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hatboyproject · 4 years ago

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This is very long, but it might be of interest to someone, somewhere. I was asked recently about the direction I'm taking this romance in and whether or not I'll be addressing certain disability specific subjects within it. The answer, of course, is yes - I have always planned to do this in one form or another. Whilst no single piece of media can address everything I'd like to say on the subject, and I am working within the bounds of a larger story with its own pacing and focus to consider, there's still room to touch on some of these things.

I'm aware that my interpretations won't always be the same as others'. They are my interpretations, coloured by my experiences and feelings, and ultimately, this is my mod - I'm writing it for everybody who 'wears the ballcap,' so to speak! But, it's my interpretation of this character that I'm trying to share with everyone. Different people "took the helm" (laugh, I'm hilarious!) on writing Jeff across the trilogy, and as time has gone on I've been trying to convince myself that it's okay to have my turn at doing that, too - albeit in a non-professional capacity. So... Let's get into my interpretation of Jeff, where his stuff comes from on my view, and how things went to get him to where we are at the beginning of ME3, where the romance can occur.

A lot of how I interpret him comes from experiences in my own life with my own issues, and with those of my loved ones, some of whom are physically disabled in similar (but not identical) ways to Jeff. Some of this carries an element of catharsis for me.

Mechanically and narratively speaking, what draws me to writing this romance is the contrast between how these two characters are strong. It's this core idea that strength doesn't have only one manifestation in a person. That loving somebody doesn't have to be done only one way, that it can be beautiful and passionate and fulfilling - even if, when it gets physical, the headboard can't exactly be made to shatter with the force of it all. For me, it's also an exercise in insecurity and dealing with feelings of frustrated inadequacy - something that has plagued me my whole life.

Yes, yes, he's fictional - but the only way for me to really get into a character is to think about them as if they're a real being. When I look at Jeff as a person, I see many things... Some very positive, some pretty negative... I try to see him as a complete person with strengths and flaws.

On the surface he is often defensive, dismissive, sarcastic, and emotionally avoidant. But why is that? He is highly skilled, dedicated and capable, and knows it, but at the same time is a person who is constantly overlooked, underestimated, and asked to work thrice as hard to get the same considerations. Even then, his validity is questioned often by almost everyone around him. Over time, combined with the realities of living with his physical condition, this has given him some deep-seated insecurities. He feels the need to brag about his skills because they are, ultimately, the one thing about himself that he is absolutely certain has real worth. He overcompensates for this by abusing rules and technicalities wherever he can, because I think he knows that if he played life by the rules, he'd never have gotten anywhere. It's a stacked deck, so why not hide some aces up his sleeve? When you don't fit in the box provided, you question the value of every box you see.

When a person lives with this long enough, it can get hard to swim against the tide of society's expectations and still remain chipper about it, let alone not internalise some of it. It can cause a person to create a shell constructed out of distrust and untruth.

Living with a disability can really suck sometimes, and the suck is compounded when having to deal with your own frustrations plus those of others. In my personal experience, that happens a lot.

There is a certain sense of alienation that it can create, and it can become a kind of Sword of Damocles. It can be easier to anticipate rejection and others' assumptions, inabilities to understand or relate than to keep reaching out, only to have the same tired conversations about being different. I see a lot of this in him. I understand the chip he has on his shoulder.

I also see an extremely sensitive, empathetic, devoted and boundlessly loving person under all that. In fact, it's because of these things that I think he actively tries to distance himself. At the core of his being, I see Jeff as somebody who loves quickly and completely. I think he sees that as a vulnerability, incompatible with what he's learned he has to do to survive... and also with the machismo thing that comes with being a pilot. I think on some level he's terrified of that about himself, but he also can't help it. Jeff is ride or die. So, he tells himself he doesn't care and never lets anyone in. Any time anyone showed interest, he'd shut them down, alienate them, distance himself, and get in the seat of something that flies.

I think up until now, (ME3) he's seen intimacy both as a thing he longs for, but is also afraid of because of his fundamental knowledge that he is different. He thinks he can't "measure up" to what he sees all around him. He sees romance as something that will lead to his inevitable rejection and being crushed, emotionally - and if he's not careful, physically, too. I think he's embarrassed about that as well. He's very interested where it comes to all that, but the things he likes to watch, he knows he can't do like that. His only experience is second-hand as a voyeur, so some of his perceptions about that are unhealthy for him. I think any kind of attempt by the medical professionals in his life to broach the topic and offer support on, he's angrily changed the subject, or stopped listening to, because of the entire mess above. I think Jeff is kind of a lonely person, and some of it is self-imposed, though the reasons for him thinking it's the right thing to do aren't all within his control.

All this is difficult for him to reconcile with, because he has been desperately in love with his commanding officer since almost the moment s/he met him, but entirely unprepared to face it.

I think at first it was easy for him to dismiss it as a stupid crush. Everyone gets them when cramped up in close quarters in stressful situations and the Commander's magnetism was hard to ignore. But then it became clear that Shepard really hadn't read his file and really hadn't made any assumptions at all about him. S/he just wanted to know him, and as time progressed and that actually bore out, it got hard not to really feel something powerful, even though s/he was the Commander and it wasn't strictly appropriate to think that way. But, then there was that thing about not fitting in the box provided...

I think he agonised over coming to Shepard with it, but ultimately decided it would be selfish with everything they were going through. I think there was a part of him that decided s/he'd never be interested anyway, not when there were other, healthier people to choose from... People who didn't have these hangups or need special accommodations made for them. I think he decided to keep it to himself, for what he felt was both their sakes.

If/When the Commander quietly hooked up with someone else, I think he had a lot of feelings all at once. On the one hand, the person he cared for most was finding some peace in all the craziness. On the other, he wished that particular brand of peace was shared with him. Most of the time there were more important things to worry about, but during downtime, I think it was on his mind a lot.

I think he feels very sheepish about it, but occasionally his jealousy got the better of him and he interrupted Shepard at moments that got too hard to watch on the security cams. He watched the cams around the ship lot, and listened in on all the others a fair bit. I think because he saw himself as being at a remove from most people in a lot of ways, it was easy to justify that to himself. I think he saw it kind of like listening to a podcast or a soap opera or... Nature documentary, almost, or something. He got to know all of them in this way... Parasocially at first, but gradually, socially too. He felt better about trying, because he had this secret edge. Not the greatest stuff he's ever done, but... Complete person. Strengths and flaws.

And then, the unthinkable happened. He couldn't accept that the ship was dying. He was sure he could save it... But when Shepard's hand touched his shoulder, when s/he'd come back for him, he knew it was over. And then, it really was over. Shepard paid the price for his arrogance. The person he wanted to protect the most spun off out into space. The communicator between his mask and that helmet was still in range for long enough that he could hear the choking. For a long time afterward, even hearing people cough made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

The Alliance grounded him. I don't think he even had the capacity to be mad about it. I think that was a hard time for Jeff. I think between being burdened with the knowledge of the Reapers, the loss of Shepard, and the weight of his guilt, he was pretty close to the very, very edge when Cerberus knocked on his door and made him a bunch of promises. Pretty sure those promises had nothing to do with leather seats and everything to do with Project Lazarus. I'm very sure that the promise of Shepard coming back is the reason he even let Cerberus pay for the surgeries he agreed to undergo, because I don't think he valued himself much at all at that point. I'm pretty sure it was being ready to help Shepard that he was thinking about when he was learning to walk on his painful legs without crutches for the very first time. When Cerberus offered him a big shiny reset button I think he took it without hesitation because there wasn't anything else to hope for. I think seeing Shepard in the docking bay galvanised him and without ever telling them so, he pledged his life to them even harder than before. I think he told himself that he would support Shepard in every way he could. He would go wherever, do whatever, and when dealing with him, try to give them what he knew they needed; a goddamn break.

So, fast forward again, and now we are here. With all of this in mind... Shepard might have had a dalliance with someone else, or might've been too damaged by their previous love interest on Horizon, or whatever. Either way, I think Jeff saw it as not his business to even dream about that. I think the guilt tore him up every time he looked at Shepard. I think he felt like on some level, he deserved the pain of unrequited feelings which only ever got more intense. If he didn't think himself worthy of it back then, doubly so now. I think during the six months of house arrest, he tried to visit, but the Alliance denied his every attempt. Then the attack on Earth happened.

And so now we have Jeff, who, just like other humans is confused and groping about for a sense of what's up and what's down. Fortunately for him, Shepard is part of that sense of stability. He's just better at hiding it, because avoiding it and telling himself to focus elsewhere is second nature to him by this point. But things are a little different, now. Shepard seems looking around for a connection too. Future days seem short in number and the rulebook less and less important by the minute. Denying it to himself becomes impossible, and even EDI prods him about it. Shepard won't stop being so goddamn nice to him and even responds with things that if he didn't know better, he could interpret as... But then all the old insecurities come rushing back and he's walking on his own damn eggshells again. Fuck it. It's time to admit it. To come clean. S/he has to know.

So he asks. And s/he accepts. He's equal parts thrilled, stunned and terrified. He's even on some level, suspicious. Is s/he setting him up for a fall? Are they angry about his responsibility? What do they want out of this, actually? He hasn't explained what it'd be like. That what they're doubtlessly expecting of him is unrealistic. That he's completely inexperienced. I think at this point, he's a bit pissed off with himself and feeling a lot of dread because he's pretty sure how this is going to go. He realises he's got so caught up in it that he's done things in the wrong order. Damage control. He has to talk with Shepard and explain what s/he should expect from him, because it will be different. Manage expectations because he's had to manage his own. He goes in steeled.

But s/he knows it will be different, it turns out. As ever, Shepard has made no assumptions whatsoever. S/he only wants to get to know him. Wants him for everything he is, and accepts what he is not. It was never an issue for them beyond understanding how to work with it, because he is worthy just as he is, and has worked hard enough. He has to teach them about his limitations, about underestimating and overestimating... But where there's a will, there's a way. Time for a few shared moments of peace before the end of days, and through all the craziness, something feels right at last. He feels safe enough to let Shepard in properly. Thus begins his reassessment of himself and reckoning with letting go of the insecurities he has that aren't actually his own, but come from outside.

Also he totally gets to sext the Commander now when s/he's on missions. Nice.

So. There's a lot more I could say and expound upon but it's been hours and I have stuff to do. That's my direction. It's not going to suit everyone, and I doubt I can get everything across... But I'll try. I'm just one person, with just one perspective, with just one version of this story. But I hope people like what I come up with surrounding this framework, because I have lived a lot of it myself. Just a few less Reapers in my version. Not everyone's experiences and responses will be the same.

#shoker #shoker mod #hatboyproject #jeff joker moreau #character study #my approach

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themusicplayedherlife · 5 years ago

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To Love is the Greatest Gift

1. The Return

pairing: obi wan kenobi x f!reader (past!din djarn x f!reader) characters: f!reader, anakin amidala-skywalker, padmé amidala-skywalker, mentiones of din djarin, obi wan kenobi, others word count: 2.6k+ warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of rent: the musical (death, second chances) uh... I think that’s it? summary: au!it’s never been the right timing for you and obi wan kenobi; maybe this time will be different. a/n: i started working on this story so long ago it’s ridiculous, but I suddenly had a surge of motivation to continue this story after some tragic family news. this was also very much inspired by @martlands and their amazing obi wan stories, made me want to write my own and here it is

all || next

“You broke up?”

One would think that the immediate reaction to someone asking if you broke up with your significant other would be to cry or begin to ask them what could have possibly gone wrong. But that’s not the reaction you give.

The reaction you give is just a shrug and a strong pop, as you spoon more gelato onto the little spoon his twins love collecting. “Yep.”

“After only three weeks of dating?” Anakin doesn’t know why he’s surprised, but he is. This is probably the shortest living relationship you’ve ever had. “Why?”

“Why not?” you answer easily, nonchalantly and you know it frustrates him. “It wasn’t working out, so we decided to call it quits.”

Not even a month ago, you had been genuinely excited about finally getting out there and meeting someone new, and even more excited when you were telling him all about this person you met while out with some old friends. You had said, word for word, “he might be the perfect contender!”

Where did all that excitement go?

You sigh, finally looking up at him and away from your white chocolate gelato that's just to die for. “Ani, it’s fine. It just didn’t work out. It happens.”

He grimaces. “What happened between you and Din—“

You bristle at the mention of your ex, narrowing your eyes and his widen in defense. You know what Anakin and Padmé think of him and it’s not entirely pleasant (particularly from Anakin’s part). It’s completely unfair. Din is lovely, sure a little socially awkward, but lovely nonetheless. “Has nothing to do with why Gar and I ended things.”

“But—“

“Nothing,” you reiterate with a bit more force and he sighs, lifting his hands in defeat while holding his own cup of gelato.

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry.” And then, like a light switching, he turns playful. “Was it his name that turned you off—Gar?”

You resist the urge to groan and roll your eyes. “Oh maker, you are annoying!”

You huff as you make the trek back to the trolley that’ll take you both up to the observatory. The rest of your conversation is forgotten as he navigates it towards continuing to tease you and the latest exhibit you had helped set up.

The Coruscant Observatory is one of the most popular attractions in the city aside from the Exotic Animal Sanctuary (where most zoologist work to help rehabilitate wild animals before reintroducing them back into the wild, only housing the ones that have been assessed to not be able to function in the wild on their own—which are unfortunately many).

Your place of work is known for its large, ground telescope; its monthly constellation exhibits; the multiple planetarium theater rooms that house lectures, activities, star projections, etc.; and its Astronomer Q&A program where visitors can ask astronomers questions and even get a tour of the space station.

However, most of your days are spent in your office, planning for the next exhibit or actually executing them with your team; meanwhile, Anakin spends them in tech, sometimes maintaining the telescope, other times helping with IT issues, but mostly making sure the theater rooms worked perfectly for their 4D immersion.

(You like to joke that out of the two of you, he has it easiest; sometimes he’ll run by your office to get to another part of the building while you’re doing something and you’ll yell out, “slacker” and he’ll respond with, “you just work too much”.)

“Are Padmé and the twins stopping by today?”

“Not today, maybe tomorrow,” he says as you both step out of the trolley along with a few tourists. “I think today they decided to stay for some school thing.”

“Shouldn’t you know what that school thing is?” you chide him out of jest.

He scowls, there’s hardly any heat in it and it makes you grin. “It’s a music performance that the CN Theater is putting on.”

“Ah, and we all know how much musicals bores you.”

“I just don’t understand them,” he murmurs defensively as you climb the few steps leading to the entrance. The two of you smiling and greeting Rex at his security post and bypassing the ticket gate with your IDs.

“You mean you don’t have any taste,” you tease.

“It’s weird! I mean, most of them are all about tragedies and betrayals. What happened to the good ol’ romance and happy endings?”

“Not all of them are tragedies, Casanova.”

The main rotunda lobby is full of people milling about, looking at maps or the foucault pendulum in the middle of the room. Low chatter fills the room, shoes clicking and clacking against the marble flooring.

“Name one.”

Spotting the trash can and recycle bin, Anakin holds his hand out for your disposable cup and spoon and throws them away in their proper bin.

“Rent.” There are probably better examples, but you had been listening to the original cast album the night before and have all the songs still stuck in your head.

“Don’t two characters die?”

“Angel and Mimi.” You nod. “But Mimi is brought back to life by Angel, and is given a second chance at life.”

“She may have been brought back to life, but that doesn’t take away from the fact she died.”

“I’m not arguing with you on that, I’m just saying the ending was hopeful—not necessarily a happy ending, but it left you thinking—maybe things can get better.”

“And that’s not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for—“

“What you and Padmé have?” you ask him as you both reach the door of your office.

He pauses, mouth opening and closing before finally rubbing the back of his head sheepishly and saying, “Yeah.”

You smile, genuine and happy for your childhood friend. Who would’ve thought that years ago when you introduced them, they’d be here years later—married and with twins. You and Anakin sure as hell didn’t. For most of your childhood, you both believed you’d live out your life on Tatooine, hang with the same friends you’ve known since your pre-kinder days and eventually get married to each other—much to the dismay of your parents—because of benefits or whatever, until your parents decided they wanted to send you off to a private school in one of the major cities, derailing your and Anakin’s plan (for the better, if you’re being honest).

“You’re still coming over for dinner, right?”

“Yeah,” you answer, unlocking your office door with your key. “I have a meeting that might go over the expected time, but I should be able to make it on time.”

“Just let us know,” he says, rapping his knuckles against the door frame. “But you better be there! We have some planning to do!”

You roll your eyes and wave him away, promising he and his family will definitely see you at five. With a hearty chuckle he salutes you and leaves the door slightly ajar, just like you usually do. It’s your “you can come in to ask me questions, but knock first, please” visual telling.

With a soft exhale, you drop yourself into your creaking office chair, eyes landing on the first picture on your right—a younger you, only 18, fresh out of your uniform smiling wildly with a large bouquet of flowers that you can still distinctly remember the smell of.

“I am in love!” Padmé exclaimed, squealing in absolute delight at the flowers put in your hand.

Blue eyes crinkled with amusement, staring down at you. “Are you?” His voice was low, teasing and almost smug. He had obviously heard the gasp that escaped your lips when he presented you the colorful bouquet created with your favorite flowers that his father grew in their little garden.

“Irrevocably,” you answered, not able to hide your smile as you gently held it against your chest and smiled up at him. “They’re beautiful, Obi. Thank you.”

Obi Wan’s arm is wrapped around your shoulder, caught in the action of a booming laughter. He was always laughing in pictures. There isn’t a single picture you have of him that he isn't smiling.

Your finger gently trails over his smiling face. Maker, you miss him.

Is he still traveling? Or has he finally settled down again? Will he show up and spring some unexpected news on you again? Stars, you hope not. Shit didn’t go as planned last time and it probably wouldn’t again.

Your hand falls limply and you swivel in your seat, looking out the large glass window overlooking the majority of the city and sigh softly—an exhale of wary hope and sadness.

A bird soars by your window, it’s wings flapping effortlessly, diving before flying higher and away.

He’s not coming back. You know this. Coruscant just isn’t the same anymore. Not when he feels this city has taken everything from him.

One more year visiting Gui Gon without him.

The meeting runs longer than it usually would, just like you had expected. Checking the time, you let out a curse and quickly throw your belongings into your car.

Without wasting time, as soon as you switch on your engine, you place your phone on the dock and say, “Hey C-3PO, call Padmé.”

“Calling Padmé,” your phone’s AI answers through the speakers of your car.

“Are you outside?” Is how she greets you. There are loud noises in the background, children squabbling about something or another, and Anakin’s weary voice trying to rally them.

You snort, pulling out of the undergroundparking lot. “Not yet, barely got out of my meeting and am on my way.”

“Please hurry, the twins really want to see you and are dying from hunger,” she says, amusement in her voice and not at all trying to hurry you. “They might start eating Anakin soon.”

“Hey, don’t bite that!” He yells from a distance.

“Hurry, please!” you hear over the phone—Luke. “I miss you,” he says, closer now. Which you immediately reply saying you miss him too, almost cutting off the next voice.

“And I’m hungry!” Leia’s voice follows his, practically yelling into the phone.

You laugh fondly, just imagining the childish glee on their faces at your scandalized gasps and your exaggerated “me too” answers.

“Leia, no yelling,” Padmé scolds her, gentle and kind. “Softer, please.”

“Sorry,” she says. “I’m hungry,” she repeats, softer, almost a whisper.

“Give me twenty minutes and I’ll be there,” you promise. “If not, you have my permission to start eating your dad.”

Leia and Luke break into a fit of laughter, yelling something away from the phone to Anakin, who once again lets out a loud, “Hey!”

Padmé chuckles, moving away from the voices of the children tackling their father and their play fighting. “Take your time, we’re not in any hurry to start eating. The kids had a hearty lunch and a snack after school.”

“What about you and Anakin?”

“We’re fine, don’t worry. Just get here safely and we’ll see you soon.”

You end the call with one last reassurance from her and let out a loud sigh when your car comes to a stop behind a long line of glaring red lights—traffic. You hate traffic.

You might be surrounded by blinding lights and different models of vehicles, but it leaves you alone with your thoughts, the low hum of your engine and music from your stereo drowned out by the chattering in your head.

It’s never just one thing that you think about. It can go from one thing to another, to all of them trying to climb over eachother and be the most present: your friends; your family; the dog next door; Din and Baby; cinnamon apple cookies; the beach house in Naboo; sneaking out of the prep dormitories at 2am with Padmé keeping an eye out and Obi Wan holding his arms out for you; rose gardens and peach tea; freckles on blushing skin; drunken singing in a small living room; 21st birthdays crying in a bathroom stall; that stupid movie quote about choosing life; death; but sometimes (most occurring) it’s Obi Wan that weaves into every thought.

He’s a constant plague in your mind, has been since the first time he left Coruscant in search of himself.

Sometimes they’re pleasant thoughts, memories kept in a nostalgic trunk that you occasionally like to sift through. Other times, they’re not so pleasant; those are the ones you constantly struggle with, try to push into the recesses of your mind and keep them under lock and key. But for some stupid, strange reason, your mind only ever remembers the bad, even when there are better things to dwell on.

“I just—I just don’t understand why you have to leave—Obi. Obi!” you practically yelled, watching him move around his room, grabbing and throwing things he pulled out into his duffel bag. “Listen to me!”

He didn’t stop, not until you reached for his duffel bag and plucked it out from his hands. He stared at you, his duffel bag carelessly thrown to the floor with his clothes spilling out.

Your breathing was labored, a sick feeling swimming in your stomach, words stuck in your throat now that he wasn’t hiding his beautiful blue eyes from you—his devastatingly heartbroken eyes. “I have to,” he finally said, breaking the silence. “I need to leave. This house—this city, it's suffocating me. I can’t—I can’t stay here anymore.”

“Obi… Obi, please.” You can’t leave me. You can’t! Please! Please, Obi.

“I need to do this for me, darling. I’m sorry.”

You should’ve fought harder that night, should’ve convinced him to stay, but instead you helped him pack again with tears obstructing your view and sobs escaping your lips. Maybe if you had, you wouldn’t have lost him.

No, your breath stutters as you lean back into your car seat, there was nothing you could’ve done. Either times. He had made up his mind long before that night.

A car honks their horn to your left and you jump, eyes focusing once more on the red lights of the car in front of you. You wipe at your face harshly and straighten your spine.

That was years ago, little one. Shake it off.

Sighing softly, you look up at the street name and make a turn onto the Skywalker residence street, your shoulders relaxing when their two story home comes into view.

Shake it off.

Parking isn't easy to find in their neighborhood, not when it’s so close to the observatory and some of the most visited parks in the area, but you manage to find one just two cars away from their house.

Gathering your things, you lock the door behind you and quickly make your way down the sidewalk, phone in your hand and typing out a message that you’re here.

It’s while you’re hitting send that you don’t notice the body in front of you, staring up at the house with an almost wary expression on his face, or how his eyes widen when they see you. It’s not until you collide into his body, soft with a fleece cardigan, that you notice him. Embarrassment begins to boil in your blood as you quickly apologize to him, berating yourself for not being more aware of your surroundings.

“Kriff, I’m so sorry—“ you start, but the apology catches in your throat when you look up.

“Hello, there.” Blue eyes, so soft and kind, like the ones you once used to dream of stare back at you—so unlike the pair of eyes you saw years ago. “It’s been a long time, darling.”

You can’t shake him off.

#obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan x reader #obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan kenobi imagine #obi wan kenobi imagine #reader insert #ben kenobi #star wars imagine #au #f!reader

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miraculouspaon · 5 years ago

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Hamefura Harem Ranked

I’m bored and I just caught up with the My Next Life as a Villainess light novels so here’s the harem ranked:

11. Dewey. He’s twelve??????????? Is this, like, a thing in otome games? Because Katarina is just like “oh yeah the sequel game introduced a Younger Man for players who are into that” but? he’s? twelve?

10. Keith. Siiiiiiiiiiigh. It’s a shame ‘cause he might be the one I’m personally most attracted to? Normally anime characters don’t do it for me but I really like his dumb vests and his dumb hair. But. He’s. Her. Brother. And he didn’t HAVE to be, Katarina’s father could have just been like “I’m naming Keith as my heir so he’s living with us” and they could have kept the relationship friendly without being familial! But no it’s all “little brother” this and “big sister” that and it’s gross and the books know that but they don’t seem to get HOW gross it is.

9. Nicol. There’s a lot of telling and not much showing when it comes to his Mysterious Allure and at the end of the day he’s mostly a nothing character, also his sister does all the work for him, not a good look. Also he only likes her because she was the first person who said something nice about his sister? That’s a weird reason to fall in love with your best friend’s fiancee. And plenty of people have said nice things about Sophia since then. Move on, dude.

8. Uhhh the other new one, not Dewey or Sora, the one that’s secretly a farmer. Completely blanking on his name but he’s into farming, and Katarina is way more interested in farming than romance, so that’s nice.

7. Sophia. She and Katarina have a ton in common and she’s the reincarnation of Katarina’s best friend so you’d think she’d rank higher, but she just does not actually seem that interested to me. I think she remembers being Katarina’s friend and losing her young on some level and doesn’t want to lose her again, but her interest seems 100% platonic to me. She also spends all her effort campaigning for her brother. If you want Katarina to be your sister-in-law, just marry Keith! He’s perfect for you, he can redirect all his weird Older Brother energy towards you, which based on your relationship with Nicol you’d be super into, but you two aren’t actually related so it’s not gross.

6. Sora. Fun guy as rascals go. Plus I like a good kidnapping meet-cute.

5. Alan. I like their interactions as kids, I like that Katarina helped him start defining himself on his own terms instead of in relation to his brother, the musician thing is pretty hot. His voice is kind of annoying in the anime though.

4. Raphael. His backstory gets me GOOD, god damn. Poor little kid loses his mom and has to pretend to love the woman who murdered her so he doesn’t get murdered too? Grows up haunted by a homicidal ghost but thinks it’s just a part of himself? Still manages to resist all that darkness when Katarina breaks through his defenses? Like, goddamn. I really wish the anime had given his backstory an entire episode, the pathos hurts so good. Plus in the books his redemption arc is “gets punished with office work”, it’s harsh.

3. Mary. Maybe my personal favorite member of the harem. I love that in the original game she’s just this timid wallflower but for some reason Katarina’s influence transforms her into a goddamn powerhouse of ambition and accomplishment. Her crush on Katarina is like a real-life nerf, if she was able to move on and focus on other things she’d be running the country in like a week. She and Jeord should marry and conquer the world together.

2. Jeord, or whatever the fuck his name is. I’ve said this before, but “black-hearted sadist” HAHAHAHAHA. In the latest book he stoically confesses to Katarina the crime of *checks notes* having a grandfather that slept around. And he’s all, “It disgusts me to be related to such a man, do you hate me forever???” It’s very cute. And, unlike almost every other member of the harem, Jeord seems to be in love with Katarina entirely because of who she is, and not because she did something for him at a formative age. He just genuinely finds her fascinating and is in love with her because of it. It’s sweet. I guess he’s a little aggressive sometimes but lately Katarina seems kind of into it, albeit in an overwhelmed way, and for all Jeord’s game he’s kissed her, like, maybe three times?

1. Maria. Duh. I wish Maria were a little bit more interesting as a character, she’s like a little too blandly good at everything and Pure and Sweet BUT Katarina is so goddamn in love with her it doesn’t matter, nobody else could possibly be at the top of this list. Plus thematically it’s just too much fun for Katarina to wind up with the player character, the one that everybody is supposed to be in love with. By the logic of their world being a video game, Maria is the only one with free will! She gets to choose in a way that no one else does, and she chooses Katarina! Also in the latest books Katarina risks her life to save Maria and now Maria’s all desparate to level up so that never happens again and she can be the one saving Katarina instead, it is WONDERFUL.

#my next life as a villainess #katarina claes #maria campbell #jeord stuart #otome isekai #hamefura

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hannya-writes · 4 years ago

Note

Hihihi! I know it's kinda crazy and I just found your acc but I was LITERALLY thinking about a Marvel-SVU crossover and found yoooooou. I mean... The algorithm lead me to you. It's ✨ Destiny ✨ haha So I was wondering if you could write something Marvel-SVU kinda with Carisi x reader (i don't know if you watch agents of shield) where reader has to go UC for Shield and falls in love with him and he finds out she's Shield etc. I don't know if I'm making any sense rn I'm just really happy I found you. And now I sound creepy but it's already too late and I'm sending this.

Dear @lapaquerette : I do not watch Agents of shield, but I did my best! I swear I did! 😭 you totally made sense! But I feel like there's part of this story that are not so good, anyways~ let's get to the story!!

Title: Don't Tell anyone

Fandom: MCU and Law and order SVU

Pairing: Sonny Caruso x Reader

Other characters: no, I think no

Category: romance

Warnings: this doesn't have a happy ending bc I'm bad writing those! This is long I think.

Author's note: for a moment I thought of making this a serie, but my head couldn't stand it! I don't feel like I can picture Carisi in the right way so probably he's going to be very OOC. Also I'm not supper proud of this because I literally did what I wanted with the time line, Captain America: Winter Soldier happens in 2016 however Caruso es ADA in 2020 if I'm not wrong but in this case the events of winter soldier happen in 2020. Also there's like 2 years of difference btw WS and Civil War, and I tried my best! To make everything fit, but you know, you can kick my ass in comments.

• • •

The mission was supposed to last just a couple of days. Y/n had to pose as an assistant to the Junior ADA's why did they need assistance she didn't know, but when Nick fury assigned her there she just didn't dared to ask.

"Find out what's going on there" he had said as if it was a life or dead situation.

Pepto. That's what happened. High expectations was the other thing happening. The Junior ADA's where being pressed, running towards death case by case.

It was boring, the first two days Y/n had played "who's the jerk of the room?" She had found more than one, stress made that to people. Who cares about cordiality when they had to put people in jail? The answer was Dominic "Sonny" Carisi.

Sonny never yelled or snapped at people, he always asked nicely about papers, he said "Good Morning" and "thank you". He was a gentleman, a knight in a shiny armor. He made funny jokes even when he was struggling with a case.

Y/n had felt a weird desire to help him after just one encounter. The puppy eyes, she reasoned. After that day when he was in court she appeared there, sat and suddenly the people being cross-examined poured the truth without control or bursted in fit of rage confessing everything. She wasn't making something bad, she was helping, which she was supposed to do. No one was going to link her to those incidents. No one knew what she could do.

— copies, now — one of ADA's order her and she almost pushed the asshole and told him to do it himself, it was only a copy machine, he only had to push a button! However, Y/n was a trained spy, she had control over every muscle in her face to not make a disgusted expression at the tall and skinny man. 63 ways to kill him appeared in her head in a second.

— Sure thing — she said in a gently tone, entertaining her mind in the more horrible ways to deal with Tommy.

Tommy Parish, a bully in and out of court, linked to the Irish Mafia. He thought he was a big fish, prepotent but surprisingly brilliant. He was like a weasel. He wasn't that important. Shield wasn't interested by his night activities. They thought there was something else, something more important. Y/n didn't think so. The more interesting thing there was...

— Oh, Sorry didn't meant to...— Sonny said as he almost hit Y/n with the door.

— my fault, I was standing here like a creep — she took the guilt with a sheepish smile.

— A penny for your thoughts — he said as he walked outside and Y/n instinctively followed, as she usually followed after director Nick Fury,

— I think I'm being punished — she said while walking aimlessly, if Sonny had walked in the male restroom she would have probably followed him blindly.

— punish? For what? Did Tommy said something mean to you again? — the blond man sounded concerned and for Y/n it was refreshing, people around her tended to be more defensive around her than being worried about her well being.

— no! I think Tommy is warming up to me — Y/n said proudly — it's my umm... Dad, he send me to live here and I think is because he is mad at me —

There was a small silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

— why would he be mad? You are amazing! — Sonny sounded so positive and brilliant, he always seemed to have that aura around him, even in the worst cases. Y/n noticed it, and worried her when he started to lose his shine.

— in my last job, I made a mistake and people got hurt — the confession was sincere. She wasn't lying, she was omitting that those people didn't just "got hurt", they died. She had killed them.

— You are human, humans make mistakes — he said stopping in front of an embellished door. — talk later? — he asked and Y/n nodded with a smile.

•••

After a month everything still was normal. No conspicuous action, no weird people. Y/n wondered why was she there? Was she really being punished by Fury? She had made a mistake, she had chose to save a person, she couldn't know that the objective was going to detonate the whole place. She couldn't read every single thought, her brain would melt if she even tried.

— Sorry, I need to... — said Sonny pointing at the copy machine, y/n blushed for being caught spacing out, again for the 4 time in a week

— I'm so sorry, allow me — y/n extended a hand offering to make the copy for Carisi.

— don't worry, I can push a button — he said making her smile and feel weird.

— please Mr. Carisi, let me be of help — she offered tilting her head a little bit, Sonny found that little action distracting and cute enough to give her the papers he needed to copy.

He saw her move, she was so elegant even just making copies.

— thank you — he told her sighing exhausted.

— don't worry Mr. Carisi, I'll do this, get it in a folder and get it back to you, why don't you go rest your eyes a bit? — she asked with a smile, noticing his tired demeanor

— I'll do it, if you start calling me Sonny — he negotiated and she laughed whole heartedly — come on, everytime you call me Mr. Carisi I feel like you are talking to my father —

— fine, you got yourself a deal — she offered her hand and he took her in his bigger one. Sonny felt asleep with the sound of the copy machine working.

— Sonny, Sonny — Y/n soft voice took him out of dreamland, he found out in that moment that his Nickname sounded awesome from Y/n lips.

•••

From Sonny's eyes y/n was an amazing woman who was able to help everyone with their tasks, she made copies, keep archives ordered, got everything for everyone. She made time to know all of the junior's ADA's of "her room", she served coffee when needed, got them food, kept clean clothes for them just in case. She was like a mother. Sometimes she even helped them found the info they needed. She made all of that and made it with a polite smile. She had been there for like a year and their interactions where short, but he was head over heels for her.

Why? Because she got a great sense of humor, she was nice, smart, sassy when needed, had an excellent memory, she made the best black coffee he had ever tasted. She never got nervous no matter the circumstances. He didn't understand how or why was she assigned to be the "mother hen" of 7 ADA's, but he was thankful. Some days became better the moment she gave him a smile and he imagined that smile was just for him.

Sonny pinched the bridge of his nose in pain. It was past midnight and he was still in his office, working on papers. Practicing his opening statement.

— the truth... The truth....— he repeated trying to remember the next point of the speach. He grunted frustrated.

— Sonny? — the sudden voice made the attorney jump and Y/n laughed.

— Geez, doll! — he exclaimed surprised — You should use a bell — added more awake than before.

— doll? — Y/n questioned rising an eyebrow, Sonny turned red.

— Sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect you — he quickly apologized.

— you didn't, I actually like it — she admitted — I'll allow it — added in a solemn voice — with a condition councilor, only in private I don't need more gossips going around—

After saying those words, Y/n knew that she was digging her own grave. She liked Sonny.

•••

Y/n looked at her phone horrified. Nick had send her and encrypted message. Which was resumed to: You are free of SHIELD, live the life of Y/n Veith. The life he had created for her, an identity that couldn't be connected to the Spy agency. Y/n Y/l/n had died in what they called something like the purge of Hydra. He didn't needed her. He had died. Captain america had basically destroyed the corrupted SHIELD. This was her life now. She was what? a secretary? An assistant?

She should had fail with SHIELD, she should had been there with Fury, protecting him. But she didn't. She pretended nothing happened and followed his last order to her: live like Y/n Veith.

She went with the flow. Acted like everything was just fine, made a routine, followed it to the last point. Untill one day out of the blue she broke down crying in Sonny's office. He was her friend.

— what happened? — he asked on the other side of the desk, surprised that in the middle of his speech, y/n started crying. The case was difficult, a father died to protect his daughter. The teenager girl had been raped and her father was killed by the rapist. It was way more complicated but, that were the facts.

— sorry, sorry — she said cleaning her face with her hands, Sonny approached and offered her a handkerchief that she took hesitantly. — I lost, I lost him — she stuttered.

Sonny kneeled by her side, took the handkerchief and cleaned her beautiful face.

— I'm so sorry, doll — he said even if he didn't understand, Y/n felt his consternation.

— my father died — she said with a soft voice — my house burned down — she added and Sonny understood, her father adopted her, he had saved her and then lost it all. The case had hit too close to her.

— Come on, we had enough of this case — he decided getting up, taking her hands to get her to stand — I'll take you home — he said and she smiled with sadness.

— I don't want to go to my department — she confessed getting up and Sonny gave her a soothing smile.

— We can go to my place — he offered without a second intention, she nodded and they walked away from the office, Sonny ordered an Uber.

Outside of One Hogan place with a heavy heart, y/n leaned against Sonny and he hugged her while waiting for their ride, and during the ride.

Y/n fell asleep without nightmares for the first time in the 6 months after the dead of Nick. Sonny by her side, over the covers and behind a "wall" of pillows fell asleep with the image of a peaceful Y/n.

•••

Three months later, Y/n entered Sonny's little office, she said a "sorry to interrupt", the blond man stopped writing and turned to her eagerly, he tried to suppress his desire to look into her eyes but he wasn't that good at that.

He hadn't seen her in more than 14 days thanks to his overflow of cases and her being stole by homicides DA, who had discovered she was very good in investing.

She muttered a "what?" In mockery, as if the distance and time hadn't even happened and added a "I got you a donut!". A donut that he had craved since morning but wasn't able to get. He sighed a laugh, sometimes it was as if she could read his mind.

— you are life saver, doll— he sighed in relief taking the donut from her hand.

— Should I get you some coffee? — she asked with that caring tone that made him feel special.

— I would love that — he accepted as she merrily went to the coffee machine and poured him a cup and then a glass of water.

Sonny wondered about where did those pretty and elegant glasses came from, have they always been there? She left a bag in the table and walked back to him. He pretended to be working but it was hard to act when she was walking towards him with that dark red pencil skirt that hug perfectly the curb of her hips, the black blouse making contrast, hanging a bit loose over her torso.

— thanks doll — he said when she put the coffee and water in a corner of the desk, he looked at her with a smile — water? — he asked with a joking tone, y/n nodded

— yes, sir — she said in the same joking mood — I took an account of the caffeine you ingest by day, this could be dangerous for your health, so for every cup of caffeine, one of water — she explained with as much confidence as a lawyer making an opening statement.

— are you worried about me? — he was almost flirting, she blushed even if they sometimes flirted a bit.

— I worry about all of you — she pointed out and gave a mischievous smile that made Sonny blush.

— thank you, doll — he quipped with a smile, she smiled back and walked away to Parish desk, the man sat there looked down to his papers as Y/n put a bagel by his hand.

Sonny noticed how Tommy's ears got as read as a tomato and turned to look at her with adoration, the same look the other ADA's got everytime she was near. He had seen how things slowly changed with Y/n presence, at first they were rude, condescending, then they realized that she was excellent in her work. She had saved all of them more than once with little actions.

Y/n had a charming aura and some men in the office had asked her out, Tommy included, but she always turned them down, with an excellent excuse. "I'm seeing someone".

Carisi wondered who. Who was she dating?

•••

— Coffee — she announced as she took a folder and put it carefully away.

Sonny smiled and suddenly thought of Y/n lie about she seeing someone. She had never tell him about her boyfriend, he thought of all of those slice of life moments they had, the banters they have, the many times she had helped him. The times she would stay in his apartment so she wouldn't be alone.

Was he the person she was seeing?

— do you have plans for tonight? — he asked abruptly and Y/n looked at him surprised.

— I got a date with my bed, but I can reschedule — she offered with a smile, she could rest later, she had to enjoy every moment with Sonny.

— do it, I'll take you to a wonderful place — He said with all of his confidence, she giggled — after work? — she nodded contently.

— It's a deal — she said before walking away with a big smile in her face.

Sonny felt stupidly happy. It was him. She was dating him unofficially.

•••

That night Y/n tried to look as perfect as was possible in work clothes, she had refreshed herself, use a little more of make up. She was excited, she really liked Sonny and had wanted to go on a date with him, no work talk, no solving ways to state a question. She wanted to know him in a more personal way.

They sat in a table of a nice looking bar, a decent one. It wasn't pretentious, they actually served food and not just greasy fast food. She had told him distorted versions of stories with her "family and friends", (since she couldn't talk about her real life and training) like that time her father had taught her how to use a gun for her homework and she discovered she had weak fingers.

She heard about his time as a Police officer, a detective nonetheless! Sargent Benson seemed to be a very empathic person, Detective Tutuola was definitely a funny man, Amanda was for him like one more of his sisters. And Sonny discovered that she was adopted by a man called Nick, Nick Veith he guessed, since he thought that was her real last name.

She had two "adopted" sister and a brother: Maria, Natalie and Clinton. Maria was righteous, Nat was smart and sassy, Clint was funny and sometimes really annoying. Sonny thought he would get along easily with them.

They laughed between stories, they were getting fun untill Y/n felt there was something wrong. Something was about to happen. Something bad.

— Something wrong? — Y/n barely registered Sonny's voice before jumping over him yelling a "get down". A telekinetic wake made the other around people fall to the ground just in time as a rain of bullets came from the broken windows.

Sonny heard the glass breaking, people screaming in panic. Saw the bullets fly over him and the bottles in the bar breaking in slow motion. He had never experienced anything like that. The light weight of Y/n over him. And his monkey mind thought about how right that felt.

There was a "clank" from a gas' bomb, then a flash and a cloud of white smoke. People stood up and started running.

— Y/n — Sonny pulled her to see her face, he thought she would be scared, paralyzed from fear. However, when he saw her face there was no fear, she seemed confused, puzzled. — come on, we have to move —

Y/n was thinking the same, but she didn't know what was the right move: defend everyone there using her not-so-human powers? Run away and pretend to be a delicate woman, scared of the situation?

— doll? — Sonny sounded worried and in almost panic, a switch turned as boots hit the floor of the bar.

— Stay behind me — Y/n said with confidence getting up, feeling the presence of 8 people surrounding them, circling them. — and... — she looked at Sonny worried — don't get scared — she pleaded softly.

— Y/n Y/l/n surrender yourself — someone yelled and the woman felt her skin crawl, she hadn't hear her name in more than a year. It sounded good.

— is this about the accords? — She thought, aware of the Sokovia accords and what they proposed. She hadn't signed them. No one was supposed to know about her, her powers, she hadn't expected the government to notice her.

Nat? Clint? Maybe Maria had told them.

— That's right, put your hands in the air — the man ordered in a shout. Y/n closed her eyes and closed her hand in a thigh fist, making the fog disappear.

— Sorry, I can't do that— she confessed pushing the man with telekinesis. — I'm not a weapon you can use —

A new row of bullets flew towards Y/n and Sonny. A bright green light appeared in her eyes and all of the bullets stopped in the air, traces of the same light that made Y/n shine seemed to contain the little bullets like tendrills, the bullets turned in the air pointing at the squadron that was attacking her

— Y/n, no! — Sonny made her react, the tendrills disappeared and the bullets fell useless to the ground as the woman turned to see the Attorney.

— Sonny, sonny — she stuttered worried— no, no, no, no, I would never hurt them, I'm not a monster, I'm not! — she said almost in panic,not because of the attack but for the ideas Sonny could get.

Sonny saw the green and now red light form an eyes over Y/n, then monsters from nightmares formed from the light, monsters like dogs, with skulls covering the hideous animals with blood dripping from their snouts, bodies wet with a black substance. The animals roared and jumped to defend them.

Y/n saw fear in Sonny's eyes. She recognized it, a bright tendril started to form in the exact point of her heart, the fear taking form in her presence. Her hand squished the light over her chest, stopping something else to form.

He didn't know what to say. Carisi knew about the avengers, the new york incident had affected his work, he had saw everything about "ultron", he was informed about Tony Stark and the avengers every move. But he didn't know what was he supposed to say? "Sign the accords" was what he wanted to say. It was selfish for him to ask that, he couldn't do it.

— doll, you're not a monster— he finally found his own voice to say that. — but you have to go —

— Sonny, I... — the ADA put a strand of hair behind Y/n ear taking her by surprise.

— If you don't mind, I'll like to kiss you — he said making her blink in disbelief.

— yes please...— she said and Carisi smiled brightly, his large hand caressed her cheek and softly leave a tender kiss in her soft lips. It barely lasted more than a second. When Carisi opened up his eyes, everything was back to normal. Like a couple of minutes ago, right before the shooting.

In the table was a note: "Don't tell anyone" he recognized Y/n writing. He wondered if everything had been a dream, a hallucination. A part of him told him that no, that couldn't be his imagination. Y/n had left.

#law and order special victims unit #marvel fanfiction #marvel cinematic universe #reader insert #marvel #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #sonny x reader #sonny carisi x y/n #sonny carisi x you #ada sonny carisi #requested #law and order svu

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princesssarisa · 5 years ago

Text

“Beauty and the Beast”: Belle’s beautiful discontentment (warning: long)

In my Feminist Defense of the Animated Belle, I addressed most of the issues I’ve heard people complain about regarding Belle’s character. But there was one I didn’t touch on, because it has very little to do with gender roles: the common complaint that Belle is a “snob.” I’d like to discuss that topic now. I’d also like to use it as a springboard to discuss a valuable aspect of Belle’s character that sets her apart both from certain Disney princesses who came before her and from depictions of Beauty in other Beauty and the Beast retellings: her willingness to own her discontentment.

I do understand the “snob” accusations. After all, Belle’s neighbors are poor peasants working hard to eke out a living. It’s only natural that they have little time for books or dreams of adventure and think Belle’s passion for those things is impractical. It’s reasonable to sympathize with their perspective more than the movie seems to want us to. It’s fair to argue that the movie has a (probably unintentional) classist undertone by portraying the villagers as small-minded and bigoted and by having Belle only find a kindred spirit in a prince, albeit an enchanted outcast prince, and find her ultimate happiness by leaving the town in favor of a royal castle. I’m grateful that other BatB retellings exist (e.g. Megan Kearney’s webcomic, or Robin McKinley’s Rose Daughter) that portray Beauty’s peasant world in a more positive light, depict the historic cruelty of royal court life in the Beast/Prince’s backstory, and have him leave the castle in the end to become a peasant rather than Beauty becoming a princess.

But none of the above is any reason to criticize Belle.

I don’t think she looks down on her neighbors. She most certainly doesn’t shun them, as some critics claim she does. Just look at her meeting with the baker during the opening song: she tries to have a friendly conversation with him and tell him about the wonderful story she’s read, only for him to rudely brush her aside with “That’s nice... Marie! The baguettes!” I don’t interpret her subsequent shrug and eye-roll as showing disdain for his “low-class” disinterest in books – just as “Oh well, as usual, no one shares my interest.”

Nor do I buy the claim that she shows disdain for the “I need six eggs!” woman (and by extension for all struggling mothers) when she rides past her. It’s true that she does seem to be smiling, which might imply amused contempt, but she might also just be enjoying her ride on the wagon while at the same time wistfully yearning for a new life, with her expression having nothing to do with the woman. I don’t know what the animators meant to convey. And even if that overwhelmed mother does represent the life Belle doesn’t want for herself, and if Belle sings “There must be more than this provincial life!” in response to seeing her, what’s wrong with that? I don’t think it’s an insult to women who choose to have big families. Even a woman who chooses to have five kids shouldn’t be expected to wrangle them all by herself while also doing her grocery shopping, with no help from her husband or from anyone else. That’s the kind of unpaid labor women have too often been forced into and it’s not “insulting other women” for Belle to yearn for something different.

Belle has the right to be bored by her small town life and want something more. She’s not some rich girl looking down on the poor peasants; she’s a poor peasant too. A person trapped in a dull, stifling lower-class existence has every right to long for a different life. Would we accuse Cinderella of being a “snob” and “ignoring the value of domestic work” because she dreams of escaping from her enslavement by her stepfamily? Of course Belle’s life in the village is more comfortable than that, but it’s still reasonable that she should want to break free from its limits.

“But Belle is clearly richer and more privileged than her neighbors!” some critics argue again and again. “Most peasants in those days were illiterate, so the fact that Belle can read shows she’s had a higher-class education, and in the stage musical, Maurice tells her she’s ‘class’ while their neighbors are ‘the common herd’!” I don’t buy that argument. I’ve never bought it. Not one bit. The movie’s setting isn’t the real late 18th/early 19th century France – it’s the Disney version of it. The village has a bookshop in the animated version and a church library and schoolhouse in the live-action remake. There’s no indication whatsoever that Belle's neighbors can’t read. (Gaston holding her book askance as he looks for pictures in it and Le Fou’s inability to spell Gaston’s name don’t count; the first is a “parental bonus” gag implying that Gaston is looking for a centerfold, while the second is a “Le Fou is stupid” gag. Gaston quotes Shakespeare in “The Mob Song,” so he’s clearly had some education.) Belle just stands out because she has a passion for books, instead of only reading now and then during breaks from “more important” things, and because she would rather read than engage in smalltalk about practical everyday matters. Belle is shown borrowing her books, not buying them, which I presume implies she can’t afford to buy them, and Maurice builds his invention out of ordinary household items (e.g. a wood stove, an axe, a teapot), so he presumably hasn’t spent much money on it either. Nor are they any better dressed than their neighbors, nor does their house look any fancier. They certainly don’t seem richer than Gaston, who apparently owns the village tavern and can afford to arrange a wedding party on short notice and bribe Monsieur d’Arque with a bag of gold to help him blackmail Belle. As for Maurice’s remarks in the stage version, they’re clearly about her personality, not about social class.

Belle also has the right to be an individualist and a misfit. That’s part of the whole point of her storyline. It seems to me that critics who complain that she “looks down on normalcy” are doing the same thing the villagers do, which is supposed to be wrong: saying “It’s a pity and a sin she doesn’t quite fit in.”

It’s no surprise that people should complain about Belle’s complaining, though. Traditional fairy-tale heroines aren’t supposed to complain. As much as we can joke about the cliché that the “I want more” heroine became during the Disney Renaissance, we shouldn’t forget how innovative that kind of heroine was in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. Just think back to Snow White: at the beginning she’s dressed in rags and forced to work as a scullery maid by her stepmother, but we find her smiling and cheerfully humming as she scrubs the castle steps. Then there’s Cinderella: a bit more complex and openly discontented than Snow White, but in general she still goes cheerfully about her chores. The heroine who lives in unhappy circumstances but “bears it cheerfully and without complaint” is a mainstay of classic, old-fashioned fairy-tales (and other stories too). The early versions of Beauty and the Beast are no exception. After Beauty’s family falls into poverty, we’re told that her sisters constantly wail and cry over their lost wealth and status, but Beauty swallows her grief, resolves to be cheerful, patiently shoulders all the household chores, and devotes her days to consoling her father and siblings. For this she’s held up as a role model, in contrast to her complaining sisters, who despise her and insult her for it, but whom she always loves and forgives.

Of course there’s value in that kind of character. Resilience in the face of adversity and finding happiness where others find none is a strength in its own right. But it can be overdone. The more that women, poor people and outcasts are encouraged to be cheerful, patient and uncomplaining, the more they’re expected to “stay in their place.” Any righteous desire or demand for a better life or better treatment is labeled “rude,” whiny,” “petulant” and “selfish.” It doesn’t always cross that line, but it can.

Linda Woolverton, the head screenwriter of Disney’s BatB, knew that she wanted Belle to be different both from the traditional Beauty and from the likes of Snow White and Cinderella. So did lyricist Howard Ashman, whose experience as a gay man did much to influence the outcast heroes and heroines of the three Disney movies he wrote for. As noted in this Time Magazine article, they resolved to create a heroine for “the next century,” who wasn’t “based on being kind and taking the hits but smiling all the way through it.”

They definitely succeeded.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s wonderful that Belle owns her discontentment. It’s beautiful that she doesn’t try to fit in or put on a patient, cheerful mask, but unabashedly yearns to escape from her dull, small-minded village and find adventure in the great wide somewhere. It’s wonderful that she has no patience for Gaston’s rudeness and arrogance and that she loathes the thought of having to give up her reading and intellect in favor of a mundane marriage and raising a gaggle of children. It all leads beautifully into her friendship and romance arc with the Beast, where she refuses to tolerate his bullying, refuses to let him control her even though he’s the master of the castle, only forgives him when he earns her forgiveness, and inspires him to change for the better. The happy ending comes about precisely because Belle was willing to be discontented and shamelessly wanted more than she was given at first. This makes her almost the opposite of the original tale’s Beauty, whose story was written as an allegory for arranged marriage and whose purpose was in part to convince girls to submit to unwanted circumstances for their families’ sake. I love that instead, Belle refuses to submit to what she doesn’t want, and her refusal becomes the catalyst for all the positive growth and transformation in the story.

Let’s hear it for heroines who want more!

#beauty and the beast #disney #belle #meta

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radiorenjun · 5 years ago

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Lavender Antics

→ Pairing: Han Jisung x Reader

→ Summary: Shooting in a drama with him was your absolute nightmare. Working with your enemy and pretending that you were love interests has been the most frustrating experience of your life. Though, after saying your farewells, the scent of lavender never leaves.

→ Genre:enemies to lovers au, idol au, romance, angst, slowburn, comedy.

→ Chapter: 6, 7, 8

→ A/N: YEP I CREATED A NEW DIVIDER. IM SO SORRY I HAVEN’T UPDATED IN FOREVER OMG

"EXCUSE ME?"

"Wait, back up. Back up, you did what?!" Kiyeon exclaimed, a look of complete disgust spread across her expression. "Let me get this straight," Jaehwa snickered, trying not to bawl out laughing in front of you to prevent you from sending an assassin to beat her up afterwards.

You hid your face against the soft fabric of your pillows, face red in embarrassment and shame as the distant sinister laughter of your group leader deafen your ears from the speakers of your phone, along with the soft chatters among your group members.

"Y/N L/N, main dancer and vocalist of the Mythical Refrain, our little Y/n who constantly looks away and shakes her head with disgust at our bullshit, was suppose to give Han Jisung an innocent peck on the lips-" Jaehwa snorted midway before your leader, Cheonsa, came into the screen over her shoulder.

"But ended out in a full blown heated make out session on camera, swapping spit in front of all the cast?! That's beyond priceless, I can't even-" Cheonsa bawled out laughing, wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes as Haneul just shook her head in disappointment in the background.

"Damn, y/n, was he good though? I knew maknae lines are never innocent at heart, I just knew it!" Cheonsa practically choked on her spit midway through laughing, and you internally hope that she chokes and die on the spot so you wouldn't have to endure the teasing even longer.

"Shut up, if anything you're the pervert here!" you shot back, heat striking your cheeks at her words. "It happened at the heat of the moment, I didn't mean for things to go that far!" you hissed angrily, venom lacing your tone. "You still made out with him, did you not?" Jaehwa smirked mischievously.

"Disappointed but not surprised," your maknae tsked softly with a shake of her head. "Shut up! This is coming from the same idiots who dressed up as if it was Halloween when taking their member to the airplane!" you grumbled with an angry frown, pointing an accusatory finger at your phone screen, making sure your members were able to see you.

"That was a fun experience, okay? Besides what happened afterwards?" Jaehwa shrugged, shoving Cheonsa's laughing figure away from the camera, moving the device so that Jaehwa and Kiyeon's face were clear on your screen. You gulped, internally screaming at yourself not to tell them. To say that you moved on with it without an ounce of shame in your veins. To say that you ran away to Hogwarts, never to be seen again.

You gulped, looking at your nails to avoid your friends' curious expressions basically glaring into your soul. "We were told to redo the whole scene tomorrow," you muttered under your breath, hoping that your members couldn't pick up your words from the low pitch of your voice through the mic.

But their unnecessarily loud laughter that peaked through your phone speakers practically make you deaf. You winced at the loud piercing noise, your hand coming up to lower the volume slightly as your members howled back laughing.

You heard their palms banging against the wooden floor of your dorm. "This day just keeps getting better and better!" howled Cheonsa, clapping aggressively in the background as she practically wheezed her lungs out of laughter.

If there was a delete yourself button, now would be a good time to press it.

"Why? Why do you-" Jaehwa wheezed, unable to blurt out the words in her throat since she was laughing like a deformed chicken. You grumbled, rolling your eyes as the recent memory of your manager walking into your trailer with a sympathetic smile and fearful eyes, ready to spill the news to you and be eaten alive by your incredulous expression.

"Our manager said that it was 'too heated' for a soft first kiss between our characters, plus everyone got off character when we started kissing because they didn't think we'd actually do it without arguing first," you grumbled, faceplanting on the pillow with a loud annoyed groan.

"How am I going to face Jisung tomorrow, for fucks sake!" you whined as your members snickered. "Rest in peace, sister." Kiyeon said sympathetically, finding your current situation disgusting with all the kissing deal. "Well there goes my plans of getting our seniors' autograph," your leader sighed.

You gave her an incredulous look through the screen, trying not to pull a horror movie stunt and choking her through the phone screen with your bare hands. "You can kiss those autographs goodbye, Cheonsa. I'm saying this with full admiration when I say, I’m never letting your creepy ass near them,," you shot back defensively.

"As much as I'm offended on how you called your leader a creep, I completely understand if you don't want me getting near your man." Cheonsa's face came up on the screen, giving you an annoying wink that had your blood boiling. "Shut up or I will book a flight back to Korea at this second and roast your laptop on a bonfire!" you threatened weakly.

Your cheeks grew red at her words, your man. You let out a soft scoff, rolling your eyes at the thought. Suddenly, a beautiful image of Han Jisung himself appeared in your line of vision. A slow motion version of his lips slowly spreading into a heart shaped smile, a small soft chuckle being elicited from his throat.

The small memory of the way his fluffy hair would swoosh to different directions from his movements in the morning during breakfast as he sneakily grabs the three slices of cheesecakes on the dessert trays subtly came into your mind.

5:41 AM

You were woken up on the crack of dawn for a small shoot shared between you and Jisung's character. You were on break when you decided to wander around the studio, waving and passing by busy staff members, make up artists and multiple directors.

You suddenly found yourself walking towards the food area, where you were free to munch and snack on whatever they served as long as you were on break and didn't sneak it on set in filming.

You let out a soft wide yawn, clutching your black coat against your body to gain more warmth in the cold breeze. You shuddered at the cold wind that smacked against your body as you walked over to the food area, passing by exhausted staff members on the way.

"I'm seriously not ready for a long distance relationship with my bed," you mumbled to yourself as you opened the door to the food area, poking your head into the room. To your surprise it was empty, though it appears a few staff members had snuck a treat or two but nonetheless you had the place to yourself.

Or so you thought.

As you grabbed yourself a plate and some utensils, you heard soft sounds of footsteps. You jolted in alarm, crouching down to your knees to hide in case your manager comes in to call you in for another scene to shoot. You're definitely not leaving without finding a perfectly good cookie if you were going to step outside in the cold weather.

You crawled across the floor, peaking through the table cloths to see who it was but the trays on the other tables blocked the face of whoever had entered. You assumed it was one of the directors considering they were wearing the same thick black coat they gave specifically for the directors and cast members.

You heard footsteps echoing the room, signifying that the person was walking towards the cake section of the room. You stood up slowly, careful as to not make a noise. You furrowed your brows when you saw the person scurrying around the table with the hood over their head.

Your curiosity got the better of you. You tiptoed slowly towards them, trying not to gain their attention but wanting to find out who it was. Step by step, you slowly came closer to said person eventually standing beside them and poking your head to see what they're doing.

You raised your head up and froze when you realised you were now face to face with none other than Han Jisung, himself, who's eyes widened at the sight of you as you both just froze in place, staring at each other in a good awkward silence.

How ironically cliché.

Jisung took a step back in shock, letting out a startled noise, almost dropping his plate in the process. "Talk about a late delay, Han." you snickered, rolling your eyes at the boy. Jisung scoffed, relaxing his tense muscles as he realised it was just you and not some creepy sasaeng fan.

"Oh, it's you." he stated with a not so amused tone, sighing in relief as he placed his plate on the table cloth beside the trays. "You sound pleased to see me," you teased, giving him a cheeky grin. "What gave you that idea?" he sent you a fake smile, showing his pearly white teeth.

"What are you doing here?" Jisung asked with a raised brow, his fake smile subsiding as he grabbed a fork beside you. "That's my line," you muttered, watching him grab some cookies from the jars. Jisung gave you an incredulous look, shoving a cookie in his mouth.

You giggled at his expression, shrugging simply at him. "Got bored, decided to snack." you smiled sheepishly, grabbing a cookie from his plate and shoving it into our own mouth causing Jisung to retort, trying to pull the cookie out of your mouth. "That's mine you thief!" he whined, causing you to stick your tongue out after you gulp the contents down.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, tilting your head at him as you grabbed a glass and filled it with some milk from the drink section. "I heard from a few staff that there were only three cheesecakes leftover. You know I won't survive a day without a cheesecake as an energy boost," Jisung shrugged, showing you the cheesecakes in his plate.

"Plus, we still have hours and hours of shooting after this. There's no way I could live on without having some creamy goodness in my mouth," Jisung hummed as he started to eat his cheesecakes, savoring it bit by bit. "You make it sound so wrong," you scrunched your face in disgust, your mind going places.

Jisung's eyes widened as they bore into yours. "Hey! That's on you. It's not my fault you have a dirty mind," he tutted, flicking your forehead in the process which elicited a small yelp from you. You pouted, rubbing the sore spot on your forehead as Jisung continued to stare disappointingly at you with chubby cheeks.

For a split second, you basked in his appearance. Taking a moment to look at how fluffy his hair is considering you both shot a scene where your character and his character went on a little morning stroll after waking up. You knew your make up artist didn't make you appear any less messy than Jisung, but you still couldn't comprehend why he looks so wholesome right now.

Fluffy brown hair with strands going in different directions, a simple makeup that gave him the perfect 'bedhead' look, puffy cheeks stuffed with the sugary dessert as he munched on the cookies. The pajamas they had you both wear for the shoot, making you feel as if you were in said kdrama yourself.

"Earth to Y/N!"

You snapped out of your trance at Jisung's concerned tone, blinking rapidly as you tried to comprehend what's going on around you. Jisung's fingers were snapping excessively in front of your face, brows furrowed in concerned as you divert your attention away from his face to his fingers.

"Sorry I spaced out," you grinned sheepishly, avoiding his eyes when you realized you were watching him eat his cheesecake the whole time like a weird pervert. "Dang girl, are you really that tired? You looked as if you were bout to eat me alive" Jisung said with a light laugh, grabbing his fork to shove a piece of his cheesecake into your mouth.

You let out a muffled noise of surprise when you felt the sugary dessert began to overwhelm your taste buds. "Here's a little energy boost," he grinned cheekily, pulling the fork out of your mouth before taking a bite of cheesecake for himself. You chewed as you had come into two realizations.

One. Jisung was using a fork for his cheesecake, this boy never fails to surprise you with how odd he is considering he sang bout Americanos five times when you visited the local cafe near your hotel, thus embarrassing you in public.

Two. He used the same fork that he had used to feed himself. Which lead you to thinking that you just had an indirect kiss with him. Your face becoming even more flustered by the second as you let the thought sink deeper and deeper into your mind.

"Here, have some more. You looked as if you've seen an alien, geez." Jisung poked his fork through the cheesecake and moved his hand closer to your mouth. You shook your head, cupping your mouth dramatically when you saw him coming closer. Taking a step back, you let out an awkward laugh. "No thanks, I'm good."

Jisung raised a brow at you, "really? You always nag how I always steal the last piece, you should be grateful I'm willing to share right now." he chuckled, taking a step forward to aim the fork at your mouth once again. "Say 'ah'!" he cooed, but you simply shook your head and gently pushed his hand away from you.

"I'm good, Jisung. It's not good to have some sugar this early, you know?" you rambled, silently cursing yourself for not accepting the cheesecake for the sake of your own pride and ego. Jisung wasn't buying it but he let's it go with a shrug. "Oh well, more for me then." he said before shoving the fork into his mouth.

"Y/N! Stop spacing out bout Jisung and talk to us, God dammit!"

You blinked, realising you were spacing out again when you realised your members had gathered together in front of the camera, waving at you in concern. "Sorry, what?" you muttered under your breath, your voice almost inaudible for the phone to pick up as you internally slapped yourself for thinking bout Jisung despite the awkward situation you're currently in.

"Stop spacing out bout Jisung, God dammit!" Jaehwa joked, causing you to involuntarily choke on your own spit at her words. "Jaehwa, no." you shook your head vigorously. "Don't make my situation any worse than it already is, for fucks sakes!" you groaned, burying your head into your pillow once again.

They snickered softly, enjoying your suffering for their own entertainment. Sometimes you wished you had debuted with people who don't make you want to roast yourself over the kitchen stove like marshmallow on a stick.

"It'll all be over when you know it. Don't worry, you're not that awkward of a person, so you should be fine." Haneul waved her hand off with a casual shrug. You rolled your eyes. "Shut it, you're still the maknae. You don't understand shit of what the grown ups are talking bout." you teased.

Haneul clicked her tongue in annoyance, sending you a sharp glare. "I'm only 15 months younger than you and you know it!" she hissed in retaliation, threateningly pointing her apple pen directly at you through the screen when you stuck your tongue out.

"Alright, we'll let you get some rest now before Haneul over here flies to Japan to shove her pen up your ass." Cheonsa chuckled nervously, pulling the younger member, who was glaring daggers at you, out of the camera by her shoulders.

"Okay then, I'll call you guys tomorrow, yeah?" you nodded, waving at them as your thumb hovered over the end call button. "Yeah, of course. Say hi to the manager for us, Jeongin, too!" Jaehwa waved back as you let out a giggle. "I will, see you guys later!" you rolled your eyes at them.

"By-" you pressed the end call button before they could finish their sentence, wanting to sleep the stress off of your body before you have to face Jisung the next day. You pulled the covers over your body, closing your eyes with an exhausted sigh.

Hopefully things would be better tomorrow.

You tiptoed your way into the set, as if hundreds of staff members and prop makers weren’t passing by you and greeting you with questionable looks. Now, why were you tiptoeing like a really crappy secret agent in an overly crowded place, you may ask?

Mostly to avoid your co-workers from giving you smug expressions and teasing looks with the memory of the events that had happen the previous day. Your members had wished you luck on your journey to get through this awkward day, wishing that you could just erase the events that had happen so you could go back to stepping into set with pajamas without a care in the world.

As you made your way to the dressing room, to your surprise all of the cast had gotten into costume and are currently shooting their respective scenes, meaning you had less than two or three hours to gather your mentality and ignore the awkward tension in the atmosphere.

Was this what every actor who had to kiss their co-star had to go through?

Yikes, you couldn’t imagine how Lee Dongwook could bare being love interests with the same co-star for two whole dramas. Your eyes widened when you caught Yeoreum walking towards your way, reciting her lines with the her manager. You gulped, walking back slowly as to not catch her attention, not knowing who or what was behind you.

It appears that the universe isn’t on your side today, because apparently you walked too far backwards to bump into your co-star’s back. Jisung let out a grunt as your back bumped against his, causing you to let out a yelp. You turned to shush him, scolding him for almost blowing your cover when you realize who you were talking to.

You and Jisung jumped apart when your eyes met, making sure to at least stand a feet far apart. Jisung cleared his throat as you both tried to mask your shocked expressions. You both avoided making eye contact as you tried to think of something to say to fill in this awkward tension between you two.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Jisung coughed, eyes looking everywhere but yours.You gave him a pointed look. “I work here,” you deadpanned, rolling your eyes at him. “Give me some crap, I’m trying to make this less awkward, you’re not helping here, y/n.” he stuck his tongue out at you.

You huffed in response, adding another moment of awkward silence between you two. It was so awkward you could practically hear crows and crickets in the background, “Where are you going, anyways?” you mumbled, wondering why he wasn’t at his usual spot at the food area, munching away at the desserts and snacks before Youngheum could finish them.

“I was heading back to my trailer to get my script,” Jisung mumbled, running a hair through his messy hair. “Isn’t your trailer that way?” you raised your brow, pointing to the direction behind him. Jisung huffed, rolling his eyes. “I’m taking the long way round, got a problem with that?” he spoke hesitantly, eyes finally meeting yours before gulping.

“I’ll take your word for it,” you mumbled, looking down as you lowered your finger to tuck it into the pockets of your hoodie. “What bout you?” Jisung added on, eyes wandering to his dirty white converse. “Trying to get to the dressing room,” you answered with the same hesitantly awkward tone.

“Cool,” Jisung sighed out. You both stood there for another excruciating few seconds before making eye contact. It appears the tension had gotten a little too awkward for the both of you, therefore you both instantly looked away with a loud groan. You both turned back with a bold “fuck it!” coming out of your mouths in unison as you ran off in the other direction.

How were you gonna survive this?

a/n: this was a short chapter. IM SORRY FOR KEEPING YALL WAITING FOR SO LONG. Omg look at that sexy title cover, yeah I'm gonna change that eventually. Anyways, thank you for waiting this long I completely forgot this fic existed.

#stray kids jisung #stray kids han #stray kids #stray kids x reader #skz jisung #skz x you #skz x reader #skz x y/n #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x stay #jisung x reader #jisung scenarios #han jisung x reader #han jisung scenarios

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fairyhaven13 · 4 years ago

Photo

I know what you’re thinking. With this outfit, she’s either a superhero like an X-Man, or an anime character. Well! It’s neither! You’ll never guess what this OC is for.

...Dishonored!

Yes, I know, she’s so bright and colorful compared to the rest of the game. But, there’s just so much black and gray and brown in the series. Billy and Daud at least go for the bright, red colors, but red’s about the only bright color people wear. I wanted my girl to be bolder and happier with her outfit. Don’t worry, though, Piero invented the cloth to absorb rather than reflect light, so she blends into the shadows almost as well as Corvo. I’ll put her character description under the cut.

This is Sally May, a country bumpkin from--you guessed it--our world. Because I like that kind of story and so I’m making it again, so there. Sally is a hyperactive teen at the start of the story, in the first game. I wanted her to start at the age that the Outsider was when he died, so she’s fifteen. The act of teleporting from her world into the Void connected her to the Outsider, hence the purple scars on her hand, and this also means she doesn’t age properly. After the first game is over, she ages to 22 and then stops--the age that the Outsider has taken on in the Void. That way she’s always his peer.

I haven’t decided how much of the games I want to change the story of. They’re already so good. But, I can’t just not have her change the story, that’s boring. I know that she bonds heavily with the Outsider. She’s not afraid of him at all, and laughs and jokes with him, tries to smack him for making a sarcastic comment, falls off the ledge and lands right next to him again, tries again, falls off again, etc. They’re besties. It isn’t until late into the second game that adult Sally starts to think this could be something more. Not quite a romantic something, because the Outsider no longer really gets romance. Maybe a QPR.

I also haven’t decided if this picture is her in the first or second game. If it’s the first, she’s talking to Corvo, and if it’s the second, to Emily. They keep waking up in the Void so they’re using that time to plan between missions, and Sally hasn’t slept straight through the night in days so she’s not very enthusiastic, to her partner’s chagrin.

Her powers that I’ve come up with so far: Power Cord; she shoots a cord from her soul and then travels along it like a bolt of electricity to land at something in a straight line from her position. Doorway; she can draw one of Piero’s Doorways to Nowhere, since that’s how she got to the Void, and use that as an escape route by drawing the second door later. Mind Match; like Colt in Deathloop, she can attach two people’s minds so that if she knocks one out, the other also passes out. Energy Drink; she can absorb the energy from mechanisms, like whale oil machines, for an extra boost of strength, speed, and agility for a short time. Basically a bunch of defensive stuff. She’s not a tank.

#dishonored #dishonored 2 #dishonored death of the outsider #doto #oc #sally may #art #outsider #i just really like the outsider okay #he needs a friend #someone who can tell him off #and bully him good naturedly #and hug him sometimes without disliking the cold

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lightsandlostbells · 5 years ago

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wtFOCK season 3, episode 4 reaction

Kiss kiss fall in love? More like kiss kiss stay away from me.

I have to warn you. This is the episode where I lost it. I had to go back and edit so much unhappy capslock out of my notes.

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Het drama again

Zoë shows Milan a video of the shooting prank. Milan asks about romance on the trip, Robbe says there were too many people and too little privacy.

Senne and Zoë have tension because Zoë is pissed that Senne was partying? And that he was posting pictures of parties on IG when she wasn’t there? I mean … look, I’m never a William fan, but this seems like Zoë’s problem. If you can’t trust him to behave when you’re gone, you SHOULDN’T BE WITH HIM. And if you feel like you can trust him, this dude going to bars or whatever shouldn’t bother you. At least it seems to be portrayed as Zoë’s issues. Milan mentions that she’s jealous. He seems to like Senne, and I do find that dynamic cute so far.

I do appreciate that the Noorhelm drama this time is boring and not like “Senne was mad about how Zoë handled her sexual assault” levels of offensive.

That being said ... Robbe’s story. Where.

If you’ve been telling a very tight story so far, where Robbe’s personal journey has been steadily progressing clip by clip, then a clip like this wouldn’t be that bad. We absolutely have not been watching a tight story. Even with the next clip of Robbe doing some introspection, I’m like ... can we not make every scene count toward his story when there’s so much catching up to do? Ten seconds of Robbe looking vaguely troubled out of a two-minute clip that’s mainly about Zoë and Senne’s relationship does not count. A better writer would find some way to make Zoë/Senne parallel to Robbe/Sander, like how Noora talking about William and “if he loves you, he’ll choose you” in the first clip of episode 4 is relevant to Isak sitting there texting Even and Even choosing his plans with Sonja over Isak.

Clip 2 - Milan and Robbe talk gaydar

Robbe checking out Sander on Britt’s IG … finally, some cyberstalking. Did he take a screenshot of a pic of Sander? Lol.

Milan sits down and asks Robbe his opinion of a guy on Grindr, sexy or not? Robbe is lukewarm, giving neutral answers, Milan says he’s allowed to have an opinion on whether a guy is hot or not.

It feels SO WEIRD to have this clip so late, and I’m trying to like … recalibrate my brain so it’s not just because it’s later than usual. I don’t inherently hate if a remake changes up the order of clips. But the problem is that we’re now FOUR episodes in and it feels like Robbe’s sexuality crisis has just begun, I guess? Or rather, efficient storytelling would start out with this clear view of what Robbe’s issues are, rather than muddling into it a few episodes in.

Milan’s all, this guy says he’s not gay, but he likes to blow guys. This turns into a conversation about Milan’s gaydar and how to know if a guy is gay. In the original scene, the purpose of this conversation with Isak and Eskild was there as a way of Isak figuring out if Even was gay. That ... does not really fit this version, because this clip is so late in the season. Isak was getting Eskild’s wisdom right after meeting Even, when he had nothing but a BJ reference to go on. But Sander eyefucking Robbe while kissing Britt and leaning in to kiss Robbe should be pretty big clues to Robbe that Sander likes men, no? And that he likes Robbe specifically. Yeah, Robbe might be doubtful because Sander is still with Britt, but nothing new has happened since the almost kiss to make Robbe doubt! It would make way more sense if they’d adapted the opening clip of OG season 4, with Even texting Isak that he had plans with Sonja, into the clip prior to this one. If Robbe had texted Sander an invitation to hang out, or even just a “hey, what’s up?” and Sander wrote back “plans with Britt” then it would be an understandable transition for Robbe to have some doubt about Sander’s sexuality in this clip, like hey, maybe he’s not actually into me, after all.

The scene might make sense if you think about Robbe listening and applying Milan’s words to himself. Thinking about how there’s “something trapped in them that desperately wants to come out.” Wondering if it’s obvious to other people that Robbe is gay. It still doesn’t quite work and I actually doubt that was their intention (I think it was all about how to detect if Sander is into guys) but I am searching for any scraps of Robbe introspection, so.

OK, at least they had Robbe immediately look up Grindr (I laughed that he searched “grinder”). Good! Sexuality conflict! Why is it so late! Although it was probably more about trying to find Sander rather than a personal move on Robbe’s part.

This is a very gay song, btw (I Like Boys by Todrick Hall).

Clip 3 - Robbe and Yasmina talk het drama

Aaron talks to Robbe about sitting close to his teacher to see her boobs and the teacher saying she knows why he’s sitting there. I highly suspect this is just a dream Aaron had, unless the teacher said it in a pissed off way. Throw his ass in the back row, big-breasted teacher!

Robbe meets up with Yasmina. Yasmina wants to know the dirt from the seaside, Robbe fills her in. Soooo are they good friends, or what? He tells her about Aaron and Amber and they laugh and stuff. I mean it’s cute and all but like … where is this coming from? Did they become great friends in the S2 that I didn’t watch?

And that’s the whole clip … again, I ask what was the point?

To establish that Robbe and Yasmina are friends? Way to undermine the development and importance of that relationship by basically cutting through the buildup and hard work to the payoff. Sana and Isak meant more to people BECAUSE they started off prickly and grew to like each other and respect each other via their actions and words, right? That their conversations were more interesting because of their opposing views and resulting friction? That the friction was extremely relevant to the religion discussion?

Was the point to talk about Aaron/Amber and how Amber supposedly isn’t interested? We don’t need Yasmina’s commentary on that at all since we could see how Amber herself reacted to Aaron. Like if Yasmina was all, yeah, Amber couldn’t stop talking about Aaron, she says she doesn’t like him but I think she does, then I guess I could see the relevance of this conversation since it’s “new” information ... but it’s just the same shit we already know. And again: why spend so much time on a SIDE HET ROMANCE during a gay character’s season? Two of out three clips in this episode so far have been about side het romances!

This clip was just not needed at all except to set up Robbe and Yasmina so the impending religion conversation feels mildly less like two characters who have barely spoken on screen suddenly have an intense and somewhat personal talk. Something they could have done in earlier episodes instead of the other repetitive, unnecessary clips they’ve done this season.

Clip 4 - Dance chicks

At Noor’s dance performance, Robbe’s pals are drooling over the performers (and honestly being rather inappropriate and distracting). At least they got Robbe’s lack of interest right. Even though they have established this FIFTEEN THOUSAND TIMES with the lack of interest in Noor, like this clip almost doesn’t feel necessary at this point! If they’d had it earlier in the season, sure, but now it feels redundant. Like we really super mega get it by now that Robbe’s not into the girls.

The instructor thanks the performers at the end and Robbe says that he was “so gay.” Hey, except you know what? THERE IS NO BUILDUP TO THIS MOMENT. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NONE. Except for the homophobic jokes from his friends in the previous seasons, but there’s nothing I can recall in this season. But more importantly, Isak’s similar comment was prompted by him taking the gay test in a preceding clip. Taking a quiz about generalizations of gay people, rooted in homophobia! Which Isak applies to the dance teacher! In order to distance himself from being gay! WE GOT NONE OF THAT HERE. For fuck’s sake.

There is no setup or reason why Robbe goes from being somewhat neutral about gay people with Milan asking him about the Grindr dude two clips ago - where Robbe is just kinda like, yeah OK, whatever, you think everyone’s gay, Milan (but he’s not overly grossed out or homophobic) - to this moment where he’s making a derogatory comment about a person he perceives as flamboyantly gay. This scene just happens because it did in OG. And the thing is, obviously you can attribute Robbe’s reasoning here to internalized homophobia. We know internalized homophobia exists and why he has it. But this is a scripted narrative, and any scripted narrative needs to have things happen for a reason rather than just because.

I remember complaining that Skam Italia had a bizarre take on this scene. But that’s nothing compared to the laziness on display here.

Jens is like WTF at Robbe’s “so gay” comment, it’s clear he’s not feeling it. I do like that Robbe gets defensive when Jens scoffs at him. They ask Robbe why he’s such a downer lately and if it’s because of his dad, or because of the Vlogs. Robbe blames the vlogs and yells and walks off, they’re confused.

Lol I just realized that I don’t think there was any followup to the prank from the seaside trip that had Robbe all pissed off. Nothing to show that the boys reconciled or that Robbe didn’t get over it right away.

I have a big problem with the way the boy squad is characterized so far, and it might be because they come across as more self-absorbed than other boy squads, as well as having a more superficial bond. I feel like so far they’re a rather cynical take on teenage boyhood. Again, not expecting them to be perfect or to be overly mature, but this show has to do a lot of work to make me believe they have the empathy or maturity to deal with Robbe’s situation kindly. (EDIT from the future: lol)

Clip 5 - Robbe and Yasmina talk religion

Oh shit, somehow I didn’t connect that dots that Aaron mentioning the teacher’s boobs would lead to THE boob teacher making an appearance! Unless there are multiple teachers with notable breasts at this school.

Another scene of Robbe not interested in breasts ... I mean, not to sound like a broken record, but this would have been good about three episodes ago.

The teacher is talking about religion and Darwininsm and creationism, which prompts Robbe to complain about how people still have religious beliefs in 2019.

Heavy fucking sigh. Have we gotten ANY religious moments from Robbe’s mom this season? Or from anyone else? Do the writers realize that Isak grilling Sana about religion was prompted by his OWN MOTHER’S religious beliefs and his fear of her judgment of his sexuality? No? Not surprised.

For real, Robbe just complains about religion out of nowhere … and like, obviously religious homophobia isn’t a rare thing, it exists. But it has not been established why Robbe in particular cares about the effects of religious homophobia, compared to say, the casual homophobia of his friends, or gay stereotypes, or gay bashing … we don’t know why religious homophobia has PERSONAL relevance in Robbe’s life. And yes, this is a concern for every gay person! But from a STORYTELLING perspective, there should be some focus as to what Robbe’s main fears are about being gay. Lack of acceptance from his peers? His family? Religion? Violence? Homophobic slurs?

I would say based on previous seasons, the most compelling basis for Robbe’s internalized homophobia would be the homophobic attitudes of his friend group. A revised take on the dance chicks scene might have been done with this in mind, but it wasn’t, and so it’s all just very muddled.

Anyway, Robbe goes on this tangent and asks Yasmina why she believes in God. The teacher voices what I thought and is like, why the fuck are you talking in class?

Again, there is NO BUILDUP to the involvement of religion at all. They have this shoehorned in friendship, I guess so he can ask her. He does bring up homosexuality at least, and how religion is so black and white.

Yasmina asks him what he believes. ONE THING they got right: they had Robbe challenge Yasmina on an intellectual level, and so Yasmina challenges him on an intellectual level right back. Because a lot of their dialogue is lifted right from OG, that’s why it works. LMAOOOO. Yasmina points out that homosexuality is an evolutionary “dead end” so therefore it can’t be genetic, so what is it? A disorder? A choice? I will also give some credit for her invoking the most anxiety-causing options to get under Robbe’s skin.

But the tone of their friendship does come across very different, because in the previous scene they seemed like good chums who had a rapport, and here it’s like Robbe lashed out at her for no reason, even less than Isak did with Sana, because Robbe just decided to torch his friendship with Yasmina out of the blue. I guess the answer is that Robbe is cranky so he decided to grill Yasmina over religion, but again, the fucking question is: why was he cranky? Two clips before this one they were on warm, friendly terms. In the last clip, he lashed out at his male friends, but that has nothing to do with religion. What the writers are asking us to do is basically just imagine all the stuff that’s happening in Robbe’s brain instead of doing their jobs and showing it to us. You don’t have to spoon feed us but you don’t also get to stick a few peas on a plate and wonder why we’re going hungry.

(REALLY. IT WAS NOT PROMPTED BY ANYTHING, NOT A TEXT FROM HIS MOM. WHICH IS WHY ISAK WAS UPSET AND LAUNCHED HIS INTERROGATION AT SANA.)

(CAUSE AND EFFECT, MOTHERFUCKER)

Clip 6 - Bowie playlist

Robbe is doing homework when Sander sends him a Bowie playlist. Robbe listens to Space Oddity and has a brief Moment. It’s very nice but wow, wouldn’t it be even better if Robbe fell for Sander listening to that? Say, in the last episode? Before they almost kissed? And before Robbe was suddenly declaring himself a Bowie expert to Noor?

Sander calls him, I like Robbe fixing his hair before he answers. It’s a video chat, gotta look his best! They have an actual conversation about Bowie and they flirt. Sander invites Robbe to the cafe later and Robbe is happy except then Britt is in the background and apparently she’s going with them, so it’s not a date after all, oh no. Robbe’s actor is good at subtly conveying his disappointment here.

Robbe hangs up and sticks his head against the bed (lol) and then goes back to Grindr. He immediately gets messages for horny sex and then gets rid of Grindr.

At first I was like, yay, this clip had a clear point and a sense of cause-and-effect, but now I’m like ... ehhhhh. Because the purpose of Robbe checking out Grindr is either A) so he can look for Sander or B) so he can check it out as a general way of exploring his sexuality (or both). The suggestion is that it has a lot to do with the former, because it was part of Milan’s advice as to how to find out if someone’s gay. But it’s a little weird here, because Robbe just saw that Britt was coming along to the cafe, so he should be discouraged about Sander. I mean, I think it’s still possible that he’s trying to figure out if Sander likes him because he’s getting mixed signals between the playlist and Britt, but it’s just a little off. And as for option B, I’m not sure why now of all times is the best time for that, like if you think about it, the sting of getting his hopes dashed should be the predominant emotion here, would he go straight to Grindr just to be like hmmm, maybe I’m into dudes?

And it bugs me because there is a super easy fix to this clip! Just have Sander send the Bowie playlist, Robbe listens to it, and as he’s daydreaming and smiling a bit, he gets out his phone and checks out Grindr, ready to search for Sander. But there are too many sex messages so he’s just like WTF and gets rid of it. Then Sander calls and they have this conversation that ends in Robbe being reminded that Britt is still in the picture. (Or he doesn’t need to get the sexy messages at all, I mean they’re kind of funny but I’m not sure they’re plot-necessary here.)

Noor texts him that they’ll meet up later. It’s not 100% clear but it sounds like she knew about meeting up with Sander and Britt, so that means Britt probably told her previously. Which is a little bit of different context from OG, because I was under the impression that Even asked Isak to hang out with them hoping that they’d be alone, and then somehow Sonja found out and made it into a group thing with Emma, making Even grumpy. With this it seems like it was planned as a group thing from the beginning, Britt knows they’re meeting up later.

Or wait, when Sander says he’ll give Robbe advice at the cafe later, does that mean Robbe already knows they’re meeting up? That would make sense because it’s what happened in OG (Even invited Isak in an earlier clip and then Isak found out Emma and Sonja were coming in a later one). They’re incorporating all kinds of OG elements in this episode so I wouldn’t be surprised. But I assumed that this was the invite because we didn’t see Sander talk to Robbe earlier this week? Shouldn’t we have seen that clip since it’s the first time they’ve interacted since they almost kissed? I checked the texts for this episode and I don’t see anything like Sander inviting Robbe, either? Did I just miss something? What is going on?

Clip 7 - Robbe is late to meet Noor

Later that day …. Robbe rides a bike. Very fast. The music is dramatic! This would not be out of place for an O Helga Natt scene

And yet it’s not OHN, it’s Noor? Noor seems annoyed. Because Robbe is late. OH NO THE TENSION WHATEVER WILL WE DO. WE CARE A TON ABOUT ROBBE AND NOOR.

Noor is super pissed at him and starts screaming and shoving at him. What the actual fuck? She complains that she thought he was dead or something and is mad he didn’t even send a message. She says fuck you and walks off. Robbe follows her on the bike.

I don’t know how popular this opinion is, but Noor did not come across as great here, like when I watched it I was baffled at her response. I say this as someone who is chronically early and also gets annoyed at lateness. She has every right to be annoyed that Robbe is late and that he didn’t message her to tell her he’d be late, and I get that there’s supposedly more to her reaction than just this one incident. But the screaming and especially the shoving at him is just WTF.

Also, she told him to meet him at 19:00, and the beginning of the clip is at 19:21 (I see what you did there) and Robbe arrives like a minute or two later. So he’s 20 minutes late, which is certainly annoying, especially because it’s dark and chilly outside, but IMO not a cause for “I thought you were dead or in an accident!” and the OTT reaction.

Clip 8 - Robbe and Noor fight

Sander and Britt are in the cafe, Robbe and Noor argue outside about him giving her mixed signals. Has ... he ...?

OK, I’d say I half-see her case, and I half-don’t. If Noor can somehow sense Robbe’s disinterest during their makeouts or lovey-dovey moments or w/e, then I can buy that. I think there are slight moments where he doesn’t seem into it. But Robbe has put so much more genuine effort into their relationship than Isak did. He hasn’t even turned Noor down for sex, really, they’ve just gotten interrupted every time, or she’s thrown up. He didn’t want to go to her dance performance except then he told her he would go approximately thirty seconds later. He went to her dance performance. He went to the seaside with her and kissed her and slept in the same bed with her. This is the first time he’s actually fucked up with her.

Noor sounds ridiculous right now. “Do you still love me?” Uhhhh what??? You’ve been dating for less than a month, really? Did he tell her he loved her at any point? I’m serious, is there some material I missed? Some nuance in the language that didn’t completely translate?

I get it, I’m watching insecure overdramatic teenagers! I’m just wondering if I’m supposed to be on Noor’s side here. They could have portrayed this less OTT and more fitting to Robbe’s actual offenses.

Anyway Robbe and Noor have a screaming fight in the street and he says he can’t breathe anymore because of her. I can buy that even if it’s dramatic because he’s feeling trapped by her due to his sexuality. She walks off, Sander and Britt come outside. Britt goes after Noor and hugs her, Sander sings Space Oddity to signify the crash and burn of Robbe/Noor. He has on a Pink Floyd shirt so at least his musical taste is more varied than Bowie.

Clip 9 - Robbe and Sander by themselves

Robbe and Sander drink alone at the bar, they don’t think the girls are coming back. Sander texts Britt and then tells Robbe they’re going to do something else. He shows him Britt’s text saying that Noor needs some time alone. I mean. this drastically changes the context of them going off together … it’s not because they want to be together, necessarily (although they do) but it’s by default now.

So they leave.

Yeah, I do not love what they did with this scene. It’s short and to the point but I want to point out a few things.

First, because again, there’s no need to break up most of these clips into such short, choppy scenes just because 15 or 20 minutes have passed in-universe. It might be exciting if you happen to be watching and following at the exact time these are being posted, but it also messed with the flow of the scenes and the build of emotions. Imagine if we cut off after Isak and Even left Emma and Sonja and then 10 minutes later we got them riding around on a bike. We’d missed that beautiful transition from the silent, empty room to Isak on the bike and then Head Over Heels kicking in. That’s one of my favorite moments in season 3 and it’s because of that transition. It’s because I was sitting there watching this uncomfortable scene and wishing Isak and Even could be alone and then they got to be alone and my stomach swooped! If you break up moments like those, there’s just not as much build. (Or imagine - horror of horrors - an O Helga Natt where Isak gets the text from Even and it cuts off after he runs out of the church and then resumes when he arrives at the school, so we don’t see his journey. You lose so much.)

Second, there is a curious lack of romantic/sexual tension in this scene. It’s there on Sander’s end, I think, or at least you can read it there due to his focus on Robbe and even some of his body language. Robbe, on the other hand, seems more upset that his girlfriend who he doesn’t even feel genuine attraction to has walked out on him rather than the fact that he is sitting next to the boy he’s crushing on, alone together, right before they share their first kiss later that evening. And it just makes me want to know why.

I don’t blame Robbe’s actor at all, because it’s the director’s job to tell him how to play the scene. But I rewatched this scene trying to be generous, and there is not a single shred of attraction or tension from Robbe toward Sander. He checks the cafe door when it opens, he asks Sander to text Britt, and when Sander suggests they leave, Robbe’s first instinct is to ask what if Noor comes back. He sits there moping into his beer the whole time. He doesn’t sneak looks at Sander. He doesn’t try to talk to Sander about anything except Noor and Britt. No banter, no discussion that’s focused on them, Robbe-and-Sander, you know, the main couple of this season (supposedly). It doesn’t even feel like he’s consciously trying not to look or interact with Sander because of the romantic tension. No, it genuinely feels like Robbe’s #1 thought right now is Noor. Does that make sense to you? It makes sense for him to be a little out of sorts due to the fight, but does it make sense that Robbe seems to have no perceptible reaction to being alone with the guy he likes? Does it make sense that they didn’t take this chance to throw in some romantic and sexual tension in order to pave the way for the kiss that is going to happen very shortly? Gotta say that I think this scene exemplifies my earlier complaints about how Noor was so prevalent early in the season and how Robbe/Noor was built up. Because once again, Robbe/Noor has taken precedence over the undeveloped Robbe/Sander pairing.

Finally, as I said above, the situation makes it so that Robbe and Sander are on their own by default, not by choice. Combined with the bizarre lack of tension, that makes this scene fall totally flat. There’s no sense that these two really really want to be alone together. There’s no joy in them running off together. Robbe actually seems reluctant to go off with Sander. And not even because he’s fearful of what might happen, ooooo things might get a little gayer than I can handle right now, but like he’d rather sit here and drink and think about his girlfriend.

It’s like they were concerned that Isak and Even were too mean to Emma and Sonja so they decided Robbe and Sander would only be alone because it was the girls’ decision to leave them, not the other way around. We even get that text from Britt so we know that Noor totes isn’t coming back and it’s OK for them to leave. I have no idea what their actual motivation was to construct the scenario this way, though. I would love to know. (The answer would probably annoy me so I’m better off not knowing.)

It’s little stuff like this that makes me want to sit down the writers/directors/whoever’s behind wtFOCK and have them watch scenes from Skam S3 and write an essay on the construction and execution of clips. Do some homework about timing, tension, narrative structure, and everything else that makes S3 work.

Clip 10 - Smooch time

It’s 21:21 so you know what’s happening. Also, bullshit! Why is this happening so fast. You haven’t earned this!!!!

Sander buys them booze. The Sander actor is very good, honestly. I like his screen presence. It is a testament to his abilities that this relationship is working for me at all, because it sure ain’t the writing. (Robbe’s actor is doing well, too, but the writing is dragging him down since he’s present for all this nonsense.)

This scene of Sander and Robbe drinking and riding bikes is genuinely good on its own and they have strong chemistry when they’re allowed to show it. They have easy banter and interaction, there’s a callback to the booking.com reference from when they met. Really, this part makes me sad, because I can see the potential here! If the writing was GOOD, if the story had a legit direction, if it was just better storytelling all around … this season could have been wonderful, they had the right guys to do Isak and Even’s story justice. Instead it’s like this one terrific moment in a sea of wtFOCK.

If they go in the pool I will roll my eyes. C’mon, guys, you DO NOT HAVE THE SYMBOLISM to do this scene. It had a meaning in Skam, in most of the remakes it’s just an arbitrary location.

Yep, it’s a pool.

Sander takes off all his clothes so he jumps in bare-assed, and Robbe laughs. Sander yells at Robbe to get in the pool so Robbe does a fucking striptease while Sander watches, more or less, and he’s about to get in the pool in his underwear, but Sander is like “all the way or no way” so Robbe takes off his underwear after a brief moment of hesitation and jumps in. So they’re naked in the pool. Cool cool cool.

Seeeeee, on the one hand this COULD be a moment of liberation, I could see it, taking off the clothes and jumping in as a representation of abandoning the stale hetero life or w/e. But I don’t think wtFOCK has built anything resembling a clear arc for Robbe, to the point where this act means anything, really. (Can you imagine Isak doing this in episode 4? I don’t know if it fits his character at that point, but I could at least be like, OK, this is part of his ~rebirth and I think we’ve built him up enough that this moment of liberation feels like a culmination of something.) I’m also not totally sold on the way they presented this, like we’ve got a closeted gay kid alone with his crush and the crush takes his all his clothes off and then Robbe takes all his clothes off with only the barest reluctance (but he’s not like … distressed or worried, just kinda like “aw, man!”) For some closeted gay kids? Sure, guess I could see it! But in the context of “this kid is struggling with his sexuality and he’s alone with the boy he likes and he’s supposed to be going through Some Shit”? Why doesn’t this have a bigger reaction in Robbe? Since they are drunk and not necessarily overthinking things in the moment, however, I will let this slide. Cynically I think this is mostly about trying to make wtFOCK Sexxxxy. I’m not a prude and I don’t have an objection in theory to a teenage couple skinny dipping together, but wtFOCK has a trend of taking a thing that happened in OG and going “How can we do this but more?” and these remakes know Evak is the big sell in fandom, so. They’re making it spicier. (EDIT from the future: Jumping ahead to later content on wtFOCK ... they very much are trying to make it Sexxxxy.)

Also, these guys just haven’t had a lot of buildup yet! And I can see like … rewriting this scene so the first kiss isn’t necessarily some epic release of a simmering tension and growing love, but more of a tentative, pivotal moment with a gay kid kissing a boy for the first time, and having the relationship grow from there. But wtFOCK isn’t doing that, it’s trying to do the Evak thing with the epic romance, and they haven’t earned it.

They go underwater for the breath-holding contest, Sander tries to kiss Robbe (Robbe’s eyes are pointedly closed so this feels like some unnecessary POV breakage) and Robbe shoves him back. He’s still in a good mood, though. They go back underwater and Robbe kisses Sander. Yay, I guess.

Lol, I don’t actually want to sound like a bitter asshole. The song choice is lovely! The cinematography is pretty good! And like I said, they have nice chemistry. It’s just that the storytelling has been so messy up to this point that I can’t get too invested. The very first clip I saw in real time for Skam season 3 was the pool scene - I had just discovered the show a few days prior, and I kept watching the clips on repeat. I could not get enough of this story. I really really needed those guys to kiss. Yeah, I recognize that at the time the story was brand new and this wasn’t the fourth iteration of the same pool scene and the sixth first kiss for this couple, and you really can’t recreate that feeling of not knowing what comes next in a remake like this. Still, I think that if the writing had just been better, I could have been happy and invested in this moment.

I also think that the pool scene in particularly has a tendency to get written in kind of a rote way in the remakes. Some of them have put their own spin on it - I had plenty of criticisms of Skam France’s S3 but I did enjoy their first kiss and I praised that they made up their own symbolism - but some of them have gotten so close to the original, the exact same banter, the interruption at the end, and it doesn’t feel natural for those versions of the characters. I’m not sure if the remake showrunners think that the original scene is something the fans want to see or if they’re being lazy or if they think the OG is just that good (which it is, lol). I don’t think any remake has been that faithful with their O Helga Natt clips, by comparison.

Anyway they get caught, yadda yadda.

Clip 11 - Morning after the pool smooch

Robbe gets up and sees Zoë looking at Senne, seemingly hungover, on the couch. She makes coffee to spite him since the coffeemaker is loud.

Zoë asks Robbe about last night and says Noor was at the door. Robbe doesn’t tell her what really happened. Apparently Noor looked like she felt bad. I don’t think I can handle more Robbe/Noor, guys. I appreciate that OG didn’t drag out Isak’s thing with Emma once he kissed Even, but I’m not confident this won’t happen here.

Zoë asks if he’s all right. Man, the most effective relationship this season is probably Zoë and Robbe? Which is fine! But like … boy squad ain’t great, Sander and Robbe aren’t well developed, they fucked up Yasmina and Robbe already, Milan and Robbe are way behind schedule…

What if the reveal were that Sander were in Robbe’s bed?

It’s not. Instead, Sander texts him as a cover of Space Oddity plays. Robbe has angst and blocks Sander on WhatsApp. Ohhhh my. Another thing I appreciated about OG? That Isak was all in after he kissed Even, and that the angst came from different places besides the typical gay coming out storyline of “kissed a boy, regretted it, went back in the closet temporarily.” Not that it’s unrealistic, just that it’s done so much.

I think we’re supposed to take away that Zoë saying Noor was there looking sad made Robbe reconsider what happened with Sander? Or just general internalized homophobia. I don’t think the latter is totally out of Robbe’s characterization based on what we’ve seen so far, although I wish there was clearer writing so it felt more like “Robbe has internalized homophobia that made him block Sander” and less like “????? internalized homophobia I guess.” Again, I’ll letting this slide because I can also rationalize it as him being a little drunk last night, and now that he’s sober he regrets his choice, even if I don’t think this is a great choice at this stage in the season.

Clip 12 - The heaviest of sighs

The subs helpfully gave a trigger warning for homophobic slurs so I knew this was going to be “good.”

Robbe is listening to music as he goes home. Sander comes up to him, smiling, wanting to know why Robbe blocked him. Robbe says to leave him alone, that Sander got him drunk and took advantage of him.

L M A O welp, this would soooo kill this ship for me if I were invested.

FIND SOMEONE ELSE, SANDER, YOU DESERVE BETTER

Oh, so Robbe also shoved him and called him a dirty f****t! What a great romance!

No, really - this is the EXACT THING I was so glad that Evak DID NOT DO. I’m not saying their romance has to be free of flaws, that there can never be fuckups, that Isak can’t ever hurt Even and vice versa. But this is such a common and ugly trope in gay media.

Robbe goes inside and slams his door, Milan asks what’s wrong, Robbe tells him to leave him alone. We get Milan’s POV and not Robbe’s at the end.

Anyway lmao. wtFOCK indeed.

Did you enjoy the cuddle scene in Skam, where a same-sex couple got to be tender and sweet and open with each other for almost seven minutes? A clip that felt refreshing and even revolutionary for its normalization of gay intimacy? Hahahaha, fuck you.

Okay, seriously though. It’s not a problem that we didn’t have the cuddle scene immediately after the pool scene. It’s not a problem that they want to change up this storyline and make it their own - though again I would ask the creative powers at wtFOCK why they’re making these particular choices. It’s not a problem if Robbe and Sander’s relationship has some extra bumps along the way to their happy ending.

WHAT EVEN PROMPTED THIS CHANGE IN ROBBE, like I get the answer is “internalized homophobia” but Robbe was BUCK NAKED WITH SANDER IN THE POOL so like. Can we please get SOME context for why he suddenly had a freakout? Can we please get some narrative structure with cause and effect? Can we get a fucking reason that Robbe went from 0 to 100? Because if it was just the blocking Sander on WhatsApp, that’s one thing, but accusing him of sexual assault and calling him slurs is so vastly beyond that. If we’re supposed to take away that Robbe feels bad about Noor, that still doesn’t explain the ugliness of his reaction, rather than just telling Sander that he has a girlfriend and it was a mistake or whatever.

I’m going to add that I understand that Robbe went through some additional homophobic shit from his friends in previous seasons - I remember Moyo saying crappy things to him in S1, and I watched a S2 scene where the same thing happens. So I can understand if Robbe’s internalized homophobia is very strong. But they’ve also cut out so much stuff in this season that added to Isak’s internalized homophobia (no mom’s religion making him anxious, no gay test, no gay generalizations from Emma...) If they want to rely on internalized homophobia from previous seasons, then we really need a reminder in this season, such as his friends making homophobic jokes, which I do not recall hearing so far. And they need to show what happened between the kiss to provoke such a homophobic reaction.

After Sander said that thing about not knowing if anyone would ever love him … why did they do this? I love me some pain in storytelling but this isn’t just angst, this is needlessly cruel.

There is, believe it or not, a middle ground between “conflictless fluff” and “cruel homophobia and assault allegations” where you can have some tension, even have Robbe have a freakout, without bringing in this kind of material. Robbe could have told Sander to stay away without accusing him of assault or calling him slurs. He could have said he wasn’t gay or that it was a mistake or even “I was drunk” without following it up with “and you took advantage of me.” All of these options might have stung for Sander and for any viewers who were hoping for morning-after cuddles, but they also create conflict without pushing it over the edge into OTT cruelty.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Ahahahaha

So far this season is like a disconnected set of scenes from Skam S3 with bonus filler scenes and unnecessary clips about non-Robbe things. It’s getting hard to think about rewrites because the point, if you will, so often so unclear. It’s also hard because this episode squeezed in so many OG scenes that were missing from earlier in the season that it’s like, well, shouldn’t we have had this a few episodes ago? Should we just leave them out now?

Okay. Start by getting rid of the first clip in this episode that’s mostly about Zoë/Senne, bump up the Milan clip. We start with Robbe looking at pics of Sander on IG, Milan comes in and asks if there was any romance on the trip, then they get into the Grindr talk, etc. The Grindr talk makes more sense before Robbe almost kisses Sander, but like. We can’t do anything about that now. What might be better is if the whole “how do you know if a guy is gay?” thing takes a swerve into not just Robbe trying to figure out Sander, but to something uncomfortably close to Robbe’s own behavior (like IDK, referencing body language and how a guy will lean in closer, like Robbe did with Sander) and then Robbe gets cranky because he’s worried he’s too obviously gay to other people. After Milan leaves, he starts looking up stuff like “how to act straight” or “how not to seem gay” or whatever. That leads us into the next clip...

... the dance chicks scene. Now we’ve seen plenty of Robbe being disinterested in girls already, so this time we’re going to show him trying to be interested in girls instead. Like he’s watching his friends’ annoying horny reactions and he’s clearly trying to imitate them and join in, but we can see that he’s awkward and not totally feeling it. But he’s trying. Then after the performance, Robbe makes the comment about the dance instructor being so gay.

There is a problem, IMO, in that Robbe’s friend group has been shown to be more homophobic than the average boy squad (as seen in S1 and S2). And frankly I don’t really believe yet Jens is the type to shut down a homophobic comment. Like in S2 Moyo and Robbe straight up start calling each other f*gs and Jens is like chill, no one here is a f*g, but if there were, you should date each other. That’s his idea of intervention. So I’m not sure how to handle that.

I don’t love this idea, because I hate what they’re done with Moyo in particular, making him pointedly more homophobic (to be discussed in a future reaction) but Moyo and Aaron could perhaps laugh at Robbe’s comment and start riffing off it, while Robbe is sitting there pretending to laugh but looking increasingly uncomfortable, and Jens notices something is off with Robbe, and he tells the guys to knock it off, the guy is gay, so what? Big deal. Then aside from the other guys, he asks Robbe if something is wrong, and Robbe snaps at him or attributes it to family problems again.

I was going to also say that the setting for this clip doesn’t really allow for Sander to swoop in, like Even did to return the snapback, but actually maybe it could? Noor could have invited Britt and Sander to watch the show, right? So maybe when Robbe makes this gay joke and his friends are laughing, Sander comes up while Britt is talking to Noor and is like, hey guys, what’s up? Robbe’s friends are just like, oh nothing, did you see how gay that guy was? Then Sander is like, sorry, what’s the problem with being gay? He tells them off a little. Meanwhile Robbe is standing there awkward as fuck, not looking Sander in the eyes, while Sander is looking at him for backup, but Robbe just makes an excuse to bolt. Maybe he walks past Noor without saying anything, so she looks confused.

Now onto Robbe and Yasmina. Man, I truly hate saying this. But: If you are not going to incorporate other religious themes into this season, then you don’t need to redo the Isak-Sana friendship. Again! I don’t like suggesting this! But what actually is Robbe and Yasmina’s relationship bringing to this season when it’s portrayed like this?

They left out the weed blackmail, which is really just a plot device in OG, but it’s a plot device that sets up Sana and Isak’s thread. It also gets Isak to kosegruppa to meet Even, something which is irrelevant here.

Sana’s main tie to S3 is Isak’s mom. Isak’s mom is religious, that makes him anxious, and it’s a hurdle to coming out to her. Robbe’s mom is not religious, Robbe’s internalized homophobia doesn’t seem to have anything to do with religion specifically other than this one scene with him and Yasmina. It’s just a disconnected tangent. What’s more, what is Yasmina’s eventual advice going to do for him? Sana’s advice led Isak to come out to his mom.

I really like Yasmina. If there’s another way that her presence is relevant to the themes of this season, by all means let’s find it and include her. As it is, either make it that Robbe’s mom is religious and include the Robbe-Yasmina subplot, or don’t and leave it out.

I would love to see in-depth and meaningful friendships develop among all the characters in the Skam squads, just because I love all those kids. Jonas and Vilde? Even and girl Chris? Eva and Mahdi? I don’t care how random, let’s have them all! But there is a finite amount of time per season, and we can’t extend time for all possible relationships - just the ones that are most relevant to the story we are trying to tell.

I mentioned above a fix for the Bowie playlist clip that makes it have a little more sense to me. If you include Sander in the dance chicks clip like I said, you could have Robbe thinking about Sander again and wondering if he’s into men since he called out the boys’ homophobia. That’s how he ends up on Grindr. Then Sander sends him the Bowie playlist, Robbe listens, Sander calls and they talk, Robbe apologizes for bolting out of there the other day. Sander invites him to the cafe later, Robbe’s all :D until he realizes Britt is there and is coming too, then he’s :(

He’s late to meet Noor and Noor is upset, but not like ... screaming and shoving at him. She’s more snippy and passive-aggressive, she walks off. She says she’s upset because he ditched the dance performance without talking to her, and then he’s late to meet her, it seems like he just doesn’t care that much. They have a fight but it’s like a normal fight and not The End of the World. Just tone down Noor’s OTT anger and make it more natural.

I don’t have a preference in this version whether Noor and Britt leave the cafe and Sander and Robbe know they’re not coming back, or whether Noor and Britt just go to get some air and cry it out and Sander is like fuck it, let’s leave. The important thing for me is that Robbe sits there with Sander, painfully aware that they’re alone, and there’s lots of tension and awkwardness and his brain is clearly hyper-focused on the proximity of Sander’s knee to his own. They banter and flirt and then when Sander suggests they leave, Robbe acts like he wants to go.

Don’t do a pool scene for the first kiss. Give a shit, make it your own. Except IMO they have done so little to establish this relationship in terms of larger themes or symbolism that they have nothing to choose from.

Man, what if THIS episode was about going to the seaside, after they had been talking for several episodes, and they kissed in the sea when they were alone? That would be at least somewhat plausible? A take on the pool scene/underwater kiss that wasn’t the exact same.

You could do something related to graffiti, perhaps? Instead of breaking into a pool, they break into the tagging place or wherever. Or something else related to Sander’s artwork, because I know that this comes up in their version of O Helga Natt.

I’m not wild about adding this blip in Robbe and Sander’s relationship after the kiss, because of how much ground we need to cover the rest of the season (it messes with the pacing yet again) and also just because I like that Skam didn’t do this expected route. However, if they wanted to make Robbe try to shut out Sander again: the strongest case for his internalized homophobia seems to be his friends. So have him meet up with them again the day after kissing Sander. His friends bring up Sander and how weird he was at the dance performance about the gay instructor, like it’s just a joke! He took their comments way too seriously! Is Sander gay or something? And maybe Robbe tries to defend Sander - no, he’s a cool guy, really - and then his friends are like, pffft, what, do you have a crush on him? Robbe denies and everybody chills out, but Robbe seems troubled. Maybe this is when Jens finally gets a fucking clue and realizes something’s up with Robbe, and in the future there’s a scene where he shuts down gay jokes. For now, though, we do see how Robbe would feel compelled to go back in the closet. Sander texts him and Robbe blocks him.

Now we come to the worst part. So. Take out Robbe calling Sander a sexual predator and a homophobic slur and pushing him, that’s for sure. If he must reject Sander, do it in another way. “I’m not gay.” “I was drunk.” “It was a mistake.” “I have a girlfriend.” It’s not actually hard to do this clip without adding this ugly taint to their relationship.

Since I’m trying to think of rewrites without just copying Skam, here is a radical change on how to include a post-kiss freakout from Robbe earlier on so the pacing isn’t as odd. In previous recaps, I suggested Sander should be introduced earlier as a mysterious stranger that Robbe is trying to find. Well, maybe we can rework that. Robbe and the mysterious stranger share a kiss in episode 1. They’re hiding from the police or security or something after getting busted at a party or while tagging or w/e, and they’re both a little drunk and high on adrenaline, they’re smiling and laughing because they actually got away, and it just ... happens. The mysterious stranger can initiate it, but Robbe tentatively reciprocates before running away. Robbe freaks out and it’s after this that he starts heavily pursuing Noor. Because, you see, he’s not gay, he was just drunk, and it was all that other guy’s fault. But at least he doesn’t have to see that random guy again, right? No one will ever know. Just like no one will ever know if late at night when he can’t sleep, he does a Google search to see if he’s gay if he liked kissing a boy or if he can’t get it up with his girlfriend. Or if he goes on Grindr to see if he can find the mystery dude. It’s a bust and Robbe gives up and settles into dating Noor. Except in episode 2, OH SHIT, he’s introduced to Sander again via Noor, and it’s awkward and fuck, Sander has a girlfriend. Well, that’s good, right? Totally not a bummer. Anyway, Robbe tries to avoid Sander or tiptoe around him but they end up spending time together because they’re stuck at the seaside under the same roof. Maybe they directly address the issue by Robbe saying he’s not gay and Sander being like “me neither” (which technically is not a lie, lmao) and brushing it off as a mistake, or maybe they both pretend that it never happened. Maybe Robbe is more aggressive about it at first and Sander is like, whoa dude, chill out, I’m not going to tell anyone. Still, they get to know each other, there’s heaps of sexual/romantic tension, and in episode 4 (or 5 or whenever) they kiss again and it’s Epic.

This arc is definitely not the same as Isak’s or Evak’s and I absolutely won’t claim that it’s in the same league as what Julie Andem did, but I can see a narrative arc like this making some sense. Better than trying to do Isak’s arc half-assed.

It occurs to me just like … how little we know about any of these characters in terms of subtext or something? No hints about Sander’s background, really? Let’s get some clues in there.

I think something I miss about Skam was how kind it was. How all the characters were at heart, good people capable of the most generous love and empathy. And maybe we’ll get there with these characters in the end, but overall, so many of these people just don’t feel like that! There’s so much more ugliness and cruelty involved in this story, and it doesn’t feel like it’s done with good intentions, like to show the audience how to handle these situations and to heal.

There’s this weird attitude of defense where cruelty, tragedy, and negative events are defended in the name of realism and there’s a backlash to the backlash, acting like the critics just want fluffy plotless hand-holding and cuddling, a conflict-free season, or a story where no one makes mistakes. And it’s like people forget that in Skam season 3, the story was FULL of angst! We know Evak get their happy ending but like … from episode 1 all through O Helga Natt, the story is packed with conflict. People hurt each other. Even in episode 10, not everything is perfect. It is very possible to do angst and conflict without this ugliness. Like … I have to assume people weren’t here for episodes 5 and 6 of Skam S3, or for the hotel scene, or episode 9 up to OHN, because I can assure you, there was no lack of angst. There was just a lack of shock value gratuitousness.

As always, let me know if I missed something due to cultural or linguistic context.

#wtfock reactions

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beeexx · 5 years ago

Text

TK writes love letters to all his past crushes, these are letters just for him and he has no intention of ever sending them off. Until one day the thing that can't happen does and somehow TK ends up kind of dating Carlos Reyes, star football player, cool, hot and way out of TK's league. His life takes a sudden turn and it will be a year he won't forget anytime soon.

But this is high school, and it's fun and messy and heartbreaking and all over the place all at once, so TK's up for a ride for sure, and he isn't sure it's just the good kind.

The To all the boys I've loved before Tarlos au no one asked for but I wrote anyway.

You can read it here

Here is a snippet:

When Mateo saunters into TK’s room he’s too busy daydreaming to notice it. His walls are full of posters, his desk is overflowing with notebooks and pencils, full of drawings and doodles, clothes are spilling onto the floor everywhere and his bookcase is overfull of everything from trashy romance novels to complex sci fi stories. TK’s at the moment too wrapped up in his own fantasies about hand holding with someone cute and sweet, forbidden kisses and sneaking out at night together to notice anything out of the ordinary. He’s been staring at the same page for a while, he’s read the novel a few times by now, instead he has a distant look in his eyes as he lies on his side, staring into the wall. Mateo rolls his eyes and grabs the nearest pillow and whacks it, hard, straight into TK’s face.

“Hey!” TK almost falls off the bed, Mateo laughing as he leans against the wall, looking way too proud over his achievement.

“Are we hanging out or what?”

“Oh right, yeah I forgot.” He throws a mournful look at his book that has fallen to the floor, picks it up and dusts it off before he gets off the bed.

“You need to stop living inside your head so much. It’s not good for you.”

“Shut up.”

“What? It’s true, you need to start living your life.”

“Sure Dr. Phil, I’ll get right onto it.” Mateo laughs and shrugs, like he knows it’s a losing battle, and then they are both interrupted by the clattering of plates downstairs. Mateo lifts an eyebrow.

“Yeah, we should probably go help him.” TK agrees.

“He doesn’t want the help though.”

“Well, we can set the table.” TK caringly puts his book on the nightstand and then they head downstairs to see if their dad is about to burn the whole house down, which would be ironic since he’s ridiculously thorough when it comes to fire safety.

“Hi, dad, don’t burn the house down please.” TK calls and Mateo glares at him.

“What?”

“Don’t say that, it will hurt his feelings.”

“No, it won’t.”

Owen Strand, fire captain, father of two, and an altogether good person was standing in their infrequently used kitchen, oven mitts on and way on his way to almost drop the big metallic bowl he’s holding as they make their way downstairs.

“Dad, how’s it going, do you want any help?” Mateo asks, and then gives TK a look over his shoulder that says ‘this is how it’s done’ like he thinks TK doesn’t know how to be discreet, which is a lie, TK definitely knows how to be discreet. There’s a knock on their door then and before anyone can even open it Paul and Marjan step inside, like they both live here and have done this numerous times before.

“Hi, fire captain, it smells good.” Paul calls as he steps inside to high five Owen, who delightfully accepts, only to actually drop the bowl on Mateo’s toes. TK snickers meanly into his hands as Mateo jumps up and down, like that will somehow ease the pain. Marjan rolls her eyes but bends down to pick it up, luckily it was empty.

“Thanks Paul.” Owen says proudly and takes the bowl off Marjan, who looks at Owen like he’s hung the moon. TK loves his friends, but Marjan and Paul are both clearly too dumb to be able to see Owen for who he really is, even if TK were to dangle the mess his father can be in front of their eyes. They love his dad, absolutely adore him and when they come around to hang out, TK and Mateo can expect to be left on the sidelines while the pair relentlessly bother Owen with questions about being a fireman and listen like there’s nothing more interesting to do in life than hear Owen’s stories. TK isn’t too bothered by it, but it bugs Mateo, so TK has taken to intervening from time to time and force his dad to leave the room so they can actually hang out like planned.

They come over on Saturdays though, every Saturday since they’ve all been friends, and that day is reserved for only listening to Owen talking about being a firefighter, that’s the standing deal they all have. Mateo and TK have given up on trying to change that by now and most of those evenings usually ends with Mateo being the one to cook the actual dinner while TK tries to help and fails spectacularly. He’s a miniature of his dad in the kitchen for sure.

There was a time when TK used to only refer to Owen as his dad, but since Mateo’s been around ever since TK was 6, Owen is just as much TK’s dad at this point as he is Mateo’s. And Owen is a good dad, in most areas, but not when it comes to cooking or being on time, so Mateo and TK gave up a long time ago trying to change his weird and unbreakable habits. They’ve spent enough time on their own by now to know it’s useless and they are old enough now both to care and to understand that being a fire captain is a serious and very time consuming job. They’ve spent enough time doing homework, and what they used to refer to as sleepovers at the station, which weren’t exactly sleepovers, more like their dad was working night shifts and he couldn’t get Michelle to cover all the time for him during the nights and they were too young to be left on their own, to understand that what their dad does is a very serious job. Michelle who used to babysit them pretty often when they were children are now working with Owen as a paramedic. She’s shown them around the van a few times too and both Mateo and TK are very taken by the whole station and the people working there, but more so Mateo these days than TK.

Long cooked ribs are soon ready to be taken out of the oven, but TK has the chinese takeout place a ten minute drive down the road on speed dial for emergencies, and he knows his dad, this is going to end up being one.

“Paul, Marjan, how’s school? How are your parents?” While Owen has never been on time once in his life, apart from when he’s on call, he’s good at keeping up with all of TK and Mateo’s friends and their respective families though, and always asks and seems to genuinely care about any news. Owen is popular by default, and it’s not his fault he’s likeable by most people, but it does mean that TK and Mateo don’t get a lot of alone time with him, seeing as when he’s off work he gets pulled in all sorts of directions and he’s basically incapable of saying no. TK has definitely not inherited that quality though as his default answer to doing anything that requires him to spend time outside of this house and away from his precious books and characters is always going to be a no. More often than not Mateo is forced to push and pull him out of the house if he’s going to leave it for anything other than school, which he can’t exactly opt out of.

“It’s good, and my parents send their hello.” Marjan says as TK tunes them out and turns to Mateo instead so he can be directed towards what he’s supposed to do. He starts to chop carrots up as his dad distractedly starts to hold a conversation with Marjan and Paul while Mateo takes the bowl off his dad completely and starts putting the mostly already cut up potatoes in there.

-------

“It’s supposed to fall off the bone.” His dad whispers sadly as he tries to shake the meat off in an attempt to try and fix the situation. Paul and Marjan look about ready to protest and eat it anyway but TK refuses to risk anyone getting food poisoning and brings out his phone to order takeout while Mateo offers to help Owen clean up.

“It’s fine dad, I’ll just order some food, okay?” Owen looks disappointed but concedes to Mateo while Marjan and Paul try to cheer him up. TK rolls his eyes and dials.

“It will be ready in 15 minutes.” They’ve done this enough times by now for TK to know everyone’s order by heart and Nigel, the owner of the place, is starting to feel more like a permanent friend of TK’s than someone he just goes to order food from.

“Oh TK, Judd says his grandmother’s car is fixed up by the way and you can come pick it up at his this week.” TK groans and Mateo shouts out his displeasure.

“Why did TK get a car, he's a terrible driver.”

“I’m not, I just don’t like driving.”

“You drive like a grandma, I would feel more safe in a car with an actual grandma than with you.”

“At least I have a driver’s license.” He shoots back.

“Yeah, I don’t even know how the driver’s instructor let you through.”

“Feel free to take the bus!”

“Or I can just drive and then we can switch places real quick if we get pulled over.”

“No!” Both TK and Owen shout and Mateo defleats, it sends a pang of guilt through TK though, because while they joke around about this Mateo is genuinely upset that he failed the driving test and TK didn’t which is a bit of an ironic situation because Mateo is a better driver than TK, he’s just really bad when he’s put under pressure and things tend to go wrong then. TK basically passed because he was driving so slow the instructor got so bored he didn’t want to do this with him again.

“Boys, what I was suggesting was that all you go pick up the food and I stay here and clean up the place.” TK peeks through into the kitchen where Marjan and Paul have started looking through the fridge, the dishes everywhere and the surfaces all full of cutlery, dirty and clean alike looking very much in need of a cleaning.

“Is TK driving?”

“Who else is going to?” Mateo looks at Paul and Marjan, which both are definitely out of the question and then at TK and just grimaces.

“Fine.”

“You don’t have to come, I can go on my own.” He crosses his arms, a little defensively, because while he isn’t the most comfortable driver, he is the only one out of his friends that actually can do it.

“No, we’re coming.” Paul declares and Owen ushers them all to the door and hands TK the keys to his car with a reproachful look which makes TK promise that he will drive carefully.

“Be safe kiddos, and tell Nigel hi from me.”

“Yes dad.” Mateo shouts, already out the door calling for shotgun and rushing up the car with Marjan hot on his heels. When it looks like Mateo is going to make it, Marjan manages to trip him and he falls head first into the car, but just as quickly as he’s hit the side of the door, which doesn’t look to be too painful, he moves to stand in front of Marjan anyway.

“I called it!”

“Kids, settle down.” Paul says, always one for joking around, but definitely more calmer than what either Marjan and Mateo are.

“I called it though.”

“Doesn’t matter, I reached it first.” Marjan says and moves her hands around Mateo’s body to lift him to the side.

“Hey! That is cheating.” Both Paul and TK roll their eyes.

“Because I am the one driving I get to decide who sits beside me, I pick Paul and if anyone objects I won’t pay for your food.” Mateo and Marjan both glare but they get into the back, not before Marjan pushes Mateo again who knocks his shoulder against hers back. TK rolls his eyes again, never fully having gotten on board with their sometimes overly aggressive way of showing affection. He much preferred Paul’s steady presence and occasionally unwanted wisdom and creepy observational skills he forced upon you. But they had all been friends for a long time now, Mateo and TK first, then it had grown into Paul and lastly Marjan who joined their group when they all started high school, for them to even have too many objections about each other by now.

Once in the car another fight over who gets to decide the music starts and TK shuts them out and puts the radio on while they figure it out, it’s a ten minute drive, fifteen tops when TK drives, and it will take them about the same amount of time to figure out whose phone to connect anyway so he lets them be.

“Mateo we listened to yours the other day, it’s definitely my turn.”

“No one wants to hear your emo music about sadness and feelings, it’s bullshit!”

“Shut up, my music taste is great.” Marjan whacks him on the head and Paul sighs before he turns around to whack both of them.

“Shut up, I am deciding.”

“How come it’s always you and TK against me and Marjan?”

“Pftt, as if I am getting roped into your category.”

“It’s not even me and TK against you two, it’s me against the both of you knuckleheads.”

“I’m neutral, don’t even try and drag me into this.” TK protests and slows down at the speed bump in front of him. Then he turns right and then they get to the big crossing that leads into town. He slows and Mateo groans.

“This is going to take ages.”

“Shut up.”

“Man you could have totally gone now.” Paul complains and TK glares at the both of them before he turns right again, finally getting onto the main road.

“No backseat driving.”

“Yeah yeah.” Mateo mutters.

Ten minutes later, without any accidents, they get to the small family owned Chinese place. It was a popular place, beloved by the town, and almost always full of customers. But Nigel was a sweet man, always took the time to talk to people, and ever since Owen had saved most of the place from burning down many many years ago now, when a newbie was closing it down and forgot to turn off the stove, they were always given extra prawn crackers and spring rolls to go with their food. Or maybe it was because they were here way too often when Owen decided to try new recipes that Nigel knew them well enough to send extra food.

“I drove, I’m not going in.”

“Of course you’re going in, you have the money!” Marjan calls.

“Exactly. You two get to sit in the front seat, and TK has the money, I ain't moving.”

“Ugh, fine.” He has no energy to argue and Paul just shrugs and gets out. Typical Paul.

“No one steal my seat while I’m gone.” He warns and Mateo and Marjan nods solmely, both aware that Paul could take on the both of them if he decided.

“Come on, I’m hungry.” TK calls impateniely and Paul jogs to catch up. TK’s phone chimes with a text message and he opens it up, unaware of where he’s really going, doesn’t catch what Paul says and steps straight into what feels like a solid wall, his phone goes flying and so does the person’s takeout in front of him. Paul catches his arm before he also goes flying to the floor and TK looks up and is about to say that he’s sorry only to freeze up, his mouth probably hanging open in shock.

“TK.” Paul shakes his arm and TK almost stumbles again. “What’s wrong with you man?”

What is wrong is that TK is an absolute idiot and the person he just walked into and sent their take out orders and the drinks to the floor, is of bloody course Carlos Reyes.

Carlos Reyes.

Not that he looks angry or anything, instead he looks something between amused and concerned and a bit like he’s waiting for TK to say anything.

“Erm…”

Paul faceplants and bends down to help pick up the stuff from the ground because TK seems to have broken down completely and Paul at least has some sense about him to act human.

“It looks like most of it is fine, sorry man.” Paul says and Carlos’ eyes finally move away from TK, thank fuck, because he can breathe again and watches as Carlos smiles at Paul, sending something like jealousy and relief through him. God, what the fuck?

“Oh, yeah, thanks. That’s good.”

“What happened?” A girl says and TK’s eyes move away from Carlos’ to a girl he knows is called Iris, a jumper that has the The Alder high school’s symbol printed at the front in red bold letters, and a size that’s way too big on her to belong to her at all. TK wonders if it’s Carlos.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t see where I was going.” He finally says and her eyes snap to his, recognition sparking in them. She smiles, nicely, and grabs Carlos by the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I’m sure it wasn’t all your fault. Carlos is a known clutz.” Carlos rolls his eyes and TK highly doubts that someone as athletic and fit as Carlos can be clumsy. He thankfully keeps his mouth shut though. Paul hands Carlos the bags and he smiles thankfully, his face stupidly handsome and TK gulps, he hopes it goes unnoticed.

“Sorry, sorry again.” He stutters out like an idiot and when Carlos looks at him and TK feels the air go out of him.

UGH.

“It’s cool, well we better get going, see you sometime.” He says, trying to sidestep TK who misreads the whole thing and steps to the right at the same time as Carlos does, making Carlos chuckle, before he tries again, only to almost step right into TK. Paul groans and then, not too gently, grabs TK’s shoulders to forcefully remove him from Carlos’ path like TK is at the moment incapable of doing it himself. Carlos chuckles again, a deep sound that vibrates through TK, before he waves and drags Iris with him, her eyes sparkling with mischief and before they cross the street TK hears Carlos shush her. TK groans and pulls at the ends of his hair and is met by Paul raising his eyebrow at him, both judginly and fondly at the same time.

“Don’t say a word.” He warns.

“I wasn’t.” Paul opens the door to the place so they can finally get inside, the place smelling wonderfully and the noise level comforting TK immediately. What can he say, he likes the sound of voices to fill empty spaces.

“Your eyes are saying enough.”

“If they were they would be saying that that was pathetic.”

“Ugh.”

“How long has this crush been going on now? Since middle school?”

“Yeah.” TK lies, because he did meet Carlos ages ago, and he was possibly too young to have a crush then, but then yes, middle school was probably around the time he figured out he was into boys and Carlos was the best looking one he had ever laid eyes on and he was young and dramatic and couldn’t help but latch onto him.

“He’s not so bad for a jock, you know that right?”

“It doesn’t matter.” The line moves further up ahead and it can’t go quick enough TK thinks.

“Why?”

“Because! Because?” He ends. Pauls rolls his eyes.

“Because? These are not reasons.”

“Okay, fine, fine! He’s popular, hot, clever, way out of my league, and, and…”

“These sound like excuses and not reasons.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He mutters petulantly and is saved by it being their turn, Nigel knowing exactly what they have ordered, smile bright and happy and TK gets busy answering all his questions instead of Paul’s, which he prefers anyway.

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #911 lone star fan fic #owen strand #tk strand #tk x carlos #carlos reyes #fan fiction

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