#its not a problem if I'm productive
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im a big fan of esper powers slipping loose in harmless ways when they're happy
#LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO i love this one so much i love them#rishou#ritshou#RITSU BEING A LATE AWAKENED HAS A WEAKER GRIP ON HIS POWERS SO THIS SHIT HAPPENS AND I XJDJCJ#and shou. he is very deliberate with his esp! that's um. upbringing and everything he went through#he has fun with them he experiments- absolutely! That's fanon. but they never slip out of his control#he thinks he'd freak if it ever happened (👀) so the fact ritsu's do sometimes and-#-how it ties to his emotions is a huge point of curiosity for shou#mp100#this piece makes me fuzzy im just so glad it came out as intended#the sketch (which was done.. 5 months ago) i edited to have this bad quality photo taken in the dark vibe and then chased it when rendering#but still had to brighten the end result cause Phone Performance idk how you guys have your settings so better safe i guess#but still!! i bet this looks super dark and indistinguishable to some even with max brightness because say they're out in the sun#and im scared of that!!#but man i sat on it long enough i wanna post And i won't sacrifice my vision this time. can't brighten a night till its not night anymore#its a long persisting issue of mine- drawing with full brightness on ipad and then transferring to the phone and going Why is this so bleak#Despair#it's why i grew to hate post production editing it's always so-.. degrading?? discouraging??#I'm progressively better at catching and fixing that problem early on#sketches will still be murky af but I'll copy paste the full image fix the curves and then either go back and switch all the colours#OR FUCKING DRAW OVER THE EDITED SKETCH LAYER WHICH I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT LATELY ITS SO WEIRD AND LOOKS KINDA COOL#and aaaall stems from laziness (read: time management) like bruh those 40+ layers? i aint going back there to fix every colour#mp100 fanart#mob psycho 100#mob psycho fanart#ritsu kageyama#shou suzuki#kageyama ritsu#suzuki shou#ALSO i deliberately tried to make esp blend with the environment; nothing dazzling and mindblowing. felt right for this piece
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of “Lan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxian” posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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I'm still seeing a lot of angry takes in the tags about how excessive Watcher's current costs are and how all fans really want, apparently, is "just shane and ryan sitting in a basement" back again. While I do think Watcher is probably spending over budget and that's a real issue, a lot of the takes I'm seeing show a fundamental misunderstanding of how video production works and where costs actually lie. So a few quick things that I just keep seeing that are bothering me:
It was never just Shane and Ryan in a basement. BFU did a great job selling that conceit and making sure you never saw anyone beyond them and maybe TJ, but they absolutely had other crew members with them on ghost hunts and they didn't do all the work on BFU themselves. This Q&A from Season 2 lists 36 people on staff for Buzzfeed Unsolved. It's fair to make arguments that Watcher may or may not need 25 people, but those arguments should not be coming from a place of "before it was just Shane and Ryan and nobody else."
If you don't know how many people are needed to make a professional video from a TV/film standpoint, you will not have a reasonable grasp of why Watcher wants to keep 25 people on staff. Sure, some YouTubers get by with a ring light and a contracted editor. The Watcher team have stated repeatedly that they do not want to work as just YouTubers and see themselves more as a production studio—so why do people keep referencing the YouTube model to understand their business? This is like asking the local shake shop why it doesn't function like the kids' lemonade stand down the block. The item category is similar but they're not trying for the same products or process.
The "gold dusted food" is not the big budget sink you think it is. On most TV shows I've worked on it's normal to partner with businesses that are shown onscreen and work out a deal where the price of the product (in this case the gold food) is reduced or eliminated in exchange for the free publicity. Watcher very likely made a deal with every restaurant it worked with to make the Korea trip affordable for the company. The real budget spends are on things you're probably not seeing but that still matter: camera and lighting equipment is expensive, insurance for that equipment is expensive, business overhead and paying your staff are expensive. So again—it's fine to critique Watcher for the streaming plan and the perceived budgetary issues, but go into this knowing the costs might not be coming from the things you see onscreen.
My source is that I work in TV and film and actually have a clue on how the industry functions. Again, 36 people worked on Unsolved (and those were the people mention in Season 2—who knows how big the team blew up past that in later seasons). Entertainment work is real work, and demands decent equipment, competent staff, and the same types of business and budget problems you'd find in any other business (overhead, staffing, etc.). Feel free to critique Watcher's business model, but first try to understand where that model is coming from and what goals it's attempting to serve.
#watcher#watcher entertainment#rant! sorry! couldn't see another take from someone who clearly thinks video work is just fun and games because “it's entertainment right”#funny how people expect normal business costs and problems for any other career but if it's involved with production they think everything#just magically happens and is made entirely by the onscreen talent. nutso#anyway i think watcher is probably trying its best; maybe got too overexcited; but cares about quality of life for its employees and#wants no one working to the bone. which is admirable! the streaming service was a bad idea but they're not the literal devil like some thin#they're 3 self described idiots doing this for the first time. they backpedaled. i don't see this as the death of the company & i'm gonna#keep supporting them :)
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Finally done my quiz wtf that was not something to celebrate!! I thought I could relax and take it easy today but I wanna perish 💀💀💀
#nimo's sheeko sheeko time#like I started at 9:30am and its now 2:10pm#parts I legit couldnt do bc I think my teacher didnt realize we couldnt do it on a free trial account??#not my problem I screenshoted it amd put it in the doc after messaging her about it 🤷🏾♀️#also deadass had to create an ecommerce website with products and a marketing campagin DJDJSNS#ontop of the quiz portion!!!#I wanna puke so bad my stomach feels like it wants to cave in#so...I guess...I'll eat#the way I'm fucked anyway since I waited too long to eat 😭#well the rest of today is resting for sure cuz wtf wtf wtf#i didnt get to do anything else!!#as in other work we have#tomorrow is the final project too...and we have to present the shop?#which fine but the free trial is over tomorrow so I took screenshots since I lowkeu think I wont have access 💀#I think my teacher wanted me specifically dead rjrjejekem
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“oh the gods are bad the gods are bad” i actually realized i dont give a fuck. crazy concept i actually realized i do not give a fuck lmaooo. people have lived not liking or worshipping the gods for so many fucking years its actually CRAZY like people honestly just go about their day to day lives. they believe or they don't! big whoop! they just care about the price of milk and if the world isn't ending!!
#average exandrian citizen here with the weather report: it is raining fire which i don't like and eggs are 9$ a pack. pls fix this first#where will i go when i die? don't care! hopefully not the hells! i don't worship but my friend does and that makes them happy.#but none of us like corrupt chruch officials! lets take them down#but first i want to enjoy my weekend off from working in the fields because again; i am a NORMAL CITIZEN WITH NORMAL PROBLEMS#can we just agree we need to stop ludinas and end the fucking squabbling? STAY AWAY FROM A DIVINITY DEBATE.#its interesting but not the time! every time we indulge it again its counter productive#obviously i am loving this and having so much fun and am super into the choices the players are making! they're doing a fantastic job#i'm just being a bitch lmao#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#campaign 3#cr3#andis thought geyser
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Wicked, as reviewed by Finland's leading newspaper
The musical, Finnish production, 2010: the music is bland, the politics are confusing and dumb, the moral of the story is muddled
The movie, part 1, 2024: the best thing about this movie is that they don't burst into song all the time
The movie, part 2, 2025 (my prediction): it's confusing how Glinda did bad things and Elphaba did good things, and also, all songs should have been replaced with wordless silence
#I'm not even a Wicked fan but for crying out loud#sadly both of these reviews live rent free in my head#the first one lives in my mental hall of fame of worst Finnish musical reviews of all time really#like. Wicked has its problems and the Finnish production made some Choices and you're free to hate it all#but please let's not pretend its morals and the Ozian politics are too ✨confusing✨ for the audience#that's kinda like saying the Barbie movie presents such a deep and advanced view of feminism it's impossible for anyone to understand#(there's also this disgustingly twee bit attached to the review where the critic says their kid didn't get why Elphaba didn't mourn Nessa)#(yeah she only goes insane about the shoes because she's literally so wicked and evil. no other reason)#tl;dr: I hate it here and have zero respect for professional Finnish critics who write about musicals#apart from that one guy who gave Mamma Mia! 2 five stars for all the right reasons. the rest of them can go step on a lego however#Finnish musical theatre
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people really do not know what they're talking about when it comes to Elizabeth Woodville's social status, huh?
#yes Elizabeth was without a doubt considered too low-born to be queen#no she was not a commoner and nobody actually called her that during her life (so I'm not sure why people are claiming that they did?)#Elizabeth's social status was not a problem in itself; it was a problem in the context of queenship and marrying into royalty#Context is important in this and for literally everything else when it comes to analyzing history. Any discussion is worthless without it.#obviously pop culture-esque articles claiming that she was 'a commoner who captured the king's heart' are wrong; she wasn't#But emphasizing that ACTUALLY she was part of the gentry with a well-born mother and just leaving it at that as some sort of “GOTCHA!”#is equally if not more irresponsible and entirely irrelevant to discussions of the actual time period we're studying.#Elizabeth *was* considered unworthy and unacceptable as queen precisely because of her lower social status#her father and brother had literally been derided as social-climbers by Salisbury Warwick and Edward himself just a few years earlier#the Woodvilles' marriage prospects clearly reflected their status (and 'place') in society: EW herself had first married a knight and all#siblings married within the gentry to people of a similar status. compare that to the prestigious marriages arranged after EW became queen#Elizabeth having a lower social status was not 'created' by propaganda against her; it fueled and shaped propaganda against her#that's a huge huge difference; it's irresponsible and silly to conflate the two as I've seen a recent tumblr post cavalierly do#like I said she was considered too low-born to be queen long before any of the propaganda Warwick Clarence or Richard put out against her#and the fact that Elizabeth was targeted on the basis of her social status was in itself novel and unprecedented#no queen before her was ever targeted in such a manner; Clearly Elizabeth was considered notably 'different' in that regard#(and was quite literally framed as the enemy and destroyer of 'the old royal blood of this realm' and all its actual 'inheritors' like..)#ngl this sort of discussion always leaves a bad taste in my mouth#because it's not like England and France (et all) are at war or consider each other mortal enemies in the 21st century#both are in fact western european imperialistic nations who've been nothing but a blight to the rest of the world including my own country#yet academic historians clearly have no problem contextualizing the xenophobia that medieval foreign queens faced as products of their time#and sympathizing with them accordingly (Eleanor of Provence; Joan of Navarre; Margaret of Anjou; etc)(at least by their own historians)#Nor were foreign queens the “worst” targets of xenophobia: that was their attendants or in times of war commoners or soldiers#who actually had to bear the brunt of English aggression#queens were ultimately protected and guaranteed at least a veneer of dignity and respect because of their royal status#yet once again historians and people have no problem contextualizing and understanding their difficulties regardless of all this#so what is the problem with contextualizing the classism *Elizabeth* faced and understanding *her* difficulties?#why is the prejudice against her constantly diminished & downplayed? (Ive never even seen any historian directly refer to it as 'classism')#after all it was *Elizabeth* who was more vulnerable than any queen before her due to her lack of powerful foreign or national support#and Elizabeth who faced a form of propaganda distinctly unprecedented for queens. it SHOULD be emphasized more.
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I have not eaten anything today and I frankly don't have the motivation to make anything, or even care that I haven't had anything
#things are not good for me right now#like I'm crying again and the only reason I haven't texted my boss to say I'm not going to work tomorrow#is cause my anxiety is through the roof at the thought of having to communicate#and I'm kinda in a spiral about being a failure at work and do think its a matter of time until I'm fired#so i should probably get as many hours as I can#not that any of this even matters like I'm well aware all of my problems are trivial and yet here i am once again having a break down#and my therapist said it's not productive to tell myself to suck it up and stop being a baby but here we are#and the instinct is really strong
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my hot take as a doctor who fan is that doctor who has never been good or had consistent characterization or plotlines--you just had more tolerance for it being worse when it started, and have more sympathy and nostalgia for older seasons now.
#to be clear i do not think billie piper coming back is an Unequivocably Good Thing. She's a great actress & i love her#but if ncuti's season just becomes a vessel for Rose Is Back i will throw a chair#However. I think a lot of people are critiquing rtd's newer seasons for problems the show has ALWAYS had like they are new issues#'why introduce this person for one episode & flesh the out & make them seem relevant to the plot-' JENNY?#'but she came back in big finish-' LEE MCAVOY??#& that's just one example. i'm not saying these problems aren't problems!#but framing them as /new/ issues means you probably aren't being realistic about doctor who as a whole#and that makes your critiques come across (esp to the showrunners) as being in poor faith at best.#you cant bring back the 'rose tyler & the doctor are forever linked & his love + grief for her is fundamental to his character' guy#and expect him to not bring back rose tyler somehow. like come on guys#also if we can be real for a sec. holding doctor who to netflix Million Dollar Episode standards is probably never gonna happen#the reason everything consistently feels disjointed IS the episodic nature of the show and its many writers.#i have not seen the new season but ive Heard About It & i am not saying the treatment of certain characters is excusable#however i would like to point out what happened to eccleston. & likely whittaker. & realistically any doctor that wasnt 10 11 or 12.#and dont even get me STARTED on martha or donna or mickey or-#like YES. it is a HUGE problem how ncuti & these characters are being treated & again. vessel for rose = i throw chair.#however! this is not a new problem in doctor who & acting like it is is not productive.#anyways-#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#<- for the tags lol
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hey dude i'll be back in a minute. yeah i'm good ive just got to explode my mom w/ my mind, yknow how it is
#junk drawer of wonders#i think ive hit the point of being home in which i start to hate my mom#i don't rly hate her its just a lot of little things all at once#i bought a pair of heels from the thrift store and she said she was “surprised but happy” that i got them#thats code for “i want my daughter back why did you kill her”#last night my sisters and i went out for a ice cream run and she got v weird about it#she started insulting a lot of places that have ice cream shops near us and calling them ghetto#and insinuating that one homeless man is somehow the worst thing ever#and made a comment about “bikini season bodies” which thankfully my sisters and i are p immune to at this point BUT ITS STILL WEIRD#earlier at dinner she started nagging my dad about leaving his clothes in their room but offered no solution which is generally how she run#“here's a problem mom.” “oh a problem. simply solve it.” “how.” “just solve it”#today she started fussing w my hair and insulting it bc ive lost some of the curls i had a few years ago#and shes acting like i suddenly did some crazy hair care shift EVEN THOUGH I USE THE SAME PRODUCTS I'M JUST DONE W PUBERTY#AND SHE KNOWS MY HAIR CHANGED DURING PUBERTY FROM WAVES -> CURLS SO WHY WOULDN'T IT CHANGE AGAIN?#idk sometimes she just gets to be a lot#and she refuses to see anyone else's pov#why would we do anything your way when we could do them her way#delete later#vent
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the way I almost sent my work laptop crashing to the ground at speed was both an accident and kind of appropriate
#I'm TIRED of this grandpa#nobody in our group is feeling the upcoming training/class#telomirage.txt#lmao I got another '[redacted] agent has detected that this computer should be rebooted' notification. absolutely the fuck not#LEAVE ME ALONE. every time I get one of these an angel loses its wings#sometimes it forces me to reboot AT LEAST EIGHT TIMES IN A DAY#you can wait!!! also sometimes the updates that get forced down from corporate break our equipment lol#one time it took our main [redacted] out for an entire shift of production and I was only able to solve the problem thanks to one (1)#article I found on [redacted] vault by accident#at that point it was 10 pm and three of us working on it got up and left 😂😭
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I BUILT A TRAIN! AND IT EVEN WORKS TOO!!!
#Jesus christ the train station stuff is resource intensive though#Tomorrow's project will be setting up a caterium computer production line#I refuse to touch the normal computer recipe I'm so sick of dealing with screws#Only problem is that to set up the production line I'm gonna need more trains...#Which means computers... that I'm TRYING TO BUILD--#Yeah this game is its own brand of insanity#Satisfactory
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I'm not on the internet bc I don't have a life or need to be constantly entertained I literally spend car rides thinking and daydreaming and my idea of fun is making shit and organizing and being outside. I just have adhd and chronic fatigue and need to be able to do something interesting when i have no focus or energy to do something which is a lot of the time. I swear I am doing everything in my ability. Thanks 🙏
#im just#im literally sitting in my closet taking a break from reorganizing and putting away my clothes#scrolling on my phone to occupy my brain for a second#and seeing posts about getting off your phone and reading instead#and its like wish fulfillment it's not meant to be guilting like 'technology rots your brain' stuff#I'm not blaming anyone or anything#but I still feel guilty all the time for not doing more#for not taking a break in the right way#and maybe they have a point maybe I'd be happier if i was reading rn instead#but the guilt paralyzes my brain#no one's fault#things i gotta work thru#but yeah#i think that being able to be productive for your own sake is essential to self care#getting out and doing stuff#it's also important to understand the difference between executive dysfunction and depression and fatigue etc etc#cause different problems need different approaches#laziness is just a bunch of competeing needs making it difficult to move
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tumblr makes me feel better about things sometimes. like of course i know real people with a fucked up mental state manage to come out alive on the other side with people and pets and things they care about but actually seeing it makes me pause and think yeah. shit's going to be rough but maybe things really will end up being okay
#i think once i start going to therapy and then learn to drive and learn the entire process RE getting a job and RE other common adult things#i'll feel better about a lot of things since one of my major Big Problems is just how there are so many new scary things that i know nothin#about that will happen soon in my life#which is scary on its own and then i have a habit of entering a sort of self-loathing cycle about how everyone else is mostly fine doing it#so why aren't i (dumb + irrational + non productive; i know. luckily doesn't happen too often since i'm busy being terrified of my future)#but um. squints. what was i talking about. but once these things become less unknown to me i think i'll be in a much better mental state#queued rambles
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Remember this joke?

Well, I am going to do something similar only with photography. This is a photo someone took for an Amazon review of their Clinique products.

Honestly, it is not a terrible photo. They did some staging. They have an interesting background. All of the labels are legible. It is properly exposed. This would be a perfectly acceptable product photo for an Etsy page.
I've been taking these advanced photography courses in preparation for whenever I am able to create a new studio in the house. And my teacher is a photography badass. I just watched a 6 hour class on how to recreate a professional Clinique ad. And at first glance it looks deceptively simple. It's just some skin care products being splashed with a little water.
Which is why I wanted you to see an average person for reference.
This is what Karl Taylor came up with.

And I don't think I've learned so much about photography in one tutorial before.
Product photography is just loads and loads of problem solving. You have to light the chrome caps with a gradient. Which requires giant diffusion scrims.
Those big white panels are literally only there for the two chrome caps.
You need a pure white background, but you can't let light spill all over the studio, so you put up giant black light blockers.
And you have to add another light just for the orange bottle on the right.
Oh, and if you want the bottles to glow, well, you have to hide a silver reflector behind them.
But you still want the edges of the bottles to be darker so they have some contrast. So you add some black tape to the sides.
And in order for the reflective labels to have bold black lettering, you have to reflect black cards into them.
Ack! Karl's beautiful bald head is showing up in the chrome caps! He must put on the naughty blanket.
And once you get every aspect of every bottle perfectly lit, you finally get to yeet some water at it all.
I don't love product photography because I have a weird obsession to help greedy corporations make their wares look more beautiful. I love it because it is a complicated and challenging new puzzle every time. Every product is a different shape and requires a different technique to make it look its best.
I don't know if I will be able to live up to Karl's standards.
This is about the level I was at in 2017 before I quit photography.





I have so much more knowledge in my brain now. I'm really hoping I can surpass that.
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★ cupid carries a gun.
open up your skull, i'll be there climbing up the walls.

cw # 18+ mdni, modern au, mentions of marijuana, dealer+loser!ellie, blink and you miss a slight pervert behavior, sub!reader, switch!slightdom ellie, pussyslapsyum, pet names, fingering, public sex.
an # if you recognize this it may be because it's from my previous account aka @vicorices who got deleted out of nowhere, this is me trying to get all my work back up again cause i'm not losing three months of work thanks to a shitty team who wiped me out of the internet.
the first time she saw you, she called you bro by accident.
it happens unexpected. ellie's been selling weed for a while now and she's used to get random text messages from unknown numbers: a friend of a friend, a recommendation from some old client — of course when she got your text you're not going to receive special treatment, not when she greets you like she would greet a guy, asking you where to meet since the club's big.
you're friends with cat, that's how you got her number. your usual provider is being insane with ridiculous prices you cannot afford not even by chance, so you're searching for someone else, a reliable source you can buy your weed from without getting into much trouble.
she’s perfect for the job.
it's a surprise either way when you tell her to meet you close to the main stairs in the first floor, and you think you saw her by the time you get there, but before you can approach your phone lights up with a new notification from an unknown number you now recognize.
you like it, making them think you’re a man, confuse the people you buy weed from. it's funny cause it's not the first time it happens, matter of fact, it's really common as you approach the auburn haired girl, noticing she's far less intimidating than your last seller, less tattoos on the face to instead, be covered in freckles and green eyes.
and to ellie — it's clear you aren't a bro too.
you don't pay much attention since it's a quick interaction, but to ellie its enough to make her spiral. too much weed, too much booze that night made her look at you like you're most beautiful girl out there, barely illuminated by the sporadic lights that changes time to time as you approach to her in a nice top of a band she also hears.
"hey. sorry to make you wait" you're too kind to her rough heart, yet from up close she's able to look at your face properly: where the fuck did you know cat from? why she hadn't seen you before too? was she hiding you from her?
"ellie," she presents herself like you do and she's almost a little shy to ask you to walk with her to a less crowded space, cause it sounds different from when she usually asks, slapping herself mentally for being so lame when she meets a pretty girl in a situation like this: don't be a fucking pussy. "do you mind if we move to a quieter place?"
"no, no problem" you reply "i was going to ask you the same, actually. don't want to get kicked out from here."
and you must be really trustful person, cause ellie could be a bad person and you're following her willingly, entering a dirty, small bathroom only to lock the door beneath her not really knowing her true intentions. you know she's not going to do anything when she's nervously speaking to you as the space got way reduced.
"so, you're friends with cat" what's she even doing? trying to pull off some small talk she sucks for? either way your nodding as ellie gives you a small bag with an smiley face on it, letting you see the weed she's going to sell you out first — "you study here in this university?"
"yeah, it’s my last year" you say inspecting the weed with a pleased look, sure you're buying when you take a deep breath and it seems like actual weed and not a fucking rock so tight it seems it came in somebody's ass, good smell, some purple there between different shades of green "film school."
"sick," she looks at you for a moment since you're too busy looking at the product. under the white lights ellie can see the details on your face now, the small moles, the scars, things she wasn't aware of as she wasn't so close as she is now — "it's okay? you like it?"
“smells real good, my last supplier was pretty shit and always had the same strain" you find her concern cute, sure she must take pride in selling good stuff, maybe that's why cat shared her number so reluctant to it, you'd gatekeep a good dealer too.
“that’s lemon haze” ellie explains as a subtle layer of red spreads right over her nose, must be the weather inside the bathroom or something like that, but it's hot as she stares at your eyes and she's betting you must be thinking she's the weirdest girl in the planet. her flannel's too fucking tight, too thick. "it's a nice sativa, wont leave you stupid nor like a hungry animal."
girls like you may be out of her league, but even when ellie's brain saying the same, it does not matter when your fingers brush against hers and you're laughing at her bad joke, giggling like she's oh so funny and it's enough. it may be a tactic she's falling all the way in when saying a lower price than regular and your eyes widen cause you don't believe it: why would such a good quality be cheaper than the usual shit?
"you study in this university too?" you curiously ask as if you're trying to catch the trick, clever girl. she’s selling you cheaper to secure you.
"forensic science" you seemed a bit surprised by it since you didn't talk much to stem girls in general, being in two different fields: hot— "it’s my last year too."
"that sounds cool, never met someone who study that," you say as you're pulling out 20$ for at least 3 grams of top-graded-weed: she's fucking stupid for selling that quality for less than $30 "well nice to meet you ellie, if i don't get poisoned with your weed, you'll be definitely hearing more from me."
and she wants to say something flirty, something with her usual witty charm and her sarcastic replies she loves by heart, but instead of saying something clever, ellie ends up stuttering, tripping in her own words as she nods.
"i- uh- yes sure. save my contact and text me anytime."
fuck it, cause it does get her to know you'll be talking to her again someday, maybe this week, maybe the next, tomorrow. her weed is hella good and her own brain is feeding her delusions cause as far as she knows you might as well be the biggest heterosexual girl in university, but you're there waving her goodbye with a warm smile and your perfume lingers in the air for a while even when you're not there.
so ellie stays in the cubicle for a minute. the longest minute of her life when she takes a deep breath at the scent, discovering the fruity notes, the damn strawberries sweet as ever now impregnated under her nose.
fucking cat cause she must have kept you all to herself, pure selfish reasons — ellie thought they were in good terms.
it's crazy to say she would've done the same if you were her friend too.
the second time ellie sells you weed you're talking with your friends seated in a secluded spot of the main quad and the sun hits your skin just in the correct way to make her mouth go dry.
you're using this straight sinful sundress in blue and white, covering from the fresh air in a denim jacket and it looks so good she needs to check you actually messaged her in the first place and didn't imagined the whole thing.
she politely greets everyone but her attention drifts back to you when ellie's sitting close like you're friends with her before the people you’re hanging out with.
"was it good?" she asks, blatantly checking you out you're resting over your elbows, letting the exposed parts of your body fill out with vitamin d after being trapped in class for what it seems an eternity, and ellie feels trapped too, slightly different cause she's experiencing the victorian era on the flesh when only a glimpse of your ankles is enough to kill her — "guess it was if you're texting to meet up again."
"yeah, seems like you got the best weed in the whole place" you laugh, each time warming up to her as you reply under a pair of black shades that make you look so fucking attractive: her weed, the best. "good job, ellie."
awfully good price. outstanding for you, only loses for her.
the third time, you're meeting her outside class and her friends joke calling you her girlfriend as ellie quickly walks away hoping you didn't hear them: do you talk to her about dinosaurs too, williams? you're too polite to say you find it cute.
by the fifth time you're on her car and the silence is so damn loud as the music sound softly in the speakers, some song you say you like as ellie turns up the volume so you can hear it better. you're humming to the tune, a two-minute song as she pretends to be searching for the weed on her bag, taking more time on purpose.
"are you going to take the same three grams or you feel generous this time?"
"no, just three" you reply to her question. you've become quite aware of her consistent gaze on you now after weeks of selling you grass, personally giving you the best, making the moment linger without you noticing until you actually do catch on her subtle tactics— "that way i can text sooner and see you again this week."
ellie’s clueless most of the days but with that? anyone would notice you're flirting, blatantly as you look up to her and your dealer struggles to resist the need on her hands to pin you against the passenger seat and lean all over the console to go on and kiss you until you clearly state what you want. no playing around the bushes this time. demand, as her stomach turns, what do you mean by that.
do you want to see her more? that's why you buy three grams and talk to her every three or four days? are you, by any chance, not straight?
“if you want to see me during the week, you might just ask” ellie says mirroring your tone “like you ask to buy weed from me, s’not that hard.”
you’re the one who's nervous now, and she considers on giving you the weed as a gift before you’re paying. loses, you only mean loses in her economy at this point — and it's driving her hella mad when you get out the car and ellie’s left there with the need to have you as closer as you possibly agree to.
silk fabric slipping through her fingers.
the sixth time, ellie decides she's going to do something about it. about her needs. there’s no actual way you’re not flirting with her, the image of you in the passenger seat still sealed freshly on her mind even if it was a week ago, repeating it over and over again — you got her staring at your profile pic, debating if she can or cannot masturbate with the pictures you’ve shared on instagram from spring break in fucking california, liking your post cause it’s the only way she dares to interact, a way of saying she’s there.
in the middle of a saturday night, thinking about you. two in the morning and it’s all fucking you.
she should make up her mind. you’re a good buyer, and she wishes to keep it that way. you don’t ask for later payments, you constantly buy and don't share her number with weirdo friends like everyone else does, you're a reliable source surely: so why does her heart stops in her chest cavity when her phone's buzzing and ellie's reading the name she saved your contact with?
right. her pathetic crush on you.
her fingers move on their own before she considers to delay her response five minutes to seem busy.
she wont charge you double.
shit. it's two in the morning and she's selling you weed driven by the desire to see you again, using this gray hoodie to protects herself from the cold autumn breeze as she's pulling up to this party totally uninvited, passing the open door like it's her own house as zeta phi seems to be fully loaded now as the music sound loud and strident as all her hopes of catching you alone goes to the trash can.
no she’s not going to charge you double, she’s just guilty she’s so into you without you having any idea of it.
where you waiting for her arrival? fuck. her brain is acting up like a backstabbing bitch and ellie cannot help it as you appear radiant under a sea of people. you're not saying a word either when you're lacing your fingers with her's and you're pulling on your dealer upstairs, feet moving on their own as she don't make a single effort to resist your magnet-like influence in her very self.
ellie’s hand are sweaty cause she's so fucking nervous but you don't seem to care about it, looking back at her from over your shoulder only to offer a smile she cannot wrap her head around for a moment.
"can i ask where you're taking me?" she questions you, hoping her voice doesn't sound like that really, so strained and rough from just see you around — "or am i your hostage now?"
"we need a more private space to buy" you state like it's obvious "duh, the rooftop's empty. i stole the key."
ellie should've know you were a walking hazard.
cause it really seems like an achievement when you're opening the rooftop door, mischief grin as you look twice behind your back paranoid as ever someone can see what you're doing; and ellie chuckles at the sudden adventure, how you're closing the door when you invite her to step in with a subtle head movement, quickly shoving the key back to the pocket in your skirt.
cute. she thinks you’re cute.
it's empty like you said, and the knowledge makes every hair on her arms stand on their own even when she's wearing this thick hoodie that protects her from the cold.
"cannot risk my dealer of getting in trouble down there" you explain now that you can talk to her at a decent volume, and she fully eats it even when it's a clear lie and you're making up excuses to get her away from the noise.
"very kind, gonna name you my knight in shinning armor if you keep this up."
you're panting the spot right next to you as you take a seat in the over-used lounge chair with a tiny wooden table in front of it, and like a trained animal, ellie follows cause it's the perfect spot to leave her backpack as her brain keeps buzzing at the name you used to call her seconds before— my dealer.
she is, by all means, your dealer. it makes her chest fill out with a different kind of emotion, sound so fucking intimate, so nice.
"gonna buy the usual three grams, princess?" your knee brushes against her, and ellie's breathing hitches cause you're wearing this black-sheer stockings all the way to your upper thigh and she becomes aware of it when the material slips down as you're seated, skirt raising slightly upwards against the muscles of your legs: one movement and she swears she'd be able to see your underwear and ellie has to once again, remind herself how you quickly reduce her to this behavior; this state, shoved in a sea of pure filth — "or did you just call me because you wanted to see me tonight?"
she's feeling lucky tonight even when she never feels that way, a strike of confidence ellie feels as a rush on the blood: you give her a sight of your legs and now she's all over the damn place? loser behavior.
"is it that obvious?" you want her to kiss you. it's a need that installs deep down in your chest, and if you're not making it obvious by then you're definitely doing it now: you're not straight, you're not bulletproof to the holes her eyes make on your skin every time you have the pleasure to be left alone in her company, you're not giving up on this constant game of seduction you like to play "i'm buying weed too, so coming up here actually matters for you."
"haven't we state that already?" ellie asks, looking up to you as she drinks in the sight of you under the almost invisible light of the stars up in the sky "if you want to see me during the week-"
"might as well just ask" you completed for her as ellie grabs her bag so she can pull your weed from it. the best three grams she has in her power "i know that- thank you."
"it's a gift" she finally dares to say it now — "don't pay me this time."
has she ever felt this way before? never. the overwhelming pull, the reminder you're not her's? stings on ellie's skin like tiny needles. it's not a big deal, once again she's losing money all reckless, but fuck- it's worth it, worth it when ellie see you malfunction for a long moment, brain short-circuiting cause you don't expect it.
"that's not the deal."
"i don't care what our deal is, you're my best client, and i take care of my clients” it’s simple as she says it “sides. the weed does not matter, seeing you was payment already.”
"don't go yet," you add before she's making a movement to get up, hands cold wrapping around her arm as you pull her down to the lounge chair you're so comfortably seated — "smoke with me. let's talk for a while."
and she knows it's dangerous, but you're batting your eyelashes, looking at her with this sly smirk on your face she wants to kiss away and ellie has no option but to stay there buried in your side, your fingers still tight against her arm muscles as you make her stay.
"okay, but i need you to let go of me baby- i can't roll a joint with you all over."
liar.
she just want to see you get all flustered because of her as her fingers swiftly roll a joint without much effort, allowing the smoke to fill the air seconds after before you’re sneezing and she notices how you shiver on her side, turning her face to look back at your pretty face she’s been avoiding to stare so much.
"you cold?" she asks, and you do not want to admit it, but ellie's taking her hoodie off and it's a fucking sight when she's wearing this white tank top she does not care about until she can physically feel the shift of the air between you and her, caught up with your eyes checking her out as she lights up the joint.
"thank you," and for being a stoner, it's smells surprisingly nice as you relish on the warmth of it, comfortable now as you watch her smoke "i'll gave it to you downstairs."
"go home with it. you're going to catch a cold like this."
the silence it's imminent for a moment before she's passing you the joint an you're holding it between your fingers.
"i like your tattoo" is it also an excuse? not really, but ellie's bringing her arm closer to you as she's showing it under the flashlight of her phone cause she likes it too, showoff — "can i touch it?"
any other time she'd be denying it mumbling something stupid about hating random people to go on and touch her scarred arm but you're not a random girl. so she's whispering a barely audibly yes, and your fingertips are tracing the pattern etched on her skin, taking your time in doing so.
"it suits you," you praise as you touch, and she's fucking melting there under simple caresses, under something so simple as your fingers tracing her inked flesh, invisible shapes as you just want to keep your hand on her "did it hurt too much when you got it done?"
"yeah, sort of" it's not really like she's trying to sound cool, in all honest, she's just trying to be coherent now as you keep touching her skin as you smoke. invested in questions she's answering in full auto-pilot.
you're high after a while, and it's her weed that makes you look like that. half lidded, a lazy smile on your lips as you keep talking to her, red eyes, slower than ever: shit. she'd devour you all.
“have you ever shotgunned smoke into someone’s mouth?” you ask curiously, and the question comes out of nowhere as you stare at her blowing the smoke, a warmth creeping upon her neck as she notices the way you’re staring at her, ellie’s blushing.
selling you weed and not be able to get high with you every single time must be named one of the most horrible crimes in humanity.
“when i was like, 17?" ellie replies thinking for a moment "i dunno, thought it was the hottest thing ever- have you?”
“no, not really."
and to be fair, ellie's high too. she's testing a new strain with you and the words roll out of her tongue so easily she has no time to regret it, not when you're looking at her like you want her to get handsy there in a damn lounge chair, to hell if it’s in the middle of nowhere or not.
“want me to do it for you?” she asks, a gentleman as usual “i’ll gladly be the first.”
it takes a moment for you to consider it before your voice is all low and husky — "mhm."
“come here then miss,” ellie says using a finger to call you out, the joint already on her lips before she takes a long drag — “sit on my lap and open your mouth f’me.”
it's devastating.
your weight on top of her, your ass in her leg as she can see again, those transparent sheer stockings that must be damn useless against the cold, and her hand rest on your upper thigh there where she looked before.
you're so obedient. your skirt is a sinful invitation to touch further, and you're parting her mouth for her so she can get closer, and as she smokes, ellie does get closeto you. closer than she’s ever been — more than the car, the bathroom in the party she met you, mere inches before she's shotgunning the smoke in your parted lips and you're smoking from the same weed that was in her lungs.
"17-years-old ellie was right" you reply, not really moving to give her space as ellie's fingers squeeze your leg like a reminder you're there still, sated on your dealer's lap, her hands on you — "it is the hottest thing ever."
it's almost a chronicle of a death foretold, cause ellie's kiss does not surprise you at the slightest. it's demanding and sloppy cause she's high, you're high, and she's a victim of this force she cannot escape near you.
so she keeps on kissing you until your lips are swollen and you're simply there, slowly wanting more, squeezing your legs together cause you don't want to be a slut now — no. you don't want her to know you're soaking over a few kisses, at ellie's fingers pulling on your high stockings down till they are no longer there anymore.
"you're a fucking menace" she says between kisses, breathing heavier now by the seconds: ellie already noticed— "a menace to me, to my weed and my economy, you know that? how you make me sell out my stuff at half the price cause i want you as my secured client?"
despite her words, she's pushing you closer to her so you can feel her rib cage pressed against you, the goosebumps you produce just from being close to her, red lips and messy hair.
"it’s your loss ellie, cause i'd pay for the full price."
"mmhm well shit, you're really lucky cause you do give damn good kisses" she murmurs, fingers toying with the hem of your skirt now and she has the damn audacity to keep on smoking cause she's now confident on her effect, how you’re all affected by her touch — "and if you give damn good kisses, i'm betting all my money that you have an even better pussy for me."
the sounds you're making? fuck. she’s creaming her panties already when you're letting her touch you so freely and it’s not near enough.
"what is it going to be then, huh?" she asks curiously, her mouth already following the path down to your collarbone, your cleavage before she’s taking her time in leaving red-purplish hickeys there hidden beneath her own gray hoodie "should we make it to our seventh selling or you're going to let me play with your needy cunt as a much deserved reward?"
shit. shit. shit. you're so fucking wet when you're parting your legs further apart to give her a nice view of your underwear, a damp spot already there between your legs who’s enough to make her mouth water with the thought of burying her face between your thighs, intoxicate with the smell you're emanating and she feels already under her nose.
good fucking girl. she wants to praise you, let you know you're doing a great job there letting your skirt roll up to your stomach, so easy to get rid of it ellie's sure you did it on purpose now so she can let her hand slip between your legs to feel how soaked you are.
your cunt makes this sound when her finger’s taunting you she just happens to love, and your underwear clings to your pussy lips, hips buckling up to meet her fingers already wanting more.
greedy.
"shh-" she tries to reassure you — "you're comfortable there baby? want you to feel good when i touch you yeah? you'll let me know anything cause you're my well-behaved girl, aren't you? my best client here.”
ellie’s making you shake her head, coaxing you to say out loud you are comfortable there, ass in her lap, spread legs as her fingers push against the fabric right against your entrance, noticing how the cotton soaks at the motion.
"look at you all desperate" she chuckles — "have you been thinking about this a lot like i do?"
her fingers pull on your underwear to the side and there it is: glistening cunt, swollen lips and neglected clit that's just begging to be touched, filled, discovered by her hands, her mouth, tongue. nothing she fucking wants more.
who she is to ever deny anything to you? to stop selling you weed? the joint falls to the ground now as she's using her entire hand to touch you, fingers rubbing against your minor and mayor labia, circling against your engorged clit as you arch your back and she has to use force to keep you still, taking what she has to give like a champ.
"you're fucking soaked-" there's a slap sound that fills the air, and even when there's people in the garden they don't seem to hear your whimpers as her hand comes in contact with your pussy and she's slapping it once again, just enough to apply some pressure in your clit, just enough to make your legs shake "so responsive to me, gonna let me stuff this cunt full tonight? fucking finally huh? you've been haunting me like no one else."
and you giggle, giggle cause you cannot fucking believe it: fucking your dealer? are you so for real right now? you're deep under a cloud of haze you're unable to control, disheveled state when your skirt is all the way to up and your underwear being pulled to the side at her mercy and you can only answer:
"yes- ngh yes please ellie."
"shit- your clit is all puffy baby, all needy for me."
you're squeezing her already so hard when she’s working on you. a wet schlick that fills the air and combined with your incoherent words of praise and moans will send her to the grave.
ellie’s knuckles-deep and fuuuck. you're so tight she needs to ask if you're doing right, cunt engulfing her' fingers until there’s no more and she's curling them right to the spot so you don't care about the drunk fucks in the garden anymore, about anyone who can hear whats going on in an empty rooftop.
ellie’s using a hand to keep your legs spread when your free will collapses like paper cards, pulling them apart only to add a third finger in your used hole and reduce you to pieces now, clenching tight as she rubs on that special spot inside and you're mumbling something about feeling so full, so good with her inside.
"this pussy must be made for me baby, fits me like a fucking glove," ellie’s doubling her efforts, her palm colliding against your clit, fingers thrusting against the right spot over and over — "gonna let me see your pretty face when you cum? i know you're close."
you are. fuck you so are. your movements are erratic, your legs shake, and ellie's kissing on your shoulder, leaving a path of wet kisses on the exposed skin on your neck, biting on your earlobe, anywhere she can get.
"i can't-" you cry out, moving yourself in quick, sharp movements, it’s overwhelming — "fuck i can't hold no more-"
"let go" she replies, holding you tightly against her body — "let go. i got you."
it's hot. messes up ellie's jeans with a damp mark on them, turning the fabric darker when you finally cum and you're gushing on her fingers, leaking through trembling legs.
"fuck yes. drench me like that," your dealer moans, stealing a kiss from your parted lips, keeping the last glimpses of air in your lungs for her benefit "use me, baby, don't stop."
ah. ellie's in trouble after all, cause it don't seem she’ll be selling weed to you now. not when she's mixing business with pleasure and she's making you bend against the top rail of the old lounge chair cause she's not able to wait any longer to lick you clean until you have no other choice but to cum again.
truth be told she once heard cupid's cruel, but she didn't believe it fully, not until now since ellie knows, first hand — the little fucker shoots to kill.
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