#instead of existing in the middle

[hidingoutbackstage]

copy pasting my dms w/ @jewishevelinebaker cuz i'm lazy

y’know re characters aren’t even storytelling mediums. they don’t have to be. but ppl act like they are lol

whether it’s leon’s alcoholism or chris’ inability to keep team members alive or how wesker was tooootally mischaracterized as a fascist in 5 i swear guys it isn’t really him, they’re not actually saying anything. leon’s not a glance into how being a pawn for the u.s. government can have harrowing effects on witnesses of war and forcing people to make difficult decisions that weigh heavily on their psyche, he’s just drinking alcohol in vendetta because it’s a character trait they gave him. chris’ repeated failures to keep teammates alive isn’t a commentary on how the “greater good” sacrifices the many small man with little remorse in order to keep things in line the way they see fit, the games just throw npcs at a meat grinder to emphasize the danger the protagonist is in. wesker being a nazi in 5 isn’t a way of showing the way that privileged men in power left unchecked and surrounded by yes men will do the most unethical things possible because it’s in their mind that they are correct and the only right way of thinking, it’s because the series needed wesker to be a big final boss and well umbrella is already kinda nazi affiliate so fuck it this will do

[gingerswagfreckles]

People just really fundamentally do not believe in objective reality anymore regardless of political affiliation, huh? People have their political beliefs and then work backwards from there, deciding what is and isn't true based on what supports what they want to believe.

[weirdglassthing]

Oh yeah another ouaw doodle dump 🗣️🗣️

Ft some gender swapped Gideon and kremys (kremy is wearing a wig I swear im not stupid Ik she wouldn’t be able to grow hair 🙏🙏)

Also gideons shirt in the first one was one of my friends ideas

[apoptoses]

🚨 what do you think is the best and worst thing Armand ever did?

Oh anon strap in, this is gonna get heavy.

Disclaimer: this is my personal read, my own meta, everyone else is entitled to their own takes etc etc

We're gonna start with the worst: everything he did with Louis in iwtv.

Let me explain.

Something that is very common for survivors of trauma that was more psychological in nature and required betraying oneself in order to stay safe is to enter the fawn response. Aka people pleasing. Someone who has learned that they have to pretend to be someone else in order to keep others around them happy and keep themselves safe doesn't just shake that when the threat has ended. They then go on to feel as if they must do that in all future relationships in order to be loved and cared for, and if this goes unchecked then it can manifest into some really damaging behavior.

Things like lying about personal beliefs in order to tell the desired companion what the traumatized person thinks they want to hear, trying to control outcomes of certain situations in order for things to happen that they think will keep the desired companion with them. Someone who is people pleasing ends up saying "Yes I love the thing that you love" to one person, while saying deep down (or to another person) "I actually hate this thing so much".

And while it's understandable why someone who is people pleasing believes they have to act that way, it leads to their companion feeling manipulated when they find out that all the things that were said and done to 'please' them were untrue or done simply to control the situation and keep them around.

(And if it gets really out of control, subconscious behavior can become conscious acts of manipulation)

So with Louis we meet an Armand who says that he cares nothing for god, that if he met a mortal who inspired a lust for life in him once again he would turn that mortal immediately, that he would have turned Madeline himself. As readers we find out this isn't true later, that Armand struggles with his faith, that Armand would rather suffer anything than turn someone else into a vampire. But if we look at his words from a perspective of someone in a fawn response, he's saying those things because he believes that's what Louis needs to hear in order to accept his love and love him back.

And in more overt ways he forces Louis' hand with Madeline by using his influence, because Armand has decided it would be 'good' for Louis to turn her, that this will help him accept the loss of Claudia and come be with him. It's an act of controlling the situation to try to control for Armand's desired outcome (Louis loves me and will leave Claudia behind for me) but he's doing it under the people pleasing lie of 'this is what Louis needs, this is what will make him happy' when really it's about what will make Armand happy and safe. In that act subconscious fawning has become conscious manipulation.

While Armand's emotional detachment and lack of reaction to the burning of the theater and death of Denis is in many ways related to his self-admitted inability to feel anything at that time, there's also an aspect of fawning there: in order to people please one cannot offer their real feelings for fear of upsetting the companion. So really it just leads this situation where Louis doesn't know how Armand really feels about anything. He never shows Louis a moment of hurt or anger or outage, which we readers know he is capable of, because in order to feel safe and continue to 'please' he cannot let himself feel anything at all except that which his companion feels.

And that's why their relationship crumbles, because Louis is right: they cannot offer each other real love because Louis is mired in grief and Armand is incapable of being fully honest. He can't cultivate a true sense of self and show Louis that self because he's too swept in fawning for him and 'pleasing' him. Even when he and Louis break up he doesn't show his hurt, doesn't articulate having felt neglected. He just walks away, holds it all in, and fawns away his own feelings.

So that's why I think the best thing he did was that moment of sincerity with Daniel right before he turned him: admitting that he felt like a coward, and that he loved Daniel far too much to let him die.

In his explorations with Daniel Armand stops pleasing and swings to far other end of the spectrum for a time: he is so utterly absorbed in exploring the world and figuring out who he is and how he fits in that at times he doesn't consider Daniel's feelings much at all. But by the end of things when the running begins, he doesn't chase Daniel until Daniel calls for him. He becomes honest about his feelings and desires, despite the layers of shame he's heaped upon them. He stops detaching and fawning and gets real.

Which in the end is the key to him re-uniting with Louis and building a healthier relationship, creating his own home, opening the door to future reconciliation with Marius and having Daniel move back in with him. Armand had to learn to be himself fearlessly so that he would have genuine love to give.

[fvckw4d]

The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."

[burinazar]

while this is a useless thought, it is annoying to me that i've been studying japanese for two years and not, like, ten or twenty. because it really would have made a lot of sense for me to start learning japanese much, much earlier. like, to take it in high school, instead of spanish, since our school did have japanese classes available. it really would have made so much sense!

why didn't i do that???? i already had acquired interest in medias and hobbies that (especially at the time) there wasn't as much info in english on, like even then i was interested titles and hobbies that didn't have a ton of fandom in english

however, i had not acquired sentience, or something, so i didn't.

("i had not acquired sentience" is my funny way to observe how many times i can look back at my life and go "why did i do/not do that? what was i thinking? actually i remember the answer, i wasn't thinking")

yeah yeah, i know, "the best time to do it was ten years ago, the second best time is now", yeah, i am doing it now, but the 'Was I Not Sentient???' thing also legitimately bothers me because i don't know if i've learned my lesson and Become Sentient yet. what will i at forty years old be looking back at my current self wishing i had Been Sentient enough to think to do???

[killjoy-prince]

Birthmas manga and merch haul

[tharelofthewoodlandrealm]

there's this guy on Instagram making tree nets called "Charlie's webs" and i can't help but think how much they would fit the Silvan elves. like, having the trees around their homes full of net spirals and bridges and platforms to hang out on and walk from house to house and climb to the treetops for some stargazing. plus, they're bouncy so the elflings would love it

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

the 14 year old edgelord in me keeps trying to compose deep poetry about coming to after dissociating. calm down babes. we’re all good here.

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

[homely-ghost]

If I had a nickel for every time I made a made up fanfic in my head and got so attached that I wanted to make it its own story, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but fuck do I need to stop.

[clementimetodie]

Why does the right constantly believe they are not being idealistic, the world needs to conform to your beliefs for them to work too, things are not going to just turn on a dime because you think you're intellectually superior for not thinking about the impact your changes would have on other people

[gingerbreadmonsters]

and what if i chose violence

[iswearbyalltheflowers]

It's important to me that you guys realize posts like these are doing race science. Jewish identity is not genetic. It is not found in your amino acids. You should not be using genetics to establish or defend jewish identity ever. "If your dad belongs to some matrilineal African culture and has you with a European woman are you just European" why do you think Africanness and Europeanness are biological let alone real.

[gifti3]

if i dont lock in and finish all these pictures i sketched for this made up dating sim, im not gonna be able to focus ANYTHING ELSE!!

[crumb]

how do you respond to messages from other people who you think are hot i wish i knew