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lareinita · 2 months ago

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Doctor who? Chapter II

So I tried to get the story going by writing this second chapter. Let me know if you like it - should I give out a third? xx

Alexia.

Barcelona feminí played a league match on Friday, which meant a whole weekend off of work! No training, no game, no analysis - just time to reenergize and spend some time apart from football.

Alexia just got out of her freshly washed, now sparkling Cupra on this beautiful Saturday afternoon. Loaded with with two big bags of groceries she stumbled towards the elevator as her phone blew up. No hand free, she let the call go to voice mail, intending to call back later. Then, a ping and another. She figured someone wanting to reach her urgently, which is why she sped up towards her apartment. Finally indoors, she set her purchases down on the counter and fidgeted out her phone, snatching a look to the displayed name on her screen: Alba. Aye, this girl, she thought, rolling her eyes. Her little sister probably having a breakdown because of some fashion incident once again.

She snitched a deliciously looking strawberry out of a bag and pressed Alba's contact in order to give her a call back.

"Oye, is the world tearing apart again because you don't know what to wear to dinner tonight? You can c..." - "Ale, you have to come to Vall d’Hebron, now - Paula and I are almost there already”, the younger girl screamed into the phone, obviously agitated.

“Alba, cálmate! What hap…” - “Mamí cut herself very deeply, she's been taken by the paramedics we called!" Alexia continued hearing just a blurred mix of words from this point on, but mostly her little sister breaking into tears. Her mind went into auto-mode. She grabbed her keys and almost raced back to her car, throwing a "I need 10 minutes" towards Alba. This is exactly what she hated the most, her family not being okay, them needing of help. Not knowing, what she’ll have to expect in the hospital, she drove towards them, probably breaking more than only one of the countless traffic regulations in Barcelona.

Noelle. 4 pm - finally Noelle felt at least halfway satisfied - seemingly all of her tasks finished. Instructions were typed in, protocols signed off, all patients were taken care of for now and triage looked quite empty for a Saturday. Only some minor injuries left to be cleaned and bandaged, but for heavens sake, the late shift could do something as well (if they felt like showing up, which has not been the case by now). Noelle was about to give her fellow first year resident a wake up call, when the doors for patient intake by the paramedical services opened and they rolled in a friendly looking lady, obviously terrified of everything that was happening around her, though.

Sue, the head nurse, took her in gently and with a single view, she convinced Noelle to stay longer and take care of this new patient, aiming to not let her wait in fear longer than necessary. Knowing that the young resident was one of the most competent and empathetic members of the newbies at Vall d’Hebron, she already learned to trust her and to let her work first before she called in any help of the attending doctors.

Noelle didn't catch the woman's name at first, but neared the stretcher just in time to pick up the information about the occurring injury.

"... suffered a quite deep cut into her left palm. Relatives called us because they could not stop the bleeding. The patient suffered from mild circulatory problems, bp low at 88/64, pulse at 124. She mentioned a stinging pain of 7/10" The paramedic explained calmly.

Already having a plan for a proper evaluation and measures of treatment in her mind , Noelle pointed to an empty treatment room, signing the documents for transport. "I'll be there in a sec" she shot towards her nursing staff. “Any allergies or history of medications?” she asked the paramedics. “Nope, good health, only allergic to the poison of wasps.” - "Are there any relatives here with her?" - "Not yet but, the daughter and niece drove behind us and another daughter should arrive asap as well" - "okay, thank you guys"!

The need to finally call it a day was completely forgotten, when the young doctor entered the room, where the new patient has been rolled into.

"Hi ma'am. My name is doctor Reyes, I'm one of the residents here in the ED. How may I address you?" "Eli Segura." Segura. As in PUTELLAS-SEGURA? (Obviously, Noelle had done some research about the very steamy encounter the other night) No, that could not by any chance be true - this cannot be the mother of a superstar, she happened to be VERY close to in a freakin’ night club a couple of weeks ago - just her head playing games…

Noelle refocused quickly and started prepping a little table for a proper examination of the wounded hand. Wrapping off the compression from Eli's hand slowly, she tried to clam the older woman down.

"So, Mrs. Segura, I’m about to take a closer look and figure out, what we have to take care of. Would you mind telling me what happened?"

"We were prepping family dinner, my daughters and some close family where about to come in tonight - I hate, that now everybody doesn’t get to have a proper dinner because of this!”

Almost hysterical, the older woman made very clear, that she feared being a burden and that she hated the fact of causing her family trouble.

“Hey, hey, hey - accidents happen, Mrs. Segura. I am very sure, that your loved ones don’t mind a sandwich for dinner, as long as you all come together tonight!” Noelle hummed relaxed.

Witnessing this gentle and genuine approach of calming the patient down, Sue smiled lightly, valuing Noelle even more for her big heart. What she didn’t know yet - Noelle was absolutely aware of how important loyalty and understanding in a family was, because her past wasn’t as generous enough to bless her with an intact family herself…

“You’re incredibly sweet, Dr. Reyes, but I still hate this situation!” Eli slightly laughed out with a couple of blinking tears left on her cheeks.

“Well, I was about to cut fish filets when I slipped with the knife and hit the palm with the blade. I struggled keeping still and accidentally pulled the blade out. Bleeding started immediately - You should see our kitchen. We tried applying pressure, but it wouldn’t stop and we called for help."

Searching for her doctor's eyes, Eli was still feared of a more severe injury. “How bad is it, can you tell me what will happen please?"

Noelle took a concentrated look at the wound, let Eli make some more movements with her fingers in order to assess whether there were any injuries of muscles or nerves. She was quite satisfied with the range of motion but noticed a slight loss of sensation, which she was sure, needed to be assessed further.

"Alright, so the cut looks clean, I'm fine with what I see regarding the range of motion of your fingers. I'll talk to my boss and return with a plan about how to proceed? In the meantime, I'll prep some pain killers and a bit of fluid to make you feel a bit better okay?"

"Sounds okay, gracias, thank you for the effort. Would you mind finding out, if my daughters are already here?"

With a quick nod, Sue walked towards the waiting area to check, leaving Eli to calm down a bit and adjust to the exhausting situation.

Alexia. "This is crazy, what’s taking so long in there?!" Alexia was agitated, pacing around in the waiting area of the ER after having calmed down Alba for a ridiculously long period of time. "Cálmate Ale, they will get us in eventually. They can only do their jobs and there are probably a lot of patients, it's the weekend after all!" her cousin tried to mediate.

Then, finally: "Are there the family of Mrs. Eli Segura?" A calm and nice voice asked into the hall.

"Sí, yes, we're here. We are her daughters and niece. Is she okay, is she being treated already? We have her insurance information a.. and..." "Alright alright, calm down please, she's doing okay and I'd like to take you to see her." A very friendly nurse reached out for Alexia’s Arm and took the three women in, directing them towards a more closed up area with single treatment rooms. “Doctor's seen her already and they are making a plan for treatment currently. But she’s doing well so far, no need to be scared!"

Eli was incredibly happy to see her girls, trying vehemently to assure them she’ll be out of the hospital in no time.

Alexia just took a short glimpse of the covered wound, feeling how a slight nausea crept up in her stomach. A lot of people, well actually almost everyone thought of her as the tough leader, who feared nothing, but secretly, she had a very big problem with too much blood.

She kept speculating about possible scenarios regarding her mother’s treatment, but at least managed to not catch any more sight of the red liquid, which satisfied her for now. A couple of minutes ran by and the family didn't even notice the excitement of the staff, because after all, Alexia Putellas herself was right there. Everyone kept glancing and arguing about whether to ask for a selfie or not, but lastly they remained professional and gave space to family.

Noelle. "Damn, where are they?! One of the residents is MIA and apparently Juvi (the attending on call) is not reachable either - I'm not even on duty anymore and I literally cannot order an MRI by myself, I need it co-signed when there is only a suspected injury", Noelle grumbled, insecure about what she should do.

"Maybe you can call ahead and tell radiology, that the attending will sign off later - we cannot leave them waiting with an open wound any longer" Sue tried to advice. "Exactly. Screw the system, I'm taking her to MRI and excuse myself later, if I'm wrong." With that she turned, convinced of her ability to make great diagnostics and therefore, the need for the expensive method of assessment.

Eli spotted her doctor from afar, alerting her family, that she'll probably be treated now. "Girls, this is Dr. Reyes, she took me in earlier."

Alexia slowly looked up from her phone, and almost dropped it instantly. Was she hallucinating now? Such kind of coincident - this was ridiculous. It was HER. The woman from the club, she lost herself into that night. The woman she kept thinking about over the last few weeks. She looked stunning. Wearing dark blue scrubs, her white coat and grey Adidas campus shoes, she displayed a perfect style (even though it’s only obligat work clothing). Only little of her perfectly toned body and tanned skin was displayed, but Alexia saw every tiny bit right through her imaginary eye - remembering Noelle's warm body close to her instantly.

Right through her extraordinary exterior the young doctor looked tired though, her dark curly hair up in a messy bun, steel blue eyes not very shiny and her posture suggested her being on her feet for several hours already, which made Alexia feel a little worried about the young woman. Nevertheless, her lips (her very, very kissable lips) were still smiling and she seemed confident about what she was about to say about her patient.

"Hi there, I'm Noelle Reyes, the resident on call. I am so sorry to interrupt, but I just got a spot for an MRI, so I'll have to take Mrs. Segura before I explain anything further. It's, uh, pretty crowded outside, so you guys can stay in here to wait, if you like. Probably much more comfortable for you", Noelle suggested glancing in Alexia's direction. This time, she was fully aware of who was standing in front of her.

And with that, the young doctor rolled out with Alexia’s mom, leaving a stunned superstar and her family behind.

Alexia.

"Ale? Alexia! What is wrong with you? I'm talking to you!" With a nudge from her younger sister Alexia snapped out of her trance. Was this real? Had she really just seen the woman she thought she'd never see again in her life? Paula, being a little more sharp as the completely overwhelmed Alba, smirked and had exactly noticed, why her cousin was so far far away just moments ago.

Noelle.

Rolling through the now quieter halls, farther away from the ED, Noelle’s mind kept racing. She never believed to have a slight chance of meeting Alexia again. All she had was her memories of that beautiful and strong woman being so close to her that night. The heat between them, light touches and freakin’ seductive words against her neck that night still made her melt.

But now, she was responsible for a patient, for Alexia Putellas’ mom and there was absolutely no room for personal feelings now.

This inner fight struck the young doctor heavily, when the radiologist brought her back to reality only a couple of moments later. “What’s going on in your cave (the ER)? I Could not reach Juvi either and you’re supposed to be at home by now, Noei! Seems like the chief really isn’t able to generate proper working conditions...”

“Oh don’t ask - I’ve been working nonstop since I’ve started here, never leaving in time, because there is so much to be taken care of… But never mind, let’s focus on lovely Mrs. Segura here”, Noelle continued with a genuine smile.

“She came in with a pretty deep cut to her palm. Bleeding has stopped now and range of motions seems good, but I noticed her lack of sensibility of the thumb and pointer. Let’s check the nerves, just to be sure we don’t miss any injuries.”

Alexia.

Meanwhile, the ER was filling up rapidly again. After all, it was a Saturday evening, people becoming exuberant, willing to let off the steam from the forgone week. Injuries or intoxications seemed standard for those kind of nights.

Alexia and her family however, had calmed down, and were now patiently waiting for Eli to return from radiology. “I need a soda, anyone else?” And with that, Alba was out of sight, leaving Paula alone with her older cousin.

“Soo…What was that look you shot at the doctor earlier, Ale?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Come on, I get that she’s pretty hot, you can admit you liked the view, I’m not gonna judge”, Paula teased.

Happy about the fact, that she could hide the former encounter with the attractive doctor, Alexia formed a sharp answer in her head. “Listen, I…”

In that moment a chatting Alba returned with their mom in a wheelchair, looking happy and confident about some good news for the injured woman.

“We’re back, finally!” Alba shot towards the two waiting women.

While Paula was already hugging her aunt to comfort her, Alexia caught herself checking the room for any sign of Noelle. Inside, she was going crazy, helpless even. She could not let this woman slip out of her life again. Not without at least trying getting to know her properly!

While they were helping Eli to climb on another stretcher, a nurse got into the room quietly, preparing some bandages. "Is this okay, Mrs Segura? We figured, it would be a lot more comfortable for you to be lying down while suturing?" the nurse asked empathetically. "Sí, this is fine, thank you." Eli answered still tensed about the findings after the MRI. Another nurse entered opening a suture kit and advising the three visitors to step aside a little. "You guys can stay in the room, but on the right side please, a little farther away from the wound. The environment has to stay sterile.

Then, finally, as if Karma meant to reward Alexia’s patience, SHE slipped in, even more beautiful than before. Her shiny hair now properly in a braid. Noelle had put the white coat away, her upper body being displayed a lot better now. Alexia noticed her arms. Trained, tanned, perfect. There was nothing but a warm feeling creeping through Alexia's body (replaying the very real memories of those arms wrapping around the footballer’s neck the other night in her head).

Being pulled out of yet another daydream, Alexia noticed the doctor preparing to work on her mom. “I’m so sorry - I know, you’ve been waiting a while, it’s another crazy Saturday I guess. Anyways, I have only good news from now on!" Noelle took her time, trying to explain everything properly.

"Due to a little abnormality concerning sensation in your fingers, I thought about a possible nerve injury, which is why we performed the MRI.” Pointing on a tiny lesion an the tablet screen, Noelle continued: “Right here, the radial nerve seems to have picked up a small cut. Nothing too bad, but it's good we know. We're gonna have to provide a little stability to the anatomy of the hand now in order to let it heal properly. This is why I will stich up the wound and we'll apply a splint." Looking at Eli, she added: "You're gonna have to wear it for about 4-6 weeks but you can still use your hand and perform little movement with your fingers - all together, you're just going to be a little slower for a couple of weeks, alright?" With Eli nodding more or less happy, Noelle smiled wide, knowing she had done everything correctly.

Getting to work, Noelle could feel eyes on herself, not her extremly talented surgical hands, but her as a person. She could feel Alexia’s excitement and admiration across the room. Secretly enjoying this a little too much, she felt warm and happy and very satisfied about this grueling day. However, she was not at all expecting someone in the room being very, very vulnerable, when it came to blood...

Noelle proceeded suturing slowly and accurately, glancing over to the blonde woman across from her. At first she noticed Alexia's eyes widen, when a slid of blood escaped the wound. "You okay over there?", she asked concerned.

Alba and Paula turned to see what has caused the doctor's concern, when Alexia already started fainting!

"Shit" - escaped form Noelle's lips - "Sue, Paolo? Can you stabilize her quickly, I'm about done here".

Never letting half an eye off Alexia, she cut the last thread. Strapping off her sterile gloves and almost running around the stretcher, she crouched down to a still unconscious athlete. "Would you apply the padding, please", she delegated at Sue.

Slowly flickering her eyes open, Alexia had no clue what just happened. She noticed Noelle and some guy trying to wake her up and tried fighting against the buzzing in her ears. "Hey, there you are. Thought I lost you", Noelle joked with an adorable smile. "You'll be fine, just a short syncope. Have you hit anything, any pain?" While Alba and her cousin were already at Eli's side again, Alexia stood up from the floor, being supported by some very strong arms. Still a bit dizzy, she followed Noelle out of the room, towards an adorable lounge, which served as retreat for the staff members. "Here, you probably did not drink any water since you arrived, didn't you?" Noelle offered a cold bottle, smiling shyly, a little uncomfortable even.

Alexia was just as uncomfortable in that delicate situation, answering nervously: "Gracias. Wow, I'm sorry - didn't mean to cause you even more stress - but there was so much blood - I coudn't ..."

"All good, I'm not the one to judge, I'm the one to help! Drink, please, it'll help you feel better!"

The room was so silent, it was almost spooky, neither of the two women knew what to say, when Alexia decided to make a first move: "Soo, you're a doctor? Could have mentioned that before", she said, winking over to the brunette. "Yeah, I am, sometimes wishing I chose another professional education though". The air in the room changed. Calmer, more comfortable, both of them realizing, that the other one weren't mad, only happy to see each other again. "Listen, ..." Noelle started, "I wanted to ..." - "Hey, everything alright? You just need to sign off the report and lock out the pain meds, Mrs. Segura is ready to go home otherwise!" Sue blurted out, visibly amused about the two women nervously circling around each other.

With a sigh, the young doctor got up from her spot on the couch and slowly moved towards the door - back into the wild, the stress, the distance between her and Alexia.

But after all, this was her place of work, her future. No room for personal feelings.

A couple of minutes later the group of women found themselves ready to leave, to finally get home after this crazy afternoon.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Reyes! We felt very well taken care of here." With that, the group left the main counter, including a bashed Alexia, who seemed to have lost more than her consciousness during their stay at the hospital.

"Ay, mierda - I left the pills at the counter", Paula shouted as they have almost reached the parking lot. "Ale, your the athlete, go back and get them, will you?"

Eli and her youngest daughter simply had no idea what this scene was about, but a very mischievous smirk on Paula's lips suggested, that the medication was left on a very big purpose!

Grumbling to herself, Alexia got back inside the ER. All eyes present landed on the footballer. "So sorry", she began - "we left the medication for my mom. Some pain killers." "Looking for these?" a very much liked voice appeared behind Alexia. "Here, you're mom's going to need them." Alexia took the box, her hand brushing Noelle’s very faintly. "Gracias," she smiled looking directly into the doctor's eyes.

"Reyes!" - a deep voice shouted - "Get over here, what's with this MRI, you cannot just easily sign for this in your position!

Startled, Noelle directed one last smile to Alexia and hurried in the direction of the agitated voice.

Her mind racing, Alexia left hesitantly. She really thought about going back, waiting to meet the beautiful doctor after she finally could call it a day. But a silent obligation to her mom, to her family drew her out, towards the car.

Absentmindedly, she looked at the box of pills, trying to figure out what substance she even got. She stopped moving, visually stunned. She looked at 9 digits in a very cruel handwriting. Accompanied by a simple but very clear note: loved meeting you again. -N.

#alexia putellas fanfic #alexia #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso community #barca femeni #fcb femeni

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alpaca-clouds · 3 months ago

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So, Takeru's novel thingie

Okay, just a little thing, because I so far have seen nobody doing this.

We see a bit of Takeru's novels here. The title of the novels is of course taken from the epilogue. "デジタルワールドの冒険", so "Dejitaru Waardo no Bouken", translated into "Digital World Adventure" or "Adventure in the Digital World".

A little interesting difference between the epilogue of 02 (which I still hate, but let's leave it asside) is that in the epilogue Takeru on the book is credited 高�� 岳, with his first name written in Kanji. Meanwhile in beyond his name is credited as 高石タケル with his first name in Katakana. For reference: Adventure Takeru writes his name in Katakana. In 02 he then goes on to write his name in Kanji (which is fairly typical for a Japanese kid learning more Kanji). However in the later stuff - so tri. and so on - if they show his name use Katakana again, which would probably come down to his personal preference. Yamato for example also always writes his name in Katakana, despite his parents most certainly choosing a Kanji form for his name. But for Yamato, as a musician this would not be weird. Maybe indeed Takeru eventually decided to write his name in Katakana to be like his brother?

(Just for reference the difference in how it is written.)

But the other thing I was interested in was what he is actually writing. Now, for context: My Japanese reading skills are shite. It is enough to read the writing on the book cover, but not the whole text - especially as it does not use Furigana.

However, I just so happen to be currently training a neural network to read for work. And I knew someone had made a training package for that NN to read Japanese. So, I fed the NN the Japanese package to see what came out. And yes, it indeed did very well recognizing the japanese signs. And once I had them, it was easier to translate - as well as you can, given that the end of the lines (or I guess colums) are missing.

「大丈夫これからなくていいよ君の隣にいるのは、デジモンだろうり僕の後ろにいるのもデジモンさ。見た目はぜんぜん違うし、僕の方、僕と君はパートナーデジモンを持つ君が今家族のところへ戻れないのと辛い目にあってたときいてるよ。でももう大丈夫だから。これから安全に暮らせるところへ伝もうすぐ迎えが来る。すっごく頼りになる人たちなんだ今までなんども世界を危機から僕と年はあまり変わらないけどわ日本て国は知ってる?そこから来

So, trying my best attempt to translate this with the help of Jisho, a friend, and also feeding two of the lines to DeepL because we could not figure them out came out to this.

“It's okay, you don't need to worry about it from now on [...] The Digimon next to you is [...] [...] is the Digimon behind me. [...] They look completely different, and [...] [...] me and you have partner Digimon. [...] I heard that you can't go back to your family [...] [...] and that you've been going through a tough time. But it's okay now. [...] I'll take you to a place where you can live safely. [...] [...] They'll be here soon. [...] They're really reliable people. [...] They've saved the world from danger many times before [...] I'm not much older than you, but [...] do you know the country of Japan? I'm from there. [...]

Again, the end of lines are missing - and hence also some beginnings of sentences. Given the context of the PV it is fairly likely that this dialogue is Iori speaking. Given that he is from Japan - and probably not that much older than the girl we see in the trailer. I am assuming this is him saving the kid we see in the car with him, Yamato and Taichi. Something that presumably is happening in Russia.

I know, it is not a lot. But it definitely is interesting for a bit of context. :)

Once again also the invitation to join the Digimon Discord Server that mainly exists for the rewatch - but can also be used to discuss Digimon in general. Especially with all the new stuff coming out.

I will post a proper analysis of the PV. I don't have the time for it today.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure beyond #translation #japanese

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vasito-de-leche · 23 hours ago

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I'm so excited you're interested in kpop demon hunters! Could you possibly write some headcanons for Mira (romantic or just general analysis, whatever works best for you!)

;KPOP DEMON HUNTERS MIRA - General Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons and analysis on Mira and other related things.

anon you dont knwo how much i adore mira shes literally just like me fr shes the moment shes the love of my life shes SOOOOOOO good!!! head in hands kicks my feet starts screaming incoherently oh my god okay

I went with general headcanons so I could start setting the ground for some future posts about her and the rest of the huntrix! feel free to send another ask if you want those relationship headcanons!

On the subject of family and Mira's role within Huntrix.

The movie clearly states that Mira is the visual and lead dancer, so that's not what I'll be tackling in this point--instead it's about the role she fills in her dynamic with Rumi and Zoey, her current family.

The three of them contrast and compliment each other very well, and we can see that they're united by themes of belonging; all three have struggled with finding a place or people that will accept them wholeheartedly, and even after finding each other continue to deal with the consequences of the way they were raised.

While we get the full context of Rumi's background, we don't get that privilege with Mira and Zoey--these two have only one or two moments in which their respective backgrounds are addressed, and most of the time they're left up for interpretation. In Zoey's case, it's a single moment in their Golden music video, which might imply that she's a child of divorce (explaining why she grew up in Burbank and later returned to Korea).

And when it comes to Mira, we get two family pictures and her part in "Golden," which references the very same family picture from the very beginning. She's wearing similar clothes as her family pictures and the dancers from the "Golden" music video are obviously there to represent her family.

We can gleam out a few details about this. She has an older brother, a father and a mother, all three wearing muted and more commonly "acceptable" outfits. The most standard family one could think of.

A fun way I like to interpret these two initial portraits is the way Mira is positioned; in her younger portrait she's sitting on a tall chair, taller than her brother, dressing in a proper and sensible outfit that was most likely picked for her if her expression and body language is anything to go by. Almost as if presenting her as a prop, the idea of what a good child should look like.

Compare this to the second picture; the stark white of her shirt sets her apart right away, and she's still sitting, only this time she's doing it by her own terms and now there's no one to prop her up like a doll. Instead, she's lower than her entire family, a visual metaphor for how they may have treated her as "the black sheep" the second she strayed away from their standards.

I like to headcanon that she's no longer in contact with any of them, and that neither party has made any real attempts at reaching out to the other. This isn't to say that she's fully moved on from her family and their influence, but she strikes me as someone who's fought so hard to love herself despite everything that she simply won't allow anyone to trample her identity. I can absolutely see at least someone from her biological family trying, if only once or twice, just to see if she's "calmed down enough to come back." Or looking her up online to see what she's up to.

From reading various interviews involving the directors, Maggie Kang and Chris Appelhans, one of the themes they wanted to portray in the movie was the duality of women--their elegance and power, but also their flaws and less picture perfect lives, hence the silly and goofy moments but also Hunters' song focusing on hiding ones flaws, leading to repression.

We see the pressure of expectation and tradition wear all of Huntrix down in various ways and, in Mira's case, it manifested as her doubling down on the things that set her apart, a confidence to be herself no matter what--at the cost of pushing others away because of said confidence and her "jagged edges."

But when Gwi-ma's voice reaches Mira, the one thing that causes her to fully break away from Huntrix is the concept of family; the idea that she doesn't deserve one.

This alone should speak volumes about how at her core, regardless of the confidence Mira displays to be able to live her truth, she's still someone who wants to be understood and accepted. She's still human.

The way Mira speaks is monotone and flat, the way she presents herself is sharp and aggressive, but she's the first one to notice Rumi's secrets. In her words, she's "an expert at reading people," and I like to attribute this to her upbringing--it becomes very easy to know what others are feeling or thinking when you're often the focus of so much negative attention, when you have no choice but to accept that you will always be on the spotlight simply by being different.

What makes Mira and Zoey raise their weapons at Rumi after she's revealed to have patterns is not the fact that she's a demon, but the fact that she's lied to them for so long. To me, this goes hand in hand with the way Rumi argues with Mira, by bringing up "her insecurities," because the concept of a found family matters so much to Mira.

It's very easy to chalk down Mira as the cool, edgy and aloof of the trio, but the movie makes sure to emphasize that these girls are more than the superficial roles they've been assigned--both as idols and as hunters. Within Huntrix, I like to see Mira as the one who brings up the harder topics, the conversations no one wants to have, to say the things everyone is afraid to say because someone has to do it. Not out of malice, but a genuine care for Rumi and Zoey, and the Huntrix as a band.

On the subject of Celine and becoming a hunter.

I'm prefacing this by saying that I do not like or agree with any portrayals of Celine as a one-dimensional, horrible mother to Rumi.

I believe that is a massive disservice to another theme the story is trying to tell about how trauma leads people to pass on harmful mindsets to their loved ones, and how those future generations might be the ones forced to break the cycle of violence to heal. The problem wasn't Celine, but the pressure ALL hunters had to live through concealing their flaws for the greater good.

So if you dislike Celine as a whole, please feel free to skip this section!

Celine gives little information about hunters as a whole, only mentioning that in each generation, three women are chosen to protect the Honmoon--we know that Rumi was pretty much expected to follow this path, since Huntrix was BUILT around her because of the promise Celine made to her mother.

But as far as I know, there's no information on why or how Mira and Zoey became hunters as well. So it's free real estate until details come out, if they ever do!

I feel it makes sense to have Huntrix be formed like any other K-Pop group, with a bunch of trainees and a handful just making it to their debut and whatnot? But it feels too impersonal just like that. I'd assume that Celine, as the only active Sunshine Sister we know of, would at least have a hand in the process to veto or check over potential candidates to work with Rumi.

Not just as a mentor and prominent figure in the industry, but as a mother trying to find girls that her adoptive daughter could connect with--this is based on her relationship with Rumi's biological mother, and how Celine cared so much for a fellow Sunshine Sister that she went on to raise Rumi, EVEN with all the biases she holds towards demons. If there was such little regard for Rumi, if her biases towards demons had truly won, Rumi wouldn't even be here in the first place.

There is an emphasis on harmony for the hunters that can't be ignored and as a seasoned hunter I believe Celine knows this and could've been the one to pick Zoey and Mira from the other trainees to join Huntrix, because she saw that very same loneliness Rumi carries in them. There is also the way Mira and Zoey perfectly mimic Celine's usual hunter speech, and how they immediately know that seeking her for help is not an option. So she's clearly been around enough.

When it comes to their relationship with Celine, I think Celine doesn't necessarily have to be a mother figure for neither Mira or Zoey, but a strong figure in their lives that they respect, since it's thanks to her that the three were able to meet.

This isn't to say that Celine paved the way for Zoey and Mira to be successful without putting in the work. I like to headcanon that Mira specifically came from a dancing career and naturally switched to music along the way, on one hand because this is something that she loves and on the other because it's the very same careers that were considered too outlandish for a girl like her, according to her families.

I also imagine that the news about ... Hunters and the concept of killing demons and all would have to be brought up relatively soon, at least prior to their debut for sure.

It's very fun to imagine that Celine herself trained all of them to fight, helping them once their unique weapons developed and whatnot, since the first trio of hunters had an entirely different set than Huntrix. This is an entirely new train of thought, but I really like how Huntrix's weapons match them; in Mira's case, she's the tallest and lankiest member, so she gets a tall and lanky weapon to match. It's just very cute to me.

Batch of headcanons I couldn't fit anywhere else.

Contrary to popular belief, Mira was the least bothered by Rumi's secrecy and need for accomodation (we see near the beginning of the movie that Rumi has her own separate dressing room to conceal her patterns). Out of everyone, Mira understands the need to have privacy the most. I saw in one interview that one of Mira's voice actresses believes Mira is way more patient that she lets on, and I agree!

She's bisexual, but hasn't come out to anyone but Huntrix. Not out of shame, but because she's a naturally private person when it comes to her personal life. This contrasts Zoey who is out, loud and proud as a way to make her fans feel seen and is known to oversharing on social media. And then you have Rumi who keeps skirting around the topic because of her repression issues.

Mira is the type of person who binges asian dramas, and she will ramble about the latest episodes to Rumi and Zoey over dinner. She also knows exactly which ones to recommend to people that will make them bawl their eyes out with how crazy good she is at reading others. I like to think at some point she gets the chance to star in one of her favorite shows for a minor role.

#kpop demon hunters #kpop demon hunters huntrix #huntrix #mira #i love love love love love her guys i love er SO MUCH #sorry for any weirdness in this post im aggressively typing from a sleepover lmfao

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efy727 · 2 months ago

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I'M NOT OKAY. I'M NOT OKAY. I'M NOT OKAY. I'M NOT OKAY. I'M NOT OKAY. I'M NOT OKAY. I'M NOT OKAY. I'M NOT OKAY.

Ninjago Dragons Rising Season 3 Part 1 SPOILERS

Sorry followers.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH

Ok, ok. Calm down me... I just watched the entire thing. Still shaking... I'm cursing and praising the writers. This is not a smart analysis, if anything btw. This might be cringy when I re-read it. But I'll just live in the moment.

Ninjago Dragons Rising's writing is so good, saying that as a Ninjago fan since childhood that felt the show lost a direction in later seasons, even with the good seasons.

Is just, this new series has given the world new life. Ok, out with the general thoughts. Focus.

Gosh, I haven't scream this loud this many times. So much going on... Can't really focus.

I guess I can get out some grievances first. I don't like how Kai felt like just comic relief in these episodes. The way the Forbidden Five were disposed once Thunderfang got released, I asume they are not dead, but idk, felt most were underutilized despite hyping all five as a big threat.

This part of episode 4 where Lloyd and gang were clearly heading to the Spectral Land only for next scene to show them in this canyon place, like they didn't need to emphasize there to not go there, it feels like continuity error. I felt baited. I wanted Morro and Lloyd to interact. It specially hurt due to the framing.

But oh well, that's just small nitpicks to a solid season.

Anyway, I already mentioned him, so let's talk about Morro. This season became my most anticipated thing the moment rumors of him showing up started to circulate. I had an attachment to the former master of wind; I was 14 during Possession alright.

A foil to Lloyd, Wu's biggest mistake, the missing element. A villain you can feel bad for. I was glad he had a redemption even if it came with his death. I mourned him.

I also like seeing him and Lloyd as cousins and their hypothetical dynamic did inspire me to create characters based on them, but I'm not elaborating on that.

Back on track, I loved how they portrayed him in this season. A soul weighted by his mistakes, trying to make up for them, guiding anyone he encounters, refusing to give himself rest. Far more noble than before, but in a way that feels in character.

Oh, and how the afterlife is handled. So, the dead still go to the new departed/cursed realm/Spectral Lands; but the souls eventually move on to somewhere else. It's good to know dead villains don't have to show up. (Damn, I wish Harumi was still dead.)

But now that I think about it, can Morro even leave the Spectral Lands? Is there a Monastery to begin with? I mean not that it matters, since his soul got absorbed.

Golly, they brough him back only to kill him again. He and his fans can't catch a break. Though part of me thinks he will be fine, though may be his only way out is moving on. Hoping he gets out of his predicament before the final two episodes. It would be cool to have an actual team up with the Ninja and Euphrasia (also hope she shows up in part 2).

Ah, honestly, I just wanted to gush about him. But I guess I'll talk about other things.

Arin's whole thing this season had me at the edge of my seat, like I don't want him to adopt Ras' mentality. Thank goodness he didn't got to hate the ninja.

Also, it's good that he and Sora are friends again. This two are kind of like brother and sister to me, the only family they have at this point.

Speaking of family, I knew Ras was wrong with Arin's parents being dead. Though it's weird how everyone refers to Arin's parents as just that, no names proper, that's all they need, so how could Ras guided Arin to tombs with their names?

I know that I just said I was done talking about him, but anyone else thought of Arin just asking Morro if his parent's departed. Of course, I know it wouldn't be as compelling as what we got, Ras is truly doing whatever he can to accomplish his goals.

But another thing regarding the ghost ninja, or really what was brought up in episode 3 was the elixir. I was convinced that was the only thing that could cure Roby. I kept waiting for a way to be brought up. I didn't know Arin still had some left.

Like I'll just accept the way Wyldfyre cured him, whatever, let her be happy. But no way using heat can undo decay. Maybe it was the power of love? Will this be addressed?

Speaking of love, we finally got Pixal back! Thank goodness it went straight forward and nothing really bad happened. I always love seeing her and Zane fight together.

Discussing another couple, oh my, we finally got him, no memories but at least they have him. All the stuff they did with Jay was fun, but I feel it's time to get him back to normal, maybe a little changed.

I can't wait for that.

It's embarrassing to admit, but I screamed at his long hair. How long has passed since the tournament? I like it but not in the ponytail he has it on, some many characters had that hair piece before. Hope they style his hair differently in the middle of his next arc.

(Ok, there's other thing I wanted to discuss, Jay's hair)

I do say, his electricity daggers were cool.

...

I guess that's all I wanted to talk about. Can't wait for part two and how are they going to deal with a ghost dragon. I'm considering doing art, but not sure.

#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago dr s3 #dragons rising #long semi-disorganized read #ninjago spoilers #ninjago dragons rising spoilers

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maenecoon · 4 days ago

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@chaeul asked about wip 10 (💋) so here we areeee!

this fic started out bc @a-soulofme and i were talking about Not being able to write about kissing,,, it's just. i've written ~10 smut fics and never actually written a proper kiss scene, just because???? (if you reread my fics,, which you don't have to,,, you'd realise i barely write any kissing. i don't know why. i just don't??)

fast forward to a few months later, i ask @/obscurecurse (hi if you're here and don't want spoilers PLEASE LOOK AWAY) if they want anything to be written for their half-birthday and they requested a "fic where kimchay kiss" or something to that effect. my brain immediately goes /huh maybe i should write a fic solely about kissing/. and then i promptly realise why i never write about it, because i have no idea what i'm doing 90% of the time.

but ngl, it's a very good challenge for me,, i think i've learnt a lot about kissing and lips and stared at phayurain kissing clips for a few hours too long for "analysis" (look- bossnoeul are GREAT REFERENCES!) - hopefully this means i'll be better at writing kiss scenes in the future!

anyways, sypnosis: chay's never kissed before. kim, who's teaching him how to write a love song, decides he needs a hands-on tutorial.

#kimchay #this was meant to be fluffy #i can't say it'll end up family friendly though #oops!#i just think the idea of chay having his first kiss and going absolutely insane from it #is funny #love to put the man in a situation #chay suffers but does he really #mae's asks #thank you jules for the ask hehehe ily #<33 #this is already a big spoiler so #H LOOK AWAY

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acaplaya-musings · 14 days ago

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Hunt The Sky - thoughts/commentary

Oh good lord almighty that was freaking incredible! Man, I know it's a good one when I can't even look directly at any of their faces for most of the time because it's just so overwhelming!!! In a good way!!! But I don't need to think too much about the actual video right now anyway, because this video is absolutely getting its own Voiceplay Visuals post! (And note that I write my thoughts/commentary posts on the day the video hits Patreon, but if I choose to also make a visual analysis post, I wait until it hits YouTube, so there's a definite time gap!) So just to fully confirm: This post is just about the musical and lyrical elements - I will make a separate post for the video itself

Now obviously I can't pull up lyrics from the internet like I usually do for my second watch, and Patreon videos don't have proper subtitles/closed captions like YouTube does, but Huldra Draco (one of the Patrons who also has her on YouTube channel posting lots of fan content for VoicePlay/Geoff) has already transcribed the video to the best of her ability and posted the lyrics in the Patrons Discord server, so I'll be using those!

Analysis below the cut!

Right off the bat, I have to remind myself that this is all acapella, and so that opening chord/note (idk) that kinda sounds like it's from one or more low-pitched string instruments is actually coming from a person? Probably? Like one or more of the guys humming, but maybe with a bit of post-production editing on it?

And then there's a rumbling dragon-like sound, which is almost definitely just an added-in sound effect, like the little lion sound in Be Prepared.

Geoff starts the song right down in the basement, and you can pretty much guarantee that he's not gonna go any higher for the whole song (just like in Valhalla Calling, and also My Mother Told Me, to an extent)

I'm going through these lyrics bit by bit, so I'm not gonna scan through the full thing right now (though I might come back to this dot point at the end), but just based off my memory of my first viewing, I don't think they actually say/sing the word "dragon/s" at all? (UPDATE: okay nevermind, there is a line a bit later, at about the 1:15 mark, where it goes "the dragons fall and we stake our claim")

Just like with My Mother Told Me and Valhalla Calling, Layne gives himself a little lead vocal part, and We Love To See It <3 (or hear it, I guess)

Oooh that change in the harmonised humming in the background! Right before "the fires roar, the night grows near", like it sounds kinda discordant? dissonant? Idk I really am not great at music theory, maybe it's just in minor key and that's it, but yeah the humming becomes more kind of eerie in a way, like it puts you on edge!

Oh wow the harmonies on the actual lyrics are doing a lot as well! So much variety! And although Geoff stays down in the basement for his lead vocal lines, I think there's at least one point where he goes a bit higher than usual in the backing harmonies, on the lyric "from cliff to cloud", specifically on the word "cloud" it's the most noticeable. It makes sense, as it fits with the lyrics - they're singing about cliffs and clouds, things high up, and so the vocals raise up a little as well.

I went through all of what I wrote here and was like "oh I don't think I entioned Cesar or J at all, whoops". Of course I'll give all five of them shoutouts in my VoicePlay visuals, but definitely kudos to them musically as well! All brilliant as ever! I also like the bit of accent Cesar puts on "the dragons fall and we stake our claim"!

This song is so good and captivating that both on my first watch and on this second watch I completely didn't even think about beatboxing/vocal percussion, until Layne actually started doing it, and I was like "oh right, that's what Layne usually does in VoicePlay songs". They're getting freaking strategic lately with choosing when to bring the vocal percussion in honestly!

Of course if you're gonna have Geoff down in depths, you might as well 'balance it out' with Eli soaring up into the sky!

"Through strength and unbroken W I L L L L L" hey Geoff what the HECK was that?!!? Damn, we haven't been totally devoid of subharmonics from either channel so far this year, but it's been a hot minute since there's been a new song with a "Geoffquake" so low and so thick that it gets me all tense and hunched up! And he sustains it for a little bit just into the next vocal line! Good lord! Like are we sure that he isn't secretly just a dragon in disguise?

UPDATE: That was a freaking B0!!!! Like y'know, what he did in Valhalla Calling (and Halo Theme), but even thicker sounding! MAN!

Ooh that was a cool use of sound effects (like swords slicing against each other?) behind the "shield wall strong" lyric, and in time as well! And then everything in the background drops out for just a moment as Eli keeps singing, and then it comes back again!

"We fear no beast at all" the start of that lyric is about the highest Geoff goes on a lead vocal line for like the whole song, and even then it's like probably still only 2nd octave at highest, and he descends down at the end of the line again.

"No rest till we hunt the skyyyYYYYYYYY!!!!" HOLY- ! ELI! I think I might have been so overwhelmed the first time around that I didn't fully process this bit! My god! We get Geoff descending into the deepest bowels of hell, and then like 30 seconds later we get Eli rocketing up into the heavens and beyond! (UPDATE: it's a F#5 apparently). (If any group wants to cover this - good freaking luck!)

Despite all this talking I have done about the song, as I listen through bit by bit, I am still left speechless by the end of it! I mean like yeah, god, wow, it's incredible! Man I can't wait to watch some reaction videos to this! But anyway, me typing this has to wait three weeks until it even hits YouTube, but you reading this only have to wait a couple of days or so (give or take, we'll see), before you get a new Voiceplay Visuals post where I delve into everything the video itself had on display! See you then!

#voiceplay #voiceplay hunt the sky #acaplaya commentatings

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some-pers0n · 1 year ago

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Medic is a character I feel people agree is often mischaracterized in fanworks, but nobody can really settle on why that is or how people get to that assumption. What makes him mischaracterized? Does he care too much about his team? Too little? What even is his character to begin with? Does he even have one? Why should we even care since he's a comedic character designed to make you laugh first?

In other words, hi! I'm a fanfic writer who is extremely abnormal about Medic TF2. Those two things are going to be pretty central to the topic of this analysis piece of sorts. This right here is an essay that details the characterization of the Medic from Team Fortress 2 from the character's inception in development all the way until the final comic. Yes. The one character.

I'm doing this mostly as a way for a) me to comb through canon material and study this character so I can remind myself over and over again how he acts and b) me not-so-subtly venting about how much of a nightmare it is to find a fanfic that writes Medic in a way that aligns with his characterization in canon. It 100% is because I'm a picky whiny bitch who can't help but constantly read like a writer and overanalyze everything, but I think I'm not that alone when I say that the fandom's perception of Medic is...warped.

But why? Why do people seem to not exactly understand or get him? Why is it hard to find common ground on what aspects of Medic are in-character or not? Why do so many people have wildly different interpretations of it?

Short answer: Medic's character has shifted pretty drastically from his original inception in 2007 to the last released comic in 2017, retconning him from a cold and calculated dominating doctor to a silly and goofy mad scientist to make him more funny. There is no real proper true characterization and everyone can have their own interpertation.

Long answer? Well...let's get to that.

I should probably preface this with a couple main interpretations of Medic's character and how I think it's fascinating to understand where they come from. They also set the groundwork as to how these different characterizations of Medic come from.

There's what I like to call "Game Medic". Game Medic is the most common interpretation amongst players of the game. Redditors and the like point to this interpretation of Medic and hail him as the "true" characterization of him. Honestly? I can't blame them. Have you heard Medic's voice lines?? A lot of them are him barking orders at the others and hissing at his fellow mercenaries about their incompetency. It gives him the aura of a man driven to madness by having to take care of his teammates, reflecting that of what a lot of Medic mains feel.

Game Medic characterizes Medic mostly as a sadistic man who does not care for the other mercenaries. He's dominating and demanding, ordering around the others. He laughs maliciously when there's death and, famously, he believes that healing is not nearly as rewarding as harming others. People generally believe that Medic would experiment on the mercs against their will and torture them for his own amusement. It's not uncommon in these circles who believe in this characterization for theories and suggestions of Medic once being a Nazi to crop up.

I don't believe this is an accurate characterization of him, at least not anymore. I'll get into the details of why later, but the basic summation is that Medic had a rather different personality in 2007 that was later shifted and changed to be more comedic and silly as the years went along.

The next most common is "Fanfiction Medic". It's the Medic you see in those TF2 x Reader stuff, in the sense of Medic being reduced to a caring and compassionate man. It takes more aspects from the comics but does still miss the point of his character in favour of making him easy to sympathize and identify with. He can have aspects of his in-game portrayal, with him being overly critical of the one he loves. He's affectionate, sweet, and generally really caring and loyal, if possessive and easily jealous. In fanfic, he ranges from being dark and intimidating in a sexy and dominating way to a generally nice guy who just loves his partner.

It's the inverse of Game Medic and is often mocked and made fun of. You'll see memes that compare an overexaggerated version of Fanfiction Medic, with him being extremely submissive and soft, to Game Medic, who oftentimes acts in a more dark and violent way, perhaps bringing into his utter disregard for life and his obsession with experimenting using animal organs.

This interpretation should go without saying that it's also not exactly true to his character. Flanderizing him to the point where he doesn't even really identify with any traits or qualities from the game or comics. And for what? To make him more appealing? Or perhaps can people not fathom him acting in a more mean and rude way?

So...how did we get here? Why is Medic and his characterization such a divisive topic? Characters like Scout and Engineer seem to have pretty consistent characterization through and through all subspaces of the fandom. Why Medic? And, even still, why do most people have a hard time replicating his voice? His personality? Anything?

That's what we're going to talk about here today, folks.

Pre-MtM

Let's start with pre-TF2 days: Invasion. The concept art of Medic was very much in line with the whole orderly doctor archetype. Serious expression, clean pristine white clothes. There's a sense of authority and dominance to him. This is a man of reason and science. He is a mercenary. A Medic who heals his team from the brink of death.

This characterization I feel lasted until the style shift, where TF2 became more of a comedic and light-hearted game. This is where I believe the whole "disgruntled angel of death" stuff comes from. Medic retains that order and dignity, which leads into the game.

His voice lines, as previously mentioned, are aggressive and accusatory to his own team. I wouldn't blame you if you assumed he hated his team entirely. He claims that his skill is wasted here, that they're all useless idiots, so on and so forth. It characterizes him as having a grudge towards his fellow workers, only doing this because he enjoys the thrill of bloodshed and violence. It definitely paints him more as being a sadistic madman like the rest of them.

It's a characterization I've already covered, so for the sake of not sounding redundant, let's say that in 2007, the inception of Medic as we know, was predominantly portrayed as a somewhat sane, albeit sadistic and authoritative man of science. He is violent and generally looks down upon his coworkers, viewing them as half-wits who only get him killed over and over again. From his body language, he's a lot more rigid and straight than the others. It gives the impression that he's a proper, well-mannered serious character.

A major moment of characterization that could've happened was the scrapped original Meet the Medic video. I believe this would've come out in 2009 alongside the other Meet the Team videos like Meet the Heavy, Meet the Sniper, Meet the Soldier, etc and etc. While it isn't canon per se, it's still a topic worth mentioning and talking about.

Around this time, TF2 was becoming a lot more comedic than its original inception. Saxton Hale and Mann Co. had been invented, two things that would be a sign of what the game and property would eventually become. It's light-hearted and silly now! In the Classless Update of 2009, there were newspaper clippings showing a saga in which the King of Australia waged a war against a hill. The Spy VS Sniper Update added Jarate, a literal jar of Sniper's piss. Hats!! HATS!! The games were changing quite noticeably from how they originally were.

Which brings us to the scrapped trailer. A basic summary is that Medic is being interviewed on a train and talking about how he invented the medi-gun. It begins with a cold opening of a BLU Sniper bleeding out while a Soldier of the same team calls out for help. They are then promptly run over by a train, the exact one that Medic is on as the next shot is of him putting away luggage as the gore and guts from the run-over Soldier and Sniper splat onto his window. Again, comedic cold open played for laughs. It sets the tone of Medic as being a serious character with a streak of silliness to him. It also helps that there is a chessboard there, further characterizing him as an intellectual.

Medic then begins his story. It's a dark and terrible sight to see. The team is losing and the Heavy is bleeding out. He seems overworked, having to fend off against a Spy all by himself and quickly trying to save the Heavy. The rest of his team are useless, just standing there screaming as they're in pain. Again, further characterizes him as a savior to them. The only competent one.

Then, something quite new happens. Medic slaps Heavy in frustration once he flatlines. He...slaps Heavy. It's on impulse and clearly done in irritation, but that's quite different. Before, we've seen Medic as a somewhat calculated individual. He's not prone to rash choices out of emotions. He loves bloodshed and violence, but he's fairly contained and controlled.

I think the slap is one of the first examples of Medic's character really beginning to shift. It's done for laughs, yes, but it shows him as being emotional and prone to getting physically violent and angry. I can practically hear him saying: "Live damn you! Live!" as he slaps him.

Then, chaos erupts in the room as a stray rocket blasts into the room. It knocks over Medic and he's left to lie on the ground, watching as his teammates do nothing more than scream and flail around. Yet, through a series of events, everything falls into place to create a naturally healing liquid. He watches on in fascination and amazement before then scrambling back to Heavy, pumping more blood into the puddle of Healing Juice. Eventually, the Heavy is revived.

Then the Spy head is resurrected and begins screaming for death. Again, characterizing Medic as being morbidly comedic. Medic screams (startled by the dismembered head coming to life)(reasonable reaction) and begins shooting it. Again, impulsive and acting on instinct.

Once realizing that the Spy's head is invincible, he shoots it one more time, giggling after it. He GIGGLES. Do you understand me when I say that this is important? Look at him as he does that. Tell me he doesn't do a little "hooh!!" after that final shot.

Medic's laughter is a rather large part of his later characterization, as it goes deeper into the whole eccentric mad scientist archetype instead. It's when Medic is beginning to break away from that only characterization and become...silly. He's sadistic, but he enjoys it with whimsy and intrigue. He is fascinated by the Spy head.

Medic then begins work. It furthers his sadistic characterization by him using the Spy head as a means to hold nails and such. Something that we don't see too much later on from this is that Medic builds the medi-gun. Strange since most of the time the one who's characterized as building things is Engie. This is probably done to give a sense of competency to Medic. He's a man of science capable of doing anything.

The video ends on what would later become the scene of Medic walking out with angelic light behind him and doves flying out. Still has that whole angelic feeling to him AND also when his doves first come into play. Him being seen as a holy saviour feeds into his characterization of him having a god complex. He sees himself as a man who makes gods out of men.

So, what have we learned from this video? Well, Medic's commentary is quite proper and professional. In canon lore, he would've been interviewed by the Director. His characterization would be a man of science who views himself as the only really competent person on the team. However, he's prone to fits of impulsive rage and doesn't seem to feel any remorse for his outbursts. He is an inventor of sorts, who experiments and finds it fascinating to work with science.

I also believe this is when it's first shown that Medic likes experiments. Beforehand, he was just a doctor. Now? He tests and experiments and enjoys it. He's still a sadistic madman who loves violence, but all in all, he seems a little more comedic than he did in 2007.

The original idea was scrapped as the team believed that the short didn't exactly show who Medic was. It didn't comply with what players had when they thought of "Medic". Even back then, I think they wanted to have Medic's character be something else. Something more grandiose. Also, it doesn't really touch on Medic's gameplay. It just introduces the medi-gun.

Medic's characterization would slowly grow more and more comedic as time goes on, moving away from the idea of him being a serious doctor and more of a mad scientist. What with new cosmetics and taunts.

But...this isn't enough. No, not enough. He's still not as goofy as, say, the Soldier, Scout, or Demoman. Does he need to be? No, but he could be. He could be something more.

In late June of 2011, the Über Update happened. It was a large-scale content update that not only made TF2 free-to-play, but also added several new cosmetics, weapons, and maps. But that's not what we really care about here, is it?

You already know what it is. The bombshell that changed Medic's character forever.

Meet the Medic

The short opens up with an action scene of Scout and Demo running away. Both are heavily injured and are trying to escape from enemy fire. Scout gets blown away and is then hit with three different rockets, sending him flying into a window where he calls out for Medic before cutting to the title card.

Instantly establishes Medic as a character who the others turn to for help. Good introduction to the character and his general role and premise as well as a neat prelude that catches the attention of the audience. But enough of that. It's time for the man himself.

Immediately we are hit with an iconic line of dialogue that establishes that, no, this is no serious and stoic character. This is a different, more interesting and developed version of Medic.

"Wait, wait, wait, it gets better! When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again!" [Mad laughter] "Ahh... Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license, heh."

Do you see me here? I am gripping my screen here in some attempt to grab you by the shoulders and shake you. Do you understand what this means in terms of characterization? How different he is? How much sillier he has gotten?!

Okay, let's start off by describing this. Medic is performing surgery on Heavy. Based on the bullet wounds, it's suggested that this impromptu surgery is happening mid-battle. Medic is talking to Heavy incredibly casually-- he's TALKING to Heavy. He should be under anesthesia considering he currently has his entire chest open.

This already characterizes Medic as casual when it comes to surgery. He's doing medical malpractice and, not only is he completely unbothered, but so is Heavy. It could imply that this is regular behaviour and Heavy is not worried.

This surgery is just as normal to Medic as a barber cutting somebody's hair. He's telling stories and generally having fun. He's having fun he'S HAVING FUN-- He's laughing and just generally enjoying himself! Being silly!!

Not to mention the story itself is dark. The punchline is that "the doctor stole a patient's skeleton and ran away". Medic laughs hysterically after this. He finds it hilarious. Not to also mention he follows it up with that little "that's how I lost my medical license :)"

Not only did he steal a man's skeleton, managing to keep him alive as implied with him saying that the patient woke up and noticed his skeleton was missing (so he managed to extract the man's skeleton and leave his nervous system in place), but he finds it funny! It's a comical story he finds enjoyment in telling others. He even seems proud of it and doesn't regret it in the slightest.

He doesn't even seem to really pick up on Heavy's face drop or that maybe he shouldn't be telling this story when he's got somebody on the operating table. Perhaps a little socially unaware? Eh, could just be headcanons bleeding into analysis.

He doesn't have his gloves on either. Just handling Heavy's heart without any gloves or anything. Again, casual medical malpractice that he does not seem bothered by in the slightest. This idea of Medic doing surgery and or experiments with his gloves off while putting them on for literally anything else also pops back up in the comics, but we'll get to that soon.

Let's not also forget that this man laughs. Like straight-up laughs like a mad scientist. Before, we had gotten voice lines of him are evil, malevolent cackles. He's mocking the ones that he kills. Here's?? It's a lot more whimsical and silly. It's something that'll be something he does a lot more later on: laugh when he's just generally happy or nervous.

But enough about that one line of dialogue. We have the rest of the short to watch!

Archimedes pops out of Heavy's chest cavity. Medic scolds him and shoos him away. He glances over back at Heavy. For a frame or two, his eyes are wide and his expression shifts. He realized that, y'know, maybe it's not too great from Heavy's perspective to have Archimedes digging around in there. He shrugs it off with an anxious laugh. Not to also mention he absentmindedly wipes the blood on his clothes. Again, very unprofessional and not very concerned about it.

Quick note about the symbolism of doves. Doves are seen as a sign of peace and whatnot, usually combined with angelic qualities. A dove with blood on it would imply that its original meaning is perverted in some way, especially if the dove is going out of its way for the blood. It's a harbinger of peace, but finds infinite more enjoyment indulging in the bloodshed and violence of the destruction it's meant to oppose.

Medic grabs what I like to call a über implant. It's what gives the heart the ability to be übercharged. He sticks it into Heavy's heart, saying that, while most hearts cannot withstand the voltage, he believes that Heavy's heart will be able to take it.

He puts it near the beam of the quick-fix and it instantly explodes.

Medic overestimates the abilities of Heavy's heart, thinking it was strong enough. It was not. This characterizes Medic as being somewhat optimistic and believes his own theories based on no previous data or evidence. Throwing caution to the wind and hoping for the best.

However! He adapts. He thinks for a second. This is no setback. He quells Heavy's concerns saying that, no, this is the sound of progress, mein Freund. This shows that he is quick with improvisation and is completely fine with deviating suddenly whenever a new problem arises.

He digs into his mini-fridge, where he gets more characterization. He's got a collection of animal organs in here. He likes experimenting with them, so he keeps them on standby. He does not care if Heavy doesn't want an animal organ in him. This is a life-or-death scenario. Either he goes on out there without a heart or he takes the mega baboon heart.

There's also beer, implying that he likes it enough to keep it nearby. He also keeps one of Heavy's sandwiches, perhaps either for himself or for Heavy.

There's also the head of the BLU Spy, a cute callback to the scrapped Meet the Medic video. It's there with a battery keeping it alive as well as an ashtray. Medic dismisses its request to Die without a second thought. He's got more important business to attend to.

He attaches the über implant and holds it under the quick-fix's beam. Here, again, he laughs maniacally. It makes Heavy uncomfortable, but eh who cares about him this is the Medic essay. Medic is clearly enjoying the beauty of experimentation and playing god here, harking back to the idea of him having a god complex.

Finally, it's done. It glows. "Oh, that looks good," Medic says as he drops it haphazardly into Heavy's chest cavity. He doesn't even really know if this is a good sign or not. It's just glowing and beating in his hands. It's fine. Everything's all good.

Heavy asks the completely reasonable question of whether or not he should be awake. Medic laughs anxiously, a nervous tic it seems, and says, "Well, no, but as long as you are, could you hold your rib cage open a bit?" He's fully aware that Heavy shouldn't be conscious, but because of the continuous healing from his quick-fix, he doesn't really care.

Medic being aloof and generally disregarding the rules of proper medical care is a constant piece of characterization with him. Whatever works best he does. Headcanon territory here, but I believe that he finds the rules and restrictions to hold him down. Prevent him from doing what's best with such nonsense things like "ethics" and "moral codes" and "being a doctor doesn't mean you get to play god".

Heavy moves his hand to open his rib cage a bit, letting Medic push in the heart. However, Medic is too rough and goes too deep, snapping one of Heavy's ribs in the process. Medic's eyes widen, but he quickly recovers. "Don't be such a baby." He grabs it and pinches Heavy's cheek. "Ribs grow back." He tosses the rib aside and turns to Archimedes. "No, they don't."

He lies to make Heavy feel better. It also displays that Medic is physically affectionate of sorts when doing surgery. I personally headcanon that he's a very touchy-feely person who generally doesn't care what other people think as he grabs them by the shoulder or cheek, but, again, headcanons. Also! Ribs do grow back, which implies either a) Medic doesn't know this or b) the TF2 universe works a bit differently.

The surgery is complete. Does he check to see if any of the valves, arteries, or veins line up? Nope! Grabs the quick-fix and heals Heavy back up. He grins wickedly while doing this, still enjoying the art of surgery and experimentation.

He helps Heavy up and smiles, saying the: "Let's go practice medicine" line. He likes those quips.

He suits up (putting his gloves on for once) and comes out of the base. Quick note here about the soundtrack. I neglected to mention how much the three songs attached to Medic perfectly reflect his character, from Archimedes being plucky and a little silly, to A Little Heart to Heart being more sinister and perverting the more light-hearted tune of Archimedes, to Medic! being a full-on jazzy piece of glory (and also the best song). I could go further into all three tracks, but let's just do some basic analysis of the first bit of the song here.

The song begins with an angelic choir, which, again, paints Medic in the light of a holy figure that saves and protects the others. Then, it devolves, getting darker and more menacing before the saxophone, trumpets, bass guitar, and drums kick in, going back to the usual TF2 style.

Medic is a mad mercenary like the rest of them. He puts on a facade of being proper and angelic, but he's no different than the others.

It all comes together with him walking out, a radiant white light behind him as his doves fly out. Combined with his steady expression, he seems like an angel who's come to save them all. At least until the song shifts, where he grins and begins to heal the others.

So on and so forth. The next part isn't as character-defining, mostly just a display of Medic's role in the game because, like healing. It does a better job of showing what his class does than the scrapped version, I'll give it that. He heals Scout and Demo before shifting focus back to Heavy.

An onslaught of BLU Soldiers are closing in on them. Heavy glances back, asking if Medic is sure that this plan will work.

Medic laughs, saying that he has no idea. Again, he doesn't know. He doesn't care. He's having fun and is just experimenting willy-nilly without a clue as to whether it'll actually work. He just hopes.

He flicks the switch and, lo and behold, it works. Heavy is übercharged and they march on to victory. The short ends there, with a small epilogue showing the rest of the mercs getting their own über implant surgery. Again, the final scene shows Medic's lack of care as Archimedes is implied to have crawled into Scout's chest and been sealed up when it was over.

Whew!! Two thousand words of analysis on one four-minute short. But, I assume you can understand why, no? This short is monumental when it comes to characterizing Medic. He's not stoic. Quite the opposite! He's careless when it comes to following proper procedures and order. He is a giggly mess who chuckles and laughs at almost anything, nervously or not. He's concerned when Heavy shows anxiety and uncertainty. He's generally a lot more goofy and silly here, you know?

He now instead mostly mirrors the eccentric mad scientist archetype. Laughing, experimenting without a care, and generally being a couple screws loose. Instead of the cold, calculative bloodthirsty character he once was, he's a lot more close and emotional here.

This characterization becomes the basis of what the following taunts and voice lines would be about. His Halloween voice lines are a lot more silly, with him laughing a lot. His Medimedes cosmetic is him screaming in agony and laughing maniacally about his new predicament.

If I may, I want to quickly talk about the Sec-Op cosmetic lines. Sec-Op I personally interpret as a fabricated evil dark side. I don't think of Sec-Op as "Medic's evil secret thoughts" and more of a force that's attached to him that acts like how a typical normal evil dark side thingymabobber works. The joke with the cosmetic is that Medic is as evil as Sec-Op, but is more casual about it. Of course, other people can see it as something else, I just think of it like that.

What I particularly want to talk about are two curious lines. Sec-Op questions whether or not Medic worries he's going mad. Medic doesn't mind. He doesn't care. Even if he is, it's not the end of the world. However, he gets extremely offended when Sec-Op suggests that the other mercs think that Medic is crazy.

Medic gets insulted when others think of him as mad, yet he himself is fine with it. Why? I think Medic himself cares a lot about how he's perceived. He claims he doesn't. He does. If he's thought of in a way that he doesn't want to be thought about, he gets upset. He doesn't care about what other normal people think of him since any conversation they have will come out as negative, but with the mercs? Nah man. Nah...

The ego of this man is a central part of how I view him. He likes being praised and admired. He likes being lifted up and viewed as a god amongst men. He wants to defy the laws of nature just because he feels like he's better than anybody else. He's a little goofy that way, y'know?

Then, of course, we have Expiration Date. I promise I'll try to be a little less exhaustively wordy here since a lot of his characterization is still the same.

Medic and Engie have been experimenting with the teleporters and bread. When Scout, Soldier, and Heavy return from their own trip to get the intel, the pair break the bad news. Here, Medic exhibits characteristics of his in-game self. It could definitely be because of how dire the situation is (they're all going to die in a matter of days), but it's worthy to note.

They don't entertain Scout and instead get straight to telling them about it. When Engie teleports the bread in, Medic tears it apart, proudly showing off the disgusting insides. He tells them all that these green blobs are tumours with a wide, grin. He seems somewhat amused by it, contrasting with the rest of them being confused or mournful.

When asked about how long it'll be, he quickly calculates in his head that they have roughly three days to live. He says it pretty dramatically too. Prissy drama queen.

Engie and Medic then curiously enough spend the next three days experimenting with the bread. Apparently, they were so busy as to not even attend Spy's bucket list meeting. Curious bit of characterization. Engie and Medic both care enough about the team to spend their last few days trying to find some sort of reason for these tumours and possibly a cure. They care about their team (or at the very least their lives) on some level.

Engie teleports bread. Medic grins as it appears in front of him, still humoured by seeing teleportation in action. Or, perhaps he notices it changing and shifting. Regardless, the bread attacks him. Not much to note here other than he's screaming loudly and dramatically. Again, prissy drama queen. He's only having a big bread monster lunge directly at his jugular. Get a grip.

Engie and Medic return to Spy and the rest of them, telling them that, no, they aren't dying in three days, but rather that it's only bread that gets the tumours. Instead, as Medic puts it: "It's some form of self-aware beauty mark that only metastasizes in an environment of pure wheat" before then shaking around the bloodthirsty monster and showing it off. He's just happy and excited to be alive and show off that, no, this is just a bread problem. Everything is all great.

Until Soldier says that he's been teleporting bread non-stop for three days.

Medic tosses the jar aside and rushes towards Soldier, shaking him around. Again, harking back to that moment of physical frustration in the scrapped Meet the Medic short. Him being impulsive and prone to sudden mood shifts is still a part of his character.

They fight the bread monster, they win, Medic corrects Soldier when he says that they'll live forever, and then he rejoins Engie as the both of them inspect the bread monster. Looks like the two of them will get to keep on experimenting.

And there we are. I could touch on the other shorts, but this is already long enough and those shorts are just repeating the same information. Meet the Medic is vital to the characterization of Medic now. Everything in the comics and shorts with him happens because of what Meet the Medic set up.

And, well, speaking of the comics, why don't we talk about those?

Comics

The comics notably do not feature a lot of Medic, at least the ones previous to the mainline comics. The comics are much more entertained with the stories of Soldier in particular. Understandable, Soldier is an almost entirely comedic character (until the comics decide to randomly throw in ideas of him being repulsed by the idea of being a civilian and can only really function in a war setting). However, it does leave the others lacking in a lot of characterization while we get a bunch of Soldier trivia.

But enough about me quietly complaining about the comics, let's talk about the issues where Medic appears!

He appears in A Fate Worse Than Chess, but doesn't do much other than watch the TV playing Saxton's message and then prepare himself for battle. In Shadow Boxers...also not too much. Just sorta dismisses the meeting and says goodnight (??? it's like midday???) before heading off. Nothing really to write home about.

Gargoyles & Gravel is where he actually gets some proper screen time again. He's experimenting on a jack-o-lantern with Engie. As far as characterization goes, he's repeatedly shown to have connections to Heavy and Engie. I'll get to Medic and Heavy soon enough, but with Engie, Medic seems to enjoy experimenting with him. They collaborate on projects and work together.

This is no different. Medic has implanted a brain into the pumpkin, one that belonged to a criminal who tried mugging him. This also implies that Medic has zero qualms about just incapacitating and experimenting on people. Personally? I like headcanoning that he cares more about his team than he does the average person, so he doesn't really feel any sort of guilt or remorse when just grabbing somebody off the streets for a healthy amount of medical malpractice. If he is performing on the mercs, he cares a little more. A Little.

Regardless, Medic is dressed up as Viktor Frankenstein, a matching costume for Heavy's Frankenstein's Monster costume. Again, comparing him to famous fictional mad scientists. Also quite cute.

Medic is again not wearing his gloves. He also declines Engie's offer for a beer, saying that he doesn't drink during surgery. Well, at least he cares enough to not drink during surgery, but y'know. Curious how this is the only real thing he seems to care about. They revive the person's consciousness, having them possess the pumpkin. Medic then says that the pumpkin could "scare the children straight". Does he not like kids or just find them hooligans? Perhaps he just likes seeing people scared. Or maybe it's just Halloween dialogue.

Anywho, Engie takes the pumpkin away and Medic reappears at the end to hold his bonesaw with a wicked smile.

So, now, time for the actual comics.

For the first couple of comics, Medic is nowhere to be seen. He's one of the characters shrouded in mystery for a while. Pauling wasn't able to track him or Engie down. Where could he be?

Then, we learn that he's still alive and well, but now working with Gray Mann as the new Medic for the TFC BLU team. But wait, those are the bad guys!

Medic's introduction scene in the comics establishes a couple of things. One, he's still the same ol' medical malpractitioner who's been busy sewing baboon uteruses into some of the team members. He's excited to work with them. Literally. He brings up how they're "blank canvases", saying how their previous Medic must not have experimented on them.

Secondly, he's still pretty lax with morals. The comics definitely make it more clear how he's unaware that maybe people don't want animal organs sewn into them, whether they know it or not. If asked about it, he brushes it off and says: "Eh, it's not like it's hurting you in any way that we know of yet" before quickly switching topics.

Another thing of note is that he explicitly lied to the TFC Scout. Interesting. He told him that he was going to fill a cavity, only to then sew three baboon uteruses into him. He's a lot more careless and reckless with the TFC team. Or maybe he also was with his previous team. Again, personal headcanons bleeding into analysis, but I don't think Medic cares nearly as much about the TFC team as he does with his main team. But, again, disregard that if you will. Medic simply just being a lying little prissy bastard is also equally as valid.

The ending panel of the scene has Medic consider and bask in the glory of his "latest triumphs" going toe-to-toe with his "earliest experiments". The phrasing implies that he doesn't particularly care about his previous team. Again, Medic likes his bloodshed and violence. He doesn't play sides or really care. He just wants to see how his newest cadavers fare against the older ones.

Medic then shows up again in the next comic at the very end, smiling wickedly after Sniper is shot by the TFC Sniper. This is then later explained away cause Joke and Funny, but we'll get to it soon.

In Old Wounds, Medic is shown to work on Sniper's body. By his own accord and will, he decides to bring Sniper back to life. Why? Well, number one this is TF2 and death is ultimately meaningless when it's done to the main cast because they're our main characters. Secondly? Well, we soon find out.

After Sniper has his little moment, he wakes up to find Medic there. Medic is less concerned with Sniper's state (both physical and mental) and is more obsessed with the idea of Sniper not being able to witness his crowning medical achievement. Ego! Look at that right there. He's concerned with how he's perceived, probably for just personal pleasure.

Also, the return of the god complex. "It's like I've always said! There's nothing wrong with playing God, so long as you are good at it!" It implies that he's said it several times before, that he's playing God and it's perfectly fine and okay because it works out in the end. He likes the idea of playing around with the laws of nature and God's will.

However, while he's gloating, Sniper attacks. This surprises Medic. Medic was either caught up in his own personal victory to notice Sniper being upset or he never once considered that Sniper would be upset, but rather congratulate him over it. Both? Yeah, probably both. He says this when Sniper says that he killed him. "It's okay though cause I brought you back to life, ja?" basically. He also then explains why he was smiling: it's just how he normally looks. He just looks like that! Smug and evil!

Medic then also elaborates on his reasoning for why he joined the TFC team. He was bored mostly. Medic loves his experimentation. He would've felt bored and as though his talents were being wasted if he wasn't able to be a mercenary. The TFC needed a Medic, so what then? Join them! He needs the funding.

Again, when explaining he still brings up how it's his greatest triumph, bringing back another person from the dead. Medic in the comics is quite boastful it seems. However, he does seem to care enough about Sniper's physical state to try and stop him from going straight back to work (killing people) before they're then interrupted by Cheavy. Ohhh Cheavy...

Cheavy is rightfully pissed that Medic revived Sniper. Why wouldn't he be??? Medic just revived the guy they killed. And for what reason? Just to say: "Haha!! I brought a man back from the dead?" Cheavy makes it known how upset he is. In a rage, he kills Archimedes.

Medic flips. Perhaps in the only real time that Medic is deeply affected by death, he screams and rushes over to his feathered little friend. Something I've brushed over until now is that Medic really loves his birds. It's a strong big of characterization that his birds, with Archimedes in particular, being something he loves deeply. He cares more about them than he does with anything else. When Archimedes is in Heavy's chest, Medic cares more about Archimedes getting dirty than he is with Heavy having a bird in his stomach.

As Medic is trying to revive Archimedes, Cheavy barks at him. Medic apparently managed to coax the team into buying him a bunch of animal organs. Guy just has a certain charm to him. Or he's just extremely adamant about it. Regardless, Cheavy isn't too pleased with him.

Even while Cheavy is nagging him, Medic STILL tries to boast about his crowning medical achievement. He seriously does not understand that now is not the time to go all: "Yeah!! I brought him back to life!! Isn't that so cool? Aren't I just the best?"

He gets yelled at, but Medic still seems unphased. Perhaps he's either used to it considering that Cheavy just yells at everyone or he's still riding the high of bringing Sniper back to life. He's excited to go out and help the TFC team, saying that he'll be right behind Cheavy. That mirrors exactly what he says to Heavy.

But Cheavy swipes him away. Cheavy doesn't want anything to do with him (which is quite frankly the most reasonable thing to do right now). Cheavy orders Medic to stay in the infirmary and get out of their way, which Medic doesn't like in the slightest. Another headcanon, but I like the idea of Medic being extremely stubborn and constantly wanting to be in a dominating role. He likes ordering people around as shown with his personality in-game and the idea of him having to submit to another person just pisses him off.

And so, he betrays the TFC fully, rejoining the TF team.

In The Naked and the Dead, we open on Medic scrambling to get Miss Pauling blood. Again, improvisation shows here as he manages to figure out that if he just pours blood back into the bodies they'll live. Who cares if blood clots happen because of contradicting blood types?

He also says a curious line. When Miss Pauling expresses skepticism about this tactic working, he just goes: "I know, ja? Why do people even go to medical school?" Some people interpret this as him never even going to medical school. Personally? I like thinking that he's just mocking the need for a proper education when something as simple as pouring a bunch of blood into a person can bring them back to health.

It's a joke, but he's shown to be dedicated to bringing them back to life. He says that he's been soaking their blood using his own underwear for. some reason. Again, joke, but also like...that's some dedication right there.

The next time we see Medic is when he's tending to Demo's wounds. Again, small talk ala Meet the Medic. Medic is catching Demo up on all of the drama. He STILL BRAGS ABOUT BRINGING SNIPER TO LIFE HERE TOO. I genuinely forgot how many times this man brings up Sniper's revival. Oh my god I know that you're proud of bringing the bushman back to life but it's so comical seeing him constantly bring it up like: "Yeah!! And I was super cool and smart and able to do it, ja?" He's so silly.

More jokes here about Medic being able to replace Demo's eye, but because of Monoculous he can't keep it forever. Not much to comment on other than Medic is still rather dismissive of his procedures perhaps causing others genuine distress. Also, him just doing random things for no reason, like scooping out part of Demo's brain because he just got exhausted of hearing Demo ask for his eye back. Also implanting a brain into his leg because he just wants to see what happens. What a goofball.

Something to note is how Medic isn't really intimidating at all during these comics. Evil? Sure, but he's not exactly a looming figure who makes you quiver in your boots. He's casual, silly, and just kinda does what he likes to do. It makes me think about all the art of him with his hands clasped behind his back and with a creepy and unsettling expression. Looking at how Medic is shown in the MtM video and comics? He's...not really like that.

Then, Cheavy reappears. Something to note is that Cheavy doesn't call Medic by his name (or title I should say), but rather by nicknames (and slurs). Frankenstein is his most common one. Medic wouldn't like that.

Again, headcanons, but I think Medic and Cheavy bumped heads a lot considering how hostile Cheavy is to Medic. Because of this, Medic would despise Cheavy more than anything. What's worse than an annoying nagging beast of a person is one that won't even acknowledge his greatness and sees him as little more than a pest that Gray brought on cause they needed a Medic.

So, Medic attacks Cheavy. He reaches for his bonesaw, slashes him across the face before stabbing him in the abdomen. Revenge for killing Archimedes. But, Cheavy survives, reefing the blade out of him and then going out for blood. They both fight before Heavy interrupts.

Blah blah nothing too notable. Medic is a little bit of a sopping wet cat here. He's scared of Cheavy. By all means, he was previously being choked out by him, but c'mon Medic get your shit together bite his ankles. (/j /lh)

Heavy for?? Some reason throws aside Sasha because Cheavy wanted a "good death"?? I know it's coinvent for the plot since it gets Sasha out of the way so that Cheavy can kill Medic and piss off Heavy even more, but still. Maybe I need to do another analysis piece for Heavy to see if he's the type of guy to care about this, but I doubt I could drag it out nearly as long as this.

Regardless, Medic is shot and killed. He's then sent to hell. YAY!!!

FINALLY back to some interesting new Medic characterization. Medic has made a deal with the devil. What for? We don't know. Whatever works best for your fanfic. It doesn't matter what he sold his soul for in this scene though, as Medic is now damned to hell for everything. Oh no!

Until...a loophole. He reads the fine print and points out that the contract says that his soul is only owed to the devil if they own the majority stake in it. Well, Medic just so happened to have grafted eight more souls into him. 100% from the other mercs as he confirms later on, but again, he's just like that.

So Medic has zero qualms about stealing the souls of his teammates. Pretty much in line with what we know about him thus far.

He convinces the devil to sell another one of his souls so that he can go back to earth. In exchange? One of the pens on his table. He acts all surprised and shocked when the devil accepts, clearly revelling in his victory, before then being brought back to life.

If I may break away from the analysis for a bit and go into rambling: I do think Medic should've been slightly more unhinged here. By slightly I mean feral beast of a man, but y'know. Headcanons that alter and shape the way I see him, so I look at this scene and go: "He would NOT be that normal after tricking the devil and seeing the man who killed him" but it is what it is.

Then, the scene we all know and love. Medic toots his horn a little bit as he monologues about planting the uteruses into Cheavy, having him believe that the pen will activate the birthing process and three baboons will explode out of him. Again, he's enjoying himself. He likes seeing Cheavy being scared and afraid.

But, it's all a ploy, and Heavy tears the life-extending machine out of Cheavy. Heavy and Medic reunite, Medic finds the actual inductor and grabs his new baboon child, and...yeah that's the end of the comics. Uneventful, eh?

Conclusion

So, what a character, huh? I like him a little, can't you tell? Props if you actually managed to sit through this mess of an essay. It's mostly just for personal use and reference anyway. Writing about a character and taking notes helps me learn, and I just wanted to try doing something proper, y'know? I've only been writing about Medic for over a year now.

He's a bit of a mixed bag of traits and characterization. You can probably grab the parts that make up the core of his personality plus a couple other traits and then probably shape it into a rough form of who Medic is. It's how I think I write about him, to be honest.

The way to write Medic I feel is just trying to make sense of all of these little bits of character tossed at you, cause, yeah, you call say all these things, but how do you make it work? How do you make a character out of it? How do you rationalize all of these things being possible all at once?

Honestly? It's through trial and error. Soon enough you'll figure it out. Just keep in mind of what his character is. Look at his dialogue and thought process. Would he fucking say that? Would he fucking say it differently? So on and so forth.

Everyone can interpret him differently. Some may look at the things I say and will rebuttal that I'm giving him too much credit. Perhaps he's lying about certain things and is just manipulating them all. That's fair. It's perfectly valid.

Medic is a comedic character first and foremost. Everything he says and does is meant to be funny. It's just that diseased fanfic writers like me have to overanalyze everything cause we're writing gay yaoi melodrama about murderers. A character who just constantly lies and manipulates I find isn't one I really want to make a protagonist out of, so I don't do it.

So, how do I write him? Well...

I take the aspects that I find most central to him. There's a lot, but I'll list the ones most imporant. His eccentricity is a core part of my enjoyment of him, so I cram it into him as much as physically possible. He's a giggly madman who unabashedly does what he likes to do. Him being apathetic to ethics as well is vital. He clearly does not give two shits about whether or not any of this is legal or moral. He does what he wants to do.

His ego is another big part. He loves attention and he loves being with people who think of him as some smart, grand guy. He's got a complex and has a constant need for others to validate him. If anybody tries taking him down a couple pegs, he lashes out.

That's another thing as well: his emotions. I think Medic wears his emotions on his sleeve and doesn't care to hide them. He's blunt, says exactly what he means regardless if it's nice or not, and generally could not care less over what is socially appropriate. If he doesn't care about a person, he won't make a single effort to even pretend to be interested in what they're saying. If he's excited, he'll laugh and make it known to everyone just how happy he is. Blah blah blah, you get it.

His mood swings and constantly shifting attitude is another thing too. All six of his emotions (neutral, afraid, happy, irritated, unbridled mania, overwhelming hatred and anger). It's easy for him to shift between them very rapidly and whatnot. All that sorta stuff.

The original characterization and voice lines I believe still hold water. I personally like interpreting them as coming from a place of genuine frustration that he only has when fighting. He's an emotional person who snaps and yells and gets annoyed and agitated very easily. His mood fluctuates between mania and seething hatred when fighting. I think it's as to be expected. He's on a battlefield. If you like respawn machine stuff, then it's implied that he's died numerous times and is completely sick of it, lashing out at his teammates for not protecting him.

There's several more aspects of Medic's character to which I write about in my own works, namely him being neurotic about constantly being in control, him being outwardly hostile to people he doesn't know and more close and caring to ones that he likes, and him generally being a lot more fond of his own team than he'd like to admit, but that's all sorta fanon stuff. Only I really care that much about it.

With that being said, Medic is one of the characters ever. Truth be told, this would've been less infuriating to write than, say, a Soldier analysis piece. Writing about my silly goofy middle-aged murderer is nice sometimes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to stop procrastinating and get back to my fics.

#tf2 #sp-rambles #tf2 medic #I would genuinely be shocked if somebody read this affront to mankind

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storms-path · 11 months ago

Text

So, How 'bout That Arcadion?

So I had (and still have) plans to do a write-up on Dawntrail's final dungeon and how it contrasts so interestingly with Amaurot and The Dead Ends after my analysis of Dawntrail and Conquerors, but then Arcadion decided to spring out of nowhere, grab me in a headlock and demand I talk about the music and how it reflects our new darling challengers.

So I'm gonna. As always, spoilers below, read at your own risk, etc. etc. Also I know very little about actual music theory so a lot of this is based on vibes and how things relate to themes and characters and all that. I'll leave the proper music analysis to the musicians. I'm here for the fighters!

So, let's start at the beginning with the cunning, cutting Black Cat. You might be surprised to know that Yaana and her theme were what inspired me to write about this in the first place! While her battle theme might not blow away anyone, that's kind of the point. She's a rookie, unestablished in Arcadion and just as hungry as you are, if not moreso, to prove herself a rising fighter.

The lack of any real lyrics aside from the crowd chants are very effective at displaying how the Black Cat lacks a proper identity at this point. That and the shared leitmotif with her sister (we'll get to her later) foreshadow that she is trying and failing to escape Eutrope's shadow. It's clear that even now Yaana's older sister's disappearance haunts her, to the point that she's following in Eutrope's footsteps to find the missing fighter, or failing that, answers.

Honey B. Lovely, on the other hand, is about as in-your-face as she can get. There's very little subtlety to this one, she wants your love and adoration forever and ever. And she wants so much more than only you can give. I do love the contrast between her song's incredibly chipper, saccharine sweet melodies and singing voice... as she's singing about essentially turning you into a mindless drone who will wait on her hand and foot, right down to threatening terrible violence if you manage to break free of it.

Charming lady, this one. Just look at all her new fans. Someone please get her song out of my head I can't stop hearing it while I try to work I just want to be a good little drone please stop

Speaking of contrasts, Brute Bomber is about as far from Honey B. Lovely's chipper little ditty as you can get. Another song without any vocals, unless you count guttural growling and roaring as vocals (though sidenote, I adore how they degrade into chiptune towards the end of it, that's so good). But unlike Black Cat, Brute Bomber very much has his own identity and purpose. In his case, the lack of lyrics are because he simply doesn't need them.

Where Honey B. Lovely is desperately trying to win you over and failing to hide the venom beneath, Brute Bomber is just here to beat you up until you stop moving. He's the champion! What does he need with some stupid lyrics? You don't need to understand him, you just need to understand that he's better than you and he's going to prove it by beating you bloody. His is a refreshingly simple track. Hard, heavy, no frills. Just like him.

And then there's our surprise final challenger, Wicked Thunder. She's in a whole other league compared to the others and she knows it. Really, there's not much to say about her that her song doesn't spell out. She's desperate, driven to try the unthinkable thanks to her slowly eroding soul. She's tasted glory but the aftertaste has her choking, and only claiming our soul for her own will cleanse the palate.

That being said, the sheer confidence in her vocals are what really sells her as a serious threat. While most of the song focuses on what she's lost, the chorus is a battle cry, a ringing roar of protest against anyone who thinks she's beaten. The repetition is used excellently throughout, hammering home both her desperation and her conviction. She will win, even if it costs her everything she once held dear.

Anyway, all of this is really to say that I completely adore Arcadion so far and I can't wait to see how the new tiers fold me over a table and shatter my spine from the top rope. They absolutely nailed the wrestling vibes with this tier, right down to the electric theme songs. And to think, this is only the beginning!

#ff14 #ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #dawntrail spoilers #7.0 spoilers #arcadion spoilers #love me a good ramble #but that's enough words outta me from now #i'm sure the more musically minded among you can do a much better post about the themes than i #but mediocrity never stopped me before and it won't stop me now

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thlayli-ra · 2 months ago

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I could put on a serious face and do some proper analysis of Wrestlemania 41 BUT instead I'm just gonna write all the stupid thoughts I had during it!

Night 1

- OOH! Jey Uso's vest is soooo sparkly!

- I swear the underseam of Gunther's trunks are getting higher each week - look at all that thigh! I love it and I think it should go even higher until he's practically wearing a thong!!!

- The artwork of the three-headed unicorn where one head has died!!!!! 😱

- Dear lord, Naomi! Think of my little bi brain!

- JADE! PLEASE! MY LITTLE BI BRAIN!!!!

- WON'T ANYBODY PLEEEEASE THINK OF MY LITTLE BI BRAIN!!!!!!!

- (My little bi brain is dead. RIP little bi brain)

- That moonsault into a BFT was stunning! Beautiful! My baby boy has been doing some amazing ring work recently! (But I'm still very sad)

- My little bi brain was resurrected for Tiffany and Charlotte then promptly died again.

- The little hype video before Punk's entrance, 'This Fire Burns', Living Colour, Paul Heyman and Punk doing the watch thing! Punk's smile! My heart is so full of joy!

- Punk took that full bin (sorry, trash can!) shot to the head. Sweetie! Stop worrying us for crying out loud!

- Somebody better have posted a video of Punk screaming in pain in the Boston Crab or so help me I'm gonna-! ( @d-lanx I'm trawling your blog later!)

- Was equal parts heart-broken and turned on when Paul low-blowed Punk, ngl...

- I enjoyed that! Now I will dream about Punk all night (and I did!)

Night 2

- Good thing my little bi brain is dead now... it wouldn't have stood a chance with these three.

- Every time I see Iyo Sky these days, I feel more vindicated with my decision to make her a dominant in the fem! Valetverse. She's so dominant-coded!

- Drew won.... wait, what? Drew.... w-won??? He won?????? (Yay!)

- Finn Balor and his Marigolds! 🤣

- Sorry about the guy you considered a brother stabbing you in the back Finn, but uhhh... now can you go back to being a face and wearing the trunks? Maybe?

- When I think back to how brilliant the camerawork and cinematography of it was last year, this year feels really shoddy. Some great reaction shots weren't even shown (like Finn looking up at Dom in the ring). Why?

- Kerry King playing at WM is so fucking cool!!!!!!

- JOE HENRY!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!! IT'S JOE HENRYYYY!!!! AAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EAST COAST HERO!!!!!!!!!!!

- Of all the insane things I could have possibly predicted, Arthur's Seat being on the Titan Tron at Wrestlemania was never one of them! Honestly, THIS, this right here, was my highlight of the entire weekend! An extinct volcano from the city I love with all my heart being on the Titan Tron at WM. It's just.... wowww......

- AJ Styles V Logan Paul - SSSSSKIP!

- I'm sorry but the sheer glee in Stone Cold's face as he drove like a maniac around the ring only to crash his buggy was hilarious (although I do hope the lady in the crowd is alright)

- I'll be honest with you, I didn't pay much attention to the Cody/Cena match... because the whole time I just wanted to stroke Cody's velvet tights! Like, they looked so soft and plush that I was distracted the entire time!

- Oooooooh! Everything is falling into place for my master plan! *rubs hands together evily*

#my nonsense #wrestlemaina 41

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sharonisthebettercarter · 1 year ago

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billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

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