#i want to practice putting characters in IRL environments for... REASONS

[faygos]

you're walking in the woods

there's no one around and your phone is dead

out of the corner of your eye you spot her

[blumoontf2]

TF2 Merc Headcanons

Moving onto Defence Class!

Defence class my beloved… Have you guys ever noticed that defence class is just family men? Father figures dare I say? Anyway, read more under the cut :3

Heavy

Hubba hubba baby 😍 Sorry who said that- that’s… that’s strange…

I AM A NIGHT AT THE INVENTORY TRUTHER, I STAND BY THIS

Poker man! Quite good at poker! Except you can only be good at maths or literature and he has a PHD in Russian literature so he’s not the BEST at poker

Takes Medic with him sometimes but he makes his own fun sourcing materials from the black market to use

He’s a family man! I LOVE A FAMILY MAN!

He’s very resourceful. Knows how to hunt for obvious reasons. He WOULD hunt with Sniper but their styles of doing so… clash…

Sniper is ‘you are calm… like the wind… you are still like the wind…’ Heavy is ‘PROBE THE BEAR FIGHT THE BEAR EAT THE BEAR!!!!’

Like Soldier, I can see him fishing. Properly this time. Knew how to fish through ice, has the absolute patience of a saint.

Probably takes Scout fishing to varying levels of success

Closest with (shocker) Medic!! Engie and Spy too I’d say

Part of a book club between engie medic spy and himself.

Said book club is a LOT less peaceful than it sounds!

Heated debates over plot and character relationships/interpretations. Heavy usually wins said debates.

Contrary to popular belief, probably the best most normal one to go to for advice!!

He’s like… fifty? C’mon now he’s been through life

he’s been through the gulags for lords sake!! He knows his way around people, knows his way around life

probably has more connections than he lets on. Kind of like a respectable ex-gangster

He’s a very sensitive man. Very in tune with his feelings. Puts on a stronger front due to Russian Male expectations and also for his family

I really want to say he’s a good baker but basing on where he lives in the comics would he typically have the ingredients to practice baking at home…? In the 1900’s…? I’m not a history nerd i’m sorry 😞

Probably a miracle worker in the kitchen. Give him three ingredients and you’ll have three meals a day for a week.

Probably prefers Coldfront over any other map for nostalgia. Is the one to help prepare most dinners when they work in Coldfront

He’s a gossip. Would love to say your secrets safe but… well, it would depend on the secret.

His family is super close knit so I imagine he wasn’t really in an environment where there was much reason nor way of keeping a secret.

Demoman

HE IS 28 YOUR HONOUR! 26 AT MINIMUM! 28 AT MAXIMUM AND I WILL STAND BY THIS STATEMENT

He’s a family man!! Wants children, wants his own family at some point

The type to meddle in other people business either for entertainment or for genuinely wanting to help in his own, background kind of way

His meddling wouldn’t be super obvious, but it’d be the catalyst for a lot of things.

As much as he loves being in on the drama DO NOT TREAT HIM LIKE YOUR THERAPIST.

He likes drama! NOT THE MENTAL ISSUES THAT RUN WITH IT!!!

Do not cry to him about your dad leaving you, he does not know how to respond nor how to comfort you.

He’s drunk half the time for lords sake, crying to him about something sobers him up instantly and I don’t think he wants that

HE CARES! He does!! Depending on the person he’ll either care more or less…

But dude he just wants to have a good time 😭 He wants to live a stress free life.

Kind of like Pyro in that sense except Pyro would want to try and comfort you if you were venting to them.

I like to think he functions better WITH alcohol in his system! Remember guys, this is in a world where New Zealand FUCKING DIES. Yeah, alcoholics irl are not good!! But this is FICTION let me cook.

Works better with alcohol in his system. Canonically gets double vision that makes up for the lack of an eye (again guys, this is fiction) so alcohol kind of just levels him out in a way.

I’d say he’s never always *drunk*. Always TIPSY yes! Always DRUNK no!

He just needs a slight bit in his system to function.

Kidney failure who?

one chance Demo one chance that’s all i’m asking please Demo pleaaaase

Sorry he’s handsome and I have a crush.

Like I said, he’s one of the youngest from the nine. Pyro at the bottom, Scout and Sniper, Demo, then Soldier

Literally friends with everyone. On great terms with EVERYONE! Floater friend in a sense. Goes to Soldier the most, if not more inclined to hang out with Sniper when he’s not drunk-drunk and just wants to chill.

Handmakes gifts over buying them. Thinks it’s more thoughtful to make than buy. Craft buddies with Sniper because of this

Please Demoman one chance… I am hopelessly in love with this man…

MASTER BAKER MASTER COOK CHANGE MY MIND.

Type of guy to play with the gas taps in the chemistry lab at school… Probably was the nicest popular boy. Just wants to have fun man

Engineer

My favourite God-complex haver

His smile kind of scares me i’m not gonna lie

I like to think he’d be far more irritable than what he lets on.

Everyone says he has the patience of a saint

nah he’s just got a good poker face

Speaking of, plays low stakes poker with Heavy. Texas hold’em!

He only acts like sweet grandpa to Pyro I think

To everyone else it’s slightly-nice but still strict mentor

I may have this view because all the nice Engie headcanons I would give to BluEngie… I like to think they’re separate people.

If you wanna go clone route maybe BluEngie killed RedEngie and took his place in the comics idk dude

Contrary to popular belief, if you come to him with an issue he can’t PRACTICALLY FIX… yeah, you’re getting kicked out of his workshop.

I love father-figure Engie as much as the next person, but I feel like he would be less likely to hear you vent if there isn’t a clear solution to it.

Example: finds out Spy is Scouts dad. Tells Spy he’ll tell Scout if he doesn’t do it on his own (problem for all parties solved - ignoring the fact that this would momentarily make more problems)

Never does because Spy would blackmail him 😞

Grew up a farm boy (this is not a shocker) but in doing so only socialised through connagher engineering events (where I like to think DadConnagher took him to meet the Administrator)

Went to university as we all know. Blossomed socially through it

He’s a man with years under his belt, he definitely wasn’t the baby faced, kind, soft hearted Engineer we know now during his childhood

He would’ve been something of a social recluse at uni

If he went to school in a traditional sense he probably thought he was above all the other kids and therefore didn’t associate with them. Learnt quickly that a ‘holier than thou’ attitude deterred people from talking to him. Didn’t care so much until DadConnagher intervened.

Can’t work with people around him. Recluse boy. He grew up an only son (unless Blu/Red brothers 👀), is used to working without people watching him

The exception is being on the battlefield which is a completely different situation to tinkering in your workshop okay?

He has teleporters and turrets memorised: he can build them in his sleep.

When he’s tinkering something new in his workshop? Everyone out! It has to be perfect on the first try and he can’t have anyone witness his failure!!

Feels the pressure of inheriting the Connagher name

There’s a lot of expectation to come with it. He has to be smarter than the last Connagher, he has to more innovative than the last Connagher

Which is why he doesn’t like Team Red seeing his weaknesses and failures when experimenting

Closest to Pyro, Medic, Scout (as mentor)

Is part of the Book Club but he doesn’t read Fiction as much as he does Non-fiction. He usually brings engineering books to the club and reads that whilst everyone else argues over plots and loopholes and fiction book stuff.

If he does read fiction it would be science fiction to magpie semi-decent and replicable ideas

Clashes heads with Spy a lot and probably has a fair share of squabbles with Soldier

Would he be THE Eldest? In his fifties… probably…

One chance Engi- no, sorry, I’m loyal to Demo. I see the appeal though.

Third eldest mayhaps…? I think I’ll do age order headcanons as a separate post…

[blood-orange-juice]

In your opinion, which Genshin characters would have CPTSD? Asking out of genuine curiosity and a desire to see your take on it.

(My personal picks are Kachina, Lyney and Lynette, Kinich, and Arlecchino.)

I mean, depends on how you want to define it! That was the point of my previous post: if a term means too many different things it's not useful.

(unless we specify which exact meaning we are using)

If you accept the consequences of any prolonged trauma as cPTSD then even Childe might qualify.

(although I still hesitate. the "P" letter is there for a reason: disordered behaviour should continue in a safe environment, and he's just acting p̵̺̒̄̎ę̸̛͎̞̱̝̜̯̪̭͗̽͆̔̎̔͘͠͝r̷͓̮̙͔̻̲̍͆́͊͌͆͛̚̕͝͠f̵̨̠̟̣̹͙̥͈̣̝̭̯̲̤̀̍̉̒̃̔̚͜͜͝ͅę̸̨̭͉̰̬̩͈̯͛̍͗̆̔͝c̶̡̢̫̫̭͕̙͈̟̥̫̦͔̟̯͔̊͒̀̈̊́̍̍̐̃̿̚͝ͅt̸̡͈̞͕͉̥̗͉̠̿͗̾̉̔̂͊̾̋̎̔l̷͚̓͑̃̌̋̅̾͂͛̉͝ÿ̴̡̥͎̮̜̱͍̤́͗̐͊̂͆̓̈̕ͅ ̷̥̤̯̪͚̦͙̣̘̣͐͌̇̿̋̋͗̏͋̓̎̒̏̄̎͠͝á̶̢̡̢̧̡͙̮̠̺͙͈͕̰̳͚͉̼́̾̽̾̀̂̍̅͋̀̌͠p̶̨̡̨͙̦̤͙͉̞̗͎̼̗̗͊̊̎̿̀̍͂̍̈́͆̉̃̕͜p̶̦̺̙̩̿̈́̚r̸̳̲͓͓͓̟̤͓̹̪̫̅̋̒̅̐̎̃͗̕͠ǒ̷͓͓̫̹͑͌̋̇̐̐͑̀͊͒͠͝͝p̷̢̧͇̫̤̪̱̦̺͔̦̜͚͂͌̊͒̀͝r̶̳̦̝̲̻̣̣̪̟̩̜̼̾̿͗͋̉̿̍̓͘͜͠ï̴͙͙͇̲̩̥̠͙̥̺̫̬͔̃̐̄͆̄́͋̀͂͐͆̚͜ä̶̙̞̟͔́ţ̴̡̯̞͖͙̱̠̬͖̜̳̜̞̝̞̓̓̈́̋͗e̷̢̯̫̰̞̘̰̳̗̥̞̪̻̠͆́̿̑̋̌͜͝ ̴̧̥̦̘͉̫͕̤̬̖͇̜̠̥̊̍̔͜f̷̧̠̼̗̩̹̜̜̠͇͖̺̽́̿̐̏̾̀͛̒̚̚o̴̰̖̟̓͆̆̀͘͝͠r̷̨̧̻͔̫̫̔ ̸͉͖̪͍̖̠̼̙͇͓̝̊̉̍̇͒̌h̶͇̥̪̳͕͍͙͇͓̹͉̝̒͐͛͆͊̃ͅi̶̡̢̛͔̠̼̯͓̗̘̣̦̗̍͋̉͛̈́̽͒̐͝s̷̨̢̘͎͎̭̟̀ ̶̛̙͙̗̻̰̙͎̱͆͋̓̄̚ͅc̶̡̛̦͍̮̬͈̮̬͍̠̋͆̽͌̄͘̕į̷̳̫͎̖̭̤̳̭̬̟̮̹̈̏̍̀̕͜͜r̵̛͇͍̪̥͍̗̫̜̜̩͍͇̠͉̫̃̽͋̎͘̚͝c̵̰̳̺̟̟̝̱̪̻̃͂̎̾̓̓͗̚̕ͅu̴̡͚̬̪̭̣͌͊̃̐̉͂̚͝͠ͅm̸̛̰͎̖̌̀̃̍̃͗̈́́͑̏̋͋̅͝ś̴̡̻͖͓̬̙̮̂́̊͐̌̅̅̐̀̿ţ̵̧̨̡͎̜̰̽͆͆̀͒͜ͅą̶̞̣̻̥͎͓̭͇͙͈̪̦̜̗̾̐͜n̴̜̮̥̖̟̜̜͍̮͋͑̋̇͊̈́̍͝͠c̴̨̗̭̰͎̮͇̖̫̭̬̠͖̥͔̝̭͂̓̎̏̅̈́̊͑̿̌̈́͘̕͝͝͠e̶̙̤͖̗͈̘̽ͅs̸̼͗̃. some professionals use the term "continuous traumatic stress disorder" for that but it's not in any classification)

For a chemically pure case: Collei. Extreme anxiety while she's actually a very capable person and is surrounded by safe people who love her, emotional outbursts that scare herself, the mix of shame and guilt. Note the sense of self: it's fragmented and extremely negative but not empty, her moral compass is perfectly intact too.

I'm on the fence about Lyney.

cPTSD overlaps heavily with BPD which is another awful umbrella diagnosis (there's a concept of "true" BPD but in psychiatric practice it's a category where we currently put everyone disregulated who we can't diagnose. the main result achieved is usually stigmatisation) and some people even say all BPD cases are just a form of cPTSD.

For personal convenience I draw a line at how a person handles their sense of self (but then it's not universal and ICD even includes a loss of sense of self as a diagnostic criterion). If it's negative and/or fragmented but stable it's a cPTSD case. If a person needs to be in a relationship to even know who they are it's a BPD case. By this criterion Lyney is a BPD case (charming, constantly fawning, completely dependent on his sister to even know who he is and at the same time perfectly functional).

But then he doesn't have BPD splitting or a history of unstable relationships. And if you go with ICD criteria he qualifies for cPTSD. So I don't know. He's a type that very much exists irl, I just don't know what these people are diagnosed with.

Also not sure about Lynette. I think she qualifies for garden variety PTSD more. Also I'm not sure if her aloofness is a result of trauma and dissociation or if she's just schizoid which is more of a neurodivergency type.

Also Freminet to an extent (especially if we accept the retcon where he remembers Crucabena). He's mostly AvPD though.

I haven't read Kachina's stories and haven't finished Natlan AQ, so I can't say. She doesn't display any sort of cPTSD behaviour until the war sequence and I haven't seen the aftermath.

I will not be diagnosing Arlecchino, she transcends our petty human classifications. She's a perfectly healthy non-human being.

Definitely Xiao. Do I even need to explain. He has relational trauma and abuse trauma but not developmental trauma.

Furina, perhaps? If we accept the prolonged trauma definition she qualifies a bit more than Childe. I mean, Focalors+Furina is a DID metaphor, but I'm focusing on Furina specifically.

Scaramouche after his interactions with Dottore but it's hard to see behind his glorious NPD (ok, I'm not sure if it qualifies as a full-blown disorder but he's such a wonderful, respectful and non-demonising representation of narcissistic trauma and healing from it. I love Hoyo for that).

I'm squinting at Kaeya. Not enough data.

Possibly Wriothesley but he's very well-compensated. Maybe just generic PTSD.

[whosaysitsfantasy]

Juke/Maddison & Charlie

So I just want to address something about Juke and then I’m literally not going to talk about it again, because I’ve seen a few posts about people shipping the actors and then people hating on the ship a little bit because of the age gap and it’s just been frustrating me so I wan’t to kinda get this out and then just get back to enjoying the show. Also Apologies if this upsets anyone but these are my opinions and you in no way have to agree with them I just ask that you read my thoughts fully before passing judgment and to please be respectful.

Here is what I think it is ok to do:

Shipping Luke and Julie together. Why? Because in the show they are both teenagers (16/17). I saw someone say it was kinda gross because the boys should be like 42? which I think is a little ridiculous because if they had lived sure they would have been 42 or w.e. but they didn’t... they died, and it is  canon that to them no time has passed. What this means is that the boys are still mentally, emotionally and physically 17 years old. For this reason the characters are perfectly capable of being together and their biggest obstacle remains Luke being a ghost lol. 

Here is what I think it is NOT ok to do: 

Shipping Maddison and Charlie together in real life. Now I’m going to break down for you why this is gross and not ok and why saying “when she’s 18 he can date her” is also not ok. 

A 16 year old and a 22 year old have two completely different maturity levels. A 16 year old can be mature absolutely but that doesn’t mean that they are at the  same maturity level as a 22 year old. I’m 26 and I can tell you that my maturity changed DRASTICALLY between the ages of 16-24. I use to think I was very mature when I was 16. When I hit 22 and looked back at who I was I realized that I was not nearly as mature as I believed I was and now at 26 I can clearly see the differences in who I was as a person at these ages. I can guarantee that most people (if they’re self aware enough) would agree that their maturity level was completely different as a teenager then it was once they hit their twenties. A lot of this has to do with the simple fact that in your 20′s you’ve typically gained more life experience through jobs, and relationships and higher education your brain has also developed more. Now. Maddison is definitely mature for her age in no way am I claiming she isn’t however it is still very obvious through different interviews and lives I’ve seen of her and of Charlie that they are not at the same level. Mentally, emotionally, physically.They definitely have more of a brother/sister friendship. It’s clear that they care about each other and they can of course get a long as friends but friendship and an intimate relationship are two completely different things. Maddison and Charlie’s maturity’s work fine as a friendship but if you were to factor in intimacy and romance it quickly becomes problematic. Some people might still think that the maturity levels don’t matter. I’m here to tell you it does. 

While I don’t think that Charlie would be the type of guy to ever pressure a girl he is with, that doesn’t mean that the pressure would not still exist. If they were to hypothetically date Maddison could easily feel pressured into participating in things she might not really feel ready for like certain intimate acts, parties ect because she want’s to please her partner or because she might feel like this is what she SHOULD be doing rather then doing what she is emotionally and mentally ready for. That pressure can easily influence someone of a young age who hasn’t had many experiences into doing things they eventually regret or doing things that end up having a negative impact on their mental health and the way they view themselves or even how they view healthy/unhealthy relationships down the line. Now Maddison seems smart and has a good support system but your support system can’t protect you 24/7 in an intimate relationship no matter how hard they try which is why a lot of teenagers end up going through something that they end up wishing they hadn’t done because they didn’t know any better. To also say that he can just “wait” for her to turn 18 is just predatory and gross and suggests that it’s still ok to pursue someone of a young age so long as you wait till they are legal which it is not that still means you wanted to be with a minor even if you wait till they are 18.

Also it is important to note that an actors personal life is NONE of your business. An Actors job is to perform in the show/play/movie that they have been hired to perform in and to then promote that project. That’s it. That is all they owe you and anything else is entirely up to their discretion. You are not owed information about their personal lives and you are not owed a say in who they date. If you like two actors who are dating and you think they are cute that’s fine, if they are sharing their relationship and you want to support it that is fine but you have to understand boundaries. I’ve seen fans overstep in a LOT of fandoms (one example being Lili and Cole from Riverdale) where they attack other people for being close to the people in the relationship or they bother the actors to update them about their relationship ect. It’s disrespectful and it’s honestly not your place regardless of if they have shared information about a relationship previously. It’s also not cool to try to pressure the actors into dating, you don’t know what they are actually like irl you have no idea if they are actually compatible you do not have a full picture of the situation and for that reason your opinion should be kept to yourself.

Finally I want to address the whole Luke & Julie kissing issue because I totally understand why people are a little uncertain about it due to the age gap. Now normally I’d be a little put off by it but I am actually ok with the idea of Luke and Julie kissing on screen and I’m just going to list off quickly below why I think it’s ok and why I wouldn’t get upset if it happened.

1. It is very clear that Maddison’s family (specifically her dad) are very involved with Maddison and her job on JATP. Mr.Reyes is often shown on set with her at rehearsals and during shooting. He was there when they practiced the perfect harmony dance which I personally thought was kinda intimate. I feel better about it because I know she has a strong support system who will be there to ensure that if a kiss DID happen she would be safe because she has her family looking out for her on set.

2. Much like above both Kenny and Charlie are very respectful people who very clearly have a lot of respect and love for Maddison. I also don’t think they would ever put Maddison into a position she was uncomfortable with. If a kiss DID happen I am sure there will be a lot of conversations about it and it would be done in a respectful healthy way.

3. This is a job. They are not kissing because they like each other in real life they are not pursuing anything romantically. They are performing a job that they are being paid for in front of a group of people also performing a job. This for me helps me feel less gross about it because even though they are actually kissing it’s not a ‘real’ romantic kiss. It’ll be a staged one that they have gone over and discussed at length with Kenny.

4. This is a Kenny Ortega project. The show has very clearly established that the relationships are about more than physical intimacy. IF we get a kiss between Julie and Luke we are not going to get more then a PG rated kiss.. hell probably more of a G rated kiss. Not only because this is a project by Kenny but because the actors are different ages. It is also unlikely that we will get more then one maybe two kisses a season. I personally don’t think they’re going to make them kiss in season two I think it might happen if we get season 3 but I would still be ok with a season 2 kiss because again it will probably be very simple and very respectful especially cause it’ll also probably be Julie’s 1st kiss. If they were to have them  make out or something that would be when I would  feel uncomfortable, but that just doesn’t seem like Kenny’s vibe. He’s worked with a lot of young actors and it’s not like they’re going to french kiss or something. Kissing is intimate of course but a small closed mouth kiss is honestly pretty innocent in my opinion especially if done correctly. So it doesn’t bother me much.

5. Finally by the time they get around to filming a season 2 or 3 Maddison will also be a bit older (17 or 18) hopefully so she will also be at an age where it will feel more comfortable for her.

So in conclusion: shipping Juke good, shipping Maddy & Charlie bad and wanting Juke to kiss is acceptable so long as they do it appropriately which from what I’ve seen of the cast and the crew I believe they would. I personally have a lot of faith in the creators of this show it’s clearly a very healthy supportive environment and I trust that they know what they are doing. 

Again these are my personal opinions but I felt like some people weren’t really looking at it from a completely logical standpoint but more of an emotional one which is understandable because its a very serious subject matter and it could very well also be a trigger for many people who’ve gone through something similar. I just needed to get all that off my chest cause this kind of thing can breed negativity in fandoms and thats why I don’t participate in them anymore. and listen if this was a different show with a different cast and crew and creator and they had a 16 year old and a 22 year old kissing I would probably find it more unsettling but I think one of the reasons why we all love this show so much is BECAUSE it is so healthy and because the cast are so involved and vocal about the show. I have no doubt in my mind that Maddison would have the space to speak up if she was uncomfortable and I have no doubt in my mind that Kenny and her family would make sure she was safe.

So anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk and please if you disagree that’s totally ok just don’t be hateful, I’m happy to have discussions but I won’t tolerate rudeness cause at the end of the day it’s a show and it’s out of our hands and I’m not saying you have to agree with me. This is just how I feel about these issues. 

Ok thanks bye <3

[muggycuphead]

Hey look I did my take on a concept idea for a possible FNF AGK mod because why not lol

**WARNING!!**

This concept is actually based off of a real person and their backstory as well, not to mention it slightly contains strong topics such as school shooting allusions along with mental issues, yet I’m not meaning to glorify or romanticize these with this as I’m aware of how actually serious the matter is.

Viewed discretion is advised.

So yeah, I’m stuck on this whole FNF now and well…I’m trying to get out a little from it

Welp, let’s just get this rolling right round over here

Although my first idea for this was to make it a 5-6 phased level, each one referring to a façade of the Echter Gangster videos along with Norman’s actual rapper persona ‘Hercules Beatz’, after digging around the music he made surrounding his life during the hype of his satirical persona, and remembering that one video-documental covering it, I decided to make it a little more into his actual real-life story for the sake of making it more ‘true’ to the character (and cuz I think it’s truly inspiring as many would say)

Yet I’m still a little dum dum around the whole FNF stuff, so if there is something I might be lacking on over here, let me pretty please know

Aaand yes I accidentallydrew the sprites facing leftways (on Boyfriend’s position instead of the boss’), so beware for any technical mistakes in the drawings that I just gave up on fixing while editing the scans for the sake of better quality and lineart neatness (such as a weird-looking keyboard and stuff)

Anyway, these are my designs for the phases along with the environment’s characteristics:

Phase I – Der Echte Gangster kind

‘Yo homie! It’s the one and only, Leopold Slikk!’

Song suggestions:

WAS WILLST DU TUN

By Hercules Beatz

I’m a Real Gangster

By QPHX ft. Hercules Beatz

Scenario:

“Leopold’s” Neighbourhood (Monochrome Blue)

Author’s commentary: His design was kinda hard but real fun to make, and as you might guess, each item he has resembles a façade on his videos, such as the striped- puffy jacket referring to Das Murderische Jagd and that one video with him wearing a long white coat and stuff (also has to do with the fancy cigarette on his other hand) and the metal sign on his hand referring to Metaler, etc.

Also, I held myself from giving him the CV:C’R’ hairdo since Leroy is more like in a character ‘neutral point’ between Leopold and Norman (a fusion basically) and because it doesn’t match exactly with the original so ye

He still cute tho

Cute edgy bad boi...though he just acting but still

Phase II – The Angry German Shooter

‘…’

Song suggestion:

ANGRY GERMAN KID

By Hercules Beatz

Possible scenarios:

-School resemblance (Distorted Mind Perspective)

-Distressed Subsconcious Mind side

Author’s commentary: Okay, now I’m getting serious here I based this one off of the song’s cover in the (official?) video it got uploaded in, as you can tell by the black-dyed hair and markings on his face. The bottle and cans behind him, along with the Kalashnikov (or AK-47 to be more clear) he’s holding and the shattered keyboard below/broken glasses next to his foot, are an allusion not only to the ‘shooting threat’ event where he was drunk and stuff, but also his darkest years because of you know what. But aside from that, just fyi no the Kalashnikov wasn’t the hardest thing for me to draw but the pose of the mic-holding arm, I originally wanted it to be forwards, maybe holding one or two alcohol bottles, but I just gave up long after a few more attempts. And please don’t ask me why I picked these clothes for him specifically, I just wanted to think out a simple yet concordant outfit for his ‘broken self’

Still, yikes about those guys in the news and the comments on his PC spielen video in the old days of the net They clearly couldn’t distinguish between real and satire And yeah I might have had my silly thoughts while watching the parodies and stuff, but even I would leave the benefit of doubt and not be so scummy/cold like these guys, jesus christ

Phase II – H E R C U L E S B E A T Z

‘Yo, remember me?’

Song suggestions:

KING LIFE (Sunshine Remix)

MASSAKER [Secret extra boss?]

By Hercules Beatz

Possible scenarios:

-The Gym (outfit change possibility)

-The Night Club

-Norman’s (new?) Neighbourhood

Author’s commentary: Oml yess the man of steel on all his glory

I’m aro ik(?) but I can still say he’s quite handsome IRL, props to the man for taking care of himself, clap clap

Back to the topic, I honestly first though this one would be a pain to do…but surprisingly it came out really soft and fun, who could’ve thought? Guess the practice with buff characters, along with some new anatomy techniques I’ve been trying out did pay off after all

Also yeah the girl next to him is a recreation (my recreation mostly) of his gal, though the clothing I chose for her was mostly to match Norman’s outfit but in a softie-raddie style because reasons…and yes she also has a turn on the mic, a two-turns-me-two-turns-you dynamic to be more specific

And whoops I forgot the little back-down hair below his ears…oh well, not like it’s that much of a deal

The ‘bright’ eye on the other was just a silly detail I left there to give him a ‘savage’ vibe, nothing else. And as a little plus, if I were to make the sprites for when they have to rap, I’d do a particular one for each where there’s a little cuddle between them just to make it wholesome and stuff y’know- (left arrow for Norman, right arrow for his bae)

As for that ‘secret boss’ thing I put before, it’d think it like a ‘day-date-unlocked easter egg’ with a more ‘hardcore’ design and gameplay (if it ever goes to that point which I doubt but ok) where he goes entirely in solo and ‘full blast’ while his bae shares a seat in the boombox (a bigger one possibly) with Girlfriend and they both follow the rhythm as their boys get ready to 1v1 each other on the stage

So yea, that’s basically it

Imma head out now, bye

[underthedekutree]

Young Link might have PTSD - Part 2: Termina is NOT a Parallel World, Technically

This is a continuation of my last post so if you’re seeing this and haven’t read it, go here.

This is the part where I somewhat smoothly segue into Majora’s Mask. Link, lonely and filled with unprocessed trauma, leaves Hyrule in search of Navi. According to most sources (which take from Hyrule Historia probably? don’t quote me on it), Link falls down a hole into Termina, a parallel world to Hyrule, that contains many familiar looking denizens of Hyrule, but playing different roles. And well, if you probably guessed by the title, I have a rather different interpretation.

Okay, so in a nutshell my theory is that Termina is in fact all a dream, kind of like Koholint Island. Except the one dreaming up this world isn’t some deity like the Giants or Skull Kid or the Moon. It’s Link.

(big explainey hoo hah below)

Evidence 1: Link begins the game sleeping. Yes, I know literally every Zelda game begins this way and it’s a whole tradition thing. I am beginning with the weakest points first and working my way up to the strong ones. We’ll get there.

Evidence 2: The reuse of character and environment models from Ocarina of Time. The literal IRL reason for this is of course the game famously being given only one year of production time, which meant that the most practical method was to reuse as much material from MM’s predecessor as possible (eg. Romani Ranch sign is the Kakariko Village sign, and still says Kakariko Village on it). It seems like a rather offhand afterthought for Nintendo to chalk it all up to “oh its just a parallel world like Link to the Past or something. But think of it like this; when we dream, we often see familiar people from throughout our lives put in strange and unexpected situations, like that irritable old farmhand you hated so much is now a depressed circus master for some reason. Dreams don’t make sense. Things you know will mix with other strange inexplicable things, fleeting thoughts in your mind, all roughly tied together by whatever emotions you had been feeling when you went to bed. Malon is split into two people, Romani and Cremia, her older and younger self. This might reflect how Link feels about Malon, that she changed so much in those 7 years that she’s like a different person entirely, that it’s hard for him to process that they are the same, because the change was so shockingly sudden for him.

Evidence 3: Gorons in the snow, Gerudo by the sea. Yes, I know that sounds a lot like good evidence for a parallel world (that’s why the idea is widely accepted in the first place, it has merit), but it also works in as dream world evidence too. As a child, my family was obsessed with skiing. We would go to the same mountain every winter, and we would stay at the same lodge. It almost became like a second home for me. So much so, that one night I dreamed that my house had been replaced by the lodge, so it wasn’t on a snow-capped mountain, but in a bushy Australian suburb. Okay that kinda got off subject but I’m bad at conclusions so in summary Dreams Just Be Like That (tm). You get what I’m saying right? No? Sorry, let’s just move on.

Evidence 4: The Milk Bar. AKA my favourite location in the game! It’s often overlooked as the “haha funny they couldn’t put alcohol in kids game so its kiddy milk hee hee”, but it is actually a strong thematic pillar of Majora’s Mask. As I mentioned in Part 1, if you put a 9 year old in a 16 year old’s body and call him an adult before ripping that all away is probably going to leave the kid with an identity crisis. What is a mature place open at late hours when children are sleeping? A bar. What is a drink associated with the young, being produced for the purpose of helping children grow? Milk. No please don’t go I swear there’s more to this, stay with me. In order to gain access to the bar, Link must prove he is mature enough by wearing a mask, a disguise, like Adult Link is to Young Link. Being adult isn’t earned through years of natural living experience and mental development, it’s a thing you are given by adults to just BE when they deem you worthy, at least from how Link sees it. So that is the amalgamation of dream thoughts that is the Milk Bar. Is it mature? Is it childish? What is the line between the two? Is there one? It’s the culmination of his anxieties and confusions that he doesn’t know how to express. Another, smaller expression of this anxiety is the Clock Town Guards. When Link is a Deku, the guards say they don’t allow children outside the gates. When Link turns back however, the guard goes to stop him because he looks too young, but sees that he has a sword, and lets him pass. Why the sword? Well, in one way this is a callback to Kokiri Forest, where Mido doesn’t let Link see the Deku Tree until he has a sword. But also, what is the item that lets Link travel through time and become an adult in OOT? The Master Sword. Link seems to believe that adulthood is measured by the things you have, physical markers of maturity, which is how lots of children see adulthood. You’re an adult if you can drink, if you’re tall, if you’re married, if you have a house, a car etc. But in reality this isn’t how it works. Heck, I’m technically an adult but I sure as hell don’t feel like one, because I know I still have things to learn about responsibility, patience and all the other things, that can only come with time, which is the moral conclusion of OOT, but clearly Link missed the memo. Don’t get me wrong, there are some indicators to show he’s grown a bit. He can ride Epona, use the bow, do flips like some kind of acrobat etc. But those strange and confused feelings linger, and manifest in the young boy’s dreams.

Evidence 5: The four transformation masks. The four masks represent different aspects of Link’s self, and the way he grew and changed in OOT. Deku Scrub the Innocent, Goron the Confident, Zora the Mature and Fierce Deity the Hero. Link began only knowing the Kokiri Forest, and nothing of the world outside. As he set out on his journey, he grew more confident in his skills and defeated greater foes. When evil took over, he learned from his fatal mistake and worked to right it. And when it was finally time to face the greatest threat, he was ready, with all the heart pieces, bottles full of fairies, Biggoron Sword in hand. At that moment he struck the final blow he probably felt like the strong and unstoppable hero everyone in Hyrule told him he needed to be. And that feeling of pure uncompromising strength, with the whole world behind him, manifested in the Fierce Deity. Fierce Deity is much taller than Adult Link, and packs so much of a punch that he can beat Majora without batting an eye, like some overpowered Super Saiyan. It reminds me a lot of Undertale, with young Asriel becoming what he imagines to be an all-powerful godlike being, like something you’d see as a children’s drawing. Fierce Deity gives off those vibes, like “he has a HUGE SWORD that SHOOTS BEAMS OF LIGHT and he’s 8 FOOT TALL and CAN KILL ENEMIES IN A SINGLE BLOW!!” Before the final battle on the moon, when Majora gives you the mask, he childishly asks if you want to play a game of good guys and bad guys. And the good guy always wins, no matter what. Fierce Deity makes the final boss a cakewalk, but its supposed to.

Evidence 6: Anju and Kafei. Short one, because it falls a lot into everything else I’ve said regarding childhood vs adulthood. Kafei is effectively a switcheroo of what happened to Link in OOT. An adult shrunk back to childhood, uncomfortable in his new body and looking for a way to fix everything. He’s a reflection of how Link now kinda feels like an adult in a child’s body, because he had started to be used to being called an adult.

Evidence 7: The Moon. I haven’t super touched on the main meat of the game yet, so here it is. The moon and the 3 day mechanic is an allegory for constant mounting pressure, that builds and builds, never ceasing, because the world is in danger, and there’s only one person who has been chosen to save it. I’ve always been interested in the Chosen One narrative, and how different media explore the idea of the world’s very existence being pushed onto one person. How at the end of it all, they can never be the same again after all they’ve gone through. When you’re somehow expected to hold up the Moon itself single-handed, and your life and everything you care about suffers because you’re putting everyone else before yourself. That feeling of complete loneliness under a crushing weight, and although other characters may come to help you, in the end its still all down to you, and you never had a choice in any of it, as all the decisions were made by someone else. You must do what they tell you. Believe in yourself, believe...

Evidence 8: Skull Kid. The story goes that long ago in Termina, the Skull Kid and the Giants played together, until one day, the Giants left, leaving the Skull Kid alone and heartbroken, with nobody to turn to. As life moves on, things may change, and people always come and go from your life. Your friend might move overseas, or stop texting you, or you might fall out of friendship after an awkward event from which you could never recover (no, these have totally not all happened to me, shut up i’m fine), or your fairy companion might just disappear without so much as a goodbye after their task is complete. And it feels like you didn’t matter at all. That they never really cared about you, and you’re as easy to drop and move on from as a child’s toy. You might get angry, and want to shut them out, and give them a taste of their own medicine. Majora’s Mask teaches you that this isn’t the case. Life is ever changing, but you will always have the memories of times with your friends, and a chance to make more with new friends, like a sassy talkative fairy sprite and her shy brother or a child made of wood who wants to destroy the world. Friends come from unlikely places, so accept that change will happen and hope that wherever the people you knew are, they’re okay. You’re thinking about them, so they might be thinking about you too. And who knows? Life is unpredictable. They might just come back one day, and it’ll be like they were never gone.

Evidence 9 (the final one, I promise): The Song of Healing. At the end of all things, after losing ones you love, connections to family and friends, memories of things long past... you need time to heal. Link’s journey through Termina is a constant gauntlet of running into his own past traumas, forced to relive them again, and again, and again. But sometimes you should take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and take time to heal. Although it can be important to confront your fears and learn to surpass them, it is exhausting, and you can end up more emotionally broken than when you started. The three masks all had regrets of powerlessness; unable to protect your community, your loved ones, or even yourself. Troubles you’ve gone through that keep plaguing your mind, and you’re wondering if you’ve done enough, seeking answers where none can be found. And the best thing you can do... is accept and move on. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to heal. Link’s way of processing his grief and trauma is to create an entire hellscape world in his own head, but not everyone processes it the same way. Sometimes you feel like you need to busy yourself, or listen to soothing music, or talk to people you trust, or spend copious amounts of money, or make some angst art, or cuddle your plush toys until their stuffing squeezes out. Sometimes life hits you in the face and you want to blame yourself for standing in the firing line, but it’s not your fault. It’s okay to feel however you feel, whether you’re drenched in a pool of tears or you just feel numb, it’s okay and natural. You’re okay. You’re here.

Okay so it got kinda personal at the end there but I hope it was informative, and made you think a little bit differently about Majora’s Mask and Ocarina of Time. You probably want to go back and play them now. Me too.

So was this all just an excuse for me to gush about how cool Majora’s Mask is? Hell fucking yes it was. Congratulations for making it through my monstrous ramblings, you get the secret prize of looking at my weird art on my DA. Here you go. Have a nice day, Zelda Nerds.

[darkgeminisworld]

This is gonna be a rant about a probably toxic friend so if you don't wanna read it, this is a heads up.

Okay so for several reasons, most of them being that I need to move on, I decided to write this lengthy rant about a friend I'm pretty sure will not be a friend of mine for much longer, which sucks bc he's almost my only irl friend but also feels good bc he's exhausting and I'm pretty sure he's also toxic.

I've met this guy like 6 and a half years ago, and we pretty much bonded over shared interests pretty fast. The first thing that bothered me was that he'd always be late, which would be absolutely fine if he'd been honest about it. But writing that it's five minutes until he's there and then showing up 30 minutes after that, or writing "I'm on your doorstep" and taking another ten minutes to show up, almost every single time, isn't, especially since I strained to be on time the first months (meaning I'd be too early bc my brain only does too early or too late, nothing in between). And his being late wasn't just 20 or 30 minutes, several times he was over an hour late. Oh, and once when we had agreed to meet he legit wasn't home and I waited around 2 hours, which I really should have held a grudge for back then and been way more pissed at him.

The second thing that bothered me was that he was way too nosy. He'd ask if I'm free to meet and play video games or whatever and whenever I said no he'd ask what I'm doing and if I can't manage my time another way to make time for him. And the thing is, not only did I not ask several times after he told me that he's busy that day, but I actively told him, several times over the course of about the last two years, that it bothers me and asked him to tone it down. My problem here is only that he didn't stop after I asked him to, bc before I told him and asked him, how was he supposed to know.

Coming out to him went well, though he did ask me whether I'm into him, which... No. Obviously it could've gone a lot worse, but still.

The next is more a small annoyance, a small itch, although it might have been a warning sign. He couldn't handle defeat very well. In most video games he was better, but he low-key aggressively denied it when I pointed out the win-lose ratio in my all-time favourite video game series and he'd try to cheat at other games. If it was only about him being competitive I'd understand, but that doesn't mean trying to rewrite the past by blatantly lying about it and ridiculing me for pointing out that that's bullshit, especially since it's only games, played for the fun of it.

We also went to the cinema sometimes, though if it had been up to him it'd have been way more often and that's another point where he really didn't let it go after getting a no. Whether he wanted to watch a horror movie after being told, several times, that I really don't like horror movies, or just the general question of whether we'd be going to the cinema, he'd ask again and ask what I'm doing, why did I not want to go, would another time be good, couldn't I ask my parents for money (which, to be fair, I could have. But I preferred not to bc back then it was really stressful bc we had to move and renovate and I just didn't wanna add more frustration if that makes sense? Plus I wanted to get my hands on some things, which required to save up) etc. Almost every time we did end up going, it was he who initiated it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to see some of the movies just as badly as he did, but... And if he can't even accept "no" from a friend of several years (also a 100% guy friend as far as he is aware bc I didn't start to address gender issues with him), I'm worried about other contexts with that word. Also we did some kind of text role play (just texting back and forth with OCs inserted into several fantasy works like the Inheritance Cycle, who would parttake in the storyline, no set rulebook or anything) and his characters did some questionable and even outright deplorable things and when I wanted his character to suffer consequences, he always wanted him to get away with it. Like, his idea for one of his characters "pranking" mine in reaction to a prank which in itself was a retaliation to his character's pranks was kidnapping and waterboarding my character. And he kept defending it as a prank and demanded that my character should just forgive his character, like... It really made (and continues to make) me wonder and worry just how much of his darker thoughts I don't know about. And I don't know how accurate it is but I once saw a post with a quote that went along the lines of "man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (btw I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to phrase it so I ended up looking up the quote and apparently it's from Oscar Wilde)

So I spent a fair amount of time arguing with him over that and trying to explain to the best of my ability why it was wrong, and for some time it went better.

Fast forward a few months to the blm protests or more specifically news coverage of it and info I sent him. He defended cops and blamed the protestors and even justified the atrocities of the cops, so that was the first instance where we had a huge fight. I practically drowned him in links and videos etc and some weeks into that I thought I'd managed to get through to him (Spoiler: I didn't really get through to him) so I kept it in mind but continued to have contact with him and everything (bc at the time I didn't know that I didn't really get through as much as I thought).

From there on it pretty much went downhill. We had been thinking about doing a trip to London for a few days (his idea but at the time I really wanted to go, it was around 2 years ago when I still practically worshipped that one author, she who must not be named) and to this very day he's not letting it go completely. Even though the pandemic puts lots of obstacles in the way and I have more important things to worry about, namely final exams and applications. Even though London is expensive as shit and I still have no way to earn money atm. And about the vacation, I finally canceled last summer (and gave the aforementioned reasons) and he completely lost his shit and got super aggressive, insulted me and tried to guilt-trip me into taking that back and agreeing to still go on that vacation with him. Then we got into another fight where he wanted me to cancel the vacation with my grandparents, which was already planned and booked and everything in order to make time for the vacation I'd already said I don't want to go on with him anymore and aggressively demanded (he didn't ask, he sent a demand and bombarded me with exclamation marks) to know when exactly I'd be going on vacation with them. Then he went offline after I refused and ignored the next few messages I sent him and only replied when I asked "what I'd I reconsidered my stance on the trip?". I mean, baiting him with that definitely was shitty of me, but the result showed that that was basically what he wanted, pressure me into still going on that vacation. That specific conflict had been going on for weeks, bc despite me telling him that it's counterproductive and detrimental to my mental health to increase the pressure and therefore my anxiety about getting a job to pay for the trip, he kept pressuring me while acknowledging that he's giving me lots of pressure and anxiety and even using that against me.

He also didn't acknowledge that most times we try to meet, he goes offline for hours before replying and disappearing again. That would be absolutely fine if he didn't accuse me of doing that, which btw is his standard technique and it took me a long time to realize that. He always tries to shift the blame to make me look like the one at fault, and he always, always demands that I apologize when we had a fight via WhatsApp.

And when I started enforcing my boundaries and telling him to stop asking again and again why I can't meet, what I'm doing, or demanding other explanations, he started to attack me for the kind of language I use, so when I'm ever so slightly sarcastic he immediately latches onto that and creates a new conflict.

But this still isn't all, oh no. He's also basically an ecofascist, and is fully okay with sacrificing social justice to save the environment, completely choosing to ignore that the people he's protecting are the ones at fault and that the ppl who contribute the least are the ones experiencing the hardest ecological consequences.

He's said multiple times that he thinks both sides are equally bad, in the context of left and right in general as well as antifascism and fascism and that he doesn't "condone the oppressed defending themselves with any means necessary" bc that, too, would include violence. He's defending the "right to free speech" even when right-wingers say really disgusting shit, he disagrees with prohibiting demonstrations of ppl who think that Corona is a hoax, he has zero empathy for ppl who are affected, who suffer long-term consequences from infections, not even for ppl who die from it (he literally said "people die anyway, that doesn't justify imprisoning everyone else") and somehow still thinks he has the moral high ground.

And the last bit he did was explaining to me, from his endocisallohet white guy perspective, how I'm "not discriminated against" bc gay ppl in my country can get married (only since 2017 btw) and when I, despite the fact that I shouldn't have had to and that it was a real blow to my mental health, wrote him a message that was almost the length of an essay, he calmly started to question my replies with the detachedness of someone who's discussing whether pineapple belongs on pizza and demanding further explanation. To top it off, he said that marginalized ppl have to always reply to everyone calmly and politely, no matter if it was offensive bc the person asking might be unaware of that. Otherwise, he said, everyone would be right to stop listening to us. Like, he literally said that we don't deserve human rights if we're not licking the boots of our oppressors if that way of thinking is followed through to the end.

I almost forgot, he also thinks that white ppl should have a say in whether something is a racist slur, or whether something is racist in general (we're both white, but at least I'm trying my best to unlearn what my upbringing taught me instead of being the cliché of the white person who goes "how dare you call me racist, I've never been more insulted in my whole life!", which is basically his reaction)

So up until this last fight, I conceded some ground to him to end the fights and keep him as a "friend" not only bc I feel horrible when I imagine losing one of my only irl friends but also bc I was hoping I could get through to him and educate him, to the best of my ability, on how to be a good ally to marginalized people. But the disregard with which he treats my explanations why the way he talked (wrote) about marginalized people is absolutely not okay and the fact that he just told me that he genuinely doesn't see how he did anything wrong even after I explained it to him in detail is just too much to bear at this point.

Oh, and while looking through the chat to prove him a liar I found that apparently, to him a promise is a promise, no matter whether it was given under pressure or voluntarily, so do with that what you will.

[kingofthewilderwest]

So I’m speaking from my own personal spin, but I love how Fiddleford McGucket can feel like such a musician.

Characters are often incidentally musicians. Writers throw it in there without thought to how music interplays with their life. You could blink and miss it. It doesn’t frame the character’s interests or personality, and if not for one minor scene, you wouldn’t think they had musical background. 

But irl, I often meet people who have (as I affectionately call it) “Musician Brain.”

For some diehard musicians, music is embedded in our personality. You can’t take the musician out of us. We’re constantly thinking and acting out music even when there isn’t an instrument near us. Music gets entangled in quirks, subconscious behaviors, habits, actions, life choices, thought processes, and more. I feel like most fictional musician characters lack that “vibe” or “quirk”. But one thing that entertains me about McGucket is that he can be read as a That Dork With Musician Brain.

I mean like...

The two things Ford buys when McGucket arrives in Gravity Falls are microchips and banjo strings. Sure, Fiddleford might’ve said he needed them. But Ford’s charging to the store because he’s excited and grateful Fiddleford is here, and wants to purchase gifts to make him feel at home. Apparently, the comforts of home aren’t complete without music. That banjo came to the dorms back in the day, didn’t it? Ford probably saw that banjo in the dorms.

It was Important Enough(TM) to be mentioned in Journal #3: Ford set up the ground rule “no banjo playing after eight.” Why? Because otherwise, there would be banjo after eight. Wonderful, beautiful, skilled banjo music. Late at night. When Ford wanted to fucking sleep. There’d be that musician. Still playing. The fucking banjo. After eight. The fact Ford mentions this information early in his journals also means... this was dealt with right away. It had to be dealt with right away. Either because Ford had already experienced this phenomenon ahead of time (college), or because they’d already run into this problem in Gravity Falls... of banjo being played... after eight.

Have you noticed that at all of McGucket’s work stations, the banjo is there? He sets it up beside him during the journal research period. He has it by him in his Palo Alto garage. He’s even got the freaking banjo with him inside the gobblewonker. The banjo is literally part of his work environment. If Fiddleford wanted a real break from work, he could store his musical instruments anywhere. He’d leave the work station, play music, come back. But the instrument needs to be IN EASY REACH. That’s no accident. It’s there to fiddle with while he’s working, while he’s mulling over a problem, while he’s taking a one minute break... etc.

Fiddleford, while idly thinking, automatically starts doing MUSIC THINGS. For instance: hamboning on his knees while doing math calculations. (I know GF made hamboning quasi-linguistic, but if we wanted, we could suggest that before shit hit the fan, Fiddleford used hamboning as the musical thing it is.) No wonder Ford commented in the journal he could “put up with” Fiddleford’s eccentricities. It would be something that needed... tolerance. I’m imagining a quiet day in the lab, and then... whack-a-whack-a-whack-whack-a-whakkk. Try concentrating on your mind-grueling advanced research while the guy next to you is smacking up a rhythmically complicated groove using himself as a drum! Did Fiddleford get glares for that? I’m betting Fiddleford got glares for that.

Granted, flashbacks with Fiddleford don’t cover his happiest life period. He’s tense, on edge, anxious, not smiling. But maybe there’s something to be said that the one and only time we see young McGucket at ease smiling... is when he’s playing his instrument. 

By the way. It’s not just one banjo. In Palo Alto, McGucket didn’t have one instrument he could play in his “home office.” He had two, set up, right there. Two instruments. One garage. I can tell you for a fact, once the instruments start multiplying, you’re usually a lost cause.

SPEAKING OF BANJOS MULTIPLYING. When you open the front cover of Journal #3, you get blueprints labeled “From the Desk of Fiddleford H. McGucket.” Most is professional. The raccoons are eyebrow-raising. But most is professional. And then we get to the Gideon Bot, which, for NO REASON AT ALL, has a storage chamber dedicated to a “prize banjo collection.” What. What is that doing there, Fiddleford. I know that wasn’t Gideon’s idea. Why are you amassing banjos in a giant tyrant robot? 

Need to keep this guy awake through a long night? Drown him in coffee and blast those bluegrass records.

The science bros plan a serious expedition to an alien spaceship crash site. This will be an aweing experience, especially for Fiddleford, who’ll be seeing it his first time. The expedition is serious work, key to their endeavored scientific breakthroughs. It’ll be a several day rigorous hiking trip through uncivilized wilds, through forests and caves and more, through dangerous paranormal areas. They’ll only be able to carry bare essential supplies with them. There’s no room for anything besides bare essentials. What’s a bare essential? That Fiddleford can’t live two and a half days without? That he absolutely needs to bring? Apparently? His fucking banjo. He brought his fucking banjo.

Speaking of bringing banjos where no banjo should go... let’s try “parachuting through the air into the evil layer of a dream demon for a last stand apocalyptic rescue mission.” Yeah, McGucket uses the instrument like a weapon. That hurts my soul - musical instruments aren’t weapons. You could suggest it’s for self-defense that the instrument came. But... there would’ve been three hundred other things in the Mystery Shack better equipped for self-defense. And yet you parachuted hundreds of feet through the air with a banjo on your back. 

No apocalypse shelter is complete without your musical instrument!

Can’t move into the new home without the banjo, either! Basically the only thing he brought, too.

Ever thought about how, post-memory loss and life collapse, the one quality possession he manages to keep with him... is his banjo?

And he still plays and practices music consistently! He mentions in “Land Before Swine” he has an “hourly hootenanny.” It’s a self-scheduled time for music that he’s presumably repeating most days. 

Speaking of “Land Before Swine”, McGucket says he loses musical spoons to a dinosaur. It’s to note that spoons are sometimes used as percussion, including in American folk music. This isn’t McGucket speaking nonsense. This is him knowing stringed instruments and percussion.

Mental health struggles, self-inflicted memory loss, and a poor living situation have taken their toll on McGucket through the decades. But that can’t destroy how music sings through his soul. When he plays, “the age lift[s] off his face,” and Ford can see “the Fiddleford who had been [his] friend so many years ago.” McGucket is relaxed, happy, and at peace with his instrument, so much that his identity sings together with the strings. Ford recognizes his friend of old - his friend back before shit hit the fan - because that man playing banjo is who Fiddleford is.

In a way, music is what demonstrates resolution to Fiddleford’s character arc - both his growth arc, and his relationship with Ford. He starts the story as a man smiling on his instrument, playing music contently. He goes through many issues once he starts research in Gravity Falls. And then he ends the story as a man again smiling on his instrument, playing music contently. Smiling on the banjo is the bookmark start and the bookmark end, showing he’s grown back emotionally after all the struggles. Not to mention... music’s sorta the resolving moment where two old, close friends find peace. Ford and Fiddleford have had decades of guilt, pain, and consequences from their mistakes. A key symbolic moment of their relationship being mended - fully mended - is when the two can listen to the banjo together.

Again, this is my own spin, but I live for how Fiddleford McGucket comes off as so musicianny to me. As a composer who’s constantly carting a pennywhistle in my satchel... who hums with my electric toothbrush because it vibrates on middle C... who curses the fact I have apartment neighbors because otherwise I’d have my viola out at 4 AM... I’m damn charmed to encounter a fictional character who I feel emanates musician vibes, musician quirks... Musician Brain.

[follyoliver]

Things I like in the walking dead:

Daryl’s dog

the abundance and variety of post-apocalyptic mini-civilizations. First we had small roving bands, then a couple tiny villages/communes, then city-states! Then a loose association of city-states, with complex diplomatic relationships, war, and trade! There’s little dystopias (terminus, Grady memorial hospital, the saviors) and little experimental utopias (Alexandria, the kingdom) and ones that are kinda both (Woodbury) and ones that are kinda neither (the weirdly cyberpunk landfill) and they’re all distinct and different! And they usually have some meta commentary on real world societies. Which one would you want to end up in, in the apocalypse? I’d say the kingdom. Stable, peaceful, enough food, good morale. The war changed some things, and it seems like it’s been absorbed by hilltop now, but it was doing so good for so long. And the kingdom had king Ezekiel and his tiger and his LARPing! But let’s be real I wouldn’t make it very far in the apocalypse. As soon as I’m in a deadly situation I can’t get out of without killing someone I’m dead - so like, the first time somebody tries to kill me

the creature effects (new kinds of zombies every episode! I think they write the script for each episode and then send it to their creature department to figure out where to put the featured zombie/gross death effect, and what kind it should be, etc etc. It’s so reliably good and interesting and new and disgusting! The zombie from the well at the Greene farm in season 2 still haunts my dreams)

villain costumes (Shane shaving his head to signal his Heel Turn, the governors eyepatch, negans leather daddy look, alphas weird, bald-headed, tank-top-over-long-sleeve-shirt look)

costumes in general. Daryl’s vest, the sheriffs hat rick gives to Carl, every outfit Michonne or Rosita ever wear, Michonne’s studded belt in particular, EZEKIEL’S COSTUMES!!!!!, Jesus’s little hipster bandit outfit with his beanie and his long leather coat and his fingerless gloves - he’s so cute, he looks like he’s about to explain to me what “hifi” really means and why vinyl is the only way to listen to recorded music, Aaron’s cute wholesome normcore look that slowly evolves into sweaty bearded mountain man with a metal arm and a tragic backstory, LIL MAYOR JUDITH, Maggie’s tomboy chic, all of Daryl’s ponchos, Enid’s indie coming of age movie style, dwights plot significant costume theft, Kelly’s earring! Kelly’s hair!, tyreeses sexy unbuttoned henleys, everyone’s hair journeys, PRINCESS, the zombie costumes, taras occasional novelty sunglasses

all the actors have a lot of chemistry with each other! Some more than others, but it’s a real strength of the show! The core group is always exchanging intense searing glances with each other and having whole conversations with just their eyes, and it’s just - I just find that really sexy, like not even as the characters necessarily, though that’s part of it, but as actors, having that kind of skill and rapport built up so they can do that, it’s just really sexy. I’m so into nonverbal communication, which is funny because I’m bad at it irl

Music By Bear McCreary (the soundtrack is excellent. One episode had a song by the mountain goats! It was “up the wolves” and it played when Beth and Daryl burned that moonshine still house down. Somebody on one of my Facebook mountain goat fan groups said they thought it should’ve been “the house that dripped blood” if it was gonna be a mountain goats song on that scene, and I have never stopped thinking about that. I think they’re right. But it’s not a well known song - neither is “up the wolves” but it’s def one of the better known tmg songs, if that makes sense when tmg is a relatively obscure band. Also while we’re talking about the mountain goats can I just add that several times each season the lyric “it will be too late by the time we learn / what these cryptic symbols mean” floats through my head, as rick squints at one of Morgan’s spray-painted messages, or everyone examines the Terminus maps, or whatever)

Georgia is gorgeous. Also, apparently it’s all filmed on 16mm? Like, entirely? That’s nuts. They have a real deep commitment to their aesthetic and it comes across in a multitude of ways. The production design is also great. Apparently their head production designer worked on the mad max movies among other things - his name is Grace Walker and I think that’s wild for 2 reasons: I’ve never met a man named Grace, and I can’t believe anyone who works on this show is named Walker

rapists and abusers always get their comeuppance .....in the first 5 or 6 seasons. When did Negan come along?

the writing of child characters. They have actual depth. Carl in particular was well-written. He really evolved over time and was so cute and brave and practical and really a product of his environment but also not just that. Lizzie and Mika were less fleshed out but still interesting. Beth felt like a real person, and got less frustrating over time. She was starting to be really compelling and competent right when she died, which was frustrating. The most frustrating thing about child characters is that they all die. Crossing my fingers for Judith.

the cgi tiger

DARYLS DOG, WHOSE NAME IS DOG. Did you know that Norman Reedus had been requesting that Daryl get a dog? That’s so cute, of course he did. And of course Daryl would get a dog, out in the woods by himself for 6 years. Of course he would refuse to name it because he can’t get emotionally attached. Of course he would be deeply in denial about how much he loves that dog. Carol asks him when was the last time he ate and he grouchily replies that “the dog ate yesterday” and doesn’t answer when she asks him “but when did you eat?” Daryl calls out “Dog!” and eventually the dog appears. Daryl says to the dog “Stay!” and the dog kind of glances at him and stands there for a moment, indecisive, then follows him. Daryl holds up a piece of fabric to the dog’s nose and the dog immediately and psychically understands that Daryl wants the dog to find the human who smells like that. Dog is a stroke of genius. Remember that time that Daryl went to his apartment, took off his shirt, and snuggled with Dog on the couch? I remember.

[kusunokihimea]

     [ Okay, so, uhhh, time for a lil real talk with Sylvie. A lil tl;dr to start: I know I was just on hiatus while away to see family, but uh...I think I’m gonna go semi-hiatus on my RP blogs for a while, which I’ll detail under a cut. Life is just seriously kicking my and my family’s butts right now, and honestly I’m just...too stressed to devote as much time as I want to my hobby. I’ll do what I can, when I can, but just know my muse is super thin right now cuz I’m just...not in a good place. Thanks, as always, for your patience and understanding.

     Be warned this gets a little personal and a little dark sooo viewer discretion is advised.

     Sooo, where to begin, uh...my family is in very deep financial trouble. Has been for a good long while, but a LOT of things are coming up all at once, as I’m sure most of you know that Life likes to do. I’m in desperate need for dental work, our septic tank is in dire straights, and a whole slew of other things I won’t go into for personal reasons. I won’t lie, while I was away to my aunt’s, I got super stressed out and exhausted. I didn’t sleep for four nights in a row. The day after we got back I had to help haul 4 tons of hay we can’t pay for. I’m still extremely tired and lethargic. Being there was stressful due to the super conservative environment that had me on edge almost always. My mental health, as a result (which in all frankness is always very very bad) got even worse, and I’ve been having a lot of trouble just...keeping it together. Today was just...a tipping point.

     I have almost no ways to make money. I have very serious issues that make work practically impossible, and no money to TREAT said issues so I COULD work. I tried art commissions, and those never took off. Never expected them to, honestly. I have a once-a-year job I just got paid for, but I’m probably going to already run that dry here soon for my dental stuff, if I can even afford it at all. I’m in constant pain throughout the whole right side of my face because of literally rotting teeth (jaw, temple, eye, head). And just, uh...yeah. I don’t even know what else to say, but a lot is going wrong and coming to a head all at once and honestly I’m not...handling it very well. 

     I don’t even know what or why I’m saying this, honestly. I love this community, even if it’s really changed since I got here. A lot of people have left, but I appreciate everyone still here, new or old. I just dunno what to do. So this is me saying that, at least until the end of August, things are probably gonna be slow from me. It’s not because I don’t want to RP with anyone, it’s just because life seriously sucks right now (even tho I feel guilty saying that as I know others have it worse). I’m not doing well. I dunno when I’ll be doing (relatively) well again. I dunno...a lot of things. 

     But I guess all I’m asking is please be patient with me. I love these characters, these people, this community, but sometimes I just...need to put it aside as Life gives me the ol’ one-two. I guess if anyone has any inclination to help (which is 110% not necessary, but I can’t be above asking tbh), I do have a ko-fi here, and I do pixel art commissions here. I dunno how well I can manage commissions due to all the stress, but I’ll do my best if you want to get one. You’re not expected or obligated to. I’ve done one written comm, but tbh I dunno how to really...work those. But I could try? idk

     The only thing I’m gonna for sure keep up is my drabble blog. I need the structure from it, honestly. RP blogs are gonna just have to take a back seat for a while. I really do hate to do this, I just...I dunno. I don’t wanna get too deep into things because it’s rather bleak, but just know that I’m not...in the best place. Irl isn’t great right now. Honestly hasn’t been for a long time, but it’s just...at a tipping point. I dunno what to do. Just know that I love and appreciate all of you, and I hope to be back full time soon. We’ll just...have to see.

     ...this probably made no sense but I’m not in the best place to explain. Still need to let y’all know why I’ll be gone tho, so...sorry if this is just a jumble ^^; I’ll try to be here when I can. Otherwise try to catch me on discord (ID is on my mun page). See y’all around <3

[grandzealot]

8, 15, 38

( late ) munday honesty meme || [ open ]

Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

‘ bother ’ sounds like theres a sense of irritation which i dont feel about anything rpwise—but there are things that make me feel sad to see on the dash

id rather frame it more proactively like things i wish people did more:

01 drink/eat/move when you are thirsty/hungry/stiff02 rest when you are tired03 focus on loving and supporting yourself before asking others to do it for you

in general its just: take care of yourself, take care of yourself, take care of yourself

especially in an informal social environment like this people keep wanting threads and messages and strangers and activity feeds to validate them and cheer them up when theyre down — but everyone else also has their own lives theyre dealing with and people just cant always be around for you. i believe the more practical and healthy approach is to work toward happiness and stability independent of others because you do always have yourself around— and then when you do speak to others youre more often giving them the best of you and building a habit of healthy social interaction

so send out the messages you want to receive, be the friend you want to have, basically live the love you want around you ( not perfectly all the time, just as best you can right now is enough– sometimes the best you can do is be less mean to yourself / others and thats fine. sometimes you make mistakes and thats fine. everyone does. even repeatedly. just keep picking it up whenever youre ready to work toward a better life / space again )

be loving and kind without an ulterior motive. its funny but youll end up getting a lot more back

How has rp changed you personally?

many ways: i never actually started writing for myself before rp so thats new. ive learned a lot about storytelling. i think i feel more comfortable being myself as a creator and not needing canon things to offer more answers and coherency. im more comfortable expressing myself creatively. its also easier to know i cant do everything lmao— that theres always good ideas flowing and i can learn to be more comfortable just enjoying what im doing right now instead of answering every thread and ask and following up on every plot or idea ( im still learning that lmao )

What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

remember it is creative but its also social. sometimes u have to put in extra words to describe what ur character is doing even if it throws off the written flow u had going lmao ( or at least message/tag spam ur partner to fill in the blanks. ) also u might have ur character down in ur head perfectly but u have to give ur partner something to work with beyond that in ur replies instead of making them always come up with the situations or specific reasons for interactions or the next step onward in the rp

honestly just read guides or if someone seems to be good at something you struggle with they might be up for giving advice if u just ask

also just take it easy and know that most ppl understand sometimes ur just tired and that irl gets in the way. maybe be more appreciative of ideas than fixated on completed things because not a high percentage of plots/threads actually meet their ‘end’ point anyway

& have fun c:

[suredahlia-arc]

hello hello ! i’m daisy ( 19 // est // she/her ) and my mind has been tricked by florence into thinking it’s 7am when it’s actually,, 4:30pm. i’m in the mountains so we shouldn’t be having it as hard as other places, but everyone is still worried abt falling trees and such ! all my suitemates decided to go be storm-chasers ( every single one of them ? ), so i could be living my best life rn, but i’d rather be writing up an intro for a character i have tried to play over four times then the rp died after,, like,, a day. bless. more below !!

♪ { MARINA DIAMANDIS. FEMALE. MARINA (AND THE DIAMONDS). }Oh shit. Is that BUY THE STARS by DAHLIA ANGELIS on the radio right now?! I stan, omg. SHE’S that INDIE-POP solo artist who’s TWENTY-SEVEN years old. They’ve been in the game for EIGHT YEARS and have THREE ALBUMS out right now. I think they’re very VERSATILE and INTUITIVE, but for some reason they come off as OBSESSIVE and CYNICAL in the tabloids. You mind if I turn this up? daisy. 19. est. she/her.

first, i feel inclined to say why i put “and the diamonds” in parentheses bc without context i either look super uninformed or like a total douchebag?? basically she’s going by just “marina” now but i didn’t know how wide-spread that knowledge was yet and technically all of her work still has “and the diamonds” so i was like “hm. parentheses.” and there’s ur explanation ! onto the intro:

BACKSTORY

TRIGGERS: extreme misogyny, brief mention of gaslighting/emotional abuse, briefly implied physical abuse

so i have been waiting to play a bitch inspired by the stepford wives for forever. if i ever actually finished books that weren’t assigned, wbk i’d read that bitch. but we settle for the 1975 movie. there’s ur preface.

i often get way too caught up in the story of the parents and wind up making just intros like,,, a novella, so i’m gonna do my best to skim over them and go more in-depth when i write the bio later on!!

so dahlia’s mom is inspired by neely “i’m a BIG STAR!” o’hara from ‘the valley of the dolls’ and her dad is, ofc, inspired by walter “no fun quotes or super extra™ monologues” everhart from, you guessed it, ‘the stepford wives (1975)’

just as a very brief explanation as to why “i’m a BIG STAR” wound up in the neighborhood she would, typical fall from glory, first manager whisked her away, “fell in love”, moved to a neighborhood where 95% of the women only found joy in cooking and cleaning

maybe if you HAD a fucking business...

i’ve made this joke so many times i’ve memorized this entire scene.

only one person irl has ever genuinely laughed.

it was my mom.

through a series of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and groupthink, dahlia’s father gradually got her mother to buy into all of it and have strong opinions on the best laundry detergent.

so this was a strange place to raise a child, amirite ? i mean, you got women discussing tide vs. bounty while baking cake, you got men being treated like kings – we over here in the stereotypical 1950s. 

they stanned super small neighborhoods in wales, but should they have ?

so she had a very skewed idea of what was acceptable and what wasn’t. the boys were treated extremely “boys will be boys!” like – like... more than they are when we talk abt the problem with that sentence – and the girls were all wives in training.

it was acceptable for boys and men alike to do whatever they wanted without asking the other. it was acceptable for boys and men alike to complain over anything they wanted. it was acceptable for boys and men to do all of these things that, if we heard about them today, we’d be like “jail??” or, at the very least “leave.”

it was all good and well though!! but one of the four (4) duties dahlia’s mother had was taking care of the child (the other three were cooking, cleaning, and pleasing)

you see, she was used to dahlia’s father blowing things out of proportion when it came to herself – it was normal and healthy!! but she was not used to him blowing things out of proportion on their child, aka dahlia (you see, this is what happens when i start talking about the parents too much)

the first time just warranted a brief “hey, maybe don’t.” the second time warranted a conversation that ended poorly. third warranted an empty threat of leaving that ended poorly. fourth warranted an actual threat that ended poorly. fifth and a bitch was like “ok where r we and how do we get out!!”

after finding her way out, she settled with dahlia in a rly crummy motel, but what else are u gonna do when u only have the few dollars u managed to steal from ur guy??

y’all see i’m already talking in perspective of the parents i hate myself

so dahlia’s mom phoned so many old friends and relatives. unfortunately, as a previous neely “the whole WORLD loves me!!” o’hara who just seemed to drop off the face of the earth, almost everyone was like “bitch tf no you ain’t stayin here”

the last person she phoned was her mom, aka dahlia’s grandmother, down in athens. reluctantly, a bitch was like “fine.”

so dahlia was ~13 by now. her mom found work as a maid bc she was rly good at cleaning and also had no clue how she would ever get a good acting career back (although, mind you, you know a bitch went out for some community theater plays). her grandmother was able to live off the inheritance her late husband, dahlia’s grandfather, left behind – however, she also had a work ethic that drove her to just... do whatever she deemed the right thing to do at the time. 

an old woman doing some odd jobs?? you know it!!

dahlia learned how to speak greek which is great bc you know what?? i duolingo’d that bitch and that owl is a jerk who wouldn’t let me get past “ο άντρας” even tho i spelled it!! right!! i had so many ppl compare what i spelled and what the answer was and i’m still bitter!! 

anyway.

so like,, wbk a bitch has some unresolved problems. when you grow up in the equivalent of stepford (copyright 1972, ira levin), you gonna have some things to work thru!!

but she was also basically trained by that community to keep everything inward??

this is a musician rp so you know what she did??

SHE TAUGHT HERSELF TO PLAY PIANO AND WROTE SONGS!!

was a myspace queen tbh. technically speaking, she has more work out there than the three listed albums (i mean, we got mermaid v. sailor, the crown jewels, etc., etc., bUT)

decided “bitch i’m gonna make smth of this” and,,, did. so when she was 19 ‘the family jewels’ was released and,, like,, she decided “wow time to go be an american!!! i love bald eagles!!!”

so i figure the rest is kind of history?? i think i’ll be going in chronological order with the albums (in that a few years after that ‘electra heart’ was released, then ‘froot’, then a hiatus which we do NOT stan, then coming back with a leak ksksksks. BUT i may switch up electra and froot i’m not quite sure yet??)

ya! 

PERSONALITY

VERSATILE: ok so she never really does things quite the same ? alexa, play ‘can’t pin me down’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. musically speaking, she really loves experimenting with different sounds. overall, she is still considered indie-pop, but we had some good new-wave pop in ‘the family jewels’, we had some good electropop in ‘electra heart’, we had some good general versatility in ‘froot’ (compare the song ‘froot’ to ‘immortal’ like we were boppin then we were havin an existential crisis). does not like keeping things the same in her music. does not like being compared to other artists bc?? everyone!! is different!! generally speaking, she’s just a very?? open person?? not as in emotionally open, open book – all that, as in willing to try pretty much anything?? as long as it’s not her actual routine, if a wrench is thrown in her plans, a bitch don’t care as long as the wrench ain’t smth dumb. here for a good time, not a long time.

INTUITIVE: ok so she got really into trying to read people and tbh psychoanalyze them ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) after leaving that. town. with a name she doesn’t even recall?? wbk a bitch would speak up abt it if she could so that all of the women could be fckin saved but she j doesn’t remember anything abt it!! other than the environment in general!! what’s the name?? besides somewhere in wales, what’s the location?? she doesn’t know!! mainly bc i don’t!! and also for the sake of her not actually saying anything abt it willingly!! anyway!! she really does her best to read people and situations in order to analyze like?? the safety aspect, the other person’s stance, etc. doesn’t always work, but she tries. is pretty good at it, but no pro.

OBSESSIVE: ok so y’all see up there me talking abt routines?? there are two (2) ways in which girly is obsessive. first, a literal manner. routines that need to be done so the world doesn’t fall apart. i mean, we stan obscured brain chemistry, but we also stan horrible environments that just exacerbate it, even into adulthood, in the end ( alexa, play ‘obsessions’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. ) (also, i feel i should clear the possible iffy-ness this would have by saying that i’ve got ocd and will, therefore, be portraying it in a manner similar to mine so that it doesn’t come across as offensive to anyone else who may have a different form?? but most of the ‘routines’ won’t be very prominent in interactions). second, music!! when she gets started on a new project, -the mask vc- try ta’ stop [her]! -end vc- . will live in the studio until everything is complete and perfect. will spend her free time writing lyrics she knows she’ll never use bc?? why not?? gotta get that practice in!! can also apply to any other project types, but ofc the main ones would be music related so??

CYNICAL: ok. who’s gonna have a positive worldview after growing up where she did?? ( alexa, play ‘hermit the frog’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) who’s gonna stan that?? that said, there is not a single genuinely good person in this world ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis again ) if u ask her like?? not only did she already have that view after coming to her senses but?? now she knows about terrorists, about people from the usa who are SUPPOSED to be the good guys killing innocent ppl from ‘enemy territories’ for fun, ppl assaulting and killing minorities just bc they’re not like them, etc., etc., etc. convinced no one is inherently good. rly has a love/hate relationship with life ksksksks

HEADCANONS

a lot of these kind of tie into personality tbh?? 

literally knows everything about every cleaning product ever. ask her about the pros and cons of any and she will tell you. she’ll also tell you when it was manufactured, the ceo of the company that created it at the time, what went in it to make it, etc., etc., etc. knows so much.

kind of going off of that, actually really good at cooking and baking?? she rarely does it willingly, but will make a hell of a chocolate soufflé.

TRIGGER: IMPLIED SEXUAL ASSAULT -  i don’t want to go too far into this bc it’s very triggering content to many ppl (and even to ppl who it isn’t, it’s j?? not good.), but.... i mean.... the boys in her formative environment were literally encouraged to do whatever they wanted and they didn’t need permission?? END TRIGGER.

i have a whole-ass routine already figured out. there are a lot of facets obviously, so i’ll just mention a few?? but count them all as one headcanon to be fair. 

sets an alarm to get into bed at 1:11am bc it’s a good number but 11:11 is usually too early. sets an alarm for 11:11am to wake her up. will chill in bed if she’s awake before then but it has yet to go off. only exceptions are when she’s working on something she deems urgent.

that said, good numbers are 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18, 21, etc. no rhythm to it, but i wasn’t gonna go?? up until?? infinity??

if there are two doors that are both available to be opened and closed (aka not one of those “enter through this one, exit through this one”), will always enter through the right and exit through the left. 

we don’t stan sidewalk cracks!!

a lot of superstition plays into these. but?? loves black cats. they’re chill.

i have a stats page coming that has more so!!

during the eh era, be it the last one or the one before that, decided to method act while she was still writing the songs ksksksks. that’s going to go into some of her more specific connections.

a bitch will both fight and not fight. got ‘the family jewels’ attitude back and we stan!!

was obviously able to write the ‘housewife’ archetype songs from her own personal experience ksksksks. didn’t rly have to dive into the stereotype. j knew it already.

more?? later??

CONNECTION IDEAS

so i have a few specific ones that are attached to a different blog (u kno one of the ones that died) that i’ll be moving over here, but here are some of the ones that stuck out more than others – also, all are open to any gender!:

UPDATE: wc page is here!

during the eh era while she was ‘method acting’ (we hate.), she knew this muse was in a relationship but was still like?? “hey let’s go have a meaningless ons” bc we stan "homewrecker”! (can have a number of muses!!)

a relationship that really didn’t work out in the end. the other kept trying to make things better so they would stay together. inspired by “buy the stars” (one muse)

the first celebrity whose discography or filmography she got really into before moving to america. would’ve had to have been around for longer than eight years. slightly inspired by “hollywood” (one muse)

ok this one. makes me laugh. literally just someone who always gets her mistaken for someone else – it doesn’t even have to look like her. 100% inspired by “hollywood” ( oh my god! you look just like shakira! no, no – you’re catherine zeta! ) (open to two muses)

she’s not known for a good reputation, but she’s also not known for a bad one. this muse wants to turn her to the dark side and make her become everything she never wanted to be?? so very similar to ‘the bad influence’ connection, j w/ a slightly different connotation on dahlia’s end. inspired by “oh no!” (open to two muses)

these bitches were either friends or love interests once, but things fell apart (either mutually or on the other’s side like?? i don’t want to godmod but for the song’s sake). dahlia is,, bad abt forgiveness,, but there have been enough apologies. inspired by “forget” (open to one muse)

dahlia has a very keen interest in this person. whether it’s infatuation or literally just interest, god only knows! obviously goes deeper than that but i’m horrible at explanations. suffice it to say, inspired by “immortal”

ok!! so now j some general ones!!

best friend

ride or die

drinking buddy

fwb

ons

exes

enemies for whatever reason

frenemies

collab partner

muse for any of her songs?

etc., etc., etc. !

LIKE THIS OR HMU IF U WOULD LIKE TO PLOT !

u can also find me on discord @ john donne’s whore #5590

[media-mel]

VFX ARTISTS REACT EPISODE 2

EPISODE 2

Detective Pikachu

Bulbasaurs walking

Contrary to Sonic from Episode 1, the green on the CG Bulbasaurs match the green of the grass in the background, selling the realism. The eyes are pushing it a little, but even then, not that much.

Pikachu

The hairs on pikachu clumps up; it tuffs. It's not all evenly spaced apart. This is also realistic to IRL animals. 

Hair has a lot of ambient occlusion. Underneath the hair, near the roots, most of the hair above is blocking a lot of the light. And you can see the layers of the hairs on top of each other. Hair is not 100% opaque, it is actually slightly translucent. So the fringes of the hair on Pikachu's tail is still catching the light, creating an outline of lighter hair against the rest of his tail in shadow. So the little tips of the hair catches the light, then the light passes through it after being diffused a little.

specific 1-point, directional lighting helps a lot in creating cg scenes. 

Jurassic Park 1

T Rex in rain at night

Radiocity, global illumination = The way light bounces [ img: the "under highlights" on an egg when its on a white counter ]. If I shine a flashlight on my hand (which is near someone else's face), you can see the bounced light still appear on the other person's cheek. In CG, to get that, you have to simulate a ray coming out of the light, hitting a surface and scattering and bouncing off. But you have to do that many many times to get your scattering and get your environment.

So they couldn't do that in 1993, so they set their scene at night with a single source of light. Notice the rest of the T Rex (where the headlights of the cars aren't hitting) are just pitch black. So you don't have to worry about bounce light- great! But they also make it rain, so they can have specular lighting, make it feel like it's reflective, but all they have to reflect is a white spot. He's shiny on his hands, his toes, his thighs, but all it's reflecting is a blob of white (because of the singular direction of lighting).

Because of the animatronic T Rex, they had the perfect reference for lighting.

The museum scene

For one frame, the velociraptor that the T Rex picks up is completely missing. "What I think happened was that the actual files, the 3D models they sent to the cache to be rendered, for whatever reason on that 1 frame the velociraptor model disappeared." [ The way they talk about it, it's like it was a simple computer failure that could have happened at any point, at any frame through out the whole movie, and that they're lucky it failed then and not during a focused part on the T Rex or something ] "AAA we have to re render this and we have two weeks and it takes to months to render!"

Jurassic World 1

The effects here are technically better then they were in Jurassic park, so why do people think it looks worse?

In Park, when you see the raptors, they're real animatronic costumes, so that's what they're going up against. 

There's two things you get with real:    1. Motion looks a lot more realistic, because when you're animating CG by hand, it can go anywhere *waves hands around*    2. Acting. These kids are acting so much better with real pots and pans falling on them and real velociraptors chasing them VS J World which is "aight look at this man with the green tennis ball" Because no matter how good these dinosaurs look, our eye can still register it as fake. So, we will always recognize subconsciously that the actors are never in any real danger-- and your suspension of disbelief is a little shattered. 

J Park treated the dinosaurs as if they were real, they didn't make any shot last more then they need to. But because World is-- they can do whatever they want. So they're going artistic with it and creative-- but as they're being more artistic and creative, it's being less real. 

Aladdin ( 2019 )

Genie (bad shot)

There's a specific part of our brain that recognizes faces. All the checkmarks are there, that's not just a person-- that's clearly Will Smith. And it's not even the fact that he's blue. It's like his proportions. His face looks a little too small for that size of a head, his neck looks a little too thick, and I think a lot of that is driven by the actual camera focal point, length and placement, and what not.

Amazing CG body. The muscles on his back, they flex, and they move, and they indent, pull the skin with them. And from the front, the body still looks good.

But it feels like a face of a man who does not have that body was just pasted on there. It almost looks like the blue on his face doesn't match, it may be a color grading thing where they just put a mask there and brightened his face.  "Oh like a power window ?" "Yeah!" But now his face should be only as bright as his left peck, but it's brighter. 

Genie (good shot)

This looks great, cause it's lit well and you're not showing too much. And also because of the lower angle, the proportions are specifically thrown off. He looks super huge, so it's triggering our brains a little bit less.

A big thing is the lighting. In this shot, there's a nice edgelight, and there's a clear defined keylight, and it's giving his face volume and character. Versus the other shot, which is just this ambient wash, with just like this little bit of light from the side.

See and this once again comes back to very specific directional lighting.

Genie (desert)

Notice the discoloration on his abs, almost as if it was body paint. So a lot of we know about media's reality is not actually reality, but what we've seen in special effects. So for example, when people get shot in movies, we expect there to be a pop and dust and blood, and that's not actually what happens when people get shot. When you do visual effects, you're not always going for reality, you're going for a simulated special effect. And therefore you'd have slight discolorations like this, this actually makes it look more real, like makeup, as opposed to an actual blue person.

Terminator 2

Dogget's character blending backwards to forward

This is mostly a compositing thing. This isn't CG 3D modeling or anything, this is classic After Effects type stuff.

With this shot, ILM kind of pioneered morphing. And morphing is actually pretty simple, it's a distort while  doing a cross fade.

Michael Jackson's Black or White

You're not even really able to see the crossfade of these morphs, in fact they may have kicked it up a notch where they don't actually do a crossfade but rather a pixel color change. 

(Lady's hair grows from short to long) The use of practical shot to drop her hair to help the morph. They have enough of this choreographed where they know when they needed to drop her hair to help achieve the morph.

It's important to note they're not doing an overall crossfade uniformly, they're doing splotches and bits of crossfading though different intervals of time. First it was her hair coming down, then parts of her face, parts of her shoulders, it all flows consistently.

[orangepunkwitch-blog]

I just did my first dream spell that I threw together by myself with Loki’s supervision!  Yay!  And now a break-away link for those who do not care to hear about the details as to why I chose to do this spell!  I must warn before you read on: it involves an anime you may or may not have heard of, and if you have heard of it, you will probably question my sanity for genuinely loving that show.  (And yes, this is a petty thing, but hey!  In order to practice your craft, you’ve gotta start somewhere!  And simple!)

Okay, you clicked on “keep reading.”  I greatly apologize for this bullshit you’re about to read as you go further and further down this text wall of what-the-fuckery.  So I shall open up with the dream and then explain the spell and purpose of it so you get a chance to recover from hearing of my dream.

For those of you who have not read my previous posts (because for whatever reason, you’re new or.. just.. whatever), understand that my dreams don’t like to stay solid for very long unless it’s to absolutely fuck with me.  My environments are especially unstable, and like to mesh with other environments that are impossible to do IRL.

Let me start out by introducing you to at least the visual of a character I was meeting in my dream.

This is Dik Dik Van Dik (the subbed version of his name is actually “Gazelle-Man”) from the anime Ultimate Muscle (subbed being called “Kinnikuman Nisei). (Also: oh my FUCK, my internet finds it too much to upload an image to this post, so I had to go and look one up.)  If you’ve seen this anime, you’re probably wondering why he’s my favorite character.  Glad we’re on the same page because I also do not know beyond him being physically more appealing to me.  For those of you not familiar with the anime, picture wrestling but funnier, dubbed by 4Kids, and having so many puns that you end up making some yourself based off this anime’s model.  (Of course, a lot of us fans think that had 4Kids done this without the puns (or FUNimation dub this, themselves), it would’ve been a pretty bad-ass anime after reading the manga.  But I digress.)

Now the dream.  That fucking dream.  Oh my fucking FUCK.

The dream I had the other night involved me in some hotel-like area.  I’m still not sure what the environment was even supposed to be from according to my memory of places I’ve been to.  I literally cannot piece together what the environment was supposed to be from.  But I knew what it was supposed to be.

It was a combination of a courthouse and a hotel (aren’t we off to a great fucking logical note) and apparently Dik Dik and his friends were put on trial (for something, and I”ll never know what) but they won their court case.  Cool.  Fans (including myself) wanted to meet them.  Yay.

‘Kay, so I approach him and have the fucking guts (that I never would have with any celebrity ever) to ask him to sign my tits.  He’s got a stoic face and his eyes look about around us before he says quietly, “I think it would be best we do that after [some fucking priest was nearby]’s gone.”  Okay, so he’s courteous and doesn’t want to offend a priest that was nearby (for whatever reason, I do not know, but fuck that fucker, this is where it gets fucked up).

He says for me to meet him in his hotel room, and I didn’t quite catch the number.  So I go down the hallway and find the supposed room, knock on the door, and a creepy old man who resembles Roger Horton from Cracked.com (but up the creep level by over a million) answers the door, thinking I’m there to sleep with him.  I say “wrong room” and leave.  He doesn’t follow (goodie).

I am now on a mission to hunt Dik Dik down, sharpie in hand, and guess where I fucking ended up wandering into?  A fucking nazi wing of the hotel.  The hotel thing in my dream had a fucking nazi wing.  To which I immediately whirl around to walk out, but there was another set of doors within the nazi wing, and out of those doors came Donald Trump, who chased me Jason Voorheees/Michael Myers style throughout the fucking hotel, that had long-as-fuck winding hallways (full of scattered xmas decorations?) until I find my cat Luna who guides me through legit rabbit holes to escape him before I wake up.

All I wanted was for Dik Dik to sign my tits, but nope.  Can’t have Annie enjoy a dream for once, can we?  BECAUSE THEN THAT’D MAKE HER DREAM BE CONSIDERED AS “NORMAL” AND WE CAN’T HAVE THAT.

Which brings me to my spell involving The Chariot from my Wizard’s Tarot deck, some amethyst, and the rune Ansuz to be carved onto a purple candle.  I also cleansed the fuck out of my bed and pillow with white sage to the point where my room low-key smells like weed.  Last but not least, the amethyst chunk is now under my pillow (in the pillow case so it’s not flung out by my husband’s hand going under my pillow from time to time while he sleeps).

The intent of this spell is for me to have better control over my dream, and to meet Dik Dik in it without the creepy old men factor and without the nazi shit.  I will let you all know whether or not this works tomorrow.  Until then, I am just gonna sit here and brood over how pissed I still am from the other night.

Just.. fuck me, I just want a good dream for once.

[theladysmith]

Elevation

It’s been such a long while. I’m going to fight the urge to do that thing where I lament about how much time has passed and all the ways I suck for not posting more often…

Anyway, hi. It’s good to be back - and I mean that in a few ways. We recently got back from an amazing 5 day trip to Colorado Springs, that equal parts vacation and hard work. Well, if you’re Mike, it was more hard work than anything, but I got to unwind a little and immerse myself in mind-blowing scenery before immersing myself in the deep end of learning about my craft. More on that later.

I haven’t really been to the mountains before. I grew up near “hills” and have skied “ranges” and toured “highlands” and lived near “escarpments”, but I’ve never really experienced that #mountainlife. Colorado has been on my bucket list since I was a little kid, mostly because the name itself sounds like an adventure epic. Thanks to Mike’s hard work, we suddenly had an opportunity, and I couldn’t wait to see somewhere new. Like, totally, never-seen-it-before new. The majority of the past 6 months have been flat af. My eyes were actually hungry for it.

We flew with friends to Denver, rented a car and drove south to Colorado Springs, a smaller, chill little city just over an hour south, and way closer to the mountains. They grew increasingly more impressive with every mile we drove - a car full of creatives and we started to run out of expletives to describe what we were seeing. Half an hour into the road trip, I feigned wanting a quick break at a look-out point so that we could take some photos, but if I’m being honest, I needed some fresh air to calm the sensory overwhelm that was swamping my sleep-deprived brain. There was too much to take in; too many colours, too many beautiful subtleties, too much dramatic contrast, too many extraordinary qualities of light, too much texture and pattern and rhythm. Too much. And not quite enough oxygen for my little low-lander lungs, as I felt the overwhelm of the scenery highlight the fact that I was feeling actually breathless. In those 2 hours, I realized that all I could do is just greedily open myself up to this shameless consumption of beauty, open my eyes to every damn detail and trust that my brain wouldn’t short out, open my lungs as wide as I could (given my usual shallow breathing habit) and trust that my lung capacity/comfort would improve, and if I could just do that, this trip might just be the thing to blow the front door open on the past 6 months.

At the risk of sounding like I’m backtracking on my promise of not lamenting on all the time that has passed, the past 4 months (well, year, really…) have been a thing. I’m going to assume that if you are reading my blog you might have some interest in the environment that feeds the life that feeds my process as an artist, so I’ll be brief in catching you up here. Letting go in CO was really hard, because the past 6 months have been all about holding on for dear life. Our financial situation hasn’t been exactly “fluid”, I’ve been working longer hours than I’d like, I’ve been in more constant pain than I’d like, there’s been an unending shitshow of chasing clients to pay their invoices, big changes rolled through Mike’s work life, there has been so much work to do all the time, and a long-ass, very cold winter to contend with (although we did a pretty good job getting out into it as much as we could.) And then there’s the neighbour sitch. For 10 months we have been living next to an ever-changing cast of loud, violent characters who have kept us awake all hours of the night, whose constant high-level noise have stressed my cats out to the point of visibly changing their behaviours and personalities, and whose explosive anger has woven a sharp thread of uneasiness into the fabric of our home life. Hell is other people*. Shitty neighbours are the worst.

Anyhow, onwards. The neighbours are finally gone (evicted; like I said, they were terrible), the shitshow has been reduced to chasing just one client (goddamn it Kennedy Ford, pay me…) and while it won’t immediately improve my financial situation, I’m dropping back to working 3 days a week at the shop instead of 4, which will probably help reduce my retail fatigue* (and possibly the extensor tendonitis in my feet) and allow me more time to work on my freelance business and to get into the studio to prepare to for the upcoming show season.

It will also give me more time to hang out here. I’ve been aiming to “complete” my website for some time, but the longer I work on it, the more I realize that completing what is supposed to be a running log of my creative life is impossible. I’ve put it off for almost 4 months, citing all of the above as reasons why I couldn’t get it done. So I’m “launching” it this way - incomplete - on the 3rd anniversary of my cancer surgery, feeling a bit silly and sentimental that this little project that I’ve been planning, working through and dreaming about for probably a decade is finally aloft. I’m proud to say that this site is me, as far as representing myself digitally, and it will stand as my sounding board and experiential diary of my creative life. I intend to write more about how I’ve gotten to be 43 yrs old as a semi-fuctioning artist/human, about how Mike and I navigate running our businesses together, and my on-going observations and frustrations with this life I am living. I am not pretending that I know even 1% of it all, but I’m 43 and I’ve lived some shit and I’m still making art, now more than ever. That is my motivation for this website, at its more basic. That, and publishing my work. Oh, and selling stuff

Aaaaaanyway… So, when we were in Colorado, I had the great fortune (and fun) of studying with Bonnie Nelson and Jerry Ruhland of Cottonwood Silversmithing and Lapidary Supply in downtown Colorado Springs. I spent about 6 hours a day on Saturday and Sunday, learning the ropes of casting a wire ingot, drawing it out to beautiful bezel wire with the rolling mill (which really put me through the ropes of learning how to fully use my recently acquired rolling mill!) I worked on a pendant using a eudialyte cabochon and 5 tiny faceted sapphires haloed above, that Jerry spent most of Sunday showing me how to flush set. Bonnie taught me about fold forming while we put some copper through its paces, and Jerry taught me some fabrication and hammering techniques that completely changed how I understand metal. As instructors they were excellent; friendly and open and eager to let me work at my pace in my own direction. I loved working in another artist’s studio, and getting a feel for their ergonomics and workflow. I loved it so much that as soon as I came home to my studio, I knew it totally had to change. It had to change because I had.

I think the thing that really stuck with me the most from studying with them was of how capable they held me. Both instructors gave me lots of positive feedback on my technique and approach, which made me feel skilled, relaxed and resourceful. I rarely feel this way in my studio. So much of my inner dialog is low-level imposter mutter when I am working - I am generally convinced that I am doing everything wrong (sometimes that is backed up by project fails) and that everyone will be able to tell that I am teaching myself as I go along, that I obviously haven’t gone to school for this, and that because I haven’t been able to connect with any sort of supportive metalsmithing or jewellery artist community here I must be unqualified, unlikeable, or an outsider. I know it sounds melodramatic, but this is how my brain works.

The kind of practical, targeted instruction and positive, friendly feedback that I received in Colorado, coupled with the intense atmospheric beauty really made me soar. I had renewed confidence when I got home, full to overflowing with ideas and audacity and with a newly expanded skill set. I couldn’t get into the studio fast enough to tear it all down and rebuild it into something more supportive, something evolved. After spending a few days creeping Kijiji for a suitable desk, a perfect one showed up in the garbage area behind our building, and Mike heroically got it up 2 flights of stairs, through the confusion-corner that is the hallway to the studio, and assembled for me as a surprise when I came home from work. I bought some casting equipment so that I could start reclaiming some of my sterling scrap to make new work. I got to know my new big torch better and experimented with drawing bezel wire on my own mill. And through all these experiments, this whirlwind, this chaos, some strong new work has been made and there is more underway.

I admit that sometimes I’m not very good at remembering that there are edges to the storm when I’m stuck in the middle of it. It’s been a long, flat low period, the last few months, but just as flat plains feed a gathering storm front, they are also instrumental in pushing the storm through. The last decade of doubt and timidity about publishing myself and my work, the last 10 months of hellish neighbours, the last 6 months of crap luck and kicks when we’re down…all flattened, blown away, as if by wind whipping down the mountains. With this new confidence, this new certainty, it’s easier for me to see each day as fresh and new now, even if it isn’t, really.

I’m eager now to just work at what I’m here to do. I’m glad to be able to share my perspective and my work here, and I’m absolutely thankful for any and all support be it reading my words, engaging with me here or on IG or irl, or purchasing my work to embellish your life in some way. The storm has passed, clear skies ahead. Thank you for holding fast.