#i wanna know every reference and the history of them and there overlapping of this body of work and another

[liesandbrokenhearts]

God I’d wanna be an intellectual so bad, I know they probably all are having a terrible time but to know so much knowledge and to understand that much and it’s underlying ties to human existence and connection- like being that cultured in thought sounds incredible though I’m sure sometimes debilitating in its ways. To have a broad view of the world like that must bring much clarity on the worlds many disparities.

[work-of-waking-up]

In Defense of the Psychopath

Alright, wanna venture into my crazy ass brain? I’m going to start by saying one thing that will set the tone for everything else that follows: Villanelle is not a psychopath in the way that we currently understand them. Why am I even bothering to write about a fictional character, you ask? Because representation is important. Media portrayal of various mental and behavioral health topics (including ones that people might not think need to be discussed) is important and this show has a big audience. I also just want to contribute to the conversations that are taking place because I am seeing A LOT of them and the reason for that I believe boils down to the fact that Jodie makes Villanelle so relatable and people want to know what that means and looks like for them. Even those who felt they could relate to Sandra’s Eve, or the relationship between the two, maybe questioned what that meant the further they went down the path with them. “It’s probably a bad thing I relate to a psychopath, right? But she can’t be a psychopath because she cries and she feels things! Psychopaths don’t cry, which means she isn’t realistic so therefore it’s okay that I relate to her! Right? Or are my assumptions about psychopaths and people with antisocial personality disorder wrong? I relate to Eve but look what she is underneath it all...so does that mean I relate to that part of her too?” Not only is villanelles character relatable, but people see the freedom inherent within her, the freedom that Eve sees, and they realize that, at least on some level, they want it too. The show has (unintentionally I think) created a massive dialogue which is super cool and you can tell everyone involved on the show is aware of that now, I mean they have a consulting psychiatrist so I think that speaks for itself. This is less of a commentary on the character herself and whether or not she is a genuine psychopath, and more so a commentary on the conversations she has inspired and why... For the record, this is literally just my opinion sprinkled with a few facts, nothing else.

So, the term psychopath gets thrown around in the show, more so in the beginning, MI6 explicitly labels Villanelle this way, even going so far as to use her in a presentation about psychopaths, although I think that was more so to gauge Eve’s response than anything else. The reality of Villanelle, which we come to learn, is that nobody has been able to get close enough to really know the truth. Anna and Konstantin both got close but we never hear either of them use that word (Konstantin says it once but he clearly doesn’t mean it, it was more of an attempted manipulation tactic). They make it clear that she has, and can, and WILL cause damage, but that’s as far as they go. Eve is getting close and she tells Villanelle when they first meet that she knows Villanelle is a psychopath but it’s obvious from Eve's behavior and things she says later on that she truly doesn’t believe Villanelle is what everyone says she is. It’s easier to label her as a psychopath because that alienates and isolates her and her behavior completely. She is an outlier with behavioral anomalies and therefore it isn’t necessary to look any closer. For MI6 and others (not talking about the shows creators) to label Villanelle as a psychopath is easy, it’s lazy, it’s reductive, it serves a single purpose... a means to an end. They (anyone other than Eve basically) simply do not care about Villanelle’s truth. But as an audience we are lucky enough to see more of her with each episode. The psychopath label begins to fade and Oksana is what’s left. We know based on what she has said that she is aware that people think she is a psychopath, a monster, a person built to kill. It’s not always easy to decide that who you are is different from who you’ve always been told you are, especially given her history. Villanelle hasn’t told us yet if she thinks (or knows) that she is a psychopath, but it’s clear towards the end of last season that she no longer wants to be the person that they (meaning the twelve, Dasha, Konstantin, etc.) created. We see moments where she clearly has no remorse and clearly enjoys what she does, but then we have little moments sprinkled in between where she very obviously struggles, even if its short lived. And those moments are important. We have the moment where she struggles with the choice to shoot Konstantin, saying he is a good person, she thinks. This comes shortly after a conversation she had where Irina tells Villanelle she thinks she is a good person because she is sad, so we know she is thinking about it, we know the awareness is there, and it becomes more and more there as times goes on. I like to think of it in terms of having moments that are pure Villanelle (ie the way she killed Inga in the Russian prison), and then we have moments that are Oksana, vulnerable and emotional. Villanelle is a creation and a mask whereas oksana is the truth. Those moments are starting to really mean something. I'm not even going to start with her trip to find her family, that’s its own thing, but it's a Really Big Thing.

So. Villanelle is not a psychopath in the way that we currently understand and perceive them. Yes, she displays psychopathic traits, and yes, she absolutely has antisocial personality disorder. I read an article where the psychiatric consultant for the show (makes it pretty obvious how hard they worked to make Villanelle as realistic as possible) said that the Villanelle in Luke Jenning’s books scored a 32 on Hare’s psychiatric checklist, but I like to think (and I think a lot of people would agree) that number is a bit high, at least for Jodie’s Villanelle, maybe not even hitting 30 at all (close though, let’s be real lol). The max score is 40 which would be a fully blown primary psychopath. For reference, Ted Bundy scored 39. This checklist is flawed though, mostly created and based off the prison population. Which is why it isn’t used as a proper diagnostic tool. 32 is apparently extraordinarily high for a female (think Aileen Wuornos), which brings me to my next point which is that because it’s hard to measure a lot of the classic traits objectively, there is not a ton of solid data surrounding psychopathy, and even less of it is on female psychopaths. Like most things in life, psychopathy exists on a spectrum, there are levels and layers. It’s not black and white, there’s no definitive test (psychopathy isn’t even in the DSM-5 because as I said earlier it’s extremely hard to measure objectively) and it's important to distinguish between someone who exhibits psychopathic traits and someone who is actually an identifiable psychopath. Chances are high that someone you know displays at least one characteristic shared with psychopaths and this doesn’t make them one.

I think what’s important about this is that mental disorders (mental illness/personality disorders/etc.) of any kind are much more nuanced than a lot of people tend to think they are. That they exist less in black and white and more in shades of grey. Jodie Comer is absolutely remarkable for showcasing that through portraying the different layers of Villanelle. Her performance is a literal gift. We cannot keep thinking and acting like we know everything about how a person thinks, feels, and behaves based strictly and entirely on one label. The thing that has stuck out to me the most, the reason I decided to even write this bullshit babble, is that one of the most searched topics about the show is whether or not it’s realistic that Villanelle cries, and honestly how sad is that? That makes me sad for V. Is it more realistic for her to develop connections and cognitive empathy if she was made into a psychopath vs if she was born that way? Is there a legitimate difference between the two? And how do we even decide which one is applicable for someone? It’s important to add that antisocial personality disorder is not the same thing as psychopathy or sociopathy. You can have aspd and not be a psychopath. Research has shown that about only a third of those diagnosed with aspd would meet criteria to be considered a psychopath. Society is not doing a great job at getting people to understand this. But to be fair, understanding personality disorders specifically has been somewhat problematic, a lot of diagnostic confusion and overlap between disorders. A LOT of work needs to be done. But as far as portrayals go, society has strictly chosen to go the route of giving us psychopathic characters and having them be inherently violent, incapable of remorse, feelings, or change. Poverty of all emotions. Subhuman. They are made out to be so abnormal and unrelatable to the point where the character of Villanelle has sparked so much debate and fascination simply because she exists in a way that actually IS relatable...and layered and beautiful and thrilling. We thought she would be the bad guy and yet we root for her at every turn, we cry for her, we want good things for her! We see her darkness and without question or hesitation we forgive it. She makes us question what we’ve previously been shown. Questioning whether or not it’s realistic that she acts the way she does is less important than questioning our own personal assumptions and beliefs and where those come from. I think that’s awesome. Villanelle is truly a gift. She is hands down one of the most well written fictional characters, which is saying a lot considering when you put something, or someone, in a box it doesn’t leave tons of room for expansion. and I honestly don’t even really need to say this, but.. Jodie Comer.

[halfusek]

hey so i got an ask about how the pan flag design was stolen and i initially deleted the ask because it made me super nervous but now i did some research so let’s go

[none of this is aimed at you specifically anon]

what the hell is this? “may refer to themselves as biphobic”? “sadly throughout history pansexuals have always stole things”? what the hell is this???

pretty telling this was wrote by a panphobe and it’s not a way to settle any sort of discourse

link:

https://sexuality.fandom.com/wiki/Pansexuality

super disappointing tbh

but whatever, let’s get to the flag thing because i only wanted to check the wiki if there are any SOURCES for these claims but nope lol

and i think the name of the actual place represetned by this flag is mispelt either on the sexuality wiki or on the wikipedia page for this kingdom but not sure, could also be just a translation thing

wiki page:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingdom_of_Cochin

on twitter i found a post like this (didn’t dig enough to the original post that was screenshot here but someone talking about it)

the tweet that posted the screenshot is here, it’s basically asking the creator of the flag for an explanation:

https://twitter.com/gorilIasz/status/1295351237286727680

and now the creator’s explanation with screenshots and links

https://twitter.com/evievarney/status/1295307199728820224

and like a year ago the creator made a post on the flag’s creation and here is the part about the color picking

https://twitter.com/evievarney/status/1161259394497224704

and i don’t know how to tell you this in other ways so i’m gonna be blunt: those are primary colors, used in those flags, and by using primary colors you are BOUND to overlap with something that already has been created, even if you would have done a good research on flags 

which you don’t even need to dig deep into to find out how many countries did have similiar flags because they settled for primary colours

i grabbed this pic from a site i didnt really read but it had a good bunch of similiar flags put together:

https://www.expatspoland.com/polish-flag/

and by the way im Polish and guess what - those places having similiar flags does not offend me at all in any way

because it’s literally colored stripes on a rectangle and if you choose a few primary colours they Will overlap with something

and trying to add some kind of “theft story” to this situation is really just bizarre to me, and it’s not even the fact that yall are pointing out how the flags look super similiar/the same but the accusatory tone of it and assuming how the intent was malicious NOT TO MENTION that wiki page for pansexuality

just... calm down please, can we all stop trying to tear each other apart

sure, i will admit, some pansexuals are shit, but its not because pansexuality is shit but because those specific people are shit

bi people can love who they wanna love and no pan person is allowed to call them transphobic or tell them to identify as pan instead if they want to love transgender people

its super stupid, i agree, and im sorry for every bi person that had to experience this kind of biphobia from someone pan/a pan ally

bi and pan are just defined a bit differently and maybe they are very similiar but to some people, such as myself, those small differences in definitions matter, which is why i chose the pan label for myself

dont wanna get eaten for this, i dont really do activism stuff much, but gee golly this had my blood boiling

[bigfan-fanfic]

Baby Casanova (Male!Reader x Legends of Tomorrow)

Requested by @3rd-son-of-sparda for a Male!Reader x Legends of Tomorrow where the reader is the youngest but has slept with historical figures like Monroe and Cleopatra and how the legends react to this. 

Okay, I see this as the reader is kind of like Sara Lance - doing that smirky-smirk head tilt thing and next thing you know, he’s in bed. 

Note: There are references to sex but no actual Smut. I’m not comfortable writing that just yet.

You’re the baby of the group. Slightly older than Jax, but only by a few years.

And yes, you have done your fair share of... sowing your wild oats. You’re quite the charmer. And coming into contact with history’s greatest characters has given you the opportunity to be “the one that got away” for many famous people.

Cleopatra was one of your more notable dalliances... along with Julius Caesar. 

An affair with Marilyn Monroe.

There were secret trysts all over time.

And when the others suddenly realize that you’ve been around the block, they all have different reactions.

Sara

“Oh, my baby is growing up.”

No matter how long your list gets, Sara’s is always more interesting and diverse. To be fair, there is some overlap in your lists.

The first time it happened, you told Sara, bragging.

She just does this head tilt, says “huh.” And walks away.

“Sara? What does that mean?”

“Nothing, nothing. Guess she swings that way too.”

“Waitasec... Sara!”

Sara always makes the worst jokes. Every time you leave the Waverider, it’s

“Hey, kid, make sure you’re safe out there. They haven’t invented condoms yet.”

“Okay, we’re wearing pantaloons. Just know, Y/N, it’s gonna take a while to get them off. Just in case you were wondering.”

“Remember - I get dibs on the Queen.”

 But Sara can’t begrudge you for having fun.

She’s interested, but it isn’t exactly impressive to her.

Mick

When you tell Mick you’ve been with Marilyn Monroe, he just claps.

For, like, five minutes.

It’s actually kind of creepy.

He always looks at you and Sara when you all return to the Waverider, convinced you’ve had another liaison.

When he gets drunk, he likes to wonder aloud how many people you’ve been with.

He also likes to list your greatest hits.

“Okay, this one... better than Marilyn?”

Ray

Ray’s not generally one for casual sex.

But even he can’t help but be curious about who it is this time.

If there’s been a famous old movie-musical star, he’s instantly jealous.

He’s the best at ignoring the whole thing.

Except for when he tries to convince you to settle down.

Sometimes he gets annoyed.

 “Can we please keep it in our pants this trip?”

Nate

Nate thinks you’re basically Indiana Jones.

He also claps, but not as long as Mick.

“Cleopatra?!!?! Duuuuuuude....”

Yes, Nate does come to you for sex advice when he’s drunk. Yes, it is awkward. No, he does not remember it in the morning. And yes, you do make sure to embarrass him with the information.

Nate often expresses disbelief at odd times.

Three weeks ago was the Cleopatra thing. Today, at breakfast, Nate suddenly slams his hand on the table. “I can’t believe you had sex with Cleopatra, man!”

Everyone looks around at each other, even Mick, because that’s a really odd thing to bring up out of the blue.

Bonus: Stein and Jax

Stein seems horrified and yet can’t bring himself not to listen to the story of whomever you’ve most recently bedded. Jax tends to whoop when he hears about it.

Stein is surprised at some of the names on your list. He’s also quite jealous.

They both are living vicariously through you. 

Although Jax has to sometimes look up the old people you’re talking about on his phone, and then look up pictures of them in their prime.

“Whoa! That’s not a face I’d wanna-”

“Okay, look, some people didn’t come out well in oil paintings! It was the style!”

[playunderground]

Introducing OVERSOUL: An Interview with Derrick Saladino

Last month, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Derrick Saladino to talk about his brand, OVERSOUL. When he pitched OVERSOUL to me in his initial email, he described it as “a lifestyle brand created from identity crisis,” and that “counterculture/subcultures like anime, gamer, emo-punk, euro-techno, and underground hiphop/b-boy culture heavily influence the brand’s creative direction.” I stared hard at the first two influences, and then stared not-as-hard at the rest of the influences, wondering how these various subcultures could overlap.

My brain being comprised of worms and dirt, I assumed that the anime and gamer influences meant that the designs were going to look like Bart Drinking Lean or Sasuke Wearing Supreme. (In other words, a caricature of anime-inspired Instagram ad streetwear.) This assumption changed quickly after taking a look at OVERSOUL’s site. Their first collection, ISEKAI, is comprised of three pieces. The logo tee and hoodie both look great, but the third piece was what really caught my attention: it’s a button-down tee adorned with daggers. At a glance, it looks nothing like anime- or gaming-inspired clothing. This was the point at which I snapped out of my irony-poisoned haze; the world of memeified, ironic-but-not-quite-ironic hentai tees and Goku Smoking Weed edits had calcified my expectations of what forms of inspiration a brand could and couldn’t pull.

It makes sense in the context of the rest of his influences and the ethos that he operates under – to get ahead of myself for a second, Derrick had this to say of his interest in various countercultures:

"When people express their passions or life to a certain degree, it just pulls me in. It’s like, ‘Okay, I don’t know what the fuck it is, but show me. Let me indulge.’ That’s really how I get into things."

In talking to Derrick, on and off the record, I saw a talented designer who was unapologetic about what he was interested in and passionate about. He’s also a huge geek that runs a bi-weekly Smash tournament at a local nightclub.

(This interview has been edited for length and clarity.)

"Okay, wait, first and foremost, my name is Derrick Saladino and I am a fucking gamer. Before being a designer or anything, I am a fucking gamer. "

Daniel: What is OVERSOUL? 

Derrick: OVERSOUL is about identity crisis. It’s my experience dealing with that personally. Growing up, I never really fit in to particular popular groups. Every time I would attempt to make new friends, I would stumble upon the randomest shit: anime culture, gamer culture, I’d end up becoming friends with a lot of emo-punk kids, techno. Nothing that I fell into was mainstream, popular culture. It was a lot to do with being lonely and trying to make friends. With OVERSOUL, thinking about all that kind of shit, dealing with identity crisis – obviously there’s a lot of people who’ve been through that – I want to create a new identity or community of people who share similar values and, you know, take pride in it? 

I mean, even the name, OVERSOUL, I ripped the word from this really old anime that I used to watch growing up, Shaman King.

Shaman King? What the hell, like 4Kids shit?

Yeah. That wasn’t the first anime that I ever watched, but it was something that I was really into. From being like 12 to even later in my high school, I just loved it. The concept was so cool – taking a soul and imbuing it in an object to make it powerful. It just looked fuckin’ sick. When people wear my clothes, I want them to feel empowered. That’s how I want people to see it. Soul being clothing, putting it on yourself, there you go.

Spirit Integration is, I don’t think the tagline to the brand, but it’s also part of it. Spirit Integration is mind, body, and spirit, and for anyone into the spiritual side of life, that’s what makes us. Our thoughts and mind and DNA – that makes us who we are.

When I read the description on your site, I noted that you referred to OVERSOUL as not just a startup streetwear thing or a brand, but a conceptual design experience. What does this encompass, and why did you pick this specific wording?

None of the stuff I make or have made in the past is very conventional. It’s been pretty avant-garde, I would say. I’ll have an idea, and regardless of whatever trend is going on right now, I just fucking do it. When I make clothes, I’m not making clothes for the public, really. My mentality is more like, “You know what would be sick in a game? If the costume looked like this.” That’s why I say it’s a conceptual design experience.

Has being involved in the industry and working behind the scenes affected how you understand your own brand after launching? What about how you understand customers and other brands, now that you know what the design process is like?

First-off, let me just back up and go over a history of what I did before OVERSOUL. In high school, I made clothing because I hated what everyone else was wearing. This was 2011-2013. During that time, that’s when I had a brand and brands like Obey, Diamond Supply, and The Hundreds – literally peak Tumblr hypebeast, Zumiez, starter pack shit – were around. I looked around at everyone else and was like, “I can’t click that, it’s not resonating with me.”  I had two other brands after that, and then came OVERSOUL. So I have this history of kind of knowing the market, even being a consumer, and evolving as a businessman and designer. I don’t think anything has changed. I think I’ve always stayed true to doing my own shit, rather than trying to compete with everybody else. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll notice what other designers are doing and some things I’ll take note of or inspo from but I hardly think about other people, to be honest. I respect everyone’s hustle, I just can’t be doing the same shit.

Give me your top 3 video game fits.

Top 3, oh my god. Snake from Metal Gear Solid V – very techwear, utility as fuck. My previous brand before this was techwear, and I had to stop it because techwear is so hard to sell. 

I’m really into draping fashion. Cloud, Final Fantasy VII, it was the movie Advent Children – you play Smash, right? There’s two costumes in there: the black, and like this, not really skirt, but it covers up somewhat? All-black, huge sash going on, it reminded me of Yohji Yamamoto.

Something that I’m going to make in the future is inspired by Naoto from Blazblue. His outfit, I looked at it and I was like, “Yo, this could be fucking, like Chrome Hearts, like what the fuck? I’m just gonna abuse this character design, it looks amazing.” I think that fashion right now, what really gets people’s attention on social media, is just some crazy shit, I don’t mean dumb shit, but like, just has to be very bold, and I think that’s what Naoto’s character design is. His pants have this huge cross on them. I think that’s one of the most crazy things I’ve seen in awhile.

Let’s talk about Anime-den! It’s this thing that we started roughly 5 months ago. One of my best friends here, he actually works at Fortune [Sound Club, a nightclub in Chinatown], and he’s a music producer. We really bonded over clothes, anime and gaming, and we had this idea – I think we were just high as fuck one day – and I’m like, “Yo, you know what would be fucking dope? If we brought weeb shit into the club.” I think he was just joking around, but he was like, “That would be really fun to set up, we can do it.” 

[Weeb being short for weaboo, a pejorative term referring to those obsessed with Japanese culture to the point of fetishization and idolization. It’s been ‘reclaimed’ by some fans of anime, used ironically as a form of self-deprecation.]

So, the next day happens, we’re talking, and he asks me, “Do you actually wanna do it?”, taking it seriously. I’m astonished. I was fucking joking, you know? We were just some high guys. He pitches the idea to Fortune and they approve it. At this point, we’re like, “Okay, we gotta actually invest all our effort into this,” because we’re actually gonna do something that I personally haven’t seen anybody do before – bringing a game into a club, anime into the club.

It’s really cool. Just yesterday, the commentator from Vancouver Street Battle came to Anime-den. Pride? He commentated for Battle of BC 3 and Pinnacle. He has ties with Animebae, too. [Animebae is a local anime-inspired startup streetwear brand.] Who would’ve thought that this guy would come through? And he brought his friends. He was telling us that what we’re doing is sick, and hearing this from a guy of that calibre in the gaming or Smash community, it really shook us. We’re actually bringing in people who play the game seriously here. 

How has setting it in a club made it different from other tournaments that you’ve been to? How does the dynamic change?

It’s a little different because when it comes to actual competitive events, people have a different mentality when they enter. They’re there to win and they practice hard for it. As for Anime-den, it’s the total opposite. It’s very casual, we’re all just drinking, blazing, whatever. It’s just the environment where, you know, dim light in a club, there’s music going on in the back –I guess to some gamers it can seem distracting? But I think people, they don’t care. They just play. They’re just there to have fun. Totally different dynamic from an actual event. 

I think that the purpose of Anime-den is to bring people together. That’s literally what Anime-den is for.

Yeah, I just noted here that I think it’s consistent with your brand, in that you’re translating the intangibility of these digital spaces like anime and gaming that people bond over, and you’re putting it into a physical space and letting people actually further develop what these subcultures would look like in person. Like, when you think of anime or gaming in real life you think of Anime Expo or cosplaying or some shit – and that’s fine, people have fun with that [Editor’s note – I think it’s fun!] – but it’s not the only mode of expression. With events like this, I think it’s cool that you’re saying, “If you’re a gamer, there’s another avenue for you. You don’t have to dress up or anything…”

I mean, walking in today and meeting you, you wouldn’t have gotten the idea that I was super into anime or gaming. I just look like a regular dude, right? And my clothing gets inspired by it, but I don’t really look like I’m cut from the legit anime cloth. Choosing these lifestyles and putting it into this real aspect, I think it can appeal to everybody. People tend to judge a lot of things, but once you step into the Anime-den room, whatever perspective you have about anime to begin with, I’m pretty sure that changes. Man, the crowd, they look all the same as you do too. We’re all normal people, we just like cool shit.

I think we should talk about ISEKAI.

OVERSOUL’s first small collection was ISEKAI. Translated to English, it would be ‘a better world,’ and I named it that based off of the anime genre, isekai. When you watch these sort of things, it’s usually someone going to another world. For my first collection, I wanted to welcome people to my world. That’s why I chose ISEKAI. One of the big graphics for the brand was the blade shirt. [On the site, it’s name is the Beginners Dagger Shirt.] My reference for that was playing MMORPGs. Typically, the first weapon you get [in MMORPGs] is a short sword or dagger. I wanted to be like, “This is the start of my brand.” This is your starter item. It’s funny, when I tell people this – they’re always like, “I never thought…”

[laughs] It’s really cool!

That’s why I went with ISEKAI. This is what my world is. One of OVERSOUL’s long-term goals is actually establishing ‘my world,’ if that makes sense? There’s only a handful of designers who have, like, captured a signature silhouette. For example, Rick Owens. When you see [a Rick Owens piece], you know it’s Rick Owens. If Zara did the same shit as Rick Owens, you would look at it and be like, “That’s Rick Owens.” You wouldn't call it Zara. That’s what I’m trying to establish for myself, to create that silhouette for myself eventually in the future.

What’s up next for OVERSOUL? 

Hmm, how should I put this... should I leak something? I’m going to drop an accessories part sometime soon. That’s in the design process right now, but I’m looking forward to doing my next big collection.

There’s this one song that I found in the past during my peak weeb days: Plastic Love by Mariya Takeuchi. A couple of months ago, they released the first official music video for it, after like 35 years, which is fucking insane – they should have done that a long time ago. I totally forgot about the song until I saw the music video. It’s something that I could relate to before and can relate to now, and I definitely want to build my next collection based on Plastic Love.

I think Plastic Love works really well because I’m surrounded by that scene in Vancouver – I work in Yaletown, and that’s the Yaletown lifestyle. It’s very lustful, but you don’t care. It’s all fake shit, really. That’s what Yaletown culture sorta is. I wouldn’t say that I’m like that, but I think that I could definitely expand on the topic through my brand. It’s not necessarily identity crisis, but the genre and artist kind of make it a subculture.

There’s also a few collabs on the way. One with a music group, another with a tattoo artist. What I really wanna do with the tattoo artist – he does anime tattoos – is ero art. Like, erotica. I think it’s a slept-on art style. It’s not generally for the public, per se, so I think that it would be something worth making. Super ecchi, maybe line art. I want it very exaggerated, even bondage-type shit. 

There’s a lot of things where people are like, “Oh, that’s too much!” But you know what, it could be sick! This is why I do things solely for myself. As long as I get a reaction from somebody, I’m happy with that. Wanting a response, not even approval, just being acknowledged, that this shit exists, it motivates me to keep doing what I do. 

I thought about doing graphic design shit; anime erotica art goes really well with techno. That kind of scene, the way that European style posters are, if you take the art and fuse them together, it works really well. I’m like, “How come no one has done this yet?” 

So you’re treating it more like art and not just a part of anime culture?

I view anime as its own respective art, and with art, there’s no rules, so I can just take this and this, and bang. At the end of the day, everybody wants to see new and cool things. People are always going to have their own subjective opinions, but as long as you have their attention, you’ve already won the battle. That’s the mentality that I carry, that everyone has their own opinions. 

Last question: what are your top 5 video games?

You know, I was trying to prepare for this interview – I didn’t even think this would come up.

[laughs] Come on, man.

I’m gonna put Super Smash Bros. Melee on there – I’ve been playing it for so long, it’s literally been bonded with my DNA. 

I don’t wanna say Ocarina of Time, because I think that it’s everyone’s favourite, but I mean, it’s still up there. It’s an all-time masterpiece, but I enjoyed Majora’s Mask a lot more. The concept of the world being blown up by the moon, in-game time, the moon crashes in like 3 days, and you keep going back in time, skipping whatever, I think it was so much fun, so yeah. 

I really like Fire Emblem: Three Houses. It’s very recent, but I have so many hours on it already, and I can’t stop. I haven’t felt this way about a game in a long time. It’s so replayable. Once you finish Ocarina of Time, you probably don’t touch it for a while. When you play FE, you’re like, okay, let’s do the next one. There’s three houses! Even after doing all three, it’s like, “Oh, I’m gonna try again, but I’m gonna make this character like this.”

I grew up playing a lot of Roller Coaster Tycoon, unfortunately, but it’s fun. It’s not a typical gamer thing, but I love it. 

I might put Final Fantasy VII on there, too – when Aerith died, I real-life teared up, like, “Dude, no way, you’re really gonna kill her off like that? You gotta save her!”… and then she dies. I’m pretty sure after that happened, I didn’t touch the game for a week. I was actually emotionally harmed. I’m really into RPGs – being able to emotionally attach yourself to characters, I think it’s a beautiful thing. 

Any last things you wanna say?

I want my brand comparable to Chrome Hearts, MISBHV or Rude [Vogue]; when they have their own aesthetic and that’s what they do, that’s what I want to build as well. The idea that I take a lot of inspiration from gaming, it really shows.

Maybe I’m hungover, so I can’t really find the words right now, but for anyone trying to do fashion, music, whatever, as saturated as the community seems at the moment, you just have to get your foot in the door and start. Yeah, there’s competition, but to be honest, with all the people here who have brands, I’m friends with all of the people who make them, and I have no judgement about if their clothes are wack or not. Some things I don’t agree with, but everyone’s on the same hustle.

OVERSOUL’s ISEKAI collection is available now online at oversoul.online. 

[shark-myths]

3. Hold Me Tight Or Don’t

THEORY CONFIRMED: M A N   I    A IS A PETERICK RETROSPECTIVE

part 3 of shark-myth’s mania meta series

(See other posts about the singles from Mania here and here, and here and here)

Following the idea that the singles are time-stamped for certain eras of FOB, I think that sonically and based on other cues Hold Me Tight Or Don’t fits squarely in the modern era. More detail on why and lots of crunchy lyrics meta below the cut!

I never really feel a thing I'm just kinda too frozen You were the only one That even kinda came close I just pinch myself No longer comatose I woke up, no luck I woke up, no luck

Pinching himself, waking up—dreams are all over this album, dreams have been an important metaphor for the whole history of this band, I need to do some serious and intentional digging into this theme!

The verse links itself to Y&M, waking up on the wrong side of reality, and to Centuries, with the reference to being/feeling frozen. ‘I never really feel a thing’ has an obvious link to the themes in the song Novocaine, which was originally written for SRAR. It holds the iconic lines ‘this is our culture’ and ‘in the truly gruesome do we trust, I will always land on you like a sucker punch’ which both inspired merch for the AB/AP tour cycle. We know Pete liked this song enough to try to fit it on another album after it was cut from SRAR; we can guess it is a song that is important to him. Novocaine reflects the angrier half of the emotions expressed in Hold Me Tight—it’s the punch, it’s the result of all that distance sharpening Pete like a knife. This is a softer and more interactive, conversational expression of that theme: it’s saying, meet me in the middle. Hold me tight or don’t. (But if you don’t, I won’t be your favorite what-if—I will be your worst nightmare.)

And when your stitch comes loose I wanna sleep on every piece of fuzz And stuffing that comes out of you, you

I took too many hits off this memory

I need to come down

Okay, is this evoking MAD Winnie the Pooh vibes for anyone else? No? Just me? Okay then.

This isn’t the first time we’ve heard about stitches coming loose: Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches and Walkers, The Music or the Misery’s ‘I got my stitches stitched, I got my fixes fixed,’ The After Life of the Party’s ‘I’m a stitch away from making it, a scar away from falling apart.’ This is an image he’s been playing with for a long time. Do you think, here, it indicates waiting for someone else’s resolve to break? Pete’s written about himself falling apart for years, but now he’s eagerly waiting for someone else to crumble, unravel, spill out. Someone like PATRICK MAYBE???

 The other really significant thing here is the drug use metaphor. As I detailed excessively in my Peterick Primer powerpoint¸ Pete has a history of characterizing his own feelings for Patrick with the desperation of drug use. So in this song, ‘I got high again’ and ‘I took too many hits off this memory’ to me references trysting—when the two of them would have illicit sexual interludes, #trysttheory #forlife, and also his recursive, self-consuming obsession with rehashing those memories and not letting them go. This pulls up Boycott Love (detox just to retox) so strongly. It also pings on content like ‘a bad trip I couldn’t get off,’ ‘when I said I’d return to you I meant more like a relapse,’ ‘I want it so bad, I’d shoot the sunshine into my veins,’ ‘doing lines of dust and sweat off of last night’s stage just to feel like you,’ ‘I’ll be your favorite drug, I will get you high’ and my all-time favorite, that sweet sweet overlap between the drug metaphor and the Novocaine metaphor: ‘I just need enough to you to dull the pain.’

Hold Me Tightly or Don’t fits squarely in the drug use/love metaphor Pete’s so fond of.

 Another day goes by

So hold me tight

Hold me tight, or don’t

Oh no, this isn’t how our story ends

So hold me tight

Or don’t

 Just a brief note that Pete wrote ‘this isn’t how our story ends’ on his Gucci hoodie in fucking sharpie because he is the prince of trash and I love him. I got too high again Realized I can't not be with you Or be just your friend I love you to death But I just can't, I just can't pretend We weren't lovers first

Confidants but never friends

Were we ever friends?

The most immediate reaction I have to this verse is its contrast with Bang The Doldrums, which imo is a song about the Summer of Like with Mikey Way. Here, it seems clear he’s singing to a different person, just because he’s asking questions that he already answered about the other person in, like, 2007. ‘We weren’t lovers first; confidants but never friends; were we ever friends?’ He is plagued by the same definitonal/territorial issues he always has, in relationships. Pete Wentz is a liminal creature and he craves more than anything classification—but when he gets things hard, fast, labeled, he almost always loses them. He almost always lets them slip through the cracks.

 Also worth noting: when he’s too high on Patrick he realizes it’s absolutely insane to try to act like he can just be Patrick’s friend and not want all of him, not always be at least a little heartbroken that he can’t have it. I RELATE TO THIS SO HARD.

 Finally, the word pretend. See the Black Cards song End of Pretend for extra suffering, and of course Alone Together—‘let’s go back and play pretend’—and Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)—‘I miss the day when I pretend with you.’ SOBBING

'Cause I'm past the limits

The distance between us

It sharpens me like a knife Past the limits The distance between us It sharpens me like a knife The distance reminds me so much of the content in The Last of the Real Ones. This is it, this is the Real True stuff here. If anyone has that Mr. Crocker reaction image on hand you can toss it at me now, because that’s me, that’s my life, tryst theory tryst theory tryst theory.

  I could go on about the song forever and maybe I’ll have more to say after I’ve heard it a few more times! I’ll leave you with some parting thoughts on the video:

can we just talk about how much FUN everyone is having? And Patrick. Why. Why does he look like that. Why is he so fucking beautiful. I’m sweating.

Seriously, Patrick, S T O P

SMILEY JOE

SMILEY PETE

SMILEY ANDY

Did the grey washed-out doom skull turn to a gold skull through the course of the video? Because if that’s not a metaphor of Pete’s experience of loving Patrick what is

Did the skeleton’s suit remind anyone else of DOB-era Brendon Urie

boy I hope they worked with some actual people from mexico on this and it’s not the uncomfortable video equivalent of a white girl’s sugar skull halloween costume

 Check out my lyrics meta tag for more screaming! See you guys with new material soon.

part 0

part 1

part 2

[ch0keon1another]

Pointless book post

Got back into reading recently so heres a lil’ documentation of what i’ve read since December: 

First thing I read was the Illuminatus! Trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea

Found this series via a genius annotation on Stella Was a Diver and She Was Always Down (by Interpol) and thought, if Paul Banks felt inspired enough by this trilogy to base a character around one of the characters included, then it must be worth a read. Idk why I used this mammoth book (850ish pages) to get back into reading but it was worth it because it rly just brought me back to the profundity and brain-food of Books! Wonderful. 

The books are basically this completely absurd juxtaposition of seemingly unrelated events that end up interlocking together in the most beautifully smooth way; there’s never an empty line or event in these books as it all contributes into the loose plot and themes some way or another. It’s like, a psychedelic trip of sex-and-drug-writhe, politically-charged nonsense that seemed to hold resonance and make perfect sense all in one! Awesome. 

Must admit that some bits were really hard to follow, and some of the tangents felt like someone word vomiting his acid trip brain thoughts onto a page. The references were also sort of niche but perhaps that’s just because I’m not too clued-in to historical politics, philosophy writers, conspiracies, mythology etc. 

Spent some of the book wondering if it was some sort of fanatical propaganda as well, but it layered all of the crazy conspiracies with such irony and humour that it was clearly just a satirical telescope at the hardline conspiracists. Hilarious and deffo worth the read.

Next thing I read was Meet Me in the Bathroom by Lizzy Goodman:

It’s an oral history of the New York rock scene of the 2000′s. It was gifted to me by a friend who knew I was getting heavily invested in New York bands of the time (Interpol in particular).

The book’s written in interview form, (ex. ‘Name: Quote’) but it wasn’t disjointed at all, every point was actually fully fleshed out and there was a lot of great overlap and great iconic names there! Credits to the author for making it all work there because that’s a difficult feat. 

A lot of juicy insight into the dynamics and events of the time, and the whole book has a glaze of mystical, romantic New York energy that I really fed off of the whole time I was reading it - It made me want to travel, adventure, and party like crazy which is frustrating at a time like this. I also found it fuelling my creativity some days - namely part where the Tv On The Radio guys were discussing how they used to make art all day in a cluttered NYC loft and then sell it on the streets; also how they used to DIY their CD’s.

One criticism I have of the book was that it was definitely romanticising the period, and even worse romanticising the various drugs of the time period, which wasn’t the best. The book also felt like a big The Strokes circle jerk, which I expected, but damn! It was a lot. 

Next thing I read was Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk 

This is such a classic and totally up my alley. I love the way it’s written, with many repeating ideas and lines and just the right amount of foreshadowing at the plot twist towards the end that it doesn’t spoil it at all; just allows the jigsaw pieces to click smoothly in your head once it’s revealed! It’s such a perfectly nihilistic and raw book, and I really resonated with the narrator (in some ways). The inner monologues were just so sardonic and pessimistic and really entertaining to read, especially for a cynical person such as myself. It’s also really succinct, (which I enjoyed because i’m a pretty slow reader) and so many lines were so memorable; I can’t recall a single point where I was bored during it.

I had watched the movie right after finishing it and I must say that the ending hit harder than the book’s ending did, (that pixies song playing while the world falls apart is just so iconic), although the book’s cliffhanger was a lot more clever imo. Torn on which ending I prefer.

I’m currently half way through Sexus by Henry Miller, which is the first of a trilogy which I plan to finish

Despite the outdated ideology and very non-pc language, (I mean, it was written in 1949), I’m really enjoying it. I resonate with the way he describes the human experience and his uninhibited carnal expression in this book is pretty enjoyable to me - I really enjoy erotic literature okay?! However, I’m really in a moral battle over whether or not I’m behind H.M or not; for he is quite a scumbag, for lack of a better term, to women he’s involved with, in particular. Then again, I understand his complete submission and entrancement by the opposite sex - he absolutely worships women and I don’t get the impression he simply views sex or women as just some thing to bring pleasure. He’s a complex writer with a lot of layers to unpack and I am enjoying doing so, so far.

-

Books I am planning to read (ones I ordered recently!):

Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D.H Lawrence

I actually didn’t know much about this book before buying it, but my impression of it from what I read was that it was a love story with social class related themes. It was inspired by the own writer’s life and is rather explicit. 

It was banned for obscenity in the UK, not to be published openly there until 1960, and also banned in the US, Canada, Australia and Japan. So that’s all I really need to know it’s gonna be a good read ;)

Other books I got recently are as follows but I wanna save the detailed synopsis for when I finally read them;

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

Masks of the Illuminati by Robert Anton Wilson

Mysterious Skin by Scott Heim

Some of Knutt Hamsun’s stuff

[jcdamc]

BELONGING SOMEWHERE AND FITTING IN ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS... IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO LOVE.

Throughout my lifetime, I have been blessed with strong and close knit support systems that have given me a loving foundation. Our families and chosen families can determine more for us than any damn political system ever could. It is through these families that I have greatly improved my community building skills, I have learned that people have different love languages and I have learned to agree to disagree without always reacting violently. This has been a long, at times tedious process. My peers- brothers and sisters of AYLP (Advance Your Leadership Power)- and I have been working towards being better listeners and utilizing more positive and constructive language when communicating with one another. Everything is a process, and even when it sounds like a re- run it is a necessary step. RESTORE sounds more encouraging that STOP. As leaders in our communities, we must check our isms and recognize when we make mistakes or misjudge someone. If not, it will become even more strenuous for any one of us to move forward in life.  

However, this whole year I have been in a constant personal battle with myself and my multi- layered identities as a man. I’ll leave the specifics of my entire identity to my upcoming book Scarred and Proud: The Poet, The Mic and Shades of Disability. These deep- seeded feelings of depression and anxiety have been exacerbated since 2018 by a heartbreaking personal loss, by ripples within my immediate family and by my lack of physical and sexual (and sometimes even emotional) touch. I do my best to show gratitude to God for my peoples, their support, for my stable job and housing and for my access to food. None of these things have been easy to recapture and maintain in my present day. Not surprisingly, my prayers and willingness to pray even for simple things has decreased tremendously. I pray, yet my prayers and not based on belief, they are becoming more mechanical and impatient, in the same dry way that certain public schools have been “teaching” students about writing today.

Over the past two months, I’ve been shedding spiritually, emotionally and physically. I came to the full realization that I am an ambivert, which means that I am a people person on one hand, and on the other I prefer to have my own space, to be private, to be left alone in my own world. As I write this piece, I am probably at one of the most vulnerable points of my life both spiritually and physically. With that said, I am incredibly grateful for the kind gestures of my friends, new friends and even strangers in these last few days. Laughing and bonding definitely help us as human beings to forget our pain and to fight in the direction of healing. One of my dearest friends just shared an article that discussed the idea of Skin- Hungry people in our world. “Skin- Hungry” is a term that refers to people that have become numb to, lack or withdraw from physical touch, be it loving or platonic. In turn, people’s confidence, mental and emotional health are negatively impacted.  I AM skin- hungry. I am trigger happy and it’s starting to show with some of my interactions with people close to me, with strangers and with people I would genuinely like to get to know better.

I should feel safe in spaces deemed to be safe, right?? Despite having a solid support network and getting to know my neighbors much better this year, I haven’t felt safe. It’s odd. I haven’t felt heard or welcomed anywhere I go. I’m not talking about small talk or head nods at all. I either talk or vent or I stay quiet. I’ve been staying to myself, disguising my relationship with loneliness by closing my eyes on my way to work, by breathing and every single time I am in a social setting. This has nothing to do with me talking to people around me. This has everything to do with me seeking healthier communication, Sharing and FEELING every inch of profound intimacy with someone new, with God’s greatest gift, with a real woman. I’ve been acting and reacting like a cat with a broken bone. I’ve been hissing and fussing at myself as I try to sooth my pain by listening to all my jams as loudly as possible, the jams that made me JAY. Even if I received a $100,000 check tomorrow, I’d still feel like that wounded irritable cat that hasn’t purred in God knows how long. The only inner peace I have today is when I feel music, when I write or when any earthly angel makes me smile. The streets make me paranoid, they make me self- project, they make me my own target of visible invisibility. I often feel as if I’m dragging my feet like a ghost drags its shadow.

I am like a mutt that has beat himself up so bad that he has repressed his desire and NEED to release and share his own brand of lovable love. I am a mutt that stays in his corner, even when he is around (known) kind, like- minded people. I can and have learned to become a rightful part of my communities, yet I feel isolated and terribly lonely most days. I will not apologize for my history, for being too much of this, or too much of that, though. I am more than enough for myself and others around me. I am me, myself and I even if this means continuing my spiritual rebirth and self- love journey on my own. My hood side is literally saying fuck everything and everybody, but my sensitive artistic side is longing to be loved, to belong, to be loved by my SELF again far away from the increasing oppressive isms of society and technology.

At the end of the day, I must remember my WORTH. I must regain and maintain my SWAG. I am loved by God, I am loved by ALL my peoples, I am a part of many communities, I am more than enough, I am a worthy companion, I am compassionate and my love is one of a kind. Yes Lord! Amen. I do belong to overlapping communities, yet I stand out in all of them. It’s a blessing and a curse because it can be exhausting to have to justify my way of being. You know what though?... now I’m like “Fuck it, G!!”. 

It’s become increasingly difficult for me to hide my depression caused by multiple factors that nastily resurfaced in my face. It’s become too easy for me to shut down, to eat my doubts, anger and pain over and over, my three daily meals. I’m overwhelmed by my dreams, my fantasies and my heart as I sit with my thoughts at the crib. I was made to be strong and rise again. I’ve learned how to survive on my own, but no one should live on their own, meaning without a chance to build deep love. People steal their own joy from themselves. I have become an expert thief of joy. I got my work cut out for me to change that feeling. I wanna get my JOY back. As I live IN my emotions, I’ll have to find JOY with or without company, with or without a team. 

[middleeasternpromises]

The Hate U Give - A Study in Tupac Shakur - Book Analysis

I wrote this analysis/review as spoiler free as possible but it does contain excerpts from the novel and discusses the book at length. Reading this review will inevitably spoil minor details but purposely tries to avoid any big reveals.

I just finished The Hate U Give, which isn’t my usual fair,  young adult. After reading reviews the premise caught me: a young black woman is with her friend when he’s tragically fatally shot by a trigger happy police officer. From there, it follows Starr Carter’s life between the family dynamics of her father, mother, older half brother, Seven, and younger brother, Sekani. 

The novel is set in unnamed city other than Starr’s neighborhood of Garden Heights, set in present day.  Other than the “every town” setting, it’s meant to exist in our world, where 2pac existed and current rappers Drake, J.Cole, Kendrick Lamar and various other celebrities reside. That said, real events are mostly non-addressed except in closing and I’d argue for the better.

Only in the closing passages does Starr mention real police shootings, letting the reader explore the parallels without drawing any connection one particular event.

“It would be easy to quit if it was just about me, Khalil, that night, and that cop. It’s about way more than that though. It’s about Seven. Sekani. Kenya. DeVante. It’s also about Oscar. Aiyana. Trayvon. Rekia. Michael. Eric. Tamir. John. Ezell. Sandra. Freddie. Alton. Philando. It’s even about that little boy in 1955 who nobody recognized at first—Emmett.”

I didn’t know going into this this book was that it draws heavily off Tupac Shakur, to the point of what I’d dub “Tupacian”. Tupac casts a large shadow over the entire book. Despite how obvious it seems to me, I haven’t read any reviews connecting this story directly to Tupac  so here’s my argument as to how deeply connected the book is to Tupac Shakur.

I’ll fully admit some of the points I’ll make are likely happenstance and/or simply reflective of the realities of racism in America. The phrase “the black experience” exists for a pretty clear reason, the white majority of Americans do not experience America the same as African Americans. Simply by writing a book that deals with racism will overlap with thematic issues covered by Tupac and by an even greater extent, hip hop at large.

That said, whether by conscience choice or simply happenstance, They Hate you Give is a hip hop novel where Tupac Shakur’s work is at the core of the tale, and is deeply entrenched with hip hop references and Tupacian thematic archetypes.

While the archetypes aren’t inherently limited to Tupac or even hip hop, but when stacked together, I believe that The Hate U Give affirms a deep study of Tupac and is much a homage to the better aspects of Tupac. 

I’m also convinced that The Hate U Give also will be a better 2pac movie than the biopic  after seeing the trailers for All Eyez On Me but that’s another rant aside. 

Tupac used as narrative device:

At several key points of the book,  2pac’s works are used to both foreshadow and create exposition:

“Mind your business, Starr! Don’t worry ’bout me. I’m doing what I gotta do.” “Bullshit. You know my dad would help you out.” He wipes his nose before his lie. “I don’t need help from nobody, okay? And that li’l minimum-wage job your pops gave me didn’t make nothing happen. I got tired of choosing between lights and food.” “I thought your grandma was working.” “She was. When she got sick, them clowns at the hospital claimed they’d work with her. Two months later, she wasn’t pulling her load on the job, ’cause when you’re going through chemo, you can’t pull big-ass garbage bins around. They fired her.” He shakes his head. “Funny, huh? The hospital fired her ’cause she was sick.” It’s silent in the Impala except for Tupac asking who do you believe in? I don’t know. My phone vibrates again, probably either Chris asking for forgiveness or Kenya asking for backup against Denasia”

Tupac’s song “Who Do You Believe in?” is a paranoid exploration about psychological toll of urban decay and death. 

So I'm askin', before I lay me down to sleep Before you judge me Look at all the shit you did to me; my misery

- 2pac, Who Do You Believe in

At the beginning of chapter ten, Starr decides to join her dad on errands for his story. During the trip, 2pac’s song, “Keep Your Head Up” is used as exposition again and mild foreshadowing as Starr struggles with her friend’s death. 

“I’m always down to hang out with him. We roll through the streets, Tupac blasting through the subwoofers. He’s rapping about keeping your head up, and Daddy glances at me as he raps along, like he’s telling me the same thing Tupac is. “I know you’re fed up, baby”—he nudges my chin—“but keep your head up.” He sings with the chorus about how things will get easier, and I don’t know if I wanna cry ’cause that’s really speaking to me right now, or crack up ’cause Daddy’s singing is so horrible. Daddy says, “That was a deep dude right there. Real deep. They don’t make rappers like that no more.” “You’re showing your age, Daddy.” “Whatever. It’s the truth. Rappers nowadays only care ’bout money, hoes, and clothes.” “Showing your age,” I whisper. “’Pac rapped ’bout that stuff too, yeah, but he also cared ’bout uplifting black people,” says Daddy. “Like he took the word ‘nigga’ and gave it a whole new meaning—Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished. And he said Thug Life meant—” “The Hate U Give Little Infants F---s Everybody,” I censor myself. This is my daddy I’m talking to, you know? “You know ’bout that?” “Yeah. Khalil told me what he thought it means. We were listening to Tupac right before . . . you know.” “A’ight, so what do you think it means?” “You don’t know?” I ask. “I know. I wanna hear what you think.” Here he goes. Picking my brain. “Khalil said it’s about what society feeds us as youth and how it comes back and bites them later,” I say. “I think it’s about more than youth though. I think it’s about us, period.” “Us who?” he asks. “Black people, minorities, poor people. Everybody at the bottom in society.” “The oppressed,” says Daddy. “Yeah. We’re the ones who get the short end of the stick, but we’re the ones they fear the most. That’s why the government targeted the Black Panthers, right? Because they were scared of the Panthers?”

“Uh-huh,” Daddy says. “The Panthers educated and empowered the people. That tactic of empowering the oppressed goes even further back than the Panthers though. Name one.” Is he serious? He always makes me think. This one takes me a second. “The slave rebellion of 1831,” I say. “Nat Turner empowered and educated other slaves, and it led to one of the biggest slave revolts in history.”

Again, we have the content of Tupac’s song reflected in the story. Below is the hook, literally as her dad is comforting his daughter by trying to normalize her life after the shooting. In his own way, he’s also placing the pivotal title, THUG on the book.

Keep ya head up, ooh, child Things are gonna get easier Keep ya head up, ooh, child Things'll get brighter Keep ya head up, ooh, child Things are gonna get easier Keep ya head up, ooh, child Things'll get brighter

- 2pac, Keep Your Head Up

When Seven is driving with Chris, Kenya, DeVante, and Starr, after the pivotal moment where DeVante is rescued from an already dangerous situation, Seven realizes his mother helped Chris, Kenya and Starr rescue DeVante. Seven wants to go back to try and get her out of the situation, but Starr sees the futile logic, and tries to reason with Seven not to go back.

2pac’s Changes plays when Seven ultimately is convinced to u-turn and not to go back to King’s house and the choice inevitably leads the group to the protests at the end of chapter 24.

“A Tupac song on the radio makes up for our silence. He raps about how we gotta start making changes. Khalil was right. ’Pac’s still relevant.

“All right,” Seven says, and he makes another U-turn. “All right.”

2pac’s Changes is to-date, 2pac’s highest chart topping song, originally released as a B-Side on Brenda’s Got A Baby but re-release on his greatest hits, remixed and remastered to its catchier version that most listeners know today. Changes centrally covers police brutality, racism, the rise of black incarceration, drug dealing, and gang violence, ultimately with 2pac asking listeners to make changes, while over an interpolation of "The Way It Is" by Bruce Hornsby and the Range.  The entire song feels as urgent a quarter century later as it did in 1992 and could be quoted in its entirety.

I see no changes. All I see is racist faces. Misplaced hate makes disgrace to races we under. I wonder what it takes to make this one better place... let's erase the wasted. Take the evil out the people, they'll be acting right. 'Cause both black and white are smokin' crack tonight. And only time we chill is when we kill each other. It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other. And although it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to see a black President, uhh. It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact... the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks. But some things will never change. Try to show another way, but they stayin' in the dope game. Now tell me what's a mother to do? Bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you. You gotta operate the easy way. "I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way. Sellin' crack to the kids. "I gotta get paid," Well hey, well that's the way it is. 

2pac - Changes

I could spent paragraphs unpackingChanges, but its best simply listened to after reading the book.

Lastly, when Starr finally moves into up into her new room, Tupac is used to reflect on Khalil in the closing of the book.

“Momma leaves with the phone, and I turn onto my side. Tupac stares back at me from a poster, a smirk on his face. The Thug Life tattoo on his stomach looks bolder than the rest of the photo. It was the first thing I put in my new room. Kinda like bringing Khalil with me.

He said Thug Life stood for “The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody.” We did all that stuff last night because we were pissed, and it fucked all of us. Now we have to somehow un-fuck everybody.”

References to 2pac

1) I’ll start with the most obvious. The Hate U Give, is “THUG”, such a direct reference to 2pac that not one but two characters explain the meaning of 2pac’s love of acrynomistic interpretations of words. Tupac was hardly the first rapper to lift acronyms, as the 5 Percent Nation slang infected hip hop in the late 80s and early 90s. For examples, see any rhyme that involves the phrase Arm Leg Leg Arm Head (Allah) orPete Rock and CL Smooth’s “They Reminisce Over You, T.R.O.Y.”  

Tupac once explained Thug Life as “The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody”, an exposition of the black experience according to Shakur. Tupac doesn’t single out just whites or blacks or any other single sect of society but rather points out the normalization of racism hurts white people as well as black people and any other ethnic group. It’s a very progressive argument to be made by man in his early 20s back in the early 90s (lest not forget 2pac was another young black man gunned down at 25).

“Khalil drops the brush in the door and cranks up his stereo, blasting an old rap song Daddy has played a million times. I frown. “Why you always listening to that old stuff?” “Man, get outta here! Tupac was the truth.” “Yeah, twenty years ago.” “Nah, even now. Like, check this.” He points at me, which means he’s about to go into one of his Khalil philosophical moments. “’Pac said Thug Life stood for ‘The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody.’” I raise my eyebrows. “What?” “Listen! The Hate U—the letter U—Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody. T-H-U-G L-I-F-E. Meaning what society give us as youth, it bites them in the ass when we wild out. Get it?” “Damn. Yeah.” “See? Told you he was relevant.” He nods to the beat and raps along. But now I’m wondering what he’s doing to “fuck everybody.” As much as I think I know, I hope I’m wrong. I need to hear it from him.”

2) The second most obvious 2pac reference is both Starr Amaru Carter shares the same middle name of Tupac Amaru Shakur. Also notable is the Starr’s last name is the same as Jay-Z, which also is referenced when Starr jokes about the wishful possibility of being an estranged relative relationship to Jay-Z. The spelling of Starr could be also  taken as homage to Black Star (Mos Def + Talib Kweli) or Gang Starr (Guru + DJ Premier).

Bonus: 

Both groups pay homage to fallen rappers, such as on Black Star’s most famous track “Definition” which features the chorus of:

“One, two, three, It's kind of dangerous to be an MC, They shot 2Pac and Biggie, Too much violence in hip-hop, Y-O” - BlackStar, Definitiona

In the case of Gang Starr, DJ Premier especially being responsible for exposing a wider audience to Big L, or songs like on their classic album Moment of Truth on the song “In Memory Of...” which calls out a large cast of fallen hip hop pioneers including ‘Pac and Biggie.

Also notable, Mos Def performed Panther Pride as spoken word by 2pac on the tribute album, The Rose That Grew From the Concrete, further deepening the Tupac connection to Black Star.

These are loose tangential connections to Tupac. Even Sean Carter (Jay-Z) was called out as the ring leader of East Coast rappers looking to tarnish 2pac’s namesake on Tupac’s Makalevi album, The Seven Day Theory.

In a more literary sense, Starr literally is the star of the book, akin to over-the-top literary naming conventions like Hiro Protagonist in Neil Stephenson’s classic, “Snow Crash”.

3) King is a Suge Knight-esq character even described as a physically imposing 300 pound bearded bald man, standing just above 6 feet and always carrying a cigar. Knight’s kingpin image as a villain has become the standard bearer of the evil gang affiliated record exec and the archetype of the hip hop villain, (see Def Jam’s Vendetta/Fight For NY character,  D-Mob, or Lucious from Empire) . 

King isn’t a studio exec nor does he manage musicians in the The Hate U Give, but his demeanor is a distilled version of Knight. 

Bonus:

A laundry list misdeeds have been attributed to Knight and his cronies. Many fans of 2pac believe that Suge Knight orchestrated the hit on 2pac in Las Vegas. Lead Investigator of the Christopher Wallace murder, Russel Poole, believes that Suge Knight was behind the murder of the Notorious Big.  

4) Colors play a part in the gang culture, grey and green are substituted for the real life crips and blood affiliations, a throwback to colors and gang life of the early 90s. Tupac often referenced M.O.B., Money Over Bitches but for those who knew Suge,  M.O.B. was a menacing endorsement of the Mob Piru Bloods. The divisions of even the same gangs by regionality like the divisions of Bloods are reflected as King Lords has divisions within the same gang, akin to the world that Tupac lived in. Notably the reality of gang life isn’t unique to only 2pac but the the dedication to gang colors was originally a west coast phenomenon but spread.

NYC underground legend, OC (of the D.I.T.C.)’s Memory Lane  illustrates the division of New York vs Los Angeles in the 80s.

I recall one of my cousins goin out to California Comin’ back tellin us niggas dyin over colors He told me 'bout, khaki wearin, jheri curl brothers Doin’ drivebys in cars with machine guns bustin’ I found it farfetched, thinkin his story is stretched Findin’ out later on about the West coast sets Let me fast-forward the story and tell ya how it ends They moved to start a new life for his life to end Come to find out later on he was Blood inducted From the same set he claimed was the Blood who bucked him - OC, Memory Lane*

The link has the track label mislabeled.

5) Seven’s name toys with the numerological side of hip hop.

I rarely-to-never put credence into numerology or anagrams as both are logical fallacies as it flirts with enthymemes and is an exercise in confirmation bias. 

Most of the post-humorous “2pac is alive” theories had to do with seriously large jumps like “Makaveli = Mak alive”. I could easily connect the number to 2pac.

Example:  Seven isn’t exactly limited to any one sect of western society due to its prevalence as a “lucky” number but 2pac’s Makaveli - The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory, has seven in the title. Seven also happens (more coincidence than anything) to be the number of official 2pac’s post humorous albums.

While many theories circulate around the meaning of the Makaveli album’s title, quite literally the album was recorded a single week, hence the “Seven Day Theory.” In the context of a Tupanian world and as someone familiar with the importance of numerology among 2pac fans, I’d argue that simply using a number (any low digit number) would allow fans to make tangential claims about said number. This logical fallacy is known as “Attempts by gamblers to see patterns in random chance”, where coincidence is chalked up to some convoluted pattern, that often requires significant hurdles to arrive at.

While I’d wager that Seven’s name isn’t a direct reference to 2pac, I can see Angie Thomas toying with the reader, looking to make numerological connections to any (bad pun) number of things as numerology factored quite a bit into post-humorous Tupac conspiracies.

6) Big Mav, aka Maverick, Starr’s father, is constantly tending roses in his garden (and talking to them) despite being a fairly traditionally masculine character. The affinity with roses is shared with 2pac. 2pac’s autobiographical poem is “The Rose That Grew From the Concrete” which also is the name of his collected publication of his poetry.  “Mama's Just A Little Girl” and” I Ain't Mad at Cha” both feature the iconography of roses pertaining as a metaphor for raising children in the urban ghettos.  Big Mav struggle to raise roses in his urban environment is an allegory for his own careful attention to Starr (and all his children). Roses to my knowledge, are the only flower ever mentioned by variety in any 2pac song.

7) Khalil is potentially named after the actor that played in Juice, one of Tupac’s best friends, Raheem. Raheem is shot dead by Tupac’s character. While there isn’t a greater metaphor here, Tupac’s portrayal of Bishop, the antagonist in the film is widely regarded as Tupac’s defining film role, and a center of Tupacian lore as its his first film role. As the story goes, he landed it on an impromptu reading while hanging out with Treach of Naughty By Nature.

Also, police violence towards young black men is central to the Tupacian universe. This shouldn’t come as any surprise as Tupac confronted the reality of  growing up as black male from a very early age.

Cops give a damn about a negro Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he's a hero Mo' nigga, mo' nigga, mo' niggas Rather I'd be dead than a po' nigga Let the Lord judge the criminals If I die, I wonder if Heaven got a ghetto

- 2pac, I Wonder if Head Got a Ghetto

8) ) Golden Era references are aplomb in this book. For those unfamiliar, the Golden Era is usually cited as roughly between 1987-1995, marking the rapid rise of hip hop in public conscience era and of the most rapid evolution of hip hop in both lyricism, and production. While the exact years are often debated,  the golden era is never extended beyond the deaths of 2pac and Biggie in 1996.  The throwback references are largely to cultural references that existed when 2pac was alive. The obsession with Jordans is a 90s sneaker head theme. Shoe fetishism has been deeply entrenched with hip hop, especially in the indie rap scene as of today. This could easily be a book worth, but Jordan represents the shift from Adidas to Nike, which happened during the Golden Era.. While Tupac wasn’t explicitly a sneaker head, fans and publications have noted Tupac wearing Jordans.

More indicative of the throwback references, are with Starr and Chris’s obsession of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Jordans, and references to NWA and the movie Friday. Notably, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is set in the in LA, NWA is from LA, and Friday is a movie set in LA. 2pac is most closely associated with Los Angeles despite being from NYC and also residing in Oakland.

DeVante is named after DeVante Swing, directly referenced to 90s RnB group, Jodaci, DeVante Swing even produced a song for Tupac, although not really affiliated. For a bit of unrelated trivia, Jodaci is where Sean “Puffy” Combs got his start in the music business as his first major act to break. Puff Daddy (as he was known) is a central figure in 2pac’s beef with the Biggie.

Lastly, even the phrase” Westside is the best side” uttered in the book, and is a throwback reference to the West vs East hip hop beef, prominently between Tupac and Biggie and whoever else Tupac threw under the bus in diss records (Nas, Jay-Z, Mobb Deep and even The Fugees).

9) Starr’s childhood friend, Natasha, died of gang violence. Tupac often recorded odes to fallen friends, most notably Kato who died of gang violence who’s referenced in lyrics on “How Long With they Mourn Me”, “So Many Tears”, “Ready For Whatever, “Only Fear of Death”, “Where do we go from here”, “Ballad of a Dead Soulja”, “Life Goes On” and “White Man’z World”. While the repercussions of gang violence is hardly new territory for hip hop, it follows the Tupacian thematic tone. This may be grasping at straws Natasha’s death reads quite a bit like Tupac’s description of  Latasha mentioned in “Hellrazor”.

Dear Lord if ya hear me, tell me why Little girl like LaTasha, had to die She never got to see the bullet, just heard the shot Her little body couldn't take it, it shook and dropped And when I saw it on the news how she bucked the girl, killed Latasha Now I'm screamin fuck the world,

-2pac, Hellrazor

Notably, The real LaTasha Harlins was shot when a store manager assumed LaTasha was stealing liquor and a conflict arose where Latasha was shot, in the back of the head, attempting to leave.

10) The reactions to the police verdict result in a full blown riot resembling the the LA riots in depth and scope. This is as much about today as it is thematically 2pac. Tupac several times references rioting, (as the LA riots happened in April 29, 1992 -  May 4, 1992.

First you didn't give a fuck, but you're learnin now If you don't respect the town then we'll burn you down God damn it's a motherfuckin riot Black people only hate police so don't try it If you're not from the town then don't pass through Cause some O.G. fools might blast you

- 2pac, I Wonder if Head Got a Ghetto

I must reiterate that this alone isn’t inherently Tupacian as the LA Riots have had a long standing hold the public conscience, and any riots resulting from unfavorable outcomes circulating police brutality automatically welcome a comparison to the LA Riots.

While I’m sure there’s other relationships other readers can make connections to 2pac, these were the most easily recognized for me.

Recommended listening from 2pac:

Changes

HellRazor

Me Against The World

I Wonder if Heaven Got A Ghetto*

Trapped

Holler if You Hear Me

Brenda’s Got A Baby

Keep Your Head Up

Until the End of Time (RP Remix)

My Block

Do For Love

*I Wonder If Heaven Got A Ghetto borrows several lines from Changes (or vice versa) as Changes was originally a B-Side that was never released on an album. The remix I Wonder If Heaven Got A Ghetto I personally like 

[daemonmatthias]

"Get to know me" meme! 1, 65, 69, 91

1. What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

Well, my desktop is set to rotate between several images that represent my nerdy interests. I’ve got 2-3 Beauty and the Beast ones, 2-3 Kingdom hearts ones (and there is one overlap between those two), some Harry Potter/Hufflepuff ones, and 1-2 Studio Ghibli ones.

My cell phone lock screen is My Neighbor Totoro, and my wallpaper is Belle and The Beast dancing (from the new movie).

65. Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?

Definitely the dictionary. I can do the thesaurus stuff in my head, but sometimes I have to check the connotation of the word to make sure the synonym I’m thinking of works in the same way. Also, I have to google words to see what phrasing my students are going to find when they look up a word so that I can make sure my answer choices are not too far off from or too close to what google tells them.

69.  What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?

You know what? That’s actually a really hard question…. I knew by my junior year of high school that I wanted to be a teacher, so that perspective has always caused me to focus more on the teacher than the class itself when it comes to memories…. and I’ve had a LOT of memorable teachers over the years. Here are just a few…

There was the professor I took two classes with in college. He was a Doctor Who nerd since like the 60′s/70′s and would slip in references (like “wibbly wobbly timey wimey” while talking about a book not in chronological order) even though I was the only one in the class who knew what he was talking about. His Literary Theory class changed my whole perspective on life/literature in the best way possible, and he fucking tore every paper we wrote to shreds to make us better writers. (He made it up grade-wise with stupidly easy reading quizzes with tons of bonus point opportunities- like fill-in-the-blanks for his favorite joke, which was “a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop”, btw- and we could keep turning in the essays for better grades as many times as we wanted.) I worked my ASS off on his last paper and got a B on the first try. I have never been prouder. I also took his American Novel class where I read some of the best and absolute worst books I have ever read. Rabbit Run was the WOOORST, but I never ever would have read Winter’s Tale or The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao without that class. And, I certainly never would have read Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chaing without him. It’s something I never would have found/noticed on my own, and I loved every single word of those stories. I still haven’t found another writer that can mix science/math, literature, and psychology in the same ways. I’m currently re-reading the entire collection, as I’ve been wanting to since I heard Arrival was coming out.Side note: You should have seen me when I first heard of Arrival. I hadn’t heard anything about it until the trailer came on while we were watching TV. Poor Robert. I cocked my head to the side like a dog and started to say, “Why does this seem so much like that story I read?”, but only got as far as “Why does-” before BASED ON THE STORY BY TED CHAING flashed across the screen and I just fucking lost it. “IT IS, ROBERT, IT IS!!!” “Is what?” “THAT WAS MY FAVORITE ONE IN THE WHOLE BOOK!!” He was so confused and I had to backtrack and explain because that class was like the first or second semester we knew each other and this was the first time I had been remotely excited by anything in months.

There was also that Short Story class where the prof told us she wanted it to be a discussion class even though she’s terrible at discussion classes (her own words). That whole class was a hot mess. We discussed things so thoroughly that she couldn’t figure out how to write tests because she wanted them to be over what we hadn’t discussed about the story. We once had an essay test that asked us about “male enlightenment in Kate Chopin’s “The Storm”.” She started passing them out and everyone was like, “typo?? female??” “No. Male. Like the boy characters.” And we were just like…. uhhhhh ok then….” and when we left three of us got barely out of earshot before one asked us, “so what shit did you make up???” (I had bs-ed something about becoming enlightened to the fact that if mamma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy.) The entire class pretty much bonded with mutual sarcasm over how awful the class was. It was a very unique environment because we all did actually enjoy discussing the stories with each other and we really got to know each other because the bond made us share more than we usually would with strangers. 

In high school I had the same teacher for AP Psych and APUSH. He was exactly my kind of sarcasm. I kept a “quote book” in high school, which was about 10% inside jokes and stupid shit we said, and about 90% Mr. A quotes. It was stuff like, “So we had the Triple Alliance and the Triple Entente. What does “entente” mean? Alliance. So we had the Triple Alliance and the Triple Alliance- BUT IN FRENCH.” I had both classes with him the same year, and he always connected the two by drawing on historical people for examples in Psych and mentioning (or using!) the Psych to teach us history. It helped me a lot in both classes. We also had to watch Phillip Zimbardo videos in Psych and we complained every single time because “He looks like SATAN and he scares us!!!!!” 

The was also the AP English teacher my junior year who most people hated because she was mean. (My friend who knew a bunch of upperclassmen said, “Oooh, you got The Wass. I’m sorry.” when he saw my schedule.) Only I got in the class period with the like 10 most sarcastic people in the entire grade and it seems like we were the only class to figure out that she wasn’t really mean- she was just one of the most deadpan sarcastic people I’ve ever met. We had a lot of fun because we realized she was really just sarcastic and would be sarcastic back. She asked us one day, a test day, after absolutely refusing to tell us how she was going to test us since we all read different books, “Do y’all wanna… draw a picture or do an interpretive dance for your test?” One kid immediately jumped up saying, “I wanna do an interpretive dance!!” and doing some kind of weird wiggle-dance. Her response was simply, “Too bad; you’re drawing a picture.” (And we really were.)

My senior English teacher was also pretty awesome. He completely scratched the normal AP Lit reading list and made a new one. It was full of awesome literature that I probably never would have read on my own and I loved most of it (especially The Tempest). He was also sarcastic and I’ll never forget how he would let us explore the literature as a class. I’ll also never ever forget his first poetry lesson. It was early in the year. He passed out copies of John Donne’s “The Flea” and read it to us. Then he goes, “what does this mean?” *Silence* “What is it about?” about half us are like ?????? while the other half are like uhhhhhhhh. He goes, “It’s ok, you can say it…” so one kid finally goes “….Sex?” “YES! Now how did you know that?” and the half that hadn’t been confused started pointing to certain lines, which he used to make us backtrack until he could give us a name of a device or explain about rhyme scheme or whatever. John Donne became my favorite poet because of his class. (We also read several of his holy sonnets later in the year and watched clips of Wit in class.) There was also the day he gave instructions for a timed write and then said, “OK? And while you do that, I’m gonna keep looking for a care bear costume that isn’t sexy.” We all laughed except one kid who goes, “How do you have a sexy care bear costume????” We all just looked at him until my teacher finally said, “…you know, it’s like lingerie with bear ears?” He also taught me the limited value of page minimums in writing. I didn’t quite make the page minimum once and got like and 85 on the paper or something. When we conferenced he walked me though all his comments about my organization and whatnot. I asked, “Ok, and just for my own reference, how many of these points were taken off for not meeting the page requirement?” He said, “Huh? Oh, none. None! You covered everything effectively and I don’t want to read the extra half-page of fluff.” Absolutely changed my perspective on writing papers and I aspire to make my teaching style much like his (when I’m teaching somewhere that can handle class discussions anyway…).

(Sorry, not sorry. You had to know that one was gonna be long! lol.)

91. What is your favorite word?

I think my favorite word is “persnickety”. It’s fun to say and applies to soooo many situations in the education world. I learned it from A Series of Unfortunate Events and have loved it ever since. :)

[catwlw-archive]

Sweet dreams!! If you want to answer this when you wake up, I'd love to hear you gush about your favorite movie, song, animal, book, whatever!! (or all of the above, if you have the energy for it!!) I really love reading your responses to other people's asks because you're always so enthusiastic so I figured I'd ask my own 😀

ahHhHHh hi hi

on mobile cant read more

see the sad part about this is that i am bad at favorites. im partial to things but also like. these are very vague categories. and i am bad w vague categories.

favorite movie???? my favorite disney movie is tangled tbh. i have never felt what i feel for that disney movie for any other disney movie (well......maybe beauty and the beast). my favorite older movies include the classics - pretty woman, grease, an officer and a gentleman (god my bi heart was not prepared for that one). my favorite love movie???? genuinely overlaps w my favorite older movies???? for a while i loved the movie called pay it forward w haley joel osment in it. and the movie w emily osment and the cyberbullying (cyberbully????). and every christmas i die when i see the christmas shoes (lemme go sob in a corner bc of the fcnkin SONG). i like dumb comedies too. like you again. and monster in law. OH FUCK I LOVE ME SOME MAID IN MANHATTAN AND PARENT TRAP AND AND AND

uhhh what else did u ask i lost the ask (its not showing anymore on my end dnkdnd) i think favorite??? Song??? maybe???

see the thing is i do Not have favorite songs. like i just fkcdbjdjd float through my spotify/music library and skip what im not in the mood for. so like. idk man. im not able 2 access my spotify rn but if u wanna know my like most repeated songs or whatever hmu ill tell u guys

animal???? all????? but also cats CATS cats

i think book was mentioned too??? i am a fuckin SLUT for the catastrophic history of you and me it is so cliche and dumb and soulmate au-y and hetero but i LOVE IT ughhhh if it didnt spoil it i would talk about it SO MUCH i dare my future partner to actually Tolerate my reading it to them w dumb voices and singing the songs it references