#it's hard for me to look at them without feeling some profound sadness

[sixeyesonathiel]

finally birthing male manipulator satoru with girl failure reader wwww

gojo satoru was used to getting what he wanted.

and he wanted you.

not in some deep, profound way—god, no. not at first. it started as a game. a challenge. a passing amusement that piqued his interest one random thursday morning when you stammered out an apology after bumping into his desk, cheeks flushed, eyes wide. he watched you trip over your own words, clutch your pen like a lifeline, and tuck your legs up onto the chair like you could shrink out of existence if you tried hard enough.

prime target. textbook girlfailure behavior. he could spot it from a mile away.

this was supposed to be easy.

he’d start small. nothing too intense. just a little white knight routine—softboy edition. give you just enough attention to get you spinning. love-bomb in casual doses. trauma-dump-lite over late-night fries. maybe let his voice go quiet and vulnerable one evening and say, “you remind me of someone i cared about.” glance away, bite his lip, look just the right amount of broken. play the victim just enough to make you feel like you had to fix him.

he’d make you think he saw you. that he understood you.

except you, with your messy hair and oversized hoodie sleeves pulled over twitchy fingers, dodged every single one of his perfectly curated attempts like your avoidant attachment style was running military-grade defense protocols.

“you okay, sweetheart?” he asked one afternoon, leaning a little too close to your desk, silver hair slightly tousled, reading glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose, his voice low and silky. lips curved into a smile that’d made stronger girls fold. “you looked a little sad today. i worry about you sometimes.”

you blinked up at him, lashes fluttering like you couldn’t believe he was talking to you. your throat worked around a half-swallowed gulp. then your face shifted. shutters slammed down. you forced a grin, lopsided and sharp around the edges.

“yeah, i’m just like this. it’s seasonal depression, but, y’know… year-round. i’m fine.”

you said it so matter-of-factly. like he was asking about the weather.

satoru froze, his hand briefly twitching near his glasses as he pushed them up slowly, searching for meaning in a world that had suddenly gone sideways.

what the actual hell.

okay. maybe you needed more.

he started sitting next to you in class. always coincidentally. elbows brushing, knees knocking. his thigh warm where it grazed yours. he sent you memes at 1:37 a.m. with captions like “us fr?” and “ur literally me,” despite you barely replying to half of them. he offered his jacket when the AC kicked on and watched the way you hesitated, blushed, and then said, “i run on spite, not warmth.”

and then, the pièce de résistance:

“i just feel like… you’re different,” he said one evening outside the library. the campus was quiet, sky the kind of inky navy that made everything feel more cinematic. he stood with hands stuffed into his hoodie pocket, a calculated slouch, glasses slightly askew, hair falling across his forehead. his voice dipped low, coaxing. “everyone else is so fake. but you? you’re real. you’ve got this… broken, beautiful thing going on.”

you tilted your head. stared. then squinted at him like he was a suspiciously priced antique. “did you get that line off tiktok?”

he flinched.

bro.

he ran a hand through his hair. a slow, dramatic drag of fingers. girls walking by giggled. he didn’t look up. he was malfunctioning.

he was trying. actually trying. not just running a script. not just playing games. he was pulling every page from the softboy manipulator playbook and rewriting it with style. the gaslight-gatekeep-girlboss starter pack, optimized for 2025.

and still. you met his carefully calculated charm with self-deprecating jokes, sarcasm, and the kind of deadpan delivery that made him question if he was losing it.

“you should save that line for someone without warranty issues,” you said, staring at him with a crooked little smile. “i come pre-broken.”

he left that encounter walking in slow motion, hoodie sleeves dragged over his hands, mouth set in a pout. if a sad indie movie montage started playing around him, he wouldn’t have questioned it.

here’s the thing, though: you liked him.

it was obvious.

he saw it in the way your gaze flickered to his mouth when he talked. the way your fingers curled tight around your notebook when he leaned in too close. the way your breath hitched just slightly when he used your name in a sentence. you were down bad.

but you were also your own worst enemy.

years of romantic misfires and silent yearning had turned you into a master of avoidance. you would rather make a joke about your emotional damage than let someone touch your heart. rather ghost your feelings than face them.

and it was frying his entire nervous system.

one night, 2:14 a.m., satoru lay on his bed staring at your latest post: a blurry picture of your cat with the caption “me.” it had two likes.

he stared at it longer than any man should. took a screenshot. set it as his lock screen for five minutes. unironically laughed.

then groaned and stuffed his face into his pillow.

“no,” he muttered. “no. she’s the one who canceled our group study session with ‘sorry i’m busy disappointing my ancestors.’”

and yet.

he kept thinking about the way your voice dropped to a whisper when you didn’t think anyone was listening. the way you fiddled with your sleeves when you were nervous. how you always sat at the edge of a group like you weren’t sure you belonged there.

you never clung to him. never fed into his savior complex. never let him be the one who "fixed" you.

and for some reason, that made him want to try harder.

not because it was a game anymore. because… well. because you were infuriating. weird. unpredictable. not like the others. god, maybe you were even kind of funny.

whatever. it wasn’t that deep.

gojo satoru: male manipulator dodged by the one girl who wanted him back… just enough to sabotage it.

and now he’s the one thinking way too hard about someone who won’t even sit next to him two days in a row.

he doesn’t like you.

he just… finds you interesting.

that’s all.

shut up.

[krakenartificer]

Who wants a really sad Leverage headcanon?

Was re-watching the Gimme a K Street Job -- Season 5 Episode 5 -- and a couple of things stood out to me.

1) Nate says "Let's go steal some congresspeople", and then sends everyone on the team (except Parker, who's being a cheer coach) out to con one of their targets. But it feels like there's a profound mismatch in who gets which mark.

For the "not like other girls" feminist congresswoman who's inclined to dismiss cheer as worthless and demeaning, you need Eliot to come in looking like a man who very much knows what does and does not count as a sport, and be his tiny angry respect-women-juice self about how regardless of what you think of their choice of clothing they are working as hard as any other athlete and they deserve safety as much as anyone else. But instead they sent Hardison.

For the "Yes I am very busy and important; admire me" chairman, you need Sophie, who is better than anyone else on the planet at making you feel admirable when you're doing what she wants, and scummy and low when you're not doing what she wants. But instead they sent Eliot.

For the "Look I am trying, but I need corn subsidies or I won't be able to do anything else" newbie congressman, Hardison could happily have gone on an infinitely recurring series of fetch quests until he sees the place where they loop around and bottom out and every problem solves every other problem. But instead they sent Sophie.

2) Eliot struggles the most, so Nate works with him the most, but he doesn't help him out hardly at all; he just keeps saying, "So what's your next play?" and then revealing that he's already anticipated Eliot's next play and has all the materials in place to enact it. And of course, they do eventually get the dude on board, and it all works out, but afterwards, Eliot tells Nate, "I trust that some time soon you'll tell me why you had me slogging through all that when you already knew how to hook him."

And of course, knowing what we now know about how season 5 ends, it makes sense that Nate is trying to train the OT3 to work without him, looking for his replacement.

Except.

If the plan is to fuck off into the sunset with Sophie, then why did he throw Sophie into this uncomfortable not-my-wheelhouse scenario?

No, Nate's preparing the entire team to carry on without him. He's forcing them to learn how to plan, learn different ways of approaching problems, to think about bigger pictures and approach them strategically.

...

I think Nate just got the first diagnosis of the disease that's finally going to kill him. And again, we -- the audience -- now know that he's going to live for many years after that initial diagnosis. But he doesn't know that, at this point. He knows he's tested positive, and he knows it's eventually going to kill him, and he has no idea how long he has.

And in some sense, it doesn't matter how long he has. Three months or thirty years, that kind of revelation makes it stunningly clear that taking care of the people you love means making sure that they can take care of themselves.

So that's what he does: he throws them into new, uncomfortable situations where they'll have to grow and support each other without him, so that no matter what happens, they'll be able to keep going. Because he's not a nice person, Jimmy Ford's son, but by God does he know the importance of protecting your family.

[gnohomotho]

Hi may I request for a Hwang Jun-ho x plus size reader fic with some fluff please (she tries on a dress and it's a little tight and she is insecure about it but Jun-ho loves the way it looks on her )

Thank you ♥️♥️

Oh, Anon, of course!

(And...have you been spying on me every morning because this is incredibly on point - thank you for such a request and I hope you feel absolutely stunning in every single dress you try on! ♥)

❥❥❥

Exactly as You Are ♥

Pairing: Hwang Jun-ho x fem!reader Summary: As the prompt says, with some changing room drama. And fluff. Warnings: F L U F F and some body descriptions, kissing, touching, caressing, sensitive body parts described and snuggled, you get my diabetic drift. Word count: 2k A/N: Thank you for such a beautiful prompt! ♥ Truly! Sartemy and body image issues go together like the Hwang brothers and my readers. Gorgeous gif by @kdramaxoxo If you like my writing, I appreciate every like // reblog // comment // follow // message! ♥ It keeps the blog going! Thank you! ♥ Masterlist ฅ^._.^ฅ

You wanted to be perfect. You wanted to be perfect for him, with him, and for…you.

Well.

Not even perfect, when it came to you.

As you watched yourself in the mirror, the same blunt sadness you know so well took over.

Just enough. I want to be enough. Not perfect. Not stunning.

Just enough.

This was the third dress.

It was beautiful on the rack - frilly, soft, elegant but still very feminine without bordering on gaudy. And now…you looked at your chest and somehow, it seemed your ribcage was twice the size of what it should be. Your stomach, which Jun-ho loved, was ostentatiously making a little mound where you were sure a straight stomach should be. Your legs hidden by the fabric still showed slightly in the way your thighs, which he definitely adored, shaped the falling cloth.

Every time you went somewhere with Jun-ho, he was so careful and respectful. And so honest. If he introduced you, he was beaming, always laying a hand around your waist and kissing your cheek, that smile positively radiating. He was so proud to be with you, he said. You smiled a little sadly to yourself.

He didn't even have to say it. His entire demeanour yelled it.

And you tried to believe him.

You really did.

But sometimes, it got to you. You saw the looks of other women passing you.

You saw the attention he got even if you were together.

And when you tried to dress up for an occasion, it seemed like the universe decided to have a catwalk day - each woman you saw felt like a presentation of all you hated about yourself. And you didn't hate them, nor did you feel jealous - you felt an odd sense of awe and profound sadness.

You weren't letting him down; you were letting yourself down too.

You had fought with yourself long enough and put your body through hell. Not to mention your mind.

And now, trying to find a dress for an occasion…something that should be happy and full of pride…just made you feel awful.

Your phone lit up, lying on the little bench next to both mirrors. Three hands reached down to it, you tried to avoid every reflection.

"Are you alright in there, sweetheart? It's been a while and I didn't want to barge in. Not very good at blending in with pretty girls. I'm outside. Kisses. More kisses. Even more kisses."

You smile into the phone, look up, and your face drops with your shoulders.

"I'm alright," you type fast, "just having a hard time with the mirrors and dresses. Maybe we should try somewhere else. Thank you. Love you. So much."

Before you even put the phone down, it lights up again.

"Police officer coming through."

❥❥❥

It wasn't even a minute before the fabric of the cabin softly pulled an inch to one side, held by a strong hand that was as gentle as it was urgent.

"Y/N? Oh, thank God, this is the third one I've tried!"

As he sees your face, Jun-ho settles on a gentle smile, resting his head against the wall, still looking like he's peaking behind the curtain. As he carefully steps inside the small space and shuts the curtains again, he focuses on you and nothing but you.

So very elegant. Still playful. Guard all the way down. Just.

Your Jun-ho.

He could melt you with a single look in those gorgeous dark eyes and you felt like you were just chucked into the ninth circle of hell. He sees your nervous look and immediately goes for damage control.

"I'm joking, I'm joking…I'd know those gorgeous feet anywhere—"

You playfully shush him, trying not to blush.

"I mean," he muses playfully, in a mumbled whisper, "standing around peeking into ladies dressing rooms looks even worse than scanning every woman's ankle to find the prettiest one, but…" he catches your elbows and moves into your forearms, caressing every inch there and back reassuringly, “…I seem to have some luck on my side. Along with the prettiest girl at my side.”

You nudge your head into his chest and try not to sound sad.

"I doubt you'd look for the prettiest girl and find me. Maybe you should check again."

He softly sways with you, gently holding on, his chest and heart quieting your own hurried mind. Jun-ho kisses your hair and hums to you:

"Ah, well, that's where you're wrong, darling. I am risking my uniform, my badge, and my honour – I'd never do that for just any ankles. That's why I double checked."

Jun-ho looks down at your bare feet, at the fabric gracing your shins, and his eyes momentarily stop as they glide to your thighs.

"Do excuse me, young lady, I think the department has grown too methodical – I might need to triple check."

Jun-ho makes a little show of patting you down, from your waist down your thighs down to your knees and ankles – and straightens again, smiling at you, eyes beaming into yours. You try to shake off the saddened feeling and bring attention elsewhere.

"Shhh, if someone catches you here, I'm going to be seen by another person and judged, you're going to be considered a deviant, hush! And you know I am incredibly law-abiding and would never lie to an officer."

You add a little sadly, "just let me get out of this dress and go somewhere else. If that's OK, darling. Just. Turn around. Please."

Jun-ho leaves his joking demeanour at the door when he sees the situation is nowhere near as starry eyed as he is, peaking at you.

He looked you over once more, slower this time, the smile growing smaller and more genuine.

The stars in his eyes might as well had turned to hearts.

"Y/N, we can go somewhere else, but…you're so beautiful. I mean the dress is gorgeous, but it's…you that is wearing it. And you who…" he steps away for a moment, just enough to not disturb the heavy fabric curtain, "oh wow."

He stands there, still holding you lightly at arm's length, looking at you. Jun-ho's eyes travel slowly from your chin, to your shoulders, to your chest, to your waist and tummy, and down, then up again, repeating once more.

"Oh…wow," he whispers.

❥❥❥

"Please stop," you huddle up, covering your chest with your crossed arms and trying to be smaller against yourself, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Jun-ho, but it's not going to work. Sorry. I have eyes."

The young man looks at you through a flurry of black hair softly lining his brows, those deep dark eyes momentarily sharpening as they do when he's either concentrating or not too glad. Must be a family thing.

"Y/N, last time I checked, I also have eyes. And last time I checked, I crashed into the most beautiful woman's changing room without mistake."

As if to underline his words, you both turn as you hear footsteps clacking against the floor.

"Officer, you weren't too careful, were you?" You whisper and would almost laugh. But you really don't want to be found in a dressing room with your sweet boyfriend – dress aside, you'd probably want to disappear right about now. But Jun-ho is faster.

Without a word, he lets go of you and softly, ever so softly kisses your forehead and guides you to the bench. Trying not to giggle with that gorgeous smile you love so much, he hurriedly gestures for you to get up and can’t help but lift you as you make a step, his hands as gentle as they are strong and devoted to you. He makes sure you’re steady just in time – a pair of heels stands outside the dressing room curtain.

"Is everything alright, miss…Mister…?"

Jun-ho clears his throat trying not to laugh.

"Oh, more than alright, this shirt is giving me some trouble and I keep trying to talk myself into this colour."

He looks at the dresses on the rack and you have to put a palm in front of your mouth to keep silent and not laugh.

"I was just on the phone with my superior,” Jun-ho continues, “and he keeps insisting pink just isn't my colour, I'm so sorry for disturbing the other customers."

Your eyebrows are speaking their own language at his every word, now positively trying to reach your hairline. The shopkeeper merely apologises and you hear the heels walk away again. You look at your boyfriend again, and he’s wearing that look – that satisfied look that reminds you of a cat that stole the last fish and is proudly parading it around town for everyone to see its luck.

"Shhh, stay there, that's the perfect position," Jun-ho whispers to you and closes the distance between you both.

❥❥❥

You're now looking down at him, thanks to your new high ground, and look into those beautiful dark eyes and that sweet, honestly adorable look. The dress brushes your ankles as he moves closer. Perfectly contrasted against his dark clothing.

Jun-ho takes your hand and kisses your fingers. One by one. He then wraps his other arm around your waist and softly lays his head against your tummy. You want to – but don't step back. You'd step into the mirror.

"Let me be your eyes, sweetheart.”

He caresses the small of your back and nudges into you with his cheek.

“Yours are a little faulty."

Before you reply, he mimics a "shh" gesture and rests back on you, holding you, listening to you, softly laying against you.

"You're so adorable. Is it the dress?"

You half nod.

"Is it too revealing?"

You don't nod.

"Is it too tight?"

You nod.

"You don't feel good about it, do you?"

You nod.

"It's not the dress, really, is it?"

Very slowly you point your chin down.

"Shake your head if you want me to stop, ok?" Jun-ho waits patiently for your consent and when you nod, he kisses you through the fabric. Laying a hand on each side of your hips, he looks up. As if he’s revering you.

“I don’t think there’s a dress on this Earth that could do you justice.”

You try to smile, not quite believing his words.

“You’re not too much, Y/N. You’re perfect. You’re my perfect, beautiful girl. I love her, from her toes to the top of her head.”

Jun-ho kisses your tummy through the dress, and caresses your back, all around to your hips and slides a hand respectfully down your thigh.

“I love your legs, just the way they are. I love your tender hips so much I have to keep myself from always always always touching them. I love your stomach – it’s absolutely adorable, it’s soft…lovely…just like you. It’s just perfect. I have to physically keep myself from snuggling you half to death – and I can’t get enough. When you’re lying down with me and I can feel your skin on mine – I don’t think there’s a feeling that can compare.”

Jun-ho straightens and slides his hands to your shoulders, gently caressing your collarbones with his thumbs and moving to your shoulders, then neck as he continues:

“Your shoulders are so beautiful I want to kiss them each time you turn your back. Your chest is gorgeous, the little dip in your neck when you laugh is perfect to caress, Y/N...I love every inch of you. This dress only graciously underlines everything I love so much. A perfect outline for my perfect girl.”

“Are you sure?” You try to sound as if you’re not melting in full view.

“Oh, I’ll give you sure, little lady.”

Jun-ho snuggles you then and there, cuddling you to himself, hands caressing and holding every inch he just described.

“Just wait till I get you home, this dress may be gorgeous but I have something to prove to everything under it.”

You step down and lean your head up, so glad to be in his arms again. Jun-ho kisses you – softly, tenderly, and for what seems like so long yet ending too soon – and sways with you again, almost humming to himself. He looks so…content. You close your eyes and smile. Truly smile. Warmth budding in your chest against his.

“You’re so pretty,” he hums to himself, “so pretty inside and out.”

❥❥❥

[max1461]

This has mostly disappeared from my corner of the internet over the last few years, but it used to be the case that every once in a while some story would go around about a corporation or a government doing some fucked up shit in pursuit of their self-interest, and people in the comments and reblogs would act utterly aghast that said government or corporation would do such a thing.

This was always baffling to me, and I have only ever been able to interpret it as a sign of profound naivety. Of course, I too think it is awful, sad, and unjust when people are exploited, killed, abused or so on by the institutions of our society. But "aghastness" is not synonymous with these things, to be aghast is to be (or present yourself as) in some sense surprised. And surprise is wholly unwarranted here.

I suppose this is part of my worldview that feels very fundamental, it feels deeply obvious, and I struggle to figure out how to talk productively with people who did not get the memo: exploitation and abuse of others in pursuit of self-interest is in some sense the natural behavior of agents in any kind of competitive context. It requires a lot of effort and coordination to mitigate this behavior. We do not feel "aghast" when someone is bitten by a dog. Dogs bite people, idiot! And corporations exploit their workers, lie, cheat, and steal, unless you work very hard to prevent them from doing so. And governments exploit and neglect their citizens, and go to war and kill and maim, unless you work very hard to prevent them from doing so. Individual humans, as members of a social species for which cooperation is paramount to survival, have quite a lot of specific programming whose purpose seems to be to discourage us from doing these things (empathy, loyalty, etc. etc.), and yet very often we still do them!

I have relatives who have a hard time believing in US atrocities abroad, on the grounds that "Americans are the good guys, and the US just wouldn't do that". This is very stupid! Do you think the US got where it is today without cracking some eggs? Bullshit. There's never been a government or a military in the history of humanity that "just wouldn't do that". I sometimes see posts on here from tankies, defending Chinese or Soviet atrocities on the grounds that these things must be Western propaganda, a socialist government just wouldn't do that. Again, I find this so obviously false as to be essentially beneath engaging with. We don't live in a just world! Often, a very effective strategy for achieving whatever it is you're trying to achieve will involve treating people like shit. It is what it is.

I'm not trying to play defense for injustice here. Obviously I think we should do as much as we can to prevent these abuses. But I think that doing so must start with basic recognition of the following: it is the nature of institutions—being as competition between them is essentially unavoidable, and being as their decision processes are unavoidably removed from the face-to-face social context which is so load-bearing in motivating respectful treatment between individual humans—to abuse people in pursuit of their (perceived) self-interest. This behavior is mundane and expected. It can be mitigated in various ways, ideological and structural, but it will probably always be with us to some degree. To look at it and express shock in any capacity suggests a completely misguided understanding of how the world works.

This is the first and most important thing I ever learned about politics or society.

[danielwaldorf]

non-exhaustive list of films that would cause eddie diaz to have a mental breakdown and/or cry so hard he throws up:

moonlight (2016). self explanatory.

the only son (1936). eddie might actually kill himself if he watched this. he would just be silent for like hours after watching and that night he would just stand in christopher's doorway watching him sleep for like minimum forty-five minutes. he would exist in a state of profound pessimism and melancholy until he saw buck again at which point he would forget about all of that and be normal. sometimes in his life he will randomly remember the only son (1936) and be like chris. you know that i'll be proud of you no matter what you do with your life right. all i want is for you to be happy. and chris will be like yeah.... why are you talking like we're in a movie and you have a terminal illness. and eddie's like i'm not talking like that i'm being normal. i'm a father. and chris is like ok weirdo. and eddie feels better.

the babadook (2014). self explanatory.

4th man out (2015). he would be like this movie is so dumb it's So dumb and then 1. cry when adam comes out to his mom and 2. get deeply invested in the relationship between adam and nick and when they kiss toward the end he'd be like YESSSSS but then when they laugh it off and say they're just friends he'd be like oh..... and feel really upset about it for reasons he cannot explain. he would rant to buck/chim/hen/bobby for like fifteen minutes about how the whole movie was CLEARLY leading up to a romantic conclusion between them and the writers were just being cowards for going with the best bros ending and buck would be like EXACTLY and everyone else would be like 👀😳 and hen would be like well i think they were trying to make the point that gay men can still have close intimate friendships with other men without it being sexual and eddie would be like okay well then those guys shouldn't have had so much chemistry!! and chim would be like yknow some might say that you and buck have good chemistry. and buck would be like we do <3 and eddie would be like hell yeah we do and they'd fuckin fist bump or something and the entire firehouse is like oh my GODDDDDD.

but i'm a cheerleader (1999). self explanatory.

brokeback mountain (2005). self explanatory.

captain america: the winter soldier (2014). eddie reacts So strongly to this movie and nobody understands it (including eddie) except for buck who immediately and instinctively understands that eddie is projecting onto both steve rogers and bucky barnes but only the sad lonely soldier losing himself and hurting the people he loves against his will parts + completely bypassing the hero parts. also steve's like "even when i had nothing i had bucky" and eddie is like hhhhhhhhh...

the pit, the pendulum and hope/kyvadlo, jáma a naděje (1983). okay look. i'm aware that nobody knows what this is. it is a short film inspired by edgar allan poe's "the pit and the pendulum" and auguste villiers de l'isle-adam's "a torture by hope." you should all go watch it but if you don't let me just tell you that eddie would have another panic attack and/or throw up.

the lord of the rings: return of the king (2003). self explanatory.

[mando-fando]

Celestial Bodies

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x F!Reader

Words: 1.6k

Warnings: none, I don’t think. Allusions to loss/death

Summary: Miguel gains the attention of someone unexpected

OR

The one where you get a happily ever after.

Miguel was doing what he did best: work.

After the incident with Miles, some of the spider people decided to leave HQ altogether. He simply told himself that he didn’t need them. He could do it on his own.

Miguel stood high in the sky, aggressively typing and researching to discover where Morales had wound up. He had been at it for hours when an angelic voice boomed through the silence of his lab.

“Miguel O’Hara,” the voice said.

He whipped around, fangs bared and talons raised. But he saw no one. He looked around, perplexed.

“Lyla, scan for intruders,” he said as he crouched into a defensive stance.

“I’ve disabled all your trinkets.” The voice called again. His head was on a swivel. He couldn’t see anyone, smell anyone, or hear anyone.

“Who’s there?!” He growled.

A moment passed and the air began to shimmer and swirl. A figure started materializing, taking the shape of what could only be described as a goddess. Light surrounded her astoundingly beautiful face, and suddenly, Miguel was eye level with an unfathomably breathtaking creature.

He couldn’t find his words, but she seemed to sense his confusion. She floated toward his frozen figure.

A calmness washed over Miguel as he watched her with wide eyes.

“You surprised me, Miguel. You’re a credit to your species. Jumping between dimensions is something we didn’t anticipate from mortals.” She still floated before him. She glimmered in the darkness of his lab.

Miguel opened his mouth to speak, but she continued talking.

“And, after doing your own damage, you took on the Herculean task of maintaining and protecting the life of everyone in every dimension. There isn’t just one world on your shoulders, there are trillions.”

She gave him a look of sympathy.

“The multiverse is far too incomprehensible for human minds. You’ve only seen a minute number of possibilities, but they’re quite literally endless. Look,”

She gestured an elegant hand into the air and showed a super cut of thousands of universes Miguel had never known about. The differences were impossible to describe. He watched with curiosity.

“You’ve piqued my interest. Watching you cross universes for the chance at happiness was touching.”

The image changed to a scene between Miguel and Gabriella, one he’d only been able to watch in his memories. He took a step towards it as pain and longing wrenched his gut.

“That sadness you feel… it is so profound. There is one one loss that I have witnessed that matches your own.”

She let him watch for a few more moments. She watched the tears and hurt flash across his face. The being played every moment that Miguel had experienced with Gabriella. She let him revel in the happiness and the mourning.

The goddess waved her hand again, stopping the compilation before it got to its grisly end.

“I have a proposal for you, to ease that sense of pain.”

Miguel swallowed hard. All of the emotions from his endeavor to Gabriella’s universe sat heavy on his broad chest. He looked at the being expectantly.

“You have another half, eons away in a part of the multiverse you’ve never encountered. Let me show you…”

In a nanosecond, Miguel and the being were standing in an office of a corporate building. The walls were grey, the industrial carpet was worn down from the years, and the cherry wood desk and credenza were chipped and scratched in a few places.

No one sat behind the desk.

“Why-“ Miguel began to ask. The words evaporated from his mouth when you walked in the door and sat behind the desk with a handful of papers.

He had never seen you before, but he felt a strange sense of familiarity. He felt like he was home when he stared at your face.

Miguel concluded that the ethereal being must have had a way to watch your universe without you detecting his presence. You sat and typed on your computer as if you were alone.

“Her name is (Y/N).” The goddess looked at Miguel. “She’s what you humans call a ‘soulmate.’”

Miguel continued to watch you work diligently. You picked up the phone and called what he assumed was a client of yours, and your voice sounded luscious and smooth.

Everything about you seemed perfect. He couldn’t believe someone like you existed.

“This one is married to her dimension’s version of you.” The goddess waved her hand, and Miguel watched the scene change to a beachside wedding.

You stood at the altar with your version of Miguel, smiling at him as if he hung the stars in the sky.

A flash of jealousy went through him.

“Do not fret. I simply love this version of your wedding. It’s serene.” The goddess smiled as she watched the scene play out before her.

After watching the bride and groom kiss, she spoke up again. “There are hundreds of versions of her. I have a few favorites.”

Miguel blinked and found himself standing in a high rise apartment in an alternative version of Nueva York. You were sat at the kitchen table flipping through a book when there was a tap on the glass.

Miguel followed your gaze and saw a version of himself sticking to the window. He must have gotten his powers in a different way in this universe.

You ran over excitedly and opened your balcony door. The alternate version of him swung into the door and pulled you into an endearing hug. He felt his heart clench.

The sound of feet pattered down the hall. Miguel looked around and saw a little boy, no older than 3, running as fast as his legs could carry him.

The alternate version of Miguel closed the distance quickly and pulled his little boy into the hug. The family looked whole and safe.

“I enjoy this one as well, but let me show you my favorite version of her. The one whom you belong to.”

Miguel looked up into an inky black sky littered with stars. It was so dark that he wouldn’t have been able to see if it weren’t for his enhanced vision.

“Sadness has always been my favorite mortal emotion. It’s so much more powerful than love, or anger. Humans will do almost anything to get away from it.”

The goddess’s gaze landed on you.

Miguel realized that you were in the desert, sat at the edge of a rock on a hiking trail. Your feet dangled above a gaping valley.

He waited for whatever version of himself was going to show up. He waited longer, and Miguel suddenly got the feeling that you were alone.

Your face was melancholic as you stared down at the cavern beneath you. You turned your head up towards the stars and sighed. An involuntary sob wracked your body as you took in the constellations.

“What…what happened to her?” He whispered.

“The same thing that happened to you. She found a version of herself that was happier, and tried to wedge her way in. She lost it all.”

The words hung in the air. You were the only person throughout all of time and space that knew an inkling of how he felt. The guilt, the mourning, the self loathing. He knew in his bones that you felt it too.

He felt his heart surrender to you. He loved you, irrevocably and undeniably.

“I was hoping you’d feel that way,” the goddess said.

You were gone. He was standing back on the platform in his lab.

“What happened?! I thought you said-“

“There are some things to discuss, Miguel.” The goddess took on a serious tone. “I can unite the two of you. You will both be happy. But, you’re no longer permitted to mess with other universes. It’s a power too great for any mortal.”

“I can’t abandon my mission. The fabric of the multiverse is damaged, I’m the only one who can repair it.” Miguel was irate.

“That’s not true. I can repair it. I created it.” The goddess said matter-of-factly. “I will clean up this mess. And I can return your genetic makeup to the way it used to be.” She snapped her fingers.

A strange feeling enveloped Miguel. He no longer felt like a block of steel. He studied his hand and tried to extend his claws or his talons, but nothing came. He was simply a man.

He looked up at her with a dazed expression.

“I will unite the two of you in her universe. Superheroes do not exist, nor can they. It’s a violation of the laws of physics.”

“It will damage the-“ Miguel started.

“It will not. As I said, I created the fabric of these dimensions. I can stitch you into the story, there will be no harm done. You have my word.”

Miguel stared down at his feet.

“Just tell me when you’re ready.” The goddess said.

He looked around for a long moment and thought back to your face. Soulmates. He remembered the glint of sadness on your face.

“I’m ready.”

Fatigue washed over him like a tidal wave. He felt his legs collapse beneath him. The world became black.

You stirred in your bed, half asleep. A large arm reached across your body and pulled you into its warm embrace.

“Good morning, Miguel.” You whispered. You’d been waiting for him. You knew he’d come.

“Good morning, amor.” He caressed your hair.

You nuzzled into his chest and felt the turmoil settle in your body. You didn’t know what you did for a celestial being to take pity on you, but you’d do it one million times over if it ended with you holding your soulmate in your arms for the rest of your days.

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Instead of Dancing Alone, I Should Be Dancing with You (V)

An AU scene in 45 after the shopping trip, plus an extended version of the scene in 46 where Kaya gifts Suna the ring.

Author note: Canonically, Suna was very much still hung up on Abidin during 45, but my investment in that particular ship is zero, and Kaya has already proven himself more trustworthy than the driver, so she's moving on a bit more quickly this time around. She still has some lingering feelings, because she's only human, but whatever romance there was between them is gone and will never return.

AO3 link here.

Suna looks outside through the window of the car, feeling in her bones a pleasant tiredness after the extended shopping session for the engagement, coupled with unease at the thought of Abidin's presence, who drives in silence, back rigid.

The trip had not started that well; İfakat had went out of her way to taunt and humiliate Abidin, to the point that Suna had felt the need to step in and suggest taking a cab - to no avail though. And then his eyes, following her through every store, with a sadness so profound that Suna had found it hard to focus on the tasks at hand.

She's not a cruel person. She used to love him once, or at least she thinks she did, but it's very hard to think of him now in that way, without feeling many other things. Shame, because Ferit acts like it is her fault that Abidin suffers, and she can't help but think that maybe she should have tried to seek Abidin out more, to explain better. Anger, because she did try to reach out, and he rejected her each and every time, and now he acts like it's wrong for her to try to move on. Pity, because she went through a similar heartbreak, and a small part of her still wants to console him, even if she knows very well that it's too late, that this would do more harm than good to both of them.

And, last but not least, she feels guilt. She feels like she's betraying Kaya simply by having all these thoughts.

It's ridiculous, she thinks. It's not like her and Kaya are getting married because they are in love. He did say he liked her as a person, and to choose him, but that doesn't mean he thinks of her in that way. It's just a marriage of convenience, and it's for her sake more than for his.

And yet, the conversation with Seyran she had in the garden prior to the shopping trip keeps playing in her head, filling her heart with stupid hope.

Unexpectedly, Seyran had been the first to apologise, carefully listening to her while she had told the full story of the events leading to the engagement.

"He never said he loved me," she had said at the end. "Never made any promises in that sense. But he did his best to defend me in front of father, and later, when I came to talk to him and told him that there was no need to marry me, he insisted that, if this marriage was my best choice, then we should get married. And I know that you probably think me heartless, to marry someone when I was confessing my love to another man just a while ago... but Abidin hurt me very badly when he judged me without even listening to me, and I am so tired to be hurt. I just want to be happy for once."

"You're my flesh and blood," Seyran had responded, taking her hands. "I could never think less of you, no matter what you do, because I know you. Maybe we don't always see eye to eye, but you always supported me, and I'm realising now that I always saw you as my rock, and never thought that you are also human, that maybe you also need support. And you know... it was Kaya of all people who made me realise it. I was angry with him at first, but the way he spoke to me... I am not sure exactly what to think of him yet, but if his intentions would have been so bad, he wouldn't have pushed me to reconcile with you. So maybe he's not as bad as I thought. Maybe I was completely wrong, and he really likes you, and that's all there is to it."

Surely, the answer can't be that simple, Suna thinks, glancing at Kaya, who sits next to her, seemingly deep in thought as well. There are many things he hasn't shared with her yet, just like there are many things about her he doesn't know. But he has been nothing but good and honest with her up until now, so she will give him the same in return. He deserves as much.

Slowly, she reaches out to him, and touches his hand, a brief caress, ending almost as quickly as it started.

He immediately looks at her, and his expression is so soft, that she barely registers İfakat's slight smirk and Abidin's back growing even more rigid.

*

Suna has just finished doing her hair, with Asuman's help, when Kaya knocks at her door later in the evening, while the preparations for the engagement ceremony are ongoing. When the door opens and she sees him, her heart starts to beat wildly. He looks good in his suit.

"I thought you would be ready by now," he says, smiling at her, and steps in just as Asuman kindly excuses herself, and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

He's silent for a few moments, pausing to look at her, and Suna hopes her blush is not too obvious. He's so attractive, she thinks, desperately hoping she did not exaggerate with her make-up or her hair. Asuman had just told her she was beautiful, but will he think the same?

"You're very beautiful," he tells her, as if he could hear her thoughts, and sits down next to her, and it's only then that Suna notices the small jewellery box in his hand.

He opens it, revealing a silver ring shaped like leaves, an obvious callback to the ring of leaves he made for her during the previous night. He says as much when he takes her hand and slips the ring on her finger. It fits perfectly.

"The first one was more beautiful," Suna teases him gently, and he smiles again.

They remain quiet for a couple of seconds, then she speaks again.

"Thank you."

"For the ring? No need to thank me, it's our engagement," Kaya says, his fingers caressing hers just as gently as her previous caress in the car - but not as briefly.

"Not for that. For Seyran. She came to me to apologise today, and it's thanks to you."

"I didn't do much."

"But it meant a lot to me, so I'm grateful."

"You will be my wife," he tells her matter-of-factly, "so your well-being is one of my priorities now, and you'd better get used to it."

Yes, Suna thinks, as he gazes at her warmly, his hand still on hers. Yes, she could get used to this.

[thenextchapterbegins]

Dark earths zodiac

The Bat

Creature of the halflight, you fly along the line of the brink, the almost-- the bat zodiac embodies the inbetween. They are often considered strange by their peers, but in the right setting their feeling of discomfort fades and they become a unique voice. Those under the sign of the bat tend towards anxiety, longing to live unwitnessed-- the bat is most comfortable in the dark, but not alone; this sign craves to exist without judgement. They tend to become lost in their thoughts, their own worlds, to the extent that they can forget to engage with the world around them. But those who love the bat know that they will always return. For all their shadows, the bat actively seeks to be compassionate. Having themselves felt both the harsh sear of the sun and the lonely chill of the moon, they find themselves able to sympathize with almost anyone.

And so you push through the hanging vines and into the sun. It is strange and open without the undergrowth, quiet without the birds. Will you say something to the forest before you go? Will you leave it one last secret? One last love? Or has it taken enough? The trees are silent.

one last secret

"When giaia was defeated. When the earth was put whole, it took weeks to discover all the damage caused. cities and nations erased...millions upon millions dead...all the while i quipped, i joked. it was just another adventure. Another puzzle...fight the bad guys win the day. Their is still rebuilding, when i walked the streets, when i saw parents cry in graves, when i saw children mourn their parents all who were taken too soon. “

“I saw the memorials..everyday is just another day of putting back the pieces....but you can still see it when i look at them, they look at me. Their is a horror in our eyes and a profound sadness....we survived something so terrible...i knew. After that, i had to change. I couldnt just let things happen, i couldnt just joke..sometimes people need to be stopped, they need to be laid to the ground and made sure something like that never happens again. That the fear and weight of their consequences is put to them, if they cant be made to see reason..then you must strike so hard they can never stand again. Some would say i've grown jaded...turned my back on the princples i have laid out always. “

“ I say that they would let something like this happen again just to hold onto fragile morals..morals mean nothing if millions have to die for them to be held...i was wrong, and strangely..my rival  who i had seen as brutal, cruel..maybe sometimes a villain. That they were right...sometimes force, sometimes...revenge is the right path...and honestly now they might be able to guide me on who to...strike hard when needed but still restrain yourself from falling darker down a hole...because its hard now.”

“ Hard to just give up. To make sure nothing like this could ever happen again. To let the darkness fuel to put the fear of god in anyone that could claim to want to destroy or hold the earth in their grip. But i also know, i know now that if i did that. I would become like them...the only thing i truly fear though.”

 “Is losing my friends, i still smile, i still quip to them..but im not like that really anymore, it feels like lying in a way...or maybe im just using it to act normal, to feel like i used to feel. I dont know...its so complicated now."

{ mun note, using sonic unleashed as a backdrop to my lore has been very fun because whilst the game is VERY SILLY if u take it with a serious lens it honestly becomes a horror game in a way and i think taking seriously could fundemtnally change sonic and thats what i’ve done.}

[thebibliosphere]

I wasn’t planning to go into this more because this was a personal vent post pertaining to a friendship conflict, but some of the replies made it feel necessary to clarify that learned helplessness isn’t a moral failing.

It is, as I already acknowledged, a trauma response. It’s what happens when you’ve been hurt too many times and your brain starts to go “why bother” because no matter what you do, someone hurts you.

On the outside, it can look like the person is being entirely unreasonable. It’s like telling someone to touch a cold stove top, knowing that it’s cold, and getting frustrated that the person won’t do it because it might be hot.

You’re telling them it’s off. You even put your own hand on it to show that it’s off. And they still won’t do it. And that’s frustrating.

But it’s also something I understand as a disabled person because so many of the things that are normal for so many people cause me debilitating pain, and yet people tell me all the time that’s impossible.

No one can live in constant pain like that. They’d go mad if they did. Here see, just do this, they’ll prove it. The stove top is cold—why won’t I believe them?

Just because the pain is mental for people with learned helplessness doesn’t mean it’s not pain. It’s a conditioned response. Someone has forced them to touch the hot stove top over and over—maybe they even made it look like the stove top was off to trick them into doing it.

It’s hard to trust again, after things like that happen to you. It’s hard to do anything.

The thing which those of us on the outside identify correctly as self-sabotaging behavior can feel like safety when all attempts to do anything in the past have resulted in profound hurt.

Does this make the behavior any less frustrating and maddening for me, a person who was forced too young to become hyper competent and independent to deal with the circumstances I grew up with?

No, absolutely not. I was also made to touch the hot stove top too often as a child. Not because people thought it was off, but because they needed someone else to get burned and I was there.

That’s my trauma and I do not have to diminish my own to make others feel better about theirs.

Ultimately, it’s a conflict of needs.

And perhaps once upon a time, before therapy, I would have seen it as my responsibility to help the other person because that’s what I was conditioned to do or face horrible consequences.

It’s a conflict of needs that requires communication.

Did the communication work last night? No. Sadly. It was taken in bad faith from a place of hurt.

Does that mean I need to tolerate that behavior because I recognize where it’s coming from?

Also no. I’m not their therapist.

I get to guard my emotional safety just as much as they do theirs. And if I continue to find the behavior untenable, I will make a decision about the longevity of the friendship based on that.

Neither of us are bad people in this scenario. We just currently can’t be healthy friends without triggering the shit out of each other and that’s fine.

Sad. But fine.

If there’s one thing that drives me insane it’s learned helplessness. And I know, I know it’s a stress response to trauma and a lot of people aren’t even aware they’re doing it, but unfortunately my childhood trauma is having to be the person who did everything because none of the adults had a handle on their shit, so unfortunately I have a short fuse when it comes to the kind of people who need a longer fuse and, well. You can see the conundrum this puts us in.

[fishnapple]

CRYSTAL READING : Getting in touch with your inner child

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Feedback is much appreciated ❤️

About me | Masterpost

Buy me a drink or book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

1. Moss agate

An active child radiating warm energy everywhere they go.

There is something oddly vulnerable yet brave about your inner child.

A balanced yin and yang energy.

Every passing emotion and need is shown truthfully, no hiding.

I see a red apple under the sun, so full and warm.

The way your inner child sees the world is very unique and magical. If you speak from the inner wisdom of your inner child's honestly, without filters, you would see the profound impacts those words have on everyone.

This child is very creative and always on the move, ready to have fun with their friends. I see that your inner child doesn't really like solitude very much. They need to be free, mingling with people and nature. They care very much about other's well-being.

Life should be an endless adventure with new discovery every moment. To honestly be open to life and see the beauty of it. That is your inner child's belief. Their message for you would be "drink plenty, eat healthy, getting your daily dose of sunshine and play with me often."

🪆How to get more in touch with your inner child :

Make your emotions more transparent

Sharing the little things with people

Be open-minded , speak with candour and honesty without judgement

Go on adventures, travel

Move your body around, dancing, sports

Try out foreign culture's foods

2. Citrine

A doer rather than a talker.

There is a dualistic energy to your inner child.

Soft, gentle, but assertive and bold

Elusive and intense

Quiet but deeply philosophical, is both the teacher and the student

Discipline yet messy

Your inner child is very independent and solid. They don't really need other people's validation or praise to know their worth. Quite stubborn also. Sometimes, they would find it hard to accept help or advice from others.

There is a fascination with hidden things, mysteries, but also a reluctance to delve into them.

Your inner child likes routine and structure. They would feel threatened and nervous if your life is lacking those.

Their deepest need is to have faith and hope in life, that is also their biggest fear, to lose faith and hope. They are very brave, but everything needs to have meaning for them to understand and navigate the world.

Their ideal about the world is deep and compassionate. If you live your life in a directionless and superficial way, your inner child will be very lost and sad. Their message for you would be "always look for the light."

🪆How to get more in touch with your inner child :

Have some routine and build more structure in your daily life

Getting to know your inner fears, shadow work

Speak with intention and when necessary only, avoid frivolities

Finding faith, what you truly believe in

Be more assertive and brave, but with a gentle touch

3. Moonstone

I see an image of a child making a snow angel.

Life is a celebration for your inner child.

Nothing sets your inner child in a high mood than sudden outings and adventure. I think your inner child could get along very well with the first group's inner child 🤭, they are so similar.

I'm also seeing building blocks and castles. Your inner child enjoys building things.

Their deepest need is to be protected and guided through the dark. They could have a fear of the darkness, ghosts, and unknown entity.

Even though they are brave and open, they seem to have endured some deep pains that make them fearful. Lacking an authoritative figure to guide them, having domineering and demanding care takers.

They would love to talk to you constantly, to connect with you, and always be a companion for you. Their message for you right now would be "no matter how things change, we will build our castle tall and strong to weather them all, just be sure to keep the light on"

🪆How to get more in touch with your inner child :

Journaling your thoughts, whimsical inspiration

Active imagination, imagine having a dialogue with your inner child

Lying down, facing the sky above

Making something that feels magical

A kaleidoscope

Going for a swim, taking a run

Discover some new hobbies

Love.

[juwelenstaat]

a take on euclase -- post ch. 81

a long meta that kind of debates a lot of what the fandom seems to have reached an agreement on (also titled : Why Euclase Has Always Been ‘Good’)

I guess I’ll preface this by saying I’ve always been very subjective in my view of Euclase ; in the beginning, I wasn’t crazy about their character design or role, by chapter 60 I had come to really dislike and distrust them, and as soon as the night raid chapter hit, I’ve been absolutely in love with them. Now, having reread the full manga several times, I’m to the point where I have a hard time disliking Euclase at any point (even during the chapter 60 “it’s late ; go to bed” sequence). 

A lot of meta posts that I’ve read that focus on Euclase really like to highlight their “shady” characteristics : they don’t patrol and are rather removed from harm by the Lunarians, they are analytical (and we’ve already seen the shadiness of Lapis’s analytical nature), they are so group-oriented that they are willing to overlook pressing issues for the sake of harmony, and they’ve confessed a striking fear of change. The fear of change is something that I often see coupled with their job’s lack of imminent danger : Euclase is situated in a position in society where they’ve been rewarded for an inherent ability, and it’s comfortable for them to allow society to maintain a constant for personal reasons. However, I can’t help but think there’s a little more to Euclase’s personality than a selfish drive for selflessness.

For someone who is often characterized by the fandom as taking a safe job that allows them to manipulate things without having to take credit, Euclase is characterized early on (chapter four early on) to be selfless. At the moment Phos is put into danger, Euc is fully prepared to run blindly into a fight that, as far as we know, has never had a similar encounter in all of gem history. They even do so before Diamond or Bort do so. If we take the stance that Euclase is at least partially aware of the mortality of gems (through their analytical stance on dates, they would at least understand that there is no coming back from the moon), then it’s hard to deny that Euclase is willing to take major risks on behalf of others.

Even so, a few chapters later, we’re told very explicitly by Euclase themself that they envy living creature’s ability to sense danger. They are afraid of unknown variables, they are afraid that their predictions could prove inaccurate and hurt themself or other gems, and they seem to hold a sadness in them that is very characteristic of the older gems. They hold an insecurity about their brittleness : knowing fully well that the limits of their immortality does not grant them the instincts that come with mortality. 

When you put these two very raw instances of character side by side, I think it’s very easy to understand why the majority of gem society loved Euclase as a “kind, kind” elder. They might not be as beloved as Yellow, Padpa, or Alex, but even characters like Rutile and Jade seem to acknowledge Euclase as “kind.” They confront a very real fear with both wisdom and genuine kindness.

(Most of this, if we’re honest with ourselves, is absolutely on par with Lapis Lazuli’s own history. The main difference between these two foils, however, is that Lapis always wanted to act while Euclase always wanted to wait. Lapis sees their weakness as an opportunity for improvement, and Euclase wants to hide it. Lapis sees gem society as a test ; Euclase sees gem society as something to preserve. Lapis valued progress ; Euclase valued integrity. I could go on.)

The majority of what I’ve seen on “Euclase is shady” posts refer to chapters 58 - 60 and Euclase’s constant worrying over Phosphophyllite and the admittedly creepy imagery of Euclase constantly hovering over Phos (that, on the first reading, made me dislike them, too).

I think it’s very important to note, however, that these panels are drawn from Phosphophyllite’s perspective. Phos is an unreliable narrator, Phos has been worrying over their plot and its exposure, Phos has already been unsettled by Diamond and Yellow, and now Euclase is challenging their honesty. They have every reason to be anxious over suspicion.

But consider the exchange from Euclase’s perspective. No gem has ever returned from the moon for as long as the gemstones remember : even Yellow treats it as a completely foreign concept. Phosphophyllite’s body has changed, their pearl eye is foreboding, their clothes are foreign, and the actions that Phos is partaking in all lean towards Phos being allied with the Lunarians. Even more notably : there is no aspect of kindness in what Phos is doing. Nothing about Phos would give the assumption that they haven’t been completely transformed by the Lunarians into a new type of weapon. And analyzing threats is exactly what Euclase’s role in gem society is.

We see Euc’s shadiness vanish as soon as Phos does give evidence that they have not been stripped of their original personality. During the night raid, Phosphophyllite loses every ounce of cold composure and throws away their half-truths ; they yell the plain truth at Bort, argue in the fashion they did as a young gem, and they act rashly. Yellow still obviously cares for the earth gems and Sensei, and Padparadscha is on Phos’s side. When Euclase approaches Phos in the aftermath, you can see a notable change in how Euclase is talking to Phos. There are no threats in the conversation, and Euclase - rather than looking creepy - looks gentle and upset. 

The elaborate battle that was designed to keep Phos away from Sensei must seem farfetched to Euclase at this point. After trying so hard to make earth gem society look as if they haven’t been horribly hurt by their worst fear coming true - losing beloved gems to Phos’s manipulations, Euclase now has to come to terms with the fact that they were wrong. They apologize ; they try to offer a solution that involves working together. Phos rejects this, of course, because they’ve been hurt too many times that they know it’s never so easy to move forwards. But Euclase internalizes a lot of what transpires. Speaking with the other gems, they again apologize for being horribly wrong and reinforce the same “togetherness” they had promised Phos when reassuring Cinnabar. A notable panel is Euclase smiling and telling the gems to /rest/ rather than worry, which Sensei calls wise.

That being said, their guard isn’t completely down. While the night raid revealed things about the moon and Phosphophyllite that Euclase empathizes with, three gems were still lost. Rutile, Zircon, Neptunite, and Amethyst were cut into bits. The Lunarians/Cairngorm attacked and interrupted the Euclase-Phos conversation. The earth gems still patrol. And, most importantly, the earth gems have unanimously determined Phos to be a hated enemy in the same moment that Euclase determined Phos to be horribly misunderstood and misguided.

By the time Phos returns to the earth, Euclase is shown not only to be empathetic with Phos but emotionally distressed by the earth gems’ abuse. Euclase has made their decision. They want to hear Phos out. When Phosphophyllite explains the consequences of Sensei praying and begs, Euclase is ready to listen. And it’s cut off before they can properly understand any of it.

I find it incredibly interesting how Bort’s and Cinnabar’s train of thought that is so anti-Phos is almost verbatim what Euclase had argued back in chapter 60. Euclase, despite being one of the main proponents against change, has changed the most of the earth gems. Their motives have become obsolete and recent experiences have toppled the way they used to perceive the dichotomy of the moon and earth. They are completely against the idea of hiding Phosphophyllite away, and they have come to reject their own policy of “dealing with things later.” And despite this, they’re still who they once were. They will still yield to society’s majority ruling because, much like Padparadscha in fact, they are willing to let things go for the sake of others.

This is, however, not to say that Euclase leaves things in the past. While Phosphophyllite may be buried under the wishes of the other gems, Euclase takes up the crusade of asking Sensei to pray on a daily occurrence for 220 years. They have stayed up every winter. Until, at least, Euclase backs down in chapter 79 and claims that they can no longer resist hibernation. This sort of exhaustion echoes the same tiredness with which Yellow and Padparadscha existed in the earlier stages of the manga. Euclase is becoming very much the old and tired elder of the group.

And yet Phosphophyllite haunts Euclase. Even in the chapter when every other earth gem practically hunts Phos down to presumably permanently murder them, Euclase takes no part in any violence. They don’t even move to defend Sensei in their dismay. (And, to be honest, before the leaks came out I had given up on my ‘Euclase interrupts them’ theory because the fandom made the Cinnabar theory sound so much more likely. Yes, I’m very happy that it was Euclase that interrupted them bc I love their character arc so so much.)

I think Euclase still has a very large role left to play in the series. But at some point, Ichikawa is simply going to have to end Euclase’s arc. Despite being on the Confucian side (as I like to simplify the earth gems), they’ve come to understand different definitions of harmony and empathize with different methods of achieving it. I think their reaction in the next few chapters to Rutile having Padparadscha back will be particularly noteworthy now that Euclase and Padparadscha have practically taken the same side (even though they’re not aware of it yet). I really hope that the end to Euclase’s character arc isn’t them wasting away as Yellow has ; they’ve worked very hard for others at the cost of their own happiness. They’ve earned the rest.

[nightcolorz]

WOOOO!! This was hard to narrow it down to 5 songs I like bcus I listen to sm music but here we go. Ofc I’m going to explain how each relates to tvc also bcus I am so normal.

-The Unwanted Animal by The Amazing Devil

I mf love the drama of this song. So many lyrics r so visceral and vivid that I have them stapled in my brain lol. Basically about having a relationship with someone and feeling this looming threat that’s prohibiting you from properly loving and engaging with them. The metaphor of “the wrongness” or “the threat” is a horrible beast that keeps tormenting the narrator of the song. I associate this song with so many tvc couples bcus the metaphor of a threat looming over a relationship can apply to all of them lol, but I most strongly associate it with Nicki and Lestat. They both have literal unwanted animals tormenting them and cutting their relationship short and figurative ones. Nicki’s unending sense of dread, depression, or “darkness” that pervades every moment he spends with Lestat, and Lestat’s literal vampire stalker who prevents him from indulging in everyday joys with his partner bcus he’s too distracted by the looming dread of Magnus.

Remember my Name by Mitski

I really like Mitski bros. Chose to list this song out of all of them bcus every time I listen to it I get a profound wave of emotion and sadness that her other songs don’t make me feel. Remember my Name is about desperately needing your existence validated and “remembered”. This is such a Lestat song for me lol. 90% of his actions r driven by his desire to be seen, loved, remembered, etc. I heavily associate this song with reading qotd for the first time, specifically the parts where Lestat laments about the end of his rockstar career.

the fruits by Paris Paloma

Ok so I can’t think about this song too much bcus I’ll get crazy over how Armand it is and start chewing my arm off. This song is about the protagonist being in a relationship with someone who objectifies them and sees them as pure and “angelic” though the protagonist themselves believes they’re “fallen” and akin to a devil. It seems in the song that no matter if the protagonist is being compared to a virtue corrupting devil or a pure and innocent angel, both comparisons imply objectification and dehumanization. I don’t think I even need to explain how this relates to Armand, specifically The Vampire Armand cough cough.

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

THIS SONG MAKES ME INSANE, I can’t listen to it without loosing my absolute shit. Everyone knows Total Eclipse of the Heart so I don’t think I need to explain what it’s about lol. But did you know it was written to be about a VAMPIRE LOVE STORY? The original title was “Vampires in Love” 😭😭Omfg. This is my ultimate loustat song. Just. The drama, the passion. I can’t

Curses by The Crane Wives

This song is about feeling “cursed” or haunted in an environment that’s filled with reminders of some past trauma, and finding comfort in someone who understands. I’ve always loved this song and find it very relatable lol, the feeling of logically knowing that your safe but feeling scared or overwhelmed because the curses of your environment keep following u around is one I’m familiar with. I also listen to the song and think about the revamped rue royale era of tvc, post totbt when Lestat had the rue royale re done to look just like their old home and moved in with Louis and ehem. David Talbot 😒. Ofc then they start to get literally haunted by Claudia’s ghost lol. The song reminds me of the untapped potential of the feelings moving into a house with that kind of personal history could’ve brought up.

tagging:

@translouisdpdl

@butchybats

@theydneverlosetheirlove

@love-me-im-dead

@bloodstainedembrace

@marssmaple

@viciousland

@darkangel1791

@mycupofstars

@eatstheevildoer

Put 5 songs you actually listen to and tag 10 followers!

Tagged by: @ladyvampir3

EVIL by Melanie Martinez

It’s a super duper good song basically about dealing with someone who’s narcissistic and them calling you a bad person because you won’t let them treat you poorly, it resonates with me in a very personal way and I associate it very much with Armand (as most songs on this list will :P).

Dinner Is Not Over by Jack Stauber

I love the funky way it sounds and the message behind it is super neat and I think the way he used dinner and dessert as a metaphor(?) for life and death is so cool.

Cupid de Locke by The Smashing Pumpkins

Cupid De Locke is a song basically about a failing relationship and how you can just feel the love leaving it and you can’t escape it, I love the song a lot because I’m a sucker for sad songs lmao and because Cupid is in the name! :P

Touch Up by Mother Mother

BAM another song I associate HEAVILY with Armand and that’s because this song is basically obsessing about your physical appearance and physical beauty which I associate so much with Armand because he’s only ever been reduced to his looks by quite literally everyone he’s ever around.

I Am a Poseur by X-Ray Spex

WEEEEE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SONG!!! This song was about the lead singer embracing her identity as a biracial woman and a “poseur” since the punk rock scene at the time when this song came out was mostly white men so she was constantly called a poser because people didn’t believe she belonged in the space she was in.

She embraced the fact that she was different and I really love that about this song!!

Taggiiiing:

@nightcolorz

@complicitsacrilege

@pinkestpigglet

@you-get-me-closer-to-god

@ghostfoolish

@grapes-of-orgonon

@meerawrites

@shit-garbage

@chaleshezza

[jtl-frozenduck]

Some thoughts on Oropo

Personally, I think Oropo is a promising villain with a chance to be portrayed on a par with the other two (Nox and Qilby). The "ego" he represents is a profound theme ……

Oropo has shown a strong belief in his own goals throughout the episode. But this is instead a strong suggestion of self-denial.

Oropo's notion of a "life of his own" is "false"; he carries the feelings and memories of Yugo, so he wants to win the love of the Tofu Brotherhood. (He has already done this with Adamai.) These actions are intended to restore his memories in order to feel his "presence". Although he hates Yugo, subconsciously he chooses to live in Yugo's shadow! His plan to "replace those gods" should really be described as "becoming Yugo, the man who created him", and it is clear that he feels strongly dissatisfied with his situation…

The Brotherhood of the Forgotten is a pirated version of The Brotherhood of Tofu. (An ironic point) The "good purpose of improving the world" thus becomes more of an excuse to disguise the true needs of the heart. But Oropo sees the transformation of the world as the right choice. He sees himself as a hero and is willing to pay any price to 'save the world' and 'make it better'. Even if it required the creation of a devastating bomb - but there is no denying that he did have the "dedication" and "passion for the world"!

Just like The Brotherhood of the Tofu will fight for the world, just like Yugo.



He comes across as so calm and self-controlled and swimmingly mature in front of everyone else. But when he blames Yugo, he looks like a big baby in his angry outburst. (The contrast is also interesting.)

Oropo is good at manipulating people's minds - I see this as a mechanism for him to protect himself. Essentially, he doesn't trust his demigod friends who are with him - he is wary of them. He is afraid to invest real emotion in them. (Disturbed by Yugo's memories, the love of the Tofu Brotherhood is the true 'orthodoxy' of Oropo's heart.) This also causes Oropo to appear calculating. As long as Yugo exists - (but Yugo's existence is a constant) he will doubt the "truth of everything around him." (That's a given…) Although his friends did once genuinely believe in him and love him. But at the end, they all become disillusioned with Oropo and turn on him. (Although it was Oropo who first began to act in betraying them. But the reaction of these demigods who chose to rebel against Oropo without hesitation still made me feel sad for that. The plot is fine, the actions are understandable, but my heart still breaks for their "friendship" after watching it. (Wanted to laugh xx But at least he wasn't alone, he had Echo! *looks silently at some man trapped in a white room)

"Despite having inherited the memories and traits of that man, I am still not him, yet I choose to try hard to be him. But unknowingly I already have friends and lovers of my own. So my life is still valuable and unique, and I am sure of my own existence." But what is tragic is that these are the things that Oropo figured out in the last few minutes of his life.



Interesting psychological build up. I don't know if these words convey what I think are the contradictory points of the character in Oropo. "Struggling with falsehoods, going round and round, taking such long detours, and finally being surprised to realize that what he wanted to pursue was actually in his own hands." It was supposed to be a story with a crippling beauty…but something went wrong -- making his whole tragedy seem so deliberately shaped and feel so silly.xx Anyway, I'd rather believe that the performance missteps in season three weren't Tot's attempt to deliberately gross out the audience. No sane writer would want to disappoint their audience with a story they've written…

So damn it, let's say it's all the sponsors' fault. (???) Because they only subscribed to Ankama for 13 episodes, causing them to rush through all these stories like that that should have been handled carefully. (◐‿◑)But personally I think Ankama's story line was a bit of a mess too, look what they did to Qilby in Wakfu manga. -- I'm honestly curious as to how Ankama actually handled those character stories internally? (Desperate!)

I honestly never thought I'd analyse Oropo like this before - at the very beginning, after watching season 3, I was so pissed off with Oropo as a person and the decisions Ankama made. But I tried to make myself appreciate Oropo… even though he has "replaced Qilby as the most revolting villain". xx (That phrase itself also took my breath away!!!)

Even though the third season is "hopeless" for most of us, there is now a remedial OVA for Oropo, and there's no telling what they'll do to change the perception of Oropo…

[atheliasnotebook]

Excuse me, I saw that your requests were open and I was wondering if you could do a fluff for a reader with Gorou? Where Y/n comes out to Gorou as Gender Fluid and he comforts them because their family didn't accept them for being the way they are? Thank you so much!

safe here with me

pairing: gorou x (genderfluid) reader

tags: angst, comfort, confession, teyvat metro au

profound language

author’s note: this one hits close to home danny brroooo. sorry it was so late.

the whole concept is hard to explain in itself—classifying as both male and female. yes, every time that you’ve attempted to explain it to your relatives, their responses merely and constantly consist of:

“you don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“you are the gender that you’re born as—stop making shit up.”

“are you fucking serious? come to your senses, those (girls/boys) are a bad influence on you.”

it’s too hard to say that it’s exhausting—because at this point—it’s closer to draining than tiring. every time you hear it, you’ve given up your strenuous explanation in attempts to try and get classmates and parents to understand. your friends, if you have any, have trouble understanding the true cause of… everything that goes on with you.

every step you take, you feel like eyes are on you. maybe you haven’t admitted your genderfluidity, but every gaze that lands on you definitely feels as though you’re being judged. you think

well, who could actually appreciate the presence of me? someone like me isn’t that great.

and you walk down the halls, slinging your bag over your shoulders as you proceed to prolong your peruse down the semi-empty school hallways. school’s out—damn, thank the archons above that you don’t have to endure the piercing gazes for a couple of days.

but gorou, who walks with some underclassmen that he is helping, hastily dismissing them—wagging his tail as he closes his eyes, savoring the feeling of being finished with his final orientation tour for the incoming freshmen.

as he turns, he bumps into you—watching how your sullen fast switches rapidly to a smile.

but gorou watches how your smile still droops at the ends—observing how sad you still look without saying anything.

“oh, well good evening (y/n)! what are you still doing in school?”

avoiding my family—why, what have you been up to?

“attending to some student council work—that’s all,” you lie through your teeth so blatantly. “i was going through to clean the classroom once again as well.”

and gorou adjusts his papers, looking at you, where your expression try to tell him that you’re smiling like usual. he knows you’re lying. he sees it kokomi when it’s just the two of them sometimes—and it hurts him even more when he sees you. but… he chooses not to pry into such a manner. at least, not yet.

“well, now that you’re here, would you like to go out for ice cream? just… you and me—if that’s alright?”

what a strange concept of things. why you? he was hanging out with that nice girl the other day, and…

“you can… stay at my place for the night too. of course—only if you’re comfortable! there’s a spare room that you can use…” and gorou tries to greet your gloomy eyes with a smile. “i can make dinner, and you can talk about what’s been bothering you. i know that when i was in police training camp; i couldn’t talk with anyone.”

all you could feel was… bitterly warm. you don’t remember the last time you ate a meal with someone you loved. your eyes felt cloudy, and then your cheeks felt wet and warm as a couple of tears rolled down your cheeks. gorou set down his clipboard and wrapped you up in a biiiiiig hug.

“i’m with you. there’s nobody else here, it’s just me. it’s okay… you’re safe here with me.”

[vicxy]

can u do indicators of talent in music? thanksss

hello! Like I said before in my indicators of talented painters post this is very subjective and people without this placement can still have talent in music, these are just some I’ve noticed.

(This was also partly inspired by @saintzjenx recent post which was really good!)

Indicators Of Talent In Music 🎵:

Cancer Suns, Scorpio Suns, Pisces Suns, Leo Suns, Aquarius Suns, Capricorn Suns. Sun in 2h, 4h. Aquarius suns are very good at what they do, very creative. Some of them are especially good at rap. Take for example Hua Chenyu, aka 华晨宇. Once he attended a music talent show as a judge (correct me if I’m wrong it’s been long since I watched that) and had to come up with a rap/song based on a given theme in 24h. He not only succeeded, but made an awesome song with a lot of meaning behind it. The song is here if you want to watch it, I highly recommend it. (It’s in Chinese tho, most of the singers I mention here will be Chinese.) Ariana Grande has 4h sun if I’m not wrong? 4h suns and cancer suns have a ethereal or gentle voice while singing. Also those born on the 17th have a talent for music. Cancer suns usually sing about things related to the heart, heartbreak, feelings, things like that. An example of this is Fei Yu-Ching, (费玉清) who is pretty popular for his songs. He attended the same talent show as Hua Chenyu, and blew everybody away with a somehow light hearted song about breaking up with somebody. It’s pretty good too, the song is here if you want to check it out.

In addition, Sun-Ascendant aspects are also able to easily get the crowd’s attention, and are usually popular too. Neptune-Ascendant aspects could have an ethereal way of singing. Sun square Pluto is one of my favourite placements as this grants the native a mysterious stage presence, and provides depth to their songs. Sun conjunct Mercury or Venus too.

Moon in Scorpio, Cancer, Gemini, Virgo, Taurus and sometimes Libra could also have talent for music. Scorpio Moons, like cancer moons, sing usually about their feelings, and they are able to infuse their singing with their feelings in a way? If they wrote a song about heartbreak (usually based on real life experiences) you can hear the emotion in their voice when they sing. One example here is G.E.M, (邓紫棋). She has Scorpio moon, and she did a cover of one of Taeyang’s songs (eyes, nose, lips) and it was really good, the emotion in her voice and the way she expressed herself was awesome. The video is here if you are interested. Hua Chenyu is also a cancer moon. Virgo moons are meticulous with their music as well, even if they so called have “no talent” they will put in a lot of effort until they are good. Gemini moons are pretty creative. 苏诗丁 (Su Shi Ding) is a Taurus moon and her voice is very powerful, and can hold long notes for a very long time, as seen here. Watch from 2:50 onwards and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Moon with aspects to Pluto and Ascendant are good at singing as well. Moon-Saturn. Maybe moon with many oppositions to it.

Mercury in Leo, Libra, and Capricorn, sometimes Cancer.

Leo Mercuries are very expressive and usually aren’t afraid to sing. Most have a powerful voice as well. They aren’t afraid to sing about love, and can be quite bold with the lyrics. (Can apply to Leo Venus too) Elva Hsiao’s 表白 (confession) is a prime example of this. Libra mercuries have a clear and crisp singing voice which is pretty refreshing. Capricorn mercuries could have a low voice but are quite good at rapping or singing fast. (Jay Chou and Hua Chenyu have this placement) Cancer mercuries have deep meanings in their lyrics and songs, one example is Joker Xue's "Ugly". If you understand the lyrics, you would agree with me that they are quite profound and sad.

Mercury-Venus aspects and Mercury-Ascendant aspects could be good at singing and lyricism as well.

Venus in Leo, Virgo, Sagittarius. Sagittarius Venuses usually make fast paced or lighthearted music, music that sounds very carefree and happy. Take Jay Chou’s 告白气球 for example. (Sorry it’s all in Chinese, many people talk about English singers already and I don’t want to make a post about them because I would just be repeating what everyone else is saying.) Virgo Venus can sometimes be serious while singing.

Mars in Cancer, Leo, Virgo, and Capricorn. @saintzjenx mentioned that Mars can indicate a singer or a musician’s stage presence, and I completely agree. Mars in Cancer often have a more sombre stage presence, with a serious tone. Mars in Virgo and Capricorn have a very “badass” stage presence, they can easily hype the crowd up. Their performances are pretty bombastic and will leave the crowd clapping and cheering with them. I’ve also noticed they wear darker clothing on stage? Leo mars can also hype the crowd but in a different way. They are like the sun, very glowy and happy on stage, and if you pay attention, they smile a lot and look very bright and confident.

Additional notes:

Aquarius and Pisces placements can be very good at learning instruments, or were exposed to them at a young age. Piano, flute, etc.

Capricorn and Virgo stelliums have a lot of potential to succeed in the music industry because they work HARD.

Sun with aspects to MC, especially trine, can be very successful as well.

Transgenerational planets in Libra can indicate being successful too?

Inner planets conjunct Jupiter can also make someone popular or have music talent esp sun or moon.

Prominent asteroid Sappho can indicate being popular in the music industry sometimes.

Aquarius suns can also have music that expresses their individuality. Hua Chenyu has a song named 我管你 which has quite individualistic lyrics. E.g "管你什么想法，我是我自己的表达” which roughly translates to "who cares what you think, I am my own self expression." Sorry I just love his music lol. Check it out here.

I hope this was alright, have a nice day! 🌸

[aiylabaysal]

Sitting alone was preferable to the looks of disappointment and pity that had been tossed her way on and off all evening. She would have left age ago if she had felt secure enough to be alone, to drive herself home without a slip of all the feelings she was presently burying for the sake of saving face and shielding her wounded pride and damaged heart. So she sat there, smiling when necessary, sipping water and picking at a plate of uneaten food. Just a little longer, and she would call a cab to drive her to the Emerald. She was nearly ready to disappear when Eren had found her, a small plate of desserts in hand.

She smiled despite it not quite meeting her eyes, "Eren," she greeted quietly, wondering how much he had known, though as he offered her desserts, Aiyla relaxed a fraction, knowing in some undefinable way that there would be no disappointment from him; the treats soothed any question of pity and left what felt like empathy between them. She nodded and shifted her seat, allowing him to take more space between them as he felt comfortable. Pulling the small plate closer, she plucked a cookie, breaking it in half before she took a small bite, "thank you," she said after swallowing.

Aiyla was quiet with his company, the comfortable silence she felt no need to break. Wordlessly she split all her desserts in half, placing the portions onto an unfolded napkin and sliding the plate closer to him, they're delicious was in action, she didn't need to say it, no more than she needed to explain to him how terrible she felt. To untangle it now felt to grand a task when she had spent so much time sobbing in her car and more than anything now wanted to sleep into a new day.

Mid chew Aiyla lifted her eyes to his face, he didn't need to give a name for Aiyla to know who he was talking about. She didn't look away as he spoke, her lips twitching into an appreciative smile as he shared this with her. She adored his ridiculous ears, and her smile became somewhat sad she swallowed before speaking, "He squeaked?" Aiyla whispered a tiny flicker of amusement in her eyes. She felt as if she were peeking behind the curtain, her cheeks flushing as her brows furrowed, "I couldn't," she said, looking down at her half-eaten desserts, her heart hammering with that same sickening ache that had been present since the moment she realized why he had kissed her to begin with.

She lifted dark eyes back to Eren's face, a curious drive opening her mouth for her as she changed her mind, "Then again, maybe just one copy?" she gave him a passing look as if to say, something for me to have in my back pocket, or maybe she was just curious to how he'd appeared before he'd grown into his ears. She had no interest in plastering them all over his car, not when she had already pulled the windshield wipers from the sunset pink convertible in a lapse of judgment fueled by all the things she didn't say and all he had done. Maybe she needed something to hold onto for a bit longer, a little piece of all the other things she would never know. Aiyla sighed, the tightening in her chest making it hard to draw a full breath without the threat of a fresh onslaught of tears, and for all the things above, she had been doing so well. Holding it together quite well, doing her best to be there for all those who needed something from her and who felt a sense of disappointment at how the games went.

Everyone except Eren, it seemed, who came with comfortable silence, cookies, and incriminating photo evidence that she had decided she needed to see. All of his kindness was more than she had expected or known how to ask for, yet Aiyla had still not anticipated the weight of his hand against hers. Dark eyes subtly fell to the gloved hand over her own; the seemingly small gesture was perhaps the most profound she had experienced that evening. She did not move her hand from his in any way that would have been sudden or pushed his comfort. She inhaled a rattling breath and bowed her head in acknowledgment. The heartfelt gesture meant more to Aiyla than she could have begun to explain without emotion cracking through her voice. Aiyla looked at him, unshed tears flooding her vision as she shook her head subtly. No.

She turned her face into her shoulder until the threat of tears had passed and answered him in Turkish, "I'll be fine, but..." she paused, unsure of laying her most vulnerable self on his shoulders, but then she was reminded of the weight of his hand, the gesture could not have been easy for him, and so Aiyla exhaled before answering, "I feel..." she spoke evenly and quiet, not finishing the thought, leaving it unsaid, but perhaps not unknown to Eren. The persistence of tears begging to be shed pushing forward. Admitting how she felt in any small way to anyone but the person she felt those things for felt wrong. Yet nothing was right about the situation she found herself in. Aiyla bowed her head, letting her face become curtained with curls if only to allow a stray tear to disappear down her chin unseen.

setting: the wolf bbq, in the timey wimey soup that is after capture the flag

featuring: eren öztürk & aiyla baysal @aiylabaysal

He did not wish to linger for long. It was not because of some disappointment over losing — that was just the nature of games, someone would be victorious and someone would be the loser. Eren didn’t care anymore about the loss, or any sourness that came before it. But he had overextended himself the past couple days, pushing his comfort limits in certain games and tiring himself using his powers where he could to help his fellow court members. He knew he did not contribute much, his discomfort enveloping him in many of the group activities. Dodgeball was an extra hell as both balls and bodies chaotically moved about him. It gave him a heightened level of anxiety, to the point he began to wonder if he’d ever be okay again. And after capture the flag, and all the mental and physical exhaustion it brought… Home, where his records and hi fi awaited, sounded very nice about then. With his car back in commission, Eren was debating seeking out his beloved Peugeot and dipping from the barbecue, but then his eyes landed on Aiyla, seated alone, and he felt an uncomfortable tug in his chest. He heard through whispers about what happened, and given he’d stopped by when Van Doren had been sneaking out of her cottage before, he had an inkling about what transpired. While she could be so graceful, so kept together, he feared there was more going on behind her dark eyes. Just stay a little longer, he told himself as he looked at her. Say hi. With a sigh, Eren approached.

“Aiyla,” he started in a soft voice, approaching the lonely table where she sat. He decided to not come empty handed, stopping at a dessert table and grabbing what looked safe and not potentially laced in something, to bring for her. “A gift,” he said politely, placing the small paper plate and dessert on the table, just beside her so she could decide if she wanted it or not. “May I sit with you?” He asked. When she gave him confirmation, he slid into the chair beside her, careful so as not to bump shoulders. With his gloved hands neatly folded before him, Eren settled into a comfortable silence beside the Fae Queen, watching the merriment around them for a stretched moment. He was not talkative by nature, something she knew about him. He found a comfort in the stillness of the quiet, one he thought often helped him through hard feelings. But he knew this wasn’t so with everyone. Still, he wasn’t sure what to say, and chewed on the inside of his cheek as he debated how to approach the subject.

“You know,” he started without thinking much, “He has a mug shot from a trip to Ibiza. From about 18 years ago, early into his college years. Got into a fight at a club, nasty thing…. Hadn’t fully grown into his ears yet. So it’s just this narrow face with a big swollen eye, then two saucers on the sides of his head.” He motioned to his own face, sucking in his cheeks to make his face slimmer, sealing one eye shut and cupping his hands behind his ears to illustrate. “Found it for a cocktail waitress, about a year ago. She printed a ton and plastered them all over his car… I don’t think I had ever heard a grown man squeak before that day.” He made the smallest bemused noise, a sigh of a breath, while recalling it. How many spurned lovers asked him to look into the gallery owner in the past two years? One too many, he reckoned. “…I might still have it, if it would amuse you to see it,” he shrugged, “We can print even more copies and make an art installation out of it.” Falling back into a stretch of silence, he moved one of his gloved hands over, ghosting over a moment before gently lowering it onto her hand. He could feel the warmth of her, even through the leather. Still just a vague impression of body heat, always so vague. “Are you okay?” He lowered his voice then, only audible to the two of them, switching to their mutual native tongue to keep it as private as he could.