#it doesnt even have to be a regular wheelchair it could be one of those high tech floaty ones

[the-director]

My biggest fear in marvel rivals is that professor X will be able to walk. I DONT CARE IF IT IS KROKOA ARC OR WHATEVER. That man is eternally paralyzed to me. That man is FOREVER Sir Patrick Stewart. THUS give that man a wheelchair.

[funshinebf]

life update i guess ? warning for pet injury

ive been debating posting something on here partially because its personal stuff but also because i dont know what to say. but i have a lot of friends on here as well as regulars that follow me and its honestly just been really difficult this past day and a half. to put things simply, this past thursday evening my dog, Lucy, lost all sensation and mobility in her left hind leg, as well as partially in her right hind leg and tail. she has lost the ability to control her bladder and bowel movements because of this. after several hours spent in the emergency vet on thursday night, a few xrays and bloodwork, what we know is that she needs an mri in order to really know what caused this Very sudden condition, as it isnt any kind of fracture or illness. the closest place to us that does animal mris is several towns away, and the er vet estimated that the mri alone will likely cost around 4-5000 dollars. we have some guesses on what the exact issue is, but obviously nothing concrete. the main guess right now is that she experienced something similar to a stroke. my parents stayed home today and will be home all weekend, theyve moved their mattress to the living room floor in order to better monitor her as well as make sure she wouldnt hurt herself if she tries to get into bed with them at night. the living room also gets closed off at night, and her food and water are closeby, so she wont be able to hurt herself by accident in anyway, but also wont have to go far in order to eat or drink. we've been going through puppy pads and doggy diapers and paper towels like crazy due to her incontinence. its absolutely hardest right now because there was no way for us to prepare for this ahead of time, so we dont have like anything besides those supplies we had on hand already, and were able to buy more of at a store in person today. we also dont have any sorts of best techniques or routines down yet. basically its just been, incredibly stressful and difficult and honestly heartbreaking. i love my little lady so much, it has been so painful having to watch her struggle. on the bright side though, she is eating and drinking regularly, she doesnt seem too depressed, and while we can definitely tell she doesnt Enjoy a lot of the stuff we have to do to help her, she hasnt been fighting us or really making it hard on us at all. she's as cuddly and loving as ever, giving us kisses and wanting to be snuggled up with us as much as possible. we also were able to put a rug out on our deck so she could spend some time outside, and it made us so happy seeing her perk up and enjoying herself out there, even though she couldnt really leave the one spot. hopefully we'll be able to make the mri appointment very soon, so we'll be able to move forward more with like treatment options and such, because there is still a chance that she could regain at least some mobility. we've also already been looking into various things we could buy or make that will make things easier for her, like a wheelchair or things called 'drag bags' which keep her back legs covered to avoid things like sores and rugburn, as well as possibly making it easier for her to drag them on the floors with less resistance. we've mentioned possibly needing to start a gofundme for upcoming vet bills, but we havent fully discussed it yet so that isnt set in stone.

ill probably be posting updates now and then, especially in the near future as its going to be a lot of changes right away and take some adapting to for all of us. im incredibly thankful for my parents, we've been working as a team to help Lucy and eachother get through this inital struggle. im also grateful for my absolutely wonderful friends, many of whom are on here, that have been talking to me and comforting me this past day and a half. and more than anything i am so grateful for my sweet girl Lucy. i love her so fucking much and i know we are going to figure things out. she's going to get many more years with us and theyre going to be wonderful. shes already doing so well, and so much better this past day than she was on thursday night. i probably wont be very active online for a bit, because of how hectic things are right now, so like if i disappear for a bit dont worry about me or anything, ill be back to normal levels of doing fuckall online at some point.

thank you for reading my longass life update post, here's a Lucy picture for your effort:

[cripticmotherfucker]

Dear able bodied people-

I take a thyroid medication in the morning an hour before I eat. I take two puffs a minute apart of symbicort in the morning and again in the evening so I can breathe. I take two Hydrocortisone tablets in the morning and one in the evening so I can stay alive and awake because my adrenal glands dont work. I take pristiq once in the morning so that I can get out of bed. I take trileptal twice a day so I don't seize. I take klonopin if that doesn't work, or I take it to sleep or to keep myself from having a panic attack because my nervous system doesnt come out of fight or flight. I take two puffs of albuterol, a minute inbetween each, if I start to not be able to breathe despite my other inhaler. I put on two pumps of Testosterone every day and have to wait for it to dry before I can do anything. I wash my face with benzol perozide and apply tretnoin and clindamycin after so that my face doesnt fill with so much cystic acne that you can't see the skin underneath. I apply prescription eczema cream when I get flares. I use sensodyne so my teeth don't ache. I take aspirin for brain and nerve inflammation. I take oral medical marijuanna to help control my pain and my seizures and muscle spasms. I take zofran up to two times daily to control my nausea.

I am also prescribed muscle relaxers and anti-vertigo medication but the side effects are so awful I only take them when absolutely necessary.

I have three doctors appointments on an average week. I make more phone calls to the doctor than I do to my friends and family. On my less busy weeks I have atleast one appointment. On my busiest,I will have all five days full..sometimes I have multiple appointments in one day. There's no specialists on my probable conditions in my state, and anyone close to being able to actually help is out of network.

Regularly I get needles stuck in my neck, in my arm, I get shoved into small noisy coffin sized machines for hours, I've had needles put in my legs and been electrically shocked with those same needles, I have strangers looking at my body, I've had strangers hands all over my body on a regular basis for the sake of my health.

And I still get told it's all in my head. I just need to reduce my stress, do yoga and drink some celery juice or try some essential oils. Look on the bright side, feel better soon, when I know there is no getting better for me.

Could you handle that? And still work when you should be bed and wheelchair bound because you'd be homeless otherwise and still keep a smile on your face?

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

[brockkboeserr]

can i have the broken ankle story please? lol it sounds interesting

ok so, maybe get a snack (maybe popcorn hehehe wait that jokes not funny yet) this could get long bc i ramble

okay! so!

background: i was a precocious little fourteen year old (i looked on facebook) who had made the uber smart decision to buy high heeled boots (it’s important i promise)

more background: my aunty c is lowkey highkey judgey and has been given free reign to say whatever she wants to any family member bc if you call her on it she cries and ur the bad guy

more more background: it was like march and in sask theres snow in march and its cold, so think winter boots and coats

so! i decided i wanted to go see the live action alice in wonderland movie at the movie theater. i was staying at my aunty c’s house, so i went to the movie with her and my cousin ray. we’re leaving, and im about to put on my regular winter boots when my aunty pipes up all mockingly “bet you’re gonna wear your heeled boots” and im like, bish ya i will wear those boots then, try me

so we get there, buy a large popcorn for me and aunty c to share (rays a weirdo and doesnt like anything so he got fuzzy peaches or someth). we sit at the very top of the theater (low key important) WELL the previews go by and guess what, aunty c eats all the popcorn. im like lowkey mad bc i liked to eat popcorn the whole way through the movie and im like to ray, “hey go get us more popcorn” and hes like ew no wtf i didnt even eat any go yourself, which fair but whatever

SO, there i am, popcorn container in hand, walking down the steps in my lil heeled boots. i make it to the last stair and i step wrong, basically rolling my ankle and im like holy shit this is the worst thing ever, and hobble to sit in one of the front seats. my aunty and ray come down like jesus whats wrong with you idiot and i explain that i hurt my ankle and my auntys like omg told you so moron. 

so we sit through the movie, (not bad i gave it a 7/10) and im making like plans w ray to watch the animated version to compare and im like damn this is a rly painful twisted ankle! i repeat i sit through the entire 2 hour movie

so lights come up and i obvi cant walk on it, so my aunty goes to see if theres something they can like help me walk with? idk so anyway these two cute (!!!!) employees come over with like a crate or a chair or something (idk its been 11 years) and they like attempt to carry me outta there, which like ouchie to my self esteem cause i was chubby even at 11 and we meet up with this super nice samaritan who was at the theatre and like ran to the walk in clinic next door and grabbed a wheelchair (bless u buddy)

get to the walk in, they order x rays, turns out i broke the long bone on the outside of my ankle but it was a clean break so i was lucky. i got a purple cast and two free movie vouchers from the theatre and my friends and family to this day harass me every time we go to a movie theatre

[tumblunni]

I have a question that I hope is ok. I have had a suspicion that I might have some form of autism for quite a while now and when you reblog posts that say something along the line of just autism things like the one you just did I have to do a double take because I do all of those things + have them happen to me and am shocked when I see I'm not the only one who does these things especially the really abstract. I don't ever bring it up though in fear that people get upset that I'm "faking"

Oh man, mystery person, that’s pretty heavy!! I know the feeling, it took me a LONG time of self-examination to work out whether I might have autism, and I actually did have to deal with a less-than-optimal response when I tried to talk to someone about it. My doctor outright said ‘but you seem too smart for that’, like.. what the fuck?? So seriously, you need to be prepared to be PERSISTANT. Don’t lose confidence in your decision! Make sure you get to see an actual diagnosis, don’t let them lock you out of it based on dumb stereotypes. Cos seriously, general practitioners going ‘hey this person probably doesnt have this thing that’s completely out of my division, and I wont even let them talk to that division’.. thats just.. GOD I really get frustrated and scared thinking how much more messed up my life would be right now if I’d listened to him and not ever got help for my condition!

So my advice is basically.. even if you don’t want to ‘self-diagnose’, please do ‘self-diagnose’.You need to be abnormally prepared for this, you need to have a list of all your symptoms, you need to learn the terms and have reference to point to in the event of them denying you the ability to talk to an actual psychologist. And you need to be prepared for them even treating you like you cant be autistic if you were capable of doing this!You need to hand-hold your general practitioner through explaining what autism even is, and do whatever the fuck you can so you can get transferred over to someone who actually knows who they’re talking about.Oh and common ‘self-diagnosis’ type stuff can also help a lot in the meantime, because doing research on the subject can lead you to finding new coping methods, finding other people to ask about the subject, and just generally tiding you over until you’re able to get a professional diagnosis and (hopefully) access to things like therapy and local autism community groups.Also, just, in some countries medical care is way less accessable, so I know not eveyrone is even able to get a professional diagnosis at all.

Oh, and an important thing is that autism is a spectrum and there are many different symptoms you can have. it can even be hard to discover your own symptoms, you might find that they manifest in a weird way because you’ve been subconciously trying to hide them or using some form of unhealthy coping method for years. Going undiagnosed into your adult years is really like.. one of the primary causes for autism being REALLY disabling! Dear god my stage of treatment right now is just learning to untangle a bunch of bullshit I’ve done to myself over the years, and re-learn basic life skills and self confidence. I think if i’d been born into an environment with people who actually would have recognised it and cared about getting me help as a kid, i could have grown up without most of my anxiety issues!Another important fact is that adult autism is often co-morbid with anxiety issues, due to the circumstances of being left completely alone to deal with this thing for your entire life with no support. There’s also just a lot of ways certain anxiety disorders (as well as ADHD) can have overlapping symptoms with autism spectrum disorders. A lot of the ‘that feel when’ meme stuff can be relateable to all three of these otherwise quite different disorders. So I’d reccommend looking up info on ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and related conditions too, and maybe seeing which disorder seems most similar to what you’re experiencing. And don’t be scared if it seems like you might have multiple of them! In real life being ‘all the tokens at once’ is VERY MUCH not ‘unrealistic’, man I really hate those people who’re like ‘hwaaa someone who’s black AND gay AND in a wheelchair? political correctness gone maaaad!’ Seriously, its very VERY possible to have more than one mental illness, especially ones that might have a knock-on effect causing another one. Going undiagnosed and untreated for ANYTHING can lead to developing anxiety and depression, but going undiagnosed for a social disability makes it especially likely to get specifically social anxiety.oh, and randomly for an example I happen to also have prosopagnosia, which means I can’t tell the difference between people’s faces. I literally cannot recognise my best friend if she changes her hairstyle or glasses. This is kinda Double Hell combined with autism, cos its already a challenge for me to judge people’s emotions, lol!

Oh man I’m kinda going offtopic and just rambling every damn fact I know, but I’m just hoping maybe something will be helpful??I really am not an expert on autism, I dont even know any good informative blogs to link you to. I’m just a regular person who happens to have the condition, and I don’t know how to give good advice when i’m still quite often suffering from denial and self hate myself...But I dunno, I just hope it could help to hear my personal experience, and know that you’re not alone.Though now I’m worrying maybe this post is a little intimidating so it might make you feel worse?? Seriously, this is just a worst case scenario thing, hopefully your doctor won’t be as casually gatekeepy as mine was. And I mean, he seemed like a good man who wasnt exactly rude about it and wasnt doing it on purpose. If anything that worries me more, tho, cos he was just politely saying ‘haha no you’re wrong’ to a patient, about a subject he wasnt remotely qualified in, and wouldnt have ever considered reccommending me to a professional if i hadnt kept nagging him about it and come back with a bunch of research and stuff. It felt SO damn cathartic to get that ‘YES, AUTISM’ in the end! Shame I couldnt show it to him and I probably would have had my entire healthcare cut forever if I boasted XDAlso, I was lucky that I had my charity support worker to help me through the stress of the assessment interviews. I hope you have at least one person who’d be able to be there for you and believe you, in times like these. Or, even if you’re like me and you dont’ have any family and stuff, I hope you end up meeting a surprisingly awesome governent worker lady who wears a cool hat and helps you out. Seriously, Amber, you’re a godsend!

So umm.. yeah.. i am REALLY sleep deprived and I am not good at words but i hope some of this helped?? I hope you’re okay, anon!And honestly, reading ‘lol relateable jokes’ type posts on people’s blogs was how I first started suspecting I was autistic, too. I’d grown up buried in so many stereotypes of mentally ill people, I never thought I was one of them until I actually got to read blogs from their perspective. Joke posts obviously aren’t a substitute for a diagnosis, but I think they kinda serve a valuable role in the self acceptance process, yknow? Thank you, joke posts!

[adelaideattractions]

Three-letter code every hostie dreads

Many a hostie will tell you with a glint in their eye theyve seen it all in the skies. Theres a great horror story from a New Years Eve flight on an unnamed airline. Twin Americans boarded with cannabis gummies in their system and promptly took turns to green out, becoming very paranoid and unwell. The flight attendant said as soon as one of them was manageable, the second brother lost his mind too. From rogue body fluids to gruesome cargo items to privileged passengers these anonymous stories show why the coveted job of flight attendant isnt always the most glamorous. So strap in and prepare for a bumpy ride as cabin crew take to the internet to share their war stories, courtesy of the New Zealand Herald. SOME OF YALL ARE RATHER ENTITLED Reddit user and hostie Zlinerlabs relates a story of sky-high entitlement. Every so often we get the odd straggler who boards last who finds a vacant seat in first or business thinking that we wont know that they are from coach, they said. Spoiler: This doesnt work.

media_cameraThere is so, so much more to the job than simply this. Picture: iStock User Notweirdthrowaway had this to say. Not an attendant but was on a flight with really bad turbulence. It went on for about 10 minutes then the old lady next to me reaches up and presses her button. Attendant walks over to see if the woman is okay, the woman begins to yell at the attendant for the rough flight and that shes been flying her whole life and clearly the pilot has no idea what hes doing. The stewardess just walked away. Another person on the social media platform had a blood-boiler to tell. I remember flying into SFO (San Francisco airport) and going through the final walk-through asking everyone to wake up, buckle up, headrests forward, tray tables up and collect trash, they said. Halfway through, the pilot said, Flight attendants, be seated immediately which indicates a lot of upcoming turbulence. So I quickly started to trot through with my trash bag to my jump seat when a man yelled HEY! I was a few rows past him and he had his cup and wet napkin in his hand. I quickly said, I have to sit down and turned back towards the back galley. I then felt something hit me. I looked back and he had thrown his trash at me and was staring at me like the little (expletive) he was. I heard a few people gasp and everyone in the last eight rows or so was tuned in to the drama.

media_cameraFlight attendants put up with a lot of bad behaviour. DONT TRY TO SWAP YOUR WAY INTO AN UPGRADE User ConstableBlimeyChips is an attendant and this is their pet peeve. A type of behaviour Ive unfortunately seen too much of: Couple will book separate seats, the man in a premium economy seat with extra leg room, the woman in a normal economy seat, they explained. The woman will then play the sad sack and ask another passenger to give up their comfy seat so they can sit together. If the other passenger refuses (usually because they paid extra and literally dont fit in a regular seat), some will even complain to the crew. And all this to save a few bucks on the second premium seat. Doc_Choc added: I never understand the logic of this and how it works on anyone. Ive been the random person in a premium seat a few times, and when asked I decline and tell them theyd probably have more luck if the person in the premium seat traded theirs away. They always act like they hadnt thought of that and then move on to someone they hope is an easier mark. I cant imagine how Id react if someone tried to get the staff to move me. User I_got_em_coach reckons you might just have to play dead. Sir were are going to need you to move. Passenger, clearly reading a book, immediately goes completely limp in seat.

media_cameraWed keep those bare feet off the floor too, kid. IF YOU KNEW, YOUD LEAVE YOUR SHOES ON Please do not ever walk into a toilet with bare feet. I promise you, 9 times out of 10, that is not water on the floor, writes Reddit user HausofDarling. The toilets are often absolutely disgusting and get deep cleaned only at the end of a route For us this could be from one side of the world to the other imagine how lovely they are at the end of a 12 hour flight with 200 people using them. Seeyou_never adds: So many incidents occur on the plane that everyday passengers dont see or consider. My last flight an elderly man accidentally sh*t on the floor, stepped in it, and walked on like it was nothing. Pee and poop happens, all over. I feel like I witness an accident regularly; in their seat or in the lav. People get nose bleeds or their wounds open. Obviously, when we land, it is thoroughly cleaned. But in-flight our resources are limited. DONT CHANGE YOUR BABYS DIAPER ON THE TRAY TABLE. This also happens all the time. Its unsanitary and people use the tray table to eat! DEAD ON DEPARTURE As the crew members continued to list the horrors unknown to plane passengers, things took a dark turn. There is more often than not a lot of horrific things in the cargo, HausofDarling wrote. As flying is the quickest way to transport cargo, passengers may be unwittingly sharing their flight with some unusual items. Usually, the only people who know are the flight deck (pilots) and the manager/senior crew member. Dead bodies, organs, blood are obvious ones, but we also carry everything right up to Formula One car parts, exotic animals, marble tables, oversized televisions everything. HUM is the code for human remains and the cargo most aircrew dread, said user Rosiulia who worked in the booking department of a long-haul airline.

media_cameraDont think it doesnt happen. While there is need for speed when transporting these shipments, the same urgency is not always met when the cargo arrives on the ground. When we have these kind of shipments we need to contact the family to make them aware when the plane lands and when to come to pick up the body, explained Rosiulia. And guess what. The body arrived in Shanghai in time, and no one picked it up for days. Legion3382 has the grimmest of news. Im not a flight attendant but I work the ramp, they said. We do send full bodies on planes a lot. Some in caskets some not. Twice in the seven years Ive been doing this has fluid leaked out of the boxes the bodies are in and got all over the luggage. HORRIBLE LITTLE GOBLINS (YES, US) Sadly for hosties, it their living passengers give them the most grief. The items left behind are perhaps the most unpleasant things kept secret from passengers. People are generally disgusting on planes, acknowledged ex-attendant Boopboopster. People frequently do disgusting things on their tray tables (Ive seen people change diapers, clip toenails and wipe boogers to name a few). However, these discoveries pale in comparison to human faeces under a seat. Nodealreddit chipped in, having dated a flight attendant. One common story was about the Delta miracles. Passengers in wheelchairs would board the plane before everyone else, but they had to wait for everyone else to disembark before they could get rolled out. It is apparently common for people to be healed during mid-flight and no longer need assistance when they reach their destination.

media_cameraIts a tough job. Picture: iStock THANK GOODNESS FOR AUTOPILOT? Giftofnarwhals had this genuinely terrifying tale. I used to work with elderly people, and one of my clients was a former pilot that finally quit when he realised in the middle of a flight his dementia had progressed, and he couldnt remember where he was supposed to be flying to. Meaning he had been flying for a commercial airline with dementia for quite some time before that. A FINAL NOTE Lets hand the final word to Seeyou_never. It is NOT the responsibility of a flight attendant to lift your bag, they said. There are multiple injuries caused from flight attendants lifting heavy bags to be friendly, and then theyre out of the job for months to a year (on average). If you pack it, you lift it. If its too heavy for you, its too heavy for us. On your next flight, spare a thought for your crew and try to chill out on your next adventure. And cross your fingers for a mentally sound pilot and no corpse juice. What are the odds, right? This article originally appeared on the New Zealand Herald and was reproduced with permission Originally published as Three-letter code every hostie dreads https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/travel/travel-advice/flight-attendants-spill-secrets-including-the-sinister-meaning-of-the-code-hum/news-story/90af5f08c90674a44b7cf505c6cca2a4?from=htc_rss

[eytanbayme]

The First Hundred Days

It was the night of the inauguration and all the parties were over. Melania conked out hours ago. The kids were gone by one. Stevemachine and Mick said they had work in the morning, but Reince - who would’ve thought, Reince - stepped in for the save. And now they were flying - like a motorcade of space horses - north on 95. He wasn’t drunk, but damned if this wasn’t what drunk felt like. The ball at the resort was big - like really, really big; the one at the convention center was top notch - first class top notch; and the one at Hyatt was truly something - like something to behold right in the palm of your hand, like an actual ball. But this party wasn’t ending before the sun came up - not by a long shot - and sometimes it felt like the sun never came up over A.C. which was where he and Reince were headed at 3:36 in the morning in a bullet proof stretch Escalade.

“Like you mean it, you slow poke!” DJT screamed at Santino, the former navy seal driving the car. “Like your being chased by Taliban’s ISIS's!” 

Santino just barely nodded and the car raced forward. DJT felt his body press into the black leather seat and he pushed probably his most favorite button in the world, the button that raised the privacy glass.

“We need a word that everyone has to say after The Donald tell them what to do,” he said to Reince, sitting opposite him, "Like ‘ayay’ or ‘roger’ or ‘copy that.’ You know what I mean?”

“Yes, sir,” Reince said.

“I got it: ‘Maga.’ Right? Watch: Reince, pass me a sparkling water.”

“Maga, sir.” Reince passed him a bottle.

“Oh that’s great. Really. Let everyone on the team know about it. Everyone’s gonna be using it in a couple of days. And fire this guy tomorrow morning.  Can’t have a slow poke driving The Donald President around. We'll get Marine One to pick us up.”

“Maga.” Reince downed his Disaronno sour and poured himself another from the limo’s wet bar. “Sir?”

“I don’t need that. I’m high on the good stuff, the clean stuff, the stuff that never let’s you down. Full flavor Trump.” DJT thought to write that down to use as a tagline at some point later, but he was certain he’d remember it anyway. He pulled a gold comb from his breast pocket and pat his hair with it. “Let me tell you something, Rinsy: At a Donald A.C. party the slots are loose, the blackjack's no limit, the girls are tasty and the steaks are tasty also. My guy, Tony, he’s got everything set up for us; suites, jacuzzis, Cubans, full continental breakfast, thirty-six holes in the morning. The works. Don’t worry, I know you forgot your bathing suit, so Tony’s got you covered. Hey, let’s get real suits tomorrow? I’ll have my tailor helicoptered in. He’s Italian and the best. We got craps, by the way if that’s your game, but I peg you for a black jack guy - amirite? Anyway, Tony. The man’s gonna introduce you to the primest rib you ever met. Mark my words.” DJT glanced down at Reince’s pocket. “Go on.”

Reince almost spilled his drink rushing to pull his pad and paper out. “Uh, maga."

“Jesus, Rinsey, it’s a joke. We’re having a good time. 'Mark my words,’ c’mon? See that’s what the press doesnt get about The Donald. My humor. It's probably one of my greatest skills, The Donald's probably the most hilarious president in the history of the country, maybe even in the history of any country including those countries that don’t have presidents, the ones with prime misters, I’m funnier than them too.”

“Sir,” said Reince.

“If you’re more of a swordfish guy, I can make a call. It’s not a problem. Just say the word, Rinsed, you’re slipping into a prime time slot with me.” DJT looked out at the shadows of trees rushing by. A few feet ahead he could make out the side of the headlights illuminating the steel barrier running along the edge of the highway. If he narrowed his eyes just the right way, the legs beneath the barrier would disappear, like fan blades whizzing by, and the steel barrier would appear to be floating in mid air. One never ending silver ribbon hovering two feet above the asphalt from Miami to New Hampshire, or something. It was the probably one of the coolest tricks he knew about, and he had to admit that it made America great. The safety barriers alongside America's highways were already MAGAed, although no politicians ever talked about them, so he planned on taking credit for it at some point.

The Escalade lightened up on the acceleration and DJT felt his mood darken in equal measure. He lowered the privacy glass an inch and raised his voice. “We’re never gonna get there if this idiot keeps driving like he’s Miss Daisy. My twelve year old could get me to the casino faster than this. We coulda walked and we’d of been there by now.” Like more magic, the car picked up speed and the glass rose again.

DJT winked at Reince. “That’s how The Donald gets things done.”

All of a sudden the front of the car began to take off and Reince’s drink flew out of his hand and smashed DJT in the face.

“What the-

DJT watched as the roof of the car caved in on him and Reince flew towards him sideways and crashed into his midsection. DJT smelled burnt toast as he then crashed through the privacy glass head first. He really didnt want to see Santino again, but as he passed through the front seat and continued through the windshield, Santino was asleep with his head lodged inside the steering wheel, so it didn’t even matter. Outside it was cold and the asphalt on the Delaware Turnpike was a wet and gritty, which was really annoying. And DJT slept.

When he woke everything hurt and he went to grab his phone to tweet about the crazy thing that just happened to him, but his arms weren’t working properly. Also there was something large stuck in his mouth and the ceiling above him was just plain white. He heard his daughter say something but couldn’t see her and when he tried to call to her, his voice sounded like one of those deaf people’s voices, all garbled and dumb sounding. DJT fell back asleep.

It took a few more days before he felt lucid enough to listen to what the doctors had to say and another several weeks for all of it to fully sink in. He’d never walk again, he’d never lift his arms again, he’d never have sex with a woman again, he’d never tweet again or flip through a magazine, or step down the stairs of a big plane again. He’d never be able to cut up a slab of the primest rib you’ve ever seen again or walk onstage with the Sopranos theme song playing and the dry ice machine raging again and he’d never be able to wipe his own ass after the greatest shit of his life again. In fact, the greatest shits of his life were behind him now, along with most of the skin between his upper lip and scalp. With practice and patience he might be able to speak and learn to control a wheelchair with his breath.

In the months that followed everyone took turns wiping his ass and changing his catheter;  Barron and Tiff, his regular kids, J-dawg, Stevemachine, Mick, even Chris and Gulio all dutifully showed up to clean him down and tell him they admired him - all of them except Reince who was dead. But it wasn’t just his family and team that showed up to wipe his ass, Barry Hussein and his wife came by, Hill and Bill, Alicia Machado, Bruce Springsteen, a bunch of writers from Brooklyn, that Muslim guy from the DNC and people he’d referred to in the past as ‘lyin,’ ‘elite,’ ‘overrated,’ ‘out of touch,’ ‘cooky,’ ‘ugly’ and ‘fat tit monster.'  Whenever these people showed up unexpectedly, he wanted to ask them why they were here, but his voice still wasn’t working and so all he could was just look into their eyes as they reached behind him and hope they understood that he was grateful and humbled and never wished anything remotely similar to happen to them or anyone they loved.

After six months, he regained the use of his voice and rolled into the oval office on an electric chair that supported his head like the one at the dentists'. The first piece of legislation he passed moved all the money previously earmarked for rebuilding America's nuclear weapons program to research and benefits for the disabled. In his first State of the Union address he apologized to anyone he may have offended in the past and offered Bernie Sanders the vacant Chief of Staff position, “if he would do me the honor.” In the years to come a more measured, introspective and diplomatic DJT would sign peace accords with North Korea and Iran. He would bring democracy and peace to several small African nations. He would decommission all of America’s nuclear weapons, bring about a two state solution in the Middle East, decrease the earth’s temperature by a degree and a half, include coverage for gender reassignment under the Affordable Health Care Act, grant Santino and Reince posthumous purple hearts and insist everyone he meet call him ‘Just Plain Don.'