#in neverwinter. and then breaking out of prison in neverwinter

[ask-doctor-wombat]

If you had to make a DnD Character, what class and race it would be?

Hmmmm.

Probably a paladin or cleric. I'd like to be able to heal my party. And I'd be a tiefling or half-orc or something. Because they're cool. Or a fallen aasimar. Necrotic shroud is awesome, and being descended from a corrupted holy bloodline is an interesting backstory.

But if I'm being selfish, I'd play a sorcerer. Wild magic adds a bit of excitement to the game, I think. You may cast power word kill on your opponent, or you may be polymorphed into a potted plant, and you don't know until you try it.

[rukafais]

today, i'm thinking about how jarlaxle and kimmuriel go from an implied high trust level, hinted at or stated to be pre-timeskip stuff:

Jarlaxle’s principal lieutenant in his powerful mercenary band was an accomplished psionicist, and had taught Jarlaxle much in the ways of mental trickery and defense. Jarlaxle brought every bit of that knowledge to bear. (Ghost King)

“Many have promise,” Kimmuriel reminded. ���Few will see it bloom, as you yourself know well.” (Rise of the King)

Intelligence alone didn’t guarantee psionic prowess—the brilliant Jarlaxle was quite fumbling with regard to the psionic powers, after all— (Archmage) which both allude to Jarlaxle letting Kimmuriel into his mind, repeatedly, to try to teach him psionics ultimately unsuccessfully

So, Jarlaxle is leaning on Kimmuriel a bit! He's allowing him past certain boundaries!

And then this happens, talked about in the Neverwinter quartet:

There it was, spoken openly, and Jarlaxle suppressed his initial response to lash out at the dwarf. Athrogate was right, he knew. Jarlaxle had betrayed Entreri to the Netherese many years before, when the empire had come in force for the sword, Charon’s Claw. It wasn’t often in his long life that Jarlaxle had been trapped without recourse, but the Netherese had done it, and before physically surrounding the pair, the powerful lords of Netheril had appealed to greater powers in Jarlaxle’s own circle of potential allies, to Kimmuriel and Matron Mother Quenthel.

Indeed, the snares of Netheril had been complete.

And so their offer had been accepted.

[...]

But that rescue attempt had never occurred, and indeed, many years passed before Jarlaxle had ever learned of the conspiracy working against him. Kimmuriel and the Baenres, for Jarlaxle’s own sake, had worked in concert to break down Jarlaxle’s magical defenses and thus allow the psionicist to invade Jarlaxle’s mind and alter the details of the Baldur’s Gate betrayal. [...]

Thus, by the time Jarlaxle had even sorted out the truth and remembered that Entreri had been taken as a prisoner of the Netherese, it was too late for Jarlaxle to do anything about it.

By that point, Matron Mother Quenthel had made it quite clear to the outraged Jarlaxle that he needed to forget the whole ordeal. (Charon's Claw)

and then in Jarlaxle's narration in Neverwinter quartet, when he clearly knows about his memory being fucked with:

Kimmuriel had witnessed the exchange with Tiago and the others in the bowels of Gauntlgrym, and so he understood the true desire behind Jarlaxle’s gracious offer to lead Bregan D’aerthe back to the City of Sails, and so, indeed, Kimmuriel’s invoking of their agreement was entirely proper regarding the interests of Bregan D’aerthe. Jarlaxle had done well in selecting this brilliant lieutenant to serve in his stead.

Too well, perhaps. (Last Threshold)

His narration starts being suspicious about Kimmuriel's motives again.

For contrast, the last time Jarlaxle really talked about him like this was when Jarlaxle first transferred power to Kimmuriel in Sellswords, specifically Road of the Patriarch:

Kimmuriel, and not Jarlaxle, ruled Bregan D’aerthe, and would continue to until Jarlaxle returned to Menzoberranzan and formally retrieved his throne. That was as they had agreed upon after the destruction of the Crystal Shard. Neither held any illusions about that agreement, of course. Jarlaxle knew that if he stayed away from his homeland for too long, allowing Kimmuriel to make inroads into the supportive relationships Jarlaxle had built within the City of Spiders, then Kimmuriel would not relinquish control of Bregan D’aerthe without a fight.

(and then he goes on to argue with himself like but kimmuriel doesn't LIKE leading...so it's fine...right? But he's still suspicious about Kimmuriel in a way that gradually goes away...and then pops up again, in Neverwinter.)

So the first House twisted Kimmuriel's arm to modify Jarlaxle's memory so he wouldn't go haring off to save Artemis and jeopardize business deals with the Netherese and also get himself murdered, Kimmuriel did so, violated the trust that Jarlaxle placed in him in allowing him access to his mind and imo, prioritized Jarlaxle's life over what he would want (better to beg forgiveness than permission etc),

and in doing so takes a hammer to every single bit of built up trust between them that took almost a century to grow and now they have to start from the bottom again and that's a lot of what informs Kimmuriel's approach to Jarlaxle in the second half of the series. Ouch.

[kudzuoath]

No one asked for this but I’m writing about Temperance/Odette

• Her given name is in fact Odette. When she joined the Dawning Star Temple, she took the name Temperance. It’s the name she prefers.

• abandoned at six in Baldur’s Gate by her mother. Born in Elturel and lived the first six years of her life there. Was in Baldur’s Gate because it was a stop on the way to Neverwinter where her mother was traveling in order to marry her second husband.

• Kell Corners — or “Kell of the Corner” found and tried to take care of her. Was human, a conman, and an alcoholic. Genuinely liked kids and tried to do right by them where he could but was also not above using them, especially to fund his addictions. Ran a sort of small time thieving ring and paid lip service the actual thieves guild.

• Through Kell, she met Eldrey, another tiefling living on the streets who was two years older and extremely charismatic. Eldrey very quickly became her best friend, and both girls eventually broke from Kell and started running their own cons.

•Until, at 13, she tried to rob a drow woman named Saraid who served in the Dawning Star Temple. Rather than alert the guards, she brought her back to the Temple and had her work there to pay off her debt. Whilst in the temple, she found solace for the first time in her life — and discovered a genuine talent for herbalism and alchemy. So much so, Saraid petitioned to take her on as an apprentice and she became a ward of the temple.

•whilst working there she met a half-drow her age named Sage who was skilled with herbalism and medicine, as well as a very, VERY tall tiefling boy named Shepherd, who worked in the kitchens twice a week and had a bafflingly loving and large family. They became a very close knit group.

• Eldrey and Temperance still remain friends through all of this, and even mange to stay close. Close enough that Eldrey is her first kiss and first relationship when Temperance is sixteen. Though this fractures fairly quickly as Eldrey makes no secret of how much she resents Temperance taking up with the people on the Temple and leaving her to run her cons alone. Accuses her of putting on airs and looking down on her despite this not being true. The resulting argument end with Eldrey completely vanishing from her life.

• until three years later, at nineteen, Eldrey returns and asks for Temperance’s help. She claims to have messed up bad and to need a place to hide. Convinces Temperance to let her stay in the temple in secret.

•only Eldrey is lying. And one night a week after being allowed to stay, she lets in more people, who then break into the inner sanctum of the temple — where an artifact known as Lathander’s Litany was kept. A phylactery containing a tiny piece of the soul from hundreds of years worth of his followers who earned the honor of immortalizing their power and knowledge within it. In times of strife, one could attune to it and be granted divine power akin to an aasimar (of the scourge variety).

• Temperance discovers this plot to steal it and charges in to try and stop Eldrey — thinking she can stop her oldest friend before she makes a terrible mistake. Only she’s discovered by the head of the Temple as well as Saraid. Chaos ensues. the phylactery breaks in Temperance’s hands and all those soul fragments wind up in the closest container they can find — her. Naturally this knocks her the fuck out.

• when she wakes up she’s already in a cell in Wyrms Rock and learns both Saraid and the head of the temple are dead. As well as several other clergy members. Discovered as she was in the inner sanctum she was blamed for the deaths and the missing artifact — something not helped by the event being very blurry in her mind and the myriad whispers of the extra souls in her head. Not to mention the grief and the fact that Sage comes to visit to scream at her for her betrayal.

• Temperance spends eight years in prison. During which she discovers what happened to the Phylactery, and to her. It’s in prison she makes her Oath of Vengeance, which is upheld not by a god, but by the myriad souls from the phylactery. Something that allows her a modicum of temperance (lol) over the righteous fury she holds inside her.

• at the end of the eighth year, Temperance manages to break out of prison and seeks help from Shepherd. Who surprisingly believes her when she tells him she didn’t know what Eldrey was planning and does t know who killed Saraid and the head of the Temple. He helps her get out of the city, and suggests she go by a new name if she doesn’t want to get caught. He also gifts her with a pair of earrings enchanted to work like an amulet of non-detection.

•so she is Odette again. And she wants to find Eldrey. Her oath as much as demands it. For three years she searches — righting wrongs and putting down the wicked as she goes

•then she’s found by bounty hunters, and being dragged back to Baldur’s Gate. Only she has the good luck to be zapped aboard the nautiloid instead.

[starbvund]

The Council of Vampires

The original intent was to put in place boundaries to ensure a Vampiric War didn't break out. Lessen the probability of two vampires having a territory pissing contest to bring the rest down with them. To ensure a steady supply of food without depleting the stocks.

The council consists of Vampire Lords, one from each major city of Faerün and a few representatives from the other planes. The Lords as a collective make the rules and judgement calls that govern vampiric society. They are presided over by Strahd. Because of his limitations of his prison, they are most often held in Ravenloft or places he can send Rahadin as his voice. Known council members to this blog: Strahd - Dictator Leader, Of the land of Barovia Artor - Lord of Waterdeep Sevatel - Lord of Neverwinter @sevatel Bodhi - Lord of Athkatla until death Cazador - Lord of Baldur's Gate

When a lord of a city dies, their successor becomes the next Lord on the council gaining a vote in all proceedings. Their invite is sent via one of Strahd von Zarovich's raven companions. A time and place for the next convening. Failure to accept the invitation often doesn't pan out well for the vampire in question. Quickly finding themselves in an early, permanent grave. Strahd has the overriding vote and the most power in the council. As a rule they try not to engage him because of his harsh sentences and general demeanor. They convene rarely.

Any violations by vampires who hold territory are swiftly carried out by the council proxies and hired hands. Spawn are considered the jurisdiction of their masters to discipline. Failure to discipline on an extreme violation by one's spawn falls on the master's head. For instance: Inciting a vampire pissing contest/war.

( Jokingly: Jandor Sunstar joins via shitty web connection live from the Hells on an ancient laptop. He's always screaming much to Strahd's delight. )

[dragon-snoots-a-boopin]

Another bad fucking experience and another fucking rant. Neverwinter Night Enhanced Edition has some of the most bullshit in a game I've seen in a while and I played and ranted about Borderlands 1 bullshit recently.

This game has an awful new player experience. Once I get out of tutorials and stuff and are in the city, there are two ways to go. There's the zombie attack area and the prison break area, both of which are quest related. I went the zombie area first and was doing pretty good, though the cultists were on the tough side. Things were fine until the dire fucking spider that kept killing me over and over and over until I loaded a save because I was getting tired of it. I was going to get a henchman but I spent too much on a new helmet and a bow and could not afford one.

So, I decided to go the prison break route and, again, things were fine, minus those gang leader guys but they just take a bit to kill, but things were fine until I got to the fucking devourer. It killed me over and over and over, even after I equipped the +1 dagger I had. Eventually, I did kill it. Then I moved onto another part of the prison where I was met with a sorcerer and like four of those big guys all ganging up on me and killed me over and over that I rage quit and have deleted the game.

Of course, in all this I was looking up stuff to see how to get past these things and most of the answers involved "go get this" "get this item with this on it" "add this enchantment to the weapon" and so on and these are so unhelpful to the first time player because how the hell is a new player supposed to know where any of these things are? Plus, as this is still early in the game, my character was level 3, I think it's highly unfair for them to be throwing these levels of stupidly challenging enemies my way when my character clearly isn't ready for them. I was even playing on easy and having this much of a fucking frustrating time that I honestly am done with this bullshit game. I still am going to try Baldur's Gate 1 & 2 and am going to play more of the Neverwinter MMO but, Neverwinter Nights EE is a fucking stupid, unbalanced bullshit game that can die in and stay in 2002.

[kaseyskat]

📓 :]

hi kai ! it’s so difficult because i think i’ve rambled about most of my favorite aus in the server BUT most recently i’ve been thinking a lot about. the dnd movie au. because it’s fun! and though i’m pretty sure you already know about this one i’m gonna ramble about it hehehe

okay so (SPOILERS FOR THE DND MOVIE BELOW!)

one of my favorite oakfam tropes is to put lark in a position of responsibility for the lives of others and this is especially fun when it applies to putting him in charge of hero and normal for one reason or another. in this au, it’s because he is the main character: after splitting off from sparrow (they left their royal life behind for adventure) because sparrow wanted to settle down, lark goes rogue and makes some powerful enemies along the way! enemies that target him- except these enemies don’t realize that he has an identical twin.

lark is too late to save them. he rushes to sparrows place when he realizes sparrows in danger, and him and rebecca both are already gone. suddenly, lark is left in charge of two young kids and he has no idea what to do with his life from here on out, he wasn’t ready for this!

luckily, he figured it out. one night at the tavern he meets a guy named grant, whose husband kicked him out recently. they decide to get into a life of crime to improve their lives, meeting a self-taught wizard named terry along the way! when hero is old enough, she joins them on their missions. normal, though, always stays home- lark and hero both agree that normals too soft to adapt to a life of crime, and it’s easier to let the old grannies next door keep an eye on him.

one day though, lark leads the group on a suicide mission. a mysterious warlock informed them of an ancient amulet that could be used to bring one person back from the dead. it was the answer to all of larks problems: he wouldn’t have to tell his father, the current king of neverwinter, that sparrow was dead if he could just bring him back! hero and normal could have their own father back, and things could go back to the way they used to be.

naturally, it doesn’t work. lark and grant are caught, terry and hero barely escape with their lives and end up on the run together, and normal? well, as he lived at home waiting for his uncle and sister to return, he’s approached by a mysterious elderly man claiming to be his great grandfather, asking if normal wants to learn magic and become the heir to the throne of neverwinter, since his family clearly isn’t coming back for him. normal, tired of being left behind, says yes.

and that’s where the movie plot really kicks in! lark and grant break out of prison and go on a quest to find terry, hero, and normal, terry and hero both believe normal was kidnapped and have also been formulating a plan to get him back, the king of neverwinter has mysteriously fallen into a coma with his father, the old king, come to reclaim his throne with the help of a mysterious warlock friend, and normal? just wants a normal life with someone who won’t leave him.

and that’s all i’ll say for now <333 i think about it constantly though hehe

[nirikeehan]

Happy friday! "sharing food" from the fluffuary propmts

Thanks, Blue!

Came up with some post-Barovian nonsense for shady besties tonight for @dadrunkwriting

WC: 792

---

She puts the pie down in front of him, steam wafting up from the flaky crust. Metrion’s eyes go wide, as if he’s never seen a shepherd’s pie before. They’re brown in the dim light of Herald’s Rest, but she’s grown used to his many disguises. And his true appearance, his exotic background. She had assured him he wouldn’t need to hide himself at Skyhold, but he’s done it anyway, taking on the part of the unassuming, tan-skinned human. It will take some time, she thinks. 

Thalia hands him a fork and sits on the bench across from him. She stabs her side of the pie with her own. “So. First impressions?”��

“That this is bloody better than wolf jerky.” His voice is muffled by a full mouth, his head bowed over the dish, hair hanging down in his face. He eats like a prisoner might, she has noticed: hunched and frantic, afraid each meal may be his last. Her heart tugs with a little pang of pain.

“I meant Skyhold.” She eats a forkful of gravy, meat and peas, wonderfully seasoned. The cooks know what they’re doing. It’s so good to be home. 

Metrion shrugs. “’S big. Busy. Full of people.” He glances at her quickly. “They all defer to you.” 

Thalia nods. “I am the Inquisitor.” 

“Yeah, but you never really explained what that means. I think I get it now.” He looks away, to the casks of ale Cabot rolls out from a back room. He taps his empty stein on the table between them. “Be a love and get me another pint, will ya?”

Thalia laughs, but she does as he says. This catches the eye of many in the tavern, but she ignores them. When she returns with the frothing mug, he takes it from her and slings it back. He wipes his mouth, though through the illusion, no foam stands out on his lip. “Is it gonna be a problem?” 

“Is what going to be a problem?” Thalia breaks off a bit of pie crust and chews on it. She has a feeling she knows what he’s getting at, but she intends to make him say it. 

“Me being here. Think there’s at least a dozen blokes ready to defend your honor because I dared make the Inquisitor serve me ale.” He switches mid-sentence to the accent he uses to impersonate nobility. 

Thalia takes a breath. “You’re here because I invited you. You’re under my protection. If anything, you deserve a medal of valor for helping me escape Barovia alive.” 

Metrion chortles into the ale stein. “Sure. Right. Like anyone’ll pin a medal on my chest.” 

“I can,” Thalia retorts. “I will, if you want. In the main hall, in front of everyone.”

“While sitting on your throne, your highness?” 

“It’s technically your worship,” Thalia reminds him. Metrion scoffs, burying his face in one hand. 

She chews her lip. “You don’t have to stay, you know.” The words are painful in her throat, even worse rolling off her tongue. “I just thought, after everything we’ve been through, I didn’t want to you to have to…” Return to old habits, she wants to say, but that feels too judgmental. She’s adamant about not judging him, not the way her team did. Not when he understands her in strange, unexpected ways no one else has, and would have died for her several times over. 

She’s worried, though, that this was perhaps too idealistic of her. That removing Metrion from the environment that exacerbated his worst impulses isn’t enough to break the cycle of shame she’s observed in him. Some behaviors he’s slid right back into. One she’s aided herself, by giving him the ale he requested. 

 His hands don’t shake anymore, at least.

“No, no, no, no.” Metrion waves at her dismissively. “Don’t get me wrong, this is loads better than the streets of Waterdeep or Neverwinter. Just. Takes some gettin’ used to, all right?” 

He digs into the pie again, eating very deliberately while maintaining eye contact, as if to appease her. He has an intense gaze when he wants to, a way of making it seem like she is the only person in the room who matters to him. She knows this is a trick of his, a way to butter up a target, but he does it enough unbidden she suspects it’s also simply the way he is with people he likes. 

They eat in silence for a while.

“This meat really is superb,” Metrion comments, licking his fork clean. He glances at her, a smug smile tugging at his lips. He looks away, feigning wistfulness. “Not as good as Ismark’s, but. You know.” 

Thalia groans with laughter and throws her napkin in his face. 

[katgametable]

TAZ Balance Episode 50: Lunar Interlude IV: The Calm Before The Storm

Written 21 May 2025, shortly after relistening, having listened to the entire Balance arc some time ago.

Taako’s conversation with Kravitz had gone well, given everyone in Refuge died repeatedly, but he was called away before they could resolve things. Taako called Kravitz on the Stone of Farspeech and invited him to a wine-and-pottery evening. It’s rather date-like. As they talk, Taako explains that there’s always edge-cases that need a little more leeway. Kravitz notes that Taako lives a dangerous life, and Taako admits he fears no-one else would want to have him around. Kravitz comments it was something similar when he went to work with the Raven Queen. He says that something can be worked out with Istus, for the people of Refuge and for the Bois, her emissaries. They enjoy themselves, and when asked, Taako admits the evening was a bit of business, a bit of pleasure. Then Kravitz senses something, a powerful dead something. Taako mentions the Umbra-ella eats dead magical things, and it rises of its own accord to try shooting a Scorching Ray at Kravitz, but Taako manages to divert it. Kravitz examines the Umbra-ella and says it’s a powerful undead, like a lich. He calls it an evening and leaves, asking Taako to stay in touch.

Merle has gone to the blue lake district in Neverwinter, and catches Angus spying on him. Angus ends up joining Merle for a day with his stepdaughter Mavis and son Mookie. They have a good time. Merle admits to Mavis (the older; about twelve) that he knows he hasn’t been there for them, and gives her a Stone of Farspeech. Near the end of the day, a runaway cart nearly crushes Mavis and Mookie while Merle is a little too far away, but the Red Robe blasts it out of the way before vanishing.

Magnus has been contemplating the drawings. Whenever he tries to reach a conclusion, though, his mind fills with static, just like the Voidfish’s secrets before he was inoculated. He goes for a late-night visit to the Voidfish. It sings to him, and seems to beckon, so he strips to his undies and hops into the tank. The Voidfish taps him on the forehead with a tendril, and shows some of its memories; living in a cave with other Voidfish, hiding from a coming storm that will doom their home, when a group of ground walkers in red robes arrive, and then there’s static. The Voidfish tries again, the memory of a Red Robe carrying it into a silver ship, sprinting, and the ship lifts out of the water, and more static. Magnus manages to glean that these are visions of the Voidfish’s past, and it connects to him again. It gives him a very abstract vision. Twelve coloured circles in a larger circle, spinning around each other. A bright light comes into the middle. A huge black circle consumes everything. The white light shoots out, and the black follows. The cycle continues several times. Magnus asks if this is about the Planes, but it doesn’t know. It’s not a prisoner, it can’t communicate if it wants to leave, or if they can trust the director. Magnus goes to leave, but the Voidfish grabs his attention, it wants something. It points him towards a desk. There’s some of Johan’s songs, one entitled “The Voidfish’s Lament”. It’s the seven notes the Voidfish sings - the notes EGG BABE. Magnus asks if the Voidfish had a baby.

In a different room none of them have been in, an alarm bell rings.

The Bois go to see Leon. Magnus operates the Gachapon flawlessly and gets a Ring of the Giant Slayer. Merle attempts to bounce it off the floor into the Gachapon, then does it properly. He gets a Broom of Flying. Taako casts Clone to make Leon thinks he did it right, then throws the token. This breaks Leon. Taako then does it right and gets the Band of Projected Thought.

They move on to Fantasy CostCo. Merle gets the Ring of the Grammarian (swap letters to modify spells) and decides to start saving for the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom. Magnus gets a Pocket Workshop (workshop version of the Pocket Spa) and a magic Grappling Hook, but has to hand over some sideburn hair. Taako goes for the Slicer of Tapir-Woo (does nothing but can be traded for the other party’s most valuable item) and the Pocket Guide to Adventuring 3rd Edition (which gives advantage to skill checks), trading in his Ring of Pointing. Then Taako trades the Slicer for the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom with advantage from the Guide. Taako refuses to give Magnus the sword, despite it being more suited to a Fighter.

Level up time, and they’re going from 10 to 12. Magnus is going back to Fighter levels, and adds +1 to Wisdom and Strength, his Superiority Dice are d10, and he gets Precision Strike and Indomitable, plus more hit points. Merle gets Sixth Level spells and improves Turn Undead further, and adds +2 to Dexterity, plus more hit points. Taako adds +1 to Intelligence and Charisma, gets Sixth Level spells, and more hit points.

There’s a disheveled study underground, a map on the wall with strings connecting various points to track the Relics and the Bureau. There’s also a glowing pod growing a body. On the desk is an incredibly detailed map of the headquarters of the Bureau.

Yup, there’s Kravitz come to talk about Refuge. And Merle has kids? Maybe he’ll be a little less rough on Angus now that one’s out. But what about the Voidfish? What was the static, the meaning of the abstract? Is there a baby Voidfish?

I wish Taako wouldn’t be quite so horrible to Leon. But Garfield the Deals Warlock at Fantasy CostCo? That’s interesting. I seem to recall that last time, I didn’t like how Taako got the sword, but I appreciate it more now. Because that really was ingenious. And I’m looking forward to the new, more powerful spells.

[lordfentongaming]

After my short is released there will be two videos. First in Neverwinter it is the one video before the Northdark Reaches campaign story finale. In Baldur's Gate 3 it is the aftermath of the perfect prison break. The first video is out after 12pm EST:

#YouTube

[fardell24b]

Dungeons and Dragons: Honor among Thieves delayed review

Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

In the lands of Faerûn, a group of adventurers come together to attempt to right some wrongs. Edgin and his friend Holga break out of an Icewind Dale prison during a parole hearing. They then go southwards, where they learn that an old party member is now ruling Neverwinter and has Edgin’s daughter with him. The way they go about their quest was rather in line with how DnD campaigns go. Aside from that, the story was quite good. Doric’s character was well realized as were her motivations that lead to her joining the party.

Her role in the escape from the arena was an excellent part of the storyline. Edgin’s charisma as a Bard was done well too. The various set ups, with Simon and the helmet, the Hither Thither staff, etc. were well done. Overall it was a good film, that was worth seeing. 8.63/10.

[handwrittenhello]

"Dad?" Kira's voice filtered through the mindless haze of Edgin's cursing as he weeded the garden.

"Yeah, hon?" he replied distractedly. The mint was starting to take over, and while its leaves made a nice tea, there was only so much they could harvest at a time. He tried to calculate how much he could rip out without going overboard.

"I want to be a rogue."

Edgin's hands stilled on a clump of roots. He stared at the dirt underneath his fingernails. "Okay," he finally said, hearing himself from a distance.

"What?"

"Okay," he repeated. Thoughts surfaced one after another in his mind. He didn't put words to any of them. You're too young. We don't have to steal to get by anymore. I'm a horrible influence. Your mom would hate me.

"I thought..." She trailed off. "You're not mad?"

Edgin finally looked up. She stood just outside the garden, hovering behind the gate as if to keep a barrier between them. Her hands twisted in the fabric of her dress. It was getting short on her—she'd grown recently.

"Do you want me to be?" he asked mildly. "I don't know what you want me to say, honey." He couldn't say what he actually thought. He'd promised honesty, but...

"It's just... Uncle Forge..." Even now, she still called him that, and Edgin winced every time. A habit of two years was going to be hard to break.

Or, as his mind liked to remind him late at night when he should be sleeping, maybe she didn't want to break it. Maybe she wished he were her dad instead. What good was Edgin, failure of a man, compared to a life in Neverwinter Castle? A life she could never go back to, once he'd come along and stirred up a bunch of shit.

"What about him?" Edgin asked, turning back to the vegetables. As he pulled up carrots he imagined it was Forge's guts he was pulling out.

"I'm not doing it to be like him," she said in a rush. "I don't want to be like him."

Ha, Edgin thought savagely. Shaped in your image my ASS. "Well, good, because he's rotting in prison."

"That's not what I mean!" she said, but she was hiding a smile. "I just meant, I'm not following anyone. It's what I want to do."

"Well, you don't need my permission." As much as he hated it, he'd missed two years of her life; she was nearly grown, now. Another year or so and she'd be old enough to take on an apprenticeship, even though it seemed like yesterday he could fit her tiny swaddled body in the crook of one arm.

"You don't like it." She'd caught him out, and he froze.

Then he brushed the dirt from his hands and stood, his knees cracking loudly in protest. Gods, he was so old. To prove to himself he still could, he hopped over the fence to join her outside the garden.

"You're right, I don't like it. I don't like that you grew up while I wasn't there to see. I don't like that we never had the option of an honest living. I don't like that your mom would hate me for doing this to you." He reached out and pulled her into a hug. "But I like you, no matter what. If you think that becoming a rogue is what's right for you, then do it. Don't ever change yourself just because you think someone will love you better for it."

"That's so sappy," she said, but her face was buried in his shirt and he knew she was hiding tears.

"I'm a bard. It comes with the job description."

"Good thing I'm not becoming a bard then." He broke the hug and pushed her away in mock disgust as she laughed.

"I take it all back, you're a disgrace of a daughter. I'm sending you to bardic college until you learn some respect."

She laughed again, a beautiful sound. He vowed, not for the first time, to do everything in his power to make sure she never stopped.

[stewblog]

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

I’ll just cut right to the chase. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves has a real shot at being one of my favorite movies of the year. It almost certainly won’t be an awards contender and no one’s likely expecting this to break box office records. But as a work of pure entertainment? A high bar has been set for the rest of 2023 to try and clear.

There was reason to think otherwise, however. High fantasy films both before and after The Lord of the Rings have largely been underwhelming duds. The genre is difficult to truly nail, but co-directors John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein (along with their co-writer Michael Gilio) have managed to channel everything fun, fanciful and fantastic (in the older sense of the word) about swords and sorcery into a rocket-propelled adventure that satisfies at nearly every turn.

And if you’re completely new to the realm of D&D and have no idea what a displacer beast is, can’t point out where Neverwinter is on a map, or know the difference between magic missile and mage hand, fear not! Honor Among Thieves does a fantastic job of introducing the audience to this world and its inhabitants.

Guiding us through this adventure is Edgin (Chris Pine), a bard and thief who pals around with Holga (Michelle Rodriguez), a barbarian warrior exiled from her people. They’ve broken out of prison and are scheming a way to rescue Edgin’s daughter and get payback on the man who stabbed them in the back during a theft that went horribly wrong. To do it, they’ll need the help of a struggling wizard, Simon (Justice Smith), a shapeshifter, Doric (Sophia Lillis) and paladin Xenk (Rege’-Jean Page). As you can probably guess, what they see as a very straightforward mission at the start becomes something much more dangerous and complicated the deeper into it they get.

The particulars of the plot aren’t terribly interesting and feel like a fairly standard setup at play if it was a Saturday night and you’re sitting at a kitchen table with some friends, rolling a D20 and waiting for your older brother to further unfurl his scenario as Dungeon Master. What makes Honor Among Thieves such a cracking good time at the movies is the playful spirit Daley and Goldstein infuse into the proceedings, the superlative chemistry among the cast and a script that delivers a very precise balance of humor, pathos and swashbuckling adventure.

Part of why this movie had my audience eating out of the palm of its hand was due largely to how funny it is. There’s an abundance of laughs to be had with sarcasm and one-liners to spare, though it blessedly avoids that Joss Whedonesque trap of simply making everyone a snark-machine that fires off identical-sounding quips at the drop of a hat. The members of our heroic quartet each react to the escalating escapade with humor at various moments, but it all feels organic to who they are. These characters are all archetypes (each a literal class you can choose in the tabletop game), but the script never treats them specifically as such. We’re given ample backstory, but never so much as to bog down the proceedings. Each gets their time to shine. Page deftly steals his scenes by being charmingly dense. Smith and Lillis are new to my eyes but keep up with the veterans. And this may be the most fun I’ve seen Rodriguez have since the first Fast & Furious movie.

But even as well-balanced as the party is, it’s safe to say that this is Chris Pine’s show. I’ve been a fan of Pine’s since he pitch-perfectly played a slack-jawed yokel assassin in the schizophrenic action flick Smokin’ Aces. It was clear then that he had a wicked comedic sense and he was unafraid to bury himself in a character. But he was also burdened with leading man looks, which of course only confuses Hollywood producers who seem incapable of letting pretty people do wild and weird things. (See also: Pitt, Brad.) The joy of Honor Among Thieves is that it perfectly splits the difference for Pine. He’s certainly a capable leading man, but his role as Edgin finds the perfect balance between his strengths as a character actor and his leading man charm.

I can’t stress enough, though, just how fun this is. The villains are villainous. The heroes are (mostly) scoundrels with hearts of gold. There are no existential moral conflicts at play. It’s just a good old-fashioned magic-fueled romp with high (but not world-ending) stakes and a healthy dose of heart. And, perhaps most importantly for a high-fantasy flick, it doesn’t skimp on the stuff you want to see. Dragons. Black magic. Danger-filled caves. Mythical beasties of all stripes. A deadly maze. Mimic chests. Gelatinous cubes. It’s all here. A movie of this pedigree demands these elements show up in excess and Honor Among Thieves delivers.

I hope these early screenings are a sign that Paramount Pictures knows how great this movie is and they’re trying to build as much positive word of mouth as possible. I want sequels. As many as I can get. This was a delight from end to end and if nothing else, I’m happy with that.

[lilblog-asatreat]

Prompt: Clock maker; pocket mirror; uninvited guest arrives

(Prompt from Roll-A-Prompt Writing Journal Boxed Set)

(Also, got a couple of names from the fantasy name generator)

Dusk falls over Raven's Roost as the last rays of sunlight give way to the oncoming darkness of night. The shadows of buildings grow longer and darker across the quiet stone streets of the Craftsmen's Corridor, and they hide a few people with gaunt faces and dirty rag clothing as they scurry out of sight between buildings, hoping to find a place to rest outside of the watchful eye of the militia. Apart from them and a single militia wagon that slowly passes by, there is no one out on the street tonight. No one except a tall, muscular human man with sideburns longer than his beard who steps out from under a shadow and cautiously creeps his way up the street. He makes it to a little shop with a worn sign on the front proclaiming the establishment to be called Shadowpeak's Timekeep, and he knocks softly on the door.

When no one answers the door, the man knocks a little louder and more insistently. A few moments later, the door opens, revealing a short gnomish man with a long, graying beard and a sour look on his face. He shakes his head irritatedly and ushers the man inside before closing and locking the door behind him.

The shop is full of different styles and structures of clocks left out on display, ranging from tall, grand grandfather clocks to simple, humble wall clocks to goofy looking cuckoo clocks and everything in between. A small broom leans against a short, messy desk with different gears and screws and other odds and ends scattered next to a till that has seen better days. The gnome walks to the desk and leans against it, and he crosses his arms and stares intensely at his uninvited guest.

"Well, Burnsides, is there a reason your risking both mine and your neck for being here after curfew?"

"Yeah, uh, actually, there is, Xalver. I need to talk to you about something important and hopefully get your help with something I'm working on." The man identified as Burnsides says.

Xalver pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. "Magnus... Look. I may not get out much anymore, but word does still get around and gets to me, and I'm sorry, but I can't join whatever little revolution you've got cooking up with some of the other folks around here. I just can't, and honestly, you need to disband this notion that it's going to work before you get yourself and whoever few other people you've got backing you up killed. It's not worth it."

Magnus crosses his arms. "If we don't do something, people will die anyway. People are dying. Right now. Because of Governor Kalen and his friends and his policies. I just walked past at least five people on the street who are homeless and starving, and I bet you at least three of them will get caught after curfew in the next week and will be incarcerated. The only people we are allowed to see when we are sick or dying are Kalen's rich as fuck friends who he has designated as the 'only qualified healers' in town who don't do shit and charge an arm and a leg for it. Every month, debt collectors come knocking on our doors asking for even more money than before because of some new tax law, and our businesses are going under. Me, Julia, and Steven are barely keeping ourselves afloat with Steven's savings, Julia just reported that Annie's quilting business officially went under yesterday, and I saw you arguing with the debt collector last month because you weren't going to have enough money to feed your family." Xalver winces at that and looks away. "This has to stop. We have to do something. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I'm not saying it isn't going to be risky. But we are all miserable and starving and losing our homes and livelihoods for some buttwipe who thinks he can have it all and then some."

Xalver looks back at Magnus. "Yeah, ok, shit sucks right now. Believe me, I get that. But what the hell do you think you're going to be able to do about that? Are you going to kill Governor Kalen? Are you going to teach him a lesson ghost of Candlenights past style about the true meaning of love and how to care about people? What the fuck is it that you think you're going to do to make his reign of terror come to an end?"

Magnus smiles. "We'll run him and his friends out of town! If we make enough hell for them, they're eventually going to leave because it wouldn't be worth trying to stay here if, say, the Governor's manor burns down and if we jail break all of the prisoners and start a riot and start chasing him and his lackeys through the streets-"

"The militia will kill you," Xalver says flatly.

Magnus' smile falters. "Yeah, that's why we're going to have people who can fight back. Like I said, this isn't going to be easy, but with enough people supporting us... we outnumber them! Everyone in Raven's Roost, if we can get the majority of the people on board, we can win this!"

"If you get the majority of the people on board to die? To risk their and their family's lives? Over something with no guarentee will actually work?" Xalver grabs his broom and storms behind the counter. He shoves it in a corner before starting on scooping up the stuff on his desk and stuffing it into various drawers.

Magnus sighs and moves to stand by the desk. "Did you miss the part where I said we are dying anyway?" Xalver stops momentarily to glare at him before going back to stuffing his drawers more forcefully than before. "Look. If we don't do anything about it, Kalen is going to continue stepping all over us, and he's going to end up wiping out all of the sick and the poor first. Then he's going to go after all of the people he's made bankrupt, and he's going to make them work directly under him and work them into the ground. And there's no chance of stopping him and potentially saving the lives of our neighbors or the next generation. If we do do something about it, there is a chance of us failing and all of that still happening, but there's also a chance that we'll succeed. Realistically, we won't be able to save everyone, but we can very well try, and the community as a whole will be better off for it."

Xalver slams a drawer closed so hard, it rattles the desk, and a small, silver, circular device falls. Magnus quickly catches it before it hits the ground and examines it closely. The outside is intricately designed with a stylized L on the front with a backdrop of gears and wires. He opens the clasp, and there's a mirror on the inside of the top half. The bottom half looks like there might have been a mirror there too at one point, but it was taken out and in it's place is a picture of a gnomish woman standing next to a young gnomish girl with one hand on her shoulder. The girl looks a lot like the older gnome behind her and a bit like Xalver.

Magnus closes the pocket mirror and hands it to Xalver who takes it and places it back on the desk. "That's Loriza's, right?" Magnus asks softly.

Xalver rubs his eyes tiredly and groans. "Yeah, she must have left it out here on accident."

"How old is she now?"

"Seventeen. She was supposed to start at this prestigious artificing school in Neverwinter next year, but..."

"You no longer have the money," Magnus finished for him.

Xalver picks up the pocket mirror again and opens it, staring at the picture hidden within it. He thumbs over it gently and sighs. "I don't want to die on her and leave her alone in this mess, Magnus. When her mother passed... It was so sudden and unexpected, and for the longest time, she was paranoid that I would kick it too and she'd be alone. I'm the only one she has, and... I'm failing her. I can't give her the life that she deserves. I-" he lets out a short sad laugh. "I haven't even told her yet that I don't have the means to send her to school. This is one of the things she's wanted the most out of her life, to study at this school and become a world renowned artificer. And I've saved up as much as I could, but I've had to dip into that savings time and time again just to keep us alive and to keep the business running, and... I can't do it anymore."

Magnus walks around the desk to stand next to the smaller man, and he squeezes his shoulder gently. "We can still make her dream happen. We can fight to give her a chance at a better life, and I promise I will do everything in my power to make sure you get to still come home to her, but I need your help. Please." He adds softly.

Xalver stares at the picture for a few moments longer before he sighs and closes the mirror. He sets it back down on his desk and turns to face the taller man. "Ok. What do you need me to do?"

[kudzuoath]

a gal needs to change some lines in her fics YET AGAIN because of logistical changes. It makes way more thematic sense for Temps to have been abandoned into Baldur's Gate than Neverwinter, esp with the shift in her story making her mum abandonment the least important 'bad thing' to happen to her.

also heading back to the city you're actively wanted for murder/breaking out of prison is so much spicier.

[basket-of-cats-and-witches]

A Distant Dream

Introducing Vesruun! My half-eladrin half-human cleric, my oblivious too-trusting goodest boi. So to speak. 

Content Warnings for this include: Death, Violence (but not graphically spoken of), and Disease (specifically: Consumption.) Also Poverty. I’m covering all the sad stuff today, folks.

It had all been like a pleasant dream. The son of an escort, living in the Beggar’s Nest, being courted by a handsome sailor? He had been so cautious, at first. Life in the Nest had taught him to be wary of beautiful faces and pretty words, life with his mother had taught him that sometimes an elegant mask hid an angry fist. And yet… And yet Carys had been so kind. A sailor that while beautiful, stuttered the moment he met Ves’s eyes. Who had held out a slightly wilted flower with a shaking hand, as if Vesruun was out of his league. A tall, strong, man who shook like a leaf when he was nervous and blushed deeper than the shade of the reddest rose. Who wouldn’t fall in love? Their courtship had been heady and sweet, fingers tangled as Ves whispered his goodbyes, lips meeting oh-so-gently before Carys would leave for yet another voyage, sometimes for months at a time. It made their reunion all the better.

Their wedding was small. Only Vesruun’s mother, and Carys’s fellow sailors. His ship captain wedded them. Priests were too expensive, and Ves’s mother had already helped them pay for simple wedding rings. Neither one of them would have had it any other way. And as Ves’s mother had placed a wreath of forget-me-nots and baby’s breath upon his pale curls, flowers carefully picked from a meadow outside of Neverwinter, the pride and joy in her suspiciously watery eyes made his own tear up all the more. “My son,” she had whispered. “I’m so glad you get to have the dream I never could. I’m so happy for you. Corellon’s blessing to you both.” She had kissed his eyelids, one after the other, in the way of her people. A blessing from the Feywild itself. Then, Carys had swept him off his feet and carried him off to their home. It was the last moment of bliss Vesruun remembered. Like a beautiful sunset, that dream had vanished below the horizon. And with it, brought the night. And the nightmare. The coughing had started while they slept. They had only been married six months, and Carys had just returned home from a four-month-long journey. It seemed like nothing, something Carys assured him was “just a cold” he had picked up during a brief docking at a foreign port. Then the chest pains started. Finally, the blood. Vesruun watched in horror as his husband lost the color in his skin, seemingly beginning to waste away before his eyes. He kept losing weight, and spent most of his time consumed by fever. They couldn’t afford a healer. Still, Vesruun tried. After the twelfth time of being tossed out of a clinic on his backside, a man had approached him. “Fever, eh? Coughing, blood? I know a cure. But it’ll cost you.” Vesruun agreed, without hesitation. Anything, to keep Carys alive. The work had been simple, at first. Listen in on a few conversations, report back. Then, escalating. Vesruun had been caught a few times, and that’s when his ‘employers’ learned of his strength, his resilience. He was put to becoming a bullyboy, going to people’s homes and threatening them to pay their part for protection. It made him sick to think about, his stomach twisting up in knots. But every time he went home to Carys, to watch one of his employers’ healers by his husband’s side, his resolve firmed. He told no one. In Carys’ rare moments of lucidity, he was told that the healer was there as a favor to a friend. A month later, Vesruun took down someone who had nearly succeeded in killing his boss. He was gifted with a pair of gold-washed knuckles, and given the nickname “The Golden Fist.” Time passed, and Vesruun rose up the ranks. Carys never seemed to get better, but he never got worse. The work became easier to bear, even as Vesruun felt something inside him begin to break. Late that spring, his mother was attacked by a spiteful client, in a rage that she would dare offer her services to anyone else. The acid that had been thrown at her marred her face and permanently destroyed her voice. It was this that brought Carys home, after a month of being away in Baldur’s Gate. He had served as his boss’s personal bodyguard in a meeting, and the news had brought him running home. The money he had made was barely enough to get her submitted to a women’s clinic, where he was not allowed entry. So instead, he went home. And the sight there was one no mortal should ever have to see. The healer assigned to his beloved was passed out drunk in a chair as he had entered the doorway, heading up the rickety flight of stairs. Something smelled rotten. A horrendous smell, like the healer had left meat out in the sun for days on end. And as he reached the top, he understood why. Carys was no longer. And as Vesruun had long-since gotten used to seeing corpses in all sorts of states, he knew that his beloved had been gone for quite some time. Time was unknown to him, after that. A blur of rage, strange flickering memories of faces twisted in horror, in terror. The screams echoed in his ears. The Golden Fist was now soaked in red. At some point, he remembered being arrested, but it hardly mattered. The work was done. There had been no cure. And his employers had paid the final price for their deception. His jailors spoke of there being a choice- death or repentance under the service of a god. He ignored them, his life was at an end. And then, the priest. A man not in robes, per se, but in monk’s clothing, his hands bandaged, his skin heavily scarred, had crouched before the broken Ves, only the cell bars separating them. Vesruun had not been able to see his face from his crouched position, only the man’s holy symbol. Two white hands, bound with a red cord. Vesruun was not an educated person, he couldn’t read, could barely write. He didn’t know many gods outside of Corellon and Selune, the deities his mother prayed to. He had certainly not known this one. “Are you Vesruun?” The man had said, his voice whisper-quiet. There had been no response. “Vesruun Kaz?” Still, nothing. The man had sighed. “Vesruun, I am a priest of Ilmater. I am here to give you your final rites before your execution. Are there any last requests?” Ves had laughed hollowly, then, surprising the priest. “Whatever pit they threw my husband into, throw me in beside him and light it on fire.” “I’m afraid that can’t be done,” the man said. “As you see, your husband has been laid to rest in a proper graveyard, with a headstone to mark his name.” Startled, Vesruun had looked up. His pale eyes, nearly colorless, met the man’s own. “A headstone? In a graveyard?” He exclaimed. “Where- who- No one I know has the money for that!” The priest shook his head. “No need. All souls deserve to have a final resting place. He has been taken care of.” “But…” There was a note of disbelief. “Priests require a fee, and then there is the death tax…” The priest shook his head. “People who ask for money from the impoverished, the faultless, those who were born into such situations, who were thrown into a position without power against their will...they are despicable.” He sounded disgusted, almost enraged. “You cannot help it when the odds are stacked against you, no? Your husband will be at rest in a proper grave. With all the rites he is afforded.” Hearing the truth that rang in the priest’s words, Vesruun had felt something in his heart lighten, a broken heart with the possibility to mend. “Can I…” he swallowed shakily. “Would someone as horrible as me be able to do what you do?” The priest’s expression warmed, as he looked over the prisoner. He took note of the hopeful expression echoing out of hollow eyes, like someone who had found a lifeline after years of being adrift at sea. He glanced over. “Jailor! Release this man into my custody. I have found an acolyte of Ilmater, and by law, he is mine to claim.” The priest looked back at Vesruun. “I am Galter, child. I welcome you into Ilmater’s merciful arms.” As they walked up the stairs, out of the cell, Vesruun wondered if he was finally leaving the nightmare. He walked into the early morning light, the priest by his side. Into the dawn. And his pale hair glowed like a brilliant halo.

[anistarrose]

taz au: taako in raven’s roost

-Taako’s on the run, and has been for the better part of a week now. Glamour Springs is far in the distance, Sazed is gone, and so is his show. He has no idea what he’s going to do with his life now. Cooking was the one thing he was good at, the one chance he had at making a name for himself in the world, and now he’s fucked it up beyond any hope of recovering. Who would want him around now?

-He knows it’s still not safe to stop driving, and there are probably still people after him, but he doesn’t know where to go, and he’s just... so... tired...

-You could head to Raven’s Roost, he realizes all of a sudden, and in his exhaustion, he doesn’t realize that the thought is not his own, but rather a Suggestion spell.

-It makes sense, though: his show in the Roost a few months ago was received especially well, and there’s no way that news of the Glamour Springs incident has traveled that far yet. He surely won’t be able to stay there forever, but it’ll be a good place to hide out for a few days while he gathers his thoughts and plans his next moves, so he checks his map and plots a course.

-Barry watches with relief as Taako abruptly takes his stagecoach off in a different direction, towards Raven’s Roost. His family may not remember him or each other, but that’s not going to stop him from reuniting them.

-Meanwhile, not nearly as far away as Taako would have expected, Sazed stumbles across a job opening under the employment of a governor named Kalen.

-Magnus is the first person in Raven’s Roost who recognizes Taako, and immediately asks if he’s here to do another show. He specifically requests the thirty garlic clove chicken, to which Taako naturally doesn’t respond well.

-(Unbeknownst to Taako, Magnus broke down in genuine tears the last time he ate Taako’s chicken at the Raven Roost show. When Julia asked why it had such an effect on him, he replied: “It’s familiar... but not too familiar. But not too not familiar...”)

-Taako explains he doesn’t cook anymore, which prompts a lot of questions from Magnus, but Taako refuses to elaborate other than admitting he’s in a tight spot financially at the moment and asking if there’s any cheap lodging around. Magnus, being the rustically hospitable man that he is, offers Taako the spare room in the Waxman household, and Taako accepts because hey, a free room is a free room. (Even if you’re pretty sure the guy offering it to you is only in it because he’s still holding out for the chance of free food.)

-So Taako settles in to life at Raven’s Roost, doing odd non-food related magical tasks every so often to earn a little extra money. He tries to teach some of the local craftsmen basic transmutation spells, to help with certain tasks that are hard to do by hand, but Julia is the only one who shows any sort of proficiency for it.

-He’s bracing himself for news of Glamour Springs to reach the town, but it never does. He still doesn’t cook for anyone but himself, though.

-He does call out a lot of advice from the sidelines when Magnus and Julia are cooking. (”Don’t stir the cream in, fold it in! The texture you get from folding is the best part of the whole dish!” or “Try a little more rosemary! Everyone underestimates how much rosemary makes a good roast.”)

-Eventually, Taako and Magnus have a heart-to-heart, where one day Taako accidentally blurts out the truth about why he stopped cooking, and Magnus reacts with a lot more sympathy than Taako expected.

-“Maybe you could come up with a magical way to check whether any dish is safe to eat,” Magnus suggests gently. “You know me, I’m no good at magic, but aren’t there, like, divination spells that could do something like that? Would having a spell like that in your arsenal help you get over that fear?”

-Even Taako has to admit that Magnus has a surprisingly good idea for someone who’s allegedly never dealt with divination magic in his life, and he takes the advice to heart. Taako spends the next few weeks searching for all the divination-related texts he can get his hands on, trying to develop an absolutely foolproof spell that will always catch any deadly transmutation mistakes he’s made...

-Except he’s distracted more and more often now, because conflicts with a certain Governor Kalen are heating up. More unjust laws and unfair taxes are being imposed upon Raven’s Roost, and whispers of a rebellion fill the Craftsmen’s Corridor, especially the Hammer and Tongs.

-And Taako’s normally not the type to stick his neck out on other people’s behalf, but the Burnsides-Waxman family has been doing nothing but sticking their necks out for him lately, so... 

-He lends his magical talents to the rebellion, and they demolish Kalen’s forces battle after battle. Kalen only has a few loyal magic users on his side, and none of them hold a candle to Taako. (He’s been casting much more potent spells ever since meeting reuniting with Magnus, just as Magnus as been fighting better ever since meeting him.)

-It’s frankly humiliating how quick and decisive the uprising is, and Kalen grows furious. He’s ready to muster all his remaining forces for one final decisive attack, more focused on revenge and racking up a body count than on victory, when his personal chef proposes an alternate idea.

-Kalen makes a very polite public announcement where he agrees to relinquish his control over Raven’s Roost, and encourages them to democratically elect a few representatives who can negotiate a peace treaty with him. He’s tired of conflict, he claims, and wants to remain on good terms with the inhabitants of Raven’s Roost if they’ll forgive him. Unsurprisingly, the town elects Magnus and Julia.

-Kalen has a mansion in Raven’s Roost that nearly the whole town is invited to on the night of the peace treaty signing, and he provides a grand feast at no expense to any members of the rebellion. But as the food is being laid out on the table, Taako recognizes not one, not two, but three of the dishes as recipes he developed specifically for his cooking show, and subtly casts his new divination spell on the thirty garlic clove chicken...

-The results are immediate and unambiguous. It’s full of arsenic.

-Taako invites Governor Kalen to sample the chicken first, since he was so generous to provide it in the first place. Kalen awkwardly refuses. Taako shouts that no one should eat the food, and rushes off to the kitchen.

-Sazed is caught off guard when Taako barges in, and freezes him in a block of ice that leaves only his head exposed while Taako rummages through the cabinet and finds several opened bottles of a variety of different poisons. Magnus drags Sazed back out to the dining room, where he confesses both to the attempted poisoning of Raven’s Roost and the recent poisoning of Glamour Springs. Kalen tries to flee, but he’s vastly outnumbered and quickly overwhelmed, and he and Sazed are both thrown in prison.

-With the threat dispatched, life in Raven’s Roost returns to normal — no, better than normal. The Roost is peaceful and prosperous in a way it hasn’t been in years.

-Taako is both the best man and the chef at Magnus and Julia’s wedding. 

-He opens a restaurant soon after, in an old building that Magnus and Julia help him renovate. It’s not world famous or anything, but in Raven’s Roost and the surrounding settlements, it’s widely loved.

-Eventually this weird old dwarf wanders into town, gets a taste of Taako’s food, and breaks down in inexplicable tears of nostalgia much like Magnus once did. Merle decides he wants to stick around for a while, sets up a little stand in town where he serves as medic/lie detector for hire, and for some reason Taako and Magnus can’t help but emotionally adopt him.

-(Barry watches as Merle arrives and as he chats with Magnus and Taako for the first time in years. Even without participating in the conversation himself, he feels the bonds holding him together grow stronger with the knowledge that at least part of his family is together and happy.)

-Life is good for a few years, but everyone is growing restless. Merle wants to spread the word of Pan, Magnus and Julia want to learn new techniques from other carpenters from around the world, and Taako wants to build his brand outside of Raven’s Roost to attract new customers to his restaurant. So the four of them decide to spend a year or so traveling together, and set off in the general direction of Neverwinter.

-They run into a distant cousin of Merle’s, who offers them “the last job they’ll ever need to take,” and figure the more money to fund their travels, the better, so they take the job. As in canon, they meet Barry Bluejeans, find the Umbra Staff, and are lead to the Bureau of Balance, where all of them are inoculated.

-Julia has to exert a lot more effort than the Tres Horny Bois to resist the thrall of the relics so she doesn’t become a Reclaimer, but she makes a kick-ass Regulator alongside Team Sweet Flips, and accompanies the boys on some of their more dangerous missions, like the Miller Lab and Wonderland. She’s a transmutation wizard like Taako, but also boasts a lot of physical strength and a battle-axe proficiency that many of her opponents don’t see coming until it’s too late.

-After Refuge, she’s the only person that Magnus shows the contents of the scroll to, and she helps him piece together the existence of a second Voidfish. On the day of Story and Song, she fights alongside the Bureau of Balance and the seven birds.

-Julia and Magnus move back to Raven’s Roost after the Hunger’s defeat, and run the dog training school together. Barry and Lup are usually pretty busy with their reaper duties, but they get a house there too, where they spend a lot of their vacation time. And Taako has his school of magic to oversee, but in the summer when fewer classes are offered, he heads up to Raven’s Roost too on most weekends.