#its mediocre and barely active

[drpeppertummy]

Thinking About Sunnyyyy not even sexy im just pondering his issues [under cut for all kinds of abuse & trauma & mental issues & shit]

even after everything his dad put him through. being abusive & neglectful to him his whole childhood esp after his mom died, deliberately almost letting him die, telling him flat out from a young age that he didnt want him and outwardly favoring his siblings, saying endless awful things to him about his disabilities & his sickliness & his sexuality, essentially disowning him & refusing any of sunnys attempts to be friendly to him, making him feel like an unlovable burden from the day he was born, etc . sunny is way too forgiving & would make up with him in a heartbeat if he had the chance. if his dad was ever like Alright. I Change My Mind About You. You Can Be My Son. he would totally just throw the past behind him & embrace him fully. he wants his dads love so bad he would accept it even if he knew it was fake as hell. i think its the #2 thing he wants most in the world, #1 being his mom back

& like his adhd is a big part of why hes so sensitive & afraid of rejection but part of it also is that deep down hes convinced its his fault his dad was so awful to him & hes afraid his friends partners etc will and/or do feel the same way & hes afraid that hes just fundamentally bad & unlikable. even tho he knows hes superficially cute & charming & charismatic hes afraid that anyone who gets too close will start to see whatever his dad saw & get tired of him. this does not stop him from forming relationships with his whole heart but it Does make him worry about it. hes good at hiding these feelings tho he doesnt wanna worry anybody & he knows its not fair to his friends to project that insecurity onto them (even tho talking about it would probably help) so he pretty much just keeps it bottled up. he will get therapy someday

[p4nsy]

U tell a marauders fan that you don't want to be in the same spaces as them and that you think they're annoying and they start explaining how theyre not morally bankrupt because they can't let go of a mediocre children's book series written by a billionaire who's actively trying to eradicate trans women because they're ALSO trans so don't worry it cancels out like JKR hasn't also been doing cartoonish levels of racism since the 90s. Like her constant efforts to undermine trans womens rights is definitely the biggest ongoing issue but like. It's very telling to me when people use the "its ok because I'm trans so me making HP fan content is actually subversive" line because like wow you clearly do not care about any of the other terrible ways she's written marginalized communities and you just want another excuse to keep playing in your little sandbox of transphobia. If you're not white and cis you're like barely a person to her she's like a blackout bingo card of bigotry just drop the fucking series already

[woncheolisms]

Hi! I was just wondering if you ever had any plans of making a part four nsfw for the alpha Sukuna series you have? It has me in suspense dkljsaldks

You activated the chip in my brain so i wrote this for you lol. I got so carried away 💀

warnings: swearing, suggestive content, mentions of sex, a/b/o typical vernacular

Imagine Alpha!Sukuna watching another Alpha try to court you.

He is the absolute first to know, because he smells the guy on you the second you step into the room. He is certain no one else can tell, since it’s so subtle, but his nose is sharper than today’s Alphas, and he can tell immediately. He feels himself bristle at the thought. How dare another Alpha, a human one at that, lay a hand on you?

He watches you even more closely than usual after that, especially when you are dolled up. He knows what that means. He’s not an idiot. You’re going on a date with some asshole who thinks he can give you what you need. Well, that dolt couldn’t be more wrong. You don’t need some mediocre Alpha to take care of you, you need him. You just don’t know it yet.

Deep down, Sukuna knows that the Alpha in him is growing restless day after day, watching you get closer to this unknown man you keep seeing. The man you keep allowing to court you. In his head, you already belong to him. You are his omega, even if you only look at him as a curse who takes over your friend’s body from time to time. None of that matters because at the end of the day, the only Alpha who is allowed to stake a claim on you is him.

The day you come back with another scent on your neck is the day Sukuna’s control snaps.

He eyes you from Yuuji’s cheek as you greet everyone and sit down in your seat, ready for class. He can almost see the scent as it lingers on your glands, masking your own sweet one with its heavy Alpha notes. Disgusting. Some other Alpha has tainted your pure omega smell. Someone who isn’t him.

That night, he takes over Yuuji’s body as the boy sleeps, trudging over to your room and pushing the door open. He doesn’t have the courtesy to knock (of course), and he only does so when he finds the door locked. Albeit he smacks an open palm against the door instead of rapping on it with his knuckles.

When you pull open the door just a crack and peek out, you see pink hair and black lines tattooed over your friend’s face, and realize your visitor is not Yuuji.

“Sukuna?” You pull the door further open, revealing more of your figure. Sleep shorts and a tank top. Sukuna almost hums in approval, but instead he feels his nose scrunch. His sensitive nose is still picking up on traces of an alpha scent. He feels his mouth twist in disgust.

“You let him fuck you?”

He sees your eyes widen and mouth drop open in shock. “What?”

“That Alpha you’ve been seeing.” He pushes himself into the room as he speaks, making you back away. He looks around your room. The sheets are ruffled, indicating you were already in bed. The rest of it is very clean.

“I-” You stutter over your words. Sukuna would’ve thought it was endearing if it weren’t for the context at hand. His blood is already boiling, and it is taking everything in him to not find this bastard and skin him alive.

“It’s none of your business.” You settle, avoiding eye contact with him. Sukuna raises an eyebrow.

“Oh?” He steps closer to you, watching you shuffle backward until your back hits a wall. “None of my business?”

He leans forward, hands still buried in his pockets, letting his nose come in contact with your bare scent gland. He feels you stiffen, takes in a deep whiff.

“You smell like Alpha.” He comments. “Been smelling like him all day. It still hasn’t gone away. He fucked you. Right, omega? Why else would you still smell like him?”

“We didn’t!” You sound panicked. “We just…. we did other stuff. He scented me.”

Sukuna lets out a breath against your skin. Feels the way you shiver. He presses closer until his body comes in contact with yours, reveling in the way you feel.

“He scented you?” His voice is low, rumbling, and he feels you fidget. He reaches a hand up, finding home on your hip before pushing up under your shirt to run over your bare waist. You shiver, but you don’t stop him. Your breath stutters. Sukuna grins.

“How did he do it? Like this?” And then he runs his tongue over your skin, licking a fat stripe right over your scent gland. He exhales on it, letting his overwhelming scent erase all traces of any other Alpha.

He hears your lips part as you sigh, arching into him hesitantly. He can almost hear the inner battle raging inside you. He knows the omega in you wants him, but your rational brain is holding you back.

“Or did he do it like this?” And then he bites, teeth sinking into delicate skin. Enough to sting, but not enough to break skin. He teeters dangerously close to mating you, trying to hold back the urge to do it. Not yet. Not like this. When he mates you, he wants his cock buried deep in your pussy. Wants to feel you cum and cry as he sinks his fangs into your enticing glands.

You moan then, the prettiest little sound, and Sukuna wants nothing more than to bend you over and take you right there and then. But a glimmer breaks his trance, pulling away just enough to eye the silver chain around your neck. It has a small pendant on it, heart shaped. Sukuna scoffs and reaches for it.

“This is what he gave you? Courting gift?” He thumbs at it. You nod hesitantly. Your breaths are still coming fast and shallow. Sukuna increases the pressure between his fingers. The chain snaps.

He pulls it off and dangles it in front of your eyes. Then, as you stare at it. He flings it away. He leans forward again, both hands gripping you tight, licking and nipping at your neck again, quicker this time, determined to scent you properly. You sigh at the feeling. The Alpha in him purrs.

“If I smell him on you again,” he grumbles. “I’m going to rip him to shreds. That’s a promise.” His hand runs up your back under your shirt, tracing your heated skin, coaxing you to arch into him more. “Got it?”

Your breath catches. “Yes.”

“Yes what?”

Sukuna can smell your arousal. He holds himself back, enjoying this tightrope you two were walking on. He’s still lapping hungrily over your neck, leaving little nips that will darken into marks by morning.

“Yes Alpha.”

He hums in approval, still licking and breathing on your skin. Today, he had been the only one in the room who caught another Alpha’s scent on you. But he is going to make sure that when you show up tomorrow, even a beta can tell you smell like him and him only.

You’re his omega. No one else’s.

[quasi-normalcy]

Every "Nu Trek" (2017- ) Series Ranked from Worst to Best:

Very Short Treks (2023): There's really no words for just how terrible this series is. I mean, I know that it only barely counts because it's explicitly not canon and has a total combined run time of about 15 minutes, but *my god* is it bad! Only one of its episodes is remotely funny, and even that manages to feel like it's driven its main joke into the ground by the end of its 2-minute runtime. The only thing that I can say for it is that is that it gives me an easy, uncontroversial choice for worst Star Trek series, not only of the last 7 years, but of all time.

Picard (2020-2023): Listen; I know that this series is unpopular with the Tumblr Trek fandom, but it actually breaks my heart to have to put it so low on the list. It has, in my own opinion, the best dramatic acting of any Trek series and among the best directing, and almost every individual scene, in isolation, is compellingly watchable. More than that, it has fascinating worldbuilding choices, you can really *see* the passion of the writers for what they're creating (at least in the first and third seasons), and Agnes in particular is among my favourite characters in anything ever. It's got a lot of great moments, too! Picard and Seven bonding over shared Borg trauma; Soji uncovering the truth of her identity; Jurati hacking the Borg Queen's brain; Picard's final farewell to Q; Shaw's Wolf 359 monologue; Geordi's reunion with Data...I could go on. And yet, it just feels like so much *less* than the sum of its parts! Incredible ideas are introduced and then just shrugged off to pursue much more boring ones. Story arcs feel pointless if not actively offensive. Absolutely baffling writing choices are made throughout, with no indication as to why. And the nostalgia baiting , particularly in the final season, becomes so intense that it just chokes the plot to death. One comes away haunted by the feeling that this series should be so much better than it is.

Discovery (2017-2024): Really, this is two separate series: a twisty, grimdark, sci-fi war drama and a gentle queer coffeeshop AU about scientists who talk about their feelings. Both of them have their moments, but they each fall down in the same way: a focus on epic, high-stakes mystery box storytelling that undermines one's ability to really get invested in the characters, or even know who they are when they aren't off saving the universe. Without that, while I liked many of the characters and loved seeing them science the shit out of things using teamwork and the power of math, it's kind of difficult to get invested in this series one way or another. In spite of its absolutely gorgeous visuals, it comes off feeling weirdly...flat.

Short Treks (2018-2020): Not a lot to talk about here; just kind of an anthology series of short films adjacent to Discovery, Picard, and Strange New Worlds. Mostly they're varying shades of mediocre, but a few of them are as brilliant as any episode of Star Trek ever made, so the series gets to be relatively high on the list.

Strange New Worlds (2022- ): This is the first entry on this list that, in my opinion, belongs on the top shelf with some of the best of the older series. And it achieves it basically by adopting the same formula as the original series or the next generation--socially conscious planet-of-the-week adventures with enough wit, cleverness and joie-de-vivre to keep it interesting. I remember in 2017, there was plenty of discussion of how it's possible to update Star Trek's formula for prestige television; how funny that the solution turned out to be "don't change it at all, just give it modern special effects and actual character arcs." That said, the series is a bit *too* beholden to the original, with focus primarily on a bunch of characters who aren't allowed to grow or change too much because we already know how they'll turn out. It would be even better if it were about a new ship and a new crew full of nobodies who we can come to love. Which brings us to...

Lower Decks (2020-2024): Above, I said that Picard felt like it should have been so much better than it was. Lower Decks, frankly, should have been so much worse. How is an adult animated sitcom with Rick and Morty style animation and constant memberberries this freaking good!?! Every episode is a master class in efficient storytelling, with 22 minute runtimes often feeling like they contain as much story and character work as episodes twice as long. And the characters are incredible--like TOS and TNG, they feel almost archetypal, and even though you've never seen them before, they slide so seamlessly into the Star Trek universe that it's hard to believe that they weren't just *always* there; that there was ever a time when you could imagine the Star Trek universe without just intrinsically knowing that Tendi and Shaxs and Mariner were off somewhere in the background. It's greatest success though, the reason why it's comedy works when it really shouldn't, is that it's only *slightly* sillier than the serious series. What we end up with a fantastic series with an ethos that is pure Star Trek, and in fact, if I had written this list a month ago, it would certainly be in the #1 spot. However...

Prodigy (2021-2024?): The first season of Prodigy is...charming. It's got some fun characters, some spectacular visuals, some interesting premises. And if the plots tend to be a little too simplistic to be engaging to an adult, hey, it's a kids' show. It's good. Solid. Above average. And if I had only the first season to go on, it would probably be in third position on this list. But then, a few weeks ago, it went ahead and dropped the best season of Star Trek in a quarter-century, and I really...I just cannot recommend this series highly enough. The sheer, ambitious scope of the narrative; the arcs it puts its character through; the cleverness of the writing; the fricking GORGEOUSNESS of it! And it does all this while redeeming deeply unpopular characters and plot points from other series, in a way that never feels forced or pandering. Not only is it the best Star Trek series of the 21st century, it's one of the best children's animated series since AtLA. Go. Go! Watch it! Watch it now!

[lilstarkeydream]

Hidden Flames- Chapter 2

Summary: Y/N, a Kook who prefers the company of her Pogue friends, falls for Rafe Cameron. Despite their growing feelings, they maintain a facade due to their conflicting social circles and personal insecurities. Y/N is best friends with Sarah, Rafe's sister, which fuels Rafe's hidden affection. He despises how Y/N hangs out with the Pogues, believing she has more potential, while Y/N can't stand Rafe's for fights and stuck up nature. After a dramatic confrontation, they confess their feelings but must keep their relationship secret, with only Sarah in the know.

Warnings: 18+ only! Fluff, Slight Angst?, Adult language, Slight Substance use

Authors note: Hey guys! I hope you like this... I'm sorry its so long and Im sorry if theres slight writing mistakes, I just kind of wanted to get it all finished :')

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The sunlight filtered through the gaps in the heavy curtains, casting slivers of light across the room. You blinked awake, your head pounding from the aftermath of last night's alcohol-fueled decisions. 

Desperately needing a Tylenol to ease the pain, you struggled to piece together the fragmented memories of the previous night. As your eyes adjusted to the brightness, you recognized the room – it was Rafe's. The events of the last night came flooding back, causing a mix of emotions to swirl in your chest: the party, the fight, the kiss.

As anxiety began to build, you turned your head and saw Rafe, still asleep beside you. His face, usually set in a smirk or scowl, was relaxed, almost peaceful. You took a moment to take in all his features, his chest still bare from last night’s activities. The sight of him like this, vulnerable and serene, was disarming. You carefully slipped out of bed, trying not to wake him. You grabbed a discarded piece of clothing across the floor to cover your chest – it was Rafe’s shirt from last night, oversized on you. Grabbing your phone, you tiptoed to the bathroom, needing a moment to collect your thoughts.

Your phone was lit up with missed notifications from the Pogues and Sarah. The half-assed lie you texted them last night, a futile attempt to assure them you were okay, now seemed laughably mediocre. The worry you had caused them only added to the weight of your guilt. In the harsh bathroom light, you examined your reflection. Your hair was slightly messy, and your cheeks were flushed. But there was something else you couldn’t quite put into words – a newfound intensity in your eyes, a hint of confusion and vulnerability.

You splashed cold water on your face, trying to wash away the remnants of last night. Not knowing how to feel, you reflected on the fact that you slept with someone you swore you hated, better yet your best friend’s brother, and worse than that, your friend’s least favorite person ever. The most confusing part was that you didn’t feel regret; the feelings you felt last night were indescribable. He made you feel a way you’ve never felt before. None of your previous boyfriends ever made you feel that way. Your only long-term boyfriend, Chris, loved you of course but he never once looked at you like Rafe did.

You thought Chris was your high school sweetheart, the kind of guy who seemed perfect on paper. He was always polite, and well-mannered, never got into trouble, and had a bright future ahead of him. Basically, he was the kind of guy parents adored and it was true your parents loved him. They still ask you how he is doing- hell do you know?

At the beginning of your relationship together, Chris’s predictability and dependability felt like exactly what you needed. He was kind and reliable and provided a sense of balance in your life. However as your time went on, that same predictability began to feel stale. His calmness started to make you feel emotionally isolated, causing distance between you. His steadiness felt more like stagnation. 

Despite the good qualities you saw in him, Chris never made your heart race or feel special; you wanted him to look at you like you were the only girl in the world. But he rarely looked at you with passion or desire. It always felt like something was missing. His love was nice, but there were moments when you craved more—something you couldn’t quite put your finger on—until your kiss with Rafe.

You tried to talk to Chris about your feelings, hoping he would understand. But every conversation seemed to hit a wall. Chris would insist that everything was fine and that you were overthinking things. He was blindsided, and you felt stuck; his lackluster effort to address your concerns only intensified your frustration. You wanted him to fight for you, to show some sign that he was willing to put in the effort to make things work, but he remained passive.

Long story short, you ended up breaking up with him one day after school, telling him you didn’t love him anymore and couldn’t keep doing it. The look of hurt and confusion on his face was something you would never forget. You haven’t spoken to him since, hoping you’d never have to again.

Rafe looked at you last night in a way that made you feel truly seen like you were the only person in the room. His gaze held a depth of emotion and desire that Chris’s never did, making you feel alive in ways you never thought possible. Rafe made your heart race and your pulse quicken. His presence was intoxicating, drawing you in despite all the reasons you had to stay away. Every touch, every whispered word, felt charged with a passion that was both thrilling and terrifying. In the few hours you spent with Rafe, you experienced highs and lows that Chris’s steady demeanor never brought. It was messy and complicated, but it also felt real.

Though you knew Rafe came with his own set of dangers and complications, you couldn't deny the way he made you feel. Rafe gave you a sense of excitement and passion that you had been missing. The way Rafe looked at you, with a mixture of longing and intensity, was something Chris never did.

After borrowing some mouthwash and quickly splashing some more water on your face, you made your way back out.

As you returned to the bed, your slight indent in the bed made Rafe stir. Seeing him slightly open up his eyes giving you a sleepy smile. You offered him a warm smile back, getting back into bed Rafe instinctively pulled you up to his chest, resting your cheek on his warm skin. Everything still seemed so perfect, but knowing you had to face your friends today, your guilt only grew

Rafe was the first to break the peaceful silence. "Good morning, you look beautiful," he murmured. You looked up at the sound of his voice, locking eyes with him. There was a secure feeling in his gaze, yet a flutter of nervousness stirred within you.

“Good morning” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, a smile tugging on your lips.

An awkward silence followed as you both struggled to find the right words, knowing that the events of last night needed to be addressed. Your heart raced, anticipation and uncertainty mingling in the air.

"About last night," he started, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. The morning light streamed through the window, casting a soft glow on his features. He looked a bit disheveled, his hair tousled and also dealing with a massive hangover headache. "I'm sorry if things got...awkward."

You shook your head, feeling the warmth of the sunlight on your skin. "It wasn't awkward, Rafe, just... very unexpected. I need some time to process it all." The room was quiet, the only sound was the gentle rustling of leaves outside the window. You could feel your heart still beating a little faster than normal.

Rafe nodded, looking relieved yet apprehensive. He glanced around the room, his eyes briefly resting on the discarded clothes on the floors and the morning light spilling onto the floor. "I get that. Just...what does this mean for us? For you and me?" His voice was soft, almost hesitant as if he was afraid of your answer.

You looked down at your hands, avoiding his gaze. "I don't know, Rafe. I really don't know. Everything is so confusing right now."

His face fell slightly, his voice dropping to a whisper, and you could sense the tension building between you. "I just need to know if you regret it. If you regret being with me." You could feel his vulnerability in that moment, you were used to him being the most confident man on the island but here he was, seeking your validation- reminding you he is only human.

You met his eyes, the intensity in your gaze matching his. "I don't regret it, Rafe. But that doesn't mean I know what to do next." You weren’t lying, you had the best night of your life, you only remembered some of it but the way he made you feel, the way he touched you, the way he held you, was a feeling you never wanted to let go of.

Rafe sighed, the tension in the room palpable, his brows furrowed in confusion, it was obvious he wanted a straightforward solution to something so complex. "So, what? We just go back to pretending nothing happened?"

You shook your head, feeling the weight of his words, slowly rubbing your hands on his chest trying to get him to calm down. "No, I just... I need to clear my head. Please understand."

Rafe looked down, his frustration evident but tempered by understanding. "I want to understand. I do. Just...don't shut me out, okay?" He gave you a pleading look, knowing the vulnerable side he gave you last night, something no one else had seen before. 

“Rafe it was just a lot that happened ok, even you can’t deny that. You fought with me and my friends at the party, you ran after me on the beach and kissed me, and then I came over to your house and we ended up sleeping together.” You sighed in defeat, letting your hands drop from his chest, pushing yourself off, almost making your way off the bed.

The vulnerability in your voice seemed to soften him. He reached out and took your hand trying to pull you back towards him, his touch gentle. "We'll figure it out, okay? Together."

You nodded, appreciating his attempt to reassure you but still feeling the weight of uncertainty. "I have to go. My mom needs me back before noon," you lied, needing an excuse to get away and clear your head.

Rafe sensed your uncertainty and urgency in your response but knew it was probably best not to push this too far. "Okay," he said softly in defeat, letting go of your hand. "Here, let me put my phone number in your phone, in case you need anything."

You handed him your phone, and he quickly entered his number and texted him. As he finished, you started putting on your clothes from the night before. The awkwardness of dressing in silence was palpable, but neither of you knew what to say. You felt his eyes on you, not daring to look over. 

Rafe walked you to the front door, both of you trying to hold onto the brief sense of normalcy. "Take care," he said, his voice tinged with concern. "And don't hesitate to call or text, okay?"

You nodded, forcing a small smile, even though all you wanted to do was cry, scared you made everything awkward" I will. Thanks, Rafe." 

With that, you walked to your car, still parked where you left it the night before. The drive home was filled with a mix of relief and confusion. You swiftly got out of your car, making your way into your house and upstairs, without raising any suspicion from your parents. The last thing you want is your parents questioning your whereabouts last night.

Your room was the same way you left it on Friday afternoon. Your neatly made bed, your overflowing laundry basket, your makeup scattered across your desk; everything untouched. 

You quickly got refreshed, taking a warm shower and letting the water wash away the undeniable bubble of emotions you were feeling after leaving Rafe's house. You felt like everything happened so fast, not knowing what to make of your new feelings towards him and not knowing if it was right. Everything seemed so confusing, you know you couldn’t avoid Rafe and you’d run into him eventually. You just needed time to sort out your thoughts, to convince yourself that seeing him again doesn’t make you a terrible friend. Seeing him again meant you’d be forgetting about all your previous resentment towards him, it meant putting to the side your friend’s absolute hatred towards him. You couldn’t deny how he made you feel and the different side of him you saw, you craved to see that side again- his smile, him holding you, him whispering in your ear. Your mind only wandered to the possibilities of what other sides of Rafe you haven’t seen. There was so much you didn’t know and it only made the pit in your stomach grow. 

After dressing in fresh clothes and a swimsuit, you made your way to the Chateau, remembering your promise to go boating with the Pogues that afternoon. The weight of the morning’s events still lingered, but you hoped the distraction of the day would help clear your mind.

—

After a quick drive, you arrive at the Chateau, basically another one of your second homes where you spend a lot of your time. Sometimes spending the nights when you just couldn’t be around your nagging parents, or when you were too drunk or high to even think about driving. 

You jumped out of your Jeep, and made your way into the chateau, already being able to hear your friend's stupid laughter and JJ’s stupid jokes. Knowing that as soon as you walked in, the atmosphere would change and questions would arise.

As you slowly opened the door they all looked up from each other at the squeaking door, their eyes landing on you now in complete silence, knowing that questions would soon follow.

Kiara was the first to break the silence, instantly coming and giving you a bear hug followed by JJ giving you a big hug and saying “Y/N Holy shit, we thought you died, we got your text last night but something seemed off. Are you doing ok?” John B and Pope joined in the hug.

Your gut instantly fell, knowing that was going to be one of the first questions they asked, so you sucked up your breath and again lied, “Yep I’m doing ok, just still really shaken up from that fight you know. Just need to clear my head. But I missed you guys, I’m sorry I left the way I did.” 

All of them were relieved and content with your answer and released you from the tight hug. Letting you take in a nice deep breath. Finally taking into vision both JJ’s and John B’s bruised cheeks and eyes. Your hands instinctively go up to caress their face, worrying filling your eyes. Your best friends have bruises because of you- well not you specifically but you felt responsible.

JJ winced back as the cut on his cheek hurt when your hand brushed over it, “Y/N, it’s not as bad as it looks, I’m okay. We’d do it again in a heartbeat”.

You felt instant guilt, they stood up for you yet you slept with the guy who did this to them. All you could muster up to say was “Thank you guys for helping me in that fight last night, you didn’t have to do that."

John B gave you a loving look, “Y/N of course we did, that bitch Rafe Cameron had it coming. He’s constantly on your ass. We tried our best to put him in his place.”

Your eyes fell, hiding behind the actions of last night, “I truly love you guys, thank you. I’m sorry again for just leaving. My mind was racing.”

Pope was the next to chime in, offering you his sympathetic tone, “Don’t even worry about it ok Y/N, plus we totally beat the shit out of those Kooks. I’m sorry you have to deal with those assholes.” Causing you to chuckle at his response, already lighting the mood. 

“Alright guys, no more moping about those asshole Kooks, we got a boat to catch and some tanning to do,” Kie said with an uneasy attitude throwing her hands in the air, trying to make sure our pity party doesn’t last until the sun goes down.

“You’re damn right Kie,” you say, pulling her into a side hug.

The group headed out to the pier, the sun casting a golden glow on the water. JJ walked beside you, nudging you playfully. 

“You know, Y/N, if you ever need a distraction from all the Kook drama, I’m always available,” he teased, winking.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “JJ, you’re always flirting. We both know you’re just looking for an excuse to show off your abs.”

He laughed, flexing exaggeratedly. “Guilty as charged. But seriously, you okay?”

You nodded, appreciating his concern. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind.”

As you approached the boat, John B. and Pope were already getting things ready. “Hey, Y/N,” Pope called out, “you seeing anyone lately? We noticed you’ve been kinda distant.”

Your stomach tightened at the question. “No, not really. Just dealing with some stuff. You know my parents are always on my ass.” You gave a half chuckle, a dead giveaway you were lying. 

Kiara gave you a knowing look. “Is it because of how Rafe treats you? Why do you still hang out with his sister if he’s such an asshole?”

You sighed, the weight of their concern pressing on you. “Sarah’s my friend Kie. I just can't. It’s complicated. But yeah, Rafe’s been... difficult.” It was much more than difficult, it was complicated now since you

slept with the man. 

JJ pulled out a blunt, lighting it up. “Here, this will help you relax.” putting it up to his mouth to take a drag before he continued, “Y/N it’s simple, just don’t let that dick make you feel like that.” You chuckled at his lackluster response, grabbing the blunt from him.

You took a hit, feeling the tension ease away slightly. “Thanks, JJ. I needed that.”

The boat ride was also just what you needed. The Pogues' laughter and banter filled the air, the sun warmed your skin, and for a while, the worries of the morning melted away. JJ made more flirty comments, which you brushed off with ease, knowing it was just part of your normal dynamic. The boat sped across the water, wind in your hair, and you felt a sense of freedom you hadn’t felt all day.

You all took turns diving into the water, the cool waves washing away the last remnants of tension. When you climbed back onto the boat, the sun was still still beating down on you, casting a beautiful golden hue over everything. You lay back on the deck, closing your eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun and the companionship of your friends.

JJ lay down next to you, his hand brushing against yours. “You know, if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here. We all are.”

You turned your head to look at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. “Thanks, JJ. That means a lot.”

The day ended with everyone lounging on the boat, the last rays of sunlight disappearing over the horizon. As the boat made its way back to the pier, you felt a sense of calm. You knew you had to deal with your feelings for Rafe eventually, but for now, you had your friends, and that was enough.

—

You docked the boat late afternoon, the golden hues of the sunset arrest casting a serene glow over the water. The calmness of the moment was enhanced by the Pogues' laughter and light-hearted teasing. You felt so calm with them, completely carefree; living for all their antics.

“Thanks for an awesome boat day, guys. You have no idea how much I needed this,” you said, feeling your nerves settle into a peaceful calm.

“Anytime, Y/N,” John B replied with a grin. “We’ve always got your back. Pogues for life remember”

You mirrored his grin, “Pogues for life”

Back at the Chateau, everyone gathered in the living room, munching on leftover pizza and catching up on each other's lives. Pope was anxious about his upcoming interview for a prestigious scholarship, sharing his worries with the group. It was always safe to say that Pope was the brains in the group. John B on the other hand, still living alone since his dad's disappearance ten months ago, talked about how he thought his dad was still out there and picking up on his research where he left off, as well as getting threatened multiple times to get thrown into foster care. 

Kiara described her latest environmental conservation project, everyone playfully rolling their eyes, and she mentioned the numerous shifts she had to pick up at her father's restaurant. Her dad was similar to your parents, hated the Pogues- thinking they were bad influences- as well as being super hard on Kie. 

JJ told us he had landed a new job at Pelican’s Nest, an up-tight Kook club where he waited tables and tried to avoid getting into fights with all the Kooks. As he spoke, you could sense his underlying frustration with the job, though he tried to play it off with his usual toughness.

The conversation and familiar banter between you and your friends provided a much-needed distraction from the pressure you were feeling inside. When they asked what was new in your life, you managed a casual response, explaining that you were stressed about the upcoming 

Midsummer's event, the big Kook gathering of the year. You mentioned the annoyance and pressure of picking out a dress your parents put on you, all while pretending to enjoy yourself. You managed to keep your real concerns to yourself, not giving them away from any body language, knowing they'd flip out if they knew what happened with Rafe.

You checked your phone and saw missed texts from Sarah, asking how you were doing and how you were feeling after the party. Your heart quickened at seeing her text, somehow thinking if she already knew- maybe Rafe told Topper and Topper told her. God, you hope not. You quickly texted her back, saying, “Hey, I’m okay. Can you come over to my place in a bit? We need to talk.” She quickly texted you back telling you she’d be there soon. You knew this text would cause her to worry about you.

You turned to the Pogues, smiling despite the turmoil still lingering beneath the surface. “I’ve got to head home. My mom needs me back before dinner,” you lied, not ready to admit the real reason you needed to leave. “But I’ll be back tomorrow for some more shenanigans. I promise, okay. No random ghosting” All of them signed at this comment, but knowing how controlling your parents could be, always made the perfect excuse.

“Alright, don’t keep us waiting too long,” JJ said with a wink. You rolled your eyes, at his flirty gesture. JJ’s carefree attitude was something you always loved about him. He can be erratic and quick-tempered but would always take a bullet for his friends.

You said your goodbyes, hugging each of them tightly, promising not to ghost them again. JJ and Kie walked you out to your car reminding you again that they were there if you needed anything. 

The drive home was filled with mixed emotions. You were grateful for the distraction but knew you had to face what happened with Rafe. You debated multiple times today if you should text him, but you were so lost on what to say. 

Pulling into your driveway, you saw Sarah’s car already parked there. Guilt starting to eat at your stomach, knowing there was no turning back from telling her. How is your best friend going to react to your sleeping with her older brother? How would that make your conversation on Friday before the party sound, you previously vented to her about how Rafe only makes you feel bad but somehow at the party all of this changed. The complete situation was too much. 

She met you at your front door, her face etched with concern. “What’s going on, Y/N?”

You led her inside, to the privacy of your room, the place where you always felt safest. “Sarah, I need to tell you something about last night.”

Her eyes widened slightly, a mix of curiosity and worry. “What is it?”

You took a deep breath, gathering the courage to speak. “I... I slept with Rafe.” You began burying your face in your pillows, not daring to see your best friend’s reaction.

Sarah’s expression shifted to one of shock and anger. “What? How the hell did that happen Y/N? Jesus Christ you slept with my fucking brother. After everything he’s done?”

“I know, I know, I know Sarah,” you said quickly, tears welling up in your eyes, on the verge of a panic attack. “It just happened. I don’t know how to explain it. It was unexpected, and I’m so confused about Sarah. It just happened” you began sobbing into your pillow, “I don’t know what to do Sarah” your voice slightly muffled

Sarah’s anger softened into understanding as she saw the distress on your face. She took a deep breath, calming herself, reaching her hand out to comfort you, “Okay, tell me everything.”

You recounted the events of the night, from the fight to the kiss to waking up in his bed. Sarah listened intently, her initial anger giving way to concern and empathy but confusion still evident on her face.

“I’m mad, Y/N, but I also get it. Rafe can be... different sometimes. I’ve seen it. But you have to be careful. He’s not exactly the safest bet.” 

You nodded, relief washing over you as she spoke, not completely tearing you to shreds. “I know, and I’m not sure what to do next. But I couldn’t keep it from you and I just can’t tell the pogues for obvious reasons.”

Sarah hugged you tightly. “You both will figure it out, ok? It’ll stay between me and you. Just promise me you’ll be careful, Rafe can be unpredictable and the last thing I want is you getting hurt”

“I promise,” you whispered, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders.

Sarah sighed, pulling away slightly. “You know, I’ve noticed how he looks at you sometimes. It’s like he’s trying to figure something out, or maybe he’s just... drawn to you. It’s weird.”

You looked up from your tear-filled eyes, surprised. “You’ve noticed that?”

She nodded, smiling, “Yeah. It’s subtle, but it’s there. I always thought it was just him being his usual creepy self, but now...”

“But now?” you prompted.

She sighed again. “Now I’m not so sure. Look, this needs to stay between us, okay? Rafe’s got a lot of issues, and again I don’t want to see you get hurt. But if you think there’s something worth exploring, and if he makes you happy... I guess that’s what matters.”

You hugged her again, feeling a mixture of relief and trepidation. “Thanks, Sarah. I really needed to hear that.”

After a bit more talking, Sarah glanced at her phone, rolling her eyes at a text message she got. “I promised Topper I’d go to this house party with him. Are you going to be okay?”

You laughed and then sighed while rolling your eyes, knowing you’d be alone with your thoughts again, but understanding. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Topper would hate it if you weren’t there.”

You walked her out to her car, and she gave you one last, serious look., “Y/N” she paused and then continued, “Just... be careful with Rafe, okay? I don’t want to see you get hurt and if he hurts you I'll beat his ass I swear to god.”

“I will,” you promised full honesty in your chest. You didn't want to get hurt either.

As Sarah’s car disappeared down the street, you took a moment to breathe in the evening air, feeling a mix of relief and lingering anxiety. You hadn't been sure how Sarah would react to the news of you and Rafe, and her initial shock and anger had been expected. But It had gone better than expected, and for that, you were grateful. You knew it wasn’t easy for her to hear about her brother, especially given Rafe’s reputation and the history between your groups. Sarah’s words echoed in your mind: “Just be careful.” You knew she was right. The fact that she was willing to support you gave you a breath of fresh air.

—

Back inside, you took another shower to wash off the day. Putting on your favorite pajamas and grabbing your favorite snacks from your kitchen, you settled back on your bed, grabbed your TV remote, and settled with a rom-com, hoping it would distract you. Romcoms were usually a comfort item for you, but your mind kept drifting back to Rafe, and the conflicting emotions swirling inside you. Seeing the characters kiss and go on romantic dates only confused your mind, wondering if that could be you and Rafe.

It annoyed you how he was suddenly taking up so much space in your thoughts. You had always thought he was attractive ever since you’d known Sarah, but he was her off-limit older brother. It felt like such a forbidden crush, one you never allowed yourself to fully acknowledge or entertain because of how he acted.

Your mind wandered back to an older memory from a couple of summers ago. You and Sarah were at her pool, lounging and chatting about the latest drama at school. The sun was blazing, the water shimmering invitingly, and everything felt easy and carefree. That was until Rafe walked out with his friends, Topper and Kelce. They were loud and obnoxious as always, but your eyes were immediately drawn to Rafe. He was shirtless, and his toned, athletic body caught your breath for a moment. You swear you have never seen a man look so good.

But then, as if to remind you exactly why you kept your distance, he made one of his usual snarky comments. “Nice swimsuit, Y/N. Too bad that’s the only nice thing about you.” The words stung, and the momentary attraction you felt turned into irritation and anger. He had this way of ruining things with his cutting remarks, making sure you never got too close.

You remembered how Sarah had rolled her eyes and muttered an apology on his behalf, but the damage was done. The butterflies you felt were squashed under the weight of his arrogance. It was moments like those that solidified your belief that nothing could ever happen between you two.  He was a jerk, plain and simple, and any attraction you felt was overshadowed by his cruel behavior.

Yet now, as you lay in bed, those memories mixed with the recent, softer moments you’d shared with him. It was confusing to reconcile the Rafe who had hurt you with words and the Rafe who had held you tenderly, whispering sweet things in your ear. It felt like he was two different people, and you didn’t know which version was real.

As you tried to focus on the movie, your thoughts kept drifting back to him. You couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if things were different. If he wasn’t Sarah’s brother, if he wasn’t such an asshole sometimes, could there be something real between you?

The conflicting emotions swirled inside you, making it hard to focus on anything else. You sighed, frustrated with yourself for even entertaining the idea. But no matter how much you tried to push the thoughts away, they kept coming back, stronger and more persistent.

You had always been careful to keep your feelings in check, to not let your crush on Rafe become anything more. But now, after everything that had happened, it was getting harder and harder to deny. The way he looked at you, the way he touched you, it all felt so different, so real.

With a groan, you turned off the TV, unable to concentrate on the movie any longer. The rom-com only makes you more frustrated, no longer an escape. You lay back on your bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of your tangled emotions. You knew you had to talk to Rafe, to figure out what this all meant. But the thought of confronting him, of possibly getting hurt again, made your heart race with anxiety.

Maybe Sarah was right. Maybe you did need to be careful. But you couldn’t deny the pull you felt towards Rafe, no matter how much you tried. It was confusing and scary, but you knew you had to face it, to see where it might lead. Maybe that's why you pushed him away this morning, you were scared of getting hurt deep down, even though the boy was confessing his heart out. Your cat, Butters, a fluffy orange tabby with big green eyes, jumped up on your bed, sensing your distress. He purred close to you, his warm body a comforting presence against your side. Butters always seemed to know when you needed him the most, his purring a soothing balm to your frazzled nerves.

Your eyes started to feel heavy, and the magnitude of the day started to weigh on you. As you lay there, you could feel your body relaxing, the tension slowly melting away. Your thoughts began to blur and fade, replaced by a serene drowsiness. With Butters nestled beside you, his purring like a gentle, reassuring heartbeat, you allowed yourself to sink into the embrace of sleep. Your eyelids fluttered shut, and you let out a final, contented sigh. The last thing you remembered was the comforting warmth of Butters and the gentle glow of the salt lamp before you drifted off into a deep, peaceful slumber.

—

A bit later in the night, you heard taps on your window, stirring you out of your sleep. Butters also perked up in defense. Your heart raced as you got up to investigate, knowing it was probably not smart or safe for you to. Pulling back the curtain, you saw Rafe standing there, his soft features illuminated by the streetlight in front of your house. You quickly opened the window, anger and confusion bubbling up at his reckless actions.

You whisper-yelled at him, not daring to wake your parents, “What the fuck are you doing here, Rafe? And why are you tapping on my window like a total creep? My parents could’ve called the police on you!”

“I needed to see you,” he said, his voice earnest. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about last night.”

You rolled your eyes at him, secretly excited to see him, moving over so he could climb in through your window.

You stared at him, your emotions in turmoil. “You can’t just show up here like this, Rafe. You should’ve texted me. What do you even want?”

As Rafe climbed through your window, making a slight thump as he made his way in, he stood in your room looking more vulnerable than you’d ever seen him. The moonlight streaming through the window cast a soft glow on his face, highlighting the uncertainty in his eyes and the slight tremor in his hands.

“I don’t know, okay? I just... I can’t stop thinking about you.” he confessed, his voice raw and filled with a mixture of confusion and determination. His eyes, usually so guarded, now revealed a depth of feeling that he rarely allowed anyone to see. There was a certain restlessness in his stance, a fidgeting with his hands that betrayed his inner turmoil.

He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit you had noticed he did when he was unsure of himself. His breathing was slightly uneven as if the weight of his feelings was almost too much to bear. It was clear that he had been wrestling with these emotions for a while, trying to make sense of them and find the courage to express them to you.

Rafe took a hesitant step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. “I know this is complicated, and it’s risky... but I don’t care. I just want to be with you, even if it means sneaking around and keeping it a secret.”

You took a step back, trying to process his words, actively stressing over the fact that he showed up at your house. “Rafe, this is crazy. You hated me less than two days ago, and now you’re crawling through my window.”

He stared at you, at a loss for words. He knew the change in his behavior was a lot for you to process, but he was determined to show you a different side of him.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you looked into his eyes, feeling the pull between you. “Rafe, this is complicated. I don’t know if I can do this.”

He reached out, gently cupping your face. “I know it’s complicated. But I don’t care. I want to figure this out with you.”

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on you. “But what about everyone else? The Pogues, your family, my friends… they’re all going to freak out if they find out about this. They’ll never understand.”

You looked down, feeling tears well up in your eyes. “I’m scared, Rafe. I’m scared of getting hurt, of hurting others. What if this doesn’t work out? What if we’re just fooling ourselves?”

He lifted your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze, wiping the tears that escaped from your eyes. “I get it. I’m scared too. But I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I’m tapping on your window in the middle of the night, Y/N, goddamnit.” He paused, lowering his voice to make sure his words came out correctly. “When I’m with you, it’s different, Y/N. I feel things I’ve never felt before.”

You felt a wave of emotions crash over you, the fear, excitement, and hope all mingling together. “I just… I need to know that you’re serious about this. About us.”

Before Rafe could respond, you both heard footsteps approaching your room. Panic surged through you as you quickly gestured for Rafe to hide in your closet. He barely managed to conceal himself before your mom knocked on the door, opening the door to you sitting on the edge of the bed, your face flush.

“Y/N, is everything okay in there?” she asked, her voice filled with concern. “I heard some noise.”

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your voice. Cursing yourself that you didn’t lock your door, “Yeah, Mom, everything’s fine. I just had a weird dream and Butters knocked something over. Sorry if I woke you and Dad up”

Your mom hesitated for a moment, scanning around your room for any sign of trouble.  Her eyes landed on the open window, raising an eyebrow. “Why is your window open?” Your heart dropped, remembering you left it open.

You quickly responded, smiling, “It was just hot in here, and Butters likes to sit by the window. I’ll close it now.”

She gave you a disapproving look. “You shouldn’t leave the window open at night, Y/N. It’s not safe. Get some rest, honey, you have to go dress shopping tomorrow. Love you lots.”

“Yup, thanks, Mom. I love you too, Goodnight,” you said, waiting until her footsteps retreated down the hallway before letting out a sigh of relief. 

Rafe emerged from the closet, a sheepish grin on his face. “That was close.”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, the tension momentarily easing. “Yeah, it was. My mom is like a hawk sometimes, she has crazy hearing.”

Rafe chuckled again before his expression turned more serious as he stepped closer to you. “Look, I know this is a lot. And I know I’ve been a jerk in the past, and I will always be sorry for that, I can’t take back that hurt. But I’m serious about this, Y/N. I want to try, even if it’s complicated.”

You looked into his eyes, searching for sincerity. “Okay. But we need to take this slow, Rafe. We need to figure things out together, and we can’t let anyone else know for now.”

Rafe nodded in understanding. “I get it. Let’s not talk here though, in case we wake your parents. I know a place we can go.” You hesitated, not sure if you should sneak out.

“Okay,” you said, surprising yourself with how simply you agreed. He had a presence about him that just made you feel so comfortable.

You told him you just needed to change really quickly. Slipping into your bathroom, you opted for simple leggings and a t-shirt, quickly putting on some mascara, letting down your hair, and spraying on your favorite perfume. When you exited the bathroom, he was sitting on your bed, Butters cuddled up by his side, melting your heart. You were surprised Butters accepted him so fast; usually, she didn’t like many people. Maybe it was a sign.

When he heard you shut the bathroom door, he looked up at you, a small smile forming on his face as he took in your beauty. Heat rose to your cheeks, and you looked down sheepishly, telling him you were ready to go.

You both sneakily and quietly crept out your window, him helping you a little bit by grabbing your hand, causing your heart to skip at his warm touch. You made sure to leave your window open just a little bit for when you snuck back in. You had to be careful; some parts of the sides of your house lit up due to motion light cameras. You also had very noisy

neighbors who loved to gossip with your mom daily, you would never hear the end of it if she caught what you were up to. 

Once past all the obnoxious obstacles, you made your way to Rafe's truck, which was parked just a little bit down the street. You were happy it was dark out, concealing the identity of both you and Rafe, just in case of any prying eyes.

Rafe once again opened the passenger door for you, waiting for you to get in before gently shutting it. Your heart warmed at his sweet gesture. You couldn’t help but keep your eyes on Rafe as he made his way to the driver’s side of the truck. There was something about him that you never noticed before; you don’t think you've ever seen Rafe's face in so much detail.

In the soft moonlight, his features seemed even more striking. His jawline was strong and defined, giving him a chiseled, almost classic handsomeness. His hair, slightly tousled, framed his face perfectly. But it was his eyes that truly captivated you. They were a deep, mesmerizing shade of blue, like the ocean just before a storm. There was the same intensity in them that you felt Friday night, a mix of vulnerability and determination that made it hard to look away.

You noticed the small, almost invisible freckles scattered across the bridge of his nose and the way his lips curved into a genuine smile when he looked at you. His smile reached his eyes, crinkling them at the corners, adding a warmth that contrasted with his usual rugged appearance.

As he climbed into the truck and started the engine, you couldn’t help but think about how handsome he was. There was a depth to his features, a blend of softness and strength that made your heart race. And those eyes—they seemed to see right through you, making you feel both exposed and understood in a way you hadn't felt before. They made you feel like you could never hide anything from them, even if you tried

Rafe glanced over at you, catching you staring. “Everything okay?” he asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

You quickly looked away, embarrassed, a shade of pink rushing to your cheeks.

 “Yeah, everything’s fine.” Thankfully, it was dark enough that he couldn’t see the full effect he was having on you.

He chuckled softly as he drove, the sound low and comforting. “Good,” he said, his eyes briefly meeting yours again, making your heart skip a beat.

The car ride settled into a comfortable silence. You kept sneaking glances at him, taking in his features, not sure if you could ever get enough. His focused expression as he drove, the way his fingers gripped the steering wheel, and the occasional sideways glance he gave you—all of it made you feel a mix of excitement and nervousness.

After a short drive, you pulled up to a cute little ice cream shop. The neon red signs on top highlighted the shop's name, and a few neon signs in the window, one saying “Open,” cast a warm, inviting glow. Despite living in the Outer Banks for years, you realized you had never been inside this place.

Rafe parked the truck and quickly came around to open your door again. “I thought ice cream sounded good,” he said sheepishly, a small smile playing on his lips.

You couldn’t help but smile back. “It sounds perfect.”

He guided you inside, and the shop was just as charming as it looked from the outside. Only two other customers were there, an elderly couple sitting in the corner, sharing some ice cream. The sight warmed your heart, and you couldn’t help but hope that you might have something like that in your future.

You looked at all the ice cream cases, feeling not only indecisive due to the variety of choices but also because of the man standing next to you. The fact that he was taking you to get ice cream felt surreal in a way.

He interrupted you out of your thoughts, “So, what are you thinking?” Rafe asked, his eyes twinkling as he watched you deliberate.

“There are so many options,” you said, laughing softly. “What do you recommend?” 

He leaned in slightly, scanning the flavors with you, his arm going to the small of your back making your heart jump. “I usually go for mint chocolate chips or cookies and cream. But honestly, everything here is good.”

You finally decided on cookies and cream, and Rafe placed the order, paying for both of you despite your protests. It was another small gesture that made your heart flutter, only making it harder for you to deny your feelings for him.

“Thank you for this,” you said softly, taking a bite of your ice cream. The flavors melted in your mouth, swearing it was the best ice cream you've ever tasted.

After finishing your ice cream, Rafe suggested taking a walk along the pier. The night air was cool, and the soft sounds of the waves crashing against the shore added to the serene atmosphere. As you strolled together, the conversation flowed effortlessly, touching on everything and nothing in particular. Through these moments, you learned more about Rafe. He confided in you that he often comes out here to clear his head when he needs to escape.

Rafe began to open up about his relationship with his dad, revealing that his father is very hard on him and doesn't listen to him much. This was something you were somewhat aware of from your time at the Cameron residence. However, you never fully grasped the depth of their issues or the impact they could have on Rafe. Whenever you and Sarah talked about it, she would casually brush it off. Sarah's dad always showed love and affection towards her and Wheezie, but he seemed to have a different, much harsher approach with Rafe- that was something you couldn’t even deny. 

Your heart pangs at his words, feeling helpless for his dad's impossibly high standards and the lack of emotional support Rafe had in his life. Making it evident his father contributed heavily to Rafe's inner turmoil and confident persona he always tried to display, even due to his inner low self-esteem.

You took a deep breath and shared, "I'm sorry Rafe you don't deserve that.” You paused for a moment, then continued, “My parents put a lot of pressure on me too. They have these expectations for me to act a certain way, hang out with the 'right' people, and excel academically. They want me to be at the top of my class and have my future all planned out. But half the time I just don’t know what the fuck I'm doing you know.”

Rafe nodded, his expression softening as he listened. “I get that. It's like no matter what you do, it's never enough for them."

“Exactly,” you said, it was like a breath of fresh air, having someone feel the exact way you felt.

You walked along the pier a little bit more, the mood shifting as the subject changed to something more light-hearted. 

Rafe’s perfect smile and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed made you feel at ease, and you couldn’t help but be drawn to him more and more. As you continued to walk, you couldn't help but wrap your arms around yourself to keep yourself warm, the cold draft of the night flowing through the wind.

Rafe took immediate notice of this, taking off his gray hoodie, revealing a simple t-shirt underneath, offering it to you.

“Here, take my hoodie, it’s getting cold” he insisted, his voice gentle yet firm.

“No, I’m okay,” you insisted, though you were visibly shivering, cursing yourself for not wearing something heavier, knowing that the Outer Banks gets cold at night.

You couldn’t help but smile at his insistence as you pulled the hoodie over your head, savoring the warmth and the faint scent of him that clung to the fabric, bringing your mind back to memories of his room.

As you reached the end of the pier, Rafe suddenly scooped you up, causing you to squeal in surprise and curse at the sudden movement. You playfully hit his chest, telling him to set you down, laughing as he gently set you on the rail of the pier, standing between your legs and holding you steadily, making sure you didn’t fall.

Your heart raced as he held you, the warmth of his hands on your waist grounding you. The moment felt surreal, a mix of excitement and nervousness bubbling inside you. You were very aware of his closeness, the way his breath mingled with yours in the cool night air, and the protective way he made sure you were safe.

“I’m serious, Y/N,” he said, his voice soft but earnest. “I want to try with you. Give me a chance.” His words hung in the air, and you could see the sincerity in his eyes.

Your heart swelled with emotion at his confession. The rawness in his voice, the openness in his gaze—it all made you realize how much this meant to him, there was no lie behind his face. You both knew the complications that lay ahead, the secrets you would have to keep. The thought of having to hide this from everyone, especially the Pogues, weighed heavily on your mind. Yet, at this moment, none of that seemed to matter. The only thing that did was the way Rafe looked at you, his eyes full of determination and sincerity.

Leaning in, you closed the distance between you and Rafe, your lips meeting in a tender kiss. Rafe brings his right hand to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. The air around you seemed to be still, the soft sounds of the waves merging with the quiet rustling of the night breeze through the pier's wooden planks. Above, the stars twinkled in a vast dark sky along with the bright moonlight, illuminating the scene below it.

Rafe’s lips were warm against yours, his touch both cold and gentle, yet undeniably sure. It sent shivers down your spine and raised goosebumps on your arms, intensifying the sensation of his closeness. It was a kiss that felt like a beginning, a promise of something deeper and more meaningful between you both. As you melted into each other, the world around you faded into the background, leaving only the sensation of his closeness and the beat of your racing heart.

At that moment, all your doubts and uncertainties seemed to melt away. The kiss was more than amazing—it was transformative. It showed you a different side of Rafe, one that was caring and vulnerable, he had opened up to you in a way you hadn’t expected. 

After the kiss, you both stood there for a moment, breathless and lost in each other's eyes. Eventually, Rafe broke the silence with a gentle smile, his hand still resting on your neck.

"Come on," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "Let's get you home."

—

Rafe slowly pulled back into your neighborhood, his truck coming to a halt. Feeling sleep wanting to overtake you, but adrenaline keeping you up, this new feeling with Rafe was electrifying. Rafe turned his truck off, creating defying silence between you, no longer the quiet hum of the engine allowing for both of you to process what just happened.

"You know," Rafe finally spoke, breaking the silence as he glanced at you briefly, "I meant what I said back there. I want to try, Y/N. With you."

His sincerity warmed your heart, and you smiled softly. "I want to try too, Rafe. I'm serious.”

A small smile played on his lips as he leaned closer, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, taking in your features. "Good," he murmured, his breath warm against your cheek. "Because I really like you, Y/N."

Your heart skipped a beat at his confession, warmth spreading through you, for the first time feeling confident in your answer. "I really like you too, Rafe."

The moment hung between you, filled with unspoken promises and the quiet assurance that despite the confusing road of the head, you both had deep feelings for one another. Rafe leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before pulling away, signaling it was the end of your night together

"Goodnight, Y/N," he said softly, his voice carrying a mix of fondness and reluctance.

"Goodnight, Rafe, thank you for tonight,”  you replied, pulling away from his touch and letting yourself out of his truck, watching him as he drove away into the night, sneaking your way back into your room.

—

The house was quiet, everyone else already asleep, oblivious to the evening you had just experienced. Closing your window softly behind you, you leaned against it, replaying every moment with Rafe in your mind, your smile still dancing on your lips.

Setting his hoodie gently on your desk chair, you couldn't help but smile as you caught a whiff of his cologne still lingering on the fabric. It was a comforting reminder of the night, of Rafe's warmth, and the stolen moments you shared. The scent was intoxicating, a mix of his favorite cologne and the sea breeze from your walk along the pier. You made a silent promise to yourself not to wash it anytime soon, wanting to preserve that connection just a little longer.

Climbing into bed, you felt a new sense of relief and thrill wash over you. The sheets were cool against your skin, but your heart was warm with the memory of Rafe’s touch. Despite the need for the secrecy that lay ahead, having to keep this from your closest friends, the thought of stolen kisses and secret hangouts with Rafe made your skin jump; tonight was just a little taste. You imagined the thrill of sneaking around, the excitement of quick, whispered conversations and stolen glances when no one was looking. The risk suddenly felt worth taking.

You were unsure if you even would want to tell your parents about Rafe, you knew they'd be questioning your sudden giddiness. Even though you were always out doing something with friends, it would be weird for them to see you coming home extra late, always texting on your phone. But you guess you'll get there when it happens, knowing you'd have to throw in a couple of white lies here and there.

As you snuggled under the covers, hugging your pillow, a giddy excitement bubbled up inside you. The nervous energy from earlier was now accompanied by a comforting warmth, similar to the feeling you get when you know Christmas is coming; the anticipation of what's to come made you feel more excited than ever. Your mind couldn’t help but wander to the way Rafe’s eyes had softened when he looked at you, the sincerity in his voice when he confessed his feelings and the gentle yet firm touch of his hand on your neck. You wondered who else had seen this side of Rafe, knowing it was rare. Has Topper or Kelce ever witnessed this caring, soft-spoken, vulnerable side of him? Did his family ever see it? Have any other girls experienced Rafe this way? The usual outward persona of Rafe was always blocked off and cold, making it seem crazy that you were getting to see something more, something everyone wondered if Rafe even had in him. Your mind continued to race with a million thoughts, all of them not seeming to have a definite answer.

As you eventually drifted off to sleep, a smile still sat on your lips. Tonight had been the beginning, a taste of the hidden affection and shared secrets with Rafe.

--——----------————- ❥・------------------------

Chapter 3

Taglist: @rafesno1bae

[ganondoodle]

was watching another totk video and through that found out what the reward is for completing koltins quests, honestly im not really surprised but also baffled and it really just shows, once again, that totk kinda does exactly what you shouldnt do in a sequel imo.. double down on all the bad stuff of the previous title

at this point i have talked about various problems in detail but i just keep realizing over and over just how much of the wrong lesson they seemed to take from botw, they recycled almost everything from botw by changing some paint or some words, made a giant game even bigger and filled it with boring and tedious busy work that has mediocre to insulting rewards EVEN MORE than botw

game too big and empty? make it TWICE as big, change barely anything about the map of the previous title and the new added map(s) is ONE biom that almost everywhere looks the same and even emptier with little to do

too many krogs? MAKE IT MORE and double down on the literally shit reward bc its the SAME just with one more stack of shit

too many shrines with short puzzles? ADD EVEN MORE and make them even shorter and easier to complete, alot of them not even involving a puzzle and multiple being an utterly out of place tutorial that could have been explained to you in a single text box

rewards in the overworld being mostly either a krog or a shrine which gets repetetive with shrines being ALOT and krogs being wayyy too many? add even MORE shrines and EVEN MORE krogs, but now add over a hundred of caves to it that all get repetetive after just a few of them and you only do them for a shrine or a currency you have to collect to get one cool looking but pretty bad to use armor set and a piece of cloth for your parasail that you can only use one of at the tiem and to switch have to go back to a specific NPC, theres ghost lights to collect which only serve to yet again buy one armor set from a set of NPCs and ar meaningless afterwards, the light roots dont require you to do anything but walk to them and the reward for finding them all is a "you did it" sticker that doesnt even stick (its useless)

weapons break too quickly? well make the weapons you can find even worse to force you to fuse a material to it so its at all usable BUT IT STILL BREAKS and when it does it breaks not JUST the weapon but ALSO a material, materials that you will need for now EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE armor upgrades too, weapons cannot be rewards anymore either bc they will always have to be fused with something to make them stronger bc none is strong on its own- this also applies to THE MASTERSWORD, something ALSO complained about that it still 'breaks' even after empowering it through the DLC in botw, and now it cant even BE empowered (bc no DLC) unless you fuse soemthing to it (to. the. MASTERSWORD.) EVEN THO EMPOWERIGN THE MASTERSWORD IS THE ENTIRE POINT OF ZELDAS ULTIMATELY MEANING- AND CONSEQUENCELESS SACRIFICE !!

the dungeons were to samey and simple? make them look different but keep the core structure (activate terminals in completely seperate from each other "puzzles", fight boss) while also makign them be even more skippable (climable walls, the ceiling jump ability- something the titans DIDNT have) with incredibly easy bossfights that end with an embarassing copy and paste scene that hits you over the head with long known and obvious information over and over

people didnt like how the story was so detached from everything in the present? well, make the story and the present EVEN MORE detached from anything in the present, so far in fact that there is literally no connection to it aside from zelda who is the only connective thread and is also only treated as such (she is as personality lacking as sonia as soon as shes yoinked into the past) and the suddendly and out of nowhere intruduced architecture and history that wasnt a thing in botw but is treated like it was always there

people didnt like how far botw was detached from all other zelda games? ok totk is not only FURTHER detached from those it also completely detached itself from its on predecessor :)

people didnt like the memory system? ok make it WORSE then, its a linear story now that you can ruin by seeing even one out of order, they are super short and dont give you anymore context to anythign than the things you could figure out yourself or were already told really, instead of giving you views into a characters personality you get to view a basic plot summary of a story that is so flavorless and predictable i knew what would happen from the start yet acts like its being vague and cool that i felt like i was beign treated like a literal toddler

too few enemy types? well, we will reuse the old ones EVEN MORE thant before over twice the map and the new ones that are there are either utterlly irrelevant to change up the gameplay or largely feel like the old ones just with a paint job (constructs), the griocks looked cool at first but are just a more annyoing version of the lynels (who feel like an actual duel, akin to a proper boss)

even the things that were adressed, or attempted to, didnt fully work, like the bosses ARE more unique, but also still so incredibly easy and ALSO have multiple duplicats just sitting around in the underground despite them being supposedly the root of the problems of the regions (i like refighting bosses, but id rather have a character that lets me choose ok i wann fight this one again and teleporte me into a vision or sth- also the most fun fights arent even part of it (koga) )

the rain complaint got a new effect type to counteract it, which ... doesnt work well, you need specific materials to make potions with that effect which you also need to upgrade the only armor set wit hthat effect that ONLY works once you upgrade it (i think ... i dont know how high i got it but if even the full upgraded set doesnt negate the rain effect i will not be surprised either lol) also it adds just yet another effect type that spams your inventory and you dont really need .... or i might be the only one that saw no value at all in the "attack up when hot" new type of effects bc it felt so specific and situational while also having a way better option (just make it a standard attack up thing?) at least in my eyes-

... ill stop here .... this got longer again didnt it O-o

[kurgy]

Shaming people for liking Harry Potter is self-soothing purity politics. It doesn’t help trans activism, it doesn’t harm TERFs or JKR It punches sideways to feel good.

HP has massive global cultural reach - if every JKR-aware+pro-trans person abandoned it profits would barely dip. Like, this shit doesn't reach China and Japan - both have their own theme parks otw

What does help is engaging with the text: criticizing and explaining it's flaws + offering more interesting ways to relate to it. This undermines the TERF rot - while pro-trans people withdrawing lets TERFs use HPs cultural impact for recruitment.

Thats what JKR wants, btw: for decent people to shame each other into silence so her people's bullshit looks welcoming and reasonable in comparison.

Shaming clueless nostalgics, casual fans or new kids for something they innocently like pushes them towards radicalization. If HPs used as a hate symbol, yet is too large to kill outright - then it needs to be de-fanged. That can't be done outside the mouth.

Many trans people first questioned their gender because of HP. Its always had a huge LGBTQ+ fanbase with it's themes of struggling with identity, abuse and trauma, hidden oppressed worlds, unjust systems, cruel social structures and found family. Beyond the 'magic' panic THAT was a big part of it being considered 'satanic': the queer kids liked it.

Calling LGBTQ (especially trans) fans 'anti-trans' for liking HP veers dangerously close to fascist logic: only certain kinds of joy or belonging are allowed.

It may be a mediocre childrens story with fundamentally conservative themes and many questionable oddities from a questionable author… so is My Hero Academia. Yet they are still loveable - and people are not wrong for that love. Mindful analysis is more effective a weapon than book burning.

im exhausted but will try do my best with this i guess. implying that i am using fascist logic bc i feel personally unsafe and distrustful around harry potter fans as a transgender person is kinda nuts while jk rowling is behaving like an actual fascist and is buying politicians while half the harry potter fans said "i stand with jk rowling" and went out of their way to dm trans ppl pictures of their hogwarts legacy receipts bc they just wanted to hurt and upset trans people, and show us how the profits would never dip and everything we ever did or said would be meaningless. being forced to see the same argument again, it seems.

feeling anxious, angry, and unsafe bc the rest of the hp fans i meet either prop themselves up as the good ones while still platforming and freely advertising the continued interest in her books and giving her more attention and more money and validation, while the rest of harry potter fans who feel oh so emboldened to "protect womens sex based rights" by directly harassing and stalking trans women and spamming their dms and replies with shit like this?? i refuse to even post the vile suicide wojacks

am im meant to tolerate and share a space with ppl who think trans people are mentally deranged and should be put down like dogs? share a space with ppl who swear they are the cool ones while also still sharing that space with those same bigots who want us dead?

no one is going to come and physically make you give up harry potter, you can do whatever you want, but shit is bad out here right now, for all trans people, but especially joannes primary targets: trans women

you just cannot blame any trans people for not feeling safe or being cool with you being a big harry potter fan now of all times as our rights are being stripped from us and our medical care is further and further criminalized

as for the dig at me about bnha as like some kind of gotcha i guess, that one is probably the worst example to use bc i am not nearly as invested in keeping the hero anime around as you seem to be for the wizard books. i cant even call myself an actual fan of that series because my criticisms outweigh any of the positives, which brings me to my next point:

while the author of that manga definitely did write from his own personal conservative points of view from an extremely odd but centrist lens, and is definitely misogynistic towards his female characters, the thing is, unlike joanne,

mangaka kohei horikoshi is not currently living in a scottish castle funneling millions and millions of dollars of vast wealth into anti-trans legislation and "research" on top of praising a white supremacist and rapist for "knowing what a woman is" while funding more and more rightwing politics

and if the day should come where kohei horikoshi has considerable sway over politics via obscene wealth i will, in fact, kick him and his series to the fucking curb. ive already done this before when i learned something and immediately did a deep dive on scott cawthon.

look, you do not seem like a bad person, and while i am not going to change your mind on harry potter, theres only so many times i can take hearing the most vile transphobic things said by those fans before i just want nothing to do with the property entirely. you feel very strongly about your point of view, and my own experiences make me feel very strongly about mine, but arguing back and forth over this will not do either of us any good, so i feel like this conversation should end here civilly, and we can both keep our peace and part ways on okay terms

[mii-ruby]

Analysis of the political aspect in Akayona:

I enjoy Akayona a lot, however there are aspects I enjoy more than others. I know that most people praise it for being a story that alternates between politics, fantasy, adventure and romance, but personally I think that politics is far from being its strongest point.

In order to have a good story about politics, it is essential to introduce a lot of political figures. However, there's a cruel lack of such figures in this story. Besides the King and his advisor, who do we have? Where are the ministers? The diplomats? The different officials? The local governors besides Yang Kumji? Even the nobles are practically absent. We are told they exist and we see them briefly, but they're just a bunch of nameless NPCs, watching from the sidelines, never actively participating in the story.

Usually a King's power depends on how many nobles are on his side, because these people will support him and spread his influence. During the castle arc, and once Yona could no longer reach her allies Lili and Taejun, it would've been interesting to allow her to build relationships with certain nobles and get them on her side. This way we could've had an interesting confrontation with Soowon, some juicy court drama.

Regarding the tribe leaders, they could've participated in a lot of political activities, however, we barely see them doing anything that's not related to their military status. It's a bit of a shame, because other than being generals, they're also Chiefs of their tribes. They are responsible for their people's comfort, for meeting their needs and fighting the scourges that befall them, *proceeds to nudge Joongi* right Mister "I'm waiting for Soowon to handle the Nadai crisis that eats at my tribe"?, *proceeds to wink at Geuntae* right Mister "I keep complaining in my castle cause there's is no war on the horizon while letting the economy of my tribe crumble"? Actually, we do see Geuntae once doing something for his people

Deploying soldiers to allow citizens to work at ease is a good move, but clearly not enough. Kin provence was under Kai's rule until recently. Geuntae would've needed to do a lot for them in order to gain their trust. He should've also been the one to handle the damages caused by the recent flood too, but I guess relaxing on his bed in the middle of the field was more tempting🤷‍♀️

Indeed Joodoh, I think you should've killed him.

So yeah, reducing the tribe leaders to their "general" role was a bit underwhelming imo.

As a last point: When a King wants to make an important decision, like waging war for example, he'd usually gather his ministers and high officials and consult them on the subject. The Minister of Military Affairs would give his opinion on whether there'd be a strategic benefit in attacking that specific region, and whether their current Military resources are enough to rise an army or if they should recruit more soldiers. The Minister of Economy would speak on whether they have the necessary funds to secure supplies, hourses and weapons or if they should increase taxes as a source of income. However, because Ministers don't exist in Akayona, we were robbed from such scenes

It seems that Soowon doesn't need a single minister, that he's single handedly making every decision and handling everything. I don't know if I should call this incredible courage or utter madness.

In conclusion, I'd say that the politics in Akayona are above average. Not mediocre like Akagami no Shirayuki, nor stunning like Joou no Hana, but it's obviously fine to enjoy it. A political story doesn't need to be deep and convoluted, it's okay to keep it at a surface level -even if imo it would've been better to at least have one or two ministers- it's still an enjoyable story.

[infamousbrad]

For a few years now, I've taken multiple opportunities to ask groups of my fellow Americans the same question: "do you think early 21st century America is a good place to raise a child?" Answers varied from person to person, even among parents of children, from "yeah, pretty good" all the way down to "oh hell no." Rather than give my answer, and go into my reasons (for now) let's look at a report card ranking 35 major countries by several criteria, that just rated only Mexico as worse than the USA as a place to raise a family.

Safety: F. Based on homicide rate, average fear of crime, risk of dying to war or terrorism, school shootings per capita, and protection of civil rights for all. We did okay on most of the sub-ratings, but barely mediocre on civil rights and, well, obviously insanely bad compared to everybody else on school shootings.

Happiness: C+. Based on the human freedom index, world happiness index, per-capita suicide rate, household income inequality, and whether or not some families are discriminated against in adoption rights. I couldn't quickly find the sub-ratings on this one, but the USA came out pretty average.

Cost: F. Based on child care costs, per household family support spending, out-of-pocket educational costs, out-of-pocket health spending, and income-adjusted cost of living. The UK and New Zealand were even worse on child-care costs, but the US came in dead last in every other sub-category. We are the only country that expects those costs to be entirely born by parents who currently have minor children instead of spreading them out across all households.

Health: D-. Based on maternal mortality rate, child mortality rate, access to contraception, air pollution level, and average life expectancy. Because we're not in the bottom 5, I again can't easily find the US ranking on each of those sub-ratings, but I imagine we really got hit on our maternal mortality rate.

Education: C+. Based on teen enrollment rate, early-20s enrollment rate, average reading performance, average math performance, and average science performance. We weren't in the top or bottom 5 so, again, I don't know our detailed rankings but we did end up above average. And finally ...

Time: F. Based on time off per worker, weeks of paid maternity leave, weeks of paid paternity leave, weeks of mandatory paid sick leave, weeks of mandatory paid vacation leave. Only Mexico gave its workers fewer hours off work, and we are the only country in the survey to have a zero in all four other categories.

Across all countries: Only 5 of the 35 countries got an A+ overall. Starting with the highest score: Iceland, Norway, Sweden, Finland, and Luxembourg. Only two countries got an F, the US and Mexico. If you choose to have and raise a family in the United States, you will bear a higher percentage of those expenses than almost any country in the world, your children will be in more physical danger and health danger than anywhere in the industrialized world outside of an active war zone, and you will have less time with them, less time to parent them, than parents anywhere else surveyed.

So, you tell me: in your opinion, is the United States of America in the early 21st century a good place to have and raise children, or not?

Not to beg, but I'd really appreciate more eyes on this, please? Especially from my fellow Americans and doubly-so from people who have kids or who have recently raised kids?

[cienie-isengardu]

If anyone wonders about my lack of star wars activity in favor of Mortal Kombat, here is the explanation:

Current Mortal Kombat franchise took an unfair approach to my favorite characters, in some cases giving them a serious damage to intelligence just to push the storyline from point A to point B. And yet no matter how frustrating or annoying MK is right now, the story still engages me on a personal level. I want to draw silly ideas, I want to write ambitious metas, I created a whole AU series just to have what I didn’t get from official sources. And mind you, MK1 Behind the Scenes AU is still an ongoing project after almost a whole year.

With Star Wars the difference is… Disney’s star wars is just meh.

It is not that all new content is bad to the point I lost interest in interacting with the franchise. It's rather its mediocrity that simply doesn’t make me feel anything intensive about it enough to bother in the first place. I lowkey hate The Clone Wars for how it changed Star Wars and fandom’s perception of certain characters and events, but it also pushed me to talk in great length about various matters, like the chip in brain nonsense, or Mandalorian culture, or how Legends sources presented the relationship of Anakin & clone troopers. Currently though? I have little to no exceptions and yet even then there is barely anything out there to break my indifference. Disney is mass producing star wars content - we have so many TV series in a relatively short time, there are various comics series, but none of those make me excited the way Legends did. Hell, those don’t even make me curious about star wars which is pretty fucked up on its own. 

And that is the point. I’m so high on the Mortal Kombat phase not because the writing is so amazing or my fav characters are treated with respect, but because it makes me emotionally invested in a way Star Wars hasn't for years.

[that-dumb-blond]

My other hyper fixations overtook my brain for a bit, but I’m back with chapter 5 of the first Arc of a Scythe series!

-The opening lines of chapters are never mediocre, and this one is a favourite of mine “While à trip to the market should be an ordinary, everyday occurrence, Citra found that shopping with a Scythe carried its own basket of crazy”. With how dark this series can get, it feels like how funny Shushterman is gets overshadowed.

-This chapter has a lot of worldbuilding in it for reactions to Scythes. I love that it comes through Citra’s observation, too. Even though the series is in the 3rd person, the POV of different charecters (mainly Citra and Rowan for obvious reasons) really shines through at points.

-Citra’s reactions to the Scythe’s pets being that she’s rather glean them over anyone else shows she’s definitely still in training and not ready to be a Scythe yet. She has a large conscience, but she can be very impatient.

-I really want a short story about Faraday’s past. He’s had such an interesting life, but barely any of it gets to make it into the series. When talking about family he says ‘Hardly’ with “à bit of disdain in his voice that Citra had no interest learning about”. Scythes are isolated from family members, but he really seems to hate his. Citra might not want to know why, but I certainly do!!!

-I love how Faraday has friends inside and out of the Scythedom. It shows how he is still a person, a human being who likes other human beings. Hes funny, and silly, and makes mistakes, and guilty, and he’s so in love with humanity. I love him. Plus he makes a joke about how being friends with a coroner is good in his line of work, and that’s hilarious.

-Also, he gives here immunity on alternating years because he likes her so much. No scythe is entirely without abuse of power, but I think Faraday uses his well.

-Citra and Rowan are so funny. Also, Citra having a full on argument with faraday about whether she can get chips or not is hilarious, but the even funnier part is that it worked.

-“I don’t think cookie dough ice cream is a part of his lifestyle”. Are you sure about that. Faraday may be all about monk-like living but I bet that when he has a particularly bad day he breaks out the ice cream

-First introduction to unsavouries! They’re described as “people who found enjoyment in activities that bordered on the fringes of the law”. I like how the book shows how much crime has ceased to be. Like, the worst people arent even that bad.

-Faraday’s threat is so great. He genuinely gave no fucks, but probably made sure that that guy didn’t sleep well for the next year. Really emphasises how much power Scythes have.

-I keep forgetting that Scythes have phones. I guess in this future, the phone he has would probably feel really outdated, but because I live in this world it feels weird that someone as monk-like as Faraday would walk around with a phone.

-“‘It never hides,’ The scythe told them with a world-weariness that was hard to describe. ‘And it never sleeps. You’ll learn that soon enough’”. A few thoughts on this. A. Love that as soon as hes talking about death again, he becomes the scythe instead of Faraday. Reduced to his role once again. B. I think that here he’s both talking about how death could happen at any moment to anybody, but also that for the rest of their lives they will always (and only) be Scythes. That part of them cant rest or sleep or hide.

-Faraday tests them so much. Like here, he asks one of them to do it and then the other and they both say no. I think there’s got to be at least one where it wasn’t actually a trick question, and he didn’t expect them both to say no

-As he’s delivering her death, Scythe Faraday is gone and he’s back to being the nameless, faceless Scythe.

-“The man never asked a thing twice” I love this quote for everything it says about Faraday. He’s patient, but firm.

-It makes a lot of sense to Faraday going to all the funerals he’s caused. And when Rowan asks if that was a Scythe rule, he replies that it’s his. There’s a large likelihood that other Scythes do the same as him, but Faraday has such a poetical nature that I’m sure they don’t do it for the same reasons he does exactly.

-This also shows that while he believe that the Scythedome’s rules are important, that he has his own moral code which he is loyal to.

And that’s the end of part one! It’s been so fun doing these small analysis sections, and I’ll hopefully be doing them more often from now on!

[dunno1234]

Gideon the Ninth review, I guess

So, Gideon the Ninth, huh? The darling of Tumblr, along with the rest of TLT. I read it. Finished yesterday. And now, for my first post ever on Tumblr, I'll also make my first full review of a book. It'll probably be long. I'll divide this in the following sections: Prose (yes, we're starting with it); characters; story; what I liked; and what I really wish had been done. Full spoilers for literally everything in the first book, and warning that I did not like the book much. It's like, 3 stars. But hey, that was a passing grade in college, and thus I'll also read the next book. Also, it will be extremely rambly. I did an editing pass, but to ramble is my nature.

Prose

This is the most relevant aspect to my experience, which is really sad, because I hated it. And it's really weird, because it's the first time I disliked a technically good prose (and I assure you, the prose is good in the technical aspect). The descriptions are very verbose (I learned 4 new words while reading it), but also, well, descriptive, and it has its own distinctive style, and theoretically I would've enjoyed it a lot. So, why did I not? Well, the quips. Oh boy, the quips. They were extremely prevalent throughout the story and I hated almost all of them (other than the Dr. Skelebone one. That one was great, specially how they committed to it), and they actively ruined my experience because I was always bracing myself for them. Another thing I heavily disliked was the use of parentheses to denote both thoughts and quips characters said (I think parentheticals do not belong in prose in any situation, and this book just reinforced that belief). And the funny thing is, it's not as if I'm against the idea of it. Pale Lights (which I absolutely recommend) is also in third-person limited and uses quips during the dialogue, but the main difference is, well, I like how it works in PL and not here, I guess. And it sucks, because, if I dislike the prose, I automatically dislike the entire book experience, since it is an always-present aspect of it. I would even have preferred aggressively mediocre prose, like anything written by Wildbow, over what I got here.

Characters

I loved Palamedes and Camilla.

I liked Harrow, and Gideon was well-written.

Coronabeth, Naberius, and Ianthe were somewhat interesting, or at least interesting ideas behind them (and Naberius had a parrying dagger, which is extremely hot). Would've been good if Coronabeth had existed after the Ianthe review, though. I assume the intention is that she becomes relevant in HtN?

Teacher was fun.

Silas Octakiseron (worst surname in a cast full of impressively bad surnames (although I don't think that they are actual surnames since Harrow's parents have different surnames than her)) is a good antagonist, I guess. Brother Asht had a cool scene.

I have run out of characters to say positive things about.

This is mean (and honestly most of this review will be mean), but yeah... I don't care about anyone else. Most of them are one note with barely any personality traits, and there are simply too many of them for the story's own good. Who cares about the Second House members, who are so irrelevant that I don't even know who is the cav and who is the necro. Magnus was kind to Gideon, but he was also obviously going to be sacced from the start, while his wife I don't even remember having dialogue. Both of the Fourth were developed literally the same chapter as they died, and while they were mildly amusing before, I never got to care about them. Dulcinea/Cytherea was a twist villain, and not a good one. Her cav was literally dead before arrival.

The main problem of the cast, I think, is how they all have to share screentime (or pagetime, I guess) with everyone else. I don't get to see Naberius's life history and training to be sad about his death, when I also have to get attached to Fourth Necro (I do not remember his name) for his death. As a result, none of them get the necessary focus, and they fall flat to me. The worst offenders are the Second, who are completely indistinct from each other and whose only impact in the story is killing teacher and calling Necrolord Prime, two actions that Cytherea could've done with barely any rewriting.

The romance between Harrow and Gideon also fell pretty flat. Gideon spends 90% of the story flirting with Coronabeth and Dulcinea, while Harrow is either not in the scene or emotionally distant, and then in the last couple chapters she gives The Reveal in the pool (which revealed barely anything) and in the penultimate chapter we see how much she actually loves Gideon.

Palademes and Camilla were cool as fuck, though.

Story

It started pretty good before they left Drearbuh (of whatever it's called), but as soon as they arrived in the First planet, it just meandered. I've seen some people who actually liked the book, and they also seemed to agree that it was slow, but I don't think it improved greatly later on. After Palamedes and Camilla first appeared and Gideon was finally allowed to speak it did pick up, and the tests she and Harrow did were fun, but soon after the story became about who has which keys, and I refuse to believe anyone was interested about that part.

Eventually, it had the plot twist that Ianthe is actually a fucking genius who is proving Palamedes wrong about him being the best necro of his generation (sadly) and she fights the Eighth and kills them and also apparently Dulcinea isn't Dulcinea and Palamedes kills himself to kill her but it doesn't work and the remaining characters take turns to kill her until Gideon sacrifices herself and Harrow kills her. And then we get an epilogue.

So, 90% of the story is contained in the last 10% of it. This is not good. The pacing of this book sucks. The last 10% of it is pretty good, but that does not redeem the rest. There is also a lot of telling instead of showing. We only see Ianthe after she becomes a Lyctor; Palamedes's backstory is told by Camilla literally a chapter before the reveal; we never get to see the Second killing Teacher; we never see Silas grabbing Dulcinea's keys. Gideon as the PoV character doesn't really work, because she only becomes the central point of the story at the very end, and for the most part everyone else is doing their own things out of screen.

What I liked

I already said this, but Palamedes and Camilla were great. Harrow was very fun, and, while I did not enjoy Gideon, she was pretty well written.

The setting was very interesting, and felt much bigger than what we saw. I wish that the glossary had been at the start of the book, but it isn't that big of a problem. The necromancy was also fun, with all of the different styles, although I wish it were better explained (and I understand that it probably wasn't because Gideon knows dick about shit about it, but it doesn't really change me having a problem with it).

The last two chapters were easily the best in the book. Like, I genuinely liked them. This is mostly because Gideon wasn't the PoV, I'll admit, but the Necrolord Prime (I do not remember if he's actually called that or not, but I'll still call him that) was very fun in the like, three pages he was in.

What I Really Wish Had Been Done

So, I'll try to be as direct as possible. Have multiple PoVs. Preferably one for each House. This could solve literally every problem I denoted here. The Ianthe reveal came out of nowhere? Well, now we can properly set it up. The Palamedes backstory was explained through exposition two pages before it became relevant? Well, instead of Camilla giving it, we see him think about it. I hate the quips? Other characters won't have quips. The story meanders at the start? Go to characters who have stuff to do. And you can even use the skulls besides the chapter number with the Houses to signify which character is the PoV, and, at the epilogue, have it for the first time have the skull of the First. Wouldn't that be a cool usage of it? I am completely aware that this would require completely rewriting the book, but I think it'd be worth it.

Conclusion

I'll still read the next book, and I will probably enjoy it more due to not having constant quips and Ianthe presumably having focus, although I've heard from multiple people that it's confusing as fuck. So yeah, I'm decently hyped for Harrow the Ninth, and if I have was many thoughts about it I'll probably also write a review. Also, hey, Reddit!

[kaleido-write]

Why do you want that woman's validation so bad? She's a random woman online with a mediocre comic that'll never reach anywhere farther than that corner of the internet with her likeminded crowd. It's embarrassing to see you write these giant paragraphs about trying to fix her, or you on your knees trying to get in on her good graces. The only thing you've done for her is give her more attention, gave her more exposure, and are continuing to bother her when it's clear that none of you are able to meet in the middle. You and your friends aren't very good at arguing points, and actively make the situation worse. It's embarrassing to see your folk send messages to other random, unimportant transphobic tumblr users who are a dime a dozen and aren't actually in on anything regarding the comic author you're obsessed about. Why do you want a "cool bond" with an author who despises your personal rights of being who you are? Why have you and your friends been so obsessed about this mediocre author that you spend days and hours making fanart for her work? Why do you think she'd be unhappy about afab people looking and taking in her work, even if its not aligned with how she sees it? Any foot in the door with females and her work is progress, and you all are actively obsessing about her work even if you claim to be against it. You know she's laughing at you, not with you, right? You and your friends don't do anything to her, and her responses claiming that your group personally effects her is also the same victim complex that your group does to her back. None of your main group who make these useless posts and drawings are transgender women, and it's painfully obvious as to how this effects how you operate.

The author of that pointless comic should be irrelevant and lost to time, but the behavior from your group helps her pay the website bandwidth with outrage dollars. She doesn't need your approval, critique, or hatred to keep doing what she does, nor will she back down. She already whines and cries about being kicked off main websites due to her transphobic beliefs, so stop helping her get more clicks.

OK first take a breather please

I dont necessarily want her validation , i just think its important to not be an asshole to someone and acknowledge when youve hurt someone and that it's important to apologize to them yk ? Not be an asshole .

Because i want to be better everyday and in order to do that i have to be mature and emotionally intelligent and work on my wrongdoings even if I didnt meant to harm doesn't mean i didnt harm someone

Im not really obsessed? It's more a hyperfixation that is kinda stuck till I finish critiquing everything either for myself or others since my critiques are actually helping people it increased my joy in making it , if it doesn't personally help you nor you don't enjoy them nor agree that's fine

Eh the "cool bond" as I put it was moreso just to see if it was doable to agree in the middle and make her see humanity in others , since she actively dehumanized people in multiple ways I felt it was something I wanted to see for myself

Yk you can be agaisnt someone and still want to indulge in something they did/still actively do ? And sometimes reclaiming something bad they do help alleviate the harm the person is doing , you don't need to agree with our methods but doing this for ourselves is helpful

Im not sure what you mean by victim complex when you talk about us , if you could provide exemples I would appreciate greatly

Amd honestly I don't think that me and my mere 40 followers contribute to anything hahaha , I mostly do that critique for myself and the people of leasebound. I have a grand love for art so dissecting what works what doesn't and why is something I love to do and the people coming to her site are radfems and terfs from her circles that are doing mouth to mouth , we (the leasecord) are barely reaching anyone (if you check its mostly us reblogging the stuff between us) so the reach youre talking about doesn't come from us but the far more influential friends she has and organization such as the LGB thing

And i do not want to fix her , its insinuating she's broken and I don't like that , I merely want to help her if I can because help shouldn't be conditional , if she doesn't want it and want to dig her hole of controversy hatred and offensiveness then good for her ig

(BTW why are you using anonymous ????)

[sleepingfancies]

👕5 🌤3, 4 🤝7, 12, 17 💓6 for raphael??????? mayhaps????

HEH >=3 you've activated my trap card (talking abt my ocs for too long)

👕5. What are your characters opinions on scars?

A stupidly nuanced answer for a straightforward question, but that's just how Raphael is. For the most part, scars are flaws to him; signs of carelessness or recklessness. Scars from things like cat scratches, tripping on uneven ground and skinning a knee, blisters from repetitive motion - things a person can "control," he scoffs at. To Raphael, they should have either known their limits or simply been better at what they were doing. Purely accidental or surgical scars he's far more understanding about, and is even curious about them. He likes hearing the stories behind their existence, because it gives him greater understanding of the person. Scars on himself, though? He can't stand them. Even surgical scars he would hate vehemently. Permanent signs of his own mediocrity, in his perspective. They'd drive him insane. He'd do anything to cover them up or get rid of them. He'd be embarrassed by them, he would want no one to see them. Raphael would probably avoid something like surgery for as long as possible if he knew it would give him a scar.

🌤️3. What season would your character say they're most similar to?

Summer babyyyyy. The heat, the blazing sunlight, the rapid weather changes, the inevitability of it all. Summer is a strong hand grabbing you by the shoulder and saying "don't ignore me," and that's exactly who Raphael is. Summer storms are intense albeit short-lived, much like his own temper flares. Summer days are bright and warm, summer nights are gentle and lively. He identifies with all of these things! Frankly, he does know himself well enough to know he is as unpredictable and attention-demanding (and hot, in his not-so-humble opinion) as summer, anyway.

🌤️4. Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

Raphael is not at all keen on tornadoes. Teothe is a relatively flat and low-lying country, with the coast to the east, the Nattenheim mountain border to the west, and the massive expanse of the Arboretum to the south. Because of its topogrophy, Teothe is extremely susceptible to tornado formation during summer thunderstorms. The idea that wind alone could destroy his home, kill his family, and overall destroy his life really scares Raphael quite a lot. Living away from home, when tornadoes do occur, he is in a constant state of worry and fear until he knows his siblings are alright (which, given how far away he is, could take weeks).

🤝7. Who is your character most honest with?

Again, a weirdly nuanced answer, because tbh Raphael has different definitions of "honest" when it comes to himself. Truthfully Raphael really only has three close friends, Mirabelle, Alizee, and Conall. Mirabelle is a coworker of his, and one of the few people who's seen Raphael at some serious low points. Mirabelle is the most acquainted with his worst impulses and behaviors. She knows how destructive he can get, and he's most honest with her about those tendencies. Alizee is Raphael's immediate younger sibling, and she knows how complicated his relationship can get with their family. She knows that he's different when he's at home, and she knows why things are tense between him and their mother. Raphael's most honest with her about the pressure of being an eldest sibling and what his childhood was like before her. Conall is (initially) a complete stranger, who has no clue who "Rikke the Savior"/"Rikke the Traitor" is, who barely speaks Teothean, and is mostly just deeply distressed that Teothean trees and spiders can't speak. Conall has no context for half the things that make Raphael want to gnaw on plastic. It takes a little time (but faster than Raphael would've expected), but Raphael becomes honest about a lot of his identity struggles with Conall. Although Conall doesn't know who Rikke is, he can relate to Raphael's general problem, since his own mother is quite the meance back in the Arboretum. So Mirabelle, Alizee, and Conall are all recipients of Raphael's honesty in their own unique ways. There is no one person whom Raphael trusts with being honest about every aspect of himself, though.

🤝12. How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

It's not ideal! He would much rather be a follower, since he's been the leader of his siblings for most of his life as it is. Stress would weigh down on him pretty hard. He also wouldn't want to be "threatened" with a leadership position forever (again). If he was put in a position where his leadership was indefinite, he wouldn't be able to separate leadership from his place as an eldest sibling. His leadership would turn condescending and far too familiar, and he'd likely receive pushback until he either snapped or simply quit. If a leadership position is being granted to him as a reward or as recognition, he'll accept it quicker than if it's because he's actually qualified to lead. He does occasionally place himself in leadership positions voluntarily, if he feels like the original leader isn't doing their job right/well anymore. Raphael is what you might call an "emergency leader." He'll follow until things start going chaotic or horribly wrong, and then he'll step in and start guiding, even though he doesn't actually want to be the leader. He usually has some choice words for failed leaders.

🤝17. How well does your character work with others?

Generally Raphael doesn't work well with others. To the above point, he has absolutely no patience for incompetence at work. Raphael will openly question methods and behaviors, challenge ideas, and argue strategic plans. His superiors at his job have all but removed him from fieldwork and reconaissance entirely, because he cannot help becoming combative if he feels his coworkers are being stupid, inefficient, or uncertain. It's a combination of his eldest sibling instincts and prioritizing how he does things, for better or worse. He's confident in his own personal ability to charmingly disarm others, so he finds more abrasive and blunt methods of talking to others irritating and unnecessary. He doesn't account well for how other people might operate, simply believing their ways of doing things aren't as good as his. He works best by himself, or with a small group of excellent communicators (which most of his coworkers are not).

💓6. How well does your character act under pressure?

Raphael functions well enough on the surface under pressure - he makes a good show of not being impacted by pressure at all, appearing very flippant and nonchalant. But in actuality the fear of failure is stifling. If he fails in general he kicks himself something fierce, but to fail under pressure, when expectations are high? When people trust him to do good work and succeed? Failing simply isn't an option. If he failed in front of others while under pressure, their disappointment would be so palpable he'd fly off the handle at the next person who asked anything of him. He never wants to be known as the guy who fumbled when it mattered most.

[fimproda]

Welcome / Fanfiction Masterlist

(This is a long post. Bear with me: I'm unable to stop the flow of words that come out of my mouth. It's why I love writing.)

Hello there!

As I plan on using this account primarily to advertise my stories, here's a "brief" rundown of my authorial profile. Please note that each and every one of my works is R-Rated, and with good reason. (I like myself some smut.)

@zoyalannister and I are co-authors on AO3, and under our names is the The Last Flowers series, in which we hold back no blows towards Cassandra Clare's truly idiotic plot and characterization in The Last Hours and attempt to write something decent. TLF is comprised of:

Hydrangea, a three-part, Grace-centered minilong which takes place between Chain of Gold and Chain of Iron;

Daisy, a six-part, Cordelia-centered minilong spanning from the Whispering Room scene in Chain of Gold to the end of Chain of Iron;

Chrysanthemum (upcoming), a nine-part fix-it of that trash fire that is Chain of Thorns;

Geranium, an AU stemming from a particular plot point in Hydrangea;

Petals, a collection of missing moments from the series.

Please note that I am zoyalannister's friend, co-author and beta reader for a reason, and any defense of Chain of Thorns will not be tolerated on this blog. (I might be joking, or I might not. Find out at your expense.)

As a solo writer, I've been active for a while in the A Court of Thorns and Roses fandom with the Under the Stars series, posting, as of today:

Constellations, a Nessian-centric minilong which takes place about a year after the events in Silver Flames;

In the shadow of a dream, a Gwynriel one-shot that sets the scene for a future Gwynriel long;

Space dust, a collection of 31 drabbles for Kinktober;

Splendor Solis, a little Elucien worldbuilding piece set in the Day Court.

If you're interested about this fandom, want to know more about my stories (current or future), want to hear me proselitizing about how SJM is a truly great writer and suffers from too much negative publicity, or simply want to chat, I'm here for this very reason.

You can also find me on Wattpad, where my "career" actually started. If there's someone between you who can read Italian and fancies themselves some mediocre The Mortal Instruments fanfiction, you can visit my Wattpad profile and be faced with these ol' things:

Remembering the Past, the first fanfic in a trilogy in which I tried to imagine what life after City of Heavenly Fire might have been like for our beloved heroes;

Living the Present, which is RtP's sequel;

Seeing the Future, which in turn is LtP's sequel and concludes the trilogy, as well as starting a new plotline with a fresh set of characters who star as protagonists in this next story I'm about to cite;

House of Cards, a Watty award-winning first story of a tetralogy I never got to write in its entirety. HoC is pretty sweet tho, if I do say so myself, and you can read it even if you know nothing about the Past, Present and Future trilogy.

The stuff on Wattpad is quite old and I'm not posting there anymore, as I now find AO3 more suitable for the kind of stories I write, and also a more "fanfiction-friendly" and "English-friendly" website. But I still respond to comments and interact with readers, since that's the bare minimum in my opinion.

And... this is all I have to say. Nice meeting you all!

[diedandwenttobobevans]

First Journal Entry 7/21/24

Hi. Hello. I'm so fucking bad at journals. I've been wanting to do this for a bit tho. It's going to be a big dumb thought dump. Don't really care about coherence, this is just a habit I really wanted to get into. Theres a part of me thats like, anxious? I'm dealing with some really bad self image issues right now. Lots of stuff going on in my life. I've been insanely insecure and self concious recently and so even just the idea of airing my greivances out publicly with the protection of anonymity is nerve wracking to me. Everything in life feels overwhleming and. just. AAAAAAAAAA

Here's the thing. I'm a sorry excuse for an adult. I'm 35, just got out of a mediocre and toxic 13+ year relationship with my ex back in April. It was a long, dragged out death to a unfulfilling existence that I held onto too long. Dear Jesus I just realized I'll be 36 in 3 weeks. Fuck. Ready to get off Mr. Bones ride already. I am she/her/they (oh hey, that they is new but dont want to dwell on it too much) bi- lesbian leaning mess of a human being. I don't have spawn thank god. That's not to say I dislike kids or anything, I just don't find I am a patient and responsibile enough person to care for one. I barely can take care of myself.

So mental disorders. I haven't been properly diagnosed. Gotta love the American Health Care system. But it's more so I don't do anything. I don't take care of myself in the very obvious ways and I am always prcrastinating and straight up avoiding difficult and stressing tasks that every other normal ass person can do. So I haven't bothered with getting health insurance. I don't have a traditional job that provides benefits. God, I sleep so much but everthing tires me. Even just writing this out is mentally exhausting. I don't know whats wrong with me. I think its ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, maybe something else. Autism? BPD? Maybe I'm just a hypochondriac. I don't know how people can function if they feel like I do. I barely want to get out of bed.

My brain is starting to fry and I'm struggling to sit and type these feelings out. Again, so overwhelmed. It feels like I have so much to dump here. But at the same time I don't know what I want to talk about? If its not obvious, I'm not a self actualized person. I'm struggling defineing myself and my goals and what I want out of life. I'm hoping journaling practices will help with that.

I hung out with my brother and two of his friends on Saturday. One is renting out his basement, hes a long time friend of my bro's wife. Great guy, but I kinda want him to move out so I can take over the basement. Hes been house hunting recently so it seems possible. The other friend is a woman I just met this year, not sure how long of a friend shes been with Bro but shes openly Pan, outgoing, smart, adorably nerdy. Fine as hell. An amazingly caring person. I, the absolute garbage bag I am, went to a party at the beguinning of the year and not knowing anyone there, drank fast and furious and went a little loud and first met Adorable Nerd (not knowing the extent of her nerdiness) while plastered, trauma dumped about my failing relationship. Claimed to "like her vibe" THEN GAVE HER ASS A SQUEEZE according to other party goers. I'm so ashamed. and cowardly to boot so the next 2 parties I seen her at I avoided her out of embaressment. The fact she still wants to talk and even has invited me out to future hangouts is insane. She loves DnD and wants to play so bad. Maybe she would want to go to Gen Con? Trying to enjoy roleplaying games and board games is kind of weird when theres a lot of history of my ex and those activities, but damn it, I like that stuff. I may of learned a lot from him about the subjects but that doesn't make me not interested anymore.

Anyway, AdoraNerd seems intent on trying to "help" me. Trying to get me out and about, talk about my feelings. It's been 3 months now since the break up. I guess I should leave the house. Is she into me, is this weird to ask. Why would she care. I told her she would do amazing in psychology

God this a jumbled mess of thoughts. I would love to get better at writing and organzing my brainworms. For now though I think I'll end it here and try to make this a daily practice.

I want to add what I'm listening to here as well. Remember on myspace and xanga and most people ended their blogs with "currently lsitening to/currently watching/ currently playings/currently eating ect" stuff? I want to continue the tradition. What would all the important stuff be? I also kind of want to get into a collages for my mood so I have some kind of creative outlet outside of work.

Listening: SUPERHEAVEN - I'VE BEEN BORED / LITHONIA - CHILDISH GAMBINO

Watching: THE TICK (1994)