#i tried and i think thats what matters. thumbs up emoji

[fynori]

mithrun,,..,,..,,. passes out

[pepper-rex]

about to do the worst presentation of my life wish me luck

[yarrayora]

end of the year book stuff tagged by @carriagelamp

How many books did you read this year?

does comic books count? if yes then i didn't count, if no then i'm pretty sure just two (but comics should absolutely count btw)

Did you reread anything? What?

i always reread servamp all the time so i can write Essays. also i reread katekyo hitman reborn for nostalgia and crossover reasons. TECHNICALLY i reread dante's inferno even though i never finished it because i'm not used to classic so i have to repeat the paragraphs before Getting it

What were your top five books of the year?

GIDEON THE NINTH!!! also Superman Smashes the Klan. the rest of the top 5 is servamp, unfortunately

Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

if i have never read tamsyn muir's homestuck fic before then it would have been her, but because i have that means she's an old fave-- oH i guess ryohgo narita counts? i knew he wrote durarara but i never truly managed to appreciate his writing until i read dead mount deathplay

What genre did you read the most of?

fantasy, duh

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

too like a lightning by ada palmer. i keep forgetting i already have an e-book of it

What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

i dont use goodreads thumbs up emoji

Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

yeah, finally reading original novels again. im trying to beat my ADHD so i can devour books the way i did during childhood

Did you get into any new genres?

new genre huh uhhhh... no. i know what i like

What was your favorite new release of the year?

i don't follow new release i just browse the bookstores and hope something speaks to me

What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

gideon the ninth

Any books that disappointed you?

i dropped a lot of books and nothing this year has disappointed me enough for me to remember their titles

What were your least favorite books of the year?

bungou stray dogs look the light novels are still REALLY well written. i also appreciate how beautiful the translation can be. but the canon storyline fucking sucks. it betrays its theme when it comes to handling abusers by making this little girl who gets physically abused by her dad as a form of discipline to look up to him as a hero because dad's a cop

What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

i don't care about something like that

Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

i don't follow book awards either

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

i tried reading blue lock and it's the worst sports manga i have ever read. i can't get over how stupid the premise is. soccer is a team sport you idiot (note that this book didnt disappoint me because i never had any expectations for it in the first place)

Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

oh yeah JK Haru is a Sex Worker in Another World. I went into it expecting a cheap smutty story but turns out it's a pretty feminist narrative about sex workers and how no matter talented a woman is as long as the environment around her is aggressively and violently patriarchal those talents that would make men a hero would make women accused as demons-- but that's okay because you don't need the power to slay an entire army to change the world. sometimes, eating at a cafe in a world where women arent allowed to go outside without a chaperone is more revolutionary than magic that can burn a horde of monsters into cinders

How many books did you buy?

more than five

Did you use your library?

there is no usable library around me

What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

i dont follow new release remember

Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

oh yeh i watch them from the sideline with popcorn and all, thats crazy

What’s the longest book you read?

dante's inferno

What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

back when i was a kid i read three pjo books in one day. i don't do that anymore

Did you DNF anything? Why?

i read reeeeeeally slow now so it's less not finishing and more like taking long breaks inbetween

What reading goals do you have for next year?

finish gideon the ninth so i can read the next one

[kasey-writes-stuff]

Got a request for a ler!mcyt of my choice and lee!reader sooooo here it is!

Sam

You and Sam were on a discord call with a few of the guys, it was yours and Sam’s first time meeting in real life! You had been hanging out for a good few hours now and things were great! Well... besides the fact your love language is touch and you don’t know Sam’s love language or how he feels about physical touch in general so you had hardly touched at all apart from the initial hug you briefly shared at the airport... it was very short though you being the first to break it off despite desperately not wanting to, you didn’t know how long of a hug he’d be comfy with and didn’t wanna overstep his boundaries...

“So y/n how was the flight?” Dream asked, you shrugged “Eh not too bad I got the aisle seat and two passengers next to me were teenagers who just sat on their phones most of the plane ride, turbulence wasn’t too bad either” Dream nodded “Thats good then” Ponk asks “So what have you and my Sammy poo been up to?” He giggles softly as Sam rolls his eyes fondly before saying “Not much really just helped them get unpacked and we’ve been chillin watching tv” Sap raised his eyebrows “Oh watching tv hm? Say they been cuddling you yet or asking for tickles?” Your face immediately turns bright red as you exclaim “SAPNAP SHUT UP!” Sam tilts his head confused “uh no they haven’t, I mean I got them to sit on the same couch as me but they haven’t really shown any want of physical touch so I’ve been respecting of that, why do you ask such specific questions sap?” Sap softly smiles “sorry y/n I just figured you would’ve told him or he would’ve found out by now” You sigh softly at him in a light hearted manner not upset at him just throughly embarrassed “it’s fine sap don’t apologize... and no I haven’t and he hasn’t... you know me I always put everyone else’s comfort and needs above my own so I didn’t wanna push things so quickly...”

Sam turns and looks at you softly “Y/N I love that you’re always thinking of others but please think of yourself for once and explain what sapnap is on about” Your eyes soften as you look into his “Well it’s just... my main love language is physical touch and usually whenever I’m with Sap, George and Dream I hug them and cuddle them a lot especially when watching tv and movies but really just any chance I get to be connected to them even just our pinkies being connected I take it because it makes me feel really calm and happy but with this being our first time meeting I don’t know your love language or just feelings on physical touch in general and I was too embarrassed to ask because I didn’t wanna push any boundaries...”

Sam had turned into the pouty face emoji, he lightly and carefully cupped your cheek “Y/N thank you for being worried about my boundaries honey but if you wanted cuddles you should’ve just asked, I would give them to you in a heart beat!” Your eyes slowly look towards his “Really you’re not just saying that are you? Because I really don’t want you to just be feeling like-“ Sam gently puts a finger over your mouth to shush you giggling a bit as he says “honey honey honey ppplllhehehahassehehe calm down, I’m not just saying it to say it I’m more than okay with physical touch I don’t know much about love languages but I would guess it’s probably mine too so don’t worry okay?” His thumb gently caressed your cheek as you smiled softly at him “Okay I’ll try to calm down and think of myself more” Sam smiled softly “you can do it I know you can”

George suddenly pipes up smirking softly as he says “So are we just gonna ignore the last bit that sapnap asked about or what?” Your face flushes a light red at his words and smirk as you quickly try and act oblivious out of flusterdness “Uh what last bit all he mentioned was cuddling right? I mean I don’t know what you all heard but I only heard about the cuddling right?” They all rolled their eyes and a few of them giggled softly, sap spoke up “Actually George is right I did mention something else, I asked if you had for tickles yet” he smirked clearly satisfied with how your blush was already turning an even more noticeable red

Sam raised an eyebrow curiously “uh no they haven’t asked for any tickles? Why do they like them?” Dream grins “Oh no no no they don’t just like them really they love them! Like I’m talking all tickles, rough, soft,playful, anything and almost anywhere!” George nods “Yea the only off limit spots are their feet and knees because they just don’t feel comfortable with their feet being touched and their knees aren’t ticklish neither is their neck” sap nods “Yea they just feel pain whenever someone tries to tickle their knees so we always stay away from there” Ponk who had been silent most of the time just taking in the info his own self possibly for future reference..... audibly awed about how precious this whole thing was “Y/N you are literally the most precious person I think I’ve ever had the absolute pleasure of meeting, we have to meet up in person sometime so I can give you the biggest hug possible!”

You pout slightly at ponks overwhelming kindness and adorableness “Aweee ponksss we’ll meet up soon I’ll be sure of it!” He clapped and smiled excitedly making you smile more, Sam suddenly spoke up “excuse me you’re not meeting my ponky before me!” You scoffed lightly “just watch me!” He snickered softly as he reached out and poked your side “No! You’ll be watching me meet him first!” You jumped and yelped slightly from the poke “ah! Nooo Sam it’ll be you watching me meet him first! And I’m gonna give him the biggest hug ever possible and you’re gonna be so jealous!” Sam smirked very softly at your reaction as he reached out giving you multiple alternating pokes on both your sides “no I’m gonna give ponky the biggest hug ever in the whole world and you’re gonna be jealous!” You squeaked softly at each poke and you heard ponk begin to speak giggling slightly

“Guys guys guys haha just come meet me at the same time okay? We can all have one big group hug! The biggest group hug ever possible!” Sam slowly stopped the pokes and you both looked at each other and nodded before both saying okay! And so you and the guys chatted for a little longer Sam every so often giving you little side pokes and Sam trying to ask the guys for more information on you but the guys refusing and saying he has to figure everything out for himself, before you guys ended call and went to go lounge around in the living room... Sam lays on the couch and opens his arms, you shyly smile lightly blushing a rose color as you lay besides him, his arms wrap slowly and loosely around you his head on top of yours as his hands rest on your stomach, you feel butterflies welling in your stomach just at the simple placement of his hands.... He sighs contently as do you, you let out a small squeak feeling his hands begin to gently rub your stomach “ee! Shaahmm...”

He smiles softly “Yes honey? Something the matter?” You grumble softly cursing him being so teasy already, he doesn’t hear or if he does just ignores it and continues on as you being to wiggle softly... he switches to gently scratching around your stomach in circles causing for you to break into light giggles “ssshahahmmmm” He giggles softly “yes honey what’s wrong why are you so giggly? Wait does this tickle? Awe are you ticklish honey bear? How adorable!” He speeds up slightly making your giggles raise and the teasing makes your blush brighter

“sshahahHAHAHAHhahhammmmm ddoohhoonnntttt sshhaHAHAHyyyy tttHAHAHhahahttt!” He pouts playfully “Don’t say what honey bear? Tickle? Ticklish? Awe do those words fluster you? Do they maybe make the tickles tickle even more?” “SAHHAHAHAMMM!” “I’ll take that as a yes!” He giggles softly as he begins squeezing your sides, making for you to jump and wiggle around your body attempting to instinctively dislodge his hands as your giggles raise becoming much louder “HAHAHAAHAHAHA SSSHAHAHAHMMM IHIHIHITTT TTTHIHIHAHAHAH!” “Awe can’t even say the word can you? That’s okay honey bear I can say it for you! Tickletickletickletickletickletickletickletickletickle!” Your hands fly up to your face to muffle your loud giggles and to cover your maddeningly red face “AAHH SSSHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAMMMMM!” He chuckled softly continuing the squeezes for a few more minutes for slowing down to give you a break “You okay sweetheart?” You nod your head softly giggling residually “ihihihimmm ggohhooodd”

he smiled softly as he gently pet your head “do you want more or have you had enough?” Your face flushes in embarrassment as you say “more please if you don’t mind...” he grins softly as he says “of course I don’t mind! How about I gooooo here!” He experimentally squeezes your hips and he jumps slightly as you scream and then giggle “AAAHH hahaha!” “Oh death spot sweetheart?” You nod shyly “Ihihi yew hahah” He smiles more as he says “can I?” You nod and so he begins squeezing away and you lose it screaming before falling into cackles which only seem to increase as he begins circling the divots of your hips with his thumbs “AAHAHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!” “Wow this must tickle like crazy for you to laugh like that sweetheart!” You nod wordlessly laughing hysterically before squealing as he switches to massaging, he continues wordlessly for a few moments before he slows down to simply tapping along your hips and sides leaving you to giggle residually as your squirm slightly from the tapping “hehehahhahahehahah wwwohohohohowww hhbehehahaha” “You gonna be okay sweetheart?”

You nod softly “yyeheheahhaha” He smiles lightly as he gently rubs your back “that’s good, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself because I’ll be honest sweetheart I enjoyed myself too” You looked up at him softly “Really?” He nodded “of course I wouldn’t just say that if I didn’t mean it!” You turn towards him and hug him tightly hiding your head in his chest, he hugs you back just as tightly... you raise your head “hey sammy?” He looks down at you “yea honey?” You smirk slightly “Are you.... ya know?” He blushes softly “I-uh I... no?” You snicker “hmm I’m not sure I believe you” you gently wiggle your fingers on his sides and he bursts into giggles

And so now it was Sam’s turn to be a cuddly tickly mess!

[z0mbi3b0ng]

i want to know more about chris and lewis like details about their relationship aahh is that vague... im not sure what to ask i dont know much about them yet thats WHY i wanna know shit 🤔

HEHE uh well here’s a master post which kind of explains a little about how they met and how they started their friendship, all of that good beginning stuff. i’m not sure if you’ve read it but here’s a link

BUT! i can tell u a few major details about their relationship and if u have any more questions just feel free to ASK!! i will happily answer (: 

so in case this has not yet been figured out, chris is the top and lewis is the bottom.... THATS JUST THE NUMBER ONE and it had to be said. 

in the beginning of their romantic relationship, after lewis sucks him off without knowing in mouths edge, chris will Not stop coming to see him. he visits him every day after that, checking up on him, asking him if he’s alright, if he’s hungry, because mind you AT THE TIME lewis is homeless and he just stays in motels whenever he gets the chance. lewis gets mistreated and used by grown-ass men all the time with his job and chris tries to lighten up the situation by joking with him and attempting to make him feel better, inviting him over to his house so he can sleep in an actual bed. and finally, after like six attempts lewis agrees! because hell yeah he wants a nice bed to sleep in. it’s kind of hard to explain how lewis feels about chris while they separate after middle school and everything that happens to lewis happens. he kind of loathes him in a way, because lewis thought so highly of him back when they were kids. chris was a prime picture of what lewis wanted to be as a boy, free and willful, and seeing him drugged out of his mind and high all the time with bruises everywhere looking like complete shite makes lewis angry. it makes him feel like chris is throwing his life away and that he’s taking what he has for advantage. in a way he’s right. but chris has bad coping mechanisms and he can’t help that he is the way that he is. after his parents' divorce shit just kind of got bad. he was alone with yafir, his father, more and it was hard not seeing his mom- who is his rock and is his Home- and being stuck with his abusive homophobic father. they’d get in arguments and fights all the time, and chris would always lay in his bed and write in his journal ranting about wanting to die and how he just wants to see that blonde-headed kid again, how he wants to see lewis and to feel his eyes on him and to feel that warmth that he’d feel electrify his entire body back in middle school, he wants and misses the first boy he ever fell in love with. so when they see each other again for the first time in mouths edge and chris is blasted out of his mind after just having gotten in a physical fight with his father, lewis can’t even tell that it’s chris. it’d been so long anyway, about seven to eight years, and when he sees the dude walking toward him ready to pay for services he obliges because it’s his job. but midway through the service, chris notices. he notices it’s lewis and damn if he’s not gonna say his name and attempt to see if lewis knows who he is. lewis refuses and tells chris not to call him that, because nobody calls him that and nobody has for a while. lewis went by Lory in mouths edge. but hearing chris say that was an instant give away. OF COURSE lewis knew who the hell chris was, and he was sucking his dick in the middle of a dark alley against a brick wall????? it was all so fucking panic-inducing and lewis quickly finished chris off before getting up and walking away because that was all he owed him. but OF COURSE, chris doesn’t give up that easily, and he bugs him, asks him all these questions. “Why are you here? prostituting? what happened?” and “Are you okay? do you have a place to stay? are you hungry?” and this begins chris’s everyday visits and thus begins how they start hanging out more and more and slowly start to rekindle their relationship as it blooms a little rosebud in the middle of both their hearts (: 

lewis stays at chris’s house and chris gives him the bed at first, making himself sleep on the floor. it’s all innocent and chris wants to make sure lewis is the most comfortable. especially at this time because lewis is fragile. but soon lewis invites chris up to the bed and they’ll lay beside each other like pin-straight needles, arms at their sides and legs together, eyes up at the ceiling. 

when they share their very first kiss, it’s weird. chris goes in first of course, eager and lips puckering, waiting, his chest buzzing and his hands slightly shaking because this ought to be the best fucking moment of his life, but when he goes to connect to lewis’s lips, it’s cold. his lips are cold and soft, not eager, not excited....not kissing back. and this upsets and confuses chris and he asks lewis why, but lewis can’t respond because he doesn’t know why, he doesn’t know how to tell chris why. “I liked it,” would be all he said and chris would stare at him with his big eyes and scrunch his brows because it was obvious that lewis didn’t. and he was confused. see, lewis’s thing is that all his entire life he’s been used and has been ‘programmed’ in a way that he believes he’s meant to be used and that it’s his job to give pleasures to others, that he’s expected to just sit there and let others do onto him whatever their hearts desire so he accepts it, whether he likes it or not. but he can’t explain all of that to chris just because of a kiss, and HELL lewis doesn’t even understand it himself he just IS that way. chris doesn’t EVER push him though, and he doesn’t make him do things, he’s very patient and kind with him. he’s not stupid and can sense that there’s something wrong that will take time to make itself right and not even wholly so. so he waits. and waits and waits. 

their first actual kiss takes place a good couple of months after that. there’s a moment shared between them that chris could have easily leaned in to kiss lewis during, but he doesn’t and it leaves lewis grasping for it for the rest of the day. he goes to work and can’t stop thinking about it. MIND YOU ALL THIS TIME IN BETWEEN THOSE MONTHS have been so tension-filled with small moments here and there, but this one moment was it, this was when chris was gonna kiss him. and then he DOESNT??? lewis is left PRETTY flabbergasted. but hes working at the junkyard with cody and he’s thinking about it, how close they were and how chris smelt like honey and lavender, how his lips looked soft and warm and how their shoulders were brushing the closer that they got. he thought about how his lips would taste and how they had both just eaten one of chris’s favorite snacks, those little Debbie cinnamon rolls, and he wondered if they’d taste like that. meanwhile, chris was fucking shitting himself. his face was entirely hot and in his head he was screaming “GO! DO IT! KISS HIM!” but then it was all “NO DONT DO IT! WAIT! DOES HE WANT TO?” and then again with the “HOLY SHIT WE’RE FUCKING CLOSE I CAN SMELL HIM HE SMELLS LIKE SWEET TAFFY THATS BEEN BATHING IN SUNLIGHT AND HIS LIPS LOOK LIKE FRESHLY BLOOMED SUMMER PEACHES THAT CAN JUST BE SUCKED RIGHT UP, SUPPLE AND GONE.” but of course chris DOESNT kiss him because hes an idiot and he insists he drives lewis to work because he’ll be late if they dont leave then!! and so he does. and lewis goes to work. and then chris sits back home in his room on his bed and kicks himself in the ass because YEAH HE SHOULDVE FUCKING KISSED HIM! and so GET THIS, he grabs his skateboard and BOARDS all the way to the junkyard where lewis is and he sees him as he skates up, hauling some sort of metal, and he kicks his board up and catches it with his hand and he walks over to him, and lewis looks at him slightly surprised and smiles and chris is close within seconds, and lewis whispers a soft “Hi,” and chris instantly hits him with the “can I kiss you?” and LEWIS NODS AND THEN THEY FUCKING KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS!!! can you believe it they fucking kiss and it’s everything both of them could have ever wanted. it’s WARM and SOFT and it’s invigorating and ELECTRIFYING and it lasts a good TEN SECONDS before they pull away and smile all goofy at each other (: HEHEHEHEEHEH god i love that first real kiss man i could talk about it all day. 

uhhhh anyway enough detailed backstory. here are some minor details abt their relationship together: 

-chris is very into PDA and always has his hands on lewis, whether its on his lower back with his thumb brushing his skin softly or straight up on his thigh. and when their chillin in bens man cave with everyone, lewis will sit in chris’s lap on a beanbag together (: 

-CHRIS is very INSECURE and will easily get upset when someone that he feels in any way is better than him gets all up on lewis.... he’s very sensitive. when mikael hugs lewis for a little too long or when ben kisses lewis’s cheek in an obvious brotherly way, chris can’t help but to get slightly jealous because he’s an insecure piece of poop ): 

-lewis likes to stare at and touch chris’s ASS! and chris likes to do the same to lewis BUT THATS OBVIOUS. chris’ll be working on his board on the floor in a squat position and his crack’ll be showin a little bit and lewis’ll be like big eyes emoji 

-mikael is pretty much a voyer and loves to watch chris and lewis makeout UDYGUGDYUFHLF chris and lewis make out alllllll the time it’s one of their most favorite things to do hehe (: they’ll be chillin in the back on one of the beanbags while everyone else is up by the tv playin pong and they’ll be kissin. mikael’ll look back and grin and nod his head and be all. “damn that’s hot. love you guys keep it up” DKGKUDGYLD it’s stupid he’s dumb 

-lewis is very afraid of yafir! whenever lewis is over at chris’s he tries his best to stay up in chris’s room no matter what because going downstairs when yafir is home is very scary ): but when yafir leaves, chris and lewis’ll do tons of shit downstairs (: like cook together and shit in yafirs office 

-ok but i havent talked about chris’s momma a lot but. his mom is literally an angel. melanie is a very very sweet woman who loves her son with her entire heart. chris is her everything, chris is her sweet handsome boy ): and by god when she meets lewis she is in love.....lewis is her BAAAAABY!!! melanie is a huge kid person, she works at a daycare hehe (: she likes to wear long flowery skirts and soft flowy blouses or shirts and shes a huge hippie. she smokes weed with chris a lot. she collects rocks and stones and gems and believes in their healing and health powers. shes very aura and chakra oriented, is very good at telling peoples vibes and thats where chris gets it from. shes very beautiful too... her and yafir together were a very very beautiful couple :/ thats why chris looks like handsome squidward

KHFGBLUHDLFH OKAY IM DONE IM SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING MUCH i cant help myself. i love you anon please ask me more stuff if you want to know anything else!! i have a LOT more that i can talk about hehe. this is just a pinch of chris and lewis :/ 

[xxcowardicexx]

Dream (Day 8)

*i was steadily coming back to consciousness, i was rather warm compared to earlier. i began slowly opening my eyes, in front of me the fire was burning a low slow burn. The fire’s light reflected off the cave’s natural emeraldesk walls. I could still feel her arm wrapped around my stomach, my ears folded down.*

*She did so much for me, I felt so worthless. i hung my head slightly at all the memories, from when she pulled me up from that pond. Watching over me through all those hours of the night, laying with me to help me not have a heatstroke from the fever or kicking it from hypothermia. Constantly hunting out game for not just her, but myself as well. I definitely didn’t ask for her help.... but without her, i probably wouldn't be around right now and that much I was extremely grateful for. There was a lot to make up for, and i had a few ideas on what i could do to make things a little bit easier for her here...* 

*I listened quietly, her breathing was that of almost a slight snore. Which made me smirk slightly. At least she was getting some well deserved sleep, but then my smirk left. Now i had to try and sneak my way out from under her embrace and not wake her. I started thinking, i brought my paw up to my chin when i realized i WAS a furry. I shifted my tail up to her arm, and softly pushed it up off my side as i used my right arm to pull her wrist up. It allowed me enough room to slither my way from under her arm. As I did so i lowered her arm down to her side.*

*Her blackish grey fur was soft, I sighed quietly. Her beauty was quiet remarkable. As she laid on the bed of thick moss, the fire flickered over her. It’s amber and orange hues played along the grey ends of her fur giving her a outline that shined in a way i couldn’t really put it into words its almost like she eclipsed the sun. I slowly sat up, my body was in knots. With a small scoot, i picked myself up moved slightly closer to the fire off of the bed of grass. She didn’t wake which was a small relief, because surely if i woke her without a good reason she would be upset. Hmm... if she awoke and i wasnt there she probably wouldnt be happy either, or as warm as she was for that matter...*

*Thinking, I lightly grabbed the part of the bed of moss i was laying on and covered her with it. It seems with my weight it compressed it all together making it like a makeshift blanket. Lightly tucking her in from my sitting down position my joints wanted to fight me, seems that the cold has put some stress on my body. I turned to try and slowly crawl a little bit closer to the fire when my back popped audibly, it made me wince in more than one way. Physically because it send a jolt down my spine, and mentally as i slowly looked over my shoulder at the fact she was still asleep. With a slight sigh i slowly stood.* 

*I stepped lightly across the floor towards the waterfall entrance, my right foot was feeling much better. Still sore, but much better. I stopped against the stone wall that was the entrance of the waterfall. I watched outside. The snow was still falling, the wind had calmed down a considerable amount from the day before. The sun was rising? I couldn’t really tell what time it was of the day other than it was earlyish. I took a couple steps away out into the snow to the closest tree. I shivered as i touched the bark of the old oak.*

*I grabbed the tree with both arms, i held onto it with as much strength i could bracing my upper body with the tree. I moved my left leg carefully shifting the angle of my hips, twisting my spine. My ears folded down from the sound of my disks popping, it sounded like branches breaking... Slowly oh so slowly... i moved my foot back and moved my right leg the same way, popping my back the rest of the way. It was painful at first, my legs were weak for the moment, then were better as i stood.*  

“ahhhhhhh” i sighed lightly

“mmmmm” i heard deeply inside 

*???* 

*i frowned. looking around making sure there wasn’t anything about.*

Whats wrong? Can’t i enjoy the stretches too? 

*-_- Must have been that being inside of me* 

I am you after all 

*With a sigh i continued popping all the joints i could. Holding my hand on my elbow, holding my arm at 90 degrees vertical and slamming it strait releasing an audible pop. Rotating my shoulders and popping my shoulder blades. I bent over, and touched my toes popping the lowest part of my back, right near my tail bone. I then moved to the feet, just rotating them until the pressure releases. I didn’t know how to pop my knees.. so i moved my back against the tree and began to pop my wrists, and my fingers in more than one way. I each one from the base away from the palm, then i grabbed each finger in the middle joint and bent them sideways.*

“*slight gasp* Ew~* i herd

* I looked up  and around and saw Beautiful leaning against the cave entrance slightly appalled but intrigued as i moved from my little dewclaw to the next, popping it sideways as well. She cringed as she saw bend in a way that she clearly didn’t like to see. I smirked at her reaction, I was used to it.* 

“How can you do that?!” she watched in slight disgust, then moving down to try and make her claws do the same, wincing in pain as hers wouldn’t.

*chuckling* “ I’m double jointed in all of my fingers, even my thumbs” I said popping my middle finger sideways in a way that showed that it clearly wasn’t supposed to. 

“EW~ stop thats gross!” she exclaimed slightly looking away. 

*laughing now she looked at me as i finished popping my fingers.” 

“You done yet?!” she said impatiently with her arms crossed.

*With a insanely large smile, i looked at her knowing i had saved the best for last. It was my favorite thing to pop. With a slight chuckle*

“Not yet” i said cooly

“Hmph.” she said disapointedly

*I turned my head sideways, Putting my chin 90 degrees to the left above my shoulder, she looked at me weirdly. I than snapped my chin to the other side. The sound sounded like a gun rapid firing as stopped pretty much at the same angle on the opposite side.*

“OH EW, EW” she said in horror

*i then slung my chin the other way, pretty much making the same sound on the return. it causes her to shiver and look away revolted* 

“DONT DO THAT!!! YOU’LL BREAK YOUR NECK LIKE THAT” she shouted at me

“ Maybe one day, but that doesn’t seem to be today~ tehe” i said back smiling.  

“Anyways, how long have you been standing there?” i inquired. 

*slowly she looks back at me slightly nervously* 

“enough to know you have a nice ass.” she said quietly

*I laughed*

“Trust me, your’s probably looks better” i said as I started walking back

*She looked up at me aggravatedly*

“Ok ok, no probably about it~ Though... i’ve never seen my own ass before.” i said holding my hand up slightly

*she rolled her eyes and smirked at me* 

“just shut up already and get inside”  she said turning around walking back into the cave. 

*by the time I got into the cave she was sitting on the bed of moss, still kinda grossed out i guessed. she had her ears down.* 

*I walked over to her, and sat down on the dirt next to the fire* 

*she sighed a heavy sigh, I cocked my head to the side as i looked at her* 

“whats up?” I looked at her confused

*she was looking at the ground at first, then looked at me like i was an idiot.*

“O-oh nothing, just a little.. hungry. thats all” she said looking back down to the floor.

*My ears shot up, I looked around for my fishing spear as i stood. She looked at me.* 

“whats up?” she asked concerned. 

“You’re hungry, I should go get you some food then..” I looked at her with the smile equivalent of a “cat face emoji” 

*her ears perked up* 

*i saw my spear sitting in the corner and walked over to it.  I Picked it up and turned around. her face seemed like it lit up, her ears and tail were strait up and her tail was swishing in anticipation* 

“C-could you get a couple rabbits? I know i said i was hungry but i did eat two fish last night, so you don’t have to rush or anything... But some rabbit does sound pretty good.” she said looking at me with different eyes. I closed my eyes and smiled a big smile. 

“you can count on me!” i replied holding up a paw with a thumbs up 

*i started making my way to the exit of the waterfall, when i herd her call out*

“Hey!”

* I turned around and looked at her*

“Yeah?”

“B-be careful out there” she said timidly

“ I will, you rest up and stay warm now you hear?” 

*she giggled* “Fine, whatever~” she said as she laid down on the bed of moss next to the slow burning fire.

*as i exited the cave i sniffled through my runny nose, and sneezed, then snorted slightly. Finding them by scent wasn’t going to work. Seems that my nose was still recovering from almost freezing to death. But rabbits live in holes they burrow into the ground. So if i find some bushes with berries on them, then they shouldn’t be too far away i guessed.*

* began thinking about berries. I’ve had some. I know i had. Where? thinking back as i was walking away that i realized that I had some not long after entering this dream realm.. which was like over an hour walk after climbing that waterfall the opposite way i was walking. *

*I walked a slightly longer route around the far side of the waterfall, it was less steep and had some small thinner trees ( though covered in ice) to help me climb the hill.*

*after climbing the edge i began following the creek, my breath was a visible cloud as climbed the frozen landscape*

*I remembered all these trees from when i first walked by. Their leaves had fallen, branches covered in snow and icicles. there was no sound of birds singing their song in the trees. I heard the crunching of the snow underpaw,  there wasn’t much really going on. I eventually found the snowcovered bush of red berries. I picked a few and tried to eat one. Frozen solid. I spit it out in fear of it lowering my body temperature. But i was now taking each step slowly, lightly, and quietly. I had my spear set and ready to cast.*

* in my mind i was already saying thanks. I was creeping around the higher bushes and low foliage. after a few minutes I heard the skittering of small paws in the underbrush. I squinted my eyes and looked at the shrubbery. it was moving. I cast it ahead of where was going. There was a squee from the landing. *

* i walked over and picked  the spear up. It was a fat fluffy cotton tail rabbit speared through the neck. I shuddered as i put the spear on my shoulder, rabbit hanging from the end. I slowly started making my back. I hadnt realised that my whole way back to this place was all up hill. which is easier to climb up than climb down during this extreme weather.*

* I ended up falling on my ass a couple of times as i tried to climb down the hills, but eventually i made it back to that small brook that leads to the creek. which meant i was close to the cave. It had been quite a few hours and the sun was starting to set, the rabbits fur was kinda soaked in blood and slightly torn from where it bounced around on the stick and got dropped a few times from my impact with the ground.* 

*eventually i made it down to the hill to the ponds base, i smirked at the remark that i didn’t just dive head first this time. I walked through the entrance and saw that she was curled up into a ball on the bed. her tail pretty much was a big as she was and she had covered herself up completely with it.  The fire was almost dead, so i walked over the bundle of sticks  that was wrapped up in vines and crouched beside it pulled out a claw. I heard a slight whimper come from her.*

*my ears folded down, she must be cold...  Looking back at the sticks i sliced the vines and they clattered slightly to the ground from its tight bundle. I saw from the corner of my eye that she jumped slightly from the sound. I saw her come from out under her tail and stretch across the moss bed. She laid on her side, looking at me with a big smile.*

“Glad to see you made it back” she said softly

*i blushed* 

“D-did you sleep well?” i said looking away adding sticks and leaves to the fire . 

“I slept fucking fantastically~” she said stretching even more so across the bed. 

*I looked sidelong at her as she did. when she stopped she looked me square the eyes, she looked like she was posing, like “paint me like one of your french girls”  which in all honesty, a painting wouldn’t have done her justice. i could feel my heart beating slightly in my ears as the leaves started catching fire, making me look at the fire starting to burn a nice level* 

*she got up smiling, and strutted over to the fire right next to me as i put more sticks into the fire, she put both hands on my shoulders and put her mouth near my ear * 

“Nice!, thats a fat one isnt it? hehe I can take over cooking it if you would like” she said messaging my shoulders, which she seemed like she was having a difficult time because of how wide they are. 

“You can relax and rest, i’ll wake you up when its done i promise...” she insisted 

“ok ok, plus i think you know what you’re doing compared to me so ill let the professional handle it” i said smartly

“Oh- such High praise from such a strong, brave, mighty hunter” she said back  dramatically. 

*we both laughed as she stopped massaging my shoulders, i moved my way over to the moss bed, which was VERY VERY warm from where she was sleeping and i snuggled in on my left side, watching her as she pulled out a claw.*

*I Slowly closed my eyes as heard her go to work, and drifted off*

[teamkaiforever]

YOU HAVE ME

(requested by anon / anon)

Kai Parker x Reader word count : 3 237 warning : possible triggers summary : Reader has lost her brother and tries to take her life / Kai comforts her. * gif by christophwood ____________________________ Y/N laid on the couch in her small apartment , curled up into a ball. Her life hadn’t been easy - she had lost her parents a few years ago and now her only relative left was gone too. Somehow she had lost all important people in her life and as much as her friends tried to be there for her it didn’t feel the same. It felt more like they are being there for her because that’s what they are supposed to do , not because they love her. No matter how much she tried to shake the feeling that there was no one left who cares and love her , it was still there eating away at her. A tear rolled down her cheek , seeing a picture of her and her brother only from a few months ago. They had been so happy back then , taking a short vacay from Mystic Falls and all the insanity there. Smiling widely at the camera , none of them expecting that a few short months later they’ll lose each other. What had happened to him had been an accident - a car had shown up out of nowhere just as they were crossing the street heading for the park. Her brother had pushed her out of the way , saving her life and losing his shortly after , barely a few minutes before Stefan had shown up to help. It had been a few days and she felt more alone and unloved than ever. What was the point in living if there was no one who loves you ? What do you do when you have lost it all and have nothing left ? A beep came from her phone and she glanced at the screen NEW TEXT MESSAGE from KAI.                          "Hey. Are you okay? Please , call me back.“ Y/N reached for her phone on the coffee table , wiping the screen with her thumb starting to type a reply. It had been two days and she kept avoiding his calls and texts. Perhaps it was time to answer him , even if its just with an emoji but what would she say to him ? ‘I’m okay’ would be a lie and there was no emoji that described the way she was feeling , not even a combination of two or more. Her eyes closed for a moment and then her last moments with her brother came back into her mind followed by another wave of tears. The girl left the phone on the coffee table without replying and curled up in an even tighter ball than before.     “Should’ve been me..” she whispered. ______________ Two whole days Kai texted Y/N , called her and tried to find her with no luck. There was only one thing left for him to do and that was to ask her friends. Perhaps she was with them or maybe they can tell him where to find her or at least how she is. That is all he needed to know - that she is okay.     “Hey guys…” said Kai , walking in the Salvatore house making everyone turn towards him. All of Y/N’s friends had gathered there , talking and drinking but there was someone missing. He looked around the living room trying to find her , he even tried listening with his vampire hearing , realising that she really wasn’t there. Kai knew a couple of days ago she had lost her brother but had expected her friends to be with her and not having a get together of sorts. He couldn’t stop thinking what she must be feeling after losing her only family and wanted to find a way to be there for her , but she wouldn’t let him.     “Ughh look at what the cat dragged in.” said Damon , taking a sip from his drink. “What is it that you want creeper?”     “Do you know where Y/N is ? She um – she’s not answering her phone. Is she okay ?”     “Y/N lost her brother , of course she is not okay.” Kai sighed , putting his hands in his pockets. “That’s exactly why I want to see her and I know you don’t like me but -”     “No , we don’t. So why don’t you get out of here and -”     “ - I want to be there for her. I – I get all these weird feelings , I don’t even know how to explain them. It’s driving me nuts and I need to see her. Y/N is my friend , my only friend and I – I care about her. ” Everyone stared at him as if he had just punched a hole through someone’s chest and dropped the person’s heart on the table in front of them or something.     “You care about her ?” said Elena quietly , unable to hide the surprise in her voice. “That’s new. Maybe you really are changing.” Bonnie glared at Elena. “Don’t tell me you buy any of this?!”     “Are you going to argue or are you going to tell me where Y/N is ?” wondered Kai , starting to get a little impatient. It was more than clear where the conversation was going and he didn’t plan on sticking around to listen to them voice their opinions about him again. He knew very well how everyone felt about him. Everyone but Y/N. Somehow they’ve found a connection and the longer she was away from him and kept shutting him out ,  the more he felt as if the connection was breaking. Kai didn’t want to lose her , not now not ever.     “Give her time Kai. Everyone deals with grief differently. He was her only family and she probably needs time to process everything.” said Elena. “I am sure when she is ready she will call you back.” Kai wasn’t so sure about it. Emotions were hard to understand for him but he knew she was hurting. He couldn’t stand the thought of her being in pain , even more knowing there is nothing he can do. The young heretic was starting to get really worried about her and he hated that feeling. Y/N hadn’t been answering his calls and she’d always at least text him an emoji or something, even when they are in a fight. If her friends weren’t going to tell him where she was then he’d start with the first place that popped into his head.     “Well , thanks for nothing.” he muttered and walked outside without saying a word. Kai checked the cemetery and after not finding her there he drove to her apartment. He knocked a few times on the door, hearing movement inside but no one came to answer.     “Y/N ? I know you are in there. Please I – I just want to see you. I need to know you are alright.” Y/N sighed , glancing at the door and at the bottle with pills at the coffee table. Kai. Of course he’d come looking for her. Despite what people said about him , he was actually really nice , caring and sweet in his own way. Out of everyone she’d miss him the most wherever she ends up after what she plans to do. A part of her wanted to open the door , see him one last time before she drifts off into sleep , the other didn’t want to. What would even be the point ? It’s not like this will change her mind — or maybe she was afraid that’s exactly what would happen and thats why her hand kept hovering over the doorknob for a few seconds too long. All Y/N wanted was to be with the people who loved her and to find a way to shut out all the pain. It would be easy to ask one of her friends to compell it all away , that would do the trick but there would still be a hole in her heart , even if she doesn’t remember why it’s there. ‘I’m sorry’ , he heard her whisper. Almost two minutes passed and he could hear sounds similar to the ones tick-tacks make when you shake the container. Kai wondered what those sounds were and a thought crept inside his mind but she wouldn’t go that far , would she ? No. No way — no way he’d let her do that to herself either. After she didn’t open the door , he unlocked it with magic and took a step inside seeing her sitting on the couch starring at a hand full of pills on her palm and a glass with water in the other. Kai’s eyes widened so much , they almost fell out of their sockets. All of the sudden his entire world stopped and he could barely contain himself from running towards her. What if he does and she gulps all of them at once ? He wasn’t sure vampire blood could heal her from those , he had no idea how that stuff works. Kai wondered why he felt like as if Y/N dies , he’d die too. … And then it hit him like a school bus. All those emotions he had felt , the real reason why he had been trying so hard to find a way and talk to her these past few days. It all made sense to him in that moment but none of it would matter if he doesn’t find a way to stop her. How was he going to do that ? He had never had to do anything like it before. What was he supposed to say ?     “No , no , no. Don’t — Y/N , don’t do it. Please.” he said taking a slow step towards her.     “There is no one left.” she said quietly, a tear rolling down her cheek. “No one loves me or cares about me. I have no one. My brother is gone and it’s — it’s my fault. I wanted to go to the park that day. We were there because of me.”     “It’s not your fault.” said Kai taking another step. “It was an accident. Please don’t do this. I – I know your brother wouldn’t want you to. You are not alone Y/N. You have me , you will always have me. Tell me what you need. I’ll do anything. Just put those down.” Y/N shook her head. “There is no one who loves me or cares about me.  N-no one.”     “Don’t –don’t say that.” he said softly taking another step , kneeling down on the couch next to her. “Your brother loved you , thats why he saved you and wherever he is right now , he wont want you to end your life. He will want you to live it. There are so many people who care about you and love you. People who will miss you – what about your friends ? W-what about me?” Y/N shook her head slightly , another tear rolling down her cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb , making her look up at him. The glow her eyes usually had was missing and they were filled with so much sadness and pain — he was terrified he might not be able to stop her. Her eyes closed and she pressed her lips together trying to push away the tears. Kai used the moment and gripped her wrists , taking the pills out of her hand.     “I care about you Y/N. I’ll die without you next to me.” he said lifting up her chin , wiping away another tear. “I can’t lose you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened in my life.”     “That’s — thats sweet but-”     “I am in love with you Y/N.” said Kai , gazing lovingly into her eyes. “I love you. I never even knew there were that many emotions to be had and didn’t realise what all of them meant until I saw you ready to swallow all of those. You are the only person who cared enough to give me a chance , who stood by me and defended me through it all -”     “Kai don’t -”     “You are my light in the darkness and without you I’ll be so lost. You are what’s good about me. I love you , Y/N…” said Kai , cupping her face. “I will always love you and be by your side. I will never leave.” Y/N’s eyes had started to water and tears started streaming down her cheeks again. Why was she crying ? Her emotions were on complete overdrive, even more so after hearing what Kai had said to her. Her friend was looking at her with heart eyes and there was a hint of sadness in them but the love part dominated in them. Kai sounded so sincere she couldn’t help but believe every word he had said. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth - she wasn’t alone , he’ll be there with her. He loved her. Everything was too much for her to process and words kept escaping her. Y/N leaned in towards him , wrapping her arms around his shoulders, hearing him sigh in relief seconds before his hands wrapped around her. Kai held onto her tightly and helped her lay down on the couch covering her with a blanket , her heart was beating faster than ever. He tucked in a strand of hair behind her ear , brushing his palm against her cheek right after. Y/N closed her eyes for a moment , feeling another tear roll down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away before looking at him with a hint of a smile on her face. Kai was at a loss for words ,which was new to him seeing how he never stopped talking. He kept trying to think of something to say or something to do that will make her smile even for a second and forget everything but nothing popped in his mind. Why did emotions have to be so hard and how where there so many of them ? He could hard catch up with all of them. The young heretic couldn’t imagine how big Y/N’s grief could be for her to want to end it all. Part of him somehow knew that it will take her a while before she responds to his confession and he was willing to wait , however long it takes.     “You don’t have - I know you must - I just – ” he sighed. Y/N hadn’t taken her eyes off him the past few minutes, her hand reached for his and she gave it a light squeeze. Kai looked at their hands intertwined together and his heart stopped for a second. Maybe there was hope for the two of them being something more than friends.     “You know what. I’m not - I’m not going to talk.” he sighed. “Is - is there something you need?”     “Just be here with me.” she said quietly.     “Oh-kay .. come here.” he said , sitting on the couch next to her pulling her into his embrace. He pulled the blanket up so it covered her back , wrapping his arms around her , rubbing soft circles on her back hearing her breathing calm down and the sobs melt away.  He didn’t know what to do , but his actions seemed to calm her down and he kept it up. Y/N rested her hands on his chest using him as a pillow while he stroked her hair. Kai kissed her forehead for a moment , noticing a change in her heart beat when he did that. He wondered what that meant and what he could to get her to smile even for a second. They cuddled for a while sitting in silence and just enjoying each other’s presence. Somehow Y/N found a way to snuggle even closer to him.     “This is nice.”     “Yeah ?” he asked with a small smile , tightening his embrace.     “Mmmhmm…”     “Do - do you need anything else ?” Y/N hummed a 'nah-uh’. Kai was being so sweet and kind but there really wasn’t anything else he could do. He couldn’t bring back her brother but somehow having him there , she didn’t feel that alone anymore. She felt … happy and sad at the same time. Kai had been right - her brother wouldn’t want her to take her own life , he would want her to live and be happy. For a moment she could almost see him , sitting on the comfy chair smiling at her , telling her exactly this 'be happy’. That him being gone doesn’t mean there is no one left in her life. It kind of felt as if her brother had somehow sent Kai to her in the right moment to stop her from making the biggest mistake in her life , one she wouldn’t be able to fix afterwards.     “Thank you.” she said pulling herself up until their eyes were on the same level. Y/N placed her hand on his chest and kissed him gently for a moment slowly moving her hand towards his cheek. “I um — I know I made you wait quite a while b-before saying something and I –”     “No , no I - I get it.” he said with a small smile on his face , brushing his thumb against her cheek. “You need time. I can wait. I’ve been waiting for you my whole life , what’s a few more days or a week— It won’t be a month would it ?” Y/N laughed under her breath. “How about 5 seconds ?” Her lips pressed against his , kissing him deeply while he pulled her towards him , not wanting to let go off her. Kai could still hear her laugh , see her smile and her kissing him not once but twice made him so happy but what made him even happier is that there were no traces of tears in her eyes and the sad heartbroken girl he had seen when walking into her apartment about an hour ago.Somehow he had comforted her without even realising it.     “You are smiling.” he said almost grinning at her. “I love that smile.”     “How can I not ? You make me happy.” she smiled at him. “I love you too , Kai. T-thank you for saving my life.”     “You die , I die.” he said. “At least thats how it felt and it still does. If I hadn’t been able to stop you , I would’ve ripped my heart out because there is no life for me without you.” Y/N felt her cheeks flush. “I feel the same way. C-can we not tell — my friends about us ? At least for a w-while? They will flip out.” she said with a nervous smile , almost hearing their commentaries and the upcoming lectures in her head.     “So, there is an us ?” grinned Kai. “I like that. No , wait — I love it ! I love you.” he said pressing his lips against hers. “I love you. I love you.” Kai started tickling her just to hear her laugh and see her smile again. “Hey do you want some ice cream ?”     “Um , yeah but .. I don’t - I don’t want you to let go off me.” she said wrapping her hands around his neck.     “Crunchy almonds or Rocky road ?” he asked.     “Both ?” Kai smiled widely at her and something flashed in his eyes as he raised his hand. A moment later with a muffled thud on the coffee table landed just the two ice creams she had wanted , the sound of the freezer closing following a second later.     “OH and spoons.” he glanced at the kitchen corner flicking his wrist , getting two of the spoons fly towards them landing right next to the ice cream. Their eyes met and he saw Y/N looking at him with complete awe on her face.     “That is so cool."  ___________________________ NOTE : (to the anons who requested it) I tried my best to get the both requests combined into one. I hope you like how it turned out. ___________________________

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