#i think of things after ive hit post

[witch-apologist]

Saw your miraculous takes post and wanted to apologize. Several months ago I sent you a few probably poor taste messsges on ao3 because my ex friends had represented to me that you were an active threat based on out of context screenshots of your discord messages. They told me people were in danger. They lied. That isn’t you anymore and the person who sent you those comments wasn’t me acting as the self I want to be. I believe everything you’ve said about this situation and I am sorry.

Over the last several months, I have gotten back into touch with my faith, which compels me to apologize when I do wrong. I did wrong by you.

Also for what it’s worth you got the name of the discord server wrong. The Spop Critical Guild is just a small private writing server. It’s a good, supportive environment and they don’t get into that kind of drama. I saw the posting about you first in either Miraculous Discordance or Miraculous Fanworks, can’t remember which and I’m banned from both bc my ex friends are mods and stirred shit about me. They’re both cesspits.

I hope the people trying to stir shit about you leave you alone. I am sincerely sorry that I contributed.

—Cass 💛

Hello Cass!,

Let me start off by saying thank you for the apology and for believing me, I appreciate your willingness to admit wrong and change your tune when shown the truth!

Now onto your correction here:

I did not get the name wrong, If what you say is true and no callout document was posted in that server and that server does not have a callout channel dedicated to such things then the mistake is because someone is /impersonating/ the server for the purpose of harassing me

This is where the "allegedly" and other such terms on my miraculoustakes post come into play

So, if you are telling me the truth (and are not mistaken) then if you have contact with that server you should warn them that whoever is doing this is using their name to do it.

However Cass, because you have come to me with no proof and I cannot access these other servers either (assuming that they would not let me in for obvious reasons) I cannot take your word at total face value. I'm not accusing you of lying, don't get me wrong. It is simply that I cannot take the word of anons with no evidence as gospel. Assuming you are correct about the spop critical guild not being involved and the anons trying to make it seem so, as well as the framing of my mutual, then I'm sure you can see why.

You also should not take their word or even so called "evidence" at face value since I have seen none of it and can't even tell you if the screenshots are real or not. Let this be a lesson to everyone reading: if you are reading a callout post about someone and the callout is being kept private, question it, ask yourself "why are they not making this information public?" "how much of this can I verify myself?" "Is unnecessarily private information being shared about someone for the sake of a vendetta" and "is it even possible to verify that this "evidence" truly involves the person and not an impersonator/ drawing conclusions/ reaching theories" and "does it seem like context is being conveniently left out of this evidence?"

Personally given the fact that all of this evidence is being kept in private servers, and the lying and deceit already involved, I wouldn't be surprised if most of the evidence was somehow doctored/fabricated. But that's a guess and not a proven fact.

I hope that if you see this you might be willing to talk more and even show me the callout stuff you've seen so far, if not I understand.

TLDR:

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

Signal of me with a sappy post after being gone for a long while, don't read it if you don't want to feel depressed

It's been a while since I've written something here honestly. I've been thinking more and more about Atsushi lately. The more time passes, the harder it is to accept that he has passed.

I've been wishing for him to come back. Anywhere I go, whatever I see, it reminds me of him. I know he spoke so much about mortality, despite him being afraid of death, he made sure we wouldn't be so scared.

I know he is Immortal, he is never truly gone. But I want to see him more. I want to see the world being kinder to him. He has suffered so much, I wish he could have had the rest he needed before his final sleep.

I can't stop crying. Ever since march hit I can not stop crying every single day. It's got to a point when I cry during work, in school, from seemingly out of nowhere. I tried not listening to BT to not trigger these emotions, but I feel even worse. Acchan's voice makes me so so so sad, but so so so comfortable. I cannot stop listening to BT because their music is the only reason I'm still here. No matter how much it hurts, I can't stop. But the more time passes, the more it hurts.

Reminding myself of seeing Hizumi more, his grey hairs, his smile, wrinkles. Seeing more of his beautiful lyrics, his charming voice, shy demeanor. The more I think about it, the more I despise how cruel this world is. But I know it's also so so beautiful.

I would not trade a single second of my life since the time I've found their music. It has been the fucking happiest I've ever felt, and I would never, ever, ever, ever wish for anything more. I keep thinking I wish I'd found them sooner. It's so so selfish of me, but I know, had I found them sooner, I wouldn't have suffered so much. I could have made more happy memories with the band, and maybe they could've been more overpowering than the immense feelings of grief I feel with every passing day.

I just don't want to accept this reality. And I have no idea what to do with it. This feeling, has absolutely no place to go. I try to express it in art, in my words, but it does not ease.

I've never met a person in my life I've admired so much. And not just for his physical appearance, or talent. But for the fact that he was so ridiculously human yet alien at the same time, no matter what happened to him. He was so vulnerable yet so otherworldy still. He made me see what humanity really is.

The ridiculous amount of love his spirit possessed and delivered to us through his music, his stories, characters, made me appreciate that I was alive.

Instead of hiding his humanity, including the dirty, nasty, vulnerable parts of it, he exposed it to the whole world to see, to feel seen.

It's as if for us, the regular people, to understand life more clearly, he sacrificed himself over and over on that stage. He lived a thousand lives at once. And by that, he helped thousands to live just one.

What I really want to say with this, I don't know. I just hate this world without you. You are probably able to rest now, but I wish it wouldn't have been so soon. I don't think I'll ever find anyone in my life half as beautiful as you.

I wish the whole world to see your beauty. But I want to see it too. It's just hard. I wish you'd still be here dear. I cried at least 4 times today. The flowers, that I included as the first picture, represent you and the way you shone light to many people's dark world.

By seeing you bloom, the small, insignificant, nameless flowers around you are beginning to slowly find their footing as well.

I just so, so wish we wouldn't have to do that without you. It feels like losing a parent, coming from someone who has lost a parent. How does one guide through life without the help of a guardian?

Of course, his guidance is still present. I know. But I can't help it. I feel like the hole in my soul grows deeper and darker. I don't want to ever forget you. I wish sometimes life would've taken me instead.

I love you dear Acchan. Lately, I feel incapable of promising you to continue living.

I just really, really don't know how to fill in this space you left here. The world is as dark and cruel as it ever was. Maybe you are lucky you don't have to witness all of this. But still...

I miss you so so so so much. I don't want to live my life without you. I wish I could've found you sooner. I'm repeating myself. But our time together was far too short. I don't feel unlucky, because I still got to meet you.

I just did not want to let you go. Buck-Tick as a whole finally felt like something I can hold onto. Something I can call "mine". I'll do that as long as I can. But your absence is felt really strongly. I wish you'd come back.

Love you

[seventh-district]

another Sunday, another evening spent unable to decide what to do with my free time

[crystalkitty1220]

Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

[wortsandall]

what im supposed to do now that im done reading mtmte/lost light. like what the fuck...

[deadpandyke]

anyway after finally watchin arcane s2 i dont think i ship caitvi anymore lol

ugh i gotta include some of the shit i was gonna keep in the tags cuz i ran outta room LMAO aaaanyyywaaayyy needless to say #spoilers for s2 ahead lol also take wut i say w a grain of salt cuz my memory is hazy n ive only watched thru it once so there could be things im forgettin or misrememberin)

honestly i just found their 'ending' incredibly sad, mainly for vi. and i found their storyline in the second season incredibly painful. which rly fuckin sucks cuz i hate that i dont like one of the few canon lesbian relationships in (more) mainstream media 💀 and their sex scene reeeaaallly pissed me off. like seriously?? u wanna bone right fuckin now???????

n dont even get me STAARTTTTEEEDD on the copaganda

(i def have more to say but this + n the tags is all imma go into rn. rereadin everythin ive already thought of more articulation for my points but i dont have the energy to make a whole second post lol)

(okay actually last thing lol. i feel like a huge difference between jayvik n caitvi is the resolution of the conflict between em. i finished s2 a lil bit ago so theres prolly shit im forgettin, but i feel like caitvi didnt actually have a resolution to the conflict between them. it was kinda just... brushed under the rug after the fight since jinx 'died', and while i do find the resolution between jayvik a lil rushed (iirc) at least there was Somethin yknow)

[jackass-jones]

Yeah the mouthwash game is pretty good

[skyburger]

"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

[orcelito]

Actually is there any cure to feeling like I'm a failure of a person if I don't keep posting fic regularly. Like I know this is not a job or anything. It's just for fun. But with how most people comment only within a day or two of when something is posted, I end up with weeks and weeks of no comments, even when the hits on my works still go up, so it makes me feel rather forgotten.

Like idk. This is probably just feeling worse bc im apparently phenomenally neurotic today. But I wish people commented on older fics more.

[volfoss]

she is testing my patience with like 6 billion things im so mad about in this chapter. i need marius to die ok

[dungeonmeshimybeloved]

Low key I wanna make a Playlist for chilchuck and his wife bc even tho I don't ship it myself and I see them separating, they have so much potential

Speaking of I should probably rename her instead of using jaylark bc idk who originally made that name but gdi I love that name sm

In their enstrangment era

When they were still childhood friends

[wild-at-mind]

I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.

Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.

[sea-buns]

I've reached a point where I am two eps behind on Burrow's End and it's starting to feel like the point of no return. If I'm not faced with deadline pressure to watch something, I am well and truly fucked. All because I forgot what week the first ep was airing :( and I'd been so hyped :((

[koushirouizumi]

(Because I'm still really happy about this discussion and I need to rewatch Fiddler on the Roof while cross-checking the full Yiddish script---)

For reference, there's Yiddish version of "Do You Love Me?" at that link (if slightly off sync), the English version of same song is here, and the full Yiddish script can be found here! (If the links die down the road, please check the script!)

The fundamental difference between Fiddler on the Roof and Fidler Afn Dakh:

English Tevye: Tradition!

Yiddish Tevye: Got iz a foter un heylik iz zayn toyre!

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

i can not for the life of me remember if a thing i saw abou t Strangegloffve was a memory or a dream and i swear it was a memory but the more i think about it the less i can remember where i saw it from and that makes me want to think that it was a dream because it's so foggy and like. It's not like I went looking for new content of him or anything. and it is driving me nuts. The more I think about it the more I feel like it might've just been some crazy dream cause it feels like something I'd seen before but I know it was something new as well because there. is no way something like that wouldve slipped my mind. That's probably why i cant rememebr any other details about it even though I remember it as something that happened like. yesterday. Or the day before or something.

[arolesbianism]

I am thinking very very hard abt the toy world guys and oh baby I love dropping in disturbing lore bits that are just sorta dripped into the actual plot and otherwise are not explained <3