#im right and im not afraid to say it
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When will burger restaurants realise we want wide burgers not tall ones??
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i'm a little afraid to go to pride this year. many of us are, a little. sitting around our tapas and video games, the silence that hangs over the discord server. it feels different, we say.
we're privileged. the community that came before us laid the groundwork so i could be raised in a different world, and i will never forget their sacrifices and dedication. they gave us this: a pride that feels like community and celebration and joy. i remember the first few times i went to a queer event - i'd been raised so catholic. feeling safe like that, for the first time... it saved my life. i go to pride to celebrate that feeling - my people, laughing. out in the sun, the way we couldn't have been even 25 years ago. that feeling: no wonder we call it "pride."
who am i to be afraid anyway. there are parts of the world where people are doing much better work than i am. but it's just: i felt at home there, you know? and this year feels different. we are waiting on the dam to break. last year, at boston pride, there was a whole gaggle of sign-holders shouting about jesus. you walk around them and try not to let it get to you.
this year, i'm going to DC's pride with my girlfriend. google sends me concerns about if it's safe to exist in trump's america, if World Pride is a bigass target on all of us. every article uses the words "safety concerns" many, many times. three days ago i witnessed a shooting.
even straight people keep telling me - people are weird lately. sometimes we blame it on Covid and sometimes we blame it on the full moon. but i do remember a time before this, right. it's not just that people are more comfortable being rude. it's this strange, outwards violence. a comfort in being cruel.
it's a big hole to fall down anyway. it's not like they're going to do anything to make pride safe, not really. i don't want a police presence as the solution. and what if this is just fearmongering! what if this is just to get us to stop attending our own events! what if everything is actually fine, and i'm just freaked out by the stated intentions of our president!
and what if i'm just listening to things that are being said. what if i'm weighing the shape and size of this america accurately.
my mother calls me. she's been getting the articles too. i assure her i'll be careful, but i put the phone down and stare at it. i'm going to go to pride. other people made it safe for me, it is my duty and my honor to show up for my community. the only thing we've ever had was each other. it was always an act of bravery. being ourselves is brave.
but i am afraid. i lay out my outfit and i kiss my girlfriend. i cut my nails and clean up my undercut. i hold her hand and hang the sunset flag. the sound of this america feels different. like a volcano trembling. i will love her and i will love being queer and i will sing over the noise of it.
but ... still. in the back of my mind. that feeling, like something terrible has been shifted. like somewhere in the night - they remembered we're different.
#spilled ink#warm up#please do not be weird on this#i hate when i express a real fear/etc that is normal to have -- like being scared of violence in trump's america#and ppl immediately are like ''isn't it nice ur afraid this year but u haven't been previously??? imagine being afraid every year''#not the point of this post and also not true just not included in the body of the work. u do not know me personally.#''ur lucky u have a pride'' yes i know this & am aware of it. can still be afraid of violence.#''well i think [misunderstanding of the post]''#this is about feeling the genuine shift politically that has occurred in trumps america wherein extremist ideas are more accepted.#'' WELLLLLLL'' . it's a tumblr post. go to bed.#<- poet who has made the mistake of being honest about her feelings 1 too many times#i just write about stuff i think other people can relate to. and i think i've felt this very loudly#and if u dont relate okay! it wasn't written for u then. it was written to comfort someone else.#anyway. i love u all happy pride. genuinely.#come say hi if u see me#feel free to dm me if ur also at pride i'll tell u what im wearing we can hunt each other down for sport#((just realizing right now in the tags that the shooting probably traumatized me lol))
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If you couldn't tell by my posting over the last few weeks, i think ben is neat. Hes kinda like a living emoji
#gave up on the ben+locke drawing but still wanted to share it because i did spend like 6 hours and strangled my dino plushies for it#dino casualties for pose refrences im afraid#right before sayid sniped baby ben i did think he was going to teach him how to fight💔#he brought you a hammy sammy you should teach him warcrime#lost 2004#i say lost fanart but its been soley ben#my art#ben linus#benjamin linus#lost#finding emerson's self poraits was so cool.. he really gets his own vibe best. crazy that he was a pro illustrator
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My favorite show to watch on the treadmill at the gym is Naked and Afraid, but I have to admit the title is a misnomer. Like some people immediately fashion some clothes and most of the time they aren’t even afraid they’re like trained survivalists… what the hell…
#if it’s not on I usually put on HGTV but if it’s a show I don’t like I put on food network#anyways this is me saying if discovery really wants some naked and afraid content im literally right here#I’d be so afraid to walk around a forest barefoot and like what if a mosquito bites my peanuts so scary#gpoy
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the only omega ever to look as glowing and gorgeous even when in total misery..
#just the sheen of sweat and slick hitting him in all the right angles#how many times can we all say he is glowing !!! pregnancy glow !!!!! he’s pregnant with the pole position !!!!#the only thing he’s pregnant with im afraid atp is chaby but who’s complaining. not me#everybody offer your sympathies for omegalerc in this time he’s struggling. depressed. and now in preheat after witnessing Max’s quali#and they can’t even get up to any crazy sex bc it’s racetime tomorrow!! charles has to be able to sit in his car without being sore
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*gently takes your hands* i need you to accept that white women are just as capable of being radicalized to the far right as white men are on the grounds of being white. white women do not have some mythical higher threshold of community alienation than white men before they fall prey to reactionary thinking.
i desperately need you to understand that women and men live in the same society and have brains that work the same, and white women will fall back on the pillars of white supremacy just as easily as white men do, and that includes the patriarchal elements of white supremacy
#emo poetry#yes reactionary political groups prey on people with real fears and problems (often the working class and often as a result of capitalism)#but the other half of that is that there's a sense of entitlement.#'im the right sort im a christian i work for what i have' and a myriad of other covert ways to say 'but im white'#'shouldn't i not have to be afraid? shouldn't i not have to worry?'
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🦋🩸 love in motion seems to save me now.
commissioned this beautiful art piece of astarion/shri’iia from pan.szczvr from instagram. please check them out! they’re such an incredible artist and im absolutely in love with this piece 😭❤️🥺
#tav x astarion#tavstarion#astarion ancunin#drow tav#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#hag romance.#CRYING IN MY HANDSSWS are you seeing this beauty 😭#the motifs on the side. their pose. the light!!!! what if I jumped. what if I jumped right now.#this is such a good culmination of the oathbreaker/spawn route OUGH#and the quote ^ that is a line for thank you song by fka twigs which is theeeee oathbreaker shri’iia act 3 romance song btw#esp the start going like [I wanted to die just being honest. no longer afraid of say it out loud] <- how quite literally she would’ve ended#it all after her oath broke and she didn’t find a new purpose#but the ^ oathbreaker/spawn route helped her find herself too….n to discovered how she wants to be loved sobs#and the [thank you thank you im okay. because you cared I made it through today]#what if i JUMPPEEEEDDDDDD#but anyway DO check them out. they’re such an incredible artist and im so honoured this piece is part of the hag romance gallery
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starbee comic,,, if u get the reference then u understand a pivotal part of how i see their dynamic



Bee x scream is like if that one rlly bubbly & makes herself seem ditzy and cute girl to everyone to have friends who'll dump her the moment they get a bf & she's probably on the spectrum but no one notices or cares to delve deeper into her bcs she's so 'cute' & smiles & masks to be liked ( bcs she doesnt want anyone to delve deeper into her personality & realize shes actually Not perfect miss lil daddys girl purity ring ) was forced to be stuck with The Bitchtm intimidating weird girl who's also undiagnosed but everyone knows there's Something with her & treated her differently in a way they Think is discreet but She Knows & no matter how hard she tries, everyone's gonna have this Undertone with her so she's just given up on trying to seem pleasant to everyone but still desperately wants to be loved & has a slight clue as to why ppl keep hating her even when she tries for them not to for once but still can't get an answer bcs her life sucks and diagnosis is expensive and she has no time and she's - omg why is this bitch (bee) making her notes all cute with big colorful fonts & organized by alphabetical shade marker collection haha she's so weird (<- is Also weird bcs hes starscream). im gonna ask to borrow one of her favorite markers (the baby blue one) and dry it out while she stares at me with big wet eyes trying to find a polite way to put 'im gonna kill you' in a sentence
#bee instantly introduces himself to a new person bcs hes thrilled at the idea of molding his own perfect image in#a clueless person's mind and purposefully hangs out with ppl who are worse off than him so he can focus#on helping their problems rather than focusing on his own & also it helps him feel like a Good Mech#bcs hes just SO NICE. RIGHT ?#meanwhile star instantly introduces himself as a powerful bitch rather than a helping hand#so ppl know to back tf off and respect order and if they dont respect order than at least theyll try not to hang around#but he also hangs around worse ppl to feel better abt himself except it's not a secret but what Is secret is how he#wishes he didnt always have to scare off nice ppl bcs hes sxared of breaking their sparks bcs it'll inevitably happen bcs hes Starscream#idk tho maybe im insane#bag u a bitch that say yepperooni#bumblebee#starscream#im like insane abt these two but like in an insane not quirky im so different way but like the wtf made u think that#way that i cant explain normally bcs im not normal abt them#starbee#transformers#maccadam#transformers idw#tf idw#need moots that love starbee like im not used to being in big fandoms.. im used to tightknit lil followers who all reblog the same 5 posts#bcs theyre all insane abt it & wanna have a conversation like i love funny tags over 100+ likes any day#pls dont be afraid to yap in tags comments or asks like i love yapp look at me I LOOOVEEE YAPPPP
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A very fed up concorde for your eyeballs
#finally able to sit and draw something postable! yippe!!#ive been putting off drawing bolt because i wasnt sure id be able to get him quite right#but i think this turned out pretty good for a first time phone doodle#if you know the reference pose for this and say it in the notes i will give you a gold cube star btw#funny silverbolt reaction yay lets see uhhhh#silverbolt when slingshot is being a total ass#silverbolt when fireflight gets distracted during flight practice and almost crashes into someone#silverbolt when air raid preforms some outrageous and dangerous stunt for fun#silverbolt when skydive wants to read about battle tactics instead of actually doing them#silverbolt when he’s afraid of heights even though he is literally a jet#silverbolt when superion tunnel visions on his current objective and completely ignores him#am I understanding the planes guys right? is this them??#*insert ogre crying over not understanding ulysses enough meme*#im trying! making an effort even! Waving my arms above my head!!#i figure i should at least try to understand what theyre like in canon media before i begin my horrid remixification of them you know?#also i think for my fan designs all of them will have blue mouth insides#because matching is fun and cool and looks neat#maybe the reason is they all drank kool aid once and now their mouths are stained blue foreveeeerrr#ok thats enough rambling for now uhh#this gets main tags because the aerialbot fans need as much sustenance as they can get#silverbolt#aerialbots#maccadam#ok thats all for now see you next post bye bye#art tag that is super easy and convenient to type out
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y can’t u guys just keep the characters cis this trans stuff is rlly annoying to me as a cis idk the appeal its not even canon
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#ok lol#little shop of horrors#confession#trans lsoh#hater tag of shame#the lsohc transphobe saga#so excited to see what the little shop of horrors tumblr community has to say about this post right here#i was gonna post 'whatever. go my scarab' but im afraid of bugs and the gif freaked me out
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#guys :)#is but I am cheerleader a niche reference for halloween? I don't think so personally but my gf says that no-one is gone recognize me again#and im afraid she may be right. anyways#these are my newst tattoo flashes
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More cishet observations from the past month at work:
- They really fucking buzz off of the TERF wizard book series
- Their favourite place on Earth is Florida (why???)
- If you tell them you're an artist, they will ask you if you've ever "tried out AI"
- They will joke about OCD a lot
- They absolutely hate their bodies and will take any opportunity to talk about food in a toxic way (bonus points if they compare their body/food to yours)
- They hate their spouses and think that this is funny
- They. Do not. Have interests. (Besides the TERF wizard book series)
- They don't watch movies or TV??
- If they have kids, the way they talk about them makes it sound like it was genuinely the worst decision they ever made
- If they don't have kids, they will still fucking talk about having them
- They don't like cats??
In other weird news, I'm gendered correctly at work and I pass to the point that cishets actually talk to me like I'm a cishet guy.
#once again afraid to post bc i feel like im being too mean#but also i have some serious cishet exhaustion and need to complain#i hate them idc#im going out with friends tonight and im tired af but also cant wait to be around fags#i feel like theres this misconception that a lot of young people nowadays are queer because its 'cooler'#but like. i am the way i am obviously. my queerness doesnt make me cool at all#but i find that cishets tend to be a lot less creative and close with people outside of their blood families#which makes perfect sense to me as a tranny who loves his friends more than family idk#so i get a lot of cishet exhaustion. even just cis exhaustion tbh#im not a cool and quirky kind of trans person by any means but sometimes -#- sometimes you just want to hang out with a bunch of transfags#like we can literally just be sitting around on our phones and its great#but cishets? they make ever fucking second a struggle sometimes#cant explain it beyond the feeling that im interacting with people who are entirely -#- fundamentally different from me in almost every way#i feel like its also important for me to say that i often feel isolated in trans circles too lol#like theres this kind of normative/young way of being trans right now and im not it son.#but thats a me problem
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random q but i love your plasma hcs sm and i was wondering-if the show was a little more insane-which season do you think plasma would’ve finally gotten together?? and how would it have gone down bc i need to hear your thoughts
okay im sorry its been TIMEEEEE since i watched the show. i wish i could quickly rewatch before answering this anon but alas. we ball. ignore me if i pull something out my ass
i think I’m gonna have to go w hunted. Coz duh. they’re stuck in a faraway realm all alone and cole is too busy being a single dad to baby wu to gaf about them. they’re both losing their minds in different ways. insanity drives them into each others arms. that’s true love
And do i even have to mention kai, baby……
#majorly biased to this season just coz of kai baby#just insane#honestly it could be any season coz kai is so deeply and disturbingly obsessed with jay#like the man says his name every five minutes#and Btw jay is the only one he’s ever allowed to call him baby i don’t make the rules#plasma is canon in spirit if not in script#im right and lego r afraid of me#plasmashipping#ninjago
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thinking about a thread i was shared that described mikoto having 'john' disappeared as a sort of lobotomy. i actually think that may be really apt

#i need to rewatch jackalopes introduction to t3 mikoto because i havent since it dropped#something about having a vital part of you removed so you are more acceptable to society and make them less afraid#im not wording quite right cuz im still a little tired (12hr sleep) but im pondering#kostik speaks#god the psychiatric abuse themes are strong in this one#hngh.. theres so much to explore in both the social and psychological impact of 'john's vanishing...#ive typically focused on the impact on mikoto re: his dissociative barriers but actually theres a lot to say about his forced 'normalising'#from a sociocultural standpoint
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said goodbye to him feeling weird!
#hes abt to go skiing w his friend im abt to go back to the uk to an ordinary life#he is perfect and I've felt appreciated none of the time and i think it's not his fault idk#not how racemic compounds work not how amphetamines work not how people work#french suits his mouth but german does a bit more i think . climbed to a very beautiful place#asked him to be my boyfriend then almost took it back yesterday. chemistry is not his strong suit#he carries things for me he catwalks he gives me his jumper when im cold he's good at kissing#he got me a beautiful necklace on a riverside in amsterdam he lights my cigarette with his#he holds my hand and his only complaint about me putting lipstick on his lips is that it wasn't evenly spread#his eyelashes are long and he's sharp and scarily productive and very good at navigation#always on time always the right place . i make a comment about being a beautiful collective and he says yes but it's odd that we havent#received the social benefits of it. what you mean? well when im alone or with friends people just...give me things. flowers baked goods#compliments a pack of cigarettes he says. he asks me if I've ever had to pay for a pack. i felt genuinely SO UGLY like am i. downgrading u?#ppl see me next to you and..what you get negative attractive points? gosh.#unfortunately shutting the fuck up is not my strong suit so i never let that go. he says nooo it's just you are So Gorgeous that you scare#people away. OK!!! he knows he's pretty and he uses this to his full advantage#you're cool and you're friends with all the club bouncers and you take such good care of me and you know#the state secrets and we can scheme murders together and i love that you love your friends#but when i joked we wont get to see each other in months and you said 'so?' that rly did smth very upsetting!!!!#twisting and backtracking is his strong suit but unfortunately seeing it happen is mine#and sometimes it's endearing and sometimes i want to kill him about it. he would be a very good diplomat#who the fuck stumbles gracefully on cliffs? anyway his voice is gentle and he says i don't want you upset#he holds my hands he says lets talk about it please i want you to know i appreciate you#he says all the correct things i believe 0 things out of his mouth and he can tell#i am snappy and terrible and calm. i tell him he's sweet and i want more i want to be missed#SHUTTING THE FUCK UP IS NOT MY STRONG SUIT! would you be ok being just friends? eventually.#and the next day ive decided what to do with you. what is that? you can still be my boyfriend. he says thank you.#walking is our strong suit so we go everywhere. i tell him about my best friend his head looks great thrown backwards#im afraid this is too good for me and I'm also afraid it's not enough. not asking questions is not my strong suit.
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in the last ten episodes of tma. i am so well, i am so normal about these characters. the cast interview retrospective did not gut me and send me into grieving regarding all the characters we’ve lost along the way nope nope nope
#mike saying his character should come back because it’s FUCKING TIM#yeah you’re right king#their voices are all so delicious need to instantly relisten to this show#im basically waiting until i won’t be afraid of spoiling myself and going crazy writing fics#sumei listens#the magnus archives#tma podcast#tma season 5
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