RAISE NEARLY 30K IN THE NEXT TEN DAYS. THIS CANT WAIT.
his campaign has been verified and can be found on @/el-shab-hussein’s and @/nabulsi’s list of vetted fundraisers here (#132, line 136) so PLEASE don't hesitate to share and donate.
With such a tight deadline, i cant do this on my own. So i implore you to PLEASE share this wherever you can– on your whatsapp groups, on your discord servers, please share his story on other platforms wherever you have reach! Please share his story wherever you can, so that we can ease this burden from his shoulders.
[ID: a gfm link with a picture of two small children sitting in the sand in front of a cooking pot. they are looking up a the camera, eyes half-closed. the title reads "Donate to Help Evacuate My Family from Gaza to Safety, organized by Bilal salah" End ID]
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foxgloveinspace · 1 year ago
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I should have stayed home.
Went with my dad and my sister, just to get coffee, ordered a shitty chocolate milkshake with no coffee in it, it’s spilled four times all over me and my bag now, did I mention it’s not even good???
And now I think my periods leaked on to my jeans.
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