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blossomwritesthings · 11 months ago

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𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 | 𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐬

⬷ 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞┊ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ┊ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

pairing: minho x felix (minlix)

genre: dancer!minho/artist!felix. brothers best friend troupe. college au. age gap (abt 4 years). minho pov. extremely dark themes throughout, including smut - MDNI, 18+ only.

word count: 3.2k

the playlist 🗡️

a/n: I've written sooo much of this recently, I'm literally on chapter 10 already!! 😭 I have plans to probably make it 15 chapters long, which I feel like is a good length for the type of story and narrative im fitting into once piece. I wanna make sure all of the loose ends are tied off in a perfect kinda way before I move onto the next project. ☺️ this is the first chapter where we get some TRUE backstory on what really happened between minlix during the time when they were growing up... there's some insinuations in this chapter that will make a lot more sense later on in the story haha... but for right now, I hope you guys are enjoying slowly putting the puzzle pieces together~ 💗

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). do not copy, spin-off, or write inspired work based off of this fanfic without full permission to do so. ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

̶﹒⊹﹒ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴜsᴛᴇʀ ᴀ ғʟᴀʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴇʟʟ sᴏᴍᴇʙᴏᴅʏ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ sɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ！،، 🌌 𖥻 𓂃 ʙᴜᴛ ᴀɴxɪᴇᴛʏ ɪs ᴀɴ ɪɴᴅᴇx ғɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴘʀᴇssᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟɪᴘs╰╮ 🌑

After the night of the party at Felix’s place, Minho never uttered another word about it. As soon as he had stepped into the door of his shared dorm with Chris, and his best friend saw the defeated grayness of his face — the stormy crimson rage in his eyes — Chris quickly figured out what had happened.

But Chris never dangled it over his head that he had been right the whole time. Instead, he just gave Minho a long hug and said goodnight to him.

Minho’s other friends acted similarly, pretending that everything was fine and that they definitely hadn’t heard rumors about the party that night and what had gone down at Felix’s Dorm.

So instead of focusing on the past and shit he couldn’t change, Minho threw himself into his studies. He and Hyunjin had a big project they were working on together for one of their fall semester exams, which took up most of his time. And when he wasn’t spending hours at the studio practicing on campus, he was at his apprenticeship gig, teaching young middle-schoolers classical and modern dance styles.

Lee Minho was a very busy man, that, everyone knew. And he also knew that the more cloudy his mind was with dark thoughts, the more he’d push himself. The more he’d work, work, work, until one day… he'd face an ugly burnout.

But for right then, he was completely fine. Surely, the burnout was very far down the road…

He couldn’t help but hear the rumors, though. About Felix and his crazy friends and the times he was caught having sex with all kinds of people around campus. Minho even saw it with his own two eyes once — when he stopped at the cafeteria to grab a quick bite for lunch before heading to his critical dance theory class. He noticed movement in the very back corner of the place, and there… Felix was.

Blond locks disheveled, immaculately dressed, and dripping in pearls and light violet hues. There was a girl with fire-engine red hair right beside him, seemingly resisting the urge to climb onto his lap at that moment. They were making out like there weren’t at least a hundred people around them and it wasn’t an open, public space.

Felix had his hands wrapped in the girl’s firey hair, and the purple against the red of their aesthetics caused a shocking display of colors in Minho’s mind. But mostly, he tried to ignore it all. Just like everyone else around him was doing. So he quickly grabbed his food and escaped from the cafeteria as fast as he possibly could.

There was no use sticking around to watch another person stick their tongues down Lee Felix’s throat. There was never any use in crying over spilled milk.

“Minho— what the fuck has gotten into you? You keep misstepping on this part when just a few weeks ago you were doing fine.” Hyunjin said a week later, frustratingly running a hand through his dark locks. They had been in the practice room on campus for most of the day, tirelessly running through the choreo for their routine. The exam’s deadline was in a week and they couldn’t afford to laze around until then.

Taking a long swig of his cold water bottle, Minho pressed his back against the practice room’s mirror, offering his friend a deep frown. “I’m sorry Hyunjinnie, I just— I don’t know, haven’t been myself lately…”

He let his voice drawl on into the silence after that. Because they both knew the catalyst for why that was. The practice room grew quiet after that since it was just the two of them what with it being so late on a Friday night. Everyone was busy partying outside the campus grounds or in their dorms sleeping off the stress of exams.

“Is it… Felix?” Hyunjin asked, slowly sitting down beside Minho and taking out one of his fidget toys from his gym bag. The guy always had at least five on him at all times — claimed it helped calm him down when he was stressed. Spinning the pink and black fidget spinner between one hand, he reached over and squeezed Minho’s knee in a comforting gesture. “You know, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But it’s just that… we’re all kinda worried about you. We just wanna help as much as we can.”

Turning his head to look at Hyunjin, Minho noticed the way his friend's dark brows were wrinkled with concern. The way his eyes sparkled as they searched his face, pulling for any answers he could find there.

“I know, and I’m really sorry. It’s just… I guess, I didn’t expect to see him again, after such a long time. Chris never talked about him or where he was planning on going after high school, so it kinda came as a shock.” Minho said slowly, trying to find the right words as he shrugged nonchalantly. But the feelings he had were anything but nonchalant.

“Are you mad at Chris for not telling you? I mean, it is kinda weird that he never really mentioned his younger brother, but I suppose that’s because he felt there was no need to. It’s not like you and Felix were best friends growing up, right?”

Even though Minho knew Hyunjin was right, his words still hurt. Hurt like ice picks digging into his heart, ripping it to shreds with each bit of truth and reality.

Even still, Minho could feel the wallowing sadness bubble up inside of him. “Y-Yeah… we had an… interesting relationship growing up. He was always seen as the annoying, little innocent younger brother. We didn’t hang out that much, but the times that we did— it was nice, I guess.” Minho found himself playing with the battered hem of his oversized t-shirt, completely avoiding Hyunjin’s gaze. Because Hyunjin was perceptive like that and could read anyone like a book with just a single glance.

Hyunjin let out a long sigh, slumping against the mirror behind them. “I think I understand, though. To some extent. It must feel weird, seeing him again after so many years, and to have him be so changed,” Minho watched, as Hyunjin’s long fingers spun the fidget in his hands over and over again. It was relaxing for Minho too, even if he wasn’t the one playing with it. “He’s the opposite of how you always knew him, you know? That’s gotta hurt in some way. I’m sorry, Min, that’s a lot to deal with.”

Minho’s eyes trailed over to the studio’s windows, noticing how dark it was. How late it was becoming. He could just barely catch a glimpse of the moon shining high up in the sky, already halfway across the sky. “It’s not just that, though… sometimes, we’d hang out without Chris. When he was out of town for a school field trip or some dumb shit like that.” Minho’s voice came out as quiet and soft as a dove’s feather. Almost like, if he said it too loudly, the whole campus would hear and berate him for details.

There was a long bout of silence after that. It felt like a confession that he had never made before. He could feel Hyunjin tense up a little bit next to him, just from knowing that this was extremely sensitive information and vital to the situation at hand.

“Does… Chris know about this?”

Of course, that’s the first thing Hyunjin would ask. Always putting others first. It was a sensible thing to wonder, too- since Chris was their best friend and Felix’s younger brother.

“Not really,” Minho whispered, swallowing against the dry lump that was starting to form in the base of his throat. He could feel his heart slowly constricting in his chest at the topic change. He was fine talking about their childhood and shit, but not… that part of it. “I mean, yeah— he knew we sometimes hung out when he wasn’t around, but I don’t think he realized how… impactful that shit was to us.”

He was still staring out the studio’s nearby window, still studying the half-crescent moon. And the more he looked at it, the more he was reminded of… his face. Milky, like the moon, shining always and—

“When you say impactful… what do you exactly mean by that?”

After Hyunjin's question, there was a long bout of silence. As Minho's thought paused in his head, and he weighed his options... tell the truth, or keep lying about the past once again? In the end, he chose the former.

“I mean like, we fucking fell in love with each other.”

After that admission, the air in the studio suddenly constricted. Like a bowstring, everything drew taught and frozen. And just like that, Minho was turning his attention back to Hyunjin. Studying the look on his face. For a moment, he was entirely surprised, and then that melted into gentle understanding.

“And I’m assuming Chris never knew about that part?” Hyunjin simply asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow as he spun the fidget in his hands a little faster.

Letting out a sardonic kind of cackle, Minho flashed his friend a fake, bright grin. “Yeah, because it’s definitely not weird that an eighteen-year-old was in love with a fucking thirteen-year-old.” He gave Hyunjin a thumbs up, trying to brush it off like it was simply a funny joke. But in actuality, it was a lot deeper than that.

Hyunjin stopped playing with his fidget then, reaching out with one hand and taking ahold of Minho’s. He squeezed it tenderly, forcing Minho’s attention back onto him. Hyunjin’s face melted into sympathy, eyes dancing with a myriad of emotions. “I’m sorry, that must’ve been a lot to deal with. But really, the age gap isn’t that absurd. I mean, I knew plenty of couples growing up that had even bigger ranges than you guys.”

Minho squeezed Hyunjin’s fingers back, noticing how the feel of human touch was keeping him grounded in reality at that moment. Helping to stop his heart from beating out of his ribcage and chest. “I know. But it just… it felt different between us. I don’t know, it’s really hard to explain. We just— we bonded over our shared depression and love for video games and art and—”

“Sounds like you guys had a lot of similarities.”

“Yeah. And now… it’s the opposite.”

Slowly, Hyunjin began drawing senseless shapes across Minho’s palm. And Minho knew why he was doing it — Hyunjin could always understand when Minho needed help, needed someone to guide him through returning his thoughts to normal.

“I can see that. I think, you probably liked Felix for who he was back when you were growing up. That innocence, and how it sounds like he looked at the world with rose-colored glasses on,” Hyunjin started in a quiet tone, tracing hearts on Minho’s skin and making the older man giggle a tiny bit. “But now, he’s changed a lot and it feels like a bucket of ice water was just thrown over your head. Even still, you have to remember that you’ve probably changed a lot too— you’re not the same young boy that Felix fell in love with. And five years is a big gap of time to have not seen each other, so you have no idea what Felix went through during your absence to have such a metamorphosis in his adult life now.”

And just at the mere thought of Felix going through such bad hardships in his past that he turned out to be so degenerate and crazed in university, Minho could feel his entire body tightening up. He squeezed Hyunjin’s hand, practically feeling his racing pulse in the pit of his throat.

“Oh fuck— I hope nothing like that happened to him. I don’t… I don’t know what I’d do if—”

Hyunjin squeezed his shoulder tightly, bringing him out of his reverie of panicked thought. “Min, stop. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. But what I meant is… He’s probably experienced things that have made him change into the person he is today. Try to understand things from his point of view."

Minho leaned his head against the mirror at his back, squeezing his eyes shut. And as soon as he did, he saw visions of Felix. Of being in high school alone back in their hometown, suffering all kinds of shit at the hands of the cruel kids there. He didn’t want to imagine it, but he also couldn’t be naive. He knew the kinds of people that lived in their small coastal hometown in Busan. He knew how mean the kids at school could be, how merciless. And Felix probably had walked in there as a beautiful beacon of light. Minho didn’t even want to imagine the kind of shit he was probably put through at high school alone.

“He threatened me when I was leaving his place during the party. He told me to never come back to his dorm.” Minho blurted out, clearing his head of the depressing visions of Felix growing up. Instead, he focused on the way the younger man had looked at him that night, near the elevator. So full of rage and anguish. “He was so fucking angry with me— and goddamn it but I was so mean to him.”

“Having a shitty college house party be the first time you guys hang out in almost five years probably wasn’t the best idea,” Hyunjin said slowly, finally pulling his hands away from Minho and focusing back on his fidget. “It’s understandable why you two would be on edge with each other. There’s a lot of water and shit under the bridge.”

Carding a few fingers between his hair, Minho pulled at the roots as he held his head in his palms. “Hyunjin he was teasing me at the party with his friends— he was trying to fucking make me jealous, I swear to God.”

“Well… did it work?”

“I— I guess… I don’t know!” He burst out, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat. “Sorry, I just… I hate feeling this way and not knowing what to do about it.”

Hyunjin let them sit in the quietness of the practice room for a little bit after that, allowing Minho to collect his words and thoughts. Minho could slowly feel his breathing regulating again and his heart beating at a normal pace once more.

“So then does that mean… that you still love him, Min?”

Staring down at his clasped hands, Minho studied the way his hands were so calloused from dance practice. He did as much as he could to help the problem — exfoliated and moisturized — but nothing seemed to work except taking a break from dance. Which was never going to happen.

“No,” He finally said, shaking his head slowly. But even as the words left his mouth, they didn’t feel quite right. “I mean, it would be stupid for me to. We’re both so different from who we were during our childhood. And we're too far apart in age and maturity."

Hyunjin shrugged slowly before he shoved his fidget toy away in his duffle bag and took a long swig from his Pocari Sweat bottle. “I mean, it really isn’t that far-fetched. At your core, you guys are still the same people. You just hang out with different friends and lead different lives these days. But you’re still interested in the same things as before— art and video games and whatever other shit.”

“Hyunjin, no. It’d be fucking weird. I’m a senior and he’s a freshman. I'm going to be graduating in under six months and he just started. There’s no way in hell I’m dealing with that bullshit.”

Just then, Minho’s friend finally stood up from his spot on the hard, wooden floor. He gathered up his things and then offered a hand out to Minho. Taking ahold of it, Hyunjin hoisted him up and offered a slow grin as Minho grabbed his bag.

“You guys are both adults now. That kinda taboo shit you felt back in the day is irrelevant now,” Pulling out his car keys, Hyunjin started leading them to the front doors of the studio. Hyunjin shared a dorm with Changbin that was about a twenty-minute drive from campus. “So my advice on everything? Just go with whatever your heart and mind wants. If that’s to never speak again, great. But if that means something more… I’d say, do it.”

Minho offered him the best smile he could muster at that moment, completely depleted of all energy and emotion. “Thanks, Hyunjinnie. You’re the best and I’m glad you’re such a good friend and listener to my crazy problems.” He said, squeezing Hyunjin's arm just as they made their way outside into the chilly autumn air.

“Now we should both go home and get some rest. We need to replenish our energy for that stupid exam next week.” Hyunjin said, stepping over to the nearby parking lot and unlocking his electric Toyota Camry. “Oh, also— I’m gonna be gone all weekend. My family’s celebrating my grandma’s ninetieth birthday back in our hometown in Jeju.”

“Have fun and take it easy Jinnie. I’ll see you on Monday for another ball-crushing week of practice.” Minho shouted across the parking lot, giving Hyunjin a wave as his friend rolled his eyes sarcastically.

And then Minho was watching Hyunjin pull out of the lot and drive off. Suddenly faced with the silence of only his presence, he realized how heavy his shoulders had felt before talking about everything. Just like that, Hyunjin had helped him tremendously. Without Minho even realizing it, he had been holding onto a lot of shit for the past few weeks. Seeing Felix, and going to the party that night, definitely stirred up a lot of murky feelings inside of him.

Sure, nothing was solved and he still had a lot to process and work through. But the fact that he was even strong enough to get it out of his system accounted for something.

As Minho walked back to the dorm that he shared with Chris, he decided to fling himself into the work of perfecting the choreo for their exam. That way, once Hyunjin came back from his weekend trip, they’d be all ready to go for the final few practices.

Besides, distracting himself from everything with a long weekend in the studio would do Minho a lot of good.

Help him take his mind off of it all.

Take his mind off of thinking about Felix and what they used to be and what they could’ve been and—

Yes, dancing would suffice as a therapy.

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

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chunkymamatam · 1 year ago

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Hi omg welcome back! Thank you so much for the detail on your description about the classes! When and if you have time, I would love to hear more! Have you had classes with Crewel yet? And are there any other teachers aside from the ones we know from the game? Thats something Ive always wanted to know! Also, have you gone to Sam's shop yet? How is he? He is my favourite staff member!

Oh and how long did you stay? Did you experience any events ingame and maybe some that werent in the game? Have you gone to anyones homecountry like the events?

PS: If there are too many questions, feel free to chose some to skip! I dont want to overwhelm you :) <3

It's not too much to answer the questions! There's only 2 asks now including this one and the other one if for one of my fanfic blogs so I should have enough energy/time now lol

First The rest of my classes for the current semester:

Animal Language Class

No Magic required

Consists of basic body language of different animals that might accompany you on your journey through being a "Proper mage" as Professor Trein would put it lol. This includes cats, dogs, rats, etc (basically any animal you can find in a Disney film.)

As the class goes on you learn how to decipher what they're actually saying verbally and non verbally. Unlike here animals are sentient, they will make fun of you later trust me. Ace and Deuce are frequently the victim of this lmfao

Its pretty difficult for me personally but I'm bad at communicating with humans so I wasn't really expecting any less lmfao Its as difficult as learning any new language in all seriousness so if you find that hard then welcome to the club I made cookies.

Difficulty: 4/5

Potions/Alchemy (Creation/material studies)

Magic materials will be provided by class instructor, minimal magic is needed from the mage

Consists of different creation techniques, what materials have what properties, what the different potions do, etc. There's a potion for anything and everything, most only having temporary effects but some are more permanent (base level and under specific conditions). Honestly this is one of my favorite classes. Its the most fun in my opinion.

It's not at all difficult because we're allowed to have our recipes at all times.

Difficulty: 1/5

Spell casting

Magic required

Now this is where being magicless really sucked (I still got a really good grade). I wasn't able to participate much in the begining and I was stuck memorizing spells I would never be able to use. I shit you not this man (The prof) looked at me and said

"You may not have the proper abilities to cast spells but I'll be sure to turn you into a grimoire of them by the end of this class"

Honestly stayed true to his word ngl. The amount of notes and textbooks and reciting the damn things, practicing proper spell casting formation/posture. I could instruct the other students at this point. I'm having flashbacks just thinking about it lmfao

The class consists of the actual spells, the motions needed to enact each spell, the proper posture to take when casting. We learn what each spell does, and the proper situations to use them in, etc. It is mostly just actually casting spells though and a I've only relatively recently learned how to use magic. I'm getting there with the help of Azul and my professors tho.

I wouldn't say its the worst difficulty wise but my memory is decent when it comes to academics.

dificulty: 3/5

Astrology

This class consists of studying the stars, constellations, planets, and the moon cycles and how they affect the magic we produce.

"Just as the ocean is affected by the moon and the stars, so too is our energy and magic."

Corny shit but accurate and factual lmfao. It's a really easy class and that's really all there is to it. It's mostly so you understand why your magic is stronger/weaker on different days. this also used as a reference in other classes. Like "X spell is more affective during Y Moon cycle"

Difficulty: 1/5

There's definitely more classes that I don't know of yet but we'll get to them eventually!

''Have you had classes with Crewel yet?"

Yes! I'm actually his favorite student weirdly enough lol. He's chill as long as you act right (paying attention to the lesson, doing your classwork/homework, etc). This man fr defended me from these bitch ass guys who were like

"She doesn't even have magic why does she have the top scores????"

To which he responded "Maybe if you were as diligent of a student perhaps you could also be part of the top scores, until then however, return to your seat"

Never felt safer with a teacher I swear.

"Are there any other teachers aside from the ones we know from the game?"

Yeah. I can't remember their names right this moment cuz I haven't been back there in a minute. My mental health has been ass and I fell out of love with shifting for a long while but I'm back now! I'm hopefully going back soon. I miss my boys and my classes. Mostly my boys tho. I'll have to share who they are and what their names are after I go next.

"Have you gone to Sam's shop yet? How is he?"

I have! Actually when I got my monthly allowance from Crowley (I manifested that in with the intention method cuz I'll be dammed if that cheap bitch fucks me over) it was the first place I visited. He sells damn near everything you need to live on campus. I got soap, an African net sponge (its called Savanna net sponge cuz ✨Afterglow/Sunset Savanna✨) and some lotion. I barely had enough for my groceries after that month. I was living on Ramen and the school allotted lunch (。﹏。*) This being said be prepared for Sam to over price everything. This is a rich people school and I mean eat the rich and all but PLEASE HAVE MERCY

As for how he is as a person, he's really chill. Very nice but he is still a salesman so keep that in mind with your interactions. He may have mercy if he's feeling generous (pity) lmfao. Jokes aside hes actually pretty nice outside of his business. He allowed me to talk to him about struggling with living with Vil for that month with his unseasoned dry ass chicken 😭

"How long did you stay? Did you experience any events in game and maybe some that weren't in the game?"

Currently I'm dealing with STYX and Idia's overblot. Up until that point its been about 6-7 months over there. Everything in the main game happens so fast and in such quick succession. I've experienced the Halloween events, birthdays, and the New Year events. I didn't participate in Sams event cuz I was dealing with living with Vil training for the SDC/VDC and calming down from everything with Jamil. TBH there might have been events that weren't showcased but I was just too busy with the main events and classe/hanging out with other students.

"Have you gone to anyone's home country like the events?"

Not yet but we are staying at Rooks many homes while on our way to STYX to rescue everyone rn. Hopefully soon tho because Idk it seems like a lot of fun to learn more about my friends and their homes.

#shifting realities #shifting to desired reality #reality shifter #shifting community #reality shifting #shifting blog #shifting antis dni #anti shifters dni #shifting to twst #shifting to twisted wonderland #shiftblr #desired reality

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cheolhub · 2 years ago

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UR INVITED 2 CHEOLHUB'S 1ST BDAY BASH!

ABOUT THE EVENT ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

HELLOOOOO! ok first of all, no one comment on my header (unless ur complimenting it 😊), i dropped my art minor after 3 months bc i lack artistic skill and i’ve made it very clear here. NEXT, it’s not MY birthday but cheolhub will officially be a YEAR old on the 26th of august & i wanted to celebrate with a lil sleepover event :> i've had so many ups and downs while running this blog and have almost abandoned it more times than i can count, so i just want to say CHEERS to cheolhub (aka sar aka me) for making it this far <3 i am eternally grateful for every kind message, every piece of feedback, and everyone who has been supporting me and my silly lil blog. i love u guys sm and would’ve been long gone without you T^T <3 i hope you'll join the celebration!! -3- and if this flops, you’ll never hear from me again /j /j /j

i knowww it’s early, but i start uni classes again next week (my last semester, yay 😻) and i wanna have time to do an event T-T

SLEEPOVER DATES ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

this event runs for about two weeks! from sunday, august 13th to sunday, august 27th. any asks sent after august 27th will be deleted!

please note that i’ll still be working on asks (if i have any left) even after the event is closed.

EVENTS ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

！★﹕ᶻ﹐LET'S EAT﹒

☆︎ who's hungry? 👹🍽 request a short (less than 1k) drabble and you shall receive. i will be writing the first 5-10 requests due to my busy uni schedule :3 — choose a prompt (or two) from this prompt list + a member from seventeen, txt or the boyz! [closed] (ik the list isnt numbered, so just copy + paste ur preferred prompt(s) ><)

★︎ mtl for seventeen and txt! [open]

☆︎ hard hours for any group i write for! [refer to my guidelines to see who i write for] [open]

！★﹕ᶻ﹐ TIME 4 SELF CARE﹒[open]

★︎ let's do the things that make us happy! what makes us happier than being delusional and horny? you guessed it! being shipped with a hottie 😻 — this is the SHIP GAME + i’ll give you a silly little trope to kickstart ur epic romance

☆︎ OR opt for a personalized moodboards or playlists based off the vibes you give off! (mutuals can get both a moodboard and playlist if they’d like bc i would diy for all of u -3- just say u want both so i know<3333)

note: anonymous senders, please send me a few bits of info like your mbti, ult group and/or bias (does not have to be a group i stan!), star sign (big three if you know it), favorite color, etc. basically anything you want to share + one of the options above. mutuals can ask for any of the above, but providing info is totally optional!!

！★﹕ᶻ﹐WANNA PLAY A GAME?﹒[open]

☆︎ q&a!

ask me anything! favorite movie, how i got into writing, what i do when i’m not writing, why i only ult leaders etc. but please nothing too personal!

★︎ my opinions on literally ANYTHING!

☆︎ ask me for fic recs or give me fic recs!

★︎ fuck, marry, kiss (not kill bc i do not condone violence�� not on here at least /lh)

☆︎ would you rather

note: you can send as many of these as you’d like :p i like answering them <3

RULES ☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

everything for this event will be tagged under #[ birthday bash ! ] you can block the tag to avoid seeing the posts!

please make sure to get your ask in within the time frame (aug 13th-27th)

minors, please please please do not interact!

be respectful and patient! — the drabbles, mtls & hard hours may take longer for me to get through, but i’ll try my absolute hardest to get them done in a timely manner <3

when sending an ask, be sure to mention the event so i can differentiate between those and my regular asks :)

have fun! ⭐️⭐️

#[ birthday bash ! ]#vernon and the cat r literally twins #send an ask 🤬 (non-threatening)

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antiyourwokehomophobia2 · 7 months ago

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Long vent under the cut

I'm going insane. Nothing is going how I've ever wanted it to and I genuinely feel like there's no point. You guys, I feel like this CONSTANTLY. there's no fucking end. Only good moments but then I'm back to this absolute fucking turmoil and I'm so over feeling like this. I'm never happy in any meaningful way. I have nothing. My dad is dead. My mom is a complete bitch who I hate and is abusive. She's brought her boyfriend and his son into our "home" to live and I feel very uncomfortable constantly. Especially since I know she never says anything good about me in front of them so I feel like I'm living in a house where 3/4 people dislike me. And I'm never happy there so I know I'm not giving either of them good impressions. I hate my mom so fucking much. She constantly constantly constantly belittles me and says awful things about me and then has the audacity to turn around and ask me why I resent her so much. As if what she says is normal. And I'm just so fucking angry all of the fucking time. I'm depressed and lashing out and hitting stuff and I just don't know what to do. I've tried therapy. I've tried hotlines. I don't want to be hospitalized again. I'm in an IOP program right now but fuck it to hell and back. Not the group itself but the situation in general. I hate all of this. I'm genuinely so unhappy. Nobody cares. I can't keep living like this, bro, I genuinely think I'm going to kill myself. I can't keep up with this anymore. I don't want anything. I don't care about anything. Nobody holds me as their #1 and that's fine but I'm over it. My friends have other responsibilities and relationships. I don't matter in the grand scheme. I don't want to sign up for classes next semester or talk about Christmas gifts. I don't want to be here for Christmas. I think I'll die before then. I'm genuinely so fucking upset about everything. This is so unfair how my life has turned out. I'm so fucking tired of fighting and getting nowhere. I've been depressed for years and it's gotten really bad these past few months and I'm just tired. I'm not going to fight anymore, I don't think. I was gonna go on a shopping spree with my paycheck but I think I'm gonna buy a gun instead for real. I'm over everything. I hope I don't miss. Being a vegetable will be so much worse but what's the likelihood that I WON'T die tbh? I'm so fucking tired and empty and sad and angry. So angry. I've neve felt like this before but I truly am just overflowing with hatred and anger and I'm just over it. This CAN'T be the life people have told me to stick around for. Nothing I've done has worked. I'm worse off than I was in August. I had plans this December but I kind of don't care enough to stick around, I gotta be real. Nobody can help me. No hotline or friends or anything. I've tried it all and I've failed and failed and failed and failed and failed. I'm fucking over it fr. I'm gonna visit a gun store and figure out what the best gun to use is because holy fuck. I'm sooooo fucking done fr. I'm over it. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep feeling like this. I'm never numb, I'm just constantly sad and upset and mad and I hate seeing happy people who are out doing stuff because why can't that be me? My life has gone down the shitter and I'm honestly completely over it. Fuck this shit man. I hate everything, bro. Does anyone have shotgun recs.

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a-moth-to-the-light · 1 year ago

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Most-Listened of March 2024

[last month]

This was such an exciting month of releases--Purplekiss, Day6, BLEACHERS?? Chung Ha gave us a couple of songs, Nina Suárez came back out of nowhere, Lucy dropped a single, OLIVIA RODRIGO IS BACK?? I've been super excited for the J-Hope album, too, but I haven't been emotionally ready to check it out, yet, since I want to have the energy to really love it! Not to mention the Seori EP-- PLUS Bol4 and StayC both dropped some covers of huge 2019 k-pop hits.

And that isn't all. The highlights of my month were seeing Bruce Springsteen (only my favorite artist ever.) and Gregory Alan Isakov in concert(s)! So honestly, I'm a little overwhelmed by just how exciting music is right now. (It doesn't help that this month gave me my first album of the year candidate, too!!) This post will be my opportunity to go a little wild, then :)

1. Leopardos -- Ine Güemes

I should not enjoy this listening experience as much as I do. That whistling noise should annoy me by now, after all these listens, right? ... Right? Nope. I love it. This song is so soothing, it's literally the musical equivalent of a deep breath.

2. Appaloosa Bones -- Gregory Alan Isakov

Concert prep + THE sulking song this month. Look, I'm a guy who needs my daily floor time (floor time. perhaps you require it.), and it always involves considerable sulking. (At this rate, you're gonna see a sulking song on this list every single month. It's a tradition now!) I've been losing it about "Was I that gone? / Man, I hope not / Glad you found me when you did" and "The pages slow / in the room I called your name" and "They haven't made no pill / To get us across the winter time" ...

3. All Things End -- Hozier

You know what ended? My eight-week class. *sigh of relief* All things end, truly! Now I just need the reminder that this semester will end, too...

4. Death To My Hometown -- Bruce Springsteen

I'd never heard this one before, but I ASCENDED when I heard it live (the horns section was. fantastic.) and I left it on repeat all month post-concert.

5. The Ledge -- Fleetwood Mac

This song makes me proud of my music taste, honestly--see, I can like weird experimental stuff, too! It sounds wonderfully, comfortingly crowded--like the ambient noise from a nearby café, or like falling asleep with the TV on. I don't know, it's just a feeling I find myself really enjoying. I'm also SO deeply in love with the round-style singing (see: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" rounds in middle school choir) Fleetwood Mac sometimes does (see: my obsession with "Paper Doll"), and they do it in this song !!

6. I Don't Want to Know -- Fleetwood Mac

I like this one for the same reason I like "Second Hand News"--that cheerful self-deprecation just never fails to draw me in. ("Second Hand News" is still better, though!)

7. Smart -- Le Sserafim

Does anyone NOT like this song? I missed the Eve Psyche hype train last year, so this one's hitting me doubly hard. I think the sweeter tone of "Smart" suits Le Sserafim's vocals much better, and the production is just plain adorable! This has been my go-to song during classes, when I need something to cheer me up without making me too overwhelmed.

8. Luz -- Ine Güemes

That vocal processing is SUCH a standout--so soft and hazy and fluffy, just a fascinating texture when you really focus on it, but endlessly pleasant when you leave it on loop and zone out, too. (Look, I REALLY loved this album this month.)

9. Nota de Voz -- Los Hermanos Laser

Classic indie boy music! I like "Azul Plateado" from this album, too, and I have a feeling the whole album will hit for me during the summer--I tend to like that exhausted-sounding alt-rock stuff a whole lot around July & August :)

10. Light Sprite -- Baby Pantera, Isabella Lovestory

Thanks for the rec, @pocima !!

11. I Am Right On Time -- Bleachers

This is a weirdly muted album for Bleachers (especially on the heels of "Stop Making This Hurt" and "How Dare You Want More" from their last album), and this is the most weirdly muted of them all--I really feel like it should be... more, somehow? But it's still quite a cathartic listening experience, and I keep coming back to it!

12. Really Like You -- Gyubin

I've started giving myself 30 minutes of reading time in the mornings, to help me wake up and not be completely miserable about it, so I've been reading a whole bunch of webtoons. (Hell, maybe I'll read a book one day!) This one's the perfect cutesy webtoon soundtrack, and I think it might be here because I left it on repeat while reading Blooming Season?? (I just finished catching up with Jackson's Diary, and I think I'm gonna start Death of a Pop Star next!) Anyway, Gyubin sounds lovely here, can't wait for a comeback!

13. Self Respect -- Bleachers

The production on this song is just SO exciting overall!! But I'm mostly here for the saxophone. God, it's not even that much of the song but it's gorgeous !!!

14. Nieve Sin Fin -- Ine Güemes

Nice aesthetic piano :)

15. Rush -- Twice

I love how dizzying this song is--it's chaotic and overwhelming in the most wonderful way! I was a little disappointed by it when I first listened to the album, I think because their vocals here are much softer than usual. When I let myself get swept away in the production, though, I totally get the appeal.

Five-Star Songs (& Albums!) This Month

BBB -- Purplekiss (the tiktok-music trend finally got me last year--against my will, admittedly. unfortunately for me, "bbb" is a fantastic example of that easy-listening, viral-tiktok sound from a group i'm already obsessed with, so of course i'm a huge fan. great vocal performances and silky songwriting? yeah, it's great--the muted aesthetic doesn't bug me at all--and i actually kind of love the super-short horn sections in the chorus. they're surprisingly full-sounding!)

Beam Beam -- Jeon Soyeon (i didn't get this one at all when it first came out, but i've warmed up to it over the years--and this month it just HIT. it's the perfect showcase of soyeon's energy, and it's such a rush!!)

Death To My Hometown -- Bruce Springsteen (five stars bc it has the words "robber barons" in it!!)

Girl I've Always Been -- Olivia Rodrigo (i keep underestimating olivia rodrigo's power as a performer. of course she could make this country-sounding track work. of course she could make it my favorite from the album in an instant. who am i to question??)

Hey Joe -- Bleachers (a sing-along for the politically disillusioned. happy 2024, fellow usamericans. well, at least the harmonies here are delightful!)

Jesus is Dead -- Bleachers (i mentioned that this album is unusually muted for bleachers--not dull as in 'boring in terms of production or songwriting', but dull as in dead-eyed and zombie-like. the vocal delivery, especially, is unusually bland and flat. "jesus is dead" is definitely the best use of this half-asleep, grayscale aesthetic on the album--a song as hopeless and monotone as its delivery. it's strange and stylish and messy, too, AND there's also a sax solo ?? and it works great ?? i admire it so so so much--i'm very surprised this didn't make the most-listened list, i've been looping it a whole bunch.)

The Ledge -- Fleetwood Mac

Self Respect -- Bleachers (re: saxophone.)

White Rabbit -- Jefferson Airplane (i don't think it's much of a hot take at all to say this one is fantastic. i heard it for the first time in february, and i've been completely obsessed since!!)

Heráldica -- Saramalacara (okay, i've had like. a week. with this album, but it was love at first listen--and "humo" already had my heart, anyway. the atmospherics are breathtaking, the production crisp and intense, and saramalacara's voice // the vocal production here fits SO well!! there's a song called ".tumblr" that's definitely worth checking out, though i enjoy every song on here !! except "_cuervos". i admire that one but god it disturbs me i never want to hear it again.)

Qué Nos Mantiene Despiertos -- Ine Güemes (first album of the year candidate of 2024 !!! not much of a surprise, i'm sure, given my top 15. more breathtaking atmospherics, but in the exact opposite direction of heráldica! this album is full of really unique textures, but all that chaos doesn't make it any less soothing. each song is distinct, but they all come together into this sweet, fluffy youtube-lofi-mix type of experience--and look, i'm a college student. could i ask for anything more in an album?)

#me when 2024 #magnetic hasn't really hit for me yet #but it's adorable! and so is the dance! i'm always slow to get debuts so #definitely a great debut tho #and i need to check out the unis album !!

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airenyah · 2 years ago

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get to know me ask game

considering i was tagged by 4 different people (@lurkingteapot, @recentadultburnout, @telomeke, @nongnaos -- thank you guys <3) in the last two-ish weeks i think it's about time i finally get to this. sorry i'm late dfkgkldfgkldf

RULES: bold the ones that are true and tag some people to do it.

APPEARANCE

Blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing [it's just so much more comfy lbr] // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair [i had red highlights as a child and i've gone blonde twice] // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails [sort of -- i used to for quite a while bc it's the only thing stopping me from my horrible nail biting habit but unfortunately i got lazy during lockdowns and now i hardly paint them anymore] // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES AND TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument [i've played the violin on and off since i was 5 years old (currently at 3 years of lessons since my last break), i also played the piano from age 7 to 19 and the recorder from age 6 to 15 (that is soprano recorder, alto recorder, tenor recorder and even bass recorder for a semester or so)] // I am artistic [i'd say so... i mean i'm not the most talented person but i HAVE worked as a professional graphic designer for a year and a half and i sometimes make gifs (if you want to see them then search for the tag meine grafiken on my blog)] // I know more than one language [lmao i mean... i'm not a monolingual english speaker so... ok but in all seriousness: my native language is german/austrian dialect and obviously i know english. part of my family is italian so i know conversational italian as well (plus it's one of my working languages at uni). i can understand conversational norwegian and i'm slowly starting to understand more and more conversational thai (i'm at a point where i can watch a lot of shows without subtitles and understand the main plot, even if i miss some details) i had french in school and remember some basics (like how to introduce myself and some specific vocabulary like colours or numbers) and i've also looked into korean so i can read it and i know some basic grammar and a few words here and there] // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim [perks of being part italian means that unlike most austrians i actually learned how to swim in the mediterranean sea hehehe] // I enjoy writing [kinda?? i enjoyed writing stories in school but i never really write in my free time although sometimes i think i'd like to. but then when i sit down to do it i just never have any ideas and so i give up] // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing [i went to an elementary school with a music focus which is why i played 3 instruments and my class was also a choir. i also took group singing lessons at the local music school in my teens. if i had the time and the money i'd get some solo singing lessons. i've considered looking into it for the coming winter semester] // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends [i love them so much 🥺🥺🥺] // I travel during work or school breaks [i love traveling internationally when i can afford it. i also travel within austria sometimes, especially since they introduced the klimaticket which is a ticket that lets you use a whole bunch of public transports from trains to trams to busses all around austria. every few months i go visit my friend who studies in southern austria] // I can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year [i don't really care much for dating and relationships tbh] // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years [we met at summer camp 12 years ago and we're celebrating our 10 year anniversary of being best friends this winter -- hi @magsimags ily] // my parents are together [i don't understand how but somehow they've made it work for lthe past 30ish years idk] // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends [i mean if it comes up or if they actively ask for it then sure] // I have made an online friend [a few actually, i've made quite a few online fandom friends and then i also have a few online language tandem friends] // I met up with someone I have met online [i've met up with a bunch of language tandem partners irl that i found online first. as for my tumblr mutuals, there are 4 in total that i've seen irl -- you know who you are <333]

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise [let me be clear, it was bc i pulled an all-nighter or was suffering from insomnia. NOT bc i'd voluntarily get up at an insane hour in the morning to watch the sun rise. plus in the winter it's a lot easier to watch the sun rise without meaning to bc if you happen to have class or work early in the morning you might actually get to see it rise while you're on your way there] // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars [one time during summer camp we spent the night on a field underneath the stars, it was very lovely] // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me [i like spring!! i like summer!! i like warmth!! chirping means it's spring or summer and warm!!!!] // I enjoy the smell of the beach [i spent a significant amount of time at the mediterranean sea when i was a child and i miss the sea so fucking much. unfortunately austria is a landlocked country] // I know what snow tastes like [it snows in the winter in austria, you can bet your ass i've eaten snow as a child] // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms [only in the summer tho and when i'm safe and sound inside and it's not keeping me up in the middle of the night when i'm trying to sleep] // I enjoy cloud watching [kinda!! i mean the sky is so pretty like!!!!] // I have attended a bonfire [not big ones but we regularly had fires at summer camp] // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean [idk if i'd say i find mystery in the ocean but i sure find it fascinating] // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend [around certain people i absolutely turn into the mom friend, but not around everyone so i won't make this red] // I live by a certain quote [yeah "wenn's passt, dann passt's". it's tricky to translate, something like "if it's a good fit, it'll work out". the literal meaning is "if it fits, it fits" or "if it works out, it works out"] // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep [sometimes?????] // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

since i'm late to the party i have absolutely no idea who's gotten tagged already so if you've done this already or don't want to do it at all feel free to ignore!!

tagging: @solo-silenzio @magsimags @newyearknwwme @killiru @gaym3bo1 @elnotwoods @swabianhotpocket @cornflowershade @gillianthecat

#ask game #(i know i know i didn't bold that one shut up)

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mariyekos · 1 year ago

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Rambling about walking/jogging/exercise.

I'm trying to go for a 1-2 mile walk every day again and it's nice. I used to do that at least once a day, sometimes more in college, because it was a good way to clear my head/think about things, I like moving, and there were very good places to walk undisturbed that I could get to via walking. When I spent 2 semesters at a sister campus where it was extremely rare for anybody to pass me while walking, I got way into jogging and would end up jogging about half to three-quarters of my 2-3 mile route (distance depended on whether I went along the beach or just turned around when I got there). When I started my current job and had to be in the office every day, I'd do a ~0.75 walk before work and during my breaks most of the time, but when I started working from home I stopped that. I do have to walk around as part of my job, but the distance I walk really varies day to day. And that's all just walking, not jogging. I am not jogging in work clothes.

I've never really been one to walk alone in my neighborhood. Part of it was completely unfounded fear of being a young woman walking alone. I've gotten over that. Part of it is my fear/hatred of people watching me exercise. In High School I did basketball/track, and when I was in the weight room I was okay with it because I usually did it as part of a pair or trio which meant I wasn't alone and they were there for form and stuff. Once I got to college I was alone again, so all I could get myself to do was walk, and then I mostly did it because there weren't that many people around. Then in my last semester I decided to take a weightlifting class where I'd be around people while exercising, and that helped me get over my fear. Class was twice a week, but I'd shoot to go in one or two extra times to workout where I'd inevitably be by myself.

Once I got out of college, some of that fear of exercising in public came back. But I've been working on it. I started out with just walking around my neighborhood, because that's not very strenuous so it doesn't feel like there's much room for judgement. Now I've gone jogging a few times and it feels good.

I've always loved running/jogging. When I was in middle school, I'd sprint from the gates of the school all the way until I made it to the first intersection, just to run. In High School, I was usually the top female runner in my class. (Admittedly, that was because the other athletic girls in my grade just didn't end up in my PE class. I typically ran like a 7:05 mile, my fastest being 6:45. If we'd had any of the distance runners in our class, I would have lost to them. When we did conditioning and ran 2.5-3 miles I'd usually come in 2nd of everyone, only behind the guy who ran a 4:30 mile and won every meet.). I've always been someone who loves running when I can run as fast as I want, for however long I want, for however far I want. Miles and conditioning were okay for that reason. Not my favorite, but I liked running enough not to mind and I liked the challenge of shooting for a faster time. Now I just think about how much I want to do that but don't do it because of that dumb fear/hate of people watching me exercise, which extends to running.

But like I said. I'm getting back into walking, and am trying to get back into jogging. My times are abysmal. I've gone from a 7 minute mile to an 11 minute mile. But I want to get back there. I want to get back to at least a 9 minute mile. Maybe if I pushed myself I could do a 10 minute mile, but right now my route is partially up/downhill with a lot of curves and that definitely messes with my time. That and my knees have been hurting lately, so my body isn't super happy with me. But I want to get back there. It's so much fun to run when my body will support it. So I want to really get back into shape so that I can run longer, because running makes me happy when I go for a long time and I want that happiness again. Even just walking makes me happy! I just know that jogging/running will be even more fun when I work my way there. Part of what's slowing me on my current mile time is also that fear/hatred of people seeing me exert myself, so I don't go as fast as I could....ugh. There's hardly any reason for this fear. But it's there and it's frustrating! I want to get over it!

I also want to get to the point where I'm comfortable going to the gym again. I have dumbells and a bench press at home and I use them, but I really liked using the machines when I was in high school and college, and I don't have any of those at home. Maybe in a few months I'll be back in a place where I can do that. I already changed my work hours to be off earlier so I'd have time to go to the gym before some of the rush. We'll see. I want to get there. I had so much fun being fit and strong. I used to flex, see my muscles, and smile. I want to be proud of my body again. I want to feel the joy of working out and really running and really pushing myself again. It feels so cool to do 300 in the leg press or squat 150 or bench 90 or run a sub 8 minute mile. While doing those things, I felt good. I want to get back there!

#it's not just about conforming to some standard of fitness people say is healthy #it's about me having fun when i'm doing that stuff. because i did! when I do little versions i still do!#so i want to get back up to where I used to be so I can have that fun again. it felt good #erurandomness #erubabbles #erulife

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sunfoxfic · 2 years ago

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Sorry to be cheesy on main but I'm home from college for Thanksgiving after a really hard semester that has left my life plan more or less upended and I couldn't be happier about where I'm going from here and. Just thinking abt how many coincidences it took to get me to where I am. Like.

To start off w the obvious, COVID happened, and before COVID happened I really wanted to go to school in New Zealand. That said, I'm not at all upset about where I ended up.

COVID also meant that I ended up taking classes at my local community college which will become important later.

If my mom's coworker hadn't recommended my current school, I may not have gone here, and my mom's coworker only recommended it because he happens to be an alum.

If I hadn't transferred in credits from my local community college, I wouldn't have been ahead enough to take an English class with the department chair, which allowed me to form a relationship with her. (I mean, I would have formed a relationship with her eventually because she's who she is and she forms a relationship with everyone, but being in her class made it a lot easier.)

If I hadn't joined the student newspaper I wouldn't have formed a relationship with one of the other professors in the department

Which. A little bit more specifically, if I hadn't been promoted to assistant editor on the student newspaper the week I was, I wouldn't have sat in on copyedit with that professor that week, and he mentioned my copyedit skills to the department chair.

My department chair's opinion of me was really important when I needed special permission to take a junior-level course as a sophomore, which, again, I wouldn't have been a sophomore if I hadn't taken classes at the community college.

If I hadn't been in that class with the people I had in that class, I probably wouldn't have liked the class so much, because there were only 6 of us but we were tight knit and bounced off each other really well. (Small classes can be really rough, as I've learned - my class with 9 people this semester is hard enough, not to mention my class of 4.)

If I hadn't taken that class early, I wouldn't have learned how much I like the content, and it would have been too late to pivot my program. I would have been all but locked into my minor and unable to adopt a new concentration.

I mean. It's just. Insane. How much of this had to come together to make this happen. If any of these things weren't true, I may not have taken that class which introduced me to the professor who genuinely convinced me to completely change what I'm looking for in my college experience and how I want my career to look once I'm out. And I'm just so happy that I made the change - I feel so good about it, I really do.

#rambles

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womanmade · 22 days ago

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a beautiful mind.

2025. 6. 4 (wednesday)

This blog has no title (as of now). This blog is also made on Tumblr. I've spent years wanting to start a proper blog, a blog where I share well-written and eloquently worded thoughts. A blog where I reflect on my life's experiences, bring to life the stories that I dream about writing, publish insightful journalistic op-ed's on all the world's latest news and issues, and mix in my love of photography as well. But it was years spent thinking of the perfect title, one that is short and catchy, yet funny and witty. Easy to remember and fun to say, with a deeper meaning behind it, perhaps some catchy phrase from my years taking Latin classes or an obscure yet powerful book character from a beautiful work of modern classical literature that can only be understood by the select few. And once I had the title, I wanted to code the site myself, so that it wouldn't be "just" a blog, but a learning experience, a resume, something that improved my skills, and so that it could be something I could say I built and owned myself. And then of course I thought about the what-ifs. What if this blog got big? What if people loved my writing and left comments and discussions? What if my blog was shared as a 'breakthrough return to the basics' in an Instagram and TikTok dominated age? Should I try to make it big? Reach audiences through Instagram? Or what if my information was leaked? What if everyone finds out who is writing this and the people close to me or who I will never meet disagree with who I am? That day has come and gone, and the list of characters and potential blog names have come and gone, and today I am deciding that I am starting a blog.

It is a regular Wednesday. Nothing special has really happened. But I'm making it special by doing this now. I originally wanted to name this blog "prettymind", because I always hear the phrase, 'beautiful mind' tossed around, but always found the word beautiful a little obnoxious and overly important. So pretty it was. Unfortunately, that website name was taken. So was 'tobeahuman', 'tobehuman', 'manmade', and yes, even 'beautifulmind'. Adding an 'a' at the front yielded the same result. From manmade came womanmade, and surprisingly Tumblr took it, and I am just going with it.

When I first decided to write this blog it is because I realized how powerful my mind is and how little I do to celebrate it. As a STEM student in a world of ChatGPT, I realize that my perspective may be highly skewed by those around me and the way I wish to see the world around me, but I came to a realization that it has been a very long time since I have truly written something out of joy and that originality, creativity, the things that only the practice of writing and dreaming and imagining can cultivate, are things I have gradually lost touch with. Out of fear? Fear that my writing would suck? Fear that it wouldn't be fun? Fear that it would sound snobby or boring? Or out of laziness? Laziness to write the fillers in between my own notes when an AI can summarize and write it much more 'eloquently' than I could? Or rather, the laziness that leads to the looming 11:59 p.m. deadline which fuels the turn to grab any solution that can allow me to turn my work in by the deadline. Just this once. This past spring semester, I took a theater course... for the fun of it? Possibly also because I heard the class would be a GPA boost. And what I enjoyed the most was writing reaction papers. Papers about the plays I had seen, the things I had felt and learned while in class or the connections I had made between. It had been so so long since I had just written like that, and it felt easy. But when I was writing a letter for my friend's birthday last month, I choked. I love her dearly, and I could tell you a million reasons why I believe she is the best friend a girl could ever have and why I am so thankful to have met her and be able to call her my friend. Over the years, I have always, always, written her a letter on her birthday, but since around senior year of college, I traded in letters for gifts I felt were more meaningful, ones that showed that I took the time and effort to make them, or planning birthday surprises that I hoped she would enjoy and feel how special she was. Letters were the easiest thing for me, words flowed off my brain and into the pages (or into the keys) and they were (at least in my opinion) fun, humorous, witty, sweet, memorable. This year, I couldn't think of where to start, and most importantly I couldn't think of the proper words to use without repeating myself or sounding like some brainrot instagram post.

Despite what I've said about the word 'beautiful' above, it really is the best word I can use to describe the human brain at the moment. A recent conversation with a friend of mine working in CS taught me that really the best and only asset we really have in life is our self, our thoughts, our minds. And in all honesty I don't think I've put the effort she needs to grow or even be herself. My vocabulary could use some work, as could my writing skills and consistency. As well as something to do instead of watching television for hours on end. So let's see where this goes.

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apathyfront · 7 months ago

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end of semestester crisis

I don't remember if I posted about it on Vent at all, but I guess that doesn't matter because it's gone now- but it's been so difficult for me to look at anything mortsci related or listen to my peers talk about their experiences at the funeral home, I get so unbelievely depressed & jealous. I just get insane fomo !! ever since the funeral home let me go last year I've been desperate to get back in the field.

I was supposed to be finished with school next semester and starting an apprenticeship, but I was devestated to find out that my gratuation date is being pushed back an entire year- apparently our mortuary science program is doing really poorly, students can't pass their classes, and only a few students ever graduate. I go to an absoutely incredible well respected school, but our school is incredibly rigorous with us, it's common that students spend 4-5 years to finish an associate's degree compared to other funeral service programs. As a result, our program is on probation and they're restructuring everything. The one course I need to finish is now only available during the summer, and I'm truly losing my mind.

I just want to be embalming already- funeral homes won't take me right now because they want me to be finished with school first, I just can't work full time with my school schedule, but it's soul crushing that I'm so close to the end & the goal post keeps moving.

In other news, we turned in our Restorative Art heads the other week! I actually have photos from throughout the semester as I was working on it, so when I get it back I think it would be cool to have them all side by side to see the progress !! I just have some final touches I need to add :p

#mortuary science #funeral director #embalmer #mortician #mortuary school

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wiccxn-child · 1 year ago

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Divine Intervention

Hi all, I usually wouldn't post here as I'm not as involved in paganism as I used to be (I would say I still am pagan, however), much less online. I've always been a little more agnostic than actually believing the deities I work with are tangible beings, as I have a lot of trauma with fundamentalist Christianity and have a little distaste for literal faith, personally. Obviously, if you feel differently, that's perfectly valid. It's just how my spiritual journey has progressed over the years.

However, I just went through an experience that I genuinely feel was some sort of divine intervention.

I run a game development organization at my university, and over the last semester or so, a freshman I met became one of my best friends through this group (this will be important later). We'll call them Merry. Every Friday, after out meetings, a majority of the group goes out to dinner at a restaurant here in town. Because of Easter, we weren't going to have a meeting or our dinner this week. However, I truly think something intervened in my fate and put me exactly where I needed to be.

On Thursday, I was at my department's building, waiting to briefly meet with my advisor after he finished teaching a class. I almost didn't stay, because I had work soon after, but something just made me decide to stay anyway to meet with him. While I was waiting, Merry passed by me, and mentioned they had forgotten to take their medication and was heading back to their dorm to do so. Understandably, I was like "aw, that sucks" and then said "it's for epilepsy!" and I was obviously like "oh yes, go get that!"

I was supposed to go home for Easter weekend this Friday, to spend some time with my family. Since my university is 4 - 5 hours away from my hometown, I haven't been able to visit very often due to work and being extremely busy with my masters program. However, Thursday night, my parents called me to inform me that they had contracted COVID, and didn't think it was a good idea for me to come the next day. I was disappointed, but understood.

Because I was in town, although we couldn't have our weekly meeting, I decided to have dinner with the organization members who were still in town for the break. The other members (including Merry) decided to hang out later that night, and although they invited me, I wasn't sure I would go as well since I had a exam to take and was worried about being exhausted. However, I eventually decided to go last minute after I had completed the exam when my friend asked me I was going.

I showed up at 10:15p, and we hung out a little bit and eventually started watching a movie around 10:30p. Merry and my other friend were smoking, but I was sober since I have a drug screening for my medication coming up. I considered drinking that night, but once again, I decided last minute that I didn't really feel like it.

Merry had a seizure at exactly 11:00p. They stood up, collapsed, and started seizing. I was the only one who even knew they took seizure medication, and as my other friend panicked, I realized what was happening. Thankfully, I called 911 and I instructed my other friend to put Merry on their side. EMS came and we got them to a hospital and nothing severe happened other than a massive headache and some carpet burn from their fall, and obviously the hospital bills, but no money is worth someone's life.

I found out later from Merry's mom that they had only had one other seizure before - their doctor wasn't even sure if they had a seizure disorder or if it was a one-time occurrence, since they hadn't had any since. It wasn't something anyone was expecting, not even a little bit.

I realized today, that if all these things hadn't aligned weeks in advance, things may have gone terribly different. Not only could my other friend had been dealing with this situation on their own without any idea what was happening, but we probably would've never met for dinner if I hadn't been in town and thus my friends wouldn't be hanging out last night in the first place. Merry could've been in their dorm, where they no longer have a roommate. They could've had a seizure alone, and no one would've known. There's a very real possibility that they could've have died last night.

I am so grateful that things happened the way they did. And so many little situations occurred at just the right spots to ensure I never went home and was there in that moment.

I really feel like something knew I needed to be there for my friend. I'm really thankful, whoever you are.

#paganism #spirituality #hades #apollo

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caphayzardous · 2 years ago

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15 Questions, 15 People I do not have 15 followers

Tagged by @jakey-beefed-it thank u I only just saw this because I got logged out on my phone and ah you know how it is when you get logged out of any social mdia you're like 'that's probably for the best' and you don't amend it anyways,

1. Are you named after anyone? no! my first and middle name are out of nowhere.

2. When was the last time you cried? liek by some miracle I've now gone a full week without crying. I cried a little at a rally last weekend

3. Do you have kids? non

4. What sports do you play/have played? the main Sports I've played in my adult life is Cycling (and Dancing I suppose). I have uhh played Hit People With Swords (LARP variety).

5. Do you use sarcasm? not very well to be real

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? I think it's usually hairstyle

7. What’s your eye color? blue

8. Scary movies or happy endings? ah like both r good in my books I mean............ well I'll say scary movies tho. but not 2 scary. tbh.

9. Any talents? yea drawing and also my other talent is eating things I shouldnt for comedic effect

10. Where were you born? greater melbourne, victoria, australia,

11. What are your hobbies? dancin at the goth clubs. thats a hobby. .... also drawing (once or twice a year lmao) and working out and writing prose and poetry and reading. and other stuff.

12. Do you have any pets? two cats!! Scarlett and Ypsy!! and a garden full of jumping spiders!!! and also I recently got a little sculpture of a dragon and I have named him Caufalfa!!!! that counts

13. How tall are you? 165cm or 5'5"

14. Favorite subject in school? like in high school that was a million years ago but I liked studio arts fashion, english was ok, maths I liked a fair bit tbh loved writing it all out super neat, global politics I nearly tanked entirely but I did like it a lot. favourite subject in uni was probably that one fucking class where I made my website to be honest but also the big studio class each semester is pretty good too

15. Dream job? yeah look I am hearing this question a lot because I'm in my second last semester of this degree and uhhhhhhhhhhhh aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA----

taggin no one becaseu. because. but thanks jake!!!

#caphaytext

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bunposting · 5 months ago

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[EDIT: OP has apologized for the name calling and will be deleting their og post, and stated that a lot of their frustration comes from how little good information really is out there - which is so true and valid!! In the hopes of providing a little bit more access to official published information on rabbit welfare/care, I've created a Google Drive folder containing PDFs of a select few publications I have downloaded and will be sharing that in a pinned post here shortly. The only reason I am keeping this post up is because I do want to make my qualifications super clear, and I think the message that experiential evidence can be just as significant as (if not more significant than in some cases) academic research is a super important message to send.] Heyo! I've been waiting to reply to your initial tags on my Masterpost of HRS Bullshit post for a bit mostly just because I haven't had the time to get around to it, but I figure I'll respond to this instead. I apologize for the long post - I am nothing if not a rambler, I'm afraid.

Since you're curious about my qualifications: To make a long story short, I have gone to school for animal ag.

If you'd like more details, I started out my entire journey of interest in livestock (and rabbits in particular) thanks to a Veterinary Science class (which ended up being more of a livestock science class) I took in high school, and ended up dedicating more or less my entire life to studying livestock science and welfare ever since then. I took Veterinary Science II the very next semester, which was the highest level that my school offered.

For my senior year of high school I opted out of normal high school and instead went to my local tech school for a full day, full year program in Animal Production Science and Technology (essentially - livestock science). I earned the highest class-specific scholarship award available at my tech school for my involvement in this program thanks to my dedication to learning everything I possibly could about livestock science and sharing that knowledge with others, as well as of course significant academic and extracurricular (FFA) achievements.

Initially I was going to go to college for animal science, but due to some life issues, I had to switch schools, and ended up going to a college that did not have a specific animal science degree. I got my degree in Sustainable Agriculture & Food Systems, with a high level of focus on sustainable livestock production systems, and completed multiple independent studies focusing on rabbits specifically. Someday I hope to get a masters in Animal/Livestock Science, but we'll see if/when that happens.

As for my extracurricular knowledge, I've been in and around the rabbit world on various levels for over a decade now. All of my information comes from a combination of the following: 1. Personal experience with my own rabbits and the rabbits of others who I am very close to 2. Knowledge shared among rabbit enthusiasts of all kinds, from show breeders to meat breeders to, yes, even those who have owned pet rabbits 3. Research ranging from personal websites of rabbit enthusiasts and breeders, organization websites and publications such as those from the ARBA, textbooks such as Rabbit Production (10th Edition, Steven Lukefahr et al.), and various scientific studies 4. Information gathered from observing various pet rabbit centric spaces over the years, and from interacting with those I dub "pet rabbit people."

When you get to a certain point in your academic and professional career, citing sources can be difficult because, frankly, I couldn't tell you exactly where I learned each specific detail of knowledge I have accumulated over the years. Sure, I could go to Google Scholar and cherry pick some studies to back me up, but to be honest, one of the reasons I don't especially when it comes to rabbits is that it is extremely difficult to find well conducted, unbiased studies. I genuinely find that in some cases, it is more accurate to reference a combination of personal experience, experience I've witnessed from others, and independent investigations. This is especially true when it comes to cataloguing the health and welfare of breeders' rabbits compared to those being kept by "pet rabbit people."

I don't know of any official large studies that have been conducted long-term studying the health and welfare of rabbits kept by "pet rabbit people" following (or attempting to follow) HRS standards and those kept by breeders. I'm also not going to sit here and pretend I've been meticulously cataloguing every single instance of every single case of GI Stasis, sore hocks, bloat, cancer, etc. that I have seen on both sides over the years. That's not to say I haven't been keeping track, though. For example, in the years I was much more active in HRS groups, I saw more than 20 cases of GI Stasis mentioned - in breeder-centric spaces, including those dedicated to documenting and educating about health issues, I have seen maybe two or three total over the years. Those numbers may not be exact, but even just 2 or 3 compared to 20+ is enough to tell you that there is a massive disparity between rabbits being kept by standards recommended by other breeders vs. those kept by folks following/attempting to follow HRS standards.

Now, just like every other study, there are other factors at work here - I won't pretend there aren't. For example, HRS folks tend to have rabbits adopted from who-knows-where, rabbits with unknown genetics, likely coming from accidental litters unethical breeders, whereas many of the rabbits in breeder-centric groups are coming from people who are to at least some extent trying to breed for genetically healthier rabbits. But the numbers still speak for themselves - there is something going on there.

Finally, I would just like to point out that in my original HRS Bullshit post, I don't believe that I mentioned any specific statistics other than those that the HRS has been claiming itself (such as the "80% of intact doe rabbits develop uterine cancer" statistic).

I will never claim that I am the be all end all to rabbit knowledge. I never have, I never will. I am always learning more, and I am always open to changing my perspective when given enough evidence.

But I also won't sit here and say that I am just talking out of my ass when it comes to rabbits and most livestock things. I've put in the work, I've put in the research, and I continue to do so to this day.

If you've read all of this OP, thank you for taking the time to listen. I hope I don't come across as being angry or anything, because really - I'm not. You've done the right thing by being skeptical! However, my post is a tumblr post, not an actual literal thesis, and certainly not an official publication. My post was intended to be a starting point for people do be more cautious about HRS as an organization, more curious about rabbit husbandry, and more open to the idea that maybe, if an animal is genuinely healthy and happy, that's far more important than keeping an animal to any one standard or another. If you want sources, you are welcome to do some more research yourself, or to send me an ask about specific parts of my post or my claims that you would like to see some sources about.

I will say, though, I don't appreciate myself or my fellow breeders who speak out on these issues being called "cunts" and having our education and experience called into question. If you are curious about someone's qualifications and where they get their information from, maybe just ask nicely next time!

P.S. I would argue that you shouldn't immediately trust someone who went to school for animal ag either. You have no idea how well they actually did in school, how much information they absorbed, how many animal ag related courses they took, the quality of those courses, how current and unbiased the information they received was, and how much direct experience they gained working with animals (very different than just learning about them in a textbook/classroom). Having been to school with other animal ag students, I would easily trust a farmer with 20 years of real lived experience far sooner than I would trust someone who only has an animal ag degree. There are so many things you will ONLY learn if you have actually seen and experienced them yourself, and yes - those things should still be backed up by extra research if extra research is available.

its just that ive seen more than one rabbit breeder post about this stuff with NO sources linked despite many of them bringing up specific "statistics" like. source the fucking statistics youre talking about then cunt!!!!!!!!!! dont just expect us to believe you when thats the same damn thing that PETA is doing!!!!! Sorry but unless u went to school for animal ag im not just gonna blindly believe you because you SAID it even IF youve been a farmer for 20 years! ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS DONT INTERACT I DONT WANT U HERE this is for non peta idiots only tysm

#rabbit breeder #animal welfare #animal agriculture

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