#im never getting over them i fear
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I figured that I would actually provide the source material to the stuff im commenting on, so uh yeah, here ya go, more SFTH nonsense with my thoughts bc you guys actually seem to care and enjoy them strangely enough???
anyway yeah, you know the drill, dont care about my dumb little lizard brain squeals of joy, dont click the keep reading button bc its a lot lol :)
those of you who do(thanks) and continue!!!-
“One of you… is hosting a party…” Luke looking between them like ‘who tf is gonna move’ while AJ is literally already half out of his chair because he knows they’re gonna make him do it-(literally a quote from Tom[not verbatim but close] “we always make AJ guess, because he… has the most trouble with it, and thats a joy”)anyway-
Sam’s eyebrow raise at Tom across the stage
“Balding” whoever said that- i love you. Sam, of course, volunteers, he’ll never pass up an opportunity to rag on one of his besties and we love him for it
His grin, once again across stage, to Tom
“Vampire bugs bunny.” toms face- and Luke immediately pointing it out
“He can do Bugs Bunny, I cannot.” “you can do bugs bunny cant you” help the fact that they just know all this ahhhhh <333333
“Oh shit, Which means I’m balding…” don't lie tom you cant wait to annoy AJ with this
“What do you want Luke to be?” Tom you evil evil genius
“This is for giving him balding-” don't act like its karma Tom this is all you ever wanted
“Someone who’s convinced he’s tall.” whoever said that, marry me- you're hilarious and clearly have good taste if you're at this show
Luke also laughing at the joke is a joy
Tom pacing as Luke takes control again, literally grinning giddily with excitement ugh they clearly love what they do so much and its so pure
Toms smile at “yay!” idk its just pretty
Aj idk what kind of accent this is but im loving it
But tf were those hand movements- are we wrapping presents?
Ok even he broke at it, and sam was grinning- luke laughed, very nice
So im not a big bugs bunny person but even i can kinda catch on to what sams trying to do- very clever, im soooo many levels of curious to know if aj can guess it
“Carrot” !!!!!!he said CARROT!!!! YAY close
Tom crossing the stage to enter from the same door as Sam-honestly i cant with their stagecraft anymore help-
Also the doorbell is soooo much higher for tom than it was for sam- sams was at his chest, toms was above his head anyway
“Careful.” AJs glance up into the cosmos to figure out what tf that means and how its a hint
Toms doing great job of being insecure about his hair, loving it, and the audience is eating this up
“This guy sucks and i should know about that” AJ’s frozen face of fear because what is he trying to tell me, quick what does that mean- oh shit im screwed-
“Other front door.” yep! Theres the stagecraft comment- Tom dodged it quite obviously but Luke had to go for the joke
PFFFFFF oh wow Luke is doing a brilliant job of being tall, truly
“I was just looking in the mirror and I couldn't see him behind me.” oh i completely forgot about the vampire bit- thank you tom-
Also sam helping him out with the “ting!’ is great, we love to see them helping each other (for once lol)
“All of the characters of the looney tunes” oh aj so close
“Uh, the bunny one.” “oh please no!” XD NOOOO AJ!!! COME ON!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!
Luke breaking as well for it is the best
Aj having to turn to look at him like “why did you let him choose this character- idk who this is.”
“..lots of creatures” Luke literally folds, as Sam does the classic disappointed covering his face with one hand and tom has to walk away, classic
The way they join behind AJ like moral support kills me-
“Oh no you're really annoying me you're really---*expectant waiting* [bugging me]” nope aj is lost “fuckin-” now sam has to walk away LMAOOO
TOM LITERALLY ALMOST WALKING OFF STAGE IS INSANE
“Its like surveillance” aj- please, im begging you- we’re all begging you- go. simple.
“Its called they piss you off.” Luke walking to the front of the stage so that everyone can see his disappointed head hang is crazy
“BUGS!!!” LADIES AND GENTLEMEN HES DONE IT AGAIN!!!!
Oh no… oh no, aj please- please get it- please
“Bugs bunny.” YEAH!!!! YES YAY WOOHOO!!! HES DONE IT!!!!
Tom finally getting his moment to bring up his excellent addition- “its so crazy, i couldn't see him behind me in the mirror.” also walking to the front of the stage, thats gonna be a pattern
SAM LITERALLY KISSING AJ ON HIS BALD HEAD OMG IM GONNA CRY OF CUTENESS WHATTTTTT
MY HEART
“Hey my bald friend over here,” yess!!! Two in one!!! Nice work!!!
“Thats your quirk.” man has never been so insulted in his l i f e
Tom shrugging in answer as AJ smiles in disbelief is amazing
“I've got a pretty good angle.” while looking at the floor is what gives me life luke never change
“Is it like me ten years ago?” luke and tom both breaking at that- also, side note, they've known each other ten years to bring it up casually and have witnessed aj balding- moving on
Tom literally having to hug AJ after he guesses right XD i adore these little fucks so much
“You are so buff right now man.” Aj confused as to if this is real or…??? “Ok-?” laughs. oh these ridiculous goobers
“Fat friend.” wrong- wrong direction dude- up, not sideways🤭 so close
“All through this” still looking down, gestures to the space above his head that does not have body as much as he would like it to be
Luke having a breakdown on stage about an issue that he genuinely gets ragged on so much for- im losing my mind omfg-
“Tiny giant.” luke losing it again- and i gotta say thats a pretty nice way to describe it, i think he gets the point
Tom leaned forward in anticipation, the cutest smile on his face, sam leaned back, trepidatious
“Im really- Im not *moves to the front of the stage and yells at the audience* tiny okay???” lukes loosing it niow
“Its very funny isn't it?” oh no, hes pacing and breaking the fourth wall- oh no
“Cause hes tall-” Tom perking up, “oh look! Im being included back in the sketch!” “and hes a normal height!” AJ isn't even bothering to think anymore, just enjoying the show
“Hes only 5’10” yes!!! Call him out Luke!!!
“And yet somehow Im a fucking short guy!!!” i just love the other three dudes expression in this scene, just pure delight at Luke finally snapping(albeit jokingly) and being like ‘yeah… tough luck’
Also, love Luke casually including the people no longer in the sketch back into it just to make a point and call out his legitimate grievances, love it
“Im not short!” oh now hes back in it ok-
“I don't know if im talking to a character or luke right now-” Tom and Sam breaking before he even finishes the sentence lol
“I don't know either.” oh poor baby XD
“Luke,” genuinely starts to address him by his actual name, gods i love them- he was about to legitimately comfort him before sam came in- i know it(or insult him further but like wtv, same thing lol)
“Connnn-vict!” Luke trying to speak and then giving up- AJ!!! Vince! Not Vikt!!!
YAYYY!!!! HE DID IT!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳
Anyway, hope you enjoyed this segment of me losing my mind about SFTH and their incredible bromance and also humor, thanks for tuning in, see you next time(maybe, if you guys still want it lol)!
@dawn-speckled you wanted it last time, hope you want it still??? anyway, thanks for reading, it means a lot, and byebye 👋
#shoot from the hip#sfth#besties#platonic soulmates#im never getting over them i fear#luke manning#tom mayo#sam russell#alexander jeremy#im losing my mind#hyperfixations and obsessions#hell is a teenage girl#idk what that tag is but it was recommended for me so yeah.. now its there#i love these little goobers#Youtube
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fics where it shows the pov of the emotionally repressed one in the ship being absolutely batshit insane with yearning over the more emotionally expressive one >>>>>>
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sobs on the floor
#art#obey me#obey me leviathan#obey me asmodeus#rambling in the tags ���#as someone who Hated drawing chibis im happy w this#SAMPLES? for WHAT? im more noisy abt it in ig bc im afraid of tumblr#kidding i just left the text there bc i didnt wanna save a seperate image w/o it. probably will for the sheet tho#see tumblr gets these early while ig gets them once the sheet is good#anti lucifer squad is making my crY i redid belpjie n im still struggling w satan's hair. let me draw ur luscious locks you beautiful man#anw i gotta get over my fear of drawing them in smth that isnt the most typical poses n shid. maybe i have those n i keep those to myself#that involves the char interactions and u will never see#-em#FUCK i forgot to unhide the layer with the cable for levi's headphones. I'll just.... get it in the morning (its 3am)
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codependency arc!
#revue starlight#tamao tomoe#fumi yumeoji#tamafumi#yea im never getting over them i fear#i need them to be normal pleaseeepleasepleapse
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doodles and stuff. struggled with painting until i gave up
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#i GUESS? carmen and ayins face is a whole thing and stuff.#oh wait hello silly first life stuff. yeah that counts. tee hee?#angela and benjamin are technically there but theyre kinda small compaired to the rest of the drawings in inclusion so im not sure..#ill do angela since she isnt covered#angela lobcorp#carmen lobcorp#ayin lobcorp#netzach lobcorp#it mustve been so prominent. the feelings of affection. those memories of ayin smiling so gently and warmly to her. to Carmen. than angela.#for it to be the very first thing brought up. the very first thing to actually recall from the copy of Her brain. a warmth she would never#be able to see upon that face. a warmth she knows and can recall but never for Her. a man who adored carmen to have such a face shown to he#that now cannot even bare to look at what isnt her what could never be her yet depending on a creation he loathes#for its similarities. for being close to him. for not Being Carmen enough. for being a bastardization of what once was. holding#justifications and trying to convince the self in order to continue forward. its just a machine. a machine must behave as a machine#how miserable. how trapping. how stuck and desperate. ever inflicting cycle of pain. anyways PLATONIC GIOCARMEN!! 🔥🔥#i canot speak upon ayin for there isnt enough room. GIOVANNI!! wanted to draw some interactions w them.#there was a scrapped doodle of carmen talking abt pain levels for beaking bones with a smile on her face while pointing to his body#bc day 48 and decidedly factually stating things with a smile as if it wasnt even personal. even if it is distressing#women in stem 🔥 have her bring over diagrams for him to have as reference. gio helping skim and find pages for specific quotes or a section#to bookmark. just happy at her glee and determination. carmen is holding up a clipboard w a diagram from the red book by carl jung but its#really small and hard to tell what it is. tee hee. there is more rambles but nay. i shant. twas for fun in between stuff#ever constant fear of misconstrued words. prithee. accept my offerings.....#spoke abt them before. i think? so content inside her warmth and joy. alive at her pride. feeling a part of him ripped away at her listless#expression. erased vanished faded from the world back to the murky color of gray further when she left the world. its so. ahngbh.#ill make a rb after this comes out and i wake up on the side blog nieranddear of just more rambles on it all that couldnt fit here#lor spoilers#... maybe. maybe on the rambles. if i dont get embarrassed and dip out of fear. whatever. go my queued post
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I still cant believe i get two big sexies for my birthday what if i passed out i have never won so hard
#snap chats#this automatically makes it the best bday ever idc … not a high bar to pass but yk …. hehe….#YAAAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAAUSHSKAK IM STILL NOT OVER IT THEY LOOK SO GOOD //THROWS UP//#making these my tablet wallpaper idc its been the default for like two months now#hehehhHheehehehehe#like adam got a skin too but this aint about him…. sorry adam ily but i have a brand ok#once i get home im grinding the hell out of this game to get them I NEEEEED THEM#‘snap wdym you dont have them yet’ i forgor to stay awake 😔#gotta get my wanda hours up i gotta solidify her as The DPS i play#again i rarely play dps just cause we never need one and i love mags but…. dötter …..#shes so pretty ohhhhh my god dont look at me#THE FACT THE THEME THIS SEASON IS GOTHIC/DRACULA THEMED TOO 😭😭😭😭#‘why is it halloween in january’ cause it is MY BIRTHDAY marvel did this for me specifically actually#i wish blade was playable but whatever …. ill take the fantastic four i guess ….#also chat i fear ive grown rather fond of beard richards. he can keep it it suits him ive decided#still not a fan of it on mags but if i gaslight myself hard enough maybe i can like it <- no i cant#ok im done. ill be at my stop in like twenty minutes i need to reel it in rjOWNDAKSKS
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TEAM8s is not a team that did nothing, but rather a team that suffered from unused potential
This is an analysis of Team8s in TPOT 1-2, and (most) characters on the team. This is what I believe to be how an arc for Team8s could've been portrayed if their team had something going on before the merge. This analysis takes into consideration their experiences in BFDIA and BFB, and how it could've affected TPOT and their team.
Team8s is a team that is full of potential, it was formed through Coiny wanting to have woah bunch reunited, and Saw and Gaty wanting to team with Barf Bag over having zig zags, it is also a team made up of close duos (+ Needle), and 5/8 of the members having leader qualities. This is a team that has so much potential because of how much conflict could have arisen, even before the team was officially formed, Coiny, Gaty and Pin were arguing over the team's name, over something so trivial too! This interaction shows how strong they are with their wants and beliefs, and rooted in why the team was formed, that it should be named after why they're in the team, instead of making something united together. The characters joined for different reasons and it's interesting seeing right off the bat how strong each of their presences are. For potential, I believe Pin and Coiny's conflict with their experiences in BFDIA could've made for something interesting, especially since two of the characters were dragged into the team because of that. BFDIA is something Coiny wishes to relive and want that experience to be ongoing, but it isn't and he cannot move on from the past, contrasting with Pin's distaste for the season because of her treatment, experiences, even becoming disabled in the season and nobody caring other than Coiny. They have extremely different views of the season that brought them together despite being so close, and with this team, I believe it would have given them the chance to show their frustrations about the season, and have the ability to communicate more in depth about why it left such an impact on both of them, and also how they can move on from it and enjoy the future outside of that season. That being said, the characters outside of that duo can push that potential arc forward, BFDIA being a season that some characters weren't there for, or didn't impact them overall. Donut being the first eliminated, the game itself wouldn't have much importance to him, and due to his early elimination, he grew as a character due to that. If his previous characterization was referenced by Coiny or any other character, either Barf Bag or pin could remarked that he isn't the same person, he still retains his irritable nature but he now is more considerate and thoughtful, a person who is a leader and rational. The past is not the present and he's very different from his beginnings. Speaking of leaders, Needle is able to speak her mind, if something like this did happen, she would be able to put him in his place and tell him to move on, similar to how she did in BFB with Firey and Leafys arguing, and same with Gaty! However, most of her interactions with him are negative, but arguably, most of them do have to do with BFDIA, she would be seeing this from an outside view and possibly confront Coiny about his attachment to that previous season (though narratively, Needle would be a better pick for that role considering their past, Gaty would be better to further the conflict and cause him to realize that there is an issue). There could be a rift between the characters in the team, similar to Bleh, but not as unattached from reality that book caused her team to be. The conflict could affect the teams overall performance, especially with so many characters who fit the leader role, it would cause no single direction that challenges go, many of the duos/groups splitting off to do their own thing. There's many ideas and directions, and nobody cooperating. Once Gaty, who was on a team with conflict previously, and possibly Donut, someone who is able to keep his team together, they realize they cannot function as a team if this keeps on going. They'd be the characters to cause the other characters to resolve the conflict and ultimately have the arc come to a close.... and this is just a single idea! The team overall has so much potential and wasn't used despite there being so much going on for all the characters! They aren't a team that did nothing, but a team that was forgotten about.
#tpot#bfdi#bfdia#pin#coiny#gaty#donut#needle#team8s#i dont think barfbag and saw couldve played too much of a role with something like this...#theyre only involved by extent of their friendships. but TBH i do think they could had individual arcs too#barf bag with that fear thing in later tpot episodes. and something with saw (IF SHE WASNT ELIMINATED EARLY)#i hate people being so negative about this team because they have SO much potential and its unused!#they arent boring and theres so much that could go on with them!#im pretty vocal about me not liking the recent direction of tpot but oughh ill never get over this#there was so much being built up to and it was completely dropped#ahh idk i love the series and im critiquing it because im passionate about it. but really upsetting to me as a long time fan#but PLEASEE discuss this with me. and if im wrong about anything speak up! i want to discuss this with people and im going insane
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Callum has asked Rayla twice now to kill him if he's ever corrupted again. This time as like a barter. And this time, despite looking devastated, she finally (begrudgingly) agrees. And later this season, Callum is cleared of his dark magic corruption, but it also warned that if he does dark magic again it'll overwhelm him.
Man my dreams have already been haunted enough by death foreshadowing I can't take much more of it for these two.
#listen i know many many fans adore the angst of one or both of them dying. especially if its the other that caused the killing blow#i get that. i do#but i just wouldnt be able to take that kind of heartache.#if any of the main characters die by the end of the show - ESPECIALLY rayla callum or ez - i will lose my mind. especially if they do it to#each other. either intentionally or not. simply wouldnt be able to take it im too emotional and attached to them to be able to take that#i like angst. but not death angst. i cant take that. especially not for characters i adore so much#they better NOT have either of them kill each other by the end of the show i will not be able to handle it#this better just be some foreshadowing of it 'they said over and over that theyll do it for each other but in the end they love each other#too much to do it and love fixes it' or some sappy bullshit like that. anything but killing each other please i cant handle that#fuck. shits gonna haunt my dreams even more now than before#they wouldnt kill off their main characters that are the faces of their show right? ....right?? please??? i beg?????#please think if the children#me im the children#tdp#tdp s6#tdp s6 spoilers#that scene where they argue about callum doing dark magic again was so very needed but still oof. and the way callum is so much more firm#this time and rayla looks so devastated but knows he means it even more now. god. end me. i just finished that episode on my rewatch btw#also like. can we talk about how she loudly slapped her hands together right in their faces to get her point across. damn id have jumped#back too. she uh. really wanted to get her point across huh. shes never done that before.#oh oof man this episode has no many emotions. giggles and funnies and sadness and sweetness and heartache and fear and worry#thats probably not even all of em#rayla#callum#rayllum#also they really choose random times to use that slightly different animation style huh. that makes their faces look more loose and the#expressions sit differently. looks a little more animated. and like. goofy but not in a bad way? i noticed it blatantly in s5 in at least#one scene (while in the market in 506) and maybe even other spots in s5. and some less obvious spots in s4 too. now here during their#argument and when callum asks rayla to promise again. its not bad its just starkly different and throws me off. wonder if like. a different#person animated those parts and they somehow did it differently. idk it hardcore sticks out to me every time now when i see it.
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#idk if its weird to feel like this or not#but when i come across someone's oc that catches my eye or something#and i think 'oh wow my oc would totally get a long with them! they could totally be friends!'#id feel weird for actually telling the person of the oc that#i have this weird fear that its rude to say that or something#because what if that person actually thinks their oc would never want to associate with mine#what if they think im trying to force something with me comment#there are lots of peoples ocs who i think mine would get along with but i just feel like it would weird to say it#i also just kinda feel like everyone secretly hates my ocs or something#i know its probably just my brain but i really feel like id be over stepping boundaries or something
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i keep getting the 50 stellar jades.... it's looking like i'm gonna have to draw aventurine and dr ratio kiss.......
ohoyo you want to give me that 500k stellar jades sooooooooooo baaaddd so i can get a good headstart on my dr ratio and screwllum savings you wanna give me it sooo badddd
#if i don't get the 500k jades im probably going to do fem ratiorine#i never said they were going to be regular aventurine and dr ratio kissing#i just said i'd draw them kissing#and god do i love women ESPECIALLY buff fem dr ratio#“it's like 312 pulls what do you mean a HEADSTART”#don't fuck worh me i will go ALL IN on a dr ratio rerun if i win these stellar jades chat#E6 S5 just for him because he deserves it favorites over meta#“but you could get better characters for meta like acheson or-” 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#no. E6 S5 dr ratio and E0 S1 playable screwllum at the very least#i won't say i won out if fear of my account being hacked but there will be signs#(<-lack of the promised ratiorine drawing and E6 S5 dr ratio in the future)#honkai: star rail#honkai star rail#honkai sr#hsr#aventurine#aventurine honkai star rail#aventurine hsr#hsr aventurine#dr ratio#dr veritas ratio#dr ratio honkai star rail#dr ratio hsr#hsr dr ratio#ratiorine#< i guess
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bucktommy flower crown icons 🌸🌼
29 icons under the cut
1 still
7 different backgrounds
a frankly absurd number of colors and flower crowns
please like/reblog if you save or use ✨
if you have any color/flower crown/background requests, let me know! im always happy make them 💖
...i have absolutely no excuse for this, other than they deserve flower crowns okay?? yes i am stuck in 2014 tumblr no what about it
#i have no excuse but...say it with me....#WHO CARES#my beloveds#i will never get over them i fear#its the look on tommys face that gets me?? the softness????#anyways hi im em and im feral about bucktommy welcome to my hell#bucktommy#tevan#kinkley#kinley#?? do people use that??#tuck#otp: better ways to get your attention#evan buckley#tommy kinard#911 icons#evan buckley icons#bi buck#tommy kinard icons#911 abc#911 on abc#special shoutout to the clown car for assuring me im not (that) insane#or at least for loving me anyways 😭#em's icons#mine
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Right and his work menaces (Brent and Karen).
I don't remember last I mentioned it but apart from crude nicknames to people (except Chris), he also just puts them in his phone really weird (except Chris, who is literally in his phone as Chris). And I bring this up because in Right's phone, Karen is saved as "Lawful Obligation".
#my characters#oops i fell in love#can you guys tell im stressed and hyperfixating on my own fucked up ocs cause i am#also brents nickname at work and in rights phone is fuckwad#and hes like yeah if im called anything else at this point by right its weird and uncomfortable#and when it is finally approached as if paul is only in rights phone as shitty-ex (answer) now that hes an excoworker#what was he in rights phone BEFORE the transfer#and right is like annoying dickwad ... karen is like oh i see thats why you call him a dick still#thats like a nickname from his phone name#and brent has to ask why fuckwad and dickwad and right looks at him and takes a deep breathe before saying#because i like the word wad and it is very comforting bc like a wad of paper ? you can throw it away#and so if i realize i gotta get rid of attachment i wad it up#also dont tell paul that dickwad was a form of attachment or he will never shut the fuck up about it#karen and brent both swear to never mention it to paul#paul is honestly such a weird anomaly in the plot bc he doesnt directly work at the same police station#but he is CONSTANTLY a topic of gossip or annoyance or updates#hes literally karens best friend! aside from chris he was one of the few right worked with who HAD touch privileges before right banned it#hes also just genuinely well liked but no one can actually tell him or he will become insufferable#which is a crime that rick is guilty of once when he meets paul and karen introduces him#and rick is just OH i know that name! youre her best friend#and she looks so betrayed and paul looks so delighted and stunned and radiant over this fact#and rick makes up for it before the night is over which is why karen forgives him - he made paul back in his place#anyway yeah right has lots of fears and hes my bundle of anxiety and i love him and his atrocious nicknames#i think i would die if i gave someone a rude nickname even affectionately irl#also also final note on this ig#since right is a detective and not always at the station its worth pointing out brent and karen just work taking calls and#doing misc other work at their desks which are nearby so they 100% bond and its wonderful#ok i lied final note on them is#for a very long time karen has to check with right to make sure she isnt annoying brent because he doesnt emote well#and shes scared she wont know if shes annoying him please help youre like the only one who reads his moods accurately
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OKAY im gonna stop being weird ab being proud of myself... i HAVE been incredibly chill w a ton of social situations im not used to. yippee!!!
#this summer has been a study in getting over my fear of messing up because im constantly a bit ditzy anyways#so what if i use the wrong words or mess it up a bit. its OK. im just living my life and being human#aka i feel a lot less nervous saying things so i say them. ive been theiving.and i lowkey realized this weird melancholic vibe i have is en#entirely my fault because i have a horrid horrid fear of being Wrong and tend to shut up in social sitautions..and im an actual exteovert#so i get kinda sad about not interacting socially but i do this ALL THE TIME so i never noticed#and now that i just decided to. stop. bc my mom's family is do so warm and welcoming (a bit too much but that's a diff post)#I'm like. thriving. wowowow..big discoveries this summer#nadia as a life
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If you only knew then what you think you know now
Then how could you possibly have figured it out?
How could I have told her what I know I don't know?
How could I have showed her where we do and don't go?
Life both does and doesn't go on
Every precious creature does and doesn't belong
So with every step everything changes
And you're bored and you're horrified
And you're fucking amazed
#Got dressed up and had a party by myself in my room#It was nice :]#I ate a bunch of whipped cream but I am nauseous from my headache so I fear I may throw up#That is not nice :(#Anywho yesterday my eeeevvvilll ex reached out 2 me#Saying she is ready to 'hear me out'#Girl....#I dont know what 2 do lol I I know i shouldn't talk to her but I fear if I do that my romantic relationship is fucked#On account of my sitcom life#Not a very fun sitcom tbh#Im literally in my year of grief this shit never fucking ends it never ends!!!!#Her when my dad died: radio silence#Her when im busy packing up my entire house and stage managing a musical: let's hash out out entire relationship ok#I heard that she said she had no idea i was so upset by her breaking up with me (platonically)#And what's that?? Oh yeah. BULLLLSHIT!!!#my problem is that i know exactly what shes doing because bbygirl just said a week ago 'it's too soon i don't wanna talk to them :('#What changed in a week? Oh right. Now its you being forgiving instead of me having autonomy#fuck all of you#I wanted to write a damn letter#'Noooo in person is so much better' okay I guess I can do a mediated conversation#'Nooooo we actually think it should be one on one' hello. Where am I#Why does everyone else get to decide for me!!!!!!#If i really truly was going to do what's best for me id stop talking to all of you#I'd get on with my life and never see any of you again#I can't get over her if she is always right there!!!!!#The point is I don't know if I am going to talk to her or not. I know its a bad idea but I still yearn for her and id love to just tell her#Everything and then leave. I wish I could honestly scorched earth but im a coward and I actually really have nothing on her#Its less about what she did and more about what she didn't#I dont like her anymore like I do not want or need her as a friend#Can we all get real. Can we get fucking real for a sec. Rahhhhhhhggggfrfgggg
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i wish i could stop thinking as much
#my mind is always racing in the background like i need to prove im scared#theres always this terror in the background like im being hunted for sport .being asked if i deserve to be alive#even when im not imagining all the ways that someone could hate me for existing im still bracing for it#asking questions like im waiting for someone to answer & prove my fears correct#im always asking if i can do anything if i deserve anything if im being weird over and over again like im gonna get an answer#and i always think i get an answer when i fuck up when im too annoying when im wrong when i do. anything i think is imperfect#but i never really get an answer. im answering my own questions but none of the answers are true#i think im answering them on behalf of the people who hate me but nobody who i think hates me even does#im twisting their words myself making them into something horrible that i think proves i really deserve to die for real this time#i cant get myself to calm down. i wont even let myself calm down. im really tired#um. anyways. lol#awoo
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new snails + Espresso Bean
#toy pic post#90gal#zebra nerite#pink lady nerite#freshwater snails#snails#undescribed#espresso bean had fallen on his back again. so. i righted him when i released the new snails#espresso bean is. not. very active. i worry about him#i hope hes just like old and lazy but i fear its bad health? idk#apparently the pink ones are bad at eating prepared foods like algae pellets and prefer auwfuchs or however you spell it#which in theory i have. PLANY of. but in practice they never touch my slimy wood and crawl all over the whale and the glass 😔#idk! i want to give them spinach soon#peas tonight bc one of the corycats was swimming VERY concerningly 😭 like come on man#im not putting meds in the tank when theres literally infant shrimps in there are you serious!!!!!!!!!! please#need to grab peas after work tho. need to GET DRESSED AND GO TO WORK. AAAAAH RUNNING LATE
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