#it's so weird how that can happen without a trigger. just randomly

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

intriguing to me that while I have had Occasional Symptoms for years, OCD only really became a problem for me after I got a job

[sukunastoy]

Only Love Can Hurt Like This, Chapter 1, Part 2 (CEO! Sukuna x Fem! Reader, MDNI)

Continuation of Part 1 of Chapter 1 Here

⬇️PLEASE READ BEFORE STARTING THE STORY! ⬇️

Modern age AU, no curses. Sukuna still has his tattoos, but his face ones are carefully hidden. This story is set in Japan, and I've done my best to implement real life into it. For example, tattoos in Japan are still taboo, and people associate them with the yakuza, so its not normal to see everyday people have them. Though I know I won't have all the details of modern day life in Japan correct, I hope you still enjoy.

Pairings: CEO Sukuna x Fem Reader Content/Trigger warnings: In full on the Prologue chapter Wordcount: 4.1k+

This chapter is a backstory of how Toji and Reader met. Since Toji is not necessarily a main character in this story, I don't want to focus on a lot of detail for this backstory. But it needs to be told.

Toji and Reader are in high school, Toji is a senior, and reader is a freshman. Though I don't specifically put anything into detail, since everyone is a minor, you get the basic idea. Toji is not a good guy.

Since this is part of a backstory, Sukuna isn't mentioned or appears in this chapter at all.

Trigger/Content Warning, please read!:

⭐This chapter specifically mentions drugging, underage sex, underage drinking, rape without knowledge, filmed during sex without consent, morning after pills/abortion drugs, and manipulation.⭐

Trigger/Content Warning, please read!:

⭐This chapter specifically mentions drugging, underage sex, underage drinking, rape without knowledge, filmed during sex without consent, morning after pills/abortion drugs, and manipulation.⭐

"And one more picture of that pretty, ruined pussy. You'll probably make me a decent amount of money." Toji smirked while snapping the seventh or eighth photo on his phone. -"Hey, check this one out. Ruined her spoiled little virgin cunt."- -"Damn, you sure know how to pick the best ones."- -"Doesn't take much. Make them feel special and they'll drop that guard of theirs."- -"Well, drugging them also helps." -"I thought she was gonna just let me, but she wanted to wait for the right moment I guess."- -"It's so lame. I dunno why bitches need sex to be anything more than just sex."- -"Oh well. She's just a dumb, used whore now. When she finally lets me fuck her, I'll let her pretend its her first time."- -"Do your thing man, and let me know the next time you get her drugged up, I want a piece of that. Its so much easier when they're unconscious and not crying or squirming."- -"Just drop that money into my hand and you can fuck her whenever."-

Saturday, 4:37 AM

Everything ached. And your head was absolutely throbbing. A dazed whimper fell from your lips as you struggled to open your eyes. Your eye lids were almost unbearably heavy, as if they were being held shut. Sitting up, you weakly reached an arm to your head, trying to rub your eyes so you could wake up. Everything hurt so incredibly bad, like, bad... A bit of dread filled your mind as you looked around your bedroom. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, yet everything felt off. Your phone was nearby, and you grabbed it, looking at the time. Only 4:37 in the morning. You went to your messages, texting Toji to see what time he ended up leaving, and if he noticed you acting weird before he left. -"Hey! I just randomly woke up, but I have like a massive headache and everything is really sore. What happened after I got home last night?"-

You waited a moment, hoping for a reply but none came for a long while. By the time you did get anything back, you had slowly spiraled into a panic. Of course the worst consumed your mind, only imagining horrible outcomes of what might have happened the night before. Surely, Toji wouldn't have done anything bad to you, right?

-"Hey princess. Gave you some tea and you were relaxing on the couch. But, you seemed to be a bit buzzed still, you started passin' out on your couch so I put ya to bed and left."

He put you in bed? Well, it did seem quite nice of him. You rarely drank, so it's no wonder you felt like crap. It was certain parts of your body being sore that was a concern to you however. -"We didn't like, do anything, right? I know you kissed me in the car, but you didn't do anything else, did you?"- You nibbled your lower lip in worry while seeing the three little dots of Toji's reply appearing and disappearing before anything was said.

-"Of course not. Why would I do something like that? You were basically passed out, what are you implying?"-

The back of your throat burned as anxiety bubbled up in your chest. Oh shit, you basically just accused him of doing something to you!

-"I'm sorry, that didn't come out right, I'm certainly not accusing you of anything! I wasn't trying to make it sound that way."- You gripped your phone with sweaty palms as the three little dots popped up again, but then disappeared. Leaving you on read.

-"I'm really sorry, I'm just feeling weird and not thinking right."- No reply, and it wasn't even shown as read, only delivered. Several minutes passed and you stared desperately at your phone, awaiting a reply to ease your conscious, but none ever came.

And nothing ever came for the rest of the day either. Though you walked around with a small limp from a pain in your hip, all you could think of was how Toji must have felt for you basically accusing him of doing something to you. He had been nothing but nice and charming the entire night, and then you insult him with that accusation? Stupid.

Monday, 7:37 AM

Monday only brought more worry as you still hadn't heard from him. You were probably going to see him here at school soon and after not hearing back from him just sent tremors through you. How fucking awkward it will be. You waited for him near the lunch room, hoping things wouldn't be tense. What if he completely ignored you? When someone flicked your ear from behind, you quickly whipped around, only to see Toji standing over you, a charmed grin on his face. "Hey there. Ready to eat?"

A little smile crept across your face at his good attitude, but it was still a little nervewracking. "Hey, yeah, but, why didn't you ever text me back?" you wondered, pulling your bottom lip as you looked up to him hopefully. "Oh, I fell asleep and then just forgot." he shrugged it off, that smile never leaving his face as if there wasn't a single problem. You studied him, trying to decipher what he was really feeling, but his expression never faltered. You probably were just overreacting and then panicking, everything seemed fine.

When he invited you out to another party for the next friday, you immediately accepted, wanting another chance to be around him the way you were before. It was mostly the same as before, the only difference being some new faces, but you were still one of the very few freshmen to be among the crowd. You did your best to not drink as much, not wanting to wake up the same way you did last weekend. Dropping you off back at home, you looked over to Toji a little expectantly, licking your upper lip as sublty as possible in anticipation. You wanted him to kiss you like that again, to pull you into his lap and kiss you as if he was craving you. However, he got out of the car, and walked over to your doorside, opening it for you. "Hope you had another good time." He simply said, ushering you out of the seat. You didn't press it, not wanting to seem desperate or confused. This almost became a normal thing, every friday night. There'd be some party, you'd get to go, but Toji didn't try to kiss you anymore. He didn't act any different towards you, but he wouldn't touch you. Had you honestly hurt his feelings that bad where he was afraid to touch you now?

Friday, 11:47 PM

By the fourth friday of him not touching you in any way at all, you took matters into your own hands. As soon as he put the car in park, you climbed over into his lap, gripping onto his shirt desperately as you pressed your lips against his. You whimpered in delight when you felt his large hands settle at your waist, fingertips pushing into your skin. Instead of him returning your kiss in earnest though, he pushed you back, looking at you in an almost confused way. "What's gotten into you all the sudden?"

Your cheeks flared with embarassment, and you weren't even sure how to react right now. "I...I'm sorry, I..." He sighed heavily while turning his head and opening the car door. "Look, I like you but you basically accused me of doing something to you. Thats pretty shitty. You know how much trouble I could get into for some shit like that? You drank too much, and I put you to bed." "I truly didn't mean it like that." You pleaded as he placed you out of the car before getting out. Your short frame stared up to him nervously as he stood up and ran a hand over his face, sighing out in the process. "Please, Toji, I was still mostly asleep when I messaged you, so I wasn't thinking properly." You basically begged, reaching out and holding his hand with both of yours. You did really like this guy, and ruining it already was torturous. He seemed to ponder in his mind, his expression changing slightly as if trying to decide how to proceed from here. "You really want me to kiss you again?"

You nodded quickly, your eyes searching between his as he looked down to you. "Your parents home?" "No, they're out of town again for a couple weeks." "If I come inside again, you're not gonna panic if you wake up tomorrow with some headache, right?" "No, no of course not."

Even if you did wake up feeling like shit again, you certainly weren't going to say anything to him. The last few times you woke up from attending the parties, you hadn't been sore or felt weird. You also had made sure to drink way less than you initially did on the first party night. It was probably just too much alcohol.

Toji brought you another cup of hot tea, you and you fondly watched him sit down next to you on the couch. The butterflies in your stomach were strong as he placed an arm along the back of the couch behind your head, and you couldn't help but scoot a little closer to him, wnting to be against him if possible. Seeing your actions, he smirked and gestured you closer, now wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you close. 

"Thank you." you softly said, resting your head onto him.  "For what?" "Staying with me. I've just been a little lonely lately, and I don't want to lose you either." He smirked while holding you closer to him. "Trust me, I don't plan on leaving your side anytime soon at all."

"Just relax. It might hurt just cause you've never done anything before, but thats normal. The more we do it, the less it will hurt and better it will feel. I promise."

As Toji crawled over you in your bed, your heart beat against the inside of your chest. You weren't sure if you really wanted this right now, but what were you supposed to do otherwise? If you turned him down, he might lose interest. And with the recent move, losing your friends and your parents never being home, the last thing you wanted was to be alone. Toji had been nothing but nice to you since your first day in the new school. Putting out for him shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's just sex, teenagers do it all the time. But why did it feel so, scary?

After he had started making out with you on the couch, you felt this aching desire in your core that you couldn't explain. When Toji's hand came in between your legs and felt the warm, damp fabric, he said it was time for you two to just break the ice, cause you clearly wanted him in this way.

You stared up at the ceiling in the dark, your eyes trying to focus on anything. Quietly wiping some of the tears from your cheeks, you wondered, was it supposed to hurt? Was it supposed to make you feel, used? You imagined it was supposed to be a little more, romantic. Well, he did say he was bigger than average, and you heard that the first time is kinda painful cause it's new, so, maybe that's all it was. Looking over to Toji, you studied his sleeping form, still embarrassed that the two of you were naked and up against each other. He did have an arm wrapped around your waist, and his fingers held softly into your skin. The smell of sex was still in the air, and it wasn't pleasent as you had always imagined it. You've snuck some romance novels into your collection of books over the past year, curiosity of intimacy pulling you in, cause you wanted to know what it was like to be in a real relationship To be mature and have fun, casual sex like a normal teenager. 

Fucking hormones.

The way the words described how someone's first time might be seemed to be an overdramatic lie now. Maybe it was your own fault for imagining it to play out like some fairytale. You were kind of excited for that big high that seemed to elevate women from this plane of existence, but, it never happened. Toji certainly got his, there was clear evidence of that, a mess he obviously didn't care to clean up from you. Wait, you weren't that ignorant to how babies were made. Oh, fuck. You quickly sat up, breath nearly escaping you as you started to panic. You had already been on your period for a year or so, and obviously that meant you could get pregnant. Pregnant, at 14? What a fucking disgrace you'd be to your parents! You already just started having sex with this guy you recently met. What was wrong with you!? "Oh god, oh god!" You cried out, clutching your hand over your chest as you feared what might be happening inside your body this moment. Toji groaned and looked up at you with an aggravated yet concerned look. "What? What's wrong?" "I-I could be pregnant!" You whined, whole body shaking with that terrible idea. You were too young to have a kid. You'd have to drop out of school, have to figure out how to be a mom, you're be such a degenerate to your family. The humiliation!

"Oh, shit, I meant to give you something for later anyway." He said with little worry, like this wasn't some big deal. He rolled over and sat up from the bed, grabbing his pants from where he tossed them over your desk chair. "Here. Just take this." He offered, handing a small pill to you. "A, drug?" You stammered, looking at it in confusion. "It's a morning after pill. Keeps you from getting pregnant." He gestured with it, and you took it carefully, trying to understand how a pill could stop such a thing. "Why is it called a morning after pill?" "Uh, cause ya' usually take it in the morning after fucking through the night." Your cheeks flashed but you stuffed the pill in your mouth, enough saliva building from your panic that you could just swallow it as is. "And just like that, no problems." He chuckled while  setting his pants back down and messing with something near your desk. He finally got back into bed, his larger form crawling over yours, making you cower down into the blankets as he planted kisses on your neck and chest. "Let's get as much use out of that pill as possible." You tried to smile in want as his hand came up between your legs, preparing you to take him again. You wanted to feel mature and interested in all this, but in reality, it felt off putting. Probably just cause it was new and you weren't used to it. Everyone who ever talked about having sex seemed to not be able to get enough of it. Like it was as needed as eating and drinking was. You just had to get used to it. More practice. So, you certainly weren't going to turn Toji down. At some point you knew you'd have to start loving it as much as everyone else, and how the women in your hidden romance novels loved it. Though you couldn't stop the tears from flowing as pain rattled your lower half. Patience, you just needed patience. Surely, Toji wasn't hurting you on purpose. But you didn't want to make him feel bad and tell him to stop when he was clearly enjoying himself and saying how fucking good you felt. But... It hurt. It fucking hurt so bad. A deep ache in your guts that just seemed to intensify with every passing second. Every pained whimper that escaped your lips was immediately matched with Toji's low groans and deep moans of pleasure. Yet, he'd also plant gentle kisses to your teary cheeks, praising your intimate areas for making him feel so good. It made your heart flutter, but you couldn't stop from digging your nails into his back, silently begging him to hurry up and be done because you felt like you were going to break. He lifted your legs up to his waist, encouraging you to wrap them around his body so he could go even deeper but you internally sobbed at the thought. Of course, you noticed how much more he seemed to enjoy it when he could basically get as much of you as he wanted. You suffered through it for that reason, and that reason only. You liked knowing he was happy, liked knowing you could make him happy. You had his attention and you were doing something that he praised you for.

Unfortunately, you weren't aware of just how many other guys attentions you had in this moment. It might have just been you and Toji alone in the room, but the little camera he had placed on your desk broadcasted this moment to whoever was in his circle. They sent texts to Toji, offering their small wads of cash for a night with you, his new little toy. Some even in groups of two or more, the ones that liked to take turns on a girl's unconscious body. He'd get to them later, deciding who would pay the best, and you'd be none the wiser.

"Good morning, beautiful." Tojis deep voice pulled you from your exhaustion, and your dazed features made him chuckle. "Sleep well?" Your vision focused on him, and you offered a weakened smile. Honestly, no. It feels like your insides were punched for hours, leaving you battered and bruised in a place you couldn't comfort.

But as he gently kissed your lips, and held a hand softly to your cheek, the pain eased up a little. "You are so perfect." He breathed out quietly, moving his lips up to your forehead. Warmth filled your cheeks as he lay next to you, holding you with comfort against his warm body. "Honestly, I've never enjoyed someone as much as you." You wanted to have some witty comeback, that of course you were the best, trying to sound confident, but it was hard to speak right now. Probably because you just started crying. Tojis face softened as you just let your emotions out. "What's wrong?" He asked gently, holding you even closer. "It, it all just hurts. And I'm confused, my head is full of worry." "Worry? About what?" "I don't know." You admitted, tucking your self into Tojis arms. Honestly you didn't know. Everything felt weird. You were supposed to like this, weren't you? You liked him, he definitely liked you too, and he was super hot. So weren't you supposed to be madly in love?

I hope you enjoyed! I'm so sorry this is a week late, life got in the way. I wante this first chapter to only have two parts, but I didn't want this last part to be extremely long, so I decided to make one more part after this. So there will be three in total. The next part will happen this week so Im not so far behind on my personal schedule.

Comments and likes are truly appreciated!! <3

[stanfanfiction]

Taste of You - Ken x fem!reader - PART SEVEN

Ken goes to therapy. He has a lotta feelings okay. Very Ken centric chapter. (Yay?) and (possibly) some of the most intense sex I’ve written sooo…let’s go. Probably the longest chapter I’ve written this far, too.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY / there’s always smut there’s never not smut / lots of angst and angry feelings (Ken is trying to process all those hard human things because they’re getting to be too intense for him) / violent imaginative fears (domestic fighting, one instance of hitting 🛑 tread softly if you might be triggered by this (I don’t want anyone triggered or hurt!!)) / nightmares / rough sex / major overstim / size kink / sex toys / anal fingering / possessiveness / lots of crying tbh (Ken is emotional af) / dom!Ken / possibly bordering on some non-con ? Depending on how you view it / fuzzy sweet aftercare

Ken sat opposite the therapist, twiddling his thumbs, staring down at the floor. Occasionally he glanced up at the doctor sitting across from him, a kindly middle aged man (you had suggested he talk to a male therapist, saying maybe in some weird way it would help him deal with jealousy when having to be emotionally open with another man in the room), and he gave Ken a small smile.

“So when this strong jealous hits, what does it feel like?” The therapist asked. He had sensed Ken’s anxiety the moment he walked in the door and opted out of the sitting-with-the-clipboard-for-notes option, instead sitting comfortably in his chair, hoping a conversation-style approach would set Ken at ease.

“It’s like I’ll cease to exist if she leaves me.”

“And does anything help with that?”

“Sex does, kinda. Sometimes a lot, sometimes only for a minute.”

“Have you talked with your partner about it?”

“Yeah.”

“And how did that go?”

“She reassured me. She does every single time.”

“So this has become a consistent conversation?”

Ken paused, picking at nothing on his jeans. “I guess.”

“When was the last time you felt this way?”

“A couple days ago.”

“Did anything in particular happen to trigger it?”

“She’s having to take a class and her ex is in it.”

“Ahhhh.” The therapist mused, letting the silence sit for just a moment. “And you are worried about that?”

“I’m not worried she would do anything intentionally.”

“You’re afraid her former feelings might return for him, though.”

Ken nodded. “Yeah. I get she wouldn’t be able to help that, though. Feelings happen.”

“This is very true. Are you concerned about what might happen if those feelings return? Do you worry she would actually act on them?”

Ken frowned deeply. “I don’t think she would without talking to me first. But I don’t want them happening at all. The feelings, I mean. Because then there’s nothing I can….do.” The last word fell out as a whisper.

“You feel helpless in the relationship?” The therapist asked gently.

“Not…I.., I don’t know.”

“Have you ever been cheated on?”

“No. This is my first relationship.”

The therapist nodded. “Worries about someone leaving you are actually pretty normal, especially the first time you’re with someone.”

“Y/n told me that.”

“Has she ever shown any indication that she wants to leave you? Or that she ever might cheat on you?”

“No. I understand it’s all in my head. It still scares me, though.”

“Can I ask why you decided to come to me today? I assume this is the first time you’ve been in therapy?”

“Yeah…she’s just taking a lot of classes and she gets really stressed sometimes, especially because finals are like a month away.”

“I can understand that. You feel like your jealousy is interfering with her ability to study?”

“It stresses her out more.” Ken bit his lip. “I don’t want to do that to her.”

“So are you worried less about her randomly cheating on you, and more that you are pushing her away from you? Or, encouraging her potentially into the arms of another because she is getting stressed with how you handle your jealousy?”

Fuck. Ken hadn’t thought of it that way before. Now he was even more frightened.

When Ken didn’t answer, just stared down at the carpet, the therapist tried again. “It’s okay to be struggling with how you’re feeling. The fact that you’re working to understand why is healthy, it’s a great move on your part. It also shows her that you want to be supportive of her, and I’m sure that makes her less stressed.”

“I feel like sometimes I’m a bad person.”

“Why is that?”

“I hurt someone I care about before. She didn’t want me, and I….I tried to hurt her. I wanted to feel like I was in charge for once, but I was cruel.”

“Can I ask what you did?”

“It’s a long story.”

“That’s alright. You can tell me about it when you’re ready to.” The therapist paused, working to see how much he might be able to get Ken to explain without pressuring him and making him shut down. “Can I ask, when did this happen with your former friend?”

“Well, she’s still my friend, I guess. She’s really nice. But we don’t see each other.”

“I see.”

“It happened, I don’t know, maybe a half a year ago.”

“Was it around here?”

Ken shrugged. “Kinda.”

“Have you ever taken y/n to where that happened? Or revisited the area alone, just to see how the memories made you feel?”

Ken’s chest tightened. “No.”

“Do you think that is something you might be able to do? Sometimes being back in a physical place where we wronged someone can help us find closure, especially if the one we hurt has forgiven us, but we have been unable to forgive ourselves.”

“I don’t want to.” Ken quickly wiped away a small tear forming, pretending it was something in his eye.

“Do you think y/n would understand if you told her?”

“I’ve told her a little. She wasn’t upset.”

“Does she know the specifics?”

“Uh…no…she met my friend, though. They liked each other.”

“Well that’s really good. Do you think she might be willing to travel with you, be present with you if you decided to try and gain closure?”

“…..I don’t feel like that’s necessary.”

“Can I ask why?”

Ken was silent for a long time. The therapist respected letting him internally process as long as he needed.

“I just think it’s unnecessary.”

“How do you feel you are working to help the problem right now, other than coming to me? Is there anything you’ve tried?”

“Just sex.”

“And why does sex feel like something that can fix the issue for you?”

“Because I have her then.”

“Have her with you?”

“Have her focused only on me.”

“Does she enjoy those times with you? Do you feel like she gets stressed, maybe feeling like she has to have sex with you so you’ll calm down?”

Well, fuck. Ken hadn’t thought of that. That made him feel even worse, angry, even. Though he couldn’t place where the anger came from….oh, wait.

“No. She likes it. She always likes it.”

The therapist was taken aback slightly by the sudden, minor shift in Ken’s tone, noting the aggression suddenly appearing, but kept his external demeanor. Being surprised was a good thing. It meant his client was starting to break through their emotional barrier.

“And can I ask, why would you talking about her enjoying those sessions be something that makes you feel upset?”

“She has to like them.”

“Why is that?”

“It’s all I have to offer her.” The words tumbled out before Ken’s brain had even fully processed them, and he sat dumbstruck, his own sentence replaying in his head. He felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest.

“Ahhhhh. That sounds like that’s a lot of stress you’re dealing with, too. Feeling like you only have one certain thing of yourself to offer her that she sees as worthy of her time must be exhausting for you.”

Ken worked hard to hold back the new tears that were coming stronger than he knew what to do with.

“Do you feel that she actually only sees you as worth her time because of the sex?”

Ken shook his head genuinely. “No.”

“So that’s another lie you have told yourself.” The therapist kept his tone soft.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to know right now.”

****************************************************

The walk home was torture. He tried so hard to think through everything they’d talked about as “healthily” as he could - the therapist’s words. But all he could think about was silencing everything for just a little while. He thought of getting home to tie you to the bed again and just fuck you for hours. Every time you were lying trapped underneath him was the only time he ever felt like he truly had any control over anything. But maybe today he needed to to be free to move however you pleased, to experience however you would wrap yourself around him or grasp onto his muscles or grab his hair. He could easily still keep you underneath him as long as he wanted with just his body weight.

The closer he got to the front door, however, the more overwhelmed he became, the voices in his head growing louder and louder, and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t even fuck you if he wanted to right now. He felt like he might collapse.

Ken opened the door as quietly as he could, not wanting to alert you he was home. Unfortunately, since the kitchen was very close to the entryway, you heard the moment he stepped inside.

“Hi, baby,” you said, turning while holding your coffee cup.

Ken froze, feeling embarrassed. He still didn’t know why he did, but he had worked to stop crying the entire walk home, without success. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks wet.

“Oh, Ken,” you said, setting down your cup and coming up to him, your hands on his face, your thumbs rubbing across his cheekbones. “It was a hard talk today?”

Ken nodded, hanging his head, his hands wrapping around your wrists. “I feel like I’m nothing to you, but I know better.”

“That’s okay.” Your voice was like a warm tea coating his aching chest. “I know you struggle with that. I can keep reminding you that you mean so much to me.”

“What if…like, I couldn’t offer you sex?”

You cocked your head, confused, but went with it. “I would still love you the same.”

He forced his eyes up to meet yours. “You mean it?”

“MMhmm. I do.”

He sniffed.

“Do you feel like I wouldn’t love you?” You asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, looking down again.

“Do you need some rest? Anytime I get really upset and have cried really hard some time in bed always helps me.”

He nodded, and you took his hand in yours, leading him to the bedroom. You helped him out of his clothes leaving him only in his boxers and went to the closet, pulling something out.

“Here,” you said, walking over to the bed and tossing a huge comforter on top of it. “This is my extra soft, cozy one. I used to use it all the time on really hard days awhile ago. I had forgotten I had it until now.”

He smiled a little then, reaching his hand out to you. You went to sit on the bed next to him, keeping your feet on the floor. You kissed his palm as his hand went to rest of your face.

“I love you so very, very much, my love,” you cooed. “But I need to get back to studying. I have awhile yet to go. I had just taken a short break to make some caffeine when you came home.”

Came home. Okay. Focus on the good things, his therapist had suggested. “Listen to anything that makes you feel safe or calm, try to enjoy the moment while it’s happening. This might help when you get stressed out to remember those times and know you are safe.”

“I’m home with you,” he mumbled.

You didn’t understand but nodded. “Yes. You’re home with me.”

He hummed, snuggling underneath the covers. “Okay.”

You smiled at him and kissed his cheek before picking up your laptop from your desk and picking up a textbook, heading out of the bedroom, closing the door behind you. You’d study at the kitchen table while he rested.

The home was on fire. Ken rushed through the flames, yelling your name, panic rising every second he couldn’t find you as smoke filled his lungs. Finally he heard you as you screamed, and his heart jumped in his chest as he rounded the corner to find your hands restrained to the wall over your head, blindfolded. You weren’t screaming in terror, you were screaming with pleasure. A faceless man was holding your legs around his waist, fucking up into you violently. It seemed you had no idea about the flames about to consume you, or maybe even who the man was. Ken tried to make his legs moved, begged them to, but he was stuck on the spot. He cried out your name but it seemed you didn’t hear him, your head through back in ecstasy as you moaned in time with the man’s thrust. Ken found a rock next to him and threw it at the man. It bounced off of him as if he didn’t even know it had been thrown, but then the blank face slowly turned to stare at Ken, a wicked smile suddenly spreading across his face where a mouth hadn’t been a moment before.

Ken sat upright in bed, gasping, panicking as he grabbed at anything he could touch, stopping only when he realized he had only fisted his hands up in the comforter. He buried his face hands, shaking, trying to stop the sobs that threatened to take him over again. He couldn’t remember ever having a nightmare before. He’d heard of them, but couldn’t even remember having a dream, only knowing they were something that apparently were a normal thing for most people, yourself included.

He tried to pinpoint the emotions he was feeling - something else the therapist had suggested when he got overwhelmed. Okay. Angry. Scared. Angry. Heartbroken? Fuck. Really, really fucking angry. He fell back into the pillows only to realize the sheets were covered in sweat underneath him.

You would help him feel better. He could go to you and you would pause your homework to soothe him and pet him and sit on his lap while he held you and hid his face in your neck. You wouldn’t be mad at him, you’d be so kind and patient like you always were.

He didn’t deserve you.

He didn’t deserve anything good.

The idea of going to you quietly to ask for comfort left his mind as quickly as it floated in, being forced out by a memory he created himself that honestly would probably never happen: you ignoring him, you telling him to get over himself while he finally was trying to understand why he kept feeling so angry like you had asked him to, you yelling at him, throwing something at his face. Telling him to….

“I can’t leave,” he cried into the pillow. “You said this was our home.”

You laughed. “Our nothing. Get the fuck out.”

You slapped him. He felt like his entire being shattered.

Ken was gripping the pillow so tight that his wrist began to cramp. Why. WHY couldn’t he stop these horrific scenes that played through his head.

The therapist had told him to breathe, even showed him how to inhale for four seconds and exhale the same amount of time. The mental scenarios weren’t real. They just might feel real.

Maybe he did need to return to Barbieland for a day…? Maybe he was dealing with fear that throwing Barbie out of her home could rebound back onto him…

UGH. Fuck fuck. This was hard. This was way too fucking hard. How was this supposed to help him get better, especially when your soft, perfect body was right behind that door, just down the hallway. When your voice could be filling his ears and drowning out at least most of these horrible things he heard in his head. Your taste filling his mouth, the scent of you, every inch of you, making him feel drunk.

You looked up from your book, Ken standing in the doorway. Sweat covered his body, his hair erratic, his face still as wet as earlier.

The concerned look on your face soothed him…but just a little.

“What happened?” You asked gently.

“I had a nightmare.”

Oh shit. “I’m so sorry. Do you need to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “Wanna forget it.”

“I understand that. Do you want to come sit with me?”

“Want you with me.”

“Yes, Ken, that’s what I said-“

“Want you with me.”

Before you knew what was happening Ken had picked you up and set you on the kitchen counter where you became trapped between the cabinets and him. “Need you.”

“What did the therapist tell you to do when you feel like this?” You tried softly, reaching for the hand towel next to you and gently wiped at his chest to remove the cold sweat.

“It’s not working.”

“It doesn’t always work right away.”

He wanted to slam you into the cabinets, forcing his lips onto yours, making you stop talking about all the bullshit he had been fighting inside himself ever since that stupid appointment today. He knew that was the wrong thing to do.

“Can I ask what happens to you when you choose sex to deal with these emotions you’re struggling with?” The therapist had asked. “Anything in particular that seems to help at all?”

Ken didn’t want to answer. Would you call the sex violent is he asked? Or would it just be ‘rough’? He didn’t like the word violent…you had never told him that word, so it mustn’t be so. You would have told him. You would tell him if he ever hurt you.

“Ken?” The therapist had said, breaking through the long silence that had followed his question.

“I….I tend to be rough.”

“How does that help you?”

“I don’t have to think as much as usual. It helps block it all out.”

“It blocks all of it out?”

“Well…not everything, not always. But sometimes. Sometimes I get to have moments where everything becomes quiet except for her. I get to just hear her.”

And he desperately needed to hear you now. His strong hand ripped your crop top off, tearing the material from how hard he had pulled. You sighed as you watched it thrown to the floor.

“I liked that top,” you said.

“I’ll get you ten more,” Ken promised, biting down onto your nipple.

You cried out, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

Oh, thank god. The exquisite pain of the way your nails dug into his skin, the taste of your flesh, the sound of your voice. His mind quieted for a second, and he heaved a sigh of relief as his tongue circled your nipple, his hands on your back, holding you into him.

“Do you feel like you take your anger out on her during sex?” The therapist’s words echoed in his head. God fucking dammit, not now. He had you in his arms. He would have you underneath him any second now. He didn’t need these fucking questions interrupting any of his time with you, especially these times.

“I don’t know.”

“Have you asked her if she feels that way?”

“She wouldn’t feel that way,” Ken forced himself not to sneer.

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“Because she likes it.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“She would tell me if she didn’t!”

He slammed you into the wall now, your legs wrapped around him, needing to fuck that horrible image from his nightmare out of his mind. You had pleaded with him not to tear the pajamas pants you had been wearing and he had pulled them off swiftly, laying them in a single piece on the table before picking you up again.

“You like this?” He asked, voice breathless but harsh. He was terrified of your answer, but now that the question was on his mind, he couldn’t make it go away. God, the last thing he wanted to do was actually hurt you.

“Yes, Ken,” your head fell back against the wall when he bucked his hips up unto yours, the thin fabric of his boxers not doing anything at all to hide how hard he was.

“You’d tell me if I was hurting you?”

“Yes, Ken,” you repeated.

“Aren’t you going to tell me you should be studying?”

“Need a break anyway.” You sighed, angling your hips a little to try to get better leverage of him rubbing against your folds. “You feel good.”

Against his usual judgment, Ken pulled his cock out of his boxers and tested his tip against your opening before he tried fingering you to see how wet you were for him. Your hands clamped his shoulders tighter.

“Do you think you can take me right now?” He breathed into your ear and you giggled because it tickled a little.

“I can try,” you said, one hand traveling to grip the back of his neck as he started to slide into you.

Your cry was loud, and Ken’s mind once again quieted for a single moment, and he bottomed out in you as he experienced one more second of relief.

“I need her loud,” he had confessed as the session was ending earlier that day. “It’s the only thing that ever fully drowns any of the bullshit out.”

He thrust up hard again and your forehead fell into his, your eyes closed, focusing on your breathing as he stretched you out a little sooner than you probably should have been. His hips started snapping into you in a quicker pace.

“Can I lay down,” you shuddered as the pain became more pleasurable. “Wanna be comfy with you.”

“Need you. Need you right here for just another minute.” Ken tried to slow his thrusts but struggled for control as he tried fucking that image from his nightmares out of his mind.

His head hurt from all of the stress he’d been trying to process from the day. His head fell into your shoulder, closing his eyes, your moans becoming louder as he tried angling himself to hit your special spot. He left wet kissing along your neck, hoping it would help dull any pain you might still be dealing with, and when his name fell from your lips in a blissed out sigh he sucked gently on your pulse point.

The nightmare slowly melted from his mind’s eye and he slowed his thrusts until he had stopped completely, staring into your eyes.

“You’d tell me if I ever hurt you, right?”

You nodded. “You’ve never hurt me, Ken.”

He carried you to the bed, laying you down gently.

He had been saving a special something for you, something he had wanted to use on a special night, maybe after he finally took you out on a proper date. But he needed to hear you, see you react to it now. Maybe that was selfish of him. For the moment, he had lost the motivation to care.

“Close your eyes,” he asked, kissing your temple, and you smiled, doing as he asked.

You heard a buzzing sound and felt yourself becoming wetter. You hadn’t told him but you’d used the vibrator on yourself in the shower while he had been in therapy, loving a moment of personal release where you didn’t have to think about anything for a moment.

Your eyes shot open when you felt the strong vibrations covering your clit… all the way down your vulva, sliding into your opening. Your body jerked and you grabbed one of Ken’s forearms as he leaned himself onto the bed with his hand but remained upright enough to watch the way your opening clenched around the toy.

“Holy…ahhh.what…”

It was one of those vibrators were it had a clit stimulator but curved downward so it had a dildo attached to it that could slide inside you and stay without having to be held. The stimulation against your g-spot was delicious but automatically a little overwhelming, your vision going dizzy for a second while you worked to adjust.

Ken leaned over you fully, pressing your hands into the bed beside your head, wrapping his fingers in your own.

“Do you like it?” He asked.

It filled you up enough to compare to two of his fingers while having almost more of an intensity than it was when Ken nipped at your clit.

You nodded, gasping, and he smiled down at you, kissing your lips.

“Gonna make you feel so good,” he promised, slowly starting to kiss down your sternum.

“Alright, I’m going to ask you a hard question, Ken.” The therapist laced his fingers together. “What if she does end up leaving?”

“You don’t have the right to say that out loud.”

“It’s probably a good idea for us to address this idea head-on. Ignoring it, stuffing it inside makes it worse.”

“How does it help if I think about it?”

“Intentionally bringing up fears and talking through him often makes them less scary. You’re able to conquer the biggest aspects of those fears, learn exactly what fuels the, so they become easier to deal with when they come up.”

“I don’t want her to leave.”

“I know, I-“

“I don’t want to think about it.”

“Our bed,” he mumbled, his lips attaching to your hip bone. “My y/n.”

You didn’t hear him, your ears filled with the buzzing from the toy.

God, you were perfect, writhing underneath him, even giggling a little as his wet kisses as they got to your stomach then going back to bunching the comforter up in your hands when the vibrator caused another spark of pleasure. Ken had made sure to lay out the comforter over the entire bed so you’d be extra comfy, like you had said you wanted.

“Well now I’m worried she’ll throw me out if I can’t stop acting like this.” Ken leaned his elbows onto his knees, his face in his hands. “Why would you put that idea in my head-“

“You already had it there, you told me so yourself.” Ken saw the therapist cross his legs through his fingers. He hated him. Not that he had done anything wrong…he just…he hated all of this.

“I couldn’t handle it. I don’t know how on earth I’d handle it.” Ken loathed how his voice choked a bit.

“Our goal is to make sure, to the best of our ability, that that will never happen.”

“I can make her stay.”

“Mine.” Ken flipped you over onto your stomach, the pressure of the toy being pushed onto your clit more intense from laying on it making you cry into the comforter. “All mine.”

He dipped a finger into you from behind, turning it upward to caress your muscle opposite the toy. You let out a strangled, throaty groan.

“What if she grows to hate me.” Ken’s words weren’t a question, they were as if stating a fact that was already coming into existence. He glanced at the clock. Why was time ticking by so slowly in this god awful therapy room.

“I do think this one is all in your head. Based on what you’ve told me, it sounds like you’d have to really go too far for her to ever hate you.”

“I’ll figure out how to make that not happen.”

“Unfortunately, we only have so much control over -“

“I will make sure that doesn’t happen.”

Ken slipped his belt from underneath the comforter, his hand almost shaking. Somehow marking you with his mouth was never enough for him now. He needed more. He needed you to react more, and lately his lips claiming your skin had made you relax more than anything. He wanted to be a comfort to you the same way you were to him. Somehow his brain wouldn’t let him see things that way, though. He didn’t know if he was ever truly a comfort to you.

You’d promised him he’d never hurt you. Thank god, because he was desperate for this release.

Your mangled scream filled the room as he bought the belt down, alternating cheeks, harsh and without pause. Usually he would wait a few seconds in between each for you to catch you breath, especially the first couple times. Today he saw red as the conversation with the therapist wouldn’t stop echoing in his mind, your legs shaking almost violently, your ass cheeks clenching as he kept finger fucking you alongside the vibrator.

Your body shuddered hard and you bit into the comforter, your throat raw from your screams as your orgasm hit out of nowhere. Ken didn’t even realize you hit your climax until he felt the way your muscle spasmed, knowing exactly the way you felt every single time you peaked with him inside you. Oh fuck, how on earth had he not seen that coming, heard the way your voice always hit a higher pitch right before it happened? He dropped the belt, focusing solely on the way his fingers touched you, his free hand pushing into your lower back as your hips bucked up into him.

“That’s my good girl,” he praised, loving how long this orgasm was lasting. “Come on my fingers as long as you need.”

Your entire body was shaking as you came down from your waves, Ken pulling his fingers out slowly, wrapping his lips around them.

“Ken,” you shivered. “The vibrator.”

“Mmhmmm?” He knew what you meant, but loved the way you were remaining in a zone of overstimulation. He leaned over onto you, pressing his hips into yours, his cock rubbing into your folds.

“Ahhhhh….no, please….”

“No, please, what?”

“Ken!”

“No, baby girl. I need you to tell me. Need to hear you say it.”

“Need a breather, please, please.”

Ken bit into your shoulder. “What if I don’t want to?”

Tears stung your eyes. “I’ll do whatever you want, for fuck’s sake. Just turn it off for a minute.”

That got his attention. He stood up and reached down to press the button and your tense body finally got to collapse fully into the mattress. Your ass was bright red, your fluids coating the toy and dripping down your pussy a little bit. Ken licked up the toy from the middle to your opening, pressing it a little harder into you, sucking on your opening. Your back arched and you made one of those kitten noises that always made him become impossibly harder.

God, he needed to fuck you. He had so many ideas now, his mind thankfully able to focus solely on you and what all he would do to you before letting you rest.

“Oh, god, please be gentle,” you whimpered as you felt your leg grabbed, knowing he was about to tie you up again.

“Just gonna make you feel good,” he promised.

You turned your head to see his eyes, a layered mix of anger and fear and….he was trying not to cry.

“Baby,” you said softly, your voice floating into his ears, and he looked at you. “What is it? What are you feeling right now?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s okay -“

“I don’t need to feel anything.”

“But you’re feeling a lot right now.”

He changed his mind. He’d tie you up later. He moved you onto your back and you kept your legs closed.

“Talk to me, Ken. Let’s work through this together.”

“Don’t want to talk about it. Want to fuck you.”

“You’ll get to -“

“We’ll talk later.”

“Promise?”

“Open your legs for me.”

“Ken -“

“Open. Them.”

You kept your legs closed, attempting to sit up but Ken leaned over you.

“I need your legs open, y/n.”

“You want them open.”

“No, I need it.”

You shook your head. “Not until you talk to me.”

Ken sighed. He dropped the belt you hadn’t notice he had been holding in his hand on the bed beside you and leaned on his forearms to kiss you.

“What are you feeling right now?” You asked against his lips.

That you’ll be gone when I come tomorrow from work. That this will be the last time I ever hold you, feel you, hear the noises you make because of me. “Nothing.”

“Baby, please.”

“Let me back inside you.” His eyes stared into yours. “I swear I’ll tell you everything later.”

“How much later?”

He kissed you deeply again, hand reaching to push itself between your folds. “Soon.”

You relented and relaxed your legs so Ken could pull them apart. The moment your wet, pink folds were visible to him, he brought the belt down in a single, stinging blow.

You weren’t sure how your body reacted other than you struggling for breath, your vision dark behind your tightly shut eyelids, an almost static-like audio blocking your ears from hearing anything else more a moment. You heard Ken’s voice bringing you back, feeling his weight on top of you.

“Such a good girl. You’re going to be fine. Ride it out for me. I’m here.”

Your eyes opened and a loud whimper escaped from deep in your throat.

“You’re going to feel so incredible in just a moment.” Ken’s voice was soft, trying to soothe you. He gently brushed a finger against your clit and you scratched at his back in response, trying to find any way to ground yourself, but then he moved down your body and licked his tongue up you.

“Touch me, please,” Ken asked, and without thinking your hands gratefully pulled on his hair, thankful for something to grip and jerk on. Ken hummed happily, going back to consume your core, and you wondered where he’d learned all of this, if he’d thought it up or if he had maybe read it somewhere.

Like the last time he spanked you before eating you out, everything was incredibly pleasurable, but today times ten, your body experiencing the intense pain somehow making the pleasure even greater, every nerve and fiber stimulated.

Your lower stomach muscles were clenching as he worked his magic, the build-up of your next orgasm almost painful, but still in the best way.

“Need you to come for me again. Need you nice and wet and relaxed.”

“Why?” You almost didn’t want to know, your body still working to process all of this.

“You’ll see.”

Your orgasm hit fast and hard again, barely able to come back down from your high when Ken inserted the vibrator again and turned it on. You felt like you were having to force your brain to focus to move your limbs as you tried reaching down to turn it off but Ken intercepted, grappling with your thrashing arms until he had them pressed into the mattress beside your head, climbing on top of you and holding one of your legs open and down with his knee gently so as not to hurt you.

“Baby, baby, I’ve got you.”

You screamed in frustration, trying to raise your arms to no avail. “What if I wasn’t letting you recover when you needed to?” You wailed.

Ken arched an eyebrow and smiled down at you. “You have.”

“Not THIS much.”

“True. You’ll have to surprise me with it sometime.” Ken carefully turned you over onto your stomach again, holding your arms behind you. “Just ride it out, baby girl. You’ve got this.”

“Pleeaasee Ken. Please, please, please.” You almost sobbed with relief when the vibrator was turned off although it remained firmly within you, deep inside your walls while still covering your clit.

“Okay, baby. It’s okay. Take your time.” Ken lay beside you, propped up on his arm, his fingers gliding up and down your back to soothe you.

He enjoyed the moment as long as his head let him. The quiet broken only by your jagged breaths and little noises as you worked to calm your body’s quivering, the softness and warmth of your skin underneath his fingers.

The voices began again, a sickening layered mix of everything he’d heard the therapist ask today. The one question threatening to overtake him completely, repeating itself, becoming more cruel each time he heard it.

“What if she does leave? What if she does leave? What if she leaves? What if she’s already left? She’s made the plans. She’s gone.”

Ken laid his head next to yours, brushing your hair out of your face.

“Tell me you love me.”

You mumbled something through your panting, your nails still gripping the comforter, trying to ground yourself.

“Please. I need it.”

“Love you.” The words were almost incoherent.

“Again.” Silence. “Please.”

“Love you.”

“I love you, y/n.”

Your eyes remained closed, feeling so incredibly tired that you were sure if Ken left you alone that you’d probably fall asleep within moments.

You felt your left leg being pulled toward the bed post again as the silky tie wrapped around it tightly then being attached to the post.

You can’t not be thinking about him when he’s not around, when you’re in class, when he’s at work…he wrapped the second tie around your right ankle, jerking a little harder than he meant to when he pulled the knot tight. He thought about you all the time, nonstop…he needed to make sure you always had a constant reminder of him.

He needed to make sure he made you sore.

The vibrator turned on again and your upper back grew tight as you felt like you might tear through the comforter while trying to hold onto something. You felt not one, but two of Ken’s fingers push inside you, your tight muscle stretching around them.

“How does this feel?” He asked.

“Ss..so..much…” You felt a third finger join his first two and your back arched. “I…so…full…”

“Mmmmmmm.” Ken watched at the way your muscle worked to relax around his fingers and the vibrator, being stretched out slowly. “I need to make sure you’re ready for me, remember?”

Oh. Dear. God. He wasn’t going to actually try and fuck you!!??!

“Ken, please think about this. You’re not going to fit.”

“That’s why I’m stretching you out with my fingers.” His free hand roamed over your lower back and ass. “I’m gonna fit inside you just fine.”

“But you won’t, though.”

“Just trust me.” He removed his fingers from you to spread your wetness around your ass hole, easily visible due to how wide your legs were being held open. He wouldn’t do anything without making sure you were okay with it, and he probably needed to wait for another day because he didn’t want to push you too much over your edge, but his focus kept snapping back to how this was the only area of you no one else had ever claimed before. No one else had touched you here, fucked you here. Maybe, if one day you relented, he could make you his in a way no one else had.

He tested just the tip of his thumb into that muscle and your legs went rigid.

“Is this okay?” He asked, genuinely wanting to make sure you were okay.

You were shocked how much it felt so good, a new pleasure you hadn’t exactly experienced before filling your entire lower region.

“Yes,” You breathed.

He rubbed his thumb just inside, moving it in small circles, and your vaginal opening clamped down onto the vibratory harder.

Fuucckk. Fuck fuck. Ken saw and heard how beautiful you’d be, experiencing anal sex for the first time with him, breaking you in by fucking you while fingering your virgin hole so you could orgasm around him before he’d sink his cock into-

No, focus here, now. He knew when you were nearing exhaustion and despite imagining how hot it would be to actually push you past what was comfortable for you because god, what if you loved it, what if he could pleasure you longer than usual after that, and he’d jerk himself off roughly in the shower while creating those scenarios in his head…he needed to make sure he kept himself in control, make sure you didn’t get hurt in any way.

He pulled his thumb out and pushed his throbbing cock against your opening partially taken up by the vibrator.

“Are you ready for me, y/n?”

“I don’t know,” you confessed, jerking against the leg restraints, wanting to plead for another break from the vibrator before going forward but also needing to feel exactly what this was about to be like.

“I’ll go slow.” He pushed his tip in then and you keened, Ken gasping loudly between how insanely tight you were, pressing into his member almost painfully, and the vibrator on the underside of his cock sending chills through his entire body. He gripped onto your hips, forcing himself still so he wouldn’t bottom out in you and hurt you. Your gasp sounded almost strangled, like you’d had the wind knocked out of you.

“Breathe, baby.”

“It hurts, ahhh, ugh, Ken, Ken…”

Please, please don’t make me stop, he thought. “Do I need to stop?”

Your voice was like velvet. “No. It hurts but it’s so fucking amazing.”

Ken pushed further inside, stopping again when your scream filled his ears - god, yes, please, so perfect, your voice only rising so loudly only for him - waiting for you to calm down a little again before going deeper.

He shut his eyes tightly trying not to cum right then. He’d never felt anything so tight, the vibrations exquisite, your voice finally fully drowning out all the awful fucking conversations and anxieties of the day. Finally, everything was quiet.

Finally, everything was just you.

He bottom out after the fourth time he thrust forward, needed to feel every inch of you as he leaned over you, holding himself up on his forearms. You lay groaning under him and he used his thumb to encourage the slightest turn of your head without straining your neck, kissing you so sweetly it felt contradictory to the amount of intense stimulation you were experiencing otherwise.

His thrusts were tender, almost intoxicated in nature, pulling almost all the way out before bottoming out inside you again, but everything somehow felt different this time.

You’d made love to him in the past, but he hadn’t been able to feel that “perfect” connection he kept hearing about in stupid romance movies, like it was some sort of magic that only existed in fiction. He didn’t know why today, but he finally felt connected to you. Like his lips were created specifically for yours and vice versa, your body only existed in this state of pleasure because of him, and obviously he had only ever felt anything like this with you.

You had tried to prepare yourself for Ken’s jealousy-fueled anxiety to consume him as soon as he cock was in you, his thrusts rough and his eyes blazing as you’d have to get used to the pain - albeit really, really good pain - until it subsided and everything only existed in a state of pleasure, but you hadn’t expected this: languid and sweet and god, you were thankful for it. You’d never been stretched this much, never had someone somehow this deep inside you, even if it only felt like it was the deepest you’d ever felt.

His hips picked up their pace but only a little, your bodies somehow seeming to move as one. Ken’s head fell into the pillow right next to where you were facing him, wanting to watch you but his eyes closing, feeling a little overstimulated himself.

“You’re being such a good girl for me,” he panted into the pillow. “You’re always so fucking good to me.”

“I need to come, Ken.” Your voice was weak.

He opened his eyes then. “Tell me what you need.”

He fucked your through your orgasm, sucking on your neck hard to mark you on this special occasion as your muscles clenched and spasmed in such a way that if you weren’t tied up and held down under Ken’d bodyweight that you would have ended up in the fetal position from your body automatically trying to curl up and away from how intense everything was.

Your whimpers mixed with a couple tears that rolled down your cheeks sent Ken over the edge, him finally losing what little control he’d held onto as he bottomed out into you over and over again until the waves calmed, and his body shook on top of your trembling frame.

He wanted to stay there and just kiss your neck and back, losing himself in you while his head swam with the aftermath of his pleasure, but he forced himself to stand up and pull himself out, removing the vibratory from you.

“Are you okay?” He asked, your body still shaking, because usually you’d have been able to calm down more by now.

“Y,y yes,” you stuttered. “Need…I don’t…kno-“

Ken ripped your ties off and turned you onto your back, your limbs limply falling onto the bed.

“I’ve got you,” Ken promised. He turned on the shower and coaxed you to sit up, your full bodyweight leaning against his chest while he held you after he’d brought you a glass of water.

He carried you into the shower and had tossed in one of those fruity scented shower bombs that you always loved after a long day at school. He crossed his legs in a way to where he could cuddle you while you rested on his lap without having to sit on the cold tile floor, and held your head tenderly while you leaned against him, bordering back and forth between being awake and drifting off to sleep.

Had he intentionally exhausted you to this extreme of a point to make sure he wouldn’t have to talk about all these stupidly hard emotions like he’d promised he would? He would keep his promise, he couldn’t ever imagine lying to you, but he didn’t want to do it today. He couldn’t.

But he would, no matter how much he didn’t want to, as soon as you asked him.

“What do you want for dinner?” He asked, lips against your forehead.

“Mmmm…chocolate.”

He smiled. “Chocolate what? Cake? Ice cream? Just a bar of it?”

“Everything.” Your giggle was sleepy and weak, but it was perfect to him.

“Then I’ll get you everything,” he promised. “Also, whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’d like to ask if maybe you’d like to go on a trip with me.”

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[kaolinite91]

About P3 FeMC

2 days ago I randomly saw a collectible card of Shinjiro in online marketplace and it's affordable, the picture was from Persona 3 reload, and that's triggered me to a long lost memory... And I am still drowning in Nostalgia just now.

Aaargh I can't believe I am so back to my shinjihamuaki feels again (also with Theo and Ryoji but anw..lol)

I played P3P like 15 years ago in 2010...and the girl side was my first experience with Persona series, so ofc it's really impactful for me. But what did we get up until now?

- PQ2 (I am not yet playing since I don't have 3ds, it but it's looking very good)

- A few of her merchs in Persona 25th anniversary event

- aaand P3 Weird Masquerade Musical theatre

I really appreciate those content ofc it's awesome and most has Shinji x Hamuko (Kotone) moments..

((I didn't know when she change her name again lol, last time I only knew her as hamuko))

I digress, but anw, I still bitter that we didn't get her in the new game at all?! I can't believe they make a dancing game with her own theme song, but didn't even include her model?! WHY?!?? 1 model?! And Fuuka was the one dancing to all of her songs... (I love you Fuuka, but still its hurt!!)

Also if 1 model can't be included, ofc no DLC for her in Persona 3 reload too.. which definitely the reason why I didn't buy both games.. I think the Persona developer hates female protagonist.. they said something like it'll be too expensive for the production etc...blablabla

which's pretty reasonable but still an utter nonsense.. especially for the P3 dancing game (hello, how is it difficult to add one of her model? You even add Theodore there?!?!)

*Aaaargh the exclusion of femc will always be my roman empire (also the nonexistent of ATLA book 4)

About Pairing

I am a multishipper for FeMC. She definitely done reverse harem with Akihiko, Shinji, Theo and Ryoji..lol. I wish for P3R for feMC so I can see their action in HD huhuhu

About Shinji x FeMC

I think they're the canon couple hahaha

I mean after reading what happened in PQ2, I want to believe they they're both together in the afterlife 🥲. Yeah Shinji in her own universe must live on alone, but she probably met Shinji from the male MC universe again.. (considering they're both died 🥲), and interestingly this version of Shinji already met, and probably has a crush for her during the PQ2 event...

For me, the dichotomy of Shinji's fate which tied heavily with the existency of feMC in the particular universe, was very poetic..

- If she died since the beginning, then he never got chance to live after 4 Oct..

- If she life, and care to him enough, he was dying but then survived...and when he missed her the most after his awakening, on 5th March she died.. :"/ (and he probably dead inside, for dunno how long)

I dunno man, but that's very cruel tragedy but also beautiful in a way... They're the star-crossed lover... And in Atlus universe, it's should be impossible for Shinji exist after 4 Oct, without feMC.

UPDATE 180325:

after watched P3 FES the answer, I was angry, lol. So, our MCs become door-kun/door-chan not to prevent Nyx, but to be a world barrier which prevented Erebus (the accumulation of wills of every human that want to death) to summon Nyx again. So technically they both becoming seal against the ugliness of humanity 🫠. And thus, Makoto and Kotone never really rest in peace in the afterlife, no? 😭😭😭

Now I wonder if in the FeMC universe, it was Theodore whom searching for a way to defeat Erebus and release her spirit from the great seal (so she can finally rest in peace). Coz canonically that's the reason Elizabeth left the Velvet room as mentioned by Margaret in P4UA... 🫠

[orbleglorb]

2 4 6 8 for OC asks, pick whoever you are spinning in your brain most rn (:

doing this for leylo :3

2) Who's your OCs best friend? How did they become best friends?

sigh. taylor. they became besties because they worked together at the same shitty diner. or maybe it was a bait shop. anyway, it was in middle of nowhere, arkansas. taylor is a single father & has been disowned by his very baptist family for such (mostly because a. baby was born out of wedlock when taylor was a teen and b. taylor wouldn't let the mother have a say in raising the baby. and he was right for that). leylo is in a DID system and does not know this and has just fronted again after being switched out for a year and some change. and she doesn't know what's happening but is trying to pretend she does. taylor thinks it's really weird that she randomly completely switched personalities and "detransitioned" one day but didn't know her well then. they start to get to know each other, mostly because taylor occasionally has to bring his kid to work and leylo gets along well with her. they hang out more, leylo babysits often, and eventually they move in together. they're platonic soulmates, except "soulmates" makes it feel cheap. they're in love, just like, not romantically. they might have called it a QPR if either of them were aware of that term back then but most likely they would have still called each other "best friends." they were life partners, to be honest. taylor was a romantic and wanted a romantic partner, but also never wanted to live in a house without leylo, and that's certainly a hurdle for most. at that time, leylo decided she never wanted to be in a romantic relationship for the foreseeable future because she's just too traumatized and doesn't want to go to therapy. so like. it works out. then taylor goes missing. leylo formally adopts his kid and they live together still

4) What song describes your OC and their partner/love interest?

so she's dating a guy named shaun. she never planned on seeking out a relationship, she's totally fine never getting married etc, but like, he asked her out, and he's cute and earnest, so she figured, why not try? and then sonewhat untreated cptsd came and bit her in the ass.

for songs, i would say:

leylo's pov: cloud 9 by beach bunny, can't take my eyes off you by frankie valli, sun 2 by the garages

shaun's pov: i choose you by adam melchor

6) If your OC is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day?

it's, like, modern fantasy? she's a librarian. if this was a d&d type fantasy world, she'd have some sort of job where she would never have to be seen (so, like, opposite of librarian). probably take care of a church graveyard or sewing in the back of a shop

8) What hobbies does your OC have? What do they do to unwind?

watch tv. loves a good murder mystery. likes vera (british tv show) because there's very little sexual assault. mysteries can be triggering, but that's half the fun, in a way. also likes some video games but is picky about them. mostly likes "basic" games: minecraft, stardew valley, undertale, etc. she doesn't do much besides that. anhedonia is a bitch. tv is all she can focus on. even books can be meh.

[too-many-mes]

so I know there’s times where someone just goes in autopilot, but how do u know when it’s that vs it’s an indicator that someone else is fronting? sometimes it feels so weird that I’m moving. Like my body just is but I don’t feel present. when ppl say “it feels like someone else took over my body” I wonder if they are referring to that? or are there certain tasks u are just so used to doing that it’s normal to feel that way?

You might be better off trying to focus on the other DID symptoms and other signs of switching because trying to figure out if you're switching by looking at the autopilot feelings alone is not likely to get you very far.

If you're under the assumption that switching always feels like being on autopilot or something, that's not true, and actually plenty of people with DID don't feel that way, switching can feel and look like so many different things and can look and feel like nothing more than a simple mood change.

So there are tons of other ways to figure out if you're experiencing switching or not without focusing on this singular aspect (feeling like you're on autopilot) - I don't think Anybody with DID experiences ONE singular kind of switching, so it's not very helpful to try and figure out if you're switching by focusing on one form of switching; by doing so, you're likely to miss your own switches because maybe you switch differently than the way you're expecting yourself too, or maybe your switches can look any number of different ways depending on a variety of factors, and by focusing on one kind or type or form of switching (like feeling like you're on autopilot), you would be missing those switches and not noticing them if you're only looking at one kind or type of switch.

I think in general when it comes to DID, you can't focus on one or a few aspects, you really do have to look at a wide variety of things and bring them together in order to see and notice a fuller/bigger picture, which is what I'm trying to get at when I say that it's better to try and look around elsewhere instead of only this.

I'm assuming you're asking this because you experience feeling like you're on autopilot at least frequently (?) Sorry if that's not correct, but assuming it's the case, maybe take note of when these feelings happen, and what other feelings accompany them/happen alongside them. Did something happen to trigger the feelings, for example, did somebody bring up a stressful topic? Were you doing something that was overwhelming? And take note of any other things that might happen along with the autopilot feelings - do you feel different in general (beyond feeling like you're on autopilot)? Do you feel like a different gender, age; do you feel like you'd like a different name, or no name, or like you no longer like the name you use generally? Does the autopilot feeling happen randomly, or can you notice a pattern (if there is a pattern, you wouldn't notice it until you started to take note of these things, to be clear)? Do other things about you change during these moment - is your voice higher, lower, does your voice sound different (oftentimes this can be quite mild - my voice changes are mostly about the volume - how loud or quiet I'm speaking - and how high or low, etc. my voice is)? What your personality - do you become bubbly and energetic/excitable and low-energy the next moment? These are the things that indicate a switch. It's not really about the autopilot feeling but about what other DID symptoms you may or may not have. It's not helpful to take one thing and try and figure out if that one thing is indicative of a switch, you have to take that thing and many other things together and figure it out from there, if that makes sense. If you feel like you're on autopilot frequently and clearly have other signs of dissociative problems, but those autopilot feelings are not accompanied by other DID symptoms and you don't have other signs of switching, that's probably a sign that it might not be DID. The key thing is to focus on a wide variety of things here - do you have other DID symptoms? Do you have other signs of switching? If not, then it's probably not DID.

[percontaion-points]

GITS chapters 8 & 9

Click here for the rest of the series!

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 8

I’d hurt Dez—without even the slightest intention. I’d been completely out of control again.

Again, I find myself swinging back to the most logical explanation: Dez had an underlying medical condition that happened to trigger when she was performing. Since this series refuses to actually address the main issue of “does magic actually exist or not”, I’m still firmly in camp “no it does not. You people are experiencing group psychosis.” This book is making it a bit more obvious. But the author doesn’t seem to know how to actually answer her own question.

The man in the suit coat began to deal us out hands for five-card stud. A basic variation of poker at best. The only problem was, he was using a mechanic’s grip on the cards, holding them just so, his finger curled around the side. Also a basic variation—a cheat. […] He’d dealt me two pairs. A glance around the table told me no one else was very happy with their cards, though of course they all tried to hide it. […] And I tossed my cards on the table, faceup—against the rules, but I wanted him to wonder where his scheme went wrong. No pairs in sight. […] “Do you know how stupid it was for you to try to cheat him?” “I wasn’t trying to cheat. He was.”

Is it really cheating if you throw the game to get out of it? Like she intentionally lost the game. Most people stack the deck in their favour.

“You’re sure? Maybe they should run the tests.” “Fate has its plans, and it doesn’t consult us. Why bother?”

Yes, life does find a way. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fight off your fate with medical intervention. Especially if you’ve developed a cardiac arrhythmia. This isn’t the god-damned 1700’s anymore. We have the technology so that people can not abruptly drop dead.

The weird creep had ordered him to come back, after all.

Chapter 8 summary: Moira can’t sleep, so she starts to get up to take a walk. She’s been sleeping on an air mattress in Dita’s room, and Dita sits up when Moira gets up. Moira tells her to go back to sleep, but asks where she could find the others who might still be up. Dita tells her that some of the guys usually have a poker game going at the edge of their circus camp. Moira goes to where Dita directed her, and finds said poker game. Dez is there, but he’s not important right now. A guy named Rex is dealing, and it’s painfully obvious to her that he’s doing a magician’s shuffle, aka ensuring that certain cards end up in certain places. There’s also something underlying between Dez and Rex; something awful. When he deals her in, she has two pairs, and it’s obvious that nobody else has a good hand. However, her girl-sense is tingling, telling her that this guy is after something. She sneaks in cards of her own before throwing her hand down, acting like she lost. Dez leaves with her, although he’s quick to brush over what happened to him. He acts like having a medical incident with his heart isn’t a big deal. He’s more interested in Moira, and ends up kissing her. However, Moira has randomly decided that what happened to him is all her fault, so she pushes him away and leaves.

Chapter 9

“Is there anyone with a computer I could borrow? I need to fill out a form my phone doesn’t like.” It was true. The Nevada vital statistics office was far from mobile friendly.

Of course it’s not any good. The government feels no need to update technology past 1998. HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE FUCKING DMV RECENTLY?!

Which left me plenty of worst-case scenarios to imagine until I found her.

Chapter 9 summary: In the morning, Moira asks Dita if there’s a computer she can use to fill out an online form. So Dita takes her to Taco’s office, where she uses his computer to fill out the state of Nevada birth certificate request form. She’s determined to find her mother, certain that her mother is somehow the answer to what’s been going on. (In my opinion, this story could go either way, but I’m leaning towards “it’s going to reveal nothing”, because that’s what the first book was about.) Later that evening, Moira walks around the pre-show, and eventually goes into Remington’s tent to watch his magic show. He’s giving some backstory about growing up in New Orleans, and using mirrors to make a voodoo doll appear like it’s been triplicated. And then his lovely assistant “transforms” into a crow. When the show is over, Moira asks him if he knows anything about her mother. He agrees that he does, but hesitates and asks that she should be talking to her father about this. The idea that Moira’s father is an abusive shitfuck is again brushed under the rug, and she presses the issue. He explain that her father had said that Moira’s mother was the only person he’s ever loved… But also the only person he’s ever hated.

Hire me to fix your book! Copyediting, proofreading, developmental editing, sarcastic editing, and more! 16 years of book-editing experience. Message me anywhere for pricing and further details.

[bisluthq]

Want to tell us what happened so we can all shit on the bitch/es who did shit wrong

Ok this might be long but idk if you remember the ask but a couple months ago I went to prague with my best friend who I also work with and who I’ve basically got a super weird homoerotic friendship with despite her having a bf she’s been seeing since like november-ish? She’s bisexual like me but has never been in a relationship until this dude and has had close homoerotic friendships with some of her friends before. Over the past few months it’s been difficult because it feels like she will use me as a surrogate gf when she’s not around her bf but also seems to connect with me more on like most things? like a week or two ago she was feeling really down and explained a bunch of stuff about how she feels insecure in her relationship with her bf because his interests are a lot more I guess traditionally serious and important stuff, he studied IR at uni and imo is generally pretty wanky about stuff like that (separate from any feelings I have for her). She talked about how she feels kind of inferior to him in some way and feels like she’s too needy asking for reassurance when she’s going through this rough patch (and kind of implied he made some comments about her being needy) but would backtrack and try to defend him when I was like ??? why are you putting yourself down like this. What triggered the Sabrina stuff was the fact that she was away this weekend meeting some of his friends who live in another city, but texted me to say “my song” came on in the pub which is lover, you should’ve come over by jeff buckley lmao. It’s one of those things where it’s hard to describe what she’s doing without sounding crazy because I feel like every wlw has a situation like this that’s really hard to explain but a few examples; we went to go get ice creams during our lunch break bc of the nice weather we had a few weeks ago, I went to loop my arm around hers as we were walking & she was like “oh no I was going for your hand”, when this was literally the day after she’d had a conversation with our other friend who works with us about how they’d been through a tough wlw situationship for years with their friend and even though our friend now has another gf, the situationship still wants to hold hands etc despite them only supposed to be friends now. my girl was like that’s super weird she’s still pushing it and that she’d only hold hands with her friends unless she was like super drunk or in primary school. and this is also coming after her saying she really missed me because I had a week off and I “brought the sunshine back” and said she wanted to hold my hand, the same day she had an appointment to get her IUD for her bf. I met her bf and it was sort of awkward at the end of the hang because he said that she’s always saying to him “oh X [me] is doing this today, she’s doing X this weekend” etc and she’s told me more than once that not many of her friends have met him but they all know about me. She’ll play with my hair in casual conversation or hug me randomly beyond just being touchy feely. She met his sister recently and wasn’t sure what to wear so I helped her out a little and she was like “oh I accidentally dressed so dyke I love it” lmao. There’s other stuff but this is already long enough lol I’m just tired and sad haha because even if she did leave him a) I don’t want to be the reason she breaks up with someone because I think despite everything she does really like him and b) I don’t actually know if a relationship with us now would work. It’s just hard.

that sounds AWFUL. and obviously i do remember. right now I’m not in an agony aunat space because I’m trying to agony aunat to myself but anons might be. This sounds SO TRICKY. I'm sorry.

Sabrina’s cool but some other songs I think might work to make this feel less crappy (it’ll still be crappy because this thing just sucks)

Better than Mee by Deyess - this is a gay song and it's sooooooo relatable. fucking love it. I heard it on tiktkok a little while ago and got obsessed. True earworm and obviously like I say gay. And about being a girl into a girl with a boyfriend.

Frank Ocean's Self Control. Also an explicitly gay song but mlm but applicable to this)

Olivia Rodrigo’s Logical (I just loveeee this song beause sometimes love has and has had me thinking 2+2=5)

Lost in the Citadel by Lil Nas X (I think what I love is it was WRITTEN about queer love and I think it deals with a lot of those complications so well)

Break Up With Your Girlfriend I'm Bored by Ari (imagine you're saying boyfriend and I know you don't fully want her but it might hype you)

and it won't be a me list without a Leonard Cohen so do want to say Take This Longing slaps hard.

maybe the songs help a bit.

i'm so sorry it's so shitty xxxxx it'll get better!!

[nei-nei-nei]

23-01-25

weather these days has been so serene, i just hate it. it's perfect amount of cold not like when there's fog. i love fog but that doesn't do anything to me. but this weather has just right amount of coldness and warmth to trigger me. it's almost nostalgic to a feeling or place that i don't think i have ever visited in real.

i was late for work and standing at stop waiting, i dressed up all cute because i had to see not so my friend that day at night. but then this guy stopped front of me to drop me to the work, this has happened before. he is so weird. one day there was strike of public transport and out of nowhere this guy asked where i was going and i said where, even though it wasn't his route he gave me a lift to the work. then he asked for my number and i just gave him i don't know why. later sometimes next week when my work shift ends, he texted. when i ignored him he rang a few times. i don't know why i had this feeling he might be downstairs so i stayed behind thinking he would just leave. when i went down 30 minutes later he was still there. i just sat behind him on his bike. i kept my mouth shut and didn't respond pretending i couldn't hear since we were on bike. he kept talking and sharing, i did not care! later again he texted and wanted to take me to work or home but i said it was too cold for me to travel on a bike. he backed off. he is so manly and extroverted, like always talking too much and waving at people he knows over his route. he is my ick. so full of himself.

i looked pretty and i did not want him to see me. so i wrapped my chadar around so he couldn't see how i was dressed and i prayed he wasn't able to smell, since i was smelling good and he was wearing helmet. it was not for him.

when we were moving through the fields and greens, sun shined so calmly– mildly warm. i kept wishing it was someone else riding the bike. wishing it was you. i would have held you from the back. while cold air touch my face and sun does it's thing. i ached all the way to work. no way i was going to be on time that day but he dropped me off at work 10 minutes earlier.

i waited this cute guy at work to see me. i was relieved when he did. he is my rival. he is just way too pretty. i got attached. and he doesn't even have basic decency so what can i even do. seeing even the slight of his face pisses me off and i am so petty and mean to him. i try my best to avoid him and the resentment since he doesn't deserve my energies but again i be yelling and throwing a tantrum. i can't help myself.

later me and my friend decided we'd go for a walk and talk. and then eat something, go home and watch a movie. i really wanted to hug him like proper but he was on his bike when i saw him and i couldn't. we went to pray esha, then walked around my old college. he saw this big planet on sky and using this app was trying to tell me which planet was it. but the app didn't work. that place is so pretty and haunting. he talked about how it was when he went for umrah and then how he times to times misses university times. i said i never miss any of it. because i really don't. he mentioned how he is not in touch with anyone from class anymore. how he lost everyone one by one. he wanted to have a call with this one friend and she said she was busy and a month went on but then she had time to call another friend for 4 hours. how he is fine by it all since growing up and adulthood means losing people. he said he has no friends and he was okay with it. it made me scared. i would never be able to live without having someone to share my things i thought. how in my heart, i refused to accept that adulthood meant being on your own. he is so successful and calm. he really is okay not having friends. i just could not relate. he said i was the only one who randomly pops up. i said i wasn't his friend since i don't think i am. because we don't exist on same emotionality. i was close to him at one point. but it was not reciprocated so i stopped. i teased him about the girl, the one he got closed to and our friendship drifted. she married someone else and they lost touch. i let him know that even if we are not friends he could always talk to me and we could hang out.

the chicken garlic, more than garlic it had the perfect taste of chilies. we talked about how i was shit at managing budgets and he made me download this app to track them. he has record of everything. i hate those people to be honest. the only thing i track is my watch hours and the tv/movies i have watched.

we scrolled through Netflix catalogue and i mentioned how much i hated "stabilized footage", i observed how everything was too fast now and with too many cuts. in k-drama section i mentioned all the k-dramas i have watched and how "Bloodhounds" was so cool and "Twenty-Five Twenty-One" is my favorite. i watched "The Elephant Whisperers" while he looked for something to watch. i suggested to watch some anime and he said he has been working on 2D graphics and he needs something 3D but we can watch animated film. then it was literally fate, we picked "Wish Dragon". a film about a lost friendship and this guy trying reconnect with his childhood friend who is now rich and too busy. it ends with how friendship and community is the actual wealth.

too tired and sleepy. i wanted to ask him if i could hold him while we sleep but it felt too much to ask for. i put my head on this shoulder anyways and when was almost out i moved to my part of bed and slept.

[gaykarstaagforever]

"That plane has a file about your father on it. Better go get it."

Then you have approximately 8 seconds to run to an ATV and start driving it before you autofail the mission.

The mission of what? Good question. The plane is taxiing down the runway. I tried to blow it up. It's invincible and if it takes off without me being on the ATV right behind it, I fail.

So...we're chasing a plane on an ATV. A plane that can fly...? How...? Oh. Okay. So the end of the runway has a ramp (because that would never interfere with a plane taking off and therefore isn't inexplicable and stupid), and as the plane takes off, I ramp the ATV, and Ajay says "Alright! Here we go!"

I'm glad he knows what we're doing. But I sure as hell don't and I'm controlling him so this dude is FUCKED.

When you ramp the ATV, the game goes into slowmo, a thing that I don't think has ever happened before and I don't know why it's happening now or what it means. Why would I? I've been given zero direction. They can't be bothered to even tell me what the hell my objective is, other than "the airplane," that they forced me to ramp an ATV after.

The wingsuit prompt comes up. Now, I'm airborne, but on an ATV, and that prompt only comes up when you're falling. So why is it coming up now? Why are the rules suddenly changing? What do you want? WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS MEAN??

So on my 8th retry, I randomly hit the wingsuit button. Ajay leaps off the ATV, deploys the wingsuit...and faceplants into trees as the plane flies away.

Oh. Okay. Sure.

I try this 6 more times. Same thing. I'm crying. What is going on? What am I supposed to do? I am NOT looking up a walkthru for this cocksucking mission. Why won't you tell me my objective, Ubisoft? What am I meant to be doing here? Why is this entire game this kind of shit, over and over again?

...I eventually figured it out. See, so far in the game, I only ever used the wingsuit in a controlled fall. I thought that's what it was for. You are falling, use the wingsuit, it's like a parachute but you have slightly more control over where you land and how far you go. Which is pointless and sucks. So do the ledge takedowns, and the buzzer, and all the guns, and the AI, and this endless forced stealth bullshit. It's Far Cry 4! Broken stupid garbage is what we do here!

Well, I was wrong. The wingsuit TURNS YOUR BODY INTO AN AIRPLANE. You can fall off a ledge, deploy it, and now you are the Goddamn Batman, and you can somehow ASCEND with this, and speed up and slow down and do bank turns.

With cloth flaps between your elbows and knees. Somehow.

So I need to ramp the ATV, deploy the wingsuit, ASCEND to a point above where I jumped - higher than the plane is, in fact! - and then fly into the plane.

And by "into," I literally mean faceplant into the tail of it.

...Which then triggers a cutscene of Ajay somehow being on one of the wings, from which he breaks into the cabin, steals the file, kills the pilot, and jumps off the plane.

Because this is a Just Cause game now. Except those games would have let you manually do all of that. And it would have been unrealistic and stupid, but at least it would have let you use the tools you have in ways you already know how to use them.

I suppose this my fault for not knowing that the wingsuit is CJ's rocket pack from San Andreas. But this game has hang gliders, as a vehicle. And you can ascend and turn in those, but they kind of suck. So I naturally assumed that the wingsuit wouldn't be just an auto-hang glider with slightly better controls that you are wearing. Because what then is the POINT of having hang gliders? They're just worse wingsuits!

"YOU HAVE TO BUY / UNLOCK THE WINGSUIT! HANG GLIDERS ARE FOR BEFORE THAT!"

Yes, apparently. And after 35 hours, I've finally noticed that.

I guess I'm just stupid. Like how I had no idea that the flare gun one-shots every enemy by setting them on fire. I didn't know you could do that. Because that's stupid and weird and the machine guns suck in this game, why is the FLARE GUN the ultimate weapon?

Probably for the same reason there are genade arrows that do more damage than actual grenades or RPGs:

This game fucking sucks.

[witchpaladin]

the worst part about that shitty relationship that ruined my ability to trust people is because a lot of it has to do with DID it's pretty much impossible to communicate every little thing that happened without it just sounding completely insane, because it was

short version being that he claimed to also have DID but throughout our relationship his alters and etc kept mirroring or countering mine in ways that were weird and unhealthy but I didn't want to believe he was malingering so for years I made excuses for him

but it got to the point I'd tell him something like "yeah I don't like this character because I associate him with x trauma so his scenes can be triggering and I just avoid that part of the fanbase" and magically he'd spawn that character in his system even tho he'd never watched/read that media before

so basically he went out of his way to read up on that media, lie to me about it (because I'd directly ask him "have you read this yet" and he'd say no) and then randomly one day terrify and confuse my alters by claiming that character just exists as an alter now

and even that we tried to accept but as I started grilling him about the circumstances of the alter forming it became clear he'd manufactured the whole thing because he likes tormenting people

he'd been playing these kind of games for years but it finally got to a point where it was so overt and obvious that we couldn't excuse it anymore. and the realisation that someone would take vulnerable information from a mentally ill person who they claim to love and use it to manipulate and psychologically torture them for years kind of fucked up my trust with other people permanently. so that sucks

it's fucked up that I don't even know what parts of what he told me were lies and it's over such petty crap but the cumulative and mindfucky nature of it basically destroyed my brain

like did he even actually read the media?? did he only start reading it after he introduced this alter because I started questioning him and he realised he needed to beef up his story?

because I remember confronting him, and telling him, but you said you never even read or watched this. how do you have an alter from something you've never read or watched? and his answer was just "oh I guess I lied about that, I actually lie a lot, I'm a compulsive liar", which in itself was something I was hearing for the first time in like 3 years of being in a serious relationship lol

having someone lie to you and manipulate you like that for years when you're already vulnerable and traumatised is so hard to come back from. idk if I'll ever come back from it and it sucks

he did appear on one of my blogs once years ago to basically try to gaslight me and I just laughed in his face and blocked him everywhere. but it drives me nuts because he really has no concept of how much he has destroyed my brain lmao. it's been like 7 years since we met and I still don't trust anyone. I still think everyone is lying to me. I still see red flags in every tiny thing because I made myself ignore so many red flags in that relationship that now even a slight shade of pink puts me on the defensive. and I haven't had a friendship or relationship last more than a few months because I get scared or overwhelmed and I just ghost them and never go back

and. I barely even feel anything about it. because my ability to attach to others has been so wrecked that nothing anyone does hurts me anymore and nobody I lose hurts me anymore

and sometimes I feel bad about the things we said or did in retaliation but it's hard to feel bad about those things when we were in a constant state of distress because of the way we were treated. especially knowing that he holds onto those bits of retaliation as proof of us being the abuser or the instigator or w/e

like richard you can say w/e the fuck you want about the whole thing but you and I both know that the person who started with the lying, and the threats of violence, and the insults, was you. I'd never in my life spoken to people the way I ended up speaking to you and I haven't spoken to anyone like that since

it was you who started with the I hate you, I want to hit you, I hope you die, I'd kill your cats if I was there etc etc etc

I remember it clearly because I even remember when M finally snapped and for the first time answered you the way you speak to us, and he said he hated you and he wanted to punch you in the face, and suddenly you started laughing and said "wait what the fuck, I don't hate you, I'm so sorry, why am I doing this? I love you" and immediately M calmed down and stopped. because it was you who was always the instigator and us who were always just happy to settle into a pretense of normalcy and act like everything was okay

I remember this shit richard. I remember it vividly and every day

I remember you frequently suicide baiting us and keeping us up at night on call, begging you to get off the street and go home

I remember this happening so much that when we couldn't reach you we'd completely panic and we'd start messaging and calling random people who knew you to confirm you were okay

and then you'd come back and act like we were being insane but we thought you were fucking dead! because you'd do this all the time!

and it was all so insane and so stupid that I can't even talk to anyone about it. like congrats you ruined me for other men and not even in a fun way. I just look at everyone and see your lies now

it is so bad sometimes, thinking these things and feeling these things, that I actually want to kill myself. I want it all to end because I don't see how I will ever recover from this, because 7 years later and I still wake up sometimes with it fresh in my mind. and even if I don't remember, every morning I wake up ANGRY. AT NOTHING. AT EVERYTHING. AND I PRETEND NOT TO KNOW WHY- BUT I KNOW

because it was when we'd wake up that we'd immediately check our phone to see the aftermath of whatever had occurred the night before. we'd check to see if you were still angry, if you were still there, if you'd left any messages for us as we slept that will now lead into another argument. it always made R so angry because he had to sit there biting his tongue and just let you mistreat us

actually you know what really sucks is I feel like the only time you were ever truly content in the relationship was when you were regressed and N was taking care of you. any other time it was like you just felt obligated to be there and to pretend to actually like us so you could basically get your ddlg session in

[bethanythebogwitch]

A JJBA thought experiment

How would the other big bads fare in a fight against part 3 DIO? I'm going to try to break down what we know about their abilities and see how things would shape up. Disclaimer: I'm not an expert in JoJology, so I may get some things wrong.

Part 1 Dio stands no chance. He has no way to counter the time stop and even with freezing powers, he can't harm The World. The only thing part 1 Dio has over part 3 DIO is a better ranged attack with his eye beams, but with no stand or hamon, he has no way to make an injury to DIO stick. All DIO has to do is stop time, chuck Dio into a sunbeam, and it's game over.

Ultimate Kars doesn't have a stand and therefore can't harm The World, but DIO doesn't have a way to land a lasting injury against Kars's regeneration and adaptation. Kars on the other hand, has access to hamon and can absorb a vampire with a touch and wins in endurance. DIO would be forced to use the time stops to retreat until either Kars gets lucky or DIO wears out, then a single touch ends the fight. Given that ultimate Kars is basically the most broken thing in the franchise, he probably has the best chance of any villain of winning.

Kira could use Killer Queen to blow DIO into dust, but that requires touching him, which is easier said than done as The World wins in a slugfest and DIO can use time stops to dodge and attack. The bubble bombs would be less useful against DIO than most enemies due to his vampire regeneration. Sending out Sheer Heart Attack would leave Kira a sitting duck for DIO to stop time, move in close, and win. When Bites The Dust comes into play things can get weird. We don't know if Kira could set any condition for BTD to activate or if it's just limited to someone revealing his identity. If the latter, it's useless. If Kira can customize the circumstances that trigger BTD, he could set it to trigger an instant before he dies, then let DIO kill him. Then when time loops, Kira just has to lay low until DIO explodes. That assuming BTD can activate during a time stop, of course. I think this scenario is the only one where Kira could win this fight.

DIO vs Diavolo is the fight that's hardest to call as I have no idea how their powers interact. Can Diavolo's future sight see events that happen during a time stop or would it skip past the time stop? What happens if The World activates during the time erased by King Crimson? Would DIO and Diavolo suddenly find themselves in stopped time or would the time erasure skip past the time stop? I simply don't know. I think Diavolo's best chance would be to use King Crimson to maneuver DIO into a sunbeam. If things come down to a fistfight, DIO's vampire regeneration would let him hold out longer and win by wearing Diavolo down.

Pucchi goes through 3 stands so I'll go over each of them. Whitesnake isn't a combat stand and therefore would fare poorly in a fight. Its best bet would be to sneak up to DIO and steal The World's disc, but this would be difficult due to DIO's enhanced senses and reflexes. Even without The World, DIO's vampire powers mean that if e managed to lay a hand on Pucchi, it's game over. An interesting possibility would be to steal DIO's memories of the sun being dangerous, then bait him into a sunbeam, but that still requires Whitesnake getting close to him.

C-Moon would probably fare worse because, being a close-range and non-autonomous stand, it loses the benefit of stealth and being able to act on its own and Pucchi can't hide to avoid becoming an easy target. Gravity manipulation would be a problem for DIO. Gravity does work during the timestop as people don't randomly start floating, so C-Moon could orient gravity toward the sun and stopping time wouldn't instantly get DIO out of that problem. In the final fight of part 3, DIO and Jotaro start inexplicably flying, and if DIO can do that again, C-Moon loses the benefit of gravity fuckery. I think this one fares the worst out of Pucchi's stands.

Made In Heaven is so absurdly fast that even with the time stops, DIO would have a hard time keeping up and would be incredibly vulnerable to hit-and-run tactics. With the benefit of accelerating time, it would not be hard for Pucchi to maneuver DIO into sunlight, especially if he can seriously would DIO to immobilize him. It would be a closer fight than with ultimate Kars, but Made IN Heaven has a real chance of beating DIO by nearly-neutralizing his greatest advantage.

Funny Valentine's ability to move between parallel universes gives him many advantages. He can jump to other universes to avoid damage and even survive his own death by taking over the body of an alternate version of himself. If he's not looking to kill DIO, he could trap him in another universe and just leave him there. If death is the goal, Funny could summon another DIO from a parallel universe and get the two to touch, destroying both. He should be careful picking which DIO to summon, lest he end up fighting two time-stopping vampires at once. Another tactic would be to summon another Jonathan and get them to touch, reducing DIO to a severed head. We know DO can survive in this sate, but his ability to move would be instantly removed, especially if The World is also reduced to a head, as with Polnareff and Silver Chariot losing the same limbs. In any case, DIO's vampire reflexes and the time stop would make any tricks by Funny very hard to pull off. This is really a fight Funny needs to open with a surprise attack and win with the first blow, otherwise he's in deep trouble. Once Love Train comes into play, the field is leveled. Since Love Train makes it effectively impossible to actively harm Funny, DIO's only hope is that it can't activate during the time stop. If Love Train trumps the time stop, there's nothing DIO can do and it becomes a battle of attrition until Funny gets lucky.

Tooru vs DIO is another fight that boils down to unknown elements of how their stands interact. Wonder Of U is up there with ultimate Kars in terms of sheer brokenness as anyone who so much as subconsciously thinks about going after Tooru or the stand instantly get his by an improbable accident. In addition, Wonder Of U can act on its own, essentially giving DIO two enemies instead of one, and Tooru is a lot more durable than most people as a rock human. The question is can Wonder Of U's calamities activate during a time stop and can the calamities be customized. If the answer to both of those is yes, DIO loses as he can instantly be forced into the sun even in a time stop. If it can't activate during a time stop or the accidents are the same for everyone (that is, random objects flying at DIO), DIO wins as he can just attack during the time stop.

[spicymcdilucs]

“is this what falling in love feels like?”

— scaralumi

lumine is looking at him. shit— his palms are sweaty, for some reason. (he doesn’t even have a heart, but why does his chest feel like it’s constricting?)

in which scaramouche discovers what falling in love, feels like.

“i’ve been feeling weird, lately.”

“could you specify more on that feeling?”

“…i don’t know,” scaramouche frowns. it’s foreign, new and absolutely nothing like he’s felt before. tighnari purses his lips at this reply and hums.

“i mean— it doesn’t happen all the time, just… ocassionally.”

“and this happened while you were in the forest?” tighnari queries.

“yeah. but i’ve been here before. it’s not like i’m not used to those weird ass mushrooms,” scaramouche scoffs. “the withering has little to no effect on me either.”

tighnari frowns. if it wasn’t the spores from the mushroom nor the withering zones affecting this man, then what was it?

he mentioned symptoms of random heart palpitations, stomachache but without the constipation— and a slight fever, but only on his cheeks?

tighnari sighs.

was there some sort of new mushroom species he hasn’t discovered yet?

“could you tell me when this started so i can align the timeframe?”

maybe there were more secrets to the avidya forest that he hasn’t discovered yet, or maybe scaramouche has been hallucinating.

“uh— ‘bout a week ago.” scaramouche nods. his symptoms are gone now, but it distracts him more than he thought it would when it randomly appears.

“were you alone by then? no researchers around?” tighnari suspects the usage of incense, maybe that would’ve triggered the indigo-haired male.

“no researchers,” scaramouche shakes his head. “just… her. and that stupid floating glutton of hers.”

‘her?’ tighnari blinks. was he referring to lumine?

“was lumine there to see your symptoms?” tighnari flips his notebook to another page.

“she was— i think she noticed it first,” scaramouche scratches his cheek. “then she took me here. ‘said you’re the best around.”

tighnari warms at the comment.

“tighnari!” lumine knocks a few times before entering, a small smile on her face while she greets the male. “how is he?”

oh.

it’s back— the symptoms are back.

scaramouche feels his stomach churn, but it doesn’t hurt. he places a hand against his stomach in concern before shifting his attention to the blonde.

“you’re here,” tighnari waves and nods. “i’m still trying to figure out his symptoms, but perhaps you could help.”

“me?” lumine points at herself and blinks, while tighnari nods.

“he mentioned the symptoms started while you were around. maybe your elemental skills had triggered something around the forest, or maybe scaramouche himself.” he deduces, and lumine walks closer to scaramouche.

“my elemental skills? on him?” lumine’s only a feet away and scaramouche feels his heart race.

goddamnit— it’s coming back. the uneasy feelings felt by his body, and when he turns to look at her, their eyes meet and he feels his ears stain pink.

“doc.” he mutters, hand on his cheek to feel for warmth. the heat that radiates confirms it.

tighnari raises an eyebrow at the nickname.

“it’s— it’s back.” scaramouche frowns. “i don’t feel well.”

lumine frowns, looking at her palms to see if she had been unconsciously releasing dendro energy. there’s no pulse where her ‘vision’ lies, and her elemental sight isn’t activated, so— why?

“please, take a seat,” tighnari directs scaramouche to his bed, settling him down and fishes for his notebook. “care to describe what you’re currently feeling?”

“just like i said before,” scaramouche mutters, irritant in his tone. “it hurts, right here— (he points to his chest,) and then there’s that stomachache. like i swallowed a bunch of crystalflies.”

“i… feel warm, too.” scaramouche places a hand against his forehead and frowns. tighnari hums, taking a step back to summarise his thoughts regarding scaramouche’s conditions so far.

“i told you relying on your hat wasn’t going to save you from the rain,” lumine moves towards scaramouche, settling down on the bed beside him with a worried scowl. “now you’re sick.”

she says, worry in her tone akin to a mother doting on her child and places a hand against his forehead. she invades his personal space like it’s secondary to her nature, and scaramouche flinches at the sudden contact.

her hand is cold, and he can feel his cheeks warm up.

“y-you— you’re the reason why i’m like this!” he points an accusing finger at lumine’s bewildered face.

“m-me?” lumine points at herself, appalled at the accusation. “what did i ever do to you?!”

“…i don’t know, but you— you better stay away, because these.. these damned symptoms keep showing up when you’re near.” scaramouche stands, frowning. “you better take respons—“

“…i figured it out,” tighnari turns, tail wagging slightly with an innocent smile on his face. “heart palpitations, sudden increase in temperature, randomised flutters in the abdominal region—“

“my brother scaramouche, it’s called ‘falling in love’.”

“…”

“…you’ve got to be kidding me.”

— end.

[larcenywrites]

NSFW Alphabet

young!Tony Stark x fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ content minors DNI

Word Count: 2,986

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex) 

When he's the softest. Will always clean you up and make sure you're okay. He knows he's a rough lover, and being able to take care of you afterward is his way of getting to love you gently and feel like he's apologizing. Likes to hold and kiss you after, but usually doesn't talk much.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

He knows he's hot, and finds it hard to choose just one thing. But if he had to, his arms and hands. Chances are, he's stronger than you and enjoys the difference. He likes being able to hold you firmly against him and likes that his grip can easily leave bruises. He loves every part of you, but definitely has a thing for your hands, too. Likes to be scratched and loves how you run your hands along his body, but also loves how gentle you can be when you hold him or how smaller/weaker your hand feels in his. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Things can get disgusting if you let him, and if there's no concern about you getting pregnant, then all the better. He loves to cum inside you most of the time and has a sort of dominant turn-on thing about it, but he'll cum pretty much anywhere else and do pretty much anything with it. He'll cum in your mouth, but he hates when you spit. The only time he's okay with it is when you come back up to kiss him and spit it into his mouth. Loves seeing you lick him clean- whether that's his cock, stomach, thighs, fingers, or swiping his cum off your body to eat it. And if you don't clean it up, then sometimes he will- even if he's literally licking your face. Unless you have an actual phobia or trigger about it, he will sometimes get a little offended if you don't eat his cum, and will force a few fingers in your mouth and expect you to lick them clean at the least. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Absolutely has a mommy kink and wants you to call him a good boy. It will take him a while before he ever subs in any way, shape, or form around you anyway, but he's super afraid you'll think it's weird (but hey, if daddy is so acceptable, why not mommy?). If he's not sure you'd be willing to dom (or good at it), he's even more nervous about trusting you with that sort of power. Doesn't even want to bring it up, just hopes it goes away or hopes that you'll just randomly do it one day. If you do, even if you just casually call him a good boy as a joke (or even better, YOUR good boy), he will absolutely freeze up and processes your reaction and what he should do. Even if you don't want to be called mommy or go very far into the kink, calling him a good boy is enough. And if you don't want to do that, well, at least be gentle enough to hold him against you and tell him how good he's doing. It likely won't happen very often anyway (which is good if you don't like being in the more powerful position). 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

A good bit of experience and mostly knows what he's doing, but he can definitely learn some pointers, especially in intimacy. He's always been a quick learner, though, and is more than happy to get feedback! Will probably ask you to give him instructions or even play a little “red light, green light” at first until he gets to know your body. He just wants to do good for you!

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

His preferences change and rotate almost daily, but probably you riding him because he has it all: able to watch his cock and the mess you make on it, able to see your face, easy access to your clit and boobs- what more could he want? Well, he does strongly prefer topping still, and usually prefers any positions where he's on top and in the most control. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Sometimes can be before and after, but not as often during the moment. It's rare for him to crack a joke or bring up an earlier comment— he's too busy with dirty talk for any of that. Might be sarcastic or snarky, which can accidentally be funny to you, but he’s probably not laughing

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) 

Is a bit of a perfectionist about it when it comes to himself. Will spend hours looking at himself to get the close trim and shape he likes. Probably feels like he's supposed to- that it makes him better or more desirable. Even if you tell him he doesn't have to be so concerned about it or that maybe you like it longer, he'll still do it, so you probably won't be convincing him anytime soon. He even does it on a set schedule. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Not much closeness or romantic gestures at first. Not because he didn't love you, but he didn't have any of that experience and didn't know to do it or how to do it :( Learned from watching (and loving) how you held his face against yours or reached to hold his hand and quickly picked up on it. His love language is physical touch, and now he loves to intertwine his fingers with yours when he holds your hands against the mattress, or he’ll hold your face in his hands. It's a much easier way for him to show his affection or let you know he loves you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Not very often unless you're unavailable, but it's just not the same. There are plenty of times when you're busy, tired, not in the mood, ect., and he respects that (even if he does overdramatically huff and lay on your shoulder for a while). And if you've established that you're okay with it, whether you're in the mood or not, he will unashamedly get himself off with you still in the room. He gives 0 fucks. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Oh, how the list could go on. Scratching and biting are easy ones to pin down- always liking things rough. If you're willing, he wouldn't mind being slapped around a little, be it as a dom or a sub 😉 Likes light bondage and spanking sometimes, but probably has to be in a particular mood (especially if you are doing it to him).

Is being a little shit a kink? Because he does like to make you just a little mad at him. Maybe he just likes to see you try and play brat tamer with him, even though he manages to be both the brat and the tamer. So if anyone's getting pushed back, it's you. Speaking of which- there is at least a basic element of dom/sub play in the bedroom if you're okay with it. He likes to be on top in everyday life already, so of course he wants that to translate to the bedroom. He can get into being called daddy, but words like sir, mister, or Mr. Stark are going to take time to get him used to. Maybe it's because he's always addressed like that by all sorts of people and it weirds him out a little. Honestly, even just constantly using his name is enough if you don't like saying "daddy". He likes to be sub every once in a while, but you usually have to play gentle dom with him, or at least be mostly gentle... he's okay with a little punishment. 

And even though he is an asshole half the time, and maybe you aren't always so easy on him about it, he's super into praise as well, both giving and receiving. To be fair, his giving is usually still praising himself on your behalf in some way, but hey, he finds a way to make it work!

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

While the bed is the easiest and safest, he definitely seems to get off a little more on tables, cars, even the floor a few times. Really just anywhere that's not the most... conventional or comfortable. At the end of the day, though, he still prefers the bed. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Doesn't need much. He can just look at a bouquet of your favorite flowers and think about fucking you after he brings them to you. If you want to start something, you don't have to do much to make him pounce. Make a comment about the night before or let your touch linger a little too long and he has a hard time keeping his hands off you. As said earlier, even saying his name is enough. Say it a bit cutesy while you play with his shirt or hands and pretend to be paying attention to something else, and he's instantly hard. 

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

Doesn't mind hurting you if you ask, but if it's not something he thinks he can take, he doesn't want to do it (not to say he never will, but it may take some convincing). Doesn't want you degrading him. He will take it personally. Even simple words like calling him bad or naughty can put him out of the mood. Only praise and affirmation for him! Surprisingly doesn't like the idea of adding another person or two. All for it when he's single, but he prefers it to be the two of you. Won't be mad or anything if you bring it up- he understands the appeal! Honestly even if he did try it, he'd be much more focused on you and, let's face it, if anyone else puts their dick in you he will want to fight. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Enjoys receiving, but eventually all he wants is to just be inside you. If you get really into it-like moaning and touching yourself- or do it just because you love sucking dick, he'll definitely have a better time. Likes when you use a bit of teeth, but only when going up!

Loves giving, and quickly picks up on what you like and what you don't like. It's a huge boost to his ego when he can make you cum with just a finger and a few swipes of his tongue. And he gets on a bit of a power trip when you're already trembling and sensitive before he even gets inside you. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Likes things rough and fast. Rarely will he keep it slow and gentle unless he's in a really loving mood or just needy for a softer affection. Even if you ask, he'll have a hard time keeping anything at a steady pace unless he's also feeling it. Is rough and sensual a thing? Because that might better define it. Sure, he's probably fucking you facedown into the mattress, but he does want to lovingly hold your hand and kiss your shoulder while he does it <3

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Considering you both probably still live with parents or roommates, you'll have no choice but to be quick most of the time. Which is why he hates them. He just wants to take his time and do it however he wants. Sometimes he doesn't mind, and it's kind of fun trying to finish before possibly being caught, but overall he's tired of them. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

If you have a kink he's not 100% sure on, it can be a pain convincing him to try it. He talks big about how he'll try anything once, but in reality he only tries what immediately appeals to him. If it's something he absolutely knows he won't or can't get into for whatever reason (he has triggers, too), he will usually try to find a decent compromise at the very least. Actually doesn't mind the idea of being pegged, but if he's taking it up the ass so are you. At least once… come on, he'll ask really nice :( 

His preferences about the risks of being caught in public just depend on… well, nothing in particular. One moment you'd think he'd be willing to fuck you over the sink in the public restroom, and then another time you can hardly get him to play footsie under the table! 

And then, of course, the biggest risk of all is getting you pregnant. Which he will take that risk every time if you let him because it gives him that dominant turn-on to cum inside you, and there’s a certain type of intimacy and power-exchange there that he’s reluctant to give up.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Usually pretty good. It can vary day by day whether he'll go one round or three, but he can last a while each time. But if he doesn't last as long as usual or cums before you, he gets flustered about it. It's absolutely fine and normal, but he's made himself insecure about it. Don't talk about it or try to comfort him; it will only make things worse. He'll make the next move, and usually just goes down on you right after and tries to make you cum a time or two until he's ready again.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

If he walks in and you're using a vibrator/dildo/etc he'll be a bit jealous and instantly thinks he's not enough or you prefer them. But as long as he's involved, he's all on board for using most types of toys on you and him. Once he realizes that he can keep you going with a vibrator/dildo/etc for a lot longer than he could last, he will abuse that power. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Loves teasing and flirting and creating tension long before your clothes come off, but unless he's a little mad at you, he doesn't like to tease you or edge you during sex. He might slow down or shift angles on purpose just to hear you beg, but as soon as you do, he finds it hard to deny you. If you ask for him to edge you or even do orgasm denial, he'll honestly have a tough time. As soon as your begging and whining about it he's breaking and has to remember that it’s just part of it and you wanted it and are enjoying it. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Usually pretty loud and is not afraid of moaning and swearing. If he is being more on the quiet side, don't be discouraged- he's either focused on something or simply lost in pleasure. Don't worry: if he doesn't like the way you're doing something, he will let you know. But he's always talking. He doesn't shut up to begin with, so why would he in bed? His dirty talk can get pretty loud and demanding, and he can get carried away if you're able to match his energy and answer back.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

If he figures out you can squirt, he will want to figure out how to make you do it every time and as much as he can. Loves the mess it makes and how stiff and shaky you are afterward. But sometimes you don't want to go that far, and sometimes it just doesn't happen no matter how good it feels or well-aimed he is, and it’s no fun for either of you to be trying to force something for too long! So you'll have to have a talk with him about it and when it's okay or not okay to stimulate you like that. Which he'll be a bit bummed about, but he'll comply. 

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

Maybe nothing crazy phenomenal considering his reputation but still a less than easy fitting 6.6 inches and quite thick to match. A little veiny, probably sports a head with a pale-purply hue to match those veins.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Ready to go all the time. All you have to do is ask- anytime, anywhere. Will get annoyingly moody if you've had to deny him for a while. If your sex drive is much lower than his, he'll have a hard time adjusting. He wants to respect that boundary, but he isn't above asking you to at least jerk him off when he's horny. If you can keep up with him, there will be times you wonder how he doesn't get tired of you (or how you don't get tired of him) with how often he just wants to keep you in bed all day. But it's probably due to the fact you two can't have sex that often or have to be quick about it, so he has plenty of time to get frustrated.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Really just depends. Will either be full of energy and run off to do god knows what as soon as you're asleep, or he's out within minutes after he's settled in. If you want him to stay with you and he is still energetic, it's either round two very soon, or he sneaks away and tries to make it back before you notice. Will probably have a harder time falling asleep at night than during the day.

[shyrose57]

AU where the Dream SMP never becomes a thing, and so the majority of it’s residents never meet. 

Tommy? He stays in RLcraft. Tubbo? Has never left his Let’s Play world. The Muffinteers and Antfrost? As far as they know, the Manhunt worlds are the only thing they know. Skeppy’s always stuck on his server. Wilbur’s never left his sky island. Sam, Fundy, and Ranboo have never left the Cogchamp sever, why would they? 

And then, something happens. The End portal glitches as Bad steps through, and suddenly, he finds himself in a different world, staring at a startled diamond golem hybrid. 

They lock eyes and suddenly, the entire world seems to shift, and two things become incredibly clear.

One, they know each other. They’ve always known each other. And two, somebody has been messing with their memories, and they aren’t happy about it.

Or, reality gets messed with so that the Dream SMP never came to be-so that many of it’s residents never got to meet each other. When a glitch results in Bad and Skeppy meeting, triggering their suppressed memories, the two set out to get their server back together. 

Techno, Purpled: Hypixel.

Philza: His Hardcore world.

Tommy: RLcraft.

Tubbo: His Let’s Play world.

Wilbur: His sky island.

Bad, Antfrost, George, Sapnap, and Dream: The Manhunt worlds. 

Sam, Fundy, Ranboo: Cogchamp.

Charlie: His Hardest Minecraft Difficulty world from a bit back.

And so on. Considering how their lives have gone a bit differently, everyone’s a little different than they used to be.

Things:

Michael the zombie pigchild lives with Tubbo. He has vague memories of a snowy town and his other dad, but not enough to understand it, and thinks it’s just a strange reoccurring dream.

Sapnap and Bad don’t remember that they’re related. As far as they know, they’re all just friends.

Bad’s respawns are a bit longer and more painful. Nobody can figure out why(probably because his anchor is in another server and neither of them remember the other, just a thought)

Techno and Purpled get this weird feeling they should know each other. It leads to them having a silent sort of ‘you’ve got my back, i’ve got yours’ arrangement, but they don’t talk much. 

Fundy is under the impression he’s an orphan. He can’t remember where he learned to play guitar. 

Tubbo often keeps turning to talk to people who aren’t there. It always confuses him. Who would he even be talking to? He’s been alone his whole life. 

Wilbur dreams of oceans and rivers and grass. They haunt his slumber, taunting him with the phantom feelings of sunlight that isn’t harsh, of warm seas and orchards in a snowy kingdom. It always makes him feel sad when he wakes up, back on his island, without any of it. But at least he has Milo and new Milo.

There are random areas of time that went differently, and cemented everyone staying where they were. Philza had a totem with him when he faced the baby zombie, packed on a whim. Wilbur never lost original Milo, randomly deciding to put him in a bucket first. And so on.

[sleepysnk]

I'M LOWKEY IN THE MOOD FOR SOME FLUFF SO I DECIDED TO MAKE THESE HEADCANONS. i hope you guys enjoy! <3

Pregnancy Headcanons

Characters: Reiner, Porco, Colt, and Zeke

Warnings: Mentions of NSFW, pregnancy, birth

Reiner Braun:

- ohh boy, now let me just say this man has a breeding kink so you've definitely have had some pregnancy scares before. it was kind of common 😳.

- now when you started feeling sick one day, you instantly were concerned. Reiner noticed the change in your behavior as well. You seemed more tired, you barely slept, and worst of all you threw up a ton. it was a lot more than usual as well.

- Reiner didn't know what was wrong, he was scared to lose you.

- that's when it dawned on him that you two had sex weeks prior, without a condom. he was freaked out because he wasn't sure if you had forgotten. he decided to go to you about it and he explained that you should take a pregnancy test.

- you thought the idea of you being pregnant was ridiculous, but you gave in and took the test.

- when it came back positive, your whole world just stopped. you were pregnant with Reiner's baby.

- when you told him he was absolutely ecstatic. Reiner was excited to start this new chapter with you and assured you that everything was going to be okay, and he'd be by your side through everything. he was very helpful in getting what you needed.

- you found out you were about 6 weeks along at the doctor's office, and you two couldn't be happier.

- Reiner is very protective of you already. with you being pregnant, he is now 100x more protective than before. HE HAS HIS EYES ON YOU 24/7. whenever you go out, he goes with you. he was always around in case of an emergency.

- lowkey into pregnancy sex

- the symptoms were the worst, Reiner would wake up some nights to you going back and forth to the bathroom or throwing up at certain smells of foods. he was there for all of your mood swings and odd cravings 😭, he would always laugh whenever you would run to the bathroom having to pee.

- Reiner absolutely falls in love with your pregnant belly, there's just something he loves about your belly being so big. he always has his hands on your bump <3.

- both of you would argue over gender, Reiner wanted a girl and you wanted a boy. eventually you found out you were having a girl, and Reiner felt like a total bad bitch 😭.

- Reiner would have Bertholdt come check in on you often if he's at work, or he'll send you a text asking how you're feeling. he understands how some days you can have terrible morning sickness and that you need some love.

- he'll massage any part of your body that's sore.

- Karina was excited to be a grandma, she would often invite you over to ask how you were feeling. she was a huge help for you and Reiner during the whole process, she practically acted like you were her daughter.

- Reiner would so make a nursery by himself 🥺, he'd do it all within like two days and you'd be so impressed by it all. he wants everything to be ready before your little one comes home.

- when your water broke, Reiner was absolutely a total mess. Bertholdt and Annie had to calm him down, he was so scared.

- it was hard for Reiner to watch you cry in pain, he was a total mess at the doctor's office he had to walk out of the delivery room. eventually, he came back and watching you give birth was one of the most beautiful things he got to watch.

- HE WAS SO EMOTIONAL WHEN HE HELD HER 🥺🥺🥺. HOLY SHIT THIS MAN WAS A SOBBING MESS.

- god pls give this man a baby, he is such an amazing father.

Porco Galliard:

- Porco is always one to notice odd behavior or changes in your usual routine. he's very observant and blunt, so expect him to question you a ton whenever something seems out of the ordinary for you.

- when you started feeling sick, Porco found it odd. he hadn't seen you this sick in a really long time and it kind of concerned him being honest, he was scared that you were seriously ill. he would hold your hair back everytime you threw up your food. it really worried him.

- Porco overthinks A TON, he thought you were dying or something.

- that's when Porco decided to take you to the doctor. the last straw hit when you practically almost passed out when you were working out, he basically forced your ass into going to the doctor.

- you explained your symptoms to the doctor and after a few tests, you found out you were pregnant.

- hearing those words made Porco genuinely shocked, but he was so excited and happy. he told you he'd support whatever you wanted to do and after some talking, you both decided to keep it. he assured you he wasn't going anywhere and he was going to take care of you and your baby.

- Porco definitely goes overboard with it all 😭, mans would barely let anyone even breath next to you. he is so defensive over you and the baby, he's just protective like that. he sleeps with one eye open practically.

- dealing with the symptoms were a lot to handle at first. Porco wasn't sure what would trigger you to vomit or what would piss you off. you told him not to worry about anything and that you'd be okay, of course he's a stubborn little shit and just pouts but you find it to be adorable. he laughs when you have to pee 500 times a night.

- he loves the bump, he always pokes it for some reason and laughs.

- Porco wants a girl so bad. he literally tells you how much he wants a daughter and that's what he ended up getting. he found out you were having a girl and he was absolutely ecstatic, he was so ready to meet her.

- Marcel would probably come around if Porco was out working or he wasn't able to be at home. sometimes he'd send Pieck to check up on you if you weren't responding to him quick enough. this baby is so concerned over every little thing 😭.

- Porco would carry you around everywhere if your feet were sore. he knows how sore your body is so he'll carry you around the house.

- his family was very excited for the two of you, his mom was so happy to finally have a baby coming in the family. she gave you tons of advice and she gifted you with a ton of items for the baby.

- Porco asked Marcel to help him with the nursery, he didn't have any clue where to start and your due date was approaching faster than he could even blink. it took awhile, but they ended up making a really cute and pretty nursery. Porco felt like a proud dad in that moment.

- when your water broke, hell on Earth happened.

- Porco wasn't even there when it happened, you were with Pieck and it broke. when he got the call he went absolute ape shit and ran out the door, he literally zoomed to the damn hospital.

- he became so worried about you 🥺, seeing how uncomfortable you were and how much pain you were in made him so scared. he stayed by your side as long as he could so he could somewhat make it a little less painful.

- it was really late when you finally gave birth and Porco was awake for all of it. he couldn't fall asleep without seeing you give birth. it was so beautiful to him.

- UGH HE WAS SO EMOTIONAL. you hadn't ever seen Porco cry until then and it made your heart so happy.

- he'd literally fall asleep with her in his arms <3.

- UGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

Colt Grice:

- okay this soft baby is always one to know when something feels off with you. he always has that gut feelings you know? it always bothers him until he asks you what's going on.

- you started feeling really sick and Colt being the giant baby he is, he got really scared and worried about you. he watched as you would run off to the toilet and vomit whatever you ate, he thought you had food poisoning. he noticed how exhausted you were, mans was so scared for your safety.

- like Porco, Colt is an over thinker. he legit thought you had some disease.

- one night he decided to just scoop you up and take you to the doctor. he couldn't handle watching you randomly vomit or almost pass out, he was scared one day you'd get even sicker, so he took you in.

- the doctors were concerned after hearing your symptoms, so they ran some tests. the tests revealed you were pregnant.

- Colt was shocked as shit, but he was so fucking excited and happy. he literally almost fainted from hearing the news, he wanted to have a baby with you for a pretty long time. he was open to your options though, but in the end you both agreed to keeping it.

- Colt is very reassuring, especially in this scenario. he reminds you that he will be here every step of the way and he isn't going anywhere. this is a process you'll be taking together, not just you.

- this baby will do anything he needs to do to keep you both safe. he holds your hand a little tighter when you're out and about, or he'll keep his hand on your small bump. he became protective overnight.

- he actually manages your symptoms pretty well, he'll make sure he has water ready for you after you throw up or he'll make you something to eat that'll ease your stomach. he keeps up with the weird cravings or the mood swings. Colt does a lot to make sure you're okay and comfortable.

- he is obsessed with the bump, he loves pressing kisses against it 🥺❤.

- Colt wants a boy so bad, he wants to teach the little boy everything. HE JUST LOVES THE IDEA OF A SON. after heading to your ultra sound, you told him he was getting a son and he lost it. he was so excited.

- he would probably have Falco come over and watch you 😭, yes a 12 year old. Falco keeps you entertained and he asks you about the baby a lot plus he knows what to do in case of an emergency.

- Colt would be very comforting, he understands completely how some days you can feel irritable so he tries his best to make you feel better. he'll run relaxing baths for you, kiss wherever you feel sore, etc. mans is really built to take care of you while you're pregnant.

- his family was absolutely ecstatic when they found out. Colt actually had some background knowledge about babies, his mom was pregnant with Falco after all. he kind of picked up on a few things as a kid, so expect him to know what he's doing. his mom was very supportive and helpful too.

- Colt is a damn handy man, he knows how to build a nursery. he basically told you to not worry about a damn thing and to go relax. when you came back the nursery was so pretty and adorable, you fell in love with it.

- when your water broke this man freaked the fuck out, he was in panic mode.

- Colt was freaking out at the hospital, he literally couldn't keep calm. he paced around the waiting room, Falco had to literally force this man to sit down and relax.

- seeing how much pain you were in broke his damn heart, he tried his best to calm you down and male you feel at least somewhat comfortable. he assured you this would be over soon and it'll all be worth it to see your baby.

- when you finally gave birth, he was astonished. he thought birth was such a beautiful thing and watching it made him so happy.

- he was such a sucker for this little boy, when he held him for the first time he was so overcome with emotion. he fell in love on the spot and literally kept him all to himself 😭.

- he is the perfect dad ugh.

Zeke Jaeger:

- Zeke has a serious breeding kink so you've definitely have had some pregnancy scares in the past. nothing he isn't used to, the tests usually came back negative anyway.

- you became really sick over a course of two weeks and it was extremely out of the ordinary for Zeke. he noticed how you slept in a lot longer, your eating habits changed due to your vomiting, you had to pee a lot more than usual. the #1 thing he noticed was your period had oddly been late. he thought you were you were seriously sick.

- mans was scared okay?

- that's when it dawned on him that all your symptoms were involved with pregnancy. he realized the timeline when you both had sex and when you got pregnant lined up perfectly. Zeke decided to get you a pregnancy test, he told you he felt like it was the best option.

- you took the test nervously and it eventually came back positive.

- you told Zeke and he was shocked, he was so excited for this new chapter. he was literally on board for anything you wanted to do.

- Zeke would come to every ultrasound, he assured you that he was going to be by your side for everything. he got you anything you needed, mans would rush out the damn door to get you anything you asked for.

- he takes care of you pretty much whenever he can, if you were feeling sick he'd stay in bed with you until you were feeling ready to get up. he'll cuddle up with you all day if he has to. mans is also very protective and defensive over you, if anyone is giving you some weird side eye he'll literally protect you with his damn life lmao.

- Zeke manages with your symptoms pretty well, he hates watching you throw up. he knows how uncomfortable it can be for you and he always holds your hair back, or he'll have something prepared for you to ease your stomach. he hates the mood swings the most 😭, he also hates when you get up 500 times to piss. he makes fun of you all the time.

- don't even get me started on the bump, he loves it. sometimes he'll poke it randomly and start laughing.

- Zeke wants a girl so bad. he literally loves the idea of having a daughter, but he didn't get it. you told him after your recent ultrasound you were having a boy. he was a little disappointed, but he was still happy. he gets to teach the little man how to play baseball <3.

- Pieck comes over when Zeke isn't around to check in. he is always really worried about you, so whenever he gets that gut feeling he'll send Pieck right over to make sure you're fine and that she can tell Zeke everything is cool.

- like i said earlier, he's very comforting. he knows how to take care of you especially on your bad days.

- his family is really happy for you both, his mom helped you a ton with the whole process. Zeke is a bit older so he kind of knew a bit about babies since Eren is his step-brother. he picked up on some shit when Carla was pregnant, even then his family gave you tons of advice.

- Zeke had no clue how to make a nursery, he had to call up his god damn dad for help 😭. Grisha was absolutely in for it, and he did exactly that. the two spent hours building the nursery and it came out really well.

- into pregnancy sex.

- when your water broke, holy shit it was like hell on Earth. Zeke didn't even know it popped since you were out and about when it happened.

- he actually was pretty calm, he wasn't freaking out or running around like a mad man. he was very chill and relaxed waiting for the doctors to come and let him in the delivery room.

- seeing you screaming in pain was hard for him to hear, you were struggling and there wasn't much he could do. of course he'd hold your hand and remind you that you're going to be okay, even if you screamed at him telling him to shut the hell up 😭. Zeke was like 😀.

- when you gave birth, oh wow he was so shocked seeing how a vagina can push out a baby.

- when he held his newborn son he was so happy, he almost cried but he felt so proud. he literally was in love with his son and he couldn't be happier.

- PERFECT DAD YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND.