#im really in need of some help here
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
COMISSIONS OPEN


Payment by PayPal ONLY!!! Contact via DMs or through the email: [email protected]
Hey guys!! I'm opening my comissions again!! If you feel like buying a drawing I would really appreciate it if you considered getting something from me! Some things came up this month and my bills are a little tight so please consider at least sharing this <3 Examples of my art below the cut!





#my art#i apologize in advance but i'll be tagging fandom tags just to be sure i get more reach#im really in need of some help here#comissions open#art comissions#genshin impact#kaveh#alhaitham#al haitham#haikaveh#kavehtham#kavetham#honkai star rail#hsr#dr ratio#hsr dr ratio#veritas ratio#enstars#ensemble stars#midori takamine#takamine midori#oc art
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
We should talk more about the fact Jason got swarmed and attacked by a mob as Robin, like??? Hello. He had to be left there because the mob was too violent with Batman near. He had to be taken to the hospital.





Look at those injuries!!
The next time we see him he's forcing himself out of bed and putting on the Robin costume thinking "I've gotta do what I can to help, even if it kills me!"
The next next time we see him he has walked into yet another violent mob
I cannot stop thinking about this story and the effects it probably had on him honestly. Do you think it's made him nervous in crowds, do you think it made him trust others just that bit less. How long do you think he was being attacked before he was found, the scene had cleared. "I've gotta do what I can to help, even if it kills me!",,,,
Just the concept itself! I don't know about you guys but being attacked and grabbed and trampled into unconsciousness sounds absolutely terrifying! Did he black out, still getting hit, thinking he was going to die? Knowing he couldn't defend himself as his injuries to took their toll? At their complete mercy?





1986-87 Legends, issue #2 (the attack), #3 (the hospital), #5 (getting up), #6 (defending heros from another forming mob)
2010 DC Universe: Legacies, issue #6 (flashback panel to Legends moment)
#jason todd#jaybin#jason todd robin#comic reference#we need to talk about and acknowledge this so much more its such a fun bit of information n backstory#and i honestly think its a REALLY IMPORTANT jaybin moment. both for him and readers#batman#dc comics#i never see anyone talk about it which is such a shame honestly#fairly confident this is post crisis jaybin. but of course we are in the evil gray area of actually post crisis - before new backstory#but gonna be honest with you guys here i and actual dc writers take from precrisis jaybin alot anyway because he IS still jason#and adds more original comic time for jason#as long at its not like blatantly contradictory i keep a rather lot of his things#and again we are in the grey area of it#plus he calls himself the new robin in the hospital scene so that probably means something#and none of it at all matters anyway because when it comes to comics you do what you want for forever. thumbs up emoji#this is still important anyway. the “ive gotta help even if it kills me!” haunts me#dare i say i wish we talked more about jaybin time in general. like. the stories from it#all i usually hear is ditf and him pushing or not pushing that guy. its a shame i think jaybin has some really fun stories#i think (i think) scarecrow and mad hatter were rogues he faced the most. DEFINITELY scarecrow#two face too if im counting the mad hatter. +plus importance bc twoface he thought killed his dad#he lets himself be kidnapped by two face saying hes the SECOND robin and then insults the guys car#he dresses up as two face once#he saw scarecrow making highly concentrated fear toxin and dumped it on him 😭#sherlock holmes was in a story at some point#its so fun. augh i need to reread jaybin so so bad its so fun i miss it
135 notes
·
View notes
Text
THATS why he's the way he is!!!😭 she ISNT crazy!!!
#hi im still alive and here btw:)#anyways#sissy just wants him to see the Light ok#maybe she thinks it would truly 'help' him!!#i wanna believe she wants to help him in some way!!!😭even if she doesnt know how or really why he'd need it!!!😭#texas chainsaw massacre the game#tcm the game#johnny slaughter#sissy slaughter#sry for no streams in a while holidays burnt me way out:( hopefully back to streams soon and also answering more asks💀
128 notes
·
View notes
Text
everything about Gavriil feels suffocating.
how his presence alone can be almost overwhelming, how his massive body cages you everytime without a chance to escape. you wouldn't dare to try anyway, knowing that you don't even have a say against a creature of his caliber. he will find you. in your dreams, in your nightmares. in your room.
how he will be intense and vague about everything just for the sake of it; to confuse you further, to see the conflict of emotions in your eyes merge with arousal. eventually your hesitance turns into acceptance, a desperate need to feel his hands all over you. and he will be oh so grateful to fulfill that desire.
how his thick tongue pushes past your lips and into your mouth, reaching almost the back of your throat, relishing in the muffled little sounds you make. your drool mixed with his saliva drips down your chin, and your hazy eyes look up at him when he finally pulls away, giving you a second to breathe.
how his hips are slamming into you relentlessly, your wetness and lack of resistance allowing him to move almost effortlessly. forced to hold onto him for dear life instead of pushing away. all of your morals and principles are being tossed out of the window every single time he comes to you. he has you where he wants you, and will not stop until he feels like you can't take it anymore.
and how in the morning he vanishes away, leaving you guessing: was it just another wet dream? but the cold stickiness between your legs tells you more than you need to know.
#yes bringing this back bc at the time i didn't tag it properly#okay im gonna complain in here now.#need... to... draw... something... but i dont... have the strength..#drawing on my phone is so exhausting but i have no other option#bc i think my traditional art is not very polishedddd and i dont want to answer asks with ittttt#but maybe i will#bc i think i'm really getting to that burnout#and giving how my bday is getting closer and closer....#i dread it. but hey. cake. money. i'll get a new piercing#i WILL cry ofc but hey. maybe someone will buy me tea as a gift. who knows.#i just want to spend some time with someone yknow:(#just... talk. about anything. sit beside eachother and stare off into the waters#i hope the snow will melt soon because i want to go out more even if by myself#gonna find a job when summer comes... maybe talking to colleagues and all that will help... everythings gonna be fine.. i hope#i just need friends. god.#microtya's kids#microtya: gavriil#monsterfucker#monster fucker#monster x human#monster boyfriend#monster lover#teratophillia#god x human#monster smut
166 notes
·
View notes
Text
Friendly reminder to unclench your butthole
#lol#meme#funny#help#that one was really funny right?#memes#lols#pls look at this#im desperate#funny memes#lolsies#you need to help me#i have been stuck in the tags for days by now#please someone help me get out of here#im getting hungry and its really dsrk here#will this tag spam get someone's attention?#this is my only hope#...#.....#im starting to loose myself#this ocean of tags...#what does all of this even mean?#is this just a futile atempt to get attention from some strangers?#its so lonely here#i sure hope someone brings some iced tea
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
wrestling fic writers!!
i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months
if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found
and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom
and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways
a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜
nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you
and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)
as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!
101 comment starters
ao3 floating comment box
kudos html
dont know how to comment? easy solutions
a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)
an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers
and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place
i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together
happy sharing and commenting 💜💜
#wrestling fanfiction#wrestling fic#aew fanfic#aew fanfiction#wwe fanfiction#wwe fanfic#i hope this make some sort of coherent sense#despite being a writer im really bad at words lmao#i also dont know what to tag this with without clogging main tags so im going to trust moots to get this going first#just. this is a topic im passionate about. i love writing i love writers and having seen the wrestling fandom as of late really struggling#with this. we need to do something. even a little bit helps. actually get people leaving feedback and commenting again#supporting each other. we can do this together#dont let dreams be dreams lets fucking do this#just be nice and help each other out#im gonna stop now before i get overly emotional. if theres any questions let me know tho i think i got the main parts pretty clear here#again moots. im trusting you to get this started. im not gonna add my own shit here immediately this isnt about me#this is about the community as a whole#i also hope nobody is afraid of adding themselves here. you are all valid and worth the attention no matter what#just remember to also give if you leave something here. look at the previous links. look in the notes to find more people#okay thats it i need to make dinner now#lets just be kind and support one another. promise me that 💜#night is an absolute mess on main
156 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,
The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"
Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.
What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.
#derpy speaks#good omens#good omens 2#no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry#he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away.#meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving#idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse''#at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?''#doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once#he deserves that self respect#do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose.#everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through#but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing#is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited 😭#but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story?#is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter?#someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it is‚ i can't find it#not queued
226 notes
·
View notes
Text
guyssss today i went to a museum alone for the first time!!! it was great :D
i mean i was scared shitless but i actually managed it! its just that i struggle a lot with like anxiety and i have extreme problems when talking to people or just like existing in public so this was a huge step for me :D
#sorry if i bother you#it sound kinda pathetic but it was a big step for meee#im still debating if i should visit someone that could help. but when its like that im gonna choose a therapist i just back out.😅#IM REALLY SORRY IF I BOTHER YOU WITH THIS I JUST NEED TO LET IT OUT😅😅#i also visited the armory here and i got the urge to make some historical oc#(will it be another ghost to my crew??)#and actually i really need to draw my children again#im just nervous that ill get like the clothes or historic info wrong •~•#lem0n rambles
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
it's so shitty and sad when people use you as a temporary way to get attention or affection and drop you as soon as they get a partner. like yeah i'm glad I was there for you when you needed someone but how are you doing to take away my friend when I also need someone and you were supposed to be that someone? why can't you have more than one "someone?" why cant we still be friends and keep what we had going while you have a partner? why was our friendship not important to you? why do you think it's ok to use me temporarily until you cam replace me with someone you deem more important? why am I supposed to be ok with that and not allowed to be upset by it? how can you become a daily or weekly part of my life that I enjoy having and then just disappear and give all that to someone else? why is the label "partner" so much more important than "friend" and you don't know how to keep both equally? why do I have to make sure you're not feeling lonely and sad because you don't have a partner, but you cant do the same for me? especially when I don't want a romantic partner? why do you not care how I feel? why don't you care that being used and thrown away hurts and crushes me just as much or more than you breaking up with a partner? why don't I deserve consistent and caring people permanently in my life, but you expect your partner to be there til death do you part? why does society in general value romance over friendship? why does everyone view people like me (who value friendship more) as clingy and annoying and a burden? why can't we normalize actually caring about your friends as much as people claim they do? why can't you show it instead of giving all your love and attention to a partner only? why cant we normalize talking to and hanging out with frien a regularly? why is talking to and hanging out with partners daily normalized, while NOT talking to and hanging out with friends for months is normalized? why is me wanting friends to be close and consistent and caring the way romantic partners are, minus the romance part, seen as weird, annoying, clingy, and asking for too much? why am i told to get used to being alone/doing everything alone? why is it wrong that i DONT want to be alone? especially in a world where everyone around me pairs off and ignores/avoids/forgets/abandons me? why does no one care how I feel and instead tell me to deal with it, when i'm trying so hard to force myself to choose to be alone, but it's not working? 😭
#lee asks questions#knowing the answers will be disappointing and unhelpful#lonliness#aroace#aromantic#aromanticism#making friends#friendship problems#relationships#platonic relationships#relationship problems#friendship#friends#friend problems#romantic relationships#romance#queer platonic relationship#<-before you suggest i get one or those....that requires someone who values platonic relationships as much as i do#i dont see them around me do you? i never met another aroace person irl!!!!! i dont exactly have “fish in the sea” to choose from when#its a dried up puddle!!!#so my only choice is to befriend people allos and hope they take pity on my lonely soul and dont abandon me for romance#sighs i hate it here#being autistic is already super lonely and ruins my friendships/social life. being aroace really makes that lonely factor even worse!!!#ive had so many aromantic people respond to my posts saying they found their real friends/own partners. cool happy for you#some even tell me “one day” but I hate hearing that because NOW is what matters#what about us people who never find “our people”? no one ever considers the fact that we may never find “someone”#who meets our needs and fulfills the support role every person needs in life#im told as a social species we require support and socializing and community. but some of us go way too long without it#what about us? you can just tell us to hope the future works out? holding hope doesnt always help! it leads to disappointment#but ultimately WHY IS ROMANCE HELD SUPERIOR?! IM DISGUSTED. I WANT TO BE IMPORTANT TOO FOR FUCK SAKE. not in a self-centered way either😭
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy Holidays!!! ft. HibaKana, YuiHiyo, TsunaRumi and ReboApp 🥰🥰🥰 I wanted to draw something for the holidays and remembered that @butterrdream sent me a wonderful set of art bases a few weeks ago, talked a bit on which of our ships suit which base. Anyway, I thought it was perfect for this bc of the cold weather setting + Christmas being more of a "couples" season in JP 👀✨
Art Base Source: aniforceus (울산 애니포스)
I'll also use this post to thank everyone who supported me and interacted with any of my works this year. And yes, even if it's just once! A lot of stressful things happened to me this year, but I'm still thankful for the year because I got to meet a whole lot of wonderful people who share the similar brainrots for OCs as me, whether ur a friend, mutual, follower, anon or any other user at all. Of course, I'm also thankful for the friends that I also already have from previous years (thank you for still being friends with me ueueueue 😭😭💖✨)
Thank you for interacting/talking with me, for sharing your OCs with me and for being patient with me whenever I'm having irl struggles. I hope ya'll have a wonderful holiday season (or a wonderful next few days if you don't celebrate!) 🥳🥳🥳 Wishing everyone even more bountiful brainrots for each of our interests hehehe
#khr#khre#khr oc#khr ocs#oc#hibari kyoya#ninomiya kanako#yorimitsu yui#tenma hiyori#sawada tsunayoshi#ninomiya kurumi#khr reborn#khr apple#hibakana#yuihiyo#tsunarumi#reboapp#einart#i'll be running to do some stuff irl after posting this but i'll be back 🫡 BUT B4 THAT rambling in the tags!!!#in my brain the latter three pairings are having a winter xmas date in a park while hbkn is on winter training in the mountains or smth hah#the vibes for no. 1 really fit them *chef kiss* not as touchy as the others but u can still feel the 😳😳😳 (well for me at least hahahaha)#no. 2 base is perfect for yuihiyo bc theyre the height difference couple for me (i think their diff is just slightly higher than reboapp's!#no. 3 base is perfect for tsunarumi bc its the most fluffy 😳😳😳 and these two have idealistic-leaning povs in romance#no. 4 is perfect for reboapp bc as butter told me reborn loves stealing food (i so agree lmaooo tsuna can testify)#---reborn why would u do that when apple can just spoonfeed it to u if u just asked hahahaha he's in it for the thrill ig 🤣🤣🤣#i know the drawings are all fuwafuwa but my brain can't help but meme this#“m/? couple? m/m couple? another m/? couple? m/f couple? i see no difference; love is love 😁👍✨”#my ?/f couple rep is rumi/deko (<-dont want it to appear in their tag since the ship isnt exactly depicted here....in another set perhaps👀)#now i just need an f/f couple rep for my brain to go brrrrrr about but i just need to wait for it to go pop up out of nowhere#(ok this is buried in the tags now---im too shy to tag people in the post but i hope you all know who you are that im most thankful too 😊)
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
i already felt like i was fighting for free time just with all the things i was juggling; my nephew, school, personal projects, trying to be social, searching for work, keeping up with my house chores, making sure i do my daily calls and emails when need be but.... now that i'm going to be working, like yeah, alot of the annoying things will finally go away and im so so soooo grateful for that!!!
but i wont lie... with me taking on a full time term load AND working full time, i really do feel like i'm gonna be fighting for my life trying to keep up with my hobbies AND maintaining (my version of) a social life, plus also trying to help out with my nephew when i can..
i'm immensely grateful to have found work and i understand that this is what adulthood is, but.. i dont think there's anything wrong with being a little sad that i'll have to cut down on my silly little guy time for my own benefit. ya know?
#im really happy to have had all the time off that i did tho!#i feel like it helped me find the stability that i needed#both in general and just MENTALLY#i truly feel at peace with my divorce and i dont punish myself or see it as a failure on my behalf anymore#if anything... i feel like it's given me a new lease on life#i feel like a brand new person and i feel like my world has broadened again#im a lot older now than i was when i first felt like this#and yeah statistically speaking life might be a little bit tighter for the new few years#but you know what?? im ready to take on everything. more ready than i think i've been in a really really long time! it'll be hard & thats o#im not sure how many people actually read these sorts of posts when i make them#but i just wanna say to some of you that you have really helped me get through some of the worst most PAINFUL years of my life#you have seen som versioooooons of me lol#and while i know that i wasn't always the easiest person to handle or to stomach lol i want to thank you for being patient with me#and still being here#i know that it's probably sad to say but.. there are some of you that i have thought of as an amazing support system#(and if there's a possibility that you will read and think i'm not talking about you despite me thinking of you specifically and that's ok!#and while i know that it wasn't very fair to you- i want you to know how much that has meant to me.. how much it's helped me!!#and i say this genuinely#i love and appreciate you and i cannot thank you enough#i can't predict what life is going to be like from here on out but i hope that if i can continue to call people like you friends#even if i come to finally and GENUINELY give up on spending my free time here on tumblr#good night ❤️#save
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
you ever feel so in love with your own OC-
(probably wont be able to finish this today... but maybe this weeks # Wolfgang Wednesday 🤫watch this space etc )
#just opened the file to look at it before i head out tonigt hfhdfks#im in a weird headspace wrt art again so heres a tag rant#whenever i make something that feels really self indulgent ie its not like a bigger project that moves the plot or something#i start to feel guilty like i should be doing more or pushing myself and my art more#and part of me is like. its literally fine the art is there to make me feel happy that i can make it why does everything need to be So Much#but i still feel like some alarm bells like uh oh spent too much time lately focusing on wolfien thats Not Allowed when you should be#spending time developing other characters and the story and shit#does this even make sense like ? help#i feel i hit a good stride in january with story art and some story developments#but now i feel my recent art doesnt reflect that and that disconnect is frustrating to me#like i wish i could beam this stuff into peoples brains because sometimes having so little time for art is so suffocating#and ive covered just like a Fraction of what i want to with my art in terms of the story and character dynamics etc#ultimately i think all of this malaise is just coming out of seasonal depression brain and clearly not. rational#but its malaise nonetheless
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pax should have said no.
Damn it all, they should have said no. Should have said go to hell and fucked off back – stop contacting me, sort out your own shit – but they didn’t, fuck knows why, and now they’re stuck here.
(They know why. They know exactly why; absolutely anything would be better than fucking off back to Cyrodiil. What’s for them there?)
But there’s nothing worth staying for here either, and now she’s crammed in between strangers on a long table, everyone dressed in fabrics she’s never seen with dyes so saturated they seem almost gory, eating stuff that isn’t food and talking loud enough to make her want to hurl a glass into the wall. It’s bizarre. The woman next to her, ruddy-faced and bald, wears a headpiece that shines like the sun the Isles doesn’t have; the other side is taken up by a stranger in a bone-white porcelain mask who has not moved but to swill the wine around in their glass. There’s scarcely room for Pax’s chair. It all feels like such a baffling pantomime of aristocracy (she's known the real thing well enough – feasts and toasts and luxurious gifts she had no use for, and if she doesn’t stop thinking about it she actually will throw a glass), bright colours and rich settings and a god taking offerings at the head of the table.
At least, Pax thinks, no-one tries to talk to him; they’re too busy fawning over their lord. Which is probably to be expected; but it all feels so strange, so unsettling, the way they all lean in towards it like flowers turning to face the sun, like seaweed dragged at by the inescapable pull of the tides. They grow towards it through the cracks in the air, matter moving toward the inevitable centre, as if they can imagine nothing more than this.
(Even more unsettling is the way it responds in kind, listening attentively to anyone who speaks to it, leaning in as though to kiss them, as though to swallow them whole. All hell, why did Pax agree to this? Why did they come?)
(They should have told it to fuck off. Should have said no way, I don’t want to help you, don’t want to get involved in anything you’d need my help for. I don’t owe you anything. I don’t need anything from you. I don’t want anything to do with you. I’m done.)
(Pax is done. Pax is sick to death of all this shit; doesn’t want to deal with this, the vaguely described problems of a god that picks people apart like it’s unravelling a thick yarn shawl. Doesn’t want to deal with anything like this. He’s had his fill of gods.)
(Why is he still fucking here? Why did he agree to this? This is no better than eating in that weird fucking inn in town. This is no better than –)
(That’s a lie. It’s a bit better than Cyrodiil. Just as much a shithole, but it pulls the rug out from under him often enough that he doesn’t have time to think too much.)
“Not hungry?” says a prowling voice, coiling catlike into the plaits in their hair, and Pax jumps enough to jostle the masked bastard sitting ramrod straight next to him.
He looks up.
At the empty placemat across from him sits a figure veiled in gossamer, glittering in the glow of the lit-up lichen on the distant throne; the fabric of its endless shawls pulls apart at the ends, peeling away from itself, shedding patches like iridescent insect wings every time it shifts. If Pax squints, they can see through it to the grand marbled wall behind.
She glances back at the chair at the head of the table, where something lounges, eyes dripping gold, intricately carved cane laid across its knees; its too-many fingers are laced with the hand of a man whose gown blooms floral. Flatly, she says, “What the fuck?”
“Aren’t you hungry?” Sheogorath asks, pouting; she can hear it laughing down the other end of the table. “It’s a proper feast. We pulled out all the stops.”
Pax shifts their eyes away to peer down at their plate. “You have served me worms,” she says. She flicks the dish with a fingernail. “In jelly. With flowers.”
“Larva, actually,” Sheogorath replies. It’s still at the other end of the table. It doesn’t seem eager to explain this. When it smiles, the gossamer falls away; its whole face splits in half.
It’s all so fucking stupid. Pax takes a deep breath – in through the nose, ignore all the odd spiced smells, and out – and does not yell at it, or try to hit it, because she’s gotten herself into a situation where that’s not really an option, because she’s a fucking idiot. Why didn’t she just say no?
(She knows why.)
The Mad God’s teeth flash bright as the ornate silver cutlery. Its chair scrapes back from the table. “It melts in your mouth,” it tells her, eyes glittering, “but I won’t make you try it. Walk with me?”
The figure still sits at the head of the table, snatching something from someone’s plate, always, always laughing. Its limbs sprawl like tentacles, like the silken threads of a tapestry, to encompass the whole room. The dinner guests stare as though bewitched, bedevilled, beguiled. Not one of them is looking at Pax. If he were to drop dead with his face in the food his corpse would not be discovered until sunrise.
Pax sniffs and shoves his chair back from the table. He lets Sheogorath (the second Sheogorath – but it must be, what else could it be?) lead him through a narrow door into some winding hallway, the walls lined and rimed with ornate coloured-glass windows. (It’s so much quieter. Still as garishly bright, but Pax is getting the sense that that is inescapable, here; the clothes they wear, as crumpled and covered in travelling-grime as ever and startlingly out of place against the odd jagged finery of the dinner party, seem unimaginably dull in comparison. Everything seems unimaginably dull in comparison.) Outside the windows, they can catch glimpses of the city – its winding, lamp-lit streets, the jumbled mess of its architecture, the sky arcing above it like a child’s attempt at watercolours. Pax wants to smash it, tear it down.
There’s no sun here, but still it’s night. The sky has shifted to purple and black.
“Isn’t it nice?” says their companion; when they look back, it’s nothing more than a shifting impression in the stained-glass window, a series of hairline cracks. It still manages, somehow, to smile at them.
It’s not. The sky is a shadow and the flamboyance of the palace is scraping at their spine. “Sure,” Pax says flatly. When she flexes her fingers, the bruising staining the base knuckle of her thumb aches.
Sheogorath looks at her – an ancient man leaning on a stick, a flickering painting, a bloody corpse, a little girl in velvet-red skirts, a breath. In its mercurial shifting she catches the flowery blossom of the man at the table’s collar, an unpleasant glimpse of her own braided hair, the smell of sulphur. It tips its head. She can’t focus on it anywhere but for the eyes.
“You don’t like my dinner parties,” it announces, as though it’s a revelation, a tragedy; its body crumbles like sea cliffs slowly eroded by the ways. It’s annoying – bloody obnoxious, and incomprehensible, and kind of weird that it noticed, that it would even care. (She’s never liked dinner parties. Nobody ever commented on it before.)
I’ve had well enough of them, Pax could say, or no, I don’t like you, but it’s the fucking Mad God, Daedric Prince of – Pax doesn’t even know what, he’s never known much about this shit, only that it’s well worth avoiding. Prince of the mad and the missing and the foolish, of breaking and breaking and putting yourself back together backwards. She should have said no, but she didn’t, and who knows what would happen if she went back on that now?
It's slinking closer. All that stay static enough to make out are eyes and teeth.
“Pax, yes?” it says, soft-voiced – a hand lands on his arm, small and dry and shivering, the skin as thing as a mouldering leaf. “You have no obligations here. If you want to be on your own, be on your own. We’ve plenty of space for it.”
Pax’s eyes narrow. He does not jerk away from it.
In the light of the coloured sky, the coloured windows, its face is phantasmagorical. “If you don’t want to be here,” it continues – still so skin-pricklingly gentle – “then your hand will not be forced. I’ll speed your way home if you wish.”
They can’t help but twitch at that. It’s setting their teeth on edge. (It’s lying – has to be. After its ages of coaxing them in, meting out information, not telling them where they were until they were on its doorstep, it would not give them the chance to leave.) Rough, still covered in road-grime, Pax asks, “Why should I believe you?”
(None of them have ever given them the chance to leave.)
Sheogorath, a figure of hollow skin and bone, inclines its head. “I wouldn’t lie to you, Pax,” it says. Its eyes are wide and bulging, whites on full display like a frightened horse; it grins again. “Others might. But we’re not a monolith. We’re not even especially similar.”
Pax bites down on the flat edge of their tongue. “That doesn’t mean anything to me.”
The light coming in through the windows flickers. The Mad God turns to meet it.
“I’m the youngest,” it says, its voice glittering like mist on the air. “Did you know that? I don’t remember the world without you in it.” Its form spasms, volatile, wings and limbs and eyes like a snail’s on stalks sprouting and choking and subsiding back into its mass. “I’m closer to you than any. I understand, almost.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Pax repeats. She’s gritting her teeth, tonguing at her gums where two are missing. Are two devil-gods not enough to deal with for a lifetime? Is there really going to be more of this now, too?
Rolling through the air like smoke, the voice says, “It will.”
Pax presses purple-green knuckles to her mouth. Her teeth dig into the soft meat of her lip.
Sheogorath turns to face her, hair moving as though blown by the wind, as though tugged by the tides. It sighs. “You don’t believe me,” it says. Its tongue pokes through its teeth. “That’s perfectly fine. Clever, even. But if you want to leave, all you need to do is tell me so.” It pauses, then; the train of its strange, gnarled crown shifts over its shoulders when it moves its head. “Or just leave. The door is still open.”
“You’d be fine with me just leaving,” Pax rasps around his knuckle, “after weeks of not leaving me alone?”
(Of begging him to come, poorly-hidden agitation giving way to blatant franticness, half-swallowing the fear that choked its face in every mirror it spoke to him through. Of begging him still, after he got here, after he met it – begging in a roundabout manner, casual as anything, its every motion reeking of fear. Its abject terror when he turned to leave. You’ve come this far. Why not hear an old man out? Pax told it that it wasn’t an old man, that he didn’t give a shit either way, and it slid through a child, a monster, a sulphur-burned body coughing blood, his own shuddering form in armour he hasn’t seen in months, and it said please.)
(Regained its composure, its gentleman’s face, immediately afterward. But it – the Mad God, unknowable, inconsolable – said please. Pax still doesn’t know what to do with that.)
The Mad God, now, shrugs. Taps at the hairline cracks in the stained glass windows. “I’d prefer you didn’t,” it says, one pair of hands braiding something intricate into its beard. The hand on the glass slips down. “I told you. I do need a champion.”
“And I told you,” Pax bites, something aching and ugly surging in their gut, “not to call me that again.”
A smile, bloody-mouthed and beaming. “But we will abide,” says Sheogorath, and digs its fingers into the cracks of the stone. One brick slides loose, mortar dug up under its nails. It offers it up.
Pax licks their teeth and takes it.
The brick shivers, momentarily – crumbles, in their hand, like sand slithering through their fingers, and left in their palm is a hardy slip of bone. Spiked and sprawling, carved with intricate patterns; it arranges itself around an oval of empty space, the perfect size for four sharp-knuckled fingers.
“You can always leave,” the Mad God tells them, and for a moment it does look so very young and strangely, staggeringly hopeful. “But give it a chance. I think you could love the Isles, if you choose to.”
#for context - in my version of events sheogorath's recruitment of the HoK is a lot more active#it needs someone who can fulfill the metaphysical niche of the hero. it needs someone experienced enough that they might not even die tryin#and it needs someone desperate enough to take the deal#pax is fifteen years old has alienated everything that maybe could have been a support system and is grieving very badly.#perfect mantling material!!#so sheogorath pursued them very specifically and was very judicious about what they revealed when. which is why pax already has some kind o#relationship with it here - they've interacted before - in that for weeks pax's reflection has been constantly begging them to 'visit'#writing the interactions of these guys is a lot of fun because there is always so much sheogorath is keeping from pax. it is#extremely strategic in how it presents itself#and pax falls for it hook line and sinker. though we can't really blame them#it's hard to outsmart something that's in your head#and at this point pax is pretty much made up of their worst impulses#which sheogorath cannot and does not help with#see: this piece#“I would NEVER make you do something you don't want to do <3 if you'd like to go back to your miserable self-destructive hellscape that's#YOUR CHOICE. but wouldn't it be more fun to be regular destructive here... i made you brass knuckles... 🥺“#im obsessed with them#the elder scrolls#tesblr#tes#my writing#fay writes#oc tag#pax#oblivion#shivering isles#the shivering isles
29 notes
·
View notes