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justbelievinginmagic · 5 months ago

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im(mortal) - part 3: blurred.

pairing(s): vampire!enhypen ot7 x fem!reader. series summary: Seven souls struggle with the bitter dregs of eternal life. As they hide amongst human society, they try to discover a cure for their curse, decade after decade, century into century. In their investigations, they find more than they could imagine brewing including a strange magnetic pull towards a human woman. Will they be able to find their humanity once more or will their world crumble beneath the weight of immortality? glimpse: Jake gives into temptation and pulls his blood-brothers into his fascinations with the human woman that makes his vampiric heart beat faster than ever. warnings/tags: Inspired by Enhypen's MVs lore, Vampire AU, sort of Soulmate AU, College AU, heavy science fiction inspiration, ot7 x reader but not poly ot7 (but some are really close tbh), 3rd person POV, use of YN, Ni-ki written as Riki, mature topics, vampire typical themes, vampire lore, mentions of blood, biting, death, other vampire things, canon typical violence, descriptions of blood & sounds of blood, bloodlusting, stealing blood bags, mentions of illnesses, mentions of medicine, obsessive tendencies from Jake, lowkey stalking lets be real, flirting, suggestive themes, let me know if there needs to be more tags! word count: 8.7k previous chapter <- -> next chapter series masterlist

“According to an anonymous tip, there have been 10 confirmed cases of a novel illness with unknown etiology at Desolis General Hospital. Doctors are working quick to identify its source and possible treatment. This is a developing situation, so, as always, wash your hands and when coug-” The newscaster read off the teleprompter with little gravity to his tone. It held the same old ‘newscaster tone’ inflecting at odd moments to keep the viewers’ attention.

In the hospital’s waiting room, a normal human could barely hear it over the busy hustle and bustle. The beeping of medical equipment, the shuffling of papers, and the gossiping of the front desk admins all overlapped to make the audio nearly inaudible. The few patients waiting in uncomfortable plastic chairs had to rely on the severely delayed black-boxed subtitles popping up below the newscast. But, Jungwon could hear it. Jungwon could hear a pen drop two doors down; he could hear the phlegmy cough from the old man in the waiting room; he could hear the doctors discussing private patient information behind their closed office doors. And of course, he could hear the siren call of a hospital full of hearts. Beating, thudding, pumping, and pulsing. Nonstop. Overwhelming. Constant.

He could hear everything as he continued his night-shift on the second floor of the Desolis General Hospital. Jungwon rounded a corner, raising the surgical mask up over his nose as he rolled the freshly sanitized and plastic-sealed equipment down the hall.

“What do you think?” a concerned voice chimed, half-muffled by the oak door Jungwon strolled past.

“I think they’re blowing it out of proportion frankly – especially with that news article,” an elderly-sounding man argued.

“What could it be then?”

“Anemia,” the man coughed after his reply. “Strange severe cases of anemia. Chest pains, shortness of breath, extreme fatigue, and even pica. Odd, yes. Novel, no.”

His tone held an air of finality. Like there was no other explanation except that.

“Ten concurring cases of low-iron deficiency, doctor?” the woman laughed in disbelief. There was a shuffle, the squeaking of leathered seat and another cough into a hanky.

“Give them -,” the man’s voice was strained, scratchy, “- a blood transfusion; prescribe iron-pills and a diet change. Bingo. All fixed.” He chortled lowly.

“Any links between the patients? Living situations, shared restaurants, or places of works? This is all just a coincidence?” she queried, unconvinced.

“None that we could find. I really think it’s just luck. Bad luck.”

Jungwon huffed, heat billowing out of his mask and into his eyes. More blood transfusions meant more of Sunghoon and Jay getting ‘dinner.” Sunghoon will hate this. While he was good at tracking and breaking and entering, he wasn’t the best with carefulness. There was an air of confidence and optimism that Jungwon just didn’t have in his slow-beating heart anymore. Mistakes were always around the corner. There had been times where Jay had to fix Sunghoon’s mess-ups. Some Jungwon told him; others he kept secret.

It’d be easier if Jungwon could just pocket a few IVs of blood. But it was too dangerous now. Ugh. So inconvenient.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. Once, twice, three times. His brows crinkled. They know he’s working tonight. They know when his break was. (His schedule was posted on the fridge via a yellow sticky note – like always.)

So why were they texting him? And who?

It could be Sunoo. He’d been moody after dinner earlier, but Jungwon welcomed it. A sassy Sunoo was better than a despondent Sunoo after all. He’d do anything to have him be how he was before. He sighed out.

Or perhaps it was Sunghoon. He’d been practicing ice-skating lately and would send the group chat updates of his routines. He was happier now Jungwon noted. He smiled at the thought.

Pushing the cart into a darkened closet, he whipped out his phone. His face was illuminated by the blue glow.

It was neither.

It was Jay.

FYI Jake’s not home.

Well, shit.

“Stop digging through my head,” Sunghoon commented, the tone like a little sibling annoying his older sibling.

He passed by Heeseung without even a glance, walking from one room to the next. It nearly looked like he was floating. Too smooth and far too ethereal to look human. But then, the illusion was broken as Sunghoon’s hand rose to rub at his eye, blinking against the bright lights blearily. His glasses (yes, he was the only immortal with prescription glasses) were shifted up the bridge of his nose. He looked this way and that for his charger.

He had an essay to write, and his laptop died. You’d think with all the money Jungwon had they’d have chargers everywhere, but nope. Like any family, they’d borrow chargers and forget to give them back or move them while cleaning or have them fall behind cushions or couches.

Heeseung followed quickly behind the other man. His gaze firm as he stared down the back of Sunghoon’s head.

“You know something,” Heeseung bit out, less with venom and more with frustration.

Sunghoon had this strange ability that was nothing otherworldly, but ever-annoying for the vampire who could know anything and everything with a little mind-reading. Sunghoon was able to just babble in his brain. This and that, science ramble from his classes, his routines for ice skating, sometimes just ‘Heeseung, stop snooping’ on repeat. Anything and everything except the information Heeseung wanted to know.

“Yeah, I know something. Me, not you,” Sunghoon almost sing-songed, blank faced as he continued his search.

Sunghoon hated when Heeseung tried to look inside his brain. He’d gotten so good at avoiding his blood-brother’s skill out of pure hard-work and spite. He liked his privacy. It was hard enough to get any with six forever-roommates.

“Jake’s been acting weird since class, and he’s now nowhere around the house, and you talked to him last. I saw that,” Heeseung ranted.

That was the flicker of a memory Heeseung latched onto. Jake and Sunghoon talking only a short time ago (there was a hint of ‘I need to do my homework’ in the background of Sunghoon’s mind). Jake looked frazzled as he spoke quickly, eyes darting this way and that before he turned and walked out the door.

Meanwhile, in the present, Sunghoon focused on looking for his charger. Visualizing his charger, its white boxy form. The prongs. The twisted cord. The clear initials written in black ink.

“Stop thinking about the charger,” Heeseung complained, head tilting back in exasperation. “How are you so good at hiding your real thoughts?”

“Just to bug you, hyung,” Sunghoon said as he checked behind a pillow on the sofa. Nope, not there.

Jay, who sat on the opposite side of the sofa, raised a brow at the pair. Heeseung huffed.

“C’mon, where did he go? It’s for his safety!” Heeseung argued.

Sunghoon rolled his eyes. Jake didn’t look unsafe when he had come to him with the bribe of silence in exchange of his portion of blood. He looked restless. Mussed dark hair, his eyes glowing in the bright lights of the mansion. He even could smell fire in his hair. He’s just worked up. Sunghoon knew where he’d go when it came to frustration – the ice rink. Surely, Jake had his own place he went. It was his business. And it’d stay his business.

“He’ll be fine. He can’t hurt a fly,” Sunghoon argued, waving a hand in nonchalance before checking behind another pillow.

Jay stood, and glanced behind the pillow he had been squishing. Nope, nothing. Sunghoon ran a tongue over his fangs, restlessly. God, where did he put his charger? Did someone move it?

“Jay, tell him that it’s for the safety of the flock for him to tell me where Jake went,” Heeseung looked towards the other for support.

Jay glanced over the vampire men; their emotions easy to read like the aroma of scented candles. Frustration, deep and nutty, filled his senses; concern that tasted like too-strong brewed tea burned in the back of his throat; doubt that was icy cool like chewing gum hit like a wave.

Sunghoon gave Jay a look; one that was half pleading, half annoyed.

“He’s not gonna do anything,” Sunghoon sighed out, trying to defend Jake.

“Jay,” Heeseung huffed again. His chin tilted as he looked over at his blood-brother despairingly.

There wasn’t any deception. Jay knew the taste of that; salty as sorrow but with the bitter bite of sulfur. Guilt. Deception. Whatever you’d call it. It was vacant.

“He’s telling the truth, Seungie,” Jay conceded, returning to his seat, and swinging his laptop over his knees. “He really doesn’t think there is any danger.”

“He’s a kid,” Heeseung cried out.

“Really can’t keep playing that card,” Sunghoon sighed out, plopping down besides Jay. “We’re over a hundred years old now, you know?”

“Niki,” Heeseung called out instead, turning towards the stairwell.

“I didn’t take his charger!” It was immediately yelled back. Almost too quick.

Jay could smell the salty, volcanic ash of a lie. He laughed under his breath, shaking his head.

“You did steal it!” Sunghoon complained. “Give it back now. What the heck, Riki?”

“No, come here,” Heeseung demanded instead. “I need you to go get Jake.”

“Is that necessary?” Jay asked tentatively.

Jay’s face was one of concern now, a grimace falling over his face as he was once again pulled from his computer science assignment. He pushed his laptop onto the coffee table.

“Sunghoon would’ve stopped him; this is a little… much,” Jay commented.

Heeseung raised a brow, questioningly. It was for their safety…right? Jungwon would agree if he was here. He would! Besides… Riki loved a good game of hide and go seek.

There was a soft lulling in Heeseung’s veins, something that said everything was fine. Everything was fine. Deep breath, lavender haze.

“Jay!” he exclaimed out; anger fizzing over Jay’s tongue at Heeseung’s rapid shift in emotions. “Don’t use your powers against me.”

“Don’t use them against them,” Jay warned, brows raised. He looked at Sunghoon as if he was example A.

There was a sag in Heeseung’s shoulders before he turned to face the youngest of them, leaning over the stairs’ banister. A sharp smile bit at Riki’s face.

“Jake is hiding?” he wiggled his brows.

Sighing at the youngest’s excitement sweet on his tongue, Jay turned back to his coding. With Riki intrigued, they’d never be able to stop him now. He loved his freedom too much.

“You think you’ll be able to find him?” Heeseung asked, but when he spoke to Riki, there was a change in tone.

A challenge. Playful. Less like an older brother and more like a friend.

“Give me a few hours and he’ll be back here,” Riki promised.

“Hours don’t mean anything to a boy who can stop time,” Sunghoon commented. He made a grabby hand towards Riki who tossed the lost-stolen-borrowed charger his way.

“You want to take up the challenge instead, tracker?” Heeseung retorted.

Sunghoon’s hands raised in defense. He hated being defined by his ‘skills’, and Heeseung knew it. “Have fun, Riki.”

The youngest laughed out, a mouth full of fangs as he grinned. He never got to do anything fun nowadays. This will be a good hunt.

“Go find him and bring him back before Jungwon gets home.”

Riki offered the three vampires a salute before, in a flash, he was gone.

As night fell, a storm crawled into the city. Rolling clouds of thunder and lightning crashed over the tall skyscrapers and stacked-upon-stacked buildings. The smell of petrichor engulfed the streets as rain poured and trickled down the pavement in rivulets. Even amongst the heavy downpour, Jake could still smell her, hear her, feel her. His hand rose to press against his chest, tugging at his hoodie to feel his heart race. It was like something he had never felt before. Amazed and bewildered, he stared at her from his spot in the woods.

Her heart pulsed in a quick beat, but the melody was becoming familiar to him. Why could he hear her so well? He had no idea. But what he did know was that there was a rush of calm seeing her safe and dry beneath the bus stop’s awning. Her heart was racing, but it wasn’t from fear. All she was doing now was scrolling through her phone, shifting to glance up and down the street every so often. Aware. But even then, she didn’t see him, hidden in the brush.

Dark overgrown bushes and thick pine-tree trunks kept him covered and hidden from her watchful gaze. The rain pitter-pattered, making the dirt beneath his feet muddy. His hoodie had been pulled up over his head (despite the umbrella in his hand that he had taken from the foyer of the mansion.) but he still felt droplets of water hit his face.

He didn’t want her to see him. He didn’t want to scare her. He just wanted to admire. To observe? He didn’t know. He just had to see her.

Jake’s head lulled to rest against a nearby tree as he felt the breath of life tumble through him. Sweat had dried on his neck earlier, and now it tingled in the cool humid air. When was the last time he got chills from the air? His mouth watered at the tempting smell of her, but the hunger always clawed in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t new. Yes, their Heartbeat was a new addition but… he could admire not obsess. He’d ignore his hunger, the Beast, the bite of his fangs. He didn’t want to bite her. He did, but… he didn’t. It didn’t make sense in his head. He felt dizzy. The streetlights flickered.

Her siren-heart calmed him into a whirl, losing his thoughts. Her heart was pretty, he decided. Was it delirium? Was he being driven mad by the thu-thump-thu-thumping that hadn’t left his eardrums since she was introduced to him that evening? Obsession? Fascination? Insanity? Jake didn’t know.

“I knew it was a crush,” a voice whispered into Jake’s ear.

Jolting out of his state, the brush around them rustled. Riki let out a laugh as he stumbled back. His fangs gleamed in the glow of the streetlights. His hair and clothes were just a smidge wet; the faint staining of raindrops on is broad shoulders as he giggled jovially at his blood-brother. He looked at him with a knowing, prideful look.

After all, Riki had won the game. He found Jake.

“Wait – what?” Jake processed Riki’s words. “No, no, it's not a crush.”

It was something different. He didn’t have a word for it. Something animalistic. Uncontrollable. A pull in his gut. His heart?

Besides, the vampire flock didn’t do crushes. How was a mortal supposed to mingle with immortals? It was a fool’s errand. Jungwon had always warned against it.

“You’re literally stalking her, bro,” Riki commented, his laughter dying down as he took a few steps forward.

“I’m not! I’m just—” Jake reached out to stop the younger from going any further, not wanting her to spot them. “- curious.”

“Uh-huh.” Riki replied, unconvinced as he sidestepped Jake’s grasp. “Relax! She can’t see us.”

It’s only then Jake processed that the world had quieted, zapping away all sound (except for her heart beat, because, of course, it defied even their strange powers). Thu-thump-thu-thump-thu-thump, it kept him company as he glanced around.

Droplets of water sparkled, frozen still in the air like a million diamonds. The approaching bus down the street was stagnant as it froze through a puddle, a snapshot of a splash erupting from its wheels. He hadn’t been sucked into one of Riki’s time freezes in a long time. They hadn’t needed them, and Riki was often exhausted by them, no matter how good he got at his trick.

“Why are you even here?” Jake asked, confused and a flash of worry curdled through him. “Are you good? Around her?”

That annoyed Riki, his lips curling up into a sneer. He felt like he will never escape the title of baby, of wild, of ‘bloodthirsty.’ Even now, Jake was looking after him – when Riki was the one on the search for him! Jake was the one that was supposedly not good right now. Yet still… they asked if he was okay. It annoyed him.

Pushing past the bushes and bramble, Riki flashed Jake a smile, too mischievous to feel comfortable. Jake was quick to follow, getting thwapped by stray ferns Riki had just pushed aside.

“Wait—Riki,” Jake called out.

Prowling closer to her, Riki glanced over her features. Frozen perfectly in place, YN had been scrolling through her phone, glassy eyes unseeing in the time freeze. The younger vampire squatted to meet her eyeline. Hooded eyes examined her. The glow of the phone lit up her face in a blue glow. Pretty eyes, he thought.

“Cute,” Riki commented to Jake. A hand reached out to fiddle with her hair, watching it bounce back into its place as soon as he stopped touching it. He pushed it aside to glance at the column of her throat. “Pretty neck.”

Riki sent a look at Jake, his tongue flicking to touch one fang. Teasingly.

“Stop it,” Jake commanded, his brows furrowing as he walked closer.

Her heart hadn’t accelerated; the thu-thump melody steady as beating drum. But his anxiety rose. He didn’t like Riki so close. The way his fangs peeked out as he smiled up at her.

Riki hadn’t taken to vampirism with kindness. He’d tried to drain one of their own after all – he had drained countless humans throughout the years. Whether it was for control or lack of thereof, his violence peaked while with Heeseung. Alone in their little shabby apartment, he had become something akin to a nightmare. Humans dropped like flies in the city they terrorized; mystery animal attacks some said. Rumors of myths and legends bloomed. Jake didn’t think Riki ever really evolved past that. (Not like himself, of course. He had been good. He had never drained another human like the night of his turning. He refused. He had control. Riki didn’t.)

That control edged and tickled at the back of his brain as he saw Riki’s fingers stroke over her neck, tauntingly. His eyes were heavy-lidded as he glanced over his shoulder at the other. A curl of a smirk on his fangs. Jake let out a low chitter, the sound animalistic in his throat. A warning to the other to stop.

Riki’s gaze fell into crescent moons. His cheeks softening as he let out a laugh, his hand fell away and he stepped back. Rising to his full height, he let out a laugh.

“I’m kidding,” he stressed.

Jake didn’t find it funny. His eyes flickered back to her. Her heart thudded in his chest. He sighed.

“She is pretty, though. What’s up with you two if it’s not a crush?” Riki’s chin rose towards Jake in acknowledgement.

It wasn’t a crush, Jake insisted.

“We’re nothing,” Jake insisted. “She’s just weird. I—”

The vampire faltered looking over her once more. It was strange to see no breath tumble from her mouth and yet the growing-familiar heart beat remained. He swallowed.

“I can hear her heart. Loudly. I heard it from class; I heard it walking home; I heard it at home. No matter how far I go, it’s there. She’s there. Even now, it’s beating fast.”

Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump.

She stared onwards at the potential danger in front of her. Jake huffed through his nose, glancing away from her innocent face.

Riki tilted his head at his blood-brother, almost puppy like. That was weird. His bloody-red eyes flashed to the human once more. She looked normal. He had seen plenty of pretty girls. Plenty of human girls that he bit into without a care in the world. They bled all the same. Their hearts teased and tempted. A constant fight in his soul. One that he oftentimes lost.

But now that he was staring at her – Riki felt something. Or really, he felt nothing. The rage that often shadowed him was absent, leaving him feeling breathless. His stomach wasn’t cramping; there wasn’t the constant itching in his veins to bite, bite, bite, drink, drink, drink. It was just… gone. Paused in the presence of this weird mortal.

His smolder, the heavied lidded look and taunting raise of his brows that often was tacked onto Riki’s face, dropped. A youthful look of surprise, of relief, and of confusion flickered over his face in a kaleidoscope. Parted pout, raised brows, and large eyes, he looked an image of the same little boy who had entered the orphanage and couldn’t say his own name without stuttering.

It felt so freeing to not be bounded by the Beast he realized. But also, dreadfully grounding because… he had committed so many beastly things. Drained so many humans without a second thought, all in the name of that hunger. A hunger gorged by the simple presence of this human girl.

Weird. Bad. Bad. Bad.

He didn’t know what was bad – the situation, the woman… or himself.

Riki took an uncertain step back. Throat tight, a horrible maelstrom of upset tumbled up his throat. Was he going to be sick? Everything felt overwhelming.

“Riki?” Jake asked, sensing the sudden combustion of something within the younger.

Was he going to pounce on the girl, his Heart? No. No. He wouldn’t let that happen. (If anyone was going to taste her blood, it’d be him – a Beast within Jake’s mind growled out).

His hand went to Riki’s shoulder, only for the younger to pull away with vigor. Stumbling back, his electrified eyes met Jake’s. Fright riddled his features as he felt himself fall away into a flurry of bats. His fingers holding their world in a pause unraveled with his composure. And the world rushed into a bloom of life.

The downpour resumed in a flood; the bus down the street honked to life as it slammed through a puddle. A wave of dirtied water splashed onto the pavement. Cars, electricity, the chitter of the light beside the bus-stop all joined the ever-present melody of their fast-beating heart.

Jake stumbled back from her, back hitting the bus stop’s support with a metal thunk.

YN’s head snapped to the side as she let out a small yelp. Wide eyes met his. Her body curled into herself as she jumped, startled.

“Woah, when did you get here?” she exclaimed.

He was like a ghost! She hadn’t heard anyone approaching; it was scary to know she could be snuck up on so suddenly. Her heart had jittered even faster. Jake fell into its warmth – his cheeks hot, his neck hot around her.

“Just now,” he lied, flashing a charming smile as his hand rose to rub that back of his neck.

He hadn’t planned on this – he wasn’t going to approach her. He just had wanted to see her, examine her. What was special about her? Something had to be if even Riki ran away from her.

Jake stepped out of the rain and under the cover of the bus stop, damp from the rain now.

“Sorry for scaring you,” he bumbled out, his tone gentle and kind. The lamp-glow made his skin golden and warm. The raindrops clinging to his skin looked like sparkling gems.

Taking in his soft features, she nodded slowly. “Its fine,” she acquiesced. “I’ve got to pay more attention,” she instead lamented, trying to ease him.

His – or was it hers – heart bloomed, fluttering at a butterfly’s wings pace.

Swallowing down his burning throat, he smiled.

“Jake, right?” she clarified.

As if she’d forget him. The pretty boy who had helped give her notes but also ran out like she was some plague.

“Yeah, yeah.”

As if he’d forget her. The bite of her name in between his jaw was so tasty.

Their hearts beat in tandem, and he couldn’t help but breath out in wonder. With a wet splash, the bus pulled up to the bus stop.

“Oh, this is my bus; is it yours?” she asked, nudging her thumb towards it.

Jake could get lost in her heartbeat- the tantalizing newness of it, the melody that was siren-like and yet soothing in his veins.

“Uh, huh,” he replied, blood-struck staring at her. He blink, blink, blinked. “Yeah.”

No, it wasn’t. But he couldn’t help but accept, couldn’t help but want to be around her. Like the seas being controlled by the moon, she was a magnetic force. It was something so new, so strange. So addictive.

YN fiddled with the strap of her bag as she stood. He didn’t move to go ahead of her and, so, she walked ahead, climbing the steps of the bus with familiarity. A cool rush of air-conditioned air kissed her skin and made him shiver. He actually shivered! When was the last time he felt cold? She swiped her bus pass; he paid the few dollars with a flash of his (read: Jungwon’s) credit card.

The bus was full - a blurred symphony of heart beats. All supporting the main melody of his Heart; her Heart. He didn’t even care for them; she was the focus. There were only two spots left, tucked into the back of the bus. YN took her spot, closest to the rain dropped window. The warmth of the engine radiated through the seat and made her feel safe and cozy.

Jake paused in the middle of the walkway as he looked side to side. There weren’t any other spots. Was it okay if he joined her? Was it creepy or stalking like Riki had said? Before he could contemplate his morals or if he was too much of this or that, she patted the seat beside her.

YN’s gaze locked with his, with blushed cheeks that he wanted to bite, kiss, soothe, feel. Jake swallowed but his feet moved on demand, tugged by the invisible string on his slow-beating heart. He settled in beside her. Hot. Cold. There was the clash, crawling over his skin and into his cells. He took a small breath in, hoping it didn’t sound too shuddering as it felt. His lungs burned, but he wanted more His hands rubbed over his jeaned knees before one hand combed through his lightly-damp locks.

The bus shivered and jolted as it began its route once more. Well, now he was stuck on a bus. All he had wanted to do was see her. He glanced her way, looking at her from the corner of his eye. Everyone else on the bus were on their phones. Should he be? Her hand still held her phone, limp in her lap as she looked out the foggy window.

He felt out-of-place. Like a fish out of water. Like a bat in daylight.

“What’s your major?” She asked after a while, glancing his way.

Her smile was sweet and dull.

“Lit,” he replied with a grin of his own. His smile was sharp and sincere. “You?”

“Still figuring it out,” she admitted, stretching her limbs and glancing away in thought. “Thinking about nursing, maybe.”

There was a soft huff in her tone as she looked his way once more. “Mom was a nurse. Dad was a doctor. His dad was a doctor. And his dad was a doctor. And her mom was nurse. Blah, blah, blah.” She rolled her eyes lightly. “It’s been pushed on me since I could walk.” She laughed.

It mingled with her heartbeat so beautifully, he thought. He chuckled out, echoing her soft laughter.

“What do you want to do with lit? Write? Or teach?”

He didn’t know. Jake couldn’t focus. Or was it the heat in his cheeks that made his head feel lopsided? His stomach clenched, but it wasn’t from hunger. His heart raced and raced. Everything felt more, more than it already did. He used to be able to see the world in microscopic sense, but now it all seemed hazy, haloing her. He could just see her, high definition.

She was looking at him, not too worrisome thankfully. He felt like he looked crazy but, in her eyes, he was just bumbling, shy, sweet. His hands rubbed his knees gently, nervous. Long fingers fiddling over the fabric clumsily. It was cute.

“Not sure yet,” he admitted, soft voiced. “I just liked reading.”

He swallowed. She swallowed. He could see the pulse of her heart in her throat. The Beast itched under his skin. Just a taste, just a little bit. No.

He glanced away.

“I-Are you from around here?” he asked.

“No, no,” she shook her head. “I’m from Riverfield. In the country. I have an apartment in the city while I’m in school. What about you?”

Jake nodded, focusing on her words. “I share a home with some friends.” The fib has rolled off his tongue before; it was second-nature. “Over on the west end of the city.”

“That’s, uh, in the completely opposite direction,” she noted. This bus was going towards the east, deeper into the city’s depths.

Her uncertainty tinkled out; her finger fiddled with the side of her phone.

“I’m visiting a friend,” he made up.

“Oh.”

Before another silence could crash over them, Jake added. “My friend is a nursing major. He’s in the same class as us.”

“Oh, cool,” she replied with a smile. “Maybe I’ll see if he likes the program next class.”

“Yeah,” he murmured.

The lull that followed felt like forever. Jake felt like a live-wire. His body buzzed. His heart raced. Her closeness only made him feel hotter and hotter. The bus lights flickered. His eyes flashed to them; the fluorescents burning brighter at his gaze. His breath shuddered. Was that because of him? He needed to control himself. Why did he feel so different? Alive? It was scary. Jake’s teeth nibbled into his cheek; the lights shuddered.

The bus braked harshly, suddenly. His arm immediately reached out across her, protecting her as they jerked forward. Her body slammed into his long arm, and he kept her steady. He swore his heart skyrocketed. Dilated eyes met hers. Her own eyes looked startled as she let go of his arm. When had she grasped onto him? Did she feel this pull too? He let out a soft breath.

“Thanks,” YN replied as she leaned back into her chair; the bus had moved normally, driving through the streets once more.

“No problem,” he breathed. He finally lowered his arm.

His ears felt burning. Jake scratched at the back of his neck. He probably seemed so strange… He had to not be so weird. How? How?

“Did you decipher my notes?” he wondered.

Blush. She blushed. Blush, blush, blush. Her cheeks hot and red and bite-able like a red apple. He felt his throat burn but he only fell more into his racing heart as she smiled. Her smile was so pretty.

“Not all of them,” she admitted with a chuckle.

“Let me help.” He offered. “We’re both here.”

She adjusted her phone, raising it, and swiping through it with ease. “I guess.”

He scooted closer, his cologne flooding her senses. There was a hint of rainwater in his hair that dripped onto her; it felt like it sizzled on her bare skin. Jake pointed at words here and there, helping breakdown his writing.

“You’d think with having doctors as parents I’d be able to decipher any sort of handwriting,” she joked.

“Nah; mine looks ancient,” he replied cooly. “I don’t blame you. It’s my fault. Here – that says ‘would be promising’.” He sounded a bit uncertain, but his gaze flickered back to her with a wide-eyed innocence. He was sweet. Helpful. Even if he felt like he was burning up inside, she felt the same thing. Her arms tingled. Her heart thudded fast.

The rest of the bus drive was spent huddled closer. Their arms brushed against one another; their breaths shared as they slide through picture after picture, analyzing their notes together. The bus rolled to a stop, and she glanced up.

“This is my stop,” she announced, gathering her bag from the ground.

Standing, she goes to slide her phone into her pocket before pausing. “Can we exchange numbers?” she asked, looking down at him.

His heart was pounding. Or was it her heart? He couldn’t tell. But he couldn’t help but feel the buzz; the hum of excitement. That’s what this was. He wanted to keep talking. Learning more about this strange woman. Why did her heart sing for him? Why did it feel like it was their heart? He wanted to know why she was so special?

“Just in case I need more deciphering expertise,” she teased, her hand outstretched her phone his way and he took it carefully.

Rain poured harder as he typed his name and number into her contacts. There was a grumble from the bus driver, impatient, but, at this point in the night, there were few passengers on board. The bus was coming to its last few stops. The rain thudded against the metal roof of the bus in a downpour, fogging the view of the apartment complex.

Jake nudged her with his umbrella, getting her attention once more. He looked up at her with such a kind smile, his cheeks sweet and soft despite the sharpness of his lips and teeth. Her phone was outstretched her way, as well as the handle to an umbrella.

“Here. And take my umbrella,” he encouraged.

“Seriously?” she exclaimed, taking her phone back. His name ‘Jake’ stared back simply… she was going to add an emoji later (maybe a beating heart since her heart seemed to act up around him.) Her heart was pounding even now. All he was doing was being sweet, and yet she felt like she was going to pass out.

“Its pouring, YN,” he glanced out the nearby window. “Please.”

He nudged the umbrella her way again. Their fingers brushed, and electricity flared between them. Skin-to-skin contact, it made his cells burn bright and vibrant. So bright that the bus’s lights went out in a pop. Startling the passengers, even Jake jumped in his spot.

“Goddammit,” the bus driver cursed out.

The pair had jumped apart. YN was a few steps back; Jake was pressed deep into his seat, hand pressed to his chest. It tingled still.

“This bus is like a danger-zone,” YN joked, glancing upward at the sizzling lights. “Thank you. For the umbrella… I’ll give it back in class?”

He let out a laugh, airy and disbelieving.

“Yeah. No worries really. Yeah.” He sounded flustered.

“Yeah,” she smiled as she continued walking backwards. “Be safe.”

She waved lightly as she exited the bus. A soft goodnight on her tongue to the befuddled bus driver before she walked through the downpour. His umbrella shielding her from the rain as she rushed towards the complex.

He watched all along. The lights of the bus flickered on again, slowly at the rhythm of their heart beat.

She was something special.

Once her apartment door closed behind her, YN screeched.

Her hands going to hide her face. He is so cute! Her heart was about to explode. Jake had been drooled over by all the girls at school. He looked like a model, acting aloof, was probably rich. But here… oh he was just a kind guy. He was sweet and helpful. He lent her his umbrella. She squealed again.

Sighing out dream-struck, she walked through her apartment, shedding her jacket and tossing it on the nearby couch. Dinner first – maybe a shower to warm her up. But, she was so warm now, her body buzzing with butterflies. She couldn’t help but dance about as she prepared a simple dinner of left overs, making sure to pour out her pills out onto a napkin, so she wouldn’t forget to take them… again.

Jake had escaped the bus finally at the next stop, wriggling past the last few passengers before walking through an unfamiliar cityscape before finding the forest’s edge. It was then he disappeared into the skies in a flurry of bats.

He whooshed into human form at the front door of their home. Riki leaned up against the doorway. He looked disheveled.

“Where did you go?” Jake exclaimed. “You totally ditched me.”

Riki’s face turned red as he glanced aside. “You were the one that wanted to see her so badly. So, you got to.” His retort was childish, defensive as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I scared her,” Jake retorted.

“You were stalking her,” Riki said blankly.

“We were,” Jake argued. That wasn’t any better. He shook his head lightly, damp hair flicking water onto the younger. Riki flinched and made a fuss. “You were the one to get so close.” Jake said simply.

Riki tried to shrug nonchalantly as he turned on his heel to unlock the front door and walk inside.

“You got to talk to her, didn’t you? Do you have her number now?” Riki teased.

Their brotherly back and forth was cut short at the sight of the flock all gathered in the nearby living room. Including Jungwon.

“Where have you two been?” Jungwon bit out. His brow furrowed; a mimicry of a father scorned.

“Hey dad,” Riki teased, raising his brows at him before plopping down on the couch besides Sunoo. The pair shared a look. Riki curled his legs into his chest, arms going to lock around them.

“I’ve been texting you, calling you; I was close to emailing you,” Jungwon continued, emphasizing each option. His own fangs were flashing in the bright lights of the mansion as he crossed his arms. “Where were you?”

“No where,” Jake said, his voice trailing off as he walked further into the room. All eyes rested on him, looking him up and down.

“Jake,” Heeseung was the one to speak up, raising a brow from his spot beside Sunghoon. His tone was warning.

“She’s fine. I’m fine. Niki is fine,” Jake gestured to their youngest who flashed a peace sign. Jay looked over Riki carefully, tilting his head at what he felt.

“Everything’s fine,” Jake finished.

Jungwon sent a disapproving look at the other. This was a definite scolding and Jake’s high from being around her dulled. He sat down on the opposite side of Sunoo who squeezed his knee reassuringly.

None of them liked being scolded – it reminded them of the nurses and doctors and orphanages.

“You know what happened last time one of us had a control problem,” Jungwon lamented.

It sent a heaviness over the flock. They all looked aside. Sunoo frowned and hid into his arms. He wished he had his teddy bear in this moment.

Jungwon didn’t understand Jake. Jake out of everyone should know this. He had sworn to never hurt someone again after his change. Why was he playing with fire? Running around, chasing, stalking a human!

Jake played with a frayed edge on his jeans.

“Yeah, look at Sunoo. He’s had more problems than any of us with humans, but you’d be happy if he was out and about.” Jake muttered out dejectedly.

His words weren’t sharp but they still stung. Both Sunoo and Jungwon. Sunoo’s grimace grew.

“No, I wouldn’t.” Jungwon argued.

Sunoo’s face screwed into a displeased scowl, curling more into Riki as they spoke of his shortcomings. He had been in a good mood, and it was quickly fizzling out. He wanted to go up to his room. He was tempted to just fly there.

“I’d be careful. We know these things are delicate.” Jungwon argued.

“Jay too.” Jake pointed out, frowning and gesturing at the vampire. “He hates humans, but you encourage him to try to take classes to get used to them! What’s so different about me going to see her?” Jake argued with upturn brows.

Why was he being targeted? He’d been good. So, what if he messed up and set some lights up in a blaze earlier? He was fine with her. He sat next to her for over thirty minutes, and he didn’t bite her. He had control. He had control. Nothing went wrong!

“You purposely went after her,” Jungwon stressed. “Without telling us.”

“He told me,” Sunghoon mumbled, raising his knee to his chest casually. Heeseung slapped his arm. The glasses-wearing vampire shrugged

“What is so interesting about her, Jake?” Jungwon sighed out, sitting down on the couch with a huff.

“She’s just… different,” Jake mumbled. Riki nodded nearby.

“I’m not going to hurt her. I swear it. I just… am intrigued by her.” Jake promised.

There was a disbelieving lull in the room, but Jungwon sighed out, head tilting back and with reluctance the argument was over. Mostly at the exhaustion of fighting with them. He didn’t want to fight. His shoulders sagged.

“Fine.” He mumbled.

Jake nodded firmly, devoutly. He wouldn’t hurt her. Not his Heart.

His phone buzzed.

‘Hey Jake! It’s YN.’

His grin was blinding, and it caught the attention of every single vampire in the room.

It was the next class, and Jake was excited. His stomach was in butterflies; his heart thumping eagerly. Maybe it was her heart too. Their Heart, he had begun to think. The week had been a long one – one full of strange observations. His heart was more active than ever. It was no longer slow and steady but a constantly changing beating thing. It lit his cells alight and he felt more alive than ever.

His heart acted up more when he texted her. They spoke of his notes at first. Then the class itself but then they had already jumped to good morning and good night texts. He knew she was watching a new drama. She knew he liked hip-hop and he had made a Spotify playlist for the pair of them to add new songs for one another. It was nice. It was more than nice. Jake loved having a new friend for the first time in literally decades.

He had texted her that he was on the way to the lecture hall and to save him a seat – something he added after his stomach roiled in nerves for over five minutes.

As he opened the doors to the lecture hall, he was shellshocked to see Jungwon and Heeseung already there. And sandwiched in between them was YN. Jake flushed red, his skin turning a pleasant tawny pink. Was it embarrassment or anger or jealousy? He couldn’t tell. He felt overwhelmed and hot at the sight of YN giggling at Jungwon’s words. The flock leader smiled at her, sweet cheeks pillowing in bashfulness.

‘Why are they here!?’ Jake whined internally.

‘Jealous much?’ Heeseung raised his brows, teasingly, as he communicated telepathically with Jake.

Jake glared at the other before his eyes softened as he glanced over at YN. Her hair was so pretty, haloed in the setting sun. Everything was a pretty orange-bright in the lecture hall; the windows in the back painting the room in a sunset glow. Licking his lips and swallowing down the dryness of hunger-thirst and anxiety (both only making the scratchiness of his throat worse).

“Hey Jake,” she beamed over as he began to climb the stairs to the trio. Her desk-table had been tugged out already and her notebook splayed open.

“Hi,” he greeted, still far from their seats. “You’ve met Jungwon and Heeseung I see.” He smiled, albeit a bit forced.

Jungwon was leaned in close to YN, his elbow on the armrest closest to her. He flashed Jake a smile full of fangs. If Jake wouldn’t tell him what was so different about the human, he was determined to find out himself. That’s what Jungwon did best – investigate. Investigate and protect. He’d do anything to know things in advance so that he and his blood-brothers would never be caught off guard again. They’d never be hurt like that again.

And so, he investigated. Looked her up on social media, searched her name in search engines. And it all came back normal. A good student, a few parties on her Instagram, photos of aesthetically pleasing country sides and forests. A small town almost country girl turned big city college student.

She was debating about a nursing major. That was something she told him as she sat down, asking who was the nurse. He liked her boldness and he told her what he thought honestly. He mentioned the long hours of interning. She was empathetic, kind at his struggles. Her hand had squeezed his as if it’d comfort him and he swore there was an electric shock.

But other than that… she was normal.

‘What are you doing?’ Jake exclaimed at Heeseung.

‘Getting to know your hyperfixation,’ Heeseung argued back.

‘But-‘ there was a pettiness and possessiveness. ‘She’s mine! My Heart.’

‘You texted her nonstop, you giggle at every message – what’s so interesting? We wanted to know.’

‘Ive only known her for a week, hyung! Don’t scare her away.’

‘We aren’t! Theyre talking about nursing and doctor stuff.’

“Heeseung?”

Heeseung blinked, sound coming back into focus as her call. He had been so focused on their conversation, a telepathic effort that he hadnt heard her call his name twice. He looked to her. Her smile was sweet as she repeated the question.

“What’s your major?” she asked. “Sorry for not asking earlier. Jake had hyped up Jungwon’s major.”

“You’re okay,” he reassured her with a charming grin. “I’m a music major.”

“Oh wow!” she exclaimed. “That’s so cool. What’s, like, your thing? Is it more traditional music or-?” she trailed off, giving him the floor to talk.

“I started off with the piano,” he said. “We all did,” he admitted, glancing at Jake and Jungwon. “I like songwriting the most compared to instrumentals.”

He preened at her reaction, hearing how she awed and flustered at the thought of a poetic man. He smiled. There was a passing thought, did they grow up together?

Her gaze flickered to Jake as he plopped his bag down and sat down next to Heeseung. His bag hit the motorcycle visor besides Heeseung’s foot.

“What motorcycle do you have?” she asked.

“You want a ride?” he teased, staring her down. Charming, flirtatiously.

Her cheeks flushed, and he grinned. He heard Jungwon’s playful disagreement, an internal roll of his eyes. Jake’s outraged ‘What?’ But Heeseung realized… he hadn’t heard her thoughts. He swallowed. Leaning closer, he stared at her with his entrancing eyes. She giggled a bit and shifted her gaze away.

Nothing… still.

“I was just curious. Jake took the bus the other day – do you all ride motorcycles?” she asked instead, looking over at Jungwon.

Heeseung chuckled, a bit distressed as he looked over at Jake. A flash of insecurity twinkled in his eyes.

‘What’s up?’ Jake asked silently.

‘I can’t hear her thoughts.’ His telepathic freak out made Jake’s brows crinkle in confusion.

“Only Heeseung is the daredevil.” Jungwon replied.

There was a polite hum from the very man mentioned before YN’s eyes widened.

“Oh, Jake, before I forget, I have your umbrella!” she exclaimed, reaching into her bag.

As she ducked her head, Jake and Jungwon mouthed words at each other quickly. Mostly in surprise, wondering what was wrong with Heeseung. He seemed so out of it. Starstruck. When her head popped back up and her hand held a transparent umbrella, they both smiled at her, close lipped.

“That’s my umbrella,” Jungwon commented, raising a brow at Jake. “I was looking for it a few days ago and you said you didn’t know where it—"

“Whoops,” Jake charmed as he took hold of the outstretched umbrella.

“Well, thank you again – and to you too, Jungwon,” she acquiesced, glancing at him with a gentle gratefulness.

He felt a whirl in his stomach, and he couldn’t help the bright almost youthful grin from tumbling to his lips.

“Its no problem,” he replied.

‘Whipped.’ Heeseung teased even in his distress.

‘Do you want to ride?’ Jungwon teased back, his gaze hardening as he looked over at Heeseung. Heeseung raised his brows, biting his lip with a fang before looking back at his phone. Trying to process the strangeness in his head. He tried hearing her thoughts now, focusing on her. But it felt like the more he focused on her, the more distant her thought became. It was something he had never experienced before.

More students were tumbling in now, making the room louder and louder. Both with their thoughts and their conversations. Their own conversation steered towards the class, their workloads, even the weather. Normal and easy things. Every now and then, Jake would ask about something they texted like if she liked this song or that song. Heeseung continued to try to hear her thoughts, staring her down when she wasn’t looking. YN could feel his gaze still, a constant light blush on her cheeks at the attention. Jungwon observed her as well.

He observed and investigated. Looking over her phone when it buzzed, showing her texts between her and her friends. She was going to a party this weekend it looked like. A reminder to go get groceries today was set. A reoccurring alarm that read ‘take medicine (don’t turn off and think you’ll remember go take them now)’ had a pop up from earlier in the day in her notifications.

While she was cute and polite, he still didn’t quite get it. She wasn’t other-earthly. Yes, his heart seemed to thud faster around her. Which hadn’t happened before. And sure, the world slowed and seemed calm and not as overwhelming. Okay, it was strange. She was strange. But still, utterly normal.

After the class and after they packed up their bags, she said goodbye to Jungwon and Heeseung easily with a little wave, standing close to Jake. The soft fluffy haired vampire adjusted his backpack as he waited patiently for her. Jungwon noticed that. He seemed calmer now – not unhinged like last week. Maybe she was okay with him, he pondered. His head tilted as he looked at Jake.

“You’re not coming with us?”

Jake shook his head, swallowing albeit a bit nervously. “We’re going to go study.” He said.

“There’s a new coffee-shop down the street,” YN told them. “Jake saw it and said we should go there.”

‘You like her.’ Heeseung stated simply, telepathically.

Jake’s cheek burned a pretty-red, and that was his answer.

“See you later then,” Heeseung leewayed for Jungwon who despite his best efforts still clung to his worry.

There was always a hint of guilt, a hint of worry for his friends. Even now, after a hundred years. He just wanted them safe. Heeseung knew that.

Heeseung also wanted all of them to be happy. And he knew Jungwon wanted that too, deep down.

With an arm thrown around Jungwon’s shoulder, the two were off, heading up the stairs of the lecture hall to the upper exits.

“Your friends are really nice,” they heard YN say to Jake softly. “They saw me sitting by myself and joined me.”

“They didn’t bug you?” Jake asked gently.

“No way. Jungwon told me all about his nursing job and the program here. He was really helpful. He offered to give me a tour if I wanted it. Heeseung was nice too. He’s funny.”

Jungwon and Heeseung preened, hearing her even as they continued to walk further and further away.

“They’re like my brothers,” Jake chuckled. “I know they can come off strong, but they mean well.”

“They were nice. Now, come on. I owe you a coffee, right? For the umbrella last week?” she teased. Her hand tugged at his sleeve, daringly.

Jake’s low chuckle sent butterflies up her spine.

“No way,” he replied walking to catch up with her. His fingers brushed over hers but he didn’t grab her hand… yet. “I’ll buy for us. My treat.”

By then, it was harder to hear the couple. Heeseung and Jungwon were walking side by side on the street, far from the university now. It was only then they spoke.

“I get it,” Jungwon said simply. Admittingly.

“Me too,” Heeseung agreed. “I couldn’t hear her thoughts, Jungwon.”

The pair shared a look.

“We’ll talk about it at home,” Jungwon promised before they flurried into a flock of bats right as a car passed the duo.

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dr-gl0rbiez · 3 months ago

Text

Time to yap because i have been given permission.

Just know this may be long because i have lowkey been waiting for this moment. Just know most stories end up covering topics of murder, drugs (if i get that far tbh), and overall bad topics, so just be careful i think. Im not gonna be graphic, very bare, but still, dont read if you dont wanna read about murder and stuff.

Anywayyyy, to start with, The Grim Reaper!!! So, in my oc world, the Grim Reaper and the God (used in a gender neutral way) of Death are two different beings. The Grim Reaper started off as a guy in a small British settlement, during the colonization of the new world in the Americas. He was part of an unknown and undocumented colony because of how short-lived they were. Basically, GR (Grim Reaper) lived in that colony with his pregnant wife, and as we all know, those colonies were eventually plagued with extreme mania, caused the well known Witch Trials! At some point, the colony began to try and say GR’s wife was committing witchcraft, thus making her baby a spawn of pure evil.

In their histeria, they killed her. They stabbed her twice in the stomach, once in the heart. GR watched as they murdered his very pregnant wife and unborn child, and became very anger and bitter to the colony (naturally). They (the colony) believed they had done the right thing, having “saved” the colony. However, they basically just doomed themselves and everyone else in the colony. He went crazy with delusions of a deer-headed figure, urging him to do what he feels is best to avenge his wife and child.

So, in the middle of the night, he went around in each tent and slaughtered every single person of the colony until no one was left. Like pigs. He then went and laid in the winter field near the fire, and carved out his own heart. It’s already broken, why does he need it, amiright?

Days, weeks, months pass as he’s died, and normally, you don’t wake back up. So it was a huge trip when he felt his eyes open back up and some voice speaking to him. Well, it wasnt him, more so an astral projection of himself (sort of), sibce his body was still on the ground, decomposing and covered in snow. In front of GR was a seven to eight foot tall….creature? Thing. With a deer’s skull for a head. It was covered in old moss and grass, black flowers grown into the eye sockets. Turns out that was the physical embodiment of death.

Death offer GR a chance to start anew, work with Death as a prodigy. Sort of. Also just because Death needed someone to help what with all the people dying in this time. So, GR just kinda ends up the Grim Reaper and working with Death. Yeah, im definitely making more posts of these, just in different parts cause this took a small while. Only because this story isn’t as fleshed out.

Also!!! As a heads up, some stories will be in the same parts because they may be too short to be on their own. Also, like i said above, this story isn’t my longest and is meant to be pretty vague and detail-less since im no good at writing.

Picture except it’s a bit older so it’s not as good as my recent art. That’s him and his girlfriend who’s introduced later.

#oc artist #i love rambling #but i do NAWT like thinking #oh well i can handle it #😋😋#ocssssss

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deathbxnny · 8 months ago

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Hi, i hope you dont mind me asking but..

What exactly is going on in America? A few of the blogs i follow (including you) has mentioned about it and im honestly curious. From what i got from a quick google, that man has been elected again (which honestly makes me bitter, doesnt help that my IRL friend is a supporter of him) but i dont think that’s the whole reason for everyone being upset. So again, if you dont mind me asking, what’s the whole story?

If you dont feel comfortable replying, that’s fine. This is your blog and i never want to do anything to ruin it. Just delete this ask and we can forget about it. I’ll probably try to find out more through more googling but.. idk which will be true or fake. We’ll see tbh (this is also why im making this ask, i trust you and i know you wont lie about stuff like this)

I normally dont care about polictics. They make me feel uncomfortable with the blatant corruption that exists. I live in Asia where people more or less trust the goverment, so with that man being elected, i feel this might bring a huge change and not a good one. So i feel this is something i should brace myself for whatever is gonna happened

Again, if you dont feel comfortable, delete this ask. Do not feel pressured to answer this if you do not feel comfortable. I hope you have a good day/night and take care

- Flower Anon🌸

-----♡

Hello there Flower Anon!!

Don't worry, I don't mind your ask, as this is an important topic for everyone, not only Americans. But the main issue is definitely trumps reelection, which comes with a ton of problems. I'd definitely go through the US election tag on tumblr for more info, but the main issue is women losing many of their rights, including a ton of economic issues that Trump is clearly going to make worse.

It's very complicated, and I definitely understand the fear of fake news, but in general, America's problem definitely is currently Trump being back. This will, however, also affect us all one way or another due to America's strong influence globally and in the NATO, so only time will tell how bad it's going to be...

The rise of right-wing media and, in general, people is also highly concerning. Trump's win will be a spark of motivation for them, and so the terror is very much justified. With that said, if I may give my opinion on this, I'd suggest dropping your friend if they acknowledge all of these issues yet don't care.

I'm glad you're interested in the topic, though, and as said before, I'd suggest looking at what Americans have to say on this topic, especially regarding abortion and LGBTQ+ rights in the nation that are at threat.

As mentioned before, I strongly avoid politics on this blog, as my blog is for my writing only, nothing else. But since this is extremely concerning in general for all of us, I don't mind your ask at all!

Thank you for your ask, and I hope I could somewhat help you understand the ongoing issue!<3

-----♡

#bxnny-talks

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s4kasaki · 4 years ago

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hi i love ur blog 🥺 may i request a jun fic whereby the reader made a personal playlist to remind them of him and jun finds out about it and how he would react? thank u in advance 🤍

this is so cute omgawd? Jun is so underrated, I am the new junP's safe place~! •́ ‿ ,•̀

♡ — musical feeling dilemma.

‣ tws/cws: none

‣ reader: gender neutral - they/them

‣ author's note: I'm proud of this one tbh, you can tell I worked on it hARD

you’ve been friends with Jun for a while now, hanging out with him was your peak ideal of an interesting time nowadays, after a long day of work. Playing video games together was a thing you enjoyed taking part in every free time/weekend, winning against him and seeing his priceless expression afterward, and the way he congrats you on beating him (for once) is an unforgettable memory you two can look back on. “ha! I'm surprised, you’ve gotten better since the first time we played together” though, you’d be fabricating if you said you didn’t miss him when he was either pulled away by Hiyori or had important businesses he had to attend alongside Eden all of a sudden.

It was 10 in the evening, you were already clocked out for the day by lucky chance: it felt like a miracle, a too good to be true one. And even despite your numerous insistence that you'll be fine walking back home by your lonesome, jun always assists you by calling a ride for you or simply walking with you to enjoy the last minutes together.

“I could've walked by myself you know, it's not like I'm an idol like you.” You reminded him, and your shoulders rising to the laughter that snuck into your throat.

“Hah, you made a point, doncha think?” he chuckled, shaking his head, “but, if people were to see you with me in public. Hiyori's probably gonna be a baby about it.” he began gritting his teeth already in the thought of it. “So I rather not even give him an opening for it, not to mention we have to go abroad again soon.”

Your eyes narrow, giving him your everyday million-dollar smile full of uncertainty, another trip? “Another important trip to attend? So suddenly? Guess that's an idol's life for you.” Releasing a burst of fake laughter to cleanse the silence shared between the two of you which Jun took part in “Yea' it's a hell-load stressful.” He chuckled softly, his reflections asking him if that was a topic to keep the conversation going with.

Then an idea came to mind, music: surely that could clear the atmosphere surrounding the two of you. “Hey, can I use your phone? to listen to some tunes, hah... Mine is out of juice.” his hands made their way to the back of his neck in embarrassment, his music taste was really ... Good, but isn't that what to anticipate from somebody so cool like himself? “I have AirPods, we can share them.” You nod and "Okay", handing over your phone and getting one of his AirPods in return. Sure, It would be fine! He wouldn't notice your playlist that was directly filled with songs that matched how you glimpsed him, it didn't have his name as the title or even had him as the cover of the playlist. It was just a single heart. And to your dismay, he ended up selecting everyone out of all the playlists you'd organized. “aha! We have extremely similar taste in music, I see you know your stuff.”

Confused about his statement, you turn to look at him anyway, with the million-dollar smile you pull with him all the time while listening to the song play, the music vibrating in your ear; clearly, that's when it hits you properly. it's his playlist, the state of panic was quick to creep on you, what if he found it weird? It only takes one button to look at the description of the playlist that had his name written on it. He was staring quite hard at your phone screen, so it added up to the suspicion he had noticed it... and he did, you'd be lying if you weren't embarrassed to the bitter core when he asked; “Hey? What's up with this playlist, it has my name on it, is it dedicated to me or something? Were you planning on me to listen to it?” he grinned.

“No, I was just— I thought making a playlist that reminded me of you was something all friends did... to be sympathetic” What an absurd answer to come up with but by luck, which must've been in your favor because your house was right up the street and there wasn't much need to say a word anymore besides the sound of silence and crickets “T—This is my stop, Jun!” you say, reluctantly pointing to the building next to your left still flustered, yet he still seemed unphased.

“Oh— alright. I'll see you soon— I guess? I'll call you while I'm aboard so maybe sooner than you'd expect~♪” he lets out a laugh, and honestly, there wouldn't be anything more to him than you offering him to stay for the night before he leaves, and not just to make a tease of you for what he saw — and he says, with the way he constantly does with everything and with that exact smug grin, “And, the Spotify thing. it's sweet in a sense... Itttttt's so you won't miss me rightttt? I think I so.”

As you look to the ground, his final words of the day being so unbelievable to believe in this type of situation, it makes you flush to a pink shade in an instant

“I think I'd like to spend the rest of the time that I have today with you, before I leave tomorrow☆ let's go, we have video games to play~!”

#THIS took longer than it should HAVE IT (╥﹏╥)#꒰ 🌸;; fics ̖́-#jun sazanami #jun sazanami x reader #enstars #enstars x reader #ensemble stars #ensemble stars x reader #enstars imagine #enstars imagines #ensemble stars imagine #ensemble stars imagines #sazanami jun

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isa-ghost · 4 years ago

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How do you hold onto hope that anything will be done with Anti or any of Sean's Egos? I fell out of love for JSE and his content about three years ago due to.. I guess just growing up? But I used to check back in from time to time because he used to promise that "Big Thing's" we're coming for his Egos. (Mind you this was before the pandemic took full effect so there wasn't that as an excuse.) I just recently checked his channel and saw he has taken a step back (Good for him and his mental health if he needs that!) from making content. Did he burn out? Is he ever going to do anything with the Ego's? I don't even know why I care at this point? I guess I just want logical answers and you are the smartest JSE fan I know? Anywho. Sorry for the rant. I'll get out of your asks. 🌶

Oookay unpacking this ask time.

Anon thanks in advance for sending this because as feisty as I felt at first, it helped me get out a lot of things I've wanted to say in this regard for a Long Long Time so, yeah. Thank you.

1. Personally I don't like the term "grew up" in reference to CCs or much of anything tbh, because you're rarely too old to enjoy the things you love. But I get what you mean regardless. Just wanted to plop out my take on that topic in general. Never think you're too old to enjoy something harmless though. :)

2. I've been shaky on hope lately, to be honest. He's not been doing a ton of videos in general lately, minus some strays and the Deltarune Chapter 2 series (I genuinely didnt expect him to play it bc he hadnt played another recently released big game I wanted to see him play but he did, and I'm super grateful bc it was killing me lowkey). Which obviously the decision not to make a ton of content at the moment is okay. He's very burnt out, he's been having severe health issues both physically and on/off mentally. The lack of content and low energy he's had lately is just disheartening if that's the right word idk. BUT!! We DO have a MASSIVE Thankmas stream coming in December to look forward to!

I miss him and some days I get kinda,, idk, bitter? About the radio silence. But unlike a lot of people that have been in and out of the JSE Community between 2018 to now, I respect his health and the fact that he's a whole ass human being and has a life and other things he is more than free to do instead whenever the fuck he wants. TLDR I think have better critical thinking skills than some people on here and Twitter lmao. And the last few years have been shit, both in the world and- at least on here -in the community (dare I mention the t*ablogs). Though lately the community is quiet and very very peaceful and enjoyable again. At least in my corner here.

The thing is, I'm not and was never here ONLY for egos. I love Sean and everything about him to bits. He made one of the worst few years I had in the 2010s infinitely more bearable and gave me an explosive amount of inspiration for creativity that I'd not really experienced before. And friends I'll never let go of.

I miss ego content. I want it to keep going. I'm extremely sad it might not continue. But as an artist, I know why he was promising big things once upon a time. When you're a creator and you have a story like this, you want to flesh it out. The motivation and muse is high. People are excited and you want to deliver. The difference with Sean is that he wanted it to be as high in quality as he could push for after all our excitement and incessant thirst for more. And his plans involved a budget and more than just himself and none of it was his main focus. It was a fun side project.

HOWEVER, big projects like this get interrupted by life, smaller projects, distractions and other things. Sean got SLAMMED by all of the above non-stop these last few years and then hit a bad burnout. I think that through it all, he hit that dreaded wall some artists with big, long term plans like the egos story hit and lost motivation. It got overhyped. Pressure got too crushing. Any plans he made to FINALLY continue the ego storyline got murdered by Covid more than once (which.. personally the term "excuse" sounds kinda shitty in reference to that imo but I digress). Making promises only to have outside variables beyond his control break them was killing him, so he just stopped promising. And people who have no respect or patience got annoying and some got straight up inexcusably vulgar, immature and hateful before dramatically fleeing the community in a tantrum like he'd personally come to their house and betrayed them. It was infuriating to watch go down.

But no matter how much it might hurt or be disappointing to see it die out, I'm here for Sean and his journey no matter where it takes him. I'm not sitting here being a stubborn beacon of anything. And I also recognize and (no matter how reluctantly) respect that we aren't OWED ego content. Never were. It was not an obligation no matter how many promises he made or how much hype he stirred up. And to be fair? We drove the hype a million miles further than he EVER did and we can't blame him for that. I hate the people who do. I'm grateful for the ego content we got and I'll cry if we ever get more. But if it's done, it's done and we just have to accept it. I, as sad as I am to, accept it. And we can always make our own.

And finally- thanks for the compliment. Idk if I'd say I'm the SMARTEST but that means a lot either way. :')

I hope this gave some answers even though it came out more of a vent/rant and PSA??

Obviously any JSE followers and mutuals please feel free to reblog this. But don't start any fights, not that I really expect there to be any?

#jacksepticeye #jse community #jse egos

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lepidopteragirl · 3 years ago

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Fanfic commentary ask for "safe among liars":

Part I:

"Hey Tubbo." Quackity says, stuffing his beanie back on as he looks up.

"Big Q." Tubbo nods, not really sure what to say.

Quackity gives an ironic little chuckle at the nickname. "Couldn't sleep?"

It's not a question.

Another crash shakes the walls, a muffled rumbling cutting off Tubbo before he even has a chance to open his mouth. He wordlessly sinks down next to Quackity on the cot, clicking the flashlight off again, leaving both of them in darkness.

"I suppose you can just pretend it's just a bad rainstorm if you close your eyes." Tubbo remarks when the rumbling goes silent, false brightness running out of every corner of the words.

"Why do you think I'm still awake?" Quackity says with a bitter laugh.

"Oh. Your Games?" Tubbo says awkwardly.

He doesn't remember thunderstorms playing a part in Quackity's games in the footage he and Ranboo watched to prepare for the Quell, but he supposed he could have missed something, misremembered. They've never really talked about each other's games, because why would they need to? Not exactly the greatest conversation topic: Hey Quackity! Tell me all about the little details of the forced deathmatch you had to fight in at 15 and all the grisly parts of it that haunt you at night!

tbh I just want to hear about what happened during those Games but shhhh

Part II:

It feels like forever, waiting for Ranboo, for Sapnap and Karl, and Tubbo's almost starting to think that none of them got out when Sapnap makes his way through the doorway. He's on crutches when he walks out, favoring an ankle and limping slightly, but Tubbo can tell the exact moment when Sapnap sees Quackity, because he throws the crutches away with a clatter, running down the ramp at almost the same speed Quackity springs to his feet and flies toward him.

They meet somewhere in the middle, clutching at each other's faces, brushing tears and loose strands of hair off cheeks, kissing and spinning in delirious circles, pressing their foreheads together while whispering soft things that Tubbo feels like an eavesdropper even witnessing. They fall to their knees together, a single puddle of saltwater and murmured I love you's in voices too tender for anyone but the two of them, clinging into each other like they were made to fit.

hiiiii aqua kissing u gently on the forehead i love talking aboutthisone sm

okay so for the first one i wont say toooo much bc the fic talking about that bit is high on my slate of new projects to work on, but, i will say that karl sapnap and quackity's storyline is loosely modeled off finnick and annie's from the books, which ive been having lots of fun with bc i have an extremely detailed outline i made when i was like 15 of a finnick and annie backstory that i never wrote, and im v much enjoying playing with it for the fiances. (q is a little more of a mix up of haymitch, finnick and a small bit of johanna too but shhh).

so sapnap was the first to win his games, and q was the next year. karlnap r childhood sweethearts from four, and q is from seven, so sapnap and q met bc of the games, and the three of them started falling in love too. but president snow/schlatt is not happy about this when somehow, they're a little too careless and news gets back to him. now they don't hear that really, no one tells them, but karl is reaped that year, and everyone knows that he shouldnt' have been. so karl goes into the games, and he's not really a fighter. he's okay, but he's not a Victor. and q and sapnap know this, forced to watch the games playout from the mentors rooms with nothing they can do. but during the games, when it really starts to get bad for karl, the artificial rain generators break, the arena floods, and well. karl is the only one left. (this also canonically happened in annie's games in the books) clearly not a great experience

and as for q and sapnap's games, i dont' have as clear of an idea, mostly bc the actual games aspect was the part that stuck in my head the least lol, but i do think that sapnap's games went similarly to finnick's in the books, and q's were more similar to haymitch's, with him figuring out a glitch in the arena or smth similar on part two ohhh cfiances ur my cfiances say it to me they r special to me. this bit was heavily inspired by the part of mockingjay where finnick and annie reunite. (i was going to put the clip here but i can't find one for the life of me but trust me okay) they make me so ill htey are so inlove i love gay ppl

send me a 500 word ish snippet from one of my fics & ill give u dvd commentary on it!!!

#hiii i love this fic sm thanks for asking about it! <#3 #ty for the ask!!! <333

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adammilligan · 5 years ago

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I think you brought this up in a previous post briefly, but how much of the ghoul do you think is Adam?

!!!! okay so long story short: i think the ghoul replicated a few of his mannerisms, but ABSOLUTELY not his personality.

i'll start with his personality. adam is, as proven by 5x18, VERY defensive over the idea that anyone can get to claim the title of "family" just because they're related to him. exhibit a:

GHOUL!ADAM: I've got brothers? [...] Well, you're my brothers. You're telling me the truth, right? [Yeah.] Then I believe you.

vs.

ADAM: So we may be blood, but we are not family. My mom is my family. And if I do my job, I get to see her again. So no offense, but she's the one I give a rat's ass about, not you.

another thing about his personality that the ghoul did not act out on is adam's complete and utter willingness to do the opposite of what people say:

SAM: I'm gonna teach you a few things.

GHOUL!ADAM: Uh, Dean said—

SAM: I know what Dean said. And I know what it's like to want revenge.

vs.

SAM: Going somewhere?

ADAM [after trying to walk out the door while no one was looking]: Out for a...beer.

^^^and like sam's line above in 4x19, here's another thing: as proven by 15x08, adam is not the revenge type.

GHOUL!ADAM: This thing killed my mom. If you're hunting it, I want in. [...] I'll do it. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. I want to do it.

vs.

ADAM [after being abandoned in hell for centuries]: [There's nothing we can say to fix that.] How about, uh...I'm sorry?

more than that, the ghoul greatly exaggerated adam's fear levels when it comes to stressful situations:

GHOUL!ADAM: No, don't tell me to take it easy, okay? My house is a crime scene, my mom's probably dead, and you two—well, you tell me to call the cops, but you got to bail before they show? So, who are you really?

vs.

ADAM: So you lied...about everything. Oh, you son of a bitch. [stands up, ready to fight] Yeah, I'm not gonna let you do this.

ANOTHER topic that the ghoul falsified is the topic of john winchester:

GHOUL!ADAM: When I was twelve. My mom had one of his old numbers, and—and after I begged her—God, 24/7—she finally called him. God, when John heard he had a son, he raced to town. I mean, he dropped everything. He drove all night. He would swing by once a year or so. He taught me poker and pool and even bought me my first beer when I was fifteen. And, uh...he showed me how to drive. Dad, he had this beautiful 'sixty-seven Impala—

vs.

ADAM: No, John Winchester was some guy that took me to a baseball game once a year. I don't have a dad. [...] Do you know how full of crap you are?Really. You see, it was me and it was my mom. That's it. She worked the graveyard shift at the hospital. I cooked my own dinners. I put myself to bed. So you can say whatever you want about our dad, but the truth is, I would have taken anything.

while the ghoul portrays a sense of hero-worship (in its efforts to lure sam and dean into a false sense of security) the truth is that adam didn't like john. at all. he was extremely bitter at him for never being around to help pay the bills and ease all the stress his mom had to go through and he was bitter because he had to grow up too fast because his mom couldn't be around because she was trying to pay the bills.

now, onto mannerisms:

while there are some things that the ghoul exaggerated to make adam seem more like a naive little kid (the open usage of [dumb-looking] facial expressions around people he didn't know, the unconfident [slow tbh] gaze/walk compared to adam's confident posture, the way his mouth always fucking hung open for some reason, etc.) there were a couple things that i think actually fit adam's character:

one: the scene where ghoul!adam puts the napkin on his lap

adam (when he wasn't being surrounded by people he didn't like/didn't know) was typically very polite. think how he acted in 5x18 in the room with zachariah: hands folded, not taking up too much space, etc. out of everything the ghoul did, this is the action that didn't seem so out-of-character for a good kid who knows how to act polite in front of strangers when he wants.

another thing: the sort of bouncing movement that the ghoul does to represent nervousness

while adam didn't do this in either 5x18 or 15x08, it's proven in 15x08 that adam is really and truly expressive around people he trusts (more facial expressions, CONSTANT usage of talking with his hands, moving around a lot [head, limbs, etc]) so if the ghoul was trying to make the point that "adam" trusted sam and dean, something like this would be the way to do it.

but while i'm on this train, let me point out the biggest difference in mannerisms that the ghoul very specifically didn't do to get sam and dean to trust it: adam's reservedness.

i've said it a few times, but adam is not one to let anything show in front of people he doesn't trust. he's quiet(er), he's reserved, and he mostly keeps his emotions (and outbursts) on a metaphorical backburner until something really pokes him where he doesn't like it (i.e. being called family by two completely random strangers). even when he talked about john to sam, his face was cold and composed and didn't let anything show. we see that again in 15x08, where he lets himself express bitterness at the winchesters (but note again how quietly he did it and how composed he was when he did it) in front of michael, his friend of many years who he trusted.

there are a total of three times adam breaks composure: one, to chew out sam and dean for having the nerve to call him family in 5x18; two, when he was yelling for help when michael was descending in 5x18; and three, when he was trying not to cry after dean apologized in 15x08. even then, the only one where he even marginally raises his voice (aside from yelling for help: that doesn't count for obvious reasons) is when he's frustrated at sam and dean. and this is something that the ghoul doesn't follow through with: instead, it makes adam erratic, emotional, prone to outbursts; it made adam act like a stereotypical teenager instead of someone who grew up too fast and learned to mask his emotions like adam does.

overall, while the ghoul did get close to a couple of things about adam, it was ultimately about the furthest copy from adam that anyone could be. in the end, the goal was to bait sam and dean with the act so it and its sister could eat them⁠—and the plan worked. so yeah!

#adam milligan #asks #thank you for asking!#kate rambles #stupid fucking ghoul we were robbed

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arrozaurus · 5 years ago

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So like, I know Rose is your fav character and all (same tbh), but what do you think of Jasper as a character? I’m only asking cuz I was thinking about how some Jasper fans take offense to Rebecca Sugar’s handling of Jasper or how they don’t like being told that they “need help” if they really, REALLY relate to Jasper. Personally I like her, I thinks she’s interesting, but I don’t relate to her; so seeing fans react so hard to this feels like deja vu to me, cuz this is exactly how people reacted to Rebecca calling Spinel a “toxic person” (like she tried to destroy everyone, literally, all cuz she was hurting over a bad relationship that wasn’t her fault). I don’t see why people get offended over a flawed character, isn’t that what makes them interesting? (Sorry for the chattiness, I just like discussing topics I find interesting. OTL)

to people that don’t know, this is the actual quote jasper fans took offense to btw:

I knew about Cartoon Network's Stop Bullying: Speak Up campaign and began to ask if there was any way I could get in touch with whoever they were working with to craft their messaging. I wanted to speak to the psychologists. Part of this had to do with how much fighting there was among the fan base, which was really distressing for me; I did not know what to do. People would be fighting over characters or stories that, because of the delay in making animation, we would have written, in some cases, several years earlier. We would have boarded these episodes a year before and finished them months before, so I couldn't do anything. When people would say, "I identify with Jasper, so nothing bad can happen to her or else I'm going to think that I'm a worthless person," I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure how to stop this infighting so I contacted the expert through some of the executives. I said, "I really care about navigating issues responsibly within the show. This is a real problem; cyberbullying is a real problem, and I want to know how to address this."

They put me in touch with Bradley Snyder, Cartoon Network's resident specialist in child well-being and bullying prevention. I learned a lot from him that informed the rest of the show. I had been living in fear, unsure what I should or shouldn't show, wondering, "Is it harmful to be depicting conflict? What's setting a bad example?" And what I learned is that the difference between bullying and interpersonal conflict is that a bully actually actively enjoys hurting someone. And all of a sudden everything became clearer, especially what I was witnessing in the fan base, because I could finally spot the difference between arguments about the story and statements that were meant to cause harm.

i think that jasper fans taking rebecca caring and worrying about doing the right thing and giving fans something they can use to recognize and fight bullying with (someone reaching to help), and turning it into a hateful message alienating them and treating them like sick people (perceiving care as a personal attack or insult, and rejecting it) is THE MOST jasper thing i've ever seen them doing ngl. to some extent it is funny, but it also offers a window to the panorama of insecurity that dominates their mindscape.

jasper is really interesting in the sense that it gives a peak to the profile not of a person that internalizes a singularity of self-contempt and turns it into admiration for others like rose, but one that explodes with an extremely acidic outer critic.

The critic can have two aspects: inner critic and outer critic. The inner critic is the part of your mind that views you as flawed and unworthy. The outer critic is the part that views everyone else as flawed and unworthy. When the outer critic is running your mind, people appear to be too awful and too dangerous to trust.

—From Surviving to Thriving

she is abrasive, judgemental, defensive, unreachable, bitter. she doesn't let herself be helped because she never learned that intimacy and trust can soothe her own loneliness, guilt and shame. her perfectionism irradiates, judging everyone with the same light that she judges herself. this impossible standard she has—white's standard, that is, the total rejection and disgust towards the concept of personhood and the belief that everyone has to fit like a cog in an inhuman supermachine called capitalism—, will always make her feel let down by everyone... and alienated from everyone.

as funny and loveable as i think she genuinely is as a character

i think she is a tremendously well painted and researched picture of a fight-type hybrid from what i know about the topic. fight-types are always hard to deal with and get through... since they tend to scapegoat other people as emotional release and reward. they believe they are right with passion. but its undoubtedly possible for her to break through that bad habit. and it's okay if you need help! you are not incapable or weak for accepting it, jasper!

she is learning.

#Anonymous

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atiny-piratequeen · 4 years ago

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Oh okay, in the story I'm writing the character who is being penetrated is the dominant one, and I think it would be really hot for her to train him gradually over time to adjust and be able to accommodate her body, moulding and conditioning his dick as well as his mouth to be able to take her, purely for her own benefit. I'm into d/s and powerplay so I assume this is why I like it. I into everything that comes with it, her "training" his dick to adjust to her pussy including being made to have his dick inside her for extended periods of time as part of his training, as well as him being told to use toys to size train himself on his own. And then slowly introducing different sizes (could be bigger or smaller, honestly I was kinda confused when you immediately started talking about smaller sizes cause in my head I was actually imagining size training to take larger orifices like how you were saying about in my first ask with larger insertions), and how it would be slightly painful/uncomfortable for him at first but she praises him and tells him how good he's being the whole time. I have some sadist tendencies I'm also into the idea of him getting to confident and trying to take more than he can handle at that moment and going to rough and hard and it being painful for him as a result and ending up "bambi walking" as you put it lol (although I feel like this is a different topic to gradual size training, and also even though I find the idea hot I don't actually want to send anyone to the hospital by fucking them, I don't find sexual injuries sexy in real life). Maybe it's weird, but I find the idea of his body literally needing time to physically adjust to her extremely hot, as well as his body being trained to take something it couldn't before and her needing to spend time on with him to help him and prep him properly to take her without being in pain and not risk hurting him if he's not ready for it, I like the vulnerability of him possibly being hurt so she has to help him prep and be gentle with him.

I'm not talking about if the partner being penetrated isn't turned on enough or isn't wet enough, or if they're uncomfortable or in pain, I'm just talking about them training their partner to take them before actually fucking them. Also, what if it's a demon au like with your fic and they literally have a different biology to humans and their genitals are different and so their dick needs to be trained to get used to it (this is not what I'm currently writing, it's just another thought I had).

Obviously using a toy that's way too small can be uncomfortable and cause injury but like you said, that's also true of someone who just decides to insert a 12 inch dildo up their ass no?

"there’s no real reason to train someone’s dick for insertion" "i suppose the only 'training’ you can do is with fleshlights that are a bit small for your dick size but like…thats a bit of an extra step when you should be prepping your partner" Idk tho isn't it kind of weird to prescribe what is the "right" way to do things or what "should" be done or that there's no reason to do something because surely that is down to the people involved and what they like/prefer? It seems you're saying that size training is necessary if you want to have sex with a toy/dildo that is larger than average? And quite a few people liked it so I'm assuming they agree, but what I don't get is what do people do if someone with a larger than average dick and/or their partner don't like or want these roles? Like I assume this must have happened before? You said that words of praise are important but what if the other partner doesn't particularly like to receive praise and would rather give it? What if the person with the larger dick likes the idea of being trained by their partner more than their partner being trained? What if the person being penetrated prefers to be the one to give foreplay and help prep their partner for sex and the big dicked person prefers to receive foreplay and be taken care of and be gently and slowly prepped by their partner?

Like I like having vaginal sex and I'm not into painful sex or receiving pain during sex but if I meet a partner who happens to have a larger dick, does that mean I have to do this if I want to have sex comfortably? Honestly I hate the idea of needing to be "trained" or "prepped" to take someone's dick, just thinking about it is kind of making me feel sick to be honest. I would much rather be the one doing the training and prepping, I want that role instead, but I still want to be penetrated at the same time, so where does that put me?

It sucks that it's not called size training, because for better or for worse the more edgy or obscure the kink or tag is the more attention and notes it tends to get and size related kinks in particular are usually very popular. I guess it just sucks that I see so many writers writing for these kinds of kinks like with your demon au fic and they get so many notes and comments from people who just love it praising them and gushing about how hot it is and it sucks to know that I'll probably never get that kind of attention because like your saying it isn't possible for me to write those kinks in reverse or if I can it won't appeal to as many people because there's no real reason for the act or doesn't make sense like it does the other way around and then I just, feel like I can't compete because I can't write stuff like that or write those kinks because it doesn't work that way around. And then I feel bad for feeling bad or for wanting that same kind of popularity or attention because I feel like I'm being ungrateful or bitter and I don't know how to deal with it. But thank you for talking to me.

I...m not gonna lie like the end of this ask really has a kind of vibe that rubs me the wrong way tbh.

I was going to try and tackle the several points here but on fucking god the way you came at me over this and how shit in here is worded really comes off as fucking rude. I never said every single time someone takes someone larger they need to be trained for it. Your first ask was literally "what is size training" not "does someone always need size training to take a larger person"

People always write things that may not be 'common' or have a specific name for it but the fucking passive aggressive (whether intentional or not) "I'll never get as many notes as you/people who write it like xyz" really rubs me the wrong way and felt like a fucking punch in the face to someone i was trying to help in earnest based on the questions you asked me.

Write whatever you want. But you dont go into someones fucking ask box and basically guilt trip them because of note count just because of a difference in the content you make and how you make it and the way readers consume it.

I cannot tell you how many times I've written something maybe my readers have never seen before or dont quite have a popular niche but people end up loving it. If you're that passionate about your work, write it the fuck anyway but don't ever go into someone's box sideways with the way you spoke to me at the end there.

By the way, what you're talking about sounds closer to cock warming with a submissive male and possible orgasm denial. Because like i said in both asks, you cant really train a dick for tighter things. If HES too uncomfortable taking a partner thats too tight, his partner should be looser. If your female character sits on his dick to get him used to her vagina, thats still her body slowly loosening up and eventually it'll be easier on him. And obviously size training isnt needed in every case and people are different. I never said anything was a hard line in how sex should happen.

#bruh ngl this shit fucking killed my whole vibe and ruined a bit of my night #the absolute fuck is that tone and wording what the fuck?#asks #anontiny

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docbrownstudies · 4 years ago

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I feel like a dick now because I honestly sent in that question "how do you have what you have" when I was being bitter last night about not being able to afford to have a room like yours but you answered me so kindly so I'm sorry. Please forgive me for being such an asshole.. I love your blog tbh and your space is so beautiful and organized. I'm glad you do something that you love for work and please send my untainted love to your cats💜💜 I'm sorry again and I realize things don't come easy to people and that you work very hard to support yourself and I was just being jealous and insensitive. I see your effort and I appreciate it and tho I hate the Egypt I live in now, I felt proud seeing your pinned post this morning where you mentioned you researched stuff about ancient Egypt. Please know that I respect you and that I'm sorry I was such a sore poor bitch last night. Much love to you and your nice, polite, kind heart💜

my friend! it’s absolutely all right, and you don’t have to apologize. thank you for messaging me, and thank you for all your kind words! again, there’s absolutely no need to apologize - i completely understand where you’re coming from. i post pictures of my study space, my notes, and other things to hopefully inspire others to find beauty in the mundane — something as simple as a desk, or a page of notes, can turn into a welcoming space.

i think the studyblr community (and me) often forgets that you don’t need fancy pens ordered from online, expensive notebooks from boutiques, or tons of colorful pictures on your wall to make that space and those notes you take a safe haven for your mind and for your heart. i love being in this studyblr community because you get to see everyone’s little sanctuary - whether they study at a store, a cafe, on their bed, on their porch, or at their desk, you see where everyone gets to learn. spaces filled with plants or full of sunlight, little nooks in their houses with a tiny little table, and so many different types of pens and pencils.

my space is like that for me. for the past few years, i’ve moved around a lot, and i was never able to... DECORATE. to make my desk look and feel like me. hang pictures. make it permanent. finally, now, in my own little space, i’ve been adding things (a lot of it thrifted) to make me excited to sit down and work. i’m EXTREMELY grateful i have this space and i’m very fortunate, and i’ll never, ever take it for granted.

i guess i hope, for you, that you have a space like that, no matter what it looks like. somewhere that you feel safe and at home, where you can read books, or write down recipes, or take notes on cool topics. a fun little place for you to enjoy learning ♡ and if you don’t have that now, i hope you get that space one day, and soon, because everyone deserves a little sanctuary to study and be happy.

and on the topic of egypt - your country has an astounding and monumental history full of fascinating moments, relics, and people, and i’m SO in love with learning about it. i’m such an amateur and i didn’t study it in college but i’m doing my absolute best to take notes and research as much as i can. i’m reading books and articles and websites and taking free courses online and just submerging myself in ancient egypt. it’s INCREDIBLE. i realize that ancient egypt, and all the things i’m learning about, might differ greatly from what the country looks like today — i just hope that you and your loved ones, above all, remain safe, healthy, and well ♡ and that you find a safe study space, too.

please message me if you ever want to talk! there are no hard feelings whatsoever and i’m so, so glad you messaged me again. have a good day, my friend!

#anonymous #ask #♡#i hope this all sounds okay #i kinda word vomited #but like... i'm SO happy you messaged me #take care my friend ♡

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zekedms · 4 years ago

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The most absurd shit anyone has ever said to me on Tumblr

Okay I never published this years ago because I know people would have read it like I was being bitter and petty in response to that, buuuuut I’m finally publishing (okay, quoting - I’ve left the original in my inbox all this time so I can have proof if someone ever asks for who it really was and while this person is awful singling their blog out is not productive) this absolute absurd fucking response I got from ThatAutismFeel like 6 years ago after a submission because I want to and I wonder if anyone else got awful takes like this. I guess uh, let me know in the comments or something! The blog was still pretty new at the time and I’d submitted a bit about not feeling like you have a special interest then realizing you’d just spent 7 hours on the same activity for the third day in a row.

TBH one piece of this is actually still really angering but most is just baffling. TW: Rape, though, for that bit.

This person is no longer listed as a mod for them, so that’s good, but honestly I questioned their entire judgement as a group after this because...well, you’ll see lol. Either way I immediately quit reblogging anything of theirs and told my friends ‘cause like...haha, wow. Bonus fun fact: this person posted on their blog about how they hoped all the people submitting to TAF die! While still an active mod!

hi! my name is mod m&m from thatautismfeel, you made a submission but you dont seem to identify as autistic. you are also far older than the majority demographic and appear to be predatory towards victims of rape (you enjoy oyasumi punpun the main character is a rapist and you want to counsel rape victims?) and you are studying psychology, an inherently violent topic. i wanted to tell you this personally and that your submit was rejected for these reasons. thank you!

Lemme just...break this down because this is just astonishing. Fucking remarkable.

you made a submission but you dont seem to identify as autistic.

Guess talking about it all the time doesn’t count if you don’t put it first thing in your header. Not in the middle like I did, FIRST AND FOREMOST. No words ONLY AUTISM.

you are also far older than the majority demographic

Damn, I never thought I’d be accused of being too old to be autistic by an autism blog. Autism Speaks, Autism Society, National Autistic Society, anything created by the federal government as soon as I turned 25, sure, but an autism blog?

Seriously though, this is the internet and a page talking about autism experiences with no indicators of any demographic besides “autistic.” There was never a “21 and under” in the abouts, people’s ages don’t pop up with their submissions. Absurd. But then it went from bad opinions to “Wow, you’re actually just a bad person aren’t you?”

appear to be predatory towards victims of rape (you enjoy oyasumi punpun the main character is a rapist and you want to counsel rape victims?)

You know what, this is actually just so fucking offensive as survivor of sexual violence that I don’t even want to make a joke about it, especially as I was already in advocacy work at the time. But “A character did something bad that was portrayed as bad, you like the thing the character is in, therefore you like the bad thing” is an extremely...what’s the word here? “Online” take?

you are studying psychology, an inherently violent topic

Back to the regular bad takes but also ironically ableist. Did they get their talking points from Tom Cruise? Are they still mad someone called them out on malingering? Do they think actually nobody needs therapy and it’s all a lie and suggesting any sort of treatment for a disorder is bad because this person is all about incredible amounts of ironic ableism?

i wanted to tell you this personally and that your submit was rejected for these reasons. thank you!

They also sent a second ask saying they would explain any of that, esp. the “inherent violence” of psychology which of course I never got a response to.

I thought about writing to TAF to be like “Hey, uh, you know this person is sending incredibly shitty responses right?” but then I figured it’s just gonna get intercepted by said mod or they were all good with this person’s awful takes, so pointless either way.

#thatautismfeel #actuallyautistic #absolute horrible takes #tw:rape #tw:ipv

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oofchris · 4 years ago

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⌠ MADISON BAILEY, 19, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, CHRISTINA ' CHRIS ' ANDERSON! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in MACGYVER SURVIVAL SKILLS & NAVIGATION + PROTECTION & ENFORCEMENT; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( speckles of dried paint on fingers, cruising round on a longboard, joints tucked behind ears wrapped in colourful papers ). when it’s the ( sagittarius )’s birthday on 12/27/2001, they always request their PHO from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ mochi, 24, she/her, gmt ⍀

@gallagherintro

hi uwu, here is a new baby who is not very baby but still a lil baby

. . . it got quite long so tldr; she’s a stubborn art hoe from california who’s dad died so she’s come to gallagher bc her mom is a professor in the p+e major <3

parallels

wyldstyle — the lego movie: 85%

mulan — mulan: 84%

nymphadora tonks — harry potter: 83%

princess fiona — shrek: 83%

robin buckley — stranger things: 82%

here is a full list

HISTORY

potential triggers — car accident, parental death, divorce

so she’s grown up on on the west coast p much ??? her whole life. her mom worked as a bodyguard for sum famous peeps, dad was doctor but occasionally also a medic in the field — they didn’t always see eye to eye and divorced when chris was around nine. it was mostly to do with chris’ future like whether she’d go to spy prep school and follow in their footsteps and her dad didn’t want that for her so they disagreed, and she lived with him instead, living a more or less normal life. her mom then moved away when the opportunity to become a professor at gallagher presented itself, so they’ve really not been close at all since then

lived fairly comfortably, either way her dad had money and her mom sent support too. her father definitely earns less from no longer being in the spy world but he vowed to leave that behind when he divorced his wife and other than a few people from his past popping up unannounced, he kept that vow. they moved around a couple times in order to keep chris safe, and especially when someone did find them ( even if it was friendly ) but mostly grew up in california, and a lot of it is to do with the fact chris loves it there so much

but chris knows about the spy world, what her mom does and the type of school she works at, but it never interested her enough to try and reach out or fight her dad on it as she enjoyed her life

she remembers her mom as someone stubborn, argumentative, volatile which is the opposite of her dad who was patient, loving and endearing — so it’s a no brainer for her, she loves her dad a lot and he gave up a lot for her while her mom gave chris up for that world, her job, etc aka nada

BUT her dad died in a car accident recently that she was also in but was only a bit beaten up at most ( has some cuts / new scars, learn more below ) leaving her mother to swiftly pick her up and enrol her into gallagher, more to keep an eye on her than anything.

her mom chose her majors and some of her classes for her, which chris is mad about, but mainly bc looking at what ones were offered she’d def pick macgyver anyway, and her mom argued p+e was a step into the physical and combat side of thing without being too heavy on it ( tho it’s the major she teaches so she’s biased and chris just thinks she wants to be closer ) but tbh ? chris just doesn’t want her mom to be right whatsoever or have the satisfaction of thinking she knows her daughter in anyway at all but she knows if she went undecided she’d probably pick those up again in her second year so she’s just ‘ going with it ‘ begrudgingly as if she has no choice

PERSONALITY

extremely stubborn, which she gets from her mom, would rather ruin her life than go back on something or admit she was wrong, if she apologises for something she'll find a way to do it where she's not actually ever saying the words ' im sorry ' or ' i was wrong ' and would rather start another argument than do that — but obviously she loves other people apologising to her

she is generally nice ??? i just think she can be irritated easy ?????? like a bit of a hot head tho she'd argue she's chill, she is mostly chill but likes to debate, be right, and can be very my way or the high way at times — i’ll figure her out more as i play her bc i can’t tell if she’s mean or not but i don’t think so, just a bit tougher than she needs to be

in my head she’s like a seb/luc hybrid so . . . take that as you will

doesn’t dislike gallagher ( mostly ) but thinks all the legacies — even tho she technically is one, she doesn’t identify as one — are entitled spoiled brats and should get their heads out of their ass, doesn't like that being a legacy is even a thing though a lot of it definitely comes from her bitter resentment towards her mom and how she'd have rather leave her and her dad than leave the spy life hbsjhbsjhb also i think bc of her mom she has level 5 clearance which . . . she’s not complaining about but definitely complaining that clearance levels are even a thing, she’s gonna contradict herself a lot, i feel it

MISC

i THINK she’s only arrived, like, at the start of spring semester tbh, she wasn’t here for fall so she is new new

halfway through her first year at stanford studying art alongside film and media as a minor before her mom brought her to gallagher — which she's kind of not happy about like she understands her dad didn't want it for her, she also wanted to just stay in california but the only family she has now is on her mom's side.

she's still enrolled at stanford, though dropped her minor, and is studying online for her major as she's made it clear to her mom she doesn't want to be a spy so she pulled a few strings with the stanford admission board to allow her studying to continue ( idek if this is allowed i'm just pretending her mom is powerful enough to do it ) — it was a big reason chris agreed to come to gallagher, not that she had much of a choice, bc she wants her ‘ normal ‘ life and her ‘ normal ‘ degree regardless of being at a spy school

only her mom calls her christina and she actually hates it so pls dont unless you are trying to get on her bad side — also she probs avoids her mom like the plague so don’t bring that up either

often covered in little cuts and bruises from her skating but she’s got two fresh / soon to be scars on the left side of her face on the top of her cheek bone and on her jaw from a shards of glass when she was in the car accident — she is the type to pick her scabs until they bleed again, too, so i picture her with loads of little scars especially on her hands, elbows and knees

she did learn self defense from her dad growing up and she has studied jiujitsu and akido since she was around thirteen, she also boxes but it's more casual like for stress and stuff rather than something she takes overly seriously

she likes surfing, diving, enjoys the kind of world that exists underwater where it's just peaceful and calm so she will be around the lake a lot / at the pool if you need to find her

she’s 5’3 and never wears heels

pansexual and while it might change i wanna say she's not overly sexual, like wouldn't have hookups for no reason ?? but potentially some one night stands or drunken mistakes or whatever. doesn't look down on sluts but i think she doesn't have the most confidence in that area, or in self esteem in general, so she'll ??? only really have a frequent thing if she feels Hella comfortable

the type to have crushes tho, but not act on them at all bc again self esteem issues

bit of a tomboy, skater, stoner — though she wouldn't identify as one — really loves movies and can be a proper filmophile, probably has more film soundtracks on her spotify unwrapped than she does actual artists and don't get her started on Women— in film bc she won't stop

very active, sporty, probs trying to parkour around campus

enjoys painting, sketching, simply creating things — often is filming, riding a longboard, working on some kind of little project she'll take too seriously but won't show people until it's perfect

is a little pretentious at times ??? doesn't necessarily mean to be but if it's a debate on a topic she's passionate about ( such as art, film, etc ) then she will try to ensure you know just how knowledgeable she is on it, she's not afraid to flex but she wouldn't outwardly flex for no reason if that makes sense

she also . . . feels p dumb at gallagher tbh, a lot of her strengths lie in her creativity and art and now she’s very ??? wtf am i doing ?? but she will continue to act like she knows !

can speak english, french, german and spanish all pretty fluently, italian well enough to get by, knows a bit of japanese bc she’s . . . a weeb sometimes but also bc of her martial arts

CONNECTIONS

FAMILY / CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ( SPY ) — so this would more than likely be before her parents divorce, but she’s not against keeping in contact a little if she liked you, it could have also been a family who reached out to her dad afterwards because while he’d move away / hide his location promptly after, he would still help them if they needed it ( 1 / ? )

FAMILY / CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ( NON SPY ) — same thing, but would have probably been after the divorce, just normal families that her and her dad knew, neighbours, work colleagues, school friends, would more than likely have also needed to be west coast sorta area but if your muse was there briefly, they could have kept in contact once they’d left ( 0 / ? )

LEGACIES — she potentially . . . won’t like you if you’re a legacy and you are egotistical / assholey even a tiny bit, bc that basically proves her argument that they’re ALL like that jshbjsbjs but i wud like her to have legacies that she . . . hates that she likes as well, i think she’ll realise p quickly most are fine lmao

ART HOES — whether they’re into painting as well and they do it together or they let her paint them !

SMOKE / SKATE BUDS — one or the other, both, whatever !!

A HOOK UP THAT’S EITHER ALREADY HAPPENED OR GOING TO — in my head she’s a bit ??? w sex tbh so maybe plot this out a bit more but can be a ?? positive relationship or a negative one idm

CRUSHES !!!!!!!!! — she’s not even been at the school long but im certain she probs has some already

i’m not good w wanted connections so pls just hmu if u have ideas and as usual like dis for plots / jus message me, i’ll be on discord !! if you don’t have/use discord just message me first on tumblr bc otherwise i wont realise jhbsjhbjhbsj

#GOD ITS SO LONG #gallagher:intro

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chocolate-parfait · 4 years ago

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Matchup for @bigwintter

bigwintter , dear, tumbrl ate your ask away and I can't seem to be able to tag you for whatever reason. I hope you'll be able to see this nonetheless!

I match you up with... William!

You two are the embodiment of the dark academia aesthetic tbh✨

During your first encounter, you mostly keep to yourself, but Will can tell that you two are, in a way, similar to each other. It all starts with casual and sporadic encounters where the general ambiance is “Oh God, I’m talking to THE William Shakespeare”, but all that quickly dissolves through time. The writer instantly takes a liking to you, a normal reaction to your genuine love for literature, but the more he talks to you, the more he realizes there’s something more to it.

Your aura kinda works like a magnet. It’s in your little gestures, the way you carry yourself, completely at ease despite a 200 years-wide gap between your time and your new surroundings. Most of all, he’s genuinely amazed each time you give him deep and psychological insight about a recently published novel or sometimes even a piece he has written himself. Sometimes you stumble a bit and don’t exactly know how to convey your thoughts in a precise way, but this makes him all the more curious(he finds it very cute, actually). He truly wonders how come you’re able to give a fascinatingly knowledgeable answer to whatever topic the two of you are discussing, and this ignites an always increasingly burning fire deep inside of him.

He tries (unless SOMEONE cough Theo cough forcefully kicks him out) to visit the mansion more often, other times he invites you over to his residence to have a nice chat over some tea. If you feel like it, he even plans some rendezvous in the city to show you around. It’s very nice of him and he acts like a total gentleman! But... some problems may arise when he starts showing his overly possessive side.

Since you know your fair share of information when it comes to psychology and all that may come in handy to diagnose someone with being a yandere (and whatever type of mental illness Shakespeare has), you notice the signs early on, so at least you’re not completely caught off guard. As to how to act next... well, that’s pretty much up to you. You can ask Comte for protection for the rest of the month and then go back home, or you can try and talk it out with him if you prefer.

Since this is a matchup, let’s pretend you chose to stay in the past and confront him about it. You go to his house and he’s acting like usual, although there’s a glint in his eyes that sends a shiver down your spine. When you finally bring up his weird behaviors a switch in his mind flips the other way. It’s a really intense moment because as he’s explaining all the reasons why he deemed it necessary to “protect” you from others, he suddenly realizes that at the root of the whole problem there’s only his genuine affection towards you. But would he act the same way with Vincent? No, of course not. Then, there must be something else to his feelings, right? And the word he had written so many times, the main theme of most of his stories, comes crashing down on him. Love.

He doesn’t outright say it, but it’s subtle and you already know about it. Once more, you can decide whether to correspond to his feelings right away or wait a little longer, just know that you’ll be in for a lot of therapy sessions. This man needs three things: affection, a LOT of reassurance, and someone to show him how healthy relationships work. You can provide him with all three, and though he might reject the idea of change (perhaps even in a violent manner), with time and care he’ll come to understand where the boundaries of a relationship lie. Surely, there will be times in which he falls prey to his darkest thoughts, but the progress is admirable.

His recovery aside, he’s truly one of the kindest lovers out there, getting slightly rough only during horny times (he wouldn’t be able to withstand the guilt of having hurt you), and he never misses out on important dates and small details. There is a lot of unspoken understanding between you two, and with just a glance, you can convey everything that words wouldn’t suffice to describe. Regardless, he still loves composing little poems on the spot just for you (he later writes them down in a thick book that he gifts you for your birthday), pressing a soft kiss to your lips when he’s done reciting his small part.

As a couple, you pretty much have all the freedom in the world. Living in a house far from prying eyes and unwelcome visitors, you can enjoy your much-beloved solitude from the rest of the world. Even in the same house, he will eventually come to respect your wish for independence and alone-time. Though there is a lot of work behind it, you and William finally reach an equilibrium that few couples would be able to maintain for long.

Second choice: Dazai

Despite being quite the trickster, an unprovoked Dazai is a person that enjoys quiet spaces and his fair share of alone time. You two could definitely get along pretty well, but getting past the acquaintances-who-have-some-idle-chat-every-now and then phase? That could be slightly harder.

Everyone has their bad days, and depending on the person, some may want to let the whole world know about their feelings, whether others prefer keeping everything inside. Well, Dazai is definitely the second case. Just as usual, he puts on his happy mask and clown nose in the poor attempt of shifting his focus on his surroundings, but ever so often his facade slips off completely. Be it a glance, an unhappy comment or the sudden quietness, you pick up on it quite easily.

There are many strong personalities that leave their lasting impressions in the mansion. For each you could find at least 10 adjectives to describe them without you even being close, but what about Dazai? At first glance, he seems like one of the most dual characters in the vampiric group; one side of him is warm and caring, completely in the norm, but most things he says leave a certain bitter aftertaste. One could describe him as a breeze, but you had noticed that this warm spring breeze could turn into a chilly autumn one in the blink of an eye.

He’s seemingly a superficial man, but many little details convince you otherwise. Spending a whole month in the past with no one to talk to was out of the question, and mystery man here is the tragic hero that had piqued your curiosity the most so... why not give it a try? You would have to approach him first (he reaches out to people mainly when he sees they're struggling with their emotions), and with the right words here and there his fake smile will crumble away. (you don't necessarily need to be an expert speaker, he's a smart one and will understand what you mean)

Of course, he won't be giving in too easily, but he's quick to notice your genuine interest and curiosity towards him. You'll be going back in a month, so even if he let you see a snippet of who he truly was... it wouldn't be such a bad thing, right? Unfortunately for him, all the romance he has ever experienced in his life was tied to his and his partner's mental health, so with you there to help him out with his emotional state, he's quick to fall for you. (these aren't really spoilers,, its just facts about irl dazai but idk how much they decided to keep in his route tbh, I've only read a general summary)

On the other hand, it may take you some time to realize your feelings, and sometimes you wonder whether your initial reason to get close to him was just your love for psychology. With time, that will all become a secondary matter, for thus you'll start seeing him as a true friend, and perhaps something more.

Oftentimes you hang out in his room and have long discussions while sharing some tea and sweets together. Topics may vary from analysis of fictional characters to more philosophical matter, and a couple dumb jokes here and there: other times the room falls in the most comfortable of silences, the atmosphere warm and relaxed.

Dazai definitely doesn't mind your goofy side, he actually enjoys it quite a lot. You, him, and Arthur could team up and become the most annoying trio of the mansion, much to Isaac's dismay. It's very clear to the Englishman though, that you two have something going on, although you don't seem to be aware of it. He will start teasing you and dropping heavy hints until Dazai eventually confronts him about it.

When it dawns on you, it doesn't take long before you and Dazai confess to each other and become a couple. If you're both mutually interested then why wait? Your straightforward nature plays a big part in this, despite your communication skills. Dazai secretly admires this aspect of yours, and if you question him about it, he will admit it without embarrassment and the fondest of looks.

As partners, you have a very mature relationship, and neither of you has a problem with meeting the other's needs. The Japanese writer will always respect your wishes and opinions, but every now and then, mostly at nighttime, he will crave your touch and comfort. Old habits die hard, and it's not easy to completely let go of one's past, that is why he seeks your warmth. Offer him your lap, pepper his face with delicate kisses, tenderly stroke his hair; whatever you have to offer will be more than enough for him. These are very intimate and romantic moments between the two of you, in which your bond gets stronger and stronger, although through quiet reassurance and support.

He doesn't necessarily mind PDA, but he'd rather you keep your most explicit gestures to the privacy of your rooms. Nevertheless is a man of great calm and patience, and he's a great actor, too; don't be too surprised if he decides to tease you in public. Generally speaking though, he'll stick to basic stuff like hand-holding and such.

You have dates in the most random of places! The termae, the gazebo, on the riverbank or in some obscure neighborhood of the city. He loves strolling around with you, and he'll get so lost in the feeling of your hand in his that once he snaps out of it he doesn't realize where your feet have taken you.

Another activity that you two could end up doing together is drinking. He takes you to his favorite bar, where he orders his favorite drink, cigarette in hand (he smokes only if you're okay with it) while looking impossibly hot. You can order yourself a beer and then you can have whatever discussion you feel like having. He is not one to judge, and will happily comply and talk about all topics. Whether it's a book you've read or something that happened to someone in the mansion, he will quietly listen to you as he sips on his whiskey or brandy or whatever, adding a thoughtful comment here and there.

#400 followers special #answered

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