#in extremely high-stress situations. I am going to explode with >:))))))))))

[deathbydarkelves]

I may have mentioned kaldorei berserking in my AU in passing before, but here's a more in-depth post about it.

Very few kaldorei (like <5% of the population), depending on genetic chance and circumstance, can enter a berserking state like their troll cousins. It manifests differently in everyone. Some are lucid in this state, some aren't; some can enter it by choice, some can't. For some it lasts only minutes or until the perceived threat has disappeared. And an unlucky few will enter it only once in their lives, leaving it when the overwhelming stress on their body takes them to the grave.

In 'proper' kaldorei society, it's taboo in all its forms. Without a troll's regeneration, it's only a liability. You are to keep your head in combat, or you will get yourself or your allies killed.

Due to its similarity to the madness experienced by the first worgen, many believe it to be a sign of Goldrinn's displeasure. Him cursing the children of those who have offended him. Expecting parents may shower his shrines with gifts as a preventative measure, especially if one of their relatives has showed signs in the past. This belief is the origin of the condition's Darnassian name: Thor'drinn, or "wolf's fury." Those with thor'drinn are called "wolf-touched", though that's also used as a derogatory by more unpleasant types for anyone prone to violent outbursts, impulsivity, or just anyone they want to insult. "Are you wolf-touched, boy?", that sort of thing.

Usually this condition is noticed in childhood -- though plenty go years without knowing, only learning this about themselves the first time their lives are truly at risk -- and every self-respecting parent is expected to take extensive measures to keep their child from ever entering that state again. This, of course, means no one with thor'drinn who was raised this way knows how to manage it when it does happen again.

Tarinne is one of those people. She's only done it a few times in her life, and never intentionally. The most recent time was when she escaped the Alliance encampment in which she'd been imprisoned for ~2 weeks during the Third War.

[angsty-omi]

pull the trigger.

CEO!Akaashi x Agent!Reader

synopsis: You were assigned to kill one of the richest businessmen in Japan, Akaashi Keiji. How? by getting close to him. By pretending to be an innocent, naive little girl. By pretending you actually enjoy his company. By pretending that you actually loved him. The plan was simple enough, and if you were successful, you’d be rich enough to retire for yourself and your future grandchildren. So, what happens when you couldn’t pull the trigger? Even worse, why didn’t he flinch?

“Agent Y/N, you’ve been assigned.” your boss notified.

It’s been so long since you had been assigned. After you accidentally blew up the evidence last mission, your boss hasn’t been to keen depending on you. This was music to your ears, so what did you do? Jumped gleefully and instinctively squeezed your boss. You realized what you were doing and how unprofessional it was, so you slowly latched off of her. Your boss just coughed awkwardly before she began, “This assignment is a big one, meaning there must be no flaws to this plan. One mistake and you’re done for, literally.” ending with a slit-throat gesture. You were confident in your skills, and aside from that one mission, everyone depended on you. No wonder why your boss came to you for this. You glad-fully shook her hand, in which expressed your disparity for a new high.

To start, you had to change your look a bit. See, you researched Akaashi Keiji, from his likes and dislikes to his convictions. Every conviction he got away with money. Dirty bastard. Every single job left you guilt-less because you knew these people were corrupt and somehow reasoned that your job was ethical. First, you started with a trim. Your split ends would’ve definitely caught the eyes of the girls from his front desk. Then, you used the budget money for this mission to buy luxury items. From Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Hermes, was this really for the mission or for yourself? No one really knows. Finally, and most importantly, you had to snatch a job as his personal assistant. The organization already falsified documents for you. After today, you go by ‘Akiyama Ami.’ As you walked out of your office, your coworkers couldn’t even recognize you. One even put a gun to your head, and having to state who you are.

You smirked, “Matsuda, I am deeply saddened if this is how you treat your advisor,” whispering in his ear. 

“Senior Y-Y/N?,” he stuttered, putting his gun away immediately. You grabbed his arm and forcefully pushing it to his back, “please make sure you never make that mistake again,” you stated. 

“Y/N, leave him alone already,” a voice joked.

You knew that voice. It was your long time partner, Atsumu. From when you both were rookies, you guys worked cases together quite often. Never more than that. 

“Atsumu, this is my first case without you... aren’t you going to miss me?” you pouted. 

“Don’t give me that look, idiot. Be safe out there okay? I can’t always save your ass like from that time you exploded our only evidence.” he shook his head in disappointment.

You punched his shoulder, and he ‘over-dramatically’ ached in pain. “I’ll be fine, Atsumu. Plus our person literally looks like a prissy privileged boy, doesn’t he?” you pulled up Akaashi’s Business Insider profile. For the next ten minutes, you guys were bullying the hell out of him. Until finally, you had to go. Your cab was already ready for you, so you hugged Atsumu goodbye. Platonically, you always thought you’d get married to him. He was handsome, strong, and witty. And he knew your job situation, so you never would have to feel judgement from him. 

From the cab ride, you got to fly in a private jet. There, was your boss, two intelligent analysis, and a linguist. This was your team, and who’d you tell your intel to. The whole flight consisted of breaking down the plan, even down to what time you have to walk in the elevator. The destination was in Tokyo, where Akaashi’s main headquarters lived. 

“I’ve made an appointment for your job interview,” One of them said.

“Here’s your resume,” The other said.

As you skimmed through, you spit your drink.

“I can speak more than five languages?!” your eyes widened.

“壊れた日本語で話せます” you quoted.

“What does that mean?” your boss asked looking at you surprisingly.

“It means I can only speak broken Japanese,” you nervously scratched your head.

“It wouldn’t matter, the job application is asking for english-speakers” the linguist stated.

As the plane started to screech, due to the wheels contact with concrete, you knew it was your time to shine. You practiced all your lines during the flight, so confidence soared through your body. On sight, there was a limo waiting for you. You waved goodbye to your team, and entered the lanky vehicle. 

The condominium the organization gave you was luxurious, their budget must’ve been high-grade. Broad birched doors, huge window panels that let in a lot of natural light, and a master bedroom. Your first move was to jump on the feather-light bed. Your feet sunk deep into the mattress every hop. Leaving you tired, you went straight to sleep. 

Today was your job interview. Even though everything was fake, you couldn’t help but feel nervous. If you didn’t go down the agency path, is this what you would’ve felt as a normal person? While the coffee was brewing, you decided to look at your grand closet, not knowing what to wear. There was already an outfit set out for you. With it, there was a note:

Good luck! ;) -Atsumu

As you read it, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. The outfit he picked wasn’t even that bad. It was an emerald green two-piece, with a pale blouse underneath. 

“Not so bad,” you thought, while looking at yourself in the mirror. 

There, stood the building where the infamous person lived worked. Heels tapping the black marble, you stood in front of the front desk. The girls that worked there looked roughly young, around their early 20s. As they stared at you up and down, you could feel their judgement. 

“Welcome to Fukurodani Headquarters, how may we help you?” One girl asked.

“Hi, I’m Akiyama Ami, I’m actually applying for the personal assistant job. Where could I meet my interviewer?” You warmly asked.

The girls bursted into laughter. What was so funny? Did you miss out on the joke?

“Excuse us, its just... that’s one way to call Akaashi Keiji,” 

“Akaashi Keiji... is the interviewer? That’s even more stressful than a random person. It does make sense though, as a personal assistant there should be a close relationship,” you sighed.

“Close relationship? Please, you’ll be lucky if you can even give him coffee. Get in line.” The front desk scoffed in agreement with each other. 

“That’s enough,” a voice commanded.

“Are you Akiyama Aki? I’m ready for you.” 

Your face went pale. As you slowly turned around, there he was. The man himself, Akaashi Keiji. As an agent, you’ve went through strenuous training, so from the outside you looked relaxed as ever, but on the inside the butterflies in your stomach started awakening. He was a very attractive man after all.

“You must be Mr. Akaashi, let’s begin!” you enthusiastically smiled, while following him into his office. 

“So Akiyama, tell me about yourself?” Akaashi read off a list.

“Well I was born in the states, but my parents are foreign. They enforced me to take a lot of language classes, hence why I know quite a lot.” You were dying inside. It was a half-true statement though, you were from the states and your parents are foreign.

“It says you speak French, Aimez-vous boire l'eau des toilettes?” He smirked. 

You had no idea what he just said. The silence was deafening, so you just laughed it off. You’ve been told your laugh is very contagious, so you used that to your benefit. Your laughter increased, his did too. 

After you both calmed down, he continued with his next question, “Out of all of the candidates, why should I hire you?”

“Well I guess my stats match up with everyone else, but what’s not on the textbook is my characteristics. I am dependable, calm, and honestly easy to work with. I will do my best to help you any way I can, and keep your stress levels at ease.” You smiled with confidence. 

“Any way huh?” Akaashi whispered to himself. You acted like you didn’t hear his whisper. As an agent it was also one of your many talents to keep an ear out for anything. 

“Akiyama, congratulations! you’ve gotten the job.” Akaashi put his hand out.

“R-r-really? That was only two questions” you tilted your head to the side. You could feel his glare as a response.

“Well, thank you anyways! My parents will be pleased.” you gushed as you shook his calloused hands. Parents? Please, more like your boss. You swore you could hear a ‘cha-ching’ sound effect in your head.

Over the next couple of months, you’ve been working under Akaashi. If he was staying up til’ 2 AM at the office, so were you. Continuously brewing coffee, while also printing papers, and keeping him company. 

However, one day the routine changed. Prior to this day, your boss had just kept you up for the next order, so you were extremely tired. During the 2 AM session, your eyes slowly started to drift off, feeling the wave of drowsiness pound into your head. Akaashi walked into your office and was going to ask you for copies, until he saw you sleeping head down on your desk. At first, he was going to viciously shake you awake, but seeing your dainty face in the moonlight he couldn’t bring himself to. This was the first time he saw you vulnerable. Typically, when he would ask if you were tired, you would just shake it off with a bright smile. However, he knew. He could tell that you were pushing for him. So, he draped over his blazer around you, in hopes to insulate some warmth and went back to his office. Minutes later, you jerked yourself awake. You felt a strange piece of clothing around you, so you pinched at it while analyzing. Does it look like a weapon? No. Does it have any toxins? No. Could this harm you in any way, shape, or form? It honestly just looked like a plain blazer you thought. As you checked the shoulder pocket, there was an ID. 

“Akaashi’s jacket huh?” you said to yourself, not even noticing the smile that crept up on your face. As soon as you caught yourself, you immediately slapped your face. Oh no. Quickly, you sent a picture of the ID, so that the agency can create a replica for future secret documents and shoved it back inside. 

Knocking at the entrance to his office, he looked up at you with bagged eyes. His sleepiness radiated off of him, so you did what you promised on the first day-- relieve his stress levels. You pulled down the shutters of his clear office so no one could look in. In addition, setting up the couch to where there was a pull up bed under it.

“Miss Akiyama, if you’re trying to seduce me you could’ve just said so,” He flirtatiously grinned. You rolled your eyes in response, and grabbed him to the bed.

“I like where this is going, Ami, I didn’t think you were so bold.”

“Just shut up and get some rest, I’ll appoint some things out so your projects aren’t due.”

As he opened his mouth, you anticipated that he was for sure going to deny. However, no words came out of his mouth, instead he grabbed your wrists and pulled you onto the bed with him. 

“I’ll accept, on the conditions that you, too get some rest.”

Too tired to argue, you complied. As you both fell asleep, with his arms wrapped around you.

a/n: i was planning on making this a one shot but i feel like this might be a multiple part-er(?)

[mxchellesworld]

𝟑 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟐

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, phone sex, mutual masturbation, dirty talk

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

***

The next few weeks went by in a breeze. It was now mid December and you were excited for the holiday season. You weren’t able to go with your family this year but Abbie had promised to make the time as festive as possible in your new home. Cat had scheduled time off to spend it with you and Spencer as the both of your jobs already gave you the days free. 

They started to take you out to fancier places. You’d all dress up and sip on fine wine in restaurants. However you also had time with both of them individually. Spencer loved to take you to places where he could show off his knowledge. Dates to the museum or aquariums were your favorite. He would always talk your ear off and you would happily hang on to each word, asking him to further explain a certain topic. 

Cat was more for artistic dates. She signed you guys up for painting classes. Each one of your masterpieces were now hanging up in your apartment, greeting you every time you got home. Or a ceramics class where she wasn’t too fond of how messy clay can get. One of your favorites was a wine tasting class. Spencer had to take you guys home after one too many glasses. 

Slowly the emotional and physical bruises were disappearing. Neither of you had mentioned going back to the club. You didn’t mind though, it was probably for the best you take a break from that scene. You knew they still went, obviously being owners they needed to keep up appearances. 

Just because you weren’t playing at the club didn’t mean you weren’t having fun at home. After your stunt of trying to be in control they spent their time showing you exactly who was in charge. Shocker: not you. 

But just like their personalities had shifted your sex life had as well. Each time was filled with more of those kisses which made the butterflies in your tummy go crazy. More of your fingers interlaced and sharing each others breathes as you came down from your highs. More silent whispers of those three little words that made you all feel warm inside. 

_

You had finally been able to have that long waited brunch with Penelope. She told you to go to her favorite cafe. It was bright pink with rainbows and unicorns littering every single corner. 

You walked in and she called your name from a booth in the corner. She was excitedly waving you over. You had noticed her outfit was quite different than the one when you met her. The black corset was replaced by a knee length dress, it was pink and had colorful little shapes all over. She also donned chunky necklaces and had fluffy pins in her hair. 

“Y/n I am so happy to see you again!” she said pulling you into a hug. Her embrace was extremely comforting. It felt like when Abbie hugged you, the same sisterly protectiveness they both radiated. 

“Me too Penelope! How have you been? How was visiting your brother?” you questioned her as you sat down. 

She explained her family situation and you silently listened to her. Your hand instinctively grabbed hers from across the table, trying to bring her a gentle form of comfort and understanding. 

A waitress came by and asked what you’d like to order. You decided to get a lemon tea and a strawberry chocolate crepe. Penelope on the other hand ordered a unicorn blast frappe with a slice of chocolate cake. 

You both ate and talked about any updates in your life. You had told her about how you were mainly going to be alone for the holidays so she had invited you to her house for the annual party she threw. 

“Most people from the club go. We’re all really close and it’s fun to see each other in a different light ya know. I’m sure everyone would love to meet you,” she said taking a sip of her equally colorful drink. 

“Sounds fun. I’ll think about it and let you know alright,” you said cutting into the crepe. Of course you wanted to go but you didn’t know if Cat and Spencer wanted to have you around their friends yet. You guys haven’t had the conversation about making everything official but it was obvious you guys were a step up from the past dynamic. 

Once you guys had finished up eating she insisted on paying the bill. After a few minutes of bickering you relented and let her pay, “Fine, I’ll let you get it this one time but don’t be surprised if muffins suddenly show up at your house,” you said pointing a finger at her. 

She gave you a hug goodbye and wished you a safe drive home. You did the same and promised to keep her updated about your stance on going to her party.

_

Arriving at your house, you saw you had a missed call from Spencer. You set your stuff down and threw yourself on your bed, having your phone on speaker as it rang. 

Three rings later and you heard his voice float through the air, “Hey hey,” he said stressing the ‘y’. 

You giggled as you answered, “Hey Spence, What’s got you in a good mood?”

“I am glad you asked Y/n/n. I just finished all my grading for my classes this term and suddenly have the afternoon free,” he said excitedly. 

You were aching to see the smile you knew was on his face so you hit the button to switch the call to facetime. Like you had predicted he there was a smile on his face spread from cheek to cheek. His phone was propped up on his desk and you could see his whole face and torso. He was wearing one of his suit and sweater combos, which you thought were adorable. 

“Very nice, any big plans for the night?” you asked holding the phone up high as you laid in bed. You noticed the top buttons on the flannel you had on were popped off, showing the red lacy bra you had on underneath. Spencer’s lack of response let you know what he was looking at. 

“See something you like Sir?” you said in a teasing voice.  

He cleared his throat, his eyes shifting back to look at your face, “Of course I do. Who were you trying to impress wearing that under your clothes? Do they already know you belong to someone else?”

You decided to play along and tease him. The inner brat in you was aching to be let out so you had to have some fun. You set your phone to be propped up by your pillows as you rested on your knees in front of it. 

“Yeah and to who is that exactly? I don’t see a collar around my neck Spencie,” you said further unbuttoning the shirt, letting it hang loosely around your frame. 

You saw him look to his side, probably making sure the door to his office was closed. “Is that what you need princess? Do you need me to get you a collar like a lost little puppy to show you and everyone else who that tight little cunt belongs to,” he gritted into the phone. 

You shivered at his words. You had seen other people in the club with a choker type necklace around their necks. Many were simple with little designs while others had hoops at the front. Some people even tugged their partners around on a leash. You didn’t think you were there yet but the thought of everyone knowing who you belonged to because of a simple piece of leather around your neck was enticing. 

This time your silence let him know he had gotten to you, “Keep striping,” he said smirking into the camera. 

You pulled off the flannel and felt the hairs on your skin prick up from the chill in your room. “Keep going princess. I wanna see all of you.” 

Hopping off the bed you put your fingers in the leggings you had on and tugged them down your legs. Spencer licked his lips at the sight of the lacy set in contrast to your skin. All your best aspects were on display. You crawled up towards the phone and saw Spencer shifting with his pants. You grabbed the phone again and went back to your previous position of laying down. 

“Touch yourself for me princess,” you heard Spencer say. 

You let your hand slide down between your legs grazing over the lace material, you could feel the slowly growing wet patch. A sigh left your lips at the sensation, your fingers teasing over your clothed slit. 

“I wish you were here Sir,” you said looking into the phone. You could make out the motions of Spencer pumping his cock but the visual was under the frame, “Can I watch you?” you tried to say in your most convincing voice. Knowing about his soft spot for you, you’d get your way easily. 

He scooted his chair back a little and angled his phone giving you a full view. You moaned at the sight of his long cock dripping with precum, the way he used his thumb to collect it over the tip just how he liked it. 

“Fuck princess, I wish you were here too. I’d bend you right over the table and fuck you hard enough for everyone in this damn building to hear,�� he groaned. 

You let your fingers slip inside the fabric and gather some of your slick. You used it to rub quick circles on your clit before you inserted one of your fingers. You whined wishing it was one of his longer, fuller ones. 

Your eyes raked over the phone screen, taking in the way his head fell back as he pleasured himself. The way the long veins on his hands popped out drove you wild. 

You weren’t shy about hiding your moans. You let them float through the room and into the phone freely as you fingered yourself. Neither of you were saying much but the thought of each others presence was enough to have you guys panting. 

“I’m so close Sir,” you moaned, “I wish I had your big cock inside me.”

“That’s it baby, fuck yourself while you think of me. Just wait until I get my hands on that sweet body again, I’m gonna fuck you till you cry princess,” he said breathlessly. 

His words spurred you on and soon enough the knot in your belly was exploding. You took the fingers out from inside of you and quickly rubbed your clit. Your other hand had a hulk-like grip on your phone

“Cum with me Sir. Please,” you mewled out. 

“I’m right there with you princess.”

You both let out sighs of pleasure. His a bit more quiet due to being on campus and the walls could only do so much. You tried your hardest to keep your eyes open and gaze over everything on your phone. You tried to catch his facial expression down to the spurts of cum dripping down his hand. 

You stayed spread out on your bed as you watched Spencer clean himself up with a pack of tissues on his desk. He then tucked his now soft cock into his pants and picked up the phone looking at you with a smile. 

“Hey,” you whispered. 

“Hey pretty girl,” he said back. 

You thought back to Penelope’s invitation and decided to bring it up to him, “I was at lunch with Pen today and she brought up a party she holds for the holidays. Maybe it’s dumb but do you and Cat wanna go together? Like with me I mean,” you asked laying on your side. 

“Yeah I don’t see why not princess. We’ve been meaning to show you off to everyone at the lounge but we didn’t know if you were ready to go back,” he trailed off. 

“I understand. Thank you guys for being so patient,” you said. Your heart felt soft at how they wanted to introduce you to their friends. 

“Maybe by New Years or something we have a big event. You can even get me collar and all,” you said with a teasing giggle. 

He playfully groaned, “God you wanna kill me don’t you.” You shared a laugh and looked at your phones in silence taking in each other. The same giddy feeling you get when you’re around them flowed through you. 

_

The day of the party had came sooner than expected. Penelope was over the moon that you accepted her invitation. You showed up to Cat and Spencers apartment around 6pm to head over to Penelope’s house together. Your eyes raked over Cat’s frame as she opened the door. 

She was wearing a deep red dress that went down to her knees. It had a lace trim and black belt around her waist. Her hair was done in curls which fell to her shoulders. Looking back her face, the dark lipstick she always wears was painted across her now smirking lips. 

“Get a good look angel?” she said looking you up and down. 

You had on a forrest green dress that fell to your mid-thigh. Your hair was in looser curls and you did minimal makeup. 

“Always Mistress,” you said with a wink. 

She brought you into a hug and gave you a small squeeze. Looking into the hallway you saw Spencer make his way over to where you stood. He had on one of his dark suits. The only spec of color on him was the red and green tie around his neck and the mix matched Christmas socks peeking from under his slacks. 

Once she let you go. Spencer took his turn to wrap his arms around you. You inhaled the scent of his usual peppermint and Calvin Klein cologne. He rocked you back and forth then let go and looked you up and down. 

“Both of you look absolutely beautiful tonight,” he said with a small smile. 

“Spence come on you look as dashing as always,” you said dusting off his shoulder. 

“Well shall we get going?” Cat said shrugging on her coat.  

You and Spencer nodded then made your way down to the elevator. Cat’s fingers interlocked with yours as Spencer held his hand at the small of your back. 

The car ride there was mostly quiet. You watched as the lit up streets passed you by. Storefronts with reefs and gigantic bows on top of their logos as decoration. Soon enough the driver stopped and they led you to Penelope’s door. You could hear the music from outside and you felt excited for what the night held. 

Spencer rang the doorbell and after a minute Penelope whipped the door open. You could smell the booze and gingerbread radiating off of her. 

“Hello my little sugar cookies, I’m so glad you could make it.” she said ushering you all in. You gathered she was already too intoxicated to question how you all showed up together. Of course you spoke too soon and she turned around pointing at the three of you. 

“Wait how do you all know each other?” she questioned. 

You were about to speak up and mention that you became friends after your first time at the club but Cat cut you off. 

“Y/n is our girlfriend.”

𝐚/𝐧; 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐥!!! 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐡𝐡, 𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞.

[capricores]

🔥 MARS RETROGRADE GUIDE 🔥

— BASICS/FAQ.

what is a retrograde? a retrograde, put simply, is when a planet appears to be spinning backwards in the sky. during the times of retrograde, the energy of a planet is turned inwards. retrogrades are not usually the best time to try activating the energy of that planet. you may feel blocked, held back, or stressed around the themes relating to that planet. it will be a very internal time for that energy in your chart; wherever said planet is (as well as the planets it strongly aspects), will be pushed into introspective mode by the retrograde planet. consider the word retrograde itself; it is a time to reflect, review, reinvent, repurpose, etc. generally not the best time for starting new things, initiation, and so forth; but it is possible.

what does mars represent? a lot of people make the mistake of just associating mars with sex and lust. and although, sure, it does connect to that; it’s so much more. mars is about our motivation, it’s our energy, our pursuit of our passions and desires, drive, aggression, confrontation styles, self-expression, confidence, etc.

does it affect me differently if my natal mars is retrograde? some people believe retrograde transits affect those with natal retrograde less strongly. personally, i haven’t really noticed that entirely. i have natal saturn retrograde, and i actually usually feel ease when saturn transits retrograde; it’s like my saturn becomes “normal”. however, i have friends with natal retrograde planets who feel no ease during transit retrogrades. so again, i think it’s very dependent on your entire chart and the aspects of the planets currently. even i had quite a difficult time during the last saturn retrograde and did not feel any sort of ease. this time could be slightly easier because you’re used to having mars energy pushed internally, but at the same time, if it strongly aspects your natal mars (especially a conjunction - and even hitting your other planets), it might just makes things even more tense and amplified. but overall, i’d say you’re safe to read the same information on mars retrograde impacts as anyone else.

— GENERAL & WHAT TO EXPECT.

mars in aries does NOT do well in retrograde. i personally imagine those of you that have never felt too affected by a mars retrograde, will absolutely feel this one: and it will hit hard. i’m not saying this as a way to invoke fear: everything will be fine. but the energy of this retrograde is especially heavy, considering all the planets mars is currently harshly aspecting (saturn, pluto to name the standouts). the issue here is, mars & aries are both excited energies. they are bold, brash, reactive; they are initiators. they like to act before thinking. they are full of energy, passion and aggression. the retrograde is about (over)thinking before acting, slowing down, reflecting, turning inwards (mars energy likes to stay outward; noticed; loud), etc. the concept of retrograde opposes everything mars represents; especially when mars is in it’s ruling sign of aries; who greatly reflects mars’ energy.

mars rarely stations retrograde as well; usually every two and a half years (i believe), and it very rarely does so in aries. because most of us aren’t used to this planet stationing retrograde (unlike mercury, who likes to retrograde multiple times a year), it seems to just hit harder. i also want to specifically mention the fact this mars retrograde will be squaring saturn. mars square saturn is a very difficult aspect; i am someone that has this in my natal chart and it’s quite frustrating. saturn is about restriction and caution; mars is more fearlessness and recklessness. right now, it feels like saturn is holding mars’ energy back even more than the retrograde is. it’s not allowing the uninhibited expression of the mars energy. we may feel a lot of blockages in relation to the common themes shared by mars and saturn (especially career, work, pursuit of passion; as well as responsibility, control, power - authority figures, etc).

some general things to expect, regardless of your mars placement:

headaches: unfortunately; this is going to bring a lot of headaches, literal ones (although figurative ones as well). i think general body aches are going to be common due to the fact mars is aspecting so many planets. namely the saturn aspect will probably cause a lot of full body/bones/joint/muscle soreness, and probably a lot of toothaches and similar issues. i can even see abdomen/pelvic pain flaring because the pluto aspect. make sure you’re taking very good care of your health right now and see a doctor when you need to! (i’m not hugely into medical astrology, but i do notice these type of mars and saturn transits personally coinciding with an increase in headaches, toothaches, and overall soreness- for me and friends at least)

passive aggression, irritability, unnecessary hostility, arguments over pointless things, people who tend to bottle finally exploding, high tension

strong lack of energy, motivation, drive: lethargy and exhaustion are common (but again, be careful and see a doctor if these things are extreme)

tension in workplace environments; coworker disagreements, namely issues with management (power struggles)

feeling very blocked in terms of your goals; again especially in regards to work and your passions

you may also feel very blocked in relationships/pursuing relationships

likely an increased sex drive: i think all the tension and energy turning inwards is just pushing some people to maximum overload lol

confusion regarding passions/goals/relationships/etc: because we’re doing so much reflecting on mars themes, you may start doubting your wants/goals/interests/relationships/etc (depends on the transit house/aspects) as you’re thinking about them so much. it’s not inherently bad; reflection is a great thing! just be wary of overthinking. don’t be shocked as new things come to light and you start getting the urge to change paths, methods, etc

realization of mistreatment/acting on such: this is a BIG theme and i think we clearly see it in our world right now. since mars is/will be in harsh aspect to so many other planets representing power, control & authority (saturn & pluto) as well as jupiter who represents expansion, growth & excess; a lot of us are going to start setting boundaries. we’re going to be rethinking the times we’ve been mistreated, taken advantage of, the things we’ve let slide but shouldn’t have, and so forth. we’re especially noticing those abusing excess (jupiter) amounts of power (saturn/pluto/mars) both in our lives and in the world. this is THE time to start making and setting new boundaries; putting your foot down and denying those who don’t deserve your energy any sort of access to you! it may be a bit of a painful time if we’re reflecting on moments of abuse and similar; so take care of yourselves and please stay safe!

if you’re interested in what to expect/predictions based on what house(s) mars is transiting in your chart, as well as what to expect based on your natal planets that square/opposition/conjunct or quincunx mars; i’ll be making a post about such on patreon in a few days (i’ll add the link here when it’s up!). the patreon  post also includes questions to ask yourself based on where mars is transiting for you, to help with your retrograde reflection/healing/journaling/etc! 

if you’re familiar with astrology, just note the house mars is transiting through in your chart right now will show what area of your life is especially inward and lacking motivation. that’s where you’ll especially be needing to reflect on mars-related themes such as power, drive, expression, confidence, etc (same goes for the planets it is aspecting in your natal chart).

— ADVICE.

think hard before acting; don't jump into things without lots of consideration - much like venus retrograde be cautious of starting and ending relationships on impulse (end bad relationships tho pls!!! this is a great time for that!!! i just mean this in a way of like; if your significant other gets on your nerves once in a while and you wanna leave- think it over a few times; and also don’t jump into a relationship with someone you met yesterday)

don't start arguments/confrontations unless absolutely necessary (think: will this fight really benefit me, why am i REALLY upset right now, etc). i think it’s extremely important right now to make sure we aren’t bottling and exploding on people/in situations that don’t deserve it and weren’t the main cause of our frustration

exercise, stretch; do something physical to release energy from your body, if you can! mars is a very physical planet so any sort of movement can help a lot (just again be careful as always)

be gentle on yourself! it's okay if you need more rest during these times, don't be too hard on yourself for hitting roadblocks in goals - take this time to plan, think through what you really want, figure out how you’re gonna go for it and achieve this; then act after the rx or when you have more energy

start setting more boundaries; realize who does and doesn’t deserve to be in your life. realize that self-worth and how amazing you are!

ko-fi for tips 😊

[zombie-eats-world]

Human sub categories

Doing another because I have a problem.

Humans had their advantages, they were calm and collected in stressful situations, were great creative problem solvers, bonded with the crew to keep everyone entertained, and never left a anyone behind. Plus they were so durable.

But they also come with their . . . Disadvantages. They were loud, disruptive, had a high chance of adopting some kind of deadly creature from a category 10 death planet.

So when the captain got their very first human resume for the position of typographer, to document their journey and the discoveries they made, the captain was anxious. But the captain decided to hire the human anyway.

To prepare the captain got everyone of their crew the human manuals.

How not to kill your human

How to keep your human happy

Your first human and what to expect

The captain spared no expense! They even got a catalog of appropriate spaceship pets so the human could pick one out.

For a mouth before their human boarded the ship every crewman studied, some were excited, some were afraid. They had all heard the stories of human and wanted to be prepared.

Then the day arrived to pick up their very first human crew mate and to all of their surprise the human came equipped with it own pet already!

The human introduced herself as Ame, surprising the captain because her resume had said amethyst but they had read up about the “nicknames” humans sometimes have themselves. She then introduced her pet as ‘kita’, some of the crew tried to touch the animal as they knew humans took offense to others not thinking their pets are the ‘cutest’. But the animal made threateningly noises and tried to snap at their collective appendages.

The captain was immediately worried that they had made a bad impression with one of the most deadly creatures in the universe but Ame just laughed and said “oh I’m sorry she’s sixteen so she’s a grumpy little land shark!”

The crew was confused and terrified, everyone had heard of the ‘shark’ it was lucky that they could only get you in the ocean but to know that there was a kind that was on land! How did these creatures survive!

After that the human left to get situated in her room. They didn’t expect much the first day, maybe see the human exploring, testing her new space but no one saw her at all for the entire day.

A few of the crew become worried she had gotten sick and went to check on her. They found her tucked into the corner typing something on her portable computer system, the ‘headphones’ as they were told the device was called covered her ears so she didn’t notice them.

Everyone was confused, because this was not what they had read. They were told the human would be curious about her surrounding and would poke her nose in everything. They had been prepared for that!

The captain shrugged and figured maybe their human was the shy and would do the normal human things later.

As time went by the crew became even more concerned, their human come did her work, then headed back to her room. At meals she smiled politely with her ‘land shark’ resting in her lap and just smiled politely, only talking sometimes.

She their human defective? They began looking up rare types of humans. At first they thought that maybe they had gotten the elusive ‘mom friend’ human. But that theory was thrown out when their ship connected with another and that ships human mentioned wanting to jump unprotected into freezing waters on the planet they were exploring. Ame only responded to the dangerous announcement with three solemn words. “You do you”

So she wasn’t a ‘mom friend’

She didn’t have the big camera contraption so she wasn’t the ‘wildlife photographer’ and she was only interested in her own pet so she wasn’t the ‘zookeeper’

Time wore on and a few of the crew found that particular subjects got their normally quiet human to explode with energy and excitement, waving her hands around as she talked about something called ‘anime’ and ‘The One Piece’. She normally quieted down quickly but it was a shock each time.

One day a crew member that had gotten rather close to the human finally just asked the burning question in all their minds.

“What do you do in your room all alone?”

The human looked up, startled by the question but they were all holding their breath. They had been told humans needed contact, that humans craved conversation, and touch but their human seemed completly fine without the extreme amounts of it all they had been told they’d have to give!

“I’m writing,” she answered before going back to her food.

“What are you writing?” The human-Ame then came alive with excitement babbling on for thirty minutes about some story she had made up in her head.

She went on and on before a sheepish smile overcame her face.

“Sorry I never come out, I like writing more than talking I guess and it takes a lot of hours to write a book.”

The crew was wide eyed and the captain excused himself to send a message to the council that they needed to add a category ‘writer’ to the human caretaking manuals.

[captainjimothycarter]

Director Carter, Badass peggy being in charge of everyone and everyone being scared/intimidated by her, especially the newbies, including but not limited to coulson, hill, may, etc

Oh my God Y E S. So I’m sorry I just kept rambling on. You can figure out the timeline, because I can’t, lmao.

--

Director Peggy Carter knew she was a hard woman, knew she was intimidated by extreme means and that’s how she wanted it to be. She’s lived her life, a woman in this career where she’s frowned down at for being a woman while working in the military. Where doors have been shut in her face, where she’s been talked down to, looked over for promotions despite she’s the best choice for the matter next to another Agent, bluntly ignored, or even had her sex used against her.

Peggy Carter was a hard woman because life her that way, because she knew the life of an agent because she knew that the world would not be easy on an agent because he was new. There were crazy things out there and she had the feeling they were just barely scratching the surface – starting with Schmidt and Steve and there was no end in sight.

Her age was not something these agents would use against her either – they knew better. She was harder and stronger because of all she’s done in her age. Sneaking behind her officer’s back as Captain America’s liaison, ignoring bluntly given orders? It was the first of many things she’s done quite illegal that should have her still sitting in jail if she did her math right. Her only saving grace was her quick wit and skills – and of course a few close friends in good places.

Howard Stark and Chester Phillips had pulled her ass out of the fire more times than she could count and Peggy was grateful for them. Phillips knew her worth better than anyone but also knew how to play the game. He knew how the world worked and fought back against it in his own means. What may seem like him yelling at Peggy for disobeying an order was his way of giving her what she needs. It wasn’t like he could stop her anyway – a lesson he learned quite well during the war and after.

Phillips had appointed her Director of Shield when he was ready to retire, claiming he was tired, and Peggy knew it was his age getting up to him. He’d left her in the perfect position with people they trusted to continue the work that he’d started and left his own files and notes for her, so she wasn’t alone. His death had hit her hard and reminded Peggy no one was immune to death – not that she needed a reminder. It just reminded her all the same of what was at stake here and how she had to do her job, no matter what these agents thought.

--

The knock on the door caused the Director to raise her head, glancing down at her withered watch to read it was nearing midnight. She hadn’t been aware of the time or the fact she was burning the midnight oil – no wonder she was exhausted. Her eyes were burning and she had to sigh and rub at her face.

“Come in,” she croaked, standing up to pour herself a glass of water. She wasn’t surprised when the door opened to see their new agent enter – a young Phillip Coulson. “Ah. You’re finally back. I was wondering when you would be coming in. Are you hurt?”

Her eyes scanned over his body, taking note of the gauze peeking from his collarbone and the burned ends of his dress shirt.

“A little,” Phil admitted with a slight shrug. “No more than normal. I wasn’t sure if you were in but I wanted to drop off the mission report before I left. The mission was a success – we retrieved the 084 and it’s currently being investigated by Stark and his men.”

Poise. Proper. This man would make a fine agent, Peggy was sure once she’s whipped him into shape. She can’t think she’s had any problem with him actually. While it wasn’t her job to train agents, Peggy liked to give a personal hand unless something called her away. She wanted her agents to be aware from day one when she recruited them that she was their direct boss, that she not only signed their paycheck but was the reason they were here. She handpicked every single one of them.

“That’s great.” She tossed the file on the desk, intending to take it home and read it while in the bath. She deserved that at least. “You may leave. We’ll resume training tomorrow. Be sure your friends are on time this time. I don’t feel like waiting.”

--

“What was that?” Peggy asked, her tone sharp as she rounded on Hill. “Agent Hill, I believe I asked you a question. What. Was. That.”

The woman’s head snapped up, a strand of her hair escaping the high bun and sticking to her sweaty forehead. She looked on the edge and devilish, unable to focus. Good, that’s how Peggy wanted them. It was beyond boiling in this room, the thermostat read nearing 90 degrees in a small room. She wanted nothing more than to strip down to her slip but the Director hadn’t even removed her scarf.

The sand beneath them blew across their face, feeling like sand hitting her and making her skin raw. No doubt a cold shower was in their future. If they got out of this room. They stood in a room simulated to be a desert, the humidity quickly rising by the hour, making their throats ache for a drop of water. The weather was designed to put them on edge, to stress any agent out. They were to think and act. A few agents were spread out in the room, hidden behind various objects. Hill had just an hour beforehand to read the files quickly and choose which was her current target. She had one choice, one ‘bullet’.

And of course, Hill chose wrong.

“A mistake, ma’am,” Hill replied in a soft tone, her eyes snapping to Peggy. “I-I panicked.”

“You panicked.” Peggy’s fingers snapped and all at once the simulation ended, an agent slid down from the top of a dune and tumbled down to end up at their feet. She helped pick him up and brushed him off. “Agent Hill, I am aware of how this situation is, how you’re in a stressful situation, but this is what life is like on the field. You have very little time to choose and remember which one is your enemy, your target in a stressful situation. Sometimes you don’t even get files, sometimes you don’t even get five minutes. If that had been a real bullet, a real situation then that man would be dead and I would be left with the fact to tell his family that their father is not alive because of your mistake.”

Peggy’s sharp eyes never left Hill’s face, seeing the realization they both knew sinking in. Her head slowly nodded before she looked down at the agent she ‘killed’, his vest splattered with red paint. “I won’t make that mistake again.”

“No, you won’t. Let’s take a break, then we’ll try this again. Go wash up, Agent, and get some water.” She patted the young agent on the shoulder, watching Hill being the first to leave the room. Peggy sighed heavily and rubbed at her temples. Agents made mistakes, she told herself, Gods know she’s made a few of her own.

--

“What do you call that?” Peggy mused, cocking her eyebrow at Coulson as they looked in on the darkened figure sitting chained to the desk. A faux interrogation, but Coulson believed it to be real. To his knowledge, they’d gotten a suspect in for the deadly gas that was threatened to explode half of Manhattan.

It was an interrogation they’d set up for weeks, slowly spreading information, letting it seem real as possible, to even Howard designing a fake formula for their use. They had to go to these extremes, clean up included to train her agents. Peggy would not take anything less here, damnit.

Coulson’s eyes snapped to her from the side of the room, licking his dry lips. He’d become nervous and wary of her over the past few weeks, her clear reputation getting around Shield. “Ma’am?” He turned to look at her, finally turning his back to the perp. “Call what, ma’am? I looked at his file, I asked him questions.”

“You asked him questions that anyone could fake answers to! You need to get in his head, you –“ Peggy was cut off at the perp running into the glass, Coulson jumping away and turning to see the man standing against the glass, dragging the table with him despite he was cuffed. “I want you to handle him. Now. I need to go on a conference call but when I come back, you better have some answers – more so than I can find from reading his file.”

She paused and turned to read Coulson’s expression. He was soft, too soft and it made her heart pull at a reminder of Daniel. “Agent Coulson, you must become used to these interrogating techniques and think outside the box because I can guarantee you that half the perps that we have in there have already thought of what to say when they’re in here. And fifteen different ways to get out of those cuffs and to get into your head. You have got to be five steps ahead of them or I’m afraid you won’t make it as an agent. At least not fieldwork. Now, excuse me.”

The call lasted less than an hour, plenty of time for the brunette to grab a cup of coffee and wander back into the interrogation room. She found Coulson sitting on the other side of the glass again as if he’s never left and staring down at the file. She could see his scribble and notes he’s made while she was gone. The man on the other side, she noticed as the lights flicked on from her arrival sported raw spots on his wrists.

“He has a fear of snakes,” Coulson mused, snapping the file closed. “The wonders you can do with Stark technology at your hand and a few scenes from Indiana Jones. I believe you’ll find everything inside is all you need to know on the formula and the counter effect.”

Peggy’s fingers closed around the file and snapped it open, her eyes skimming over the pages. A smile pulled on her red-stained lips and nodded. “Very good, Agent Coulson. Remember these techniques for later.

--

“Director?” Fury stopped in his steps, looking down at the small file that Peggy had given him two days prior. It was late at night, meaning this man had stayed up late, not like she was in any better position. Two agents had just gone missing out of the blue and she couldn’t figure out why.

“I thought we talked about knocking?” Peggy sighed, waving the man inside and watching him collapse in the opposite seat of her desk.

“No, you talked about knocking. I pretended to listen.” Peggy’s eyes snapped to him and all the co-director could do was a smirk. “Listen, I’ve been reading over this proposal you gave me and…no.”

“What do you mean no, Agent? Those are your only two options. You are Co-Director and have to make decisions without my regard. Yes, the files will pass my desks but not all of them I will be able or have time to approve of. Are you telling me you want to take back your promotion, Agent?”

Fury was silent for a beat, Peggy counted watching his chest rise and fall. She could see the gears turning in his head. The way he held himself, his hand gripping his kneecap to a frightening point.

“No,” he said finally, breaking the silence between them. “I do not, Director. I mean that I am not listening to your asinine directions here. I mean no disrespect, ma’am but I believe there’s another course of action here that won’t put so many lives at risk and still give us the intel that we need, and rescue our two missing agents.”

Peggy smirked as she sat up and take a long drink of the bourbon she’s had sitting on her desk. “I see,” she sighed, as if it pained her to look through the file Fury had given her. “Very good, Director Fury.”

“This…was a test?” She could see the frustration growing in his eyes. “I already sent my agents out!”

“Of course this was a test! You will be tested many times while under me. You need to know when to make the hard calls when to see that your only two options are not your only options. You need to see there is much more than what meets the eyes.” She paused in her sip of the drink and cleared her throat. “You already sent your agents out?”

“Of course I did! I-“

“Good.” She cut him off, Fury raising a brow at her. “Because then you’re two steps ahead of me and the situation. Because that’s what I want. You’ve done well. Now go monitor your agents and the situation and report back to me when they’re home. You might make a fine Director just yet.”

--

Agent May. Melinda May. Her mother had shortly worked for Shield before being recruited elsewhere, claiming Shield’s life was not for her. If her daughter was anything like her, Peggy knew her hands were full and that was fine with her.

Just the challenge of Agent May was far more challenging then Peggy had imagined. The woman was a fine agent, she was great at combat, never wanted a weapon until she needed it and by then, she’d get it herself. She was great in training, and in just about every area but one.

Espionage. Keeping a low profile. Pretending to be someone else. To keep your head low and level and keep to the situation, until you had no other choice.

“I have not forgotten my spy days,” Peggy told May with a roll of her eyes. “I am still a spy, a codebreaker if you want to add another term to it. What you’re doing….” She waved her hand with a frustrated sound. “You’re awkward. You need to fall into the role easily, at the drop of a hat. You can’t help who you will be working with or what you’ll have to do to survive and get out of the building.”

“Knowing you it was guns blazing,” May smirked, leaning into the opposite wall and pulling her hair up into a bun.

“Don’t believe rumors that you hear,” Peggy mused. “It was not just guns blazing. It was sneaking around my own agents, my own bosses back to get the information we needed, that I needed. I’ve had to dance with many sexist men who loved to squeeze my ass in order to just get out of the building. Did I want to knock some sense into them? Yes, I did but I refrained from doing so.”

May looked at her up and down, chewing on the inside of her lip. She knew her problems in dropping her guard and trusting her partner if she had one. She knew the problem to fall into a role, keep that guard up, but not act if things went wrong. It was a frustrating feeling.

“Let’s go through this one more time?” She asked, causing the Director to rise from her seat and smile. “You sure you should be walking on that broken leg?”

“Don’t you worry about me, Agent. I’ve had much worse. Remind me to tell you about the time I was pierced by a piece of rebar.”

--

It was another late night for Director Carter. Save for the night crew, she was one of the few remaining people here. Fury had just left a few hours ago, muttering about not hearing from Coulson for a few days now. Last she checked, the man was still on a mission Fury had set him on with a suspected 084 in the Arctic.

Habit caused her to think of Steve and the fallen plane, but she knew better than to give herself false hope. She couldn’t survive on false hope alone.

Her personal phone ringing caused her to jump, frowning at the undisclosed number. No agent had her personal number, so who would be calling her? Frowning, she had no choice but to answer.

“This better be good,” she sighed. “Enough to risk calling my personal number, Agent.”

“Ma’am? Director.” It was Coulson. She could hear the wind-breaking up the man’s words. He had to practically shout in her ear. “I had no choice, ma’am. Too many bugs.” Wherever he moved to, Peggy could hear him a little better. His words started to echo. “We found him.”

Her heart leaped to her throat, but still, she couldn’t allow false hope. “Him who, exactly?” Could it be…

“We found him, ma’am,” Coulson murmured just for her to hear. “We found Steve Rogers. He’s alive.”

[imaginethathaikyuu]

WAIT you’d write more bokuaka!!!! i’ve reread both parts so many timesss. could i request a scenario where bokuto feels insecure and like he doesn’t get much attention in the relationship, but he just misread the situation and reader and akaashi are actually planning a big surprise vacation for all 3 of them? super fluffyy and cuddly? thanks so much, dw if u don’t like this scenario for the bokuaka series! 💓💓💓

good morning bokuaka nation, todays forecast calls for angst but there may be a chance fluff on the horizon? stay tuned to em’s 24/7 news to find out 

im just considering all of my poly bokuaka fics a series at this point - and there have been three parts so far! part 1part 2part 3

gender neutral reader

-

Koutarou was convinced that he was about to explode. 

He’d been dealing with feeling everything less than great for at least a week now, and something had managed to build up in his chest in the form of an emotion bomb. 

Simply put: Koutarou was jealous, impossibly so. And he couldn’t lie to himself anymore and keep pretending he wasn’t. 

You and Keiji had been acting different recently. Koutarou didn’t understand it - you two had been leaving him out of almost everything. You don’t even go to bed at the same time as he does - you both stay up late together every night while he’s in the cold bed, swearing he can hear you two giggling in the living room. 

And he hates himself for feeling this way - he doesn’t want to be the clingy one. But he never wanted your special relationship to turn into this. He was sure the three of you could love each other equally forever, that none of you would ever be left out, that three wasn’t a crowd. 

But Koutarou felt like an intruder in his own relationship. 

He was tired of you always showing Keiji things on your phone without letting him see them too; he was sick of Keiji handing you random envelopes as if you two were passing notes he wasn’t meant to see. There shouldn’t be any secrets, but you and Keiji seemed to be keeping a lot from him. 

More than anything, though, Koutarou missed you two. He missed your kisses and Akaashi’s cuddles; he missed how warm the two of you always kept him; he missed your random late night talks about silly things. 

And he was afraid you two didn’t miss him. What was there to miss, anyway? His loud voice? His immaturity? His - at times dangerous - forgetful nature?

His timer was about to run out. He couldn’t take it anymore - why couldn’t you two just be honest with him? 

He walked into the kitchen to find you both sitting at the table, you sitting on Akaashi’s lap, with your laptop in front of you. And neither of you even looked up at him. 

That was it. “Do you guys even want me here anymore?!”

That caused your eyes to snap up at him. 

“What?” you asked, unsure if you even heard him correctly. 

Koutarou didn’t know how to voice his frustration, emotion, worry. He was getting overwhelmed, and quite frankly, he felt stupid for even standing there. 

“You’ve both,” he started, trying his hardest not to raise his voice while also keeping his tears in, “You’ve both abandoned me for each other.” 

His words shocked you; you looked over at Keiji and could tell he felt the same. 

Bokuto stood with clenched fists as he waited for either of you to speak, to quell the anxiety he felt. His nails dug into his palm as he tried to calm down, but he just couldn’t. 

Keiji was the first to speak. “Bo…” 

And that’s it. That’s the only explanation either of you could offer him, one word, a stupid nickname that Koutarou didn’t even like being called. 

“Just forget it,” he said as he turned and stormed off. “I’ll just go to bed alone. Again.” 

And the slam of the bedroom door is what finally knocked the air back into your lungs after Koutarou’s words took it away. 

“We… haven’t been good,” Keiji mumbled, now resting his forehead against your shoulder. 

“I didn’t think… I thought…” 

You both thought you were hiding your secret from him well. You only just realized that to do that, you were completely avoiding the man so you didn’t have to lie to him. Keeping a secret from Koutarou wasn’t easy. His kind eyes and smile just seemed to pull it out of you. 

Not only that, but the secret you were keeping was one that took a lot of planning to even exist. So you had to keep it hidden for well over a week. 

You had both been avoiding him for a week. 

You were planning a surprise beach vacation as a way to reward him for all the hard work he had been doing lately; turns out, planning a week long trip to a beach resort for three was a bit more complicated than you first realized. 

“We need to go apologize,” Keiji said. “Hopefully before he does anything irrational.” 

“It’s Bokuto,” you said, standing up and leading the way. “He thinks we don’t want him anymore - he’s probably already got a suitcase packed.” 

“Don’t say that,” Keiji mumbled behind you. 

You knocked on the bedroom door, not expecting to get any response. And you didn’t. 

“You should do the talking,” you said to Keiji.

“Why? He likes you more.” 

“But you’re better at -” 

Suddenly the door opened and a sad Koutarou grumbled, “If you came here to explain why you love each other more than me, you can save it.” And then he walked back to the bed before quite literally flopping down onto it, pulling a pillow over his face so neither of you could see him. 

“Should we tell him, Y/N?” 

“Tell me what?”  he asked into the pillow. 

“Well, considering we just finished planning it, now seems like a good time…” 

“Planning what?!” 

There were so many things running through Bokuto’s mind. He had himself convinced that you two were going to break up with him then and there; he’d go from having two amazing, beautiful, perfect partners to having none; one of his biggest fears was about to come true. The anxiety spread like a wildfire. 

And then he felt the bed dip on either side of him. He felt two hands on his chest; he pulled the pillow off of his head to find you were both lying on either side of him. 

“We haven’t been acting sneaky because we don’t want you anymore,” you said to him. 

“Then why…”

“We were planning something behind your back,” Keiji said. 

“A trip, Kou, we were planning a trip - Keiji, don’t make it sound so ominous.” 

You then explained to Koutarou what the last week and a half had entailed; researching and booking and buying and planning. It was a bit of a last minute idea, and with summer fast approaching, you had to make your reservations while they were still available. It was all more stressful than you originally thought, even with Keiji’s help.  

“You’ve been working too hard for us, Kou,” you said. “We wanted to pay you back in the a way you deserved…” 

“And we wanted it to be a surprise,” Keiji said. “To be fair, that part was Y/N’s idea.”

“How’s that fair?” you asked. “It doesn’t matter - Koutarou… we love you, and we’re sorry for making you feel excluded, and - oof.” 

“You guys… I thought you were going to break up with me, but… this - this is such good news!” 

Bokuto pulled both of you into his chest and hugged you with a crushing grip because he just couldn’t help it - he was so relieved. Not only that, but he couldn’t believe you guys had been doing something so kind just for him. 

He was an idiot to think the worst - he felt really stupid, now, but most of all he felt thankful. 

“I really love you both,” he said happily. “Thank you, Y/N, thank you, Keiji.” 

“You’re crushing us,” Keiji said, and it only made Koutaru’s arm tighten around him even more. “I’m going to suffocate!” 

“Sh, you’re right where you belong,” Bokuto said to him, reaching down to kiss the top of his head. “You owe me these cuddles, you know.” 

“He has a point,” you said, and Bokuto gave your head a kiss, too. 

His arms loosened around you two to let you get comfortable, but he was stern in his request for cuddles. You rested your head on Koutarou’s chest, and Keiji curled into him, hugging his hips and using his stomach as a pillow. 

“I like being in the middle,” he giggled. “Akaashi’s usually here, he never gives me a turn!” 

“‘Cause it’s the warmest place,” Keiji mumbled. 

“And you get too hot,” you added. 

“I am pretty hot,” Bokuto said.

He was comfortable, he was happy. His mood had gone from the lowest low to the highest high so quickly - he was sure only you two could make him feel such extreme emotions; only his love for you both could cause those feelings. 

But in that moment, there was only one question on his mind. “So… when’s our trip?”

[loquaciousquark]

I hope you're doing well! I know you posted about a stressful situation last month, and I hope it's resolved itself. Sending good wishes you you and Hamlet!

Thank you so very much for checking in on me! I really do appreciate it. An update to that post under the cut.

Carol, who moved in with me on May 28, is still here. Right now, we have set a tentative move-out goal of the first or second week of August, but this is pending an apartment application that she hopes to finalize on Monday and a job situation that is a complete mess.

Basically, according to my limited understanding, Carol is licensed to teach in Florida. Alabama has a reciprocity clause with Florida, but it must be applied for. Carol has recently begun this process, but her teaching license(s?) is (are?) set to expire in December unless she passes certain exams. She’s already passed one for...general middle and high school teaching, I think, but failed a math exam. She has an art history exam Monday afternoon and expects to pass. I hope so, because she’s been doing nothing but watching Netflix and shopping for houses for the last few days in her new 2017 Jeep Cherokee.

I remain unspeakably grateful to my parents for teaching me financial literacy, because until I witnessed Carol’s decision-making, I had no idea how hard it was for some people to not spend money unwisely. 

As a reminder, Carol is dead broke. She has $153,000 in debt across student loans, medical bills, Czech and US taxes, and some personal loans she would like to repay to friends for helping her. She is unemployed and has no support from her family and has relied on couch surfing at friends’ and acquaintances’ homes since last summer for housing. Since moving in with me, she has been trying to find somewhere to live that would accept her with all her debt and her nonexistent US employment history for the last ten years. Based on what she’s said, I think she has about $9k in the bank--or did, until last week.

In short, she needs a car, a job, and a home, and as far as I can tell she doesn’t care which order they come in.

Two weeks ago, she was offered a position in a rural town about 30 minutes from where I live. It’s a small, very country town which desperately needs a special education teacher, something I think Carol really does have a passion for. However, because she hasn’t finished the reciprocity licensure application yet, they’re having a lot of roadblocks with her paperwork, compounded by the fact that when she left Prague last year, she left all her important documentation behind: things like her birth certificate, her social security card, and her letters of recommendation, which for some reason she did not have electronic backups of. The principal has been trying to get what she needs from Carol for two weeks. Carol is constantly saying that things are “in process” but has nothing to show for it.

As far as we can tell, the job is still hers, but the school year starts August 13th and she still hasn’t been approved by the Board of Education because the paperwork is still not finished on her end. She did not attempt to replace her birth certificate or social security card until they needed it for the application. (Her friend in Prague--and I am beginning to realize she uses the word “friend” for anyone she’s met longer than sixty seconds), who frantically packed up all her belongings when she realized she would not be able to go back to the city, cannot ship her belongings or go through them for the important paperwork until next summer, as she and her husband are currently vacationing in Rome for a year.

Carol decided last night she is also going to apply for some online Department of Defense position--I didn’t understand the details and don’t really want to know, except that it’s also teaching and some administration. We’ll see how it works out. She is growing increasingly annoyed at the principal’s requests for paperwork completion, which baffles me.

So, job: shrug? Maybe?

Car next, then, but this whole mess also goes back to the financial literacy thing. My parents have always been extremely frugal (pennywise, as my dad would say), and from childhood they made it very clear to us to not buy things you couldn’t afford. They’ve never had a car payment in my memory, and they paid off their house about ten years ago. This means they drove a lot of junkers for a very long time, and for a very long time we had very few vacations, but now they’re fully financially stable and debt-free and my mom has a car that she drove off the lot brand new that they paid cash in hand for. 

If I had been in Carol’s situation, I would have found a cheap, mostly reliable used car that probably wasn’t going to explode on me and drive that as long as I could while saving up for housing. I did in fact drive her to look at several used cars, most of which would have been even outside my expected budget (hers, as it happens, is larger even than that, because one of her overseas friends was willing to contribute $5000 to the cost of a vehicle). (I paid $6500 for my current car, a 2004, in college in 2012 with 70,000 miles on it at the time, and have driven it ever since.)

She rejected all of them because they did not have good “energy” and “feelings.” One she was willing to buy at $3700, but told the seller to go pay for his own inspection (once I explained to her what mechanical inspections were as a concept), so they ghosted her. She also is extremely afraid of head gasket failure--I don’t know why, since she knows nothing about cars--and has assumed all vehicles she has driven are on the verge of it, so after the first week she refused to even look at a vehicle without a warranty.

This means she exclusively limited herself to used dealership options, which I’m just going to come right out and say was monumentally stupid. I don’t know if any car dealers follow me, so I’m sorry if I am misperceiving this, but in my experience almost every dealer I’ve gone to has been aggressive, manipulative, and extremely predatory in their interest rates. I cannot think of a riskier course of action in abject debt than to try to cut a deal with a car dealer for the sake of a warranty I doubt will cover that much truly expensive failure in the long run anyway.

On Thursday, Carol bought a $20,000 2017 Jeep Cherokee from a dealership down the road. I don’t know what she put down. I do know she did not use her friend’s money (why not??) and I know her interest rate on the car loan is 4%, which she is extremely proud of and which horrifies me. She also “persuaded” them into a limited warranty that will cover the vehicle up to 100,000 miles (currently at 42k, and they ~only offer it for cars under 40,000 miles~). I can’t tell you how bad an idea I think all this is.

Thursday night, as she was regaling me with stories of her negotiating prowess, she also tells me she has decided to buy a house. She’s sick of renting, and somehow, someone somewhere managed to get her approved for up to $120,000 in a home loan. She already has $150k in debt, another $20k from the car, and now wants to buy a house. She was delighted that she could make the minimum 7% down payment, even though it would wipe out every cent she has left and leave her less than $500 to her name for moving expenses, utilities, food, title registration, etc. afterwards.

She doesn’t even have a secure job yet.

However, this plan seems to have fallen through. She went out with a realtor several times this weekend and came home the last time in great, heaving sobs, because she can’t find the 3bed 2bath she wanted in her price range. (For reference, most homes in this area go between 200k - 250k right now for 2-3bed 2ba, and the closer you get to the city--I have about a 20 minute commute--the higher it gets. My next door neighbor sold her 3bed 2.5ba for >300k three months ago, and Carol knew this.) She was absolutely devastated that the only things in her range were “tiny little ugly flipped houses” and “the ghetto.” The realtor basically said she wasn’t going to waste any more of her time. Carol repeatedly told me how grateful I should be that I got in at the price point I did a few years back, because no “normal people” could ever afford to break into the market again.

I tried to tell her that it was because I lived in with a roommate in very cheap housing and then a cell of a 1bed 1ba apartment for eight years while I saved money, but if nothing else, I’ve learned I’m not allowed to compare our situations or histories or offer advice of any kind except “go ahead and buy what you want,” because that only makes her cry harder. In the end, she has decided to give up on the house for now and settle for the absolute last thing in the world she wanted, an apartment with a lease.

To be honest, until she has a signed contract in hand, I half-expect this lease to fall through as well. I have tried to offer what I think is sensible advice and been ignored or rebuffed. I have tried to offer a sympathetic ear and ended up with her sobbing uncontrollably on me--heaving, body-wracking sobs--over and over again with me trapped in my own home, providing endless emotional support for a girl I don’t even like. I have tried to encourage her to do the things she wants to do, since she’s going to do them anyway, and when she gets “negative energy” after the purchases (buyer’s remorse, I think, that one little inkling of sense saying maybe it wasn’t a great idea to buy a $20,000 car or an $1100 brand new iPhone without a job), she blames it on the exact thing I said I thought might be good and makes me feel like I have now directly contributed to a negative outcome after poor decision-making.

For the record, when she says these things to me she is not saying, and has never said, them directly at me. She has never blamed me in any way for a negative outcome. She is not consciously trying to manipulate me or abuse me or take advantage of my help. She has never once asked me for money or job connections or for me to use any of my stability to unfairly or unethically get her something she needs. She is just completely absorbed in her own (rightfully absorbing) mess of a situation, and I think just completely unaware of how much of an emotional black hole she has become. There are no problems except her problems. There are no needs except her needs, and everyone around her has to understand how hard she has it at all times. 

So, we’ll see. I am praying that the apartment works out next week. The owner seems to want to work with her, which is a hopeful sign. Good thoughts would be appreciated.

--

Aside from all of this, work has gotten extremely complicated. I’m not going to go into all of it now, but one of my jobs is to create an extremely detailed schedule for students in clinic. This is used to schedule patients in each service--if we have this many students, we can have this many patient slots per half-day, etc. Last week, two students were out unexpectedly, one who broke her arm the day before she was supposed to begin, and one who had a terrible anxiety attack and thought the symptoms were actually COVID. That student was tested and cleared negative, but Student Health requires a two-week quarantine anyway, so she was not allowed to return.

This meant that we now had multiple patients per day with no one to see them. We tried to reschedule as many as we could, but we still ended up with multiple overbooks. This is extremely stressful for me as both a provider, an instructor, and a human being who hates having other people wait on her in a professional capacity. We got through the week, but not without several painful bumps, and it’s looking like there will be more soon.

I also woke up to an email this morning that one of my favorite students (yes, I have favorites, I’m sorry), had a completely unexpected death in the immediate family and had to rush home. This is a very, very sweet, very smart girl who has worked unbelievably hard over the past year to do well in this program and in my courses, and I am just devastated for her. One of her friends is willing to cover her clinic, so the impact will be minimal on that side, but to have this happen during this country’s hellhole handling of this pandemic...I can’t even imagine it.

All of this isn’t even touching COVID. The President’s side has won in that sense--I don’t even register the numbers anymore--but as of last week our dean sent out messaging that implied that with our state’s failure to contain the spread, new discussions were going to be happening soon regarding our August start. We already had committed to full hybrid scheduling: all lectures online, in-person labs only where absolutely necessary to continue advancement in the program, and those labs limited to two per room with full PPE, but if they decide even that can’t happen, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I cannot make competent doctors over Zoom. I can’t. At some point they have to touch other people and look at other people’s eyes. They have to be able to check real, in-person blood pressure. They have to look at genuine eye movements and ocular surfaces in person and I cannot and will not let them enter clinic until they have the practice and the time and the practicals behind them. I fucking refuse to endanger the public for sixty years because someone in an office somewhere decided a timetable is more important than a patient keeping their ability to see, and I’m ready to fight administration on this if they try to push it.

But if I win the fight, what next? They just...don’t enter clinic next year. They don’t enter my program. I don’t know what they do in the meantime, as this lab meets four mornings a week and the lecture twice. The course is delayed until next year or whenever we have the virus under control again, and suddenly my fall semester sure looks like I’ll be being paid to stay at home and count carpet fibers. I don’t think they’ll fire me--no one else wants to teach my course anyway--but if I win this fight I might put myself right into furlough in the process.

I could be borrowing trouble, I know. They could come back and say that after review, our system and safety protocols (all extremely conservative) are indeed safe enough and we can proceed as we want. They could say that our limited in-person option for lectures (we have several gigantic lecture halls that could easily socially distance) is the only thing that needs to go. They could say that we just need to have smaller lab groups--hellish on me, but doable.

But it’s one more element of stress in my life that I just can’t handle worrying about right now, which is why I’ve been bouncing back and forth between random fics and oneshots (that mermaid one was feverishly written on a single evening Carol spent at her mom’s house) and pouring an ungodly amount of hours into Animal Crossing. At least there I have some control over what happens next.

Sorry, guys. I know this is not the happy update I was hoping for. I’ll try to check in again next month and we’ll see where things end up.

[shibalen]

💥hewwo can I pwease get a romantic male matchup for bnha (darkbox bc I live for angst) (music box) when you have the time uwu

Levi he/him gay entp supposedly (also if it's not too much to ask please no characters under the age of 18 please)

I've been described as having a strong and loud personality, I'm extroverted and outspoken. I'm pretty eccentric too.

I value friendship, kindness and standing up for others.

Goal wise I'm pretty aimless. I dont have any goals, if I die well I guess that's it babey. In the meantime I'm just here to help animals and people who need it.

Positive traits: I always stick up for people in need, I'm good at reading people, I'm good with animals, I love to make people smile and laugh, cheerful, good at talking my way out of bad situations, uhm. Friendly!

Negative traits would be: hot headed, loud, stubborn, arrogant, comes across as intimidating:( good at getting into bad situations, gets into fights very often. Can be spiteful, I've been described as a pyromaniac so theres that. Can be sadistic

What pisses me off: my father. I can and will cause trouble for that man for as long as I live. And people who pick on the weak.

My hobbies and interests areeee: true crime babey! Crying over video games, baking, the occult, taking naps, dream interpretations and tarot readings

Likes: animals, cats specifically, stars, fire, sunsets, supposedly haunted places, storms, being dramatic for the hell of it, tormenting people in a good hearted way

Dislikes: uhhhh hot weather I guess.

Quirks: uh I have 5 cats! Ones my fathers but he never takes care of his cat so i pretty much count him as my own (plus he likes me more than my dad and it pisses my dad off hehe) I have weirdly accurate intuition, it makes reading people easy, knowing what they want to hear and what they dont.

Uhhh dates and relationship wise I'm honestly happy doing whatever my s/o wants to do. All I want is to see their face light up.

My love language is physical touch, I dont like touching people but if it's someone I feel strongly about youd have to pry me away from them.

I once got kicked out of a library for starting a fight in it, trashy I know but I wasnt going to stand there and do nothing while my friends were being bullied and pressured into getting involved with a really dodgy man. I scared the bullies off for good at least B) they never bothered my friend again babey

Oh I'm also known around the area I live in as someone who's good at finding homes of lost pets. Often times I come across a lost animal and befriend it in no time and use my connections to find its family.

Sorry if this was rly long and thank you for your time!! I hope you have a fantastic day uwu if anything's too difficult to come up with ideas for I'm more than happy for you to change anything to make it easier for you too!

♡︎ matchup for anon

heya! here i am with another late matchup but i hope you still see this. i'm sorry about the delay (╯_╰)

bnha: i match you with . . .

natsuo todoroki !!

• this was one of those "heureka!" moments for me. you both hate your dads and hot weather? it's a match made in heaven! okay jk, these are just nice add-ons.

• what really made me consider Natsuo were your values and personality. kindness and friendships are important to both of you. Natsuo's a medical student so i am convinced helping others is high on his priority list too. he loves your driven and passionate nature because he doesn't go sugarcoating bs either.

• you're definitely the more energetic one while Natsuo only gets hot-headed about the things that are the most important to him. i think it's a good compromise, you can help each other out :)

• he was a little taken aback and cautious of your explosiveness at first but warmed up to it quickly after learning what a kind person you really were. now he thinks your dramatic attitude is funny during your sillier moments ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

• speaking of, you lads met at an animal shelter. there had been a dog that was astray in the neighbourhood of his home, so Natsuo, being a responsible boyo, took it to the local shelter.

• then there you were, standing by the help desk with five kittens wrapped in your jacket in your arms. apparently someone had been trying to drown them so you'd taken care of the situation accordingly.

• Natsuo understood jumping into a lake to rescue the poor animals because he would have done the same, but you could have had just called the police?? it was extremely ridiculous but admirable at the same time to beat all those guys up.

• your chat turned into a pleasant conversation afterwards as you were waiting for the animals to finish their check-ups. Natsuo was a bit shy but you didn't mind and kept the chat going which he appreciated.

• later he volunteered to help you look for good homes for the animals you'd both found. during this project the two of you got to know each other quite well and ended up hanging out together afterwards!

• and from that point on, everything fell into place naturally. the growing spark between you was undeniable and you both knew it. Natsuo definitely liked you longer, he was just a lil dense about it . . .

• you're nothing short of a hero in his eyes but dear lord he worries for you. when he's attending lectures he sometimes can't help but wonder if you're all right and not getting involved in anything violent.

• attends to your possible injuries while nagging you not to be so quick to start a fight next time. in return, you playfully bully him for being such a mom.

• you join forces with Fuyumi to pick on him about your relationship. even though you're already together, soft Natsuo still blushes when his affection for you is brought up, it's entertaining for both you and Fuyumi.

• idk if you've heard but Natsuo's 181cm tall!! hugging someone has never been easier even if you happen to be taller than him. the only thing is his skin's naturally kind of chilly so he's lowkey worried if you dislike it but you always assure him he's perfect!

• one time he was stressed over exams so you baked him some blueberry muffins. he gave you the biggest hug and kiss because it's exactly all these little things you do that set his heart racing for you ♡︎

• "last night i saw a dream about being a frog and eating giant flies, it was gross."

• "oh, that just means your love life is about to become fun."

• "i'm not sure how those two are related."

• "just trust me. i'm a pro at this."

• he also likes giving you headpats as much as he likes receiving them! his hands are quite big so he often runs his fingers through your hair when you're cuddling or hugging. it's especially relaxing after a long period of studying. also him carring you on his broad back ԅ(￣ε￣ԅ)

• you enjoy the little things in life and complain about your fathers together. you've agreed to wait a while before even mentioning your relationship to them because, honestly, Natsuo doesn't want any more horrible influences in your life.

• you get him sucked into the world of video games. it's always fun to watch him struggle but he never gets salty about losing maybe a lil he adores your smile as you laugh at him for being so bad at them.

• your dates include: helping out at animal shelters and retirement homes, video game and movie nights (especially about true crime), arcades and astronomy tower explorstions. i feel like Natsuo's more into traditional, romantic and chill dates and that's your usual thing. though i see sometimes you going to get coffee and ending up solving a 50-year-old murder case instead (✧ω✧)

❦︎ ink box

— despite Natsuo's best efforts to distance himself from Endeavor, it wasn't quite as easy and everyone was very much aware of the Todoroki family. and now the son of the number 1 hero had a lover.

— it wasn't actually that troublesome at first. some newpaper paparazzi occasionally annoyed you but you didn't care for them. most of the time Natsuo and you had your peace during dates aside from a few casual fans.

— but of course there are all sorts of people out there, some out for revenge, some for money, and being desperate means using even the lowest of methods to get what you want.

— so one time it happened, and it was all that took. several bitter villains thought they'd get their revenge through you, silly as it may sound. they made a big show of kidnapping you and demanding Endeavor to 'make up' for his wrongdoing. but all got resolved thanks to heroes, the only casualty being Natsuo's heart from almost exploding from worry and his deepening hatred for his father.

— later on, it wasn't that Natsuo was worried about you not being able to handle yourself, he feared what might happen if more of powerful villains came after you.

— so, after some debate, you agreed not to meet up for a short while to let the fuse of the incident settle down. it would be safer once the media forgot about it. you still texted and chatter over phone though!

— but then a week turned into two weeks, then into a month. you were wondering what was taking Natsuo to say the coast was clear and did a straight-up inquiry through a video chat.

— you could see he was restless the entire time. he said you should wait longer just to be sure everything was calm before meeting up. you became irritated because he was obviously lying and not being his normal, brutally honest self.

— why was he giving you this crap straight to your face?

— truthfully, Natsuo hadn't been sleeping all right recently. ever since that day he had reoccurring nightmares about something awful happening to you. they were just dreams, he knew. yet considering his ruffled up past and the frequency of those horrible visions, it would have been lie to say he was unaffected.

— paranoia just wouldn't leave him alone, and no matter how much he wanted to hold you in his arms again and hated making up stupid excuses, the voice at the back of his mind whispered this was for the best.

— after a month and a half had passed you've had just about enough, however. whatever reason he was keeping you in the dark for did no longer stop you from crashing into his house and demanding the truth.

— Natsuo knew you and expected this to eventually happen. after you made such a powerful entrance though he also knew there was no getting around it this time. really, it was comforting knowing you cared so deeply.

— he told you exactly what had been happening and you resisted the urge to punch him in the arm for having such a mindset. but the look in his beautiful grey eyes was so heartbreaking you threw yourself to embrace him instead. your touch was everything Natsuo had craved for for all this time.

— you skillfully assured him for the next couple of hours while keeping the talk light-hearted (he had obviously been overthinking way too much already). soon enough the issue was resolved and you had a sleepover right there to make uo for the lost time (Shoto and Fuyumi kept eavesdropping on you because y'all were being way too loud in a cute way).

— "i love you, Natsu, but if you ever keep something like this a secret from me again, i can't guarantee the safety of your arm or your front door."

♫︎ music box

— If I Had An Airplane by SayWeCanFly

— This December by Rick Montgomery

— Round & Laundry from Carole and Tuesday

— Haven't Had Enough by Marianas Trench

— Bowie On The Radio by Ryan McMullan

♡︎ runner up: Dabi / Touya Todoroki

thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoyed this! i'm really pleased about matching you with Natsuo, it's just so perfect. have a lovely day and remember to take care of yourself ♡︎

[geeky-roleplayer]

My friend @ruinvevo wrote a Voltron fic.

She was having some problems with Tumblr and asked that I just post it onto my account, crediting her, of course.

So here it is! - Kay.

🌹🌹🌹

title: champion

fandom: voltron: legendary defender

word count: 3,421

notes: see bottom of page for that

song: champion - carrie underwood ft ludacris

two hands in the air, i will be the last one standing

i am a champion

Theodore Kai could recall almost anything you asked him about. Rather it be the first time he knew he loved his boyfriend Takashi Shirogane, or Shiro. Or maybe its the first time his hope was completely twisted out of his grip by the Galra, as they mercilessly attacked his sister and mother right infront of him, before taking him prisoner. He was no stranger to pain, no stranger to the battle scars that came from war, as most weren't now. Especially not anyone on the Atlas, the war ship from earth that was changing the world with the Paladins of Voltron on board. 

Even now, he recalled past memories. The quietness of the world was never able to echo louder then his thoughts, because he has been doing this ever since he was a child. Fighting, losing, winning. But this would be different. It had to be, the fate of everyone was depending on it. 

you'll be looking at me when its over. 

i live for the battle, im a soldier, yeah. 

Theo recalled back to the time he stood infront of the crowd, infront of the stage. Not even a mere month ago, before they were leaving. Everyone was cheering, screaming, urging the people on that stage to go and save lives like they have done countless times before. It was truly chilling, awe inspiring, and it reminded him just exactly what he had to lose. 

That day, he didn't want to stand on that stage. It wasn't his to stand on, not when he was no paladin. Nor was he a Garrison soldier. Looking over in this vision of the past, he could see his little sister at his side, chin high up in the air, proud to know that while they weren't standing up there, they were cheering for them as well. The scars of their past battles, almost losing Shiro twice, it never would truly leave Theodore. Not even as he glanced down to flex the muscles on his hand, pale pastel blue markings peeking out from underneath like a reminder of his pain. 

His attention was returning to Riley, and then he was looking up at the stage. Where Shiro stood, where the other paladins stood, the ones he considered family. And it reminded him of how he almost lost them. 

Im a fighter like rocky, Put you flat on your back like Ali,

Yeah im the greatest, im stronger, 

Paid my dues, cant lose, Imma own ya, ay

Theo could remember the screaming and echoing pain in his muscles that day. When they reclaimed earth so many months ago, and the lions were plummeting straight down back towards the blue and green planet, and the only thing you could see was the coloured streaks flying across the sky. 

It was likely the stress of that situation, that caused his marks to suddenly go into overdrive. And before he knew it, he was crying out in pain, unable to handle it. He could hear Shiro in his ear, in those comms that were built into his helmet, yelling at someone, or something. And then silence for a moment, before he was whispering words of encouragement, trying to soothe his pain though he was unable to get there, to see him. To help him. He couldn't lose his kids, not now. No, not after all that Theo had been through. 

And when he was flying straight for the ground, he was unsurprised. Unable to do anything, to fly, because his whole body was cramping, spasming, all of his muscles attacking him for simply existing and caring. 

and then it was quiet, except for the exploding noise of the engine blowing.

i've been working my whole life, and now its do or die. 

i am invincible, unbreakable, unstoppable, unshakeable.

they knock me down, i get up again. I am the champion

​​​​​

"Theo? Hello? Earth to Theo?"

Theodore was stirring from his little flash back of the past, as he found a hand waving infront of his face. It was his little sister, Riley Savannah, who was dressed and ready to impress even though they were heading into battle. A black suit version of what Griffin and the other MFE fighters wore. He could only offer a smile, and a murmur of apology for spacing out. 

"Are you alright?"

Theo was then nodding. 

"Yeah. Come on, lets go. The sooner we get home, the faster we can come back to Hunk's amazing cooking."

His words were followed up by a brighter smile of reassurance, though Riley clearly was still skeptical of him, given the way she furrowed her brows in confusion at the way he was acting. So spacy, so odd. 

Turning to the side before he began to climb into the back of Griffin's MFE who would be dropping him off, while Riley headed off towards Laith's, he saw Shiro standing in the door way. Watching to make sure he got in safely, and even now, Theo found his heart pounding at the sight of him. 

you're gonna know my name, you cant hurt me now, i cant feel the pain, i was made for this, yeah. 

yeah i was born to win, i am the champion. 

Adam was standing there, inbetween the pair. Looking down at his tablet, as he was the one to moniter this mission. He no longer payed any mind when people stared at him for the many scars upon his face, or really anything else. They no longer mattered, not when he had people to fight for, more information and stories to teach to those younger generations before he finally would retire from the mantle of teaching. Glancing up, he saw Theo standing there, unmoving, despite one hand on the step to get into the ship. 

Then he was following his gaze, towards the door way, where their captain leaned against it. One another watching each other, completely in love. 

While it bothered him, seeing it now, it no longer pained him as much as it used to. Shiro was happy, and that was all that mattered to him, though he still swore Theo was out to get him, threatening him in dark corners of the ship when it was only the pair. 

Not that it mattered now, of course. 

Theo was going off into battle. Risking himself just for the sake of the mission to finally create peace in the universe. 

"Can you two please stop staring so Theo can leave, before we get behind on schedule?" 

When they write my story, they are gonna say i did it for the glory, yeah. But dont think i did it for the fame, i did it for the love of the game, yeah. 

And this is my chance im taking, all those old records im breaking.

"Yeah yeah yeah, im going, Adam." 

Came the quiet rumble from Theo, before he had a sly smirk on his face, directed at his lover. Saluting casually, before he was stepping in and sitting down. Glass shutting over, as he began to prep himself. Griffin in the front was running last minute checks, as the rest of the crew began to vacate the hangar. 

Adam and Shiro included, who had a direct passage to the bridge, so that they could lead this battle. The Lions had left a few minutes prior, and now Riley and Theo had to do their part. 

Get in the Galra cruiser, get all the information they could, and get out of there. 

​​​​​​Without getting hurt, though missions like these, they never always go according to plan, do they? That was something Theo had began to expect, ever since he joined the Paladins all that long ago. As a Galra soldier, nothing more then a toy for the commander of that ship, a previous labor worker and prisoner. But had it not been for that moment, the others showing up, he wouldn't be here, so he could only count his blessings as they took off. 

All you people watching on the tv, go ahead and put your bets on me, ay. I've been waiting my whole life, to see my name in lights. I am invinsible, unshakable, unbreakable, unstoppable. They knock me down i get up again. I am the champion. 

"Comms check, Fighters." 

"Riley here! Comms are working in my helmet." 

"Theo checking in, blessing you all with my precious voice."

Theo could only scowl, when the pilot of this ship, Griffin, snorted in amusement at his words. Clearly there was disbelief there, when Theo's voice was precious. Maybe not to everyone, but certainly to Shiro, who only sighed in annoyance at the bright orange screen infront of him that showed the others. 

The comms would work like so. Adam would moniter them on his tablet, hearing them in his headset. And if it was extremely important, they would switch channels to communicate directly with the Atlas and its commander. 

"Please! Like anybody finds that voice nice." 

"Sounds just like your piloting skills. Dont kill me, please."

"Hell of a lot better then you, Kai." 

"Once we get back to the hangar, be prepared for me to kick your ass and make you eat your words, Griffin." 

Theodore could only laugh when he heard Shiro over the comms, sighing angrily, and even louder then previously. It sounded like Adam and him were arguing about something, though what he couldn't quite tell. It didn't seem to matter however, as it was time for him to be dropped off, along with Riley. 

"This is your stop."

"Riley, Theo. Make sure you come home safe." 

Shiro's words were not to be taken in vain, because they were said with every ounce of caring in his body he could muster because it was true. If Theo didn't come home safe, he didn't know what he would do. 

"We will." 

Came the chorus of reply from Theo and Riley both, before they were dropping in. 

You are going to know my name, you can't hurt me now, i cant feel the pain, i was made for this, yeah i was born to win. I am the champion.

When they dropped into that Galra cruiser, it didn't take long for them to infiltrate it, finding a weak spot on the outside. Riley was the one to speak out, to inform Adam of their progress update since they were no longer on the main channel connected to the Atlas Command room, or Bridge as it was commonly called. 

They had a few moments of peace, as Theo stepped out from the vents they had just crawled out of. 

"It is oddly quiet.. something is wrong." 

It turns out they weren't wrong about that, or atleast Theo wasn't, because moments later he was being shot at by dozens of Sentries. A quick cry escaped his mouth, as he pulled Riley back into the vent, hurrying her along. Taking many twists and turns that almost made him dizzy and sick. And almost lost, as well. But then they were dropping out only a few halls away from the command room's doors, and Theo let out a sigh of relief. 

And then it began again. 

Sentries, soldiers, coming up to shoot at them. He and Riley pressed themselves against the wall for a few moments, before they began to attack. Theo was pulling his twin axes out from his waist, just as Riley pulled her large sword from its sheith on her back. 

Turning to each other with a nod, before they attacked. 

Running forward with war cries and to their credit, they did manage to fight their way through until they reached the command room. But that was as far as their luck went, because Riley let out a sharp cry. Sword almost being dropped, as one of their bullets grazed her side. Energy burning away the suit that was left there, leaving exposed and burning flesh, bleeding and terrible pain. 

Theo was not happy in the slightest at this. And he took the others out, before noticing the command room doors shutting. 

And he barely managed to slide through with one last look at Riley, before he was leaving her alone in the dark hallway. 

Born champion, Luda. The C is for the courage i possess through the drama. H is for the hurt but its all for the honor. A is for my attitude, working through the patience, Money comes and goes, so M is for the motivation. Gotta stay consistent, the P is for the persevere. I is for the integrity, for the innovative career. The O is for optimistic, open and never shut. The N is necessary cause im never giving up.

When Theo reemerged with the information required to fully end this mission, he was staggering forward. Command doors opening, and he was left forward to walk towards his sister. Taking her sword to place it back in its holder on her back, before he was using his shoulders to support her weight. 

She was tired, that much was evident by the way her weight pressed against him. In pain, losing blood. And it hurt him to see. The adrenaline of the situation was causing him to ignore the pain in his side, where you might not see it at first glance due to the black fabric, but he was heavily bleeding with a wound to his side. A sharp one at that, a cut due to a blade. Sticky from the blood in the suit, and he thought it felt terrible, but he ignored it. 

Instead switching his comm channels to the Atlas. Instead of Adam's little monitering chat.

"Wounded soldier, we need pick up now. Get your asses in gear and get over here." 

His tone left no room for argument, as he carried Riley to the hangar. When they got there, he was left to stare angrily at the sentries waiting for him and her, before gently setting her down. 

Whispering words of encouragement to stay awake. She just had too, he could not lose her. 

And then he was attacking, growing weaker by the moment. When the others arrived, he rushed over to Riley, before opening the hangar doors. Sucking both of them into space, where both MFE's were waiting to grab them, glass tops open. 

See, they ask me how i did it, i just did it from the heart. Crushing the competition, been doing it from the start. 

they say every champion is about their principles, Carrie!

When they arrived back at the Atlas, no one payed Theodore any mind, simply because they did not know he was hurt. Or how heavily he was actually bleeding, or anything. Instead, everyone flocked to his sister, who needed more medical attention then he did anyway. 

Taking a step out of the ship, to stand on the ground, it felt nice. When they rushed out, everyone in the hangar followed. Shiro was nowhere to be found, though that was expected, much like Adam still being gone. 

The Lions also required their attention, with their mission as well. 

And so, he was left to sway for a few moments, before he turned away from the hanger doors, and the ship he was leaning against unknowningly. Leaving behind a red bloody print. Glancing around the room, until he could stumble over to a pile of crates. 

Then he was dropping beside them, out of sight from the whole room where he could close his eyes and rest. Helmet abandoned off by the ship, though his orange phone was on him. 

That was ultimately how they found him. 

I am invinsible, unshakeable, unbreakable, unstoppable. They knock me down, i get up again. I am the champion. You're gonna know my name, You cant hurt me now, cant feel the pain. Yeah, i was made for this, i was born to win. I am the champion.

Theodore was far gone betime Shiro was able to leave the bridge. Having to stay for the lions, but assuming that Theo would join them not long after arriving, as he couldn't stay with his sisters for a few hours. And besides, once the lions would arrive, Lance would arrive like a hell storm and Theo would be set in his sights for letting his girlfriend get hurt.

Griffin had said he was in the hangar, before they took Riley away. That echoed in Shiro's mind, before he entered the hangar, glancing around. Most crew members were still away, doing their own things. 

And at first glance, he didn't notice the red bloody print upon the white and orange design of the MFE that belonged to Griffin. 

His phone was being pulled from his pocket, so that he could dial Theo's phone. 

And he froze when it began to ring, inside the hangar. He could only follow the sound, and it sounded so loud compared to anything else. Even his heart beating loudly in his ears, or the footsteps he was loudly making, or the slight buzzing from his arm. And it was like ice water was running through Shiro's veins, being chilled to the core as he made it around the corner to look into the pile of crates. 

And his heart broke. 

"Someone! Please, please get help! Anyone, please!"

Shiro was crying out loudly into the empty hangar, and it took a few moments for anyone to appear to see the commotion. Shiro lifting up his boyfriend, holding him close to his chest as he stumbled forward with him in his arms bridal style. Blood was soaking Shiro's outfit, and Theo looked deathly pale, and in a way he was. 

And Shiro never thought he would forget that sight, as someone took Theo from his arms. 

i'm the champion, yeah. Surpassed all the rivals, its all about who wants it the most. Fight for what we believe in, thats what champions are made of. 

When Theodore woke up the next day, his throat was dry. Scratchy, and he felt the pain in his side, along with a tightness there. Bandages wrapped up tightly, when he managed to lift his head far enough up to peak underneath the blanket. Weak, certainly. 

And when he glanced to his side, his heart broke because there sat his boyfriend, laying with his head down against the bed. Black circles already in his eyes, no doubt he stayed awake this whole time hoping Theo would pull through. Hand gripping Theo's, and he found himself smiling at that. 

And so, gently, he poked him. In the head, where all of his newly found grey hairs sat. 

Shiro was springing up a moment later, glancing around quickly in a panic, before Theodore caught his attention. He could only stare at him, in shock. Fear was in his eyes, terror. Happiness, sadness, so many mixed emotions, and he didn't know what to say or think. Only he could stare. When Theo made a motion for some water, only then did Shiro stir from his staring, getting up to hand him a glass before he was sitting back down. 

Tears were in his eyes, as he watched Theo take a drink. 

"How could you do that? Be so reckless? I almost lost you, Theo. I.. i dont know what i would have done without you."

Theo didn't know what to say at first, as he watched Shiro sob as he finally was able to release his emotions out from the whole event, because Theo was awake. His Theo. His lover, his boyfriend, his partner, his best friend. Space dad number two. 

And really, Theo didn't say anything. Instead pulling Shiro up with the little bit of strength he had, using his hand to pull Shiro's. Though he didn't fight it, so it was easier for him anyhow. Not aggravating the stitches on his side, wrapped in bandages. 

A kiss was placed on Shiro's lips, holding him there, hands coming up to be placed on his cheeks, to wipe away those tears that were breaking Theo's heart. 

When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against Shiro's. 

"I am so sorry, my love. I have no intentions of going anywhere. I can't leave you with all those kids and recruits, now can i?" 

Shiro's only reply was a mix of a sob of terror, and a choking of laughter as he brought Theo in for another grateful kiss. 

I am the champion. okay yeah so here are the notes. 

originally this was just an idea, but then i thought of Theo sliding underneath a door, with Riley looking at him in terror and realized i needed to expsnd further on this. 

The champion song by Carrie Underwood has reminded me of all of the Paladins, and that is why i used it here. 

lmao despite knowing that none of them will see it, i do hope that josh keaton, bex taylor, kimberly brooks, steven yeun, jeremy shada, all of them know just what these characters mean to me. and what they inspire me to do. 

so yeah. 

hope you liked it. ~ @ruinvevo

[softboywriting]

Stress & Love | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You’re stressed and cramming for finals and Shawn comes over to help you out. A classic best friends to lovers trope. [elements of ‘nerd’ Shawn] [feelings confessions]

Word Count: 2.5k

|Masterlist In Bio|

It's nearly midnight when you glance at the digital clock on your desk. You've been cramming for finals for six hours now. Your brain feels like it's going to explode. You've probably cried out ten percent of your body's water supply and you are still sure your going to fail everything. Needless to say, yeah, you're a little stressed.

Your phone buzzes and you grab it, wondering who the hell was awake at this hour. Well, realistically you could probably guess any number of people since they were all probably cramming like you were. Unless somehow you were the only person who didn't have their shit together. Unlikely though. You unlock the screen and pull up the new message. It's Shawn, your genius of a best friend, your tutor for basically everything, your whole world and also high key the one person you've been in love with since you were a teenager.

“You up?”

“Yeah. Cramming for finals.”

“You shouldn't do that.”

“Too late?”

“Can I come over?”

“It's midnight. My parents will kill me.”

“You're 20. It's just to study. They know me.”

“Seriously?”

“I'm already on my way.”

“SHAWN.”

You put your phone down and push away from your desk. There was no way you were going to get past your parents bedroom, downstairs, and to the front door with out one of them waking up. Your dad was a notoriously light sleeper and when your brother had tried sneaking out when he was  eighteen you thought he was gonna get his ass handed to him. He ended up with a weeks worth of insane chores and then some and honestly you didn't want to deal with that. Your parents didn't care if you were twenty, you lived in their house under their rules.

Your phone buzzes and you check it. It's Shawn. He says he's there. You explain that you will never get to the front door without getting caught. He just says no problem. Like what the fuck did that mean? Yes that was definitely a problem!

A few minutes later and you hear a knock on your window. Your second floor bedroom window. You pull your curtains aside and there is Shawn, crouched on the roof, waving at you. Fucking moron.

You open the window and he maneuvers his giant form through the frame. “I don't want to know how you got up here.” You mutter, crossing the room and flipping the lock on your bedroom door. The one thing your parents did allow you to have an as adult.

“Good, because I wasn't going to tell you.”

You roll your eyes.

He takes a seat on your bed, kicking his tennis shoes off and pulling his hoodie over his head. His glasses tumble to the floor and he leans over, grabbing them and putting them back on. It was rare you saw him with those on, and you really like them. They really fit his mental, too smart for his own good, aesthetic. Because his physical one was that of a professional athlete and definitely didn't fit the stereotypical “nerd” aesthetic. Brains and brawn. An unfair combination. Thank God he had no game and couldn't flirt to save his life, or else you would never stand a chance with him.

“So, I'm here to fix your studying problem.”

“Oh yeah? How's that? Are you gonna transfer your super smart nerd brain into mine?”

“Nope.” He stands and walks over to your desk. He flips your books closed and tucks your notes back in their folders. “I'm going to make you go to sleep.”

“What?” You hurry over and push him away from your books. “Stop it! I have to study or I'm going to fail!”

“No. You have to sleep or your going to fail.” Shawn grabs your shoulders and turns you to face him. “Sleep is the most important part of studying.”

“Are you high? Did you hit your head on the way up here?”

“No.” He chuckles and walks you over to your bed. “You’re tired right?”

“Yeah so?”

“So, a tired brain retains far less than a rested one. You need some sleep and in the morning-”

“But I have class at-”

“And in the morning,” he raises his voice over yours to continue. “You can get up a little early to study for your first final. If you keep trying to shove all the information for every final in your tired brain,” He taps on your temple for emphasis. “you're just going to blank and shut down.”

“But...” You sigh, shoulders falling as you look over at your books dejectedly. “I don't want to fail.”

“You won't. I promise I wouldn't let you do that.” He turns you around to face the bed and leaves you for just a moment to go turn off your light. “Get in bed.”

You reluctantly crawl in and bury yourself under the covers. Shawn's weight dips the bed in a bit as he crawls in beside you. You lay there, back to him as you face the wall trying not to think about the fact he was in your bed. This wasn't the first time. The two of you used to share a bed all the time growing up as kids until it became weird when you were teens. You didn't have feelings for him then. Feelings ruined everything.

Shawn shifts around, trying to get comfortable. You're sure he's not used to trying to share a twin size bed with someone. If you remembered correctly his bed was a king. Fitting for his giant size. That thing was huge.

“Are you done?” You ask after a solid minute of his fussing about with the blankets and pillows.

He stills momentarily. Suddenly he is pressed against your back, arm snaking around your stomach and pulling you against him. “I'm too big for this bed,” he complains.

Your heart feels like it's going to beat out of your chest and tumble down the crack of the bed. The two of you were close but Jesus fucking Christ you weren't spooning close. You finally manage to find  your words and you rush out, “You don't have to sleep here. You can leave.”

“Yeah, and let you go back to cramming? Hah. No.”

“Well I can't sleep like this.”

“Like what?”

“This.” You put your hand over his arm on your stomach. “You're spooning me.”

Shawn huffs. “Well your bed is too small. How else am I supposed to fit?”

“Sleep on the floor?”

“Really? You hate being close to me that much?”

“Quite the opposite actually.”

There's a silence after that. You lay there realizing the confession you have just made. Shawn lays there, taking it in you assume. Both of you now feeling very awkward about the whole situation. At least, you are anyway.

“Do you...like me?” Shawn asks slowly.

That answer was both complicated and extremely loaded. You were going to have to tread carefully here. If he wasn't into you too, this was going to put a strain on your friendship. If you played it off as...well...you can't really play it off as anything at this point.

“Of course I like you. Why wouldn't I?”

“No no I don't mean like a friend. Come on, you know what I mean.”

“I guess yeah...I've had some feelings for you before.” You're treading through a minefield at this point.

“What kind of feelings?”

You close your eyes. Why did he have to throw a bomb at you like this? How rude. “Y'know...stuff.” Smooth. Cryptic. God you're a moron.

Shawn removes his arm from around you and leans back. Suddenly your bedside lamp comes on and he tugs your shoulder toward him. You roll onto your back and he is on his side, head propped up on his hand. “Stuff? Come on. You're killing me.”

“I don't know what you want me to say?” You avoid eye contact. You know you can't lie to his face, hell you can't lie to him at all.

Shawn turns your head toward him and raises his eyebrows. “If you're worried about having a crush on me, don't be. I've known for like three years.”

“What?!” You flush, cheeks heating up and your ears burning. “I don't...I don't have a crush on you!”

Shawn chuckles. “Yes, you do. It's fine, really, I promise. I have a crush on you too.”

“No you don't.”

“Yes I do?”

“No. You can't.”

He laughs. “What? I can't have a crush on you? Why not?”

You bring your hands up to your face and cover it, embarrassed about literally everything at this point. “You just can't.”

“So you can crush on me but I can't on you?”

“I don't have a crush!”

“That's not what Lauren said.”

You pull your hands away and stare at him in horror. Lauren was the only person you had ever spilled your guts to about Shawn. How could she backstab you like this? How dare she. “Lauren...lied.”

“Did she? Really?”

“N-no,” you whisper, looking away from Shawn.

He turns your head back to him once more. “Hey, I'm still me. Even if you have a crush on me, I'm your friend first. Do you want to be more than just friends? Because to be completely honest with you, I'm way past crush stage. I've been in love with you since I was sixteen.”

“You have? Why didn't you say anything?”

“How do you say something like that to your best friend? Why didn't you say anything either?”

“I- you're right. We're so dumb.”  

“Well yeah but it doesn’'t matter now. I'm single, and I know you are too. And I am in your bed right now, and I would really like to snuggle up and sleep with you. So y'know...if you want to call this our first official date I wouldn't object.”

“I don't usually let guys sleep in my bed in the first date, but I guess I can make an exception this time.”

Shawn grins and leans back to turn off the lamp. He rolls back and you press back against him so he can wrap his arm around you and tangle his feet with yours. He presses his nose into the back of your hair and kisses softly. You thread your fingers between his on your stomach and relax into his hold. It's like you've always known you would end up together and it's feeling far better than you ever dreamed, you hope it never ends.

_______________

Morning. You wake up and Shawn is sprawled across you, head on your chest. His hair is tickling your nose and you reach up to pet it down. It's almost 5am and you don't want to get up but you know you have to study at least a little bit.

Shawn stirs, arm tightening around your waist and pulling you farther under him. You attempt to escape his hold but he just puts his legs over yours and nuzzles his cheek against your collarbone.

“Five more minutes,” he groans, voice heavy with sleep.

You give in, too tired to fight your way out of his grasp. He's warm and comfortable, a little heavy on your body but that's okay. You run your hand through his hair stretching up the messy waves and curls and watching them fall back down. His hair was always soft and so damn thick. You love it. You find yourself drifting off for a moment, lost in the feeling of being loved.

“Five minutes is up,” you say softly, attempting to move again when you open your eyes once more.

“Ten minutes.”

“Shawn, I have to study. It's been...” You look to the clock. It's now a quarter till six. “It's been forty five minutes. I have to get up, my class starts at seven thirty.”

“You don't need to go to school. I'll make plenty of money for the both of us when I graduate.”

“Shawn you are not sugar daddying me just to get more cuddling time.”

“Fine,” he grumbles, retracting his limbs from yours and sitting up in the bed. He is a mess. A gorgeous sleepy boy mess. His hair is fucked up and parted seven ways to Sunday. He has lines on his cheek from your shirt, his face is terribly oily and he has the start of some dark circles under his eyes and a few little red zits popping up on his jaw line. You're sure you look no better, but at least he still looked cute somehow.

You push back the blankets and get up on your knees to crawl past him. As soon as you get in front of him, he stops you, grabbing your waist and pulling you on top of his lap.

“You're so cute when you just wake up,” he says with a goofy sleepy smile. He tucks your hair behind your ears and just stares at you with soft hazel love filled, half lidded eyes.

“You're the cute one. Not me.”

“No. I'm pretty sure you are.”

“I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail my final if you don't let me go.”

He grumbles reluctantly and you pull out of his grasp. You throw on some jeans and a hoodie over your night shirt. Shawn stands and stretches, seeming somehow taller than usual. He goes to your desk and grabs the flash cards for your world history class that you made together a week ago and starts quizzing you while you gather up your other class work for the day.

You review up until it's time for you to leave, which you've completely forgot that Shawn wasn't supposed to be there. And the two of you were about to just stroll out of your room and down the stairs to leave. You stop him, hand on his chest in your doorway and you push him back inside.

“You can't leave yet. Both my parents are home and they are going to know you didn't just show up. Do you have classes today?”

Shawn shakes his head. “No, I finished my stuff yesterday. I can stay here until you get back.”

“What? No, you can leave when my parents go to work.”

“But I want to be here when you get home. We have a lot of cuddling to catch up on.” He smiles and you shove him. “You know you wanna take your time in bed with me.”

“Shawn quit,” you hiss, flushing from ears to chest. “I have to focus on class, I can't be thinking about you.”

Shawn wraps his arms around you and pulls you into a hug. He kisses the side of your head and says, ���My sugar daddy offer is still on the table.”

“Stop it!” You giggle and he just squeezes you tighter.

“I'm joking. Go do your finals, we can meet up at my house after you're done. My bed is way better for cuddling.”

You rest your head against his chest and he rubs your back. You know you're wasting time that you don't have, but you just don't want to leave him yet. “I'm nervous.”

“I know. I promise I'll be there when you get done.”

“You're always here for me when I'm stressed.”

“And I always will be.” He places a kiss on your head and holds your head against his chest. “Always.”

[hobbitsetal]

Prodigal son s1e5 live blog! Tagging the usual suspects: @loubuttons @thisbibliomaniac @jayykesley

Alcohol! I see Malcom is taking notes from Jessica’s playbook! It definitely is not helping even a little bit.

Um. Why is the station wagon scary. Is he hallucinating or dreaming or...?

His mom is way too chipper for a morning. And I still very much do not trust her.

“Only one thing seems to help me. I need a murder.” Bro, that is not good. Also three people have said he looks terrible and that is not good.

“The game...with the players.” I want to make fun of him, but also Malcolm is me when it comes to talking about sports.

Oof, Malcolm and Dani’s disagreement got unpleasant. Odds are good she doesn’t like her narcotics stunt and odds are even better it’s gonna come up again.

Yikes, Malcolm’s hallucination is creeping me the heck out. Between the chains and the distant moaning...I absolutely love that he covers his flinch by saying he saw a bug.

Dani keeps defending this Estimé. Clearly he was important to her back in the narcotics day...

So Desir was wearing another layer that’s now gone. I’m getting Sweeney Todd vibes.

Rather sad that nobody showed up to Jessica’s dinner for charities. This chick who showed up looking for money to fight trafficking seems legit, though I’m always skeptical of new people in crime shows.

Mildly terrifying that Malcolm and Dani get summoned to Estimé’s office that fast. Also confirmed: Dani’s past in narcotics is crucial to the case.

What is Estimé so scared? Intriguing that his stress is what tells Malcolm Estimé didn’t do that killing. Equally interesting that his office and club get shot up.

...is Malcolm high?? I think he’s high. He’s definitely high. This is hilarious. Less hilarious is Gil snapping at Dani; Gil has Disappointed Dad vibes.

I’m 86% sure the actress playing Dani is two seconds from laughing. Aww, and now they’re talking about how they don’t have friends.

And now this trip is going starkly south. This boy’s hallucinations are honestly the worst. I’m intensely curious as to how Dani is going to handle Malcolm’s breakdown.

What do you wanna bet somewhere between hallucinating himself in place of his dad and seeing dead bodies, he’s going to have some epiphany about the woman in the box? Yep, yep, he gets a memory of a box.

Huh. Dani knocks him out. Gues I should’ve figured she’d do something like that to handle the situation. She’s not exactly touchy feely.

He’s really happy with five hours of sleep. I am a murderous goblin with five hours of sleep. the differences between Malcolm and me are vast.

Oof, Dani has a history of drug abuse while undercover and Estimé saved her. That makes sense for the bond between them.

I’m profoundly glad that Gil doesn’t make a huge deal out of Dani’s insubordination. They talk and she needs to fix it, but it’s not treated as an irretrievable mistake.

Eve looks so fascinated by Malcolm. I don’t trust her and this isn’t making it better. Though their meeting getting kicked off with Malcolm yelling “don’t worry, I’m not after your barbiturates!” to his mom and then telling them drugs exploded in his face...in a different show, that would be a total rom-com meet cute.

I like that the hostess talks to Dani without prompting, and I love that she talks about Estimé’s lover’s gift for doing hair like art.

The lover died. Yikes. Estimé would kill for her. Poor Dani. Though Dani and Malcolm bonding over how Gil saved them is adorable.

WHY would Dani just walk in?? I feel like this is an extremely bad idea. OH MY GOSH, and I just put it together! Called it with the barber reference!

Oh heyyy, Trini is the killer! I actually like that better than Estimé being the killer. And I love that Dani promises her daughter’s body to Trini.

That was darn close to being a gang war...

The tension between Estimé’ and Dani is well played. I didn’t realize what she was doing when she told the other gangster Estimé’ was dead, but giving him a way out of the life was nice.

Malcolm showing up with Dani’s favorite tea is adorable. And Dani allowing him to ask what’s wrong is genuinely sweet.

Oh heyyy, Jessica sent the box of photos! And after she implied she burned it! I completely love that it’s not just photos, it’s also random fun stuff like a spyglass. That memory of the station wagon is not fun, though. Heck this show.

[funkymbtifiction]

Healthy / Unhealthy Head Triad:

Pulled off PersonalityCafe. Saw no cited source. (Know it? Tell me.)

Enneagram 5

At their best: profound vision, objective insight, innovative exploration.

Mid-levels: comprehensive knowledge, intense preoccupation, cynical argumentation.

At their worst: eccentric nihilism, phobic delirium, psychotic paralysis.

Healthy 5w4: more able to participate in life. When the fiveish desire to withdraw and sort things out is no longer compulsive, the consciously chosen time alone becomes a tool for understanding the world, rather than an entrapping habit. The fourish passion for beauty emerges as the conscious result of harnessing the emotions rather than being their slave. Begin to deeply understand the simple, elegant way the awesome complexity of the world emerges from fundamental principles. They find great joy in watching and learning. When the perception of five and the passion of four are augmented by eight's power and leadership, plus one's intuitive wisdom, clear comprehensions can be transmitted to others.

Unhealthy 5w4: gets lost in the details. The compulsive analysis of five can lead to elaborate pseudo-logical constructions designed to explain everything. The four-wing's emotionality adds a flavor of dramatic hopelessness. Others Simply Do Not Understand. No one could understand. Retreats to a place of safety, hoping to escape from view, continuing to uncover the truth. There is little to no social involvement. The panic and scattered mania of seven combine with twoish self-congratulatory hysteria. Can come back into the world, awkward and excitable, ready to bolt but ready to passionately defend a bizarre, baroque fantasy world. As inner tension builds, schizoid withdrawal becomes more and more likely. The end result is a kind of terrified fugue, completely cut off from reality. The only escape from constant overwhelming chaos is inward.

Healthy 5w6: gains social ease. Deep perception and serene faith combine for a kind of knowing that focuses on the truth of human interactions. Overcomes the fear of intimacy and finds satisfaction in genuine relationships. Strikes a balance between the urge to withdraw to sort things out and the desire to feel safe among trusted friends. The need diminishes to protect against deceit by constantly analyzing people, leading to greater comfort and depth in friendship. Brings together the powerful insight of five, the stamina and leadership of eight, the deep faith and genuineness of six, and the inner peace of nine.

Unhealthy 5w6: becomes afraid of people. Mistrust interacts with reductionist analysis, and the world begins to seem more threatening. Threeish competitive urges might emerge, combining with sevenish mania to create a kind of intense, argumentative combativeness to hide a deep sense of inadequacy. This turns people away, leading to a greater sense of isolation. Tends to rationalize that most people are not honest anyway, and since other people fail to recognize the value of their brilliant ideas, they are not worth knowing at all. Paranoia and anxiety lead 5w6 into a terrifying spiral in which increasingly bizarre fabrications may be used to explain meaning into even the most mundane events.

Enneagram 6

At their best: self-affirming courage, faithful affection, responsible discipline.

Mid-levels: dutiful loyalty, anxious ambivalence, belligerent scapegoating.

At their worst: needy conformism, paranoid obsession, self-destructive panic.

Healthy 6w5: becomes free of anxiety and reductionist analysis, allowing their endearing gentility and good humor to emerge. Laughs easily, with a sense of relief. Can it really be so simple to live and enjoy life? There is a feeling of relaxed good nature and certainty. This is a person you can trust, someone to rely on for true friendship. Turns into a warm and deeply loving person, someone in touch with a real universal authority, internally and externally available. Acts with quiet confidence, coming from a place of peaceful faith. Essential sixness brings deep interpersonal bonding, essential fiveness builds penetrating perception, and nineish tranquility combines with eightish personal power.

Unhealthy 6w5: begins to feel anxious and wants to run away to a protected place. Unable to trust inner or outer authority, they search for an explanation for the constant tension. Others are easy to blame, and by projecting the causes of anxiety outward, 6w5 can find a temporary release. With increased stress, 6w5 loses faith in the blaming. No explanation for the anxiety satisfies, and the world begins to seem like a horrible, frightening game. Paranoia escalates. Bounces rapidly from fearful withdrawal to tense, overconfident pretense. Everyone is out to get me, and there is no place to run. I'm frightened out of my wits, and I know I am headed for a complete breakdown, but maybe if I can get myself into enough trouble someone will come and rescue me.

Healthy 6w7: has a feeling of firm steadiness, sure-footed and quiet. Sevenish impulsivity and sixish anxiety diminish, replaced by a calm deliberateness. Although fun and companionship are still highly valued, the desperate longing for security converts into inner strength. Finds a deep sense of belonging to the universe, and to mankind. Nineish calm and sixish faith combine with sevenish joy and fiveish perception. Shares with others a sense of eternal companionship and security.

Unhealthy 6w7: visibly desperate. Anxiety and insecurity become powerful controlling influences. Jumping from one colorful emotional state to another, trying to find any way to quell the increasing sense of uncertainty and vulnerability. They looks for someone out there who will help, but finds no one to trust. Will try anything to escape from the increasingly intolerable situations that arise. Physical illness, car troubles, boyfriends, girlfriends, landlords, all become scapegoats for the real problem of inner helpless dependence. You are either all-good or all-bad, and whether I like you or not can change from moment to moment. My very identity splits into fragments as I desperately cut myself into pieces to escape the horrible sense of impending catastrophe.

Enneagram 7

At their best: ecstatic gratitude, spontaneous enthusiasm, passionate accomplishment.

Mid-levels: active materialism, restless superficiality, addictive excess.

At their worst: irresponsible debauchery, manic hysteria, burnt-out debilitation.

Healthy 7w6: finds a new kind of centered calmness, as impulsivity and the desire to entertain fall away. Instead of shifting to another mood, they wait and see where this one leads. The slippery, happy-go-lucky quality is replaced by a smooth feeling of attentive watchfulness. A kind of directed, joyful intelligence like a sure presence, with an unlimited attention span. Becomes the master of many talents because of fiveish perceptivity, combined with deep fulfillment and pleasure from the experience of being fully present. Profoundly grateful for the continuing opportunity to take part in the unfolding drama of life. What a gorgeous, unpredictably fantastic world! What incredible beauty there is in even the smallest details of this universe! How excitingly alive I feel, and how at-one with the world! Let's celebrate together the deep abundance of life and love.

Unhealthy 7w6: the search for ever-increasing levels of excitement and stimulation seems like a way out of the apparent trap of boredom and unease, but it brings only temporary relief. Maybe another kind of fun will help me avoid this increasing sense of hopeless ambivalence. Maybe I should start a new company, or have a great big party! Tries to find the answer in increasingly grand plans for great, exciting events. As the ever-growing fear and boredom keep coming back, excessive stimulation approaches dangerous levels. Without increasing awareness, this course of exciting overload leads to extreme exhaustion, and an incapacitating despairing depression. At the bottom of the scale of health, 7w6 becomes a worn-out husk, utterly debilitated by drugs, sexual excess, and general over-stimulation, and totally incapable of self-care. At every opportunity, every means available is used to provide some escape.

Healthy 7w8: settles down. Become aware of the compulsive nature of the desire for excess and learn how to moderate the constant power-trip. Finds other people are easier to get along with when they are not being pushed or receiving a hard-sell on some wild idea. Love and appreciation for subtlety become important aspects of a life that includes increasing amounts of silent, peaceful contemplation. Discovers by letting the mind's chatter come to an end, a new level of perception emerges, with a greater understanding of how the world fits together. Instead of exploding outward into impulsive activity, 7w8 harnesses enthusiasm for practical uses. Life becomes a joyful, loving celebration. Look how much we have been given! Jump into the universe with both feet! Find your power and become what you were meant to be!

Unhealthy 7w8: gets ever-wilder. When others fail to respond with enough enthusiasm to high-pressure sales tactics, and the high of the latest exciting trip begins to wear off, it's time for the next wild ride. Maybe just a little bigger dose will do it. New ideas seem to erase old problems, and each one is bigger and better than the last one. If it doesn't work, forget it and move to the next grand scheme. You've got to try this, it's totally fantastic! As the highs get higher, the lows scrape lower. The miserable mornings are soon forgotten, because there's an even better high coming. Heads into ever-deeper entrapment, promising ever-greater rewards to those who will finance (or otherwise support) rapidly exploding levels of excessive indulgence. It all leads inevitably to the great crash, and utter dissipation.

[rosalind-of-arden]

Paper and Fire reread, chapters 1-3

Here we go with book 2! Once again, I will be looking at the relationship between Wolfe and Morgan, symptoms of Santi’s PTSD, and general worldbuilding details that may be fun for fics. I will probably also end up adding other stuff that catches my eye. Especially where Wolfe is concerned. Because I am predictable like that.

The Artifex describes Thomas as “outwardly cooperative and inwardly quite stubborn” and says that he hasn’t seen anyone like this since Wolfe. First of all, just how many people have you had thrown in prison and tortured for comparison, Artifex? Second, interesting detail about how both Thomas and Wolfe reacted to torture, at least some of the time. (Looks like their response is quite normal and realistic, actually.) Assuming Wolfe was like this more toward the beginning, since the Qualls letter in Smoke and Iron makes it sound like he was less cooperative by the end.

Santi is running interference for Wolfe and trying to keep him away from his class. Assuming they’re using paper notes here, and Santi intercepted it before Wolfe could see it? Or, Wolfe did see it, but Santi won that fight.

This report on Morgan is eerily similar to the one on Thomas. She’s stubborn. Attempts at coercion aren’t working. She’s extremely intelligent and has tried to find her way out of her situation.

So... six months. Three refusals. Morgan has irregular, or at least very long, cycles.

Either Caine is getting some extremely disturbing implications past the radar here, or she had no idea how cycle charting for purposes of conception actually works, particularly in someone with irregular cycles. Or, um, steampunk medical magic strikes again?

Ugh, the clinical language being used to describe the whole breeding system. “proper charts and anaylsis” “time for propagation” “compulsory procedure.” Congratulations, Gregory, you are the creepiest person in this series. Meanwhile, here’s one more horrific thing Keria Morning lets slide.

“The local fashion was to shave all body hair, even eyebrows.” I just want to know if any of our main characters have done this. Jess would notice if any of his friends or dads had no eyebrows, right? Who am I kidding, Jess is oblivious. Important detail for sex club crowd scenes here, folks.

Oh, look, it’s the Artifex trying to kill Wolfe again.

Where, relative to places like the Lighthouse and the Serapeum, is this gigantic High Garda compound, anyway? Jess walks everywhere. But they take a transport across the training ground. Just one exercise area has multiple blocks. I have no sense of direction and I cannot create a mental map of all this. Maybe High Garda compound at the edge of the city, front gates, barracks, etc. within walking distance of other important downtown destinations, then the training grounds continue on a long way past that?

Feng is in charge here, but the other soldiers present seem to be Santi’s people? Or did Botha get reassigned? Or, everyone there is on orders from the Artifex, whether they know it or not, and the Artifex is enough of a dick to want one of Santi’s soldiers to have be the one to report that Wolfe is dead?

So, for ranks, we’ve got Squad Leader, Sergeant, Centurion, Lieutenant, Captain, High Commander, and I’m not entirely sure I have the hierarchy right there, or if I’m missing any. How many of each to a company?

The guns confuse me so much. These have “live stunning rounds” and “half-strength regular rounds”. Are these energy weapons of some sort? Because actual bullets don’t come in “half strength” and guns that fire bullets can’t also fire taser darts. That’s just not how firearms work. For that matter, why do these “half-strength” rounds even exist? If they cause damage, and stun rounds exist, why not just use the stun when you don’t want someone dead and the regular when you do? Having a whole category of ammo just for maiming people seems... fuck, actually, it seems exactly like something the Library would do. Never mind, carry on then.

Desert camouflage Scholar’s robes are a thing. Of course they are. 

So, Wolfe’s hair here: “a tangled mix of black and gray.” There was no gray in Ink and Bone. How long does it take for hair to change color like that? Google is not being all that helpful on this, but it sounds like it takes years under normal circumstances. So, options: 1. It’s not THAT much gray, but Jess is a teenager and thinks it is. 2. Stress and trauma make these things happen faster. 3. Wolfe has been coloring his hair, probably since he recovered from Rome, when trauma set off that particular premature aging process. He stopped with the hair dye due to stress/trauma/not giving a fuck anymore. I think I favor 3 with a generous handful of 2 and a dash of 1 mixed in.

Jess is an adorably unreliable narrator, thinking Wolfe must be there because Santi was threatened.

Wolfe is a gloriously snarky ass. But also, Wolfe is more of an ass when stressed, and by Jess’s observations, he hasn’t been eating or sleeping right. Neither have you, Jess.

Wolfe knows where the books are. “Jess wondered if he’d been told more than they had.” Yes, Jess, at least that much more. Well, ok, he could have scouted it himself, stolen documents, or something like that as opposed to being told.

Glain is ridiculously smart to aim at Jess here. First, he might be compromised and trying to hurt Wolfe for all she knows. Second, even if she trusts him, she’s being watched. If she shows that she trusts him right away, that’s suspicious.

Wolfe, being both heartbreaking and sexy in the same paragraph. He can outdo a teenager (who is probably smaller than him) at getting through a tight space, even when he’s tired and stressed. But he won’t take a gun because he wants his death to be suspicious.

Glows, at least some varieties, are a “milder version of Greek fire” that produces light without exploding. I barely passed high school chemistry, but by that description, I think Jess is even worse at it than I am. Or, um, hey, it’s steampunk magic alchemy, so sure, why not?

No, Jess, don’t immediately listen to the man who has lived in Egypt for 40 years about how to deal with the local wildlife. Never send this boy to Australia. 

Caretaker Wolfe! All this physical contact makes me wonder if he isn’t using his tiny bit of Obscurist ability without even knowing it. Also, Medica training? He probably has Medica training.

Unreadable looks between Wolfe and Santi. Again. Jess, that look and Wolfe not being surprised at the arrest are giant fucking clues that he and Santi have planned this much. Being arrested, under normal circumstances, would be traumatic for Wolfe, probably enough for even Jess the Oblivious to see.

That fucking journal. The angst. The calculation. Trauma as performance art. 

“Leaving you means giving up on a better world”, so... that’s not just romantic angst for the benefit of any Obscurist/Artifex reading. Here, again, everything Wolfe hopes for is pinned on Santi’s career. Back in Ink and Bone, they decided not to run away from or openly fight the Library. Their only hope of changing things is for Santi to reach a high enough rank to have that level of influence. And Wolfe does not have that kind of patience.

[dokidokiliteraturegirls]

Hi everyone! Yui here ❤️ I’m back from the spa or whatever the hell I was doing~  I know we said we were going back from hiatus today, and that’s true, but before we kick things off like usual I wanted to do something special: a behind the scenes feature where I tell you guys about Friendship... th-the last arc, not the concept.

There are many things I want to talk about, such as the symbolism I tried to include, the controversy, overall message of the arc, and the reason I decided to do this story in the first place. Hopefully giving you this insight from the POV of the writer helps you understand the reason we spent so much time in this arc, instead of thinking “Yui is a hack who resorts to TV tropes when out of ideas”~ well, besides that, at least.

This is gonna get pretty long but I’ll be thankful if you take the time to read it ^^

Without further ado, let’s go to the first episode of DDLitG Behind the Scenes: Some Final Thoughts on Friendship. Check it out under the cut!

What the story is about:

As a quick summary of the story, so we’re all on the same page, “Friendship” is an arc focused on interpersonal relationships, hence the name. Sayori, during some idle time, decides to visit the local library, where she finds Ako [Named “female student” when she’s introduced]. Ako is not like our main cast, as she is not a .chr file, but an .obj one. This means she is merely a single sprite with a line of description (”Female student is at the library. She draws two flowers and a cat”), made by the game to fill the universe and make it feel less emtpy.

Through the warmth of Sayori’s friendship, she learns more about the world and about what having friends is like, which results in her constantly learning more things and becoming a more complex file.

Sadly, Ako develops feelings for her newfound friend, and when she decides to act on them, the tension that had been building up to that point explodes and conflict arises. The situation is resolved when Sayori reasons that if they work together, their friendship will ultimately overcome the despair of the situation.

Interpersonal relationships: that’s the core of the arc. Sayori’s friendship warming up Ako’s heart and changing her life for the better, Ako working through her feelings towards Sayori so they can remain together, Monika’s and Sayori’s relationship being put to the test with Ako’s arrival. The solution to the conundrum? Trust. Effort. Friendship.

The arc’s messages:

I am of the belief that most fiction carries a message. Most of it, obviously, not all of it. I don’t read Pop Team Epic expecting to learn about the meaning of love... or do I???

Anyway, I always try to put some message that can be extrapolated from the fantastical situations happening and applied to the real world. There are 3 messages I did my best to convey during Friendship. The first one applies to the arc, and the last two are things I’ve been trying to say during most of the story.

1. A friend confessing non-reciprocated feelings does not have to mean the end of your friendship.

Whenever I see the “this person got confessed to while in a relationship” story in media, the conclusion is always the same: don’t give in to the temptation, your romantic relationship is the more important one, discard the person who confessed from your life.

But what if the person who confessed is an extremely important person to you? What if in cutting them from your life you’ll end up causing more harm than good? Is it possible to continue being friends after rejecting them? Wouldn’t that be awkward?

I don’t want to generalize here. I know we all go through different paths in life, so being all like “this is THE solution to your problem!!” is obnoxious. But I do want to give hope to people who might be going through this situation and don’t wish to end the relationship. Especially those who might be shamed for “friendzoning” the other person.

Again, I’m not saying this is the one and only solution: sometimes cutting ties is the best for both of you. But sometimes, putting the extra effort to work through it together can prove more fruitful and rewarding. Yes, it may be awkward and weird at first, but remember: unreciprocated love eventually fades away, and friendship isn’t a step below or above love.

Even if what I’m saying doesn’t apply to all walks of life, you never know, maybe someone needed to hear that.

During the duration of the arc I was flooded with people asking me to take the chance to make it a Poly relationship. Surely enough, it would’ve been a fantastic opportunity to show a healthy poly relationship, everyone would’ve been fantastically happy at the end, and the “love triangle” trope has been done to death about a thousand times even though that’s the most obvious answer. To those people I want to say: You are so valid, and I love you all. But I wanted to stick to the message of “Friendship overcoming unrequited love”. Something that’s neither “I hate you, go away from my life”, nor “I love you, be my girlfriend”. Something more in-between. Something more like the stage of transition between friendship and love. You know, sort of like... a twilight.

I’ll get to why I wanted to convey this message in specific later in the post. This point has gotten long enough already, so I’ll move on to the next one.

2. The fact that bad things that are not your fault will happen to you is inevitable.

While we grow up, we learn a very simple and crucial part of life: your bad actions will have consequences. If you take cookies without permission, you’ll get scolded. If you spend your whole weekend playing video games instead of studying for a Monday test, you’ll get a bad mark. If you betray a friend, they will not trust you anymore.

From this we usually extrapolate that the reason bad things happen to us is because we made mistakes. And sure enough, that is true most of the time. However, as we grow older, we learn a secondary, less fair fact: sometimes bad things will happen to you, for completely unrelated reasons. And this is inevitable.

There was a very big moral debate during the most tense parts of the arc about which of the 3 protagonists was at fault for the events unfolding. Was it Sayori, for teasing Ako? Was it Monika, for making Sayori feel guilty about hanging out with Ako, and thus made her subconsciously try to seduce her? Was it Ako, for trying to break Sayori’s and Ako’s relationship.

I’m going to write the answer in bold because it’s important: none of the girls were at fault. They were all victims of a bad situation that was not their fault, and due to the stress of it all, ended up committing mistakes.

Sayori was put under a lot of stress due to Monika’s initial disapproval of her relationship with Ako, and even more due to her suspicions that her friend had fallen for her. She was not at fault for Monika’s attitude, nor was she at fault for Ako falling in love with her. Because of this, she committed the mistake of ignoring the problem and try to act as if it were not real.

Monika, due to her previous trauma and lack of self-esteem, immediately feared Sayori was going to abandon her for this new girl she met. Because of her fears, she subconsciously ended making her relationship with Sayori more stressful. Even worse, her suspicions that Ako was in love with her girlfriend were proven right. Monika is not at fault for her trauma or her triggers, and even though she did her best to support her girlfriend, the situation spiraled for the worse and she ended up seeing Sayori suffer, and there was nothing she could do. Because of this, she committed the mistake of becoming aggressive and making it even worse, which ended up translating as physical aggression towards Ako.

Ako went from being a girl with almost no personality to having her life being given a new meaning thanks to Sayori, which regrettably, ended up making her fall in love for Sayori. She was not at fault for her feelings, nor was she at fault for Sayori’s constant subconscious teasing. Because of this, she committed the mistake of acting up on her feelings, going as far as to flirt with Sayori in front of Monika.

The three main characters suffered from situations that were not their fault, and ended up making mistakes due to the high levels of stress they were being exposed to. In real life, this is very common, which is why at the end of every arc I try to give the same message...

3. Even if life is messy and awful things happen for no reason, the possibility of things getting better is always there.

No matter how ugly things get, or how bad the mistakes you make may be, there is always a solution. There is always something that comes after. There is always the possibility to get a happy ending.

Monika learnt from this experience to trust Sayori and herself more, and that aggression does not solve deep emotional problems. Ako learned that she should not have been as confident as she was with her feelings, much less try to hit on Sayori based on her assumptions. Sayori learned that running away from problems does not magically make them go away, and in fact, can make them worse.

Things got ugly. The situation got awful and uncomfortable. People who did not deserve it suffered. Stress caused them to commit atrocious mistakes that made it all worse. 

But they made it out ok.

They worked hard, learned from the situation, grew from the experience, and made it out ok.

And so can you.

Why did I decide to write an arc about this?

Both when I mentioned I wanted to add a new character, and when I introduced the love-triangle plot point, people came to the same conclusion: Yui is doing this because she ran out of ideas.

I assure you, that’s not the reason I wrote Friendship. The reason I wrote Friendship is because this situation happened to me.

Some time ago I met the person who would eventually come to be my best friend. A wonderful, amazing person with whom I quickly formed a beautiful relationship. It’s been years since I’ve had a friendship as meaningful as this one, so I wanted to protect it. Then, some months after we met, they confessed they were in love with me.

These were not good news. I was, and still am, in a committed and healthy monogamous relationship. I would not break my girlfriend’s heart by cheating on her, so the only possible option seemed to be break my best friend’s heart by rejecting them, which sadly, I had to resort to.

However, I did not want to cut ties with this person. The relationship we had was extremely important for both of us, and to stop all communication would end up causing more harm to our emotional well-being than good. What could we do?

We decided to stay friends, but to work together to help my friend overcome their unrequited love. To this day, we’re still best friends with each other. It has not been easy, especially for them, but mutual support and understanding goes a long way.

This was a very important and impactful moment in my life. I had something beautiful and hopeful about friendship, and I wanted to express my feelings the same way I always do: by writing in DDLitG about it.

You may not know this, but 99% of the posts in this blog are based on personal experiences. If a day I learn that there’s no reason to hold a standard for myself with my girlfriend, because she loves me and accepts me the way I am, I write about it. If I learn that helping others helps me deal with my own feelings of depression, such as dysphoria, I write about it. If I learn that a particular food or activity can have an emotional value over its own perceived one, I write about it.

After what happened, I really wanted to write about what I had learned. However, I couldn’t write about someone confessing to a character in a relationship, because all four protagonists were already dating. And there’s no way in all of hell that I’m making Natsuki cheat on Yuri to hit on Sayori, that’s downright offensive. Which is why I was like “Hey everyone, I have this idea I want to write about, but I can’t if I don’t introduce another character, so are you ok with that?”

This is why it couldn’t end in a poly either, as good of an idea as it was: I wanted to send a message based on what I learned with my own personal experiences. To betray that would feel like betraying myself. I’m sorry if that explanation doesn’t seem satisfactory for you, but it’s the truth ^^;;

That’s about all I wanted to say ❤️ I know I said I would explain Ako’s name, but I’m afraid this is far too long already, so I’m going to write a separate DDLitG Behind the Scenes chapter titled “What’s The Deal With Ako?”, where I explain her name, why she’s monochromatic, and the overall inspiration for the character, in case you’re interested~ ❤️

If you made it all the way here thank you SO much for reading. I know I wrote a lot, but it means the world to me that you’re this invested in the story and the messages I’m attempting to convey. I hope you found this enjoyable and that you’re leaving with some new insight regarding the last arc. Now we’re ready to move on with the story, and believe me, I’m very excited to keep this going~

Thank you all for your support!! You are all sensational~

-Yui ❤️

[softhaos]

RAPID EYE MOVEMENT

pairing – wen junhui x reader genre – humor + acting major!junhui + sorta tom and jerry relationship i guess description – it’s another day and another attempt to take pictures of junhui and get a good grade in photography class. alternatively, junhui plays you once again and you remain a dumbass. warning – some not-so-heavy insults here and there word count – 3,380 words author’s note – this wasn’t supposed to see the light of day until i published the long ass introduction to jun’s route but i did it anyway pls enjoy uwu

set in the victorious universe | can be read as a standalone

“The grades were distributed evenly this time, so pairing up is going to be simple: Asshats form a duo with Bitches. Cocksuckers, get yourself a Dickhead as a partner,” Seungkwan hollers.

You frown as you see the big fat ‘C’ at the top right-hand corner of your evaluation sheet. You had a relatively good feeling about your acting abilities at the last evaluation test but looking back at it, you start to share the opinion that your performance was average at best. Some gestures were forced, your expressions were exaggerated and your voice was strained at times. It takes you a sideways glance to see that you’re not the only one who overestimated themselves this time.

“Cocksucker,” Mingyu mouths at you before he runs his fingers through his hair; an act of exasperation he does out of habit instead of letting his frustration show on his face.

It takes you a second before the light bulbs go on in your head. You wonder why nobody has complained that Seungkwan, who is the TA and younger than the majority of students in this class, substitutes letters for unoriginal insults. Isn’t this what they call abuse of power? This definitely is an abuse of power. However, nobody doesn’t really seem to mind, even the ones who passed the evaluation with flying colors.

It’s quite easy to identify the grades the other people got. It’s a little hard to distinguish the B students from the C students, but whereas the B students let a hint of satisfaction linger on their faces for a while longer, the C students are either glad they didn’t rank in the worst grade or are simply frustrated. You and Mingyu fall into the latter. Pure mortification coats the faces of the D students and everything else, meaning happiness or the just-as-expected look, are the expressions of the A students.

Junhui is an A student, so he falls into the category Asshat.

His reaction is barely visible, it’s nothing more than a slight twitch of the corners of his mouth before he busies himself in cheering up an extremely whiny Seokmin. Yeah, he definitely is one of the Dickheads today.

You admit a C is totally fine. Given that it was your first evaluation test in the past few months and it’s still the beginning of the new semester, a C is a good starting point. There’s a lot of room for improvement and–

Who are you kidding, you hate that you delivered an average performance. And with Seungkwan’s restriction that as a C student, you must take a D student for the next assignment, you hate it even more. It’s not that you don’t want to work with someone who did even worse than you did, but you had the perfect scenario planned out in your head to prepare for Professor Jang’s assignment and emerge victoriously.

You still haven’t forgiven Junhui for playing you the last time and you never will unless you get your justice and get a good shot of him for your portfolio. It’s sad how you worry more about passing the subject you’re minoring in instead of the one you’re majoring in. But it’s Professor Jang after all, and you rather resort to more unethical morals than crushing under her agonizingly high standards to even get a satisfactory grade.

If it weren’t for Seungkwan and his stupid grade restriction, you would’ve called the dibs on Junhui, work with him for the next partnered assignment and secretly take pictures of him to throw into your portfolio and shove up Professor Jang’s face, since she absolutely adores him. At least there is a tiny loophole to pass her classes with ease. Bless Junhui’s impressive history as a child actor back in China. Maybe not bless him completely though, just a quarter. You’d rather throw him off a cliff first until you get a goddamn picture of him.

“Ah, I’m fucked,” you huff and carelessly drop the sheet on your desk.

“Being a cocksucker isn’t the end of the world,” Mingyu starts and you’re quick to cut him off.

“Don’t ever, ever use ‘cocksucker’ in that context again. And no, I wasn’t referring to my grade. Okay, it has a little to do with it but I am fucked in a sense of I can’t partner up with Jun–”

“I see where this is going.” Mingyu shakes his head and adds, “Don’t break your head about photography class too much. It isn’t even your major!”

“But it’s Professor Jang! I have every right to stress about my minor. Plus, I still need my payback after that stunt Junhui pulled on me.”

“As if it was that bad.”

“I snuck onto Professor Jang’s computer and found her stan twitter and Tumblr account. Not to forget her old ao3 account where she posted Marvel and Haikyuu fanfics. If that doesn’t sound like a traumatic experience to you then I don’t know anymore,” you deadpan. This isn’t supposed to spread amongst the students because you are certain, at one point someone is going to find out that it was you who found out and then Professor Jang is going to give you literal hell.

Also, you really don’t want to recall any of Professor Jang’s writings from back when she was still a student. (It’s not that her writing was bad, but her writing fanfiction out of all things is the last thing you expected from her.)

“Oh.” is everything Mingyu can fire back with.

You sigh and focus on the problem at hand. If you can’t secretly take pictures of Junhui at a convenient setting, then you’d have to either wait for a new opportunity like this or actually resort to borderline stalking him. As handsome as he is (of course you admit that, everyone can agree that he is indeed a very handsome guy) you don’t want to stoop as low as some other photography students who really go through with the latter for the sake of Professor Jang. But then again, doesn’t taking snapshots of him without his consent also count as stalking?

No, it’s all for a good cause. One picture never killed anybody before, not at this university, that is.

You’re so immersed in your thoughts that you don’t realize someone is standing in front of you until they tap your shoulder. You flinch and look up to a smiling and visibly calmer Seokmin.

“Hey, are you still free for a partner? I mean, only if you’re a C student. I’m sorry if you’re not one. It’s just, I overheard Mingyu saying that being a C student isn’t the end of the world and he directed it at you and–”

Before Seokmin ultimately becomes a tongue-tied mess, you say, “Sure.”

A wave of relief washes over Seokmin but his happiness fades away the moment Mingyu decides to butt in. “Good luck with Y/N’s current state. Y/N will need at least a week to cool down and focus on the assignment instead of complaining about not being Jun’s partner.”

You snap your head at Mingyu, staring him down with your what the actual fuck look and hastily defend yourself. “I swear, it’s not as bad as he makes it out to be! The context in this is so wrong–”

However, your defense falls on deaf ears.

“So… you’re crushing on Jun?” Seokmin asks in disbelief. Genuine curiosity is etched on his face and there’s no trace of disappointment whatsoever.

“Of course not!” you snort and you’re pretty sure that your pupils are shaking, desperately looking for any justified explanation that is not playing his fansite for a moment. “It’s just– uh, you know how they say that he’s the best actor on campus. I thought that’d be the best approach to ace the next evaluation.”

Thank God Seokmin is oblivious and doesn’t question the obvious lie you threw at him. Up until now, Mingyu has witnessed the entire situation and this time, he’s the one who sends you the what the fuck look. He’s about to interject and expose your true nature, but Seokmin is quick to respond.

“Maybe I can get Jun and his partner to practice with us a few times. No, not maybe, I’ll definitely succeed in that.” he smiles brightly, just as if he has hit the greatest realization.

You lift your brows in surprise and go along with him. “That’d be awesome! You think you could really arrange that?”

“Yeah!” he nods excitedly before agreeing to meet up sometime later in the week and skips back to his seat.

“I can’t believe you actually managed to do that. Seokmin basically handed you the invitation to be near Jun.” Mingyu deadpans.

You send him an innocent smile and shrug. “What can I say? Karma loves me.”

You recall that Professor Jang used to write Kagehina fanfiction and her bookmarks on ao3 all consisted of homosexual plot without porn. You could care less about her sexual preferences or orientation or whatever the right term is, but you’re pretty damn sure that she’d act like one of those Tumblr stans whenever they see two members of the same group up close and personal with each other. The picture of Professor Jang’s adoration for Junhui is up to the roof (at least, that’s what you think) so if you put these two elements together, she would explode.

Honestly, you can see the appeal of it. The real question is, who does not want to see Junhui trapping Seokmin against the wall like they usually do in romance anime?

“Don’t be panicked, Seok. The love interest is supposed to stay unbothered!” Kyulkyung, Junhui’s partner, shouts beside you.

“I would like to be unbothered but it’s impossible when he’s literally breathing down my neck!” Seokmin whines back and tries to become one with the wall, lurching away from Jun. The latter, however, isn’t having it and rearranges his hands even closer to Seokmin’s head, up until the point where he slunks down and tries to escape from below.

That seems to seal the deal because Junhui immediately retreats and lets out a long sigh. ���Seok, you need to relax.”

“I want to see you try to stay still with someone invading your personal space,” Seokmin mutters back as he looks over the script again. “We’ve already established that Y/N is the love interest, so why am I taking over this role?”

“I was just demonstrating how intimidating you have to be so that Y/N can pull off the role well. The love interest is supposed to feel uncomfortable but try to stay sane about it. You get it so far?”

“Yes!” Seokmin exclaims. Jun, on the other hand, doesn’t seem too convinced yet and sends Kyulkyung a pleading look.

“Kyul, can you try the lead on him?”

Without hesitation, Kyulkyung jumps up from her seat and marches over to the front of the auditorium. “You ready?” she asks Seokmin with a sweet and encouraging smile.

“Whenever you’re– eek!” Seokmin lets out a shrill high-pitched shriek when Kyulkyung slams both of her hands beside his head, invades his personal space even more than Junhui did and stares up at him coldly. It takes your best to not fall on the floor out of laughter and it looks like Junhui is having a hard time suppressing a devilish grin.

“I think I’m gonna get some drinks. This is making me tired. Anyone want something? Seokmin?” Kyulkyung instantly drops the boldface and returns to her usual, bubbly personality. Seokmin, still in shock and so close to suffering from heart palpitations, slides down the wall and only brings out a shaky nod.

“Water for him if you don’t mind,” you shout from the audience. Kyulkyung rogers that and is about to take off when Junhui says,

“Seok looks like he needs to say the light of day. You mind taking him with you?”

“You’re right. He does look like he’s about to die soon,” Kyulkyung agrees and crouches down to his level. “C’mon, let’s get some snacks.”

“Huh? Y-yeah, sure.” Even his legs are wobbly when Kyulkyung pulls him on his feet. Luckily, it doesn’t take long until he doesn’t walk like a drunk guy and with that, only two were left in the auditorium.

It’s not that you aren’t on speaking terms with Junhui, but the silence is still comfortable for you. Junhui wastes no time and picks up the script, his nose scrunching up a few times as he mumbles the words under his breath. You remain seated in the front row, your own script covering the lower half of your face. With him concentrating on memorizing the words, it’s the perfect time to snag some snapshots.

(You would’ve taken pictures of Junhui sandwiching Seokmin, but you don’t want to burden Seokmin even more and include him in your portfolio without his consent.)

You fish your phone out of your pocket and carefully let the camera lens peak over the script, your eyes flickering between Junhui and Junhui on the screen. He seems to remain oblivious and you pray that Kyulkyung and Seokmin won’t return anytime soon.

He suddenly stops talking and you hide your phone completely, feigning innocence. Junhui doesn’t pay you any attention though and rolls his shoulders back before he picks up his practice. However, this time he’s started to walk around the stage and swing his free arm around. You don’t see how in the world doing some exercises whilst practicing his lines is doing him any good right now.

Things start to go downhill for you the moment he drops the script and cages air between him and the wall. With the quick, sharp movements he’s doing, it’s pretty much impossible to take a clean shot of him. Even if it’s Junhui, Professor Jang won’t accept any blurry photograph as satisfactory. Also, you want to spare yourself from overusing Photoshop on one single picture.

You’re so immersed in holding up your script as natural as possible and simultaneously trying to find a good angle with your phone that you completely miss the presence sneaking from behind you.

“You're supposed to be practicing, not be on your phone, my dear child!”

You welp and instantly drop the phone on your lap followed by the script as you crane your head back and see Professor Yee towering above you. You’ve got used to his rather… eccentric choice of clothing and lollipop in his mouth.

“How long have you been standing there?!” you squeak and stand up, your phone and script now tucked under your arm. “Also, don’t scare a student like that!”

“I’ve got my ways, Y/N,” Professor Yee singsongs before he pays Junhui some attention too. “I just wanted to stop by. I didn’t know that you two decided to pair up for the upcoming evaluation!”

“We’re not!” both of you deny that claim in sync.

Not seeming to connect the dots, Professor Yee tilts his head to the side. “Why not?”

“Because he’s an asshat! I’m a cock–” he suddenly shoots you a horrified expression and then you get what you just said. Oh, fuck Seungkwan.

“Y/N’s a C student and I’m a got an A in the last evaluation. We decided to practice together as four with our respective partners several times,” Junhui steps in for you.

“How marvelous!” Professor Yee exclaims excitedly and drops down on one of the chairs. “I guess that you–” he points at Junhui, “–are the lead and you–” he gestures to you, “–are preparing the love interest. Isn’t that right?”

“Um, yeah,” you nod.

“Good! Then action!”

You need a while for the words to process in your brain. “Wait what?”

“I wanna see what you’ve done so far!”

“But we’re not partners–”

“Who cares? It’s not the official monthly evaluation yet, is it?”

“He’s right,” Junhui mimics, “It’s not the official evaluation yet, so let’s go through it once!”

With Professor Yee’s expectant eyes gleaming at you and Junhui’s indirect challenge, you have no other choice than to comply. Sighing, you place your script and phone on the chair and huff, “Fine. Let’s get it over already.”

While you and Junhui are slowly getting into character, Professor Yee picks up your script, flips through the pages and reads the instructions out loud with way too much enthusiasm. “Scene one, act three. Person A is completely done with B’s bullshit and decides to confront them then and there. Action!”

Junhui slams both of his hands beside your head as a sly smirk adorns his lips. “We need to talk.”

For a second, you’re starstruck. The guy just a few inches away from you is no longer Junhui pretending to be someone. It’s like he’s completely taken over the role and Junhui doesn’t exist right now. His hooded eyes hint danger and his close proximity causes goosebumps to form on your skin. You know you’re slightly shaking and now you understand why Seokmin had acted the way he did. You really didn’t expect Junhui’s acting to be so overwhelming.

But unlike Seokmin, you manage to stay in character.

“Are you serious? Get off me,” you spit out the words filled with disgust and try to push him away. He doesn’t give in though and instead, forces himself on you even more up to the point where his breath hits your face.

“We need to talk.”

You purse your lips and try your best to stay unaffected while he continues. “I don’t appreciate you doing things behind my back when they very much concern me too. I may have let it slide once or twice, but if I ever see you trying to take pictures of me in a painfully obvious way one more time, you’ll regret it.”

Wait a minute. That’s not part of the script. That’s definitely not part of the script.

Your mouth goes dry and your cheeks heat up once you realize he’s known all along. Suddenly, you feel like becoming one with the wall just like Seokmin.

“That’s not part of the script!” you scream and break out of character, pushing him away from you but that’s not enough to wipe the wicked grin out of his face.

“So what? You should’ve gone with it instead of breaking character! Ten minus points for Slytherin!” Professor Yee fires back. “There’s this thing called improvisation, y’know?”

You scoff at that lame justification. “That’s not the point of this evaluation!”

“But this isn't the official evaluation, my child.”

Beside you, Junhui can barely contain his laughter. It takes all of your might to not punch him in the gut.

“My work here is done,” Professor Yee stands up and dusts of imaginary dust of his pants. “You’re both doing a great job. Well, see you in the next lesson!”

Both you and Junhui force feign innocence until the professor is out the door. The moment the door falls in its lock, Junhui turns at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Heh, you’re easy to catch off guard. It’s even more amusing than seeing Seokmin go wild at parties.”

“Oh shut up.”

“I can’t believe you called yourself a cocksucker in front of the professor,” he snickers.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you’d just suck it up and be my goddamn model for one an hour!” you scowl back at him.

Just as if you just flipped a switch in him, you suddenly find yourself pressed up against the wall. Junhui’s expression is teasing, but there’s something else lies under it. Whether it’s pissed off or you really want to be killed huh, you can’t really deduce. Whatever it is, it’s not necessarily calming.

“I wasn’t joking when I said that,” he smiles at you. It’s not the genuine smile that makes you feel welcome, but the genuine smile that promises he won’t break this promise.

He’s about to add on to that when the door flies open and Kyulkyung awkwardly asks, “We’re not interrupting something, aren’t we?”

“Nope! Just acting!” you say and push Junhui away. At least he has the decency to play along and keep your dispute a secret.

What he doesn’t keep for himself though, is that Professor Yee popped in and how you called yourself a cocksucker in front of him.