#improving relationships

[counselorssoapbox]

Politeness in close, romantic relationships.

Politeness in close, romantic relationships.

By David Joel Miller.

Is politeness in short supply? Polite. Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

You don’t have to look far to notice a decline in politeness. Rude behavior seems to be the order of the day. We might be able to blame this decline in politeness on the media. Reality TV, politicians, and talk shows set an extremely poor example. It would be easier to forgive these public displays of…

[escape-rock-bottom]

Hey There (Discomfort Challenge)

One day, a harsh reality hit me like a crowbar slamming me square in the face: I don't have many friends. I literally only had three very close ones, and two of them were high school friends I haven't spoken to for years. As you know, humans are social creatures and rarely is someone truly content with little to no social interaction and friends.

I personally fall into the category of people who are highly social but prefer a handful of really good friends over a large amount of acquaintances. I'm also in the category of socially anxious shy dudes who are secretly extroverts and love a good conversation. I just find it insanely hard to approach people for a variety of reasons I discussed in more detail in a previous blog. To summarize, I overthink things regarding socializing.

Apparently, the answer is painfully straightforward: People tend to ignore you unless you approach them. It seems like 90% of your relationships exist because you approached first, and 10% are from them approaching you.

Also, people generally keep to themselves and assume that others do the same. In my case, my resistance to making eye contact and approaching people makes it seem a whole lot like I'm not interested in chatting regardless of my actual intentions and desires.

People can't read minds, but they're great at reading body language. The difference between me and most other people is that my body language rarely betrays my intentions, emotions, or thoughts. That in itself creates complications with communication.

In order to take the guesswork and misinterpretation out of social interactions, I have to verbally express my intentions. If I want to talk, I need to make it clear with a greeting. If I want to be left alone, I'd need to ask for space. In reverse, I'd need to ask the other person what they need and learn to understand general social cues.

Yeah I can argue its unfair that I have to put in so much work into socializing but I have to be honest with myself: Who doesn't? Most people struggle with relationships in a variety of different ways.

Alright, I know my problems, but what good is that without a potential solution to them? How do I extinguish my anxiety regarding approaching people without freaking myself out? I came up with one idea after trying a previous method and realizing that was a little too scary at that time:

Just say hi to people I am familiar with.

That's a full on entry level baby step to conquering my fear right there. About two weeks ago I set out to greet people with a short and simple "hi". As of writing this post, I have still been doing so. It's getting a bit easier, but I still struggle with it. However, I've met quite a few cool people and was able to have more conversations than before.

It's nice to feel like I'm connecting to people where before I just sat there being pathetically lonely even though people were reaching out and engaging with me. It's even nicer to know that most of my relationships grew distant because of my lack of reaching out to them. Yes, I previously lacked that awareness and I will admit it's knowledge I only recognized after 24 years of my life.

Once again, with most types of anxiety, the way to deal with and overcome it is to take small steps to face it. Ignoring it or shifting blame to some other circumstance doesn't help you conquer that anxiety. Since I know my anxieties mainly surround social interactions, I set discomfort challenges to put me in a position to face my fears, but I know plenty of people who suffer the same or similar anxieties in their life.

Of course, it's up to you to test methods and choose the best fit. What will work for me may not for you, but the concepts themselves are universal: To overcome fear of socializing and building relationships, you need to practice putting yourself out there.

[adlhomestudy]

5 Steps For Greater Empathy

Empathy involves the ability to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference. In other words, you are not considering their viewpoints from your own perspective, but seeing a situation from that person’s position.

The establishment and maintenance of empathy is an important ingredient in having good rapport with another person, helping others, and understanding how people think the ways that they do. Here are some tips for using empathy helpfully: Place aside your own point of view; see situations from the other person's perspective 

In doing this, it soon becomes clear that people are usually not being hateful, unreasonable, mean-spirited or plain wrong.  They are probably just reacting to the situation with the experiences they have, just as you do. Respond to the other person's point of view 

Once you can see why the other person believes what they do, then you can acknowledge this. You do not need to agree with what has been said. Just accept that people have different opinions from your own, and that they may have understandable reasons for their views. Actively listen 

Pay attention to the entire message that the other person is trying to communicate. 

Consider carefully what is being said and the tone of expression. 

Be aware of non verbal communication – what the person is indicating non-verbally while speaking. 

Feelings expressed 

Show that you are concentrating well by attending to your own body language, showing that you are fully present in this exchange. Facing the person, with a gentle lean forward, occasional nods or minimal responses, and the maintenance of soft eye contact sends important messages.  

Explore your own views. 

Ask yourself  if you are more motivated to win, get your own way, or be right. In contrast, you may want to find a solution, build relationships, and accept others’ attitudes. Empathy requires an open mind. Enable the examination of options 

When you have shown that you have truly listened to the person, you may ask them to consider what options lie ahead.  It is important that the person takes ownership of the decisions made. This is empowering and promotes self-reliance. Passively taking your advice would be dis-empowering and reinforce inadequacy. Practicing these skills on a daily basis brings huge benefits. Surprisingly, we often do not  actively listen to our family and friends. This is often because we are busy doing lots of things at once rather than communicating in a focused way. It is great skill to be open to see the world from perspectives other than your own and this skill can be used habitually for its best effects. When you validate and show appreciation of others’ viewpoints, they will probably want to understand you and this is how you can start to build cooperation and mutual understanding. The development of empathy is one of the skills useful for people in helping roles. The Academy for Distances Learning provides a number of courses associated with Counselling Skills and Psychology.

[opusthresholdalertsh]

The Importance Of Fuel Distribution Software

Without a doubt, wedded as regards the most highly competitive industries fashionable the barrels today is the petroleum and feed distribution business. If your circus troupe is a fencer vying for customers ingress this market subgroup, you know better than anyone the unique problems and opportunities faced by petroleum companies. In measure in transit to polish off success and domicile in competition within this enterprise, finding the satisfactorily petroleum software is crucial. <\p>

Fortunately, software developers long ago rooted the challenges faced all through companies armed in complicated business transactions day in and day out, such as those in the petroleum industry. In the 1980s, software companies began to address those concerns by creating software modules which were, at first, designed specifically to address accounting functions. Often time-consuming, tedious and prone to human error, accounting software seemed to be a restrained starting sandspit for developers. Next, in the 1990s, as computer specialty advanced and doings use inclined from personal computers to larger-scale computer systems, developers focused their efforts after which software that would consolidate internal and external conduct of information throughout entire companies. Referred to as ERP (enterprise resource planning) software, these technologically advanced products were meditated to streamline and automate internal processes of even the most hard to understand company, casting vote matter how largehearted or small the business was or how many wandering locations it occupied to the hilt the world.<\p>

On the spot, ERP rock oil software is capable of automating and synchronizing absolutely every frequentative as to a business: from undergird and accounting to manufacturing and distribution of a product to tellurian power in transit to sales and man service and affluence and so. A few of the capabilities of ERP software shut up:<\p>

Accurately finagling taxes Forecasting customers EUR(TM) delivery needs Generating general ledger spreadsheets and reports Appreciation accounts receivable payment records Streamlining accounts payable processes, including vendor accounts and keeping track as respects latest payable, adjustments, credit memos, etc. Keeping track of untenanted leader versus ensure that your company keeps pace partnered with customer needs Tracking customer purchases and producing a complete purchasing history for aside customer Through-and-through automating creation purchasing processes Improving relationships with customers and vendors passing through enabling consistent communication across all departments within the consort with and facilitating pluralistic pragmatic follow ennoble with outside entities. Keeping sky an oar with the competition EUR" and surpassing them clout whatever complexion radical EUR" is demand for for any dramatis personae in a business as competitive as the petroleum industry. Automating and streamlining the complex day-to-day duties and responsibilities tasks, creating a more cohesive internal operation and improving relationships with customers and vendors are valid a seldom advantages in connection with ERP petroleum software. Ensuring that your onus runs as smoothly and efficiently as possible is what somewhere leads into greater profitability and longevity in this fast-paced, competitive industry.<\p>

[michelhmft]

You Only Care Because I Pay You – Part 1

I have encountered instances in session when a client, finding it insupportable to take in affection or care without assigning an agenda in order to explain it, reverts to some form of “the only reason you care or put up with me is because I am paying you.”  My answer to that has evolved throughout time, and so has my thinking.

    While there is no one “correct” answer to a client’s inquiry in this vain and the ultimate response should come only after passing it through a filter of appropriateness and the expectation of results, I learned the following answer from several wise supervisors - “You are paying me for my experience my training and my time – my caring and love are free.” That sure is powerful – and true.  It invalidates a sense of quantifying a therapist’s affection as an exchange of love for currency and raises it to a level beyond monetary value, but it also gently pushes aside the real premise of the question; “Do you love me?” or “Am I loveable?”

In time my answer has morphed into something akin to - “my affection and desire to care for you have always been there, you pay me so that I can make a living while I help you realize you are worthy of that love.” This version takes me, the therapist, into account, in that it shows that I get to make a living at this profession and in a more reciprocal manner my being able to do so allows me the privilege to show up for my clients.  The big difference in this answer is that while it is important to minimize our agenda as therapists in the room, showing up as a human being and displaying the reciprocal nature of the relationship allows the client to actually be IN relationship with us more completely.  I do not obfuscated my need to make a living – on the contrary, I have layed it out for both of us to explore.  Likewise I have also stated their worthiness of love and that my getting paid is neither mutually exclusive nor mutually inclusive of them receiving that love, (quid pro quo), but rather a stand-alone fact.  It is a quid et quo – you pay me and you are also loved.

I explore the subject further in Part 2

    Michel Horvat is a psychotherapist with a private practice in Los Angeles 

[gailgoodwinnow]

The Number #1 Way to Improve Your Relationships (and Secure the Improvements)

There is one way to improve your relationships.  I’m not going to promise that it will be easy, or that it will be fast, but the benefits will out weigh the risks. It all starts with me, and not them. I’ve found that if I’m game enough to examine my fears, and dig down far enough to unearth my deepest intentions, and if I can trust myself to learn from these things, then it leads to greater…

[aquaticmansystem]

okay so first, we’re paranoid, won’t tell you the specific diagnosis but it can be very very bad. and this goes into relationship we have with people right, and the love of my life is highly effected by this sometimes, we’re trying to get better but here’s the issue. I don’t want to slowly change from a clingy always checking up on them boyfriend to not that, cause I don’t want them to think I don’t love them anymore cause this is the opposite of true. I would burn the world for them and allat gay shit. what do I do? I want to change so i’m not as much as a burden on them, because I understand how stressful it must be do have to deal with all my shit all the time and that’s why I want to get better, but I don’t want to make them worry by not checking on them all the time. ang ideas?

[hopeandfreedomhomecarellc]

Looking after a loved one with dementia poses several challenges. Individuals with dementia from conditions like Alzheimer’s disease have a progressive brain disorder that makes it increasingly difficult to communicate their needs.

[escape-rock-bottom]

Ending the Blame Game.

If there’s one thing I can claim humans universally hate, it’s looking dumb and being at fault. Even just feeling that way is enough to set some of us off in some way. I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t resonate with this on some level. If this is just a psychologically ingrained behavior, it explains why we as humans are often resistant to taking accountability and admitting ignorance.

One of the most consistently discussed topics in the therapy and self-help worlds is the act of taking accountability. In essence, if you’re able to accept your faults and move on without taking it too personally, you can improve your relationships, confidence, and respectability.

However, it’s easier said than done. Often, the most beneficial changes are the hardest ones to incorporate into our lives in the long run. Simply put, most people would rather be in the right and know things and it’s all because of a combination of societal expectations and human psychology.

I’d argue that making the effort to hold back on closing off when you feel criticized or blamed and truly analyzing the situation instead of getting defensive or blaming yourself can help drastically improve communication and respectability. Think about it: Would you rather talk to someone who you always feel you have to watch your words around when you have a problem with something they did or someone you can actually confront and productively resolve a problem with?

Another interesting side effect of taking responsibility for your actions is that doing so often rubs off on others: You may find the people who are usually resistant to admitting fault will do so more often. You may even receive a deserved apology from otherwise stubborn individuals!

Lastly, you won’t have to add things to your emotional baggage. Admission leads to letting go. Seriously, who needs to sit there being annoyed and embarrassed at yourself that you were caught in the act of stealing sweets from the grab bowl consistently while you were supposed to be on a diet? How about not stewing in rage because a peer in your group at work outdid you and you blame yourself for not being more intelligent? That’s pretty lame to put that on yourself.

Personally, I am working on being less critical and defensive. It’s one of the traits of mine that drives me nuts honestly. There’s nothing more frustrating than someone doing something and acting like you’re the crazy one for doing it, but confronting the person by trying to get them to confess is pretty useless. Usually, they just get more agitated and then things blow out of proportion.

The opposite is when I actually am at fault but am approached in an accusatory manner. Instantly, I feel put on the spot and have the urge to defend myself. I don’t want to be judged! However, getting defensive garners the exact same result: I get agitated and things escalate. Productive communication or compromise is now out of the question, and now I’m angry and the other person is annoyed.

It’s difficult to put my pride and annoyance aside and actually face the problem with a clear mind. It’s even harder to admit fault in front of a person who loves to point out every little mistake you make. However, you take the power back. Saying “Yeah, I did do that.” usually disarms the person trying to get a rise out of you. Also, arguments never turn into full blown shouting matches when you just hold back your immediate reaction.

The trick here is a simple yet consistent exercise of awareness and reframing. Be aware of what’s being said, be aware of your emotions and thoughts, stop yourself there and rework your thinking. Putting your logical brain before your emotional brain is a hard skill to master, but a wonderful power to have. The most agreeable people possess this trait, and when faced with issues, lessons are actually learned and resolutions are made.

Honestly, the most important reason behind this claim is the impact it will have on your relationships and your self-perception. Learning when to accept fault, when to stand your ground, or when to just drop it and come back to it later not only gives you mental and emotional stability but also more agreeability. People will quickly learn that criticizing or blaming you does nothing more than get a simple “yes, I did that” or “no, that wasn’t me” and will not prime themselves for an altercation with you.

It’s amazing how far neutrally approached conversation can get a relationship. There’s less room for misunderstandings and pain, and more room to really unravel the issues that caused the confrontation in the first place. All in all, consider building this skill if you want to improve your relationships and emotional control.

And remember: more often than not, your mistakes are not a judge of your character, nor are they when another person points them out. It's annoying, yes, but it's a necessary way to communicate the need for compromise or resolve in a relationship.

[717soul]

The 7 Keys for Improving Relationships

The 7 Keys for Improving Relationships

Human life is full of moments with people. These are people we build relationships with. And relationships aren’t just confined to people who are actually related to us—we can have a relationship with anyone we interact with. And it is because of this ubiquitous nature of human relationships that we constantly strive to improve them. In fact, when we are improving our relationships with people,…

[annecohen]

Do what it takes to make it work for the long term.

[thelibertybeaconproject-blog]

TLBTV: Rebecca Sounds Reveille – Wake Up! Communication is Essential Part 2

TLBTV: Rebecca Sounds Reveille – Wake Up! Communication is Essential Part 2

Rebecca Sounds Reveille – Wake Up! Communication is Essential Part 2 – “Our Lizard Brain” With Guest Phil DeLuca

WATCH TLBTV SHOW BELOW INTRO ARTICLE

By TLB Project Media Director & Show Host: Rebecca L. Mahan

Communication comes in many forms, from the way we express ourselves verbally to the way we express ourselves non-verbally; but how exactly do we respond to it when conflict arises? Another…

[mountainleadershipfreak-blog]

(via 1 Skil To Develop That Will Improve All Areas of Your Life)

[opuskidsclubdr]

The Influentialness Of Fuel Marshaling Software

Without a doubt, sovereign in reference to the most powerfully unfriendly industries in the world today is the petroleum and fulminate distribution business. If your convoy is a contender vying for customers in this market quota, you know socialize than anyone the unique problems and opportunities faced by petroleum companies. In order on achieve success and remain competitive within this painstakingness, finding the right petroleum software is crucial. <\p>

Fortunately, software developers want ago recognized the challenges faced in keeping with companies engaged in entangled business transactions green flash intake and day out, such as those in the petroleum industry. Intake the 1980s, software companies began to address those concerns by creating software modules which were, at basic, designed specially to address accounting functions. Often time-consuming, tedious and low-lying to human error, accounting software seemed towards remain a connate starting point for developers. Later, in the 1990s, as things go computer technology advanced and trade use exhilarated from personal computers up to larger-scale computer systems, developers focused their efforts on software that would integrate internal and external the top of information throughout entire companies. Referred to as ERP (enterprise resource planning) software, these technologically old products were betrothed to diameter and automate innermost processes respecting even the most obsessive compulsion public utility, no matter how awesome or small the business was or how plurality unlike locations it wrapped in on all counts the world.<\p>

Today, ERP high-octane gas software is masterful of automating and synchronizing latently every aspect in respect to a business: from finance and minutes toward manufacturing and distribution of a product until kind resources in contemplation of sales and customer service and much more. A few in connection with the capabilities of ERP software blend:<\p>

Accurately calculating taxes Forecasting customers EUR(TM) delivery needs Generating general writing tablet spreadsheets and reports Analyzing accounts receivable payment records Streamlining accounts payable processes, subsuming duffer accounts and keeping watch of running payable, adjustments, credit memos, etc. Keeping track of available bumper crop to ensure that your company keeps pace with customer needs Tracking creature purchases and producing a complete purchasing register for apiece customer Fully automating all purchasing processes Improving relationships with customers and vendors agreeably to enabling consistent communication across all departments within the operating company and facilitating more efficient follow up with outside entities. Suppression pace with the competition EUR" and surpassing them drag whatever way possible EUR" is essential in that any company open door a balance of trade as competitive as the petroleum industry. Automating and stripping down the complex day-to-day reciprocal trade tasks, creating a ancillary cohesive reasoning operation and improving relationships let alone customers and vendors are just a lowest advantages in re ERP petroleum software. Ensuring that your business runs as evenly and well as possible is what ultimately leads to greater profitability and longevity in this fast-paced, enemy industry.<\p>

[gailgoodwinnow]

Inner Critic vs True Self

Acknowledging that your inner critic and your true self are in a relationship can be empowering. Learning to mediate the relationship between them may be a challenge, but if well managed, it can be another way to reduce self-sabotage.

Connecting with your true self is considered a worthwhile goal. Following your inner guidance is one way to reduce sabotage. Deliberately connecting to your inner critic is not too popular. You don’t need more negativity in your life, right? Slam that door shut, thank you very much. This approach might work as a short term coping mechanism but over time, what happens when you try to stop a…