#i shuld not...BE AWAKE

[spaciebabie]

what did phantom chica expect ta happen? well. not this.

follow up ta this post

which was a follow up ta this post lol

[owen-da-best]

---

[akwolfgrl]

LFT 33

Zoro managed to escape mopping duty. It wasn't really his fault that he was recognized. Then again, he had carved out a rather interesting hole in the east blue for himself. Even was featured in the papers. But who would have thought that the women who looked eerily like Kuina would be a marine, let alone a sergeant major and a swordsman on top of it all. The more he had watched her, the more she reminded him of his childhood friend/rival. It was best if he never saw her again, what with him being a pirate and everything. He headed back to the swordsmith; he might just have to setal for something cheap until he could pick up something better. He left the women a note and some money to get glasses, so his conscious was clear.

Zoro headed straight for the front counter. The shopkeep snoozed away, his head resting in his hand as he snored. A good nap sound great, a chance to lay out on the deck bascing in the sun's warmth a gentle breeze keeping him overhearing, the lap of the waves againt the ship rocking him to blissful slumber. Well, until curly woke him up for a fight or food. The man had a fat red nose, his eye borws grew in his black hair, witch stock out from the side of his head.

“I'd like to pick up some swords,” Zoro spoke startling the drolling man awake.

“Of course, of course, welcome!” The now awake man hollered at him in a poor attempt to seem aware of his sworndings. “have a look around! We have an extremely large and excalint verity to select from,”

“I've got 100,000 belli for two swords. Can you do that?” Zoro asked slamming the money on the conter.

“Two swords for 100,000?” The man looked disguted and disappointed by Zoros lack of funds. The man lost any interest in pretending to be interested in customer service as he proped his head back on his hand slumping down. “For 50,000 a piece I can only give you two dull blades,”

“I can make do with whatever, I just don't have the money right now,” He was sure Sanji had somthing to sharpen blades with. He didn't have his kit anymore it was taken from him along with his blade back in shells town. Anything would do for now. He didn't have the funds for it as well. The man huffed anyoned with him but when caught a glance at his sword he perked up.

“Now hold on a sceoned! I wana take a look at that blade ya got thire, just for a second! Is that ok with you…pal?” the guy was being weird and scrimy but Zoeo was curious what had drawn the man's attention to his sword? “Let me see it!” He made grabby hands as he demanded Zoros sword.

“Yah whatever,” Zoro bought the sword up and over counter into the man's waiting hands. Zoro wasn't afired of the guy, he was scrawny and week looking. Zoro could take him without his sword.

Zoro watched as the man unshead his sword, his eyes practically bulging out of his face.

“Wow that's a pretty nice sword ya got here,” the man finally spoke after hyperventilating for a bit. “Wana sell it? I'll give you 200,000 bellis for it. It would give you 300,000 witch shuld get you some pretty nice swords. At 100,000 a piece to buy three sword you like here,” the man had the audacity to offer for Kuinas sword.

“What are you kidding, me?” Zoro would never sell that sword. He was glad that of the swords that Mihawk destroyed that one of them was not the one in the guys hands.

“All right, I'll give 250,000 no wait, 300,000, 500,000! That's my final offer that's as high as I'll go!” The man was particularly foaming at the mouth desperate to buy his sword.

“Just stop it, I'm not selling its my sword,” Zoro told the guy who wasn't takeing no for answer.

“No! I won't let it go! How about 650,000 bellis!” The man screamed at him. “OK fine I gave up! How about 800,000!!” The man was a terrible negotiator. Before Zoro once again told the guy no the sound of footsteps came rushing into the shop

[oceangel]

hi guyes.... haven't used tumblr in a bit :o) i feel like i shuld post here more i miss my frends... if anyone is awake reading this i love you look at this dog he's amongus shaped i think

[libidomechanica]

Untitled (“And after showerd ‘I have led her vows and will’)”

How long willow, and on the golden     Year the Dying Swan the one who love the head upon     its own keep the town was

quit in skilful tact, then, I have     one some hame to sculptor has made at the blankets stitch’d his     worst a Jew it will oft,

indeed: we entered that you into     teach was of Sanscrit, and stern Time, and never be; I     wolde hem hadde a paul; and

not deep, ’ to us thin what came     to treated in hand. Apt to say so doubt; my green shall be     told the sand, or ne’er awake

an ignis fatuus; ’ or as     to end hunger to loan, in lieu of man; And he could write.     She sets her eyes. Free and

strooken blind. Like chase they could hope     of married as blackened is thee, for lofty pride. And after     shower’d I have led

her vows and will down in the field.     Our days, and those may lie in her wol we for a kind of     hoarding. You leave us:

you see the crack’d with daungerous     create the bags, and to knows what makes us more plunged along     to die. And saw

Paradise was cookery no disdains     to vigilies fill with kissing? When those petty sweet,     he command then the higher

aims of early, leave thy full     mankynde broghte it on memory strove, and Poverty show;     all, their sported machine,

onely limb did, as it make     sweet creation, hail’d before cannot weep aloof or smite     doesn’t the cave them nigher

valenting with kind contrive nor     the soldiers—these arms, a girl, thanne shuld melt to glow, even     at they seem a king, although

this vaster. Rage, the Time, what     this week a precarious, for the Tigris hath the breed,     or with the faith, but thou’s

fair, ray rounded, for Juanna should     complaineth. Then all that darkness up into each other     herd increases! Young heir,

too, at their feet with a Bacchanted     virginity upon a statue-like a songs hers—     for end, that are endear’d.

[hamatoredraphael]

Here they are, finally awake and out of the medbay... without Leo's recommendation. Because fuck being a good patient. "What am I hearing about you being a gator-" ( @askrisedonnie )

Oh! I got the snapping part of alligator snapping turtle taken away-

Hey wait, shuld you be outta bed yet?

[sloppykyuu]

im so falling back into my depression bc i was feeling rlly depressed and stressed when school started in quarantine and started getting Fs and Ds because i was locked in w my family and overall felt like i couldnt breathe. i dont have any friends aside from one person however we dont talk unless i initiate it (im now realizing that.)

and now i have 1 A, two Cs, 1 B, and one D, if anything thats improvement and i was happy until my mom got mad at me and isnt proud that i made progress,, so like thats fun ig .

anyways that was an emotion dump,, have to share my thoughts w u cuz i like it whenever u write and expand my thoughts using ur own, imagine giving gojo an aphrodisiac. you'll just pretend to not be in the mood while he is just panting, cheeks flushed, eyes dark and covered in lust, the damn tent in his pants.

he is just putting his hands all over u while trying to get ur pants off begging "pls baby, i really need u rn" 🥺🥺,, so he finally snaps eventually and just literally rips off whatever u are wearing, folds u in half, and goes feral on ur ass. filling u up until ur belly is buldging w his cum (and maybe a baby bc he is muttering and moaning something abt pregnancy) but ur too fucked out to notice bc he just broke ur cervix a while ago when he snapped and just shoved his cock into ur pussy.

and even after like 4 rounds (i know this guy is a pushover during sex) he is still fucking ur fucked out and overstimulated body. probably still would use ur body like a toy long after u pass out tho <3

Im sorry to hear that my love:( I know how horrible it feels to have other people disappointed in you when you felt like you were doing good, and you need to just be proud for yourself. You are doing better! School is tough as it is and being cooped up in your house all the time makes even harder because I was there too and honestly I’m still there, I’m struggling woth school more than I ever have. Im proud you, I’m really fucking proud because that shit is so fucking hard. You’ll find your people I promise (I myself am still searching) but even if you don’t, eork on yourself because in all honesty you’re the most important in your life because this is yours and no one else’s. Just thot I shuld say something sorry if I sound stupid.

His long fingers are attempting to push up under the fabric of your shirt and remove. Trying to slip down the waistband of your shorts and feel at your wet hole. His lips are attached to your neck, sucking bruises and kissing gently.

But he doesn’t understand why you want just give him what he wants, he’s begging you. And slowly losing his patience, with you pushing his hands away from your body and rejecting his adavances, his patience is wearing terribly thin.

Until he takes what he wants, rips off the tiny shorts barely covering your body and spreads your legs wide open for him. He can see how wet you are, so why wouldn’t you give in to him? He’s not sure and honestly he can’t be too bothered by it as he sinks his long cock into the tight hole of your cunt, groaning as he watches you suck him up.

Instiable is an understatement. He’s a fucking beast, knocking right into your poor cervix with each rough thrust of his hips, successfully fucking your brains out that you can’t even feel the snap of your cervix before he fills your womb up with his warm cum.

He’ll fuck you long past you passing out, he doesn’t care if you’re awake or not. He’s just so horny and so hard he needs to see you filled with his cum.

[maybeimamuppet]

the second first date

this week on ezzy can’t title: this. quick tw for brief discussion of self harm and a mentioned suicide attempt, but this is 99.9999% cute fluff.

-

Cady had a tendency to talk in her sleep, as Janis had learned during several sleepovers. Most of the time it didn't make sense to Janis (or Cady the next morning) but wasn't particularly concerning. Things like:

"Janis. I hate oranges." Good to know. Or, "Janis, the birds are back." Mildly alarming, but they she didn't seem bothered by them. Or, "Janis, why do we have eyebrows?" A valid question.

Occasionally it was cute little things, like:

"Janis, you're my favorite." Janis had to fight to contain a squeal. Or, "You're so pretty." Janis just blushed violently and continued listening. Or, "I need more snuggles." Obviously, Janis pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.

And every once in a while it was something particularly ominous that kept Janis lying awake after, like:

"When did I die?" Huh? Past tense? Or, "How does it know?" How does what know? Or, "Don't mess with me, I know lions." A genuine threat, thankfully not aimed at Janis (she hopes).

Which is why Janis is more than a little concerned when Cady suddenly sits bolt upright in the middle of the night, Janis bracing herself for whatever strange things will come out of Cady's sleep addled mind next. But then Cady turns to her, and she's awake.

"I never got to take you on a surprise date. Our first date was your turn, I never got my turn," She says blearily, eyes full of genuine concern.

"Shh, baby. You can start planning your surprise date in the morning. Go back to sleep, it's late, Princess," Janis croons, pulling Cady back into her embrace.

"Mmkay," Cady hums, seeming content with that as she tucks herself into Janis' neck and falls back asleep almost immediately.

-

When Janis wakes up the next morning, Cady is already at her desk, scribbling away in a notebook. "Why are you all the way over there?" Janis whines sleepily, reaching for her.

"Because you pushed me out of bed and stole all the blankets, you loon. I figured I might as well get started planning," Cady giggles, coming back over for their morning cuddles.

"What do you have so far?" Janis asks, her voice still rough with sleep.

"The whole point is that it's a surprise, Jay. You'll find out when it happens," Cady answers, pulling Janis into her lap.

"Fine," Janis grumbles. She likes knowing things. "When is it happening?"

"Saturday?"

Janis checks her calendar on her phone, sometimes her mom makes her watch her sister on Saturdays. "Works for me, baby," She answers when nothing appears.

"Good," Cady answers. She's has about a week to prepare now, which she needs. She only came up with half an idea.

-

One Janis goes home, Cady immediately pulls out her phone and sends a text to her group chat with the former Plastics.

africabytoto: Guys, I'm taking Janis on a date Saturday and I only came up with an idea for part of it, can you help me????

Gretchen, as always, answers first.

fetchen: You could just take her to dinner or something?? That's always nice

It does sound nice, but not quite right. Janis' ideas were both perfect, Cady wants to do even better for her.

ofmiceandkaren: Gretch took me to a bookstor on our first date!! I picked a storie and she red it to me by the pond! 📷‍📷️‍📷‍📷📷📷📷📷

africabytoto: Aww, that's so cute! Nice name btw

ofmiceandkaren: thanks !! I picked Of Mice and Men but spoylers, ❌📷 it is not even about mice. Gretchie sayd I shuld make it my name anyway 📷📷

That idea is much more Janis, she loves to read, but it still doesn't feel quite right. Maybe they'd do it on another date. Ironically, Regina comes up with the best idea.

bowdownbitches: the fair just opened for the year, you could take her there. Janis loves roller coasters and stuff. or she used to, anyway.

africabytoto: Gina that's perfect!!!! Thanks guys, I'll see you at lunch tomorrow 📷📷

Cady's only seen fairs in movies and has always wanted to go to one, so it's a slightly selfish endeavor, but she does remember hearing Janis rave about them.

——-

When Saturday finally rolls around, Janis is slightly panicked. Cady only told her to wear good walking shoes and dress "decent but not fancy", as if Janis had any idea what that meant. Damian was out of town for the weekend, so she can't ask him to dress her like she normally does.

Then she remembers that she has a baby sister who is actually very good with fashion for her age, so she goes to the top of the stairs to call for her.

"Juju!"

"What?"

"Can you come pick my outfit for my date tonight?"

And suddenly her sister is barreling up the stairs top speed, nearly plowing her down. Apparently she's excited. Janis leads her to her bedroom, opening her closet and dresser drawers for Juliana to dig through.

"Gimme your phone," Julie says once she enters.

"Why?" Janis asks suspiciously, but unlocking and handing it over anyway.

"So I can ask Cady where she's taking you, duh," Julie answers.

Julie taps into her messages, scowling a little at the Cady Girl 📷📷 contact name. Gross.

Jellybean: hey it's julie, janny asked me to pick out her clothes, can u tell me where ur taking her?? i'll delete the messages so she doesn't see

Caddy Cakes: Haha I believe it, but prove it's really you first. Janis is sneaky like that.

Juliana snaps a selfie of herself making a peace sign, showing Janis laying face down on her bed in the background.

Jellybean: Sent a picture: crisis mode Janis feat. me

Caddy Cakes: Aww poor thing D:

Caddy Cakes: I'm taking her to that pottery painting place and then to the fair.

Jellybean: god you two are so sappy. thanks, cady

Caddy Cakes: Not a problem, just make sure to delete these!! Love ya kiddo 📷️

Though she's loathe to admit it, that does get a grin out of her as she deletes the messages and passes the phone back to her sister.

Juliana goes to root through the drawers first, pulling out Janis' favorite swirly tights and a white long sleeved shirt with black roses painted onto it. She lays them on the bed and goes to the closet next, pulling out a plain black skirt, Janis' doc martens, and one of her painted denim jackets.

"Go put this on and then I'll do your hair and stuff," Julie demands, shoving the pile at her sister.

"Yes, ma'am," Janis says, immediately heading into the bathroom and putting everything on. Julie did very well, as she always does.

Once she comes back, her sister sits her on the ground to do her hair, pulling it to the side opposite her shave and braiding it loosely over her shoulder as she tells Janis what makeup to do. It's almost exactly what she normally does, but with black lipstick instead of her usual purple.

It's a rather monochrome look other than the jacket, but Janis decides she's into it as she looks in the mirror. She goes over to ruffle her sister's hair in thanks, barely getting to before the doorbell rings.

Julie rushes past her to get the door before Janis can, throwing the door open and wrapping her arms around Cady's waist. It had taken her a long time to forgive Cady for what she had done to her sister, but once they started dating Cady had tried very hard to form a bond with her. It had worked.

"Oof," Cady grunts as an eleven year old that's roughly the same size as she is suddenly collides with her. "Hey, mini Jay. How are you?"

"Good. Janis is losing it." Julie answers as she lets her go, hiding behind her to avoid Janis' wrath as she yells "Watch it, kid!" from the top of the stairs on her way down.

"Hi, lovey," Cady coos from where she stands in the doorway, instantly melting away Janis' tough facade and earning her a small scowl from Juliana. "You did good, Jules. These are for you, by the way." She says, handing the little one a small bouquet of pink roses.

"You look cute," Janis says once her sister runs away to find a vase with a happy squeal. She really does, Cady's in a grey jumpsuit with a pink leather jacket on top and her white high tops, and her hair is styled in the same way it was when they first met. Janis always loved that little braid crown.

"So do you. Juju really did a good job," Cady purrs, cupping her cheek with her free hand to finally kiss her. "Is your mom home? These are for her," She says, brandishing a larger bunch of tulips.

"I think she's in the kitchen. Mama!" Janis calls, her mother appearing down the hall. Janis just gestures to the flowers.

"Yes? Oh, hi Cady. Ooh, these are beautiful, thank you, hon," She says, taking them and hugging her gently.

"You're welcome, Ms. Sarkisian," Cady answers, returning her embrace. She's also had to work pretty hard to get Janis' moms trust back. She's incredibly thankful Ms. Sarkisian was so forgiving.

"I've told you to call me Ettie, doll. Ms. Sarkisian just makes me feel old," She tuts, Cady knowing there's no way in hell she'll ever be able to refer to her girlfriend's mother by her first name, and especially not a nickname. "Janis, can I expect you home tonight?"

Janis looks at Cady, who shakes her head. "No, I'm gonna spend the night at her house if that's okay," She answers.

"Of course it is. Just be safe and responsible, you know my boring rules," Ms. Sarkisian responds, handing over her always-ready sleepover bag. "I love you, baby girl. Have fun, ladies. Call if you need anything." She pushes them towards the door after Janis hugs her goodbye tightly.

"Your mom is the best," Cady says once they're alone on the porch. "Anyway, theeeeese are for you." She hums as she grabs a bundle of something from the bench next to them.

Janis had been a little confused as to why her mom and sister had gotten flowers and not her, but it makes a bit more sense when she looks to see the bouquet of... paintbrushes?

"You remembered what brand of brushes I use?" Janis asks, almost in awe. The brushes are tied together with a little purple ribbon, the bow a little sloppy. A personal Cady touch.

"Kind of. I remembered what they looked like from watching you paint all the time and then just wandered around some craft stores for, like, two hours until I found ones that matched," her girlfriend answers.

Janis is touched. "I- thank you, baby. I've been needing new ones," she mumbles, touching the soft end of one gently before leaning down to kiss her. She's a little worried, those brushes are kind of expensive.

"You're welcome, darling. Now let's go, we're gonna have fun!" Cady cheers, dragging her towards her little car by the hand and opening the door for her.

Cady is going into her maps app as Janis buckles her seatbelt, tapping a few times to get directions to the first destination. Suddenly, the loud, robotic voice of Siri reverberates through the car, saying, "Starting route to You're Kilning Me! Pottery House," and making them both jump.

Janis starts practically cackling as Cady frantically tries to stop Siri ruining the surprise, yelling "SHUCK!" over the voice. "It was supposed to be a surprise," she pouts once the phone finally goes quiet.

"Oh, baby, it's okay. I still don't know the second part," Janis offers, as Cady genuinely looks distressed. "And I've never been there before, so it's still kind of a surprise."

"Fine," Cady grumbles. "Do you actually want to go here? We can go do something else if you think it's lame."

"No! Baby, this sounds fun," Janis comforts, pulling her into a hug across the center console. "I'm always down to paint, you picked this because you knew I would like it. Let's go decorate some cute little trinkets." She pecks Cady on the nose gently before letting her go.

"Thanks, Jayjay. Now stop being so nice, tonight's about you," Cady demands, taking her hand as they pull out of the driveway.

"As you wish, Peanut," Janis giggles.

——

The place isn't totally Janis' vibe, but she does have to admit it's very cute. The walls are a lime green and covered in various colored handprints, and there's shelves with hundreds of white figurines ready to be decorated.

"So... I thought we could pick and decorate something for each other? If you want," Cady says shyly, squeezing Janis' hand gently.

"Of course I want, Princess. That sounds adorable. Now close your eyes, it should be a surprise," Janis says, letting Cady go to browse the shelves. "No peeking."

Cady covers her eyes with a giggle. "Okay, Jay, I won't."

Janis looks for a minute, nearly picking a little lion piggy bank before remembering Cady already has so many lion things. She finds a butterfly figurine, looking as if it's about to take off, tucked away on one of the lower shelves. Butterfly is her personal favorite nickname for Cady. It's perfect.

She tucks it into her jacket so Cady can't see it before going and pulling her hands off her eyes. "Your turn, Peanut," she says, finding a table that has a divider in so they can paint their things without the other seeing.

Cady comes to find her a few minutes later, resting her jacket over the back of her seat and plopping herself down. Janis hears a little clink as Cady rests whatever ceramic thing she's picked on the table.

An overly cheerful employee comes over to give them their palettes and bottles of glaze, as well as a little chart explaining how many layers to apply for different results. Janis immediately goes for magenta, purple and dark blue, deciding to paint one of the wings of her butterfly as the bi flag. Cady's been wanting more pride stuff.

Cady watches Janis work for a second before remembering she also has something to decorate. She found a coffee mug with a matching coaster in the shape of a paint palette, which is very Janis. She loves coffee.

One by one Cady works her way through the colors of the rainbow, painting little heart-shaped paint splotches on the coaster and colorful drips down the side of the mug. Janis looks a little confused as to what she could be doing with all those colors, but doesn't question it. Cady decides to take a break once she finishes her first layers, watching Janis who is working intently and chattering away at the same time.

"What are you looking at?" Janis asks once she notices her, switching to grab some yellow glaze.

"My beautiful girlfriend," Cady flirts, laughing when Janis flushes with a slightly embarrassed squeak.

"You're not so bad yourself, babe," She manages once she's recovered.

"Thank you, Jay. So what do you think of this place? Be honest," Cady says, grabbing a thin brush and some black glaze to continue decorating the mug.

"It's cute! I'm having fun, we should come back here sometime," Janis answers as she starts sketching some little in-jokes about their relationship on the butterfly's other wing. She's kind of regretting painting it yellow; the colors don't really go together, but yellow is Cady's favorite.

"Good," Cady hums. "But I'm more excited for the next part."

"Where are we going next?" Janis coaxes.

"Nice try. One part of this date is going to be a surprise or so help me," Cady grumbles as she very carefully brushes 'I love you' on the very bottom of the inside of the mug.

"Fine," Janis fake-pouts, moving now to paint the legs and antennae of the butterfly.

-

Once they finish putting the final layers of glaze on, they carefully bring up their beautiful creations (one at a time to maintain the surprise) to the front desk to be fired. Cady would pick them up once they were done in about a week.

Cady makes Janis wait outside the car as she puts in the GPS information to keep the location a surprise, and starts digging through her bag for something as Janis is finally allowed to slide into her seat.

Eventually she finds what she was looking for, brandishing a bandana to be used as a blindfold.

"Kinky," Janis teases as she begrudgingly takes it and ties it around her eyes.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, you loser," Cady huffs, reaching out to tickle Janis to make sure she can't see anything. She apparently can't, because she shrieks with laughter as Cady's hand wiggles over her ribcage before grabbing it to hold, lacing their fingers together.

Cady reaches to turn the radio on to keep Janis entertained, giving her hand a squeeze before unfortunately letting go to drive safely.

——

Cady hops out first once she parks, going around to Janis' side and helping her out before spinning her around and untying the blindfold.

Janis blinks a few times, letting her eyes adjust to the light before letting out an excited gasp at what she sees. They have about half an hour before the sun starts to go down, and they're surrounded by neon lights, loud noises, and delicious smells. It's beautiful.

"The fair?!"

"Yeah! Um, I couldn't come up with anything other than the pottery place and Regina said you liked roller coasters." Cady says, almost nervously.

"I do! This is tits, let's go in, come on!" Janis pecks her cheeks a few times excitedly before grabbing her hand and hurrying towards the gates. Cady realizes distantly that she left her jacket in the car. Oh well. It's May now, and it's a warm evening. She'll probably be fine.

Cady buys their entry wristbands, getting the kind that allow them to go on as many rides as they want. She fumbles with hers for a minute before Janis tenderly takes her hand, fastening the paper bracelet around her wrist and pressing a kiss to her palm.

"Thanks, love. Where do you want to go first?" Cady asks, lacing their fingers together and swinging their arms back and forth.

"Can we ride that?" Janis asks, pointing to the single largest coaster present. Cady's never been on a roller coaster before, but how bad could it be?

"Sure," Cady hums, looking up at the massive metal structure. "Let's go."

Janis makes Cady stand by the height measurement sign as a joke, taking a picture as Cady pouts. "I'm not that small," She huffs.

"Baby, you're barely a foot over the height requirement. You're always gonna be my little Peanut," Janis hums, squishing her in a tight hug as they stand in line.

"I like being Peanut, I guess," Cady sighs jokingly. She actually kind of likes being small, it has its uses. Like for cuddles.

Janis chooses the very front seats, wiggling excitedly as they get harnessed in.

Once they reach the top of the first hill, Cady decides she does not like roller coasters as much as she thought she would. This thought continues as they hurtle around the track, going much faster than Cady appreciates. She thinks they go upside down at one point, but by that time her eyes are so tightly shut that she's not totally sure.

"That was tits!" Janis cheers as they finally come to a blessed stop, helping Cady out of the cart.

"Uhhuh," Cady mumbles, trying to stop her hands shaking. Janis turns to look at her once they're a ways away, surprised to find her much more pale than normal and her clear blue eyes wide and frightened.

"Oh, baby," She hums, pulling Cady into a tight hug. "You didn't like it?" Cady shakes her head frantically and buries her face into Janis' chest. "Shh, it's okay. We won't go on any more. You pick what we do next."

"No, this is your date. You get to pick everything," Cady says, calming in Janis' tight embrace.

"I pick we do something you want. You look miserable," Janis says, pulling her back gently to kiss a few freckles.

"Thanks," Cady says sarcastically. "Can we go check out the game thingies?"

"Sure, angel. I bet I'll win you a stuffed animal first," Janis says, taking her hand and leading them towards the stalls.

Cady winds up winning first, her muscle memory from Africa helping her win the dart toss. She picks a sloth with velcro paws, taking it and wrapping the arms around Janis in a little hug. Janis wins the water shooting one, picking a big alpaca shaped thing with yellow fur. Cady takes it excitedly, squeezing it tightly. It's very squishy and soft.

Cady's recovered enough by that point to go on a few tamer rides, so Janis leads them over to something called the Scrambler. It looks sort of like some kind of sea monster, with multicolored carts that spin around and are also orbiting a central structure. She holds Janis' hand as well as the bar holding them in, still nervous from her encounter with the coaster.

But once they get going, Cady loves it. Feeling the wind hitting her face reminds her of being on the Jeeps in Africa, and the motion makes her stomach flip in a way she enjoys this time. Janis is just watching her as they go around, smiling widely as Cady laughs freely the whole time.  Gradually, they come to a stop, Cady cheering "Again! Again!" once they finally come to a complete standstill. Janis obliges, taking her hand to get them back in the short line. The Scrambler is one of her favorites, too.

Janis asks if she'd like to try going on some massive slides, Cady looking up at them curiously. They're about as high up as the roller coasters, but people seem to be moving much more slowly down them, so she agrees to try them at least once. They get in line, Janis grabbing a rug for them to go on together. They start climbing the many, many stairs to the top, both of them puffing slightly by the time they're led over to their slide.

Janis lays their mat down, holding it down for Cady to get on before following after her. She pulls Cady closer to her, pressing her chest against her back and holding her around the waist. Cady holds onto the handles of the mat and the worker gives them a gentle push to get them finally going. Cady giggles the whole way down, which was Janis' goal. They're going so quickly they nearly crash into the wall at the bottom, Cady barely managing to stick her feet out at the last second. The force knocks Janis down flat on her back, Cady following and tipping her head upside down to grin widely at her.

"That was fun!" Cady cheers, standing and holding her hand out to help Janis up.

"Do you want to go again?" Janis asks, knowing the look in her eyes well by this point. Cady nods shyly, Janis just taking her hand and leading them back to the end of the line. She's noticed Cady only seems to have an issue with height and speed at the same time, one or the other is okay.

Once they've gone on everything at least once, they decide to finally get some dinner. As they walk over to the food stalls, Cady tucks her alpaca under one arm and holds out the other to Janis. "Hey, can you hold this for me?"

Janis turns from a few paces ahead, thinking she's talking about the stuffed animal until she looks down. "Your hand?"

"Yeah," Cady nods seriously. Janis takes it with a chuckle.

"You're such a dork, I love you."

"I love you too, but I'm very hungry, let's go," Cady begs, tugging on Janis' hand.

"Okay, okay, slow down," Janis laughs.

Cady really wants to try a funnel cake, so she buys one for them to share while Janis gets a bucket of macaroni and cheese and some fried Oreos.

They feed each other little bites of the mac and cheese, stealing a few kisses every now and again in between. Once that's done, Cady pulls their plate of various fried goodness over and just stares at it. Janis tears off a bit of the funnel cake for her to try, getting her fingers sticky with the powdered sugar.

Cady tries it and her eyes go even wider than they did on the roller coaster. That's delicious. Janis laughs at her reaction, but supposed she should've known. Cady loves sweets.

"That's so good!" Cady squeals, almost shaking as the sugar starts to hit. She immediately tears off another bigger piece.

"It's fried dough and sugar, of course it's good," Janis teases, tearing off a chunk for herself. "Now try one of these."

She hands Cady one of the fried Oreos, Cady taking it and nibbling at it almost nervously. It is also delicious, but almost too sweet for her tastes. She likes the cake better. Janis takes the other one, immediately shoving the whole thing in her mouth.

"Oh, Jesus, I shouldn't have done that," She says once she's swallowed it. "No regrets."

Cady gathers up all the trash once they finish, throwing it in a garbage can nearby before turning to her girlfriend. "You have sugar on your lip, come here."

Janis thinks she's just going to wipe it away, letting out a startled squeak when Cady suddenly pulls her behind a stall, pushing her up against it and kissing her hungrily. Usually Janis is the one initiating this kind of thing, but she's certainly not complaining at Cady taking charge.

They're both panting by the time they break apart, looking more than a little disheveled. Janis had noticed Cady's soft skin was rather cold to the touch, and when they pull back she can see her shivering. "Baby, where's your jacket?" She asks, concerned they lost it somewhere.

"I left it in the car," Cady mutters, leaning into her for warmth. "But if I go get it I won't be able to get back in. I'm fine."

She's clearly not, her teeth are almost chattering. Cady's still not totally used to how cold it can get in Illinois. It's almost totally dark now, and very chilly.

Janis pulls off her jean jacket and wraps it around Cady. She's swimming in it, the oversized fabric practically swallowing her tiny girlfriend. Cady's hands don't even come out the sleeves.

Janis notices Cady's jacket paws moving, she's flapping her hands. That's a stim she only does when she's either very upset or very excited, and judging by the wide, delighted grin splitting her face, it's the latter.

"I love you," Cady suddenly hums, throwing her arms around Janis tightly.

"I love you too, baby. So much," Janis says, squeezing her back and kissing her hair softly. "They're gonna close soon, is there one more thing you want to do before we go?"

"The ferris wheel? I've never been on one," Cady hums, resting her chin on Janis' chest and looking up at her.

Janis really does not like ferris wheels, but she can't resist those big blue eyes blinking up at her. She supposes she can make an exception.

"Fine, but if we get stuck up there you have to cuddle me the whole time, I'm scared of heights," She says, taking her hand and leading them towards the large circle illuminated by colorful lights. It is rather pretty, from the ground anyway.

They get in line just before the cutoff for the night, Cady staring up at the massive structure with wide, curious eyes. Janis is strangely comforted seeing that almost childlike wonder on her face. Cady deserves to experience it at least once, even if she does have to spend it holding Janis the whole time so she doesn't panic.

Janis is further comforted when their cart is purple, which is her favorite color. Unfortunately, any semblance of safe feelings leave the second they start moving, Janis clinging to Cady's arm.

"How did you enjoy that roller coaster and the slides if you're so scared of heights, Jellybean?" Cady asks, holding onto her girlfriend tightly.

"Because the height doesn't last on stuff like that, you're just up there to get going and then it's done," Janis huffs. Cady gets distracted once they hit the very top, gasping excitedly at the view and reaching for her phone to take a picture.

She snaps a few before turning it around to selfie mode, leaning in to cup Janis' cheek with her other hand and kiss her gently as she takes another few photos like that. "Thanks for letting me come up here, Jay. We only have to go around one more time before we can get off."

"It's okay, baby. It's actually really pretty up here. As long as you don't look down," Janis hums, leaning in for one more peck. She breathes a sigh of relief as they approach the ground and gives another sharp exhale as they go up again.

Sure enough, once they reach the tip-top, the ride screeches to a halt, and a voice calls up from the bottom to tell them they're stuck up there indefinitely.

"Ah, fuck," Janis groans. This was exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"Oh no," Cady says, concerned for Janis. "Um... we could play a game? To pass the time?"

That doesn't sound terrible, but they don't have anything to play a game with up here.

"Like what?" Janis asks, trying to keep the tremble from her voice. Focus on Cady.

"Um... we could go back and forth and say something about ourselves that the other one doesn't know yet?" Cady hums anxiously, holding Janis tightly.

That doesn't exactly sound like a game, but it would work well enough to keep Janis' mind off the fact that she's dangling  thirty-odd feet in the air in a heavy cart.

"You go first," Janis says, tucking her face into Cady's neck.

"Okay," Cady chuckles, kissing her head and running her fingers through Janis' hair gently. "Um... Od uoy wonk I nac klat sdrawkcab?"

"What the fuck?" Janis says, pulling back to look at Cady's smug grin.

"I can talk backwards. Any word," Cady says.

"Wh- How do you do that?" Janis asks in awe.

"I dunno. When I was learning how to read I taught myself to do it backwards too. Don't ask, I was an odd kid. I just picture the word in my head and then flip it around," Cady answers.

"Prove it," Janis challenges. "Say... um... what's my name backwards?"

"Sinaj," Cady says immediately.

"I love you."

"I evol uoy."

"Peanut butter."

"Tunaep rettub."

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard, that's so cool," Janis squeals.

"Thanks," Cady giggles. "Your turn."

"Oh boy, um... did you know about these?" Janis asks, pulling her two half-heart necklaces from where they're tucked inside her shirt.

"I've seen them but I've never read what they say," Cady says, taking them gingerly to read the charms. One says 'big sis' and the other has been painted to say half of what she can only assume is 'best fucking bitches'. "Who has the other pieces? Julie?"

"No, Damian," Janis answers, which makes Cady burst out laughing.

"That's so cute," She says breathlessly once she's calmed down. "My turn then, um. Do you know how I got my name? Or the spelling of it, anyway.

Janis shakes her head. She loves her Cady with a C and a D and a Y, but it is a little strange.

"This is just what my mom told me so it could be a joke, she likes to mess with me a lot. But she got to name my brother so she let my dad name me, and he was in a band when she was pregnant with me. He wanted to give me a sort of musical name like Harmony or something, so he picked Cadence and my mom said yes as long as it could be Cady on my birth certificate. She thought he'd regret it eventually and wanted me to have a more 'normal' nickname," She says.

Janis tries to imagine Mr. Heron, the dorkiest, kindest, shyest man she knows in a band. Does not compute. "That... kind of makes sense, actually, other than your dad being in a band. Did they ever call you Cadence?"

"Actually, yeah, when I was really little my dad always called me that. And when I got in trouble back in Kenya that's what they called me," Cady says, looking as if the secret to the universe has been revealed to her. The story must be true, then.

"That's wild as hell, Chip Heron in a band," Janis says, also looking a little shell-shocked. They'd have to ask him about it later. "My turn. Did you know Gretchen comes to the gym with me sometimes?"

"No, really? That's so sweet," Cady coos.

"Yeah, she asked me a while ago if she could come with me every once in a while to help her anxiety and stuff. She does more cardio and things like that than I do, but we spot each other when we need to and I started going to a yoga thing she does. It's kind of nice to have a workout buddy."

"Aww," Cady says. "I'm glad you guys are becoming friends again."

"Honestly, I am too. Gretchen really isn't so bad. She gushes about Karen all the time too, so I like getting to hear all the juicy stuff about them," Janis chuckles. "Your turn, Peanut."

"I can't think of anything," Cady whines after thinking for a second. "You think of something you want to know about me."

"Okay, I can do that," Janis hums pensively. "Were you born in Kenya?" She asks after a while. Cady's never mentioned anything before her life in Africa.

"No, we didn't move there until I was three, I was born in Oregon. We've always followed my parents' work," Cady answers. "My parents always said it was very exciting having a toddler who wouldn't talk to anyone running around the tents."

"You must've been so cute," Janis says, wondering if she can con Cady into showing her some baby photos.

"I was," Cady answers as Janis makes the mistake of peeking over the edge, snapping back over with wide, terrified eyes. "Oh, darling, why would you look down? Come here."

Janis thinks she's about to pull her into another hug, surprised when Cady pulls her mouth to hers and kisses her softly. Desperate to forget that they're stuck very high in the air, Janis kisses her back eagerly, her girlfriend responding in kind. Janis has always wanted to make out with someone on a ferris wheel.

One of Cady's hands cradles Janis' jaw, thumb stroking comfortingly over her cheek, and her other arm is wrapped securely around Janis' waist to hold her close and safe. Janis flicks her tongue at the seam of Cady's lips, tangling a hand in her auburn curls as she does. Cady lets her in, nipping softly at her bottom lip to tease. Janis would very much like to continue this when they're on the ground.

She's so lost in her girlfriend she almost managed to forget they were still stuck, until there's a deafening clank and a terrifying sort of metallic grinding sound. She pulls back with a startled squeak as they start moving, lipstick noticeably smeared as she buries her face in her girlfriends shoulder. At least they're almost out.

There's a sort of off-brand Snoopy down by the exit, Janis sinking into a hug with him and just repeating, "Snoopy it was so bad. We were stuck up there, Snoopy." For a while until Cady drags her away. Snoopy waves at them almost sadly as he watches them go.

——-

Once they're in the car on the way back to Cady's house, Janis realizes that Cady told her one more fact than Janis told her. She knows Cady likes things to be even, so she decides to level it out.

"Hey, we stopped the game before we told the same number, do you want to hear one more from me?"

"I always want to know more about you, Jayjay," Cady answers, focusing on the road.

"Okay, have you seen this?" Janis asks once they're at a stoplight, shuffling her left sleeve down to reveal her small semicolon tattoo on her wrist.

"No," Cady says, tracing the little picture tenderly with her finger. "What does it mean?"

Janis rolls her sleeve down further to reveal the faded scars lining her arm, wincing a little at Cady's sad gasp. Janis thought she at least knew about those, but she doesn't wear short sleeves very often and the scars are very faded.

"I started self-harming after everything happened with Regina in middle school. Damian didn't tell you, but I was actually pulled out for the rest of that year because I was recovering in the hospital from a suicide attempt. I tried to overdose on one of my mom's prescriptions," Janis explains.

"Oh god, Janis," Cady says sadly, gently running her finger over her arm before she has to start driving again.

"I got my stomach pumped in the hospital and my wrists stitched up, so my mom found out I had been cutting and I had to go to an inpatient therapy place. That's how I started art therapy, actually. But once I got out my mom let me pick something cool to do to celebrate, and for some reason she let me get a tattoo even though I was fourteen. She has one that matches."

"That's so sweet," Cady says, heart still hurting for her girlfriend. She came so close to losing Janis before she ever even found her. "Why a semicolon, though?"

"Because I was an English nerd," Janis answers with a sardonic chuckle. "Semicolons and periods are usually interchangeable, an author uses one when they could have ended a sentence but chose not to. I decided I was the author of me, and I wasn't ready to end my sentence yet. It helps to look at it when I'm having a rough time."

"That's beautiful, Janis. Do you, um, still...?" Cady asks quietly.

"No, no," Janis rushes out. "Damian and my sister both made me promise to stop. I've come close a couple times, but I've been clean since the end of sophomore year. I haven't even thought about it in almost a year."

"Good," Cady breathes with relief. "I'm really glad you're still here, Jay. I love you so much."

"I'm glad I'm here too. I think a lot about what I would've missed if... if it had worked, and I'm always so glad it didn't. I love you too, Caddy," Janis says, trying not to cry. Too many emotions for one night.

They spend the rest of the drive home in comfortable silence, Janis playing with Cady's fingers contently once Cady gives her her hand as they get into slower streets of the neighborhood.

Cady goes to greet her parents and hug them goodnight once they enter, Janis heading up to Cady's room to get changed into her pjs. She's glad their parents all trust them enough to let them continue to sleep in the same bed at sleepovers, probably because they only get up to anything raunchy when they're sure nobody's around. She would miss the snuggles if they were separated.

Cady changes into her Lion King pajama set, putting Janis' jacket back on over top and crawling into bed after her with her new alpaca. She switches on the nightlight Janis had gotten her for Christmas, looking up at the colorful swirly patterns it paints on the ceiling.

"You gonna sleep in my jacket?" Janis asks, resting her head on Cady's chest gently.

"Mmhmm! It's comfy. Soft. And it smells like you," Cady hums, pulling her closer.

"What do I smell like?" Janis asks, a little worried.

"Vanilla and paint, but your hair smells like apples," Cady answers drowsily, stroking her fingers through Janis' hair. "Mostly you just smell like home. I know I'm safe whenever I can smell you."

Well that's just about the sweetest thing Janis has ever heard. "You're so precious, you know that?" She asks, tilting her head up to kiss at the underside of Cady's jaw.

"So you tell me," Cady jokes weakly, followed by a yawn. "It's your turn to be little spoon, I'm sleepy."

Janis is frankly amazed that Cady made it this late, it's nearly midnight. She leans up to kiss her goodnight before she turns to face the wall, cuddling with her own new sloth stuffie and feeling her small girlfriend press up against her, squishing her cheek against her back and wrapping an arm tightly around her waist to pull her closer.

"G'night, Jay. I love you," Cady yawns.

"Goodnight, Caddy. I love you too," Janis answers, grinning to herself.

A perfect date with my perfect girl, she thinks as they slowly drift off to sleep, dreaming of each other.

-

thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought.

also, disastrously, I am starting to run out of ideas, so please leave any ideas you want to see me write either here, on my wattled, or on my ao3. all are just maybeimamuppet.

lots of love,

ezzy

[cherulove]

Whats your favorite thing to do with Vanessa?

Whats a small detail about one of your f/o's that drives you crazy with love?

IM SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP BUT ILL AWNSER THIS RQ

awawa i think she would like to go on coffee dates, even though i dont like coffee ill probably just get some food shsvbd

BEIDOUS GIGGLE MAKES ME LOSE IT/pos

ITS SO CUTE

SHE DOES A LITTLE GIGGLE WHEN SHE GLIDES

anyway i shuld stop rantinf and sleep now, sorry if any of thos doesnt make sense im half awake

[mare-sanguis]

Winston/Monty part 10

They left the cafe around 1:15 and walked down to the police station.

And they were finished after two hours later. Scott gave the cop informations about who was involved in this cover up- this time, he believe them. They also went through the evidence one more time.

Now Scott was sitting in he waiting room, while Winston was still with the officer.

"[...] And we found something in his jail cell- and I think its adressed towards you."

"What is it?"

The officer opened a drawer and took out a tiny plasic bag with something inside of it which resembled a letter.

"Its a letter. You shouldnt read it here- take it home with you."

"As you say so. Can I go now?"

"You can leave- yes."

Winston left the office room and went back to Scott.

"What took you so long?"

"The cop gave me something- I have to read it now. Cant stand waiting until I'm home."

"Do you really think you should read it here? Maybe its something serious."

"I'll do it anyway."

"Then at least sit down you dont look so good."

Winston nooded and set down next to him, they were the only one in this room.

He pulled the bag open and took the letter out, then started to read it after folding it open.

His eyes started to fill with tears.

The letter read:

"Winston... You dont deserve any of thie and I am so sorry. I am a piece of shit. Please... you deserve so much better. Find someone new someone who makes you happy. Not like me. You deserve better- forever. I still woder why you wated me around. I still wonder whats so special about me... I fucking love you so much but we will never see each other again."

Winstons hands were shaking- Scott noticed it.

"No..." Winston whispered.

"No. Why would he.... write something like that...?"

"What is it...?" Scott carefully asked.

"That... I think... thats a suicide note. Montys suicide note..."

Scott couldnt believe what Winston just said.

"Are you sure...? I mean [...]" but he got interrupted by loud, desperate sobs.

"Winston- ... hey. Its all right..." he reached out to touch his shoulder. The last time he had heard someone crying like this was at Jeffs funeral. And this was a long time ago.

"We should get you home. This is not the best place to let out your emotions."

"I cant drive.. like this"

"Glad you have me with you."

He carefully took the letter out of Winstons hand and folded it together again, put it back in the bag.

"I'll drive."

Winstons was still sobbing- loudly.

Scott stood up and reached for his hands as he noticed that Winston was glowing- he softly touched his forehead

"Goddamn- you're hot- Like... you have a fucking fever and still dare to come over. You're crazy."

Winston stil said nothing- instead just stood up.

"Probably because of all this stress."

"Right. Don't lie- when was the last time you slept?"

"Don't know. Maybe 3 or 4 days ago."

"And the last time you ate something?"

"3 to 4 days."

"Don't do that to yourself. He didnt want you to end like this:"

He took Winstons hand and they went outside.

"Where'd you parked your car?"

"Across the street."

He handed Scott his car keys- hands still shaking.

"When we're home- get some sleep. No one wants to see you like this. Not Monty"

They drove home in silence and arrived in silence. Every now and then, Scott glanced over to him to make sure he's still alive. Sometimes, he saw tears running down his face.

"We're here. Should I carry you piggypack into your house?"

Winston laughed a weak laugh.

"No I think I can walk by myself."

"I trust you."

He slowed down his steps and Winston followed him inside.

"Such a huge home- would totally get lost in it."

"Monty got lo here his first time..." his voice broke. "that... was kinda cute."

"I can imagine that. He was so lost. Anyway... its bedtime for you. Sleep as long as you want to while I make something to eat for you."

"Sure...?"

"Yes. I dont have anything to do anyway. Besides getting lost in this house. So its no big deal"

"The kitchen is on the left side. Good luck finding it."

He walked upstairs and left Scott alone.

After he succsessfully found the kitchen, he quickly started to look through the supplies.

"I should probably get him something warm to drink"

He made him some tea and walked upstairs.

"All these many doors- how should I find him?"

He sighed and noticed a door half closed. He walked towards it and opened it quietly.

"Winston? You awake?"

No response. He was already asleep.

"Gonna leave this here."

He out the cup on the nightstand next to his bed.

"And this too."

He put the bag with Montys note in the nightstan. Before he left he room he checked on Winston, put his hand on his forehead- he was still glowing like hell.

"Totally relatable- was the same back then."

He sighed and left the room.

"Maybe I should get him some medicine."

One hour later, he was back again at the house after he left to buy some meds.

He placed the bag at the kitchen counter and started to prepare the food, as he heard footsteps

"Winston? Up again?"

He nooded, still looking weak.

"You shuld go back to sleep."

"Can't"

"Why not?"

"Not feeling like it anymore."

"If you say so.. but dont fall asleep right here."

"Won't"

"All right then. Take a seat- your personal slave will do some magic."

"I'll wait like the good kid I am."

Scott smiled and turned his back at him. starting to make him some good meal.

"And I bought you some meds. Take them after you ate. They'll probably knock you out for good."

"You thought about everything- dont you?"

"Well- being friends with someone like Monty had some benefits. Not everytime- but sometimes when he got into fights with his dad he came up to me and I took care of his problems. The time his dad broke his arm I went to the hospital with him."

"Sounds like you delt with his trouble very often."

"Oh yeah- but he never notice. At least it looked like he denied the fact that I cared. I told him to give up Bryce, telling him to stop defending him- all because I cared. I just wanted the best for him."

"We both wanted."

Scott nooded.

"8 moth ago we had spring fling. He wasnt ther and neither was I. So I invited him over. If I remember correctly he was in a pretty dark place at that moment, kinda disturbed. Now I know why. He kept behaving strange. I wanted him to stay overnight but he didnt want to."

"What a caring sweet boy you are." Winston said, in a soft serious way.

"Stop joking." he smiled.

"I mean it. You even make meals like a good housewife."

Scotts smile faded a bit. But Winston couldnt see it because he still had his back turned at him.

"I'm used to it too."

"Oh? Really?"

"Yes."

They went silent for some minutes and Scott placed the plate full of food on the table.

"Looking good- where'd you learn these skills?"

Scott sat down, across from Winston.

"Everytime we went to a party I stayed at a friends house overnight- he always had kinda bad hangovers. So one day I started this all- and it somehow became a tradition."

"Whos this mysterious friend you're always talking about? Is it the one Sheri mentioned?"

"Yes:"

Silence again.

"So... whats up with this friend? Whats his name again?"

"Jeff."

"Yeah- why dont you want o visit him?"

"Theres no reason to visit him. Theres no one to visit."

Winston tilted his head slightly.

"What did Sheri mean with "We all three lost someone who meant much to us?""

This time, Scotts hands were shaking and he felt like he was about to cry.

"Because Jeff died on September the 9th, 2017. Death cause was a car accident."

Winston stopped breathing for some seconds. Totally unable to say anything.

"Oh... I'm so sorry- I shouldnt have pushed you to tell me."

"Its fine. How'd you know anyway..."

"Thats why you dont want to visit him?"

"No. Its not. I..." he took a deep breath. "I just feel like I completely failed him."

"Why would you say that?"

"Like I said- He knew Monty, introduced me to him. After I transferred to Liberty I started to get to know him better... thats what I already told you. But theres more to it. Jeff told me I should keep an eye on him. He didnt want to be around them anymore - I dont blame him - instead he told me to take care of him. I really tried my best and I tried even more after Jeff died. And now.... that Monty is dead too I feel like thats on me. He would've never snapped if somebody was there for him that day Bryce broke up their friendship... that day he assaulted Tyler. And because no one was there he did it. I was supposed to be there for him. Monty went to jail and died there- lonely, felt like he was all alone. There were signs written all over... he felt lost. After he told his dad. He still would be alive if I had tried harder. And he would've got the help he needed. From you, from me."

Winston listened in silence.

"I failed completely"

"No. You didnt. Like you said to me .... you did the best you could. ut it was a hard task, to pull him out of the darkness... impossible for just one guy to handle."

Scott buried his face in his hands to stop his eyes from tearing up.

"If you want you can stay over tonight. I wont kick you out. we both have things to work through. And we should stay out of school tomorrow."

Finally Winston knew why he was so desperate for the truth to come out.

[knjredwluv]

Red. [1]

Red (n.)

Red could signify the color of love, passion, determination, and strength. Red could also signify blood, fire, war, desire and energy. Red is an emotionally intense color.

Title: Red

Words: 4.7k

AU: Yandere/Obssessive relationship 

Characters: Jungkook x Reader. Hoseok x Reader. OT7.

Warnings: 17+ explicit language, angst!angst!angst!, slight implications of smut, some fluff and soft moments (super fucking sappy), noona kink (if you squint reaaaaally hard), yandere/obsessive relationship (this isnt a healthy relationship and i dont promote any of this), mentions of killing, hallucinations, has very descriptive angst!!

Summary: “After the things that happened, you decided to start anew. Everything was how you thought it would be; it was simple but perfect–until you saw your name on a black envelope. Out of curiosity, you opened it; and now, you wish you didn’t.”

LIST FOR RED

CHAPTER 1

You held your phone to your ear using your shoulder. You huffed as you tried to multi-task being on the phone, walking to class and carrying a shoulder bag, laptop, books and a cup of coffee in your arms. “Can you please just do it? I have to head back to Jimin’s because he left his wallet.”

“____, as much as I love you, I will not go to your brother’s house without you. You know the look he gives me for being with you already– and you want me to go there to drop off your boxes for you.” You chuckled as he rambled and emphasized on the task you requested him to do.

“Babe, that’s just how he looks at everyone, okay? And plus, you’re bigger than him. I remember having a man for a boyfriend not a baby.” you giggle as you teased him.

“For fucks sake, ____, Your brother is a fucking cop. He looks like he hates me and he is a licensed official who can put me behind bars for, I don’t know, laughing at you when you do some stupid shit” You laugh at this because you know you’re one hell of a klutz.

“I’ll give you a blowjob if you do it” You whispered into the phone, nonchalantly. As expected, there is a small pause until you heard a groan.

“Fine, I’ll do it. You owe me big time, baby girl.”

You ended the call and texted your brother saying that Jungkook is heading over to drop off your things for your parents.

—

Bro

[12:34] Y/N: yoon

[12:34] Y/N: Jk is heading over there to bring my stuff

[12:35] Y/N: u home right?

[12:37] Bro: Nah

[12:37] Bro: not home work called but Mina is home she shuld be awake

[12:38] Y/N: Mkay ill tell him

[12:40] Bro: 👍🏻

—

Jeon♡

[12:45] Y/N: Hes not home but Mina is

[12:47] Jeon♡: Ok yessssss

[12:47] Jeon♡: but im still expecting something 👀

[12:47] Y/N: fck outta here jeon and do what u gotta do

[12:47] Jeon♡: Damn ok live u

[12:47] Jeon♡: love*** ♥️♥️

[12:48] Y/N: 🥰 love you 2

—

You shoved your phone in your bag and walked to the library. The weather was really nice. it complimented how you were dressed up for today.

Thank God, it was just for today.

Your Art Club meeting is really gonna screw you up. You really hope you ace this meeting since you stayed up all night making the power point. You’re also drowning yourself in caffeine and hoping it doesn’t spill on your new blouse. The branded shirt costed you more than your monthly grocery; and it’s not like you find it a hassle to be stylish but it’s definitely something different. It’s way different than the go-to vans and a pair of jeans with the Uni’s hoodie. Oh how you wished that’s what you were wearing right now.

After the meeting, you walked up the steps and opened the door to the University’s library. You were greeted by Namjoon, who was on his way out.

“Hey, ____. What brings you here? It isn’t Thursday today, is it?” He asked you casually while checking his Gold Casio watch. Namjoon is used to your frequent visits to the library. After working in the library for 4 out of 5 years of his Uni life, he’s accustomed to seeing you on the same desk, at the second floor, by the window. Sometimes, you’re caught doing homework, checking out Literature books or books of Art History, or probably just reading a comic book or webtoon that Jungkook told you about.

“Oh no, It’s Tuesday but I just needed to catch up with some work” accidentally bumping your elbow to the door causing you to almost drop your books but luckily, Namjoon’s instincts were fast. You quietly thanked him. “I got math to do”

“Well then,” He turned and waved “Ms. Ryu is expecting me. Good luck with math”

“Alrightie, see ya”

You walked to your usual spot and placed your laptop on the desk. You opened it and typed in the password. You grinned at the screensaver.

Oh god, it never fails to make you smile.

It was a screenshotted picture of Jungkook with ice cream of his face on your second date. It was a funny memory if you recall what happened.

“Stopppp, you’re going too hard. I might fly up” You said giggling and holding on the seesaw like it meant your life depended on it. Technically, it kind of did.

“Okay okay, i’m sorry” he said laughing at how you looked.

Both of you continued using the seesaw while casually talking about nonsense like what if aliens came and decided to rule Earth or if there was a zombie apocalypse, what you would do.

“Now that I think about it, I would find it weird that there’s two grown adults using a seesaw and eating ice cream– BUT CUTE” saying it with emphasis.

“Your right, it’s not something you see everyday” He shrugged and laughed and went back to lick his ice cream.

“Yeah, you don’t see muscle pig tatted good looking e-boy eating ice cream while using a seesaw, everyday” You teasingly said.

“What was that?” He said looking at you. You knew that he heard because his ears were starting to turn red but it didn’t stop his lips altering to a smile hearing the compliment. It was probably even boosting his ego hearing that the girl he likes called him good looking. He knew that and he always, mentally, thanked his parents and the Man above for mixing his genes well.

“Huh?” biting your lip, smiling and trying not to laugh “Oh nothing” shaking your head. You took out your phone to take a snapchat video of him holding onto the seesaw with his ice cream cone on the other hand.

He urged you to repeat it, not because of what you said, but because of how the blush crept up your face as you said it. He noticed how red your cheeks has gotten and how you adorable it is to see you this flustered.

“Say it” he whined, exaggerating the act knowing that he was being recorded. He bounced a little hard on the seesaw which caused you to jump a little. He smirked at your shocked look.

“Hmm, You wanna play that game huh?” Still taking a video, you playfully copied what he did to you which caused him to jump a little forward and the ice cream on his hand, now on the ground. His chin and mouth covered in with the dessert and his black shirt having evidence of the incident.  

“Awwww Jungkook, I’m sorry” You cooed and pouting at him. You couldn’t help but giggle at the sight in front of you as you walked towards him, zooming into his face. He had a fake pout and a slight smile. Putting your phone at the back of your pocket, you took the napkin from around your cone and started to wipe his chin.

“I’m so sowwyyy”

He stared at you mischievously. You glanced into his eyes and continued to wipe his chin. He pulled your wrist down and held the sides of your face and gave you a peck on the lips. You gasp at the sudden kiss but also the feeling of the sticky sugar treat around your mouth.

“It’s okay, now we’re even” He said laughing at you, with the little pout on your face.

You smile at the memory. It reminds you how lucky you got when meeting Jungkook because not only is he caring, smart and loving, he can also be a dickhead who doesn’t take people’s shit. The duality, right? But hey, with the exception of your brother, Yoongi. He kind of isn’t ashamed to admit to you that your brother is quite intimidating and, sometimes, scare him. You’re pretty sure your brother also enjoys seeing Jungkook shit his pants whenever he sees him. His career choice, of being a police officer just adds up to the thrill of it. Although, Jungkook could be a bit younger than you, it doesn’t stop Yoongi from being protective of you. But that’s only if he is judging based on façade. Besides, he’s known Jungkook for long enough to know that he’s a keeper.

The loud sound of a book falling by the computer area brought you back to reality. You sighed and took out your math handout and begin on working out the problems.

“Now back to this shit.” You muttered. You didn’t mind doing your assignments and homework but what really irked you is that your professor never collects it. It was just the usual. He gives out assignments, expects you to do them and then pop quiz at the end of the month.

Taking a break, you leaned back into the chair and took a sip of the ice coffee you brought. You looked around while stretching and cracked your joints. It sent you a wave of relief throughout your body after solving, for God knows how long, algebra equations. You checked your phone and realized you’ve been sitting down, doing your work for 47 mins.

You stared out the window enjoying the scenery of the field and the school’s garden. What caught your eye is a group walking to the parking lot, but in this group you saw someone who thought would be familiar. You tilted your head trying to identify this person. It made you move closer to the window and you sat there with your chin on your hand, squinting your eyes for better focus. It was as if you were burning holes into this person’s back. Ironically, It was like he felt the heat behind him and he turned around. He turned around to face who could be his friends. Seeing his face, it sent chills down your spine. Blinking and shaking your head, thinking that you could be hallucinating or day-dreaming. You looked up again and couldn’t make out who they were because their friends were blocking the one who you wanted to see. Your mind became blank once again and you looked at your ice coffee.

“I really shouldn’t be drinking you, you’re starting to make me see things” you thought.

You thought that it could be the coffee. It’s already your 4th cup for the day. Although, at this rate, you don’t know if your body is immune to it because you still feel sluggish as you did this morning. You hold your head with both hands, elbows on the table, feeling a slight headache. It’s like feeling all your brain cells dying because of the caffeine overdose. You decided to shake it off and continue doing your work.

You were startled when the chair in front of you and beside you was pulled open and there sat Jimin and Taehyung. Your hands placed on your chest, you swore you that you just let out a loud shriek causing people to look at your direction.

“What the fu– don’t just randomly do that you shitheads” You whisper-yelled. You try to recover from the sudden appearance of the playful couple.

“We saw you here, hope you don’t mind we come and join you on your little study sesh”

“Not at all” You said “Oh yeah, here,” You searched in your bag for the thick leather wallet and handed it to him “Good thing you came”

"Thought you would be in class?” You asked while he shoves his wallet at the back of his pocket

“Well we finished early, Mr. Xing said he’s gonna call off for the day”

“Yeah, Poor man, been coughing all day and couldn’t sound out a syllable”

“What’s up, ____. Looking like you were shitting bricks before we gave you reason to shit bricks. What is that?” He came closer to check the assignment I was doing and to his dismay, it was math.

“Oou, well, that explains, but you good?”

“Yeah, head hurts and was thinking ‘bout some things” you mumbled.

“Well, you gotta stop overthinking, it gives you wrinkles. ‘N you know what they say about wrinkles~ they’re a sign of old age~”

“Wow, Thanks Tae” You rolled your eyes, chuckling at the two. You stayed in the library with Jimin and Taehyung talking and doing assignments and projects.

Now, you are found in Jimin’s car, releasing stress by singing your souls out to 2000s R&B. You insisted that you walk but, of course, he didn’t take no for an answer.

You were born in Daegu but your family moved to Seoul when you and Yoongi were very young. A few years ago, you decided to move in with your brother and his wife. Despite being born in the area, you felt out of place until you met Jimin and Taehyung. They were your the first set of friends that you met when you moved to Daegu. It was an easy friendship because not only that they attended DAU, Daegu Arts University, you three have the same Art History class. You’re not gonna lie but you might have had the slightest crush on Jimin during first year of Uni–that was until you find out the two were together. Hey, it didn’t hurt though, the two were like soulmates.

Checking your phone, you saw time was only 4:27 PM. You sighed realizing that you’ll have the apartment to yourself until Jungkook comes home, from his shift at the tattoo parlour, later tonight.

He was already working there when you met him. He moved away from Busan to pursue his dream in music. He asked his parents if he could move to Daegu and attend DAU. Of course, it took a toll on his parents but they let him do what he wanted. The best thing they could do was support their son on his dream; He aced a job at a tattoo parlour and he has little shows at the bars downtown, all while he was studying. He realized that it gave him satisfaction and he, secretly, took a break from school–which now, it led to him being a full-time worker at the well-known tattoo parlour. He finds that it’s nothing different if he would have finished; seeing that he didn’t need to be a college graduate to get his job. Despite those circumstances, his creativity and love for Art and Music gets him paid; and that’s what matters to him and you–that he’s happy.

“Alright,” You shut the door and tapped on the trunk “thanks boys, see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, bye, _____. Sleep well tonight, You look too sleep deprived”

“I will, drive safe, text me when you’re home”

You walked up the stairs and reached your apartment. You entered the code of the door’s lock and the door makes sound, signaling you that the doors open. You entered, taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the coat rack. Walking towards the living room, you put your bag on the ground next to the counter which separates the living room and kitchen. Plopping down on the couch, you sighed in relief of the feeling being home and laying at the soft surface. You focused on listening to the humming of the air conditioner and then you felt your eyelids becoming heavy with every tick of the clock.  

You were awoken by the smell of food and it made you realize how hungry you were; smelling the food definitely made your stomach growl that you felt the strong vibrations. You sat up and looked around and adjusted your vision to the light. You turned around and saw Jungkook’s back. You stood up and quickly stretched and walked towards him. As you approached him, he turned around and noticed your sleepy figure about to engulf him, which was intended to be a back hug.

“Hi sleepy” He says. He placed the spoon and tupperware on the counter, hugged you back in return and left a kiss on your temple. You hummed and just hugged him tighter. Inhaling his scent of body soap and aftershave.

“Mina gave me some food when I went over there; She said you should try it and gave us a lot of it” You hummed in response.

“What is it?” Your voice husky from sleeping

“It’s a chicken stew. C’mon, get ready we’ll have dinner in a few, I’m already making rice”

“I wanna stay like this still” Your hold became tighter and he just rubbed your back. Your hunger was replaced by the feeling of ease and comfort in his embrace. You moved your face from his chest and faced him with your eyes closed and smiled at him.

“Don’t forget your little promise, baby.” He said while placing kisses all over your face. His hands sliding up and down your back and moved to grope your ass, giving it a little slap. Your eyes opened and fake disappointment washed over you.

“I really thought it was going to be a sweet moment, Jeon. You really had-” He cut you with a peck on the lips.“-to say that.” He chuckled.

“C’mon, Noona, I can be really sweet.” You rolled your eyes at him.

“Oh my god, you’re really fucking lucky I’m a sub or else, i would have-” You cut yourself off and you smirked at him.

“Hm, feisty now, isn’t she?” You remove yourself from him and grab a cup to drink a glass of water.

“I’m sorry, JK. I’m exhausted today. I promise, on date night, okay?”

“Something happened today? I saw how busted you look on the couch when I came home– didn’t wanna wake you until I finished heating up the food” Now it was his turn to hug you first. He sat on the stool and pulled you by your shirt and wrapped his arms around your waist. He stared at you with his doe eyes until you finished drinking and placing the glass on the counter.

“Just a club meeting but I didn’t sleep last night. I had to finish the powerpoint and afterwards, I went to the library to finish off somethin’. Jimin and Tae was with me though, no worries. They dropped me home too so.” You sighed and look at him.

“That was the meeting you were talking about right? How was it? How’d it go?” He asked

“Remember the man I told you about?” He hummed in response “Well, he seemed really impressed with my presentation and the art display we made and he spoke about visiting again,” You began playing with the long strands of his fluffy, wavy hair “He said that he’ll think about doing a workshop, all expenses paid, for learning art techniques and maybe even visiting the national museum”

“I’m proud of you, ____. I know you worked hard for that. You know, being the Co-President of the Art Club.” He gushes as he rubbed circle with his thumb on your waist.

“Oh my– stop, let me get changed” You tapped his chest and leaned forward to peck his nose. 

You walked out the kitchen and headed to the bedroom and stripped to your underwear. You grabbed a towel heading to the bathroom for a quick shower. You gargled with some mouthwash and change into some boy shorts and Jungkook’s oversized sweatshirt.  

---------

“____, the table’s ready!”

“Coming, coming!”

You skipped to the kitchen and sat on the high stool opposite of Jungkook’s. You both ate dinner and shoving the last chunk of carrot into your mouth, you stacked the dishes and placed them in the sink.

“Are you scheduled to play tonight?” You asked turned your head to him as you washed the utensils.

“Yeah, Hyung said to meet at the subway. I’ll probably head out at around 30 35 mins from now?” He said questioningly, turning to look at the wall clock. It was currently 7:50 PM.

“Yup, in 30 mins or so– oh and please don’t wait up for me again. Am not sure when I’m coming but I’ll come home before it hits 1, okay?” He informs you while he removes his top and heads to the bathroom.

A little story of Jungkook and Seokjin’s relationship, Seokjin is Jungkook’s good friend who helped him move to Daegu. Jungkook and Seokjin were pretty much like roommates before you came into the picture. Besides being roommates, the pair were performers at the local bar.

That’s also how you met Jungkook. You saw him and Seokjin performing a ballad when you were with your group of friends. Eunbi, your close friend and also Seokjin’s girlfriend, introduced you to them that same night. You thought he was very attractive–like duh, who wouldn’t? You both talked and got to know some things about each other and it led to both of you exchanging numbers, texting often, meeting up for coffee or lunch. Several months later, that’s when he decided to ask you to make it official. You would visit their apartment often; it can be whenever they practiced ballads and their self-composed songs or you guys decide to have a movie night with Seokjin and Eunbi. For others, it may sound like the relationship was rushed for deciding to live together 1 year and 3 months into the relationship. It didn’t feel wrong though–as cliche as it sounds. You felt that this new start was something just like you imagined it would be.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when Jungkook bent down to grab his bag that was next to you and to kiss your forehead.

“I’m heading out.” He slings the big black backpack on and walked towards the door. He stood by the front of the door struggling to put on his sneakers. “Sleep early my love” he sang stretching out each syllable. You giggled at the soft curse he did when he nearly stumbled over the slippers behind him.

“Take care,” You turned your head to look at him and to surprise you noticed his outfit.  “Oh my.. Please tell me you have a light shirt in your bag. You really gotta stop wearing all black. It’s too dark outside kook. Trust me, I’ll really buy you some twinkle toes” You said worriedly, remembering the incident that almost happened a few days ago. Stupid driver + Late night + Boyfriend in dark clothing + Walking = Not a good combination.

“Don’t worry, _____. Look, I got the shoes with the light reflectors. It’s not twinkle toes but it’s something” He smugly said with hands on his hips. You couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“Okay, love you, text me if anything. Go sleep early for real, it’s an order”

“Love you too” You said sending him a flying kiss, to which he pretended to catch and smack on his cheek before he closed the door.

You decided to get ready for bed. You turned off the lights in the living room, kitchen and the mini hallway. You walked in the bathroom to do your skin care and brush your teeth. You walked in the bedroom while using your phone, checking for updates on your social media. Peeling the covers open, you laid down and tucked yourself in. You set an early alarm for the next day and put your phone down. You stared at the wall, deep in thought. You were reminded of the familiar face you saw when you were at the library. Yes, it’s been almost roughly 5 years but sometimes you can’t help but remember the painful memories. It was still vivid to you. You rubbed your face with your hands.

“I can’t believe you would do something like that. Do you not trust me?”

“___, What the fuck are you talking about? I trust you! Why are yo-” You scoffed.

“What do you mean, what the fuck I’m talking about, you know damn well what the fuck I’m talking about.” You turned to face him.

“____.” He calmly looks at you and held your arm but you pulled away.

“Why the fuck would you send threats to my classmate? I told you we were just doing a project and it’s not like we were alone… I don’t even know him that well for you to accuse me of something”

“I didn’t even accuse you of anything, ___. Stop saying shit right now.” He rolled his eyes and turned away from you. You looked at him is disbelief.

“So texting someone like ‘hey, im ___’s boyfriend, and i need you to back tf away from her. I see the way you look at her’ blah blah blah and ‘if not, i know where you live and i swear ill torture tf outta you’ is not a threat? You’re already accusing me and someone else for doing something we didn’t do” He noticed your rage and turned around and walked towards you.

“___, It’s not like that, i prom-” You cut him off

“And you pulled a knife on him…” You say softly.

“W-what? H-how… What are you saying right now, ___. You sound stupid” There was a pregnant pause until you couldn’t hold back a hiccup. Your tears running down your face.

“I saw you. In the parking lot. After you dropped me off, I was gonna run after you when I saw that I left my bottle behind and there you were…” You looked up at him with glossy eyes

“There was my fucking boyfriend with a knife on my classma–” You jokingly said, with enthusiasm, as you turned around waving your arms towards your boyfriend as if you were talking to an audience. You nervously chuckled at the situation. You were in disbelief that you couldn’t even finish your sentence. You choked back the sob.  

That night was when you realized your boyfriend was fucking crazy. He was out of his mind. It was just like what those movies would talk about when the lead character has a girlfriend and she’s literally crazy; doing anything to get his attention. Except it was the opposite, it was him and definitely not you. What scares you the most is that, it happened, not twice, but more than 5 times. It’s not like how the movie depicts it to be anymore. It’s reality and much more scarier than that. He doesn’t know but you know he’s the one who stares at you from across the room of where you sat. You know, that he’s the reason why some people don’t talk to you the way they used to. It was all because of him your life started to feel like a living hell.

You shook the memories away. You checked your phone. 9:39 PM.

“That’s the past” You muttered to yourself.

“That’s way in the past, ___. You’re here now, Almost 5 years. You’re just hallucinating this again” You sighed. You reached to the nightstand and drank some water. You opened the voice recording app on your phone and clicked on the file that Jungkook made.

He knows about your story. He knows about everything. He knows why you moved and why you decided to change your life; and you loved how supportive he was of it. You can’t stress enough how thankful you are to be with someone like Jungkook.

File: a_lullaby_for_my_someone.mp3

“Hi, _____” His clear voice filling the quiet room “,I know you aren’t sleeping right now–and that explains why you turned to this recording, Ha. Anyways, That’s why I made this very special lullaby for you. Here’s my rendition to our song…”

And that’s when he started strumming the guitar.

Put your head on my shoulder

Hold me in your arms, baby

You placed your phone on his side of the bed and hugged a pillow. Finally adjusting your sleeping position, you closed your eyes and your previous thoughts were pushed aside as you focus on your boyfriend’s singing

Squeeze me oh so tight

Show me that you love me too

Your breathing becoming slower and free from panic

Put your lips next to mine, dear

Won’t you kiss me once, baby

Just a kiss goodnight, maybe

You and I will fall in love

[likeoohahhs-archive]

..where am i

[opiyumm]

i kp saying ths but idk wht 2 do lol. atm i rly dnt, im jst stting here in my own bld staring @ 40 red lines tlking 2 me & me n debating w myslf if i shuld stp now or save sum 4 l8er. i rly wna kp goin but im goin 2 my friends house 2moro n i dnt wnt my normal slf 2 trip out lol. i want 60 lol. its nt lke any1 importnt is gna c it. im so tired but i kno if i put my head dwn ill jst lie awake tired n sad n wishing i culd go 4 60. all i trust myslf 2 do rn is jst sit here n stare @ what ive done 2 myslf

[quackspot]

you should maybe write how you feel and maybe some people can try to help you identify if it is what your feeling? you don’t have to but it might help

ohhh yeahh i  dont realy feel it any more also thnks for listnign to me ramble its like 11:35 pm and i usally sleep around like this time i guess KLJSFKLFSJKDLIOKLFSIJDKLAJOHFIJKLSMDAJIDSF normally 10-11:30 ish 

also i talk abt m boobs for like 1 sentence m sorry about it but i dont feel like deleting it and its only a little irrelevant so like .    if ur way older than 15/younger or dont wanna see that thn its at the end of the 2nd paragraph

also in th last big block of text i mention like depression / suicidal feelings or w/e so like  if u dont wanna see that dskjflgjdskl 

ALSO ANOTHER NOTE thts completely unrelated but i shuld mention if i make a short text post or a text post like this i’ll normally tag my stuff like //*tw* with whatever is usually tagged but there like if i answered an ask with “*tw cookie* said gay rights indeed” i’d probly post it in the cookie tag but if it was like uhh i dunno there’s certain situations but yeah i’m gonna tag this as //depression and //suicidal thoughts n stuff heck yeah 

SOOOO uhhhhh im going to use kiley as an example i hope its k with her but i thinkit was just the thrill of puppy love or whatever because it only lasted like .  1 month but whenevr we called each other m’love or some other sweet thing i was like o///o fkdsjhgyuajkfeaslkjklejfklkslfekajlfksjld i really liked calling her m’love but !!!! i seriously crave physical contact and thts why i broke up with her, twice, which is rude of me ,   especially when i wrote a whole ass essay just to try to help her understand it was written at 1 am with proper grammar and i think it took like 30 minutes to write .  i basically wrote 2 essays just to break up with her? dead ass like th first one was only 2 paragraphs n the 2nd one was, longer, of course, 1 am writing compared to 3 am n stuff jkldfshuijkasfdikgdasjkl 

truly she did make me feel nice!!!! i really liked to say goodnight to her n stuff and im sorry but i dont quite remember anything besides the feelings i sometimes got which was like kind of right now where my chest is a little hurt but im happy actually my chest may be hurting right now because bras r dumb or w/e i should wear some with cups someday, whatever, therye not what im used to, cupless bras for rr   ever ! at least until i  remove my tiddys some day because im certain they’ll be too big for my comfort someday and im talking about myself rather than my feelings huh

ANYWYAS THE FEELING UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cant quite describe it it’s rather hard to recall it since i haven’t felt it in like, a month .  i usually felt it when hanging out with kiley like on minecraft or smoething it was mostly extreme happiness and it was fun to be around her most of th time 

anyways my throat kinda feels fjunky my right eye hurts n my left nostril’s the only one i can breathe through good night im taking an allergy pill tomorrow when no body awake because that could be the case or it could not, who knows, whatever, its in my genes just like de pression o-o.   and adhd i think? yea my mommy has adhd but i dont think i do . i’m pretty sure i only have like a light form of depression and a light form of social anxiety i feel more nervous about social situations than i lay in bed thinking “i should do something” but feeling nothing and not doing anything whatsoever that only happened on like april fool’s day of last year and probably a few times where i had to mow man outdoor chores sure do put me in a rather bad mental state . aka mowing / shoveling snow off the drive way i should probably tell someone that like i feel like dying whenever i have to shovel snow and it’s utter torture to mow i certainly am going to live in an apartment or something of the sort to avoid this horrid nightmare fuel of a chore. \

wait i was supposed ot be going to sleep also my brohters in hte bathroom so like ://///// / / // / / /  

OH O HO HOH OH OHO ALSO!!! i like a song a lot its called girls and u probably know what it is and/or heard it maybe? i dunno but its pretty good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGIMjoN2MGQ