#ii. ｢ thread • sha’uri. ｣

[dramatispcrsonae]

                “  i don’t know how much it is worth coming from me, but --  ”    she smiled, giving a slight shrug.    “  i happen to think you are doing a wonderful job.  ”    she knew how he felt. well, in some ways, perhaps. after all, she knew painfully well what it felt like to be an outsider in this place. to be looked at curiously, to struggle to find one’s footing and one’s place. of course, beyond that their situations could not be more different. but it had made her like him immediately all the same.    “  i may not be a member of sg-1, but i happen to think they are lucky to have you.  ”    she looked up at him then, smile widening.    “  and if they do not see it, they’re fools.  ”

                                               @anarcalina​ ❤︎’d for a starter!

[remcmbrances-a]

@memoryfaded​ said: ❛ this won’t last forever . nothing ever lasts forever . ❜ (Sha'uri x)

she offers the other woman a tight-lipped smile, one that does not quite reach her eyes. something shivers down her spine -- perhaps the cold, perhaps a memory -- but she hugs her arms across her chest all the same, rubbing the rough wool of her sweater across her skin.

she has heard maeve’s story, one eerily like her own, and she knows she ought to find comfort in it. that there is a life worth piecing back together somehow... but at night, as she lays awake, staring at the sterile ceiling of the base, the doubts race in like storm clouds. she doesn’t sleep anymore -- not really. she can’t. if she closes her eyes, she still sees them. amaunet. aphophis. she still hears them whispering in the back of her mind, like ghosts calling from across the sands of her homeworld. it’s a nightmare she cannot shake, even as the scars fade from her skin. outwardly, she is as she ever was... but inside, she is hollow. 

“  i hope you are right,  ”    she says at last, determined to keep even the slight fragment of a smile in place. but after a moment, it falters. her eyes shift down to gaze at the mug of tea in her hands, too ashamed to look at the other woman. she used to be fearless -- ready for anything, prepared to take on the gods themselves. but that part of her broke with the rest.    “  for both our sakes, i hope you are right.  ”

[dramatispcrsonae]

her eyes were beginning to blur as she stared at the page. she’d lost track of how long she’d been studying -- and now, her head was beginning to ache, the surest sign she’d pushed herself too far that night... with a sigh, she sat back in her chair, scrubbing her hands over her eyes. she’d told herself that she would learn all of this -- and quickly. she hated feeling ignorant, useless. the sooner she learned, the sooner she would find a purpose. 

but not tonight. stifling a yawn, she reached for her empty mug. wandering out into the hall, she prepared herself for a search for a fresh cup of tea. but light from a doorway further down the corridor caught her eye. curious to see who else would be working so late, sha’uri changed directions and peeked her head inside. the face that met her didn’t take her by surprise. of course it was samantha. knocking lightly on the door jamb, she offered the woman a smile.    “  i am barely allowed to leave the base. what is your excuse?  ”    she said, a gentle tease in her voice. 

                                             @starsprayed​ ❤︎’d for a starter!

[dramatispcrsonae]

the days were getting easier. at least that was what she told herself each morning as she looked in the mirror, searching behind her eyes for something of herself -- something of what she had been before. some days she almost convinced herself the old spark was there. but then, inevitably, the night would come again. she would close her eyes and an icy, familiar voice would once more be whispering in the back of her mind and she would be powerless... her body was healed at least. she no longer had to spend hours in the infirmary, poked and prodded with needles -- like she was a curiosity to be studied. she would not refuse to help them, of course. if they could learn anything from her that would help others, that would help defeat the goa’uld once and for all... she would endure all of it a hundred times over. but all the same, she saw the looks the base personnel gave her. their stares were not unkind... but neither did they make her feel more human. 

her consolation was that she had become adept at hiding her pain from them all. perhaps even from daniel. 

what she needed, desperately, was purpose. for her mind -- her heart -- would not be at ease until she found it. and already she knew what that purpose would be. her child. a part of her shuddered at the idea of referring to him as such. he was born of her body, yes. but... was he truly hers? she had no answer for it herself -- not yet. but he had been as much a prisoner of apophis and amaunet as she had been, his life twisted for their purposes as hers was. and for that, she saw the child at least as a kindred spirit. one she would bind herself to protect. and until then, she doubted she would ever be at peace...

these thoughts had occupied her as she walked through the base, and when she reached her destination, she drew in a deep, steadying breath. daniel’s office. it was not her husband that made her nervous -- at least not entirely. nothing about her return had been easy. for either of them. and though she once thought she would never be at a loss to understand what was in his mind... time and circumstance had complicated things. her love had not wavered, but it was impossible to deny that now, in many ways, they were strangers.

sha’uri knocked lightly on the door before opening it, a shy smile on her face.    “  are you busy?  ”    she said it in her own language. her english had improved rapidly, but with him... there was a comfort -- an intimacy -- in the language they’d spoken to each other back on abydos. back when they were happy.    “  i - i want to talk to you...  ”    she picked her way through his cluttered office to take a seat beside his desk. the room was strewn with instruments and machinery she did not recognize, but she was determined to learn them all. eventually. her eyes rested for a moment on a photograph nestled amongst the books and papers. a photograph of her. the sight of it eased her heart a little. she may have been gone, but she was not entirely forgotten. 

she took a deep breath and met his eyes.    “  i know you have meant well these past months -- all of you.... and, truly, i feel myself again.  ”    it was a lie, but one she felt no guilt in telling.    “  but i can’t stay here like this anymore, daniel. i need a purpose. i need you to let me go through the chappa’ai with you. with sg-1.  ”    she sat up a little straighter, her voice hardening with determination.    “  if you are to look for my child, i need to go with you.  ”

                                         @riscng​ gets a long-ass starter!