#if i go and see it again itll be just to make sure i didnt hallucinate the absynth number tho

[curiousserpent]

somtimes i randomly remember that absynth number in moulin rouge...

[autism-corner]

smh

[tobyisave]

acting lessons

this is for my chapter 5 au... I tried to compose a toxic doomed yaoi saiouma essay in the tags just now but it went over the tag limit (mortifying) so I'm just going to paste it under the cut!!

////cw for suicide of course. also heads up my version of saiouma is almost completely one sided 👍🏼

#look.. in my mind there is no world where shuichi truly comes around on kokichi #but there is TOTALLY a world where he feels eternally fucked up and guilty about assisting in his suicide #and cant bring himself to hate anymore #cant bring himself to reject the casual but blatantly self-indulgent touches of the boy hes about to murder in the most excruciating way possible #just let him have his fun #let him squeeze your shoulder a little too long #its the least you can do when hes about to let his entire body be turned into an unrecognizable puddle of gore #you dont have to pretend you like it. he KNOWS you dont like it. just let it happen & soon enough itll be over and youll never have to see him again #youll never be *able* to see him again. nothing left of him to even call a body #fucking unidentifiable #god. #(to be clear i dont approve of that logic at all but i sure think shuichi would feel that way)

#its like oumota but worse because (to me) shuu has completely written him off by ch5 and doesnt even need the poison blackmailing to agree #its shuichis low point after all hes fully suicidal and thinks kokichi is the mastermind who destroyed humanity's last hope #he doesnt have time to recalculate his opinion before its too late #he agrees almost immediately #but the closer it gets the less he can justify it #like god this guy fills me with rage and we would never ever in a million years get along but hes also a warm breathing human being #and hes in love with me or something and i just agreed to kill him. EAGERLY! #to his FUCKING FACE #yes i openly hated him already. and yes he didnt even blink when i told him i could kill him #if anything he looked happy! #but god how could i just say that to someone? how did it get this bad? #and how is he still giving me finger hearts through the camera while we test out angles for his fucking DEATH VIDEO #maybe just maybe its because he really thinks this will save us. but maybe he just wants to die #and i dont even know if that makes a difference anymore #et cetera……..

#like i said im not a saiouma guy in the traditional sense but #i do like pathetic clingy kokichi x shuichi who hates himself for harboring genuine malice towards him #(justified malice) #but is too self doubting to take the reins and stop the horrible thing theyve already set in motion

#meeting the same fate as kaede because he THOUGHT he was agreeing to kill the mastermind #when in reality it was really just a cagey guy who was trying to do the EXACT same thing and made the mistake of going it alone #and now that guy who couldve been his ally is dead and he has to pretend hes ok and lie to his friends to derail this trial #for this stupid idiotic plan he let himself get blindly swept up in #that was never going to work in the first place #he knew it was full of holes he knew ouma was full of shit #he knew himself he knew he'd buckle under the pressure of the trial #but he didnt say a thing #it was so much easier to go with it. he just wanted it to be fucking over with #well its not over. the game continues and kokichi is dead and for what #didnt lift a fucking finger #fucking idiot coward bottom of the barrel piece of shit. GOD #i dont know man. it's just real kill yourself hours for shuichi after this one

[coriphallus]

DA: The Veilguard Spoiler review pt2 - The Grime

this is a hard one to tackle without strawmaning anyone because itll be a direct response to alot of defense ive seen for the games morality system so ill just start by saying, iykyk

never a genre has been better equipped to discuss ethics than the interactive medium of games and yes, bioware games have been doing it since baldurs gate and no, theyve not always been 'centrist' and 'conservative'. im not even gonna entertain that idea. do you remember the cultural landscape DA:O released to? the landscape it was developed in? dont give me that just because zevran doesnt write in his little notes -that you can conveniently read- 'gay good. not me but me bisexual'

Thedas is a flawed world and its a world thats just as desperate to hang on to its status quo as our own. every time you play an elf thats thriving, or a human thats queer, or a mage thats not institutionalised you exist in a world that doesnt want you, it is an act of defiance that you do.

im sure we can all see why these games were so popular with the audience they can only weakly try to pander to today.

derailing time again; so one of my favourite paintings of all time is saturn devouring his son. it makes me feel so uncomfortable that it gave me nightmares as a child, and i still cant look at it without feeling this knot in my throat. i hate it. i hate how it makes me feel, how that man looks at me in terror like its begging me for help while cannibalising another. weird story but i was bewitched by that painting as a little kid.

it is not a well drawn painting, the proportions are all over the place, brush strokes crude and inelegant. it doesnt even have a deeper story nor was it intended for an audience. i will never know what goya thought of when drawing it.

i thought alot about that painting later in my life when i was struggling with mental health problems, i thought about goya alot too as an adult and after learning about his life. i stared at his paintings and remembered when i told my dad that i hated [saturns] big eyes and hed jokingly said "it would be scarier if he didnt have eyes"

i know what the drawing looks like now, nearly everyone with a little access to the internet does. if somebody removed saturn from it, we'd still be left with a brutalised headless carcass of a man in a canvas too big for itself. if we removed that too all we'd be left with would be void.

i dont want to live in a world where all i know of goya is his rococo work, i dont want to stare at the painting of a void knowing what filled it before. i hated every second of germinale but i never wanted it to be anything other than itself, the story it tells could never hold credence otherwise.

DAV has done its best to paint over it, but its still on the old canvas and i cant look away from the negative space its left, i know whats under it and it unsettles me, infuriates me. it hands me a palette with baby blues and pinks and tells me to paint over it to make a prettier painting. didnt i hate the eyes? wasnt it gross before?

i am not going to write why we need some grime in art, but its absence is disheartening. and to those who say hanged people in the streets or blighted villagers is dark and mature ill say no. its a kids idea of maturity, its the aesthetic of it with no substance. it means nothing to me if rook can just drench themselves in gallons of blight as they crawl through it. the horror of blight has never been the black goo and slimy tentacles, or the monster woman with way too many tits. it is watching people you love slowly fade away, it is a woman who was forced to cannibalise the contaminated flesh of her friends because the woman she loved betrayed her, it was the sheer scale and inevitability of it.

one area we go to is overrun by it and the game begs me to feel hopeful that flowers are growing again when it never let me lose hope. people have already prevailed, they have roofs over their heads and a steady supply of food on their tables. their spirit is unwavering.

its bad, everybody says. the sky is grey and soil is blackened, as my rook turns some statues to access a haunted house whos inhabitants are long gone and the only story they could ever tell is gone with them.

if the question is do i want to see famine? plague? misery? abuse? assault? the answer is yes. yes. i want to see it all of the filth. i rather face the fucking monster head on with its big bulging eyes and misshapen limbs than stare at the abyss its absence leaves on the canvas.

and if nothing else, this bastardization is disrespectful to the people who gave the IP its fame.

Why choose to be good?

back in the bsn days ive wondered why, even in a fictional universe where your choices have no real-life repercussions what-so-ever, players had more 'good' playthroughts than 'bad'?

what happens when you start killing NPCs, when youre needlessly mean to them? the game actively closes off its own content. you get less out of the game. just as, completely incidentally, you'd get less out of your life if you just started killing everyone around you. The world would be emptier, youd be alone.

in that quote i stole from good place chidi doesnt ask "why be good?" the wording is painfully deliberate. doing good is always a choice, and often not the easy one. what makes the act matter is that you chose to do it, even when given 6 other options not to. did i stop in the middle of an important quest to help a man retrieve an heirloom from a darkspawn infested hut? did i hear what that heirloom meant to him?

i cant stop thinking about that speech ever since playing this game after knowing its predecessors.

So, why do it then? Why choose to be good, every day, if there is no guaranteed reward we can count on, now or in the afterlife? I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.

i cant stop looking at this game that spits on its own legacy and think how could they have missed what fundamentally makes us human so bad, what makes us relate and empathise with eachother. what makes us pick the option to interact with an npc who openly hates what hawke is, and allow us to see the traumatised man underneath.

these characters of fiction are written by real people. i have absolutely nothing in common with a guy from canada yet for a brief moment in time i feel a sense of camaraderie as ive felt with goya that i couldnt articulate as a kid.

Nothing too terrible

DAV says it over and over again -as its wont to do with every piece of its flimsy morality- that people can change, people can be redeemed yet it shines as the game with most static characters in its franchise. it simply says things, and since it has nothing to show for it it makes sure to say it repeatedly, in case you missed it.

so when i first played DAO i was in high school, i started with a human noble because fresh out of dark side edgy kotor fame i wanted to be a posh brat. also because, ya kno, we were poor my entire life up until that point and i wanted to have power.

i committed to it, even as the game stripped cousland of everything he had, because i thought a man like him would. i picked the racist options, the sexist options, the options a man in couslands place would. halfway point of the game as i exhausted the initial dialogues something happened; this man who got paid to kill people, who showed no remorse nor care for his victims, begged my cousland to stil his blade.

and i did. i thought maybe he would be as confused as i was, maybe he had a moment of clarity but from thereon bit by bit he was less of an asshole. the characters grew around me, and my character grew around them. i chose to be good because -textually- we were in this together, at the end of all things.

rook is not a character, theyre a mascot. and quite frankly i think they may be a very evangelical mascot because they remind me of evangelical preachings of jesus more than the man from the bible (and i say this as someone whos only exposure to christianity has been through foreign media and the bible ive read that one time). they are the epitome of do no evil and their existence hinges on the frail concept of moral purity. theyre not a person trying to do good, who wants to be good, they are 'good'

-and lemme tell you its a wild choice to have someone like that locked in a prison of 'regret'-

rook can be mean to only one person in the game, and thats someone they dont even have a personal beef with for the most part. but even then they would be shouting at a wall because the game doesnt only undermine them with its narrative, but also every npc in the game suddenly gets possessed by the ghost of wattpad rejects past for a moment to tell them everyone can be redeemed. and i believe it because i played the other games, i believe it because i know zevran and sten and morrigan, isabela and thom and iron bull and dorian. i know it because i can see the vague shapes behind the new coat of paint but i am not rook.

so no, the game fails to get people-can-change points by its own merit, and it cannot gain points from its prequels because it destroyed them. none of those characters i watched grow exist in this universe. zevran cant exist with DAV crows, fenris` story cant exist in an imperium with invisible slaves only glimpsed through empty cages and broken chains left scattered on the ground. i dont know which morrigan this NPC is, is it the woman who grew to learn kindness, who begged to sleep with her friend just to save them despite knowing it would play into the plans of a destiny she so desperately tried to break free from? or is she the clever puppet her mother groomed her to be who wanted to harness the power of a god? i dont know her, i dont know this dorian or this isabela beyond their names ipso facto this is not a sequel.

bellara asks an assassin why he is trying to save the world and his answer is "ive done some things in the past im not too proud of. nothing too terrible, but some of it was bad." and i can hear the games desperation for me to not engage with its material in that 'nothing too terrible'

lucanis never killed anyone innocent, taash never harmed an animal they could shoo of or reason with, emmrich venerates the dead and is friends with every wisp he pulls to use in menial labour, davrin joined the wardens willingly because he wanted to do good...

rook tells harding that her anger is justified when shes not even allowed anger of her own.

nothing too terrible.

aside from creating boring and nonsensical and static characters it creates a dreadful echochamber that we're forced to sustain. No taash is not valid, their gender is but their behaviour is not and for the character to grow and mature it needs to be addressed. lucanis doesnt need to be pampered in shock blankets he needs to see how repressing his problems and jeopardising his health puts people around him in danger etc etc. they are adults and they need to learn more complex ways of healing. and if rooks flaw is that theyre an enabler, then that needs to be acknowledged by the narrative in some way too, and not mindlessly endorsed because they say some buzzwords.

none of these interpersonal relationships feels real because none of these people feel real beyond some draft of themes and tropes. some interactions literally remind me of two bots in facebook comments

i look at this dialogue wheel with familiar symbols and all im reminded of is hawke telling carver he carries every death with him, of him telling his uncle that he wasnt fast enough, of him begging the person he loves to tell him that his mothers death wasnt his fault.

and they dont. they just sit there with him.

[z0mb13xxxx]

an unhealthy obsession

synopsis: you work at a your towns local gym, its small but it has the most members, tons of people coming in and out, but this one guy has you wrapped around his finger….

tag: afab!reader, reiner braun, gym rat reiner, smut, NEW WRITER

word count: 2,247

it was a normal day in your shift. most days where like this, you worked 5 days out of the week, 8 hour shifts, but unfortunately for you. your boss schedules you for second shift, one of the most busiest shifts especially at the gym. people just getting out of work and coming straight to the gym. not only that but you guys carried tanning and other amenities too so that was busy. you showed up to your job monster in hand, wearing black shorts and a black t-shirt that has STAFF written in the back in bright orange coloring, as well as your orange and white name tag that states “y/n”

walking in, you’re greeted by your co-worker. “afternoon y/n! your gym crush is here” they say, wiggling their brows. all you can do is chuckle and roll your eyes. going into the break room to set your stuff down, you take a sip of your monster and breath out. “it’ll be fine..just another day, itll go by fast then you can leave and lay in bed again…” you say, trying to keep your head up

walking out into the lobby area, you spot him…your “gym crush”. even though you denied it countless of times. whenever he was here you always coincidentally walked around the gym to make sure “things where neat” as you said. but secretly you were just walking around to get a good look at him. it also seemed like whenever you were on shift or were near him he would always try to show off, maybe it was in your head but damn he always seemed to be so extra.

seeing as nobody was around to help him you walk towards him with a cocky smile, you always tried to flirt with him. yes very unprofessional but he never seemed to mind. it almost seemed like he liked it? maybe it was again, all in your head but it seemed like he was also flirting with you. “yes reiner? how may i assist you?” you say. almost snarky. “really? gonna talk to your favorite member here like that? ouch…” he said with a chuckle and a grin, “nah im playin doll. i need a bar pad.” the pet name made you shiver, he always called you doll and everytime it always made you shudder. “reiner…tsk tsk.. i dunno… do you really deserve it?” you say bending down towards the cabinet where you keep all of the extra equipment

you wouldn’t be lying if you didn’t admit that every time you bent down to grab a bar pad for him you would try and show off your ass extra to him. standing back up and towards him you hand him the bar pad, he grabs it gently out of your hands. “y’know reiner. its so funny, you always come up here and ask for the bar pad but you know where they are, you also know you’re more then welcome to just grab it yourself. eren and jean do it all the time.” you say, resting your hands on your hips. “i’m aware. i just like talking to you. id be lying if i didn’t say you where my favorite staff.” he stated. the comment making you blush slightly, you giggle in response, “that thing about you being my favorite member, how do you know that to be true? what if i hate your guts?” you say, walking towards him slightly pointing your finger towards his chest

he hisses jokingly. “tsk. ouch. really didnt know we were being like that” he said raising a brow, hovering over you slightly he states “dont lie doll i know you’re in love with me, i see the way you look at me” that comment alone gets your face all red. the size of him does not help either. you look away, laughing as you back up to help out another member. “go away reiner. do your workout!” you say swaying your hands away, not only did you need to actually help out another member, you just wanted to avoid the conversation alone. he makes you so fucking nervous its insane.

as you’re helping another member, you notice out of your peripheral vision that he is still standing behind the desk, with that smug look on his fucking face. fuck. as the member leaves you look towards him. “yes?” you say. “whatcha doin later?”, your heart races, fuck fuck fuck. why would he ask you this!? “nothing…? i plan on going to bed” you giggle awkwardly, “what time you get off?” again, your heart is RACING you can fucking feel it getting louder and faster, “i get off around 8. you dont plan on following me home and kidnapping me do you?” he laughs “no no, i was wondering if you wanted to go on a date? aside all the bullshit, i really am interested in you, i wanna take a pretty girl like you out, hows that sound doll?” you can feel your knees getting weak “um…y-yeah! that sounds great!” you state, trying not to sound to excited. “great. how about my house? we can watch a movie? i can make us some dinner or we can order take out?” he grabs a piece of paper and pen from the desk, writing down his address and putting his phone number down “holy shit holy shit this is actually happening what the fuck,what the fuck!!” you thought to yourself, he slides the paper towards you, winking he walks away “see you around 9:45 babe. text me with your address and when you’re ready, ill be at your place to get you” walking away, you stare at him, flustered as fuck you look towards your co-worker who witnessed all of that.

“holy shit..so are you gonna go!?” she says “fuck pieck..you know im gonna, ive had an unhealthy obsession with him for like ever! oh my god i cant believe this.” you squeal. before you know it, its already 8, clocking out and grabbing your things you walk to your car, fumbling with your keys you get in and drive to your apartment. parking and walking into your house you check the time and its 8:12 enough time to shower and get ready. you turn on some music, take off your work clothes and hop in the shower. before leaving work you had shot reiner a message letting him know it was you. finishing up with your shower you get out, dry your hair and get ready, putting on some spandex shorts, and a graphic t-shirt, you had no clue how far this was gonna go so you wanted to be comfortable, if it was a restaurant you would’ve dressed nicer but honestly you didnt care. sitting at your makeup table you put on some mascara and put your hair up into a claw clip.

checking your phone to see the time, its around 9:15, you took a long ass shower because you wanted to make sure everything was perfect for him. i mean fuck. its been years since you went on a date so you wanted to be perfect. looking at your phone you notice time is going by fairly slow. “it wouldn’t hurt to shoot him a message..maybe he wont mind coming early?” going to the messages app you text him

you: hey!! im finished getting ready you wanna come now?

9:20….you stare at your phone to see he read it but no response…maybe this was a mistake? fuck….ping!!! you hear looking right away

reiner: Sure. Im omw.

holy shit this is happening, you stand up, sliding into some crocs, because again, you’re just gonna be at his house so why dress nice? plus, if things go south it’ll be pretty easy for him to slide off your clothes. feeling a vibration from your phone, its a message from him stating that he’s there. shit your heart is racing, this is happening. after months of dreaming about this, you get up grabbing your bag and keys, locking the door you walk downstairs to the front, noticing him standing outside, leaning on the hood of his black truck he lifts his head up from him phone and grins, waving at you.

fuck. he looks so delicious in those grey sweats. staring at him you walk in front of him and smile. “guess we both had the same idea of dressing comfy?” you state. nodding he walks to the passenger side opening the door you hop in and he shuts it, getting into the drivers side he starts the truck and looks over at you. “so. what are your boundaries? id like to get this out of the way so i know how to make you comfortable” he says. placing your hands in your lap you look back at him “i’m pretty comfortable with anything honestly. i haven’t been on a date in over 2 years so i’m pretty touch starved” you state, he smiles and nods, turning on some music he places his hand against the passenger head rest and looks back as he reverses. putting his truck into drive he starts heading to his place, placing a hand on your thigh, a little to close to your heat but you don’t mind. this action alone make you assume you’re definitely getting some tonight

arriving at his house you place your hand on the door handle. as he lightly taps your thigh you jump and look at him in confusion. “ah ah..have some respect doll. the man always opens the door” he says taking his keys out if the ignition and getting out to open your door. holding his hand out you take it and step out of the truck, shutting the door you walk towards the front door. his hand on the small of your back he unlocks the door and lets you in first, you are immediately welcomed with the aroma of steak. “wow smells so good!! did you cook before you got me?” you say looking up at him. “yeah i wanted to kinda make sure everything was all ready so we didn’t have to wait”

as time passes you guys are huddled up on the couch, you’re in his lap passionately kissing him. the movie playing in the background, food not even touched. as his hands rest on your hips, you grind against him, testing the waters you hear a low groan come from his throat. pulling away to catch your breath, he leans into the side of your neck leaving small kisses, sighing softly, you rest your hands on his shoulder, continuing to grind gently. “fuck…you keep doing that and im gonna go wild doll..” practically making you limp in his hands you pull away and look at him “go wild then” you smirk

as he picks you up he heads to his room, laying you down on his bed, he steps back and takes a look at you, his growing erection begging to be let out of his sweats. “fuck. you okay with this? i don’t wanna push you..” he looks at you, trying to find some sort of hesitation in you. “you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting this reiner..fuck..just please give it to me.” he practically moans at your words, getting on his knees he pulls off your spandex and panties, staring at your glistening wet cunt in awe, he looks up at you again. gently placing a finger against your fold. “fuuuck…you’re so wet for me sweetheart” melting into his thick finger like putty, you moan at his statement. inserting one of his digits into your cunt, he leans down and licks your clit gently “mm so good..” he groans into your cunt. the vibrations making you moan louder then you already where. “gotta prep you first before i give you this cock doll..is that okay?” you nod, “i need a actual response from you.” he demands “yes reiner. fuck yes just keep going” that statement in its self was enough to make him pull off his sweats and pound into your tight pussy

as he continues to gently suck on your clit, he inserts another one of his digits into your cunt, loving the way you suck him in, he curls his fingers against your spongy walls, earning a deliciously loud moan from you. his fingers are thick, thick enough to hit you in all the right spots. “i’m gonna give it to you so good that no other guy can fuck you like i can” he groans into your pussy, finger your pussy faster, sucking on your clit harder, you grip his hair, arching your back as you feel the knot in you coming slowly undone “fuck..reiner fuck i’m gonna cum!” you moan out, “mmm yes baby cum, cum on my mouth” he growls, continuing at his pace, you release yourself all over his mouth, you can feel him lapping you up, making obnoxiously loud slurping noises as he chuckles with your moaning. continuing to finger you through your orgasm, he pulls out his fingers, licking them clean, as he stands up he takes one good look at you and chuckles again. “are you ready?” as you look up at him with a worried expression you nod as you glance down at his cock. „fuck how am i gonna take that.„ you thought to yourself

authors note: alright yall! this was my first fic let me know how i did, i feel like i kept this going on for way to long so let me know if you want a part 2 at all!! thanks for reading!!

honorable mentions @sundew199 @wintrrxxo thank you guys for giving me the inspo and being my favorite writers

@z0mb13xxxx please do not use my works for AI related purposes, copy, modify, or steal my works.

[vanderdyks]

I literally dont know how to continue explaining to people that part of the reason Goku decided to stay dead was because Gohan hated fighting.

He didnt know this until cell. He literally had no idea. Gohan NEVER gave any indication whatsoever. Couple that with the fact Bulma pointed out most of people threatening the Earth during that point in time were all people wanting Goku. The saiyans. Frieza. The androids. Doctor Gero. Cell.

All because of Goku. Its not his fault but his very existence consistently put the Earth in danger. He truly believed Earth would be safer without him and therefore, gohan wouldnt be consistently placed into battle.

Because Goku didnt know gohan hated fighting. But once he knew came the very interwoven nature of these threats he brought making his own son fight because gohan felt he HAD to. Not because he wanted to. For goku, protecting the earth always aligned with his own love for fighting. But gohan fought out of necessity, out of the very idea that they couldnt afford to do it without him. He has this power he didnt ask for so he must use it right? Because it would be selfish if he didnt.

But goku... goku thought gohan was like him. Gohan WANTED to return to help fight vegeta. He WANTED to go to namek. He WANTED to stay and fight after piccolo almost died to frieza. Goku didnt see gohan train that first year. Didnt witness what it took to make gohan a fighter. All he saw was his son who now was strong and wanted to join the fight like his dad. And he knows gohan is more powerful than them, knows he can stop cell, FELT IT. Gohan has to defeat cell because no one else can. So he thinks if gohan gets angry enough fighting cell, itll be the answer. Because thats how its always been for goku. And in thirty seconds piccolo makes him realize he's wrong. He doesnt argue back, he listens and concedes and realizes that piccolo is right. And suddenly goku wants to abandon his plan and stop the fight. He made a mistake. He intends to get gohan out. And in the end, he still ended up being right, but it doesnt change what goku now knows. Gohan isnt like him and he doesnt enjoy fighting.

Goku would have NEVER made gohan fight if he thought he didnt want to. You know this whenever adult gohan gets involved in a fight and goku apologizes that he had to. Or when someone suggests gohan for a battle and goku is like nah he's "out of practice," even when they have time FOR PRACTICE. He never wants to force gohan into a situation like cell again. Because cell was a mistake and goku has learned from it. So he never asks Gohan to fight anymore. If Gohan wants in then of course he's in. But he wants his son to be able to choose that. He wants gohan to be HAPPY and if thats not fighting then thats perfectly alright with goku.

So it wasnt just about keeping the earth safe. Or his friends. It was knowing that in the safety of gokus absence, gohan wouldnt have to fight either. There would be less threats, less chances of his son being forced into battle. And sure he also trusted that gohan and the others could keep the earth safe if they had to, but he was banking on the threat level significantly decreasing instead.

And decrease it did. They had seven whole years of peace. Not a single threat. Meanwhile from the moment Raditz shows up to gokus death to cell, it all takes place within the span of FIVE YEARS. The longest they went without a threat was the three year gap spent training for the androids. And they spent every waking moment knowing they were coming.

And then if you look at trunks future... majority of the human population being wiped out by the androids. Majority of gokus friends. His son. All dead. Because of him. Because he defeated the red ribbon army when he was a child. And that very easily could have been their future as well. So Goku does his job in preventing that. He saves all of them. And if hes the only one who ends up dead, well... it doesnt matter. Because they aren't. And he intends to keep it that way. So he stays in otherworld, to keep them safe and to give his son a future that he can choose. If Gohan has to fight, then he can. But at least his father wouldnt be the one bringing the threats to his door.

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 174 spoilers and thoughts that i'm actually kinda happy about but there's just a little bit more that i wish we got to see this ep but possibly maybe itll show up later,,, maybe,,, i hope,,, and more below the cut

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BEFORE WE BEGIN. WOW. HI ALICIA. WOW!!! WOW!!! SIRENS!!! HOLY BINGLE! GOOD MORNING YUOR HIGHNESS UR GORGEOUS. HELLO!!! WOW. YES. ANYTHING YOU SAY MA'AM. YES MY QUEEN OF COURSE ANYTHING YOU SAY

SHE'S GOT ABS AND MUSCLE SHE'S TONED AND HER LEGS R STRONG AND WOW. WOW GOOD MORNING HI. YES. THANK YOU KHS THANK YOU IM,,, WOW,,, I LOVE STRONG WOMEN,,, BEAUTIFUL!!!

ok back to the ep LMFAOO

it seems i kiiinda misunderstood what was happening last ep, everyone relevant to the railroad construction is in the time bubble it's just that javier isn't going up to the mountains with lloyd,,, i see!!!

"i wanna go to him and make sure he's safe" ooogh,,, oh javier,,, u love him sm,,,, ooohhhh

tbh at first i was like, a lil confused that javier didn't go up to check on lloyd esp since javier is so willing to do anything to protect lloyd. its clear too that he knows abt lloyd's heart freezing,,, though i suppose at the same time, javier trusts lloyd's word so much that when the noble says he'll be fine, javier accepts it as he always has,,, either way his desire to run to protect lloyd and his willingness to trust that lloyd will be okay are both very sweet,,, the mutual trust always makes me so happy,,,,,,, ohhh javier ilysm,,,,,,

i am glad then that alicia went up to go check on him and that javier is reassured by this!!! look at his smile ooohhh hehehee

i think choosing to have javier trust his queen instead of sowing conflict btwn the two is rlly nice, tho mostly bc i am biased bc i tend to prefer sweet reliability over infighting,,, he trusts her to take care of lloyd the way javier would take care of lloyd,,, (is this alillovier propaganda? perchance,,, /lh)

it makes so much sense that they'd be on the same wavelength n get along,,, two peas in a pod,,, powerful and clever and oh so loyal to the person that they've come to admire, respect, and love,,, the person that's saved them time and time again,,, heehee,,, truly the besties of all time!!! red and blue!!! i love it a lot!!!

and now for lloyd,,, hehe

i need it to be known that the moment i saw this panel, lloyd wearing alicia's sweater, i yelled and kicked and nearly cried. very loudly. what the hell. THATS SO?? THATS SO. IDEK

still forever thinking abt how javier is always the first one to his mind they truly r the duo ever,,, regardless of whether theyre platonic or romantic they're literally each other's number ones and the first ones they turn to im so. thats so. ghhh my heart,,, (ALSO HI ALICIA)

his stupid face,,, HIS PANELS THIS EP WERE SO SO FUNNY AND SO SO CUTE,,, i love u,,, HE JUST LOOKS SO SHOCKED AAAAHHH SO CUTE,,, wide-eyed and dumbfounded . lloyd i love u

the gags this ep were fucking amazing too HAHA i didnt add it above but the bit where alicia was like "lol next ur gonna tell me he's the demon king" and then just turns and oh hi theres demons LMFAOOO THAT WAS GOOD

AND THESE TOO SO SO SILLY i love when they're silly like this,,, goofy ass inchworm,,, its not helping u beat the bug allegations buddy,,, ily

LIKE THIS FUCKING GRABBING BIT I CACKLED SO FUCKING LOUD HAHAHAHAHAA AND LLOYD ROLLING AWAY GOD THEYRE SO FUNNY I LOVE THEM

and then she shared her mana w him,,, the little smile she gives and LLOYD BLUSHING BACK IM SO. THATS SO CUTE. HE LOOKS SO CUTE. THIS IS SO SWEET,,, AHHH,,, AAAHHHH CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE

though smth to note here, i am quite confused as to why javier's mana is suddenly rejected when he tries to absorb it? but alicia's works just fine? and javier has shared mana with lloyd before, my mutual reminded me of the namaran wall arc where siluria and javier both help lloyd with absorbing the hell knight,,, however the fact that javier's mana components have yet to break the law of causality during this arc, aka he wasnt a grandmaster yet. maybe bc of his status as a grandmaster now, where he has the same otherworldy mana lloyd does, that makes it not possible to properly absorb the mana?

alternatively, javier technically is never fated to die/be transformed in the original story, whereas lloyd should be dead and alicia should be tainted with dark magic, so bc the two of them have warped their fates at the moment, it works? and javier's doesnt bc he's technically not? idk if that makes any sense,,, i was told by my mutual that javier has shared mana with lloyd a lot in the novel before, so i'm not sure why they made this change! i hope they expand on it a lil in the future,,,

also, while i'm yapping here, i like that alicia is straightforward abt what she likes abt lloyd, but i wish they got to have a longer conversation than this,,, like this is a good start but it didn't really go anywhere (besides some really wonderful panels of lloyd but i mean like, narrative-wise lol)

as i mentioned in my last liveblog, alicia and suho share a lot more common experiences than they probably realize! and i think if they got a chance to talk about that, talking about their past circumstances, how they became who they are now, and just more in general on what led alicia to fall for lloyd besides what he's capable of,,, this ship would actually sail pretty well, yknow?

unfortunately though with the pacing of the manhwa and i guess just their episode length requirements in general, it makes sense that they couldn't get to that,,, i just wish it happened,,, maybe in snippets in future episodes? but seeing as we're getting pretty close to the end afaik, the chances are slim

i mainly love llovier but i also really love alilloyd, and i think alilloyd as a whole would have a much better leg to stand on if they actually talked about their experiences and had more instances of saving each other, of supporting each other, the way javier does with lloyd. it's too few and too far between for alicia and lloyd, so it feels like it's flatter than what it could be, y'know?

a part of me hopes that they did get to do that in the novel, but from what i recall hearing, alilloyd didn't have a strong leg in the novel either,,, i distantly recall someone telling me that the manhwa is actually doing alilloyd stronger justice than the novel did (i may be misremembering tho so don't quote me on that lol), and seeing as the manhwa's interpretation of alilloyd is so few and far between as is,,,, it makes me worried that the novel never actually got to touch upon how their relationship evolves (if im wrong, please correct me!!!)

i just want them to do well,,, they're super cute,,, please,,, ueueueue

anyway,,, this leads us to probably my FAVORITE panel of this week,,, this one of lloyd completely flushed EEE EHEHEHHEHEHEHHEE

SO SO SO SO CUTE. I YELPED WHEN I SAW THIS,,, I LOVE THAT ALICIA FALLS FIRST AND THEN LLOYD FALLS SO MUCH HARDER THAT'S FUCKING ADORABLE. methinks it's like that with javier too. lloyd falling and tripping up over realizing someone has romantic affection for him is probably one of my favorite things EVER. that's adorable. I LOVE HIM AAAHHH CUTE CUTE CUTE

one last thing to mention is just that,,, it seems like theres a mage messing w the weather conditions up in the mountains and i aaaam a lil worried that itll kickstart fate for alicia,,,, esp considering we,,, havent seen worthroad in a while. whatever that guys name was,,, what if its him and he's gonna fuck everything up!?? im really worried for them,,, please be okay,,,

and that's all for this week! i really REALLY enjoyed this episode,,, the panels and art were so so good, and while there were some things i wished would happen i think it was still really good overall, it gave me a lot to talk about! the gags were balanced and their interactions were so fun,,, yay!

i'll see yall next time,,, im so excited to see whats next,,,!!!!!

[ilikekidsshows]

I almost feel bad for the Marinette stans that are still fighting tooth and nail to claim that Marinette would never use Adrien's amoks

Like.. guys, what show are you watching? If Marinette knows an option exists, she will eventually justify maxing it out to her advantage. Sure, she wont do it willy-nilly for no reason, but I can easily see it happening that if Adrien were to now want to go back to working in his father's business because he's Gabriel's heir so he can take it over when he's of age to not lose the business his saint of a father built for them

Yeah, Marinette would justify using the amoks against him to change Adrien's mind to wanting to take over her parents' bakery for example because him going back is "wrong" and she knows what's "right". Adrien has no reason anymore to not wanting to go back to working in the Gabriel business. He thinks he owes his dead family to keep their legacy going. Adrien is all that's left of the Agreste's, s5 brought this up several times.

Marinette saying at the end of season 5 that Adrien "doesn't need to be as great as his hero father. She loves him anyway <3 (isn't she such a saint too? ^^)" is nice and well, but she also says that its HIM who decides what his future will be and that is laughably unlikely for Marinette to actually respect. If Adrien makes a big decision she doesn't agree with, she wont respect it. When has she ever?

Adrien has no reason to not decide to be his father's heir again and no way in hell will Marinette give anything resembling to a valid reason against it. She can't, it would require the truth and communication skills she refuses to work on.

I can even see it happening that Marinette will break up with him over this while going "I cant bare watching you do this 😔" hoping that itll make Adrien give in, and if he dares to choose his dead family over her she'll use his amoks "for his own good" cause "what was she supposed to do? 😭"

Or any similar situation. No, she wont do it at any little problem, but saying that Marinette would NEVER do it makes me wonder if these people like canon Marinette at all if they are so in denial about her massively flawed character.

Now, her doing it to CHAT NOIR is a different thing. Pre season 5, she would use his amok in a heart beat and claim its a totally level headed and a phenomenal battle strategy he needs to learn to respect her for. It would be sold as "he trusts her so MUCH uwu" and "she would never hurt him, it cant be abusive 😢"

Thats one of the only good things I can say about season 4 Ladynoir. At least Marinette didnt know Chat Noir is a Sentimonster. Knowing Marinette's disastrous writing in that conflict (she was rewarded for and held to 0 moral standards), she might have even refused to give the amok back to him and taken it with her "for save keeping because shes the guardian and she decided that him having his amok is too dangerous".

She would have raped his mind several times just to avoid any pushback or confrontation. She would have used "kind" phrasing to order him to shut up or to just stand there and do nothing but follow her orders.

She wouldn't have considered Chat's humanity one bit because for her hes already just some magical pet, and would have still only started crying for herself once anything might have asked her to realize what shes doing to him is wrong. Why should this factor cause a development in her that hasn't happened in Canon? Canon Marinette is a selfish leech in her treatment of Chat Noir. He cant have anything or anyone. She will abuse him however she likes, she gives no support back, she forbids him from existing as a real person, shes entirely uninterested in him as a person, she lies and uses him with a smile to prevent him from ever asks anything of her ever again the second even the tiniest consideration was expected of her, and then turns around and plays blameless cause "he didn't tell me 😢 im so pure he just isn't dedicating himself enough to me 😭" once she has to somewhat face that he wasn't treated well.

It is a god send that Marinette doesn't know that Chat Noir is a Sentimonster. Sure, she would show at least SOME restraint for Adrien, but even that has obvious limits once she doesn't agree with the big decisions he will make. But Chat Noir? Lord have mercy on that boy, she already barely allows him any true personhood and treats him like an animal and puppet to abuse, sacrifice, and posses to stroke her ego.

She would abuse the SHIT out of that amok and the show would paint her as "kind" and "loving" or "badass" for doing it over and over and OVER again.

But it's fine, cause she's doing it with love ❤️ and isn't her doing all that to him the proof he needed that she values him cause otherwise she would have long killed him like the goddess of justice she is? 😘

---

Oh, yeah, I have no faith on Marinette’s self control over the Amok if Adrien did something she found “bad” enough that she’d have “no other choice”. I think Adrien's career path would invoke this reaction if she couldn't badger, pressure and hound him into changing his mind first. She'd be crying while she does it about how she doesn't want to but she can't lose Adrien after they've come so far together and we’d be expected to think that yeah, she's totally justified, couldn't Adrien just do whatever Marinette wants because it's so sad when Marinette is upsette.

You're also totally right on how Ladybug would totally be controlling Cat Noir with his Amok if she had the knowledge and access. After all, Cat Noir gets mind controlled so often that it's just an excellent backup plan for Ladybug to have a counter mind control option. And it would be so convenient if she could just will Cat Noir to do what her plan requires instead of telling him to, because now the enemy can't hear her scheme. It's fine, because she's the leader and Cat Noir would follow her lead anyway. There's no moral conundrum here, because she's Ladybug and she decides what good and evil mean!

[tpher]

I just want you to know that your account made me love Topher WAY more than I could have possibly imagined arrrghsgfasf

Can I ask for some of your Topher HCs....hehehe...totally not gonna steal em....

YAYYYYY TOPHER NATION love when this happens 🩷 he is so special to me i love when others start to see it too 🩷🩷🩷

ok so a lot of these are like.. common knowledge if u know me ig but i havent gone over a general hcs post like this in a while so i wanna repeat myself for funsies

also a lot of this is yapping bc i tried connecting a lot of points together in vague chronological order but its like wordslop now srry

-tophers interest in wanting to become a host is influenced by someone in his life already being famous, likely a relative*. this is based on him having taken on-camera poise classes for 5 years (meaning he was 11), meanwhile in-universe td had been airing for roughly 3-4 years. therefore SOME other outside reason kickstarted him wanting to be tv famous and then he latched onto chris once the show started airing

-*this relative could be don. ive always liked the hc that theyre related but at first i saw it as more of an uncle-nephew thing bc i didnt think their ages would rly line up for them to be father-son (plus don being a dad, idk ig i couldnt rly see it for a while?? idk). but then i read that don was in his 40s so the timeline adds up better, plus some mutuals were talking abt it so ive been more in the father-son camp w them in recent times. ALL OF THAT TO SAY i think don is tophers only parent and topher is an only child. and don spoils him rotten and is a pushover to his bratty child😭 def added onto how weird and entitled topher is LOL. theyre like the tdrr mother daughter team

-i think his obsession with his hair/looking good is partially a texture thing. like he NEEDS to be clean esp in the face or else he feels terrible and starts breaking out bc his skin is so sensitive. his hair canNOT be greasy ever or else he will feel like ripping it out. on that note, him looking good is absolutely torturous and he has like a million step skincare routine every morning and night. he sleeps with a full face of god-knows-what. he probs had braces very young for a few years. he has glasses but wears contacts and doesnt want ANYONE to know EVER

-the autism/adhd.. whichever. both. some other third thing. whatever it is, he doesnt know he has it and is unmedicated/undiagnosed/whatever. he thinks that hes just rly good at projecting his voice but actually he just struggles to control his volume and talks rly loud. again, texture/cleanliness is also a big thing for him. im sure that routine ties into that as well. him getting so distracted by that damn phone 😭

-of course he is a gay gay homosexual gay i am not budging on that. topher has never thought about women. also chris was his gay awakening, how could i forget. he will never forget that, itll haunt him forever. but on top of that topher is so aromantic, but specifically in a way that he doesnt have the words for and idk if he ever will. he does find men attractive for surface level reasons but thinks that his standards are too high or that hes too busy to actually date any of them. hes more neutral/apathetic on romance rather than fully not into it so if he finds some guy [coughs] he could find joy in making HIM feel good/appreciated even if it doesnt do much for topher himself if that makes sense. also in terms of gender.. hes just cis 😭 trans/nonbinary topher so epic but not for me. i do think at most he would play with gender presentation down the line but in a drag queen way (alternate timeline where chef was his idol instead couldve saved him…..)

-of course by this point (a decade later) he has no attachment or even memories of his pahkitew castmates. if they walked past him on the street he wouldnt recognize them. he was online mutuals with sierra pre-season but once his td fixation died but hers kept going…. idk if theyd still be friends 😭 maybe they could work something out but idk. and of course i absolutely believe that him and anne maria become great friends. theyre just a vibe!!! honestly she might be his only real friend

-hes for sure chronically online, has gotten into tons of useless dramas, had a bunch of sockpoppet and burner accs, was deep into chris mclean stantwt, etc etc. im sure he stepped away from it a little when the post-pahkitew depression hit. and bc he was sooo embarrassed just EVERYWHERE bc u KNOW he let his twitter followers know he was gonna be on the show and then they saw him lock his account and change his icon to a solid black color after the fact </3. but eventually he starts a youtube channel where he talks abt his experience on the season and it takes off bc in-universe viewers hated the season so some were curious abt wtf happened behind the scenes. but also a lot of ppl just found him cute and charming so he became one of #those youtubers who have clout just based on his personality and he talks abt literally whatever he wants and youtube is his job now. (which is for the best bc i dont think he would be able to hold down a more standard job….). ironically what kickstarted this was talking abt pahkitew (and more importantly chris), but from this the finally gained attention for being himself rather than for trying to be someone else. from his youtube fame, im sure hes done some brand collabs (part of me wants to say makeup/beauty supplies but i know that man will slap his name onto anything) and some modeling probably

[kekisu]

a very popular headcanon people have (i Think its popular. at least a lot of my twitter mutuals agreed with me a while back) is that joker comes from inaba, and if youve played p4 you know that theres literally nothing to do there

so a big headcanon that i used to be obsessed with is that he would spend a lot of his days skateboarding or biking around listening to music and exploring old dirt roads.. and he ended up getting a special interest in bugs and reptiles because hed come across so many during his little solo adventures. hes also very well versed in fishing its not a fixation or anything but just something hes pretty good at

this is why i tend to draw joker like some sort of skater boy. i think hes always stood out a lot in this small town even before the false assault charge, like he wasnt disliked or bullied but he just didnt really fit in. and this didnt bother him. i think he only realized how boring his life was when he became a phantom thief and got all these new friends in this new big city that understood him despite the circumstances that led him here. like man i really used to live like that and see nothing wrong with it? i didnt yearn for more?

it makes it even more painful when he has to leave and they naturally drift apart. because they all have dreams and ambitions, and the best years of their lives are waiting for them around the corner. but joker is back in this small town where theres nothing to do but hang out in some food court or poke around in the woods. i imagine this newfound loneliness is really hard on him, not to mention the guilt for feeling like hes somehow to blame for. well, whatever happened with goro

to me personally i think goro lived. i think he mustered up the perseverance to bite and claw his way out of shidos palace after seeing that even someone like him has a chance at being loved, he just didnt really remember this in marukis reality because it was all a blur. so both goro and joker were completely clueless as to what his fate would be if they went back to their true reality, which is what was so scary. the uncertainty. he could very well be dead but how could they know for sure? i just dont like the thought of him dying before he could truly live, even though i understand the tragedy of it can be poetic, i just cant stand for him going out like that because i relate a lot to his struggles. and i think it would go against the overall positive message of p5r. sure not everybody gets to have a second chance or a happy ending, but. man. anyways

joker fully believes goro is dead though. he wouldnt be crazy to assume this considering how they parted ways in shidos palace. but it eats away at him and maybe he really does go crazy. maybe his life feels like its stuck in time and while his old friends are out chasing their dreams, hes stuck. broken and shattered over feeling like he couldve done something to save him, knowing jokers savior/martyr complex

im running out of steam and i didnt mean to ramble on about my post-p5r headcanons but, to wrap it up: goro is in rehab somewhere and has a service dog to help with his dissociation and mood swings. and a couple other stuff. he feels like if he walks back into jokers life itll mess something up like joker will just break down or something. so he keeps his distance until they cross paths again. im just very obsessed with the idea of goro getting his life together vs joker wanting so badly to chase that high of phantom thievery again but failing and being actually so depressed

man morgana must be exhausted

[urapunk]

(TW; mentions of self harm and vomiting.)

A Gary Smith writing that I made, and'll probably make more of.

People Dont Consider Me a Tradgedy And I Wish They Did

It's funny how alike he is to Petey. He's no different, he gnaws his nails quietly in class and listens to conversations around him because its embarrassing to start a conversation other than being the one spoken to. But thats a lie. He's just nervous and it tastes bittersweet and disgusting in his mouth like straight syrup.

But he cant even get better. He just cant. And so in the back of the ambulance with his snapped arm and new cuts from glass, he found himself crying. Crying for once. He's going to be fixed up and.. And well.. Sent away. Three months they said. Thats an entire summer. A summer in a looneyhouse and then its right back to the hell of bullworth if his grandpa decides to offer enough money. Those same faces. Those same, disgustingly familiar faces that he knows are staring. They're always looking, looking and looking and looking.

The EMT can see the cuts lacing his arms up and down until they get to his upper arm, because they feel even worse there and he doesnt hate himself so much as to make it sting even worse.

But he still does it. Theres atleast 12 cuts on his upper arm and they were all from really bad times. Times he's repressed and forgotten, times that make him want to rip his arm off and grow a new one, times that make him vomit from the anxiety of them happening again.

The lights are so bright in the roof of this death van. They hurt his eyes so bad, and he's sure his ankle is broken or wrist is shattered. He doesnt even know its his arm yet. Why didnt he just get Jimmy kicked out instead? Did he have to take over bullworth? Couldnt he just... Couldnt he just talk.

But he doesnt know how. He babbles like a small child when it comes to his stupid emotions because what are they. They all feel the same, his heart races, his face contorts, and thats it. Thats only how it feels and it will never feel different, and thats only the literal sense. They can either make him feel like hes driving a bumpy road or they can feel like his guts are spilling out so disgustingly in his lap.

It doesnt stop, and when they give him a therapist in happy volts itll still be the same. His therapist would ask him questions, like 'what caused this for you,' or 'why'd you do it?'...

'Why'd you do it?'

'Why'd you do it gary!'

And thats when he let out a loud, frustrated groan of pain.... He couldnt hear the sirens. Where had the sirens gone? Why couldnt he hesr the ambulance that he was in-?

He noticed he was wrong. He wasnt in it. He was now in a hospital bed, light beaming through the curtains and illuminated the cast on his right arm.

The cast. The cast that would restrict him. He was restricted now. Restriction is a bitter word. He doesn't like it because it specifically restricts him. Restrict, restrict, restrict.

It hit him that he had just woken up. He disnt remember falling asleep, maybe they out him out because he was writhing too much or- crying. Did he cry? Was he crying? He shouldnt have been crying. But nevermind that. He had obviously woken up from something frustrating him and he had no clue what it was. Maybe its best he doesnt remember.

It wasnt much longer in the day when he was checked into happy volts. He felt sluggish, and he quickly recognized the disgusting, stomach churning 'calm' of medication. His therapists all said the same things throughout those 3 months. Each time he was first meeting them he'd do a survey; with one question that stumped him every time, not matter how many times it was explained. 'Are panic attacks frequent? On a scale of one to 10, how bad do your attacks get?'

What is a panic attack. His therapists all just gave him the same answer, but he was searching for one that really set it up in him. He underatood it, a little, but it was like the knowledge of the ocean. It has fish and is very deep; it's emotional and very scary.

The thin mattress he slept on was annoying, and he couldnt tell if it made his slouch better or worse. He didnt have to wear one of those stupid gowns, they gave him a nice blue sweatshirt and white sweatpants with...

Grippy socks.

It made him want to die the amount of times he tried to slide down the hall only to remember, these arent normal socks. They have GRIP to them. He'd nearly fallen a less than safe amount of times. He couldnt even be childish, he had to be reduced to a 'calm' medicated zombie that felt sick all the time.

The clothes were comfortable though, the bed was.. Okay, but the showers were awful. He didnt feel clean. It never got hot enough to help him feel soft and fuzzy.

And it reminded him that he'd never wipe away the punches thrown at him over the years.

But that was for his therapist to hear, only because she was paid to. He's talk to his grandpa when he got home, but.. His grandpa wouldnt want to hear that. He wouldnt want to hear about how his grandson fought more than he should. That his grandsontried to take over the school and broke his arm in the process, that he fought ontop of bulworth academy and his last name would be slandered now. They shared nothing but the word Smith sometimes.

When he finally got out his grandpa had brought him clothes to change unto before leaving, a soft white tshirt and black cargo jeans, and a dark green jacket. He loved that jacket so much. It was like the perfect shade, the color that was the embodiment of gary! When he finally settled in the car he noticed his grandfather gripped the wheel angrily.

"So why'd you do it Fish?"

'Why'd you do it?'

'WHY'D YOU DO IT GARY!'

That made him wanna hurl. He couldnt stop thinking of Jimmy when anyone asked, but hearing it from his grandpa was sickening. Especially with the nickname he had aince a boy. He always loved aquariums and fish and all to do with fishing, so papa called him Fish, or just... Gary.

His grandpa was met with silence... And it did worry him. A little bit. But there wasnt room for worrying about gary now.

"Fish, tell me." He wasnt spitting venom out alongside his words, but more like a bittersweet syrupy medicine thats overly sweetened, the kind you'd take as a child and wanna throw up after.

"I dont know."

...

[randomsporefacts]

update on the squish and kadents thing again

what was suggested to me (by A-xesey on the spore discord) for importing crt files is literally making a .package file that has a copy of the default creature editor that replaces the default editor bodies with whatever crt files i wanna see. so.

so behold the first ever mod ive made for the game, AND the first ever mod ive applied onto the game. which consists entirely of this

this randomizes the colors, but theyre easy to recreate going off of the crt files alone and i HAVE done that so its easy to get around

OK SO FIRST OF ALL KADENTS

its actually nothing much like its cousin Trosqi, which was also named Kadents in AssembledContent. trurns out it was a weird lanky humanoid guy!

now the other one is Squish. which is. as i expected. basically just battered feesh. but for some reason the game wont let me save it

i did anyway with cheat engine and it didnt show in the sporepedia at all, but it DID save its png for what its worth, so you can put it into adventures like harvest vehicles (and then itll reset if you ctrl+z even once)

i cant drag and drop it into test drive though, or even the creature editor

heres the actual battered feesh

the only apparent difference i can see on Squish is the addition of a Porcupain on the back, and different graspers, and the limb tips are slightly different sizes

(squish left, battered feesh right)

im really not sure what is so wrong with Squish that it wont even show in the sporepedia. but thankfully i added a gaprop tag just in case, its not going to pollinate and screw up in the entire game

heres the beautiful collection. finallly... the mystery of squish and kadents finally solved, from finding them mentioned in locale files 8 months ago and knowing nothing else (remember i assumed they were plants!!!) to finally seeing them in the flesh

and here are the pngs, assuming tumblr doesnt compress them. i dont know how well the squish png is going to work though, but drag and drop works into adventures specifically

family reunion (featuring my mostly accurate trg_seamon recreation)

they havent seen each other in like 17 years this is why squish is smiling

also curiously the earlier Battlefish matches the final battered feesh in both graspers and the lack of a porcupain

suggesting squish was edited FROM battered feesh late in development, with very minor changes, and then they just saved it for some reason and nearly included it in the final game

i keep making silly edits but im just excited

[reorientation]

i went out to a bar with a friend the other night for the first time in my four years at college, and i had a great time! but in the back of my mind, i couldnt stop thinking about a message you sent me a while back,, about instructing me to go out to a bar and not to leave until id convinced a man to fuck me, to cum inside me....

it didnt happen (i think i wish it had?), but the entire time i was there, thats all i could think about. as i watched other guys entering and leaving the bathroom throughout the night, i was imagining the scene, a man buys me a drink and gets me talking, maybe gets me to admit why im there, buys me another drink, then tells me to meet him in the mens bathroom in five. when i open the door and step in, hes waiting for me. he pushes me against the graffiti-covered walls, yanking my tshirt and binder up over my head and off, tossing them to the floor. hes groping me, sucking marks into my neck, my chest, hes so much all at once that its hard for me to think straight

he shoves me to my knees and has me give him my first blowjob, kneeling on the dirty bathroom floor with my tits on display for anyone to walk in and see... of course he'd eventually pull me back up to my feet, bending me over the sinks, watching myself in the mirror as he sinks his cock into me, takibg my virginity. he presses himself in slowly, not pausing until hes as deep inside me as possible. then, again slowly at first, he starts fucking me, gradually going faster and faster and harder, until hes pounding his cock inside me. i want to be utterly brainless as he takes me, almost not even realizing when his hips stutter and the thrusts grow erratic before he pushes all the way inside, one last time, to cum right up against my cervix

that didnt happen,, but its all i could think about then, and thats all i thought about when i woke up today, soaking wet, when i fingerfucked myself until i came, begging to be knocked up

rereading this,,, im not sure why im sending this anonymously,, itll be very obvious to u who i am. who would believe that, after writing all that,,, i try to call myself ftm???

(Rest stop anon and backseat lesbian anon, for reference)

Oh, Thea, this is such a sweet little offering to me. Your very first time at a bar - an adulthood milestone! - and you spent the whole time daydreaming about getting knocked up like a good girl just because I told you to.

I can just imagine how you would blush, admitting to a man why you were there. How he would run his hand over you as you sat there at the bar with him, feeling the curve of your waist and hips beneath your boyish clothes, thinking about being the first to get between your legs.

You probably wouldn't even be the first girl to get knocked up in that bar bathroom, you know. If he can fuck a load of cum into you there, other girls have been in that position before you, and will be after you - and some of them drunk and horny enough not to think too hard about birth control. You might still get to be the first virgin to conceive there, though. Or the first "boy".

But you don't make a very good boy, do you, Thea? Boys don't spend their big nights out wishing they were brave enough to be a brainless breeding slut for a stranger. Boys don't wake up soaking wet and desperately wishing they'd taken a man's cum into their womb.

I'm glad you had a good time at your first little outing, Thea. But if you're not brave enough on your own, I might have to ensure you have a lot more fun on the next. 🖤

[mumbos-mailbox]

Hmmm, I don't know. Moon looks a bit big tonight.

.. is it? oh no oh no oh no-

oh how do i fix this it didnt go well last time i have to find a way to fix it theyre in danger and-

what if i cant save them again?

im..

im gonna go just start building a moon blowing up missile maybe itll work this time.. it has to! Ill.. ill make sure it does, ill save them this time! I will! I cant.. i cant see them in danger again

[cerealmonster15]

how scary of a cosplay can you really be 🤔 [planning notes]

wig: i already have a wig. it's partially styled, i just have to sew in and style my hand dyed wefts. the coloration is slightly off but the hair spray might help darken them a little bit, and it's close enough that itll proooobably be fine?

pants: i already own black jeans i could tuck into boots

boots: i found black boots at the thrift store lately, NON HEELED to adjust for my physical limitations re: heels lol. the heart things at the top i imagine i could make out of something like felt or painting cardboard and pinning to the outfit for a temp accesory situation

the card things: i have leftover playing cards from cater's cosplay where i bought a deck bc i needed one(1) four of diamonds. i could probably spray paint the rest black and paint on the rest of the suits and staple them together, and they look like theyre attached (stapled again??) to those flowers

flowers: can easily find white fake flowers at any craft store, maybe a thrift store if im lucky, and can once again spray paint black. i could either buy black spray paint for these things or just water down some black acrylic paint i already have and get messy with it lol. spray paint would probs be faster tho. they could probably be sewn to the skirt cape thing. somehow. probably by hand, which would be a pain, but i think it is doable.

skirt cape thing: i bought a black and a red bedsheet to try and frankenstein something here. i imagine i'd wanna make it like a skrit but with cut/distressing on the ends, but i also dont want it to actually unravel so i might have to see if i can burn the edges of the rips [gotta remember what fabrics that works with, and also what type of fabric i have for my bedsheets cuz im not sure lol] the spray paint might come in handy here for the black blot stains, but i have black fabric dye as well that i miiight be able to just stick the ends in if im careful.... a blot themed tye dye job or something here lol. i imagine i could wing this one, like making an elastic skirt or something but then it doesnt close in the front? maybe a drawstring situation? ive never actually made a skirt before. i have some patterns i could probs use as a base, but i'm not sure how willing i am to do all that. it's a destroyed garnment after all, so i think getting sloppy with it adds personality teehee. i want to get away with my lazy style... might want some padding under to make it poof a little but we'll see

top: so he probably has some manner of corset situation going on here, but i dont wanna do that. i want to frankenstein a red tshirt and a black tshirt together. could probs use leftover bits of the bedsheets for any needed extra fabric. i think i already bought a red tshirt so i just gotta find a black one. it's easier to take parts that are already assembled and reattach than try and figure out how to do it from scratch lol, that's how i did cater's dorm jacket- i found a white jacket as a base, and took a black sweatshirt that i could seam rip the arm off and attach as the black sleeve.

two black belts crossing the torso. could probs find anything at the thrift store or even just sew / crochet black strips and call it close enough. could use more cardboard painted gold for the little heart things if i want

i dont know how i'd do these lol. the heart thing i could sew probably but ughhh idk about the other things. maybe more just sewing strips of fabric? i havent figured that part out yet

i also notice there's little thorned rose designs on the torso but i'd probably ignore those [i didnt notice them til i took this closer look lol] or maybe paint them on. there's also something behind the fake flowers but i think i might ignore that too...

black blot collar thing and crown: could probably be done with wire? i also have a 3D pen i never use that might be useful here but potentially breakable lol but i think it'd be worth a shot. could also be useful for some of the other stuff i wasnt sure about making, but we'll see

the white collar part of the shirt: could probs just sew something to the tshirts. or i could crochet something, i have seen people crochet collars before, but it would probs be faster to sew/since it also has to be kinda ruined it's probs safer with fabric

glovers: uh. gloves? maybe find some arm gloves and distress them as well? maybe crochet something simpler to get the overall idea across?

choker: could probably find a plain black choker somewhere and call it close enough. maybe 3D pen for the heart thing in the center if i cant find a thingy to go with it.

webb thing on face: i dont know lol. mesh? would leave as a final extra detail to worry about bc im just not sure how practical it is. maybe look into how eye patches are constructed and then figure it out from there....

probably also ignoring these lol

i think that's the gist of it all...............................................

[meetthegofer]

🦀🦅💕😑💀 (esp interested in the last one considering game mechanics)

THANK YOU TORRANCE MY GOAT.. once again since this will be a little long its going under a readmore 🔥 thank you though this is a very fun selection

🦀- How did they handle realizing they were in love? Embarrassed? Nervous? Mad?

fossey was absolutely the more accepting of his feelings of the two in this regard; though they were definitely pretty nervous they tended to downplay it a lot, like "welllll... people get crushes on coworkers with all the time!! plus its not like anything's gonna come of it, so its fine for me to like him.. im sure ill get over it soon" <- that. generally just didnt register that they might have a chance At All and as a result didnt really catch themself reading too much into his words/actions because "well its not like he'd like me anyways! that would be wasting my time. i have a job to do, after all".

sniper on the other hand...

for him, the realization was like being hit in the face with a brick. not because he thought fossey was particularly undesirable in any way that would make him go "i cant believe i like THEM", but rather because he was still operating under the expectation of not really getting to know them or really form any relationship/attachment past just. general coworker amiability. it honestly made him panic a bit, because he wasnt sure if this would affect his performance in battle ["if i get hung up on something like that, itll be easier for me to get distracted and hurt more easily. or worse, ill underperform" <- that sorta thing] and again, he tries to consider himself as being somewhat divorced from feelings, at least on a professional level. of course, we know this to not be true [calls his parents regularly, shows genuine care to his teammates, etc etc] but well. hes stupid. <3.

🦅- How good are their friends at being wingmen? Do they even help at all or just sit back watching the pining with a bag of popcorn?

...you could not possibly have a worse ensemble of wingmen than the options laid out for these two. at the absolute least, fossey has the support of miss pauling, who reassures them about things when they feel down. however shes not really an active wingman? like she encourages fossey but doesnt ever actively try to vouch for fossey as a potential partner for sniper, mostly because fossey has asked her Not to [going back to the whole lack of perceived desirability they feel and all]. other than that, they havent really confided in their feelings to anyone else, mostly because they know theres literally no circumstance under which it would end without great humiliation.

sniper, on the other hand, tries to be discreet when asking for advice, but everyone kind of Knows who hes got his eyes set on. so when he tries to ask for help and is immediately met with a chorus of "ooooh so youre finally gonna ask out fossey?" hes like FUCK YOU and also how did you know [fake idgafer they saw you saying good morning!! when you dont do that for anyone else!!!!]. so i think he would get frustrated and then not ask for help again

that said i can definitely see a few of the mercs trying to take things into their own hands. scout makes stupid jokes to fossey about sniper ["yknow hes got a picture of ya in his camper, right?" "HE WANTS TO SHOOT ME?" "NO"], soldier probably tries giving him unsolicited advice that literally only worked because zhanna matches his freak so well, and medic breaks HIPAA in a strange way to try and bring them closer together. none of it ever works but theyre all quite content to watch the two of them very awkwardly dance around their feelings for one another and tease them about it [though mostly sniper. since fossey does a shockingly good job at hiding her side of things + they havent known her nearly as long]

💕- Who confessed first and how? Did it go as planned or did shenanigans ensue?

oh this ones fun. they both kinda confessed at different times, but the first one just... didnt work? going back to this question set, after fossey apologizes/confronts sniper about his avoidance, he Does confess his feelings, but does so in a more vague way that fossey absolutely Did Not Clock as romantic. unfortunately this ended with the most brutally unintentional friendzone known to man

its not as though All hope is lost, though. like i said, there were multiple "confessions", albeit fossey's was admittedly much more thought out in terms of like. the specifics.

see, they have a really bad habit of overworking [mostly because they lose track of time very easily, and their work is so repetitive its easy to get lost in the sauce. they arent a very intentional overachiever], and a lot of sleep problems. as such, it was bound to happen that they would one day fall asleep at their desk, having worked themself to exhaustion and not really noticing it until they'd woken up...

sniper notices fossey sleeping at their desk, hours after they were supposed to leave for the day [being a bit of an insomniac himself, he would sometimes just. walk around. everyone on the team is kind of a freak it makes sense to me. you know]. so he goes and wakes them up like "hey dude you were supposed to leave hours ago" and theyre like FUCK right ill be out of here in a second. however, before they can leave, sniper remembers that fossey usually Walks home. so he offers them a ride, because the idea of them walking home alone at like 2am greatly unsettles him. they agree, and since its only a 15/20 minute walk it ends up being a very short drive, spent in an admittedly comfortable silence between the two. maybe a longing glance or two is passed without the other noticing.

and just before fossey steps out of the van to go fuck off to their apartment building, without even thinking they lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek, then step out and wave goodbye like nothing happened. [its not until theyre actively closing the door to the apartment building behind them that they realize what theyve done. and by then theyre like FUCK]

sniper is obviously speechless, because just a couple months ago he got friendzoned and he was still wrestling with the fact that his feelings were only getting stronger with time. he just kind of sits there for a second before he realizes he probably looks crazy just sitting there in a van outside an apartment complex that is primarily home to like. old ladies. and on the drive back to his usual parking space for the camper hes just like Fuuuck work is gonna be so awkward tomorrow.

and the next day they do talk it out.. fossey stops by his camper and is like Heyyy so can we um 😅 talk about last night haha... and they give a verbal confession but end it with like "im not really expecting you to feel the same way but since you basically already know i figured id tell you..." and snipers just there like It is unbelievable how much i feel the same way. i imagine the conversation itself would be quite awkard/seemingly "anticlimactic" for the start of a relationship, sort of like [incoming maine moment] shimamitsu's first little stint as a couple in skip to loafer where they just very awkwardly are like "do you... wanna try going out?" after a rather embarrassingly sudden confession. but both of them are autistic and awkward so <3 love is love <3

😑- How easily do they get jealous and how do they handle it?

fossey is admittedly not very jealous at all LOL though this mostly comes from the fact that they dont place very high value in themself. so theyre like "? if he ever found someone else he'd just go for it man i dont think it'd be worthwhile to keep me around just to cheat". they also just arent really the possessive type, since they do actually trust him quite a bit in this regard and are very much of the "if you love something let it go" mindset. however in the context where i ship sniper with the other mercs theyre very chill with it. because fossey has the fujoshi spirit 👍

if they ever Would get jealous i think they would handle it well enough on their own, though. they tried exactly one [1] time to make a joke about sniper leaving for someone else and he was MORTIFIED so they were like Damn i probably shouldnt do that again that was a little mean.

sniper i think would probably be a little bit more jealous? it doesnt come up very much, but every once in a while someone gets just a liiittle too close or looks a liiittle too long and hes like ? You could back up a little bit!

he mostly keeps it to himself since fossey isn't and has never been the type to pursue or flirt with others even in a playful context, so when he Does get jealous its usually directed at the other party. i think early on he mightve gone to fossey about it first and when they got confused [because they didnt think the other person saw them that way + were absolutely NOT trying to go for them] he realized it didnt make much sense and didnt really bring it up like that again. not much reason to blame fossey for how others feel when they arent the one Inviting those feelings, yknow? at most he might be like "damn that guy would Not leave you alone" but even then it happens quite rarely, so its not something they really have to address more than like. once or twice a year. that said i Do think he might get a little more clingy without really noticing it... hugging a little more tightly or casually throwing an arm around their shoulders a little longer than usual.

💀- If the canon character is canonically dead, how did your OC handle their death? (Or did you completely omit their death cause fuck canon?)

this one is interesting, not just because of the game mechanics but also because of his canon [albeit temporary] comic death. when considering respawn compatibility + mechanics and the nature of the game, i think fossey is desensitized enough to how much violence occurs around these guys on a daily basis that the concept of sniper being hurt in this way doesnt really faze him any more than it does miss pauling or any other merc. like he knows he'll be back. its fine. though i do think in the back of his mind he sometimes worries that one day sniper might come back and not remember/not love/not care for him anymore, although this has yet to happen, and if scout's persistence with trying to court miss pauling is any proof, it likely never will.

his comic death, however, is a different story, primarily because it left him with some pretty permanent scars. fossey freaked out so fucking bad when they found out what happened [since they werent present for it] and they just like. almost couldnt really believe it? the desensitization to his death in the context of the gravel war + respawn machine and how it functions made them less cognizant of the idea that Hey he could still die for real one day. and that realization shook them pretty badly... if they were actually present for it i think they would genuinely be inconsolable for a while. but LUCKILY hes back 👍 insert i cant help myself "all clean!" image here