#im asking for understanding or at least respect and open minds

[softness-and-shattering]

Im not looking to pick a fight here I just want to express something.

I see a lot of posts with a declaration like "this is for physically disabled people only, dont make this about mental health, neurodivergents dont interact". And it just doesnt sit well with me.

It could be that Im not seeing what this is a reaction to.

Bodies and brains arent separate. Our bodyminds are one big set of feedback loops.

Firstly brains are physical organs. We dont know exactly how to see thoughts on a scanner but theyre somehow made of neurons and electricity and brain stuff. Maybe even brain stuff that we cant currently detect or measure. But it is physical because what else could it be? We're made out of meat.

Second. Trauma is stored in the body. Anxiety partly is stored in muscle tension. Mental illness and neurodivergence manifests physically. In headaches and stimming and tension and bad sleep, fatigue, impaired executive function, skin picking and handwashing and fine motor skills and likely many other things I dont have as much knowledge of.

And physical disabilities affect the mind too. Frustration, anger, helplessness, distress, pain, loneliness, fatigue, brain fog. Trauma. Likely other things I have less knowledge of.

And yes some disabilities are more accepted and/or accommodated. We all have different experiences and I think we like to think other people have it easier, if only I was disabled this other way Id have my needs better fulfilled.

And in some cases theres truth to it. We all have different experiences and no one should talk over anyone else about their own lives.

And, we all live in an ableist society that isnt set up for us and we all struggle in different ways to different degrees. We're also not all that different.

Like if one person is talking about how they cant go to the shops because they dont have the mobility necessary, and someone with agoraphobia chimes in and says I also hate that I cant go shopping, congratulations you have something in common to talk about. The source of your difficulties and what would allow you to negate or manage those barriers are very different, but you have the same struggle.

[morinuu]

Hello!!!!

I’m so happy to see your requests are open I absolutely love your writing!!

Kyoya x fem reader where they have an arranged marriage because it will help both there parents companies, and Kyoya and reader start to actually have feelings for one another, even though they weren’t sure about marrying the other at first?? Just thought it would be super cute!!

Hope your day/night is going well!!

hiii im so glad u like my work! :3 added a wee bit of angst turnt fluff cus why not. its not exactly what u asked for but i hope u like it anyway!

❄｜kyouya x reader where you're both forced to marry under your families' order. 1.7k words. this doesn't follow the canon for the events after the ouran graduation.

the noiret paced around his room in uneasiness. he knew one day his freedom would be cut short, he'd been waiting for that day, but he also had learnt to have the slightest, stupidest hope that his father's newfound respect for him had changed things.

he wonders, however, how he of all people could have been so naïve.

outside, the fairies of the winter had been drawing pretty little drawings of ice on the edges of his windows, as if to try and distract his racing mind from the events that would unfold the second he got out of his room. he was used to the noise of social events, the people chatter and the pressure of socialising, so this should be nothing for him, right?

right.

he didn't understand this feeling. it wasn't that he necessarily hated an arrangement for marriage, life would go on whether or not it would happen.

looking at the fairies' drawings of comfort one last time, he took a deep breath and exited his room to leave for the wedding venue without a word.

the car ride was uncomfortable. his family had already arrived so they weren't there to talk his ear off and the bride would come some time after than he did as the tradition goes. he had time left to think and contemplate again and again.

he looked down at his tuxedo. the bride requested that if she wasn't able to marry of her own free will, that she at least get to have her dream wedding. not a bad deal, kyouya thought. their outfits had been in matching colours, and both were over-the-top decorated. he felt slightly embarrassed at the outfit, but it wasn't anything too extreme in comparison to what he wore in highschool. the only concern was that his whole family and many important people would be there, though he swallowed that as well, as he'd been doing the entire year of the wedding preparation.

he'd met his fiancée plenty of times in that year. the first time they met was at his university graduation. she was smiling brightly standing next to his sister who rushed to hug him and congratulate him. he remembers her bowing politely and introducing herself, before his father stepped in to explain the situation. he remembers the slight surprise on her face at the lack of comments about his sons' achievements.

the next time they met was at a museum. his sister had advised him to ask her on a date so they could get to know each other. she was intelligent, charismatic, and he couldn't deny her face was pleasant to look at. her interest in history was a plus - at least she had an interesting characteristic.

their second date was a dinner at a restaurant, only the best to serve the ootoris. she'd picked steak and juice - quickly explaining she doesn't drink at the slight raise of his eyebrow. he nodded and changed his own wine order to juice as well. 'you don't have to do that!' she rushed but he assured her he's just being considerate of his fiancée. he never forgot how to be a gentleman.

the fifth date she asked to meet at a commoners' shopping mall to show him around. kyouya wasn't surprised by this. he'd learnt early on from his investigation on potential wife that she'd been adopted into the l/n family due to some sort of an affair. despite it being well-known, the gossip around the situation wasn't very clear, so he decided to wait until she talked about it instead.

at some point down the road, the two had become something akin to friends, and although not very close, y/n claimed she was satisfied with the bond they'd created regardless of its strength.

nine months later, he now is at the altar, bouquet in hand, a performative smile for all the guests to admire - until a beautiful woman comes through with her arm linked to her father's.

the ceremony didn't last long, the after-party however? most guests had already left but the couples' friends continued to act like it was the last day of their lives. the bridesmaids' laughter and his friends' drunk dance moves tired kyouya, but he was having fun, so what's another night sleepless?

a tap in his shoulder by his wife.

"you okay? you seem tired. we can call it a night." she exclaimed into his ear through the music. he'd read enough women's blogs to understand what that meant.

even if he wasn't tired, she was, and that was a roundabout way of telling him. what sort of husband disobeys his wife?

the second they got to their new house, y/n rushed to the bed and flopped on it like a sack. she had no energy to get changed or move, instead asking kyouya 'if they could complete their duties the next day, nobody was rushing them anyway'. kyouya he helped her out of her dress and comatosed with her in peace.

the next morning, nobody bothered to wake the couple. soon they'd leave for their honeymoon anyway. everything happened way too quickly and kyouya didn't know how to handle it. the weeks passed, and he refused to communicate any issues to his wife that weren't work or family related. he felt conflicted, but he didn't know about what. the woman lying next to him was kind, beautiful, clever. what right did he have to complain?

i mean, what did it matter if he didn't feel any connection in bed? why would it matter if she had a disappointed look on her face whenever he had to cut their time short? would it make any difference if he had an heir later and ignored his parents' whines about it? it was a tough thing to do, but each time he failed to satisfy his wife, it felt like a stab in the chest wounding his male ego. so did it really matter that he was away for long periods of time? it was a marriage of convenience, after all, and she wasn't missing out on anything.

she claimed that whatever friendship they had felt like it was dissolving because he 'didn't make an effort'? him? when he's the one working hard to make sure his dad's company doesn't make the wrong decisions? what does she know when she sits at home all day getting princess treatment despite being illegitimate?

"you chose this, kyouya." what?

"you refuse to leave your father's shadow." that's not it.

"maybe if you stood up for yourself, half the issues you're complaining about would be gone!" you're wrong.

he doesn't have free will, he never did. since he was a kid his life had been dictated by those around him, and surely you under-

"you're nearing thirty, kyoya! i'm tired of your self-pity! do something! i'm sick of this!"

it felt like yesterday when he saw his wife in her wedding dress for the first time. back then, he didn't really understand the concept of forever.

yet it had already been seven years.

seven years of obedience. seven years of keeping his head down. seven years of neglecting his wife to dedicate his time to his work. seven years for him to realise he was serving the ootoris. he was never on an equal level.

the issue wasn't his father, it was him. and on his twenty-ninth birthday, a snowy day just like his wedding day, with the winter fairies for comfort, he announced to his old man his retirement from the company.

"i'm sorry, y/n. i'm sorry for everything. let's try again."

you took his hand and embraced him. you knew your husband was broken somewhere inside him. you'd known for years. you'd seen how his family treated him, how they took him for granted. but no matter what you did, how much you pressured him, he only let you see specific parts of himself, and you couldn't help but blame yourself.

you refused to leave his side, no matter how exhausting your marriage felt. you rarely went on dates anymore, he never made the move to touch you, it wasn't marriage, it felt like... a business transaction.

deep down, you knew that that's what it was. you'd considered divorce plenty of times but at the end of the day, even if not your lover, kyouya was your friend. the man whom you ate breakfast with and lied on the same bed with. the man you'd seen you at your worst and gave you strength, and you knew you had to support even if he refused to let go of what was familiar to him. even if he refused his own happiness.

the sobbing man in your arms reminded you of a younger version of him. years ago, on your third anniversary when he'd planned a trip to chongqing because he remembered you saying you always wanted to go. during your two week stay, he got wine tipsy at dinner and eventually drunk by nighttime, spilling feelings he'd kept to himself for years.

he'd kneeled in front of you, furiously crying in your lap as he held your legs tightly, begging you not to leave because he could feel himself changing and neglecting his personal life.

you'd carried him to bed and admired his face as he fell asleep, naïvely thinking that this was just a rough patch and he'd go back to putting effort in just like he did in chongqing.

but the years passed and he proved to you his fears were legitimate.

"sure, let's try again kyouya." you patted his back when he held you in even tighter. "but this time we're trying counselling, okay?" you giggled, trying to light up the mood.

he pulled back and gave a tiny smile when you wiped his cheek.

"whatever my wife says." he caressed your hair. "let's stay married, okay? i don't want to lose you."

he didn't say the three words, but that was okay. it didn't matter much. romance could wait, because you knew you loved him more than a woman in a cheesy romcom would. you loved his soul, and you wanted nothing more than to see him bloom.

"let's stay married, kyouya. happy birthday."

it was a new beginning for the both of you and you had nothing but time on the horizon.

[sphireath-wisp]

Hihi!!! I was just wondering if you could do just little cute scenarios with sae, yoichi, and rin (gn! reader + all individual)

im sorry if this isn't as detailed as you wish but I'm just really craving tooth rotting fluff+ take your time (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Sypnosis: In the busy hustle and bustle of life, it's sometimes hard to find time to spend together. When there's time, what are the hobbies/little things both of you do together?

Warning: My readers are always morally grey in some way because it's more realistic to me, not proofread

Author's note: Thank you so much for reaching out and giving me this ask! I'll try my best to weave my story together to match your request. I owe my friend a good favour, so I hope you don't mind me adding her BL favourite here. Thank you so much for your understanding ε(´｡•᎑•`)っ ���

Featuring: Sae Itoshi, Yoichi Isagi, Rin Itoshi x GN! reader

SAE ITOSHI... finds himself most at ease during late-night drives with you in the passenger seat. The windows are down, you're sticking your head out of the car despite his multiple warnings, and he can't stop smiling. His free hand is reaching for you and tugging your shirt down, and his eyes drift to your pouting face in the rearview mirror.

Usually, his late-night drives together with you have no real destination. Acting purely on a whim, Sae always drives you wherever feels right. Sometimes, it's the port right by the beach. Other times, he's driving you to an empty parking lot. Today, he decides to let you have the privilege of choosing where to go.

And when you ultimately decide to go to a playground out of all places, he scoffs but does a U-turn without hesitation.

Is it currently 11 p.m. and does he have a schedule he almost-religiously follows? Yes, and he has a feeling that he won't have enough time to drink his salted kombucha tomorrow morning. Is he tired? Absolutely. Why would he do all of this when he knows damn well he has practice tomorrow?

Hell, he's asking himself that as he opens the car door for you and helps you out.

With a cheeky peck on Sae's cheek, you wash away his thoughts and he returns the favour with a kiss on your forehead. "Let's go get a new car, yeah?" Sae shuts the car door behind you. You're bewildered, to say the least, "I'll let you pick a design this time."

"Look! It's here, it's here!" Your boyfriend, YOICHI ISAGI, geeks out in the manga section of your local bookstore. "Oh yeah, didn't they release figures already? Season 2 is being released soon, right?"

His smile only grows wider when you nod. He's crouching down beside you as you tower over him, leaning down slightly to watch him stare at the various covers. Standing back up on his feet with two in hand, Isagi seems to have reached a slight dilemma.

"Ah... should I get the latest chapter? Or should I..." Oh, isn't that the romance manga you recommended to him? The main couple was cheesy, but it reminded you a lot of how your relationship with Isagi is. Turning your head away, you find yourself stifling a giggle - how cute.

After a moment of deep thought, Isagi sulks. His shoulders slump and he kneels back down, placing both the mangas back on their shelves. Like a defeated puppy, he crouches there for a moment in silence.

"What's up?"

"I can't decide, so it's better if I don't get one or else I'll spend the rest of the day regretting it," He's solemn, your heart clenches when he forces an awkward smile. It's not a big deal, but... "You can borrow my copy y'know, don't be shy."

He perks up. It's a simple gesture, but the simplest things in life have always pleased Isagi the most. With a bashful laugh, he picks out the manga he wanted - he can indulge a little, he decides. "Right, I'm sorry. You didn't need to see how let down I was over something so small." Honestly, Isagi's a little shy. It's only been a few months into the relationship. He wants to respect you and your boundaries.

"I'll get you something in return, thank you."

RIN ITOSHI yelps when he stumbles out of your bedroom to the dimly lit living room of your apartment, sucking back a hiss from the base of his throat when something jabs at his foot. His disappointment only grows when he lifts his foot to see the imprint of a Lego brick on the sole. "What do you think you're doing? At 1 in the morning?" The once groggy Rin Itoshi is now wide awake, meeting your avoidant gaze. As you continue to piece together your Lego set, you mumble, "...couldn't sleep. I usually don't have trouble, but I don't know what's up with me today."

Despite his reluctance, he walks over to you and plops onto the carpet beside you. "Aren't you a little too old for this?" Rin begins while mindlessly piecing bricks together. His back is against your shoulder, partially leaning his weight onto you.

You scoff once he grabs the manual. "You're one to talk," you retort as you pull apart Lego pieces, "In case you haven't realized it, you happen to be playing with my Lego set."

"In case you haven't realized it, I'm helping you, idiot," There's no real malice in his voice. He crosses his legs and straightens his spine, turning to gather the pieces in a pile and redo everything from scratch. You clearly seem to be struggling. He'll never admit it, but he doesn't like the aching gap in his chest when you're not in bed with him.

It's a good excuse in his head. He's simply helping you out so you'll return to his embrace as soon as possible. It's just that. He's totally not enjoying playing with Legos with you - he convinces himself mentally with starry eyes when you both finish the overwhelming set at 2:30 a.m.

"Phew! Now to take it apart!"

"Hell no."

Taglist: @mikmwehehe, @saexy (while you did archive your old account, you are technically still on my list!! Please tell me if you want to get removed and I'll do it asap)

[inosukijiro]

✮⋆˙ modern!reader

𝘀𝘆𝗻. ━ one minute, you were at home and the next, you were gone. but now, here you are, and it looks like you're here to stay!

𖤐 𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀 .ᐟ hiiii, first post in a few months huh (╥﹏╥). anyways i’ve had this idea in my brain for a really looong time so im v happy to get this out of my drafts. also i never wrote headcanons or for spn before so i hope its okayyy <3

𖤐 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 .ᐟ none?  lowercase intended. gender-neutral reader unless stated otherwise. modern reader in spn. this was supposed to be shorter then i yapped a little too much oops. 1.02k words.

  ─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───  ─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───  ─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───

𖤐 .ᐟ you are a long way away from home, whether you like it or not. you try so hard to maintain your composure, because in your mind, there is no point in freaking out. but you do, just a little bit in the beginning because how could you not? you’re a nervous wreck, no doubt. and the boys can’t really blame you.

𖤐 .ᐟ you are armed with nothing more than your crochet hook, your small purse, and the clothes on your back. you are lost and for right now, you feel small and alone.

𖤐 .ᐟ but you are going to be put through an interrogation. they are the winchesters and can never be too careful. it’s nothing over the top, but you are from where you are and the boys had just about enough of their lives being on display. you are on your best behavior — polite and kind, but you are still nervous and a little shaky.

𖤐 .ᐟ you, who is trying to remain calm through the initial skepticism that came with popping up out of nowhere. the assumption is witches, a curse maybe. deans got the holy water ready just in case and sams flipping through lore for any type of explanation. there is, but no one likes it. there’s a recollection of something a witch had done a week ago, mentioning something about being out of this world. it’s a reach, a long shot even, but that witch is long gone. 

𖤐 .ᐟ so, here you are. you, who knows things. too many things. things that the brothers would rather you not know. you know their traumas — their childhood traumas no less. you know about most of their hunts and their world ending drama. deans wary, though sams more open to understanding. 

𖤐 .ᐟ that's because you aren’t threatening. you aren’t weird, at least not in a bad way. you aren’t obsessive, you're respectful. you don’t pry, you don’t push, you never overstep. you ask before touching anything, you clean up after yourself — making it look like you were never even there. you never bring up anything either, nothing that would be uncomfortable. nothing that would deliberately show the knowledge you had. you stayed in their present and contributed if asked. 

𖤐 .ᐟ you didn’t insert yourself in any hunts, maybe because you knew that you weren’t a hunter. or maybe because the boys would not be receptive to having to babysit you out there. but you are helpful. you organize lore books and help with research, and cook. that certainly softens dean up a bit.

𖤐 .ᐟ you’re a sweetheart, and over time it's really hard for them to stay away though. you're crafty and witty the more you come out of your shell, and it's a wonderful sight to behold. you are many things — soft and sweet, happy like sunshine; but you do have a little bark, and a little bite, and are most certainly able to keep up. you radiate such warmth that you are the calm to their chaos.

𖤐 .ᐟ the thing about you — the thing that makes it so easy for both of them — is that you already get them. there’s no need for explanations. no need to spell out their trauma or their history, because you do in fact, already know. and not in any way that makes them uncomfortable, not in a way that feels invasive. you don’t use it against them, don’t throw their past mistakes in their faces. you just understand.

𖤐 .ᐟ for sam, he doesn’t have to explain why he does anything. he doesn’t have to explain why he hesitates sometimes. why he still believed in trying to save people, even when the world has given him every reason not to. you don't see him as just sam winchester, boy king, a tragic protagonist. you just see him. you never look at him like he’s naive for wanting more than just hunting, for being drawn to books and research and the idea of a quiet life. you remind him, in little ways, that he’s allowed to want more, even if he never really gets it.

𖤐 .ᐟ and for dean… well, it takes longer for dean to get there. because it's one thing for him to slightly like you, to even tolerate your presence. it’s another to trust you and let you in. and he does. it’s the way dean stops questioning if you’re staying. the way he smiles when you giggle at his dumb jokes without forcing it. the way his heart clenches when you hand him one of his beers without him having to ask. the way you see him — the real him. not just the reckless, self-sacrificing jackass that he presented himself to be. and you don’t try to fix him. no, you would never do that. you don’t pity him. you just stay.

𖤐 .ᐟ there’s an unspoken something you notice in the way dean always finds himself standing closer to you than necessary. or the way sam’s gaze lingers a little too long when you’re focused on a book. the way both of them instinctively check to make sure you’re okay after a hunt, even though you weren't even there. how your absence feels wrong whenever you’re not with them.

𖤐 .ᐟ you do, however, treat them the way you think they deserve to be treated. with a little bit of softness and a little bit of delicacy. not too much. oh no, but just enough to not scare them away. 

𖤐 .ᐟ you don’t make them work for your understanding. they don’t have to explain why they are the way they are. why they react the way they do. why some nights they drink too much and fall apart under the weight of everything. you already know. and because of that, they don’t have to pretend with you. they can just be. 

𖤐 .ᐟ and maybe you’re stuck, trying to find your place in their world. sometimes you think that you have no business being here. it's dangerous with everything that goes on in their lives. and… that's okay. they’ll help you. they’ll pick you up and bring you in close. they’ll bring you back when you're distant — pull you back to reality. because you aren’t alone, you’re with them.

ᝰ .ᐟ lmk if i cooked or not chat, ty (˶˃⤙˂˶)

[the-unexplained-council]

I really wanna know how do you think Frost interacts with the Krew like 1 on 1 and in a team setting.

like what are things i’ve definitely missed ?

Im so sorry this took forever to post, anon </33 I’ve been so busy! lve been chucking away at it though here and there

I love how everyone is asking me about Frost /vvpos you know know where my specialties lie

This will be PRETTY detailed but I will go over his relationship with Kremy, Gideon, Gricko and Torbek!! 👀 I would add Hootsie and Twig but there aren’t really many canon interactions and with the interactions there it’s not very detailed.

‼️‼️SPOILERS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE CAMPAIGN THUS FAR‼️‼️ Specifically episode 46 and higher‼️‼️

KREMY:

So, as we already somewhat infer while watching their relationship, they don’t necessarily dislike each other, and they definitely see each other as friends (or the equivalent of such). They have some different leaning views, but they do seem to respect each other, especially in their personal fields (Kremy in lying and conning, Frost in intellectual observation and planning to some degree). They are very neutral with one another, though Frost 100% views Kremy as at least a close friend due to his reaction to the Jabborwock battle in episode 46. Watching Kremy die, he got MUCH more desperate than previously and worried (partially from the realization that they would all probably die, partially watching Kremy give up in this battle and knowing Kremy well enough that he wouldn’t do that for no reason). There isn’t too much to say on their relationship, though I will say that they seem to view each other as equals, which is saying something on Kremy’s part!

Conclusion: They’re friends and view each other as equals; Frost is attached to Kremy emotionally to a degree.

GIDEON:

Frost gets along very well with Gideon, they’re definitely friends to a normal degree (unlike with Kremy where it’s more.. business/distanced?) and joke around with each other. They have their different views, and Gideon definately doesn’t particularly understand Frost (in the literal and figurative sense), but Frost seems to know Gideon more than Gideon knows himself. Frost tries to sympathize with Gideon a lot whenever Gideon talks about his past, and that is one clear sign of evidence that Frost really does care for Gideon. In episode 46 once Gideon was down, Frost didn’t seem to have any immediate worry, but he was definitely scared for Gideon and began getting much more desperate for a solution to the problem.

Conclusion: They are close friends, they respect each other, and Frost is definately attached to Gideon emotionally to a degree.

GRICKO:

Having known Gricko the longest, he 100% trusts Gricko and even openly jokes with him multiple times. He helps Gricko with misinformation and Gricko doesn’t seem to mind it. He knows Gricko rather well, too! He seems to view Gricko as a best friend in a matter of speaking, being more open with Gricko than he tends to be with others. His relationship with Gricko is pretty openly observable, not much hidden content between the two of them other than the fact that Frost respects Gricko. I will say that I believe (in my own personal opinion; not very much canon evidence for this) that Frost somewhat envies Gricko in a way? Gricko is care free and unapologetic in his views and ethics, living and expressing his true self without much of a barrier, and Frost has been extremely conditioned to be the exact opposite. You could even say that Frost and Gricko are two sides of the and coin, complimenting each other in opposite ways. Frost makes his own jokes time and time again, yet he isn’t himself like how Gricko is himself, if that makes sense? Frost has been conditioned to be who he is now, Gricko has not, and I believe Frost would be slightly envious of that fact, or more so find it admirable at the same time.

Conclusion: Frost and Gricko are bestest fwends & Frost admires Gricko’s freedom of self.

TORBEK:

After Torbek’s first introduction following the Krew’s entrance into the feywild, especially the battle, Frost is most definitely.. conflicted? I wouldn’t say he’s terrified or scared of Torbek, but he’s 100% intimidated by Torbek (& the Other). After Frost had tried desperately to affect Torbek with his mind, which he couldn’t, Frost felt like he was insignificant maybe? More so as if he wasn’t the ‘superior’ of the situation due to being unable to use any psych powers like he can with everyone else. When Frost can’t use his powers on someone/thing, he feels useless (peek the ep 46 where he doesn’t even try fighting, he’s continuously begging the Jabborwock to stop because he knows he’s inferior in this situation), and that’s what Torbek/The Other indirectly did in this moment. After he could get into Torbek’s mind after the fact, only then did he relax. He’s still without a doubt intimidated by Torbek in some way, but not in the same urgency as he did at the very beginning. He has grown to somewhat respect Torbek, seeing him as a companion after some time and likes having him around. He doesn’t make fun of Torbek as much as everyone else does either, though he’s not excluded.. But he does go after Torbek’s intelligence more than anything, which also proves that Frost wants to continuously stay at the top of the chain of intelligence (1 to continue feeling superior over the other group members, 2 as a projection method due to feeling insecure due to the first battle with Torbek).

Conclusion: Frost is intimidated by Torbek, but respects him to some degree; often jokes about Torbek’s intelligence due to projection.

Thank you for joining me with this rant! 🫶🫶 This took a bit! But I hope you enjoy!!

[simplylena-9]

Amour et espoir

Chapter three -- The sunshine lost his spark.

Summary: Second day of school and you are already dreading it. It's the next day after Joseph was rushed to the hospital and you think the day is going to go at least had smoothly, until things get mixed up and you need to rush to fix things you so desperately need. That until one of the boys stands out enough to catch your eye.

Next day after the so deserved accident, well on your behalf deserved. You, Michelle and Simone decided to meet up at Michelles house before walking to school.

Putting on a pink blouse and a white skirt,over the blouse having over the blouse a pink cardigan, on your feet some low heels. You've decided to put your hair today in a half up half down up-do, making sure it's going to at least look good in the house before getting winded away by the warm yet auguried winter of september.

Walking out of your room with your changing clothes you were already dreading it. Having some dark blue shors and a white t-shirt, nothing more, but it was enough to make you overthink moving to france. Oh well, too late for that.

Walking downstairs you did not feel the need to eat simply opting to give your mother a hug and asking your brother if he's excited for the second day. Before you left, your mother stopped you

''Before i forget, the mail from Anatolie and Caleria are supossed to be coming today'' she said as you closed the door, a smile starting to form on your facee. Nevermind, this will be one the greatest days of this uncurcial life of yours. Anatolie and Caleria are your closest friends that you had before moving. Caleria was a kind hearted sweetheart of a girl who helped anyone in need of it. Anatolie was the one who got in trouble and came by your window at ungodly hours, but you apreciated him just as much. Before you knew it all that thinking of the past and your legs moving without owner you came to Michelles house, Simone waiting for her.

''Good morning Simone,'' you greeted as you pushed the nostalgia in the back of your head, you'll think about it at the Latin lesson,

''Ah,good morning'' Simone said smilling at you, and just as you felt it the door of the Magnan household opened,but it wasn't Michelle, it was Jean-Pierre. You holded a little bit of respect for him after what he did.

''Hi Jean-Pierre'' Simone said with a smile cheerier than usual that you choose to ignore as you nodded your head into a hello,as he looked at the both of you and then went past. Well shit when did he get all that attitude, are we going to have a little sunshine other than Descamps?

Just as i was about to whisper to Simone Michelle went out of the house.

"What going on?'' Simone asked as you started to walk. ''Yeah what's his problem?'' You asked raising a brow.

''He's going to get a disciplinary hearing today,'' MIchelle said walking.

''There's nothing you can do,stop worrying'' Simone said reassuring her,as you nodded. ''Yeah,plus im sure they'll understand, i mean Descamps nedeed that''

As you walked and talked about the first time doing PE,and Simones big bruise she swears it's going to be seen by Jesus himself, we reached the school grounds, the same school ground you saw yesterday, the same gate you walked trough and saw him. Meh, he isn't worth. As you listened to Simone reassure Michelle about how Decamps isn't gonna show up you saw his idiotic friendgroup and decided to give them a piece of your mind, Simone and Michelle,and unfortunately you turned around, and guess what? Joseph fucking Descamps just walked trough the gates,all that ego bruised all hell,almost not light in his eyes — well eye now. You felt bad almost. Almost. That was before he stared at you three down and then decided to have a staring contest with you, who the shit does he think he is now? A charming pirate?

As you decided to go past that and choose peace,you went to class.

You loved History. With all your heart, you loved reading, memorizing,writing about it, that until you met your new history teacher, and at this, she's part of history too,and on top of that, didn't really like girls too. Great,just great.

As she went around the room asking questions one hand raised above,Didier Felbec. You heard he's an extraordinary student..and he was cute too. He looked so focused and interested in the topic you almost forgot to listen than to daydream about him. Before you knew it he was looking behind at you and you smiled, and he smiled back shyly before going back into focus.

While you were enjoying the view of the new found more interesting thing and spacing out of Michelle's and Simone's conversation they had behind you to put your thoughts on you felt some eyes — or more like an eye staring holes into your head like a woodpecker with wood. Turning your head you saw Descamps staring down Michelle and Simone and then going full on eye contact like the narcissistic fucker he is with you. Staring back at him you stayed like that for like a few seconds and he not butting, taking your eyes off of him, deciding to yet again choose peace. Maybe you shouldn't choose peace once in your life.

As classes ended whether you liked it or not it was time for PE. Normally PE was easy,you just sat on the benches and gossiped with Katya or Caleria because the teachers could care less,and opted to watch Anatolie play whatever the guys played in the school backyard

You changed into the uniform in the teachers bathroom, could be seen from miles away that they didn't think of this trough. Like sereously,all that hassle just for not trying to make this comfortable for girls too? Diabolical. As you walked to the gym Simone kept going about meeting her love but because of the bruise he wont be attracted to her. Entering the gym you thought about your life choices and if you couldn't just run from here and never come back, though, those thoughts were interrupted by the boys coming in, and all of the eyes fell on Annick. Again. Oh well, Latin is worse. Mark my words. Not even a few minutes later the boys start to play catch the ball or whatever and the coach remembered about you four, putting you to, of course do the fucking rope like any normal teenager girls do at PE. Simone went on the rope first as Michelle holded on to it,you looking at the boy,catching Didier get bolder and smilling at you,you smilling back and waving. You almost,almost forgot how Joseph was staring you down from the other side of the room. After that went Annick and then Michelle,and just as you were climbing up the rope,praying to god so you wont fall ass flat on the floor, Jean-Pierre montioned Michelle over and Simone, who was standing holding the rope hurriely went with Michelle saying to 'hang in there'. Great. Amazing,just as you thought your fear of heights couldn't get worse, you looked down, and that's when boom, your hands were getting sweaty,the rope getting slimmer and the chance of not embarassing yourself in front of everyone doubled as your hands let go of the rope, falling down straight on your ass...well could've been more embarassing than that. As you look around you see that same fucking smirk and the same fucking eye on you. Joseph fucking Descamps staring at you smirking as if he just saw comedy gold. That absolute man of a slu- Ending your day you said your goodbyes to Michelle and Simone, but having one thing in your mind,good ass awakening massage because it feels just as numb as it felt when you fell, homework, shower..and the letters. After taking some things on the way home,you looked in your mail..no letters besides a bill..maybe your mom took them in the house? PUtting down your bag you looked around,hearing the water run in the kitchen. "Mama,i'm home" you said coming and sitting at the kitchentable as she washed the dishes. "Where are the letters?'' You asked raising a brow. Your mother kissed your forehead as she sat down next to you. "Sorry honey,but your mail has been errored to be swapper for anothers,maybe you could go to the post office to see things about the issue? Or maybe tommorw-'' You already jumped from your seat nodding quickly as you walked out of the house and then taking the unkown mail as you sprinted there. Running to the door and fixing yourself you tried to open the door but to no avail,it was already closed. fuuuck Putting your forehead against the glass of the door taking deep breaths in and out from all of the running an annoyingly arrogant voice talked from your right side ''The door won't open up magically'' And guess who? The sunshine of course! You took your forehead off the glass as you furrowed your brows at him. Now it's time for not choosing peace. "How's that any of your bussines?'' You asked trying to keep it as polite as possible, because girls don't waste their time on pigs. He furrowed his brows as he looked at you ''Big talk from the girl who fell straight on her ass today'' he said with that god awful smirk. This hoe. "Big talk from somoane who doesn't have an eye because of his idiotism.'' You said biting further. He furrowed his brows more and before he said something he looked at what you had in hand. You followed his eyes and instead went to his arm who had two letters. Awkardly standing there you looked him in the eyes and extended your hand,giving him his mail, and Joseph gave you the letters,fingers touching for a second. It didn't occur to you how he jumped slightly at the feeling,as you parted ways.

Before you left, he made sure every house down this path would hear him shouting ''I hope i can see you fall again sometime soon, preferably on the school stairs." You shouldn't have tried to be the bigger person, you should've sended him back somewhere. Coming back home,doing your homework and making your bottom feel like a bottom again,you decided to leave the letters for tommorow since it was late,instead opting to think and dream about taking out Josehp's only left functioning eye.

[weirdmageddon]

ok. let's finally talk about this thing i've been wanting to go public with for ages

so i am not a fan of needing THC to help me curb the embarrassment i have in being happy talking about my real realll special interests, because perceived rejection of my interests feels like rejection of myself since i put so much of myself (my time) into them. i anticipate rejection from others because the stuff i find myself occupied with is detached, abstract, highly technical, or niche, and i'm aware of the surrounding cultural assumptions. some of them, and the level at which i am in involved in understanding them, are really specialized or esoteric, so even opening up about them is like "fuuuck im gonna be made fun of or it’s gonna be too technical that they zone out and dont understand why this is so meaningful to me" ive even posted about that feeling before.

see if i start accumulating too much self-context made in my own mind without sharing it i start to feel more and more isolated from other people around me, that they’re not seeing the full extent of what im seeing myself. i don’t share it, because i fear rejection or superficial judgments in other people’s eyes (probably because it’s happened to me and i’ve seen it happen to others). but at the same time it has to be shared with more people around me or else i feel like i have an intestinal blockage in my mind. what happens is my mental colon explodes from all the shit accumulated over time and vou get a post like this. i’m sorry for that mental image btw. anyway back the point of this post

anything where i can systematize archetypes in real, everyday situations has always been my strong suit. so when people ask me my hobbies im like ... uhhh what am i supposed to say? i analyze stuff about the world and rotate it in my mind. when carl jung wrote there are “as many archetypes as there are typical situations in life” i know exactly what he was talking about.

i’ve been toeing the line to really talk about this thing for two years, so let me tell you about socionics. if you already know what im talking about i love you. if you don’t (or even if you do, keep reading there’s probably stuff you don’t know in here), it is part abstract cybernetic model, part jungian concepts, part philosophy of information exchange. it classifies how people communicate and exchange information. it was created in eastern europe in the late 70s, developed primarily in the 80s-90s by other authors and it’s been an endlessly fascinating, elegant, and reliable tool for me.

usually people dismiss personality typology systems because the mbti became so watered down and pop-culturally saturated that people seemed to collectively take a stance of not taking anyone that genuinely cares about it seriously, or at least that’s the impression i got.

(btw — i need to go on this brief rant — i will never forgive 16personalities for being the big five rebranded and people thinking it's mbti. 16personalities gives you your big five type. they explicitly state on their website that they don’t borrow any concepts from jung. -A and -T don’t exist in the mbti and correspond directly to low and high neuroticism respectively. i figured out myself they mapped each letter dichotomy to the other four measures on the big five: extraversion (I/E), conscientiousness (P/J), agreeableness (T/F), openness to experience (S/N). which is stupid and it’s false advertising. take 16p and a big five test see for yourself how they match up. your personal mbti type can be different from its correlated big five type. the actual mbti using jungian concepts as a base is alright though. oh, and the best neo-jungian mbti stuff is by far michael pierce’d takes on it. if you actually fw that heres a carrd i created a few years ago about the cognitive function axes.)

but i always end up going to the bottom of the iceberg in anything i get really into, and i basically integrate it into my own understanding of the world around me for a while. maybe it was because i had a bad experience genuinely talking about it a few years ago from some people who made superficial judgments about it that made me sort of quiet about my interest in typology systems. i assume it’s because myers and briggs used the tool towards racist ends; it acquired negative connotations, bullshit intuition supremacy, and left the study of psychological types tainted in the united states. even if the individual’s study of the system is neutral, unbiased, out of pure curiosity as a way to classify and relate different personality structures to each other, as was the case with me. in addition to 16personalities being an invalid “mbti” test that bought their way to the front page of google, and rampant superficial information at all levels of study, finding anyone who was into it like me was basically impossible. the reason i have a preferred interpretation of jungian + mbti concepts is because i’ve tried different ones on and sensed how well they conform to reality as a way of describing phenomenon, ditching old ones that werent as clear. michael pierce’s i’ve found are the closest to what i sense jung's intentions were. (actually quite likely this is something i would attribute to being because all three of us are types LIl (and also all infj too, how about that?) brain-to-brain communication LII (carl jung) to LII (michael pierce) to LII (me)). so i felt like michael pierce kept the things that worked in real life and ditched the things that didn’t, leaving behind his elegant integration of the concepts.

anyway, i was under the assumption that anything that could be mistaken for it—which socionics often is at a glance—would be dismissed out of hand, even though it’s entirely different. plus, there’s all the context i’d need to clarify about how “it’s different from the “fun” unserious pop-psych mbti and also absurdly more technical” and what's the point in doing that if they don't respect you enough to hear you out anyway? so it just made me closed off.

they share a common ancestor though. the concepts are still based on carl jung’s book ‘psychological types’ which is why there is some shallow overlap, but the scope, structure, and application of it is different. i feel like this system is a lot more “living” and relevant to real interactions and communication between people in our everyday lives. i am always seeing specific examples of these concepts in play in real life and in characters depicted in media. it’s also been more empirically studied and successfully implemented over in eastern europe, and has gone under constant development and contribution. while since the 50s, mbti had crystalized and become stagnant with diverging interpretations to the point where it’s become basically meaningless to try to talk about because nobody can agree on concepts or semantics; there are virtually no distinctions between “schools” or “models” to differentiate interpretations — (although i have my preference for what i think are the most meaningful and reasonable one; as i said, that goes to michael pierce.) eastern (not so much western) socionics is incredibly more well put-together than mbti or kiersey for squeezing the potential from jung’s original ideas, and goes much deeper. that said, i will ALWAYS advise self-studying typlogy concepts over taking a test. the algorithm of a test can never possibly know you and your individual biases in interpreting the meaning of the words better than the knowledge you just have about yourself. if you learn the theory underlying it you will actually learn about yourself and others and it will actually mean something to you instead of a being an empty decoration for your profile.

here is a comparison chart i translated into english so you can get some idea of where these systems actually differ.

Букалов, А. (2019). On the advantages of socionics over other post-Jungian typologies. Socionics, Mentology and Personality Psychology, (6), 5–7. Retrieved from https://publishing.socionic.info/index.php/socionics/article/view/2603

for me it’s been super insightful applied to real life. it is like a toolkit for interpreting why some people just rub me the wrong way and our communication feels disjointed. or why some people pass my vibe check to enter my personal inner circle and i feel like talking with them is easier and not an uphill battle. who i feel drawn to and want to get to know better. to deconstruct why i and other people interpret information in the world the way they do, and how that explains the kind of people i end up curating in my life. it has put into words the concepts i haven’t been able to find the words for beforehand, and thus enables me to retrospectively pinpoint exactly what unconsciously makes people feel more at ease or why communication is just easier with some and why it’s harder with others, regardless of any other factors. there are other factors of course, that are the result of unique circumstances—nurture, culture, and upbringing—and i of course account for those, it’s not as pertinent to me as the framework that provides the skeletal structure regardless of those individual variations that are simply already a given for me. that was actually the whole point of its creation.

the system gives me a common language to communicate these ideas with, at least to the few people i talk to who have learned it, but i can adapt the concepts in how they relate to specific circumstances and convey it to a lay audience. i’ve been doing just that to explain why, of the people who have been made aware of the hs rarepair john-aradia, i have seen no one object to it, and instead, everyone i saw found it intriguing the more they thought about it, even when they initally thought was “so random”. and i realized, “hey wait! i know how to explain that!”, but that's in another post i've been working on.

[i was actually originally writing this post in the middle of said aradia and john analysis but i felt like there was way too much i wanted to talk about as its own thing. i figured people are going to be reading that post for john-aradia explanation, not public updates about my mind. i just didn’t want to rewrite this to account for the context because the point i made was still relevant]:

but now i’m thinking okay… i’m talking to a bunch of homestucks. why am i prostrating myself here? why am i so defensive? they’re probably creaming their pants at the idea of another symmetrically divisible system of classification to get their hands on. homestuck itself is founded upon a bunch of ideas with symmetrical divisions and classifications (divisible products of 2). aspect dichotomies, quadrants, cards, black-white, yin/yang and literally countless other abstract systems. if there is a common word to refer to these sorts of things, please let me know.

but in socionics terms, all of this sort of stuff i’m refering to would be within the domain of extraverted/black intuition (Ne) information, and classifying or positioning someone within those frameworks would be introverted/white logic (Ti). you can read more about these “elements” here. homestuck has familiarized you with notionally irreducible aspects present in everything, dual yin/yang forces permeating everything, so if you understand all of the sorts of abstract classification systems in homestuck you’re basically already 75% the way to fundamentally grasping model A socionics. it is way more structured and stable than the typologies in homestuck though. but you will perceive there to be similarities in the need for archetypal/thematic sense skills.

if you want to learn socionics, for the love of god start here. there are many weak places out there to start out with that will set you up with a faulty and loose understanding, but school of classic socionics is the best foundation to start with. i saw it emerge from the beginning when it was founded, having been part of it since late 2022.

this is an introduction to SCS, what makes it special, and and how differs from other socionics schools. i find SCS to be the most comprehensive, and i’m active within a side discord to discuss theoretical constructs related to model A. i’ve helped find the links between some concepts in model A that weren’t fully substantiated in augusta’s original works, specifically the importance of the asking/declaring reinin dichotomy, how it fits with regard to the rest of model A’s structure, how it underpins the ring of social benefit (which was missing from her writing), and how it can be used as an information element charge just like positivist/negativist can (i.e. all process types have positive asking Ne (+Ne? and all result types have negative declaring Ne (-Ne!). i’m still working on transfering my essay on that to a document.)

i know the intricacies of this system like the back of my hand but yeah i never post much about it because it’s so niche and i dont know who would even want to hear it besides people who i already know would, like in that small specialist group, but they actually been quiet lately even though i’m still active in there sharing things i realized. and i even feel alienated in most casual socionics discussion groups, especially larger ones. i need people who can match my freak about it.

because i have nowhere else to talk about it i’m starting to feel guilty yapping my friends’ ears off about it when i deconstruct everything i come across in light of this system like i’m being annoying about it. but at the same time when im doing that i am constantly reinforcing the merit of the system in successfully finding some dynamic i see in the drama of real life in connection to some idea from the model. i can immediately lock on to the core principles that are at play in any situation, validating the patterns that have been observed by others. by what measure do these people / characters / groups relate to each other, how do we define the specific “feeling” of the energy between them together? i could do a socionical analysis for anything that captures my interest.

it’s also been incredible for self-insight. i can now accurately explain my thought process.

i can change my perspective of the scope of my thinking on different levels. depending on the urgency of a situation developing around me and my respect for other people’s time, i can expand my reasoning from splitting hairs at the smallest pedantic specifics—although i prefer not to, to the most holistic global hard binary 0/1 (no/yes) judgment.

it’s fractal-like; once i know how to classify and compare the features of something to another, everything else with overlapping logical relationships instantly rises up in the same way, which of course is what leads to me having insights that reinforce the potential inherent in the things around me, because my way of thinking is isomorphic. i also experience strong animated mental imagery accompanying my conscious thoughts about these systems, minimalist shapes or lines of the barebones motion happening. i feel like my mental activity and what i actually write down is trying to capture what im seeing in my head.

i prefer to be brief, but that requires sharing contexts with someone. once i've established similar ways of talking about the same thing with someone so that we’re on the same page, our messages basically become exchanging code words with each other. all of the potential densely packed into these efficient little terms.

the effect is that i am reducing the amount of time and energy i have to spend trying to explain things to someone. i just want to communicate easily and be understood by the people i talk to so that i can enjoy my time with them. this is why i felt like such a long, clarifying, in-depth post was necessary, which would rip the bandaid off and pull it all up at once, instead of on a private, individual-to-individual level. i had to have it engraved somewhere i could just point someone to instead of repeatedly having to explain the same thing over and over cause that’s a waste of time and energy.

in fact, that revelation i had about myself just now can be explained by model A too! my own type is LIl and this type’s id block houses the information elements +Te! → +Ni?, which aushra describes as “The quality of deeds and actions and the efficient expenditure of energy in work—only performing for what is truly necessary—leads to peace of mind in the future.”

or, for example, coming at it from another angle, here is an older post i made before i was even aware of socionics. i was already talking about my experiences, patterns of thinking and self-awareness in a way that was so on the nose for a socionics analysis.

is that not the clearest example of phase 2’s sensitivity (for me it is information about sensorics)? -Fi? → -Se! superego block, anyone? and did you see how much i gave attention to the time i spend working; +Te! -> +Ni? id block? [information element descriptions here]. you could also derive the progression of the information metabolism stages in my own psyche (phase 1: Ethics -> phase 2: Sensorics -> phase 3: Logic -> phase 4: Intuition).

(from The Characteristic of SLI)

so through socionics it’s like i can find an explanation for just about everything i observe in others and myself just because i’ve extrapolated the logical relationships from that system and can isomorphically apply them to anything.

and i don't say that lightly! i'm not saying anything in this post lightly. like i have a degree in biopsychology from an honors college (ncf; yes, the liberal arts college desantis got his soulless hands on because it was “too woke"). having taken courses in statistics, research methods in psychology, and others, i know all about proper research design (and designing them myself). and of course i ended my four years there with my undergrad thesis, examining temporoparietal synchrony in autistic individuals when working alone and together, where for months on end i was doing nothing but reading and interpreting the validity of research papers. i even deconstructed poorly designed psychological constructs commonly used in autistic research in mine.

i also took personality psychology as a course during my time there. i got a birds eye view of most of the popular paradigms and still felt like i was more knowledgeable in the discourse behind some of the topics we glossed over since the course material was more of a broad comprehensive thing than an in-depth one for anything specific. in totality, all of the models i read about in relation to each other seemed so fragmented into different cuts and perspectives in trying to understand and find the patterns in people’s mental life. and yet none of the models i read about hold as as great of an everyday explanatory power as socionics does for explaining ways of thinking, people's proneness to certain tendencies, and the energetic tension that happens between certain people.

people can say otherwise that it’s pseudoscience. even though there are numerous studies built on real-world observations, the large-scale statistical data like from victor talanov. there's school of system socionics who emphasize its practice. it would be impossible to add all the evidence i can to support my claims to this post but you can see for youself - there are still countless new articles being published from different authors. regardless of that, even if it isn't accepted within the rigors of “scientific canon” i really dont give a fuck since it absolutely does indeed have explanatory and predictive power, and that’s all i care about. i’m confident in this not only through firsthand experience, the ability to frame what i know to be true about the real world within it and have it successfully describe those things, as well as talking to other people about my observations.

additionally, i see people make conclusions about interpersonal dynamics where they unknowingly repeat information that can be derived from socionics concepts.

something i noticed a LOT and ive repeatedly thought about and come to the same conclusion multiple times is that i think i naturally might "embody" the most optimal ways of interacting with other people for myself. it gives me insight into the nature of the personal relationships that i already procure in my life, but it’s not really a self-fulfilling prophecy because i dont use socionics to prescribe who i "should" be friends with. that's silly. thats a silly thing to do because people do have idiosyncracies that don't perfectly align with a system if you rigidly adhere to it, so you're bound to be set up for failure if you try to force that and you will be disappointed. it's better to let these feelings happen naturally without pretense, because that's where the observations that fuel my insight comes from.

i have a subconscious sense for who i will be able to get along with in the long term almost instantly without the need for any kind of system, just based on their actual mannerisms and “vibes”, but that alone is not good enough for me, i want to know why. socionics just gives me tools to figure out why so that i know what im dealing with and its not just ineffable energies, but i can put a name to those energies to think and talk about it and compare and discover patterns in what ive curated in my inner circle over my life, what i feel drawn towards. and indeed i do find plentiful amounts of recurring patterns. the simplification and abstraction is not to destroy the soul and expression of individuals but to wrap my head around them and understand them deeper in relation to everything else, including myself.

i am aware it can be confusing for many people which turns them away. but if theres any questions you have or youre confused about any concepts i can answer them

but yeah um, i’ve really only scratched the surface of this cognitive cybernetic tool. if you are genuinely interested in what i have to say and want me to talk more about it please openly tell me since i’m not a mind reader! i assume disinterest by default.

anyway if you got to this point thanks for reading. i wanted to just put it out there for context about any posts i make in the future. just stating my honest thoughts and whats been occupying my mind for the past two years.

be on the lookout for the john and aradia analysis soon where i’ll use it in practice to deconstruct some things about those characters. and if you’re coming to this post from that analysis after ive posted it, i’m sorry this post is so long in the middle of an already long-ish post. i just thought the context was important.

[meggannn]

rambly thoughts on johnny's relationships with alt and rogue and how he puts them on pedestals

(note i'm basing on the video game, no ttrpg knowledge. also im posting this at 3am sorry if it doesnt make much sense, ill probably edit in the morning)

someone feel free to bite me if i'm wayyy off base here but another "johnny isn't beating the harry du bois allegations" take of mine is his proclivity to put halos on his exes. alt "the one that got away but v the sex was SO good, trust me" cunningham and rogue "she's the best, she's one cold-hearted bitch but she's MY cold-heated bitch" amendiares. granted that's just two out of who knows how many and they're the most plot-relevant in the game, but they're the two he still kinda clearly isn't over or at least assumes they'll come running when he calls after fifty years lol.

if i had to make a very surface-level observation i'd suspect maybe johnny thinks alt speaks to the artist in him, while he feels rogue understands the soldier. to 2013!johnny, i think alt is the fire of a passionate relationship and his anti-corp ideals, while rogue is the ice-cold of a solo who can get the job done, and this reflects in how they deal with him too: alt keeps coming back for more even after ending it, while rogue went cold turkey and cut him out of her life after cheating on her, rightfully so. i think johnny was probably just more attracted to the fire when he was young, but in 2077 after respecting that she made it so far, he now is more appreciative that rogue's a bitch because it's kept her alive--the tradeoff, that he doesn't confirm until late game, is that she sold out. obviously i suspect there was much more to their relationships than that, but we know alt went to his concerts and they talked "truly, madly, deeply" which to me implies their talks DID border on more emotional or romantic, if not outright (i suspect him telling alt they "were nothing, shared nothing but sex" came out of fear after opening up so much).

anyway i think it's intentional alt appears like a huge, glowing naked women in her scenes; even if it's alt's chosen form instead of johnny's projection in cyberspace, it contributes to emphasizing how he feels inadequate in comparison, how badly he fumbled that relationship. i suspect 2013 johnny actually opened up to alt quite a bit, but frankly alt has a bit of a nasty streak, and when she hit him somewhere it really hurt, he didn't hesitate to hurt her back. johnny does say mean shit sometimes to v or kerry but i kind of hesitate to call his nastier comments cruel--he's can certainly say some awful things to kerry i don't think are fair or accurate, but in his mind i think he thinks he's helping him, therefore it's not mean-spirited to him, it's just banter/chooms being honest. i sort of get the sense if johnny was ever cruel, it was likely in response to what he saw as a cruelty someone else did him first. "she just had to bust my balls! that's why i told her she didn't matter to me even though i still have nightmares about her and got myself killed on a suicide run to save her a decade later!!" like ok sir. tangent, this is why johnny and alt would never work imo (being way too passionate is one thing, but way too willing to hurt the other to win an argument is another). putting aside that he's lying to himself as well as hurting her with that remark, to him, alt threw the first stone and what she said about him being a poser clearly got to him, so he's "justified" in hurting her back.

but alt always came back, or stopped ghosting him eventually, so despite them breaking up repeatedly, he really never suffered any long-term consequences for how he treated her, always knowing she'd cool down eventually and come back for more. which is why he is so disturbed in 2077 that she's now emotionless and cold ("you find this icy bitch persona in there as well?" he asks, like it genuinely bothers him, while he'd said of rogue "there's the ice-cold bitch i know" almost fondly because he expects it of rogue, maybe even relied on it). i suspect he's more bothered by seeing alt as an ai than he lets on. he thought he'd be able to talk to her like the old days only to be met with an uncaring ai that doesn't care he's there; hell johnny sells v on the idea of meeting with alt with the promise he can secure her help, except she doesn't give a shit, and v has to step in to make the deal for him. that's sooo embarrassing for him lbr, that he can't do the ONE helpful thing for v his engram was even stolen to do in the first place, but his emotions are barely a blip to this new alt; she doesn't even care that he's embarrassed. the old alt would've noticed that, maybe even teased him for it.

well alt may not be the old alt, but what she is now isn't all that bad, he realizes; if he's a stack of code, maybe that's what he should be aiming for himself. "alt's out there fractaling, globulating, becoming a bigger and better ai. and i'm stuck here shriveling, spending time with you." this ex is a digital goddess who escaped the corps and survived past the blackwall, so of course now that he's an engram, he's jealous. he thought she needed his help, but he fucked it up; now he needs hers, and tries to frame it as her OWING him to avoid the vulnerability of admitting that. johnny likely sees joining her in cyberspace as the closest thing he can get to freedom as an engram (aside from running away with v's body, which he finds morally disturbing for a number of reasons. we even know from his mikoshi pov scene that a part of him did still miss being alive, given the option to take v's body is there at all, but i personally don't believe he'd do it unless v insisted because he finds the idea so morally repugnant). anyway. eternity in cyberspace with your digital goddess ex? well it's no "truly madly deeply," but it's probably the closest you can get to know someone's code inside and out (except for yknow the whole relic situation), so maybe it's the best an engram can hope for, and maybe if it's forever, if he's changed enough, he can be ok if it's with alt, someone he once trusted his feelings to, even if she's not the same. she still came calling when he asked, right? he can be part of something better with her.

meanwhile, rogue the solo was once upon a time so onboard johnny's "fuck the system" campaign enough that he trusts her to raid arasaka tower with him not once or twice but THREE times... except she doesn't match him on the passion. when he asks her why she thinks they took on the corps, she says "we were young [with] shit judgment." johnny insists "we fought for beauty" and her response is "don't let your mind wander." even in their date, she doesn't fully open up to him. johnny says some pretty romantic things like "i'd do everything in my power not to lose you" and "i'm on borrowed time in a borrowed body, but i'm here" and she replies with more practical responses and kinda shuts him down gently. of course, neither of these situations are ideal for spilling your heart--the first on they're on a mission, the second one she's wrestling with internal conflict. but either way, it tracks with how the rogue of 2077 doesn't ever really entertain johnny's more emotional, philosophical, abstract goals of trying to reconnect with her, of fighting for justice--or even fighting for v, but i'll get into that below.

johnny feeling betrayed over rogue selling out hits him hard because not only is it a betrayal of his ideals but it's smasher that she sells out to, the man that killed him. he registers his shock about it during chippin' in, but if he takes over v's body in the final mission, he confronts her about selling out before he even mentions v's dying, the real reason he's here, arguably risking the help he's relying on; he's really fucking bothered by it. rogue shoot back he has no right to judge her, he was long dead. but then when johnny says "v's dying and i'm the fuckin' cancer that's killing them" rogue replies "don't tell yourself you're out to help someone. it's only ever about you--so you can feel better." even after v says johnny's changed and rogue gives him a second chance, she still suspects he wants something, maybe even wonders in this scene if he only asked her out before to get on her good side for now. it takes actually seeing him in ahq fighting again for her to acknowledge he's changed, to see how serious he is about saving v's life.

one thing gets me, and i think it's why johnny is still not really over rogue, is how he says during the date "i coulda been myself around you. only you. no pretending, no posing." i think johnny wants to believe that if he'd been more open and hadn't cheated, he and rogue could've worked. but rogue goes "i can't... i see what you're trying to do, but i'm in a different place now." this is a pretty big confession from johnny but she doesn't really react to it! this is NOT a judgment of rogue and she certainly doesn't owe him a positive response, but even after she says this, johnny is notably dissatisfied: “that’s how you’re gonna leave it?” not unhappily exactly but upset and disappointed she’s still not really opening up. he’s constantly WONDERING with rogue the way he didn’t seem to wonder with alt. but it is interesting to me that despite her walking away from three date, despite that she keeps saying she's changed and things won't be the same, she DOES pick up every time he calls, she DOES help out every time he asks, she DOES imply they could've worked, so i don't even really judge johnny for assuming rogue will always be there for him, because she kind of is. but every time johnny tries to get emotional with her, she really doesn't ever open up in the same way. and tbf we don't know what rogue was like when they were dating; maybe johnny's betrayal even contributed to her hardening up as a young woman. (mike pondsmith says johnny got her pregnant, so when he came to ask her for help in 2013, he was crawling back to his ex who he knocked up and then cheated on to help him save his current girlfriend. like holy shit dude! though i feel stuff like this doesn't necessarily need to be taken as canon so ymmv.) anyway in ahq, johnny says "you've always been the one--know that, right?" and rogue replies "i do. shame you never did." which is quite interesting because i feel it's the most romantic thing she says to him in the game and it's right before she dies!

but anyway this is my long-winded way to say johnny is a very passionate person hiding behind several masks and a slow-moving devil-may-care attitude. i think alt was actually able to recognize and speak to johnny's emotional core better than rogue, although rogue recognized and appealed to the soldier, so johnny maybe didn’t let her in before to match her cooler energy. in that one fight scene/flashback, alt purposefully picks at his insecurities, but she "sees" and engages with him and his goals in a way rogue doesn't really: alt's thought about his rockerboy persona, thought about what he says and does onstage vs what he says and does behind the scenes, and even though her reaction to it all is "it's all a lie, you're full of shit," she's actually thought about why johnny does all that he does, vs rogue going "well... idk, we fought corps because we were young and did it for the money." that could be an old woman just tired and unhappy with some of her choices, but it does also align with rogue's overall responses to johnny trying to get personal. it's not that rogue didn't ever believe in his anti-corp agenda, but just that clearly she was willing to sacrifice it to survive, and it's something i think johnny, if he sat on it, wouldn't be able to forgive if he had more time in this life. i think he wants to think, though, if he'd taken down the walls he'd put up back in 2013 around her, they could've worked out, maybe alt would still be alive for not being there that day, maybe rogue wouldn't have sold out, maybe rogue really was the one he could've made work if he hadn't fucked up so much.

anyway. i think it's clear that by 2077, both alt and rogue have moved on from ever explicitly seeing johnny romantically again the way they once had. engram!johnny though is currently going through a character arc and is in the middle of reckoning with his faults and mistakes, so because he’s never gotten over anything in his life and deep down inside he hates himself quite a bit, it's easier to believe that he fucked it all up with TWO great women, rather than them just not being compatible. it is possible it could've worked with both or either of them of course! but who knows. this is my silverv agenda here, but i personally think post-2077 johnny doesn't need someone who operates in hot or cold, or someone who sees him in terms of artist or soldier, because he makes strides with v when he's with someone who he can simply sit in silence with and have any kind of talk at all while knowing his emotions will be respected, but also without feeling he'll be coddled, because he certainly won't coddle them in return. someone who can watch his six in the field while they fuck up corps is just icing on the cake. (the reason i place someone who matches the fighting spirit in him a little lower than someone who speaks to his emotional spirit is based on how he chooses the quiet life in the temperance ending, indicating to me a johnny grown is a johnny willing to leave the fight behind, or at least dedicate his new life to fighting in different ways. although that is temperance-specific so i think it's negotiable. i do like my battle couples so it's not that i think silverv sits around all day talking about their feelings lmfao, and i do think they'd go on jobs together if they stayed in night city, but i think post-canon johnny can now admit he has things he doesn't want to lose, and is less likely to throw his life into anti-corp projects again, so he is maybe just a smidge less eager to spend his weekends setting ncpd vans on fire, even with v. maybe once a year on their anniversary instead.)

ok goodnight

[seven-snails]

im so weirdly stuck on killua asking morel for help in tracking down illumi. i've been thinking on and off a little bit lately about how killua's understanding of/outlook on the hunter association might change as he gets older, and i've been leaning towards the idea that he starts to see its atrocities for what they are and ceases to have any use for the association, and while watching him leverage the power he does currently have in that institution for what's essentially personal gain i had to make myself stop and interrogate that impulse, and ask whether that was something i decided on just because it makes him more sympathetic to me personally, or if it's something i really think is believable about his character.

it's like. a mutual pointed out in its own post recently that killua has this very strong in-group/out-group kind of view of the world, likely because of how he was raised as part of the zoldyck clan, and so his idea of standing up for what's right is very much centered around the people he personally cares about, and having empathy for like. People In General as a group deserving of respect and compassion is something he's had to learn after the fact, and has been picking up fairly slowly - arguably the only time we see this informing his actions even marginally is when he tries to disrupt the ants' regime in east gorteau because most of the rest of the time he is just so dead focused on gon's well-being, and even in that one case it does have some benefit to him beyond just the virtue of performing a greater moral good in the world. killua does seem very aware of his own place in the world, what his assets and disadvantages are, and what systemic power he has and how he can leverage it; they discussed on mcp today how the line "we really are father and son" is kind of a recognition, and a challenge to silva, that killua is capable of acting on a level that can directly threaten his family, and we also see how killua is aware of the political factions competing in the hunter election, and how his own actions could sway those platforms, and by using that insight to benefit alluka, he's just playing back into that in-group/out-group way of thinking - he doesn't actually seem all that concerned for the well-being of the needlemen themselves outside of a broad recognition that the way illumi uses his nen is "wrong." but we've also seen killua undergoing this immense change throughout hxh, and that in-group has been slowly expanding as his capacity for empathy grows - and while i do think killua is ultimately always going to be a little cliquey in the way he makes connections and chooses who he wants to be close to, i also believe this journey he's been on is one that will ultimately lead him to have a more open heart and mind for the strangers around him. and so while there's a part of me that despairs at watching killua use his own political power like this, i still think my initial impulse is at least pointed in the right direction; a killua who's aware of the power he has and continues to use it for his own gain regardless of the effect his actions have on the population at large is, to put it simply, if reductively, an "evil" killua, and a killua i think we've already left behind - i do believe that the trajectory of his development has been moving him away from this space, and i also think it's important to the continuation of that development that he's choosing to stay with alluka, who wouldn't want him acting like that either and who he respects enough to listen to when she protests; even beyond that, his own family acknowledges that he wouldn't be happy to heal gon if it was at the expense of tens of thousands of lives (even if only out of consideration for gon's feelings on the matter). so like. yes it does feel shitty to watch killua using his own systemic sway for the sole benefit of his in-group, but also he's thirteen, and weird about intimacy and who "counts" as a person, and at the same time has also visibly been walking down a path that will likely end up leading him away from that way of thinking, so i have faith that he'll figure it out lol

[chaifootsteps]

i should've mentioned it when we were talking about tuca and bertie and them doing things right, but the arc bertie goes through with her SA and reclaiming it thru taboo fantasies is very similar to what ive been through, right down to a therapist opening me up to this new side of sexuality, and while it all happened to me years prior to the arc happening in the show, it broke me out of my anti shipper mentality that gave me this sense of justice and rigid rightness in what i was doing.

just thought now would be a good time to bring it up too because of the allegations against you and how what happened to max is basically the same thing that's happened to me. it's such an uncomfortable feeling to know someone who brought you into this world sees you like that, and having a fictional character similar to that person to self insert with in writing has helped far more then feeling disgusted with myself ever did or has, because i can stop anytime i want, or just get to a point where i move on completely from being able to gain anything from this personally. (which im leaning towards for now,) it's like bertie's therapist said, "because this time, you're in control."

i just wish antis could at least be more open to the idea that maybe, just maybe, shaming victims for coping this way isn't helpful, and that the lack of nuance implies shaming these uncontrollable fantasies (because you can't control your thoughts and like bertie's therapist said, "brains are weird!", although ive also heard the fear and arousal part of your brain is closely related which explains so many kinks to me tbh,) is the only form of healing and getting better, which it never will be. this kind of thing, of re-exploring your trauma thru fiction like this, definitely doesn't help certain people and that needs to be respected, but for anyone it does, they shouldn't just be written off as "normalizing their abuse", because im aware enough to keep this to myself, and to other people like me.

come talk to me about me "romanticizing" horrible things in fiction when you remember vivs shows have millions of views, and THATS why her writing like a fanfic author is bad - not because she inherently is one at heart. a large audience of adults should engage with these heavy topics, (and deserve to have them be written well, even if the stans swear they don't because nuh uh it's Da Best cuz mama viv made it,) not literal children. regardless of this unfortunate demographic that's naturally been formed and then unnaturally encouraged by the creator to line her pockets with their parents money, i think people have a moral obligation to tell a well written story about dark taboo subjects when they have such a large scale of production and connections like this, with some gray area in between, because theres some pieces of media that aren't as big as vivs creations or as small as fanfic writers (compared to other indie creations like video games or shows,) either, like mouthwash, or that one horror game with a sibling incest ending. that's what i mean when i said you aren't gonna make anyone want to fuck a lizard, but that vivs story's spread sentiment that would give 1970s victim blaming, "well, what was she wearing?" arguments a run for their money in how gross they are. i don't think max is gonna make anyone want to fuck their own dad either.

i hope this all makes sense! i think this is the most vulnerable ive ever been in your ask box. thank you for being someone who makes me feel strong enough to talk about this.

No, no, it makes perfect sense! Thanks for sharing your story, Anon...that was an incredibly vulnerable thing to talk about, and it couldn't have been easy.

I don't know if it's due to social media or what, but people have gotten really, really terrible at the concept of "I do my thing that works for me over here, you do your thing that works for you over there, and even though we don't understand each other, we mind our business about it." Like you said, it becomes a different conversation the more widespread and professional your piece of media is -- the same way that feeding 1,000 people a day is different than cooking for yourself -- but when we're talking about you and me and Max and all the randos on AO3? An appropriately tagged piece of work that makes a sharp distinction between fiction and reality is harmless.

What isn't harmless is telling someone that their intensely personal coping method is wrong and shameful and that they're a dangerous, evil person because it makes you uncomfortable, and that they're either a bad survivor or lying about being one.

Here's the scene from Tuca & Bertie, because it's so well done and always relevant.

[writtnbyhan]

seungmin comforting insecure reader? im feeling a bit weird rn and would rlly like some comfort writing:(( its fine if not !!

hi!! I rushed to write this as quickly as possible and I really hope it brings you some comfort, whatever little it may be. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you chose me to write your comfort writing because I understand what it feels like to need some and !! to be able to provide it !!!! I swear to you you've made me the happiest by asking this, and I hope I can give back a little bit of that happiness with my silly little words :(

also, I really hope it was what you expected ?? I didn't want to put too much focus on what makes reader insecure because I know it's something different for each one of us and I tried to keep it as generic as possible. I hope you like it and I hope you're feeling better <3

word count: 1319

You’re awfully quiet, and Seungmin is quick to notice. Normally, you joke around with him, you laugh at his jokes even when they’re really lame, you shine when you’re happy, and the difference is evident for him. Not that you’re not as beautiful as always, but the quiet and the lack of smile is noticeable, at least for him.

He decides not to comment on it for a while, assuming you’ll tell him if you want to share. But when enough time has passed, and you’re laying on the couch next to him, watching a movie, he breaks. Your attention is clearly somewhere else, you’re lost in thoughts and your face makes it evident that the thoughts on your mind are not precisely happy ones.

“Baby?” he asks, and he knows something’s wrong when that doesn’t get your attention. “y/n?” he asks again, his voice almost a whisper, worry gnawing at his chest.

You look at him, and your eyes are glossy like you’re fighting hard not to spill the tears that have gathered in your eyes.

“Oh, baby.” He sounds so sad for you, and he extends his arm, an open invitation for a hug. Usually, you’d be quick to accept and cuddle him, but today… Yeah, today is an exception.

You shake your head and the tears finally fall. You don’t intend them to, but they apparently don’t let you control them anymore. They’re spilling from your eyes, rolling down your cheeks, and leaving you naked and vulnerable in your boyfriend’s eyes. You hate crying, but you hate crying in front of him more. You know his heart is breaking by the way he looks at you like he’d gladly take all of your pain and carry it for you (he would).

He waits, his arms still open. It is evident on his face that he doesn’t know what to do. He always respects your boundaries, especially when it comes to physical touch and when or when it is not welcomed. You’re not a big fan of PDA, and neither is he, so he’s always asking before doing something, sometimes even when you’re alone. It is endearing. Today, though, you can tell he’s doubting whether he’s doing the right thing or not.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” his voice is on the verge of breaking, and you cry harder. Why, why would he worry this much? Why would he care? Why should he care? Why does he care? You surely don’t deserve a boy like him.

You shake your head again and sigh. A voice in the back of your head reminds you of the importance of communication in a relationship, and you curse at it, even when you know it’s true. You sigh again.

“Why?” You say finally, only able to voice the only word repeating in your mind. He looks confused, and the look is so endearing you almost want to laugh through the tears; you’re incapable of actually doing so, though. “Why me?” You say, voice quieter now, more weak. His eyes soften, and you think he’s beginning to understand.

He’s patient. He doesn’t push. He doesn’t answer the question because he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. He’s waiting for you to actually ask something he can answer.

“Why choose me, when you can have anyone?” The question is whispered, but it sounds so loud in Seungmin’s head, resonating against its walls, and he wants to scream just to quiet it.

For your ears, though, he only gasps. His arms lowered when you started speaking, and his hands twitched as soon as you finished voicing the question. He wants to hold you. He wants to cry himself, but he forces himself to remain strong to provide you with that strength.

“Because I want you,” he says, like it’s obvious. “I always want you. I don’t care who I could have, as long as I have you, I don’t care about anyone else.” He’s looking directly at you, trying to get his point across.

You look down, staring into your lap while the tears fall.

“It’s just…”

He waits. He waits so patiently, even though he’s growing desperate to hug you and reassure you. He waits, because boundaries or whatever.

“It’s just that sometimes, when you’re doing promotions…” you hide your face behind your hands as your crying becomes more intense. “I just think… you deserve one of them, you know, an idol who can dance and sing and who looks so pretty and so tiny and… I can’t ever be that. No matter how hard I try, I’m me and you just deserve so much better than I can be.”

Your tears are falling freely, the waterfall has opened and it’s clear it doesn’t plan on closing soon.

“y/n,” he says, he’s worried and he’s serious, and you fear you might have made him angry because the serious look on his face is unusual. “Listen to me, and listen clearly: I want you.” He enunciates the words, pronouncing each one loud and clear. “I don’t care about them, I chose you because you’re you, and that’s exactly what I want. And I deserve exactly that: what I want. What I want is you.” He is the one to sigh now. “I can’t even look at other people, baby. You’re the prettiest person my eyes have ever laid upon – and I say this while seeing Hyunjin every day, you know.” He laughs at the last part.

You laugh a little, too, even if it’s weak. You want to believe him, even if your fears are stronger today. You know he means what he says, even if you can’t understand how he can mean it.

His touch is barely there when he reaches for your hand, trying to take them out of your face. “Let me wipe your tears, please. I’ve got you, baby, I’m right here.”

You let him lower your hands, but you still keep your gaze fixed on your lap. His touch is still featherlike when he softly caresses your chin, indicating for you to look up. You do, your glossy eyes meeting his, not as glossy as yours but almost there.

“I’m sorry. I’m being really difficult today. I’m sorry” 

You’ll never not be amazed by Seungmin’s ability to understand what’s going on around him, by his tuned senses for everyone’s needs. So, it is still a surprise when Seungmin notices you getting barely closer and extends his arm towards you. You welcome the invitation, now, and pretty much throw yourself to him, his hold so strong, like he wants to hold you tight enough that it’ll fix everything broken inside you.

“Don’t apologize for needing some help every now and then. It’s okay to need reassurance, and I’m always willing to give it to you – you make this world better. . . you make me better. So please, let me help you when you’re getting in your head like this. I’m here for you, today, tomorrow, the day after that… even in 2065 when you’re all old and wrinkly, I’ll be by your side.” He gives a small kiss on the side of your head, and you let out a small chuckle.

“I love you so much, Seungminnie,” you say, quietly, into the dark room as the credits to the movie you were watching start rolling.

“I know,” he says, rocking you slightly. “Now, I’m going to put on another movie and you lay your head on my shoulder and try to sleep. It will all be better tomorrow when you wake up next to me.” You nod, doing as he says while he puts on a Disney movie. You turn your head to give a small kiss on his shoulder, and he chuckles. “I love you too, by the way.”

He’s right. Everything's better when you’re next to him, and you hurt a lot less when in between his arms.

[tonydaddingham]

it's all well and good to have discourse regarding generalised theories and meta and such like, it's cool to discuss and (politely) debate stuff; maybe you can change other fans' minds by sharing your perspective/analysis, or maybe they can change yours.

what's not cool though? screenshotting actual posts (that can easily be found on a straightforward google boolean search, or hell - usually just by typing the contents into tumblr itself) of takes you don't agree with and subjecting them to focused ridicule. those are someone's thoughts and feelings. that is someone's time, their effort, and their dedication.

what's not cool is vagueing about people's posts in such a way that it is obvious that your post is about them, about that particular post, and not just the theory/theme in general. this fandom is huge but it's also incredibly small sometimes - we're all so often of the same mind that art and fic and meta pass through us like shockwaves. what im saying is that the person that that post is about? they'll probably see it. don't be bullies. a good portion of us have had enough of bullies to last us a lifetime, and it's not needed here.

reblog a post and disagree courteously, patiently, and with compassion, or make a separate post "ive seen discussion on this theme/thought, and whilst it was interesting, i personally don't agree and here's why...". send a polite ask to the op perhaps asking them to clarify some things, because you don't agree but at least want to understand and discuss, if they'd be amenable.

if the bad takes are becoming too much, or are upsetting you, or the person is doubling down despite polite debate and it's pissing you off? that's absolutely valid and you're allowed to feel like that - and if you don't want, or can't, address it politely, and it's too much... block them. block them so you don't have to keep seeing it. rant about it in the DMs to someone you trust if you really need to, but don't publicly make people - on what is (to my mind) the mostly inclusive and open-minded platform - feel like shit because they see media different than you.

don't make people feel like they're absolute scum just because you disagree. don't make them feel stupid, or close-minded. dont stick labels on them that they will likely internalise and make them feel like the worst human being to walk the earth. it's humiliating, it's alienating, and it's going make some people fear having any interest in something they used to enjoy, and that once brought them joy when they needed it most. you personally may not be bothered, but others might - have some respect for them.

god knows im not perfect and ive done it myself, im not pretending otherwise bc sometimes i catch myself being unkind, or feeding into this culture of "different thought = wrong thought", but by god im trying to do better. don't be like me, please please please just be fucking kind

[bigskydreaming]

hello, i hope you are having a good day i always found it odd that barely any fics set during the time include the titans being defensive on dick's behalf or even just clark being more vocally critical of bruce's actions towards dick instead of just silently disapproving and supporting dick separately and i loved your writing here.

i was wondering if you were planning on sharing more of this one shot? i understand if you didn't get time to follow up on it or simply didn't feel up to do it and that's completely okay and i respect your time and wishes especially regarding your own projects. i was just wanted to ask if this one shot is still in the works? it is completely okay if it is not, i love the part you have already posted and am grateful to you for the content regardless of the continuation status.

this is the one shot i was asking about : https://www.tumblr.com/bigskydreaming/680926255284125696/bigskydreaming-from-a-one-shot-im-working-on-set?source=share

have a great day, much much love <3

Thanks for the ask! Real life has been chaotic for me the last half a decade or so, lmfao (at least) so I have zero consistency or as much leeway to focus on writing when and where I like. So I mostly just wing it and put down on paper whatever springs to mind when I do squeeze in some time/energy for a writing session, and I have so many projects, original and fanfic, that this tends to be all over the place. So there's really not much production of steady updates or even complete one-shots, just a bunch of slowly added to projects in general which HOPEFULLY means the day I manage to actually cement some stability that isn't just wishful thinking, I'll be in a pretty good position to finish up a lot. *Shrugs* That's the hope anyway.

So I really can't commit to when that might be or how off until it literally happens and I'm actually posting and updating regularly, lol, because I've tried predicting that and failed disastrously.....so I'm just trying not to psych myself into never bothering to add to any of my projects and just taking things one day at a time.

THAT SAID. I can say that of those open and sporadically added to projects, the majority are either original stuff, old TW fics, or Dick Grayson-centric works. I have stuff in other fandoms but those three areas have always remained my most consistent and prolific file folders of content.

And of my Dick Grayon fics, this one is in my Top Five of most regularly worked on one-shots/closest to completion. I have a soft spot for it and never lack for inspiration (just momentum) because its SUCH a personal hot button scenario/prompt for me. It is a one-shot but it has five different sections, a one-on-one convo/confrontation between Bruce and Donna, Roy, Wally, Garth and Lilith respectively. It should be a pretty good-sized length when done (between 10K-20K most likely) and I have the Donna, Wally and Garth sections all done....its just the Roy and Lilith ones that I'm not done with there but they are the two largest sections by far, so genuinely can't estimate how much longer it'll take, with any accuracy.

But any one-shot I'm over halfway done with like. Haunts me, lmao, in the sense of "why don't you finish me, you've done so much work on me already," and this one is particularly loud and pesky so....again, can't say when, I'll be lying and/or wrong, but in terms of WHICH projects are most likely to someday see the light of completion, I'd rank this one in the Top Five, easy.

Again, thanks for the ask! Its always nice and inspiring to know that there will still be people interested in reading some of this stuff whenever I do finally manage to make writing the priority it once was/I'd like it to be!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 8

aftermath anon, closeted anon (2?), engineering anon, intrusive thoughts anon, poetry anon

aftermath anon

I understand, I am sorry for asking. I cannot seek professional help rn, and my partner isn't willing to communicate much sadly. I guess I will try to manage myself, thank you though! Can I at least ask what your opinion is on me, like, a bad or rude person? I am sorry if I come off like that, my partner usually says that and I want you to know I didn't mean anything that could come off wrong! Thank you for answering, even though you won't listen to my main problem, the fact you answered makes me happy!

Hi! I mean I don't know you, but you haven't come off as bad or rude at all. I do want to say though...if you and your partner are having trouble communicating, I really don't think you should be doing things that require a lot of communication. It sounds like you have some things to work through first. Trust and open communication is important in a LOT of parts of a relationship, and it seems like that's what you need to be focusing on right now.

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closeted anon 2

hey cas, i think i'll be today's closeted anon??

how do i cope with a homophobic family?? like a few days ago i told my mother that i want to pursue fashion designing, and she sat me down and straight up lectured me for an hour or so about how the industry is so focused on the lgbtq community (which idrc about, they're all such beautiful people), and how she doesn't want me to mingle with such people. she sees homo/bisexuality as a mental disorder, and that's why im not even allowed to now discuss my career with her or my dad anymore, as she thinks i might be bi as well. which im pretty sure i am, but now i feel all suffocated because i'm not allowed to talk freely with my "family" anymore, all my sibling have been brought up this way too. i've been following your blog for a while and finally decided to tell you this, i'm sorry if it's a long yap but i've seen your previous asks and i thought you'd get this better than anybody else. thanks.

Hi! I can't tell if you're the same closeted anon who's written me in the past?

Anyway, the fact that your mom is relating a career choice to a sexuality is insane. One doesn't cause another, and that's so unfair of her. I'm so sorry she's not supporting you and her homophobia isn't okay at all. If you want to be a designer (whether you're bi or not) you absolutely should be!

I'm here if you ever want to talk more!

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Intrusive thoughts anon

I'm not saying this in a complaining way at all- I truly do not mind how long the ask was- but I didn't copy it here because I was nervous about word limit lol

I think it's okay that you didn't want to win! I understand why you feel that way and you shouldn't feel guilty about that.

As far as your friends...I mean, they can't control their parents, but they can control what they promise you. They need to stop making commitments they can't keep, and I completely agree with you that you need to stop expecting so much and putting in so much to the relationship. It sounds like they're not respecting you, so why respect them? I think your message was great, and I'm proud of you for communicating your needs respectfully.

For your family...I honestly think it's a really common thing for siblings to experience very different things from their parents. It's very frustrating and can really affect self-esteem and even drive siblings apart.

I know it probably doesn't mean much but I personally am glad you didn't listen to your intrusive thoughts.

Happy Ramadan! It started on the 28th, right? You're right, brookies are amazing.

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Engineering anon

and I will try to find it, I doubt so though. But, I practiced a lot with fake skin and I started with the places noone sees, like thighs mostly, so I don't think it will affect my possible future job yet, but I really wanna learn!

Thank you for advice!!! I don't mind using myself as canvas, but to make them hide easier, I usually don't make them on noticeable places, I still visit my family sometimes after all. And about the piercings, I didn't know that, I will ask my brother for a few aid things then! Though I know general first aid and how to take care of bleeding injuries etc, it shouldnt be that hard I guess? Thanks for answering-

No problem! I'm gonna be honest though, as much as I believe that everyone should have power over their own bodies, this really does make me anxious. I looked up all the dangers of self-piercing and self-tattooing and yeah. I'm not judging at all but I really think it's a risk.

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poetry anon

Hi!

Wow, the poem you sent me is...very relatable, and I think it's a great way to get those feelings out. I don't think it's dumb at all, it's really moving. I do have to ask though...is telling about that topic snitching, or is it helping someone who needs it?

[m4dm4yhem]

TRANS FEM MILES MORALES HCS:

a/n: if you have a problem with this harmless hc I honestly do not give a fuck “ he’s a boy!” okay nigga she’s gonna be a girl today.. if you try and start shit with me in MY comment section or MY inbox I will not hesitate to say something because the trans masc hc is received wonderfully but the transfem one isn’t, and it just shows people’s transphobia, so if you say ANYTHING, I will not only turn off anonymous comments but I will also say shit if necessary

when she first realized she was trans, she went by miley; other people assumed she just wanted her family to keep a piece of her forever, but honest she just liked miley cyrus

her name now is melody, because of her love of music, and how she was trying to love herself as a woman, she thought if she attempted to name herself that was something related to something she adored.. that she would start to feel more comfortable in her own skin.. it worked a little, the name ‘ melody’ made her happy, and it helped her with her dysphoria too

she came out to her mom first, and rio was confused, but not surprised. the kid she raised usually had girl friends, and liked to dress up in girl clothes. transgender was a new concept for rio, but she did research how to care for transgender kids, because since she didn’t understand much of it and didn’t want to be offensive.

jefferson was MAJORLY confused when he found out he had a daughter instead of what he thought, he was very open minded about it, and he was researching as well

jefferson adjusted well, he’s a normal father of a girl, doesn’t let her go outside of her dress is too short, or if she’s wearing a crop top.. if she has her jacket zipped up outside of winter time, he’s making her unzip it

“ hey…c’mere..”

he’d do that finger thing parents do when they want you to come close, melody would reluctantly come forward, standing in front of her father with a knowing look on her face,

“ you know what im gonna ask you.”

he said softly, pointing towards her zipped up jacket,

“ c’mon! dad.. im not wearing anything under here!” “ then you have no problem unzipping it.”

jefferson shrugged his shoulders, and melody sighed unzipping her jacket, showing the spaghetti strap tank top she had on under the jacket. jefferson looked over the outfit his daughter had on and gave a nod of approval,

“ keep that jacket at least halfway zipped up.”

she wasn’t gonna lie and say she enjoyed that one thing about being a girl, but it did make her smile when she got a moment to herself.. because it meant her father saw her as his daughter.

her bonnet is pink, and she absolutely loves it

she doesn’t get her eyelashes done, she lets mascara do the job, because she’d rather spend fourteen dollars.. than possibly a couple hundred for longer lashes, she does get her eyebrows threaded though

she isn’t a girl that over lines her lips when doing makeup, her lips are already full and plump so she lines them the shape they normally are, she does black or brown liner.. depends on the day.

clear and pink lipgloss are her go tos.

she felt a little embarrassed, the first few days of being trans as spiderwoman, because she’d have to correct villains when they addressed her with he/him instead of she/her… surprisingly.. a good portion of them respected her wishes and apologized

the first time she got her hair done, she had gotten butterfly locs, and it felt weird.. having her hair done.. when she was so used to her afro, and it hurt.. as she was extremely tender-headed… but she liked it, she liked it more than she originally thought she might’ve.

her favorite colors to get when she gets butterfly locs or distressed locs are normally black.. but now she adds either a few blonde highlights.. because she misses gwen.. a few pink ones.. again because she misses gwen.. or maybe red because of her spider suit.

PART 2.. COMING SOON

[kefiteria]

HELLO HI! im here after reading and can i just say. the way you write sebek. oh my god!! it is absolutelyyyy peak!! i swear ive gone through your works of him multiple times (especially the secret admirer one?? so cute.) and it makes me so happy that you write him so well and so In Character since he's extremely underrated, at least to me! as a newfound seb fan, it's nice to know that there's people out there who love him and understand his... over the top ridiculous charm.

maybe one day if i become a bit braver, ill come back and request something from you of my own LMAO if slots are still open and he's still on my mind, i promise to return!

sorry for such a long ask! and thank you very much for your service!

firstly, dont be sorry!! i enjoy reading longggggg ask or just pure rambling from my readers! ✨ so dont worry about it🩷 you may come anytime to request something from me too!! I saw your pfp its chiaki enstars, and I too like enstars (Knights P) because the lore is soooo intricate (i love leo!! and mika)✨

I’m so glad my take on Sebek resonates, especially since he’s such a complex and often misunderstood character. What fascinates me most about him is how his overwhelming sense of duty and pride often act as both armor and barrier—he’s so deeply loyal and protective, but his way of expressing it is tangled in formal speech, excessive volume, and an almost theatrical seriousness🎭. To really understand Sebek, one have to listen through the shouting: every exaggerated phrase is a clumsy attempt to communicate care, respect, and devotion in a way that won’t make him feel vulnerable🌀 There’s so much emotional intelligence buried under layers of performance, and watching him fumble through connection—desperate to be taken seriously, terrified of being brushed aside—is what makes him so compelling to write (｀；ω；´)💦

Thank you again for taking the time to share such a sweet and thoughtful message!! (｡T ω T｡) It honestly means everything to hear that there are others out there who see the heart in him too—and that something I wrote could highlight that side of him💛 Hearing from fellow Sebek fans (especially new ones!!!) gives me so much joy and inspiration, truly💚 I’m cheering you on in your Sebek appreciation journey!! (ง •̀_•́)ง✨