#im all for using programming to do things people find difficult and some of the REAL developments into it are cool

[ofcowardiceandkings]

from the programming that brought you glue pizza

how do we get this kind of bellend to shut up lol theyre so delusional

[chrome-barkz-aac]

hey! so i have a question as someone who also has autism and is trying to figure out how to make a way in the world while disabled- if i may ask, what are ur plans in life? like are u in university, are u working, etc.? (no pressure to answer ofc)

hi anon!

my original plan was to go to university (4 year undergraduate in biology) and then track into a phD program for biology bc all i have wanted to do for pretty much ever is look at weird stuff and take it apart and mess with it, and then talk about it.

i got halfway through my senior year in college, had a lab placement and was working on my own project within the lab (it was awesome btw.) but as my psychosis got worse and worse i couldn’t focus or learn anything. i flunked out college basically.

i have also tried to get a job but since totally losing my voice, it makes it difficult to do like. a lot. can’t call on the phone w out being hung up on most of the time. even if i say im using assistive tech.

since i dropped out, i’ve kind of realized how bad things have gotten. not trying to be a doomer, just providing context. i had a rough couple months where i genuinely was considering finding a group home. (fun fact; most group homes for ppl w intellectual and or developmental disabilities will deny you entry if you have a severe mental illness on record)

in may, one of my dear friends’ moms who was a social worker for the area offered me some resources and told me about a state funded (read: free for u s americans) day program for ppl w severe mental illness. autism is not the only thing that disables me, far from it lolz. i qualified for the program and ive actually been doing really well in it but i wouldnt have made it this far without the help of my family, friends and having a support worker and care team.

one of the staff has helped me sign up for a part time job washing dishes with a local company that works with the program to offer vocational opportunities for people in the program, and i even helped paint a mural last month for an event where we bring a vacation spot to the program.

as far as plans go, i’m moving back home from my college’s city in october. i’m not thrilled about living with my family (i love them and they support me but i do feel disappointed that i can’t live independently without a lot of supports in place, such that it’s not financially worth it for me)

tl dr , i didn’t expect to be this disabled and currently my plans are wayy up in the air. this is a lot more information than you probably asked for or wanted, but i’m trying to take it slowly.

what i do know is that i want to live in service of my communities. idk what that will look like soon, but right now, im just trying to be someone i needed years ago for other people .

i hope that answers your question? 😅 i hope something good happens to you today!

chrome

image description: a large acrylic painting of a neighborhood in new york city with a yellow black checkered border. end id.

[thatcannibalkitty]

hi tumblr!

i genuinely feel really embarrased to be doing this, but i could use some help.

short version:

i’m in a bad situation at home, and need to save up money to move out. i’m 18 in september, but i have almost nothing in savings since i haven’t been able to get a job. anything helps. 🫶🏻

long version:

i have been abused my whole life. because of this, i have several mental and physical illnesses which disable me, and make it hard for me to live. i still live with the people who did this to me, and i need to not anymore. i’m unable to get a job, for several reasons. my disabilities, and also accessibility. i have many young siblings, and our schedule mostly revolves around them. there isn’t much time in the schedule for my mom to take me to work, and i haven’t been able to get my license yet. i have a permit, but i haven’t been able to get the hours in since my parents are always busy. my mom works a lot. my parents are separated, and we spend the week at my mom’s, the weekend at my dad’s. since i’m only at his place for two days, i don’t get much time to get things like driving done. so, my parents can’t take me to work, and i can’t drive myself yet. i don’t have any family or friends who are able to either.

i want to start my life, to get away from it all and begin to heal. not only am i still going through abuse, my mothers house is becoming a safety risk. we have lived there for six years, and it hasn’t been taken care of at all. it’s become moldy, very dirty, and it is falling apart. there are holes in the walls, both from violence and from unfinished projects of my fathers doing. we have two dogs, who have ruined our flooring, and contributed to the house being very dirty. they are large, feisty dogs with a past bad history, which leaves them very traumatized and they “behave poorly” (i don’t think of dogs as bad, just neglected and mistreated :((( ) it’s very hard for me to take the responsibility of the dogs, since i have a lot of physical and mental limits. but i am forced to take care of them because no one else will / can.

i have also been homeschooled my entire life, but that has been more like unschooled. when i was younger, my parents did not know that i had adhd or autism, and so they didn’t understand why school was hard for me at times. i excelled in english, history, and science, but totally fell flat in math. by the time i was in fourth grade (2016), i had a college reading level, but couldn’t do simple multiplication. this frustrated my mom, who was my primary teacher, to the point where she stopped schooling me all together. i was expected to teach and discipline myself. when i was fifteen (2022), my therapist became aware of my lack of schooling. she called CPS on my parents because of it. they never ended up showing, but it scared my parents enough that they got me into an online schooling program. i have since had to switch to a different one, and overall had a difficult time with schooling myself. it’s not led by a teacher, you do the lessons yourself. it’s hard for me to keep myself motivated. i have finished almost all of my english assignments available to me, but im still falling behind in math. i don’t know how to pick myself back up. i haven’t even started on history and science yet, as they don’t even have a curriculum for them. i don’t know what to do. i desperately need help and i don’t know where to find it.

if you read all of my sob story, thank you! :D i really appreciate it.

anything helps, $1, advice, anything!!! 💕

[femslashspuffy]

What do you do with a math degree? I've never met anyone who has one 😯

You can do a lot of different jobs. The people at my university in the program (I think there's like 40 of us max) all seem to have different interests. I know some people who want to focus more on the math side of computer science. I have a friend who's doing it because she enjoys math and is applying to law school (math is a very good degree to get for that because they do like to diversify the types of people and math is very vigourous and about problem solving) I know plenty of people who are going to go into teaching or research

I find that a lot of people have misconceptions about math degree math classes too. My school makes me do some of the engineering math curriculum (math is also one of the main degrees engineers switch into) but our major specific classes that they only have a few of a semester are much more abstract. I just took my first junior level class which was all about how to read higher level math and the actual problems we did and numbers we worked with were easy, its more about learning the concepts and the basis for what math is. Im taking advanced calculus this semester and the first thing the teacher told us is that this is not a calculus class

Its super different from what engineering students do but once you get the degree you can do anything that requires specialized or difficult math. My grandpa got the same degree from the same college and he was a rocket scientist. I'll probably end up doing some scientific math but sadly most engineering jobs in the U.S are less than ethical so I wont follow in my grandpa's footsteps

[shepcdr]

random thoughts on shepard in his training days in the alliance, pre mass effect 1:

shepard is incredibly touch averse especially in his younger years... and i think the first and only time he ever got a haircut on base, it fucked him up. plus the px barber wasn't used to dealing with biotics either and to dealing with the static shock. so you ended up with one very freaked out barber and one very cut up and slightly shaken shepard

plus, going every week to get his hair cut and leaving nicked and a little mentally disturbed, and having to pay??? no thank u morons.... he modified his omni-tool fabricator so he can just shear it off on his own... it doesn't look Great but he's all right at it :)

and ofc he made credits off of that. he's pretty resourceful and i think decent at modifying omni-tools — by no means professional, and sometimes if he goes too crazy, the result can be dangerous (which was not necessarily a bad thing in days with the reds..... sometimes you Want something to catch on fire or to blow up). but he gets it done.

he's probably done all sorts of modifications for fellow recruits, for a few credits ofc, and has gotten in trouble for it ... probably a handful of times. i'm sure omni-tools are very standard and everyone's bound to have one, but they probably have standards on omni-tools that recruits are allowed to have. or limits on how Much said omni-tools can fabricate... im sure that shepard Will find a way to get fabricators into a regulated omni-tool ... and that one of his fucked up little creations probably sparked and caused a fire in the barracks at some point... maybe multiple points. (where there is yishai shepard. there is going to be a fire. or something that he's fucked up that Will cause a fire.)

in general, he got in a Lot of trouble during training and had to clean his act up big time. he's just got a penchant for causing shit (or rather. he sees an opportunity to make credits or to gain favours. he Will take said opportunity). it was very difficult fresh out of the reds to get clean. he went cold turkey from red sand/minagen, but basically just switched to heavy drinking, though there were times he nearly relapsed. nearly got kicked out for misconduct a few times, and he did not get along well with anyone — being very antisocial, extremely hard to read, coming in with a history like his, and having very powerful biotic abilities honed to destroy. and rumours of his gang affiliation and about what he was doing for the Reds spread around and made things even more difficult. the old tattoos (not things officially affiliated with the reds until years later, because the reds were still kinda small time/covert/regional) didn't help.

for these reasons and others, i think he has a really nasty history with higher ups, NCOs on power trips, people who were wary of him and sought to keep him under control. not all of them sucked, but the ones who did left lasting impressions, and shepard's attitude (aka just. the way he is) did not help. there were definitely people that didn't fuck with him and that wanted to see him fail.

i think that maybe anderson first came across him in these.. very Trying first couple of years in training. he saw a struggling young man (barely a young man tbh, shepard was in a difficult spot where he was forced to grow to survive and deal with Horrors, but that's!! still a kid!!!). someone who needed a little help and a chance to grow. he probably talked with some people and got future opportunities for shepard — so long as shepard got his shit together — and put him in contact with resources and programs for his personal shit. anderson didn't do a lot of this directly, but he did check in on shepard time to time, and of course higher ups giving him counsel would mention anderson's involvement. and when shepard was ready for it, got through advanced & biotic training, anderson recommended him personally for n7 training... cemented himself in shepard's life as a mentor when there were very few people who filled that role for shepard. shepard doesn't know anderson well, but he is deeply loyal to anderson and attributes his career to anderson seeing him and being willing to give a fucked up kid another chance.

[flango87]

I’m thinking about how we are seeing, and will continue to see, major media and zionists paint Aaron Bushnell as insane, but really this has been the most sane reaction we’ve seen. I want to clarify that I think it’s incredibly important to not glorify Aaron, as I’ve seen some people do, because a) he’s just a person, glorifying is a form of dehumanization, and b) despite any other good work he did, he was still incredibly complicit in this genocide, being a part of the US military. He literally said this. He knew this. So just so we’re clear that I do not intend to glorify him with saying this. But this really was the most sane reaction we’ve seen. He was a person of clarity. Learning about the other work he was doing in community organizations, seeing his posts online, and just all of the thought and preparation put into his self immolation. Not only in the way he did it, so that it was explicitly clear the message he was sending, so that major media couldn’t ignore it, so that the video was sure to be seen, but the act itself. The clarity of it all. And this is exactly what he said, “this will be seen as extreme, but this is what the ruling class has decided is normal”. I’ve been having moments of feeling insane, questioning if I’m losing it because of my reactions to everything happening rn. I’ve been having people question me. I’ve had the general reaction of, ‘yeah, things are bad, but life goes on, you need to find ways to cope’. After Aaron’s protest im questioning my sanity in the opposite way. How am I not doing more? How is everyone not doing more?? Obviously there are a lot of people working hard and doing everything they can, but that’s a select few. The vast, vast majority of people are doing far from enough. Things are continuing as normal, jobs, events, all of it, because we are letting it. Major organizations and people with influence are hosting fundraisers, saying ‘ceasefire now!’, and calling It a day. Idk. I know there is a lot of work going on, and it’s just difficult to see. I know we can’t riot tomorrow and shut it all down, and there is so so much work that needs to happen before the bigger stuff. We need mutual aid programs, education, organization. But still…. Aaron was right. What he did was not extreme at all. We need to be more extreme. And maybe I’m just projecting here, because I know that I should be doing more. But given the extreme weight of our collective situation… protests and workshops look comical next to it. That’s not to say they’re not necessary, or important, but we need to remember the gravity of everything. We need to never allow ourselves to get used to this. We need to never allow this to be normalized. Idk, this is a very messy attempt at sharing my thoughts, but Aarons self immolation has shaken me to my core. I think it has for a lot of people. What he did was intended to be not only a wake up call, but a call to action. Let it call you. Question and push what our society calls ‘reasonable’ every day. Do not become desensitized. Act urgently, but not frantically. Talk to everyone in your life, learn about mutual aid and get involved, join organizations already advocating for justice, and be extreme. Let people think you’re extreme. Reacting in an extreme way is the only sane reaction to an extreme situation. If you’ve read this all, thank you for reading my ramble. I hope you take something from this.

[yellowjacketsfashion]

:) what you do is honestly so impressive, can i ask what your strategy is or some of the steps u take (bc im curious, not asking for an extensive tutorial or anything lol)

Thanks, I try my best! :)

For the most part I use Google’s image search to find items (though Pinterest and Ebay have similar programs that do the same kind of thing). I usually start with a good photo of the item I’m looking for, in this scenario I’m going to use tomorrow’s item as an example.

In this instance we’re looking for Lottie’s pink sweater (Top Left Image). I then click the camera icon and crop the image down to what I’m looking for (pink sweater).

The search will give me results and I look through them to find a similar item (bottom left image shows examples). In this instance, the sweater is really distinct and so it’s not that difficult to point out. The bottom right image shows that I’ve found it on ebay. From there I’d save the original image of Lottie wearing the sweater and a screen shot of the found item and crop them both to be square photos for my post. I’d copy down the found item name and add that underneath the photos on my post before putting it in my queue!

Sometimes items aren’t as easy to find (usually because I can’t find a good picture) and so I have to resort to typing out descriptions of the item. If I was doing that for Lottie’s sweater I’d probably say “pink houndstooth striped sweater” and hope it comes up in the results.

If it doesn’t I usually add what I call “mall stores” to the end of the search to help find it (so like Zara, Forever 21, Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, etc.) I’ve found that at least for the younger cast, items are mostly from stores like that and depending on what the item is, I can usually narrow it down based on the clothes these stores usually carry. What I like so much about the Wildreness wardrobes though is that because they needed multiples, pretty much all the clothes are modern and so I don’t have to look for vintage (which would make this whole thing significantly more time consuming). The older cast is a little harder to find stuff for because as a younger person I’ve usually never heard of the stores their stuff is from or I haven’t shopped there to know what they sell. I know some of the adults also wear vintage clothes and that can also make it harder to find an exact match (though they did use a lot of vintage in the Pilot for the pre-crash scenes apparently).

Some of the hardest items to find are usually flannels and striped shirts (which Yellowjackets has no lack of) due to the colors and patterns being difficult to pick up in the Google searches. Though, because they’re patterned they are usually easier for me to visually identify when I find them. Solid color items are harder because they could literally be from anywhere (this is why I have like no Travis finds). Plus, because I’m looking for items the costume department bought years ago, I’m usually at the whim of people reselling their old clothes online. Over all though, for some reason Adult Taissa’s clothes have been the easiest to find? I think it’s because they’re pretty much all designer and there’s more monetary value in reselling those rather than a forever 21 t-shirt you bought 2-3 years ago.

Besides my own finds I also repost other people’s finds or listings from sites like Spottern and Shopyourtv.com to help add to the content I publish on here. I find those posts to be good filler and helpful for me because it usually makes up for my lack of Adult Yellowjackets items.

In addition, I read/listen to interviews with people like the costume designer because they’re really insightful and usually provide inside information that can help me find items (or give me fun facts).

I know you didn’t want a tutorial but looking back I think I kind of gave you one. I think i covered everything but let me know if you have any other questions! I’d be happy to answer! Either way, I hope you found my process interesting! :)

(Edit to say that Laura Lee is hands down the hardest person to find stuff for because all the clothes are modest and I kind of think the costume department didn’t get them from the stores everyone else got clothes from. Idk though but that’s just my thought.)

[alstroemerian-dragon]

man. thinking about how the survivors all desperately need new hobbies

like. okay. sonia’s a great example. off the top of your head what are her hobbies? probably learning about and researching true crime and the occult, and watching j-dramas/anime, right? but if you really think about it, her fascination with japanese culture very much feels like her just desperately wanting to fit in and massively overcompensating. so while i do think she probably enjoys those shows, theyre definitely not as popular in her kingdom as she claims (not that im saying she’s lying on purpose, just that. well, when you feel embarrassed about someones reaction to you liking something, sometimes you’ll try to make an excuse for why you do yknow), and plus, its not like they have access to a lot of entertainment media for a while post program. as for the occult/true crime stuff…

look me in the eye and tell me junko did not use that against her. do you really think junko enoshima would not see a girl obsessed with the study of serial killers and not try and warp that into a fascination with her?

i think that stuff leaves a bad taste in her mouth now. and after committing and being complicit in the committing of the kind of crimes she used to be fascinated by, its kind of hard to find the joy in that anymore, yknow? the occult stuff could maybe still be enjoyable, but with how often it feels like there are ghosts lurking around every fucking corner and her dreams are filled with screaming corpses its kinda hard to be fanciful about that stuff.

so. girl needs some new hobbies.

its not much better for the others, either. akanes hobbies were basically working out, doing parkour, eating, and sleeping. the first two are downright impossible for the first several months after waking up, and for the foreseeable future any kind of physical activity is going to be, to an extent, difficult just due to how much chronic pain and weakness she’ll probably suffer the rest of her life. she can get to a healthier weight and a stronger muscular build, but its not going to change the fact that she gets out of breath and sore much faster than before. as for eating… well. thats gonna be a sore subject for a while. so all she has left is sleeping, and sleeping all day is, as ive been told by many people, kind of a depression symptom? and theres no way the others would sit back and let her do that.

girl needs some new hobbies!

kazuichi, from what we can tell, had a few more normal hobbies. in game you can find him gaming with chiaki, and he seems to enjoy coming up with schemes and plans for silly stuff, but overall he just loves his tinkering. he may be the ultimate mechanic but first and foremost he just loves fucking with machines and engines and finding out what makes them tick. but even that isnt gonna work anymore. sure, he could game. if they had any fucking consoles. or a working computer network. or any games. but none of that is happening for a while, if ever. as for his tinkering, it’s gotta be a similarly sore subject to sonia’s training and tutoring as a princess. its too closely linked to what he did as a despair, too closely linked to his talent, to not make him feel like screaming when he smells machine polish. i think he definitely could get back to a point where it genuinely brings him joy again, and before that he definitely forces himself to use his talent and knowledge because they need it, but. its a complicated problem.

the guy needs some new fucking hobbies.

and of course… fuyuhiko.

fuyuhiko… doesnt have any hobbies.

like okay can you think of a single thing from the game (or fuck even the anime) that implies that he has anything he actually does For Fun. he has a sweet tooth. hes dedicated to his clan. he went to the zoo with peko one time. he got in fights at school. thats… those arent hobbies. fuyuhiko doesnt have any hobbies!!! someone get this boy some fucking knitting needles or a book to read!!!! please!!!!!!!!!! i think it would genuinely help him a lot to have something to do instead of just sitting and stewing in his own trash fire of a brain speaking from experience. learn to sew, read some fantasy novels, learn to play the guitar, something. im begging you.

and hajime is his own fucking can of worms.

he probably had hobbies before the Horrors. right? he probably played some video games, maybe liked martial arts films, maybe sketched in the margins of his notebooks. rode his bike sometimes. but now? nothing keeps his interest that long. everything becomes monotonous after a while, and sure, sometimes thats the draw. with stuff like fiber crafts the point is sometimes making it muscle memory so you have something to do with your hands. but other times its not. and his ability to basically excel in most things you put in front of him has to be so fucking boring after a while. a lot of the point of having hobbies is that you arent perfect. the draw is learning, is getting better. even reading can become nothing when any nonfiction book has knowledge in it you already know and any fiction book you can intuit the ending from the first few pages. he probably reads Lightning Fast now too, so it cant hold his interest for long.

he probably has to constantly be switching hobbies and outlets. cant stay on one thing too long, or the ennui starts to set in. that sounds miserable.

someone get these kids some hobbies, man

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

hi fang what’s ur opinion on age gaps

(my partner and i have a 6 year age gap im 21 and he’s 26 currently and we’ve been together for a little over a year and i never thought it was weird until age gap debates started kinda blowing up on tiktok and twitter so it’s been making me feel a little ?????)

can i be honest? i do not think im old enough to give u any real insight on this !! im about the same age as u and i feel like it would be difficult for me to sincerely give u any input as 1. i have never seriously dated someone significantly older than me 2. i dont know what being in the older persons shoes is like

if u are asking specifically for my two cents, i do have a lot of friends and family who are in that age range and in my personal opinion - it is a bit of a tricky gap to like?? justify ig

some of my good friends irl are like seniors from a programming thing im apart of and they're all like mid twenties. think 24-27. and even though the gap between us is only a few years they have a lot more experience and maturity than me in a way i find really noticeable. like they all have fairly serious and adult careers and i am a college student

its not a illegal and i dont think its like Weird Weird. but i have a hard time thinking about why a person in a completely different stage of life would have taken serious interest in me ig? my boyfriend is only a year older than me and bc we're both in college even that can feel like a very noticeable thing. so five years feels very significant??

that being said also i think age gap discourse can generally be very?? again i dont think its Weird Weird. like you need to run right now. but i guess i would sit and reflect on other aspects of the relationship. bc i dont know if i believe that just being older would cause problems

but i think given the stages of both of your lives it's inevitably going to cause some friction, and because you're so much younger than them - you are more at risk at going with their beliefs because you inadvertently believe they know more than you/they treat you like they know more than you. not always intentionally, but in general it happens.

its not that its weird in an illegal way, but i wonder if someone at a completely different stage of life can see you with the same amount of agency because the first like. 7 years of your adulthood are incredibly significant to ur development 18-25 is so transformative in terms of adulthood

all age gap discourse is null to me if both parties are closer to their late twenties. so if you were like 25 and 31 i'd be like. dont listen to these people lmao. but we're both very small with mush brain so i think its worth reflecting on.

[schizosupport]

Hi Glitch!

So I’m schizoaffective, and one of the traits I really struggle with is memory recall. It makes learning in any formal/tradition sense extremely difficult because everything’s based on quizzing, and when I get something wrong I can’t physically remember/keep track of what the correct/wrong thing is. To demonstrate, if I spell a word wrong and get corrected, I’ll remember both spellings-the right and the wrong but I won’t be able to recall which is which. The more I try over and over the less I’m able to grasp the correct one.

What does work for me is correct repetition. So if I want to learn to spell something writing the correct spelling using a reference over and over-if I never give myself the chance to get it wrong there’s only one thing to remember and it’ll be correct. This has worked really well for me for self directed learning.

Anyways, I’m trying to learn a cultural language I don’t speak natively (it’s extremely important to me). Im extremely low income so I’m doing it with free sources, not formally with classes. But all the free sources involve quizzes and it’s hard bc when it’s simple shit (for example one word translations like “what’s the word for dog?”) it’s easy for me to look it up so I never get it wrong, but when it’s more complicated shit online translators are often wrong. This goes double bc the language I’m working with uses characters so a lot of language learning things don’t have anything in my target language in the first place.

Which is why I’m writing you! I was wondering if you or any of your followers have found any additional hacks for this? I know a lot of us have these memory recall issues and I don’t think I’m the only one attempting to be multilingual. The hack of “look up the right answer” has gotten me really far, but it seems I’m reaching the limitations. And “just talk to people”/“hire a tutor” or “don’t learn a language” don’t really work for my situation.

Thank you so much in advance!

Hey there! So as I understand it, you need a lot of correct repetition to commit something to memory and are looking for resources or tips on how to accomplish that, or a different approach.

So for language learning, I don't know if this is helpful, but something I've used in the past to help me memorize things is a program called Anki. It's essentially a nifty little flashcard program. You may be able to find community made flashcard collections for the language you're learning, but if not, you can also make your own sets.

It basically works in a way where you choose how many cards you want to review per day, and then you basically see the card and then you think of the answer yourself. And then you get the answer. And then you click if it was easy, hard, in-between etc. And then the program makes sure you'll see it more times during the session until you are confident in that one, and then they all come on a roster so you'll get new ones over time, while still reviewing older ones automatically.

It was really helpful to me for when I was having the neurological psychology course because there was a lot of memorization involved, which is not my strong suit either.

Aside from that, the best I can suggest is trying to see if you can find communities online or offline of other learners, where you can encourage each other and have little interactions in the language. If it's possible.

Another thing that has really helped me in the past for learning foreign languages, is to try to get creative with it. So whenever I learned a new term or sentence structure or whatever, I used it to write little simple dialogues that were more iconic/easier to remember and gave me the option to use it for myself.

I hope some of this might be helpful, though it's more general advice.

Best of luck with it!

[tera-91]

Wild month ...

I cant believe I went all spooky season without posting.

Well I wrote something and left my computer for a few hours and I don’t know what happened but all that I wrote that morning was just gone.

No, like a silly person I did not save before I left but there was another word doc I had open too that I hadn’t saved but that one was recovered …

Anyway it wasn’t too informative other than I was nervous about what might happened when my manager came back from leave. Honestly it was almost too accurate…

I walked in and my hands almost immediately started to shake with barely a good morning. It took less than an hour for this manager to get grumpy about something that was going on I don’t remember what it was. I could tell the schedule was going to be an issue since this manager kept checking out the next schedule the other manager put out throughout the day. To my *not* shock this manager asked why I wasn’t scheduled outside my availability as far as working in the evening. Not that this manager cared that I was scheduled EVERY day I usually have off or that I had two days off that I typically work due to a thing my sibling and I are going to. Oh no that was not a concern but the fact that I was not scheduled to work the late shift.

The whole time this manager has been gone Ive been putting in job applications either to get a second job or to just have a back up plan if I reach my breaking point again.

Part of me has considered to just quit … again. Once I get into the program I want to at school if the last years schedule is going to be similar to this new year coming up I would be in class the majority of the day 3 days a week. I already work, typically 4 days a week.

The way the schedule currently is, I’m not completely sure how to write it out. So I would have class on at least 2 days I’m typically off of work. I usually work on a day I would have to have class and there’s no switching that class day around so the only way for me to keep the number of hours is for me to work on the third day I typically have off or for me to work a few hours on probably at least 2 of the days that I have class without going beyond the time of day I can work.

Basically I just wouldn’t have a day off between the two at all or if I worked on a day or two I would have class I might have one day a week free. That’s like 50 hours a week just in work and class not including any kind of homework. I think its recommended you spend 2 or 3 hours per credit hour between homework and studying. That’s another like 18 to 30 hours. So that inflates my week to nearly 70 or 80 hours. I know some people do that routinely but still.

I have a difficult enough time just making sure I get assignments in on time and making time to study since I work the day before exams as it is.

I know that is a while away so I don’t think too much about it other than I need to find something else before that happens. Hell with the way the manager made me feel on day 1 of us working together after their return Im like I need to put a heavy foot on the grind to get my side projects done. Just need to get something to the point that I would feel comfortable to not work. The second day wasn’t much better. Getting all huffy and puffy because I am not an octopus and cant do 3 things at the same time. Without going into too much detail I was working on an immediate two part issue that would take less than 2 minutes to resolve since at the time I was already half way done when this manager said no that I was to do something else now. This thing *couldn’t* wait even though there was not an immediate issue with it other than I guess this manager was afraid they were going to inadvertently throw it out since they were going around the place throwing stuff out. I swear this individual asks questions with little to no context but doesn’t give me enough time to even register what they are referring to. That or they want something done and I just got to the point of absolutely not. I mean I think I was asked to do two or three things last shift that the manager ended up asking my coworker to do since I still doing what was previously asked on me. I’m not slow at my job but also when we have so many interruptions and tasks randomly asked of us not immediate to what we are doing. I almost said to just write me a list of the items you want me to complete in the next idk how long was left in the shift but I would get them all done.

Anyway, due to this manager’s task allocations (which in my opinion they give themselves too much busy work or whatever that makes things harder for them that they give out tasks they could more aptly complete) the next shift is more than likely going to start “behind the ball.” Which means I’m going to have to clean it up on my next shift.

This manager is back and with less than a handful of shifts working with this individual I’m back to being a jittery mess. I don’t want to go to work knowing they will be there. I’m practically holding my breath every time they speak. Watching every word I say, I try to joke to make light of the stressful environment, but it just gets thrown back at me. Or waiting to see if im going to be on the end of a conversation that feels like an interrogation. Wondering if they will go off about something. Say something that makes me feel dumb (I’m a bit dyslexic especially with numbers and I haven’t been diagnosed officially but my sibling says I have adhd so I do know I make little mistakes here and there but not anything that someone else doesn’t sometimes do as well). FFS Im up at 4am writing this because I cant sleep and ive been up for over an hour, maybe 2 at this point already. It’s fine since I have the day off as im writing this but still. How many more nights will I sleep maybe 4 or 5 hours before waking up unable to fall back asleep.

I hate to sound like a broken record. Mostly because I tell myself that I will do these things and then procrastinate and not do them. I’m going to do my best to hold myself to it. The only thing I think I can do is, well hopefully not burn out while doing it, but to spend as much time as possible on my side projects. Something. Maybe on my days that I work its just an hour but on the days im off its at least 3 to 5 hours. Spend time writing and editing and recording. Like the days that Im off that I have the mental capacity to it ill write, record and do the creative editing, while on the days that I work ill do the things that are a little less mentally draining like just the audio scrubbing.

[roasted-rescues]

Woman Who Paid To Euth Dog Doesn't Share Full Story

Like seriously does this not sound fishy to anyone else?

The quick TL;DR;

O adopts dog from rescue

Dog gets sick; goes to ER and GP vet clinics

Is quoted up to $12k in diagnostics, which O said she would have found a way to pay

According to O, 3 Different vets say that with diagnostics, they may not find what's wrong, and if they do find what's wrong, there's a good chance they can't fix it

Owner takes some pills to see if it helps, it does not

Vets bring QOL into question and suggest euth

O waits a month before making a decision

Talks to rescue, rescue remains non-judgmental about euth but does urge O to euth at a place that allows her to be with her dog or to surrender animal back to them

O brings animal to the shelter to use low-cost euth program; pays $15 but can't be with animal for euth

The shelter has a clause in bold when signing papers that the animal is being surrendered, and they may not euth if their exam finds the animal adoptable

The shelter finds the animal is treatable, sends it back to the rescue where it receives $7k in diagnostics and treatment

Previous O finds out dog is alive, says she would pay the $7,000 cost to get Beau back

She no longer passes the rescue's adoption process as a result and is denied adoption

Owner 'wants answers' A few things I see people saying;

No place would force owners to not be with their animals for euth. Yes, some places would; IME, shelters offering low cost euth tend to do this (though not all). Likely due to liability insurance being different for places meant for employees vs places clients are allowed to be in. Why would the rescue suggest euthanasia? The wording the rescue used made it very clear they were taking a non-judgmental approach; 12k is nothing to scoff at and we don't assume most pet owners can drop that kind of money quickly. The issue the rescue seemed to have, was that the O elected to use a low-cost program that didn't allow the O to be present for euthanasia. But she PAID for EUTHANASIA! Technically, she paid to surrender the animal according to documents signed. She requested euthanasia, but that request may be denied according to the fine bold print here

Something else really rubs me the wrong way. She was quoted up to 12k, and sounds like it would have been hard to meet but she was willing to work for it. Now she's willing to drop 7k to adopt the dog back. Money isn't stated as the issue here, it seems it was the poor prognosis and potential pain.

But, she didn't elect euthanasia quickly. She waited a whole month! Why not, during that time, do some diagnostics if money isn't an issue and obviously time isn't an issue? It just

Don't get me wrong, I 100% understand euth for an animal that would cost 12k to keep alive. I understand euth for an animal that will suddenly cost 7k to keep alive. Hell even half that. I don't even care that she is using a program meant for the underprivileged to get a procedure done at low cost. What bristles my back is that she's now slamming this rescue and shelter and dropping their name, whom need positive public opinion to keep their shit running to continue saving animals. She's smearing the vet med industry, for 3 vets all giving her the 'incorrect' prognosis and suggesting euthanasia too soon, but she won't name them. I wonder if it's because they have more information to add that she doesn't want shared. The vet also doesn't have her dog, so there's no reason to put them on blast.

I can't imagine the difficult decision some owners go through with just surrendering their animals, let alone electing to euthanize through programs that can't have owners present. And then later finding their dog available for adoption. It must be very traumatic. But, I can't say there's many 'questions' here that haven't been answered, and I can't help but feel this big stink is more of a way to twist the rescue's arm to give her her dog back.

[roseamongroses]

Okay, okay, okay. Important context for my interpretation of Riri [MCU and Comics]

[one] I have not read all of her comic material, but I've read a few of the major arcs and sometimes refresh with the wiki. as such i might reference specific panels/ compare but im not really in the position to find the specific issue/ source atm so some details may need to be taken with a grain of salt.

[two] And I've personally headcanon her as neurdivergent. She's never been given a specific "diagnosis" in the comics, but we know she struggles with making connections/ social interactions, struggles with understanding dealing with her feelings, has been noted as being "disruptive" when she gets bored, and becomes very fixated on her goals/ tasks often leading her to forgetting to sleep, eat, etc. This does color my view of her personality, because she can become very single-minded when pursuing her goals, often at the expense of her health and I think that's important to note when examining her actions later on.

-the broke genius-

I think it is a common misconception to assume that character's who are "geniuses" in one field, should be competent in other aspects of their lives/ career. I think Riri is a good example of someone with good ideas, big ideas, but she's someone who does not like playing by other people's rules. She feels like her work speaks for herself and the rest should fall in line, but of course that's not how it really works.

For example, you can be really good at art, but if you don't understand or participate in the business/ networking side of things it can be difficult to have a longstanding career. Riri may have great ability, but she gets antsy when she thinks the "proper channels" aren't fast enough to get to where she's going. In the comics, she's presented her work to potential investors, but she she's so resistant to the whole "spectacle" of doing business the proper way.

In order to make Stark level's type of money, you not only need investors, but the ability to understand the market, source materials, outsource labor you cannot do yourself, and build connections, etc, etc [i have a fashion degree, not a business degree, just know there are a lot of moving parts behind the scenes] The A.I alone takes up a lot of energy. Maintaining and building upon a suit ready for the market requires so much more. And a lot of that requires compromise. Compromising ideas. Compromising ethics.

Riri is nothing but stubborn. She has a vision, she wants that and doesn't want to settle for less and doesn't want diversions. Stark is similar in a way. Most of his involvement in the company is delegated to others eventually so he can dedicate more time to his vices [science, substances, women, etc]

Also, its important to note that she entered the MIT program very young. She wasn't calling home often, she probably rarely visited, and was freshly traumatized. While her physical needs were most likely supported, her emotional needs were most likely buried as she got more involved in academia. Teenagers don't always make the best decisions and it seems like the adults in Riri life often took a "hands off" approach to give her grace rather then confront her head on.

-the girl-

I think people take what Riri says at face value a lot of the time because she doesn't shrink herself when she gets cornered. She lashes out, she makes noise. I think her insecurities are just as big as her ego. She's not humble, but that doesn't mean she isn't driven by fear and anxiety. It's like when animals fluff up to look bigger to predators.

In saying that-- I think a lot of her decisions are driven emotionally rather then based solely on logic. She's Ironheart for a reason. She has a big heart and it moves her to acting often before she has the reason behind it, before she understands it.

Her obsession with building the suit can symbolize a lot of things and she gives us a lot of reasons behind it, but she doesn't get into it fully. I think because its so intertwined with her identity and her experiences, she has difficulty explaining it to others. But what we do know about the suit--is that its useful. It'll reduce the response time of first responders. It'll making saving people faster--better. It's worthy of praise, of dignity, of respect. She grew up in a world that saw the existence of Iron Man as a signifier of World Peace. She didn't know about the messy parts. The alcohol. The anxiety attacks. The people lost. But she does know that when people see that suit-- they have hope.

"I built it because I could."

And that's a loaded statement, because there are so many ways to interpret that.

At face value--it looks avoidant. Flippant. Even egotistical. But, the ability to act when you want, because you want it isn't always guaranteed.

There are so many people who freeze up, who look the other way, who simply decide not to act. People who are taken at their prime, before their prime, who never get the chance. People who decide not to pursue their dreams. Who decide not to speak up. Who decide that the cost isn't worth the risk.

Thinking about the incident that killed her Step-father and Friend, I think it'd be reasonable to assume that if given the chance, she would've wanted to save them no matter what.

Why do you build the suit? Why are you a hero? Because she can. Because she has had the privilege of surviving[surviors guilts a bitch ]--of being saved herself. She has the drive, the ability to create something that inspires hope, that save lives, when so many people can't. [This is also what makes the upcoming conflict so interesting, but ill refrain from posting specifics bc ik a lot of people are still watching]

Starting Ironheart and this doesn’t really makes sense . Riri is clearly a genius . It should be easy for her to patent a few minor inventions and become a millionaire . Did the university trap her in a shitty contract to steal her potential or is it just bad writing to make her look stupid when it comes to money ?

[fantasmafanta]

chipspeech rambles so i dont explode

hi this is prolly gonna be a long post that makes no sense srry i just need to brainrot dump. but most important thing if ur not weird and you like chipspeech PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dm me here so i can give you my discord or instagram where i am actually active more ahhhhhh.

ok anyway blue robots woohoo. these little bastards have been stuck in my brain for like a month now and its just gotten worse. the cool thing about chipspeech is it like doesnt entirely go with the rest of the vocal synth/vocaloid fanbase but rather than being its own seperate things its like this neat little extension of it in like multiple ways. it not only is just a really cool software that tried a lot of new cool things that we dont really see with like vocaloid and synthv and stuff but it also kinda shows the history of how we got to the point of modern vocal synth software in a cool way! even if you dont dive into it like i have you still get the basic “oh well voder was made in like 1939 and it had to be operated by hand how cool” and like through chipspeech you kinda get to see the evolution of how we got to where we are now and i think that thats really neat. 

but then if youre a nerd like me you get to have a ton of fun diving into all of the history and cool old tech stuff. liking chipspeech has made me find a new interest in old computers/tech/software/videogames do i fully understand how they work? hell no! do i love looking at them and having them explained to me by some dude on youtube? hell yeah!! and like its just so cool to go in and research the machines/softwares that inspired the chipspeech bots because even though its difficult sometimes you get to see these advances made and how each one differs from each other in how it was made, how it was operated, its function, etc. and thats SO. FREAKING. AWESOME. like dude have you seen the video of one of the tests for the votrax?? (the one that bert gotrax is based on) if you havent basically it was made so that people with disabilities so they couldnt talk could have conversations over the phone. they tested it by trying to order a pizza using only the software. it took like 3 tries before someone took them seriously and they got the pizza. and the moment they were like “yeah deliver that to the msu computer center” i got so excited cuz that just felt so badass!! like put yourself in their shoes, its 1974, you’re testing your new speech program, and it finally worked. a room full of people, a camera, a news broadcast (iirc), theyre all watching you struggle to order this pizza and then you finally do it and get to tell them to deliver it at the lab you just proved your intelligence to and fehjvddsujfs i cant explain my thinking but DUDE its just so cooooooolllllll!!!!!!! 

but like yeah i need to rant cuz in one of my lovely friend’s words i need to “GET THESE QUEERS OUT OF MY BRAIN!!” (a silly thing my irl said) also like i love the way the voices sound. like yeah sometimes i have no clue what theyre saying but thats not the point of chipspeech!! like vosim has such a nice buzzy voice and like dee no matter their range just sounds so.... great. i dont even know how to describe it it just makes my brain sooooo happy. like sam to most people would be like static weird... idk man but i loooove the staticky sounds theyre just so neat. but its so hard to find nice chipspeech covers/songs. luckily im starting to find how to discover chipspeech stuff but its still so difficult :(

and like fanart and general fan content toooooo how do i find it?? i think the answer is i dont but that makes me sad. cuz the twitters are no longer active and its never been very popular so it doesnt seem like we get much. and literally the only discord server for chipspeech is run by... not-so-great (from what ive seen/heard) people in the fanbase. even if the main accusations arent true it still seems to be a safe space for proshippers which makes me feel icky sooo. help. 

anyway im not re-reading through this so like sorry its so long and makes no sense i just need to get chipspeech thoughts out. if you like it PLEASE TALK TO ME!!!! im losing my mind ahhh

[jimlingss]

(sorry my tumblr app glitched so im not sure if this was sent twice) taking a chance for the requests! how about a seokjin or namjoon arranged marriage au with this: “Am I your lockscreen?” “You weren’t supposed to see that.” 🎄 happy holidays!!

↳ Playground Promises

1.9k || 100% Light Fluff || Kim Seokjin

The bell rings.

Moments later, children are sprinting from the doors and flooding the playground. You watch in fondness as some climb the monkey bars while others sit and dig into the sandbox. All of them were forging their first friendships they’ll remember forever and you were their witness.

This is one of your favourite times of day. You enjoy seeing the kids have their fun, listening to their laughter and giggles, watching their games of tag to play pretend. But today, your enjoyment is interrupted by a certain male teacher that comes to stand behind you.

Tall. Dark. And handsome. His broad shoulders carry the weight of the third-grade class and practically the entire elementary school. But you’d never admit that out loud.

“It’s a bit chilly out today. You should’ve brought your coat with you.”

You hum.

Every staff member, married and single, swoons over Kim Seokjin. It’s hard not to. But if others knew what your relationship was with him, you’re sure you’d never hear the end of it. The kids would make a big fuss and so would all the staff and faculty, and you’d rather avoid that.

“I didn’t know you were on playground duty today.”

“I switched with Sana,” he says and leans over to smile. “Thought you could use some company.”

You scoff. “She’s perfectly fine company.”

The corner of his plump lip pulls. “If you want to talk about the mathletes program. And I’m pretty sure you don’t.”

Before you can respond, a boy approaches the two of you with pink cheeks and wind-swept hair. “Mr. Kim, can I go to the bathroom?” the third-grader asks in the midst of catching his breath and the older man nods.

“Go ahead. But don’t run in the hallway, Lucas.” 

Said boy grins and dashes off.

Seokjin turns to you and lowers his voice. “My mom’s been asking about the kids.”

Your brows furrow. “Why? They’re a good bunch.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t mean your class’ kids, I mean our kids.”

You blink owlishly. “There are no our kids.”

“That’s the problem.”

You sigh and roll your eyes. “Wasn’t getting married enough for them?”

Seokjin shrugs with a faint, mischievous smile. “They want to go out for brunch with your parents this Sunday. Are you free?”

“When am I not free?” you retort lightly, but slip your phone out of your pocket to check your calendar anyhow. Seokjin glances over to your screen and once you finish, you slip it back into your pocket. “I have some marking to do, but I’ll probably finish by then.”

“Okay.” The pair of you turn back to continue monitoring the children playing and you’re glad to revel in the silence that’s been created between you. But after a beat, Kim Seokjin pipes up again. You don’t know why you’re surprised. He’s quite the talkative guy. “Hey, Y/N.”

You look over and he meets your eye.

He asks, “Am I your lock screen?”

Your face heats. If you were once cold, now you were warm from head to toe. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” you mumble. It was just a picture from the other day and you wanted to change things up on your phone. You had nothing else to use. It was convenient. That’s it.

Your entire relationship with him is built on convenience. At least...on his side it is.

Still, Seokjin grins and fortunately, he doesn’t tease.

You rush to change the subject. “A-Anyway, yeah, Sunday works for me. But we should probably talk about this after work.”

“Why? No one’s around.” His smile is spread from ear to ear and he leans in, whispering, “Are you that scared of people finding out we’re married?”

Immediately, you whip your head in all directions. Luckily, there’s no kid or nosy faculty member. You turn back to him, glaring. “I already said, I like to keep my private life under wraps.”

“I remember. But if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were embarrassed of me.”

You scoff and a murmur unintentionally spills out of you, “That’s impossible.”

You don’t notice Seokjin’s smile.

It’s been three months since you got married. It was a summer wedding. More importantly, it was an arranged marriage. And not because you were both wealthy and needed to be wedded to get the inheritance under some arbitrary contract rule or because it was your grandmother’s dying wish. No. You live a much more mundane, normal life than the dramas, movies and books.

It was your mom who threw a fuss. She was scared you’d be alone and unmarried, an old maid like your aunt — you didn’t say it, she just heavily implied it. But following her practically senile meltdown, you agreed. Partly to appease her worries and partly just out of curiosity.

You always wanted to get married. And deep down, you always wanted your own kids. But at the rate you were going, you had a feeling you wouldn’t be able to meet someone on your own.

What you didn’t expect on that blind date was for the other person to be Kim Seokjin, third grade teacher. Down the hall from you at the school. Someone across the room every lunchtime. Your dads were apparently long time colleagues, but Jin was still as equally shocked as you were during that first meeting. Yet, he easily agreed to getting married when you brought it up. Even when it was only after two months of occasionally seeing one another outside of your workplaces.

You still don’t know why he said yes.

“Ms. L/N!”

You’re torn out of your trance by a little girl at your knees. 

She pouts. “Jennie won’t let me play on the slide!”

“Did you ask her to share?”

“Yes!”

Before any more can be said, she drags you over and Seokjin trails after you. There’s another girl with brown braided hair climbing on the slide, and she swivels her head over as the two of you approach, eyes the size of saucers. 

“Are you taking turns, Jennie?” you ask her, and she vigorously nods.

“I am!”

“Well, you’ve been on it for a while. How about Lisa takes a turn next.”

“Okay,” she draws out and gets off of the slide before turning to her friend. “Here you go.”

It’s always little problems you have to solve — from sharing to knee scrapes and monkey bar accidents. Sometimes it’s difficult for the children to compromise, difficult for them to apologize and difficult for you to find a good solution. But you undoubtedly wish your own issues were this simple.

While you’re stuck in your thoughts, you miss Jin watching you fondly. 

“You’re good with kids,” he says as you move out of the way of running children and walk back to the perimeter.

“I wouldn’t be doing this job if I wasn’t. But I deal with older kids much better.” There’s a reason you teach fifth graders and not any lower than that. Seokjin knows it too.

“Remember when we had to supervise that kindergarten class together?”

You shudder. “It was a nightmare.”

“You weren’t that bad,” he tries to say but then laughs. You feign a glare, and he adds on, “Okay. I’m sorry, but I still mean it. It’s not as terrible as you thought. You’d make a good mom.” 

At that, your glare vanishes in favour of furrowing brows. You really shouldn’t, but you can’t help it when curiosity pries — so you break your own rule against discussing private matters at work. 

“Do you want my kids?”

Seokjin is wide-eyed and he turns to you. “Why not? We’re married.”

“Yeah….but…”

“But? Do you not want kids?” 

“No! I definitely want them,” you declare, almost a bit too boldly. He nods and you explain, “It’s just...I don’t know if you’re serious.”

Seokjin blinks. “I’m being perfectly serious.”

“I mean I don’t know if we’re serious.” You add, “Enough to have kids.”

“What’s more serious than being married?” Jin has a genuinely inquisitive and amused expression, head quirked to the side. 

You inhale a sharp breath and his gaze coaxes you to go on, so you do. “It’s just that you agreed so quickly to be married to me. It doesn’t….feel real. I don’t know if you wanted to marry me, if you did it on a whim, if this is some kind of joke—”

He frowns. “This isn’t a joke, Y/N. I wanted to marry you.”

Your mouth hangs open. Your eyes are rounded.

“Wh—”

“Mrs. L/N!” You’re interrupted by your fifth-grader, Park Jimin. He sprints to you, huffing and puffing, before leaning his hands onto his knees to catch his breath. “Have you seen Taehyung?! We’re playing tag!”

“No, I haven’t.”

Jin suddenly points to the left. “He went that way.”

Jimin books it.

Silence fills the spaces between you and Seokjin again, but it isn’t like normal. It’s filled with unanswered questions and the suspenseful cliffhanger of an unfinished conversation. The laughter of kids on the playground and field resound around you, but for the first time, you don’t listen to it. 

It fades into the background as you turn to Seokjin, wanting to know more. “What did you just say?”

The man smiles softly. “You have to know.”

“I don’t,” you assert. “So tell me.”

“I’ve always liked you.”

You blink and he continues, “Since you substituted for the art teacher and I saw you squirt red paint all over yourself. It’s something I couldn’t forget. Plus, the way you draw those stick people.” Seokjin laughs heartily and you’re trapped in your spot, unsure of how to react or what to say. He reads your expression and softens. “Did you really think I would rush into a marriage if I didn’t have feelings for you?”

“I…” Your mouth is agape. “I don’t know. Why did we never talk about this?”

Seokjin shrugs. “You never asked and I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable if you didn’t feel the same way. I knew you married me for convenience.”

“That’s not true,” you retort within a beat. This whole time, you thought he married you for convenience sake. But it wasn’t entirely like that for you.

Seokjin’s eyes are big and you swallow down your embarrassment. “Isn’t it obvious every single breathing person loves you? It’s hard not to.”

Slowly but surely, a grin spreads into Seokjin’s puffy cheeks and he’s smiling from ear to ear again. “Well, you’re very good at hiding it then.”

Suddenly, the bell rings.

All the children reluctantly climb off the equipment, some dusting their hands while others grabbing their friends, and they rush into their lineups. There’s a few stranglers lugging their legs while groaning. But busy in their small playground worlds, no one turns around to notice you leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to Seokjin’s mouth. It’s shy and brief, like the first peck exchanged between two for the first time. And you pull away just as fast, lips left tingling.

“We can continue this later, Mr. Kim.”

You stride off while Seokjin’s left smiling. After a breathless moment, he chases after you like children who have just made promises of their first love on the playground.

[soramei]

Intentional - Part 2

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Landing your first real job at JYPE was something short of a miracle. You were prepared to face the new struggles of this elusive career whilst moving to a new country, however, nothing could have prepared you for him. Will stolen glances, secret touches, and hushed nights spent in the recording room ever be enough for the both of you?

Genre: idol!bang chan au, forbidden relationship, coworkers to eventual lovers, slow burn

Warnings: none right now, eventual smut,

Word Count: 5.2k

Masterlist

A/N: o my god i did not expect so many people to have read the first part… even if only one person reads im still happy :D anyways heres the second part (i swear bang chan wont just be a side character later on hhahaha)

The insistent beeping of the alarm on your phone was what first woke you up from your dazed sleep. Your head still pounded from the night before, and frankly, you were ready to get fired for an extra five minutes of sleep. Tapping the ‘cancel’ button on your phone, you flipped over head down on your pillow to find the beautiful dreamland you were in. However, after just five more minutes, the triggering beeping of your backup alarm took you out of your slumber again, this time really waking you up. 

You trudge towards your bathroom, still dreading the day, on your way to take a shower. Thankfully, the steam from the warm shower combined with the fragrant smell of your conditioner slightly woke you up and dampened the aching in your head. 

Being drastically more awake than before, you made your way over to your kitchen to prepare breakfast. You opened the fridge, mind blank, just staring at the empty shelves. I seriously need to do some grocery shopping, you thought before grabbing an egg. 

You struggled to turn on the stove, not knowing which knob correlated to which burner. Turning a random one, you flinched when an excessive amount of fire appeared. However, after an embarrassingly long amount of time, you finally figured out the stove. Why are there still gas range stoves when electrical stoves exist? You wondered. 

You looked at the sad cooked egg in front of you. 

Was this really how you were going to live from now on? You cursed your whole family for spoiling you so much back home. Sure you were grateful for being able to live with your family for twenty three years, but the consequences of your mother making a fuss when you tried to cook for yourself was really showing now. 

You were about to dig into your lonely meal when your phone buzzed all of a sudden. Taking a quick peek at it, you saw Na-eun’s name flash up. You beamed with joy. Although you already worked up the nerve to be the first one to contact her, you were thankful she did first to break the tension. However, there was a small — microscopic even — part of you that wondered: what if that were Bang Chan?

You unlocked your phone. 

Na-eun: Hey! I know it’s kinda last minute, but do you wanna meet for breakfast?

Na-eun: There’s a café five minutes away from the building. 

Na-eun: ^-^

Smiling to yourself, you quickly typed a reply.

Y/n: Sure! My breakfast looks too sad to eat… 

Y/n: ^-^

In a flash, you stuffed your egg into a plastic tupperware container and put it in the empty fridge before booking it out your door, making sure to carefully enter the passcode to lock it before running to the staircase. You almost tripped over the stairs going down as you tried to sprint and text Na-eun at the same time. Checking the maps app on your phone, you told her how long it would take for you to arrive at the café. 

Na-eun: Do you mind if I bring my roommate? She keeps complaining about how boring it is at home haha.... 

Na-eun: She’s really nice though! ^^;

You happily agreed since you weren’t in the position to turn down another potential friend. Already two potential friends? You were so excited. 

There was a bounce in your steps as you made your way down to the subway. Scanning your card, you made your way to the big group of people on the platform and waited for your train. Taking the subway was so new, yet refreshing. There was something exciting about seeing a brand new set of people board the cart every stop, it was almost like refreshing your Instagram feed over and over again. 

After just a couple minutes more of waiting, your subway came. You naturally found your way in by shuffling along with the flock of people and found a good place to stand. 

You surveyed your cart. Some high school students, a few elderly, and many many businesspeople dressed in attire very similar to you. They all seemed to be busy on their cellular devices, so you quickly pulled yours out as well, eager to blend in. Your little Tamagotchi friend was happy to see you. 

The sound of the automated woman’s voice was what drew you out of your concentration, as she announced that the subway would be stopping at your destination next. When the subway stopped, the sea of people rushed out in a big tidal wave and you just went along with the flow. 

The map posted on a big pillar in the station was difficult to read at first, but after embarrassingly asking a station officer, you were confident you knew where you were going. The station was big with many interwoven hallways, each connecting to a different location. It had a couple shops and convenience stores located along the sides where students running late could buy some bread or tired businesspeople could inject their early morning dose of caffeine. 

You weaved your way through the long halls, confident that you could remember how you got out the right exit yesterday. Finally, after passing by many familiar stores and signs, you eventually made it above ground at the right exit. It was a cloudy September morning, the wind flew past you at just the right speed to elicit a slight shiver. You curse yourself for not bringing a jacket in your rush to the café. The streets were busy with cars zooming by, but it was nowhere near as congested as the subway traffic.

You started following your phone’s GPS to the marked location, and after a couple minutes, you spot the café. You immediately recognized it as a chain café as you’ve seen a few more of these scattered around the city as you got around. This one, however, appeared to be larger than the others (presumably because it was near so many big name companies) as it had three floors in total. 

You texted Na-eun, telling her you’ve arrived. She let you know that they were both in one of the booths on the second floor, so you decided to order before heading up. Walking over to the cashier, you scanned their massive menu, trying to find what you were looking for.

“One mango juice, please.” You politely ordered. “And also a slice of the red velvet cake.”  

After you had paid, you waited patiently, hands folded in front of you for your food. Because it wasn’t busy in the morning, it wasn’t that long until one of the baristas handed your food to you on a tiny plastic tray and you started making your way up. You reached the top floor and scanned your eyes around the room to find a familiar face. 

“Y/n!” Na-eun waved.

You waved back and made your way over. She was in the booth, and there was another girl sitting beside her. 

“Y/n, this is my roommate Yoojin.” She smiled at you and made a gesture towards the smaller girl sitting beside her. She was a fluffy haired girl. Her appearance was puppy-like, with her wide eyes and a large smile that was almost too big for her face. 

“Hi Yoojin.” You said as you sat down. 

“Hi Y/n! Na-eun told me about you yesterday. It seems like you have similar jobs.” She looked back at you with wide eyes. “But I think you got luckier because you actually get to interact with the idols.” 

“I think both of us are lucky to even be working there,” you chuckled, “plus, I don’t actually get to be working directly with the artists. I could only wish.” You joked. 

“Still extremely lucky, Na-eun told me she saw Bang Chan and Felix from Stray Kids at your building’s cafeteria yesterday.” Her hair bounced. “Finally, now I can say I’ve indirectly met famous people.” 

You and Na-eun both laughed. Although Yoojin looked the same age as you, there was something about the way she acted that just seemed so precious and innocent — like a little sister. How old was she anyway?

“Yoojin’s younger than me by a few years,” Na-eun said as if she read your thoughts, “She graduated university a year early. Top of her programming class. She knows everything about technology; one time, I stupidly forgot the passcode to my P.O. box and she cracked it for me in less than fifteen minutes.”

“Stop it.” Yoojin whined, looking down and playfully hitting Na-eun on the shoulder. “I told you before that I don’t like it when you talk about me. Let’s talk about Y/n instead. Na-eun told me you’re not from here, what do you do at JYPE then?” 

“I’m an assistant to help market some of the artists in China.” You leaned in a bit. “Actually, to be honest, I’m working on a secret project and Bang Chan from Stray Kids is technically part of the team.” 

Both Yoojin and Na-eun’s eyes widened. “No way, you’re so lucky.” Yoojin said. “Why can’t you have a job like that?” She poked at Na-eun.

“Get your own job first,” Na-eun smirked, “then we can talk about mine.”  

“Hey! I do have a job.” Yoojin clenched her jaw, looking at her plate and avoiding eye contact.

“I’m not sure if talking to people online all day counts as a job.” 

“Whatever.” Yoojin swirled her fork on her plate, stabbing at a piece of her cake. The scraping of metal on ceramic made all of you wince. 

“Anyways,” you started, trying to change the atmosphere, “did anybody watch the first episode of that new drama?” 

The two girls seemed to have a mood switch, looking relieved to start a new conversation. They gladly added their input and opinions on the new drama, talking about both the plot and the actors. Time passed by twice as fast as the three of you sat at the booth talking about the most random things. However, it was soon time to go to work for both you and Na-eun. 

“Hey, before you leave, could I get your number?” Yoojin asked. “We should hang out again sometime.”  

You gladly typed your contact into her phone, excited to hang out with Yoojin again. She was so full of energy, it reminded you of your university days. Not to mention that fluffy curly hair. It was so cute. 

You and Na-eun both made it out of the café and walked side-by-side over to your building before parting ways at the elevator corridor. It was a miracle that you managed to arrive at your cubicle in time, without getting lost. There was a pile of papers on your desk; they were the files you worked on yesterday. You remember that yesterday Manager Chen marked some improvements that could be made to the papers, but you checked your email just to be sure. 

Hello Y/n,

I put the documents from yesterday on your desk for some final edits. I’ve also added a few more. Could you finish them all by the end of the day?

Best, 

Manager Chen

You flipped through the stack of documents, and sure enough, there were about five more letters that needed to be worked on. Feeling determined, you gritted your teeth, got out your pen, and started to do your job. 

There were more corrections to make than what you expected, plus, you wanted to make sure your work was perfect this time. You skipped a trip to the cafeteria for lunch and ate something from the vending machine at your desk instead. You tried your best to work diligently, but because of your inexperience, it was taking longer than expected. You lost track of time as the hours passed by. 

“Your team is working hard today, Manager Chen.” A voice came from across the room. You looked up from your stack of documents to see Manager Kim walking over towards Manager Chen, who was standing casually outside her office doors. 

“What can I say, I keep them busy.” She replied. “Are you heading home now?” 

“Yes, and so should you.” Manaker Kim stopped at your cubicle, putting a hand on the wall. It was cat-like the way he looked at you. “Y/n, you’re working hard. Are you going home now? I’ll give you a ride.” 

You couldn’t head home now, not with the amount of work you still had with the new letters Manager Chen added to the pile. “Thank you for the offer, Manager Kim, but I’ll stay later today. I need to finish this work by today.” 

“Let her be, Manager Kim, you know how new employees are.” Manager Chen nagged and crossed her arms. “Come, I’ll walk you to the parking lot.” 

You bowed at both your managers and stretched your back before getting back to your work. The black lines of both languages started to blur into one as you strained your eyes to hold a tighter focus on the documents. It wasn’t until two more gruesome hours later when you finished your work. You did a long deserved stretch of the arms and checked the clock for the time, praying that it wasn’t too late. Thankfully, with the time being only eight, it wasn’t that dark out. You took a quick peek at your phone to check your notifications before leaving the office. 

There were only two texts sent fifteen minutes ago. Both from Bang Chan. 

Your chest tightened when you unlocked your phone. 

Bang Chan: Hey, I know it’s a bit late, but I have some ideas for the project and I was thinking we could meet up to discuss them

Bang Chan: Only if you want that is…

Your brain was in jumbles as you thought of what to text back. There were a couple staff that wrote you emails about their ideas for the project, but none of them asked to meet in person. And now, the first person who asked you to have a meeting in person was Bang Chan. Whom you rode back to your apartment drunk with. On your first day at work. And now you missed his work-related text by fifteen minutes. However, even though it was late, you still felt like you needed to take his ideas in. After all, like Manager Chen said, you know how new employees are. 

Y/n: Hi, sorry my reply is late… Are you still free? 

You anxiously stared at the blue-lit screen of your phone, jumping in and out of the text app waiting for a reply. After less than a minute, you saw the little dots at the bottom which indicated that he was typing. It disappeared for a moment, only to come back less than a second later. Your thumbs started unconsciously fiddling with one another in front of your phone screen as you waited for what felt like eternity. 

Bang Chan: It’s alright haha 

Bang Chan: There’s a cafe about 5 minutes from our building, wanna meet there? 

You immediately knew which café he was talking about as you conveniently hung out with Na-eun there this morning. You texted Bang Chan back, letting him know that you would be there as soon as possible. You grabbed your bag, along with your trusty pen and notebook,  before leaving your desk for the elevators. The elevator ride was unusually fast as it was already well past working hours for most people.  

Once you were out of the building, you made your way down the familiar sidewalk, passing by the familiar street shops as you felt the bite of the wind against your face. The sky was becoming dim as the sun made its descent, but the illumination coming from the streetlamps helped guide you there. After five minutes of a brisk walk, you saw the familiar sign of the café. You also saw a familiar person standing outside the door, dressed in all black, with his head down looking at his phone. 

You tried to make your footsteps slightly louder the closer you got to him in order to make your presence known. It seemed to have worked, as Bang Chan heard you and turned his head up. He immediately gave you a boyish grin, putting his phone in the pocket of his hoodie and pulling his face mask down to his chin. 

“Hey,” You waved awkwardly, “did I make you wait long?”

“Not at all.” Bang Chan said as he held open the door, “Let’s go in, it’s pretty chilly today.” 

You thanked him and walked inside. You both made your way to the cashier and looked up at the menu, deciding on what to buy. 

“I think I’ll get an iced americano.” Bang Chan said. “Are you getting anything?”

“Hmm. I might get the mango juice.” You decided and lined up behind Bang Chan, waiting for him to order first. 

Bang Chan walked up to the waiting barista. “Hello, I’ll get an iced americano please.” A second passed. “Also a mango juice.” 

Your eyes widened as you silently tried to stop him from buying your drink, feeling embarrassed that Bang Chan — who was essentially your coworker — was buying your drink. He didn’t seem to notice your quiet protests, as he pulled his card out of his wallet and quickly tapped it on the pin pad. After he was done paying, he turned around and tucked his card back in his wallet, giving you a smug grin. 

“I’ll pay you back later.” You insisted, embarrassed once again that he was doing something for you. 

“Of course, of course.” He casually replied and stood beside you with his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. “I’ll wait for our drinks. You can go find a table.” 

You nodded and left to find a table on the first floor. Surprisingly, there were more people there at night than when you were there in the morning. Some people had their textbooks out to study, some were quietly enjoying a book. Some were on dates. 

Finally, after weaving through many fully filled tables, you found an empty one near the table. You sat down, taking out your pen and notebook to prepare for Bang Chan’s ideas. Not long after, you saw Bang Chan walking around, turning his head left and right to look for you. You caught his eye as you waved at him to come over. He strolled over and put the tray of drinks down on the table, placing yours beside your notebook. 

“So,” You took a sip of your delicious mango juice, “do you wanna get started now?” 

“Sure.” His usually friendly face turned serious. It seemed like he took his work seriously. “So I was thinking, we need to film some content to start promoting our debut right? How about we film content for the Mid-Autumn Festival? It falls on the same day as Chuseok, so we can use this as a small promotion for our debut.” 

You nodded in agreement. Although this idea would be a little last minute to carry out, it was a great opportunity to promote their group in order to gain more popularity before their debut in China. “This is a great idea Bang Chan,” You hurriedly jotted down everything he said, “did you have more to add on?”  

“We could make several episodes of this content. I was thinking we could camp in the mountains and maybe cook some food, make mooncakes.” 

“All of this is really good, we have three weeks until the actual Mid-Autumn Festival. If I rush this idea to Manager Chen, we could have one week to plan it, and two weeks to film and produce it.” You beamed, glad that you could be involved in a potential big production. 

You and Bang Chan kept discussing his idea for content, and as time passed, your conversation turned more casual as it eventually evolved into topics unrelated to work.

“So, why are you having coffee this late anyway?” You tipped your chin towards his glass. 

“There’s this part of a song I’m working on that I just can’t get perfect,” Bang Chan noticeably clenched his jaw, “I wanna figure it out before I leave.” 

“Do you usually stay up late to work?” You asked. 

“I can’t sleep anyways, so I might as well work.” 

“Insomnia?” You questioned. He shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his coffee. A few seconds of silence passed. “You know, my mom made me pack some of her special tea before leaving. She said it was for jet lag, which is weird because there’s only a time difference of an hour here.” You rambled. 

“Oh?” Bang Chan tipped his head. 

“I could give you some tomorrow.” You said. Your eyes wandered everywhere except to him. “If you want.” 

“Really, you’d do that?” His eyes widened as he stirred his coffee with his straw. 

It may have been your subconscious need to make friends, or just the fact that you mom gave you so much tea for your non-existent jet lag, but you gladly offered your mom’s solve-all remedy. “Of course, anything for a friend.” 

He blinked a couple times. He stopped stirring his coffee. “Thanks.” He looked at you with a slight grin. 

“Plus, this way I can pay you back.” You teased. 

“Okay, fair enough.” He chuckled. A dimple appeared on his cheek as his smile widened. “But seriously, you don’t need to worry about paying me back for anything next time.” 

Next time? You wondered. Of course he would have more ideas for his own group. You wanted to roll your eyes at yourself. It seemed like, despite his easy-going personality, that he cared a lot about not only his job, but the boys he worked with. His work ethic inspired you and made you want to work just as hard as he did. Except you definitely couldn’t stay up as late as he did. 

The two of you kept up the back and forth that was established, talking about whatever came to mind, with a few sprinklings of work-related conversations throughout. You talked about your first day impressions and how well you were adjusting to life in a new country, and he retaliated by sharing his own experiences of moving across the world. You were so enraptured by your riveting conversations that you easily lost track of time. It wasn’t until you had already spent minutes playing around with your straw in the empty glass that you finally remembered how late it was.

“It’s kinda late, I think I should get going now.” You said as you checked your phone for the time. 

“Are you taking the subway?” He asked as he started gathering the empty glasses. “It’s pretty dark now — I could walk you there.”

“It’s alright. I don’t wanna take time from your work” You said, gathering your notebook and pen. 

“It’s no problem, really, it’s just a five minute walk.” He stood up with the tray of empty glasses in one hand and pulled up his face mask with the other.

The two of you left the café and walked the short distance to the subway stairs.  There, you parted ways and you started your trek home. Taking the subway at night was vastly different from morning; the morning rush was filled with rows and rows of busy people, whereas the night train had a completely different feeling to it. There were actually available seats, to begin with. You found an empty seat and took out your phone to kill time. You checked your missed notifications.

Yoojin: Hi Y/n!! ^-~ Today was so fun, we should go again sometime! 

You smiled at the little text from Yoojin, visioning her wide smile stretch across her face. Texting a quick reply back, you were about to put your phone back down when another notification popped up. 

Unknown: Stay away from him. This is a warning.  

A flash of panic rushed through your body making your chest tighten. Your heart was coming out of your chest, the beating was so hard you could hear it even in the running subway. Completely fixated on the bright white of your phone, your eyes strained from the light. Adrenaline filled your blood, and in the spur of the moment, you quickly blocked the number and deleted the text chain. It had to just be a prank text, after all, you have gotten pranked through text multiple times before in your past. 

You put your phone down slowly, turning your head to survey your subway cart for any suspicious acting people. There was only a grandma with her cane and a few middle school girls comparing their new lip tints. Your thumbs naturally started fiddling with each other. Your eyebrows knit together as you clutched your bag tight to your body for the rest of the subway ride. 

The walk back to your apartment was done carefully. You chose the side of the sidewalk with more light as you kept your senses open, trying to remember the face of every person that walked past you. Although it was more likely than not that the text was just a prank, you were still somebody living alone with very few connections in a new country. Your legs quickened at the thought and you hurried your way back.

Arriving at your apartment door, you carefully entered your lock combination and slammed your door shut, double checking that it was locked. Your home was dark, with only the moon casting long shadows on your furniture. You quickly switched your light on. You tried to put this text to the back of your mind as you got ready to sleep, but it loomed, feeling like a shadow cast by the moon. The shadow in your mind stayed as you closed your eyes, waiting for your sleep to chase it away. 

The next morning, you woke up to the obnoxious beeping of your alarm. You sleepily sat up, getting ready to perform your familiar morning routine. Everything felt like routine, so monotonous that the text from last night was completely forgotten. You opened the fridge and ate your suspicious egg from yesterday morning. 

Before leaving, you suddenly remembered to bring your mom’s magical tea. You rummaged through the cupboards until you found the ridiculous packaging your mom insisted on using. 

The route to work was already starting to feel familiar as you mindlessly made your way from your quaint apartment all the way to the opulent blue building. You entered the office and sat at your desk, checking for new emails. After nothing of immediate importance came up, you got out your notebook and started to type up your notes from yesterday. 

You were in a trance. The repetitive task of reading and typing completely hypnotised you as hours passed by without you even noticing. What broke you out of your trance, however, was the voice of your boss. 

“Bang Chan.” Manager Chen called out. You looked up from your monitor and peeked up from your cubicle to see the familiar hair of a certain man you knew. Assuming he was here for a meeting with Manager Chen, you went back to your hypnotising work. The walls of your cubicle were too high for him to see you anyways — something about eliminating distractions to maximise work efficiency. 

You hit ‘enter’ on your keyboard to start a new paragraph when all of a sudden, you spotted an object appear on your desk from the corner of your eye. 

A bottle of mango juice. 

Quickly turning your head around, you were met with Bang Chan’s back. He was already making strides towards Manager Chen, but something about the sway of his broad shoulders and the way his right hand stretched open told you that it was him who gave you this little bottle of happiness. You unscrewed the lid and took a sip before getting back to work.  

Thankfully, the gift you received was enough sugar content to keep you working efficiently for the rest of the day. You had finished all your work and could hopefully pitch Manager Chen the idea by tomorrow. You found your mom’s tea in your bag while gathering your stuff, remembering your promise to Bang Chan. 

Y/n: Hey, I have my mom’s tea — I could give it to you right now?

There was a reply almost immediately. 

Bang Chan: Sure ^^ I’m in a practice room on floor X right now, I’ll wait by the elevators. 

You made your way over to the elevators and tapped your nails on the package of tea whilst silently waiting for an elevator to arrive. The silence, however, was promptly cut off as your phone started to ring. It was from Yoojin. She probably wants to hang out soon, you thought as you happily answered right away. 

“Y/n!” Yoojin yelled into the phone, she sounded worried. 

“Yoojin, is there something wrong?” You frowned, concerned for the girl. 

“I-I was in the parking lot near your building, a-and I fell down the stairs.” She sniffed. “I think I sprained my ankle or something — I can’t stand up. It hurts so much.” 

“Oh god, Yoojin, do you want me to come help?” You were in the elevator by now, already pressing the button for the main floor. 

“If you’re not far, I don’t want to trouble you.” You heard sounds of her wincing. 

“It’s no trouble Yoojin,” You exclaimed, “your ankle is much more important now. I’ll be right there.” 

“Thank you Y/n.” You heard her sniff again through the phone. 

You bolted out of the elevator as soon as it reached the main floor, stuffing your forgotten package in your bag. Ignoring the looks of confusion of the people you sprinted past, you located the parking lot building as soon as you left the main doors of the JYPE building. Your chest burned and your breaths were heavy. 

You were worried for Yoojin. She seemed like such a sweet girl that it pained you to even imagine her hurt in any sort of way. With her fluffy hair and wide eyes, it made you feel like you were helping an injured puppy. 

Your legs felt like concrete after a while of running, but you finally made it to the parking lot building. Entering the parking lot, you looked for any sign of a staircase where Yoojin said she fell on. There were none. 

“Excuse me, where are the stairs to this parking lot?” You asked the parking lot attendant, assuming it was just hidden somewhere. 

“There are no stairs here,” He said, “if you want to get to the second floor, there is an elevator over there.” He pointed to the other side of the lot. 

You thanked the man and ran to the elevator, hoping Yoojin wasn’t too hurt by now. You’ve experienced injuries like these before whilst playing sports back home, they hurt like hell. Your breathing was staggered by the time you reached the elevator, however, you didn’t give up and kept looking around trying to find the girl. There was nobody. You were about to call Yoojin again just to make sure you were in the correct place, but a voice interrupted you. 

“Y/n.” 

It was Manager Kim.