#incorrect vox machina

[admiraltusktooth69]

Incorrect Vox Machina #61 Vax: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time. Grog: Manslaughter it is!

[the-herdier]

Grog: "Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water?"

Vex: "Y-you were putting it in cold water!?"

Keyleth: "Grog! Answer the question, Grog!"

Grog: "Yeah? I thought for, like, five years that people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. Didn't realize there was an actual reason."

Grog: "You think I have the patience to boil water?"

Pike: "You don't have the patience to put water in the oven for three minutes?"

Vax: "Why are you. Putting it in the oven. To boil it?"

Pike: "Do you think I have the patience to boil water in the hearth?"

Vax: "It takes less than a minute!"

Scanlan: "Bestie, is your hearth powered by the fucking Sun!?"

Keyleth: "How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the hearth?"

Pike: "Like seven minutes!"

Vex: "Just stick the mug over the fire and it boils in like, two minutes. Less than that, use a saucepan."

Scanlan: "You're putting the whole mug over the fire!? Your hearth is enchanted!"

Vax: "Every single person in here is a fucking lunatic."

Percy, unable to believe what he's hearing: "DO NONE OF YOU OWN A FUCKING KETTLE!?"

[araliadon]

Percy: “Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete idiot.”

[criticalrole-incorrectquotes]

(pike): what's the worst part of valentines day?

(vax): whenever we go out to eat as a fancy restaurant, we can't hold each other's hands, cause people think we are having a seance.

(vex): to be fair, if you saw 3 people, all holding hands in a circle, sitting around a candle lit table, wouldn't you be suspicious.

(vax): no, i'd mind my own business if i want to hold keyleth and gilmore's hands, then i should be able to, and if they wanna hold each other's hands, they should be able to, and if we wanna summon a ghost cause our food is taking forever to get out, then we should be able to.

[nowyoursoulisforfeit]

Percy, with crazy in his eyes: Do you know what this means?

Vax'ildan: It means you haven't slept in three days, Freddy.

[marksandrec]

Marks and Rec: Misc #2593

Doty, take this down. (Dialogue from a lot of incorrect quotes, but I'm not sure where it originated.)

[childofhalloween]

Keyleth and Vax laying in bed together

Keyleth: Vax take my clothes off.

Vax: No it's cuddle time.

Keyleth: Please just take my clothes off.

Vax: No I'm really comfy.

Keyleth: I'm not going to ask you again take my clothes off.

*Vax jumps out the bed wearing Keyleth's mantle*

Vax: Fine I will! But you know what you wear my clothes all the time and I wanna wear something whimsical that makes me feel confident. *Twirls around before storming off*

[fattuccini-afraido]

Percy: I'm not always a rude, sarcastic asshole.

Percy: Sometimes I'm sleeping.

[donnetellotheturtle]

Varian: *staring at Hugo*

Hugo: Would you please stop that? I'm trying to concentrate.

Varian: Is that what you're doing? I thought you were practicing your resting bitch face.

Hugo: Excuse me, my bitch face?

Varian: Youre headed home...I thought you'd be happier.

Hugo: This isn't a home coming...this is a serious mission to retrieve the talisman.

Varian:

Hugo: And for the record, I have a magnificent bitch face.

[sacred-algae]

Vax’ildan: Vex, m— *laughs*

Vex’ahlia: What?

Vax’ildan: Mmm— *breaks again*

Vex’ahlia, also laughing a bit now: What?

Vax’ildan: *deep breath*

Vax’ildan: Man or bear? *breaks down wheezing*

Vex’ahlia: *cackling*

Vax’ildan: *can’t breathe*

*both calm down for a second*

Vex’ahlia, finally: ……..Bear.

Both: *roaring with laughter*

[admiraltusktooth69]

Incorrect Vox Machina #64

Cassandra: Are you really planning to shoot the demon? Percy: Don't worry, it's a holy gun. Cassandra: How so? Percy: It makes holes.

[the-herdier]

Percy: "Information is like a bottle of fine wine. You store it, you hoard it, you save it for a special occasion..."

Percy: "And then you smash someone's fucking face in with it."

[araliadon]

Pike: Four things you need to remember; one, make the plan.

Percy: Two, execute the plan!

Vex: Three, expect the plan to go off the rails.

Vax: … throw away the plan.

[criticalrole-incorrectquotes]

(vex): why are you putting garlic in your pants?

(scanlan): so dracula won't try to eat my ass.

(vex): why would dracula try to eat your ass.

(scanlan): he won't. the garlic- are you even listening?

[nowyoursoulisforfeit]

I think Scanlan is a menace when it comes to Percy and how bad his vision his. Consider, if you will:

Percy, having just been told something important: I see.

Scanlan: Sounds fake, but okay.

That is all.

[mechazushi]

Kaiju no.8 Incorrect Quotes <take 4>

Hoshina: been complaining for hours* God its cold out here Kafka: Don't you worry. Officer Kafka is here to keep you warm! *wraps Hoshina in a bear hug and explicitly shoves his face into his chest* Hoshina: HEY! What are you-? Hoshina: . . . Hoshina: Actually, this is kinda cozy.