#im fed up having to go to school while clearly sick

[ashe-twst-fan]

UGH MY NOSE IS ALL STUFFY AND MY HEAD HURTS (ALONG WITH MY EYES BC SINUSES) AND YET I STILL HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW??????? ALL BECAUSE I HAVE NO WAY TO GET A DOCTORS NOTE????

LIKE IM OVER HERE CLEARLY SICK, MEANING IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE NEAR OTHERS, BUT YET I STILL HAVE TO GO BECAUSE I COULD GET SENT TO COURT FOR TRUENCY???

[sixtyeightdays]

The Queen

She is not playing dolls. She is stalking the halls; living off thrill of the kill. Marinette can smell fear.

this mini speech drabble is inspired by HBIC by @unmaskedagain and The Pigtails Are Off by @para-dox-normal

WARNING: MILD VIOLENCE , SLIGHTLY GRAPHIC

Marinette left the class, after depositing ribbons into the hands of a few of her classmates.

Alya turned to face Nino, whose hat was still drawn down, covering the upper part of his face. 

‘What was that all about?’ She demanded. Nino sunk lower into his seat, casting a look towards Chloe, who huffed and stood up.

‘You all made a huge enemy today,’ she began.

Alix scoffed. ‘We’ve dealt with you a lot, we aren’t scared of you.’

This time, Sabrina spoke up, which clearly shocked the rest of the class who thought she was a spineless servant of Chloe’s.

There was a glint in her green eyes that wasn’t there earlier, making a shiver run down the class’ spines.

‘Oh, who said anything about Chloe?’

Now it was Juleka who spoke up, looking away from Rose who was grasping at her arm for answers.

‘You have no idea what kind of protection you just threw away.’

Ivan, fed up, slammed his fist into the table. ‘What the HELL are you guys even talking about?’

Nino looked up and smirked, which shocked Alya and made her take a step back, after noticing the sinister glint in his eyes.

‘You all are... new here. You don’t know how the Queen works.’

Kim stood up from his desk proudly, puffing his chest out. ‘I’ve been in this class one of the longest! 3 years!’

Nathaniel looked to him like he was stupid before shaking his head.

‘No. We have. I’ve been here 6 years, Chloe 5, Sabrina, 6, Juleka 5 and Marinette? 8.’ 

Juleka, Nino, Chloe and Sabina all spoke up in an oddly monotonous voice, walking towards the front of the class.

‘She is not playing dolls. She is stalking the halls; living off thrill of the kill. Marinette can smell fear.’

The class broke out into laughter. ‘Marinette? What can she do?’ Alya wiped a tear from her eye.

The others stared at her coolly and waited for them to stop laughing. Chloe stepped forwards and smiled.

The class was taken aback.

‘I don’t like any of you, so let me make this clear. Watch your back when you get to school tomorrow. Like Juleka said, you have no idea what kind of protection you just threw away. Marinette has been protecting you guys for ages, since the first minute you stepped into this school.’

‘Just because we don’t like you, doesn’t mean we’re evil enough to leave you..without a warning.’ Juleka smiled, cold flashing over her features.

‘I may be dumb, stupid, even. But I’m not that dumb to get on the wrong side of the Queen.’ Sabrina laughed.

Nathaniel made his way to the front before stepping next to Nino and in unison, they said;

‘Good luck. You’re going to need it.’

-

When Marinette reached home, she immediately shrugged off her regular grey jacket before digging into the closet to the item she had left behind for 3 years.

She reached to the black box sitting innocently at the back of her closet and pulled it out.

She opened it and unfolded the outfit that was inside, looking at it with a evil smile on her face.

Inside, there was black combat boots with silver studs, a black leather jacket with light pink and grey highlights and dark blue ripped jeans.

Marinette grabbed the clothes out and spent the night altering her old clothes, making it bigger and adding a small pocket in her jacket for Tikki to comfortably sit in.

The kwami knew of Marinette’s past of course, it was one of the first things the bluenette had confessed to the kwami about. Tikki was supportive of the old Marinette surfacing again. She was irritated by the way her class treatedher chosen, and wanted it to be over once and for all.

That hatchet was long forgotten, although the way Marinette ruled the school went unnoticed by the imbeciles in her class.

Marinette was--still is-- the Queen of her school. When she arrived in the beginning, she was not to be taken lightly and she earned her place at the top of the food chain.

There had aways been some sort of invisible barrier between the other students and Mlle. Bustier’s class. No one could get in, mainly due to Marinette’s influence.

Everyone in the school apart form that class knew about the Queen who sat in the sidelines. Marinette had some sort of protection over that class and if anything happened to them, you’d had to answer to her.

This made many of the students stay away, although they still made friends with the class.

-

The next morning, Marinette was early. Surprising, I know. But she knew her class always sat together in the courtyard until everyone arrived, and 15 minutes before school started, they would head up to the classroom.

If anything, Marinette felt rather relieved at not having to hide her status anymore. Word had spread, and there was whispering everywhere, glances at Mlle. Bustier’s table, who didn’t notice.

Alya heard many people whispering around her. 

‘I must say, I’ll be happy to see the Queen in action again. It was a golden era.’

‘I know right! I feel sorry for the poor people who invoked the wrath of the Queen though.’

The doors slammed open, ad a tall shadowy figure strutted in as if she owned the place. Lila regarded her carefully.

Once the shadowy figure took enough steps forward, she stopped. Light illuminating her features to reveal Marinette.

Gone was the happy go lucky expression on her face, replaced with a steely determination with no trace of her usual smile. 

Her hair, free from her signature pigtails, flowed freely down her back, wild, as if she just came back from the club with her boyfriend.

She wore her leather jacket and ripped jeans. She wasn’t even wearing a shirt, opting for a black sports bra. She zipped her jacket up till the bottom of her bra, before letting the sleeves of the jacket fall back on her shoulders.

She was wearing black pumps, almost 6 inches tall, which made the class’ jaws drop. Clumsy Marinette wearing heels? That almost spelled disaster.

The class could’ve sworn the temperature dropped as soon as she looked in their direction. A cold smile graced her lips, which were stained a blood red.

She lifted her right arm slowly, all the while still smirking at the class.

Everyone in the courtyard slowly raised their wrists, Nino and the others included. With sick dread pooling in their stomachs, the class noted with fear that everybody except them were wearing a red hair ribbon on their wrists.

They never took it off. Kim remembered asking Ondine why she wore it, even while swimming. She had looked to him before changing the subject hastily.

Alix recalled her brother, Jali, wearing one on his wrist, before Alix had gone to school at Francois Dupont.

Marinette walked slowly towards their class, swaying her hips with the aura of cool confidence surrounding her. Lila stuck out her foot to trip Marinette, who noticed and gave Lila a smile, before stepping directly on Lila’s toes, crushing it with her heel. 

Marinette grinded her heel into Lila’s foot, and she could barely keep herself from yelling. Soon, she did and the class turned on Marinette, screaming profanities at her. 

Lila’s toes were now bent in ways that shouldn’t have been possible, a sickening purple color. Surprisingly, no blood was exiting the toes, and Marinette internally rolled her eyes at how careless the class thought she was.

She whispered to Lila, although the whole courtyard heard.

‘You wanna fake an injury, Lila? I’ll give you an injury.’

Alya snarled and tried to slap Marinette.

‘What is wrong with you, you bitch!’ Her hand swung out, intending to meet Marinette’s face. And though no one blinked, Marinette’s hand caught Alya’s. Her fingers wrapped around Alya’s wrist almost seductively, before she smiled.

The smile reminded of the class of the old times, when Marinette used to have fun with the class, laughing her heart out when Kim snorted milk out of his nose.

That was how the class knew Marinette enjoyed breaking Alya’s wrist.

The bluenette squeezed Alya’s wrist with surprising strength, causing Alya to let go of the phone clenched in her hand, letting it fall to the floor, where Alya’s wallpaper glowed for a soft moment, showing Alya, with an arm wrapped around Marinette, before the bluenette stepped on the phone like she did with Lila, causing the screen to shatter and Alya to call out in anguish.

That call turned into a scream as the class watched Marinette mercilessly twist Alya’s wrist, breaking it with one resonating snap.

Marinette let go and watched amusedly as Alya flailed around, grasping her broken wrist in her fine one.

Marinette watched it all with a smile on her face, an exact replica of the happy, warm smile she gave when she hung out with her friends.

The class looked around and realised that none of the students around them looked the least bit shocked when the situation was occurring.

Adrien let out a quick breath. This was what Chloe meant by Queen.

And as Marinette turned to fix her cold eyes on the class, they knew they was done for.

-

Sabrina watched from afar with Chloe, smiling sickeningly as everyone in the class took their turn to get something of theirs broken.

Marinette saved Adrien for last. He smiled charmingly at Marinette, inching backwards, trying to use the fact that she had a crush on him in his favor. As Marinette paused, he exhaled quickly, thinking it was over.

Marinette took a step back. If she were to hurt Adrien, his father would most certainly murder her and Marinette wasn’t willing to waste more time on the blonde model than she already had.

Until Adrien called out.

‘Mari this isn’t you! Come bACK TO US!’

The courtyard swiveled their heads to look at the boy and no one flinched as her heel found his stomach.

There was a smile on Marinette’s face even after Adrien lost consciousness. 

its kind of a bad ending but i couldnt think of how to end it with and im sorry bc its kind of violent but i think this is okay for now

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Childhood friends

Summary: y/n and negan have been friends forever and have done everything togother. When negans wife Lucille gets sick negan 1st tells her. This event leads to hell but also heaven.

Warnings: swearing,rated R jokes,angst

Recieving a text from negan was a daily occurence for y/n but mosf of them didnt say "get in here. Fast." Y/n walkes into negan office seeing a stressed negan sitting at his desk hyperventilating. "Hey hey breathe" she said running to his side kneeling beside him. She put her hand on his back alarming him to her presence. He turned looked at y/n. "Shes sick" is all he can say as tears fall from his eyes.

She knew negan was speaking of his wife Lucille. Negan had been speaking of this for a while saying how Lucille was getting test done and how he had to work overtime to get the money for some of them. Y/n would help when she could with extra money she had. Due to her living alone and spending most her time passing out at negans she usually ended up with a bit of money left to do as she pleased.

She stayed with negan till he calmed down. "So the test came back?" She asked. Negan nodded. "Its bad y/n" is all he said. The look in his eyes was as if he was begging y/n to do something. "I'm so sorry negan" she said hugging him. She felt negan crying into her shoulder. After a while he pulled away. "Sorry." Is all he said. "Hey...its ok..." she said.

"Want me to come back with you after?" Y/n asked negan. Y/n has known Lucille sense highschool and even introduced negan and Lucille. She really wanted to see Lucille before it got too bad but she didnt want to intrude on negans and lucilles time. Negan nodded. "Please....i cant do this alone." He said softly his voice slightly cracking. Y/n nodded.

School had ended so y/n sat sat with negan while he finished his work. They didnt say anything she knew negan was truly hurting and she didnt wanna bother him. When negan was silent she knew to not speak he was never silent always mouthing off about some bullshit. Negan closed his laptop looking up at y/n who was laid out on the couch asleep. Negan couldn't help but just think of all that had happened within the past few hours.

He looked at y/n thinking about how she was why he met Lucille in the first place and now......here he was. He walked over to y/n picking her up walking to his car. She buried her head into his shoulder. He layed he in the passenger side walking back to the drivers side. He sat down and broke into tears. He felt a hand upon his shoulder not long after. "Its ok. She'll be ok." Y/n said softly. She put her head on his shoulder.

They both knew it was a lie the results werent looking up for Lucille but they had to have hope they had to believe. At the moment negan didnt have much hope and y/n had to hope for them both. After a few negan started driving. They reached negans home in silence.

Negan just sat there staring at the house. "It'll be ok negan." Y/n said. Negan nodded. They walked to the door as negan stared at it. Y/n grabbed his hand and nodded. Negan nodded back. They opened the door to see an empty livingroom. Turning they saw a wasted Lucille in the kitchen. "Heeeeeeeeeeeey y/n" Lucille slurred. "She shouldnt be drinking riight?" Y/n said to negan. He sighed and shook his head. "No. No she shouldnt" he stared at his wife shaking his head before walking upstairs. "Well now is just us gals" Lucille said.

Y/n shook her head. "Lucille..." was all she got out. Negan didnt come down most the night and y/n spent most the night watching Lucille and trying to stop her from drinking more. She babbled on of childhood memories. Eventually y/n got fed up and stood up and started twoard the stairs. "Y/n" Lucille said soflty. Y/n turned. "When im gone......love him the way we both know you do. He'll need it." She said before crashing. Y/n knew what she meant hell anyone who wasn't negan knew what she meant.

Y/n has loved negan sense she was 4 years old. But inevitably life kicked in and negan chose everyone else but her. She walked up stares to see negan laying in bed. His eyes were closed but based on his breathing he was awake. Y/n layed next to him with her head on his chest. "She shouldnt be alone doing that" he grumbled. "She fell asleep" y/n replied. Negan sighed and not long after was he asleep. Y/n sighed. This was going to be hell. Y/n didnt know how negan was going to do it but however she could help she would. She walked down the hall flopping onto the guest bed staring at the ceiling most the night. Why did this have to be so stressful.

Y/n woke up to the smell of breakfast. Grumbling she pulled herself up and out of bed. Walking down she saw negan and Lucille close while cooking. You'd think being in love with your childhood bestfriend whos married would be difficult to restrain feelings but honestly......y/n just wanted negan happy in the end even if its not by her. But now....well Lucille has fucked that up by saying what she did. It repeated in her head all through the night and even now. How could she put that pressure on her how could she have no hope but stand there with negan like nothing happened. Though to her maybe nothing did happen.

Y/n walked to the counter and cleared her throat. They looked and smiled. "Morning y/n" negan said. "Mornin" she replied. "What yall making ?" She asked. "Pancakes and bacon" Lucille said cheerfully. "Your awfully peppy for as much as you drank" y/n said. "Heh well yknow just want to eat" she said giggling. Negan kissed he cheek before walking to the garage to work on his car while waiting.

"Lucille do you remember last night?" Y/n asked more wanting to know if she meant what she said. "I remember what i told you if thats what your asking. I meant what i said. We both know how you feel and we both know i cant fight this. I can feel myself getting weaker and even with your help we dont have the money to fight this. You love him and once im gone hes going to need that. You need to care for him and show him you love him." She said as if it was just another fact. "Your going to be ok Lucille." Y/n heard her voice crack and felt tears start to cloud her eyes. Lucille was still her only other friend outside of negan. Shed known her sense highschool and the thought of her dying.....it shattered her heart. Lucille rolled her eyes. Y/n couldnt take this she couldn't listen to her friend talk of how she was dying.

Y/n walked out to the garage with negan feeling her legs wobble and her heart break. Negan turned and smiled softly then frowned. "Whats wrong.....y/n" negan said walking to her. He grabbed her face making her look up at him. "Nothing." She said. Negan huffed and shook his head. "Fucking hell never one to talk....." he said. Grabbing her he pulled her to the front of the car. He opened the roof showing all the improvements he had done. She adored the car it had so many memories sense even before he could could drive it. She smiled admiring the shiny new improvements. "Heh thought that could get a fucking smile out of you." He said proud of himself. She nodded. "After breakfast lets go for a fucking ride what you say ?" He asked. She smiled and laughed "absofuckinglutely" she replied happily.

Breakfast was awkward well for y/n it was. She sat only with Lucilles words repeating over and over. She felt so much pressure. After negan did as he said and they went for a ride. Eventually he stopped at a park that they went to often as kids. He walked her to their "hiding spot" that now them as grown adults was not so hiden.

Surrounded by trees and plants they sat by a broken down bonfire that was used not to long ago in the week. They sat in silence for a while. "What you fucking thinking about so intensely?" Negan asked. "Your wife." She replied. Negan laughed at how it sounded. "What about her?" He asked. "Something she said to me....." she replied not knowing if she had the right to say what Lucille said.

"What the fuck she say?" Negan said clearly lost what she could've said to have taken up her thoughts so much. "Promise not to tell her i told you." She asked. "Shit y/n........sure.......what is it?" He asked. "She said when shes gone i need to love you the way i truly do." She said. Negan made a grumble and sighing sound before sitting up more. He rubbed his face. "Fucking hell" he said.

"I dont know what to do....." y/n said. "Im sorry" she appolagize. "Dont be sorry she shouldnt have said that.......fuck." he said. He rolled his eyes and turned to y/n. He hugged her close. "This is not on you. Its not on you to care for me and she shouldnt use your feelings like that." He said before releasing her. He held her face. He kissed her cheek before sighing. He walked back to the car y/n following behind.

They returned back later afternoon. Y/n went to take a shower. After she heard arguing downstairs. She knew she shouldnt have but she sat on the step hearing it. "Why would you tell her that?!" Negan yelled. "Well i wouldn't have if i known she was going to tell you like some puppy !!" Lucille said back. "She was worried!! She got nervous with all the pressure you put on her!!" Negan replied. After a while y/n couldnt stand to listen. Negan had broken a promise and the yelling was making her remember things shed rather forget.

She walked into guest room sitting on the bed. At some point.she mustve fell asleep cause she opened her eyes when her bed dipped. She saw negan laying next to her. "Hey" he said softly. "You promised" she replied. He looked ashamed. "I had to say something. She used your feelings and put too much pressure on you. She......she knows our history and she used it. I had to fix it" he said. "But you made it worse......and the yelling......." she mumbled. Negan didnt say anything after.

Negan pulled her closer. They stayed in silence till she fell alseep. Being told to be with negan wouldve been her dream at 15 but at this point with negan married and her being told if said wife dies to love him BY said wife. This hurt her but seeing how casual negan has been the whole time.....that not only hurt but scared her.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Eighty-Five: Crystal Ball ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

Boredly scrolling through his usual online forums, Sasuke’s eyes flicker to the side of his screen when a notification pops up. He’s got an IM, it seems. Opening Discord, he deflates slightly when he sees it’s from none other than Naruto. Now what does he want…?

Hey the carnival’s in town, you wanna go?

A dark brow perks. Carnival…? Isn’t that for kids? Giving his monitor a deadpan stare, he replies, Isn’t that something for 12 year olds?

Nah man, there’s some sick rides and junk food! C’mon just go with me for one night and get outta your house, dude!

Okay, now he’s full-on scowling. Get out of his house? What, like he’s a recluse or something? He just...likes his privacy! And all his hobbies are at home: his video games, guitar, computer...and their town is just...boring. Going out to do anything costs money, and he doesn’t have a job yet. He gets an allowance, sure, but not that much.

How much are tix?

There’s a pause as Naruto seems to look it up. Uhhh 15 I think? Not that bad!

Sasuke just rolls his eyes. Okay fine, I’ll go. But if it’s boring I’m coming home.

Yeahhh, okay! I promise you won’t get bored, it’s gonna be awesome! :D We’ll go tomorrow, okay?

Snorting, Sasuke sends a one word agreement and closes the window, trying to find his place back on his other window. A carnival...well, he supposes there are worse ways to spend a Summer Friday night.

They arrange to just meet at the gate, and as usual...Naruto is late. Leaning nearby and trying not to look lame, Sasuke keeps hands in his pockets, looking over the crowds idly. It does seem pretty busy...maybe Naruto’s right about it being at least somewhat interesting. He can hear talking and screaming from some of the more intense rides. And of course the smells of sugar, fried food, and crowds of people fill the air. He can’t remember the last time he went to something like this. Probably back in elementary school, if he had to guess.

It’s a bit nostalgic.

“Hey, Sasuke!”

Dragging his eyes from the gate, he spies the blond at last. “About time you got here.”

“Sorry, was texting Sakura - she’s gonna meet us later!”

There’s an involuntary groan. Sakura is Naruto’s girlfriend...but up until they started dating a few months ago, she’d spent their entire lives chasing after Sasuke. And her affections were the last thing he wanted. Girls are just...obnoxious.

“Aw, c’mon - don’t be like that!”

“She’s gonna annoy the hell out of me.”

“Look, she’ll be so busy talkin’ to me, she won’t have any time to bug you! Can’t I just spend a little time with my best friend and my girlfriend?” Naruto scowls, folding his arms. “You gotta put all that behind you, Sasuke.”

“I will as soon as she does,” the Uchiha mutters in reply.

Making their way into the line, they pay the fee and get their wristbands, allowed through the turnstiles and into the carnival grounds.

...it seems a bit...bigger than when he was a kid. No longer is it just some kiddy rides, a petting zoo, and some food stands.

This is massive…!

Noting Sasuke’s gawking look, Naruto snickers. “Told ya it’s awesome!”

“...wow. Sure has changed.”

“I know, right? Whatcha wanna do first? Food, games, rides…?”

“Uh...games, I guess.” He skips the food and rides options for now - he’ll go on something crazy before he eats...otherwise he just might puke. Best to save that for later. For now, they’ll peruse the booths and see what’s worth playing...then they can hit up some rides.

They first have a head to head on a squirt gun course, Sasuke winning handily and earning a prize. He picks a blow-up hammer, amusing himself by whacking Naruto with it and grinning.

“Oi!”

“This is the treatment losers get,” Sasuke taunts, holding the thing away as Naruto makes to pop it.

“Stupid Sasuke and his stupid hammer...ooh!” Immediately distracted, the Uzumaki trots to a strange...tent? “Yooo, check this OUT! It’s a fortune teller booth!”

Sasuke doesn’t bother to censor a scoff. “What, you believe in that crap?”

“I dunno...but sometimes that stuff is like...creepy accurate, man! You wanna go in?”

“Uh...no thanks. You take a turn, and I’ll wait out here.”

“Aww...you’re no fun.” Sticking out his tongue, Naruto then lifts the flap and heads inside.

Shaking his head, Sasuke people-watches for a time. At least Sakura hasn’t shown up yet...he can have a bit more peace. Hopefully whoever’s telling those shoddy fortunes doesn’t mention a breakup in Naruto’s future…

Five minutes pass, and then ten...and then Sasuke starts to get annoyed. How long is this supposed to take? He’s just about ready to stick his head in and demand they go when Naruto emerges. He seems a bit...dazed.

“...you okay?”

“Dude...that lady knows her stuff.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, man...she knew, like...everything,” Naruto hushes. “It was spooky…!”

Sasuke rolls his eyes, then jolts as Naruto takes his shirt front. “Whoa, hey -!”

“You gotta try it, dude!”

“What? I’m not gonna -”

“Just try! Trust me, she’ll freak you out!”

Scoffing, Sasuke jerks out of Naruto’s grip. “All right, fine! Just...don’t go wandering off, okay? Be right back…” Scowling, he hands the blond his hammer and brushes aside the tent flap, heading inside.

It’s dark, lit only by a few candles, and...a glowing crystal ball in the center of a table. Huh...nice atmosphere. No wonder Naruto got so spooked - the kid’s terrified of ghosts, of course he’d believe in this kind of crap.

“Welcome…”

Looking up from the ball, he spies a woman emerging from the shadows at the edge of the ‘room’. She’s...not what he expects. She looks young, no more than his brother’s age, with white hair he’s going to assume is a wig. Big earrings dangle from her ears, grey eyes shining with some kind of mischief that matches her smile. “Please...sit.”

After a pause...he does as asked.

“So...what will you have me reveal? The fate of your career? The path of your heart? Where your luck lies?”

He almost rolls his eyes at her spiel. “What’d my friend pick?”

“I can’t reveal another’s fortune: that’s for them to decide to share.”

Ugh… “...all right, fine. Uh…” He has no idea about...any of those things, really. On a whim, he says, “...romance.” Sure, why not? Anything she tells him he’ll know is a crock that way.

...not that he’d believe anything else.

Rather than sit, she remains standing, planting a hand atop the ball. Mist swirls inside, the color shifting from a teal to a pale pink. The fortune teller’s head tilts as she considers it.

“...you shy from love. Unwanted affections have embittered you to the notion of true feelings. You find the opposite sex shallow and whimsical...where you crave stability and certainty.”

...huh. Okay. Well that’s...interesting. He doesn’t react, not wanting to give her anything to go off of.

“And yet...part of you craves someone to explore this part of yourself with...but not just anyone. You refuse to waste your time in fruitless ventures, but also know nothing is guaranteed. This duality frustrates you.”

His brow furrows just a hair.

“The eccentric clash with your down-to-earth nature. You wish for someone calm, yet sweet...soft, yet eager.”

Bringing up her other hand, the woman’s eyes close, appearing to concentrate. “...the one you seek is small of stature, simple of looks...but undeniably charming. Curves to your edges, soft spoken and yet...with a fiery heart when fed the proper coals. Eyes like the moon, hair like the night just before dawn. Just as one has sought you, she has sought another...your affections creating a whirling pool, a circular path where none are satisfied...until they look in the last place they expect: behind them…”

The tent seems to grow smaller, until the pair of them are pressed to the table. Shadows appear to loom from the edges, the only light the ball between them. A terrible weight settles in Sasuke’s chest. Something’s...something’s not right...

Her tone fades, and then eyes flutter open. “...she is nearer than you think,” she whispers, and then lets her hands retreat. Suddenly, the space expands, the light returns, and Sasuke finds he can breathe again.

What the hell was that…?!

That same cat-like, coy expression pulls at her features. “...that’s all I can see for now. Do with your knowing what you will...but be careful who you tell. The truth is a heavy burden…”

Watching her almost warily, Sasuke rises from his seat and slides out, walking backwards several paces as though expecting her to follow and drag him back inside.

“Sasuke!”

Nearly jumping out of his skin, Sasuke spins around to find Naruto...and Sakura, too. They both perk a brow at him.

“So? What’d she tell ya?” Naruto demands. “You look awfully spooked, Sasuke!”

“Tch...yeah right. She’s just creepy,” he retorts, arms folding...and trying to ward off a clammy feeling in his skin.

“Aww, you’re no fun…”

“You didn’t tell me yours.”

“Cuz she told me not to!”

“She told me that, too!”

“Uh...guys?” Sakura cocks a hip, hand on her waist. “...are you done…?”

“Oh, er...yeah, sorry,” Naruto quickly quips, redirecting his attention to his girlfriend. “What were you saying?”

“I was trying to introduce you to my friend,” the rosette sighs. “I dunno if you remember her: her dad pulled her out to be homeschooled, like...ten years ago. Apparently she’s coming back for our senior year!” A hand then gestures to a girl Sasuke hardly even noticed, her form is so unassuming.

But once he does realize her presence...he stiffens. She...she looks like…?

A bit shorter than Sakura, wearing baggy clothes despite the summer evening heat, her dark hair is up in a bun, a fringe and a few shorter lengths framing her heart-shaped face. Pale eyes are sheepish to match her smile, giving a shy wave. “Hi…”

“This is Hinata - you guys remember her?” Sakura offers.

“Uh...maybe…?” Naruto offers, itching his neck. “It’s been a while…”

Sasuke can’t place her...then again, she’s clearly a wallflower. He probably just never noticed her...especially with louder, more evident girls like Sakura and her friend Ino around. And what he’s far more concerned about now is that the more he looks...the more he sees that lines up with that weird woman’s fortune.

“...she is nearer than you think…”

“...Sasuke? Hellooo? Earth to Sasuke!”

Jolting, he looks up. “...huh?”

Arms folding, Sakura frowns at him. “...are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah...fine.”

“Maybe he needs to eat something! We haven’t gotten any food yet. Whatcha think, girls?”

“Yeah, sure...as long as it’s not too much. I’m watching my diet.”

Hinata just nods, going with the group’s flow as they meander toward the food stalls. Watching her from the corner of his eyes, Sasuke doesn’t know what to think. He doesn’t believe in the occult - he doesn’t! But this is...this is weird…

“Sasuke, right…?”

Stiffening as she addresses him, he nods.

“Sorry...I don’t, um - I don’t really remember you, either,” she offers with a soft laugh. “But Sakura talks about you a lot.”

“Yeah, she...she does that. Seems she should talk about Naruto more than me, though.”

At that, Hinata seems to...wilt. Almost as though disappointed…? “Yeah...she does…”

“Just as one has sought you, she has sought another...your affections creating a whirling pool, a circular path where none are satisfied...until they look in the last place they expect: behind them…”

...she likes Naruto, doesn’t she…? And he likes Sakura, who liked Sasuke, until she...turned around…

Okay, this is freaking him out…!

“Are you...sure you’re all right?” Concern knits her brow. “...you look awfully pale…”

“Just, uh...need some food in me,” he replies evasively. “I’ll be fine.”

She doesn’t look convinced, but nor does she argue, following as Naruto and Sakura get in line for some burgers.

Heart pounding, Sasuke takes a shaking breath. Okay...he’s letting this get to his head. It’s just...nonsense. It doesn’t mean anything. He’s reading into things too much, and making connections that aren’t really there!

...isn’t he?

...he’ll feel better after some food. He’ll be fine.

...so long as Naruto doesn’t put him on any rides after this.

                                                        .oOo.

     Ohmygosh it's late OTL      Thankfully this prompt was easy, I just...didn't get to it until late. And then it ended up longer than usual! Which is good, but I need sleep xD Poor Sasuke...he's gonna be paranoid now! But maybe there IS something to that lady's words...only time will tell!      Anywho, with that, I'ma shove off - thanks for reading!

[lunartrashbin]

Sabo X Female Reader (Admiration)

"Seriously, if you like the guy, just tell him already! It's already just annoying by the way you look at him all lovey-dovey!" (Bf/n) exclaimed, clearly being fed up with my bullshit.

"Oh shut up. It's fine as is just admiring him being happy. Besides, why would he even like this dumb potato? If he's happy, I'm happy. Also, doesn't the saying go like happy guifu, happy lifu?" I retorted with a slight nonchalant tone.

"....................... NO YOU IDIOT, IT'S HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE. YOU WEREN'T EVEN CORRECT!!!" (Bf/n) shouted, just barely enough to draw attention while I just rolled my eyes. "Also," he continued, shoving food in his mouth. "You may be a dumb potato, but you are also the nicest and prettiest potato out there. Besides, do you even realize that Sabo actually looks at you sometimes?" (Bf/n) might be an idiot a majority of the time, but at least it's in that nice type of way.

I sighed. "Look, just because I "stare" at Sabo, doesn't mean that I like him. Besides, I stare at Kid sometimes, and that's cause I think about how much I hate him and how stupid he is."

"Oh is that so?"

I turned around at the sudden voice to see a certain tulip haired man, who just happens to be on a period 24/7.

"Oh hello, EustASS Fucking Kid." I greeted as I heard a few snickers from those who were brave enough. The really sad thing was however, no one realized that we were somehow siblings, even thOUGH WE HAD THE SAME MOTHERFUCKING LAST NAME. LIKE SERIOUSLY, HOW STUPID CAN THE HUMAN POPULATION GET!?!??

With that in mind little(?) readers, this meant that (Bf/n) was unaware of my relation with the edgy tulip. Therefore, he nearly shit his pants. It was sorta a funny sight though.

But oh no, it didn't just end there. Everyone within a hearing distance literally stopped what they were doing to look at the unknown sibling drama. Which also included Sabo, so fuck my life now. Since I was classified as a "shy" kid- even though the only kid here is a tulip- it looked like quite a shock for me to stand up the the idio- sorry, I meant bully. I could even hear (Bf/n) mutter "Don't do it you idiot. Don't provoke him."

But did I listen? I mean, why the fuck would I? So I continued as he did.

"Hello (dumb insulting name). I see you're being shitty as usual." CUE THE CONFUSED PEOPLE. Why? Because no one knows why he called me that. Though there is a story behind it... Which is embarrassing...

"I see you're being an ass like usual. Say, how is your arm? I do wonder what happened to it..." I talked back with a hint of sarcasm. Truth is, in one of our daily fights at home, I ended up breaking his arm, so now it was in a cast. Not my fault he insulted Sabo and was an asshole like usual though.

"Oh piss off." He spoke, before flipping me off and walking away. While he did that, I stuck my tongue at him. ;P

And my god, every one looked so confused, it was beautiful. And then there's Law, looking proud of me for slightly crushing Kid's pride. He didn't show it, but it was there.

I finally turned myself back to (Bf/n), only to be bombarded with questions.

~~~

After the event at lunch, apparently my reputation increased a bit for standing up to the idiot jerk. Why is this important? I'm actually, not sure.

Anyways, a few days have passed since then, and today on Friday, I, Eustass (Y/n), had received a note, letter, love letter? Whichever it is.

When school ended, I went home while Kid (a/n I wanted to write aniki for some reason XD) went out with his friends, leaving me alone with the note while not worrying about getting teased. It was a simple light blue paper folded into thirds, with a piece of tape holding it together. That's literally, just it. I peeled off the tape, and read.

Dear E. (Y/n),

I have already fallen for you for a while now, and the event on (insert date) a while back may have made me fall deeper than I thought I could have already.

Anyways, I'd like it if you could go out and join me at the Baratie for lunch at 11:30 am. Lunch will be on me, and I can't wait to see whether or not you come, but I hope you do.

Yours Truly,

      S.

Hooooooooly cheese and macaroni, Did I just get asked out on a date???? The handwriting was nice though. But ohhhh lordie, my face is probably as red as big bro's hair, I don't know what to do. Look, I ain't good with affection or shit related to that. But do I go? What would I wear? What if it goes south? What if it's a prank? Or worse, it's not a prank? And who the hell is S???

Ohhhh boi, since I was never good with this kind of stuff to begin with, I texted (Bf/n), and you know what he replied with?

"Eh / Just go / U never kno wut might happen"

"Just go" He fricking says. Just. Go.

Like, does the fucker not know how I can't deal with this shit that fucking easily??? 

And just like that I lost all of tonight's sleep, just deciding to screw myself over and go. I may be Kid's sister, but I'm not that mean... I think.

When I woke up, I sneaked into Kid's room, to see the fucker snoring hella loud. I grabbed that thing used to match your skin, think it was called foundation? To cover any eyebags and what not, and sneaked back out. It was tempting to kick him though, but I didn't want him to question me.

I went back to my room and grabbed a black tank top with a plain (f/c) jacket, with white cuffs of the sleeves. I also wore (a) (shade of blue) blue jeans that went a bit below my knees, being slightly ripped. As for shoes, I just wore some black boots with a (f/c) streak somewhere. (Sorry im bad at explaining clothes)

I then left at 11:15 because I wanted to be there 10 minutes early and it took 5 minutes to get there by foot.

I grabbed my earphones and phone from my pocket to play some music on my way there and hummed to the tune while waiting.

About 8 minutes passed when I got there I think, when I finally heard a familiar voice.

"Sorry if I'm late. My brothers wanted food so I had to make them some." I turned around to the source of the voice and my face immediately reddened. Because wHO THE FUCK KNEW THAT IT WAS GONNA BE MY CRUSH THAT I DENIED TOWARDS (BF/N)!?!?!??

Sabo was wearing a simple white button up shirt and some brown jean looking pants, and yet he still, looks great. But I had to speak otherwise, I might just be rude, or weird, or both.

"I-it's fine. You're not late, i-its just that I was here earlier."

GODDAMMIT WHY DID I STUTTER???? KILL MEEEEEEEEE.

"That's good, sorry to keep you waiting then? Anyways, let's go inside. Ladies first." The somehow calm fuck said as he opened the door with a fucking wink that just melted me. But you know what I did? I just chuckled at the silly gesture but really, I have no fucking idea what to do.

Like excepted, we sat at a table, ordered our food, and talked. Surprisingly, it actually wasn't that hard to talk to him. I mean it still sorta is cause I like him and I don't wanna screw up my chances, but, it was nice.

After we finished, we went to the park, and you probably guessed, more talking and idle chat. Mainly Sabo poking fun at his brothers.

"And then there was this one time where went to the beach, a-and we were in a boat and then we heard this noise." Sabo started again with another story in mind, sounding like he was trying so hard not to just fall to the ground and laugh. "At first, Marco looked like he didn't care, and he was chill. When all of a sudden he just screamed like a girl right when a seal came up behind him, and he just clung to Thatch like a scared child!" And he lost it. He just started to break into laughter, and loose his shit. Can't blame him though, as I joined in on his laughter. (Itotallydidn'tputareferencetooneofKiraReno'sstoriesjustnow)(congrats if you could read that)

Because just imagine. Your super calm and serious seeming art teacher, looking like he isn't scared easily, screaming like a small girl AND CLINGING to his brother, just because he's scared! And then I lost it too.

He then shared some more stories as he walked me back home after a while. Though sadly but obviously, he didn't share any funny stories about himself. It was pretty quiet when we got in front of my house, which made me suspicious of what Kid was doing, but I shrugged it off.

"Well, I'll be going now. Here's my number so you can text me!" He spoke with a precious smile. 

And then kissed my fucking forehead.

I turned red, obviously not expecting it, when out of fucking no where-

"OI!!! KEEP YOUR HANDS, OFF OF MY SISTER!!!!"

And who else would it be other than Eustass. Fucking. Kid.

"S-sister?!" Sabo was surprised, but who came blame him? Would you really expect one of the top bullies of the school to just come out of fucking no where and just defend somehow his little sister? Because people would usually say I'm an angel, which, clearly they haven't met me.

Sick and tired of Kid's usual and daily bullshit, i took off my boot, and threw it at Kid's face. Thankfully, the window was open.

[1nn32dem0n5]

another day in gradschool

I am bored and sick. I have a viral infection that makes my head feel very large, so I blow the rest of the day off and go to the gym. I punch the bag, do my pushups, do my pull-ups and then run on the treadmill, in between these two young, gorgeous, red-cheeked undergrads. One is thick, like a sack of potatoes, but she is still shapely. She runs sprints. The other is small and much more aesthetically pleasing than her counterpart. They both smell nice. She runs at a constant pace, not sprints. I realize both are going faster than me, and I spend a few minutes trying to figure out if this is emasculating. I decide I don’t care since a more pressing issue takes precedence: a smell. The smell is me. Its as foul as it comes since I was wearing already dirty clothes, I was at the end of the workout, and earlier I didn’t wipe with quite enough toilet paper.  

I forced myself to not give a fuck. It was not easy. Im sure both of them had assholes and at one time birthed a molten stew of diarrhea. Not to mention the fact that every month their pussies drip with blood for days at a time. Who are they to judge me and my body odor? It's as natural as it gets. The more I thought about it the more I grew to love my foulness and be proud of it. Men aren't meant to be clean creatures, or at least I wasn’t meant to be. Human kind as a whole is dirty. We have to struggle every day with showers, clean clothes, brushing our teeth, makeup, hair and so on and so forth. And for what, just to be clean? Maybe we aren't meant to be clean. It's not natural to struggle so hard to maintain something. If it's natural it should be easy. Like fucking fat chicks.

Who the fuck knows? My thoughts drift often when I run, which is good because it keeps me distracted from how much I hate running. Body odor is one thing, but if I'm going down on a girl and I can smell shit, my cock will instantaneously wilt.

I come to, realize I am still running, and it's barely been 5 minutes. I look outside the window, and it hits me again. I have no clue where I am and how I got here. The fog sets in and for a brief moment I feel as thought my legs will become spaghetti that’s been cooked too long. Im worried that if I fall the two girls will laugh at me, or even worse, be concerned about me and gasp in shock, their faces twisted in horror, as my limp body is thrown backwards by the treadmill, and my face somehow is pinned in between the moving sandpaper-like part and the floor. I wonder if this will make them want to fuck me more or less. I wonder if they will keep contact with me after my face will be all deformed, spend months in the hospital to fix it, then fuck me out of pity, before I marry one of them because clearly I cannot ever do better with my fucked up face. I'll spend the rest of my life fighting off stares from strangers wondering how in the hell did I get that girl.

I wonder if they even notice my presence, or my smell? Maybe they don’t even realize I am here; that I am running next to them.

Who am I kidding? Of course they do. How could anyone not notice me?

ME!

I convince myself that passing out would play to my advantage, and as father Joe Riley once said it, I say it too: "fuck it!". I said it not aloud but in my mind, and I keep running without barely any flinch. If i pass out I'll pass out. If my heart, which was beating roughly 3 times a second, decides to explode in my chest then so fucking be it. I'll die here on this fucking treadmill, next to these young potato faced hoosierettes. Fuck the hoosiers truly. At least the last thing I'll smell is this cute one on the left as she freaks out. Hopefully she touches my face and in the process her boob grazes my body. That would be a good way to go. Maybe she will even give mouth to mouth. Imagine that, having a heart attack with a raging hard on, tenting up proudly, in the middle of a crowded gym. I hope I don’t shit myself. Statistically I will.  

A song I love comes on, and it reminds me of something pleasant. I start smiling to myself and I shadow box because i feel like it would give me a more mysterious look; the man bun and torn wife-beater had slipped my mind. I ran and ran like an idiot, bobbing around as the sonorous beats of black widow baby hammered away at my already unhinged eardrum. I almost passed out again when it was time to stop. It took a full 5 minutes to get my heart rate down from 180 to a more regular 100. Then the best thing happened on my way out of the gym. The gods blessed me, since at that exact moment this long-legged tall-girl with the shortest shorts and the most top-shelf ass walks in front of me. I will forever never take another elevator again. The spandex stretched with every step and you could almost make out the patterns on her panties. I knew in this moment that there was a God. I just wasn’t sure why he was being kind to me.

How does one get a girl like that? Just look at her. Her skin was so fair, and those legs stretched far beyond the heights I dared to raise my eyes to out of shame that someone is watching me and sees my uncontrollable lust. I could lay my face on that ass and all my trouble would dissolve away, because what do I care? It's hard to care about anything else when your face is pressed up against an ass as beautiful as this one. The stairs were my personal eternity. As we exited the gym I walked faster to get a side view of her. She was not pretty at all and I don’t even know why I expected otherwise. I've learned that if you want a truly pretty girl, the midwest is not the ideal place to look for them. They do have bodies chiseled out of marble and cornmeal, but almost none have the faces to go with em. NYC is far superior in this category, since rarely have I gone on a night of drinking in downtown and not fallen in love. How could you not? There is so much beauty in new york. And so much hideousness too. In the middle west they hope the tightness and stretchiness of the spandex will be enough to distract you from their potato faces. And they often do. More than once a day I see an ass I'd like to bury myself in, and spend my entire life there. Here was one moment.

I never understood this about myself. The extreme desires and attraction I feel for a woman's ass. Theres so little one can do to it: you can slap it, bite it, grope it, squeeze it and fuck it. There are second order processes like eat off it, draw it, take pictures of it, watch it jiggle, make it jiggle, watch it walk away, or run, or twerk, sneak, squat. And there are so many varieties: the flat ones you can power fuck into Odin, the fat ones you need to manually spread in order to touch cunt with cock, and all the infinity of sizes and angles in between. There is just so much you can do with an ass. Yet somehow, it just doesn’t feel like its enough. The desire is much too strong, almost as if I want to envelop myself in the squishy goodness of a well fed ass and cum all over it until its glistening with ounces and ounces of hot human cum. I want to bite into an ass and eat it. I want to be one with it. How sad it must be for men who are not ass men. The full womaninity of any woman is held up by a tiny piece of flimsy, cute patterned fabric, often embroidered with Victoria logo.  

I got home and I facebook stalked this one chick I went to high-school with who made a repulsive post about how she hates working full time because she cant spent enough time with her child. Here she is in a million pictures with her and what I can assume is her offspring, and her husband, and all I can think of is that night we snuck into the food court, blotto - when she was begging me to fuck her. I walked her home and got in bed with her that night. But I didn’t fuck her. Never understood why. Its like sometimes I am a complete fucking idiot. Who gets offered free, nice and young pussy, with legs akimbo, panting, begging for cock and who says says NO? Apparently 18 year old me does. What a broken child I was.

I think about the fat chick I was running next to, because the image of her sturdy thighs and ass is still burned into my lustful mind. I imagine what her pussy must have tasted like while she was crouching on my face. Would her ass cover my entire field of vision? Most likely yes. How horrible it would be if she just decided to hold me down, and shit on my face? I would be less powerless if a horse tried to ass fuck me. Yet still I wonder what her pussy would taste like. Would it be tight? Do thick females have tight pussies? Or is it just fat ones? I contemplate this as I drink the rest of the day, and do nothing else of substance. I write a few pages which I'm pretty sure are shit. People come by and I get stoned with them, but refuse their offer to go to the bars. There is nothing that brings me pleasure anymore. I just want to lay on my couch and die. I want a great big ass to park on my mouth, nose in pussy, as I gasp for air, dying, lungs filled with farts and grool.

Oh what a way to go.  

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #21

Looks like it’s time for another round of 20 questions and comments. I’ve tried to tag you all again, but if you asked on Anonymous I have no way of tagging you.

Anonymous said: Do you prefer treating certain animals over others? I'm friends with a few vets and I know one who's pretty much specialized in cats and another who can treat most companion animals but has a strong preference for dogs (good thing dog vet was out hiking with cat vet when cat vet's dog got a face full of porcupine quills lol) .

I do have a preference for cats, we just seem to come to a better mutual understanding, and I'm very softly spoken in person so the cats are less inclined to panic. I used to get along well treating cattle for some reason too, but I'm pretty exclusively in small animal practice these days.

Anonymous said: Does your clinic have a Facebook page? If so - how would you feel if clients posted pictures of their pets to it? My vet recently got my rat through a tough injury and I'd like to post a picture of her now that she's all healed up, but I don't know if that'd be weird or if any of them would even see it.

We love it when it happens. Happy pets with a nice comment on our Facebook page is always welcome. Sometimes we let people email us photos and we post them for us too.

Anonymous said: I know is Aus we're usually told to take injured wildlife to our local vet. Do you mind it, or should they be taken somewhere else instead?

It's perfectly fine for triage, but if somebody brings in an endangered species with a reasonably good prognosis, we'll often recommend it goes to a better equipped clinic for that species. Note very clinic has UV lights for turtles, for example.

Anonymous said: Hello, many years ago I lost my chihuahua to a broken back which I believe stemmed from him jumping onto our couches and beds so often. The experience was very traumatizing for me but now I have another chihuahua who jumps often and I don't often take him to the vet so I was wondering if it is common for smaller dogs to hurt themselves from jumping so often?

To actually break the back would be unusual, but slipping an intervertebral disc so that it prolapses up into the spine is relatively common after jumping off things in tiny dogs.

@justaphage said: I've been wondering about probiotics (this is not a question about the health of my dog, she's getting treatment). Multiple times (and with two different vets) when my dog had diarrhea they gave us a probiotic along with the dewormer or antibiotic and I've been thinking: my doctors never prescribed or suggested that when I'm sick in a similar way. Is there some difference in what we know about dog/human probiotics or is it just a difference of the culture of medicine.

It's probably more a culture of medicine than anything else, but also probiotics are kind of wishy-washy in terms of clinical evidence. There's some evidence to say they're sometimes very useful, but other times not so much. Keep in mind though that dogs are also much more likely to eat poop from other animals and so will be picking up all sorts of intestinal microflora.

Anonymous said: I came across your weed toxicity post for pets and had a question: a friend of mine recently told me he got weed extract for his anxious rescue pet (can't remember if it was a dog or cat) but prescribed by a veterinarian I didn't ask him more about it because I was too confused at the moment, knowing that weed does not have the same effects on dogs and cats as it has on people. do you think this is legit or was he bullshitting me?

It's hard to know, especially given that I have no way of knowing which country you're in, or what your laws in relation to marijuana are. Certainly there are some veterinarians working on cannabinoid extracts with known concentrations and milligram dosages, but if I was told this locally I would be extremely skeptical.

@fallowsthorn said: On the "cats don't usually get round tumors" thing - weirdly enough, our cat has a bunch of them. Our joke is that he gets a new one every time he goes to the vet, because every single time, the tech says something to the effect of "well this isn't normal for cats but...." They're just little bumps of fat, they don't grow, and he doesn't poke at them or seem in pain, but he's got like twenty of them by now and it's super weird.

It is super weird. Cats usually get inflamed fat rather than fatty tumors, but there's always somebody that does things differently.

Anonymous said: Hey Dr Ferox! I'm just asking purely out of curiosity, have you ever had a kitty patient come in with an aural hematoma?

I have once, but I can't remember whether it had been in a fight or had an ear infection, or both. We treated it surgically, the same way as a dog.

@daedricprincessxoxo said: I've decided to start as a technician before becoming a veterinarian, after a CVPM at a big-deal hospital told me how much she recommends it. After ages of financial constraints, I finally began the course to become licensed!! I'm to excited not to share!!!

That is very exciting and great to hear. Best of luck with all of it.

@insatiable-obsession said: Hi I love your blog! It's so informative and real, and I'm trying very hard to get into the vet world (unsuccessfully applied to several vet clinics and hopefully going to vet tech school next year!) I was wondering if you have any advice or opinions on zoo work/zookeeping? Also to give you a fun break from all the vet questions, do you prefer: sunset or sunrise? Camping or going to the beach? Christmas or Halloween? Pen or pencil? Sweet or savory?

I really don't do much with zoos and prefer not to analyse them too much through a veterinary lens, because I want to keep them as something fun. Like everything else in life zookeeping is possible to do very well, and possible to do very badly. You could pop across to @why-animals-do-the-thing for more zookeeping connections.

Anonymous said: I'm so annoyed right now. So ever since my friend got a dog we were trying to get them to get him fixed (her dad who's totally hyper masculine is against neutering) then they got a girl dog and refused to get her fixed (we convinced the mom but not the dad). They tried to rehome the girl earlier in the year and until tonight they've refused to get one of them fixed. Tonight the girl had 9 pups and it's the only thing that convinced them to get her fixed (after she's done nursing) They also are keeping one of the male puppies. The dogs go out on a cable because they don't have a yard. The dogs are big too they're an staff bully breed mixes.

I don't know what to tell you Anon. It's a poor situation for those animals to be in, but I can't tell you anything to make it any better, and as long as their minimum welfare standards are met, the animals can't be seized.

Anonymous said: I am considering harness training a new cat. I have only indoor cats. If I allow my new cat out in a harness will I need to do anything different for care of my indoor cats, because all the cats will be in contact together at home. My indoor cats are up to date on their rabies and distemper vaccines, do they need anything else? 

You should call your own vet about what concerns are relevant locally. You are very clearly not local to me and I cannot give you specific veterinary advice, but I suspect parasite control is going to be important for your cats.

Anonymous said:What do you do if your pet dies at home? Like with the body?

Depending on where  you are, you can have the option to bury your pet at home, or you can arrange burial or cremation either through a vet clinic or a pet crematorium directly.

Anonymous said: I have a 3.5 month old kitten and he occasionally like tries to eat litter? i use a clay bases non clumping litter and i move him away whenever he starts but like? Could there be a medical reason? Is he just weird? Were taking him to the vet soon to be neutered and im going to ask them then. Thank you!!

There is no way for me to tell whether your kitten it eating litter because it has a nutrient deficiency, an abnormal behavior or is just chewing on things with a novel texture. Hope your vet visit goes well.

Anonymous said: Hi, not sure if you can help, but figure it's worth a shot! I'm in my parasitology class and I'm having the hardest time keeping the Spinose ear tick and the ear mite straight in my head due to their extremely similar scientific names(otobius megnini and otodectes cynotis respectively) and both residing in/around an animals ears, can you offer any advice?

Sorry I don't have any advice for you, other than O. megnini being an overseas parasite and not one I have to deal with.

Anonymous said: I came across your blog while having a nasty bout of heartburn and I got to wondering: can animals suffer from acid reflux or have symptoms similar to GERD in humans? If so, do you know of any cases or treatments?

Small animals can also suffer acid reflux and subsequent oesophageal ulcers. It's particularly common in brachycephalic dogs. There are a variety of potential predisposing causes, some of which are managed medically, but some require surgery. Hiatal hernias are a good example.

@softlyfiercely said: Am curious re: your thoughts on a childhood memory. We had snails in our yard growing up (southwestern USA) and we loved them. My brother & I fed them lettuce & built them little stick-and-leaf villages. Once we brought one inside to show a family friend. He dropped it. Its shell cracked & it looked in bad shape. We were distraught and begged mom to bring it to a vet. She did not. But would a vet have been able to help? How do zoos care for endangered snails? Can snail shells be repaired?

Some clinics equipped for exotics can and will treat snails, but not very often. It's possible to repair small areas of damage to the shell, so long as the body has not been damaged and does not come into contact with any glue or compounds used.

@malted-shark said: Just wanna' say. Sardine sounds like my Basil at the vet. He has aggressive on his chart and they legitimately have to launch a liquid sedative in his mouth. I wish I was kidding. I wish he wasn't such a nightmare at the vet. He's like that at home sometimes too. Particularly, he doesn't like it when things aren't done EXACTLY to his liking and don't dare try to restrain or hell is to be paid. I just let them handle it, I get scared of him.

With cats like this, sometimes all you can and should do is sedate them for an exam. It's stressful for the cat and dangerous for the handler otherwise.

@peaceofpuregold said: As a primary human to two feral (currently not so feral with a lot of patience, training, and good luck in the mix) can confirm at least 70% of the feral cat escape phrases. All I was missing were the washing machine related ones. I might use this to make a bingo card.

If you do make a feral cat bingo card, let us know!

@hesmyboi said: Came for Trashbag, stayed because I adore animals, I like your style, and I'm having fun learning about veterinarian stuff

And we're very pleased to have you here with us. Thank you.

[this-brownie]

3.28.20

Coronavirus

Levi and I are in Florida right now, quarantining ourselves from the coronavirus. its already our 5th day here— we left nyc on the morning of 3/24. Levi drove literally 14 hours in one day, we finally got a few hours rest in savannah and then booked it again until we reached west palm beach. were staying at an airbnb and its pretty spacious, clean, and has an amazing heated pool. the owners live right next to us which is annoying because it feels like our parents are watching over us. other than that, the weather has been beautiful and everything else is relatively comfortable. we did $700 worth of groceries so that we wouldn't have to leave the house and potentially get sick. I have to admit I'm loving being a homemaker— my daily decisions include what bikini to wear to the pool, what to make and eat for each meal, and who to talk on the phone with. I feel really privileged and blessed that I have Levi; because of him I am able to live in comfort and not worry about having a roof over my head or whether I will get to eat. because of this whole virus shit, im not working at either of my jobs. my first job is as a behavior technician, where I teach life skills to little children with autism. nyc shut its schools down which means we can't continue our services either because its not safe to be outside right now and to gather with many people. my supervisor is aware of her employee’s financial struggles so she's instituted paid online training where we can at least have a little income while the situation blows over. in my other job, I work as a receptionist and JUST got promoted to management but unfortunately haven't been able to work one day in my new position. how life works. thankfully, my boss called me (and all the other staff) to update us on when he will be reopening the salon and how things will be going forward. he said I may have to take on a bigger role in the future. that makes me hopeful that he isn't thinking about firing me, so for now I will continue to be patient.

other than my own lack-of-work problems, I am doing okay. Levi makes enough money that I technically don't have to be working. I feel fucking lucky that I don't have to stress about my finances or any external factors. true, Levi is still stressing and working away; since he works remotely anyway, his job has not been affected. but for me personally, I am trying not overthink or become anxious about the outside world. in the end, I don't have the ability to create any type of change. this may sound hopeless but actually it is just helping me to let go of things that are not in my hands. I still worry about my family and friends, about small business owners, about the economy, about how the world will look once we come out of this, but I am tying to distance myself from it as much as I can. im in the middle of Florida— escaped far from my home, so I will let that guide my emotions. I am here now, I will just have to make the best of it. Levi smokes and he wanted to leave for two reasons. the first is because nyc is incredibly packed and there is a much higher chance of becoming infected simply because of how crowded the city is, the lack of space, and the amount of people who still have to go to work despite being sick or not. the second reason is that Florida has less people, and enough hospitals so that should anything happen to us we can still access healthcare without being put on an intense wait, or possibly dying while waiting. its true that Florida has more old people— from what I see of Italy, the older generation is getting sick, and dying, at such a rate that hospitals are deciding to prioritize younger lives— so if we do get sick, I think they would probably, hopefully, take care of us first. its fucked up but so is life in general.

I believe the govt wants to kill people by the masses which is why not a lot is being done in terms of efficiently safekeeping people. how does a country like the us which has so much wealth and the “greatest military in the world” unable to have the resources to take care of its sick, not properly enforce people to stay inside, and give priority on bailing companies out rather than individuals or families? by choice. the more people die, the more the rest will become scared and be willing to give up their rights. I wonder if people will take a step back and think, just weeks ago all these minimum wage workers were called “low skilled”, uneducated, and useless and YET here we are, relying on them to keep us fed, to transport us, to have things running smoothly. how do we allow that as a society. if these minimum wage workers weren't fucking desperate and already worried about feeding their families, they would not put up with it. that's how capitalism works, it literally exploits workers who don't have better options. people are probably too scared right now to do anything. they need these shitty jobs, this shitty pay. I read a meme that said “I received a letter that said I am an essential employee, and a paycheck that clearly said I am not”. that's what the fuck these people are being forced to endure. its not like the big companies are gonna die out. and even if they do, fucking let the. all of these motherfuckers are so greedy, fucking Jeff Bezos has a fundraiser so that people can donate to his sick workers. motherfucker, what the fuck are YOU doing? richest man on earth, biggest piece of shit. I hope he fucking dies. and okay, lets say these people are not important, let them die. the poor, the homeless, the druggies, the mentally insane, the losers. let them die out. what about the ‘worthy’? the ones battling it out in the hospitals and healthcare industry. they don't even have proper attire to protect them from the very ones they are trying to save. what about them? don't we care enough to help them either? if every doctor and nurse get infected, who is going to be left to take care of the rest of the population? what's the point. even if these people want to be selfish they can't. the govt would willingly let us die out rather than give us a cent. I hope people can see through this veil, can see through their issues and hinderances and see where the problem lies. when we finally understand that WE are them, we are the poor, we are no better than the next, we are not motherfucking Jeff bezos, only then can we come together and ignite a revolution. until then, these are just thoughts circling my head. 

I am trying to take this time to work on some hobbies that I don't have time for in my usual life. thank god I don't have to worry about children to feed. thank god I don't live paycheck to paycheck. thank god I live with my husband, my companion, and am not stuck in a household where I would feel extremely stuck. I feel extremely grateful that I can treat this escape like a vacation, when so many others are struggling. because I am unable to help others much, I am trying to focus on bettering myself as much as I can. my goals are to cook daily, practice my French, work out by doing krav maga, yoga or regular home workouts, read some books, and routinely start to write again. the most I can do for my loved ones is be there emotionally and possibly send them some money. I had a little sum of money saved up which I gave to my mom before I left, and still have a little left for whoever else may need. I hope this all ends soon and we come out better and stronger, because the alternative would be devastating.

[foulfurywombat-blog]

Cumberland Furnace Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 37051

"Cumberland Furnace Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 37051

Cumberland Furnace Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 37051

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Cumberland Furnace Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 37051

Cumberland Furnace Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 37051

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i backed up into a car today and there is no damage to my car but a dent in the others hood, and i said lets call the police and they said lets just exchange information, i said no i'd rather have them come...they said they called when i was getting something in my car and said the police said they would take a while so we decided to exchange info...i got her license but they said they didnt have the insurance info with them....but in the mean time i gave them my info...now i have a feeling that maybe they didnt have insurance and there is no police report so what can happen now?""

""Anyone know of an affordable individual health/dental insurance plan for Brooklyn, NY?""

I no longer have school insurance and my work does not offer insurance. I am looking for an affordable health/dental insurance plan in Brooklyn, New York. Is dental included in medical insurance or is that separate? I don't want to spend $600-$1000 on a premium for an HMO, but would rather spend a few hundred a month while getting a decent amount of benefits. Also, does anyone know of a comparison chart online regarding details of insurance providers including premiums and benefits. All I can find are complaint comparison charts for insurance providers. Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!""

Question where to get affordable dentures without insurance.?

Hello,I live in Renton,Washington and need new dentures.I have no dental insurance.I will be able to put down 300 dollars and make payments,only working PT.Any suggestions if its cheaper to go to a Denture Clinic,Dental Lab or regular dentist? Thank you...""

How come I went on geico for an insurance quote and it said 2000 and people say their's is 75 bucks per year?

Im 18, NY, Kawasaki ZZR600, taken riders safety course, any way to lower my insurance?""

I am a new contractor in California (concrete) where do I get liability insurance cheep?

I am a new contractor in California (concrete) where do I get liability insurance cheep?

Where can i get glasses with nationwide insurance?

i need to get glasses for my kids and their under nationwide insurance ...where can i go so that i dont have to pay and the insurance covers it?? if you get what i mean haha

How much for infinity g35 or nissan 350z insurance?

Well ive had my license since I was 16 and im currently 18. I have a jeep and after working on it and driving it so much ive decided to get rid of it for something new. Im pretty set on getting either a g35,350z or 330xi, however, i wanted to know how much insurance might cost for either the infinity or the 350z. For the people who want to judge and say i dont deserve any of these cars,please refrain from commenting that on this post.1)I do not car and 2) Im a very good driver and i drive a lot and have a lot of experience on the road sees that I'm always driving around to and from practice,work,and each parents house because they are divorced. thank you""

Car and insurance problem.?

If I was in the process of getting a driving lesson from my instructor, I crashed his car. Am I suppose to be in charge of this, but I don't have a license yet. So, am I going to be the one who pays for the insurance or the instructor?""

Help with finding a good honest health insurance provider?

I am a college student looking for affordable insurance with decent coverage. (it's like a needle in a haystack, I know) I don't have any major health problems, so that wouldn't be an issue. I'm already looking into state regulated programs, but I was wondering what privately owned companies might have to offer. What companies have you had a good personal experience with? Or what companies have given you the run-around? What companies should I avoid? P.s. I live in central minnesota if that makes a difference.""

What does it mean for insurance to be underwritten?

I have a quote submitted to Hagerty Collector Car insurance and they told me that it is being underwritten, what does that mean?""

""I recently got into an auto accident in my gf's car whike she was present, will it raise her insurance?""

I dont have a car so i didnt have insurance, it was an atfault accident i think.""

How much is insurance on a 125cc?

WhAts a average insurance price for a geared 125

How long do i have to add new car to insurance policy in virginia?

how long do i have to add new car to insurance policy in virginia?

Need Health Insurance Advice: Colorado?

Question I had a shoulder injury while weight lifting last November. I recently graduated and my school's health insurance is going to end soon, and I need health insurance to help pay for a possible MRI/surgery down the road. Or even more PT. I don't have much experience with health insurance because I never get sick or had injuries before so I need advice on what to look for in the policy. Do health insurance generally allow pre-existing shoulder injuries to be covered?""

Does auto insurance.... ?

if lets say i hit a car with my car and the other guy claims the accident does the my auto insurance investigate the accident at all or do they just fix the car without asking questions??? im comfused

Buying Car - Insurance Question?

I'm buying a Z-28 Camaro, and I have encountered a problem. I was told when I register it (which I have to apparently) that I have to insure it. I plan on leaving the car just setting in my yard. Yes it runs perfectly, but I can't afford gas for it or insurance at the time. 1) Do I legally have to register it 2) How long do I have to register it 3) Does it HAVE to be insured 4) If yes to 3, what's the cheapest insurance I can get and about how much is it. I don't care what it covers. I don't know if the state makes a difference but I live in Michigan. Thanks A Million""

My daughter sold her car to her boyfriend ( now ex ). She still has him on her insurance and car is still in her name? She lost pink slip?

Best way to deal with this? I thought maybe she should take him off her insurance immediately, but thought maybe not, as car still in her name. To make matters worse, he turned out to be not so nice. Thanks.""

Car insurance for learner driver UK?

I am considering to buy a car before I pass my test. Without buying the car first I can't get a quote online. I understand insurance is not much differenet for a learner driver and someone that just passed their test. Anyone knows how much roughly insurance cost for a learner driver? Thinking of getting a 2002-2003 ford focus, and I am a female 27 years of age if that makes any difference.""

How much is your monthly car insurance bill?

indicate your age and if you have full coverage. I want to know if what I'm paying is average. I'm under 25 and I was involved in an accident.

Cumberland Furnace Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 37051

Cumberland Furnace Tennessee Cheap car insurance quotes zip 37051

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/skidmore-texas-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-78389-janice-stone/"

[adambstingus]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a ¾ circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169088351967

[samanthasroberts]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

Source: http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/29/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

[allofbeercom]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

[swelldomains]

Web Morons and Those Who Pander to Them, Please Stop, You`re Ruining the Internet

A Rant, by Naoise Osborne

I have a close friend who runs a site for an item that hasn't already been designed yet. Seriously. He's a smart guy who's half domainer and also half lazy SEO (god blesss' im), and a while back he chose that electronic wall surface schedules are an item that must, one day, be invented. Being a Search Engine Optimization he also realized that already individuals are searching for them, expecting them to exist - So he headed out as well as acquired digitalwallcalendars.com as well as electronicwallcalendars.com, as well as made them right into actually standard info sites, acknowledging that there is need for this item, so somebody please make it (Tungle you hear that? Call me, I'm in Montreal, this ought to be your commercial property plan). He runs Adsense. The ads, quite clearly, could not have much of anything to do with digital wall calendars, since - THEY DO N'T FREAKING EXIST, yet he confesses to me that he's unwilling to include much of any type of even more web content to the website, due to the fact that for whatever factor, incomprehensible to him, individuals are actually clicking the ads. Why transform that? The depressing truth of the issue is that a great deal of the advertisement networks and websites that present them pander to, and also are made use of, by web morons - people who barely understand that they're clicking on an ad when they do. These advertisement networks are embracing the most affordable usual denominator, as well as benefiting from them. Internet site owners revenue, as well as have no motivation to transform the woeful standing quo.

A whole lot of the moment these are older people who aren't able to obtain their heads around the subtleties of Internet life and also just how individuals interact online, however sometimes they're simply culturally separated from an understanding of those nuances (hillbilly tech any person?). Certainly there are various other web morons (each time I read Youtube comments, I die a little in), from the future generation, not the last, as well as the only factor they could bite the dirt is a heaven sent out epidemic of the Darwin impact (an atheist makes a quiet prayer, as well as he means it dammit). The older generation's Web experience is ruined by their absence of recognizing that they're being capitalized on or underserviced, while the younger generation's Internet encounter appears to exist exclusively to ruin MY Web encounter. That young web morons are empowered to spout their valueless spoken diarrhea on the biggest websites in the world is a byproduct of the technology of internet 2.0, and also the attitude of liberty of speech being a free-for-all. With little to no content treatment, the free-for-all ends up being a worthless cesspool of non-information. The general public net degrades in value, passing reason and objective to the privatization of the world's evolving info innovation, restricting accessibility to high quality content, and so essentially, making knowledge an exclusive advantage. Who's at mistake for all this mediocrity? You, me and the powers that be. Ad networks are not the only online entities accepting the ordinary, the majority of the world's largest web sites do it also, and also we the individuals feed the cycle by contributing to the melee with absolutely nothing noteworthy at all. Well, it's nearly 2010, as well as I do not truly respect flying automobiles, yet seriously, individuals that make the globe go rounded, individuals who browse the web, every one of you pay attention to me, I'm sick of seeing the Net court the (s) lowest usual , so repair it. One site at once, right here's some guidance:

Myspace Anthropomorphically

I hate you. If I'm ever lonely during the night, having problem dropping off to sleep, all I have to do is believe about the millions and also millions and numerous other souls just like myself that likewise hate your digestive tracts, as well as I feel a bit much better concerning the world around me, and also could get on a calm rest. You resemble the strip shopping mall in the poor part of community that offers only inexpensive plastic keepsakes pleading to be taken house thus many flea ridden roaming canines. Myspace Users: Musicians - You required a myspace web page in 2005, and also yes, also in 2010 you must have a presence there that lets people find your real website, but quit thinking about it as your residence, or even a hub - your myspace address is not exactly what you must be advertising and marketing, there are lots of totally free methods to quickly stream your music from your personal domain and also correctly communicate with your followers on your own website. A domain name and also hosting price NEXT TO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, and also there are professionals out there that will certainly help you do just what you should do - if you're focusing on pimping your myspace page, quit, go compose a chord development, and carry on. While it's good for networking, and it might be for an additional couple of years yet, use it, yet begin considering it as a channel to communication, not an end. It's unsatisfactory. Comedians: (a lot of individuals do not know however comedians embraced myspace early on for the exact same factors musicians did) - same offer kids as well as ladies, you want to advertise yourself online, usage myspace for networking and also exposure while it lasts, yet hurry the heck up and obtain a slick site up, running, and also established, such as this Montreal based stand up - THAT 'S just how you market yourself, make use of myspace as a commercial property card to aim people to a place where you can actually obtain your message throughout. It's 2010, there are no technological obstacles any longer. 12 year old girls: mature. Any person else feel they have to use myspace? Myspace owners: Rupert, your personal insight, like for the 12 year olds. Excellent information, it's dying:

Craigslist, anthropomorphically

I enjoy you, yet you're like the woman I dated in College 10 years later. You never truly matured, never created, you never ever did anything to boost on your own, and the years have actually not treated your appearances so well. Put simply, you're hideous, you're useless outside the one point I use you for (you understand exactly what that is, and also if you believe that's enough for me to stick about should something better gone along, think again), and also I simply do not expect to be good friends with you in the future. Cut your legs. Craigslist users: There is absolutely nothing you can do. You don't even know that you're being fed ten year old use which the Web has the prospective to be sooooooooooo a lot far better. You resemble a child who has actually been raised in a storage, never ever having seen natural sunshine, never ever having actually checked out anything yet communist age propaganda schoolbooks. Just how could you know any type of better? Naturally you couldn't. It's not your fault. Please do not be angry with the globe, though understand it is your right. Craigslist owners: Check out that wired magazine post right through, swipe the tens of countless dollars well worth of free design insight and also invest the one week it would require to make your site not draw a lot. I understand you do not care that it draws butts, possibly you're over suckery, I do not fairly know, but actually, it's no skin off your back, and if it would certainly make the masses delighted, can you explain to me why it is that you don't care? You recognize also your granny would certainly detest your website. Why do you despise your very own granny? Let me presume. You uncommitted to tell me. Bad information, people aren't sure just what they want:

Google Adsense anthropomorphically:

You are the worst point that has ever before taken place to the Web in the history of the Net. Why do you assume its all right making your promotions resemble web content, obscuring the line for almost a slim portion of web customers who can differentiate? Does it make you feel premium to take advantage of all the small Intelligences around who are never ever quite certain if they're clicking a message ad, or a genuine item of web content? Exactly how do you sleep at evening? Oh that's right, pleasantly on a billion buck cushion. Google Adsense users: Hmm, this is pointless, individuals who do not know that they're clicking an ad are not going to read this. Everybody else, just move on. Web designers who use it, I cannot condemn you, it's the easiest dollar, but count on an old-school associate, there is better money to be made with actual programs, they're simply a whole lot even more job to range intelligently to your content. Effort develops engines. Google Adsense owners: Okay, I have actually been an associate for concerning 12 years now, and also I've never ever EVER encountered an associate design program that treats their associates as HORRIFICALLY as you, dear Adsense owners, treat yours. You men are much more uneven compared to the gambling establishment and porn sectors put with each other, in an uncomfortable position. Why, when the account I have actually made use of for 6 years and definitely pounded with spam, from shallowmaker and past, have you never even missed out on a repayment by a day, but lots of others who have disgustingly tidy accounts are terminated, funds took, emails ignored, and also kicked to the visual. If you were trying to contend with other associate programs you would certainly have failed a long period of time earlier due to your absolutely worthless lack of client service, you're pointless 'I make the guidelines, screw any individual who gets in my means' approach, as well as your tendency to take from straightforward people, without also the thanks to a personal 'screw you'. Instead, you imitate any type of various other rich prick, and just do exactly what you want at poor people's expense.

Google Search anthropomorphically:

I guess I can not blame you for courting the masses, except, that's sort of the factor of this post, so right here, let me blame you. You're killing the world. Please stop attempting to convince people that of their responses can be found behind your little white search box. The entire principle of universal search is going to dumb down the part of the populace of the world that haven't found out how you can discover yet. People need to develop the ability of vital thinking, as well as create the ability to certify understanding, yet the masses are letting your ranking formula do that for them. I'm not exactly sure just how to repair that- but you recognize, at least be friendly with black Google. Racism isn't cool. Google Search users: Stop it. Quit taking your life, your collection, your research, your whole freaking creating mind, and outsourcing it to Google. It's ineffective. Your mind will certainly atrophy. You'll grow up without any kind of abilities and also an overdeveloped feeling of entitlement. You will just come to be an additional Paris Hilton, and also our society will certainly pass away. Google Search owners: Hey, geniuses, 'universally accessible' implies EVERYBODY no matter of creed, colour, religion, socioeconomic status, or LOCATION. Quit catering overbearing federal governments who run over civils rights so you can make money - all you're doing is circulating misuse as well as human suffering. Catering the highest possible common measure is no better than the cheapest, if the luxury is about maintaining the proletariat down.