#if anyone says this to me

[razables]

fwiends…

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[qrowpilled]

hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month

[caladbolg]

he is wearing a girdle

[teaboot]

Me, parking lot security: Do you have any ID on you today

Person I just found keying someone’s car: I’m sorry I’m autistic

Me: Cool, me too. So a driver’s license, regional ID, anything…?

Person, now crying: I can’t get in trouble I have an anxiety disorder can I just go I have really bad anxiety

Me: Yeah me too, I feel you. But you see the car’s owner will need information to file for insurance so again if I can get your name

Person: I literally have anxiety so bad I can’t do this

Me: Listen I’m not a cop, I can’t force you to stick around, but if you do wanna help with this and you’re not gonna run then eventually someone will need to know what your name is. Can you take a few deep breaths with me

Person: (crying harder) please I’m literally autistic

Me:

Me: So again I am also autistic

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

[barefeet-only]

Danny and Damian are related, with a twist.

Danny is the son of Talia Al Ghul, however he is NOT the son of Bruce Wayne. Ra’s has had his eyes on various people across the world that have either impressed him or show a unique skill set that he’d like to have. One such person was under the both categories and he got Talia to collect a DNA sample and as a result Danny was born.

This was before Bruce’s time with the League by a few years, but very quickly Danny was not meeting expectations. And by the time Bruce did show up Ra’s had lost all interest in Danny, moving on to better things.

Talia always hated Danny because she was forced to have him with a man who she never liked in the first place. Furthermore, because his skillset was lacking she found that even more reason for her distain. In her eyes, he wasn’t worth even considering her blood.

Danny, knowing that he was doomed if he didn’t make an escape, left the league sometime around when Bruce was moving up the ranks and was making waves within the organization. Perfect timing honestly, any attention he might have had was quickly gone when this prodigy showed up.

Danny escaped the League and went into hiding quickly after, settling on a rural area of the United States after bouncing around countries for a few months. This was mainly because Jasmine Fenton saw a young boy pick pocketing strangers while her family was visiting Chicago and scolded him. Her mother and father saw the boy and also lectured him to which Danny responded it was his only option (he was trying to get this loud family off his back so he could sneak away). Eventually the Fentons decide that if he has nowhere to go he might as well go with us, and Danny decides blending in with a Nuclear Family is the best way to ensure that his peaceful life away from the League stays that way. Oh how little did he know.

Flash forward a few years, Talia, who was visiting Gotham to check on Damian, sees a glimpse of a boy (now man) she thought she had forgotten. Her blood runs cold, if this abomination is in Gotham then her son is likely in danger and she would never let anything happen to Damian.

[ferocioustrout]

sending an ask when u have ocd is so scary like what if in that one ask i called that person 9 slurs and misgendered them and killed their mother

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hey now, Let her cook!

[retquits]

unfortunate news everyone i'm being told that apparently the only way to get really good at something you haven't tried before is to in fact try

[miss-jaye]

cw: slightly suggestive when nanami kento saw his wife about to leave the house in a stunning, tight sundress, he swore his whole world stopped for a moment.

“honey?”

“hm?” you glanced at him, then looked back at the mirror, trying not to stab yourself with your earring. nanami cleared his throat. “where are you going?” he asked as he walked over, standing behind you and sliding his hands around your waist.

“i’m having lunch with my friends, sweetie. i told you that this morning, remember?” you raised a brow, confused. your husband nodded dazedly, his eyes glued to your figure.

“right.” he swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “where are you going to have lunch?” he asked, his hands gently roaming over your body, feeling the fabric of the dress he so badly wanted to tear off you.

“that cafe we always go to…” you trailed off, finally securing your earring. “are you okay?” you met his gaze through the mirror. “i do this once a month—same place, same people.”

he nodded, humming in acknowledgment. you stayed silent for a moment, trying to figure out what had him so distracted. now that your earring was in place, you became hyper-aware of his hands, their slow, deliberate movements over your hips, squeezing in that familiar way that told you he was restraining himself from acting on his desires.

oh.

a blush crept up your cheeks as you realized nanami hadn’t seen this dress on you yet. you’d just bought it last week and forgot to show him. “kento?”

you called out to him, but he seemed too entranced by the way the dress clung to your curves. he leaned in closer, burying his nose in your neck, his hands trailing down to squeeze your thighs.

you let out a startled moan, hastily covering your mouth. he inhaled deeply, the scent of your perfume overwhelming his senses.

“your friends won’t mind if you’re a few minutes late, right?”

[limbcom]

"Holding your hand doesn't have to mean that I accept your friendship," the liar said to the truthful, trying to lie in front of the only person who understands his intentions.

He knows, of course, that the liar did not lie. For the liar is also the truthful.

[soliadiaz]

shut UP he has a pic of 118 with "we'll miss you" in a big picture frame 😭😭

they made him a goodbye gift and scribbled some wishes 🥹 and that is a pic from henren's wedding. and in each number we got a pair: buddie in 1, bathena in another 1 and henren in 8 🥹🫶

also a small pic with his father right beside it is vicious 💀

[secondbeatsongs]

I love the rodeo (bc of the danger and violence and hot cowboys ofc), but I have to emphasize just how comically, performatively patriotic it is at all times.

like. jesus. tonight after the announcer got done introducing the bullriders, he leaned into the mic and said, "And now we bring on the most precious cowgirl of all: Old Glory" and someone on a horse rode out carrying a giant american flag, and just...fuck. what the fuck.

the most precious cowgirl of all

and I was sitting there silently losing it, but then the horse reared up and the rider dropped the flag?? and the horse kinda stomped on it, and cowboys were running around trying to pick it up, but the flag was visibly dirt-stained by the time they got it off the ground.

and the cowboys were looking upset but the announcer said don't worry, it was fine, but that we should all ask for forgiveness, as if dropping a flag is an actual sin rather than just a weird american one, and holy shit. I wish I was funny enough to make up stuff like this. god bless america

[papanowo]

what is their problem like actually

[recklessmoss]

They need to invent a "I have to voice my needs & wants otherwise people won't know them." that doesn't put me through the same emotions as the first caveman being hunted by a sabertooth tiger.