#i truly cannot wait for us to circle back to this ask after all is said and done

[reignpage]

“Nanami Kento had another encounter with the nameless mermaid. Many such, in fact. Some of these encounters are details in letters he sent letters to Professor Yaga. They detailed his recent discoveries and confirmation of months of his research building up to his posting in Gibraltar.

Excited, he told him everything, barring the budding romantic feelings he knew he should not have encouraged for fear that the respected professor would question his priorities and admonish him. While waiting for a reply, the student dedicated the remaining day since he recorded his first late-night meeting with the specimen to overcoming the issue to do with his incapability to swim.

In his rush, one can only assume, he made no record of what spell or device he had discovered and used, though there are many theories to be had. This remains a great tragedy.

Later in the day, he took to the sea in a rush and agreed with the mermaid to go somewhere secluded, where they would not be seen by another in broad daylight, and decided upon a nearby cave accessible only by boat or strong swimmers.

Part of the meeting was recorded by the student via Pluma Memoria and the transcripts were recovered some time later alongside contextual notes made by him.

As we all know, the Inter-dimensional Research Committee and St. Eden's Board of Administration's issued formal requests for the exiled student to relinquish all of his possessions related to his research, including information on how to enter the underwater kingdom, their weaponry, their political system, and just as importantly, the specimen.

These requests were denied.

It is unclear why.

In today's class, we still study the excerpt, focusing especially on the historical and cultural significance of Nanami Kento's rebellion and asking ourselves the question:

Did he regret it?”

Nameless Specimen: I've been watching you.

Kento: I thought you might have. Somehow, I felt you, I think. Something was encouraging me, urging me forward. It was odd but...comforting.

Nameless Specimen: I understand…I was not supposed to want you to find me. My pod have tasked me with ensuring people like you never find our home. And indeed, I worked tirelessly to lead others astray, leaving what they thought were clues so they would search in circles and grow frustrated. But just an afternoon spent following you revealed a truth I cannot verify: you are different. You are not like the others who have come before you.

Kento: I'm not?

Nameless Specimen: No…they were fuelled by greed, by a desire to reap all the wealth off our land. They trample over the wildlife, made no effort to connect with the villagers, choosing arrogance over community, and relied solely on their spells and potions. It was the kind of laziness and irreverence that confirmed the decision our ancestors made a long time ago — keep the gates to Atlantis closed.

Kento: And no one has ever been successful?

She held my hands and swam us around the jagged floor of the sea, tickling the bellies of fish as she went. I was growing more and more accustomed to her anatomy, to the point that the agility of her scaled tail did not surprise me anymore, though the captivating colour of them never waned in my eyes.

Nameless Specimen: Only once. Two men. Students just like you. One was closed off but polite, the other friendly but deceitful. My ancestors welcomed them in, nursed them back to health after their ship hit the rocks and capsized, and even shared our air so that they may tour our home. Back then, my people had not known the cruelty and gluttony of others. They were simply excited to learn about the outside world and to exchange wisdom.

I kept quiet. She was sharing knowledge I would have killed to hear just weeks ago. Now, I was grimacing, much too aware of man's potential for destruction. History lessons were not without constant warnings for the new generations to do better. To be better.

Nameless Specimen: The polite one, records say, was truly interested to learn, to be a part of our community. He was energetic and enthusiastic. It did not take very long for him to be seen as one of us…And the other…had his eyes on our gold, our pearls, and our scales. During their stay, people went missing. Even our young. It was a slow, eventual development. At least, that is how it is explained to us. I believe our Elders simply do not wish to confront the fact that our people were just naive. They knew the truth of that visitor from another land and chose to trust in the kindness of one another than aggrieve their guests with accusations...until it was too late.

Kento: ...what happened?

Nameless Specimen: He must have developed some sort of contraption. It is hard to say exactly what happened...the devastation was far and wide. To this day, we mourn our loss and feel the echoes of the tragedy. Whatever he had found or received caused death on a scale unfathomable to our young… The Elders do not like to talk about this part but whispers among my peers claim that one morning, our people awoke and could not see through the thick cloud of blood thickening the water.

I gasped. A deep pit formed in my stomach and it has not left since. I do not think it will ever. There was a sad smile on her lips, like she pitied her ancestors and resented the innocence of her people at the same time, though, ultimately, she could not blame them.

Nameless Specimen: That day…they released more bodies into the field of lights than they ever had prior. Generations lost. Bloodlines ended. Dignity stolen. The dead were stripped of their scales, fins, hearts and eyes. Sold, I can only imagine, to the highest bidder. The hardest part of it all was identifying who was who. There remains to this day a large section of the field housing the bodies of those who were never claimed.

I was speechless. No words could ever be uttered to begin to apologise for the crimes that were committed, for the injustice, for the murder of so many. I know them not, but I hold them in my heart. The sins of the past will be brought to life. I will be sure of it.

Kento: I am so sorry. That should never have happened. W-we have laws, regulations, a-an honour code to abide by. I'll tell my school, my professor. Everyone. We will advocate for reparations, a galaxy-wide apology—

Nameless Specimen: That is not necessary. We grieve in our own way. And in any case, we know not everyone is bad. That's why I'm here. Why the two of us can be together like this…We do not want to stay closed off forever. There is a whole world out there that my people deserve to see. We do not want to live in fear for eternity. There might even come a time where we must rely on the help of others for the future of our pod. It is therefore up to my generation to prepare for that. To change and innovate. We will soon welcome others like you…Never again will we be exploited like that. We have learnt. Adapted. Survived. That is the way of my people.

She swam around me, grazing her tail against my legs. Her lips brushed my cheek.

Nameless Specimen: In the meantime, I hope this is enough for you.

Kento: It is. You are.

She laughed, bubbles escaping.

Nameless Specimen: Thank you for listening. I have never shared this before. We don’t get visitors at all. There are not even others like us…as far as we know.

Kento: No, thank you for sharing. I learnt so much. For this, I will forever be indebted to you.

Nameless Specimen: I learnt much from you too. While I watched you fumble about on the surface, you spoke on and on about interesting facts about your world. Spells you were frustrated by. Potions you wanted to perfect. Professors you disliked and classes you missed. It was all so entertaining. You are an interesting man.

I was awestruck by her beauty and the tender warmth with which she spoke to me. The sound of her voice, the melodic bliss it elicits, the comfort…I feel as though I am still in the cave with her — weightless and free.

Kento: You're the first person to have ever said that to me…Most people find me annoying. Even my best friend. Though I rather think that is because I remind him of a lecturer, which he has naturally learnt to tune out automatically.

Nameless Specimen: That is unfortunate. A smart man like you must be heard, no? That is how we function in my pod; everything worth saying must be heard in an assembly. Every voice is equal to begin with, but the brighter minds deserve a special respect. You are one such.

Her revelation made me blush. It was embarrassing but she only smiled patiently. Of course, I have heard my fair share of compliments — winning as many awards as I have would warrant that. But, when those flatteries leave her lips, I felt inclined to shy away from such niceties.

Kento: You barely know me…

Shaking her head, she pulled herself closer to me until we were flushed together. To that, I did not shy away from. Not when it felt right.

Nameless Specimen: I feel as though I have lived a lifetime with you.

Kento: I do too...I feel as if I...loved you in a past life. And in the next.

She smiled again and placed a hand on my cheek. I was surprised to find the flexibility in her joints, webbed as they are. Her thumb adjusted my glasses which were threatening to float away from me.

Nameless Specimen: It is odd, is it not? For two souls to have just collided and feel this way...it seems as if we have been veering off course, heading straight for each other.

I don't know what expression I held. But something about it made her eyes soften, not in pity but something akin to sadness. For herself and for me. Like she thought it a universe's worth of regret to have met so late. Like she knew, since having met her, I've realised that all my life I have only ever known loneliness. Like she felt the same way.

Then, she reached out and met my lips.

I feel no shame in admitting much of the time we spent together is dedicated to talking about things which held no special importance, and to kissing. There was much more to be learned from her lips and her body than words, I believe. It is because of her that I became privy to the secrets of the universe and beyond all while tethered to the only home I felt bound to.

Her kisses spoke of promises. They breathed life into me. Urged me to desire for more than shallow trophies and meaningless discoveries.

We joined together like we've done it many times before.

These moments filled me with a new sense of purpose.

They were moments to protect, to cultivate, to watch grow.

They were moments I would cherish till my last breath...

[simonsquest]

one of my favorite scenes that i just recently re-read, is the one where simon's giving his big ol speech after defeating dracula and Laurent smiles at him and says his parents would be proud :) such a wonderful reward after enduring so much grumpiness lol. and for a scene im curious about, can you tell me more about the interaction between simon and his vampire hunter friend in ch. 52? i was thoroughly engrossed in their back-and-forth! i still wonder why the stranger was so adamant about simon abandoning ship. it seemed well-meaning to me, but maybe its not! maybe he's evil! we'll see! also, it seems Simon's attitude towards his son is different than it was in the past- before, he was so resistant and even horrified by the idea of passing the whip to him, but in the future it seems to be something he has woefully but certainly accepted, with lines like "...my deeds will live on faithfully in my son”, and "If I am capable of honouring my father long deceased, my son will be, too". its a sad but necessary development to see family-guy Simon accept that he can't just show love to his family by giving them hugs and kisses and keeping them out of harm's way. loving your family sometimes means abandoning them, dying and leaving them helpless, and respectfully passing on the torch........... just aRRGHJGAHSDGJHSD

Firstly, thank you as always for your endless support and enthusiasm. I can’t tell you how delighted I am whenever I receive multiple paragraphs from you - seriously! You’re the best. ^_^

Aw that’s so sweet! I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that Laurent’s #1 fan would appreciate the fleeting moments of him showing kindness, hehehe.

With regard to chapter 52 and the nameless vampire hunter, I won’t confirm or deny if it’s well-meaning or not. And it’s tough because I really want to elaborate on it, but it’s something that’s better left to be unveiled in the story. :^)

But I’ll say this: the stranger’s plea for Simon to abandon his quest came from a very personal place. It’s rooted from a few pivotal facts: how he’s seen people around him turn to worship Dracula. Having gone on his own quest to try and reverse the vampirism in his wife without success. What he had to leave behind in pursuit of that, and of course the hurt of what it meant to lose her, and to lose what little community he could have had in Ondol.

You’re absolutely right about that. I have a headcanon that there’s a very specific reason why Juste is the one to inherit the VK, and not any of Simon’s direct descendant(s):

because Simon chose to hold onto, and fight with, the VK for as long as humanly possible. His intention from the very beginning was to spare his child(ren) of that burden. Rooted in this headcanon, in my mind the VK would never be inherited by Mathieu, even when he reaches sixteen. It would only go to Juste when Simon truly cannot fight any more. (I have so many ficlet ideas brewing about this very topic…)

But that isn’t to say that Simon would not prepare Mathieu in other ways. Simon deeply respects the Belmont family history and would want for that to be valued and honoured well into the future. That can only be done by sharing stories, and allowing Mathieu to be the witness to them. To fight alongside (see: behind) his father when he’s of age, but Simon would never permit him to bear the weight of it as he did, entirely alone.

Simon’s a bit over-protective, but with good reason!

But it’s inevitable and futile to continue to try and spare anyone strung along into this bloodline from their part in it.

“loving your family sometimes means abandoning them, dying and leaving them helpless, and respectfully passing on the torch……….. just aRRGHJGAHSDGJHSD”

DSJHFBSIDFHBSH I’M EMOTIONAL aaaaaa. You hit the nail on the head: Simon realizes his mortality in his cursed state, and that Death might claim him far sooner than he could have ever hoped. And that changes everything.

“Return to your family, to your wife and your son waiting for you.” (Author’s translation: “Go cherish your time with your family while you have it, you’re not long for this world.”) […] And though Simon wants to vent his frustrations for having more of his time wasted, there is something about the manner in which his travelling companion has conveyed his words that causes Simon’s heart to ache. He knew well the risk of venturing on this quest. He knew that he may never return from it, deteriorated as he has become.

All of this introspection just makes me even more excited for you to experience the story as it continues. Thank you again!

[reveluving]

Hello how are you? 😊 I have something in mind for the movie triple frontier 

Like imagine Ben Miller x girlfriend shy reader and both your infant son is a mommy boy, waiting Ben after the MMA fights, being both his good luck charms

a/n: Baby, I've been busy. But overall? Pretty swell, thank you for asking! And this ask? A Benny ask with a shy!reader? With a child??? FAWK, it made my entire WEEK(S), so I cannot thank you enough! 😭❤️ Hope you don't mind me making them husband & wife instead, and take care!

warnings: lovestruck benny, fluffy family-focused, brief mma-level violence & explicit language!

» fancy reading another triple frontier fic? check out the m.list!

“Alright, alright, make way, comin’ through.” Frankie demanded, with him on the left and Santiago on the right as they kept you in the middle.

The two stayed vigilant, ensuring no one was close enough to bump into you, let alone your bundle of joy slung to your chest. When one did stand too close, despite accidentally, Santiago hissed, “Watch it.”

You chuckled, already used to their rugged behaviour because it was all to keep you unharmed.

Completely unharmed.

Despite the curious eyes that weighed on you, yours remained on his—Bubba’s, rubbing his back and making silly faces at him, with him none the wiser of anything beyond his mother’s presence, given the baby earmuffs on him. Instead, he reacted to your attention excitedly, displaying his gummy smile.

Will was already at the front row seats when you arrived, giving you a side hug and asking you about your and Bubba’s wellbeing like the protective brother-in-law he was.

“Hey, lil’ man, you hangin’ in there?” Will smiled at his nephew. Despite the earmuffs, he immediately recognized his uncle and squirmed against your chest, gurgling. Will, letting out a deep and hearty laugh, gently ruffled Bubba’s baby hair before offering to hold him, “C’mon.”

You loosened the carrier, and Will took Bubba into his arms, and as if on cue, in came the boisterous announcement on the microphone, “I bring you, Ben Miller!”

Many cheered, some booed, but you? You just couldn’t wipe the lovestruck smile on your face, watching him enter the arena, carrying himself with sheer confidence that whether one was a fan or not, they couldn’t deny the aura he exuded. 

If anything, Benny basked in the jeers, because his wins, many in a row, said it all. Plus, he was the lucky son of a gun blessed with a wife to die for, a son he couldn’t be any prouder of, and the best ride-or-die group in his circle. He couldn’t ask for more than that.

He looked past the crowd’s outstretched hands for taps and middle fingers of his rivals’ fans, searching for the eyes that would hold so much love for him, like he had hung the moon for her—for you—which he found amusing because he would stare at you the same way, though, bolder than your bashfulness could muster.

It wouldn’t take long to find you, kudos to his brother for saving the front-row seats way earlier, and he made sure to keep his eyes on you as he took off his shirt. Tossing the fabric onto the seats near you, he immediately pulled you into his chest, his smile widening upon watching a shy one gracing your lips, even more so as the spectators whooped at the mushy display.

He greeted you with that flirty tone of his, “You taken, pretty girl?”

Benny’s smile morphed into a grin, pumped up like the tournament was nothing more than another typical Tuesday to conquer and bring home victory to his beloved family. 

The uncontrollable bundle of excitement in his brother’s arms caught his eye, and Benny was quick to scoop his son into his arms. 

Benny couldn't be any happier, being in his element with the people he truly cared for. With his son in one arm, the other around you. He let Bubba tap his little pudgy hands on his stubbled face, his babbles of ‘ma ma ma’ soothing like a balm, before kissing his forehead, then turned his attention to you.

“Watch me.” He whispered in your ear.

“Always.” You replied, kissing his cheek, and Benny quickly closed the gap between you for a kiss. Benny, with his bulky boxing glove, had the courtesy to block the view of where your lips touched from the crowd, giving you some sense of privacy, despite the knowing cheers from the onlookers.

He couldn't help with his own amusement, seeing you press your face into his shoulder before planting a little kiss on his son's forehead, and just like that, his good luck charm, despite already being activated from the moment you walked in with Bubba, was now cranked to the max.

Ever the charmer, Benny flexed his muscles for you, even as he ascended the steps and into the cage backwards, and even then, even as he faced his rival, the smile never left his face. Just more… evil. More sinister, like he had already seen the outcome of the fight, and as he delivered the first sharp swing, Benny knew, like usual, his good luck charm has never, and will never fail him.

His focus only strayed during the one-minute breaks, looking over to see you holding Bubba, his little tiger, giving him reassuring smiles and mouthing ‘I love you’s and ‘you can do it’s, and he believed you. 

He always does.

And Bubba? Oh, Bubba, watching the little man bounce on your lap like there was no tomorrow, not only having his sweet mother holding him close but also watching his father being cool. Who cares about a bunch of guys heckling him beyond the cage when he had his son’s support?

Before he knew it, with determination coursing through his veins, plus his rival’s attempts to embarrass him for being a softie before the fight rang in his head, the announcer hailed Benny as the winner and raised his arm, prompting the spectators to go wild the same way they did when he knocked his opponent out. 

And even with his weary muscles and bones, he sought after you, just like you did him, Carelessly throwing the towel he used to wipe his sweat to the side to meet you in the middle for a kiss. He sighed as he pulled you against him, only breaking the kiss when Frankie and Pope approached, plus Will with Bubba before passing him to his brother.

Bubba giggled as Benny rubbed his forehead against his, then made grabby hands for you. Benny chuckled, “Always wants his mama, just like his old man.”

You smiled warmly, picking Bubba up before snuggling into your husband’s side and partially hiding from the crowd, “Clingy boys.”

“Your clingy boys.” He corrected with a grin before leaning in for another kiss.

Benny could have all the wins he could want, if and only if he did it all for you.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

a/n: I enjoyed making this so, so, so, so damn much, it only took me a day HEHE! Don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

[gotta-winwin]

(☎️) ... merry christmas, please don't call

⭐ starring: seungcheol

☎️ preview: The toughest part about loving Seungcheol was the fact that he didn’t know himself at all. And how does one truly love a ghost? 

based on the song Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call by Bleachers

“But you should know that I died slow Running through the halls of your haunted home And the toughest part is that we both know What to happened to you Why you're out on your own Merry Christmas, please don't call”

tw/cw: heavy angst + smut, not a happy ending, tortured lovers, coups is an asshole but he doesn't mean to, idol!seungcheol x nonidol!reader, talk of leader responsibilities, abstract telling of sexual intercourse, heavy topics such as anxiety and depression

🪽fic rating/wc: 18+ / 2.4k

☁️ masterlist & a/n: this heavy angst christmas fic is to combat the insane amount of fluff in the vernon christmas special (ᵕ—ᴗ—) it's also very self indulgent angst + smut with coups. thank you for spending 2024 with me and i cannot wait to spend 2025 with you too!

“Oh, golden boy, don't act like you were kind”

He was inevitable in the end. Like some invisible string connected the two of you together. Not the pretty, dainty kind of invisible string. Whatever held your lives together was made of barbed wire. Whatever line wrapped around your ribs, restricting your breathing, tying you to him was nothing pretty. It was what army men used in wars. 

You can’t hate your best friend, even if they end up hurting you. You just can’t.

“Come back to bed.” You whisper in the dark as you watch his dark silhouette get up. The clock on his nightstand was barely legible. 

You could hear him throwing a shirt on. “I’ve got to go.”

You open your mouth to ask him again, but the words die in your mouth. A couple days ago you would’ve begged, but the bubbling hatred in you pushed the words down your esophagus, momentarily choking you. Seungcheol noticed your silence. 

“I’ll be back before sunrise.” He leans over the bed and kisses your cheek, brushing a stray hair from it. “Don’t be mad.”

You shake your head in the dark. “I’m not mad.”

The door clicked shut behind him.

That was just how the world spun. You, lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling you used to trace constellations on together. Sheets that smelled like him - aftershave and candles. Pleading words sewn shut in your mouth, hidden in your lungs, suffocating you. As you sank back into sleep, drowning under everything you’ve ever wanted to tell him. You knew it wasn’t his fault. After all - he barely knew who he was, hidden under all his responsibilities and his job title, he was barely a semblance of a man - tugged and stitched together. 

It barely registered in your mind that tomorrow would be Christmas Eve. Part of you knew he wouldn’t be there to celebrate anyways. 

“You know this moment don’t ya And time is strangely calm now”

You could say what drew Seungcheol to you initially was your confidence. It illuminated you like a beacon, a moth to the flame, as his eyes followed your movements from across the crowded room. 

It was Christmas Eve in Korea, and everyone in the right circles knew Johnny Suh’s Holiday Bash was the place to be. 

At least, that was what your friends had told you, claiming they had a way in and convincing you to join them. 

You were pleasantly surprised to find that for untouchable K-pop idols, everyone at the party was oddly normal. Kim Sunwoo’s voice could be heard over all the chaos, forehead pressed up against Lee Haechan’s, caught in the middle of some intense drinking game. Jeon Jungkook took a love shot with a heavily drunk Kim Mingyu, the sounds of their glass cups clinking against one another catching your attention.

Drifting away from the noise, you moved upstairs, your hand tracing the natural engravings against the wooden banister. The dim lights made it difficult to see, as you searched for a respite away from the noise downstairs. You’d certainly never question a K-opo idol’s ability to party again.

It was Seungcheol’s quiet stare that made you approach him, noticing how he sat with his back against the smooth white wall, his hair falling into his eyes. It was odd to see him alone, unaccompanied by his usual entourage of rowdy members. When alone, he seemed oddly sad, as if he was trying to convince himself he wasn’t. Perhaps it was the vulnerability in his eyes that urged you to sit next to him. 

“I’d like to be alone, please.” He mumbled, turning his big eyes towards you. The light from downstairs caught in his irises, refracting into a million tiny lights. 

“Me too.” 

Your reply amused him as he watched you, intrigued by the way you stared off into the distance. He hadn’t known how you had noticed his glassy, tearfilled eyes from the get go, or else he would’ve walked away. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

Your offhanded tone made the loaded question fall easier against his chest. He could feel himself breathing routinely once more, the tears in his eyes receding as he processed your question and figured out an answer. 

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” He admitted, finally turning the whole of his body to face you, moving his knees up against his chest as he leaned back against the wall once more. 

There was something about him that made you want to help him. Maybe it was the fact that he was famous for being the reliable leader, responsible for too many things at such a young age. Maybe it was because, based on the things you’ve heard about him, you knew you could relate. Maybe you had already known - even then - that the two of you were different sides of the same coin. That he was inevitable in the end. 

“I’ve got time.” You send him an open smile. “Lay it on me.”

Even to this day, Seungcheol had no idea why he confided in you, a total stranger, on the floor of a Johnny Suh Christmas party. He usually held his cards close to his chest - so close in fact, that the people around him often joked that he couldn’t read the cards himself. 

So maybe he knew you were inevitable in the end too. 

But neither of you could’ve ever predicted what would become of the two of you by the time the next Christmas rolled around. 

“Oh, golden boy, you shined a light on our home, And at your best you were magic; we were sold” 

By the time the next Christmas rolled around, everyone around Seungcehol would credit you as the one who had “fixed” him. It was a term they all danced around lightly - fixed. None of them knew how to describe it, but Seungcheol was happier, louder, and had magically learnt the art of self-confidence. 

“That is not my hyung.” Chan yelled into your ear from the side of the bar, eyeing Seungcheol, who was on the dance floor surrounded by an ecstatic Soonyoung and Mingyu. “My Seungcheol hyung does not dance.” 

You laughed, because you knew the amount of work that had taken him to get where he was now. No one, except the two of you, would know about the late nights Seungcheol had spent near tears as you knelt by him, soothing phrases leaving your lips only to crash against his back. 

“Look at him.” Chan was pointing an accusatory finger at Seungcheol, who had a wide grin on his face as he watched Soonyoung attempt to win over a girl on the dance floor. “He used to avoid the dance floor like it’d kill him. Hell, he avoided the bar in general.”

You followed his finger, a small smile drifting over your features as you witnessed Seungcheol laugh, the sound travelling straight to your core as you watched him. As if he had felt your stare, Seungcheol turned, his bright smile shining upon you as he reached out a hand, gesturing you towards him. 

“Hi.” His forehead pressed against yours as he spoke. 

“Hi.” You whispered back as he pulled you closer, relishing the safety you felt within his strong arms. 

“I love you.” He said, but there were other words hidden deep beneath them. Don’t leave. 

“I love you too.” Don’t hurt me. 

“And the toughest part is that we both know What happened to you”

You dreaded each time he was called in for work. You knew he loved his job, and more often than not, he would have a good time - singing, dancing, creating with his friends for his fans. But you also saw the heavy weight that followed him home whenever it wasn’t a good time. Each company meeting where he was yelled at, each unsettling encounter with a crazy fan, each hate post you knew your boyfriend had read multiple times over. 

You both knew the baggage that followed him home far outweighed the good he felt. But you couldn’t ask him to leave - because that would ruin him too. 

February 19 2022. The date forever seared in the front of your mind. It was the day Seungcheol had returned home after dropping out of his world tour. 

He had landed on your shared porch like a dead bird. 

“Cheol.” You grabbed at his shoulders, trying to get a good look at his face. 

He pushed past you into your shared home, kicking off his shoes and throwing his bags onto the floor. You watched him leave up the stairs. You heard the door of your shared bedroom swing close, the lock click into place. 

You didn’t mind sleeping on the couch that night. You knew he needed his space. 

“I’m sorry.” He had told you the next morning, his eyes betraying his lack of sleep. 

Handing him his breakfast, you shook your head. “Don’t apologize. Do you want to talk about it?” 

He shook his head. “Not really.” 

First crack in the glass. You really should’ve known. After all, Seungcheol told you everything.

“But you should know that I died slow Running through the halls of your haunted home” 

Seungcheol kissed you each time like he was afraid to lose you. His kisses were full of passion, firm and messy. He kissed you like he was constantly running out of time. 

His calloused hands ran gently against your bare skin, handling you like pieces of precious glass.

“I love you.” He’d murmur against your stomach as he inched his way down, looking up at you with shining eyes - akin to the way he once looked at you during your first meeting. That was something special about him: his eyes sparkled the same way whether he was crying or in love. You had yet to learn the difference. 

Seungcheol liked holding you as he pushed in, craving the feeling of closeness and how he was connected inside of you, with you. You were his escape and his solace, his mind numbing into a void of white as pleasure coursed through him. The usual jumble in his brain ceased to attack him and he was left with the sole thought of showing you how much he truly did love you. 

Seungcheol loved making love with you. It was the aftermath where he didn’t. 

“I love you.” You’d whisper as you threaded your fingers through his hair, your other hand drawing circles against his bare skin - and your voice would feel planets away. 

The loudness of his own mind was back, the mess of barely coherent thoughts intruding once again. Seungcheol knew it made no sense. 

“You were mine, but you were awful every time”

Choi Seungcheol was not good for your soul. You knew that. He was a man full of paradox, forever contradicting himself and everything you’ve ever felt for him. Even the way his coarse hands gently traced the bones of your back felt contradictory, when he had only just told you the two of you could never be together. 

“We won’t work.” His lower lip jutted out as he spoke, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. 

“I know.” You were tired of begging, the constant back and forth. Seungcheol would run, and then he would still find his way back to you in the following few months. That was just how this relationship worked, and you were used to it by now. 

“I’m sorry.” He would whisper, cupping his hands around your face as his thumbs traced your cheekbones, a gesture filled with silent love. 

Then don’t leave, you wanted to yell at him. If he really was sorry, if he really did love you, why would he still leave each time? But you knew that wasn’t how he operated. 

You knew Choi Seungcheol wanted you. But he barely knew what he wanted himself. 

“'Cause everybody's gone it's Just you and your anger”

You knew he’d be back like clockwork. You knew Seungcheol could never stray from you for too long, some hindrance keeping him from ever truly leaving you. 

He’d leave each time he felt like he wasn’t enough, each time you failed to convince him he was. Then he’d come back the moment that insecurity vanished, leaving him with his anger. At himself, at the world, at you. 

Seungcheol’s anger burned in white and blue. His anger was silent, suffocating, almost petty and petulant by nature. He would never yell or raise a hand at you but he’d push you away. Further and further until it felt like you never really knew him at all. 

“I love you.” You’d say, and he’d just hum in response. 

“Cheol.” You’d beg, because even when you said you were done begging, you knew you’d do it again. “Look at me, please.” 

He turned, although his eyes locked on some spot right above your head. 

“Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.” You’d ask him. “Let me help.” 

You knew your attempts at understanding were futile. Choi Seungcheol’s fatal flaw was his independence. He relied on no one but himself. 

“Merry Christmas, please don't call

Merry Christmas, I'm not yours at all”

You supposed Christmas Eve was as good a time as it could get. There would be no best time, you knew that now. You had been looking for the perfect time to leave and look where you were now. Six years deep, in love with a man who barely knew love himself. 

Merry Christmas. You wrote, leaving the letter tucked neatly beside his Christmas gift on the living room table. You knew you couldn’t say goodbye in person. One look at his shining eyes and you’d be begging for his love once more. 

I know none of this is anyone’s fault. You had begun the letter with. I know there are just some things nobody can fix. 

Your hand on the doorknob, your other hand clutched around the handle of your bags, you turned to take in the place one last time. Memories of you and Seungcheol circulated through the air as you lingered by the door, unable to step forward. 

Because that was the couch where he had said I love you for the first time, his face inches from yours. That was the kitchen lights that had flickered when broken, the same lights in which you had danced under, wrapped warmly in his arms. 

I really do wish you the best, Cheolie. And because at Christmas, you tell the truth - I hope you find everything you need to be happy in this life. Merry Christmas. Please don’t call. 

a/n: ending off the 2024 season with a bang! if you made it this far, thank you so much for following along through the beginning of this blog - and i'm excited to spend the next year with you!

[sunflower1experiment]

Human contact

TW// Signs of Sa, suicidal thoughts, Jimmy, knifepoint

Before it happened, Anya enjoyed hugs, so did you….but now…

You stopped hugging Anya and resorted to sending coordinates from home to the military, every day in your room….when you left you got to work as the assistant, you kept watch over the cargo.

“Anya!” Jimmy calls, to which you answered and stand beside Anya. “Need anything?”

“Just need Anya for some “medical” advice, ya know since her job isn’t really that serious.” Jimmy jokes, expecting a laugh but your dead gaze causes him to stop. “……What an odd thing to say, anyway what do you need? You don’t take the psych evals seriously yet, it’s surely needed because we don’t need two people in the cockpit having mental health problems.”

Jimmy’s demeanor darkens and he looks at Anya, she just speaks up. “Whatever you need I’ll be sure to grab it…”

“This is your chance of actually doing your job and you’re hiding behind the assistant.” His words cut the air, basically ignoring whatever she said while you stare him in the eyes. “And this your chance to actually take the job as medically necessary as possible, one mistake because you wouldn’t simply take her job seriously and everything goes to hell…”

Jimmy’s whole gaze focuses on the two, while Anya remains quiet and he left. “….You shouldn’t have…”

“Anya…it was his way of keeping you silent from whatever happened…do you remember anything?” Anya shook her head as you stay quiet to hear her out, “….I’ll change yours and his schedule, and be by your door…or something..”

The assistant sits on the chair, Anya continues working. “Thank you..”

“Anya, its common knowledge to care for my best friend…” The woman nods again then wipes away a tear, holding onto her book before she lets more tears fall down.

“…..Anya.”

“You deserve better.”

She did, she truly did. They hug in silence as the world starts to clear in her mind, Curly soon walks in noting the comforting warmth between them. “You both okay?”

You stare at him with your legs crossed as if to make a remark but all that came out was Anya’s teasing. “Are you? Wanna join the hug circle?”

“I do!!” Daisuke moves by him and hugs Anya close, she giggles while you hug them both. Until Curly picks all three of you guys up and hug them. “Aw- Agh! Captain!”

Daisuke laughs as he sets everyone down, “No way he picked us up! Again!”

“Boy! Get your happy self back in here!” Swansea walks over to them, crossing his arms. “What the- who the heck said you could hug each other without me? Not cool.”

“Okay sneaker head.” You and Daisuke hug the older man while the intern wheezes, “not Sneaker head!”

Sometime passes as you suggested the schedule was changed and well, you lost some credible sleep but you were certainly trying to help Curly figure it out. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

He was uncomfortable, yet willing to work and be friends with him. Why….why would he do that? “….Curly stop trying to fix what cannot be fixed.”

Curly rubs his face when you say that and a couple of tears roll down. “….Curly talk to me.” They begin to talk as he breaks down and starts to blame himself for what Jimmy did.

“She’s pregnant…” You grip the couch, “What are we to do? We have eight months…”

“I simply told her to wait to confront him, but…I-our pay…” You sigh, “…..Curly. You have to support her more and we may have to wait…you made a mistake with the lay offs but..this, its beyond telling…I’ll continue helping Anya..”

For a while it was uncomfortable, Jimmy’s conversations with you were cut short every time and when he asked about Anya you simply replied curtly. “She’s busy.”

The pay being docked was on Jimmy, you knew that and sent coords to the military again. Looking at the panel you suddenly feel a shift, what happened?

Running out of the room then down the hallway you see Jimmy, “Jimmy!? What the hell did you do!?” You run into the cockpit, ripping it open and then grab Curly to help him but after that you shield him as the crash happens…foam surrounds your body.

You look up, and Curly’s form was…damaged, his hand was gone and right eye was badly damaged. But his body….well, your back was badly injured.

You get up as you wheeze in agony, “…..”

Sometime goes by, Curly was silent, Jimmy was tied up and Anya was relieved yet saddened.

“So, what do we do?” Swansea asks. “Our Captain here decided to let some manic loose.”

“Swansea, no….I…I didn’t consider his or Anya’s mental health.” He looks over at Anya while she sighs and starts crying weakly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have..”

“Anya, no matter what. Human contact is simply not something that can be exchanged without the other person’s consent…” You state bluntly, “I don’t know why Jimmy did what he did, but to crash the ship simply because his consequences have actions…well I’ll be….Curly was damned either way…complicit or not…Jimmy had every intent to react…”

“But- I…” Anya looks away, “I’m sorry.” Curly shakes his head.

“Anya don’t apologize to me for anything, ever…it’s not your fault. It’s mine, and Pony Express’s fault…” Swansea grumbles when Curly blames himself, shaking his head. Daisuke merely looks at Jimmy, “Well- That simply just isn’t true Cap….you’re at fault because you were complicit but Jimmy’s actions were his own decision..” he may have been unfiltered but, jeez did his words help.

“Now I’m certain you said the military would come get us?” You nod, “I sent the coordinates and since Curly moved us in time and the system somewhat works, we could try to send more..”

As you start to work, you slowly begin to feel tears rolling down. You set the coordinate telegrams down, finally breaking down softly. “……I should have protected her…”

Days, weeks, two months!?

Curly was laying on your lap, you’d occasionally avoid eating and give it to Anya for her sake, Swansea would check on Jimmy. It was quiet between them and you, your cold gaze made him so angry…why!? Why is it that he tried to fix it….he and Curly both…

“Jimmy…you realize that this crash costed us 4000 credits….you could’ve had those credits but instead you assaulted Anya…did you simply think you doing that wouldn’t have consequences…..of course you did. Thats why you crashed this ship, Assaulting Anya, you probably silenced her or you drugged her who knows…and she found the courage after the lay off…her being pregnant…” You sigh, and stare down at him.

“It makes me sick, you forcefully took away her autonomy, impregnated her and then tried to crash the ship? Simply because you knew it’d reflect on you and that pay would be docked but let me ask you this…do you see her as human?” He looks at you, confused: what kind of question is that!? Anya is a human of course.

“Don’t ask me stupid questions-“

“Then you can answer it with your full chest! Do you see Anya as human!? Yes or no!?” He doesn’t answer, instead he remains silent.

“Thought so, like her, you be seen as subhuman.” With that the cargo door closed once more. Leaving Jimmy tied up with the never ending boxes of mouthwash…

Because that is simply how the company, saw them, how he saw Anya….as something to give them a sort of satisfaction until it affected them.

Swansea holds your arm when you begin your tear up, “Can’t lose my temper….”

They leave, the gruff mechanic was reassuring you yet it didn’t help with the fact that he truly didn’t see that what he did ruined everything. “It all started with the harassment…”

Anya looks at you and she reaches out, at first you hesitate then look at her. She nods reassuringly: You hold one another for a long time again.

Curly does the same, with Swansea and Daisuke joining in after. “This is nice….”

Anya chuckles, “Human contact is only acceptable with consent. As you said.”

[transfemme-shelterdog]

being called a transmisogynist for saying “hey this person is intersexist and kind of a dickhead to transmascs” because the person I’m saying hey that isn’t cool about just so happens to be a trans woman and people insists there’s some ulterior motive. But then if a trans woman suggests that someone is transmisogynistic even on accident it’s all “oh it’s them TMEs at it again, TMRA, truly the men of the trans community,” like immediately.

It’s a very strange comparison but it reminds me a lot of how when a (cis) woman is outed as abusive everyone questions it until they’re blue in the face (even when there’s concrete evidence that should dispel this nuance on the table) but then when it’s a man who does it there’s no questions asked, people going “oh it’s in his nature as a man.”

Idk I wish there was more unity among trans people. I wish I didn’t have to feel like I was walking on eggshells on a 24/7 basis. I wish I didn’t have to feel like I was Betraying The Sisterhood for “choosing” the wrong type of trans. I almost cannot avoid these attitudes or these rhetorics when I’m online and I feel like I’m doomscrolling constantly when I just want to see trans joy.

I know that realistically there’s people who don’t know about this discourse and it’s an insular circle and there are good honest people that would have no questions or debates if you mention transmascs facing transphobia, they’d just nod and agree. There’s transfemmes who would rightfully take you sharing your own experiences as a moment of building connection and solidarity in shared situations rather than how insular discourse people would take it as “speaking over”.

But the loudest, the cruelest, the meanest, dominate this platform and make the discourse (especially in its most extreme forms) look like it’s far more widespread and harmful ideas like transandrophobia/transmisogyny are more commonplace. It’s the phenomenon of focussing on the bad so all you see is the bad, so all people post about is the bad. That is not to say there aren’t dickheads and jerks out there — but it’s so hard to remind yourself of what good is in a community when everyone is so focussed on the discourse.

These discussions are important but I genuinely don’t think Tumblr is a good or smart place to do it especially after the marekane incident which was fucking insane to witness. People genuinely lack literacy and 90% of their vocabulary is buzzwords and they’d rather immediately play mental gymnastics and move goalposts than engage in an actual discussion and build solidarity. I genuinely think everyone would agree much more with each other’s points if they weren’t too busy waiting for who’s gonna fire the allegorical buzzword and accusation bullet first. If you isolate these discussions outside of the internet and the internet’s tendency to fall into echo chambers and/or if you even practice good ol’ code switching you’ll find so many more people would agree with the core point of your intent and ideas even if the terms you personally use to describe it make them balk.

Anyways. “Transandrophobia as a word doesn’t deserve to exist,” with that logic transmisogyny as a word shouldn’t exist and we should all go back to the tried and true just-calling-it-transphobia because then this arbitrary discourse about who is/isn’t oppressed and who deserves/doesn’t deserve it more or whatever the fuck wouldn’t be happening.

hope I. articulated this right I am so tired.

Yeah Tingler is an absolute dogshit platform for actual discussion, as is most online platforms. It's partially why I prefer talking to people, face to face, as it's a lot easier to have actual discussions.

I also feel like most trans people IRL don't act like this, and do acknowledge that transmascs are faced with unique oppression, unlike a lot of transfems here who are determined to bury their heads in the sand and claim that trans men/mascs have it so easy

[shirohige-pirates]

A Truly Mythological Christmas

Cisfem!Reader x Marco the Phoenix

Also on Wattpad // Ao3

18+ - this story is going to get steamy in ways not allowed for your holiday Lifetime specials. Swearing, cheating, assassins, intrigue - you know, all that simple small town stuff.

Chapter 13: Ice Cold

“I can’t sign that severance package.” You tell Katakuri on the phone the next day. He called right after breakfast had wrapped up and you had to leave the boys to Dadan. “The monetary parts are fantastic, but the NDAs, the limitations on what was a personal matter, are just straight up deal breakers. I can’t sign something that limits talking about my own life.”

“I’m not surprised.” He sighs. “But negotiating something different isn’t going to be easy. Mama’s declared this is a slight against the family, and isn’t being reasonable. I’m still trying to reach out to some contacts and see what I can line you up with, but your only options at this point are to come back to work after your vacation, and face pressure I won’t be able to protect you from.” He admits with a sigh.

“Or resign.” 

You sigh in turn, sitting down on the couch. “Yeah… Fuck.”

Getting the news from Katakuri meant it wasn’t going to be covered in bullshit, and false honeyed words, but it didn’t make the truth of it all any easier. The possibility of salvaging your position at the company had already been an impossibility, but now you needed enough control of your future prospects to not have to actually retire. 

And without the severance package, you would have to come back to Sphinx permanently, or at least while you spent what would probably be a couple years looking for a comparable job on your own.

“The good news, if it can be called that, is that we cannot fire you.” Katakuri says. “Mama’s been pushing for it, but there’s nothing for us to work with. Your performance reports are stellar, your attendance, your reviews, even your social media presence doesn’t give her any room.”

“Good to know my stellar track record still makes me less valuable than her son.” You grumble and you hear Katakuri snort. It’s as close as he is to get to laughing, especially in this situation.

“Hang in there Miss Curly,” he says warmly. “We’ll get it to work out by the new year.”

“With you in my corner, I don’t doubt that.” You agree, feeling at least a little better. You might not end up with the outcome that you wanted, but you won’t be job hunting almost endlessly with his support.

“Hey… I…” You make an odd sound as you chew on what you’re about to say, Kata waits patiently, in his experience letting you have an extra second always works out for the best. “This is going to sound insane.”

“I fear whatever you say may be uncomfortably sane, Miss Curly.” He says assuringly.

You grunt. “I’ve recently learned that your mother once had, we’ll say, less than savory connections. I say this because I’m good friends with Edward Newgate’s sons, and that’s how I heard about it.”

“… Ah.” Katakuri’s tone is much heavier. “He and my mother did run in similar circles at one point. It’s been a while since I’ve seen any of the Edward children.”

“Let me tell you another story then, one that can’t possibly be connected.” You say, and then tell Katakuri about the wild adventure you had with your three little brothers yesterday. When you finish the breakdown of events there’s a heavy silence from him.

After a moment he sighs. “Miss Curly, I have to ask, because I don’t know, but is pinky meat a delicacy of some sort?”

“It’s barely fit for survival food.” You balk at the idea of eating it. Once was enough, and that was a dare. “But it is a massive powder pink bird, and it’s not impossible to think someone who didn’t know better would want to bring one down.”

“Alright. I’m going to look into things on my end and I’ll get back to you. Hopefully the next time we chat I’ll have some good news for you.”

“Thanks boss, I appreciate everything, no matter how it turns out.”

“Mm, have a good day, Miss Curly.”

“You as well, Mr. Charlotte.”

Hanging up the phone you lean back and see Dadan looking down at you. “Would you eat pinky meat?”

She grunts. “I think I’d rather eat my own leg.” Pinky meat was pretty bad, but you didn’t know that you’d agree to that extent.

“Where are the boys today?” you question, changing the subject. 

“Off at the school, you were deep into your conversation with your boss and I told ‘em to leave you be.”

“Oh right, school.” You had just about forgotten about the whole concept of grade school. Dadan walks around the couch and comes over to sit in her recliner. “I’m going to be out of your hair in the afternoons, so you can have a little peace and quiet.”

“What’re you up to?”

“Gonna help out at the store.” You admit, hiding your gaze in the cup of coffee she’d handed you.

“Need the wagon?”

“Nah, it’s not that much of a walk.” You assert. “If I need a ride home I’ll give you a call, I should be back for dinner.”

“If you need a ride home it’ll be because someone nicked that SEL.” Dadan grunts and you can’t disagree.

“Yeah, yeah.” You grumble half-heartedly. 

You and Dadan don’t do much between breakfast and Lunch, letting the early morning be as slow and as lazy as possible. With yesterday’s excitement you were glad for it, and it was nice to have time to relax before going to the store. Considering how “on” you had been since you first got here, it was honestly just nice to have a lazy morning on its own.

Once you’re done with an early lunch you head out, a wave to Dadan as you set off down the driveway. Leggings under your slacks kept you warm, and the simple button up shirt you were wearing would keep you from overheating inside the store. In the meantime the wool-lined winter coat did enough to keep you warm. 

It’d have to storm, and you’d have to be stuck in it for an hour, before you’d be worried about the weather.

You: omw

Marco: Coming in a little earlier than expected?

You: Nah, walking. I’ll be there on time.

Marco: Be careful, there’s a few hunting groups in town, but we aren’t sure which ones were trying to tag that pinky.

You: the closest thing to a gunshot inside the town limits has been mom’s wagon.

Marco: Just be careful, little warrior.

You: <3 

Tucking your phone away you pick up the pace a little bit. It’s getting colder pretty fast, and with snow scheduled for tomorrow, it was lining up to be a nice white winter. But that also meant that the afternoon sun might not be enough to make the walk to the store pleasant, good wool-lined coat or not.

It’ll be nice however, to enjoy a proper snow-covered Christmas. It wasn’t really something that happened in the city. Even if you went to one of the parks there were so many people around that there weren’t just big tracts of undisturbed snow. The cold was still a part of it, and being able to watch your breath rise up into the air, or how the frost glimmered when it coated things, but that just felt like it was teasing you.

You weren’t surprised to see Marco when you reached the general store. He was carrying some bags for a lady who was, herself, carrying a small child. He put the bags in the back of the car while she got her kid settled in, and then gave you a wave as you caught up to him.

Bidding farewell to the customer, he steps away from her car, walking slow enough that you catch up easily.

“Ah that small town service,” you beam, falling in step with him.

“Ah that little bit of guilt trip from a lady who wants to leave her husband, yoi.” Marco mutters and your eyebrows nearly disappear into your hairline.

“Home wrecker,” you tease, elbowing him in the ribs a little.

“I’m precisely the opposite, yoi.” He grumbles.

“You’re just too smooth, you needed to retain some of that goofy-shit!” Your feet slip out from under you from ice you hadn’t seen against the blacktop of the parking lot. You reach out for Marco and He gets your arm, but the angle is awkward, and after a brief pause you shift inside your coat and sit hard on the ground.

There’s a loud POP! when you land and you stay seated for a moment, eyes closed before you let out a sigh.

“You alright, pretty bird?” He questions. You expected more of a teasing tone, but he sounds legitimately concerned.

“I am.” You admit, standing up with a little bit of help. “I’m just hoping that sound was the ice, and not my phone.” You clarify, pulling your phone out of your back pocket. The screen’s not cracked, and the face lights up when you turn it on.

“Well, aside from my pride, everything seems good.” You admit with a good natured sigh.

The two of you head into the store and after getting your things tucked away in his office, Marco takes you out onto the floor and gives you the run down of what’s needed. Most of it is straight forward, just putting things back where they go. People will often trade one brand for another, and sometimes trade out seemingly unrelated foods.

Non-perishables go back to where they belong, as does produce, unless they’re visibly damaged. Anything frozen or meats that aren’t cold anymore just go into waste. If you’re unsure better to pitch it than risk it, as far as Marco’s concerned. It was simple enough.

The first hour goes by with little concern, but your earlier poor luck seems to be rubbing off on the people around you today.

“Whoa!”

“Steady!” 

A heavy crash from the other side of the aisle shakes the shelves you’re working on causing you to take a quick step back in case anything fell. The first voice wasn’t familiar to you, but the second voice was Marco’s. The impact against the shelves gave you a new appreciation for how sturdy they were.

“You okay over there?” You question, looking up and down the aisle to see if anything fell.

“Yeah,” Marco’s voice sounds strained, but he continues and sounds fine. “Poor guy saw his life flash before his eyes for a second there, yoi.”

You hear a nervous chuckle from the other voice. “Sure seems so, thanks buddy.”

“Everything good over there?” Marco asks.

“Yeah, nothing fell.”

“Good, I’m going to ring this guy up, if you want to tidy up over here next.”

You grin at the professional tone. Well, you did tell him to behave while you were helping, so you can’t complain.

“Sure thing, boss.” You hum. You catch sight of Marco and the other guy, a shorter blonde in a baseball cap and a pilot’s jacket. Something about Marco’s grip on the man’s shoulder looked a little awkward, but he was smiling. Something about the other man left you with the distinct impression he said things like “Golly gosh” and “aw shucks”.

Coming around to the other aisle you see the aftermath of the impact. The Christmas tree shaped cone of soups that had been set up was caved in, and a few cans were in the aisle itself. The nearby shelves were in disarray, but not too bad. At least nothing had punctured and was leaking soup concentrate on the floor.

You set about the tedious task of tidying up, and boy Marco was not kidding. Organizing shelves like this was dull work, spacing out was about the only way to really make the time go by, unless there was someone around to talk to. Marco had been busy with customers, even with all cashiers on hand and two stockers it was still a lot. 

They were still working through lines four customers deep when you came in, and you didn’t even think that many people even lived in Sphinx.

Though the town had almost doubled in the last couple years, according to Dadan. More jobs from the tourists, more homes for the people who were working those jobs, and the number of bed and breakfasts were still going up, so it was likely the town’s expansion would continue for a while longer at least. Just slow and steady enough that the small town could adjust to it.

“Doing alright, pretty bird?” Marco asks, coming up behind you and adjusting some items on the top shelf.

“You weren’t wrong, it’s dull work, but I’m happy to be helping.” You admit. “Everything okay with the clumsy guy?”

“Yeah. Gave him a hefty discount to keep it from becoming a headache in the middle of the season.” He says, leaning down and kissing your cheek. “Let me know if you need a change of pace, yoi.”

“I’m good still,” you assure him, smacking his arm lightly. “I said behave.”

“I made no promises,” he retorts with a wink.

“You made minimal promises.” You correct, and he kisses you on the other cheek.

“Considering I’m doing the minimum of what I’d rather be doing, I’d say I’m doing exceptionally well.” His voice is low and right by your ear when he says it and you can feel the heat rush up to your face.

A soft squeeze of your arm and he leaves you in the aisle again, off to check on his cashiers. 

This time when your mind wanders, it’s thinking about the warmth of his hand traveling down your arms. The heat of his body at your back. 

Not just his body, but the warmth of that need.

That desire.

You’d only ever seen Marco angry once, really angry, and that had been when him and Thatch had pulled Teach off you. Both boys were full of rage, where Thatch would show the same level of energy while watching a sport on TV, Marco just didn’t. He wasn’t apathetic by any stretch, but even when he was a dorky kid he was pretty mild, and even-tempered.

Understanding, and supportive…

You shake your head and focus back on the task at hand. You were not going to have a moment of existential clarity in the soup aisle of Pops’ Stop. 

Despite that desire, your mind wandered right where it damn well pleased.

“This is embarrassing.” Marco mutters, face buried against the back of your shoulder as you carry him.

“There’s nothing embarrassing about being carried by a friend.” You huff.

“Everyone else can cross the stupid log, yoi.”

“You’re just afraid of falling,” you point out.

“That doesn’t stop me from falling.” He pouts.

“Then why be afraid of it?” You hum, it was the advice Mama Dadan had given you, and it seems to have worked. “If it’s gonna happen either way, there’s no need to worry about it.”

“It’s not the falling part that-.” Marco stops and sighs. “Thanks for carrying me across.” 

You let go as Marco sets a tender foot on the dirt path. “It’s not me carrying you that bugs you, is it?”

“Huh?”

“I mean like… I don’t mind carrying you. It doesn’t bother me, but I know a boy being carried by a gi-.”

“That’s not it.” He interrupts, putting his hands over his ears cause he knows they’re turning red and you’ll pick on him. “It’s cause it’s not cool to fall off the log.”

You laugh, pinching his hands so he’s not covering his ears anymore. “Why would I care about you being cool? It’s not like you gotta impress me.” 

Ah. 

Leaning your head against the shelf in front of you, you wonder for a moment if you aren’t just going to lose your mind at this rate. It’s not that you were worried about moving too, or too slow. It’s not that you weren’t willing to give it your all, or that you had misgivings about anything. You and Marco worked well together, in several different ways, you knew that. 

Right now, at this moment, it was more the fact that somehow you managed to miss all the signs for almost twenty solid years.

[thesunandmoonmakeone]

Can we talk about 7x04 for a minute? Still to this day; out of all the episodes from the season, it is the most discussed? Why? If the show wanted us to believe Tommy was the person who buck wanted their attention, WHY is there a debate? The more i think and the more i look at the bigger picture, i can see. The episode is purpoursly trying to make it a debate between both Eddie and Tommy. That way, ABC is able to test out the waters. Another thing is, Christopher. Christopher isn’t even in the episode but yet is mentioned and a small but important plot. If this was truly about Tommy, AND NOT EDDIE, why involve Eddie? Why didn’t they parallel Tommy to 2x01. Where after the boat cruise, he comes back to the 118 and is jealous of everyone. Buck thinks he will come back for his spot. Eddie didn’t need to be involved. They could have easily done chimney. What stopped buck from reaching out to Tommy after the air hanger. NOTHING? He never called or texted… NEITHER DID TOMMY REACH OUT BACK…. also, idk if anyone realized buck Tommy knew he was going te to hang out with Eddie THE SAME DAY, and YET CONTINUED to invite buck… AND LEFT HIM ALONE AND STRANDED. maybe that was a potential foreshadowing? why show us the last maybe minute before they begin to talk about Eddie and where Eddie is NOW in the frame. Why didn’t they show the beginning where buck comes and meets Tommy? Buck getting upset at Eddie for having on his calendar the basketball game and it being circled. Buck grilling Christopher on his thoughts about Tommy? When did he care about Christophers thoughts before about his dads girlfriends or friends? Accusing Tommy of lying to get bonus points with Chris. You think he truly cared which movie is better? Buck putting up AIR QUOTES “chris thinks he’s so cool”. Really? That’s the way the show is trying to tell us, he likes Tommy? If so, they did a piss poor job. Why does he try to make him a bad guy to Maddie? He really didn’t have the time to talk to Eddie to go to the basketball game? Really? You mean to tell he HAD to wait until the gym scene? Or hell… even ask Tommy or chimney to go. Or, just go up to Eddie, and “hey, is there a spot for the basketball game this week?”. Literally simple as that. They made buck deliver AT THE station a basketball. Even before that, buck wanted Eddie to spot him so by grunting and moaning to get his attention? So he could talk about it Tommy💀💀💀. That’s what you are trying to tell me💀💀 PLEASE. Tommy says to buck “my attention” after buck told him “trying to get your attention has been exhausting” and I’m like just where is this on my screen. Is it a deleted scene? Before the kiss, Eddie and Christopher are mentioned literally the most throughout. The way Tommy says to buck “you know Eddie can have more than 1 friend” and “that kid cannot shut up about you” and the way buck smiles. I truly and honestly believe buck did have an attraction to Tommy, but was scared he was losing Eddie and Chris. Otherwise why act like a child? Why hurt Eddie ON PURPOSE to simply get Tommy’s “attention”. Otherwise why act like a child? Why hurt Eddie ON PURPOSE to simply get Tommy’s “attention”. Or better yet, when speaking with Maddie after he hurt Eddie,

Maddie says “you don’t mean to hurt HIM, did you”,

Buck: I was pissed, you know? Seeing him and Tommy being such good friend after only two weeks. I FELT LEFT OUT and I guess I was trying to get HIS attention.

Maddie: Well, that's not how you get someone's attention.You clear your throat. You tap them on the shoulder. You don't hurt them.

Buck: I know, Maddie. Trust me, I feel awful.

This entire conversation is about Eddie. They don’t need to say his name. The context is regarding someone who Buck had HURT. Who was HURT, Eddie Diaz.

[sugdendingle]

Can we talk about 7x04 for a minute? Still to this day; out of all the episodes from the season, it is the most discussed? Why? If the show wanted us to believe Tommy was the person who buck wanted their attention, WHY is there a debate? The more i think and the more i look at the bigger picture, i can see. The episode is purpoursly trying to make it a debate between both Eddie and Tommy. That way, ABC is able to test out the waters. Another thing is, Christopher. Christopher isn’t even in the episode but yet is mentioned and a small but important plot. If this was truly about Tommy, AND NOT EDDIE, why involve Eddie? Why didn’t they parallel Tommy to 2x01. Where after the boat cruise, he comes back to the 118 and is jealous of everyone. Buck thinks he will come back for his spot. Eddie didn’t need to be involved. They could have easily done chimney. What stopped buck from reaching out to Tommy after the air hanger. NOTHING? He never called or texted… NEITHER DID TOMMY REACH OUT BACK…. also, idk if anyone realized buck Tommy knew he was going te to hang out with Eddie THE SAME DAY, and YET CONTINUED to invite buck… AND LEFT HIM ALONE AND STRANDED. maybe that was a potential foreshadowing? why show us the last maybe minute before they begin to talk about Eddie and where Eddie is NOW in the frame. Why didn’t they show the beginning where buck comes and meets Tommy? Buck getting upset at Eddie for having on his calendar the basketball game and it being circled. Buck grilling Christopher on his thoughts about Tommy? When did he care about Christophers thoughts before about his dads girlfriends or friends? Accusing Tommy of lying to get bonus points with Chris. You think he truly cared which movie is better? Buck putting up AIR QUOTES “chris thinks he’s so cool”. Really? That’s the way the show is trying to tell us, he likes Tommy? If so, they did a piss poor job. Why does he try to make him a bad guy to Maddie? He really didn’t have the time to talk to Eddie to go to the basketball game? Really? You mean to tell he HAD to wait until the gym scene? Or hell… even ask Tommy or chimney to go. Or, just go up to Eddie, and “hey, is there a spot for the basketball game this week?”. Literally simple as that. They made buck deliver AT THE station a basketball. Even before that, buck wanted Eddie to spot him so by grunting and moaning to get his attention? So he could talk about it Tommy💀💀💀. That’s what you are trying to tell me💀💀 PLEASE. Tommy says to buck “my attention” after buck told him “trying to get your attention has been exhausting” and I’m like just where is this on my screen. Is it a deleted scene? Before the kiss, Eddie and Christopher are mentioned literally the most throughout. The way Tommy says to buck “you know Eddie can have more than 1 friend” and “that kid cannot shut up about you” and the way buck smiles. I truly and honestly believe buck did have an attraction to Tommy, but was scared he was losing Eddie and Chris. Otherwise why act like a child? Why hurt Eddie ON PURPOSE to simply get Tommy’s “attention”. Otherwise why act like a child? Why hurt Eddie ON PURPOSE to simply get Tommy’s “attention”. Or better yet, when speaking with Maddie after he hurt Eddie,

Maddie says “you don’t mean to hurt HIM, did you”,

Buck: I was pissed, you know? Seeing him and Tommy being such good friend after only two weeks. I FELT LEFT OUT and I guess I was trying to get his attention.

Maddie: Well, that's not how you get someone's attention.You clear your throat. You tap them on the shoulder. You don't hurt them.

Buck: I know, Maddie. Trust me, I feel awful.

This entire conversation is about Eddie. They don’t need to say his name. The context is regarding someone who Buck had HURT.

Some really great thoughts here

The reason there is still debate about 7x04 is for a couple of reasons.

I fully believe we were supposed to get more of a confirmation about Buck and Eddie's feelings for each other in s7. Even if they didn't go canon by the end of the season I think there was supposed to be more emphasis on showing them growing closer (even closer than we already got). One or both of them would have likely also had their oh moment too. But when they got the greenlight for s8 they decided to hold off on all of that (I wrote a post about that here).

The thing is 7x04 would have made much more sense if it was confirmed by the end of the season that Buck had feelings for Eddie. 7x04 is the kind of episode that needed to have a connecting episode later in the season (especially for the general audience) that was like no you're not losing your mind this is what was really happening. But because Tim and ABC decided they wanted to hold off on Buddie it left that ep just kind hanging and left questions unanswered. We didn't even get to see Buck and Eddie discuss what happened which we should have. We should have been able to see Buck apologize to Eddie and we also should have seen Buck talk about feeling scared Eddie was going to replace him in his life. The audience and Buck also needed to hear Eddie say that no one could ever replace him in Eddie's life.

The other reason this episode gets debated is because B*mmy shippers have twisted it into something it's not. They've come up with their own version as a way to confirm their ship more. And look I get that media can be very subjective. We all bring our own emotions and opinions and life experiences to what we watch and that will alter how we see something. Still B*mmy stans continually ignore what is factually shown on screen yet argue with everyone else that their headcanoned version of B/T is the right one. I'm not saying Buddie shippers aren't guilty of this too sometimes but more often than not we're pulling from actual quotes Buddie have said and scenes that have actually happened.

What we saw in 7x04 is yes Buck took an interest in T*mmy and yes he was attracted to T*mmy but those strong emotions we saw from Buck throughout the majority of the ep they weren't about Eddie taking T*mmy away from Buck they were about T*mmy taking Buck's place and taking Eddie away from Buck. The kind of emotions we saw from Buck in 7x04 made literally no sense if you see them through the lens of Buck being all about T*mmy and only viewing Eddie platonically. No sane person gets that upset over a guy they barely know. Who at that time Buck hadn't even spent any time with minus the helicopter rescue.

B*mmys continue to spin a false narrative about this episode and confuse people who didn't totally understand the ep to begin with. So then you have people saying oh Buck must have been confused and actually into T*mmy or maybe into Both. But his attraction to T*mmy isn't comparable to Eddie because one person he knows better than he probably knows himself and the other he didn't really know at all at that point. It's also not a coincidence that in that ep the show repeatedly drove home how similar T*mmy and Eddie are. Buck was only ever even interested in T*mmy because of his similarities to Eddie who it's never occurred to him he could even have.

Oh I wanted to point out one thing you said:

"Why show us the last maybe minute before they begin to talk about Eddie and where Eddie is NOW in the frame. Why didn’t they show the beginning where buck comes and meets Tommy?"

This a really good point. If the episode was supposed to be about T*mmy and Buck's feelings for T*mmy it easily could have started out that way showing the two of them together for longer so the audience got a feel for them and their chemistry more but we saw them for all of like a minute before Eddie showed up.

B*mmy's will try to say it's because the episode was a misdirect like the episode is trying to make you think it's about Eddie and Buck's feelings for Eddie when it's really about T*mmy but that makes no sense either. Everyone behind the scenes knows how much people ship Buddie and I don't believe for one second they'd do an episode like 7x04 if Buddie isn't in the plans. Like you said they didn't have to include Eddie at all there were so many other ways they could have done a storyline with Buck and T*mmy if the end goal was just to get Buck and T*mmy together. Most especially they didn't have to make T*mmy have every exact same hobby as Eddie.

They definitely didn't have to make Buck talk about Eddie a whole bunch of times literally right before T*mmy kissed him. Also having T*mmy say "my attention" and Buck's response being "yeah I guess so". If this was really about Buck's feelings for T*mmy wouldn't the writers want to drive home that Buck had been confused but he had this moment of clarity and realized oh I like T*mmy. Instead of having Buck respond with, "I guess so" and sound so unsure. He could have said something like, "Yeah, your attention. I like you T*mmy. Was that not obvious?" Then you could easily take the conversation from there. But the important thing is it would make Buck's feelings clearer to the audience if the intention was to highlight Buck's feelings for T*mmy. But it never was.

The misdirect of that ep is having Buck end up kissing T*mmy at the end when the audience spends the whole ep knowing Buck's feelings are about Eddie. Which is why I said we needed an ep by the end of s7 that made Buck's feelings indisputable. If you watch eps 4,5,6 you can see that's where they were going with Buddie. And even though they paused things till s8 you can still see how loud Tim was about Buddie's feelings throughout s7. In ep 7 with the cologne scene in the loft, the medal scene with Eddie watching Buck get his award and the kitchen scene in ep 9, all the chris stuff and the hospital in ep 10.

I think we will still see some of the stuff they were planning on doing with Buddie including circling back around to things that need to be addressed from 7x04 in s8. If T*mmy comes back we may even get a scene where he tells Buck he knew it wasn't his attention Buck was after. The show would just be really stupid to not follow through with any of the stuff they've set up.

I could seriously talk about this ep forever (you kind of opened Pandora's Box messaging me about 😝). I hate seeing people try to make that ep all about T*mmy and Buck's feelings for him when it was so clearly about 1. Buck realizing he's attracted to men and can act on that attraction 2. Buck's feelings for Eddie.

Btw here's my giant post on the ep I wrote when it came out if you're interested in any more of my rambles. Also sorry this took me forever to respond to I'm horrible at getting back to messages in a timely fashion.

[juicebuck]

Can we talk about 7x04 for a minute? Still to this day; out of all the episodes from the season, it is the most discussed? Why? If the show wanted us to believe Tommy was the person who buck wanted their attention, WHY is there a debate? The more i think and the more i look at the bigger picture, i can see. The episode is purpoursly trying to make it a debate between both Eddie and Tommy. That way, ABC is able to test out the waters. Another thing is, Christopher. Christopher isn’t even in the episode but yet is mentioned and a small but important plot. If this was truly about Tommy, AND NOT EDDIE, why involve Eddie? Why didn’t they parallel Tommy to 2x01. Where after the boat cruise, he comes back to the 118 and is jealous of everyone. Buck thinks he will come back for his spot. Eddie didn’t need to be involved. They could have easily done chimney. What stopped buck from reaching out to Tommy after the air hanger. NOTHING? He never called or texted… NEITHER DID TOMMY REACH OUT BACK…. also, idk if anyone realized buck Tommy knew he was going te to hang out with Eddie THE SAME DAY, and YET CONTINUED to invite buck… AND LEFT HIM ALONE AND STRANDED. maybe that was a potential foreshadowing? why show us the last maybe minute before they begin to talk about Eddie and where Eddie is NOW in the frame. Why didn’t they show the beginning where buck comes and meets Tommy? Buck getting upset at Eddie for having on his calendar the basketball game and it being circled. Buck grilling Christopher on his thoughts about Tommy? When did he care about Christophers thoughts before about his dads girlfriends or friends? Accusing Tommy of lying to get bonus points with Chris. You think he truly cared which movie is better? Buck putting up AIR QUOTES “chris thinks he’s so cool”. Really? That’s the way the show is trying to tell us, he likes Tommy? If so, they did a piss poor job. Why does he try to make him a bad guy to Maddie? He really didn’t have the time to talk to Eddie to go to the basketball game? Really? You mean to tell he HAD to wait until the gym scene? Or hell… even ask Tommy or chimney to go. Or, just go up to Eddie, and “hey, is there a spot for the basketball game this week?”. Literally simple as that. They made buck deliver AT THE station a basketball. Even before that, buck wanted Eddie to spot him so by grunting and moaning to get his attention? So he could talk about it Tommy💀💀💀. That’s what you are trying to tell me💀💀 PLEASE. Tommy says to buck “my attention” after buck told him “trying to get your attention has been exhausting” and I’m like just where is this on my screen. Is it a deleted scene? Before the kiss, Eddie and Christopher are mentioned literally the most throughout. The way Tommy says to buck “you know Eddie can have more than 1 friend” and “that kid cannot shut up about you” and the way buck smiles. I truly and honestly believe buck did have an attraction to Tommy, but was scared he was losing Eddie and Chris. Otherwise why act like a child? Why hurt Eddie ON PURPOSE to simply get Tommy’s “attention”. Otherwise why act like a child? Why hurt Eddie ON PURPOSE to simply get Tommy’s “attention”. Or better yet, when speaking with Maddie after he hurt Eddie,

Maddie says “you don’t mean to hurt HIM, did you”,

Buck: I was pissed, you know? Seeing him and Tommy being such good friend after only two weeks. I FELT LEFT OUT and I guess I was trying to get his attention.

Maddie: Well, that's not how you get someone's attention.You clear your throat. You tap them on the shoulder. You don't hurt them.

Buck: I know, Maddie. Trust me, I feel awful.

This entire conversation is about Eddie. They don’t need to say his name. The context is regarding someone who Buck had HURT.

yeah. that's it. i think that's what bothers me most about all of this. it's that considering and discussing any of this, like the actual context of it all, is somehow considered now as being delusional. but the thing is, a (seemingly) very deliberate choice has been made to incorporate eddie into buck's sexuality arc. like, i do think buck likes and is attracted to tommy. that is clear. but it is also clear that a lot (most, even) of buck's feelings in 7x04 are tangled up and misplaced. he is very obviously trying to get eddie's attention throughout, he just isn't in a place where he is able to recognise or acknowledge that. or subconsciously he doesn't want to. because feeling something like that for someone so fucking important, so intrinsic to your life, is very dangerous. and well. especially to the guy who's terrified of abandonment, so. of course he doesn't want to feel anything that could jeopardise what he and eddie (and christopher) have.

like, YEAH. as you said, there are multiple instances where it is very obviously about eddie. to the extent where even tommy is like, wait. "my attention?" and i think there's an argument to be made there that tommy doesn't want to question it more, wants to take it at face value because. well, because he clearly has a lot of his own issues. he's jealous of the 118, this version of the 118 that he's not part of but wants to be. and buck is validating his place in it and it feels good. like, purely from context clues (because honestly the show has given us NOTHING on tommy. which, well. interesting choice) there's a sense that tommy wants to be part of this 118 because the 118 he was a part of (an active part of in some of the worst ways) is something he's ashamed of. like, i don't know whether he sees this as a second chance or a redemption or what, but he clearly wants to be a part of it. that jealously keeps cropping up, and it's a very deliberate choice. he says himself that he's jealous of the family the 118 has become. and i think his relationship with buck is less about buck and more about the 118. and his friendship with eddie and how much he put into that is also evidence of that. like, HONESTLY. i think tommy is aware that buck's deranged behaviour in 7x04 wasn’t really about him, but he doesn't question buck on it because that way he can believe it was. like buck's "i guess so" in reply to tommy's "my attention?" was enough for him. no need to look at that more closely. you know?

anyway, i digress. what i am trying to say is i think it's being written in a very deliberate way and everything you have mentioned there speaks to that. the fact that eddie and christopher were tangled up in buck's feelings about tommy speaks to that. they could have went literally any other way about it, eddie and christopher didn't need to be involved in it. except they were. except maybe they did need to be involved. because maybe it wasn’t about tommy. eddie is literally haunting the narrative. 7x04 speaks for itself. 7x05 buck's main concern is that he's lying to eddie. 7x06 eddie is there, popping up between them (dressed in a suit that matches buck's no less). 7x09 the camera pans to eddie. at almost every turn the show has chose to highlight eddie's presence rather than develop the relationship. so, well. what am i supposed to think? either it's very clever storytelling leading to buck and eddie figuring their shit out or. it's just really bad storytelling.

[lady-bess]

Just A Date - Jack Daniels/Agent Whiskey

Part of the LadyBess Valentine's special! 8 Characters; 8 Dates 💜

Jack Daniels/Agent Whiskey x GN!Reader Mature/18+ (Minors DNI Please✨) WC: 1.7k Notable Tags: Fluff, Jack being the biggest sap you've ever seen, References to Spouse/Partner Death, References to Sex, References to Trauma/Implied PTSD, Admission of Love, Kissing, Shameful Flirting.

Paying a homage to my dear friend @avastrasposts for Jack's Valentine's Day fic, using a subtle nod to their bakery created in 'A Baker's Dozen' as where these two lovebirds met ❤ Please check out their work if you haven't already!

Anyone who knows me knows that of course I had to kick off these character Valentine's head-canons with the one and only Jack Daniels. And, oh boy, have I overthought about how that man would treat you on Valentine’s day…

Ahem...

Now, let’s get something cleared up first. Jack, as we see him in Kingsman: The Golden Circle is, deep down, a broken shell of a man. It’s been twenty years since he lost his first sweetheart, “the love of my life”, and it’s still got him so messed up that I cannot imagine him even wanting to date.

But after his… injury (yeah, that’s what we’re calling it. I’m in charge of the script now, Vaughn), let’s say Jack goes through some much needed therapy. After such time, he’s finally open to letting someone into his life.

This is the Jack I’ll be describing.

It had been years since he had actually wanted to celebrate this holiday. For so long he’d not had any reason to, and for years after losing his sweetheart Valentines day became nothing other than a harsh reminder that he had lost the one he loved with all his being.

But, years after the events of The Golden Circle incident (as Champ so aptly named it…), life was different for Jack. He’d left Statesman, the therapist he worked with helping him to see that for as long as he remained in that line of work he was never going to improve. Every bump to the head that saw him needing Ginger to prompt his memories with a picture of his sweetheart sent him back months with any progress he made.

Now, gone from the organisation, Jack was truly living for the first time. Settled in nicely on a small patch of land in the Kentucky countryside, he kept himself to himself predominantly. He’d met you by complete chance on one of his trips into town, nestled in the corner of a bakery where you both waited for your collection orders to be finished up.

He’d struck up a conversation with you there, it being easy to make small talk when a subject was handed to you on a plate – quite literally. It turns out you’d both ordered the same item from the bakery in question to take away, but there had only been enough for one of you to take it.

Jack, being the perfect southern gentleman, let you be the one to take it.

“Please, sugar, you have it. I’ll go ahead and order something else,” he’d said, tipping his hat towards you as you gingerly took the box from the worker’s arms.

“Are you sure?” you’d asked him. Jack grinned as he sensed the golden opportunity.

“I tell you what, sugar, give me your number and let me take you out sometime, and all will be forgiven,” he chuckled.

To his surprise, you’d agreed, blushing at the cowboy’s request and letting him type out the digits of your number into his phone. He watched you walk away, a slight skip in your step, and he began that moment planning your date.

That was seven months ago now, and now you were fast approaching your first valentine’s day together as a couple. Jack couldn’t be more nervous if he tried. He suddenly had the same level of anxiety as he did the day he asked his first love to marry him, which was ridiculous, because he had nothing quite to that extent planned.

Not yet, anyway.

But it had been so long since he wanted to make an effort on Valentine’s day that suddenly today was filled with all these great expectations. He’d actually managed to terrify himself into wanting to call off the whole day’s plans off. But he persisted, and from the moment the sun rose on the 14th day of February, Jack had been working tirelessly on his plans.

His day had started early, heading to the same bakery where you’d both first met to pick up a selection of savoury and sweet treats. Jack had considered going all out and cooking you a steak dinner under candlelight, but the more he reminisced on your time together, the better this idea suited the two of you.

Once he had everything he wanted, he headed to a nearby florist, and picked out some flowers for you. Twenty-eight flowers, each one signifying a week that the two of you had been dating. He’d smiled to himself bashfully as he waited for the florist to string the bouquet together, allowing himself to briefly think back on his marriage to his first love. This was the sort of gesture she would have adored, and he hoped deep down that she would be able to find comfort in knowing her cowboy was happy once again.

Jack took the flowers carefully and headed back to his truck; next stop, you.

Jack had mentioned something about valentine’s day to you a couple of weeks back, but nothing more had ever been said. Truth be told, you weren’t all that bothered, as you viewed the day as nothing more than an excuse for big corporations to push cheap tat on people in a bid to create an illusion of happiness. But Jack had said to keep your day free, so you let your cowboy run with whatever idea he had brewing.

Just before lunch, there was a knock at your apartment door. You turned down the volume on the TV as you headed over to go answer it, expecting it would be Jack, but not knowing for sure. Sure enough, it was.

Stood in a freshly steamed suit, a basket in one hand, and a bouquet of flowers in another, the cowboy before you looked absolutely ravishing (well, he always did, but today it was certainly more so). You smiled at him, giggling at the toothy grin that he shot back at you, a smile that was somehow brighter than you’d ever seen it before.

“Well, look at you, all scrubbed up nice,” you teased, stepping back to let Jack in. He set foot in your apartment, chuckling under his breath and rolling his eyes.

“Alright, alright, less of the teasing,” he joked, leaning forward and kissing your cheek before allowing you to close the door behind him.

“Okay, sorry!” you giggled, “You look good, Jack. Is this my valentine’s gift?” you asked, motioning to his slim yet muscular body, perfectly contoured under the fabric of the denim suit. Jack smirked, then shook his head.

“Maybe later, sugar. But for now, I got you these,” he said, handing you the flowers. Your face softened as you lovingly took the bouquet, handling them delicately. You made note to count the amount of flowers, and realised the significance behind them.

“Jack,” you began, looking up at your cowboy, “These are lovely. Thank you,” you said. “Let me put them in water!”.

Jack chuckled as he watched you head to the kitchen sink, filling up a vase that was already in the windowsill, and then carefully setting the flowers in the glass. You arranged them so that they would catch the sun while in the kitchen window, and gently placed the vase to one side once you had done.

“There! Oh, they look so lovely,” you said, “Seriously, thank you.”

“I’m glad you like ‘em. Now, I hope you also like these,” Jack said, now handing you the basket in his other hand. You took it from him, furrowing your brow slightly.

“What have you got buried in here then?” you chuckled, setting the basket down on the table. Jack stood next to you, his hand settled on the small of your back as you peeled away a small cotton cloth which covered the top of the basket.

The smell of freshly baked pastry hit you the second the cover had been removed. A mix of aromas, sweet and savoury, flooded your senses and almost threatened to make your mouth water. But the scent was familiar, like it was something you’d smelt a thousand times before…

“Are these from-,” you began, turning to look back at Jack, but stopping speaking at the look he gave you. It told you everything you needed to know.

“The bakery where we first met, yes,” he said, confirming your suspicions. “Felt apt that I should go there, back to where this all began,” he said, chuckling slightly. You turned properly where you were stood, allowing Jack to snake his arm around your waist properly and to hold you in his arms. You rested your hands on the lapels of his jacket and looked deep into his eyes.

“Look at you, getting all nostalgic with me,” you giggled, “What gives, cowboy?”.

Jack sucked his bottom lip in and averted his gaze momentarily. The one thing he wanted to say was something he had been toying with admitting for a while, but he had been so scared to do so. Eventually he took a deep breath in and looked back at you. Cupping your cheek with one hand, he kissed you softly. You kissed him back, smiling against his lips, and in a small whisper he spoke.

“I love you, sugar. With all my heart. Happy Valentine’s day,” he said.

You smiled at Jack, your heart pounding in your chest at the confession. You knew the trauma that he’d been through in his life, Jack had always been very open about that. It was something his therapist had recommended he be, to involve you in these discussions, and you’d even attended a couple of therapy sessions with him to show your support for him. Long before he had the courage to say he loved you, you knew.

“I love you too, Jack,” you said, softly kissing him anew. He sighed in contentment into the kiss, relief passing over him as he heard those sweet words leave your lips – words he had hoped you would speak, but not ones he ever wanted to guarantee.

In each other’s arms, together on this day, Jack felt like for the first time he was truly starting his life over again. And to do it with the one he loved?

Well, what could be better?

For more from this series, check out the Just A Date Masterlist! For more works from me, here's my main Masterlist! ❤

LadyBess xox

[m1ckeyb3rry]

NO FR like he could be your dad please sit tf down….like do whatever you want ig but if you’re gonna do this I don’t think you have the right to shit on other people…

Oh definitely…truly dominating that tag you should honestly file a request to tumblr to claim it or something LMAOO

LMFAOOOO SO REAL literally me like we can’t BOTH be lazy like umm we can’t both be passenger princess move over

PRAYER CIRCLE RN Karasu u20 wc captain karasu u20 wc captain….kurona or Niko would be really funny because you just imagine everyone on the field is like “this 16 year old pipsqueak is the captain..?”

Otoya…what a loser he did not think it through HAHA He stole that money from Seiko’s stack of cash fr LMAOO

OO honestly that’s such a smart tactic…truly a Karasu type of activity analyzing and studying the way real people behave hehe I agree I quite enjoy oblivious/dumb but only when done right and when it’s not like their only redeeming quality LOL

LMAO wattpad truly is like the preschool of writing everyone eventually graduates and learns LOL (you should reveal one of your old fics after you hit a certain milestone LMAOO)

DUBBED VOICEOVER LMAOOO that’s so funny honestly I think it’s really funny when that happens like yeah you better not talk shit to my face :))))

Wait I didn’t even go back to reference the Bible bro how many sisters is he pulling?? This is the reverse of BFB this is BFS??? I’m wondering if they kinda just forgot about the egoist Bible and changed the facts uhhh I’ll check if the authors note in the back mentions it at all….that Bible needs some updating though please add more characters profiles shshshshs I ALSO THOUGHT THAT like a sisterly aww this little child is so cute here’s a forehead kiss but uh???? I was literally reading it outloud for dictation and stopped mid sentence to laugh when I read that moment flustered yuki was so cute and funny like bro really ran to his room flipped on his bed giggling kicking his feet and shit like…tabieitaken supremacy truly….

No because why didn’t they tell us who yuki plays as??? Ok whatever at this point I think we both know it’s basically canon that it’s Mario or peach there’s literally no other option

STOPPP THE KARASU ANON TRANSLATIONS TAG LMFAOOOOOO guys I got my own tag on Mira’s blog…we made it big guys….

Anyways I’m chipping away at the translations gonna finish up Yukis and then do barous and maybe Aryu if I’m motivated enough but maybe I’ll just skim that one and write an actual summary (me saying I’ll write summaries is like you saying you’ll write only 5k words LMAO)

-Karasu anon

FACTS like i’m not judging them for their choices i’m judging them for judging other people 😭 because in what world do they have the high ground

nah because atp we need to hunt down kaneshiro and ask for custody of karasu i think the two of us have done more for him than the actual author himself 😩

LMAOAOA i cannot be driving someone around everywhere fr i need to be the passenger princess 😓 that’s why it’s good to have multiple favs 😈

TO BE FAIR rin was 16 and captain of the bllk eleven fsr so ego does have a track record w it 😫 he’s just tall so he gets additional aura for that ig

seiko jumps people on the side so she has a shit ton of cash stowed away 🤫 it was simple for him to use his ninja skills and sneak into her room to take some KDJDSJSK he truly is not the brightest but it’s okay we still love him

HELP me and karasu are soulmates…tabimira dates are just us analyzing people for “writing purposes” and whatever random ass reason he has for doing it 😭

omg the most embarrassing thing is like i only just removed the first fics i ever posted (back in 2021) literally this month HAHAHA they were literally out and abt for the public to read until that point 😰 i shudder thinking abt it even now 😳 but yeah wattpad truly is where everyone starts out…i’d go through war w the mutuals i met/escaped from wattpad with we’ve gone through too much fr

guys do you watch mira sub or dub 🤔 LMAO it’s funnier because the area in india where i’m from has a lot of islamic influence so we speak hindi mixed with a lot of urdu which means i sound very polite and formal as well as poetic…the typical accent in the city i’m from is also considered to be very rich/elegant sounding i’ve heard?? so basically people talk shit abt me because they think i don’t understand and then i respond to them w literal bars 😭 straight up sounding like the hindi version of hollyhock y/n on an average tuesday

FLUSTERED YUKI IS SO CUTE HAHAHA i love how tabieitaken are all confirmed losers now it’s truly what they deserve (affectionately)…omg no because why IS he consistently going for the sisters?? is that his type in women?? “they have to be my best friend’s older sister”…do NOT let my man near the otoya or karasu households he will combust 😭 no but lowkey i was surprised that she was being fr too 😰 calling him “my beloved kenyu” is crazy work icl…but ok queen invest early ig…😟🤨

they didn’t need to add who yuki plays as because they know we’ve got it covered 🙏🏻 apparently i am also the number one yukimiya kenyu blog now btw HAHAHA i feel like i never even post abt him too?? the queen of tabieitaken right here fr no one can compare

YESSS LMAO I WANTED TO BE ABLE TO FIND THEM QUICKLY 😭 especially if i’m writing for yuki hehe gotta have my references on lock 🤩 honestly i probably should make tags for when my mutuals/established anons send me asks but like…i don’t feel like starting now…HAHAHA i think my tag system is a little bit above the bare minimum but some people have such neatly organized tagged blogs and personalized tags and whatnot but me personally i have never been that person and probably never will be 😓 if it annoys people they can just unfollow ig idk

PLSSS omg idk if you saw my recent post but currently i’m feeling really dumb for that whole “6-9k words ballpark 😄” NDKDJSJSK i shall continue to work on it though 🫡 take your time w translating i’m sure it’s tough!! i’ll be here 😈💖

[kordifm]

Dragons Rising S1 No Spoiler Review

Dragons Rising was truly amazing. For context, my brother and I stayed up until 2 am to binge-watch the season after I got home from classes for the day. We initially wanted to split the season in half for our watch through, but every episode, we found ourselves drawn in by the lore and the world building and all the silly little funny moments in between that could just exist because of the 20 20-minute episodes.

The opportunity to watch a season that isn’t capped at a short runtime due to corporate meddling is honestly a dream come true for Ninjago fans. The season felt so full and well-rounded, and I felt like the writers really were able to get everything they wanted in to the season. Obviously not every idea makes the final draft for any piece of creative work, but this one felt so much less bare bones than the previous seasons as far as time goes.

But my favorite part is the character development, hands down. I was so on the fence about Arin and Sora when the trailer first came out, not because I didn’t want to like them; but because I was afraid that they would seem too much like next-gen replacements in comparison to the OG ninja. Boy, was I wrong. They felt so real as characters and were absolutely written beyond my expectations.

Arin is such a pure cinnamon roll who looks up to the ninja and then gets to be one in his own right. He has this air of humility, always wanting to do what’s right as he learns what it takes to be a hero. And he just loves his new family all the while maintaining his hopes for seeing his parents again one day.

And Sora…well, I could write paragraphs about her character development. She honestly reminded me of myself in quite a few ways, so seeing her grow from being very non-involved and on the run from Imperium to conquering her initial doubts about the ninja and her own insecurities was such a treat to watch. She’s a character that is cynical about the world in many senses, but her heart is open to her new family and later in the season, herself and who she wants to be.

Needless to say, I loved them both, and I can’t wait to see where their stories go from here.

Alright, I have to talk about the OG ninja. Gone are the days when they are sidelined to be comic relief. Each episode had a very accurate picture of who they are as mentors and young adults (I will never get over Lloyd calling Arin and Sora “teens,” thereby distancing the OG ninja from that label). I love how Lloyd, Nya, and Kai get to be guides for Arin, Sora, and Wyldfire; albeit in their own ways. I could also spend an exorbitantly long amount of time on this topic, but the highlight for me is that they all had a different answer when their apprentice, if you will, asked them “Is that a Master Wu saying?”

I won’t write about the other three ninja at length here because I want to keep this non-spoilery, but I will say it’s great to see everyone once again, even for a little bit.

My brother likened the original Ninjago being a circle, and this season being the outer circle. We get to take a step back and see a bigger picture of the world and the characters, and we’re not even done yet. I want to make a list of all the open-ended questions that the season left us with because I am totally hyped up here. And of course, credits to everyone who worked on this project. I cannot wait to see what comes next.

[ifiwereawriter]

I know this is meant to be a "writing" blog, I know, I just need an anonymous safe place to vent right now or imma be screaming, crying, or throwing up pretty soon.

So this is about love. Relationships. Boy drama. *Rolls eyes* of course it is. That's pretty much the only thing you yell to your diary about.

Anyway, I have NEVER been in a relationship. I am in my mid twenties. I grew up super conservative Christian homeschool etc. I'm pretty much scared of social interaction and especially scared of guys. So about 3/4 a year ago, my fam took guy A on an interstate trip with us. I won't take a long time to tell the story BC you don't need that, but the bare bones of it that are relevant are: him and I got along, we shared a moment when I got real and told him my family dynamics and some really personal stuff about my life while I was fricking painting my nails and sitting on a trailer and no one else was around. Then, the trip was over, things were a bit weird but friendly until he called me beautiful. And this freaked me the Frick out. I liked him as a friend but not the something more that this CLEARLY implied. Then I just real-life ghosted him as well as I could and he probably picked up on it bc I was actually giving him the silent treatment/cold shoulder which I totally regret in hindsight but at the moment I was so angry with him and freaked out. He went overseas too and I was desperately praying that he would find a girlfriend in his hometown lmao.

Cut to tonight and I have been thinking about guy A because guy B is on the scene now (I will tell that story soon). And guys A is at the event I go to, and he is being super sweet with the kids and everything and I think about him. But at one point, I see him walking with a girl who is there who is prettier, cooler and closer in age to him than me and guys, if I didn't feel crazy at that. Like, if I truly don't like him I would be happy if they got together but dang it kind of ate me up and set me off a bit. Like I couldn't. And tonight I'm eating some cup tapokki and I can only think back to the time I had tapokki with guy A. It was the only time I've had it before tonight and we were eating at a Korean restaurant on our family trip with just two of my brothers and if was probably the most datelike thing I have ever been on. So I like him??? Do I even know what I like? And even if I liked a guy wholeheartedly, I would STILL be too much of an inexperienced self-shameing pussy to act!

So guy B is a handful, and not a very pleasant one. I know him through my social circles and I genuinely find it painful to talk to him. He is a great listener, and so am I. He just draws me out so badly because otherwise he leaves the conversation on the most awkward pauses and he just unsettles me for SURE. So that's the scene. I don't like talking to guy B and while he has characteristics I admire, in general I do not like his lack of social awareness. Cut to, my Dad tells me someone has come to him weeks ago and asked if he could 'get to know me better'. I still live at home and did I mention, super Christian conservative parents? He doesn't tell me who the guy is but after a couple of hints I am certain it is guy B. I cannot think of a single other person it would be. And damnit. I don't want my dad to say 'no' of course, I don't believe in that, but I literally do. not. like. this. guy. at. all!

So now I am feeling extremely self-conscious about this guy and he was at the event tonight and I spent the whole entire night trying to avoid him. My dad got a call from an unlisted number while I was talking to him and he left to go pick it up. I look over and Guy B is standing across the room on. his. phone. He was probably asking for my dad's answer since it had been the amount of time my dad said he wanted to wait. Damn it.

Now I am eating comfort food at home after all this. And posting a stupid ramble about it on my side account. FML tbh. Boys, you can't live with em, you can't live without em, amiright? I need therapy.

[lunarscaled]

𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐘𝐌𝐈𝐎𝐍, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘. 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄. 𝐁𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐒.

𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙾𝚁𝚈 𝙵𝙰𝙻𝙺𝚂 𝚂𝙰𝙸𝙳: Are you on your way here??? 𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙾𝚁𝚈 𝙵𝙰𝙻𝙺𝚂 𝚂𝙰𝙸𝙳: It's been like 30 minutes.

I said I was coming. 💢 Do you know how long the security line is right now at the depot? :📱

𝙼𝙴𝙻 𝙲𝙾𝙿𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝚂𝙰𝙸𝙳: should we check in without you??? :(

Do NOT check in without me. I'm the one who made the reservation! :📱 Sit down and wait 15 more minutes in the lobby. You already checked in at the gate, they know we're here. :📱

𝙷𝙰𝚂𝚁'𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙻 𝙰𝙻𝙴𝙰𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙷 𝚂𝙰𝙸𝙳: They were unmotivated to allow us passage through the check-in even with our invitation because you were not with us. 𝙶𝙰𝚁𝚁𝙴𝚃𝚃 𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝙵𝙾𝙾𝚃 𝚂𝙰𝙸𝙳: & because the guild is new.ᐟ Were like star rookies ᝰ

Don't go around telling anyone that. It'll put a target on our back. :📱

𝚇𝙸 𝚂𝙰𝙸𝙳: … it's crowded…

-> Lyric sighs as their head leans against the brick wall, shifting their bag on their shoulder. They feel the burn of the long walk back to the train station near the field and a hard leap on the teleportation circle from one continent to another weighing down their body, but they cannot rest until they meet up with the rest of the guild and unpack in the hotel room. Maybe run once more through their piles of information and binders to prepare as much as possible before the opening matches are decided.

-> All the luggage was brought with the boys and delivered ahead of time; Lyric only wears their necessary gear for their work and whatever they took with them when they left the hall. Their phone teeters on a precarious 15% as the check-in line meanders slow——it felt like airport security, but worse. The high reaching ceilings of the guild member accessible areas are decorated with swoops of tapering lines in a lustrous art nouveau style, yellow lights and white walls and plenty of glossy tiles. After spending almost three nights outside in the pitch black, it gives them a migraine just to look at, but everyone else here is dressed up with their enthusiasm.

& fighting instinct.

-> There is a crawling on their back as they press their palm to the flat of their bag. They can feel eyes upon them, sizing them up. Someone who was not here last year but is here now; they think someone tries at least once to intentionally step on their tail.

❝Please present a copy of your ID, Guild Registration Permit, and your Tourney Invitation.❞

-> The attendant at the front of the line asks, and her wording is a little too stiff for Lyric to doubt if she is truly a living thing or not. They'd heard rumors that the country of Selene was developing lifelike constructs derived from automatons, made to handle the menial everyday tasks which were often subject to human error but put others at ease by appearing like a living organism. It was a bit off-putting, for Lyric, but perhaps this was a model being put to the test. They aren't sure anyone else notices…

-> The hair of the attendant is perfectly curled at the chin in a bob, her uniform neatly pressed without a crease out of place. The hat on her head looks like a conductor's cap with the symbol of the royal family on it in a gold pin. That might explain whose affording these things… Lyric hands over their documents to her without saying anything, even when she repeats her request with a cheerful tone. They watch her eyes lower, lashes framing her irises as they emit a subtle glow.

Magic identification, then. To make sure they're not forgeries.

-> Lyric shifts their bag to their other shoulder and glances around the terminal at murals and standee information signs and poster advertisements for sightseeing in the country. A poster for Endymion proudly proclaims 𝗦𝗘𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗧𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗖𝗜𝗧𝗬! in bold font written like a postcard over a painting of its infamous magic clocktower, its mighty turning gears and gold half circles held weightlessly in the air as they orbit around the clock itself. The rumor was that the clock, in the heart of the capital of the country, was built around and powered by an extremely powerful magical artifact——supposedly an arch mage's staff, so strong the crystal it kept had to be broken into 7 pieces. The staff itself and several pieces of the crystal are housed in the clocktower, one piece resides in the Princess' crown, and the rest are not publicly accounted for. Or so it's said.

❝ ——thank you for your patience .ᐟ Your invitation has been approved, and your entry has been registered. Please take your documents and proceed to Platform 11, where the next tram will take you to Hightown .ᐟ ❞

-> Eugh. Her enthusiasm is so much it makes them recoil. Lyric takes their documents back and shoves them ungracefully into their bag as flat as they can manage, weaving past groups of people and trying to hurry on their way. The sooner they got out of this place the better.

-> All the walkways and platforms are the same kind of too-clean, too fancy feeling aesthetic that makes Lyric's rumpled demeanor seem more out of place. While they are far from the only guild member coming through this way that looks jaded or grizzled ( they saw a rather hefty orc with a missing nose, and siren whose neck gills had slashes right through them ), Lyric thinks they easily appear to be... the most pitiful. Not quite bit enough and not quite intimidating enough; all their weapons hidden and with their head tucked down and their shoulders hunched up.

-> They hear someone snicker behind them. They hear someone mumbling on their left. They feel eyes on the back of their head like hot irons.

I'm getting on the tram, be there soon. It took a long time for the line to move. :📱

Everyone sits shoulder to shoulder and then some.

-> Lyric tucks themselves into the first available corner and holds their back to their chest and takes slow, deep breaths in through their nose and out through their mouth, willing themselves to be invisible on the spot. They rest their head on the rubber insulator lining a window and see their own face looking back at them as the interior of the station chugs past while the train picks up speed, and then rushes into a blur as they take the tunnel before coming out into the open landscape.

-> Selene is a surprisingly lush country for where it is. Perhaps that, too, is a type of magic. Or perhaps a blessing afforded to the people and the family by some means dealt with long ago. Perhaps it is a fragment of that staff of rumors, feeding the soil like a fertilizer. Either way, even in the blue of evening, they can see the sprawling open fields bursting with wild flowers meeting the tree line, the edge of the ocean far beyond that. In the distance at the end of the long rail, Endymion itself is aglow with lights of many colors, the clocktower standing proudly at the peak of three individual city rings, framed at its base by the royal palace. They can see fireworks popping, and glowing air balloons loft over the fields. Everyone in celebration for the opening ceremonies.

-> Selene was one of the countries still ruled by old magic blood, upkeeping their nobleman way of life through innovation which benefitted their peasantry. At the risk of their entire bloodline dying out it seems the monarchy which ruled eventually learned that serving their people was the best interest, and so they became known for their focus on magic technology. "A place where guild members were not needed to protect the people" was the pitch they threw, "and so they should feel welcome to relax and enjoy the competition to their heart's content." A nice story, if you overlooked the massive amount of tourism and revenue such an event garnered. Several other countries have hosted the guild tourney over the centuries, but it was reported few were as beautiful and well recognized as Selene.

-> Lyric heard the princess was a sight to see. Maybe that had something to do with it. This was the perfect place to rub elbows with people of power——Lyric was not without that motivation themselves. They had something they were looking for.

-> They stand rigid in the train car for a near 25 minutes until it finally pulls into the station platform, and when everyone begins to file out in a rush they can breathe. They are one of the last to leave, careful not to bump elbows or tail with anyone, as they exit onto a new platform: more rustic this time. Brick and brass work, hand painted signs and plenty of decorating greenery even on the inside. The lamps are made to look like oil burning but are 100x as bright. Lyric shuffles their way up and escalator ( is it still an escalator if it's powered by magic? they're unsure. ), down an escalator, down a loooong hallway of signs to other platforms and finally out the front of the station and almost right onto the street if not for the slightly elevated area right out front.

-> If they thought the train was bad, Hightown is absolutely 𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 with attending guilds. Pauldrons and swords as big as their whole body, glittering mithril work and sturdy steel, capes and furs and every species they could imagine all shoulder to shoulder trying to push through the street in both directions.

… there's no way I can get through this. :📱

𝙶𝙰𝚁𝚁𝙴𝚃𝚃 𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝙵𝙾𝙾𝚃 𝚂𝙰𝙸𝙳: There's probably more people here than our whole town! 𝙼𝙴𝙻 𝙲𝙾𝙿𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝚂𝙰𝙸𝙳: should we come get you? :( it's so busy, we kept getting separated!

-> Lyric stares at the message on their phone, and then lifts their head again, looking for any kind of quick way through or around the crowd. They were only vaguely sure of the direction they were going in to start with. ——their nose wrinkles as they raise their gaze higher, watching a few sneaky Felinids climb a lamppost for a higher view. One perches up on top and then does a daring hop to a sturdy signpost across from it. Then grabs a window ledge, up onto a porch, and from there up onto the flat top of a business. … it'll take them forever to get here. What's more, if they get separated it'll delay their check in time even further.

… no, it's fine. I've got it. :📱

-> Lyric pulls tight the shoelaces on their boots and secures their bag's clips to keep it closed.

I'll take the roofs. :📱

[brainwormsnotgummyworms]

Did I Lose a Piece of Myself or Has She Been There All Along?

How to retrieve blocked messages! 

How to see blocked messages when their number is blocked. ✨

I had blocked his phone number on my phone, I just got a new laptop and all of his texts he sent me while he was blocked just loaded.

When I open my laptop and it shows the last message they sent me after I blocked them. 

How to find blocked messages on iPhone. 

I caved. It started with one TikTok: a video of a teenage girl with her hand over her mouth, her perfectly manicured acrylic nails shining under the white light of her screen, and her bulky rimmed glasses glinted with a reflection of an image of the young girl recording herself. Her slicked back bun and golden chunky hooped earrings were covered with a black-and-white rounded text stating how she found her “blocked messages folder” on her iPhone–unveiling the thousands upon thousands of text messages she received from her ex. All of which consisted of the, “Take me back” pleas.  I don’t know this girl and I don’t know her ex, but I do know myself and what happened between my ex and I–the seemingly heart wrenching story which truly was just a break-up that was waiting to happen at least eight months prior. As I begged and sobbed in the stairwell of my summer dorm, he averted my eyes and laid back upon the concrete wall. “Why am I not enough for you?” I asked between stifled tears. 

Why am I not enough for you? The desperate question danced mournfully in the empty hall–its forlorn message dripped with deplorable pity and anguish as it bounced from wall to wall. 

I never received an answer, but maybe it's better that way. 

The day of the break-up, he had unfollowed and unadded me on all platforms about fifteen minutes after everything happened. To retaliate, I blocked him on every app that I could–except his phone number, of course, because how else would I send desperate texts asking to stay friends!? Eventually, when I finally accepted he would never come back or return my drunken calls, I blocked his number on my birthday; it helped to never know whether or not he would’ve sent that sneaky “birthday text” some of us wish to receive after the breakup. 

Over the past year or so, I have changed into the new and improved woman I like to think of myself as. A new degree; a new home; a new career; a new haircut; a new wardrobe; a new circle of friends; a new piercing or two; a new flourishing girl he will never know nor touch. Even with everything that has changed, I cannot help, but remember how I felt that day in the stairwell–that, in itself, was a new feeling I had never felt before. 

I have moved-on (or at least that’s what I tell myself). I go on dates, I chat with new guys and girls, I fantasize, I flirt, I bat my eyes and purse my lips, and, worst of all, I still think of him. I think of him in the same way you stress about having to pay off your credit card when you spent a little too much that month or when you go to the doctor’s office hoping that your symptoms are not as serious as the internet makes it out to be when you search them up on Google. He clouds my thoughts like an oil spill in a fresh green lake; the thick, black liquid shines rainbow on the baby duck’s yellow feathers as it tries to escape the woods. It’s just a dark storm which always looms at the back of my mind no matter how many sunny days I have. 

Today, I found myself getting sucked back into the haunted forest of lost memories–my normally yellow feathers now slicked back in gleaming black goo. I watched the tutorials and did as they said: 1) Opened my Phone app. 2) Clicked on my voicemails. 3) Scrolled alllllll the way down. 4) Found the tab that said, “Blocked Messages.” My heart began to race and my head was pounding. I couldn’t believe it was so easy to access this “hidden secret” that was seemingly right in my face for the entirety of this past year. As I readied myself to open up the forbidden chambers of Blocked Messages, I envisioned the waterfall of voicemails from my ex just as the girl in the TikTok did. I imagined his voice creeping through the phone and finally asking me through broken tears, “Why am I not enough for you?” I finally clicked on the tab after what felt like an eternity, my hands trembling, just to find…

Spam calls. 

It was all the spam numbers I had blocked throughout the year–nothing else. Taken aback, I listened to nearly every voicemail trying to convince myself it was him. Maybe in this voicemail I’ll hear him on the other side explaining it was a fake number because I blocked him on everything else, but he regrets everything that he did and he’s so, so, so, sorry, I thought. But it never was. It was always an automated voice message telling me to press 2 if I wanted to continue the call, then, click, silence. 

Something happened that I wasn’t expecting to happen. My heart dropped in disappointment, my throat tightened, my face felt warm, and I could feel the tears pool in my eyes. I was sad; I was sad he never tried to reach out once. It finally hit me a year later that he didn’t care like I thought he did. Selfishly, I always pictured him crying in his room in heartbroken angst in front of an ex-girlfriend shrine realizing that leaving me was the biggest mistake of his life. Now I know that never happened. In fact, I was the one crying in heartbroken angst–not him. 

As I let the sadness settle, like a baby bird taking cover beneath its mother’s wing, I swiped out of the Blocked Messages tab just to find another tab right above it titled “Deleted Messages.” My curiosity got the best of me and I sheepishly opened this second tab too–finding something I didn’t necessarily want to see. I saw all the voicemails he had left me during the relationship; I forgot I never fully erased them. I clicked on the latest one back in October many moons ago, but I couldn’t get myself to listen to it and hear his voice echoing in my cobwebbed mind like nails on a chalkboard. 

I read the transcript. I remembered this day. It was near Halloween. As we stood in front of the bar, he yelled at me in front of his friends. He had never yelled at me like that before. We weren’t even fighting, but he yelled at me. Shocked at his actions, I ran back into the bar as he waited outside, “Please call me back. I don’t want to end the night like this,” he sighed, “I love you.” The transcript ended. 

I

love 

you… 

I read those words, but I didn’t remember feeling loved then. 

What I did remember was how horrible I felt that night after he screamed in my face to back off.  I remember when he told me he hated being around my family. I remember when he hung out with his “girl best friend” late at night and turned off his location for hours.  I remember when he told me how in love he was with another girl and it wasn’t fair she didn’t want him back.  I remember when I told him I didn’t want to have sex, but he still did it anyway.  I remember when my roommate told me he was hitting on her.  I remember when he lived at my apartment and refused to help me with the bills. I remember when he would have outbursts when I wouldn’t use my money to buy him weed.  I remember downplaying my own success because he would get jealous of my achievements.  I remember when he told me I was never supposed to be long-term.  I remember when he knew that one of his friends sexually assaulted me, but we never spoke of it.  I remember when he would talk about the future and he would always leave me out of it. 

I remember, I remember, I remember. Suddenly, it clicked–the biggest thing I needed to remember. This was not someone I loved or missed, but someone who hurt me so deeply that a bandaid was never going to be enough to fix the broken bones he had left behind. 

For a long time, his leaving made me feel as if I had lost a part of myself, but it has occurred to me that I never did. While he may have tried to take the best parts of me away, destroying them like bullets through glass soda bottles, I have since grown, changed, and transformed. My heart may have bruises, but it’s still intact–capable of being loved and loving others once again. It’s not that a part of me is gone. Instead, roses and daisies have finally sprouted between the cracks in the sidewalk. I was the biggest stranger to myself when I was with him, but now I know myself like no other. A wave of peace, serenity, and glee washed over me and waves hit the sand upon my mind: he will never be the forest fire devouring the flowers, trees, and wildlife in my dearest meadow. 

I stared at the screen as my finger found its way from the bright blue “Clear All” header. As I clicked it, my iPhone asked, “Permanently clear deleted voicemails?” 

Clear All. 

Despite erasing the little bit of history I had left, I had never felt so much more complete.