#it’s You.The. The one. It. You. The. It. The it. The it the

[bueckers]

𝓓𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐍 ━━━ 𝐏𝐁

summary: BLURB! after a tense argument with paige, the two of you return to the team and let’s just say she’s forgiven.

warning(s): not proofread, sexual tension, face sitting/pussy eating, sexual speculation, angst if you squint?

pairing: paige bueckers x fem!reader

“Where’s Paige?” Jana read aloud, her voice a slight mumble as she lifted herself from crouching down. She poked her bottom lip out, looking around the room for a moment. As if on cue, Paige walked in behind you—her hand on the small of your back and the other rubbing the back of her neck, avoiding eye contact with her teammates.

KK was the first to notice, her eyes widening slightly before she nudged Aubrey with her elbow. “There’s Paige and (Y/N),” she teased, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

The walk-in was painfully slow and guilty-looking, Paige wearing a smirk as she trailed behind you. “Why are you guys looking at us like that?” you chuckled out obliviously, not aware of your frame in view of the livestream on KK’s phone. Shorts untied, a small shake in your legs, and your hair in its messiest state—you didn’t look ideal.

Jana’s eyes lit up with mischief as she looked between the two of you. “No reason at all.” To be fair, you and Paige had been arguing in front of everyone after the event, and even though they couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was about, they could tell it was quite heated. Everyone had then decided to head back to Jana’s apartment afterwards, in which Paige piped up with a, ‘nah, we’ll be back later.’ Now here you were after disappearing for nearly an hour—back and definitely better.

KK glanced up from her phone, the same look everybody shared on her face—amusement and curiosity. “Look who decided to show up! They was arguing earlier, y’all.” she teased, filling the fans in and holding up her phone to show the live comments streaming in to Paige.

Paige took a seat next to KK, her smile only growing wider as she read what people were saying. “Nah, nah. We good now. I handled that,” she rubbed her hands together, mumbling the last part as if no one would catch it. Aubrey burst out into laughter, Ayana clasping her hand on her back as they both tried to catch their breath.

Jana’s eyes twinkled, arms crossed as if she were some therapist. “Care to share with the class how exactly you ‘handled’ things, Paige?”

The blonde looked you up and down, licking her lips, and although you had moved slightly out of frame at this point, everyone knew it was still you standing there.

The argument had started at the Nike event, where Paige, caught up in the buzz and attention, seemed to forget the line between networking and flirting. You stood quietly by her side, watching as she charmed her way through a crowd of girls who so obviously wanted her, feeling increasingly sidelined and ignored. The team had caught sight of your bickering and some even had to listen to it during the car ride home.

After finally settling and giving Paige the silent treatment, prepared to just enjoy the rest of the evening with you guys’ friends, Paige wasn’t going for it. She couldn’t have fun or be at ease while you were mad at her, which resulted in her telling everyone you’d be back in a bit, and taking you back to her apartment.

Paige knelt before you, her hands looped through your legs and harshly gripping your thighs as she buried her face between them. Her warm breath sent shivers through your body, her tongue flicking and her lips sucking every juice out of you.The tension from the argument melted away in the heat of her touch, replaced by the need to let go.

Looking up at you with a hunger in her eyes, Paige stopped her movements and whispered, “Say it.”

Confused, you met her gaze, feeling her hot breath against your skin. “Say what?” you managed, your voice barely above a whisper.

Paige’s lips curled into a playful smirk as she pressed a gentle kiss against your center, sending a jolt of desire through you. “Say you forgive me,” she murmured. She couldn’t continue if you would still be mad at her after this.

You hesitated on her request, and Paige could practically hear her heart beating. But with her below you like this, hair pushed back, lips shiny from your juices, there was no doubt you’d grant her that forgiveness and more. Your fingers found their way into her soft hair, gently guiding her closer as you whispered, “I forgive you, Paige.”

Shaking her head a bit, the blonde was awaken from her daydream. “Let’s just say we came to an understanding.”

Azzi chimed in, not missing a beat. “An understanding that involved a lot of… communication?”

The group laughed as Paige clapped her hands, pointing at Azzi as if she were right on the money. “Yes, that.”

KK held up her phone again, reading aloud from the livestream. “Listen to this: ‘Why does Paige look so smug? 😂’ and ‘Did Paige and (Y/N) just disappear together? LOL.’ Y’all not slick.”

You felt your cheeks heat up as you glanced at Paige, who seemed completely unfazed. “Okay, okay, enough,” you said, trying to stifle your own laughter. “Can we move on now?”

[stillmonsterz]

birds of a feather

this is part two to brave it together.

pairing: jay x reader, jake x reader genre: smut, angst, slight humor summary: after your eventful week, you assumed that life would go back to normal. instead, things only become even more complicated and tangled. your feelings for jay continue morphing, and his treatment of you only make you feel even more confused. as you attempt to balance your newfound social life, your complex intrapersonal relationships, and the mystery surrounding mina's suicide, you begin to wonder if there's anyone in the school you could trust. contains: unprotected sex, dubcon, drug usage, alcohol usage, manipulation, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder, infidelity, exhibitionism, name calling word count: 28.9k taglist: @moon7jay @ui11iane @bambangan @belowbun @sseobonggs

You were lying in Jay’s arms, and you were scared to make a sound. If you did, you felt as though he would remember you were there and tell you to leave. But right now, as his cheek rested on your bare shoulder, you didn’t want to go.

After you had gone to his room, you had drunk exactly one shot of the whiskey he had promised you before he was all over you again. You’d had sex twice more in his bedroom after your time on the roof. It was a blur to you, a hazy deluge of memories: being spanked, thrown around in whatever position he wanted you in, hands gripping you tight enough to leave an array of bruises more vibrant than the last set, kisses full of venom.

Jay clung to you after he came the third time, your back flush against his chest so that you were spooning. You basked in his attention, in the scent of Jay’s sweat mixed with his cologne.

You didn’t want to move your head, so you had a limited view of his room. In the dark, you could see his nightstand, whereupon a half-empty package of cigarettes, a box of condoms, some scattered books, and assorted jewelry lay. The condoms surprised you, because Jay hadn’t used any with you.The floor was messy, with clothes strewn haphazardly on the plush carpet. Some of those were yours. You could see band posters stuck all over, some you recognized and some you didn’t. The room was gradually becoming brighter, and you dimly realized that the sun was rising. Already? It was November, meaning that it had to be approaching morning-time. 

“Jay,” you muttered. He made a muffled noise and shifted, pressing his cheek against you. “Jay, it’s morning.”

“Mm…”

“I should go.”

Some part of you wanted him to tell you to stay, but instead Jay whispered, “One more round?” HIs hands started to caress your waist again.

You sighed. “No.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jay groaned and released you, sitting up in his bed. His hair was messy, and by the light filtering in through his curtains, you could see that you had left scratches on his back and shoulders. The cigarette mark you had made last night still lingered on his arm. “You’re still such a prude,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“What if someone catches us?” You sat up as well, mustering the urge to stand. Your legs were terribly sore, and when you tried to stand up they shook like a fawn’s. 

Jay watched you as you collected your clothes from the ground and put them on mechanically.  “You’re right,” he said in a strange voice. “It’s 7, so I doubt anyone in Stoker will be up anyways. If you take the back exit…down the back set of stairs…take a right…you should be fine.” 

“Thanks,” you mumbled, fumbling with the buttons of your jacket. All you’d had to eat yesterday was a samosa and three cigarettes, with scant sleep in between, and it was starting to take a toll on your body. The cold that had been brewing was starting to rear its ugly head, and you made a note to get your hands on some cough syrup. You were glad that you wore shoes you could slip into, because you doubted that you could be trusted to tie shoelaces.

Jay sighed and beckoned for you. “C’mere,” he said. “You’re so helpless. You’re like a newborn or something.”

You shuffled over to the bed, sitting on the edge. “You have sex with newborns often?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Jay fixed your buttons for you, one by one. “Don’t get cute with me.” 

“Sorry.”

“And don’t be sarcastic, either. It doesn’t look good on you.” Jay squeezed your cheeks between his thumb and middle finger, pulling it this way and that as though to inspect your features. “You look like shit.”

“It’s been a long weekend,” you say dryly. 

“Hm.” Jay looked into your eyes for a few seconds too long before releasing you. “Well, get out of here. Don’t need Jake having a stroke because I’ve defiled his new white whale.” Jay chuckled, his usual smug expression returning. “On second thought, maybe you should stay. I could call Jakey, he could come over here, and I could show him just how good you are at taking my-,”

“Goodbye,” you said, pulling away from him and standing upright. Just the sound of Jake’s name made you feel odd. Not guilt, not shame, but another emotion you couldn’t place. Something nasty, something that felt like tar trickling down your throat. 

“Bye, little prude,” Jay said. “Oh, where are my manners?” He got out of bed, shivered at the cold, and opened the door for you. His eyes glittered with their usual spark of malice, and it made you wonder what he was going to do. You didn’t want to stick around to find out, so you nodded your head and took a step from his room. 

There was a tug at your jacket’s collar, and Jay whispered your name. You turned your head to meet his gaze once more. “Probably don’t have to tell you this,” he began, eyes trained on you,  “but don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

“Who would I tell?” you replied quietly. 

Jay smiled, his dimple adding an uncharacteristic boyishness to his otherwise chiseled face. “Good answer,” he said, “but that’s not a yes. Don’t tell anyone we fucked, alright?”

You looked down at the ground. For some reason, it still hadn’t sunk in that you had voluntarily slept with Jay. Several times, at that. 

“Look at me,” he said, and you lifted your head. “You won’t tell a soul?”

“I won’t,” you said softly. 

Jay nodded and let go of your jacket. “You’re so obedient,” he muttered. “You’ll make an excellent housewife someday.”

“Housewife? I don’t know if I want to get married.”

“Please. Nice, meek girls like you always end up barefoot and pregnant to some hulking idiot,” Jay said dismissively. “It’s a matter of when, not if.”

“What about you?” you asked.

Jay frowned. “What about me?” 

“Will you get married, have kids?”

A brief flash of hurt crossed Jay’s features, the first time you had ever seen it on his face. “Can’t have kids,” he said. “I shoot blanks.”

“Oh.”

“I had hypospadias as a baby. Got the surgery young, everything is fine, I’m just completely sterile. So I’ll never bear my parents an heir.” Jay said the last sentence in someone else’s voice, as though he were mimicking words another had said. 

“I’m sorry,” you said.

Jay snorted and scratched his arm. “Don’t be,” he said. “I can fuck like an animal and never get a bitch pregnant. It’s the best. So you don’t have to worry about having my kid…although I feel like you would look good pregnant.”

“Jay.”

“You’d gain weight in all the right places…yeah, I wouldn’t let you abort my kid,” Jay continued. “You’d be forced to bear little Jay junior, and like a good father I would pay child support and take the little shit to Disneyland once in a while. And he’d be like, ‘Daddy, daddy, I just got a b minus in math class!’ And I’d say, ‘Son, you’re going to learn that math matters little in the real world. Come, let me take you to Hooters, so that you can swim in the ocean with men, instead of wallowing in the kiddy pool of arithmetic.’”

“Little Jay junior wouldn’t be happy,” you said, smiling slightly. “How could he be happy when Daddy hates Mommy?”

Jay laughed, quietly enough so the sound didn’t resonate down the hallway. He leaned against the doorframe, holding his arm above his head. “Please. Daddies hate mommies all the time. It’s normal.”

You hesitated before whispering, “And do mommies hate daddies?”

Jay paused as well. One of his hands reached out slowly and gently rubbed at the corner of your lips. ”They should,” he murmured, flicking something away. “They should hate daddies. Mommies aren’t very smart sometimes.” Jay cleared his throat, pulling his hand away from you. “Now run along or I really will split you open in front of Jake.” 

Without another word, you took off down the hallway. The wide hallway alone reeked of decadence and dripped with pretension. There was no reason why a college dorm should have delicate china vases balancing on hardwood nightstands that lined the hallways, nor why the walls should have crown molding. What asshole had spent this much money on a college dorm?

As you crept towards the back staircase, you noticed that one of the dorm rooms had a sock on the doorknob. That seemed much more appropriate for a building populated largely by idiotic young men. You continued down the steps, to the right, and exited the building safely. 

Just before you left to head to Fawcett, you turned around. The lights were off in all of the rooms except for one, and if you shielded your eyes, you could see a dark figure inside. You wondered if it wasn’t Jay watching you. You thought about waving, but that would seem far too playful. You continued walking through the cold, back to your own dorm. 

–

After a weary shower in the communal bathroom and a long, long nap in your room, you decided that it might be time to actually get some schoolwork done. You had a group project that you hadn’t started, assignments in all of your classes, and you had to be at the library by four to start your shift there. 

You were ravenous, though. Damned if you saw Isa, or Riki, or whoever else. You were going to go to Fawcett and get yourself something to eat. You put some decent clothes on, pocketed some of the money Jay had given you, and went to the caf. Amazingly, no one was there. No one you knew, anyways. You got yourself a breakfast meal and tore into it. As you ate, you decided to text Isa. Yesterday had been too busy, too overwhelming to even think about talking to another soul. 

You: Sorry for the late message. I’m doing all right. Hope you’re okay.

Isa texted back so quickly, your head spun.

Isa: im doing great omg

Isa: no need to apologize!

Isa: are u okay though? :(((

Isa: jake told me jay was bothering you again :/ 

Isa: i talked to jay about it and he says he’ll stop

Isa: im so glad we’re talking again i missed him badddd

What?

You: You and Jay?

Isa: yupp 

Isa: he says hi btw

Isa: he’s with me rn

Isa: oh him and jake fought 

Isa: jake looks fuckedddd lol 

Isa: shouldn’t have fought w jay

Isa: he’s a psycho fr

Isa: i’ve always liked them a little crazy lmao

A chill ran through you, and the bite of food you had been chewing turned into ash. You swallowed it, nearly choking. Already? He had gone to Isa already? Mere hours after you two had fucked? And what did she mean by “my man”, when Jay had explicitly told you that they weren’t dating?

You recollected yourself and typed out a quick “see you at work” message to Isa. Why did you care so much? Things were going back to the way they had always been. Jay teased you, Isa was gorgeous, and they would make tender, sweet love while you twiddled your fucking thumbs and knitted sweaters. This was the way things had been for weeks, months, years. Why should they change now? It was obvious to you now. Jay had merely used you to get his rocks off, just another ploy in his juvenile game. In just a few days, he had erased months of harassment by showing you the barest modicum of kindness. Jay was right. You were pathetic. 

You forced yourself to eat the rest of your food, lest you faint from hunger. If Jay was going to return to his old self, so would you. You would withdraw into yourself once more and pretend like the past week had never happened.

–

You didn’t know why you still bothered making dramatic ultimatums like that. After your classes on Monday, which were such an unbearable slog that you almost wished Jay had pushed you off the roof, you trudged to your job at the library. 

When you got to the main desk, Jay and Isa were already there. It was revolting, seeing Jay lean in to give Isa a gentle kiss on the lips, far sweeter than any he had given you. Your face burned with indignation, but you swallowed it down. If there was anything you were good at, it was pretending not to have emotions. Sometimes you almost believed it.

Isa was wearing a baggy T-shirt, which you recognized as Jay’s Jane’s Addiction t-shirt, over a red-and-black plaid skirt with combat boots. It was a cute, punk look. 

“Isa,” you said with a slight wave. She turned to you and squealed, and any irritation you held towards her washed away. 

“I was so worried about you,” Isa wailed, rushing forward to give you a hug. You hugged her back stiffly, patting her back. “How are you feeling?”

“A little sick,” you said quietly. “The weather.” She smelled like Jay’s cologne. 

“Stupid Jake and his golf cart,” Isa mumbled. 

“Golf cart? He had my golf cart?” Jay’s voice was incredulous, and you tried not to focus on the way his thumb was hooked through the belt loops on Isa’s skirt. 

“Yeah, he drove us to Yeonjun’s in it,” Isa said, turning to look at Jay with shimmering eyes. 

“What the fuck? That was mine,” Jay said. “I was wondering why it was missing. What the fuck is his problem?” 

“I didn’t know you played golf.”

“I do a lot of things you don’t know about.”

Isa danced her fingers up Jay’s chest. “Maybe you could show me some of those things.”

Jesus. You walked past Isa and stood behind the main desk, picking up the list of tasks. The words swam in front of your eyes, and you blinked several times to clear up the dizziness. “I’m going to contact the clubs,” you said weakly. The library regularly booked spaces for different clubs, and you were in charge of corresponding with them. Sometimes you wondered exactly what the morning library staff did. 

Isa nodded at you. “Jay’s gonna help me shelve the books,” she said, gripping the front of his shirt. “Aren’t you?” She pouted at him. 

“Whatever,” Jay said. You kept your head bowed as you settled into the swivel chair, booting up the computer. Their footsteps faded, and you snuck one look at their retreating figures. Just like last week, you observed that they did look good together. 

The minutes passed by without you realizing it. You were grateful for the routine: help people with stupid questions, check out books, place holds. Sometimes you would hear Isa’s giggle and your heart would clench. As you worked at the desk, a shadow covered your workspace. Assuming that it was a student, you said, “Can I help you?” before you looked up.

“Yeah, I’m supposed to get someone a smoothie, but she doesn’t stop working,” a familiar voice said. Jake stood in front of you, both hands drumming on the desk. His eye was still swollen, his eyelids painted a harsh, glossy purple. His smile only served to showcase his split lip, and his hair fell into his eyes as usual. 

“Jake,” you said. “I don’t get off for another ten minutes.” 

“I figured,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “But I wanted to see you before then. You aren’t busy, are you?”

“Incredibly busy. Can’t you see I’m being swarmed by people?”

Jake laughed, so you let out a soft chuckle too. If only he didn’t have feelings for you. If only he wasn’t in the Karma Club. If only he hadn’t potentially driven a girl to suicide, or worse. 

“Anything I can help with?” he asked, resting his arms on the desk and propping his chin on his sleeves. Now that he was eye-level with you, you could study his features closely. Despite his injuries, Jake was still really cute. 

“Don’t think so,” you said. “Hardest thing to do is reshelving, and Isa and Jay are doing that.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows at the sound of Jay’s name. “So they’re back together?”

“I guess.”

“That’s a surprise, considering how much Jay bitches about Isa. Then again, what doesn’t Jay bitch about? He’d whine about a fountain of gold if he could. And he’s helping her do something? Seriously? Isa’s amazing.”

You must have looked pretty bad, because Jake’s face grew worried. “You all right?”

“Yeah,” you said. “Just a little sick. Hurricane and all.”

“The smoothie will be full of Vitamin C,” Jake said thoughtfully. “So that should help rejuvenate your system, boost your immune system. Oh, speaking of that, you mind if Sunghoon comes? He’s chill.”

Sunghoon? He was the one who had been there on that first fateful day of school, the one who had looked at you with such scorn. “Sure,” you said. “Hey, by the w-,”

Jake cut you off by plucking something off of your sweater; a little piece of yarn. “Sorry,” he said, flicking it away, “it was bothering me.”

“No problem,” you mumbled. It had been so natural, the way he had done that. You couldn’t imagine what it was like to just live without second-guessing your actions, your words. In that moment, you deeply envied Jake. 

His soft eyes met with yours again. “How come you always wear those big sweaters, anyways?”

“They’re comfortable,” you said.

“Seems a little hot,” Jake said. “I mean, you’re even wearing a turtleneck under there.”

You couldn’t exactly tell him that you were trying to hide the hickeys Jay had given you, so you muttered, “It’s winter soon.”

“I guess,” Jake said. He didn’t sound entirely convinced, but he dropped it. 

“I’ll meet you at Stopkewich,” you said, adjusting the collar of your sweater. “Just have to finish up here.”

“Sure, sure,” Jake said, grinning widely. “See you.”

For some reason, you wanted to feel normal, like everyone else. You reached out and grabbed the cuff of his flannel’s sleeve. Jake looked at you expectantly. “What is it, Wednesday?”

You grasped for words before finally mustering up a quiet, “Thanks for coming to see me.”

To your surprise, and slight confusion, Jake grew bashful, looking down at the ground. “Aw, it was no big deal. It’s fun seeing you…seeing you in the zone, y’know?” 

You let go of his sleeve, pleased at your success. It was really that easy? “Thank you anyways,” you said. 

Jake waved at you, licking his busted lip as he walked backwards. “See you in five,” he said before accidentally knocking into a display of pamphlets. He glanced around him before walking away quickly, heading out the doors. Cute. 

“Ooh,” Isa said. You hadn’t even realized that she had returned, but when you looked away from the exit you saw Isa and Jay standing around the desk. “You and Jake, huh?”

“I didn’t realize Jake liked her,” Jay said, his eyes fixed on Isa. You had resented his cold gaze for a long time, but you disliked his indifference more. 

“Oh, they were so close at Yeonjun’s,” Isa said, clasping her hands together. “They were dancing together, and when she went to lie down, Jake went in after her. He didn’t come out for a while…” 

“Is that so?” Jay asked coolly. 

“Yeah,” you said, looking directly at Isa. “We just talked, though.”

Isa looked disappointed. “That’s it?”

You shrugged. “That’s all.” 

“Well, I support it,” Isa said, regaining steam. “Maybe we could go on double dates.”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” Jay said quickly. “Jake’s a pussy. He’d never ask her out.”

“I mean…” Isa’s voice turned sly, and she playfully poked your arm. “They’re already going out for smoothies today, right?”

“Yeah. That’s why Jake came here,” you said, “he wanted to see me before we went…”

Isa clapped her hands together and pushed Jay. “Oh, so cute. If you guys got together, wouldn’t he be your first boyfriend?”

Scary how Isa already knew you had no experience, but you figured it was glaringly apparent. “He would be.”

“So cute,” she repeated. “You can go ahead and leave early. I’ll finish up around here.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Isa said fiercely. “You go get your man.”

You smiled at Isa, getting to your feet. “You’re so sweet,” you said.

“Just don’t forget to invite me to the wedding,” she said with a laugh. You walked out of the library without casting another glance in Jay’s direction. You didn’t know what his game was, but you didn’t care. If your life wouldn’t return to normal, then you would at least try to get a smoothie out of the deal. 

–

Jake and Sunghoon were lingering just outside of Stopkewich. It was fascinating, seeing the effect that they had on people; swathes of students and even some members of the faculty gave them such a wide berth that one could think there was a bubble surrounding them. 

You waved at Jake when you got closer, and Jake smiled and trotted up to you. Sunghoon followed, pale hands in his pockets. 

“Hey,” Jake said. “Jay didn’t bother you today, right?”

You shook your head. 

“Great. Great, good. Probably doesn’t want another fight,” Jake said, looking away. 

“Yeah, he doesn’t,” Sunghoon said, nudging Jake’s arm. He gave you an appraising look. It seemed that all members of the Karma Club had a way of analyzing people, breaking them into their basest components. 

“Fuck off, Hoon,” Jake mumbled. 

Sunghoon laughed and stuck out his hand. “Sunghoon Park.”

You took his hand and shook it. You introduced yourself, including your major. 

“Nice to meet you,” Sunghoon said, adjusting the cuffs of his blazer. “God, Heeseung hates you.”

“What?”

Jake shook his hands, glancing between you and Sunghoon. He laughed nervously. “Well, he doesn’t hate y-,”

“Two members in a fight,” Sunghoon continued, “our newest recruit living in Fawcett because he picked a fight with Jay about you, Sunoo poisoning the lacrosse team…”

You squinted. “That last one…”

“At this point, Heeseung’s sort of just blaming you for everything,” Sunghoon said with a shrug. “But the first two are your fault.”

“Hey,” Jake said, stepping in between the two of you. You hadn’t sensed any real malice coming from Sunghoon, so you weren’t sure why Jake was acting so skittish. “None of that is her fault. It’s not her fault Jay has a hate boner for her.”

Sunghoon put his hands up, relenting. “Hey, hey, I’m not blaming her. I’m just saying that Heeseung wants her head on a pike.”

“Then he should say so,” you said. 

Jake and Sunghoon both looked at you, with Sunghoon snorting as he attempted to stifle a laugh. “Pardon?” Sunghoon asked, pushing his glasses up. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Maybe we could talk. If I’m doing something wrong, I should fix it, right?”

Sunghoon let out a full laugh. “She’s got balls, huh, Jake?”

Jake groaned. “Let’s just go get a smoothie. Everything is always a federal fucking issue with the Karmas, I swear…” Jake started stalking over to the entrance of Stopkewich, with you and Sunghoon following behind.

“I hope that bitch isn’t there,” Sunghoon said, screwing up his nose. “I wanted a simple smoothie and she wouldn’t make it. She was all, ‘Um, I don’t do remixes on drinks!’ Uppity whore. Who calls a drink a remix? Cringe. I should fucking have this place demolished and turned into a Carl’s Jr. See how those vegans like it then.”

“Don’t pick a fight with the barista, Hoon.”

“I won’t if she makes my smoothie order the way I asked.”

“And what was that smoothie order, again?” Jake asked lightly. He looked back and gave you a small smile. You liked it. It made you feel like you were in on something.

“It was simple. Chia seeds, organic almond milk because regular milk fucks with my skin’s barrier, camu camu powder - from the Amazon, it’s the best there - red algae for my complexion, goji berries, spinach, and maca powder. Like it wasn’t a very tall order but this uppity- oh fuck, there she is.” Sunghoon jerked his thumb at Lily and groaned. “God fucking dammit.”

“You’d better go ahead first,” Jake said. “Sunghoon here has to decompress.”

“‘Uh, we don’t have any red algae,’” Sunghoon mocked. “‘Why would you want algae in a smoothie?’” 

You headed over to the counter, where Lily was currently using a pitter on the cherries. Her gloved hands were stained red. She glanced up at you briefly and smiled. “Hey,” she said brightly. “I thought you would have abandoned me.”

“No way. How could I do that?” You settled into a booth and scoured the menu. You figured you’d just have whatever she gave you.

Lily tossed another cherry pit into a bowl. “Well, I saw that you were partying with the KC…”

You blinked. “How did you see that?”

“Oh, I follow what’s-her-name on Instagram…Isa? She posted a picture of you guys on her story. I didn’t know you were so popular.”

“Neither did I,” you mumbled. “What’s on the menu today?”

Lily smiled and held up the cherries. “Funny you should ask. I’ve just gotten the last ingredient for my newest idea. So it’s going to be cherries, banana, chia seeds, almond butter, almond milk…”

“So far so good.”

“Stinging nettle.”

“Lily…”

Lily procured a baggie from her apron’s pocket and shook it. “What? It’s perfectly safe! It’s not like it-,”

“Well, well, well,” a voice behind you said. Sunghoon snatched the stinging nettle from Lily’s hands and examined its contents.

“You,” she said, glaring at Sunghoon. “This is the guy who got mad at me because I don’t do remixes.”

“And here’s the girl who doesn’t do remixes.” He tapped the baggie with his index finger. “But, you know, I can’t help but notice that this…herb…isn’t on the menu. Yet here you are, about to put it into a drink that isn’t on the menu. Isn’t that crazy? Isn’t that crazy, Jake?”

“Leave me out of this,” Jake said. “Can I get the watermelon mint smoothie?”

“Coming right up,” Lily said through gritted teeth. “For your information, I was testing a recipe out, that’s why I have that.”

“Sure,” Sunghoon said, “sure. Or the more obvious answer, which is that you’re prejudiced against members of the KC.”

Lily gasped. “Not true!”  She peeled her old gloves off, got new ones, and started putting chunks of watermelon in the blender. 

Sunghoon shook the baggie even though Lily couldn’t see it. “Oh, it’s very true.”

“I’m making Jake a smoothie right now, he’s KC.”

“Jake is Australian, so you two probably have some sort of secret bond. He doesn’t count.”

“What the fuck,” Jake mumbled.

Lily scoffed. “And also for your information, I didn’t have the ingredients!”

Sunghoon shook the baggie again. “And why wasn’t your kitchen stocked with the basics?”

“Normally,” Lily said, tossing things into the blender, “people don’t ask for camu camu powder. Never gotten that request before.”

“You should buy more ingredients then,” Sunghoon said, putting the baggie on the counter. “You could offer a wider selection of drinks that have added health benefits.”

“And where am I supposed to get the extra money?” Lily turned the blender on. “No one knows we’re here, anyways. They’re considering replacing us with a Jamba Juice.”

“I’ll give you the ingredients,” Sunghoon yelled over the harsh noise.

“You want your weird smoothie that bad?” Lily asked, holding onto the top of the blender. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“You know what?” Lily pointed at Sunghoon. “I can respect a guy who wants a weird smoothie.”

Sunghoon smiled. “Thank you! Thank you! That pauper over there doesn’t get it.”

“What the fuck,” Jake whispered to himself. 

“Sorry for being so rude,” Sunghoon said, projecting his voice. “I really did think you were being a bitch for no reason.”

Lily turned the blender off and poured Jake’s smoothie into a glass jar, carefully affixing a little red gingham bow around its neck. “Thanks for the apology,” she said, pushing the smoothie over to Jake. She looked at you next. “Did you want the stinging nettle and cherry smoothie?”

“Yeah, sure,” you said. 

Jake sipped on his smoothie through the straw. “Oh, this is good,” he said, holding the jar out to you. “Try a sip.”

You’d had this flavour before, but you took a sip anyway. “Lily is great,” you said, “that’s why I always come here.”

Sunghoon remained quiet, pressing his hands on the counter, before saying, “Could I get one too, a stinging nettle and cherry smoothie?”

Lily smiled. “Of course!”

Sunghoon offered her a soft smile, his lips pressed tightly together. He watched her closely as she went about preparing the smoothies. Jake looked at you, and you looked at Jake. He mimed shooting himself in the head and you grinned.

After Lily finished making you and Sunghoon your drinks, you looked at her expectantly. “Could I get your phone number?” 

She looked at you in mild surprise. “Really? Yeah, sure. Pass your phone.”

You opened the phone up to your contacts and held it out to her. As she typed her number in, she smiled. “We should hang sometime.”

“Yeah,” you said. You had no intention of hanging out with her. You did plan to wheedle information out of her regarding Mina. Despite Riki telling you that no one knew about her suicide attempt in the bathroom, Lily had mentioned an attempted murder performed by the KC  in the school bathroom. Who could the victim have been, if not Mina? 

Lily handed you your phone back and grinned. Jake tapped his card on the reader, paying for your orders. “Thanks,” you said.

“No problem,” he said. “I said I would.”

“I was just kidding about it at the party, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to buy you smoothies,” Jake said. “Just let me try yours when it’s ready.”

Lily got to work preparing her newest mix, and you noticed that Sunghoon was staring at her with curious eyes. When he saw you looking at him, he cleared his throat and focused his attention on his wristwatch.  Strange, strange things were happening.

–

You got to your dorm room and started on your work. You were a scholarship student, so it was imperative that you kept your grades up. Which meant that you ended up ignoring the incessant knocking on your dorm door. Eventually, you heard the doorknob rattling violently. You pulled your headphones off and knocked on the door. “Who is it?”

“Open up,” Jay grumbled. “Don’t you answer your phone? I’ve been out here for like five minutes.” Sighing, you unlocked your door. Jay strided in, closing the door behind himself. He leaned against the door with his arms crossed and glanced around your room. “What were you doing, homework?”

“Yeah.”

“Of course you are,” he said. 

“You don’t study?”

“Why would I do that?”

You let out a frustrated huff of breath. “What do you want, Jay?”

“‘What do you want, Jay?’” he mocked. A familiar scene was stretching out in front of you. “I want more of what I got yesterday, but you were busy hanging around dickless.”

You leaned against the wall. “Dickless? Who, Jake?”

“Yeah.”

“I won’t stop,” you said. “You don’t own me, and we’re not dating.”

Jay barked out a laugh. “Oh, wow. Since when do you talk back?”

“Around when you threatened to kill me.”

Jay’s eyes were chunks of obsidian glinting in the afternoon sun. “You know I was just playing around, right? I wasn’t actually going to kill you. I’m not a psycho. I just wanted…”

Suddenly, the room seemed stiflingly warm. Your voice was even quieter than usual. “Wanted what?”

“I wanted…” Jay pushed his hair out of his face and licked his lips, looking around your room. “I wanted to see you do something besides stand around looking at me like you’re…like there’s nothing inside of you. Just an automaton pretending to be a human, just taking everything, passive, nothing, boring.”

“Well,” you said flatly, “am I acting like a human now?”

Jay cracked a grin. “A little. You’re blossoming under my tutelage. With a little more training…” Jay reached his hand out towards you.

You smacked his hand away lightly. “Training?”

“Yeah,” he said, taking your hand in his, “you could end up becoming a real human.”

“Like you?”

His smile grew wider. “Nah, you could never be like me.”

“Thank God.”

Jay laughed, and you had to admit that you didn’t hate the sound. “See what I mean? You’re coming along nicely.”

“You’re not responsible for my personality,” you said.

“Who, if not me? Jake?”

“No, no one is. What is with you and Jake?”

“I could ask you the same question, you and your filthy fixation with him.”

“There is no fixation,” you said, frustration nipping at your voice. “He’s just nice to me.”

Jay pulled you towards him with the hand holding yours. “I’m nice to you, aren’t I?” His other hand came to grab your chin, forcing your head up. “I’m so nice to you,” he murmured. “You don’t even appreciate it.” He leaned in and kissed you in that same smothering manner as before, his mouth hot and wet. As though you were being controlled by outside forces, you kissed him back. Your arms still hung limply against your side. 

Jay pulled away and tugged your turtleneck’s collar down, exposing the hickeys he had given you. “Wish you didn’t dress like a nun,” he said. “You could show these off.”

You turned your head, staring down at your floor. “What about Isa, Jay? You two are together.”

Jay groaned. “Don’t worry about her. Fuck, you always bring her up.”

You looked back at him. “Why shouldn’t I? She really likes you.”

“Her mistake,” Jay replied, a sneer on his face. His hand reached out to caress the back of your head. “I told you she doesn’t matter to me.”

“And who does?”

Jay didn’t answer at first. Instead, he spun you around so that you were pressed against the door. He kissed you with the same ferocity, hands clutching your shoulders. “Don’t talk about Isa,” he said hoarsely.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you said, a weak appeal. 

Jay groaned. “Fine. Let’s play a game, then. It’s really simple. You wanna hear the rules?”

“Fine.”

His hand hiked your skirt up, all the way to your waist. The other hand rested on your thigh, dangerously close to your underwear. “If I check and you’re wet, I get to fuck you. If you’re not wet, I’ll leave you alone and go weave baskets and pick daisies with Isa. Deal?”

You nodded. “Sure,” you said, as though he wouldn’t be able to feel the moisture pooling between your legs. Maybe he wouldn’t feel anything through a stroke of sheer luck. Jay slipped two of his fingers inside of your panties, and you winced as you heard a squelching noise.

“Look at that. You’re wet,” Jay said in an accusatory voice. Jay dragged his fingers along your labial lips, smearing your arousal. He didn’t plunge his fingers into your desperate pussy, nor did he touch your clitoris. Judging by his smile, he relished in withholding pleasure from you. “You’re soaking wet just from a few kisses. You couldn’t be more pathetic if you tried.”

The constant teasing at relief was driving you mad. “Just fuck me.”

Jay let out a breathy laugh. “Look at you, getting so bold. Just listen to yourself.” He didn’t allow you any time to reflect on his statement, working on tugging your panties and skirt all the way down. You stepped out of them, kicking them to the side. 

“You haven’t changed me,” you said, eyebrows glowering in defiance. 

“You’ll see,” Jay replied. You closed your eyes so you could hear the rattle of his belt buckle as it clicked, the sound of his jeans sliding to the floor, his soft grunts.  

Jay lifted your leg up and pounded you, your back pressed against the door. It creaked loudly enough that you figured that someone would hear, but Fawcett was a loud dorm. “Pussy’s so good,” Jay whispered through gritted teeth, leaning his head back. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Thought I would have fucked you loose by now.” 

It was almost more than you could handle, considering only a mere 12 hours had passed since the last time. But you were already growing to love how Jay felt inside of you, the aggressive way he snapped his hips, the shapes of the bruises he left on your arms. You clamped your hand over your mouth so your moans would be muffled. Jay had a similar idea, biting his lip and only letting out faint grunts. He lifted your other leg up, utilizing strength you didn’t know he had to fuck into you while he was standing. Your arms hung around his neck.

You wrapped your legs around him, and he carried you away from the door and onto the bed. By now, you had noticed that Jay liked to alternate between fucking into you rapidly and employing hard, somewhat slower strokes. The shift was dizzying; your nails dug into his shirt, leaving miniscule holes behind in the fabric. 

After Jay came, he remained on top of you, his limp cock lying on your thigh. He pushed himself off and crawled to the side of the bed facing the window. 

You rolled away from Jay, reaching into your nightstand’s drawer. You pulled out your pack of cigarettes and took one out.

“Give me one,” he called from behind you.

“Sure. Open the window for me.” Jay lifted the window upwards, and chilly air wafted into the room. You tucked yourself under your blanket, scooted towards the window, and lit your cigarettes. You handed one to Jay and placed your own between your lips. Your dorm room faced the woods, so you generally didn’t see people come around. On nights when the weather was bad and you couldn’t go up to the roof, you liked to open the window and smoke, listening to the rain. 

Jay sat upright, smoking his own cigarette. His eyebrows were knit in concentration. 

Your phone buzzed on your desk, so you clambered to your feet. You opened the text as you headed to your bed.

Riki: help

Riki: my girlfriend is trying out her makeup on me :/ 

Riki: *sent 1 picture*

Riki: i kinda fw it tbqh

You: You look very pretty.

Riki: thank u

You: You have a girlfriend?

Riki: o yeah

Riki: don’t tell anyone lmao 

Riki: it’s a secret like not even jake knows

Riki: i don’t want her getting mina’d

Riki: or you’d

Riki: no offense 

You: None taken.

Riki: 👍

Riki: lowk i’m considering using some bb cream now

Riki: could be a good look for me

You: Go talk to your girlfriend or something. I’m busy.

Riki: busy my ass

Riki: and my gf is on her phone looking at tiktok pranks to torture me with

You: You deserve the misery.

Riki: fuck u 🖕

Riki: betrayal can never come from your opps ig

“Who are you texting?” Jay asked. “I didn’t know you had friends.”

“Riki,” you said, turning your phone off. 

“Riki? You’re friends with Riki?” Jay looked incredulous, his cigarette hanging from his lips. 

You shrugged, holding your cigarette between your lips as you laid back down on your bed. It was a no-smoking building, but a part of you just couldn’t be bothered anymore. “Well, ‘friends’ is a strong word. We’ve known each other for a few days. He just texts a lot.” 

Jay took another long drag, blowing it out of the window. “You guys are around the same age, right?”

“Yeah, same year.”

“Hm.” Jay turned to look at you. “Have you met any other Karmas?”

“Sunghoon, Jungwon briefly…that’s it.” You breathed out more smoke. “Heeseung hates me, apparently.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jay said, “Ha. Yeah, he doesn’t like you. Thinks you’re tearing us apart.”

“But I’m not.”

“Yeah, I know that, and you know that, and even Heeseung knows that. I think it’s because he can’t exhume Mina’s dead body and yell at her for corrupting poor little Jakey, so you’re the next best thing.”

Your eyes were focused on Jay now, on his hunched back, on his serious brows. “You think Mina’s dead?”

“Dropped out of school, disappeared off the face of the earth, her friends all left her behind…she’s probably dead, yeah.” After a moment, he said, “Do I sound terrible?”

You shrugged. “You’re asking the wrong person.”

Jay smiled again. “I guess so.” He waved his cigarette, now only a smouldering nub. “Where can I put this out? On you again?” 

You reached under your bed and pulled out a small ceramic dish, already scattered with cigarette butts. “Use this.”

He stubbed his cigarette out. “Thanks. See you tomorrow.”

You gave him a quick little nod and watched him zip his pants up, put his belt back on, smooth out his hair. Without another word, he left your room. 

–

You decided to call Lily rather than texting her. You had found, through texting with Riki, that you largely preferred talking out loud. Pacing around the room, you waited for her to pick up. 

“Hey,” she said, her voice sounding lighter than usual. 

“Hi. I had to ask you a question.”

“Sure, anything.”

You tried to invoke the same nonchalant tone you normally used, but you found that it was strangely difficult. “Last week, you told me that the Karma Club nearly killed a girl in the bathroom…”

“Oh,” she said. “That was just a silly rumour…groundless…” Lily’s voice faded as she spoke, almost sheepishly.

“Do you know who told you?”

“Why do you ask?”

You already had a lie for this. “You know how Jake brought me that smoothie?” 

Lily’s voice immediately took on interest, and you marveled at how similar she was to Isa. “Yeah…?”

“Well, the thing is, he told me he likes me…”

Lily shrieked. “Aw, that is so cute. Jake is like the nicest - well, you know, there are a few nice ones in the KC, but he’s really nice. That is just adorable, oh my god.”

“Don’t tell anyone I told you,” you added.

 “Not a word out of me. So do you guys have, like, a thing?”

“Well, I don’t know. I don’t want to pursue anything before I know he’s good,” you lied, scratching your head. “You know how cautious I am.”

“Oh, I get it, I get it,” Lily said. “Sure. I think I heard that from this girl named Nina? She’s a year below me. She’s Aussie, which is how I know her…She’s nice. If you have any questions about him, you should ask her. She runs the girl’s gaming club. You know where that is?”

“No.”

“Oh. It’s held in Nakashima’s common room. You can probably find out when they meet from the school website.”

“Thanks, Lily.” You paused, figuring that you had to ask her something. So you didn’t seem suspicious. “So…stinging nettle. Why?”

“Fun fact, actually. Stinging nettle is a galactagogue!”

“What’s a galactagogue?”

“Uh, increases breast milk production.”

“I’m going to hang up on you now, Lily.”

Lily laughed, and you did too. “Hey, you wanna hang out sometime? Like, for real?”

Out of anyone in the school, you would prefer to hang out with Lily the most. You desperately hoped that she didn’t get involved in the Karma Club. “What would we do?”

“I haven’t gone to see a movie in a while. You?”

“I pirate everything, so no.”

“Sooo…” You could practically hear Lily creeping towards you with a silly smile pasted on her face. “We should see one together. Something scary.”

“Sounds good. Text me when you’re free.”

“Great! Have a good night.”

“You too, Lily.” You hung up on her and your smile fell. The true reason for your call dawned on you once more, and now you had to do some research. First, you Googled the word you had been dreading: naloxone. Jay had mentioned watching the paramedics administer it to Mina when she had overdosed. When you searched it up, you found that it was an opioid antagonist. In the case of anti-psychotic overdose, particularly Seroquel, activated charcoal was used as treatment. So either Jay had misremembered, Jay had lied, or Jay didn’t know.

Why would Jay lie about that? But then, it was Jay. Nothing he did made sense. You couldn’t go to Riki for help, either, because he didn’t know what Mina had overdosed on. Jake hadn’t even mentioned Mina’s suicide, so he definitely couldn’t help you. None of the three had mentioned opioids. It was a dead end. 

You moved on to finding out when the gaming club met next: That Friday at 6 pm. Anyone could come, apparently. Perfect. You wondered if Jay liked gaming. 

At any rate, you had exhausted your meager resources. All you could do now was wait for Friday. 

– 

The week passed by largely the same way. You would wake up to a barrage of texts from Riki and Lily, tiredly answer them, and trudge to class. Then you would go to the library, watch Isa coo over Jay while he ignored you, and get picked up by Jake to get a smoothie from Stopkewich. Sunghoon notably only showed up when Lily had a shift there and did nothing but stare at her adoringly. You and Jake would make eye contact every time Sunghoon smiled at her, mimicking his lovesick expression. Jake’s eye healed well, and his face became less painful to look at for more than one reason. The more time you spent with Jake, trying each other’s drinks, the more you realized that you didn’t mind him. 

After talking to Jake, you would go to your room, try to do homework, and answer the knock at the door. Jay would come in, you would protest for the sake of doing so, and then you’d fuck. He stayed for longer and longer every time, his scent beginning to permeate your bed already, down to the mattress. You wouldn’t talk very much, which suited you just fine. You’d just stare at the ceiling. Occasionally, he would complain about something Riki or Jungwon did. He never brought up Jake or Isa, so neither did you.

On Thursday, you were both lying in your bed, naked. You were draped in your quilt while he blew cigarette smoke to the ceiling. 

“You’re not cold?” you asked, forgoing smoking your own cigarette for today. You didn’t feel like it, for some reason. When you smacked your lips together, you could taste the strawberry banana smoothie one of the other barista’s had made on your lips. Jay had commented on it when he kissed you, saying that you tasted sweet. 

“I don’t get cold that easily,” Jay said. 

“Oh.”

“If you want me to join you under there, just say so.”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

Jay shrugged. “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” 

“Implying that you’re a necessity?”

“Some could say that, yeah.” 

“Some could be mentally ill.”

“Like you’re so sane,” Jay said, jabbing his cigarette in your direction. “Sunoo could fix your ass up nicely. He might end up giving you diarrhea, though. It’s a mixed bag with him. Still worth a shot, though.”

Sunoo…why hadn’t you considered him?

You pulled your phone from the nightstand and opened it up. 

You: Riki.

Riki: hey

Riki: you finally changed your mind about cliffside laser tag?

You: No.

Riki: then there’s no reason for you to text me

You: I need to know which room Sunoo is in.

Riki: why lol

You: Decided to develop a drug dependency

Riki: nooooo you have so much life to live

Riki: noooooooooo don’t do it

Riki: well

Riki: that covers my ass 

Riki: you can’t get mad at me when your life falls apart

Riki: he’s in room 24

Riki: i’m in 22 by the way

Riki: in case you ever change your mind about the slap jenga tournament

You: I won’t.

Riki: i never liked you

You: Thanks for the help.

Riki: 🖕

Riki: seriously though be careful

You: I’ll be okay.

Riki: you’d better

“Texting Riki again?” Jay asked. His gaze danced suspiciously between your phone and your face. 

“Yeah.” You put your phone back on your nightstand. 

“About?”

You shrugged and leaned against the headboard, bringing your heavy quilt around your shoulders. “He wants to try cliffside laser tag in the dark.”

“And?”

“And what?”

Jay groaned. “Are you going to go?”

“Do I look stupid to you?”

“Well, I mean…”

“No.” You tried to ignore Jay’s snickers. “No, I didn’t even consider it.”

Jay leaned back as well, seeming somewhat mollified. “That kid is going to get himself killed doing something stupid one day. Or someone else, honestly.”

“Then he’d be a true member of the Karma Club,” you said jokingly. Jay’s jaw tightened, and the hairs on your arms raised. You hadn’t seen that angry look in his eyes in nearly a week. 

“Look. You might think,” he began, his voice as venomous as it had always been. You realized that you hadn’t even noticed that his voice had softened until now. “You might think that because we fuck that we’re close or something. We’re not. Joke about shit like that again and I swear to God, I’ll-,”

“You’ll what?”

Jay grabbed your shoulder, jostling the quilt covering you. His grip was tight, and his eyes sparked with anger. “I’ll make sure you end up just like Mina. How’s that?”

You swallowed, unable to speak. Your eyes were trained on his other hand, and you realized just how stupid you had been, allowing yourself to be lulled into this stupor by him. Jay still hated you. 

Jay let go of you and made a frustrated noise. “Fuck, fuck. Fuck, I hate it when you do that. Play mute.”

“I don’t have anything to say right now,” you replied. 

“I thought we made progress,” Jay said, putting his cigarette behind his ear. “You were really growing a spine there, making jokes, fighting back. You were starting to be a lot of fun.”

You stared at Jay, and the unfamiliar sensation of anger broiled in your stomach. “For someone who doesn’t believe that people can change,” you said slowly, “you sure are trying to change me.”

“That’s different,” Jay insisted, crawling out of your bed. He pulled his boxers up and fixed his shirt. “There’s a very interesting girl in you begging to be let out, and all you have to do is give in.”

Your eyes locked with his, the anger in his a mirror of your own. “You don’t know a thing about me.”

“I know enough,” Jay said slowly, tilting his head even closer. 

“No,” you whispered, “you don’t.”

Jay’s lips brushed yours, ever-so-slightly, his eyes never straying away from yours. “It’s like I said. It’s already inside you, and all you have to do is just…let her out.” His breath ghosted your lips once more before he briefly closed the gap.

–

Jay didn’t come to the library on Friday. 

“He got busy,” Isa said sadly, flicking away some lint off of her ripped sweater. “Family stuff.” The two of you were pasting barcodes on the backs of books, spreading the thin paper carefully to avoid ripples. You put a thin piece of plastic over top to protect the code. Easy, monotonous work.

“Oh.” Quickly, you added. “That sucks.”

“Yeah…he’s been so distant recently,” she continued, idly flipping through a new YA romance novel. “Ever since the party, or a little before then…can I be a little TMI?”

“Go for it,” you said. 

Isa put the book down carefully, and you could see her bottom lip tremble. Her eyes fell to the floor and her voice was a mere whisper. “He doesn’t touch me. Like, we’ve done some…stuff. And, you know, it was nice. But that was it. Nothing serious, you know? I mean, we’ve been talking on and off for a month, but he hasn’t initiated anything.”

Guilt filled your mouth with the bitter edge of bile. Isa reached for the sheet of codes before laying her hands flat on the table. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she said. “I’m trying to be patient with him, but he doesn’t even open up to me.” 

You should come clean, admit that Jay had been fucking you, but you remembered that he told you not to utter a word to anyone. Isa might run behind your back and confront him, which would be disastrous for you. And, worst of all, a part of you felt a certain thrill at being the one he chose. In some capacity, he was picking you. 

Reality struck you once more. He wasn’t picking you. Isa was the one he had chosen to be his girlfriend, or at least the woman with whom he could be seen. You were the one he slept with, like a secret rotting away in a dusty attic. He hated you, no matter how he felt about Isa. 

Isa glanced at you, biting her lip, and you realized that you hadn’t said anything. “I’m sorry,” you said finally. 

She mustered up a small smile and shook her head, her red curls flicking back and forth like a flame. “It’s okay,” she replied. “Thanks for listening. I’d tell my friends but I’d feel pathetic telling them.” Her eyes widened. “Not that I don’t see you as a friend or anything…”

You smiled back at her, resting your hand on her shoulder. “I know what you meant.”

Isa patted your hand. “Thanks, pookie. You’re a good listener. We should hang out again soon. It was so fun when we watched Oldboy and Lady Vengeance.”

“Actually,” you said slowly, “Lily wanted to watch a movie with me. Do you know her?”

Isa brightened, seeming to regain some of her buoyancy. “Yeah, we were in second year philosophy together. Yeah, I know her. Oh, that’s great. I’ll make a group chat for us!” Then she bit her lip. “I wonder if she’ll want to hang with me, though?”

“Don’t worry,” you said. “Everyone does.”

–

Nakashima’s dorm was unlike the others. It was the newest, a tall, sleek, bauhaus white building with a gray stone path leading inside. To the left, obscured by a hill, was the school’s greenhouse. You would have liked to explore the inside, but it was normally staffed by at least 3 bleary-eyed, surly students, so you didn’t bother. 

As you walked inside, you marveled at the change in atmosphere. Your own dorm seemed carefree, Stopkewich had an airiness, and Stoker managed to avoid feeling stiflingly opulent with its small markers of humanity. Nakashima students all bustled around with their heads tucked low. The common room was on the second floor, so you took the translucent glass steps carefully. It was down a hallway lined with achievements garnered from previous Nakashima students. Self-fellatio was a skill honed into an art at Sadame University, it seemed. 

You never went inside of Fawcett’s common room, so you weren’t sure how it looked. Nakashima’s was lined with computers, expensive gaming chairs, and a vending machine in the corner. The main lights were turned off, so the glow from their keyboards and the purple LED strips lining the walls was what illuminated the space. 

The Nakashima girls in the common room dressed in the ubiquitous STEM student uniform of a hoodie and sweatpants or jeans. You had arrived early, but they were already logging onto the computers. A woman wearing a white Sadame sweatshirt who, based on your surveyal of the gaming club’s page, was Nina, hunched over a monitor as another woman sat in the chair. You waited for Nina to finish helping the other student before you approached her. 

“Are you Nina?” you asked quietly. 

Nina smiled at you. “That’s me! Are you here to join the gaming club?” 

“Ah…no, sorry,” you said, watching the smile falter on her face. “No, I’m here because of something else.”

She frowned. “Something else?” 

You nodded. 

“You wanna talk outside?” With another nod of your head, she ushered you out into the hallway and looked at you expectantly. 

“It’s just…a friend of mine told me that…you knew about what happened with that girl, Mina,” you said slowly. “And, I was wondering how you knew, because, um…”

“Because the Karma Club cover everything up,” Nina finished. 

“Right, that.”

“Because they’re a bunch of fucking assholes who treat everyone, especially women, like shit.”

“Yeah…”

Nina placed her hand on your shoulder. “Did they…hurt you?”

Now that was a question for the ages. “Yeah.”

Nina pursed her lips together and sighed. “Another one. Those bastards…look, there’s a group chat I know of. If you give me your Instagram-,”

“I don’t have one.”

“Really? How?”

You shrugged. 

“Well, go ahead and make one. I’ll give you mine…” Nina pulled a blue pen from her pocket, took the palm of your hand, and scribbled her Instagram’s handle on it. “So once you’ve made an account, DM me, and I’ll have you added.”

You stared at your palm. “What’s the group chat for?”

Nina capped the pen and tucked it behind her ear. “For victims of the Karma Creeps. It started shortly after Mina disappeared. Just make sure to keep it DL, okay? Those weirdos have eyes everywhere in this school, but I’m sure you already know that.”

Did you ever? “Thank you, Nina.”

“Also,” she added hastily, “don’t screenshot anything. We don’t need anything leaking, you know? It might seem really stringent, but we can’t let anything get back to them.”

“Makes sense,” you said softly. 

“I heard that they’re planning on compiling all the information, maybe trying to bring it to the local news,” she continued. “Again, don’t bring that up.”

“I won’t.”

Nina smiled at you. “Don’t worry. We’re going to get you some help.” 

When you walked away from her, you realized that she had never asked you for your name.

–

As you were walking back to the Fawcett campus, holding your palm face down, you got a call. It was Jay. For a second, you felt stricken by guilt, like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. You answered the call. 

“Open the door,” Jay said, exasperated. “Seriously, I’m starting to feel stupid standing out here.”

“I’m not in my room.”

“Are you avoiding me?”

“No,” you said. “I had to talk to someone about a project.”

“You can do that literally any other time,” Jay said. He lowered his voice; from the background chatter, you could tell that people were walking in the hallway. “I need you right now. I had the shittiest day and Isa wants me to watch some braindead movie with her.” 

“Just have sex with Isa,” you said, your voice equally as quiet. 

Jay shifted. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Then she’ll think I’m serious.”

“So why won’t you break up with her?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Jay said. 

“Right,” you replied dryly. “I could never hope to understand the complexities of your mind.”

“First of all, that wasn’t as cutting as you thought it was. Second of all, I think that was the longest sentence I’ve heard you say. So touching. Like seeing a dog learn how to use its legs again after a car accident. I could cry.”

“Then cry.”

“Just shut up and get over here,” Jay said. “I hate being in Fawcett too long.” 

You stopped, halting near a warehouse. Belatedly, you realized that it was the same building where you had seen Jay for the first time. The wall was plain, but for some reason you had expected to see a garish, red bloodstain. 

“Hello? You still there?”

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry,” you said. 

“Yeah, you’re a goody-two-shoes who thinks she’ll go to heaven if she gets good grades, it’s fine.”

“Not that. I’m sorry I said that yesterday. You know…” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said gruffly. “You know me. The tiniest thing annoys me. Didn’t think about it after you said it.”

“Sorry anyways.”

Jay fell silent as well. Just as you had assumed that he had forgotten to hang up, he said, “Yeah, well. Me too. Now come here and show me how sorry you are.”

You smiled, just slightly. “Be there in 5.”

“Make it three.” 

“Not possible.”

“Well, come as soon as you can, then.” He hung up on you, and you walked just the slightest bit faster. Just enough that you could convince yourself that you hadn’t. 

Just before you got to your room, you wrote Nina’s username into your notes app. Then you licked your hand, smearing the letters until they were an incomprehensible blur.

–

After he fucked you, Jay sprawled onto your bed, as if attempting to take up as much room as possible. You were lying on top of his arm on his right side, too lazy to even get the quilt to cover yourself up. 

“God,” he breathed out. “I almost forgot about how shit today was.”

You stared up at the popcorn ceiling. “What happened?”

Jay scoffed. “You don’t give a shit.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

Neither of you spoke for a full minute.

“Just…it’s Jake,” Jay said finally. “Can I get a smoke?”

You reached over to your cigarette package, realizing that you only had two left. You handed one to him and took one for yourself. “Need to get more.”

“Remind me to get some,” Jay said, gesturing for the lighter. He lit yours, then his, then handed the lighter back to you. “It’s Jake. He’s doing his ‘wahh, wahh, everyone wants me to be the nice one’ routine. Saying that the pressure of having boyish good looks, good grades, and being rich is just too much for him.”

You reached below your bed to get your makeshift ashtray. “He seems normal to me.”

“Yeah, because if he knows if you saw him for the spineless dick he was, you wouldn’t want to fuck him anymore,” Jay said. 

“I don’t want to fuck him.”

“What? You don’t want Jakey in you?” Jay asked with a snicker.

You laughed quietly. “Not when you’ve already had him.”

“Fuck off,” Jay said, lightly pushing you. ”Even if Jake were the only hole left in the world, I’d never touch him.”

“A very convincing vindication of your heterosexuality.”

Rolling his eyes, Jay took a long drag. “I just don’t know. Everyone worships Jake, anyways. Even if people think he’s a dick, he’s still not as bad as the rest of us.”

“So what, do you wish people liked you?”

“No, God no,” Jay said. “I just wish I didn’t have to see Jake have a meltdown every month because he hates that everyone loves him. Or that he loves that everyone loves him, I can’t keep up with his shit.”

You blew smoke out of your mouth, closing your eyes. “This doesn’t seem like enough to constitute being a shitty day.”

“Oh, trust me,” Jay said. “It is. Heeseung shuts everything down to take care of Jake. Got a lecture from Heeseung…and then my parents called, nagging and shit…I have to go redo my statistics test…and then Isa wants to watch White Girls or Mean Chicks, something like that…and my dog wasn’t there when I needed her.”

“You have a dog?”

Jay smirked at you. “I do. She’s quiet, isn’t very well-trained yet, but I’m working on it. She’s very good at coming when I call for her, though.”

You turned away from him and took an annoyed little drag. “I’m not a dog.”

“What was that? All I heard was ‘woof woof woof’,” Jay said, reaching out and turning your head towards his. 

“Jay, y-,”

“Bark, bark, bark.”

“Jay.”

“Grrr.” 

“Shut up.” 

Pulling his cigarette out of his mouth, Jay blew smoke into your face gently. “Make me shut up.”

You had a feeling you knew where this was going. You reached over, placed your cigarette on the nightstand, and lowered your lips onto his. 

Jay broke the kiss, the tip of his nose still rubbing against yours. “Good doggy,” Jay whispered before leaning in to kiss you again.

– 

On Saturday, you had already steeled your nerves and decided to head into Stoker early in the morning. Jay had offhandedly mentioned that he hated getting out of bed before noon, and you could only pray that Jake wasn’t around. 

As you walked to Stoker, bundled in your coat, you noticed that something was different. A niggling feeling in the back of your neck. Trudging along the path, you heard a voice telling you slow down. You turned and saw a girl you had never once seen before, with bouncy brown curls. A group of people, presumably her friends, lingered a few meters away.

“Hey,” she said, voice bright and chirpy, “that skirt is so cute, oh my god. Where did you get it?”

You’d gone through this song and dance before. When you were younger, sometimes people would ask you where you had bought your shabby clothes, knowing fully well that you were too poor to buy them at full price. “Thrifted,” you said brusquely. 

“That is so cool,” she said. “Thrifting is so much fun. I can never find anything good, though.”

What were you supposed to say? “Oh.”

“Where do you go thrifting?”

“My hometown,” you said. 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t go thrifting here, either,” she said. “Nothing good.”

You said that already, you thought. Instead, you said, “I guess.” 

“I’ve always loved your style,” she continued. “Whenever I see you, I’m like, oh, that is so grungecore.” 

“Thanks, but I have to meet someone,” you said, jerking your thumb at Stoker. 

“Oh, of course. Have a good one,” she said before waving and walking back towards her friends. What an earnest attempt at bullying. 

You walked into Stoker, wiping your shoes off on the plush welcome mat. To the right was the restaurant and dining area, so you glanced over. You could see Riki standing in line, checking his phone. 

You: Look at the doors. 

Riki lifted his head, saw you, and grinned. He waved you over, so you entered the dining area. The few people who were eating looked at you as you walked in, and you forced yourself to look straight at Riki. 

“Hey,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“Sunoo,” you said. “Is he awake?”

Riki nodded. “Sunoo always gets up early.”

“How come you’re up?”

“I’m going to go to the gym early,” he explained. “My girlfriend wants to watch that new horror movie.”

“The one with the ghosts that can possess you if you’re the same zodiac sign as them?”

Riki grinned. “Fuck yeah.”

“Lily, Isa, and I are seeing that tonight,” you said. Isa had very neatly arranged it in the new group chat she had created. It was the first group chat you had ever been in, and even though you barely spoke while the pair planned the outing, it still felt nice to be included. 

Riki had been checking on his order, but his eyes widened in surprise. “What showing?”

“8:30 pm.”

He visibly relaxed, putting a hand over his heart. “Good. We’re going at 6.” You didn’t say that you had vetoed a potential 6 pm showing because that was when Jay would knock on your door. 

“No spoilers,” you said.

“Swear on my heart,” Riki said. 

“Good.” You stuffed your hands into your coat pocket. “By the way, I got bullied today.”

“Jay again?”

“No, some girl. She asked me where I got my skirt,” you explained. 

Riki stared at you, dumbfounded. “So she liked your skirt.”

“No,” you said. “Haven’t you ever had someone ask where you got your clothes, but it was meant in a…demeaning way?”

“No, generally guys will just say, ‘Your shirt is ugly and you get no hoes’,” Riki said, shaking his head. “Girls complicate things too much. She probably really did just like your skirt. It’s nice.”

You looked down. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he said with a smile. “I like your fashion sense.” 

“Thanks,” you said. “I’ll see you around, okay? You enjoy your…”

“Breakfast burrito,” Riki said. “I’m going to tear this shit up, hit the gym, pass out, beg Sunoo for an edible so I can watch that movie zooted, pass out again…”

“Good plan.” 

“The best,” Riki said. “See you later.”

–

You knocked on Sunoo’s door falteringly. You had never actually seen the guy, but the descriptions of him you had been given thus far were scary. You wondered if he were as tall as Riki, or imposing and muscular? 

The door opened, and a gentle face with plush cheeks and soft lips peered at you. Sunoo was wearing a baby-blue baseball tee with black accents. “Oh, hi.”

“Hi,” you said, caught off-guard. You introduced yourself. 

“Nice to meet you,” Sunoo said, sticking his hand out. You shook it, bewildered by his smile. “I’m Sunoo. Riki’s been talking about you.”

“Has he?”

“Mhm! He says he’s happy to have a friend his own age.”

“Well,” you said. “He’s a nice friend to have.” 

Sunoo beamed at you. “How sweet! Did you need something?”

“I was wondering if you had, uh…drugs?” You cursed yourself for sounding so amateurish.

If you had seemed inexperienced, Sunoo didn’t seem to mind. “I do,” he said. “What did you have in mind?”

“Uh, do you sell, uh, opioids?” 

Sunoo’s face fell. “No,” he said gravely. “I don’t. I haven’t carried opioids for a long time. No, only fun stuff here.”

“Fun stuff?”

“Yes,” Sunoo said with a giggle. “You want to try a little speed?”

“No…no Xanax?”

Sunoo shook his head. “Nope. No opioids and no benzodiazepines. I could give you a little K.”

Your head was starting to hurt. “What?”

“You know, put you in a K-hole. Experience ego death. It could be very enlightening,” Sunoo said earnestly. “Want some?”

“I’ll pass,” you said weakly. 

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Sunoo said. “You shouldn’t be afraid of ascension.”

Your parka was starting to feel too hot and Sunoo was starting to creep you out. “Sorry,” you said. “Not today. Have a nice day.”

As you walked away, you heard him call, “Don’t be afraid…”

You shivered as you re-entered the Stoker dining hall. You spotted Riki sitting down alone and headed towards him, sitting on the long bench in front of him. “How was it?” he asked through a muffled bite of breakfast burrito.

“He’s scary,” you said. 

Riki laughed, choking on his burrito. He covered his mouth as he caught his breath. “Yeah, that’s Sunoo for you. Did you get anything?”

You shook your head. “No. Got too spooked. I’m straight edge now.”

“Good,” Riki said. “It’s nothing to play around with.” 

You gestured for him to bring his burrito towards you, remembering the playful way he had taken a bite of your samosa last week. He reminded you of Lily, vaguely. You felt like you could try out being human around him. It was nice that he didn’t have any strong feelings for you. Riki held his food towards you and you took a bite. 

You swallowed. “I’ll be safe,” you said. 

“You better,” Riki said. “Listen, I know we’ve been friends for like, five minutes, but, well, you know... So I just wanted to let you know that if you, you know…ever need someone to… ah, this is so corny.”

“It is corny.” 

“Shut up,” Riki mumbled. 

“The same to you,” you said, a bit awkwardly. “If you ever, uh…”

“Thanks.” 

“Whatever.”

Riki held up his breakfast burrito; a lone bean toppled to the table. “Want another bite?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

–

There was a bus stop a few blocks away from the school. Isa, Lily, and you  all lived on-campus, and all of them were from out of town, so you took the bus to the movie theatre. Sitting on the cramped bench, squeezed in-between Lily and Isa, was enough to make your palms sweat. 

You had never had friends, save for ones in middle school who would guise their ridicule as teasing. They’d tell you that you had thin skin, that they teased you because it was so easy to get a reaction out of you. So you stopped giving them a reaction. Now, inexplicably, you waited for the shoe to drop.

Isa was dressed in an oversized sweater with tweed pants, her padded coat tossed over top. It was much more like the outfits you were used to seeing her wearing. Lily wore a baggy hoodie with a long skirt, an outfit similar to yours. Isa touched up her lip gloss while she waited for the bus to arrive. 

“This movie is going to be so ass,” she said, puckering her lips. “Can’t wait.”

“It has like a 20% on Rotten Tomatoes,” Lily replied. 

“That’s not too bad,” Isa said. “That’s like a ‘so bad it’s good’ rating.”

“I just hope it’s entertaining at least,” Lily said with a sigh. “If it won’t scare me, I want to at least laugh.”

“If it’s not funny, I’ll find the director myself,” you said dryly.

Lily laughed. “What would you do?”

“Can’t say,” you said. Isa snorted and nudged you with her elbow.

“Little vigilante,” Isa said. 

The bus arrived, you shakily dropped a few coins into the machine, and you were on. Then there was the matter of sitting. The scratchy, navy blue bus seats were arranged by twos. So Lily and Isa would sit together, and you would sit in the back. Or should you sit in the front while they sat in the back together? 

Isa sat down first, patting the seat next to her. “Come sit,” she said, beckoning you. You sat down beside her, folding your hands in your lap. So it was that easy. You caught a whiff of her perfume. 

“You smell good,” you said quietly. Was that creepy?

“Oh, thank you,” Isa said. “This is actually a sample I got from Marc Jacobs, Daisy Fresh.”

“Let me smell,” Lily said. Isa held her wrist behind her and Lily took a dramatic inhale. “That is really good. I wonder if I could put daisies in the smoothies…”

Isa wrinkled her nose. “Are daisies edible?”

“Chamomile is edible,” you said, “and those are daisies.”

“They are?”

“Not all daisies are chamomiles, but all chamomiles are daisies.”

Lily snapped her fingers. “Perfect. Chamomile smoothie next.”

“It could be like a sleepytime smoothie,” Isa suggested. “Lily’s Night Night Potion.”

“I like that,” Lily said approvingly. “I think chamomile is also a galactagogue.” 

“A what?”

“Increases milk flow,” Lily said.

Isa turned and gave you a little conspiratorial look. She swirled her finger around her head as if to say, “She’s crazy.” It made you feel special, the same way you did when Jake treated you like a friend. Like you were normal.

It dawned on you then, as you rode the bus with two people you could consider your friends, that this could all end. If Lily found out that the Mina thing had actually happened, she would be disgusted by Jake, Sunghoon, and your association with them. You could hardly imagine what Isa would do if she found out that Jay had been breaking your back every single day for a week. It was so fragile. The basis of your friendship with them was contingent on secrets.

You started to wonder if it was worth it to figure out the full truth about what happened to Mina. You were starting to wonder why you cared. 

As you watched the unsurprisingly mediocre film, sharing a full tub of popcorn between Lily and Isa, the phone containing Nina’s Instagram name burnt in your back pocket. Just a little longer. You would wait just a little longer to keep digging. 

–

On Sunday, as you sat on your bed getting some studying in, you heard knocking at your door. It was a bit later, around eight. Jay hadn’t come by that evening, so you figured that he wasn’t interested. A part of you felt sad, but a part of you wished that he would come by.

To both your glee and chagrin, it was Jay. You sat down on your bed in anticipation for whatever was to come. Jay locked the door behind himself and grinned at you. “How was the movie?”

“Bad.”

“Isa said it was really shit.” 

“She wasn’t lying.”

“Do you ever feel weird, working with her and talking to her while I’m…” Jay made an OK-sign and violently shoved his finger into it. 

Every day. “No, do you?”

“No. Anyways, Sunoo was talking and mentioned that you wanted to try getting high,” he said, sitting on your bed. He pulled a dime bag decorated with Hello Kitty stickers out of his pocket and dangled it in front of your face. “But you got scared. So I brought you a little gift.” He threw one leg over yours and rested against the headboard.

You looked at the baggie warily. “Is that…”

Jay smiled at you. “It is.”

“Isn’t cocaine…not a, uh, beginner drug? Isn’t it normally weed?”

Jay opened the bag and touched his pinky to the powder. He tasted it and nodded. “Please. You’ll be fine. I mean, middle schoolers do coke.”

“Do they?”

“Sure they do. C’mere.”

Reluctantly, you scooted closer to Jay, who promptly wrapped one arm around you. He held your chin with one hand, his arm hooked around your neck. 

“Now open wide,” he said. “I’ll rub it on your gums, the way you see in movies. You ever watch Scarface?”

“No?”

“Seriously? Well, it’ll be like that.”

You opened your mouth, just enough to accommodate a finger. He gently inserted his other pinky into your mouth and rubbed the cocaine directly onto your gums. You thought it would taste like talcum powder, but instead it was more like crushed up multivitamins. The taste was almost enough to make you gag. You were expecting to feel heart palpitations, nausea, and maybe a sneak peek at death at any second. You had bought some weed back in high school, dabbled with Xanax at your lowest, but nothing that felt this dangerous.

“You’ll be fine,” Jay said, as though he could read your mind. He continued rubbing the bitter powder over your gums. “It’ll feel really good. Promise.” 

Your lips grew cold and numb, and you clamped your mouth around Jay’s finger to test if you could feel something. No dice. Jay smiled and pulled his pinky away, sucking the tip of it. “Feels numb?”

You nodded and Jay laughed. “You can talk,” he said in an almost gentle tone. 

“It’s numb,” you said, pressing your fingers to your lips. “My gums are numb too.”

“Is it freaky?”

“A little,” you admitted. “Don’t like it.”

“You will,” Jay said. “Trust me. You sit tight over there, I’m gonna get myself started.” You watched as Jay used one of your textbook and a razor to cut neat little lines of cocaine. You wondered if the razor marks would be embedded into the hardcover. 

He snorted the lines, holding the bridge of his nose once he was done. “Fuck,” he said. “Always hurts...” Jay sat next to you again, wrapped his arm around you, and held you closely. His other hand rubbed your thigh in a languid motion. 

“I fucked a girl on ecstasy once,” Jay said, brushing his fingers against you gently. “We fucked for like three hours, and she loved every second.”

“Was it that good?” you asked. Normally, you figured you would feel that strange burning sensation in your chest at the mention of another woman, but it was absent this time. You tried to scoot the slightest bit closer to him without drawing his attention.

“Oh, yeah,” he said. “Rolling sex is different from coke sex. Rolling sex is like…I hate to sound pretentious or corny, but it really does feel spiritual sometimes. You feel so connected to the other person, like there’s something deeper at work. To me, sex on coke is more…raw.” As he said that last word, his hand slipped under your skirt. 

“It sounds fun,” you said. “Sex on ecstasy.” His subtle touch felt wonderful. It made you want to be bold again, so you ran your fingers along his jaw. It was so sharp, so perfectly sculpted. 

Jay laughed. “What, you wanna try it?” His hand was now caressing your bare upper thigh with long, slow strokes, his thumb just barely teasing the edge of your panties.

“We’d have to see if I like this first,” you whispered, dragging your index finger along his Adam’s apple. You felt the way it bobbed when he swallowed, the stiffness of the cartilage of his trachea. 

“Like what? Fucking me on coke?” Jay looked into your eyes and smiled in a lackadaisical manner you weren’t used to. 

“Yeah,” you said. You placed your thumb and middle finger against the sides of his throat, lightly pressing down. Its rigidity juxtaposed with its fragility fascinated you. It felt like you held his life in your hands. 

“Squeeze a little harder,” Jay said, heaviness sinking into his voice. 

You gripped his throat a little harder, and he let out a labored breath. “Fuck,” he whispered. “More.” 

You shifted yourself that you were straddling his lap. Your skirt had ridden up, bunched around your waist. Just the slight brush of his crotch against your clothed pussy was enough to make you gasp. both of your hands encircled his neck and you squeezed again. Jay let out a surprisingly loud moan, shivering underneath you. Normally, he muffled any sounds he made or merely gritted his teeth together.

“More,” Jay said, closing his eyes. “Harder, harder, harder.” 

Additional pressure on his neck made Jay cry out again. He rutted his crotch against yours, sending waves of pleasure throughout your body. “More,” he said, sweat starting to form beads on his forehead. His lips were parted. “Harder.” 

You were starting to actually strangle him, but you didn’t care. Another squeeze and Jay groaned, involuntarily canting his hips into you again. “Fuck, fuck, stop.” He grabbed your hands and pulled them off of his neck. His eyes were bloodshot and his breathing was heavy. “Almost came…I almost came. Shit.” 

You remained straddling his lap, your mind hazed over by lust. You pulled your sweater off, tossing it to the side. Jay shook his head and laughed as he threw his shirt off. “God, we should fuck on E after all,” he said. “Get off real quick?”

You pulled yourself off of his body, struggling to take your dress off. Once you had disrobed, your underwear included, you turned back to Jay. He was undressed as well, tugging his Calvin Klein boxers down; his cock sprang free, reddened and hard, the tip already wet with precum.

“I can’t do foreplay today,” Jay said, his voice strained. “Need to fuck you now. You wet enough?” 

“Find out,” you said, as eager as him. 

Jay laughed breathlessly, holding his arms out. You crawled back onto his lap, sitting on his thigh, and his hands settled on your hips. “I can feel it,” he whispered. “You’re dripping all over me. Can’t wait to get inside you, shit. You ever ride dick?”

You squinted at him.

“Stupid question,” Jay said. “Okay, I’ll teach you how to ride dick.” He lifted you up, giving you just enough support. “Put your hands on my shoulders. Knees on either side of me.” He wriggled backwards so that he was leaning against the headboard again, and you followed his instructions.

“Good,” he said. “Now, you just…lower yourself down on it.” You bit your lip, marveling at the lack of sensation, and lifted your hips up with Jay’s help. Sinking down on his cock made you moan, deeper than you had ever done before. Jay hissed, your name slipping from his lips. You felt your walls expanding to envelop Jay’s cock, and you felt like screaming already.

Jay guided your hips up slowly before bringing you down on his length again. “That’s all,” he said. “Up and down.” With his hands loosely holding your hips, you tried it yourself, lowering yourself on his cock again. He let out a pornographic groan which only spurred you on. Once again, you took his dick. It felt like it was filling you, all the way to your guts. 

You developed a rhythm, working his cock the best you could. “That’s it,” Jay grunted, his nails digging into your flesh as he gripped your hips tighter. “Bounce on it, bounce on this dick. Like you’re my… little pornstar.” Normally, when Jay fucked you, you let him do whatever he want. It felt fine no matter what. But you liked this, being adventurous, like you were taking the lead. Testing a move you had seen in a porno a while ago, you tentatively swirled your pussy around his cock. Jay groaned and ground you down onto his lap, his balls slapping your ass. “Do that again,” he said. When you raised yourself up again, you performed the same motion. “Jesus.”

After a while, your thighs started to burn. “Hurts,” you said, slowing down. You felt disappointed that you couldn’t keep going, but apparently coke didn’t give you superpowers. 

With a speed you didn’t know he possessed, Jay pulled out of you and pushed you down onto the sheets. Rolling you over onto your stomach, he lifted your hips up. His hand cracked against your ass, and you yelped. “Gonna fuck you into the mattress,” he hissed. 

This wasn’t the first time he had taken you from behind, nor was it the first time he had been rough, but it still felt amazing. He pushed your head down, his hand lightly settling on your throat. With your face planted firmly inside your sheets, you rocked back onto his cock, trying to match his pace. Another hard slap landed on your ass. “Good bitch,” Jay said. 

As he slid his dick in and out of you, the wetness making obscene noises, Jay nibbled and sucked harshly on a small spot on your shoulder. He loved marking you, even though you never wore anything that would reveal the traces he left behind.

Jay pounded into you from behind, his hands crawling to your tummy. He moaned erratically, and when you looked behind you, you saw that his eyes were screwed shut. You collected the arousal dripping from your pussy and played with your clit. “Gonna cum,” Jay said, panting. “Cum for me.” 

You felt your orgasm building, hot and palpitating, and you moaned his name. You’d never done it before, and it made you feel self-conscious. Until Jay chanted your own name like a mantra, intermingled with loud curses. Just as your orgasm ripped through you, leaving you screaming and shaking, you felt Jay pull out of you. A cool substance splattered over your back, probably his cum. Exhausted, you dropped your hips onto the bed and groaned. Your pussy contracted while you tried to ride out your orgasm, your fingers still gently making circles on your tired clit before you felt calm enough to stop.

As you laid there, you realized that you hadn’t thought about Isa once. Normally, even when he was inside you, you wondered if he had done this with Isa, and if so, how many times, and who had made him cum more, and on and on. But you hadn’t compared yourself with her once. You had just enjoyed yourself. But now the reality crept on you, that you were fucking someone else’s man. You were a homewrecker, a cheater. If the old you could see you now, she would hate you.

Jay slapped your ass again, snapping you out of your reverie. “You good?”

Lifting your head up, you turned to face Jay. Sweat dripped down his face, and his torso was trembling. You nodded, but your face must have been unconvincing. 

“It’s the comedown,” Jay said. “It’s brutal the first time. You feel like shit now, right?”

“Sure, yeah,” you said shakily. “I do.”

“It’ll pass,” he said. “Come on, sit up.”

You crawled over to your headboard, feeling cold all of a sudden. Cold and empty. You thought Jay would put his arm around you, but all he did was rummage through your nightstand’s drawer for your smokes and lighter. He lit two and put one in between your lips. “It’ll help,” he murmured.

You took a long drag, shakily exhaling the smoke. 

“You should take a shower after this,” Jay said. “It’ll help you clear your head.”

“Okay.”

“It’s not nearly so bad,” Jay said. Then he chuckled. “I hope you enjoyed that. That’s the best high you’ll get.” His eyes were reflective, and he took a short, angry drag. 

“After this?”

“The old cliche. Now you’ll just try to chase this feeling,” he said. Clearing his throat, Jay reached for his boxers. “I gotta go. Gotta meet Sunghoon. You’ll be fine.” 

You blearily watched him get dressed. He hadn’t kissed you once. 

He left. You took a shower. 

It didn’t help. 

When you opened the door to your room, the scent of sex was so heady that you took a step back. Every time he fucked you, you felt full, until you felt hopelessly empty. Tears welled in your eyes, and you wiped them away angrily. It had been so long since you had cried properly. Now, you felt like a broken piece of china, nothing but sharp, jagged edges. 

You didn’t want to be alone right now, so you picked up your cell phone. Riki had said that you were friends, and friends helped each other, right?

“Riki?” you said, your throat hoarse. 

“Yeah?” he asked. “You good?”

“No,” you said quietly. “My, uh, my dog died.”

Riki fell silent. “Really?” 

“Yeah.”

“Shit,” he said, his voice growing somber. “I’m sorry.”

“He was my best friend,” you said. “I’m just…sorry, I shouldn’t be bothering you, but…” 

“No, no, no,” Riki said. “No, Jesus, your dog died. It’s fine. You wanna meet up?” 

“Yes,” you said, almost too eagerly. “Sure.”

“Your room?”

“No, no…”

“Mine?” And potentially run into Jay? You’d pass. Just as you were about to decline, Riki said, “Jay’s out with Sunghoon right now, and Jake is studying, so you won’t run into them.”

Huh. So he wasn’t lying. “Sure, yeah. I’ll come over.”

“You sure you don’t want me to come to yours? You sound really messed up.”

“I’m positive,” you said, trying to sound neutral. You knew you were failing. 

–

Riki’s room was different than Jay’s in a good way. Movie posters lined his walls, and he had stuck random fast-food receipts to the walls. Clothes were thrown around haphazardly, even tossed onto his lamp. Riki was lying in bed, watching something on his laptop, but when he saw you he closed the screen and walked towards you. Without waiting for a word, he enveloped you in a hug.

It felt so good to touch someone who wasn’t involved in the stupid Jay-Isa-Jake conundrum. When you felt his arms wrap around you, you broke down into tears. It was embarrassing, falling apart in the embrace of someone you had effectively known for a few weeks. Still, Riki rubbed your back.

“I know how it is,” Riki murmured, patting your head. “If I lost bisco, I’d lose my mind. You guys were close?”

“Yeah,” you lied, allowing yourself to hug Riki back. “He was my only friend when I was younger.”

“Sorry,” he whispered. “You really must have loved him.” 

“Yeah,” you said. You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a shuddering sob. “I think I did. And I feel stupid for it.”

Riki pulled away slightly, just so he could look at your face. “Why?”

“He’s…” you swallowed. “He was just a dog. I know that they have shorter lifespans than humans, and-and I knew that…it wouldn’t last. So why am I so upset?”

Riki pressed your head into his shoulder. “Because you’re human,” he said with a soft, not unkind, laugh. “You’re a human. It’s normal to love dogs, even if they have short lifespans. You can’t choose how you react to situations. It’d be great if you could, but you can’t.”

“I wish I could,” you said helplessly. “I wish I didn’t feel a thing.”

“Don’t say that,” Riki said. “You don’t mean that. You felt good when you were with your dog, right?”

“Yeah,” you said, tears still spilling onto Riki’s sweater. “Yeah, I did.”

“You wouldn’t get to feel that if you had no feelings. You can’t experience the highs without the lows and all that.”

You laughed despite yourself. “So wise.”

“I’m a fount of knowledge,” Riki said, patting your head again. “I keep telling you.”

You sniffled and a realization overtook you. You pulled away from Riki and he stepped back, surprised. “What is it?”

“You’re dating someone,” you said quietly. “Sorry, I forgot. I forgot you were…sorry.”

Riki grabbed your wrist, preventing you from leaving. “Hey. My girlfriend doesn’t own me, first of all. If anyone I date gets mad because I’m comforting a friend with a dead dog, then I wouldn’t date them. That’s fucked. Second of all…” Riki hesitated, pressing his thumb against your veins. “I think we’re done soon, anyways.”

“Really?”

Riki nodded, letting go of you. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “I’m not….the best person, you know. So it’s sort of inevitable.”

“You don’t seem so bad to me,” you protested. “You aren’t as bad as Jay.”

Riki covered his mouth as he snickered. “If you have to use Jay as a benchmark…”

“Fair enough.”

Riki shrugged, kicking a stray sock around on his floor. 

“Well, you’re nice to me,” you said. 

That made Riki scoff. “Quit it. You sound like an orphan again. It’s not that hard to be nice to you, you know. I’m not a good person just because I don’t treat you like shit.”

You bit your lip, feeling admonished. Riki looked up at you and winced. “Look at me, being a dick to a girl with a dead dog. I told you I’m not nice.”

It was your turn to scoff, lightly hitting his arm. “Shut up.”

Riki chuckled. “What was his name?”

“Whose?”

“Your dog’s, dummy.”

Shit. Shit, shit, what was a name? “Mr. Wigglesworth,” you offered.

“Mr.? Did he have a first name?”

“Mr. was his first name.”

“That’s a really stupid name for a dog.”

“Well,” you said flatly. “He’s dead, so at least he doesn’t have it anymore.”

“All right, Wednesday, I was just joking.”

“So was I.”

With a shake of his head, Riki flopped back onto his bed. “You’re so difficult,” he said with a smile. “And very annoying.”

“You’re rubbing off on me,” you retorted. 

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s my birthday month. Be nice to me. Oh, shit, I didn’t invite you to the party yet.”

“Party?”

“Sunghoon’s birthday is on the 8th, and mine is on the 9th, so we’re going to have a joint party. It’ll start at 11 on the 8th and end…whenever it ends. It’ll be really fun. You should come. Well, no, you have to come. It’s an order from the birthday boy.”

You didn’t relish the thought of another party, but how could you refuse Riki after he had been so kind to you? “Yeah, of course. Where is it?”

“Heh. I won’t tell you. You’ll have to drive there with me,” Riki said.

“Oh. So I won’t need a password?”

“Nah,” Riki said. “If you want it, it’s ‘foreshadow’.”

“How cryptic,” you said. 

Riki smiled. “I try. Anyways, you want to watch Jujutsu Kaisen with me?”

“Never seen it.”

“Oh, you’re missing out,” he said, turning his tablet back on. 

“I bet.”

–

Jake texted you on Sunday night, asking you to meet up at Stoker’s cafeteria. You were starting to spend far too much time there for your liking. As you diligently walked over there, you felt the same feeling, like something was off. The clusters of people still dotting the fields glanced at you - that was it. People were looking at you. They never used to pay attention to you before, but now their eyes burnt holes into you. You were starting to become associated with the Karma Club, and you realized that that association would make joining the group chat even more difficult. You’d have to use a burner account, if you did join it. If.

Jake was sitting on one of the oak benches, two bagels in his hands. His black eye had faded into a yellow-green smear, and his lip had scarred over. “Hey,” he said, smiling at you. “I hope you like bagels.”

You took one of the bagels and sat down across from him. “Bagels at night?”

Jake shrugged. “Why not?”

“Why not, indeed?” You took a bite of it and wiped the crumbs from your lips. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” he said slowly. “It’s just that I’m going away for my birthday. I’ll be gone for two weeks.”

“Two weeks for your birthday?”

“My parents are extra,” Jake said, tearing off a chunk of his bagel. “I’ll be back in time for Sunghoon and Riki’s birthday party, though. You going?”

“Riki forced my hand,” you said.

Jake grinned. “Attaboy. So, you know, if Jay does anything, just let me know. I hate that I’m leaving you alone with him for two weeks.”

“He hasn’t done anything to me in a while,” you said, your eyes drifting away from Jake’s face. 

“That’s good,” Jake said. “It’s just…you can never know with him. He’s so unpredictable. We had an argument a few days ago…” Jake popped another bite of bagel into his mouth.

“Argument?”

“I haven’t been doing very well,” Jake said quietly. Now it was his turn to avert his gaze; he picked at a thread on his large grey hoodie. “I’ve been doing shit recently. Nothing to do with you, just life. I, you know, I’ve always had problems, and sometimes I can deal with them. Control them, be the person my friends want me to be. But sometimes they get the best of me.”

“What do your friends want you to be?”

“Nice guy Jake.” Jake’s voice was bitter. “Everyone wants me to be that way. Can’t make a mistake. Can’t slip up. When someone else fucks up, it’s fine. It’s normal. But when I fuck up, it’s the end of the world. I’m the worst person alive.”

You nodded slowly, comparing his words with what Jay had told you. “I don’t think you’re the worst person alive.”

Jake chuckled, examining his bagel. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“You’ve been nice to me,” you continued. “So thank you. I know it must be weird…”

“It’s not weird at all,” Jake said. “It’s not weird for me, I swear. I fell for you really fast, I know. I don’t expect anything and I still don’t.” 

You didn’t know what else to say, and Jake fell silent too. “I love the Karma Club,” he said after a while, “but sometimes I feel like I’m losing myself, hanging around them all the time, always doing risky shit.”

“Maybe this will be good for you,” you said. “Your vacation, I mean.”

“Vacation,” Jake said vaguely. “Maybe it will. Thanks for letting me talk, Wednesday.”

“No problem,” you said. “Thanks for the bagel.”

“No problem.”

You smiled at Jake, and Jake smiled at you, and for a moment you wished that you could just like Jake. You could have a million nights like this, eating bagels together, talking, baring your souls. If you thought about it, it nearly sounded appealing.

“Happy early birthday,” you said after a while. 

“Thank you,” Jake said. 

The two of you ate your bagels in silence.

–

You spent the next three weeks as usual. This time, after your library shift, you, Isa, Sunghoon, and Riki would go to the smoothie shop. When Lily wasn’t working there, she would go as well, sitting next to Sunghoon and discussing different flavour pairings. You, Isa, and Riki would sit at a table, sipping your smoothie and talking. Isa treated Riki like a little brother, and it was fun to see them argue about nothing in particular. 

Jay still came into your room every evening. At some point, you could tell that he had started to derive some sort of pleasure in ignoring you at the library only to be intimate with you in private. When Isa wasn’t looking, he would give you a quick once-over, mouth obscenities at you, or even wink at you. 

He was staying for longer, now. Jay would laze in your room for an entire hour afterwards. You wondered where he told his friends he was going every evening, if he told them anything at all. You didn’t want to ask, though. The “relationship” between the two of you seemed so tenuous, so fragile, that if you pulled at any of the threads it could unravel. The emptiness after he left was becoming worse, too. What was once an indefinite, hazy feeling turned into a wound that began to fester. You constantly had to gauge how much you could reveal, holding back on kissing him passionately lest Jay find out that you didn’t hate him. That you were starting to want more. 

It was a Tuesday. Sunghoon’s birthday fell on Wednesday, and Riki’s fell on Thursday, so everyone who was going to the party was planning on skipping school. You had never skipped a day of college before, so you felt a delicious little thrill at the thought of it. Jay was lying in your bed, his hand on your stomach, lightly squeezing it. His hair was stuck to his forehead, and he was only now starting to catch his breath. He had gotten a new gash on his arm, probably from a stupid fight. He would always summarize those skirmishes as, “dumbass bullshit.” You never pried too deeply into what he did when he was being a Karma Club member. “I was thinking,” he said, “you know that motel, Colborne Motel?”

“No.”

“The one where that guy killed that hooker?”

“Never heard of it.”

“Huh. Well, a guy killed a hooker in one of those rooms, Room 115 or 116 or something.”

“Where are you going with this?”

Jay smiled, his white teeth gleaming in the darkening light filtering in from outside. “I think we should go there, drop E, and fuck.”

You squinted. “You want to hook up where someone got murdered?”

“I thought that that would appeal to you,” Jay said, continuing to squeeze and stroke your stomach. “Given your…personality.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You flicked his forehead, something you had seen Isa do to Riki.

Jay lightly flicked you back with his free hand. “You know exactly what that’s supposed to mean.” 

You reached out to flick him again, but Jay grabbed your wrist and rolled on top of you, pinning you to the bed. “Say it anyways.”

“Well, you certainly don’t seem scared of death,” he said, “and your Emily the Strange vibe doesn’t help.”

“You know who Emily the Strange is?”

“She was my first crush,” Jay said.

“Explains a lot about your psyche,” you deadpanned. “It’s very Freudian, your first love-object.”

“Oh, don’t start talking pseudoscience,” Jay said, pulling both of your wrists over your head. “It makes me want to do nasty things to you.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah, but you’re lucky I’m too tired.” Jay leaned down and kissed you, holding your wrists in one hand. The other slipped to your cheek. When he pulled away, he gave you an odd look. “Have you bought anything for Riki’s birthday?”

“No,” you said. “I don’t really know what to get him.”

Jay let go of your wrists and fell down beside you once more. “Neither do I,” Jay said. “That kid already has everything. Sunghoon was easy to shop for.”

“What’d you get him?”

“A novelty toaster oven.”

“Where’s the novelty?”

“It can toast a picture of a penguin on the bread,” Jay said. “It’s pretty cool.”

“I see.”

Jay sighed, running his fingers through his damp hair. “What do I get that kid?”

“Maybe I’ll get him a cologne,” you said thoughtfully. “He doesn’t seem like he has a lot. I guess I can take the bus to the mall”

“I’ll just drive you,” Jay said. You stared at him, befuddled. “What? It makes sense. I can find something for Riki, you can get him something so he knows that you’re not a shit friend who didn’t buy him a birthday gift, you give me head in a change room…”

“Jay.”

“The perfect plan,” he continued. “Go shower. Meet me on the corner of Decelis Street and blossom avenue.” Jay rolled out of your bed and started to put his clothes back on.

You could hardly move, but you got up anyway and started going through your closet for something to wear. You laid your clothes out on your bed.

“See you in 20,” Jay said once he was fully dressed. When he left, you shoved the wad of bills he had given you last month into your purse. Thanks to Jay, you could afford to buy Riki something nice.

—

Jay pulled up in his all-black Mazda. It didn’t have a single scuff, or any visible use of wear, which surprised you. You had figured that he would be a risky driver. Jay opened the door for you, yelling, “Get in.” 

You sank your head into the soft leather seat, trying not to make it apparent that you were admiring his car. No such luck. Jay looked at you and smirked.

“You’ve never even seen a car this nice, right?” he asked. 

“It serves its purpose as compensation for your manhood quite well,” you said. 

Jay scoffed, buckling his seatbelt. “That little joke would work better if you hadn’t seen how big my dick is. And you can’t say it’s not, either.”

“Yeah, yeah. Fine. You have a huge dick, a nice car, and you’re rich. You win.”

“Thank you,” Jay said. “That’s all I’ve been wanting to hear.”

“Can you put some sunglasses on, too?” you asked, putting your own seatbelt on over your bulky sweater. “So you can be as douchey as possible?”

Jay opened the glove compartment, fumbled around, and took out a small glasses case embossed with the word PRADA in gold lettering. He took out a sleek pair of sunglasses and put them on. “Are you ready for the most pretentious car ride of your goddamn life?”

“Ready,” you said, fighting a grin. 

Jay peeled off of the curb and drove towards the mall. You stared out of the window, trying to absorb everything about the surrounding city. Having no reason to venture off campus, this was practically new territory for you. The leaves were already red, shifting into a decaying brown. The houses you passed were somewhat smaller than Yeonjun’s place, yet still just as lavish. Jay turned onto the highway. 

“Gonna play some rock music,” he said, fidding with the Spotify app on the dashboard panel. “I know it’s not Alanis Morisette, but…”

“I like rock,” you said. “As most people do.”

“You’d be surprised,” Jay said. “Isa listens to the most mainstream shit ever. Frank Ocean, SZA, Taylor Swift…” Jay wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“They’re popular artists,” you said. 

“Popular shartists,” he said. Jay put on Highway to Hell by AC/DC, and you rolled your eyes.

“Asserting your musical dominance by playing one of the most well-known rock songs of all time, are we?”

“You don’t deserve to hear my selection of deep cuts,” Jay retorted. “Bitch.” 

You laughed. “Deep cuts such as American Idiot by Green Day and Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana?” 

“Oh, fuck you,” Jay said, but he was fighting a grin. “Pretentious slut.”

“Hypocritical manwhore.”

“Gloomy bitch.”

“Unfunny asshole.”

“Humourless cunt.”

“You copied mine,” you said. 

“That wasn’t copying,” Jay replied. “That was me improving upon your work.”

“Improving used subjectively here?”

“I’ll use you subjectively,” Jay said.

“What?”

“My dick is like half-mast right now,” he said. “Can I pull over so we can…”

“No.”

Jay laughed so loudly he nearly swerved into a semi-truck. You yelled, which only made him laugh more. Eventually, you joined in as well. 

–

You had never been to an outlet mall before, let alone one so upscale. You only recognized some of the names displayed on the map just outside the entrance - Prada, Dior, Chanel, Gucci, Versace. It was a dizzying list, one that harkened back the years of thrift store clothes and exclusion. 

“You see anywhere you want to go?” Jay asked, coming up behind you. He had been busy trying to tuck his sunglasses into his loose baggy T-shirt, eventually settling with wearing them around the back of his head. 

“Uh,” you said. “Don’t know.”

“There’s a Tom Ford store,” Jay said, pointing towards the north of the map. They make good fragrances. I have a few, actually. We could go there first, then I’ll get my gift for him.”

“Sounds good,” you said weakly. Even though he was dressed casually, Jay still seemed like he meshed better with the platoon of patrons wandering around, hauling shopping bags as big as suitcases around. You felt like someone’s raggedy little sister. 

“What are you waiting for?” Jay asked. “Shoo.”

You sighed, walking towards Tom Ford. As you walked, you passed by stores with avant-garde clothes pasted on mannequins in different poses, makeup boutiques, and lingerie stores. 

“Should we stop here?” Jay asked innocently, pointing at La Perla.

“What, for you? Sure,” you said. 

“Maybe I will,” Jay said. “I’d look cute in a thong, wouldn’t you agree.”

You clamped your mouth shut and he snorted. “This mall is nice because no one from our school comes here,” he said. “They just shop online, or if they shop in person, they go to the one over in Riverfield.”

“Why?”

“There’s boba,” he explained. “And there’s trendier stores there, but I like classic stores better. You know what I mean?”

“No.”

“I guess you wouldn’t,” he said. “Like Cinderella without the talking rats.”

“There’s one right next to me,” you said. 

Jay snorted. “That was good, actually.”

You smiled and continued taking in your surroundings. The sky was dark, but the cobblestone paths of the outlet mall were lined with old-fashioned street lamps that illuminated the area well. Eventually, you made your way to Tom Ford. Jay opened the door for you, impatiently ushering you inside. The store was hopelessly luxurious. Two sumptuous grey couches faced each other, settled on swirled marble floors. The shelves were glass, and the items were one of each. You supposed that you had to request the item you wanted. 

You wandered towards the fragrance section, where an overly-effusive worker hounded you. Jay nodded at him once and then he went away somewhere else. You marveled at how Jay’s aura, if you could call it that, extended outside of school. You spritzed a random bottle of cologne onto a strip of paper, waved it in the air, and took a sniff. 

“Costa Azzura,” Jay said, watching you closely. “That’s a good one.” 

“I don’t know if it’ll suit Riki,” you mumbled. Jay snatched the piece of paper from you and inhaled. 

“You’re right,” he said. “Too mature for him.” 

You took a lighter-coloured bottle and sampled that next. It was citrusy, with a hint of spice. “This is better,” you said. Grey Vetiver.

Jay frowned at you. “Don’t you want to try more?”

“Why? This one smells fine.” 

“Maybe there’s one that’ll be better,” Jay said. 

You groaned and put the bottle back on the shelf. Azure Lime was next, then Tuscan Leather, then Fucking Fabulous. “There’s too many,” you grumbled. “I’m getting Grey Vetiver.”

“You’re rushing the process,” Jay said. “Here, try Electric Cherry.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Do it,” he growled. You reluctantly took a sniff of the strip of paper Jay had thrust under your nose. 

“It’s fine,” you said weakly. “It’s very feminine, though. Not sure if Riki would like it.”

“Riki,” Jay said. “Riki. Yeah, you’re right. Get the Grey Vetiver.” Jay beckoned a store attendant to come over, requesting a box of the cologne. While they were gone, you opened your purse and took out a few of the $100 bills Jay had given you.

Jay stared at you, dumbfounded. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m going to pay for th-,”

“No,” Jay said sternly. “No, no paying with fucking cash at a luxury store. Were you raised in a barn?”

“But-,”

“So useless,” Jay said. “I’ll just pay for it. It’s my money you were going to use anyways.” He walked over to the cash register and paid for the cologne, a scowl on his face the entire time. When he was done, he thrusted the bag into your hands. “You’re welcome,” he said.

You stumbled out of the store after him. “Where will you go to get your gift for Riki?” you asked. 

“I don’t know, prude,” Jay snapped. “Unlike you, I know how to enjoy a shopping experience.” 

Enjoy was a very generous word to use. Jay dragged you to virtually every single store in the mall that sold men��s clothing. He hemmed and hawed over the cut of pants, asked the store attendants to bring out clothes that he examined with the scrutiny of a surgeon, and fingered the fabric of every piece he liked. 

He made you try on the clothes over your own outfit, forcing you to put on bombers, puffs, leather jackets, and assorted hats. 

“This Moncler raincoat suits you,” Jay murmured. It had been two hours, and your feet were aching. 

“It doesn’t matter if it suits me,” you said, your voice coming out in a whine. “It’s for Riki.”

Jay waved his hand. “All you younger people are the same anyways. Come on, put this short down jacket on.” 

You stripped the raincoat off and handed it over to an attendant before trying on the jacket. 

“Very nice,” Jay said, a hand over his mouth. “Very nice…”

“How come you’re getting him a jacket, anyways? Doesn’t he already have one? Or several?”

“Every year, the KC goes on a trip over winter break,” Jay explained, fondling the hem of the jacket. “We all pick straws to see who gets to pick the location. Jungwon drew the longest, so we’re going to the Swiss Alps.”

“The Alps?”

“Don’t bother asking,” Jay muttered. “I don’t know either. Arms up.”

You stuck your arms out so Jay could examine the “movement” of the jacket, whatever that meant. He wasn’t even getting them in Riki’s size anymore. 

“Yes….good…Now take it off.” Once you peeled off the warm coat, Jay gestured for a store attendant. “One in this size,” he said. 

“Riki won’t fit in that,” you said.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jay said. “That’s for something else.”

Or someone else. You bit your lip in frustration. He was probably buying that stupid jacket for Isa, and you were just the model. 

“I’m tired,” you said. 

“One last store,” Jay said, his voice dropping slightly. “Wanted to go back to Armani, get him a nice suit.”

“Whatever.”

“Poor doggy,” Jay said, scratching your chin. “All tired out?”

You pulled your head away from his hand. “I’m not a dog.”

“Woof.”

“I hope you get stranded in the Swiss Alps,” you grumbled. 

“You’d get stranded there too,” Jay said.

“Why would I be there?”

Jay smiled, once again brandishing his credit card as he walked to the cash register. “Trip rules state that we can take one person as a date,” he said. “And dickless is probably going to ask you to go with him.”

“And you’ll ask Isa?”

If you hadn’t been so attuned to his actions, you probably wouldn’t have noticed the way his fingers tightened on his bank card. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll take Isa.”

–

When you got back to your dorm room, clutching the Tom Ford back, you let out a shaky sigh. You considered tossing the cologne onto your bed, but Riki didn’t deserve to suffer just because you were upset. Instead, you pulled out your phone and downloaded the Instagram app.

You needed a good name, something anonymous, something that no one could ever associate with you. Just in case things went tits-up. You decided on the moniker “jumblesack82.” Then you went to your Notes app, found Nina’s Instagram handle, and typed it in. She wasn’t private, so you could scroll through her photos. 

Nina was pretty, sociable, smart, and outgoing. Her feed was plastered with pictures of her with friends, wearing cute outfits, and enjoying life. Just before you followed her, you decided to see if you couldn’t find Lily.

Scrolling through her followers list, you eventually found her. lily2morrow. Her entire page appeared to be pictures of her holding various drinks and smiling, one of which you recognized as the maca root smoothie she had given you last month. Lily had posted something on her Instagram story, so you clicked on it. It was a picture of someone with their face cut off, holding the straw of a smoothie and playfully trying to cover the photo with the other. To your horror and dismay, you recognized those pale, pale hands. Sunghoon and Lily…? The Karma Club truly left no stones unturned.

You went through her following to find Isa’s page next. It just made you feel like throwing up. Seeing her selfies, her vibrant red hair, her stupid fucking captions like, “I’d marry you with paper rings~” it made you feel insane. What turned your stomach the most recent photo she had taken, one of her and Jay. His hand settled on her waist, and she was cupping his chin in her hand. He was actually smiling into the camera. 

From what you had ascertained from his comments about her, you had assumed that Jay disliked Isa. You couldn’t understand why he was still with her, but you could at least revel in the fact that he disliked her in some way. But this picture of them, undeniable proof that people knew they were together, that they existed beyond four walls, it made your skin crawl. People probably mentioned them in tandem: there’s Jay and Isa, are Isa and Jay going to the party, Jay likes Isa, Isa likes Jay, Isa loves Jay, Isa wants to fuck Jay. Seemingly to protect your sensibilities, Isa rarely talked about Jay in the group chat you had with her and Lily. Mainly, you coordinated when you were going to meet up, shared funny pictures. Occasionally, she would allude to “her man”, but you could take that in stride. You realized that she probably spoke to Lily about Jay, behind your back. 

You didn’t bother trying to find the Karma Club members on Instagram. You felt like your world was already imploding. Through blurred vision, you DMed Nina. You thought it would be wise to disguise your typing style. 

You: hi im the girl you met earlier >_<

Nina: Hi! You’re the one who had trouble with the Karma Club

You: yes ._.

Nina: I’ll tell one of them to invite you right now, girlie!

You: thank you girlie >3<

Soon, you were inside of the group chat, conveniently and aptly titled “Anti KC”. Immediately, several people started texting at once, relaying a variety of greetings. They asked you what your name was, and you said you were hiding your identity for protection. “So smart,” one of them typed. You frowned. None of them had used alternate accounts? 

You scrolled through the members of the group chat. You didn’t know most of them. Jisun, Somi, Rachel, Sieun, Irene, Chaeyoung, Minji, Dia. All very beautiful girls.

One of them asked what the Karma Club had done to you, and the others concurred. They wanted to know everything. So they could help you, they said. You briefly considered lying, but then you remembered that picture, that damned picture of Jay and Isa. 

So you typed out everything leading up to Jay’s rape of you. After some hesitation, you included that. You read your message back over before you sent it. It looked so garish, awful, and inhumane looking at it. The facts were cold and conveyed none of the nuance. None of the emotions you had felt. You sent it anyways.

You received a sympathetic wave of asspats, which did nothing to lessen your internal anguish. Oh, well. They believed you, and they trusted you. That was something. You didn’t exactly join the group chat to kumbaya anyways. You were here for answers, to figure out what had happened to Mina once and for all. Nina had mentioned that the group chat was made shortly after the Mina incident, so you started by backscrolling. You didn’t care that it would take a while.

You were surprised by the sheer inanity of half of the conversations in the group chat. You had assumed that it would be more like a group of women attempting to take down the Karma Club, but instead it was partially being used for idle gossip. Still, some of the things you saw were interesting. For example, that Heeseung was a serial cheater, and had slept with nearly every single girl in the group besides Sieun and Minji, who were your age. 

One year, the Karma Club had allegedly destroyed thousands of dollars worth of alcohol when they went to a bar. Sunoo had given the rugby team, the volleyball team, the cheerleading squad, several teachers, and a few of the girls in the chat the shits. Sunghoon extorted people for money, Jungwon supposedly had blackmail on half of the school, and Riki was “cute but evil.” They didn’t say anything about the things he had done, oddly enough.

None of this seemed as bad as what Jay had done to you, although Jay was a most reviled figure in the chat. Strangely enough, they seemed to slobber over him in equal measure to their lambasement of him. “He’s so hot but so fucked up,” one of them said. “He’s like irl Takumi from Nana frrrr” another person said. Ridiculous. All they could say about him was that he got into fights, had a nasty temper, and couldn’t hold a girlfriend down. “Good luck to Isa,” one person said. You had to bite your fist to stop yourself from screaming. 

Eventually, after what felt like a month of nonstop scrolling, you got into the earlier years of the chat. Dia, Chaeyoung, and Rachel had started the group chat because they had gotten cheated on by Heeseung. They commented on the Mina incident, initially condemning her.

“she makes the rest of us look bad,” Rachel had typed. “lying about rape is crazyyy”

“fr,” Chaeyoung had sent. “amber heard ass”

Then someone named Jisun had been introduced into the chat. She had been diligent in cataloging what the Karma Club had done. Jisun had apparently been friends with Mina and defended her friend.

“jake is so evil and im sick of people acting like he’s not as equally as big of a piece of shit as the rest of them lmao,” Jisun had said. “jake ruined her life. hes the one that got her hooked on oxy. shes prbly in rehab rn. i dont even know if she lied her not. even if she did, he deserved it”

“fuck fake” Dia had typed. “*jake”

Oxy? Oxycontin? You already knew, but you Googled it just to be sure. Your heart was pounding inside of your ears. Oxycontin, a known opioid. On one hand, you should be wary of any information you got from people who hated the Karma Club members. On the other hand, it was a coincidence you couldn’t ignore. 

Mina had to be administered naloxone, something used during an opioid overdose. Jake had introduced Mina to opioids. 

And tomorrow night, you would be partying with him.

(continued in next part)

[thoughtdaughtersworld]

Silent Lullabies Pt 2.

Azriel X f!reader

Summary: Y/n grapples with overwhelming grief and emotional turmoil.

TW!!: miscarriage, suicidal thoughts, emotional turmoil

Pls don't read if these things trigger you. Thank you guys for reading!!

*******************************************************

Azriel’s heart sinks as he realizes what’s happening. “No, no,” he whispers, his voice breaking. The shadows around him swirl in panic, mirroring the storm raging inside him.

"Rhys," Azriel says desperately, dropping his mental shields, his voice frantic and uneven. "Get Madja. Now. Something’s wrong with Y/N."

"On it," Rhys replies immediately, his tone sharp and firm. But it offers little comfort as Azriel turns his gaze back to you.

“We need to get you to Madja,” he says urgently, his hand moving to your stomach again, fear tightening his grip.

Without hesitation, Azriel lifts you into his arms and takes off, running as fast as he can toward the House of Wind. The wind whipping through his hair and stinging his eyes, but his only focus was on you.The way your body trembled, the way your breath was too shallow, too weak. You were in a state of shock, your mind reeling in denial and confusion..

By the time he reached the House of wind, Madja was already waiting, Rhys and Cassian close behind, their worry palpable.

“What’s happening?” Rhys demands, his eyes darting between you and Azriel.

 “She’s in pain. There was blood. She just-” He exhales sharply, trying to steady himself, but the terror gripping his chest makes it near impossible.

Madja wastes no time. “Put her down. Now.” Her sharp gaze sweeps over you before she turns to the others. "I need everyone out. Except Azriel”.

Azriel gently lays you on the bed, brushing damp hair from your face. His touch is tender, his hands trembling slightly as he grips yours. “I’m here, love,” he murmurs, his voice soft yet resolute. “You’re not alone.”

Madja crouches beside you, her experienced hands moving quickly over your body, assessing, analyzing. Then she looks up, her face grave.

“You’re in early labor, Y/N,” she says, her voice urgent. “And you need to start pushing. Now.”

The words crash over you like a tidal wave. Your chest tightens, panic flaring in your veins.

“No,” you whisper, shaking your head, denial wrapping around you like a vice. Your body feels too weak, too broken. “I-I can’t.”

Azriel’s grip on your hand tightens. “You can,” he says, his voice rough with emotion. “You have to. You’re stronger than you know.”

Tears spill freely down your cheeks as you shake your head. “It hurts..I can’t-”

Azriel leans closer, his forehead nearly touching yours. “I know, love,” he whispers, his voice cracking. “I know. But you have to push.”

A sob rips through you, but you nod weakly, drawing in a ragged breath before forcing all your strength into one final push.

And then relief. But the room was silent.

You wait, gasping, heart pounding, but the sound that should follow—the sound of your baby’s first cry never comes.

Madja doesn’t speak right away, her focus entirely on the unmoving infant in her hands. She taps his back, firm but gentle. Nothing.

“No,” you whisper, your vision blurring with fresh tears. “No, no—”

Azriel is frozen beside you, his entire body rigid with shock. The shadows around him stutter, unsure, lost.

Madja tries again, rubbing the baby’s back, willing him to move, to breathe, to live.

But the silence is deafening.

Finally, she looks up, her expression something you don’t want to name. Something you refuse to accept.

She doesn’t have to say anything. You know.

A strangled sob tears from your throat as you reach for him. “My baby.”

Madja hesitates only a moment before gently placing him in your arms. His tiny body is still warm, impossibly small against your chest. You cradle him, a raw, guttural wail escaping you.

Azriel wraps himself around you, his arms holding you together even as you shatter completely. His own tears fall freely now, his breath uneven, his hands trembling as he presses his forehead to yours.

“Azriel,” you sob, your voice desperate, broken. “Help. Please.”

He holds you tighter, his whole body shaking, his wings curling protectively around you as if he can somehow shield you from the unbearable weight of this loss.

Madja steps forward, hesitant. “Y/N…” she says softly, her voice thick with sorrow. “You have to let go.”

But you can’t.

You clutch your baby closer, pressing gentle kisses to his forehead, willing him to wake up, to cry, to do something. But there’s only silence. Only stillness.

Azriel's grip on you tightens, his heart breaking as he watches you unravel. He doesn’t tell you to let go. He doesn’t rush you. He just holds you through it, taking your pain into himself, as if by sheer will alone, he can carry it for you.

But when your arms finally loosen, when the last of your strength ebbs away, Madja gently takes the baby from you.

And the moment his small weight leaves your arms, you collapse against Azriel, your entire body shaking with grief so consuming it feels like drowning.

“I’ve got you,” he whispers, his voice raw and broken. “I’m here, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere.”

Madja steps back, giving you both space to grieve.

The silence that followed was unbearable, broken only by the sound of your quiet sobs and Azriel’s whispered reassurances as the world seemed to crumble around you.

*******************************************************The next day, you wake up with a heavy heart, the pain so overwhelming that you had passed out. You find yourself staring at the ceiling, a strange numbness settling over you like a suffocating fog. Your eyes wander the room until they land on Azriel, asleep in the chair, his face contorted with worry even in his dreams. His brows are furrowed, a sight you were always so used to smoothing away with a gentle touch.

You lay there in bed, the weight of your loss pressing down on your chest, making it hard to breathe. All you wanted in that moment was to hold your son, to feel his warmth in your arms, to hear his tiny cries filling the silence that now seemed unbearable.

Slowly, you push yourself up, careful not to wake Azriel, and make your way to the windowsill. Fresh tears spill down your face as you climb onto it, the cool night air biting at your skin. The city stretches out before you, but it feels so distant. The thought of ending it all whispers through your mind, soft and enticing. It would be so simple, so painless. Just an escape from this unrelenting agony.

You close your eyes, letting the wind whip against your face, and for a fleeting moment, the idea feels like a release.

"Y/N?"

Your eyes flutter open, and you turn to see Azriel standing there, his body tense, his golden eyes wide with fear. He’s careful as he takes a step forward, his hand reaching out as if afraid you’ll slip through his fingers.

Azriel could never put into words the terror that gripped him in that moment. Waking up to his shadows in a frenzy, only to see you perched on the edge, it was a sight he knew would haunt him forever.

His voice is rough with desperation. “What are you doing?”

Tears stream freely down your face as you whisper his name, your voice hoarse, broken. “Azriel… I should have died instead of him. I—I can’t live without my baby.”

Azriel feels something inside him shatter at your words. The raw, aching agony in your voice slices through him like a blade, leaving him bleeding and helpless. He has faced war, endured centuries of pain, but nothing, nothing could compare to the feeling of watching the person he loves teetering on the edge of despair.

Azriel’s breath shudders as he takes another slow step forward, his hands trembling at his sides. His wings twitch as if ready to propel him forward at the slightest sign that you might fall. His voice, usually so controlled, is laced with pure, unfiltered desperation.

“Please,” he whispers. “Come down, love. Just—just take my hand.”

You shake your head, your entire body wracked with silent sobs. “How can you even look at me? You should despise me, he was meant to be alive” you croak, your voice barely audible over the wind. “We had all those plans for our family. And now—” Your voice cracks, and you let out a choked sob. “Now there's nothing.”

“There is something,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “There’s me.”

Your eyes snap to his, and for the first time, he sees the true depth of your pain. It’s a black hole, swallowing everything in its path, pulling you further and further away from him.

Azriel takes another step forward, so close now that he could touch you if he reached out. “I know it hurts,” he murmurs, his voice breaking. “I know this pain feels like it’ll never leave. But if you go,if you let this grief take you…I’ll lose you too.”

He shakes his head, his chest rising and falling in uneven breaths. “And I can’t, Y/N. I won’t survive that. I need you.”

Tears stream down your face as you stare at him, at the way his body trembles with the effort of holding himself together. Your lips part, but no words come.

Azriel moves then, ever so slowly, reaching out his scarred hand. “Take my hand,” he pleads, his voice raw. “Please, love. Let me hold you.”

For a long, agonizing moment, you don’t move. Then, with a broken sob, you let go..not of life, but of the ledge.

Azriel moves faster than a breath, his arms locking around you, pulling you off the windowsill and against his chest. He stumbles back onto the floor with you in his grasp, his wings flaring to keep his balance.

And then you’re both on the ground, tangled together, his arms wrapped so tightly around you that it’s as if he’s trying to hold you together with his own strength.

“I’ve got you,” he whispers into your hair, rocking you gently as you sob into his chest. “I’ve got you, and I’m never letting go.”

You clutch onto him like he’s the only thing keeping you tethered to this world. And maybe, just maybe, he is.

The next day, a soft knock echoes through your room. You don’t respond. The door creaks open, and you hear the quiet footsteps of Rhys and Feyre entering. You don’t look at them. Your gaze stays fixed on the ceiling, the emptiness in your chest mirrored by the blankness of your stare.

“How are you feeling?” Feyre’s voice is gentle, barely above a whisper, as though she’s afraid to break the fragile silence.

You don’t answer immediately, your throat dry, your heart heavy. Finally, your voice comes, flat and devoid of emotion. “Like my son just died.”

The words hang in the air, sharp and jagged. Feyre flinches at the raw honesty, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Normally, you might have softened your response, tried to cushion the blow. But today? Today, you didn’t care. Today, you had a pass.

Rhys shifts uncomfortably, his usual confidence gone. He stands quietly, his hands in his pockets, his jaw tight as if he’s holding back his emotions at seeing you so broken.

Feyre takes a step closer, her face filled with anguish, but she doesn’t push. She doesn’t tell you it will be okay. She doesn’t try to offer empty platitudes. Instead, she kneels by your bedside, her hand resting lightly on yours.

“We’re here,” she says softly, her voice breaking just enough to reveal her pain. “For whatever you need. Whenever you’re ready.”

You don’t respond. You can’t. 

After a long, heavy silence, they seem to understand that words won’t reach you right now. They exchange a quiet glance with azriel before leaving to attend to court matters, Not long after, Azriel approaches you. His presence is familiar, grounding in a way that should comfort you, but it only makes the ache in your chest deepen.

“Do you want something to eat?” he asks gently.

You shake your head.

“Love, you have to eat something,” he presses, his voice thick with concern. “You haven’t had anything since…” His voice trails off, as if saying the words will make them more real.

You finally turn your head to look at him. He looks exhausted, dark circles under his eyes, his usually sharp features dulled by grief and sleepless nights. The sight makes your heart clench with guilt. He was breaking too.

“Soup,” you whisper.

Instantly, the House prepares it, a warm bowl appearing on the nightstand. Without hesitation, Azriel takes it and settles beside you, spoon in hand. He feeds you in quiet patience, his free hand brushing against yours between bites, as if reassuring himself that you’re still here.

When you’re finally full, you murmur, “You should get some sleep, Az.”

His brows furrow. “I’m fine.”

“You’ve been up here with me this whole time.” Your voice is weak, but insistent. “You need to eat too.”

Azriel exhales, his jaw tightening like he wants to argue, but the exhaustion weighing down his body betrays him. He reaches for your hand, pressing a kiss against your knuckles. “I’ll eat,” he promises softly. “But I’m not leaving you.”

A week had passed, but nothing had really changed. The pain hadn’t dulled, and neither had the emptiness inside of you. It felt like the world was moving on, but you were stuck, frozen in time, haunted by the grief that weighed down your every step.

You had lost weight. The energy it took to even get out of bed some mornings was overwhelming. Most days, you were distant, a part of you dissociating from the reality around you. It was like you were watching everything from behind glass, everyone’s worried faces, their desperate attempts to help, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel anything but the void that was slowly swallowing you.

There were days when you couldn’t even look at Azriel. When his eyes would meet yours, you’d look away, guilt gnawing at your insides. You didn’t deserve his love, his devotion. Not when you had failed him in the most unimaginable way. He deserved happiness, and you had robbed him of it.

Azriel noticed. Of course, he noticed. He was always there, sitting by your side, his presence unwavering, but even he couldn’t reach you anymore. The words he whispered to you, the soft touch of his hand, they didn’t seem to matter. His eyes, once filled with love, now carried a sorrow of their own. 

He had tried to coax you out of the silence, to talk, to share your pain, but you wouldn’t let him in. It was like there was a barrier you had built, an impenetrable wall that refused to break. He didn’t know what to do anymore.

******************************************************

Azriel quietly slipped out of the room, careful not to disturb you. You had finally fallen into a restless sleep, though he knew it would be a long while before the weight of grief would allow you the peace of a true rest. His heart ached as he watched you, wishing there was more he could do to take the pain away. But for now, all he could do was give you space, even if it felt like everything was falling apart around him.

He made his way downstairs to the kitchen, his steps heavy, as if the weight of the world was pressing down on his shoulders. The hunger gnawing at his stomach barely registered, his appetite long gone in the wake of everything that had happened. But he knew he needed to eat, if only to keep himself moving, keep himself strong. Even though he could barely muster the energy to lift a fork, he forced himself to sit down and try.

As he stared at the food in front of him, Cassian walked in, his usual energetic presence subdued. The concern in his eyes was impossible to miss as he took a seat across from Azriel.

"You okay, brother?" Cassian asked, his voice low, almost hesitant.

Azriel looks up, his eyes heavy with exhaustion, though he hides it behind a mask. He offers a small, tight-lipped smile, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m fine.”

Cassian doesn’t buy it, of course. He studies his brother’s face, sensing the unspoken pain and the weight Azriel is carrying. “You’ve been up there all day with her. How is she really doing?”

Azriel’s gaze drifts down to the empty plate in front of him. His fingers absently trace the edges of the porcelain. “"I don't know," he admits quietly, the words more fragile than he intended. “I feel like I’m failing her," he says, his voice barely audible. "She’s hurting, and I can’t fix it. I can’t fix this... any of this."”

Cassian’s expression softens.. "You’re not failing her. You’re with her, Az. That’s what matters. She needs you here, now. And when she’s ready, you’ll be there to help her heal. But you’ve got to take care of yourself too."

Azriel’s jaw tightens. He runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “I just feel like I’m losing her Cass,”he finally admits, the words slipping out before he can stop them. “I don’t know how to help her through this. And it scares me.”

“I know you can’t. But sometimes... just being with someone is enough. That's all you can do right now.” Cassian’s voice is quiet but firm, understanding the depth of Azriel’s emotions. “You’re not alone in this, you know. We’re all here for you both.”

Azriel nods, but the words feel hollow, unable to fill the ache in his chest. He leans back in his chair, the silence between them heavy. He knew Cassian was right, but letting himself rest felt like a luxury he couldn’t afford..not right now.

[xotoru]

☁︎Infatuated husband!satoru

Warnings:fingering, degrading, afab!reader

it was nearly impressive how utterly mesmerized Satoru was with you.the second his eyes lay on the slightest bit of skin thats showing from you, he on you like white on rice.either attacking you with kisses and small bites like your some sweet candy, or ripping your clothes off immediately as if he might die if they stayed on you for another second.which is exactly why the second he saw you putzing around the house in a sleep shirt and some tiny shorts, he knew he had to do something.

his long fingers pushed into your sobbing pussy slowly.hitting your g spot with no issue, causing your legs to falter.luckily your husbands strong arms have no trouble holding you up, even if it's just one of them due to the other one being…busy. as his fingers moved in and out of you with everlasting fervor they got messier and wetter, and so did you.

your fingers gripped the edge of the counter for dear life.the cool marble of the expensive counters keeping you grounded as you practically fell apart on his long fingers.your husbands pale milky skin of his fingers coated with glossy arousal as they moved in and out of you.before you had even realized it, he bent down low enough to be just by your ear. “such a good fuckin slut for me hm?” he whispers with such filth lacing his usually cheery voice.you had no answer, the only thing you could say in response being mewls of pleasure and desire.

his fingers moved faster as he felt you tighten around them.the start of your blissful high nearing.his fingers stretching you out so deliciously as they slammed against your pretty cunt.he clung his lips to your neck eventually.nipping and biting ever so slightly at the soft untainted skin. “c'mon don’t make me do all the work” he spoke slyly into your reddened ears. “rub that little clit for me baby...” you could practically feel the smirk tugging on his pink lips as he spoke.

slowly but surely your hand let go of the counter it had been gripping on and moved to rub tiny tight circles on your aching clit.your moans and whines only grew louder as both of your movement continued.his strong beefy arm still holding you up as well, seeing as your legs had practically given out a long while ago.after a few more harsh thrusts of his slender fingers you found yourself cumming all over him and yourself.the liquid spilling down your thighs and legs.

he slowly pulled his fingers from you as you absentmindedly stopped the tiny movements on your abused throbbing clit.trying your best to catch your breath as Satoru leaned back upward.standing up straight but not taking his oh so gorgeous eyes off of you for a second. his piercing gaze trailing up and down each and every curve of your body while it was bent over for him. Your hips, your supple ass, your now marked up shoulders, all of it so beautiful to him.he was utterly, and entirely, infatuated with you.

[miaaaxxz]

Lucky | LN4 part 2

part 1

summary: After the chaos of the night, victory doesn’t feel like gold . She’s exhausted. He’s quiet. No champagne, no celebrations, just two people sitting on a bench in a foreign city, sharing the silence. It's not love, not yet , but it’s something real. And sometimes, that’s louder than winning.

word count: 1.0K

two names. one city. nothing to prove.

You’re sitting on the curb, heels abandoned beside you, legs stretched out into the night like you’ve finally surrendered.The adrenaline’s worn off. The tequila’s burning out. And now all that’s left is this strange, quiet emptiness that follows after something huge.

Lando crouches beside you, arms resting on his knees.He doesn’t talk. Just waits.

You glance sideways. “You don’t have to babysit me.”

“I know,” he says. But he stays.

The street is glowing ,puddles catching light like fragments of the match you just played. And somehow, it’s still hard to believe it happened.

“You ever win something,” you start, voice slow, “and feel… nothing?”

Lando breathes out through his nose. “You think I was smiling after my first podium?” You blink at him.

“I wasn’t. I mean… I felt good, yeah, but not like I’d imagined. Before that, people used to joke , call me ‘Lando NoWins’ for a while. It was a running joke. Like, no matter how hard I tried, that win just wouldn’t come.”You nod slowly, the weight of that teasing sinking in.

“It wasn’t just about that day. It was the pressure, the years of trying to prove myself. The fear that maybe I’d never be good enough. That no matter how fast I was, it wouldn’t be enough to shake off the label.”You exhale quietly.A small laugh escapes you, hoarse but real.

“I thought I’d scream, or cry, or do something more… victorious.”

“You survived,” he shrugs. “That’s more than enough.”

The silence that follows isn’t heavy. It’s necessary.

“I didn’t expect you to come talk to me,” you admit after a beat.

“I didn’t expect you to nearly collapse into me,” he smirks.

You roll your eyes. “God, please kill me now.”

“Nope,” he says, standing up, offering his hand. “You just won Roland Garros. You’re not allowed to die tonight.” You hesitate for a second, then take it.

His hand is steady. Warm. A little calloused. It pulls you up like it means it.You stumble slightly, but he doesn’t let go right away.

“Where to now, champ?” he asks.

You look at him. Really look. And for the first time all night, your mind stops spinning.

“…I don’t know,” you whisper. “I think I just want quiet.”

He nods once. “Come on.”

No pressure. No teasing.

Paris feels different at night.No crowd. No cameras. No chants. Just a city breathing slow beneath the stars, like it’s waiting for something. For someone. For the calm after the storm.

You walk aimlessly, heels dangling from your fingers now, the only sound your steps and the occasional rustle of trees above. There’s no rush in either of you. Just movement. Just space.Lando doesn’t fill the silence. He walks beside you like it’s the most natural thing.

Eventually, you find a small square tucked away from the main roads , old stone, a quiet fountain, one iron bench bathed in streetlamp gold.

“Here,” he says, dropping down onto the bench and patting the middle. “Take the winner’s seat.”

You smile, just a little, and sit beside him. Not quite touching.

Your fingers drift across your knees. Absent. Thoughtful.

“I feel like I should’ve cried,” you say after a while. “Or screamed. Or done something dramatic.”

“You did enough,” he says simply. “You showed up. You didn’t fold. You bled for it.”

You glance over. “Didn’t know you were keeping score.”

“I wasn’t.” He shrugs. “But I saw it.”

That makes your chest tighten , just a little. Because you’re so used to people watching the game, not you.The fountain keeps dripping. The world keeps spinning. But it’s quieter here. Softer.

“Did it ever hit you late?” you ask, “Like… not during the race or the podium, but after. Alone.”

He looks up, eyes catching the light. “Always.”

You breathe in through your nose. Then out.And it’s the first breath all night that doesn’t feel like a performance.

You don’t remember falling silent again, but you stay like that for a while , both of you, sitting still, legs stretched, heads tilted back slightly like maybe the stars have something to say tonight.

“I think I thought this would fix me,” you murmur eventually, voice low. “Like winning would make everything inside feel… aligned.”

Lando doesn’t answer right away.

“It never fixes you,” he says. “It just distracts you for a bit.”

A breeze picks up, rustling through your hair. You don’t bother to fix it. You’re too tired to care how you look. And for once, that feels freeing.

He doesn’t tell you how proud he is, or how strong you are. He just… stays. Like he gets it. And weirdly, that means more.You glance down at your hand, the one resting between you.

Then you feel it , his pinky brushing yours.Not on accident. Not fully on purpose either. Just there.Tentative. Warm. Real.You don’t pull away.

The moment sits between you, heavy with everything unsaid , but not in a bad way. In the kind of way that makes your throat tighten, like maybe you’re finally allowed to feel it all.The weight. The win. The loss that hides underneath it.

You blink back sudden tears.“Shit,” you whisper, laughing through them. “I’m crying now.”

“Late reaction,” he murmurs, not teasing just present.

He shifts, just slightly, and you feel the way he angles toward you. Not pushing. Not asking. Just offering.And it’s so stupid, so small, but it cracks something open in your chest.

“I don’t want to go back to the club yet,” you admit. “You don’t have to.”

You pause. “Then where do I go?”

He meets your eyes calm, steady, kind.

“Wherever you want.”

And then ,without fully meaning to , you lean your head against his shoulder.He doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t tense.

He just lets you be.

No pressure. No spotlight.

Just you, the girl who won tonight and the boy who saw it.

part 3

[spencerinsecret]

Physical attraction

Schlatt’s reader

Warnings: none ,, this is just fluff

My requests are open ^^

Schlatt wasn’t one to go to a salon instead of a barber shop to get his hair done.Yet there he was, sitting in your styling chair while you grabbed all the tools you needed to cut his hair.Schlatt had booked an appointment with you instead of his regular barber because he was out of town for a while.

While you were getting everything ready you felt eyes burning holes in the back of your head.You knew it was Schlatt staring at you, it wasn’t like he was being creepy, you didn’t think that, you thought he was probably looking around since it is his first time in a salon.

When you started to walk back towards him he turned his head around to look in the mirror.You walked over to the chair he was sitting in and started to pump up the chair with your foot. “So what do you wanna do to your hair today?” You asked while messing around with his hair. “Just a bit off the sides,” Schlatt replied with a soft tone in his voice.You widened your eyes a bit and then quickly wiped that look off your face and nodded.

You grabbed a spray bottle from the table beside you and started to lightly damp his hair. “I’m just gonna wet your hair a bit so it’s easier to cut.” You warned and Schlatt nodded in response.You put the spray bottle down and grabbed your scissors and started to cut the ends.You put them down and grabbed an electric razor to cut the sides of his hair.

While you were cutting his hair Schlatt noticed how pretty you were.He started to watch your face in the mirror that was infront of him.Studying your face, hand movements, and body language.Eventually you noticed him looking at you.The silence between the two of you was killing you. “So what’s a guy like you doing in a salon?” You asked attempting to break the silence.Schlatt stopped thinking to himself and snapped back to reality and looked at you. “My regular barber was out of town.Didn’t have anywhere else to go.” He said as his eyes drifted to look at something else. “Oh yeah? Well that’s nice, you from New York?” You asked secretly hoping he was from here. Schlatt smiled, “Yeah , yeah I just moved back actually.I lived in New York and then I moved to Texas for a bit.Came back here cause I didn’t wanna live in Los Angeles.” Schlatt rambled on about where he used to be at and all you could do was smile at him.The accent he had, the facial hair, his body. Everything about him was so perfect to you. Like he was your dream guy.

“So what about you?” He asked.You snapped out of your trance and looked back at him. “Oh, uh I was born in the south.Moved here cause my papa lives here.” Schlatt hummed in response.He looked back in the mirror, studying the decoration behind him.

After a while you finished his hair and lead him to the area where he could pay at.Schlatt got his wallet to pay for the services.While he was paying the only thing he could think about was you.Your hair, your eyes, your voice, and most importantly your smile.You were beautiful to him.

Once he was done paying he paused for a second. “Hey- is it okay if I get your number? You seem really cool and I wanna take you out on a date.. if it’s okay with you?” He asked while looking at you nervously.You gushed to him about how you wanted to get his number as well.You both exchanged numbers , he gave you a really big tip, and he walked out the door.

A few hours later when you were cleaning your salon to close for the night your cellphone buzzed in your back pocket.You stopped cleaning and took it out to see who had texted you.It was a number that wasn’t saved in your phone and it said, ‘Hey this is the guy you exchanged numbers with.I just realized I never told you my name, my name is Schlatt.Text me when you can and we’ll arrange the date :)’ Your face lit up and you texted him back, ‘Kk! I’m closing up for work, text you later!!’ You shut your phone off and stuffed it in your back pocket and continued to clean with a smile on your face.

Part two ??

[spencerreidswifeeeeeee]

Parallel Parking

Warnings : Curse Words.

Word count : 1959

You're not perfect by any means.

But when it comes to your relationship with Nick, you try not to keep things from him. But this time, you felt you had no choice. Every time you find the courage to bring it up, the lump in your throat won't allow you to get the words out, your sweaty palms and nervous tumbles in your stomach halts your steps, clamping your mouth shut.

You somehow managed to scratch his McClaren, a long nasty jagged line on the passenger side. You don't know how it happened.

That's a lie. You know exactly how it happened. It was the parallel parking that killed you. Sure you've been a racer for a while (that's where you met Nick, on the tracks) but your parallel parking? You're on the opposite sides of the spectrum. You’re on planet earth while your ability to park has run off to Pluto, far and almost none existent.

You're fresh out the shower, hair wet, dressed in your usual bed attire consisting of Nick's sweater, which hangs just above your knees and mismatched socks. He thought it was odd but really it's just you that can't be bothered to look for a matching pair. Your shared apartment feels like a landmine, except the explosion’s already happened.

While in the shower, you received a text and asked Nick to check it. You've been waiting for confirmation on some dates from your mother. She insists on you and Nick attending the family reunion, which you've been hesitant about. You know how they view Nick and you hate that they could just judge him so harshly, without even getting to know him. 

All they saw was an illegal racer and boxer, getting into fights for fun, bringing you in harms way. But he’s so much more than that. He’s kind and gentle, with the patience of a saint when it comes to you. And now, you’ve disappointed him. You've never experienced such shame and guilt before.

But it wasn't your mother. It was a text from Lion giving you a price from his guy. Apparently he knows a guy who could fix the scratch and quoted you a whopping £8500.

You knew it wouldn't be cheap but 8500? 

Nick blew a gasket when he found out you've been going behind his back to Lion. He barely gave you a chance to explain yourself before shutting down and going silent on you. 

Nick's silence is worse than when he yells, which is rarely. Frankly, you prefer the yelling, that way you know what he’s thinking. Nick has turned you into a spoiled attention seeking whore. That’s one way to put it.

You crave his attention, his eyes on you, his touch…you can't function without it. It’s addicting..He’s addicting.

"Nick come on, I'm sorry" you move to him on the couch, reaching for him but he pulls away, creating an even further distance between you two. You’re not used to this, your body screams at the lack of physical touch, his usual heat no longer with you. He’s spoiled you too much but you wouldn't dare complain about it. He deprives you of his back rubs, his fingers that trail up and down your arm whenever you’re cuddling. The spark of his touch seems to dim the longer you’re apart. You miss it.

You deserve it, you lied to him and went behind his back. Most of all, he trusted you with his most prized possession. 

"I'll get it fixed, I promise" you promise, watching him with laser focused eyes, begging him to look at you.The way his jaw clenches, his arms tucked across his chest, his rigid back..He's pissed. 

Pissed at you. 

"You think that's what I'm worried about?" he sneers. His words are sharp and pointed, almost accusing. His brows furrow, frustrated as he runs his hand along his chin. His shoulders are uncomfortably tense, his whole body is. His joggers hang low on his hips, his white tank rises with every tense movement revealing his toned stomach. You long to touch him, hold his hand, anything.

"I don't know, you won't talk to me" you adjust your seat on the couch, folding your legs under yourself. The couch dips with the full weight of your body, the leather Nick insisted on getting, cool against your naked legs. 

"It's not about the damn car Y/n, you went to Lion of all people. One of the shadiest blokes out there, over your own boyfriend? I know his our friends but fuck Y/n, why didn't you come to me?" he asks, hurt and frustration evident in his tone. Guilt worsens in your chest, disappointed in yourself. You didn't mean to hurt him. 

The grief stricken look on his face, the hurt dancing in his eyes makes you realise how big you've truly messed up. You wanna reach out to him and hold him, apologize profusely but you stay rooted in your seat, respecting his need for space. 

"I didn't want you to get mad at me. You worked really hard to pay for your car and I ruined it. I was scared you'd get angry with me, like you are now" you play with your fingers as you talk, a bundle of nerves. You can't bear to look him in the eye so you keep your gaze to the ground. 

"Sweetheart, I don't care about the car. I care about you and I want you to come to me when you've screwed up. Not Lion, not anyone else" he says in such a sweet tone, soft and caring. You don't deserve it. His kindness. 

"I'm sorry" you apologize again. 

"Are you alright?" he sighs.

"yes" you nod. 

"How'd it happen?" he asks. 

You hesitate. It's really embarrassing for you to admit. You know he won't judge you but still. 

"I tried to parallel park in town and I clearly didn't do a very good job" you mutter under your breath, building up the courage to face him.

"Parking? You.. scratched the car while parking?" He's amused, his frown now replaced with a more relaxed smile, his dimples make an appearance, his disbelief evident in his tone.

"Yes" your cheeks are burning, getting hotter under his playful stare.

"You're a firecracker on the tracks but you can't park? Really?" He pokes your side lightly, enjoying the way you flinch in response.

"Yes really. Now are we gonna talk about fixing it or not? I can pay you the money-" 

"Why the fuck would I let you do that?" he asks almost disgusted at the thought. 

"Because I ruined it?" 

"You don't pay for anything, don't ever say such shit again Y/N" he says sternly, genuinely offended at the seemingly absurd idea.

"Do you forgive me?" you ask, getting closer to him, he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. His warmth is a familiar comfort, his touch a fix you can't get enough of. You’d get high on him everyday if you could. His scent alone is enough to send you in a frenzy, your heart almost exploding in your chest at how gentle he is, even after you’ve pissed him off.

"I'm not sure yet" 

You let out a noise of frustration eliciting a laugh from him. His chest rumbles with the sound of his laughter. You plant a soft kiss along his jaw, his 5 o'clock shadow starting to come in. 

"now?" you ask pulling away. 

"Mmmhhmmmm, may need some more convincing" he says pretending to think, tapping a finger on his chin for extra dramatics. 

You giggle, placing more kisses on his jaw, slowly going down to his neck, loving the way his breath hitches in his throat when you suck and lick at the base of his neck, leaving a dark purple bruise that he'd wear as an armor, a proud stamp of ownership. 

You go back up to his face, noses touching, your lips ghosting over his, hovering.. Waiting, teasing him until he relents.

"say you forgive me" you whisper against his lips. He shakes his head, defiantly, a smirk finding its way onto his lips. He licks his lips, tongue glazing over his bottom lip, catching your gaze, almost challenging you, seeing who will break first. Spoiler alert, it's always him. 

You wanna bite it, take it between your teeth and nibble on it till all he can feel is you.

"say you forgive me" you say with a tune, running your index finger along the line of the silver chain that hangs around his neck. You look up, your eyes meeting his. A jolt of excitement runs through your body and you know he feels it too, judging by the goosebumps on his skin and the tightness of his joggers. 

You don't lose his gaze, staring deeply into his eyes. You can tell everything he feels just by looking into his eyes. He used to hate it but he's learned to let you in, know his thoughts, his desires, his feelings... It's like a secret language between the two of you. 

His hazel eyes are clouded with lust and resistance. His focus goes down to your lips and then up to meet your eyes again. It's quick but you notice it because he has your complete attention. The air around you stills, the tv is a distant sound and the feeling of his heart, beating against the palm of your hand, grounds you. 

You love this man with everything you have. You thought his McClaren was his most prized possession but as you're sitting here, looking at him, you realize that it's you. You're what he values most and for that? 

You finally break first and kiss him. 

*

"Check your mirrors" Nick murmurs from the passenger seat, as HE then proceeds to check YOUR mirrors. 

"Check your mirrors Y/N" he stresses again. 

"I would if you got your big head out of the way" you snap. You can't help it. You're stressed, checking mirrors left and right, your palms sweating on the wheel with a knot in your stomach that just won't go away. 

Nick chuckles. 

"Turn off the car" he says and you gladly do so, your neck beginning to hurt with all the movement. 

"What's bothering you?" he asks, giving you his undivided attention. 

"This car is bothering me... You're bothering me" you let out with a huff, in a not so friendly mood. You know he's trying to help and you love him for it but you're struggling and it's embarrassing. 

"Y/N the car's fixed okay. You don't need to worry about it" he says, placing a hand on your thigh, squeezing lightly, spreading warmth throughout your body.

"I'm not worried. Why do I have to do this when you're here to do it for me" you sigh, leaning forward placing your head on the steering wheel in defeat. 

"Sweetheart I won't always be able to drive you around" he says with a light chuckle. 

"why not?" you ask with a frown. 

"I can't be around 24/7 baby" 

"why not?" you ask again. 

"Y/n" he chuckles. 

"I thought you loved me" 

"I do, that's why you need to do this. Come on baby, one more try and then we're done. I'm gonna step out of the car" he says, reaching for your arm. 

"okay" you say. 

He leans over the console, his hand caresses your cheek before placing a soft kiss on your forehead and then on your lips. He gets out of the car and walks over to the pavement, watching you from a distance. 

You sigh, before starting the car up again and trying one more time. 

One more try.

[lh44girl]

This is just a blurb from Lewis’s point of view “Home in Her Warmth”

The apartment was quiet when I walked in, the faint glow of the Christmas tree lighting up the room. You’d gone all out, as always—stockings hung with care, garlands draped perfectly, and even the smell of cinnamon and pine lingering in the air. It made me smile, though it also tugged at something in me. You didn’t have to do all this. We weren’t even spending Christmas here; our bags were packed by the door for our trip.

I dropped my keys onto the counter and let out a sigh. The day had been long—meetings, calls, tying up loose ends before the break. All I’d wanted was to come home to you, and now I finally had.

I pushed the bedroom door open as quietly as I could, and there she was. You were lying on your stomach, the duvet tangled around your legs covering half your body , arm tucked under your head. Your sweater was tossed to the side, leaving your back bare, skin glowing softly in the dim light. You must’ve felt over heated & have fallen asleep waiting for me.

For a moment, I just stood there, taking you in. You had this way of looking so peaceful, so perfect, even when she was doing absolutely nothing. God, I missed you.The whole day, I’d been thinking about this—about you

I kicked off my shoes ,shirt and pants and climbed onto the bed beside you under the cover, careful not to wake you. Leaning in, I pressed a kiss to your shoulder, soft and slow, just to feel your warmth. your skin was warm under my lips, your breathing steady and calm.

I couldn’t stop myself. I kissed you again, letting my lips trail down your back, lingering over every inch of yours .you stirred a little, murmured something, but didn’t wake. That made me smile. You were too peaceful to disturb.

Laying down fully, I stretched myself over you letting my chest press against your back. My arms slipped around your waist & body as I buried my face between your shoulder blades. Y/n you were warm, soft, and everything I needed after a day like today.

“You’re my peace,” I whispered, my lips brushing against your skin. Y/n shifted slightly beneath me, just enough to let me settle in even closer, like you instinctively knew I needed you

For the first time all day, my body relaxed. You Y/n were my comfort, my anchor, my everything. Holding her like this, feeling your warmth, your breath, heartbeat—I didn’t need anything else.

“Goodnight, love,” I murmured, kissing your neck one last time before letting myself drift off, wrapped in the only place I ever wanted to be: your arms, your warmth, your love.

[jamdoughnutmagician]

Head Over Heels.

Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader (Fluff)

Hastily written yesterday evening, because I just wanted to write something tooth-rottingly sweet (seriously call your dentist, you're gonna have some cavities!) just in time for valentine's day with my beloved Stevie <3

also this is a Steve Harrington song and you can't change my mind

Word Count:1, 449

*dividers made by @strangergraphics

Masterlist // Steve Harrington Masterlist

A sweet vanilla bean milkshake shared with two straws, and a basket of hot and salty french fries sit between Steve and his sweet girl in a booth of a small, kitschy diner on a bright and breezy February fourteenth in Hawkins. Valentine’s Day. Steve can’t help the giddy thrum of his heart against his chest as he looks across the table at you. Sugar-sweet hearts cloud his vision when he’s with you.The diner’s stereo seems to play that same Tears For Fears song that he swears he hears every time you’re near.

I wanted to be with you alone, and talk about the weather…

His teenage years he was so concerned about being Mr. Popular. Always seen with a new girl under his arms seemingly every month, with no prospect of anything permanent in his love life. But, now as he sits opposite the girl he could only dream of in his wildest fantasies, there’s the free-falling feeling of being dizzyingly head over heels. 

 When he thinks about how you two met for the first time, he couldn’t imagine how lucky he would be that you would stick around for him.

It’s another slow and boring day in family video. The radio is quietly playing an endless loop of dumb pop songs through their crackling speakers. 

…but traditions I can trace against the child in your face, won't escape my attention…

Steve takes stock of all the missing, overdue return tapes when Robin nudges him a pointy elbow to his ribs and a pair of raised eyebrows.

He shrugs it off, figuring Robin’s just trying to annoy him, but then it happens again and this time there’s slightly more force behind this jab to his ribs and the raised eyebrows come with a little noise at the back of her throat as if she’s trying to tell him something without squawking to the rest of the shop about what’s going on.

“Total babe, heading your way at one o’clock, dingus.”

Steve checks his watch with a flick of his eyes down to his wrist 

“It’s only ten o’clock by my watch…oof! Hey! What are you hitting me for?” 

But it’s only too late before the reason for Robin hitting him so hard is standing right in front of him. 

He'd recognised you immediately, how could he not? He'd had a raging crush on you all throughout his high school years, but he'd never dared to do anything about it. You weren’t part of his popular clique, choosing to hang around with those more academically-inclined than himself. If he could have throttle his teenage self for believing in such stupid constructs like social suicide, then he would have. 

But now you were here in front of him, and Steve was silently thanking the universe for giving him a second chance.

“Hi, I’d like to check out these videos, please.” you smile sweetly, placing down a copy of Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club on the countertop.

Steve used to pride himself on being a confident, and nonchalant kind-of-guy when it came to girls. Pretending not to care as a way to get girls to like him, but as he looked at you he couldn’t help but feel a little tongue tied at how pretty you were.

“I-is it a-uh- a double feature for you tonight?” he stumbles as he begins to ring you up.

“Yeah, I guess it is. Molly Ringwald is such a great actress y’know?” you reply.

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” he says, fighting against the flaring pink blush that's rising to his freckled cheeks. 

Robin is behind him, hiding behind her hands, watching this car crash of an interaction. She was going to have to do something to rescue this floundering doofus.

“Say, Steve, isn’t there a showing of that new Molly Ringwald film at the drive-in theatre next week?” Robin says, laying her hand on his back with a reassuring pat. “

“Uh, I think so?” he says, thankful for his friend for jumping in to save him.

“Pretty in Pink?” you pipe up. “I haven’t seen it, but I’d really love to.”

Robin slyly nudges him again and this time Steve takes the hint.

“Would you like to, perhaps, if you’re not busy that is, go with me to see it?” he manages to get out with minor fumbling.

“Sure, that sounds great!” you quickly scribble something down the stack of post-it notes before handing it over with the money for your video tapes. “Here’s my number, I’m free on Saturdays.” 

“It’s a date.” he smiles dumbly. “I mean..I-uh-I look forward to seeing you on that day.. on saturday..” he scrambles quickly to correct himself.

“It’s a date.” you smile, and with that you flounce out of the door.

He looks down to the note in his hand.

Your number, and your name.

“I thought you used to be good at this, King Steve?” Robin teases mercilessly.

“I did too.” he chuckles to himself. 

I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?

Saturday night rolls around, and after gaining the confidence to actually call your number and set up a time for the date Steve is ready to go.

His hair ruffled and his favourite casual jeans and shirt are thrown on before he goes to pick you up.

Bouncing on his heels as he rings your doorbell as he eagerly awaits your answer.

You look down-right adorable in your soft pink sweater, and matching plaid skirt. 

“Ready to go?” he grins, as he offers you his arm to take.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

..Something happens and I'm head over heels, I never find out until I'm head over heels…

The scent of candy-sweet popcorn and your floral perfume are swirling in Steve’s senses, and the way you're leaning into him as his arm carefully snakes around your shoulders makes him feel like he’s floating on cloud nine.

It’s cosy and delightfully nice to be in your presence, and the quiet chatter that flows between you in between the movie scenes is so easy.

The credits start to roll on the movie, and yet Steve can’t find it in his heart to care about moving quiet yet. The way you slot so perfectly tucked under his arm just feels so right.

“Thanks so much for this Steve, I had a great time.” you smile, turning your head to gaze up at him in the dusky evening glow. 

Your eyes are on his honeyed hazel eyes, his soft caramel brown hair, and the scattering of sun-bronzed freckles across his tan skin. He's so effortlessly handsome and sitting so close to him like this makes you giddy.

Your gaze flicks down to his lips, wondering if they feel as soft as the look. 

And then in a break of the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you, Steve asks you the question you had been hoping to hear all evening.

“May I kiss you?” he asks, his own eyes tracing over the curve of your lips.

“You may.” You beam.

Then in a moment of almost cinematic proportions, his lips are on your. An insistent, but plush press of tender romance igniting a warming fire in your heart. His warm hand gently cupping your cheek, as if needing to hold you close will help to ground him in the reality of the moment. To reassure him that he isn't floating away into some kind of candy-coated dream.

Your lips slot against his so perfectly, that you can't stop yourself from smiling into the kiss as you follow his lead. Your cheeks are blooming with heat under his gentle touch.

And when you part, a strawberry sheen of lip gloss shared between you, both of you sporting kiss-pink lips and matching love glazed expressions there is a beat of silence before Steve speaks up again.

“I know it’s only our first date, but I really enjoyed being with you. Can I take you out again next week too?”

“It's a date.” You reply, kissing the soft peach of his cheek.

“What are you thinking about over there, Stevie?” you ask, as you pluck the glassy red cherry from swirlied cream top of your milkshake.

“Just thinking about how much I love you. About how lucky I am to have you in my life.” he answers honestly, a sugar-pink sheen blushing across his freckled cheeks. 

He’d always been a loverboy, but now, with you in his life, he finally had someone who was going to accept him for all that he was, lover-boy tendencies included.

..Something happens and I'm head over heels, I never find out until I'm head over heels.

@penguinsandpotterheads @abitchyouhate @mrsjellymunson @eddiesxangel @rebelfell @songbirdmunson @ali-r3n @seatnights @daisy-is-a-writer

[domxmarvel]

Lap dog

Pairing: Sub!Salesman x Dom!Female!Reader

It was Friday night and you were at your apartment with your friends,women you had know since high school and now were all married. You were the last one of the group to get married to a man older than you,you being mid twenties while he was in his late thirties which made some people question how he got you to marry him. As the night went on the girls continued drinking soon getting on the topic of how their husbands were in bed. She started talking, her drunk stare making her give away more than she intended.

"My husband is pretty alright in bed. Sometimes a little too hard, too rough with me though." She said while everyone else chuckled to it. Soon the other chimed in to talk about her husband

"Mine is a little too vanilla. It's just the same old thing. I need more excitement."

"My man is a little too obsessed with being gentle. I don't like how soft he is with me." The last girl chimed in and just like that all eyes were on you now.

"Well he's…"

"He's probably too old to do it anymore right?" One of the girls joked with a sly look in her eye. You had had enough of their jokes about his age. 

"Thirties is not that old" You retorted. 

"You married a guy old enough to be your daddy. He's damn near close to being in his 40s than 30s at this point."

"And yet I still get pounded three rounds every night" you lied,the truth was you did do it almost every night for multiple rounds but you conveniently left out the details of him being a submissive for you,prancing around in fluffy ears a tail plug and a collar with your name on the tag. He was loyal just like a dog as you would always say to him when you attached the leash to the collar. There was no way you'd tell them that he dressed like a dog for your enjoyment. So you lied. The girls laughed and shook their heads at you.

"Sure sure. You're just trying to cover up that you married a grandpa" one of them joked.

"At least Married a man who gives me anything I ask for in bed,meanwhile I just hear all of you complaining." You half joked back.

“Anything you want?" 

"So you can ask for anything and he gives it to you?" One of them inquired.

"In and out of the bedroom" you smirked,moving your hair to show off the diamond earrings he bought you.The girls looked at your earrings and smiled.

"Wow. He's a good provider too" one of them gushed over them.

"But how does he know what you want?" another asked curiously.

"He just does. Older men are just plain better,girls"

"Damn it. That sounds nice. But I bet he's not that hot is he?" One of them questioned with a teasing tone. They hadn't really seen him much,since you had opted out of a big wedding since neither of you wanted that. They had only seen him whenever you showed photos or if he came to pick you up after a night with them. Just then the front door opened followed by the sound of your husband's voice.

“I’m back” He announced,their heads and eyes shot towards the door. Your friends' eyes were glued to him as he walked in,their mouths dropping to the floor. He seemed like he forgot about them being here tonight.

"Welcome back" You smiled at him. He looked at your friends and nodded his head.

"Evening ladies" Immediately followed by him apologizing for interrupting "I'm sorry for interrupting your girls night" he said,the girls were still staring at him while their mouths were open.

"That's fine,we were just talking about the fact that the girls should probably get home. Since it's so late" you said as a hit to the girls.

"Uh yeah..we should get going" one of them said awkwardly. The girls were snapped back into reality,the sound of your voice pulling them from their almost trance-like state. They quickly shuffled out one mumbling something about him.

"Damn he is hot,grandpa be damned!" She said loudly,her comment causing the others to giggle. He just looked at you confused as they drunkenly continued. The girls laughed and continued their drunk ramblings.

"Damn he is fine even for a grandpa" one of them laughed.

"Yeah I mean he's a grandpa but he's still hot in a way" another chimed. Your husband was now in absolute shock as he heard the girls drunken comments,he just stood there listening to them. You quickly shut the door,plunging you both into silence for a moment.

"I couldn't help but hear that..." he began.

"More like the whole neighborhood heard that"

"They made comments about me..calling me a grandpa.." he said with a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

"Yeah and they said plenty before you walked in" He grumbled,not liking how the girls had talked about him.

"They didn't need to bring up my age..it's not that old" he stated.

"I know" you kissed him "that's what I said. But hey I'm pretty sure they'll all fuming with jealousy right now" He looked into your eyes for a moment before nodding in agreement.

"I know. I'm sure they're all just mad that they don't have a husband like me" he smirked,clearly feeling smug about it.

"I know,kneel" you commend just like you would a dog.He instantly dropped down on his knees,he obeyed you the way he was trained to do.

"Yes ma'am.." he spoke in a soft obedient tone.

"Could you imagine how jealous they are? I bet they wish they had a husband like you,don't they?" You smirked,patting his head.He let out a soft hum as you patted his head,he was in full obedient mode as you talked to him. He looked up at you and nodded,he let out a soft 

“Yes ma'am" in an obedient tone.

"Someone so willing to obey. All fours" you commanded again.

"Yes ma'am" he replied obediently.He quickly dropped down onto his hands and knees,getting into the form he knew you wanted. He looked up at you,he was in complete obedience,his eyes begging for your command.

"Can you believe I had them really thinking you were in control?" You lifted his head with a finger under his chin.His eyes widened a bit when you lifted his chin to look at you,he looked at you with obedience and love. He didn't quite understand what you meant.

"Yes ma'am.." he replied with a confused look. You knelt down to his level 

"Always such a good boy for me,maybe I should kiss you?" You teasingly asked

"Please.." he replied,he clearly wanted your kisses.The kiss was deliberately slow and short.He let out a soft whine when the kiss ended,he clearly wanted more but he didn't dare ask.

"If you want more you'll have to earn it"

"How..?" He asked softly,looking up at you with hopeful eyes.

"First go get your ears,tail and put on your collar for me"

"Yes ma'am.." he replied.After a short moment he returned to the living room,holding the ears, tail, and collar in his hands. He looked at you,awaiting your next command. You took the ears and put them on his head,before taking the collar and putting it on him. Tracing your name which was engraved onto the tag to his collar. His eyes were glued to the tag,he loved having your name there,showing everyone who he belonged to.

"Look at you,all mine"

"All yours ma'am" He nodded softly,he was completely yours,body and soul.

"Good boy," you said quietly,gripping his tie. He relished in the praise,he craved it, especially when you grabbed his tie.

"Thank you ma'am" he replied quietly,his eyes locked onto you. He practically perked up at the sound of you calling him 'good boy'. "Please ma'am.." he muttered quietly, clearly wanting something.

"Please,what?"

"Please..touch me ma'am" he begged quietly,looking up at you with puppy-dog eyes.

"Where?" You slowly moved your hand to his chest "Here?" You kept moving lower to below his belt. "Or,here?" He felt your hand moving over his chest,he let out a shaky exhale,he was enjoying the attention.

"Yes ma'am...there.." he replied,he leaned into your touch. You moved your hand away from his body.He let out a whine when you moved your hand away from his body,he wanted more he needed to feel your touch. He looked up at you with pleading eyes,clearly wanting you to continue.

"Get undressed and meet me in the room"

"Yes ma'am" He eagerly nodded,ready to follow your instructions. You made your way to the bedroom,undressing yourself as you waited for him. His gaze never left you as you undressed,he was clearly admiring your body, he loved every curve and inch. Once he was in the bedroom,he stood by the door and watched you, waiting for your next command. You laid down on the bed 

"Come here" He obeyed immediately, he took a few steps towards the bed and climbed up onto it, crawling onto the sheets towards you. Grabbing him by the hair you pushed his head down between your legs. 

"You know what to do,dog" He fell into his usual obedient state,without any hesitation he lowered his head,his tongue circled your clit,making you grab his hair tightly as you arched your back to get closer to him. He loved making you feel good,he took note of your movements and adjusted his head to get closer to you, he was eager to please. "Good boy" your words seemed to kick him into overdrive. His hands holding your thighs in place. He wanted to hear those words over and over again, he was determined to make you feel amazing. Feeling a surge of satisfaction when you called him a good boy,it was like music to his ears. He held onto your thighs, keeping you in place, he wanted to make sure nothing would ruin this moment. The sounds of your moans filled the air, he loved the effect he had on you. He worked his tongue inside on you,causing a louder moan to be let out. Your loud moan made him shiver, he loved how much pleasure he could bring you. You pulled his head away by his hair. He stopped instantly when you pulled his head away, looking up at you with anticipation. "Lay down" He did as instructed, shifting onto his back, laying down. You wrapped your hand around his cock just before you took him fully into your mouth.

You let your saliva coat his cock as you pulled away slowly,licking on more stripe up. He let out a soft moan, not expecting you to do that.  He closed his eyes, savoring the sensation. You climbed on top,slowly taking him all in. Slowly you bounced up and down. He gasped at the feeling, he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you down to him.You grabbed him by his collar pulling him to meet you. He looked up at you, his eyes filled with love and adoration. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close, his body pressed against yours.He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. He whispered in a soft voice, his arms embracing you tightly.

"I love you." You squeezed tightly around his cock as he said those words. He let out a low moan, his eyes fluttered closed as you squeezed him. "You feel so good.." he whispered, his hands roaming over.

"Do I? Tell me how good I make you feel"

"You..feel amazing. So good..." he mumbled, his eyes still closed.

"No,no no if you truly want me to believe you you'll have to say it like a dog. Bark" you smirked,knowing you had him fully under your control and he'd do anything. His eyes snapped open when you said that, he knew you were testing him. He took a deep breath, then let out a soft, obedient bark, like a good boy.

"Woof...woof..." he repeated, his voice almost a whisper, still in disbelief that he was actually doing this.

"So quiet,are you saying I don't make you feel good?" He let out a soft whine, it was obvious that you had him wrapped around your finger.

"No ma'am..you make me feel so good.." he replied obediently, his eyes looking up at you sheepishly.

"Then show me,let me hear it"

"Woof...woof!" he barked again, a bit louder this time, his eyes locked on yours. You smirked as you moved faster,your hands still pulling him up by his collar. "Woof..woof." he repeated, the sound of his barks filling the room.

"Such a good dog" you smirked. He barked again, clearly trying to show how good he could be for you. "Are you close,pet?" You could feel it from the way his hands gripped your sides. 

"Woof..woof..close ma.. ma'

"You've been good,I'll let you cum"

"Thank you ma'am. Woof.." He was so close to the edge, he just needed your permission. He panted heavily, still held in place by the collar, he was so close, he just needed a little push. He looked up at you with pleading eyes, silently begging for you to give him the final push he needed and you did as you moved your hips,bouncing up and down.

"Come on pup I know you can do it"

"Woof..woof..." he whimpered, he was so close. Quickly followed by him filling your insides with his cum,painting your walls white. He let out a final bark. You slowly pushed him down onto his back,letting him calm down.He obeyed your command, slowly laying down as he tried to catch his breath. He looked up at you with a content expression, completely blissed out. He panted softly, his chest rising and falling with each breath

"So good" you smirked,kissing him on the cheek.

"Thank you ma'am..." He whispered, his voice still raspy. He smiled, feeling a wave of affection wash over him as you kissed his cheek. 

"Maybe next time I'll have them watch you,would you like that? Being watched as I make you my good boy?"

"W-watch...me?" he repeated softly. His eyes widened slightly at your words, he had never considered being watched before. The thought of being on display for you was both exciting and slightly nerve wracking.

"Have you put on a show,show them just how good my dog is" He felt a shiver run down his spine at your words, the idea of being watched and performing for you was making him feel a mix of excitement and nervousness. "Should I take you in front of them,show them how lucky I am to have a good obedient little pup?"

.***

@babyblue0t7

[sakiblack]

soft yandere tsutey

Tsutey x reader

-----------------------------------------------

I would imagine you came to Pandora with Jake. Being his sister or just someone who has trained for Pandora does not matter.As long as you somehow got there.

Tsutey is a cold man and he would not show you that in his heart you have a spacial place.He would see you for the first time with Neytiri and Jake while she was trying to get you two to the home tree.Does he stare at you like he could kill you? yes. But in his eyes you are spacial.From the start he wanted you with him. All the time.

You are a human you dont know their ways. And he will teach you.

And teach you he did. Maybe he yells and scolds you a lot but trust me he would kill for you.The first thing he would teach you is how to ride the (horse thing).He would go out of his ways to get you the most calm horse they had. He cant have you falling off now could he?

Talking with him would be strange. At first you probably didnt even know he speaks english. It was the second day with the clan, he was teaching you how to ride. Some of his students were talking while you got on the horse.He walked up to you paced his hand on your thigh to make your grip tighter.Looking at the navi that were whispering something Tsutey said something out of nowhere.

"They are not making fun of you"

He said in a deep voice. It has been some time since he said anything in english so he hoped he did it right.

"You can speak english?"

Oh how happy he was to hear your voice.

"Yes"

A simple response that started your "friendship".

He usualy didnt start the talks with you. It usualy had to be you. He wanted you to need him even tho he was probably the one needing you the most.

Jake is not a problem for him as long as he does not touch you.The first time he showed just how much he cared was when Jake was teasing you about being short even in the avatar. Now that would not be bad at all if Jake didnt touch your shoulder for a little too long.

He would hiss something in navi and push him away from you. Not you or Jake would understand it but Neytiri did and it made her smile.

Neytiri was long forgotten after you came in his life. He already did not love her that much but when you came she was just a clan member.So there was nothing for you to be jealous of. But as time went on and he spented more time with you, you two became a lot more then friend. Touching you was a normal thing and giving you gifts was as well. At the start he gived you meat but when he saw your scared face he went for another tactic. Flowers,food,bracelets everything that a normal human would give you.Sometimes he even flirted tho it did end up in him messing up.

Time would fly by fast and before you knew it you would be staning on top of the flying mountains. As Neytiri was explaining everything to Jake Tsutey was only looking at you. He didnt want you to do this. You could get hurt or worse.But if you wanted to become one of the people this was something you had to do.

"Be calm,when you will see him you will know"

He said softly as he petted your shoulder.

"How will i know he wants me"

"He will want to kill you"

Did he say it like it was nothing? yes. But at least he would be there to save you.

If he thought seeing you ride the horse was beautiful , seeing you on the ikran was out of the world.You two would wly till the end of the night.

Now unlike Neytiri Tsutey did not wait for you to become one of the people before making you his. It would be the night you got your ikran or the night after. You two would be sitting somewhere probably talking before he would move his face into your neck like he was taking in your scent.And that was all it took for him to lose it.He already had to control himself for so long he could not do it anymore.

Would he be gentle at least at the start he would.

Biting marks are a thing. Marking you is something he cant live without. He never explained mating to you. He wanted to tell you about it while he was showing you just how much he loved you.

While he would make you feel good he would say things like

"Now you are all mine", "We are bonded together", "Only i will make you fill this way"

Nicknames were not a thing untill now. He woul call you things like love,yawne or even just mine or my girl/boy.

As i said him being jealous was not something that happened a lot. But after your "fun night" tigether noone could even look at you the wrong way. he was by your side all the time. Even while your avatar body was sleeping he was looking over you.

It would even come to the point he would come to the flying mountains while they were prepering for the big fight to make sure you were okay. Seeing your human body would just make fall for you again so when you were laying under the spirit tree he was saying bye to the body you were ment to live in.If it was on him he would keep you in the human body but there was no way you could survive.

But even if that was the life you were supposed to have being with him was the life that you cant run away from.

.......................,..........................,........................

sorry for any words spelled wrong i was in a hurry

hope you liked it tho

[invisible-lint]

Everything Could Be Okay: Prologue

Andras x Reader

Summary: a prologue for what will be a Rhys x Tamlin's sister!reader

Warnings: angst! very brief mention of pregnancy loss

Word Count: 1,078

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

You knew you were already too late. You could feel it in the ache of your legs. The pounding of your heart. The breath panting through your lips as you race through the trees. He had made his decision, sending another to tell you, worried that seeing you again would change his mind. You knew that you couldn’t stop him, but perhaps you could at least say goodbye. 

Your dress catches on a branch, tearing, but you heed it no mind as you keep running as your destination comes into sight. Two sets of eyes fall upon you.The green eyes of your brother, filled with pity. The gray eyes of your husband, filled with regret.  Your brother nods before stepping away, giving the two of you the moment you so desperately need. You throw yourself at your husband, clinging to his tunic, the silver that had been rimming your eyes finally spilling over. 

"Don't do it. Don't leave me," you sob.

He says nothing, gently brushing the tears away from your eyes, somehow managing to keep his own at bay. 

"Andras. Please," you beg.

He speaks finally. "You know I must. For the Spring Court. For Prythian."

"To Hell with the Spring Court! To Hell with Prythian! I need you!" You pause for a moment, voice growing soft as your hand finds your stomach, cradling the babe growing inside. "We need you."

He places a hand over yours. "That's why I must go. There is so little time left and I will not let my child live in a world that's been corrupted by Her. I cannot bear the thought of it. It may be a fool's errand but it is the only thing that I can think of that might save our child. Save you."

You nod, a fresh wave of tears leaving you unable to speak. 

He holds you for a moment, wishing it could be different. Wishing there was a way he could protect you without sacrificing himself. A way to live and see his child born.  But there was not and so he must. He breathes in deeply, taking in your scent for the last time and kisses you on the forehead before stepping away and nodding at the other male. 

Somehow, you manage to stay on your feet as he leaves you, watching the magic that transforms your love. You walk over to the wolf that stands in his place, placing a hand on either side of his muzzle before pressing a parting kiss there. The wolf gives you one last longing look before slipping through the hole in the wall. 

You drop to the forest floor as your legs finally give out, sobs wracking your body. Your brother sinks down next to you, pulling you into his arms, holding you tight. As if by holding you he could prevent the shattering of your heart. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, voice cracking.  "I tried to talk him out of it. Tried to convince him to stay..." 

You ignore him, too focused on your own broken heart to listen to him try to make himself feel better. He picks you up then, standing to carry you home. If you can call it that anymore when such a vital piece of it is now gone forever. 

You were in the gardens the day he died. Wandering aimlessly, fiddling with the gold ring hanging on the chain around your neck. You felt it as he drew his dying breath. Perhaps you had been mates after all. Perhaps this was as close as you'd ever get to feeling that bond, that golden thread that would never be, emptiness filling your chest as you sink to the ground amongst the roses. If it had snapped, could you have convinced him to stay? Could you have convinced him that you needed him, needed the other half of your soul? A hollowness fills your chest where you had always imagined the bond might form linking you to him. But it never did. Emotions burn in your throat, and somewhere someone screams. It’s a raw, primal sound filled with grief. Could that be you? You’ve retreated so far into yourself that you don’t even know anymore. Your hand falls to your stomach where it will swell with child, curling around yourself  to protect the babe, as if this grief is an enemy you need to protect them from. 

You’re not sure how long you lay there, curled in on yourself, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. You knew this day was coming. He may as well have been dead the day he crossed the wall and went into the human lands. You press his ring to your lips, the gold band cool from the night air. 

It is not your brother who finds you, but Lucien. He picks you up, carrying you into the house that no longer feels like a home. He carries you to your room, tucking you into your bed. He sits next to you, stroking the hair back from your face just like your mother had when you would wake from a nightmare as a child. But there was no waking from this one. He tells you how Tamlin is already going to find Andras’ killer to see if his death has brought the hope we so desperately need. You pray to the Mother, hoping that it hasn’t all been for nothing. And as your eyes grow heavy, the grief finally dragging you down into sleep, you hear as Lucien softly sings a lullaby his mother sang to him as a child.

Months have passed when you wake with a start, tears streaming down your face. You'd dreamt of the forest again. Of losing your love, your home, your soul. Your dream followed him into the mortal lands, to where the human girl had shot him with the ash arrow. You had asked her about it, needing to know. Needing to know if he had been in pain. If he had suffered. 

 Your hand falls to where your child should be growing, letting the tears stream down your face as you stare up at the canopy of your bed. He had done it. Andras had been successful and now the rest was up to your brother. He just had to get the human girl to fall in love with him and your husband's sacrifice would not be in vain. Everything you lost would mean something. And maybe, one day, everything could be okay again.

Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first fic with more planned! If you liked it feel free to send a request!

Thanks @azsazz for inspiring me to give fic writing a try!

divider by: @tsunami-of-tears

[mikaskysensei]

Sanjome x fem Yokai! reader

Inspired by:

https://www.tumblr.com/mikaskysensei/767695520511705088/hello-u-asked-me-for-some-count-saint-germain?source=share

A/n:it my first time writing mid fanfic pls forgive my L writing,I'm trying to be sigma here🤓

(!Oh so sanjome is my favorite character and I feel uncomfortable if someone say he is their favorite.it ok if you only like him🥰🙏)

Weird

is the only word you can think after witnessing your so called enemy Started to being nice to you.at first he only looking at you and walk away and not even unsheath his sword. like he usually do when accidentally meeting with you .second he lay a lilies flower on your feet and that make you feel confused like "????" Written On your face,

The third one he start to become a bit bold.by standing so close to you while picking a strand of your hair from your face and took out some hair accessories,and put it behind your hair.this kind of act is to weird for you.the man that try to take her soul on a FIRST place start to being nice and.... Lovey dovy?.after done doing the deed he quickly get away from scene without muttering some word.

And that lead you to a negative thought.

'is he.. trying to make me lose guard by acting lovey dovey so he can take my SOUL??!!'

'that it...im not going to be quite like a damsel in distress from now on!'

.

.

.

.

.

[marksmelodies]

for better, for worse

idol chenle x fem reader

genre: angst, smut, fluff

warnings: cussing, mentions of sex, unprotected sex,

—————————————————————————

you and chenle have been fighting a lot lately, everything you say to eachother ends up in a argument. it’s a never ending saga of screaming, fighting, threatening to break up, making up, having sex, then fighting again and so on.you currently were staring at the clock on the wall as chenle was thrusting in and out of you, wishing was that it would be over soon.you love chenle and you love your sex life with him but recently it seemed like a sympathy card and nothing more.the two of you used to have so much chemistry, your sex was amazing, you two were so passionately in love, but now you both seemed burnt out.

chenle was chasing his orgasm, thrusts were becoming rushed and messy, headboard smashing against the wall, it seemed as if he was just eager to blow off steam rather than actually wanting to have sex with you.the two of you fought earlier due to chenle blowing you off again for work, you tried your best to be understanding of his job, you knew how much it consumes his life, but when he’s blowing you off every single day it’s really hard to justify it, selfishly you wanted him to focus on you more than work.when you brought it up to him he got defensive and started yelling, which caused you to get angry and the whole situation escalated very quick leading to screaming, cussing and slamming doors.

you looked at him and wondered if you two would ever go back to how you used to.once he finished he laid down back facing you not saying a word, the next thing you know you hear soft snores coming from him.you walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on, feeling a little sore from chenle taking out his anger on you.

as the water hit your back, you begin to sob, knowing the love of your life is slipping away was the worst feeling in the entire world. you wouldn’t blame him though, your relationship had become extremely toxic.a few moments of you crying you hear the bathroom door open.

“ i’m coming in i have to piss” you hear chenle say softly

you quickly get ahold of yourself “ go ahead ” you respond your voice shaking a little.silence fell between you two for a few moments until he speaks up.

“ it’s because of me right”

“ what”

“ your crying that hard over me… over us” you go silent again not knowing what to say, that’s when chenle steps in the shower fully clothed saying nothing, just grabbing you pulling you into a hug.you take a minute to process what’s happening you feel the man in your arms start to shake before hearing him wail, in all of the years you’ve been together you have never once seen him cry so hard.you both stand in the shower with the water running embracing eachother as you two sob.he finally looks up at you with red eyes and quivering lips

“ please don’t leave me” he cried into your shoulder

“ shhh baby everything’s going to be okay”

“ but it’s not, it’s not y/n and i don’t know how to fix it”

you both soak in this very vulnerable moment and decide to sit down and have a conversation when you were done.

“ first of all chenle i’m not leaving you, i don’t know where you got that from but when i promised you forever i meant it”

“ second of all, i think we need to go to couples therapy” you say to him. he just stared at you

“ i think it’ll help, really, a friend of mine recommended me a good therapist. i’m going to fight for us chenle and i’ll do whatever it takes”

“ me too, i’ll go if that’s what you think will help”

“ i really do babe, i think it’ll help a lot” that night you two were making some sort of progress even though it doesn’t mean much because you knew at some point you two would regress and go back to square one but you had a glimpse of hope this time.instead of spending the night at your friends place avoiding chenle which would usually happen around this time of night.you lay cuddled on the couch watching a movie, you can feel chenle shifting as if he was uncomfortable.you got up to get him some water, when you came back chenle was standing up looking a little frantic.you were confused until you saw the tent in his pants.

“ really lele” you roll your eyes

“ you can never keep it in your pants” you laugh to yourself.

“ i’m sorry babe it just happens, i’ll go take care of it in the bathroom i’ll be right back” he says at you frown at him.

“ i mean you could do that or i don’t know you have your turned on girlfriend standing right in front of you” you smirk,he walks over to you picking you up making his way to the bedroom.throwing you down on the bed, immediately smashing his lips onto yours, grinding his clothed dick onto you as you moan into his lips, driving him crazy.

“ fuck i cant take it anymore” he rips your shirt and shorts off, taking your under garments with it too, leaving you completely naked.kissing a trail down your body he lifts your hips up a little to make you comfortable as he licks a stripe down your pussy

“ oh my god chenle” you moan, he smiles at you before diving completely into your heat, sucking at your clit you arch your back, lacing your fingers into his hair he pulls you forward flicking his tongue back and forth.you feel your orgasm building up, “ babe i’m coming” you scream as you release all over his face.you lay there catching your breath, for the first time in a very long time you felt content in the bedroom, for the first time in months he actually made you finish.chenle takes one if your legs lifting it onto his shoulder as he places his other hand on your waist, thrusting into you “ oh my god babe you’re so wet for me” he says as your hands grip the bedsheets, he flips you around arching your back for him he slams into you again with no warning, earning screams from you.continuously hitting your g spot you feel yourself about to cum again

“ chenle im gonna cum” you cry

“ wait for a little longer babe i want to come together”chenle has you a squirming mess under him, he has to keep one hand on your lower back keeping you arched as the other one is on your waist.

“ lele i cant hold it anymore please” is you beg

“ be a good girl y/n, i’m almost there” squeezing your eyes shut he turns you around again

“ look at me baby i wanna see you when we cum” chenle takes both of your legs bending them into your chest as he thrusts as hard as he can,his trusts become sloppy as he lets low groans out of his mouth.

“ fuck baby you ready” he asks

“ yes yes please”

“ cum for me babygirl” he demands as you both finish at the same time.chenle collapses onto you, not taking himself out of you yet.

“ fuck baby that was so good” he whispers kissing your neck

“ that’s the best sex we’ve had in so long” you smile

“ i know love, we definitely needed that”taking himself out of you he cleans you up and joins you back in bed.

“ i love you so much sweet girl, i promise we will make it through this rough patch” he kisses your forehead.

“ i know we will lele, i love you too”

** a year later**

you and chenle did end up going to couples therapy and it has changed your relationship for the better.you two haven’t gotten into fights since, you are in the honeymoon stage all over again, and let’s just say you two can’t stay off of eachother, you feel like teenagers again.the romance has sparked in your relationship again and it has never felt better.

you were currently joining him on his europe leg of his tour. waking up next to your man every morning in a new place had been a dream come true.today you were in paris , chenle had soundcheck and dance practice but other than that you had the night to yourselves since his show wasn’t until tomorrow.you stayed in bed most of the day catching up on rest until you receive a text from your boyfriend telling you he made dinner reservations tonight and to dress fancy.

you quickly got up and started getting ready.a few hours later you were finally ready as chenle made his way to pick you up.he was dressed in a nice white button down shirt and black slack pants, it took everything in you not to jump his bones right then are there.

the night was beautiful, he rented out the rooftop of a very fancy restaurant looking out onto the Eiffel Tower which shimmered every so often and had music playing soft instrumentals.you were left speechless.chenle however seemed a little nervous and quieter than usual.

finishing up your dinner you looked to your boyfriend.

“ chenle this is amazing really, thank you so much”

“ you deserve everything and more my love” he kisses your hand. you smile at him as he falls quiet again.he clears his throat.

“ let’s go look at the view huh” he suggests. he walks with you hand in hand as he leads you over to the edge of the rooftop.standing under a beautiful arch with vines and fairy lights you look at the Eiffel Tower in awe.

“ it’s so beautiful chenle, i’m never going to forget this moment” you turn to him and notice he’s not beside you anymore.confused you turn around to find him kneeling down on one knee holding out a small box with a beautiful diamond ring in it.

you gasp covering your mouth with your hands as tears stream down your cheeks.

“ y/n i have loved you from the moment i met you, never in my lifetime have i experienced a love greater than yours, we’ve been through so much together, i know that we can face whatever the world throws at us as long as we are together, i love you more than words can describe you have my whole heart, you have changed my life and i will forever be so grateful, through good seasons and bad i will always be by your side, i can not wait for our future together. (your full name) will you marry me?”

“ yes a million times yes” you say without hesitation as he slides the ring onto your finger pulling you into a kiss. you wrap your arms around his neck embracing him tightly.

“ i know we already promised forever a long time ago but i thought a big shiny ring would be a nice touch” chenle jokes as he kisses you again.

“ i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you zhong chenle.”

—————————————————————————thank you for reading, i hope you enjoy!!!

[stillmonsterz]

birds of a feather (teaser)

this is part two to brave it together. pairing: jay x reader, jake x reader genre: smut, angst, slight humor summary: after your eventful week, you assumed that life would go back to normal. instead, things only become even more complicated and tangled. your feelings for jay continue morphing, and his treatment of you only make you feel even more confused. as you attempt to balance your newfound social life, your complex intrapersonal relationships, and the mystery surrounding mina's suicide, you begin to wonder if there's anyone in the school you could trust. contains: unprotected sex, dubcon, drug usage, alcohol usage, manipulation, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder, infidelity, exhibitionism, more to be determined. full fic will be released on the 24th! happy jay day!

You were lying in Jay’s arms, and you were scared to make a sound. If you did, you felt as though he would remember you were there and tell you to leave. But right now, as his cheek rested on your bare shoulder, you didn’t want to go.

After you had gone to his room, you had drunk exactly one shot of the whiskey he had promised you before he was all over you again. You’d had sex twice more in his bedroom after your time on the roof. It was a blur to you, a hazy deluge of memories: being spanked, thrown around in whatever position he wanted you in, hands gripping you tight enough to leave an array of bruises more vibrant than the last set, kisses full of venom.

Jay clung to you after he came the third time, your back flush against his chest so that you were spooning. You basked in his attention, in the scent of Jay’s sweat mixed with his cologne.

You didn’t want to move your head, so you had a limited view of his room. In the dark, you could see his nightstand, whereupon a half-empty package of cigarettes, a box of condoms, some scattered books, and assorted jewelry lay. The condoms surprised you, because Jay hadn’t used any with you.The floor was messy, with clothes strewn haphazardly on the plush carpet. Some of those were yours. You could see band posters stuck all over, some you recognized and some you didn’t. The room was gradually becoming brighter, and you dimly realized that the sun was rising. Already? It was November, meaning that it had to be approaching morning-time. 

“Jay,” you muttered. He made a muffled noise and shifted, pressing his cheek against you. “Jay, it’s morning.”

“Mm…”

“I should go.”

Some part of you wanted him to tell you to stay, but instead Jay whispered, “One more round?” HIs hands started to caress your waist again.

You sighed. “No.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jay groaned and released you, sitting up in his bed. His hair was messy, and by the light filtering in through his curtains, you could see that you had left scratches on his back and shoulders. The cigarette mark you had made last night still lingered on his arm. “You’re still such a prude,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

“What if someone catches us?” You sat up as well, mustering the urge to stand. Your legs were terribly sore, and when you tried to stand up they shook like a fawn’s. 

Jay watched you as you collected your clothes from the ground and put them on mechanically.  “You’re right,” he said in a strange voice. “It’s 7, so I doubt anyone in Stoker will be up anyways. If you take the back exit…down the back set of stairs…take a right…you should be fine.” 

“Thanks,” you mumbled, fumbling with the buttons of your jacket. All you’d had to eat yesterday was a samosa and three cigarettes, with scant sleep in between, and it was starting to take a toll on your body. The cold that had been brewing was starting to rear its ugly head, and you made a note to get your hands on some cough syrup. You were glad that you wore shoes you could slip into, because you doubted that you could be trusted to tie shoelaces.

Jay sighed and beckoned for you. “C’mere,” he said. “You’re so helpless. You’re like a newborn or something.”

You shuffled over to the bed, sitting on the edge. “You have sex with newborns often?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Jay fixed your buttons for you, one by one. “Don’t get cute with me.” 

“Sorry.”

“And don’t be sarcastic, either. It doesn’t look good on you.” Jay squeezed your cheeks between his thumb and middle finger, pulling it this way and that as though to inspect your features. “You look like shit.”

“It’s been a long weekend,” you say dryly. 

“Hm.” Jay looked into your eyes for a few seconds too long before releasing you. “Well, get out of here. Don’t need Jake having a stroke because I’ve defiled his new white whale.” Jay chuckled, his usual smug expression returning. “On second thought, maybe you should stay. I could call Jakey, he could come over here, and I could show him just how good you are at taking my-,”

“Goodbye,” you said, pulling away from him and standing upright. Just the sound of Jake’s name made you feel odd. Not guilt, not shame, but another emotion you couldn’t place. Something nasty, something that felt like tar trickling down your throat. 

“Bye, little prude,” Jay said. “Oh, where are my manners?” He got out of bed, shivered at the cold, and opened the door for you. His eyes glittered with their usual spark of malice, and it made you wonder what he was going to do. You didn’t want to stick around to find out, so you nodded your head and took a step from his room. 

There was a tug at your jacket’s collar, and Jay whispered your name. You turned your head to meet his gaze once more. “Probably don’t have to tell you this,” he began, eyes trained on you,  “but don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

“Who would I tell?” you replied quietly. 

Jay smiled, his dimple adding an uncharacteristic boyishness to his otherwise chiseled face. “Good answer,” he said, “but that’s not a yes. Don’t tell anyone we fucked, alright?”

You looked down at the ground. For some reason, it still hadn’t sunk in that you had voluntarily slept with Jay. Several times, at that. 

“Look at me,” he said, and you lifted your head. “You won’t tell a soul?”

“I won’t,” you said softly. 

Jay nodded and let go of your jacket. “You’re so obedient,” he muttered. “You’ll make an excellent housewife someday.”

“Housewife? I don’t know if I want to get married.”

“Please. Nice, meek girls like you always end up barefoot and pregnant to some hulking idiot,” Jay said dismissively. “It’s a matter of when, not if.”

“What about you?” you asked.

Jay frowned. “What about me?” 

“Will you get married, have kids?”

A brief flash of hurt crossed Jay’s features, the first time you had ever seen it on his face. “Can’t have kids,” he said. “I shoot blanks.”

“Oh.”

“I had hypospadias as a baby. Got the surgery young, everything is fine, I’m just completely sterile. So I’ll never bear my parents an heir.” Jay said the last sentence in someone else’s voice, as though he were mimicking words another had said. 

“I’m sorry,” you said.

Jay snorted and scratched his arm. “Don’t be,” he said. “I can fuck like an animal and never get a bitch pregnant. It’s the best. So you don’t have to worry about having my kid…although I feel like you would look good pregnant.”

“Jay.”

“You’d gain weight in all the right places…yeah, I wouldn’t let you abort my kid,” Jay continued. “You’d be forced to bear little Jay junior, and like a good father I would pay child support and take the little shit to Disneyland once in a while. And he’d be like, ‘Daddy, daddy, I just got a b minus in math class!’ And I’d say, ‘Son, you’re going to learn that math matters little in the real world. Come, let me take you to Hooters, so that you can swim in the ocean with men, instead of wallowing in the kiddy pool of arithmetic.’”

“Little Jay junior wouldn’t be happy,” you said, smiling slightly. “How could he be happy when Daddy hates Mommy?”

Jay laughed, quietly enough so the sound didn’t resonate down the hallway. He leaned against the doorframe, holding his arm above his head. “Please. Daddies hate mommies all the time. It’s normal.”

You hesitated before whispering, “And do mommies hate daddies?”

Jay paused as well. One of his hands reached out slowly and gently rubbed at the corner of your lips. ”They should,” he murmured, flicking something away. “They should hate daddies. Mommies aren’t very smart sometimes.” Jay cleared his throat, pulling his hand away from you. “Now run along or I really will split you open in front of Jake.” 

Without another word, you took off down the hallway. The wide hallway alone reeked of decadence and dripped with pretension. There was no reason why a college dorm should have delicate china vases balancing on hardwood nightstands that lined the hallways, nor why the walls should have crown molding. What asshole had spent this much money on a college dorm?

As you crept towards the back staircase, you noticed that one of the dorm rooms had a sock on the doorknob. That seemed much more appropriate for a building populated largely by idiotic young men. You continued down the steps, to the right, and exited the building safely. 

Just before you left to head to Fawcett, you turned around. The lights were off in all of the rooms except for one, and if you shielded your eyes, you could see a dark figure inside. You wondered if it wasn’t Jay watching you. You thought about waving, but that would seem far too playful. You continued walking through the cold, back to your own dorm. 

[anylady-fics]

Radar | Lee Know x F Reader

Cross posted on ao3

Summary: [...] “Me too. My roommate’s pretty chill and is out of the house most of the day.” “Are you sure it’s okay if I use his bed tonight?” “Unless you’d prefer using mine…” You smiled and tried to add a playful tone to what you said, secretly hoping he’d notice that you weren’t joking. Minho finished eating and set the cup and fork on the coffee table, then looked at you with a different smile—one filled with mischief, and something more. “Only if you'll be in it, too.” [...]

Or… you have a crush on your boxing tutor, and he likes you too. Hehe. WC: 6.4k

⚠️ warnings: smut, shameless smut, fingering, squirting, oral sex, rough sex, spanking (a little), creampie, unprotected sex (don't do it), a bit of cockwarming

You have been taking boxing classes for a few months now, initially motivated by your interest in improving your fitness and health. However, what really kept you engaged in the classes was your instructor.

At the beginning, you tried hard not to stare, knowing that you were just another student among many who admired him. His class was full of women, which you noticed during your first week. Minho was very handsome, and it was impossible not to notice.

From the first class, you found yourself watching him a bit too much, captivated by his incredibly attractive lips and his sculpted face—delicate yet not too much so. The problem was that he didn’t seem to give anyone special attention; he appeared to be a very serious person, at least from your perspective. This only made your interest grow, as you relished the challenge.

You saw many women throwing themselves at him, but he didn’t seem to care in the slightest, at least not in front of others. You had no way of knowing if he met with any of them privately, as he seemed like a discreet type of guy, which only made you want him more.

You didn’t like to make a move without being fairly certain of success, so you were trying to understand him first—he wasn’t easy to read. You tried obvious things, like pretending you didn’t know something during training to see if he would turn the instruction into unnecessary physical contact, but it didn’t work. He didn’t touch anyone differently, even when women made advances.

Your last attempt was to switch to private lessons, and when you discussed it with him, the conversation was pleasant, though you struggled to hide your true intentions.

“So, do you still have any spots left for private lessons?”

“Yes, but only the late ones. Is it for you?”

“Yes, for me. That’s no problem. Could you please send me the price for three sessions a week?”

“Don’t you think that’s too much?”

“Oh no, I’m really focused.”

“No problem, then.” 

So there you were, getting ready for your first private session with him, feeling a bit nervous. The class was scheduled from 9 to 10 p.m., so you knew you’d wake up sore, but that didn’t bother you.The gym closed at 9 p.m., so it would be just the two of you there for the entire hour. You weren’t exactly sure how you’d make a move on him, or if you even had the nerve to do it, but having him all to yourself was a great start. Maybe you’d start by trying to get to know him a little better.

For a moment, the whole plan seemed really stupid in your head, you hadn’t even said it out loud. You didn’t even know if he was single, so you tried to convince yourself that you were doing this for the health benefits, not because of your lust.

You arrived a bit early, and he was finishing up a class with some random guy. You stood there and watched. The intensity level was much higher than you expected, and you even started to doubt if you could handle that three times a week, but you didn’t want to give up just yet.

When the class ended, they greeted each other, and the man left, leaving the room empty except for you and Minho.

“I’m gonna clean the tatami and grab some water. You can stretch if you want. I’ll be right back.”

You nodded and waited for him to clean it so you could use the tatami to do your stretching routine. You were still feeling a bit sore from the last training, but it was fine.

You were just wrapping your hands with the bandages when he came back and asked you to stop and wait. You didn’t quite understand, but you stopped anyway, trying hard not to stare as he got closer.

“Let me do that for you.”

“You don’t have to…”

“All of you do it wrong, and I’m kinda tired of trying to teach it, so I just do it myself when it’s only me and the person I’m training.” He smiled as he held your hand, and your heart skipped a beat—you had never seen him this close before. You followed his instructions, opening and closing your hands as he told you to.

“There we go, now you’ve learned, right?”

“I think so… let’s see if I can do it by myself.”

“Relax, I’ll do it for you again if you need it.”

Minho explained how the training would work: he’d be holding the pads while you threw punches, and occasionally he’d try to hit you so you could learn to dodge.

You started the first round and felt tired within the first two minutes. It was a lot to manage, dividing your attention between punching and defending. You were used to just repeating sequences, but switching to personal training was a thousand times harder—and much more fun.

You missed defending one of his strikes and took a hit to the ribs. The sound made Minho stop the round, and he looked really concerned.

“Did I hurt you? I’m really sorry…”

“It’s fine! I don’t mind the pain, I kinda like it…”

You realized what you’d said right after saying it and blushed a little, trying not to laugh. You noticed that he tried to hold back a smile too. He was totally different compared to how he acted during the group classes. He was much more talkative, relaxed, and kept giving you really useful tips.

You took a few more hits, but nothing that hurt too much. You had to assure him that you were fine, that something like this wouldn't knock you down.

"You did really well. Usually, someone from the group training can't handle the first full class."

"Thanks!" You felt a bit awkward with the compliment, since he never said anything like that during the group classes. "But now that I’ve done the first one, I’m really questioning if I’ll be able to handle it three times a week..."

"We can try. If it’s too much, we can cut back. But I think you’ve got it."

He winked at you. What was that? Normally, you would’ve taken it as flirting, but since it was him, you pretended it didn’t happen. He must have noticed you were a little thrown off. It was awful being so transparent.

“Do you live near here?”

“About a 5-minute walk, maybe…”

“Me too. Are you driving?”

“Not today…”

“Want a ride?”

There was probably nothing behind the offer, which was a shame, but you’d accept it anyway. You had every intention of hitting on him, but you started holding back because he seemed more approachable, and that felt strange to you. You weren’t ready for someone so different from what you were used to, though you were definitely enjoying it.

You closed up the gym together and got into his car. It was clean, smelled nice, like it had just been washed. You almost felt bad, sitting there being drenched in sweat.

“So, which way do you live?”

You briefly explained where you lived, and then found out Minho lived just two blocks away from you. You were pleased to realize you were geographically lucky too—you were practically neighbors.

“We could start running this route on the way back. What do you think? It’d be a good post-training routine.”

“I’m not sure I could handle running after class, Minho... but I’ll give it a try.”

“Alright then. See you in two days?”

“Yes! Good night, and thanks for the ride.”

You weren’t sure how to say goodbye. You felt too awkward to shake his hand, and a kiss on the cheek seemed a little too intimate. So, you just got out of the car without looking back, regretting not asking if he was single.

You trained together for almost three weeks, keeping up the crazy routine of running after class. You noticed how much your stamina had improved in such a short time—your reflexes, too, along with everything else. You could almost keep up with him in sparring, considering he was lowering his level for you, and you were even invited to advance to a higher belt level.

You two were getting closer. He was much easier to talk to during the one-on-one sessions, just the two of you.

“You’re different in personal training. I used to be a little scared to talk to you.”

“In the group, I have to divide my attention a lot. It’s more complicated. But scared, why?”

“I don’t know… you just seemed more serious.”

“Like I said, it’s a lot of people to focus on.”

“And a lot of people to turn down, too!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

The tone he used made it clear he was being sarcastic, along with the teasing smile on his face.

“Seriously, the girls are torturing themselves trying to get your attention. Nobody even knows if you’re single or not!”

“And you’re asking because you wanna know?”

“Yes, I’m curious.”

“And why haven’t you asked me before?”

“Because I thought it would be too invasive… but since we’re on the topic, are you single?”

“It’s just a simple question, nothing to worry about. And yes, I’m single. And you?”

“Me too. If I had a boyfriend, he probably wouldn’t like me training this late and getting rides from my instructor…”

“The ride was just that one time!”

“Even so…”

Your conversations were becoming more relaxed, and you allowed yourself to flirt a bit, hoping maybe he’d make the first move. From where you were standing, it seemed like the only thing missing was for someone to take that first step. But yes, you were too much of a coward to do it yourself because you were having fun with him, and you didn’t want things to get weird if he ended up rejecting you.

Another week of training passed, and on Friday, when you were closing up the gym, you both heard the sound of thunder, announcing an incoming storm. Neither of you had a car that day, so you thought you might have time to get home without getting soaked. But as soon as you stepped onto the sidewalk, the rain started, and it wasn’t light.

Minho grabbed your arm, opting not to stop, and the two of you ran through the rain until you reached your house. The storm got worse, with lightning and the rain pouring down harder, so you thought maybe he should wait a bit before heading home.

“Come inside. You can wait out the storm and then go home.”

At that moment, he didn’t question you, just came into your garage. Both of you were drenched in your workout clothes, and the sight you got was well worth the trouble of the rain. His thighs were perfect and muscular, and the way his shirt clung to his chest and abs left you very satisfied. And a bit nervous, too. He was way too hot.

You were fully aware that he was looking at you too. Your tank top was thin, and you were cold, with your nipples clearly visible through the fabric, your thighs outlined by your shorts, which were also tightly hugging your ass.

“You can come upstairs with me, I’ll grab some towels… we got soaked.”

“Damn, yeah. I hope I don’t get sick after this.”

You both climbed the stairs, and you felt a little crazy because you could sense Minho’s eyes on you, especially since you were walking ahead, imagining what kind of view he was getting from below.

He stopped in your living room, took off his shoes before stepping in, and seemed a little uncomfortable about getting the floor wet. You quickly grabbed two sets of towels and handed him one, because a single towel wouldn’t be enough. Your hair was dripping wet.

“Don’t worry about the floor…” You used one towel to dry your hair, and with the other you started drying your arms first. Since your clothes were soaked, you took off your shirt and remained in just your sports bra. It wasn’t anything new for him, you’d trained in just a bra before. “If you want, I can throw your clothes in the dryer. It’s still raining pretty hard... who knows when it’ll stop.”

“But what am I going to wear? Are you trying to get me naked without even offering dinner first?!”

“You could wear nothing, but I have a roommate who works at night and could lend you some clothes, you know?”

“Well, if that’s the case…” Minho decided to take off his shirt, and you watched as the fabric peeled off his skin in what felt like slow motion, revealing a part of his body that had been a mystery to you. He wasn’t ripped, but he was athletic, with big arms and well-defined shoulders. “Are you just going to keep staring? You’re making me embarrassed.”

“I’ll go get the clothes…”

Chris’s clothes would probably fit Minho well, they were about the same size. Just to be sure, you grabbed the biggest ones you could find.

When you came back to the living room, you found your instructor wearing nothing but his underwear, his soaked clothes piled on the floor, and he was wrapping a towel around his waist. You barely realized you had frozen in place from what you were seeing and had to make a very conscious effort to keep moving, feeling your nipples harden again, this time not from the cold.

“Here they are… the bathroom is down the hall if you want a hot shower. I’m not sure how much hot water we still have, though…”

“No need for all that, I don’t want to inconvenience you. If anyone should shower, it’s you. It’s your house.” He reached out to take the clothes while still drying himself with the other towel.

“I just don’t want to risk the water going cold again…”

You almost had a heart attack when lightning struck somewhere nearby, and in the next moment, all the streetlights went out, including the power in your house. It took you a few seconds to recover from the shock, and then you used your phone’s flashlight to grab the candles you had stashed for a moment like this.

“This rain really isn’t going to stop,” he said, heading toward the window, the towel still wrapped around his waist, the image of the outline in his underwear still in your mind.

“You can stay here if you want, my roommate won’t be back until late… I can let him know I’m lending his bed.”

“I think I’ll take you up on that offer. Thanks for this.”

You lit several candles around the house, most on the floor, some on the kitchen counter, and others in the living room. Afterward, you realized you needed to change your clothes because you were starting to get really cold. You excused yourself and went to your room with your phone’s flashlight.

You stripped completely and dried off thoroughly with the towel before putting on anything. You had your really hot instructor in your living room, the man you’d been wanting for a while now, so you decided to dress in a way that would catch his attention. You picked out a pair of short workout shorts that you usually wore at home and decided not to wear any underwear, letting the fabric show off as much as it could. To balance it out, you grabbed an oversized T-shirt but skipped the bra. It was too dark for him to see much anyway.

When you came back to the living room, he had neatly piled his clothes near the door. You picked them up to put them in the dryer, and then you noticed that he had taken off his underwear.

Your hot instructor was sitting on your couch, wearing loose clothes, no underwear. It felt like an opportunity falling from the sky, along with the relentless rain.

“So… do you want something to eat?”

“I don’t usually eat dinner, but if you have any fruit, I’ll take some.”

You opened the fridge and found two cups of fruit salad that you’d bought for yourself and your roommate. You grabbed both and handed one to Minho.

“How long have you been living here?”

“About six months… and you?”

“Three years or so. But I live alone. No roommates, had to kick the last one out.”

“Why?” You laughed, noticing how the candlelit atmosphere was perfect for your not-so-innocent intentions.

“Too noisy.”

“Do you prefer quiet?”

“Depends… but usually, yes.”

“Me too. My roommate’s pretty chill and is out of the house most of the day.”

“Are you sure it’s okay if I use his bed tonight?”

“Unless you’d prefer using mine…” You smiled and tried to add a playful tone to what you said, secretly hoping he’d notice that you weren’t joking.

Minho finished eating and set the cup and fork on the coffee table, then looked at you with a different smile—one filled with mischief, and something more.

“Only if you'll be in it, too.”

Success.

There was a pause for a few seconds where you both stared at each other, almost like you needed to make sure you were both serious. You moved at the same time, leaning in to kiss, and Minho quickly grabbed the back of your neck, giving you a taste of the grip you imagined he’d have.

The kiss was aggressive, intense, just as you thought it would be, and wow, you’d fantasized about this moment a lot. You let him take control, setting the pace you would follow, and you surrendered to it more and more. It didn’t take long before you were sitting on his lap, feeling his erection through his shorts, the friction creating a hot sensation on your clit, making your pussy throb and you moan heavily between kisses.

His hands slipped under your oversized shirt, sliding up your abdomen until they grabbed your tits, squeezing them while he bit your lower lip, then teasing your nipples with his thumbs, making them hard.

“Be honest…” He pulled off your shirt, his hands now resting on your bare waist. “How long have you been wanting this?”

“Since I first saw you… kinda.” You pulled his shirt off too, tossing it along with yours somewhere on the floor.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“I didn’t think I had a chance with you…” You rested your hands on his chest, feeling the muscles beneath your touch, savoring the warmth of his soft skin. “So, I waited to be sure. What about you? Are you just enjoying the opportunity, or was this something you wanted too?”

“I wanted it, but I also thought I didn’t stand a chance, since you never made a move.” His hands moved down to grab your ass, running his fingers over the fabric of your shorts, suddenly realizing something. “No underwear?”

“That’s a lie! I tried to get closer, but you’re so hard to read during class.” You ground against him, adjusting yourself better on his erection. “And yes, I’m not wearing any underwear.”

“It’s not quite like that… Fuck.” He pulled your hair again and kissed you. Your body pressed against his, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You stayed like that for a while, kissing and touching each other until you opened your eyes and realized the power had come back on. Much sooner than expected.

Minho stood up from the couch, lifting you in his arms as he carried you down the hallway. You wrapped your legs around his waist and kissed his neck, holding him tighter and pressing your breasts against his chest.

“Which one is your room?”

“Last door.”

You entered your room, and he laid you down on the bed, climbing on top of you and kissing you. His weight on top of yours felt really good. You spread your legs to let him settle between them, pulling him closer, trapping him against you. The lights were on, and you wanted to keep them that way because it would be worth it.

You squeezed his ass with both hands, making him push his erection between your legs while he trailed kisses down your neck, leaving wet trails that made you shiver. He bit you a few times, softly at first and then harder to leave a mark, and you gradually melted beneath him, feeling your pussy getting wetter from the friction between you.

He propped himself up on his knees so he could use his hands on you, trailing one down your body while his kisses and bites made their way to your tits. His fingers went straight for your shorts, where the fabric was already soaked.

“Would you have stayed this wet all night if I hadn’t said anything?”

“I probably would’ve made a move on you… eventually.”

His laughter against your skin gave you goosebumps, and he pressed deeper between your legs, making your shorts stick to your folds with a wet sound. He rubbed your clit over the thin fabric, making you moan and spread your legs wider, feeling frustrated by the clothes you were still wearing.

“How do you like it?” He added more pressure with his fingers, pushing the fabric of your shorts against your entrance, soaking everything even more. “I have a guess, but I want to be sure.”

“Looks like you guessed it right… I like it rough.” You remembered how he had pulled your hair, still feeling the slight sting on your scalp, just like the love bites he’d left on your neck and breasts.

His response was to pull off your shorts, making a point of showing you just how soaked the fabric was with your arousal. Minho spread your legs, grabbing your thighs and kissing the insides, slowly working his way toward the center, until he reached your mound. He breathed in your scent, covered your skin with kisses, and descended to your clit, where he started teasing with the tip of his tongue, barely touching you.

You tangled a hand in his still-damp hair, pushing the strands away from his face so you could watch him. He held your thighs open and immobile as he began eating you out, his tongue and lips doing an amazing work, while occasionally his nose would rub against your clit. The stimulation was intense, so you grabbed your breasts, pinching your nipples to heighten the sensation even more, as your legs tried to close every time he brought you close to orgasm.

You began to pull his hair and grind against his face, desperate to cum, when he decided to tease your entrance, slipping a finger inside and taunting you by pulling it out and pushing it back in.

You couldn’t take it anymore, your moans turning into whiny complaints, and he seemed to love leaving you this desperate.

“Not yet. When you cum, you're gonna make a mess for me.”

Your body relaxed as he moved his mouth away from your clit, ruining the orgasm you had built up after all that stimulation. You were frustrated, but he kept kissing, licking, sucking, and fingering you. Except, it wasn’t like he was doing it to make you come, but more for his own entertainment. He toyed with your arousal, stretching the wet string between your pussy and his fingers before savoring them. You had half a mind to push his head away and finish yourself off, but then he added another finger, using his thumb on your clit while kissing your thighs. You started grinding against his hand, seeking more friction, feeling that familiar tightness building in your core.

“You’re too eager…” He slowed his movements, leaving you frustrated again.

“I can’t take it anymore… I wanna cum.”

“Hmm…” He curled his fingers inside you, searching for a different texture until he found it and pressed, making you moan loudly. “But I need to tease you more, it’ll be better that way…”

He kept pressing on your G-spot while his thumb made torturously slow circles on your clit, which was now swollen and sensitive, craving more friction.

You weren’t sure what exactly he was planning, but you had an idea based on all the pressure he was applying inside you, varying the rhythm, driving you crazy as your sensitivity kept increasing. The wet sounds were getting louder, and you felt like you were leaking even more onto his hand, the sensation was much different from the usual.

“You’re ready… now I’ll give you what you want.” His thumb on your clit applied more pressure, and soon he switched to the other hand for more precision. “Don’t hold back, darling.”

The fingers inside you suddenly started moving roughly, hitting your G-spot over and over, a frantic rhythm that made your eyes roll back from the sheer pleasure, your whole body becoming useless as you felt something building up inside.

“That’s it, don’t hold it back… I want you to cum.”

It felt like you were going to explode, all the stimulation in just the right spots was wrecking you, your body twisting under his touch, feeling the pressure your body was trying to release. Your orgasm was close, your clit too sensitive, and yet you ground against his fingers even more as he kept fucking your pussy with the other hand.

You closed your eyes and did as he said, no matter how weird the sensation felt. Minho kept up the same rhythm and made you cum really hard, and as soon as he noticed you pushing his fingers out of your pussy, he pulled them away, and you felt the liquid gush out, dripping down to your ass and forming a puddle on the bed.

You wanted to scream because it was so intense, your whole body was shaking and you were almost crying from the pleasure. It was so different from what you were used to, and you never thought squirting like that was possible. Your legs trembled violently as the waves of pleasure washed over you, completely out of control of your body. He kept touching your clit without stopping, slapping it a few times to make you notice the huge mess you had made, the bed soaked beneath you.

“Hmm…” He bent down, spreading your legs again to lick your thighs, kissing your mound and clit while you thought you might pass out after that. “Hope you’re not too tired.”

You ended up laughing because you were absolutely wrecked, and you were still in the foreplay stage. The wait had been worth it.

You propped yourself up on your elbows to lift your body and check the damage to the bed, truly impressed by how much you had soaked everything.

“I should grab a towel next time, apparently.”

“Next time?” He moved closer to kiss you on the mouth, making you taste yourself on his lips and tongue. “You already have plans?”

“Of course, I’ve had plans for the first time for a while! After that, I’m obviously going to want more.”

“Good to know. Next time, I’ll take you to dinner first.”

Your body was starting to function again, so you managed to push him over and reverse your positions, ending up on top of him.

“Dinner? How sweet.”

You leaned in to kiss him, grinding your hips over his, rubbing against the bulge in his shorts, eager to finally see him without any clothes. You trailed kisses down to his neck, then to his chest, making sure to bite hard enough to leave a mark before licking and teasing his nipples, prompting him to bring his hands to your head, gathering your hair up so he could watch you as you worked your way down to his stomach.

You pulled off his shorts, freeing his erection and discarding the fabric, tossing it to the side. You loved seeing him naked on your bed, and as you crawled back up, caressing his legs, you took extra time to squeeze his thighs. Minho’s thighs were perfect, and if you weren’t so thirsty for him, you probably would’ve come just from grinding on one of them. Maybe you’d save that for later, or for the next round. You settled between his legs, sitting on your heels and scratching him lightly, admiring the red marks that immediately appeared. You trailed your hands up to grasp his cock, hypnotized by the precum dripping from the tip, the flushed tip, and the veins that you couldn’t wait to feel with your lips. You stroked him slowly, using both hands, already imagining how it would feel when he was inside you, the thought making you clench and wanting to touch yourself, but you held back.

His hands were still keeping your hair out of the way, so you licked your lips and licked his entire length, watching as he furrowed his brow and bit his lip, eyes locked on you.

He closed his eyes as you sucked on the tip, slowly taking his cock into your mouth, resting him on your tongue, making him sigh louder. Minho became much more vocal when you sucked harder, pushing your head down as you took more of him in, almost making him come. You squeezed his thighs and stopped, unable to bear how your arousal was dripping, desperate for something inside.

You mounted him, using his cock to rub against your folds and clit, mixing your juices with his as you ground against him, making it even messier.

“Condom?” he asked, making you realize you were both out of breath. “I only have some in my car.”

“And I might have one in my roommate’s room. But…” You kept grinding, feeling him leaking against you. “I’m on the pill, I’m clean… you?”

“Fuck… me too. But if you want, I can go grab one…” The way his hands gripped your thighs said otherwise. You lifted your hips slightly, positioning him at your entrance, spreading your pussy lips to guide him in, and started slowly sitting down.

You closed your eyes, balancing yourself by resting your hands on his chest, feeling the delicious sensation of your pussy being filled and stretched, your insides still sensitive from how he had teased you before. You rocked your hips side to side, slowly sinking further. You bit your lip to stifle your moans, but it became impossible when his hands grabbed your breasts, pinching your nipples roughly.

You found an angle that gave you even more pleasure and started riding him slowly, this time resting your hands on your thighs. His hands roamed your body, touching you everywhere, until one hand gripped your waist while the other moved between your legs, teasing you first with his thumb on your clit before spreading your lips and watching how you slid down his cock.

You varied the pace, focused on trying to come again, still more sensitive from the magic he had worked with his fingers earlier. Your body was already sweating, and you had dug your nails into his chest hard enough to hurt him, though he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it.

He placed his hands on your waist and pushed you to the side, lifting you off him just as you were about to come. You opened your mouth to protest, even muttering something in frustration, but he threw you onto the bed, lifting your legs against his chest before thrusting deep and hard into you, bringing you to the edge once more. Your hand flew to your clit, and you started rubbing yourself, the intense sensitivity sending shockwaves through you as he pounded into you, wrapping his arms around your legs, the loud sound of his thighs slapping against your ass filling the room.

The moment your orgasm hit, he spread your legs and buried himself deep inside, leaning forward and halting his movements, feeling how your pussy clenched around him, groaning along with you as he watched. Minho collapsed on top of you, sucking on your neck before kissing his way up to your mouth, as you felt the last waves of pleasure leaving you, all your senses overwhelmed as your body relaxed.

You were dizzy for the second time. Having your orgasm interrupted made it even more intense, and your whole body was tingling from his kisses. You scratched your hands down his back, wanting to leave him marked the same way he was doing to you.

Barely catching your breath, he was already moving again, but this time slowly, just feeling you. He bit your bottom lip, stopping once more, and pulled out of you. You were almost satisfied, your body heavy, feeling like dead weight on the bed because of him.

Minho lay down beside you and pulled you close, turning your body so your back was pressed to his chest, and he could enter you from the side. You arched your back to press your ass against his pelvis and lifted your leg, guiding his cock back inside. No matter how exhausted you were, you still wanted more. Hearing him moan so close to your ear made you moan with him, his voice so sexy it made you push your hips back even further. Only then did he start thrusting lazily, his hands exploring your body.

You let one arm slide beneath you, his hand finding your breast, gripping it while pulling you even closer. You closed your eyes, focusing on each sensation: his breath on your neck, his voice vibrating against your already tingling skin, your nipple being teased, the delicious sting of each thrust. It all had you on edge, making you want to come again.

“You seem recovered…” He licked your neck up to your ear, biting the lobe. “Or do you need more time?”

“I thought you were going to fuck me rough…”

Minho laughed against your skin, using his hand to push your leg down, making you close them. He slid his hand along the back of your thigh, and everything happened at once the moment he slapped your ass hard enough to make you scream. With the slap, he pulled you even tighter, his hand that had been on your breast now gripping your neck, pressing the sides. His thrusts became more intense, grabbing your waist to hold you still so you wouldn’t move every time he slammed into you.

The next few minutes were insane, so much that you almost asked him to stop because it was too much. You were sure you’d be sore afterward, but you knew you’d beg for more if you had to.

You could tell he was close to cum, Minho was gripping you too tightly, both on your neck and your waist. He must have realized you were almost passing out when he loosened his fingers but didn’t let go, just easing the pressure. He fucked you hard, groaning and grunting near your ear, turning you on even more with every touch, every sound. You moved your hand to his ass, wanting him to come, wanting him to go harder and deeper, even though it seemed impossible.

“I’m gonna cum… fuuuuuck…”

“Don’t pull out!” It was all you could manage to say before you started moaning from the animalistic rhythm of his thrusts, unable to stay still even though he was holding you so tight.

You moaned along with him as his groans got longer when he came inside, feeling how much he filled you, some of it leaking out even though he didn’t pull out, and only then did you feel truly satisfied.

Minho released your neck and took a deep breath, kissing your nape and stroking the skin on your waist and ass, likely leaving a handprint behind.

“Should I leave now? The rain lightened up.”

You were almost falling asleep, the exhaustion from the workout, the run, and the hot sex hitting you hard. You glanced back with your eyes nearly shut, reaching out to turn off the light and then pulling the blanket over both of you.

“If you get out of this bed, I’ll kick your ass. Let’s see how well you taught me.”

“As if you could ever beat me.”

He settled behind you, holding you tighter while still inside. You drifted off in seconds, and you think he did too. You woke up to sounds of someone else in the apartment, eyes wide open, remembering you hadn’t closed the bedroom door.

“Hey, why’s one of my shirts in the living room?”

Chris had come home and was heading toward your room. You panicked. Even though you were totally covered, Minho and you were both naked and your thigh was coated in his cum. The room smelled like sex, and you didn’t want your roommate to witness this, but there was no way of avoiding it. You couldn’t even move when you saw him standing in the doorway.

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I borrowed your shirt for my teacher…”

Minho sighed behind you, and you knew he was awake when he shifted his hips, rubbing his erection against your ass.

“Sorry, weren’t you in boxing class? What kind of class is this?”

“Get out, idiot. Close the door, please.”

“I hope you’ll wash the clothes later.”

You heard his footsteps fading down the hallway, took a deep breath, thoroughly embarrassed. You thought about going back to sleep, but apparently, Minho had other plans.

“I see you’re awake.”

“Sleeping with my dick inside you was great, I gotta say.”

“My roommate’s right next door, we can’t make noise…” You grinded against him, unsure if you could handle sex so soon because you were sore.

“Then we can wait until morning.”

“We can. But…” You reached for his cock, rubbing it against your folds and sliding it inside, the burn making you moan with discomfort. “Think you can sleep like this?”

“It’s cruel, but I can. It’ll keep me ready to fuck you later.”

“Better start thinking about that dinner.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of plans for you.”