#i try not to clog up my art blog with stuff that isnt...art

[sanchoyoscribbles]

Do you have any favorites magical girl show or movies

I mean. this blog is 90% magical girls and I have a magical girl webcomic. of course I do love the genre and have favorites, lol

tokyo mew mew is my all time fav. it has been since I was 12 and this Will Not Change.

but some others I've watched/read include, in no particular order:

acro trip (comedy, very silly)

heartcatch precure (this one was a slowburn for me to love it but its very sweet and got surprisingly dark. also cool style)

kiki's delivery service (if we're counting witches?)

lyrical nanoha (enjoyed the scifi vibes and blatant yuri, not so crazy abt the amount of fanserv tho)

Magilumiere Co. Ltd. (really refreshing to see adult magical girls. I'm not fully caught up with the manga, and haven't started the anime yet OTL)

full moon o sagashite (for when you want to Cry)

panty & stocking (mostly watched due to the style/animation being cool, a bit more adult than I usually enjoy)

Phantom Thief Jeanne (just the most based concept ever, more phantom thief magical girls pls)

powerpuff girls Z (& the original series. z was a surprisingly fresh take on ppg, I rly liked their designs!)

madoka magica (I've done a few fanarts madoka on here!! love it, have not seen the 30 million spinoffs)

star twinkle precure (arguably one of my favs, my first precure!)

sleepless domain (NEED TO CATCH UPPPP AAA)

and some western magical girls series I watched when I was younger like w.i.t.c.h, winx club, etc. if it was sparkly, I was probably Watching It

I've also seen sailor moon and some of mermaid melody, but it's been so long on these I really want to revisit them soon!! (like I haven't properly watched sailor moon since I was a kid!)

some other classics on my watch list (I am very embarrassed I haven't seen these yet but I'm slow at watching stuff!! I have a basic knowledge of most of them, have seen snippets of them, and really already love the aesthetics lol): creamy mami, cardcaptor sakura, ojamajo doremi, princess tutu, revolutionary girl utena, shugo chara, and sugar sugar rune

I tried to watch miraculous ladybug too but idk. I couldn't get into it. I wish she had a more magical girl-ish outfit, not one that leans so superhero-y!!! T_T

[squeiky]

Sometimes I get really sad and lonely and then I scroll through tumblr.

I think I have to start making a routine to walk outside, but i keep making excuses not too. The only outside place I want to be is on my porch and a park that’s 30 minutes away.

I’m really lonely apparently. It’s a side effect of having very little of a social life (aside from the few interactions on here. Since I don’t interact with anyone on any other site tbh.)

I think it’s just easy for me to be alone. Like I’m sure I developed some kind of abandonment issues and I’m fully aware of how it makes me feel- and that might be why i keep avoiding irl interactions.

Everything feels easier here. No anxiety no pressure. I know people here are okay and already know my goofy little self. I don’t have to worry about appearances and present how I desire. I don’t feel trapped.

I can scream into the void here. I can keep screaming and maybe one day, someone might just scream back. It’s a good feeling.

I keep feeling guilty for posting or rebloging so much. I look at other people getting asks or interactions as “successes”. I see comments and tags and it’s “success”. At what? Hell if I know. Perhaps some social game like popularity, or the fact that somebody is liked enough to have people talk to them.

Ugh, I used to read my old blog posts from an account long abandoned. Reeked of insecurity. I see myself falling back into that spiral over and over again whenever the darkness creeps up a little to closely. Like I can only eve ignore it for so long, until I’m back to screaming again like I am now.

It’s like that stupid feeling, like someone in the back of my mind is screaming “please be with me.” It’s crying all the time.

I don’t know what freindship is, I only see people in black and whites of “useful” and “not useful” the definition of useful isnt exact and varies person to person, but I recognize this is my thought process.

I guess there’s the guilt of it all too. Some underlying shame or guilt constantly pestering me. I hate annoying things and it’s really annoying.

I’m young, and I’m still figuring things out. Though that doesn’t really invalidate or solve how I feel now. Idk.

At some point in time I forgot how to talk to people in real life. It’s like when I do my soul leaves my body and I just go on autopilot. Only to return to a state of constant evaluation and analysis (which are my saviors).

Sometimes I just want to stay broken. Or maybe I was never broken to begin with. I don’t know. I’m sad and buttnaked writing this at 11:54 because I’m slowly developing a fear of sleeping (technically I just have s very strong desire to stay awake for no reason in particular.)

I fucked up with the alt descriptions for my art. I’m unsure if I’m making excuses not to make alts because it’s too much effort-or it’s something else.all I know is that I feel guilty about it.

I hate guilt (or is what I feel shame? I’m uncertain). I wish I never felt it. It’s a disgusting feeling that only does me bad. Usually I can just determine via logic when ive fucked up. But if what I feel is guilt then I do not like it. I wish it wasn’t there I wish it didn’t exist because it annoys me.

I cleared out my wounds too. I’m hopping I made it better by opening up a covered path that was clogging the infection gunk from getting out- and some dead skin. Getting hurt sucks.I thought I would be stronger. But I am reminded I am frail.

Screaming into the void in hopes of a freind. It’s a strange habit to have. Always screaming never a reply. I wish I could make things like this one person I follow. I’ve never seen them ever sad about their lack of interactions (atleast in this platform). I’m trying to be like that. But it sucks that I can’t register likes Orin the same way I do as reason people’s tags or comments or seeing their reblogs.

Since I’m always reblogging other peoples stuff, there’s always that nagging feeling when ever I make my own shit that it’s never enough.

One day though I think I’ll feel “enough”. I’ll drink champagne on that day and eat a chocolate cupcake. Just like a birthday celebration.