#idefk but here we go

[k4marina]

bruce wayne x fem!reader || smau

all images used were found on pinterest !

pt. 2

pt. 3

————

brucewayne

liked by harveydent and 20,482,291 others

brucewayne another successful charity gala.🥂

📍wayne mannor

harveydent another unforgettable night!

brucewayne that’s what i do best

racheldawes thanks for the invite bruce

brucewayne always 🩶

user001 i love rachel x bruce interactions 😭😭

user002 rachel’s with harvey. her and bruce have been friends since they were kids.

user003 i wish i could go to one of these galas and meet bruce and we would fall in love and get married (i’m delulu) 😭

user004 girlll ur so real for this (i’m also delulu) 😭😭

user005 y’all bffr bruce will never go out with any of us 😀

user006 yeah but a girl could dream 🙈 (i need to be locked up in arkham)

posted 04/20/2023

yourusername

liked by yourbff and 8,037 others

yourusername livin’ the life 😎

yourbff girl how tf did you get in there 😭

yourusername bitch idefk 😭😭

user007 wait this room looks familiar 🤔

user008 yea isn’t this bruce wayne’s gala room?

user009 what’s the big deal?

user007 it’s just weird how someone with zero ties to gothams elite was able to get into bruce wayne gala

posted 04/20/2023

brucewyane

liked by yourusername and 20,482,028 others

brucewayne back to work

📍 wayne tower, gotham city

user010 his handsss 🧎‍♀️

user011 love the new necklace 😍😍

user012 ur so real for this bestie

user013 everybody talking about his hands but i’m looking at this man’s back

user014 plsss lemme claw it

posted 04/30/2023

yourusername

liked by brucewayne and 10,038 others

yourusername first time at the opera (am i doing this right?)

yourbff okayyyy i see you 😩

yourusername luv u!! 🫶🫶🫶

user015 ayoo bruce in the likes ?? 😀

user016 bruce, bby wyd here 🤔

user017 omg where did u get that dress??

yourusername xxxx.com :)

posted 05/15/2023

brucewayne

liked by yourusername and 21,038,199 others

brucewayne there’s a first time for everything 🤷‍♂️

racheldawes what happened to going back to work? 🤨

brucewayne shush, i’m allowed to have a break

user018 😀

user019 is this what i think it is???

user020 wait waits going on?? what did i miss??

user021 ppl r thinking that bruce and this one girl r together 😭

user022 wait what 😭

user020 wait what girl??

user022 her yourusername. she was at bruce’s gala last week and now they’re at the same opera

user023 surly it’s just a coincidence 😭 (i’m delusional asf)

user024 i wish but the captions match 😭😭

posted 05/15/2023

brucewayne

liked by yourusername and 22,918,194 others

brucewayne thank you monaco

📍monaco

racheldawes is this the “break” you were talking abt?

brucewayne yes :)

harveydent please tell me you’ll be back for our meeting

brucewayne 🤷‍♂️

user025 WHAAT

user026 babeeee i told you not to post me 😻😻

user027 girl that’s my man’s 😐

user028 WRONG that’s none of our man’s anymore 😭😭😭

posted 06/29/2023

yourusername

liked by brucewayne and 120,294 others

yourusername i 🫶 monaco

yourbff you need to bring me next time you go !!

yourusername ofcofc babes 😩🫶

user029 how does it feel living my life 😭😭

user030 just stop teasing us and post him 😭😭😭😭

user031 i don’t see it. why would bruce be into you?

yourbff um no.1 she’s hot asf no.2 she’s smart and no.3 what makes u think he’d want u 💀💀

user032 LMFAO 😭😭

user033 i need a bestie who’d defend me like this 😭😭

posted 06/29/2023

tmz

liked by user030 and 18,927,928 others

tmz billionaire bruce wayne spotted with rumored girlfriend, y/n l/n, in monaco this last week.

according to inside information, the two met at wayne’s latest charity gala where they were introduced by the head of gotham university’s bioengineering department. y/n l/n was brought as a guest of the head of department and is studying for her phd in bioengineering. she also has a masters in biotechnology.

apparently, the conversation was first about finding new ways to turn waste products into a more sustainable energy source as wayne had shown interest in this topic a while back however, the conversation quickly turned more flirtatious and number were exchanged.

in may, almost a month after the gala, bruce and y/n were together at gotham city opera house. though, they weren’t physically seen together however, they were in the same opera room and their captions were almost identical to each other.

now, almost a month later, they’re seen together in manaco. could this be the start of a new romance?

let us know in the comments.

view 11,392,385 comments

posted 06/30/2023

brucewayne

liked by yourusername and 21,397,928 others

brucewayne my girl 🤍

tagged yourusername

yourusername muahhhhh

yourusername ily 🫶🫶🫶

brucewayne i love you too 🫶

racheldawes i told you you’d like her

brucewayne yea yea 😒 (i’m joking, thank you rachel)

harveydent let’s go on a double date??

yourusername yesssss

user034 i’m 😭 so 😭 happy 😭 for 😭 you

user035 she’s literally living the y/n life and i can’t blame her 😭🫶🫶

user036 god, i’ve seen what you’ve don’t for other people 🛐

user037 onggg 😭🙏

posted 07/03/2023

yourusername

liked by brucewayne and 19,395,284 others

yourusername my man my man 😻😻

tagged brucewayne

brucewayne love you too sweetheart 🤍

brucewayne i thought you said you weren’t going to post that third picture 🤔

yourusername srry babes, i had too. you look to cute 🫶🫶

yourbff rue, when was this? 🤨

yourusername 😶

yourbff your still mine

yourusername ofcofc always 😩

brucewayne um 😐

youbff i said what i said 😤

user038 she did it she’s living the life 😭

user039 how does it feel living my dream life 😫

posted 07/03/2023

—

wanted to try smt new and i’ve been on my bruce wayne love train for a hot minute. i’m literally in love with this man someone help me 😭😭😭

anyways the next chapter of heart of the dragon is coming soon. lmk if y’all want a pt. 2 or more bruce wayne fics :)

[fiyaerrigan]

re: BuckTommy 8x06 and the Interviews

First point: I hesitate to say Oliver's response was biphobic

We don't know the man??? He could literally be bisexual (and guess what, it would be none of our damn business!) But within the context of "he has said he wanted change for his character and what he says in this recent interview directly contradicts that" I do have my gripes.

Second point: To me, the execution of this sucked.

Normally (as a resident Messy Bitch who likes seeing shit in her Complicated Fucked Up Life reflected in media) I live for drama and I live for narratives taking me wherever the wind takes them! but there was something so BLUNT and RAW about this that i cannot feel settled or satisfied with it (esp taking into account that, as noted before, this is a direct contradiction of what people IN the show have said they wanted for Buck) because it was SUCH a tonal shift from where they left off the previous episode.

I try to be gracious and remind myself that network TV has to deal with sudden changes that affect the way they go forward with planned storylines, but this was kinda ass, right down to the wire.

Assuming that it WASN'T a sudden change and that this *was* how they wanted everything to wrap up, I feel like it really could have been written with more consideration. It's one thing to pick up from where s7 left off and have their relationship in s8 be something along the lines of “we keep trying but it isnt working out” and then culminate in a breakup, but it's another entirely to break them up and...

Have Tommy's character interactions *still* be intertwined with Eddie (when it would have been more of a soft exit thing to treat Eddie's friendship in the same "implied presence" way they do with Hen and Chim rather than giving them scenes where Tommy and Eddie interact directly) as recently as the previous episode. Like at that point you've established an additional relationship for the guest character to have with the main cast, and given that relationship more recent screentime than any of his previous friendships, which THEN makes his departure have multiple fallouts to address

Have Buck be on the verge of a momentous confession when said breakup happens, because GOD that just hurts

From a writing perspective, you're leaving loose ends that are (imo) not going to really lead viewers to sit well with the story going forward?

On a personal level, even if (by some miracle) we still end up with Buck in a queer relationship despite the looming storm for LGBT media in the US, I'm probably not gonna be able to look at whatever relationship happens after this without feeling some sort of sting. I'm all for writers planning out stuff to happen in advance, but they could have spelled out the end for Buck and Tommy in SO MANY ways that would have been less bitter.

Like, fuck. Even if it WAS a sudden change, there are ways that this COULD have worked decently even *with* a single episode to wrap up the BT relationship.

You could have Put Tommy On A Bus for [insert serious reason that Buck can't argue with] here and that (at the very least) would soften the blow bc at least the loose ends are explained by "oh, *no one* who's close with this character is able to interact with them" and that would have hurt slightly less?

You could have killed Tommy off and that would have been INFINITELY better than this IMO because at least sudden death seems more realistic an ending (as far as the weewooverse is concerned) compared to "these two characters break up but somehow we're supposed to forget that he's also friends w his ex's bff and there are Ramifications (tm)."

Hell, I'm not big on Buddie but it could have brought Eddie and Buck closer via grief bonding, if that's what the writers wanted? idefk.

Overall, this Sucks.

I'm gonna try to stop looking at my weewoo tags for the time being and focus on stuff that brings me joy (like content from old fandoms where I Haven't Been Hurt Yet lol) and spend some time away from the show for a bit.

Honestly, for me, s8's main sticking points were the BT relationship and whatever the fuck those two had going on with Eddie. My personal sticking points for the entire series (found family vs. blood family juxtaposition, breaking the cycle, and group hijinks) don't seem to be the focus in s8 thus far so I'm not too keen on watching the show as intensely as I have been, going forward. Hit me up if they bring Chris back or if the 8x06 interviews are smoke and mirrors (though I don't think they are) but otherwise I'm gonna go back to weewoo-ing through dashboard osmosis.

I still have BT and weewoo plotbunnies in my drafts, and I don't see myself abandoning those completely! I think, after some time, I see myself coming back to that creative space, even if I'm not following canon super closely. Of course, my ass never finishes anything, so whether I finish and post those WIPS is another thing entirely.

Peace out, friends?

[emilsgrippers]

I had a really fucking wild nightmare last night but I have no friends to tell about it so you guys get 2 hear

R u ready

So I was like. I was Bridgette from TD right and I’m in a goddam Safeway

(a Safeway is a store that sells food. I recently found out some people don’t have Safeways.)

So . I’m just standing there and the whole rest of the TD cast is in there. Not like around me but I know they’re in the store

And suddenly someone like came over the loud speakers and they were like hey you all need to kill each other and the only person who’s not dead by the end of this wins. They get to live and go home and I am.likewhat

(I feel like this dream was heavily influenced by my excitement for the 5th hunger games book coming out tonight)

So absolutely horrified I’m like hell no dude I’m out of here and to no surprise the doors are locked and I’m like I bro

so instead I brilliantly run into the bathroom

and even in my dream I’m like sweating I’m wiping my forehead every 5 sec so anyways I step into the bathroom and already there’s dead people in there

like.a lot uh I remember Eva and Cody being apart of the like seven bodies so I try to play dead and I’m laying there and then I’m like wait I should move so I stand up and someone

Comes in.and it’s fucking Alejandro burromuerto in my fucking dream so I step back and he just walks in stabs me in the stomach and walks back out ..like really uneventful and my vision just fades like I was passing out

And then I’m like teleported back to where I was when the announcement came through and NOW there’s a small blunt knife in a bin in front of me but there’s also a giant handle in there so I pull it out

and idefk what it was. It was shaped like a thick ninja star that was the length of a baseball bat??idk.

but it was incredibly sharp and I’m like ok I won’t die I won’t die I won’t die and I’m walking around shakily and then like. Courtney &heather were there and heather was like hey we’re gonna kill you and I was like please don’t so I like

tried to stab them and instead I accidentally just like cut Courtney’s side and for such a small action it was really gruesome and I uh think I killed them I didn’t really know at the times

But anyways there’s like a giant gap in my dream and it resumes…and outside the Safeway is the long road outside my house

(I do not live by a Safeway..I do live by a 7-11 tho!! 5minish walk:3)

And for some reason Geoff was alive too?? And we were outside and were walking away and I’m still super shaken and then the goddamn police pull up so I turn and try to run and Geoff just grabs me by the neck and he’s like don’t run bitch

and I was like

oh.okay.

and I kept trying to confess to the police how there was blood all over my hands and I had killed a shit load of people and I was horrified so I’m on the ground in the fetal position and Geoff was kicking me every time I tried to confess???

So we didn’t confess and the police gave us donuts I think and left. Or they only gave Geoff a donut I think it was the latter..but someone got a donut

And then like we went back to the Safeway to clean up and that’s where I find out I did infact kill heather and Courtney and it was like incredibly gruesome and really trippy and some guy who wasn’t even in TD was there helping..I guess??

AND THEN PEOPLE START WALKING IN and we’re all like oh shit

and all these people are in fancy black clothes of all sorts. Ties tophats etc and I’m like..y r u all here and they’re like we’re here for the grammys

and I. Was like in Safeway..? The grammies are at Safeway..? So now we’re all trying to clean the bodies up before these unsuspecting people find corpses strewn across the store and then like 10min later

The police bust through the Safeways door so everyone jumps behind something to hide and the police r like okay guys shows over come out .so I’m like shit I’m caught shit WE’RE CAUGHT. So I start to stand up crying but everyone in the fancy black clothes stand up..???

And apparently they were all wanted for like arson or something and me and Geoff and the random guy had to watch them all be escorted out and they were all mad at us like we snitched but we didn’t so

Anyways

That’s it.

All my dreams have involved gruesome death lately and I don’t know why but I don’t like it,,supposedly according to Wikipedia it’s like stress or grief or something but???idk maybe that’s also why my hairs still falling out

But yeah. It’s been messing w/ me all day and I needed to just uh.spread it around…it’s not like it was the worst dream ever but I think murdering some of my favorite fictional characters is what’s making it so hard on me

Anyways

Bye I’m gonna go get the 5th hunger games book

[angelmugzzz]

Just another life update

Hiya, fellas!! It’s yer ole pal Sarah/Mugsy with another update in regards of personal life.

Sorry if I’ve been frequently been on here from time to time. It’s just that mental burnout has still been getting to me since my grandma has passed about a month ago and I’m still slowly healing from the grieving process. But what’s worse is that now my cat is not feeling good since he’s been getting very weak and is showing some bones and he has been having some arthritis and other problems with his body. We’re bringing him to the vet on Thursday and I’m just worried that they’re going to put him down to sleep and I’ll be pet less until we get a new pet until…. idefk when. But… we’ll know for sure when the time comes.

Anyways, I’ve been also away working on the next MugMay prompt (this week it’s mugbeard week, yarrrr) so that’s why you won’t see me that much on here as y’all used to. I’m not leaving tumblr forever, dw!! It’s just that I have a life outside of it and I only have about a week left until my college semester is over, so I’ve been focusing on that too. Teacher prep is a lot of work and I really have to put all my blood, sweat and tears into everything that involves teaching young children. This is something that I’ve been wanting to do for over a decade and a half now since I was 12 so I’m not going to let anything screw it up. But now that I’m 27, I have some more room to grow up as a real young woman (or mug, lol) and need to get real shit done away from the so called internet.

But… this week is going to be a pretty tough one. Until then, I’ll be drawing more of mugman and some other cuphead related crap and will be back before ya know it! And please pray for my cat since he’s not in the best condition right now 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Also may the 4th be with you

And till all are one 🩵

Love, Sarah/Mugsy

Also have a random mugbeard gif cuz I need something to cheer me up for the week lol

Anyways, till all are one 🩵

(ok bye like… fr this time-)

-Mugs/Sarie

Edit 4/8 - he’s doing much better now! He didn’t have to go to the vet after all ^^

I will however keep y’all posted on him in the coming days or so but for now I’m just glad that he’s ok!

[lord-squiggletits]

For the Salty Asks (forgive us for the avalanche, if it's too many you can pick your top three): 2, 9, 10, 11, 13 (Optimus), 20, 25 (IDW1), 26

uhhh honestly I feel a bit like a hermit who's out of the loop on what's popular/unpopular so some of these might be completely off the mark but here we go

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

Mmmm I think most of my brotp's aren't shipped as OTPs to start with, so I dunno if I have any that fit this question.

Guess the closest example for me would be OPli/ta. I don't actively platonically ship them but I think platonic is way more interesting than romantic. I don't like the fandom's interpretation of romantic O/Plita at all + I feel like as one of the original "token woman" Autobots, I'd like to see Elita unshackled from Optimus as a love interest, esp because any official interpretation of them is probably gonna be written extremely heteronormatively/token romance between an action hero and The Girl. And the fanon version of them that's Strong Independent Girlboss Elita with whipped simp husbnad Optimus is just as boring and gross.

I just don't like the vibes and would rather them have some sort of friendly or regular relationship together.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

IDW1 Slide, who I've gone into detail about my hatred of in several posts, but the TLDR is that she comes off as some kind of mouthpiece character? Not a mouthpiece as in for the author's beliefs, but it literally feels like she only exists to shit on Optimus and call him a piece of shit. Her dialogue is so cheesily written ("literally fascism" is an actual thing she says) and her bitching/lack of cultural comprehension about Cybertronian history is so prevalent, that for a long time during my IDW1 reading I was genuinely confused as to whether she was supposed to be some sort of parody/strawman/mockery of someone IRL (her character comes off almost EXACTLY like an anti-SJW stereotype of a screeching harpy calling everyone she dislikes a fascist, and it's only Barber's very obviously left-leaning writing in other parts of the story that told me that definitely wasn't the intent). So then I was wondering "okay is she gonna like, randomly become evil and turn against the good guys because she's just that petty? I mean she spends all of her time bitching about how Optimus/the Autobots/Cybertronians in general are the worst ever and she also hates humans too so I mean maybe? Half of this story already doesn't make sense so I can see it happening."

Thankfully that didn't happen, but like. Slide is so goddamn annoying and ignorant and gets way too much page time dedicated to her angry monologuing (in Unicron aka the finale of IDW1 there's literally a whole half page panel of her bitching about how Optimus is an evil tyrant while Trypticon is dying behind her and it comes off as a poorly timed, bad taste joke). The narrative treats her like she's some important individual whose feelings are important and valid, but she's fucking annoying. Any sympathy she was meant to garner is canceled out by badly written dialogue and the fact that she's a Literal Nobody of a character who seemingly only exists to bash the decades old, beloved legacy characters. For the sake of, idk, talking about how fucked up Cybertronians are that they just shrug and move on when people die? Bc apparently it's some sort of sin to be numb after 4 million years of war (and war that's literally still ongoing while Slide is bitching) and just soldier on trying to get through it? God forbid that a military hierarchy fighting to keep neo-Decepticons and various other alien threats from colonizing Earth be run like a military in which orders have to be followed, people die, but you still have to keep fighting anyways? Idefk man I just hate Slide so much she's basically the embodiment of all of the bad aspects of Barber's writing personified.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Mutineers arc in MTMTE/LL. I feel like (whether due to early cancellation and/or JRO wasting time on too many side plots to give it its full depth), I dislike how the mutineers were basically boiled down to pure evil morons who are the most disgusting, despicable evil ever and the only reason the mutiny had Good Guys (TM) in it was because they were horribly misled and not because, you know, the mutiny was 100% a valid thing to have happened as retaliation against Rodimus and Megatron's captaincy.

Like, I'm not opposed to the idea of Getaway and his cronies being assholes (I personally thought Getaway was a GREAT slow-burn, puppet master villain/anti-hero), I just dislike how the quality of their writing degraded from MTMTE to LL. Felt like they (Getaway in particular) got passed the Idiot Ball and then the actual reasons behind the mutiny were never addressed, it was kind of just "oh Getaway died horribly so we're all friends now and we forgive each other and Rodimus/Megatron will just go back to being captains now."

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

You mean besides IDW Optimus because anyone who's been on my blog for like 5 seconds knows he's my biggest problematic fave skldfjskd

Uhhh I guess in the spirit of the previous question, Getaway. I feel like the fandom's hatred for him is overblown mainly bc it's a combination of Tailgate/Cyga/te fans going "HE GOT IN THE WAY OF C/YGA/TE AND ALMOST KILLED THAT PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL" and Rodimus or Megatron stans going "Getaway hates my fave?? But my fave is a good captain and deserves the world HE'S EVIL MY FAVORITE IS BEYOND CRITICISM OR REPROACH GETAWAY IS THE EMBODIMENT OF EVIL."

Like to me it seems as if the hate for Getaway isn't normal dislike or even people hating him because he's a well written villain. It feels weirdly like ppl really take Getaway's actions personally and hate him with the kind of passion you normally see reserved for actual real life horrible people. Or they like, see Getaway as an obstacle to [favorite character]'s happiness and not as an individual who, before the quality of his writing tanked, was actually an interesting character who maybe even had good points? It just feels like people mainly hate Getaway because he's the antagonist to more popular characters/ships and so they project their defense of their faves into virulently hating him.

13. Unpopular opinion about (Optimus)?

Honestly 90% or more of the fan content I see for Optimus is really boring/uncompelling to me, or really just comes off as out of character. It's either Optimus being reduced to an accessory to be shipped with someone (usually turned into some sort of moe cutesy uke type) or him being turned into.... idk some permutation of "feral irresponsible gremlin" or "One Of The Good Ones (TM)" or "anxiety-ridden damsel who needs to be rescued by his lover" or, in some circles, "character I project my issues with authority onto and try to frame as evil for things that aren't even evil."

Idk how to specifically describe it, it's just... a vibe? Most of the Optimus content I see doesn't actually feel like him at all. It feels like it's Optimus/Orion in name only, who got so separated from canon and distorted by fanon/flanderization/shipping/porn stereotypes that he now only vaguely resembles the character he's supposed to be.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Ahahaha I don't really go into the realm of pure ships honestly, plus this is the war criminal fandom where pretty much every character has killed people or committed crimes or is just generally scarred by war so uhhh

Idk I think Thundercracker/Melissa is a pretty hinged ship? They get along and cope surprisingly well with all the shit that happens. There's no angst or betrayals or misunderstandings or enemies, they're just very respectfully together. Sdfklsajfksd

25. How would you end (IDW1)/Would you change the ending of (IDW1)?

Honestly, I'm pretty satisfied with the ending of IDW1 on both sides of the story. On Barber's side I would've preferred if every single planet including Cybertron didn't get fucking eaten leaving them all stuck on Earth together, and I would've also kept Trypticon alive while... minimizing Slide's role, to say the least. I don't have a problem with Optimus' ending bc I actually think that Optimus' arc in Unicron is like, one of the few 1000% good things Barber wrote for him it's just. It's pure Optimus in his best form.

On JRO's side I would've cut out the last panel with the alternate Lost Light and left it ambiguous as to whether the quantum jump successfully copied the ship or not. I dislike the vibes of the canon ending that implied that everyone moving on with their lives (almost universally to new and exciting and happier places) was the "sad" ending and going on a permanent road trip is the "true, happy" ending. In the author's notes I think JRO said that he wanted to give the readers an ending that would allow them to imagine their faves continuing to go on adventures, but I think compromising a good ending to a story to appease fans is fucking stupid + fandom has never needed permission or approval from the author to write alternate, happy endings. So why ruin a poignant, melancholy ending about how endings come with new beginnings and sadness/nostalgia can be mixed with hope and happiness by going "sike lol they're all living happily ever after on their space cruise."

Also I wouldn't have randomly killed off Ratchet for no reason because like. What was that even supposed to accomplish. I'm no stranger to writing major character deaths but like. He just fucking died of disease off-screen and that was that??? Why, like what was the narrative/symbolic purpose of that besides just making the ending more sad? Maybe to emphasize how going back to Cybertron was the "bad ending" and the quantum Lost Light is the "good ending" since on the LL Ratchet is still alive? But see the paragraph above for why I don't like that.

26. Most shippable character?

The most shippable character to me is whichever character I think is the sexiest, because if I think they're sexy it makes me want to ship them with everyone. "Guards, fuck that man for me" etc etc. Lmao

[clairosrealwife]

New anon here. Instead of talking about Kate’s relationship history can we talk about how she still apparently uses a digital camera like it’s 2005-2010? Because I’m here for the idea of old school Kate

yea can we please🫡🫡

i’ve been trying to switch the topic for the past idefk how many days this has been going on

anyways yea digital cameras are like really popular rn everyone is digging into their relatives graves for them but i agree, i loved the hard launch with the camera and i honestly want to see more of it

[hologramblue]

vent thing about mom death in all its wretched glory. or some of it idk

it came out of fucking nowhere and it was as if someone came up with, like, the most hurtful possible way for her to go. laser fucking targeted timing, right when she had cleared out old obligations and had room to start making plans and chasing ambitions. all over the course of two months, short enough to not be able to jam in any bucket list shit but long enough to drag out the suffering. and it like. it took her out piece by piece and went after her capabilities and made her watch it all vanish. her strength then her mobility then her vision then her speech. and she was fully conscious or not far from it for the whole fucking thing.

i keep thinking about all that periodically and freaking out a bit but like. at least it's over and she doesn't exist anymore to be able to remember how bad it was. rip.

so i'm still here and the fucked up part on my end is that it was also, like, within a year of when i expect to have a stable job with a living wage that will let me make long-term decisions, and i was hoping to start talking to her more once i felt more independent? maybe come up here more often, help out with some of her big plans for her house, get to know the people she hadn't pissed off. idefk. she got a million times nicer once we all split up and it turns out she's actually pretty interesting to talk to and learn things from when she's not mad all the time.

but nah. she's gone and i can try to fucking. archeologically uncover who the hell she was if i have the time to dig through all the stuff she wrote and made and dragon-hoarded. and i could probably try to learn more home DIY and gardening and crafting and cooking and all the other fucktillion things she did but it'll be a hell of a lot slower than asking her. and like theoretically i could aim for a reassignment somewhere around here and try to live around here but with her gone it wouldn't be much different than moving to any other random corner of the country bc i don't know jack about this place actually.

i could also stop being a big baby and talk to her brother more. in spite of us both being emotionally constipated headasses. and it kind of sounds like he might want to move out anyways. but idk. i should still talk to him more

[fappellmoan]

oh my god you know what i AM so glad im not attracted to men thank god im sick and tired holy shit. this was going to just be a stupid reactionary post on my silly little tumblr blog bc ive seen stupid posts like ':( maybe in another life i like men' and like we are NEVER getting out of here! and now i need to be like oh oop hangon everyone i for sure dont mean every man and also by the way i promise i am not trans exclusionary and also i really do promise i can wrap my brain around intersectionality in case you got a wild sense of ignorance from me saying im SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of everything being about men. you cant not think about them. ever. girls around you are going to base their entire personalities and identities and sense of self around attention and attraction to men and youre going to be made to feel rude if you dont go along with that being so #slay #girlboss #feminism. and honestly if we're fucking talking about it maybe i am glad not to deal with people who are socialized to think it's gay to care about hygiene and so dont wipe their asses or wash their hands maybe im simply so relieved to not have to deal with that and to have a partner that doesnt have to be taught to like and care about me and/or babied and mothered etc. jesus fucking christ holy shit. i want that for every woman but this is abt me rn and really many people whether they realize it or not ARE hostile to dykes!!!!!! and it sucks so incredibly hard to be around you!!!!! you people dont make a single effort to not talk about men or center every conversation around them, at best, and at worst, youre constantly fucking making lesbianism sound MISERABLE. it's not! it's really not. except well it is because everybody just cannot fucking exist without making it about a man or how they feel about not liking men or whatever goddamn tragedy idefk. this is clearly going to be nonsensical by the time i post it but holy fuck! shut the fuck up! the state of feminism rn is in genuine shambles ashes dust in the wind never coming back to save us.

[bookish-karina]

Hello! From the WIP tag list game, what does the "idefk" about?"

hey!!

"idefk" is about a time when Maeve is questioned why she won't start a relationship with Jace. she's scared that once she lets herself fall for him, she's only going to get hurt. Jace gets frustrated because he's already fallen for her and knows she feels the same. it's kind of a continuance to the WIP "A Curious Imagination" since that one is centrally focused on the beginning of the confrontation.

"idefk" focuses on the end of the conflict and Maeve gets some major, heartbreaking news regarding her parents. because she's just pushed Jace away, she feels like she's lost everyone she's ever cared about.

find the WIP list here!

find a snippet of "idefk" under the break :)

“I would never hurt you, Maeve. I hope you know that.”

“I know you won’t. Not intentionally, at least. But if I let you in, what then? Tour is over in less than a month, Jace. This?” I motion between us and wave a hand to encompass the rest of the world. “This isn’t real life. I was never supposed to join you on tour. I was never supposed to know you this well. You were never meant to know me outside of VIP. I’m just your average fangirl. And when this tour is over and we go back to our regular lives, whatever this is won’t be a part of it. You’ll forget about me. You’ll find someone else. A model, maybe another musician. I don’t know. But you and me? We were never meant to be friends, let alone together.”

“So you have our futures entirely planned out, then?” I don’t miss the bitterness coating his tone. “After the tour, we just go our separate ways and forget about all of this? About each other?”

I’m saved from answering by my phone ringing.

“Don’t answer that,” he says as I slowly slide it out of my pocket. “Maeve, please let’s just finish our conversation first. I’m sure Taylor will understand.”

Even though I know I shouldn’t, even though I know I’m only doing it out of spite, I answer the phone. “Hello?”

[asterias-corner]

it’s Wednesday! You know what that means? Ranting about the Mormon church <3 (i have mutual at 7 and idefk what we’re doing)

Was on the ‘ex Mormon’ tag, and i reminded myself of the whole “strength of the youth” program they had with us that one Sunday, here are some of the rules that are official that i had distaste reading and hearing my peers agree with.

(Sorry if it’s hard to read)

They had one on abortion, but i couldn’t find it- all i know is that they were saying it was against god’s commandments or some stupid shi

——-

general conference this year was annoying as all hell, i don’t remember (nor care) who had talked about being celestial, but he kept fucking saying “celestial” and every time i tuned in, I’d hear him say celestial and i was so ready to drive to the fucking conference center and cut the microphone off. Then the next week, of course they have to do the whole after conference lessons, and i found out they had 5 sessions in total?! They always have one for the women, and i hate it.

———-

Mormon girls are assholes and you cannot change my mind. I’m lucky enough to feel pretty confident in my body, despite having self harm scars- and not fitting their standards of an ideal body type. So whenever these fuckers look at me weird, specifically my scars, i want to scream. Also, there are two girls in the group above me, and they both act hella gay with eachother and when called out or called queer, they start to get offended as if they weren’t just cuddling like a married couple two seconds earlier. Girls camp, my first year- they were literally spooning each other and nobody says jack fucking shit. But the second i DARE hold the hand of my friend who was having a panic attack, my mom gets informed and i get lectured. I’m pretty openly queer, so it’s only an issue because they know who I’m attracted too. Or they assume that, they think i like girls and I’m a lesbian, but I’m literally trans and gay, but like hell I’m going to come clean about that. The only reason i enjoy mutual sometimes, is because i like to sneak off and play piano.

————

i used to have a few friends, some girls my age. Then we got into young women’s instead of the activity days class and they all ditched me, well- one did, the others either moved wards or were the age group above me. But every time i open my mouth, I’m instantly treated lowly. I’ve spoken up about this too, to my parents but i can’t talk to them about anything. They protect the Mormon girls all the time, not once trying to understand why I’m upset. I also hate them because they like to judge me specifically, also these other girls who aren’t even fucking Mormon? But one of my leaders brings them to try and convert them into this hell of a cult, which isn’t working btw. But i used to be on the same bus as one of the girls, and she is super annoying, so is the other girl. They swear like a sailor, and i end up getting roped in with getting in trouble because of it. Also the fact i have to look after them and whenever i try and hangout with them, they push me off to the side and judge me.

——-

there’s still a whole truckload of things i didn’t unpack, but let’s save that for Sunday.

moral of the story? I fucking hate the Mormon church, and it shouldn’t exist. The sexism, blatant homophobia and transphobia is stupid as hell.

[cavka]

lyn reads triple zero - finale

by which i mean i finished it last night and i have Thoughts

first off, it was a decently enjoyable book when i managed to turn off my brain. solid 3 stars. there's a lot of good here that i actually really liked, it's just... unfortunately balanced out by a lot of bad that made me want to throw my phone across the room.

so here we go. thoughts, in no particular order:

1.) i genuinely love the characters. even ones like kal who i hate as much as i love. i can see why people who don't do more than a surface reading like him. personally, i love how crunchy a character he is and how all his many flaws make him this unintentionally complex character. i just want to pick his brain apart.

i could ramble on about everyone but it's a lot of "these feelings i already had about these characters have been reinforced like crazy" which basically means i'm fascinated by all of them, want to get all of them therapy, and also want to write all the fic where they get to have healthier relationships lol

2.) there's a lot of yelling in tcw side of fandom about how the clones should get chances to act like the dumb college age kids they are, and they get to in this book!! i think some of my favorite moments were when the boys were egging each other on and giving each other shit. especially that fi and sev bit with the ladder, at least until sev hurts himself. like how fucking dumb is that but also how fucking typical of 20-ish year olds?

3.) fi is gay. fi is so gaaaaay. there are so many little points in his narration where it's like "ah, yes. he is absolutely attracted to [X] person" but beyond that, his whole little subplot about feeling like something in his life is missing? wanting a normal life and a girlfriend, etc? it's juxtaposed against etain and darman so much that it comes across like fi is in love with darman and just doesn't realize.

yes, i have a new ship. yes, i'm going to write horribly angsty fic for it. why do you ask?

4.) etain and darman are cute when KT isn't pushing her weird ass heteronormative agenda. though my aroace ass literally yelled at my phone "YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR A CUMULATIVE WEEK AND CHANGE, YOU DON'T LOVE HIM YET" when they had their first lil heart to heart and slept together that first time. but, again, they're young 20-somethings who might die at any time, i can forgive them that.

shit, i can even forgive etain's whole pregnancy thing--to a point--because she's a dumb kid who is going through a crisis of faith. (more on that specifically in a sec) but jfc kal's reaction to it all was--idefk. he's absolutely right to be furious with etain. what she did was stupid in the first place, not well thought through, and she's putting a hell of a lot at risk by going through with it.

but everything else about his reaction was just--dude. what the actual fuck. and 60% of that is his clinging to his bizarre conservative mando ideals while 40% is his utter disdain for the jedi and i just--UUUUGH.

5.) every time the jedi came up in narration. every. fucking. time. i wanted to scream. i know KT has terrible opinions on them. i've read most of the other books!! but oh my god it was especially bad.

do i think it would be interesting for etain and bardan to have crises of faith because of the war? absolutely. in fact, it even makes sense that they would!! but the way KT goes about it is just fucking baffling.

which is really highlighted by that one conversation etain has with ordo where he says "nah, you've got a worse life than i do because i was adopted but you were given away to strangers by your parents" and i'm just

THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HAPPENS TO NON-JEDI KIDS WHEN THEY GET ADOPTED, ORDO???? THEY'RE GIVEN AWAY TO STRANGERS BY THEIR PARENT(S).

there is just. so much. so much about the jedi that's so wrong and that if it was written rightly should've fucking changed entire character interactions and plot and it infuriates me.

6.) everything about the mission is just. plot holes all over. if i take it at surface value and treat it like a bad action movie that's just here for entertainment i'm fine, but the second i stop to actually think about how this whole mission is happening i'm just--that's not how this works. that's not how any of this works. how are you all not dead???

but, you know. whatever. i can deal with it. there were highly entertaining moments. i literally cackled out loud when fi told kal that he and sev planted explosives in the one dude's car and kal was like "... the car i was in?? FI." and i'm real intrigued by bardan as like... the commandos' Q figure. it's highly entertaining.

7.) i have A Lot of Opinions about the weird ass brand of masculinity KT's characters subscribe to. but one thing i appreciate is that her male characters cry and aren't thought of as less for it. it's one bastion of good in a sea of blegh.

8.) i mostly stopped capping bits as i got sucked in but i did nab this bit which made me laugh and is a good bit to end on. (i forgot what my other points were gonna be; work distracted me lkajsdf)

fi as a musical fan is my new favorite headcanon. i don't care if grease doesn't actually exist in the gffa.

also i need a crossover with mass effect where he and garrus exchange sniping playlists.

[hostiae]

wesker headcanons

i was down a rabbit hole in military research (idefk why i still do so much military research when i've been going down these rabbit holes for literal decades at this point, but here we are) and i kind of launched off krauser for a moment bc i was having wesker thoughts.

the coolest thing about fictional military personnel is that you have to pretty much rewrite everything lmao.

wesker is said to be scouted by the army in the early 1990s, though given that we know he's working with the army in 1991 and in s.t.a.r.s by 1996, i'd say he was probably a civilian contractor. the timeline is a little tight from "leaving" umbrella to heading s.t.a.r.s.

he worked in military research, helping the military design illegal weapons.

i really think this is one of the places he thrived the most. i play him as closest to his true self both in s.t.a.r.s and as a military researcher. but weapons design? moreso than bioweapons is his very much his thing.

he continues to modify weapons when he establishes the s.t.a.r.s. team. the samurai edge being a very particular point of pride for him.

when i think of his career with the military, i think that it's the beginning of one of the most normal times of his life. and while he's technically an umbrella mole, he's also doing what he wants to do. and looking for answers about umbrella simultaneously. wesker cares more about why umbrella does what it does and less about what it's doing. and i tend to portray him as more interested in the more technical sciences, rather than biological.

he just happens to be good at both, because he was groomed to be.

[unhingedselfships]

LINK TO GAME

🌍Adventurecore🌎 ~ If you could take your F/O anywhere in real life, where would you take them?

Literally anywhere. I would go anywhere with this man, as long as I could be with him.

🛍️Barbiecore🛍️ ~ Show us your favorite outfit that your F/O has worn!

I have posts about this already lol.

🖕Bastardcore🖕 ~ Are there any “flaws” of your F/O that you find endearing?

Uh. I really shouldn’t like that he’s a man-child, highly manipulative, serial killer with mommy(?) issues, but here we are.

🌳Cabincore🌳 ~ You and your F/O are enjoying a weekend in nature. How do you spend it?

Attempting to camp! Then giving up, renting a cabin, and enjoying nice hikes that end with us in a very pleasant actual bed.

📖Dazecore📖 ~ What would you say is your F/O’s biggest passion (outside of you, of course 🥰)?

Murder? I’m kidding. Guns, knives, cooking. Probably.

😱Expressionism😱 ~ Describe to us exactly how your F/O makes you feel! Or, for a twist, describe how you make your F/O feel! Or do both!

Oh lort its a lot. Tired, frustrated, annoyed, happy, content, safe, comfortable, satisfied. He exhausts me but I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

I couldn’t really speak for Kenshi, except I know he needs me too, and that he is… a bit conflicted, about the nature of our relationship. But then, feelings in general confuse him so.

🖤Femme Fatale🖤 ~ What, in your opinion, is your F/O’s greatest achievement?

Look at all that emotional and character growth!

🔍Film Noir🔍 ~ Are there any questions about your F/O that you’d like to see their source answer?

So many. I’m working on wearing the creator down!

🪨Groundcore🪨 ~ What would your F/O do if you became a worm?

Bruh idefk. Let me ask.

Apparently, per Word of Creator, in character, he would step on me and crush me. Now we know how he really feels lmfao.

📝Hipness Purgatory📝 ~ If your F/O drew you, how would it turn out?

… I actually know nothing of the man’s art skills. I’ll need to investigate. Will report back.

Ok so update! He has no art skills but he does have steady hands. So it would be a vaguely Kimi-ish human shape with a "sorry" speech bubble because she apologizes all the time.

💾Internet Academia💾 ~ How did you discover your F/O or their source?

I stopped being intimidated by Majimemegoro and interacted and then BAM. Shit happened.

🚎Joyride🚎 ~ How would a road trip with your F/O, friends/associates, and you go?

Depends on which friends/associates. But probably not too terribly? Probably? Kenshi loves to drive, Kimi loves to ride. They'll trade aux/Bluetooth control. Lots of pee breaks for Kimi that he'll pretend to be annoyed about. So many snacks. They'll definitely take a rental so she doesn't get crumbs in his car.

🪁Kidcore🪁 ~ Tell us about the earliest memory you can remember with your F/O!

Meeting him at a Tojo Clan party! Incidentally it was my introduction to basically everyone. He was one of a very few that spoke English and the only one not being an asshole to me!

(Childhood Friends AU, we meet when I find him crying in the corner of a park and I drag him home with me! What a cutie!)

🎧Lo-Fi🎧 ~ Let’s say your F/O is up late working on something. How do you support them, or how do you get them to go to bed?

Depends on how focused he is but generally he can be coaxed into bed with cuddles. Otherwise I keep him stocked in smokes, snacks, and water. He handles his own alcohol. I miiiiight bring him coffee. Maybe.

🎮Nintencore🎮 ~ Create a Pokémon team for your F/O!

This one’s tough. Do I make a team I think actually represents him, or one he would have? I’ll try for both. Majimeme can weigh in perhaps. I can say there would be absolutely NO dog types lmfao.

(Should I do a team for Kimi too?)

Team One

Muk - reference to the environmental impact of the factories Sneasel - a sneaky ambush type attacker Murkrow - bearer of misfortune Mimikyu - tell me this isn’t Kadokura in pokemon form. lonely, but watch out! Porygon-Z - science! technology! the future! Garbodor - majimemegoro insists he’s trash so….

Team Two

Sudowoodo - trees! nature! conservation! Ursaring - mountain village vibes, Hokkaido energy Abomasnow - Hokkaido, snow, do I need to explain? Sawsbuck - more nature shit Gothita - he has no idea what this thing is but it’s cute and it makes Mio happy so whatever Pangoro - “Kimberly this feels racist” “hush it markets well”

🐕Petcore🐕 ~ What animal reminds you of your F/O?

He’s known as a Coyote. He often acts a bit like a cat. Is there an intersection to be found there?

🍷Red Academia🍷 ~ What’s your favorite fun-fact about your F/O?

SPOILERS hehe

💤Sleepycore💤 ~ What is it like going to bed with your F/O? How do they sleep?

He’s clingy. Bad nights he takes a ton of pills and good luck waking his ass. Worst nights, night terrors, although those are pretty rare.

[moookar]

What would the Exiled crew (yes even Lionel 🙄) be for Halloween

OHOH this is a fun one ty Ilysm. Halloween doesn't exist here but we will pretend they have all our modern conceptions and culture around it

I am so sorry to do this to you but I don't think Caparal would dress up. As a kid he probably did some halfassed costumes. Basic stuff, spider, wizard, idefk. When he was 8 he realized that there's a cheat code for this holiday which is "just go as a sheet ghost" and he abused that. He stopped getting in costume entirely when he was 14.

First Halloween after they met (let's say they're post-story here so Caparal and Rye can interact without Caparal either giving one word responses or frothing at the mouth how much he wants to strangle this man), Rye asks Caparal what he's going as. Caparal gives a noncommital shrug and says, "Well, I dodged any invites to Halloween parties, so I don't have to."

The pain and confusion that briefly flashes across Rye's face here is enough to make Caparal completely reconsider it just for his sake.

Rye loves Halloween. He spends hours and hours dreaming up costumes, agonizing over what to go as, etc. (In the second + third iteration of his character, he was actually a tailor!) You are prroobably surprised by this, but it'll make more sense once I tell you that he's so convinced that it'll make him look stupid he never once goes as anything. He has even kind of half convinced himself that no, he doesn't actually like it, because holidays are for children who haven't learned the cruel realities of the world or whatever haha.

So yeah, Rye was confused and pained because his question (which if Caparal knew Rye's internal context of, would have considered it an insult) was responded to with an "I don't want to" rather than a "I can't", which broke his brain a bit.

Don't worry, though, Delayne convinced them to get in costume!

Delayne didn't make Rye, but the threat of her disappointment was motivation to briefly overcome his weird internalized bullshit.

Rye goes as a character from a play, I think. Someone tragic. I'm imagining him finally in costume and tearing up in the mirror like those "I just put on a binder for the first time!" videos. It's really well made, too. He spent a lot of time on it.

Caparal's a sheet ghost, obviously.

Delayne considers matching with Rye even though she didn't really like the play, but when she suggested it and there was somehow more panic in his eyes she backed off.* I think she'd go as something water themed. Paint some scales on her face with kohl or something. It doesn't have much significance to her--she just went with whatever seemed fun!

(* he was scared of the vulnerability that comes with matching costumes. If she pushed, he would have accepted it gladly)

Lionel also isn't one much for costumes (too stressed! Ach, you want him to have another event he has to prepare for?). If gently prodded, he would, though. He'd go as famous poets or philosophers... this guy is such a nerd. Jester you're going to hate me for that one.

Andrea goes as classics (ghosts, witches, etc) but also some not-so-classics. I could see her as a lion. Those are probably her favorite animal. (🚨🚨 ALERT ALERT. NO RELATION TO THE MAN NAMED LIONEL. THIS IS JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS LION ENERGY. THE NAMES OF THIS ANIMAL AND THE PIECE OF SHIT BEING SIMILAR ARE AN UNFORTUNATE COINCIDENCE🚨🚨)

Character I still have not named from Rye's past would go as a wizard which is just their sense of humor. Holy shit I think this might be the first solid fact I've ever told you about them? I really need to name them damn

Thank you for the ask and thank you for reading ily <3

[lesbiancharliedalton]

idefk how long to wait anymore either. i'm like pretty sure i just have bad allergies right now bc 1. i live in chicago and my allergies have been so much worse since moving here and 2. taking an allergy medication made me feel better and also 3. i tested negative for covid and never even see my roommate who has it bc she like wakes up when i go to sleep and then goes to bed at like 8 PM. and we don't really hang out. and she's been quarantining in her room/wearing a mask in common areas when she does emerge but obviously we live in the same apartment so it's like. hello. idk i guess i'll just keep taking a test every day until it leaves.

my other roommate had it a few months ago and i literally hung out with her the night before she got sick and i never got sick or tested positive or anything. she just went over and stayed with her infected boyfriend instead. crazy

[dangerouslyclosetothesurface]

Saturday

Time to revisit Point Reyes Lighthouse!

Last time I did this ride was 1) by myself 2) on the black bike idefk what ratio 3) with a front brake 4) during a prolific time of riding wherein I rode daily for work because I was shuttling passports to and from consulates downtown for Travel Visa Pro (dat $13/h life. got me fit tho) 5) with no knowledge of what I would encounter (ignorance is bliss) 6) it was foggy and cold the whole time and I fell at least once on a cow gate. More details can be found here, on this very blog.

Today's Strava log

Today, I set off with Nate at 6:40ish in the morning. Same bicycles as last week's adventure. I rode black bike (46x17) and Nate rode mog. This time we did not have to carry bikepacking supplies as we intended it to be a day trip.

Leaving the house / Sunny Sausalito

It was a pretty smooth ride getting over to Marin. It was damp and foggy until we got to Sausalito. Instead of taking the dreadful boardwalk, Nate led us on a parallel way that was less annoying. Thus we got to Camino Alto pretty smoothly. After Camino Alto, we were in Larkspur, where we stopped to get breakfast at Equator. Three pastries and a small coffee.

Continued on Magnolia Ave, then followed the bike route through those towns that I never remember which one is which. As we were going into Ross, Nate had a sealant splattering onto his back and seat tube, which I initially thought was some sort of glitter or Plumbago flowers that he rode through (but it was not). The sealant was able to somewhat seal the puncture and retain tire pressure, and we made it through Ross, San Anselmo, Fairfax, and whatever other towns, up White Hill, through Samuel P. Taylor, up Olema Hill, to Olema, where Nate put a Dynaplug, more sealant, and borrowed a floor pump from the Marin Century (it was happening today! No relation/overlap with us).

Marin Century sign outside of Due West Cafe aka ripoff Cafe

We refilled water in Olema, then set off to lighthouse. The route there started out pretty chill. Sunny, mixed coast live oak forest, pretty flat. Went through Inverness Park and Inverness, then a horrible climb out of Inverness, and then back to chill vibes (flat, plus the weather was literally getting chill because coastal fog).

Halfway up the steep climb out of Inverness / At the top of the climb an encouraging sign making me feel a little closer to my destination

Note the change in weather

We passed the allee of Monterey cypress. Then it became "rolling" hills. Saw a lot of Grindelia and yellow Eschscholzia. Baccharis and Lupinus. Acmispon. One small area of Mimulus (possibly M. guttatus?). Cows. Mostly I was focused on the hills and the fog and going over the cow gates, and the myriad cars that passed us/hesitated to pass (very annoying, but I understand single-lane curving road logic).

Nate sympathy-zigzagging up the hill / Me walking up the hill

The last few miles or so, we encountered a climb that was so steep I had to walk my bike, and Nate and I traded bikes. On the mog, it was doable but I definitely blacked out what happened. I vaguely remember there was a bit of drifting sand (not a problem on these 35+mm tires also there was a narrow unsanded pavement strip to go through), and there was a lot of wind, which literally shook me and I was so scared and was clenching the brakes on the mog with fear. I rode the mog the rest of the way.

Nate on my bike / Finally made it; Nate back on the mog.

Eventually we made it to the lighthouse and then walked to the lighthouse and walked down and back up the allegedly challenging 313 steps. The steps were nothing compared to biking all the damn hills. I can't believe I ever did this ride in 2016. And I did the damn steps.

The fog is unreal. Remind me not to come here in February.

After taking a moment to refill water, eat a shitty croissant we bought in Olema, and eat a Maurtens (yes I know Maurtens has a reputation for being pretentious and/or extra, but they have now saved me twice so I support the hype), we headed back the way we came. Instead of Bear Valley Road, we took Shoreline Hwy to Point Reyes Station to get some food.

Cows observing me suffering

We got to Point Reyes Station after 2pm so no more farmer's market / Free calls to get God's Blessing, and other services.

We sat on a bench and ate a sandwich, havea chips, ritter raisin and hazelnut, beverage, and water. Then continued on. My stupid bibs and saddle were combo attacking my "soft tissue" so we stopped again in Lagunitas at the store, where we got a strawberry lemonade. Then stopped in Fairfax for more water at Splitrock. Then stopped again in Larkspur for more water at Equator. Then finally suffered some more and made it home while I complained and prayed for a swift death the entire time. I guess that's one good thing about me riding solo-- got no one to complain to so I just shut up and bear it. My hands were literally pruny from sweating. Gripping the bars on descents was the other major workout aside from climbing.

Almost home (on the Marin side of the bridge) / Home so tired

Notes on climbs:

I still have trouble getting up Arguello into the Presidio, but I can do it, if I zig-zag my bike and go super slowly.

Camino Alto is longer than I think, but it's not a grind. I just have unnecessary dread. The descent was fine because there was no traffic today.

White Hill aka Sir Francis Drake where the equestrian center is: still hard. It's a grind. A bunch of roadies passed me and I don't care. The descent is still terrifying as well. Veryyyyy long.

Getting out of Samuel P. Taylor and going to Olema: still hard. I feel that it might be shorter, and I like that it's not as winding, but it's a grind. Descending it is also awful.

That last hill that I remember from last time coming out of Inverness is as bad as I remembered. It is the worst of the hills encountered along this ride. Last time I mentioned that I had to walk it. Today I managed to ride the whole way up, and that is a triumph. I did stop at the brief moment where it was flat (before the arrow sign). Everything after the sign was steep AF. I saw cars driving up and I saw them getting more inclined. I had to seriously zig-zag across both lanes while the lanes were empty. Made it, though. Descent was also so long and painful.

Oh ALSO, that "last" hill isn't even the last hill! How on earth did I deceive myself into thinking that there were only 3 major hills on this ride??? I guess I blacked out from the difficulty last time. There was one hill on the way to lighthouse that was kind of a switchback? At the bottom of the hill there was a ranch gate. I don't even remember.

Then there was another hill at the fork of Chimney Rock and Lighthouse (obviously we went towards Lighthouse). I literally had to walk up this. I don't even care. There was no way I was gonna get up there. I went until I lost momentum and had to put my foot down. And then I could not do any more. I tried to get back on the bike and failed. Okay actually THIS hill is the worst one of today. This is where we traded bikes.

On the way back: first two cowgates there was a hill that was so fucking steep I could not believe it. I did it though. I think this or the next one may have been the one where I stopped and ate my hardboiled eggs last time.

Then there was another hill that I remember descending and my legs moving faster than they have ever moved in life LMAO, and I think that was the one where two guys we saw at the lighthouse passed us and said "good job" to me. Bro thank you. I fully accept and need this support.

Literally can't remember any more hills because I blacked them all out. Oh wait the one coming back out of Olema. That's where in 2016 someone asked me if I was ok because I stopped out of fatigue/pain. That one has always sucked. I hate it. Okay, it's actually not THAT bad. Compared to some of the other ones I experienced today.

Then coming out of San Geronimo on the back side of White Hill? Cakewalk. Easy peasy.

Camino Alto was fine going southbound. I counted in Swedish to distract myself. This was a technique I used to use during warmups at the track to distract from suffering.

Alexander Ave/coming out of Sausalito: gunned it the fuck out of that corner where the guy one time told me "your ass is going to get too big if you keep riding fixed gear" and I said "there is no such thing as an ass that is too big", a story which i shouted at the top of my lungs today when I was going up that short distance.

Then I suffered thru all the way to the bridge by talking to myself out loud. I did a lot of that today actually. Gotta stay motivated.

Okay I have no more notes for now and I may upload photos later but I didn't get too many due to being too busy complaining/suffering. I am now going to eat a burrito and nachos from Underdogs because Nate picked up some just now thank you sweet angel.

Edit: I could not sleep cuz I got mildly sunburnt lol. Photos uploaded.