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iamforeverunclassified · 7 years ago

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Letter to you, Beginning or Ending?

But first a quote...

“I have questions, I've got questions haunting me...

I have questions for you.”

-Camila Cabello

To you...

This is a letter in a way to tell you how I feel. It’s not to attack you. I’m writing all of this with no hatred, anger, aggravation, or any agenda. Just one human to another.

I love you. We have both changed since when we first got together. We’ve both went through phases and both of us had fucked up at different times. I feel we are at a pivoting point in our relationship. Maybe that’s supposed to happen, maybe it’s not...idk. But since we have both changed I guess the best thing is to really evaluate ourselves and the situation. What I mean by that is I need to see how I’ve changed and you’ve changed. You do the same. Think about the differences in the points of view that we each have. Are they all things that the other can deal with/ adapt to? Or are there things that we can’t deal with/ adapt to. What are those things? Are we both willing to put in the time and effort to make it work? Are we willing to do whatever it takes for each other and the relationship? We need to be completely honest with ourselves and each other. Not even as husband and wife but as two people trying to decide what to do now. Like is it something that we are just wasting each other’s time with? Do we both feel that it’s necessary and both have the want to make it work? Because if just one of us feel that’s it’s not worth it then we are just wasting each other’s time. Because it takes two to make it work and if we don’t feel the same way we used to then there isn’t a point to drag it out.

I know that I have this numb feeling when it comes to us. It’s like I’m in the eye or a storm if that makes sense. Like it’s not even about whose fault anything is anymore. It’s just like we need to realize shit about ourselves and each other and figure out if we are going to mesh or not.

I know that there are things that I have issues with that Idk if you will understand/ be able to adapt to. I also don’t know if I can be okay with no changes on these issues. You know? I wonder if there are things you feel the same way about. What does it mean if there are things that we aren’t able to adapt to? Is it a matter of just overlooking them or is it bigger than that to a point to where it’s not going to work?

I wonder what you think about when you think about me. What you think of my name or hear my name what is the image you see? What am I doing? Am I smiling? Am I angry? What am I wearing? Is it something you like or don’t like? When you think of me as a person? What is the image you see when you think about the kind of person I am? Am I smiling? Am I happy? An I angry? Am I a bitch? Am I an annoyance? When you hear/ think about my name how does it make you feel? When you think about the kind of person I am, how does that make you feel? Do you like what you see in both cases?

Do I really matter to you? If so, as much as I used to? Do you still get happy when you think about me or see me? Does the thought of me bring you happiness, sadness, anger, aggravation? Does the picture of me look happy or like it was once happy? When you look in my eyes in the pictures in your head and in real life, what do you see? What emotions do I have/ do you have. These are all things I would really like to know and I will answer them for you too.

When you talk to other people about me, what do you say? What do you want to say? What things do you keep to yourself? What thing do you wish you wouldn’t have to keep to yourself? What is something about me that you would like for people to know about me if you knew judgement wouldn’t be an issue.

And we need to think about and answer these things honestly to each other and to ourselves. Or else there’s no point and it’s fake. And neither one of us deserve the other one being fake and wasting the other ones time. I feel like this is like the nitty gritty and this is what everything boils down to. Enough arguing and enough resentment. It’s time to think and decide, ya know?

-Me

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