#its surprising....but i am not sad about it...it is a great song...

[purple--queen]

my top song of the year was before you leave me by alex warren...

[riddlesrizzler]

𝙒𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙃𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨

summary: He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. characters: mattheo riddle. shy! ravenclaw! reader warnings: none! but it made me cry. word count: 2.1k a/n: thank you all for supporting this serires! it was one of my favorite things to write and i am sad this is coming to an end. but mattheo riddle and shy! ravenclaw! reader will come back in other ways on my page :)

The rain drummed softly against the castle windows, a steady, rhythmic patter that seemed to pulse in time with the quiet of the Slytherin common room. The sound was soothing, as if the world outside had been muffled by the storm, leaving only the comforting crackle of the fire in the hearth to fill the air. Its golden light flickered, casting a warm, inviting glow across the room, where shadows danced across the walls and the faint scent of burning wood filled the air. The atmosphere was peaceful, cocooned from the outside world-a perfect setting for the two of you, nestled together on the worn leather couch.

Mattheo sat beside you, his arm resting lazily along the back of the couch, the movement casual but with an air of comfort that spoke of the quiet intimacy you shared. One of his hands held a book-your book, of course-its pages well-worn from use, the cover soft with age. He had become more than just the boy who sat beside you in class, more than the person you never expected to feel so at home with. In the few short weeks you had been together, despite the whispered gossip, the two of you had carved out a space where things felt natural, easy, like you belonged together.

You had learned that, just like you, Mattheo preferred solitude to the chaos of crowds. His discomfort in the Great Hall, where voices swirled and overlapped in a chaotic dance, was something you had come to recognize. You saw the slight crease that appeared between his brows when too many people crowded in, his need to retreat into quieter spaces where the noise didn’t drown out the thoughts in his head. And you-well, you had always been the same. You both sought refuge in the shadows, in alcoves where silence reigned, in corners of the common room where the firelight stretched far enough to offer warmth but never quite reached the noise.

Rainy days were your favorite, offering the perfect excuse to stay inside and do nothing but wrap yourselves in blankets, get lost in books, and let the world outside fade into a distant hum. You relished the peace of it all-the soft companionship of sitting together, reading for hours in content silence. Mattheo would absentmindedly reach for your hand, fingers brushing lightly as he turned a page, a silent connection that never failed to make your heart flutter.

He never complained about the time spent in such quiet company, never questioned the hours you lost to stories, always content to sit beside you, his presence a constant, grounding force.

There were little things that you both shared, things you hadn’t expected to find in a person you barely knew just months ago. The first time you had introduced him to your music, sitting in the Astronomy Tower with a pair of enchanted earbuds, you had half-expected him to mock your choices, to roll his eyes at the songs you loved. But instead, he surprised you, nodding along to the rhythm, humming quietly when a familiar tune played.

"I like this one," he had said, a small, unexpected admission that made something warm flutter in your chest. His quiet approval felt like a shared secret, like a melody that you both understood.

Now, in the dim warmth of the common room, you sat beside him once more, your fingers lightly skimming the worn pages of Wuthering Heights. The storm raged on outside, its distant rumblings echoing through the stone walls, a constant, steady companion to the quiet that surrounded you. Mattheo’s presence beside you felt like the calm amidst the chaos-a steady comfort, like the fire that crackled nearby. He didn’t demand your attention, didn’t fill the silence with words when it wasn’t necessary. He just was, his very existence beside you a quiet reassurance that everything was right.

You turned a page, your eyes following the words, when they suddenly stopped-your breath caught in your throat as your gaze lingered on a passage.

"He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

You read it again, and again, feeling the words sink deeper into you with each repetition. The quiet storm outside seemed to fade away, leaving only those words to echo in your mind. Slowly, almost without thinking, you lifted your eyes to Mattheo, who was still absorbed in his book, his brow furrowed slightly in concentration, his thumb absently brushing the edge of the page. But as you watched him, your heart stirred-those words, those exact words, felt like they were meant for him.

He must have sensed the weight of your gaze, because he looked up then, his dark eyes meeting yours with a hint of amusement, as if expecting to find something odd on your face.

“What?” he asked, a small, teasing smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “Is there ink on my face again?”

You shook your head, your voice soft and almost uncertain. “No,” you whispered, though your heart was pounding now. “I just-” You faltered, unsure how to explain the wave of emotion crashing over you.

Mattheo closed his book, giving you his full attention now. His expression softened, his gaze warm, patient, waiting for you to find the words. “Just what?”

For a moment, you hesitated, your fingers tracing the page of the book as if it would give you the courage you needed. Then, without a word, you shifted the book slightly toward him, tapping the passage with your finger.

“I just read this,” you said, your voice quieter now, filled with a vulnerability that you hadn’t intended to show. “And I think-I think I get it now.”

His gaze flickered to the words, and for a moment, his face shifted, the teasing smirk fading into something deeper, more thoughtful. He didn’t speak right away. Instead, he reached for your hand, his fingers gently threading through yours, holding you with a tenderness that sent warmth flooding through you. It was a silent promise, a quiet confession, wrapped in the simplicity of a touch.

“I think I get it too,” he murmured, his voice low and sincere.

In that moment, the storm outside seemed to fade entirely, leaving only the soft crackling of the fire and the quiet of the room between you. And as the words hung in the air, you realized with a certainty that made your chest ache-this wasn’t just about love. It was about understanding, about finding someone who could see the parts of you that even you sometimes couldn’t.

You hadn’t just found someone who loved you. You had found someone who understood you.

-

There had been a time when you ran from him. It wasn’t just avoidance-it was an instinctual thing. The mere sight of Mattheo Riddle rounding the corner would make your heart race and your mind shout in panic. Without thinking, you'd turn sharply on your heel, your shoes slapping the cold stone floor as you fled from his presence. You had learned early on that proximity to him was dangerous, a fact you clung to fiercely. Whenever he came near-whether in the library, the corridors, or even in the Great Hall-you slipped away as if he was a storm you needed to outrun, a force of nature threatening to consume you.

Back then, he had been a mystery, an enigma wrapped in cold eyes and sharp edges. You kept your distance, not out of fear, but out of self-preservation. He was different-too calculating, too elusive, too... intriguing. But now?

Now, your steps led you toward him, not away. The shift was gradual, but it was there, undeniable. You walked toward Mattheo, your feet carrying you in his direction like a pull you couldn’t explain. And every time you did, something in his chest tightened.

He noticed it-noticed how your eyes would find his after class, how the corners of your lips would twitch into a smile, shy yet certain. Your steps no longer retreated but moved confidently toward him, as if you wanted to be there, wanted to be with him. It was a strange feeling for him, this sudden shift, the realization that someone-you-were seeking him out, drawn to him in a way he hadn’t expected.

He wasn’t used to it. He had never been used to people seeking his presence, to anyone walking toward him with open intent. People were cautious with him, careful, as if his very presence could shatter the fragile peace around him.

But not you.

You had gone from an untouchable mystery to someone he could rely on. Someone he now looked for after every lesson, someone whose voice he strained to catch in the sea of noise, whose laughter had become the music he needed in a room full of chaos. You had become his quiet anchor, his steady constant in a world he often felt detached from.

And you? You had started to see him differently too.

The nervous tension that once overtook you when he approached, the instinct to shrink into yourself when his dark eyes flickered your way, had begun to dissipate. Now, when Mattheo stepped closer, you didn’t stiffen. You didn’t retreat, didn’t make excuses to slip away. Instead, you let yourself lean into him, into his presence, into the space he occupied beside you. You didn’t try to hide anymore. He didn’t make you feel small or out of place-he made you feel like you were seen, like it was okay to let down your guard. You were no longer afraid of what he represented.

He was your safe space now. And as much as you had become his.

Mattheo had never thought he’d be the type to lose himself in books. In fact, he’d spent most of his life convinced they weren’t for him. Pages filled with ink, bound together into stories that seemed as cold and lifeless as the paper they were written on-those things were for other people. People who cared about things like words and meanings. But that was before you.

It was strange what people would do for attention, he mused one night, sitting alone in the common room with a book of The Great Gatsby in his hands. He hadn’t been reading it because he enjoyed it, not at first anyway. No, he had picked it up because he wanted to keep you talking, keep you looking at him a little longer. He wanted to impress you, to show you that he was more than the cold, distant Riddle that everyone else saw.

And maybe it had worked. Maybe he had succeeded in capturing your attention. But somewhere along the way, it stopped being about impressing you. It stopped being a game, a tactic. Somewhere between the late-night readings, between the hours spent annotating lines of Fitzgerald’s carefully crafted prose, he realized-he was no longer pretending.

He understood now.

He understood why people wrote books. Why people spilled ink across pages, pouring their hearts into every word. Because books were more than just stories. They were attempts at capturing something intangible-something that couldn’t be fully explained or quantified, but only felt.

Mattheo had always seen the world in black and white, a series of logical conclusions and cold calculations. But you-you had come into his life like a splash of color, something he couldn’t quite fit into any neat little box.

And in that moment, as he read through the pages of the books you’d introduced him to, he finally realized what all the fuss was about.

Gatsby had thrown grand parties, filling his house with light and music, all for a chance that Daisy might walk through his door. Charlotte had woven her web, crafting intricate messages, all to make Wilbur feel seen. Darcy had fought his pride, changed in ways he never thought possible for the woman he loved. Even Winnie the Pooh, with his simple wisdom, had understood what it meant to leave behind his own world to be with those who mattered. Heathcliff had been willing to tear the world apart just for the chance to belong to the one person who truly understood him.

And now Mattheo? He had started reading, yes, to keep your attention, to earn your approval. But now he understood. This-what he felt for you-was what it was all about.

Love wasn’t about grand gestures or perfect words. It was about finding someone who completed you, who understood you on a level deeper than you’d ever known was possible.

Mattheo Riddle had never thought he’d get lost in a book. But for you, he had. Because you were the story he was most desperate to understand.

And in that moment, he realized-he understood why people wrote books.

To capture something that no words could ever fully express, something that could only be felt and he had found it-you-and it was more than any book could ever contain.

[jane-john-doe-tournament]

Jane Doe (Ride the Cyclone) Propaganda:

Great singing, also she’s literally wearing a doll‘s head bc she lost hers

do they have their soul or is it rotting somewhere with their head?

BALLAD OF JANE DOE IS SO SAD AND SHE IS GREAT AND I ONLY WATCH RTC ONCE BUT SHES NY FAVE OK

cool asf

She forgets her name after her death and has no story told in the production

She's so sweet and deserves the world. Her song (The Ballad of Jane Doe) is great.

the song goes so hard just listen to her song guys please

she literally died and her head was cut off so nobody could tell who she was PLEASE let her take one (1) W

BECAUSE SHE IS AMAZING. First she already won the tournament in the musical to regain life, as she won them over with her sad wet cat energy because she did not have a head and feared that she lost her soul. Second, she died on a roller coaster and lost her head, but stole her doll's head and thats very gender. Third, throughout the musical she is used as a vessel for religious allegory, she is an angel, she is jesus, she is a demon, she is forsaken but she is purity itself. Fourthly, she is is given the identity of Savannah with the greenest eyes after the other characters who died with her hold her a birthday party, and I think thats sweet because its probably some kind of meaning I cant see but auughfhfhh shes so cool

i mean her name isn't TECHNICALLY jane doe but we refer to her as such. she's so silly!! autism powers! i don't have a lot of propaganda tbh. i would've just been surprised had she NOT been submitted

She lost her head literally when the rollercoaster derailed. She wasn't able to be identified apart from the school uniform she was wearing.

Her name is forgotten, and so is everything about her. So she’s called Jane Doe. She’s very sweet and very creepy, but she doesn’t mean it

and im asking WHYYYYY LORRRRRDDD

I LOVE HER! she died in a roller coaster accident and was decapitated, her body not being found. in the show, her head is actually just her doll’s head. the coroners couldn’t identify her, so she was dubbed a jane doe. in the game to be alive again, she ends up being voted, her name being revealed to be penny lamb. anyways she’s a little creepy and also quite silly and she does her funny little waddle like a porcelain doll (or corpse).

She deserves it! She lost her head she shouldn't lose this too.

Not convinced you didn’t start this tournament just for her tbh

They have a great song and a true air of mystery to them. They also have arguably the best song in the musical, The Ballad of Jane Doe! I would definitely recommend listening to it >:)

—She LOST her HEAD and had it replaced with a PORCELAIN DOLL —In all seriousness her story is really poignant. No one could identify her body so she arrives in the afterlife not knowing her identity and she spends the show vacillating between depressed and angry at her situation, leading to… —“The Ballad of Jane Doe”, specifically Emily Rohm’s version, might be the most haunting solo in musical theatre history.

John Doe (Malevolent) Propaganda:

Spooky gay eldritch disaster (am I doing this right?)

Could have chosen any name for himself and picked John because a kind person called him that :)

fractured piece of an eldritch god that shares a body with a private eye after being fractured. chooses the name John Doe after said private eye goes into a coma

Because he’s an eldritch god who wants to feel human and who overcame a lot of obstacles and dangers!!! He sincerely cares about the main character!!! And he chose a name himself! Isn’t he cute??? He lost his body, he almost lost his memory, he fought for his right to exist, he loves animals, he loves his friend Arthur and I love him!

Being an ass, friendship, spooky supernatural stuff, he’s got it all

My man heard the name John Doe, realized he didn’t actually have a name, and just. Took it for himself.

I LOVE HIM. MY SON. HE’S TRYING TO CHANGE AND BE BETTER AND :(((( He’s a fragment of the soul of the King in Yellow (god of trickery and suffering iirc??) that gets trapped in a book in our realm while the rest of the King stayed in his own separate realm. When a human named Arthur Lester opens the book they get linked and John gains control of Arthur’s eyes & kills his partner (oops!). They proceed to go on a quest to find a way of separating them because neither likes the situation, and at first John (or The Entity, which is what he’s called at first) just wants to trick and use Arthur, and control his entire body (through the first season he also gets a hand & a foot) even though he doesn’t remember being The King In Yellow at the time, but Arthur makes him change and become more human. His turning point is when Arthur is shot and falls into a coma for a month. They get treated at a hospital and while John waits for Arthur to wake up so they can carry on, the body itself still gets taken care of. The time John spends alone, contemplating on humanity & everything he’s seeing and learning from Arthur, as well as the way a certain nurse speaks to him every day (specifically, she greets him good morning and good night, despite the body being unresponsive, John still hears because he is an entity linked to the body) and calls him John (they didn’t have ID on when they were found so they were classified as John Doe), changes his outlook and plans for good, and he asks Arthur to call him John; from this point on he admits he cares for Arthur, looks for his wellbeing too, and in general attempts to be a better person and to live for himself. The rest of the podcast (ongoing!!) explores Arthur & John’s relationship, struggle to survive, adventures in the eldritch… All while tackling each of their issues with themselves and each other and watching them both grow. John in specific learns to be the person he wants to be, how sometimes you’ll take a step forward and two backwards; he can be cruel and manipulative sometimes but he still tries. Personally I love his journey, it’s very realistic and you can see he is trying his best, and how he wants to be better than he was as the King In Yellow, and how much Arthur has changed him and how much he cares about him because of that; and how he’s slowly growing into being his own person :) if it ends badly ill cry so hard but!!! he’s John Doe because that’s the name he was being addressed as, and he’s made it his, and being John means he’s no longer the King and that he wants to be different, and John can fail or make mistakes but it’s part of who he is now, and that’s what matters. I am So Normal About Him

JOHN DOE (Malevolent) SWEEP

OH MY GOD JOHN DOE MY BELOVED 💛💛 (watch me just not clarify that would be so funny ahah) John doe (Malevolent) 💛💛💛 my silly He's so funny he makes Arthur bump his head into a dock because he didn't say duck in time and then laughs at him 💛💛

[gingervitus]

Writing Challenge Weekend

I'm bursting into the tumblr feed today with a finally finished prompt because, as always, I DID TOO MUCH.

thank u for the tag @thedissonantverses (even though I would have been doing this anyway) and if you have any interest in sneaking in before the weekend or after because they're just goooooood prompts they are here.

Ahem, I went for the prompt: Character A picks up an instrument or sings randomly and shows a surprising amount of skill that B is caught off guard by.

And then proceeded to listen to this song on repeat for 24 hours, so I can't wait for this to show up on Spotify Wrapped later this year.

Wild Mountain Thyme is an old Irish/Scottish folk song. I did minimal research but loved how it sounded and then this kind of sad kind of blue Davrook thing was born and it's too long. ANYWAY

Wild Mountain Thyme - a Davrook Oneshot (3,769 Words)

When Davrin and Taash return from a training session in Rivain and Assan isn’t bouncing around the courtyard anxiously awaiting their return, he finds himself just the slightest bit concerned.

Is it entirely possible that his griffon companion could be off following Manfred around? Yes. Is it possible Assan could be off taking a nap? Also yes. Is it possible he is pestering Neve for treats? Very much so. However, Davrin finds Manfred meandering about the balcony of the Lighthouse all alone. All of the normal griffon napping spots–in front of the pantry door (where Lucanis often curses over the obstruction), on the library couch, just inside of Rook’s room, in that one sunny spot on the floor in Harding’s room–are decidedly empty.

There are not many un-blighted griffons left in Thedas. It’s possible that there is exactly one left, and he’s lost track of him all to go out and spar. Was it a very productive and enlightening sparring session? Absolutely. He has yet to find a warrior as challenging and frustrating to fight as Taash is. Ultimately, though, Assan is more important. He is Davrin’s responsibility. 

When it all boils down, that damn griffon is basically his kid, and now he has no idea where he is.

Fucking great.

“Bet he's with Rook,” Taash offers as their nugget of help before setting off in the direction of Harding's room.

He tosses his hands out in front of him. “Are you not coming to help?” he snaps back only to receive a half hearted shrug. “Come on.”

Taash glances back with their braid over a shoulder and this knowing look on their face. The one that said ‘Oh, I know this is going to piss Davrin off’. “Want me to check your room?” Davrin's face burns at what he is certain is about to follow. “Or am I going to find your girlfriend in there half naked again?” they wonder as they continue sauntering through Harding's door, closely followed by their middle finger which watches him brazenly before their arm finally is tugged through the threshold. 

An urge to holler something obscene wrestles its way up his throat. “She's not… we're not…” Whatever he wants to say shrivels up into nothing and whatever they are–he and Rook–remains unspoken. “Fuck.”

Noting that this is not something he has dwelled on is important to only one person: himself mostly due to the fact that this is an internal monologue he has had on and off for the last month or so. Maybe longer if he really attempts to really map out a timeline. Not that it really matters how long it’s been. Rook is his boss. Davrin is the resident monster hunting warden. Whatever goes beyond that doesn’t matter in the face of two and a half elven gods. Why would he focus on such inconsequential details? Moments, such as but not limited to, when he noticed she curls the scarred side of her lip up when she knocks an arrow back. Or when she sits cross legged in front of the fireplace in his room and provides him with an hour long lecture complete with a very detailed and accurate sketch of an ogre to explain what she believes to be the most effective way to kill it. Or how eyes as green as glade in the height of spring search for him as the dust settles after each battle. Or when she stops making strangely one sided advances at Lucanis and instead he now raises his eyebrows above a wicked smirk that he throws her way every time Davrin enters a room. He certainly has not been cataloguing those moments to flip through in the back of his mind. He would never consider those moments as she lays dreaming and drooling on the other side of his bed. He hasn’t dwelled on any of these things at all.

He shouldn’t at least, so he won’t because what he should be doing is looking for Assan… and also possibly Rook. As much as he hates to admit it, Taash is probably correct. When he catches up with one of them, he will very likely find the other. Once he does find them, he ought to put a bell on each of them. Assan is his responsibility. Rook is…

Heavy footfalls pound up the steps to his door. If they're inside, he'll be annoyed. Though, annoyed may not be thoroughly correct because he's certain the two of them will be crouched behind the armchair in a pitiful attempt to startle him. Both of them will be visible in some capacity. Rook's long hair will hang over the side of the chair, glittering silver in contrast with the orange glow of the fire. Assan’s fluffy feathered butt will be wiggling around the other side as Rook inevitably whispers excitedly to him. Davrin will ultimately not be started when they pop out from their unhidden hiding spot. He'll scold them about the future of the griffons and how there is an endless sea of Fade around them at all times. All the while he will wear a dumb smile, so neither one of them will take him seriously.

Despite his frustration with momentary worry, he stands with his hand on the handle of the door with that very grin on his lips. The weight he carries on his back for the future of the griffons as a species feels all the lighter with Rook beside him, indulging Assan in his less warrior-like behaviors. When he went through the Joining, he knew whatever he did would be helping complete a bigger picture. He was finally going to have direction, have a reason to continue, apart from money, food, and shelter. There has always been a chance that direction could fluctuate. 

Life's paths have the habit of constantly twisting and turning in directions that cannot be predicted. He's always known that. It's part of the reason why hunting has appealed so much to him. Having to prepare himself for any possible scenario. Rain, snow, wind, blight: foreseeing any possible environment that might have influence over his hunt or quarry. An extra ration or two in the event he is unable to return on one of the several paths he’s mapped home. Historically, he ventured on his own to avoid any needless disturbances in his carefully and meticulously outlined plans. 

He sighs, pressing his forehead to the door, because now he can’t begin to imagine running alone.

Sometimes, he can swear he hears the tinkering of music when they’re at the Lighthouse. Nothing that ever feels malicious. Just the faintest hint of a tune his mother used to sing to him when he finds himself craving her rabbit stew, knowing he can never quite replicate her recipe. A drinking song he can recall being shouted at the top of some rowdy warden’s lungs when he ruminates about Weisshaupt. The ever so slight lilt of a mandolin tune buskers tend to play all throughout Tevinter when he and Neve find themselves rattling on about the Vol Dorma job again. 

Simple tunes he hardly even hears. Almost as if in the periphery of his consciousness. Typical strange Fade phenomena. Everything is so strange here that he starts to stop noticing. Their mages are almost constantly out of whack. Bellara has something exploding in her workshop every other day. Emmrich has a tapestry accidentally on fire and nearly scorches a valuable collector’s edition of some book once a week. Neve is so fried from the wisps that Davrin can’t be sure if he’s going to walk into the kitchen and find a kettle filled with coffee or coffee flavored ice. Then there’s Lucanis. Not a mage, just an abomination, so who’s to say what’s normal with that guy and what is the demon getting all out of sorts because of the Fade.

Oh, the summer time is coming,

And the trees are sweetly blooming,With his head against the cool wood of the door, Davrin almost doesn’t think twice when he hears the song. Almost. Lyrics float along the cool stagnant air they’ve all grown used to staying in this strange place. A voice utters a tune, soft, airy. It’s… nice. Not unexpected here in the Fade. However, it isn’t quite a comfort either.

AND THE REST IS ON AO3 BECAUSE IT'S TOO MANY WORDS I AM SO SORRY I HAVE ZERO CHILL OR SELF CONTROL

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 9

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Panic/Anxiety attack. Alluding to sexual scenarios. Kissing. Fat shaming, name calling. Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 2.7K

Series List: Here!

Miss Chapter 8? Here!

Hi everyone!! I really don't feel great about this chapter, I'm sorry if it sucks. I kinda just want to get it out there though because I don't see my brain thinking up anything better. A lot of writer's block surrounding this scene. Anywho, hopefully next chapter will be better, but I still hope you like it. Although we allude to a little bit of sexual situations now that they are together, I likely will avoid explicit smut being that Pedro is a real human and I am a guilty, guilty human for writing any smut at all. I don't want to offend Pedro (not that he'd ever see it anyway, I am delusional), but I also know people find real person fiction uncomfy as a whole. That being said, I think this story may be coming to a close pretty soon. I plan to have maybe one more full storyline chapter, and at least one little side bonus chapter :) Please let me know what you think in the comments, or DM me if you wanna chat! I love hearing all your thoughts. Thank you for reading and hanging in here with me.

Before the screen even had a chance to load, you canceled the request. Nervously looking at Pedro, he held your hand under the table. “What is it?” he asked gently.

“I just realized,” you replied. “What if they ask about us? About those pictures? What should I say?”

Pedro answered with a gentle stroke of his thumb on your cheek. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm sure I'll be fine with whatever you say, baby. I know your privacy is important to you, and I trust you. I'm all in with you.”

“Okay.” You took a deep breath and once again began the stream.

“Live in 3…”

“2…”

“1…”

The fans began to file in, and before you knew it, you had thousands of viewers. Opting to start with your screen covered, you wanted to give an intro first before the big reveal. 

It wasn't long before the comments flowed across the screen. 

You took a deep breath, squeezing Pedro’s hand, and jumping in. “Hi everyone! It's me… a lot has been happening lately and I decided it might be time to show a little more of myself.”

-“First!”

-“Did she mean to start a live video ??"

-"Hiii! I'm a big fan"

-“Is she there??”

-“Do you guys see anything?”

“So… Here's me.” You turned on your camera, waving at the screen, your stomach twisting in deeper knots.

-“No fucking way.”

-“!?!!!!!”

-“SCREAMING”

“Hi… Some of you might know me, some might be surprised. But this is me. This is the girl behind the music.”

The comments flooded in, entirely too fast for you to read.

“I want to thank all of you for being fans and listening to my songs. It really means a lot and I hope you liked the album. Your support blows me away, especially with what little information about myself I've given.”

More comments.

“Well, I uh… guess I should read some of these comments and answer some questions. I'm sure there’s a lot you all are wondering about,” you stated nervously, starting to read.

-“Why did you hide your identity?”

“Why did I hide my identity… I hid my identity mostly based on poor self image. I never expected my music to gain popularity, never expected celebrities to know it. Never expected any of it, and it certainly brought its share of criticism. I was scared to be in the spotlight and I didn't feel like I looked good enough to be someone famous. You know? I'm not skinny, I have flaws, and that doesn't always sit well with the Internet. I guess I was mainly scared of how I would be perceived. I'm just a normal girl who had her whole life flipped upside down when I wrote my feelings down,” you laughed anxiously.

Choosing to ignore the storm brewing in the comments below, you addressed the earlier comment. “Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad I can make you feel more accepted by seeing more plus-sized people in the entertainment business. Everyone should feel seen and have a place at the table, no matter what you look like, or who you are.”

-“I think it's nice to have more celebrities that look kinda like me.”

-“You're so humble!!”

-“You should've stayed hidden lmao”

-“Shut up, asshole. Why are you here if you're going to be rude?”

-“I'm sure you're a real supermodel behind that keyboard bravery.. smh”

You weren't expecting someone to actually feel like you were representing them and making them feel seen. You didn't think you had enough of an impact for that. You certainly weren't treated that way when you weren't famous. Nobody really even noticed you before.

You could feel Pedro’s eyes on your face, his thumb swirling circles and hearts over the space of skin on the top of your hand, below your thumb. The place where his bullseye resides on his own. Does he trace that tattoo when he's nervous, the same way he is with me? Perhaps his tracing of your hand is calming himself as much as it is for you.

Desperately, you wanted to look over at him and be comforted by his deep brown eyes, but doing so would cause people to wonder who you made eye contact with and smiled at. So instead, you gave a gentle squeeze and a smile towards the screen, hoping he would understand. 

-“Hi, I'm a big fan of yours. Can I ask… is what you said on your album true? You've never been kissed before? I haven't either and I was starting to feel like I'm just a freak.”

“Oh, honey, you aren't a freak. Everyone has things happen at different times in their life. But yes, everything I wrote in my album at the time I wrote it was true. And don't worry, I have felt the same way. Seeing others be kissed, falling in love… having the things I wasn't, it really hurts. But it'll be okay.. nothing is wrong with you. You're deserving of love.”

You hoped they wouldn't pick up on your usage of past-tense wording. Pedro, still holding your hand, rubbed his other hand over your arm gently.

-“Wait… at the time you wrote it? What about now?”

The comments were going wild.

Welp…

Your hands shook, and you used your opposite hand to place on top of Pedro’s that gripped yours. He squeezed gently, feeling the nervous tremors pass through your body, continuing to rub gentle strokes over your arm with his opposite hand.

“Uhm…” your cheeks heated and your stomach sank.

“I've changed a lot since this album was first written. Experienced new things. But I'm still the same person.”

Shit.

-“Who did you kiss?! Is it the guy in your song?”

-“Will you tell us who the song is about?”

-“Wait a second… you're that girl aren't you!?!!!! The one in the pictures with Pedro Pascal!!!!”

-“OMG IT IS”

-“!!!!!!!”

-“IS HE THE GUY!?!”

-“ARE YOU DATING!?!”

The nervous tremors continued, now threatening to cause your teeth to chatter. A full panic attack was brewing. Pedro squeezed your hand again, touching your knee and trying to do his best to ground you without speaking up on your live video. Skipper could feel the waves of anxiousness pooling off of you as well and crawled forward to settle his body across your feet. You took a few calming breaths, but when you went to speak, your voice still betrayed you.

“I..” your voice cracked, shakiness evident as you could feel tears starting to edge their way towards your vision.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I need to shut it off.

You shut your eyes, taking deep breaths, trying to ease your nausea and stress. 

Keeping your eyes closed, you spoke. “Yes.”

You took another deep breath. “Yes it was me, yes the song was about him. Yes.”

You opened your eyes to read the comments, tears pooling down your cheeks as you couldn't hold back your emotion anymore.

This is so embarrassing. The first time I show my face I'm crying and having an anxiety attack in front of the whole world.

You swallowed, choking back the full sobs that your body wanted to let loose. Wiping your face with the back of your hand, you began to read the comments, expecting laughter, criticism, and bullying. Instead, you were met with kindness.

Coming back to your senses, you gave a shaky smile. “Thank you guys. I'm sorry for my emotions.” You sniffled. Pedro was still rubbing your hands and arms, comforting you, having never stopped. His eyes still bore into the side of your head, and you knew he was struggling to not speak up or grab you fully. 

-“Oh my God, are you okay?”

-“I didn't mean to make you cry I'm so sorry”

-“You and Pedro make a cute couple”

-“Oh no, please don't cry”

-“Idk if you guys are dating but you seem cute”

-“I'm so glad you guys are spending time together when he's the guy in your song”

-“It'll be okay, please don't be upset”

-“You're amazing, we love you”

“Yes, Pedro and I have been spending a lot of time talking after he publicly commented on my song a few months ago. The party was the first time we met in person and we're still figuring things out,” you let go of your worries and broke eye contact with the camera, looking to your side to meet Pedro’s gaze. “But… we're happy.” You smiled at him. He smiled back gently, squeezing your hand, worry and sadness plaguing his face over your well-being. Breaking eye contact, you looked back at the screen.

You giggled before answering “well, I think that's all we have time for today. Thank you all for joining me!” You silently clicked off the stream, closing the browser, turning off the computer, and turning to Pedro. He grabbed your other hand in his, now holding both. “Are you okay?” He asked, concern etched in his face.

-“AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!”

-“IS HE THERE WITH YOU!?!”

-“whaaaaat”

-“SCREAMING”

-“Shut. Up. This is insane.”

-“YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE I CAN'T TAKE IT”

“I think so,” you nodded.

“Seeing you panic and not being able to do anything without potentially making it worse… It killed me. I'm so sorry. I just wanted to pull you into my arms and end that video myself. I hated seeing you so upset.” He stared down at your intertwined hands, rubbing his thumb over them again. 

“I appreciate you being here for me,” you let go of his hand to stroke his cheek. “I couldn't have done that without you.” You met his eyes, leaning forward to rest against his forehead. He let out a shaky breath. “I love you. I'm so proud of you.”

“I love you too,” you replied with a smile. “Let's move to the couch, huh?” You asked, pulling him up from the chair. He stood, just as your phone rang, a call from Rose. You quickly answered.

“I saw the live stream. You did wonderful! Don't worry about any of the negative comments you saw or any stories that come out of this. I'll handle it all.”

“Thanks, Rose.”

“Anytime. Take care.” She hung up.

You updated Pedro as the two of you walked towards the couch. “Do you want breakfast?” He asked.

“Maybe in a minute. Can I just hold onto you for a few minutes?”

“I would love nothing more.”

He sat on the couch, you sitting next to him, before he gave you a look. “What?” you laughed. He patted his leg.

“Let me hold you.”

“I'm too heavy for that Pedro, don't be ridiculous,” you shook your head.

“You're the one being ridiculous.” He reached over, pulling you into his lap. “I'm too heavy! You're going to hurt yourself,” you whined.

“You're not too heavy. You're the perfect size, baby. Come here,” he pulled you forward, your body sliding down his thighs as he wrapped his arms around you. You straddled his lap, knees on either side of his hips while he rubbed your back gently. You placed your arms around him, nuzzling into his neck and closing your eyes. You both sighed, and he grabbed a blanket next to him to pull over your bodies. “I could stay like this for hours, wrapped in your arms” you sighed comfortably. 

“Why don't you?” He turned his head to kiss your lips. You lifted your face up, taking your head off his shoulder to kiss him deeper. The kisses were lazy and comfortable, holding each other and enjoying the warmth of being in each other's arms.

Finally the two of you broke the kiss, settling back on his shoulder, him tilting his head to lean against yours. His hands sprawled over your back, pulling you forward a bit to adjust in his lap. You let out a soft whimper at the contact, fully aware of the location your bodies connected at the moment. “Feel how much you mean to me?” He asked, his breath ghosting your ear as he pulled your hips forward again. You whined. “Yes..” you answered breathlessly. The temptation to keep doing that was overwhelming. But he once again wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back as the two of you comfortably dozed off, finally relaxed after so much stress of the morning.

Hours later, you stirred, feeling Pedro still underneath you. At the feel of you moving, he stretched a bit before settling with his arms around you again. “Morning, baby” he hummed. “Guess we fell asleep,” you smiled.

“Some of the best sleep I've had in a while, here with you.”

“Same here.” You blinked your eyes open, kissing him on the lips with a peck. “What time is it?”

He turned his head to look at the clock on your TV. “5 o’clock” he laughed. “Guess we both needed some rest.” 

“Mmmm, I guess so,” you hummed, settling into him more.

“Good thing I brought nonperishables. Are you hungry?”

You pondered. “Yeah, I am,” you looked into his deep brown eyes. “Breakfast for dinner?” You smiled at him.

“Sounds perfect.” He pecked your lips before you slid off his lap, the two of you standing to stretch. It wasn't long that you two stood apart before you leapt forward again to give him a hug. He laughed, hugging you back. “I'll never get tired of being in your arms,” you smiled into his chest, breathing in his scent.

“I'll never get tired of holding you in mine,” he pulled his face back to look at you.

“Now let's eat! I'm starved,” you scampered towards the kitchen, him giving a gentle pat to your butt before hugging you from behind as you grabbed the breakfast foods. You giggled, setting food on plates as he kissed your neck, still wrapped around you from behind. “I'm starving too,” he replied back to your earlier statement with a growl, biting your ear.

“Pedro!” You giggled, smacking his arm gently. He chuckled, pulling away and grabbing his plate as you both headed to the table.

The two of you ate, filling the space with light conversation, both of you occasionally sneaking Skipper some bites under the table. He could get used to having two humans spoiling him.

The chatter came to a natural pause, eating in silence and smiling at each other across the table. Pedro stopped eating, wiping his hands and continuing to stare at you. You laughed, asking him what was up. Suddenly, he looked nervous.

“I, uh…” he rubbed his neck. “I was going to wait until after we had at least a first date to say this, but…” he trailed off, and your mind spiraled. Is he breaking up with me? Is he not interested anymore? What's wrong?

“I was wondering if… you'd be my girlfriend? Exclusively?” His cheeks flushed.

You stammered, dropping your fork on the plate. “You… you want… me to be your girlfriend?” You smiled.

He nodded. “If… you'll have me.”

“You want to be my boyfriend?” He nodded again, looking down at the table.

“Yes. Yes, are you kidding? Please! I'd love nothing more.” You grinned, jumping out of your chair to move to him.

He stood, pulling you into a hug. “Really?” He smiled at you.

“Really,” you nodded. “Now kiss me,” you held his face.

“Gladly,” he pulled you closer, kissing you deeply, his tongue asking for entrance to your mouth. You squealed, surprised, but letting him in. You'd never experienced this sensation before. But it was… incredible.

He licked your lips, the two of you exploring the inside of each other's mouths, tongues dancing together. The kiss was heated and deeper than ever before, both of you finally pulling away for air, him coming back in to peck your lips a few times, sucking your lip between his own. You sighed shakily. “Wow.”

“I love kissing you,” he smiled against your lips.

“I love kissing you. You're a good kisser,” you smiled back.

“So are you,” he smirked. “My beautiful girlfriend.” He gave a kiss. “How about that date tomorrow?” He pulled away to look at you, letting his hand rub across your lower back, just above your butt.

“I'd love to,” you stroked his face. “My handsome boyfriend.” You wrapped your arms around him again, blissfully.

“Tomorrow,” you two sighed in unison.

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibley84 @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon @winchestergypsy90 @red-red-rogue @theendwhereibegin @lottieellz101 @oliversaurus @kyga01 @milly-louise @titabel @taz-97 @stefanibear003 @marantha @fandomoniumflurry @ilovemybrown-eyedbabygirl @leiadjarin @hmneighbors

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[jinxed-sinner]

I often see people claim that alastor is someone that wants to presents himself as a good person, but I find his character to be a lot more complicated than just that. Sure he has his moments in which he states things he doesn't actually mean to manipulate others and make himself look better than he actually is (for example in ep 5 when he claims he sees charlie as a daughter, just to annoy lucifer), but even with the hotel he never tries to claim he is there to help, in fact it's quite the opposite "For the entertainment! I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful, and fail spectacularly.'' There is also his whole radio demon persona that he carefully created. Overall it feels more like alastor tries to present himself as way more dangerous than he actually is (with this I'm not trying to say alastor isn't dangerous or manipulative).

People definitely act like Alastor is less complex than he actually is. It's something that makes me kinda sad actually. It's not that he's not manipulative or dangerous, as you said. It's that his motives likely aren't black and white (whether they actually are is yet to be seen, but considering Viv has described his morality as similar to Dexter and he won't physically attack anyone without reason, I am quite sure it's more likely his motives aren't black and white), and he's willing to do whatever he needs to do to reach his goals.

One thing I'm tired of seeing is people saying that we can't use A Day In The After Life as a basis for his morality because it's not canon. Aside from personally not being able to find any evidence of it not being canon anywhere (be it contradictions between the comic and the show or Viv stating that it's no longer canon), claiming the portrayal of his morality in A Day In The After Life isn't canon directly contradicts the series, where he's shown to only physically attack people if he's provoked/sees a reason. He verbally attacks people to fuck with them (which I say because this seems to be the case with Stayed Gone and Hell's Greatest Dad; both songs are basically Alastor messing with Vox and Lucifer because he thinks it's funny to annoy them), he saves physically attacking people for when it's necessary in his eyes (such as when he or something he cares about is threatened).

Speaking of him caring about some stuff, the first analysis I posted on this blog was that Alastor cares about the hotel, he just refuses to acknowledge/admit it because he either sees it as a sign of vulnerability, doesn't want to acknowledge that his facade is crumbling, or both. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have sent Mimzy away. He wouldn't have defended it on multiple occasions. He only looks panicked in Finale during the "Great Alastor, altruist, died for his friends" line, indicating to me at least that he realized he was growing to care about the hotel and its residents and that scared him.

Alastor also obviously cares about Charlie, at least in my opinion. I'm not the first to bring this up but I'm like 99% sure one of the reasons Alastor took Charlie to Rosie is because he knew she was having relationship troubles and Rosie specifically mentions that romance is her specialty (something Alastor likely knows by virtue of him and Rosie being best friends). Basically, "I don't know how to help you and don't want to, but I know someone who CAN help you and she's a romance expert!!" is a mentality I wouldn't be surprised if Alastor has. Like even if he does mostly care about what Charlie can do for him and he's protecting her for that reason, he still cares enough to specifically take her to a romance expert (I do recognize he probably had other motives for taking Charlie to Rosie; for example he's closest to Rosie out of every other Overlord, and they're best friends. However I think it's noteworthy that Rosie also portrays herself as a romance expert and is an expy of Dolly Levi from Hello, Dolly!, who is a matchmaker. Hell, even Alastor realizing Charlie needed help with her relationship with Vaggie and taking her to Rosie for that could have ulterior motives).

I've actually wondered a few times if Alastor trying to look more dangerous than he is comes from his demon form. He went from a predator (serial killer) in life to prey (a deer) in death. Deer aren't usually seen as threatening, unless they're provoked (and even then people are probably more likely to find the situation funny until they're either gored by a buck/bull's antlers or kicked in the chest). For a few months now I've kinda thought that Alastor can't control certain deer traits he has, or at least has to try incredibly hard to hide them. This is a conclusion I came to after trying to figure out when he makes deer noises (elk bugles and fawn bleats), and every time they seem out of his control, or like he can control it (or at least stop it) and just forgets to. This even extends to his ears — most of the time they're upright, but when he's particularly upset, they'll flatten. The thing that made me think he's constantly trying to keep his ears upright was these two screenshots from Finale, where they're half-flattened instead of straight up like they're usually seen:

It looks like he's struggling to maintain control over his ears to me. The lack of total control over his more deer-like traits would probably be a massive insecurity for him, especially if I'm right about his deer noises being involuntary (you cannot convince me this man who has built a reputation for being one of the most dangerous sinners in Hell would enjoy spontaneously bleating like a fawn. I doubt he'd mind the elk sounds as much because elk bugles are, under the right circumstances, chilling, but fawn bleats are something I can't see him enjoying because it would, in his eyes, make him less intimidating if people knew about it).

Interestingly it's implied that either people don't really know he's the Radio Demon, despite admitting he's the Radio Demon (according to Mimzy), or people know he's the Radio Demon and don't give a shit. Nobody panicked in Scrambled Eggs until Zestial showed up, which holds the implication, to me at least, that Alastor's nowhere near as intimidating as Zestial is (which makes me wonder what Zestial's done).

[jacqueline-p-rose]

In this year I finally ditched Spotify for good in favour of rebuilding my music library offline and, since May, I have been collecting again the music that was lost to time in the great iPod crash of 2016. 98% of the music I listen to now are mp3s on my phone (using the Poweramp app), and most of those songs are ripped from CDs bought cheaply and secondhandly from eBay. I feel that I listen to music differently from the yoothes in that I put on an entire album and listen to it through, so in light of the recent flight from Spotify in hand with my unsuppressed FOMO, I've decided to give you my top ten albums of 2024. So hear, my Not-ify Wrapped 2024!

1 - Antemasque - Antemasque

This is the real reason it's a list of top ten albums and not top ten songs, because the top 12 most played songs on my list are the 12 songs on this album. It's great, not only my favourite album of (2014) 2024, but one of my favourite of all time. I wrote a little more about why here if you're feeling read-y.

2 - London Grammar - If You Wait

A classic of a specifically difficult time in my life, brought back into another increasingly difficult time of my life. "Interlude" specifically gets to me and makes me cry, and you KNOW how I love to cry!

3 - Soundgarden - Superunknown

When I first heard Soundgarden as a pre-teen I remember thinking it was a bit too heavy for me, like... Too metal. It's taken being in my 30s to finally appreciate this bad boy. I don't know what I was thinking back then, maybe I was as soft as un-moulded jelly, but it's now one of my favourite albums of all time.

4 - Le Butcherettes - Sin Sin Sin

A prize for accepting the challenge of trying new things. I love how perfectly this slots in alongside The Dead Weather, while being far more interesting. Beautiful, beautiful, wonderful thing to come into my life.

5 - Boys Next Door - Door Door

Nick Cave was a better father to me than my real father. This album (along with Henry's Dream with the Black Seeds) I have plucked from the nostalgia of dads cigarette-ridden Pajero and claimed as my own. I hope my children have a more positive memory of it in future.

6 - Made Out Of Babies - The Ruiner

Made Out Of Babies is my answer if someone were to ask me what my favourite band is, so it's a little surprising to me to see it so low down on the list, although it's really an even match for play count with most of the other stuff on this list. The Ruiner and Trophy are a fantastic extrapolation of 90's grunge into the new millennia. Coward I don't like so much, maybe I'll appreciate it the same one day, but it is not today.

7 - Warpaint - Warpaint/Exquisite Corpse/The Fool

Really it's only Warpaint that is this high on the list, but I'm including the other two because I often play them all in a row. These are very new purchases to be on the list at all, but my partner likes it so I can get away with playing it during the day. Drone-pop my beloved.

8 - Spectacular Spectacular - Blur

This album is always left off those lists of trans musicians that get shared about tumblr, which is a shame. It's not screamy punk or noisy synth so maybe it gets overlooked amongst the GLOSS and HERS and Against Me! types, but there are other trans experiences and expressions, and this is one. Beautiful and heartfelt, a must listen when I'm sad about boys (which is often).

9 - Audioslave - Audioslave

Though often thought of by the cool kids as less than the sum of its parts, I really dig Audioslave. Just because it plays on the radio doesn't mean you can't enjoy it too, loose your grip on ego and enjoy yourself, I know I am.

10 - Portishead - Portishead/Dummy

Some guy I used to work with put on Portishead one day and was crestfallen when I said "I used to cry to this as a lovesick teenager." He clearly thought he had found something super obscure and was proud of himself for showing it off. Serves him right for playing "Sour Times" the day after I broke up with my girlfriend.

Honourary mention - Adam And The Ants - Kings Of The Wild Frontier

The reason I say 98% of my music is offline is because I listen to Adam Ant a lot on Youtube. This album seems impossible to find as a CD for some reason, even though it was reissued in 2004. It's on Spotify, but I've been struggling to find a copy of it off the streams, so while it's not in my top 10 from Poweramp, it is top 10 in my heart.

So there you have it, my top 10 albums of 2024. There are at least another five albums I would have thought would be on this list and aren't, but I guess the stats don't lie. In an era where Spotify doesn't pay artists unless they get over 1000 listens, and even then their cut is split with the giants till it's almost nothing, I think there's no better time to cut the umbilical to constant access and be more intentional about the music we listen to and the artists we support. I buy digital albums from Bandcamp when I can, but even when I'm buying old CDs at least I'm actually getting something for my $15 a month. The wait for them to arrive in the mail and the space they take up means that I have to be very deliberate about what music I enjoy and will actively choose to listen to, and that makes me enjoy them more. Sitting with the album cover reading through the booklet as it rips onto my hard drive and plays in the background is very grounding, in a way it gives me confidence in other life decisions, it's small practice in making choices and expressing intention, and being rewarded for it. I highly recommend you to try this too, and maybe next year your wrapped will be music you have had a connection with and felt something about, and not just a bunch of songs you listened to without thinking.

[cherrylng]

Green Day "iDOS!" interview [ROCKIN'ON (November 2012)]

GREEN DAY 『iDOS!』

Green Day already talked about "Dos!", the follow-up to "Uno!" Fastest interview ever!

“"Dos!" feels like a party in hell, and it gets darker and darker until the end. The last one is a love letter to the dead Amy Winehouse.”

Shortly after its release, "Uno!" is being played all over the world, and the release of the second album of the trilogy, "Dos!" is also just around the corner. Since their explosive energy live show at this year's Summer Sonic, I've been overwhelmed by Green Day's momentum that has taken over the entire second half of this year. In previous interviews, they have talked about the theme of "Dos!" with keywords such as "sex," "garage rock," and "party," but the 13 songs that I actually listened to are the most vulgar in Green Day's history, and it is an album that dares to step into territory that they have avoided. From the bold rock'n'roll "Fuck Time" that lives up to its straightforward title, to the reggae-style "Nightlife" featuring a mysterious female rapper, to "Amy" dedicated to the late singer, the unprecedented variety is surprising, but it all has a rough power to it. Of course, they don't want to act like badasses anymore. They are once again throwing themselves into pleasure and violence, with a bird's eye view that the dirty side is an integral part of life's energy. ……But then came the news that Billie Joe was hospitalised for substance abuse. I hope it is only temporary, but I am worried. I hope he gets well soon and shows us a healthy figure! (Kotaro Matsumura)

This time, "Dos!" is the second of three consecutive releases, how are you feeling so far? Billie: 「Yeah, I think everyone will listen to all three albums. Because who wouldn't want to? When you listen to "Uno!", or rather "Oh Love", you feel like you want to hear what happens next. Then, when you listen to (the first song on "Dos!") "See You Tonight" which is a little sad, it snowballs into the super rock 'n' roll "Fuck Time". From there, "Dos!" feels like a party in hell, and it just gets darker and darker until the end. The last song, "Amy", is about what happens to people in the end when life gets really dark, and that's something I've actually experienced. I mean, it's a song about Amy Winehouse, but it's about how when life goes down the wrong path, it can end in painful repercussions. But it's never about warning other people, it's more of a love letter to, how should I say it, people I wish were still alive.」

Did you interact with Amy Winehouse before she died? Billie: 「No, I've never actually met Amy. I just know her music, I'm not a big fan, but I think her music is a bridge between old soul music and now, and she definitely tried to do that. She knew first wave ska and all that stuff, and she brought it into the new era. I think in music, people like that are very rare, and her passing is a great loss that we can't get back. And I don't know when we'll see someone like that again. So the selfish part of me can't help but ask, "Why?" It was really hard, and it was hard to watch the news.」

How do you think you guys have managed to stay together as a band so far without experiencing a tragedy like Amy's? Mike: 「Yeah, what's fun is, we just celebrate rock 'n' roll. We've been doing that for a long time. We've played together for so many years really, we've been able to see the world, and we keep challenging ourselves. We've been on the top so many times and we're still intact and we're still doing this with passion. We work hard, we play hard and well, I hope we play much more than we work (laughs).」 Billie: 「Right now, I think if we could go back to the old hardcore scene — I mean the original hardcore scene that lasted about five years in the 80s that we were never a part of. I think that scene created the "do it or fuck off" attitude of the time. One of my favourite bands, Operation Ivy, put everything on their first album, but they did it because they were in a situation where they didn't know if they could make a second album at all. And they never actually made a second album. Instead, they became Rancid. So, I mean, we didn't take that stance, but I think somewhere in the back of our heads we knew we could carry on. We didn't know how we were going to do it, but, you know, somewhere in the back of our heads we knew. And now we've done not one, but eight albums, and now we've done eleven. That's if you add all three of this one.」 Tre: 「We're definitely going to include all three (laughs).」 Billie: 「That's a lot of records in a 22-year career.」 Tre: 「I'm just happy that through all the years of touring, writing, and recording, we're still great friends, we're still playing and singing better, we're still improving in bed (laughs). It's good to be able to evolve and when you look at everything we've achieved so far, it's awesome. It's like one step at a time…… Oh, that's off topic. Anyway, we're the best. That's what I mean!」

Some of the songs on this album sound country, like "Drama Queen". Billie: 「I wouldn't call that song country. It's more like—」 Tre: 「Shuffle?」 Billie: 「Yes, it's a shuffle. But I'd say it sounds more British Invasion-ish. I think it's got a bit of a Ray Davies meets Small Faces feel to it. I wrote it when I was making "21st Century Breakdown". I was doing a thing where I'd spin two roulettes and make up a song from the words on the board, and, er……」

The theme of the song, you mean? Billie: 「Yeah, themes, one is “tabloid” and the other style of music is……」 Mike: 「It was like “Emotion”.」 Billie: 「Maybe piano, I don't know, it started with piano and then it got a little silly……」 Mike: 「So it's like a very happy song, but a bit sad. My son was dancing to it the other day and he said, “Dad, I love this song, but it's sad, isn't it?” He's three years old. He's very perceptive.」

And "Nightlife" includes female rap. Who is that? Billie: 「"Nightlife" is one of those songs that a lot of people don't expect and are surprised by. I myself am still a bit surprised. When we were in Austin, Texas, we were jamming in a room trying to write a song that would be a sister version of "Kill the DJ", and we came up with the chorus and the bridge. I had a friend there who was in a band called the Mystic Knights of the Cobra, and they had a song called "Text Messaging Slut". We cut out the rap of Lady Cobra, aka Monica Painter, who is in "Text Messaging Slut", and mashed up the two songs. We played it for her and asked her, "What do you think?" and she said, "Haha, that's interesting," and just walked away. So I called her afterwards and said, "Can you come over and make something for us?" So that's how we wrote the song, and it's about something sinister or something. She ended up coming over, drank like half a case of beer, and did a great rap.」 Tre: 「She started spitting out her “knowledge”.」 Billie: 「Yeah, I mean, she belted out the rhymes in her style.」 Mike: 「When I listen to this song, I get a sense of danger. Dangerous, erotic, dirty, sexy. When you listen to it, you'll understand why we collaborated and did this.」 Tre: 「There are a lot of hip-hop songs out there where, for example, it's like a song where a famous rapper has a friend sing the hook. But this one is the opposite. We have a famous hook singer, Billie Joe, and Lady Cobra, aside from where she's from, Crockett, California, she pretty much has a lot of tattoos and is shrouded in mystery. So it's the complete opposite of what other people are doing now.」 Mike: 「Yeah, I don't know any other tattoo artists that rap that well (laughs).」 Billie: 「The album starts with a song called “Lady Cobra”, which leads into “Nightlife”, and those two songs are connected in a really cool way. It's kind of like you're on a journey with someone, which is kind of the concept of the album. But it's not like we're trying to make a concept album or a story, it's just the feeling that there's something dangerous going on.」

Towards the end of the album, it's like it just gets faster and faster. Billie: 「I think it gets weird and unruly around “Ashley”.」 Mike: 「Some people would say that's where the party gets going.」 Tre: 「Some people get too drunk (laughs).」 Billie: 「Then it's “Baby Eyes,” which is also called “Born to Kill,” which then goes to “Lady Cobra,” which then becomes “Nightlife,” which then becomes “Wow! That's Loud.” My wife came to me in this outfit and asked me, "What do you think?" The colour was too bright, so I said, "Wow, that's loud". Then I wrote it down and thought, "That's a cool title", and that's where it came from (laughs). But in the song, I was trying to create a reverberating sound in the bridge, which is similar to what you hear when you're on MDMA, so you might not get it when you're sober, but if you're high on MDMA and you hear that part and you're on a bad trip, you might feel like, oh man, I need to take a Valium! (laughs)」

Translator's Note: This interview is quite short and only last 2 pages, but not gonna lie, the pics for this interview are really aesthetically pleasing to the eyes.

Please do support me via my Ko-fi! ☕

[aspoonofsugar]

I recently watched Hazbin Hotel, and bro, it was insanely fun lol I went to watch it unpretentiously, but then a close friend of mine told me that the story gains more layers in the songs, and after listening to them I realized that in fact, this is interesting. Obviously it's a musical series and that's justification enough for the producers to use so much music,but do you think there is something deeper than that because all the characters make a point of communicating more deeply through singing, than simply sitting down to talk about feelings for example? It's not a criticism, I like the songs, I just wanted to know if something like that is addressed in the franchise, I've only watched Hazbin so far. Sorry for the text if it is a bother.

Hi!

I am happy you had fun watching the series! So, I think your question has actually several answers.

THE REAL ANSWER

So, the true answer as for why Hazbin Hotel is a musical is... the author is a huge musical nerd, really. She loves musicals and has progressively incorporated them into her work.

For some context, I don't think Hazbin Hotel nor Helluva Boss (the other series set in the same universe) were initially meant to be musicals. Sure, there were always going to be songs in the series. Still, I think initially the music was not meant to be as key as it is in the final products. However, the love for musicals was always strong and with time it became more and more key to both stories. I'll add that when it comes to Hazbin Hotel, they have been using songs to solve some writing problems.

SONGS TO TELL A STORY

Hazbin Hotel has been picked up with a format of 8 episode per season. However, the universe and the characters are very rich and I think it could have been easily a 12/15 episode season. Still, they managed to still make a great story by cleverly using its musical nature. In musicals the story is told through songs, so basically the music is part of the writing. This makes so that you can create links between characters, highlight themes or dramatize conflicts thanks to it. This helps the writers save time to introduce and solve plot and character points that would have needed more time otherwise.

Here are two examples that come to mind from season 1.

Vaggie and Carmilla's foiling - Vaggie and Carmilla are foils because Carmilla is meant to be Vaggie's mentor. In the pitching bible, there is a plot-line where Vaggie and Carmilla had to meet and enter a fight. Carmilla would have won and Vaggie would have been very down, until Charlie invited her to a dance where she cheered up. Carmilla (or the character that was proto-Carmilla) would have seen Vaggie dance and appreciated her form and discipline. Now, this was clearly an episode that could have worked very well in the series and could have been used to set up Carmilla and Vaggie's interaction in Hello Rosie. That said, there was not enough time to dedicate a whole episode to that, so this plot-line was changed and re-arranged in Scambled Eggs. If you think about it, it is the same basic idea:

Vaggie tries hard to make Charlie happy, but fails, so she gets sad, but is eventually cheered up by Charlie

Carmilla is introduced and her foiling and link with Vaggie is made clear

However, in the finale product Vaggie and Carmilla's link is highlighted not through the plot, but by a musical number. "Whatever It Takes" is a song that tells us everything we need to know about Vaggie and Carmilla's similarities and differences. The fact they share it, despite never having met each other conveys they are similar souls. So, we are not surprised when later on Carmilla mentors Vaggie in Hello Rosie. Their interaction is really a pay off to that song. In short, in a non-musical series they should have spent more time building up Vaggie and Carmilla's foiling and their relationship. In a musical series, they can use the music to convey these ideas.

Lucifer and Charlie's interaction - Lucifer and Charlie's conflict is solved in the song "More Than Anything". This resolution works precisely because this song is incredibly rich musically and symbolically. Through it we are shown, rather than told how the character feels, their similarities and differences. The visuals support the music and shows us two characters that start apart and slowly come together. Now, imagine if we had the same episode and the song was turned into a simple conversation... wouldn't that have been kinda boring? To build a conflict like Lucifer and Charlie and to solve it through a dialogue by the end can be tricky. It is porbable they should have had to tweak the plot a little bit. The final battle against the loan shark should have probably take more focus for example. Moreover, they should have found a way to show us through the plot what's shown in the song. An example of how to do that could have been to start the episode with Charlie and Lucifer's flashback and to have Charlie save the Hotel from the Shark Loans by doing something Lucifer taught her. It would have been an efficient way to show us that Charlie deep down admires Lucifer and looks up to him. Lucifer could have reacted to it and the two could have had a reunion. Thanks to the song we get to have all these concepts shown to us through music and visuals.

In short, the music is used to show us the story just like the plot would. This lets the writers focus in very little time pretty rich concetps, themes and interactions.

WHAT ABOUT THE THEME?

Alastor: After all, the world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment.

Alastor's line in the pilot is a reference from The Band Wagon musical. Specifically it quotes the song "That's Entertainment!", which incidentally is the title of the Hazbin Hotel Pilot itself. Well, I think this explains rather clearly why Hazbin Hotel is a musical. It is a musical because it is born as a tribute, an evolution and a celebration of:

Old School musicals (and musicals in general)

Old Disney Classics

Old cartoons in general

All these influences are celebrated by the series, which is full of easter eggs and references. To me, it is one of the reasons why it is so damn fun! You can see the people working on this are having fun celebrating their favorite series, movies and songs. And as a fan, you can have fun trying to spot these references. By the way, this is why:

The Hazbin Hotel Pilot starts with a cover of Over The Rainbow, from the Wizard of Oz, which is the musical number ever

The Hazbin Hotel series starts with a clear reference to Disney Movies: the picture book. Overture's initial scene is the myth of Eden retold in the form of a fairy tale. And we soon discover it is in fact Charlie reading a picture book to herself.

These beginnings make clear where the series is coming from and what it wants to do.

The pilot's beginning pays homage to old school musicals, which is something that gets emphasized by Charlie's love for singing:

Vaggie: I don't think it's that simple. Just please follow the talking points we went over. And do not sing!

Thematically this sets Charlie apart from the rest of Hell in the pilot. Hell is a sad and terrible place and nobody wants to sing a happy song. So, Charlie does not fit. And yet, Alastor, who is a radio demon and so likes old school musicals himself is intrigued by the Princess's performance. This is why in the pilot only Charlie and Alastor sing... they are like... two old school musical lovers in today's cynical world and wanna bring back the love for the music and for an old school entertainment. This is one of the reasons why Charlie's Hotel is called "hazbin" aka "has been"... Both in the sense it welcomes people who wanna leave their old selves behind... and in the sense it is an animation meant to attract nostalgic souls, who love classics and musicals.

The series's beginning tells us Hazbin Hotel wants to do for adults what Disney does for children. Disney takes and re-interprets fairy tales. Hazbin Hotel is doing the same, but with the Bible and specifically the "Myth of Eden".

From a meta-narrative point of view, the continuity between Disney and Hazbin Hotel is highlighted also by Lucifer and Charlie's characters:

Lucifer is a Mr Alt Disney and a Walt Disney expy. He is a brilliant inventor, who created Hell and turned it into the Greatest Show of Creation. However, he has lost his creative drive, just like he has lost his hope.

Charlie is a Disney Princess expy, her design is inspired by Mickey Mouse and she is Lucifer's greatest creation (his daughter). So, she is gonna bring hope and creativity back into the Universe. She is a Disney Princess, but in Hell. Similarly, Hazbin Hotel is a show, which tries to bring back an old school animation, but with a twist.

This is also why these two characters' introductory songs have such a Disney vibe, much more than the others. Charlie's "Happy Day in Hell" references Beauty and Beast, whereas "Hell's Greatest Dad" is a tribute to Aladdin's "Friend Like Me".

As a cherry on top, the Hazbin Hotel original building is probably inspired by the  the Hotel Hightower located in the Tokyo DisneySea theme park resort in Urayasu, Japan. In short, it takes inspiration from a Disney Park :P. So, to have the Hotel destroyed and rebuilt ties into this meta-narrative commentary and it is coherent with the theme of death and rebirth, destroying and fixing of the series.

MUSICAL CHARACTERS

The love for entertainment is so strong in Hazbin Hotel that many characters end up having what I call "an entertainment motif". It means that they are tied to some form of art, kind of music, media and so on, which ends up commenting their arcs.

Charlie is a singer - she loves singing and wants to inspire others with her songs. So, her "singing" becomes a metaphor for her political career. She wants to grow into a good speaker and political leader.

Vaggie is a dancer - she likes fighting, but must change her fighting style into that of a battle dancer. This is what Carmilla's lesson is about; it is a dancing lesson masked as a fighting one. This ties into Vaggie becoming able to properly express herself.

Angel is an actor - he constantly wears a mask

Alastor is linked to radios, but is also inspired by the song "You are never fully dressed without a smile", from the musical Annie.

Lucifer is the Greatest Showman musical

The Vees are different medias: Vox is TV, Val is cinema and Velvette is social media

Adam is a musician, whose arc is described by the musical "School of Rock"

Rosie is inspired by both Mary Poppins and the musical Hello Rosie!

Carmilla has a ballet dancer motif

All of these ideas comment the characters arcs and ties into the themes. In general, I think they work rather well with the theme of "self expression" the whole Hellaverse seems to support. After all, Hell is a giant Rainbow (quite literally as the 7 rings are the 7 colors of the Rainbow), which ties with the idea of "pride" as self love and self expression. Pretty fitting given the queer elements.

Anyway, these are my two cents! Thank you for passing by!

[aquabuggy]

“Imagination, life is your creation”

Say, what band was it that wrote that song again? Escapes me… Oh well, anyways,

Happy Barbie Movie Release Day!

It’s nice to feel excited about something again.

It’s not every day you see a toy product centered movie gaining this much positive attention, much less one that deals in the existential horror of being alive. Which is, actually, exactly what I expected out of it and am very happy to see.

Barbie’s probably one of if not the most recognizable and successful product Mattel has, and it’s been that way for decades. But why am I talking about that here? This is a things-full-of-liquid-with-heavy-emphasis-on-water-games blog!

Well, you’re not gonna believe it, but Mattel being a toy company that’s been around for this long, has actually dabbled a bit in our territory! And they actually made a good couple of water games themed around a certain blonde blue eyed doll and her best friends!

So! Without further ado, may I present to you……..

Polly Pocket Tiny Games!

What? Was that not where you thought that was going?

Believe it or not, there really aren’t many Barbie water games at all, just cheaply reskinned ring toss games with a Barbie backdrop…which is both baffling and disappointing considering Barbie has had COUNTLESS beach, pool, sea, and just general water themes. Polly Pocket though? Got 6. You may recognize these if you’re a veteran of this blog.

Being one of Mattel’s latest ventures in water games, my sources tell me that these were actually received incredibly poorly, averaging at a 2-3 star rating. While definitely cute and unique, reviews often mention that the games seem to be designed more for aesthetics than actual play, and that it’s very hard to get some of the play pieces to actually move. Not too surprising looking at those cramped tanks. Wasted potential for sure!

Ohhh but I can’t just end the post there can I? That’s such a bummer! Well, what if I told you this wasn’t the first time Mattel tried their hand at making water games? What if I told you that in 1989 Mattel was one of the few big toy companies that actually dared to challenge the reign of Tomy’s Waterfuls during the peak of its popularity? Oh it’s very true, and considering you’ve probably never heard of it, you can safely assume how that endeavor went. But it’s intriguing nonetheless!

Introducing….

[ photo credit- rww121212, lb-squared, whats-in, and gilbe-niema on eBay ]

Trouble Bubbles/Fun Bubbles

Documentation of these online is mostly limited to listings on buy-and-sell sites (As always. I can’t stress how vital these sites are to conserving lost/obscure media.) so there’s not a lot known about these, and not many pictures of them either. What I can gather is that Mattel made at least 6 of these as well, 3 Trouble Bubbles games and 3 Super Trouble Bubbles games. The main difference between the 2 being Super Trouble Bubbles having a small switch that allows you to redirect the jets of water, which is pretty cool and admittedly not something I’ve seen in other water games! Both also have a wind up timer to challenge yourself to complete the game in a short period.

I’ve yet to collect one of these myself, but they look pretty decent in terms of quality and stand out nicely. They never fully took off in terms of popularity but I think they’re pretty cool, especially as a piece of toy history! Not too shabby at all for Waterfuls competition, my hat’s off to them! Not bad Mattel, sad they haven’t recaptured the same inventiveness for their Polly games. But hey, honestly? Nowadays would be a GREAT time to bring back Trouble Bubbles if you ask me. Water games are coming back in style and Waterfuls has been slow in new major products for quite a while. Who knows? It may just be able to snag that crown sometime in the future…

Unlikely.

But hey, anything’s possible in this crazy age!

[th3-new-rom4ntics]

⊱✿⊰ answering this exercise by @zaddizu for my better cr! here's the link to add yourself to this dr!

𑁍ࠬܓ what is your name?

my full cr name, except my mother's name is a part of my surname! its something ive always wanted since my family has patrilineal surnames where the father's name becomes the child's surname, but i'm a mummy's girl deep down n 100% want her name as a part of mine.

𑁍ࠬܓ favourite food?

my mother's shrimp biryani <3

𑁍ࠬܓ you can only choose one movie to watch for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

the princess bride always and forever.

𑁍ࠬܓ what is your birthday? 19/10!

𑁍ࠬܓwhat is a song you will always have a place for in your heart? layla by eric clapton!

𑁍ࠬܓfavourite colour, go!! purple!

𑁍ࠬܓname the most important thing to you. a bracelet my grandma gave me. it reminds me of her even when i'm far from home in switzerland.

𑁍ࠬܓfavourite memory?

my first international trip (other than india n layovers)! it was to taipei with my family. we had such a fun time + it was a great way to practice my chinese skills.

𑁍ࠬܓleast favourite memory?

seeing the F4 for the first time. i literally died inside i think. grown ass people simping over 4 trust fund babies.

𑁍ࠬܓsomeone you dislike?

uhhh other than the F4, this one lunch lady that always gives me the side-eye when she serves me, like she can smell the poor off me :(

𑁍ࠬܓin a crowded room, who would you look for first?

at school? my bsf. back home? my sister.

𑁍ࠬܓbest music genre?

rock! there's so much within the genre of rock itself that there is always a song for every mood. whether its dad rock or prog rock, i'll have so much variety that i wouldn't need to listen to anything else.

𑁍ࠬܓa topic you defend with your life?

EATING LESS MEAT SHOULD BE NORMALISED!!!! its not just about animals bro i don't give a shit about cows but its about the PLANET. it should be normal to not eat as much beef especially because of the Co2 emissions.

𑁍ࠬܓa character you relate to?

daria morgendorffer. with my whole soul.

𑁍ࠬܓpicture your room, is it organised or messy?

soo messy. the common spaces i have with my roomie are clean but my bedroom and bathroom are messy asf bc your girl cannot be bothered cleaning when it comes to me myself.

𑁍ࠬܓgun to your head... are you funny?

i am. too much. can never take anything seriously.

𑁍ࠬܓfruit platter or candy platter?

fruit!! i'm not much of a candy person.

𑁍ࠬܓsugar, sour or spice?

gun to my head...spice.

𑁍ࠬܓwhats your aesthetic?

kat stratford, daria morgendorffer, dorothy parker. mixing acerbic wit with doc martens and my favourite green rain jacket. 𑁍ࠬܓwho in your dr would you not be surprised if they came out as a shifter?

cosette. tf u mean ur a model, nepo baby, singer, trust fund baby, business woman and oxford university student?? at the ripe age of 19?

𑁍ࠬܓwhats your hogwarts house?

ravenclaw!!

𑁍ࠬܓambivert, introvert or extrovert?

ambivert. it all swings like a pendulum depending on my mood.

𑁍ࠬܓbest school subject?

hmm..literature analysis or social and cultural anthropology.

𑁍ࠬܓwhere can someone find you when you're sad?

the library or my bedroom!

𑁍ࠬܓwho are you?

myself. i refused to be put into a box or labelled.

𑁍ࠬܓsomeone's music you don't enjoy?

i got to be so fr..taylor swift. she never hits for me. and trust me, i've tried so hard. i'm just not a swiftie.

𑁍ࠬܓhave you had a near death experience?

lowk dastardly but i almost tripped on the stairs after someone poured water on them :((

𑁍ࠬܓwho was your first love? do you regret it?

i've never loved before. unfortunately, i know damn well who my first love is going to be and i'm scared for myself HAHA.

[archivalofsins]

hey, iif you don't mind, can you tell me how you want to vote in t3? just curious to hear your thoughts for now 👀 and thanks a lot for your analyses!

Hmmm I tend to take things on a case by case basis. I think I may change my mind after the third trial commencement notice. Depending on the information given to us there. For now though I am leaning towards voting everyone Innocent.

Simply because we were told not to do that and it would be such a bitch move to do in the last round.

But beyond the rule breaker in me that's just wants to do something they were told not to or would be bad.

I feel like the videos for trial three are going to lean more towards showing the prisoners as guilty because that's what they are. Hell Jackalope said from the beginning (in MILGRAM / Jackalope’s “This is the MILGRAM”),

"I mean, I personally would just say GUILTY to all of them to avoid all this hassle."

We also know that as the trials go on the extractions get clearer. So the prisoners can't hide as much.

"Its downside is that it takes a while between each interrogation and not every mental image can be extracted at once."/ "You never know what will come out, but just think of that as what's great about this job."

So, I think they may be anticipating a bit of a guilty sweep for all of them this trial. I want it to be close to the very end. Being overwhelmingly guilty in the finale would be such a bore.

For Yuno I wanna try to get a 50/50. Since she's the one who has wanted it the most the entire series.

For Futa... Oooo it's a hard one I don't want to go easy on him just because of how much we know him now. As well as everything we've seen him go through. Though I was super fine just giving Yuno what she's been asking for. That's more because I feel like everyone has annoyed her enough. With Futa I want it to be surprising until the last second. I want it to be as exciting as the first time.

If that makes any sense. When I saw Futa's song for the first time it really fired me up. It reminded me of what it was like for me when I was in my early twenties. Wanting to push for something better and order in what appeared to be an order less and guidance lacking environment. Not knowing how to make things better but not wanting to contribute to making them worse. I wonder what that naïve thinking will transform to in the end.

Ah, I'm getting excited thinking about it right now. There are so many ways he could go that I just want to leave this one open.

Mu- Well like she said it's okay to ignore her you know~ Let's give her a 50/50 too. She would be so pissed if we did that. But I think her habit of riling people up is only going to get worse trial three. Especially if people remember that just like the audience she did nothing to dissuade Haruka as well. It may be a tough on for her. Since I think that I want to go a bit easier on her and say Innocent even though i know it's not really the verdict she deserves.

I think right now I'm just in that state of being happy that they're alive and here. So I don't want to go too hard on anyone.

Kazui- Lol guilty. But Gunsli I know that's such an awkward transition isn't it. Like I think I'm in that state of relief after a tragedy that makes you want to go easier on people ten seconds later guilty this man. It's not even that he deserves it per se. In fact I think it's better to vote him innocent. However I don't expect anyone to do that for him. So, I'm trying to squash my own hopes first. I'll probably be voting innocent.

Kazui always wanted his behavior to be pardoned. Not just the acceptable version to. I think it'd be pretty sad to have the closest version of the truth denied after indulging him this much. Yet, that too is Milgram. That to is a reality to keep in mind. Like with Mu I kind of feel bad so I still wanna indulge him just a little at the end as well. Regardless of the verdict I'd like it to be close to show how much people really thought about it.

Amane... Hm I really don't know it depends on what comes out in her video. Since I speculate she killed more than her mother and her murder was done in the outfit from her third anniversary art. I feel like I really don't have enough information to say at the moment.

Mikoto lol I'm bias so innocent I don't care if he does it again. Actually he can do what he wants forever. He's funny as hell. After literally successfully gaslighting the audience into believing he didn't murder anyone he could have killed all three of the people who died over the intermission and I'd still be like that shit was too funny to no acquit you. You literally gaslighted people into believing the song extracting machine was fucking wrong. You could sell them anything at this point as long as you stick the landing. It's still too funny he successfully did that.

Kotoko Guilty I'm blaming her for Mahiru like Mu is blaming her for what's going on with her. But hmmmm... That's a bit unfair since I didn't bring up the intermission stuff with others. I am miffed about it... Which is something I need to personally interrogate.

Causation tells me if she hadn't jumped Mahiru then she wouldn't have been in that position. Literally no one would have been in that situation if she didn't jump anyone. Yet, she was affirmed she was told her actions were okay and committed the same deeds again. If we affirmed her a second time there's a high chance that Mikoto and Mu would not be here as well now.

Since she threatened the both of them both,

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but for now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……!

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of you way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

On top of that she was doubting Es' decision making abilities. She literally asked them to leave the decisions to her. So chances are if we did find her innocent she was going to ignore the verdicts completely and attack whoever she wanted to.

Even if she weren't the stone that caused that ripple. I would have to be completely illiterate to not recognize in hindsight what her being innocent could have taken away. I'm upset it already happened the first time with all the injuries. I can't imagine how I'd feel with Kotoko innocent and one but two more people gone. Leaving us with only half the cast we started with.

At first I just thought she was wrong but after the revelations from the Your (Curtain) Call video I know how dangerous she is and I am warry. Even though she didn't even do anything because we voted her guilty. It kind of sinks in like what if we didn't. What if we voted her innocent and Mikoto guilty again then he wouldn't be here. Or if they were both innocent at once like Kazui warned us about in his voice drama would he not be here then.

From the start with one verdict we were already set up for something pretty bad. Though I think it's unfair to be mad at Kotoko for that as well or fearmonger about what if scenarios. Those scenarios didn't happen. The fact is everyone here is a murderer. Just like her, in her mind she was holding back but she couldn't account for what others would do after she acted.

I don't know I'm mad because despite the jumping which sure was her decision to do that- But like she was honest about what she was going to do. So, that's fine. It's not that big of a thing. What I'm kind of upset about as petty as it is... Is that she kind of made Mahiru's final timeline suck. Like the last interaction Mahiru had was her being called crazy for wishing someone happy birthday. Despite Kotoko recognizing and calling to attention the fact Mahiru was clearly about to die. Like it's good that she was willing to hear the final words of a dying woman and I get her confusion and possible frustration.

It's just rude though. It's also not the first time she's been rude about someone wishing her happy birthday as seen with Mikoto. So it's like at this point that's just Kotoko. Pushing all that to the side though- If her crime is what I think it is then I can't really forgive that but I could personally forgive Kotoko.

Like I don't particularly think Kotoko is a person I would enjoy being around. I don't have many good things to say about her other than she's rather professional despite everything. Also she's persistent and driven. But that's all the stuff you say about someone when they don't really have a welcoming personality. So, it's not even like I'm very bias in her favor on a personal front.

It's just forgiveness is free. It's easier to forgive than to keep something going. Yet, it's not really free is it. Forgiving something once is more likely to led to it happening it again. How willing is the audience to keep forgiving people who have made it clear that they are committed to doing harm. How many times can people forgive someone for doing the same thing.

How many times can a person do the same thing to oneself before the person puts their foot down. Where do our personal lines sit. The truth of the matter is they sit where they always have the sit at the point where it personally starts to impact us.

Again these are characters that we've known for a while. I am bias because in all honesty of course I want them to live. I may not like them personally, I may get annoyed with them, but these characters have seen me through some rough times. Milgram has been there for me to fall back on when so many things in my life weren't going well. When terrible things seemed to happen constantly.

I could take a break by thinking about these characters, their struggles, and lives. The stories and questions they present. That means a lot to me just as much as it would with any series that has touched me. I wish it was just as easy as Mu said and we could vote them all innocent. Yet chances are if we vote them all innocent they will more than likely kill each other.

That's why I'm really focused on seeing where they're at before deciding on a verdict. Milgram is just very difficult like that. Personally I think it's a good difficulty for me to have. I want to spend as much time thinking about it as I can until the curtain is drawn closed and after. The fact that there are so many alternatives based on if we just voted a few prisoners differently already shows that there's no perfect answer.

There's just the choices that our honest to ourselves. So, I hope whatever happens going forward every fan is able to give the answer that best reflect them. That's what I'm gonna try to do.

[kmomof4]

Teaser Thursday!!!

Hello all! It’s been a long while since I posted anything, so I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon that booksteaandtoomuchtv started this morning. Calling it Teaser Thursday instead of Things I’m Typing Thursday (TIT Thursday) because while I am currently working on a new fic, I haven’t had time to work on it all week, so I can’t say I’m currently TYPING anything… anyhoo, I do have 3 fics waiting in the wings to post this fall and holiday season, and hopefully this new project will post sometime this fall as well, we’ll see… so I thought y’all would like some sneak peeks…

Orphan Girl is waiting on a beta read and was inspired by a song of the same name my local chorale group sang last spring as part of our concert featuring Songs from the Enchanted Isle, Folks Songs of Ireland, England, and Scotland. The song was originally written by Brendan Graham for the Annual Great Famine Commemoration in Sydney in 2012. The ceremony commemorates the relocation of about 4k female orphans to Australia after the potato famine took its toll.

Welcome to Drogheda Station, Miss Nolan,” he began. “My name is Killian Jones, and I am in need of a governess for my young daughter. She lost her mother closing in on a year ago now, and I just want to meet you myself before introducing you to my Alice and make sure you’d be a good fit with our family.” Emma nodded, but remained silent. His crystal blue eyes remained on hers as he spoke and she had to give herself an internal shake to keep herself from getting lost in them.

“So, tell me about yourself.” He looked down at a small stack of papers on his desk for a moment before looking back at her again. “I have quite a lot of information about you from your file provided to me from Granny, but I’d like to hear some of it in your own words.” He smiled and Emma instantly relaxed as she returned it.

“Ah,” Emma began, “the name… of the station? Drogheda? That’s Irish isn’t it?”

His smile lit up his face and Emma thought she would swoon at the pleasure she saw in his beautiful eyes.

“It is,” he affirmed. “My father was from Drogheda in County Louth on the east coast of Ireland. He immigrated here when he was a teenager. He died when I was small, but when I bought this land, I wanted to honor him and the roots he left behind by naming the station after his hometown.”

“I see.” She smiled back at him. “That’s a lovely tribute to your family. Thank you for sharing it with me. I’d never been to County Louth, but I had heard of it. I’m from County Mayo on the west coast.”

Killian smiled softly at her statement and nodded for her to continue. He watched the young woman in front of him intently as she continued speaking. Her manners were impeccable and her appearance was most pleasing. Her long golden hair was gathered at the nape of her neck in a ponytail against the summer heat, but it positively glowed in the sun shining through the windows of his office. There was a sadness in her green eyes that Killian found himself responding to. It was the look that he himself saw in the mirror every day. The look of an orphan. Given her circumstances, and where she came from, he wasn’t at all surprised.

What did surprise him, however, was how strongly he was responding to it. He wanted nothing more than to care for and shelter this lovely young lady. Her education and decorum were obvious in her comportment and Killian was sure she’d be a perfect fit for the position. He rarely had trouble discerning the character of a person upon their first meeting, and after just this brief introduction to Emma Nolan, he had no compunction whatsoever in bringing her on as Alice’s governess.

Our next sneak peek is from the Family Affair universe! After the response I got to the fics in the series, I wanted to share the couples Happy Beginnings, as well. And what better way is there then to gather the entire extended clan for Christmas? This fic picks up one year after Robin and Regina’s wedding, when David finally came home, and will post on Christmas Day.

Christmas was just a couple of days away. Emma, Killian, and Henry were feverishly getting everything ready to host the entire extended Swan and Jones families. They were expecting a total of sixteen extra guests for the holiday and excitement was running very high.

They didn’t usually have much snow in December, but this year, they were predicting around three inches on Christmas Eve. Henry had never seen a white Christmas, and with all his aunts, uncles, and cousins, in addition to his grandparents coming, this was sure to be the best Christmas ever!

Henry peeked into his baby sister’s bedroom, not surprised to see her awake and standing in her crib. Henry grinned and came in, followed closely by Shep.

“Eny, Eny,” Hope babbled as her big brother approached.

“Do you know what today is, Hope?” Henry asked his sister. “Everyone’s coming today! Mimi and Papaw, Aunt Ruby, Uncle Graham and Poppa, and you’ll get to meet your baby cousins in person, Aunt Regina and Uncle Robin, Aunt M’s and Uncle David, Aunt Elsa and Uncle Liam, Aaron and Dale, and Grandpa Nemo!”

Henry lowered the side of the crib and lifted Hope out, setting her on her feet on the floor. She wasn’t walking independently yet, but she was close and Henry just knew that she’d do it sometime in the next few days while everyone was here. He stood behind her and held onto her hands raised in the air as she started toward the door of her bedroom.

He followed along behind her as they toddled the short distance to their parents’ room. Once they reached the door, Henry knocked.

“Mom? Dad?” he asked, opening the door slightly. Shep pushed the door open the rest of the way with his nose.

“Mamamamamamamama,” Hope babbled. “Dadadadadadadada.”

The lights were still off, but the sun was poking through the blinds. Their dad sat up, his mouth opening on a huge yawn and swung his legs off the side of the bed, motioning for them to be quiet.

“Mom’s still asleep,” he whispered. “Let’s let her sleep just a little more. Go downstairs with Hope, Henry, and I’ll be down in just a minute to get breakfast started.”

Henry nodded and turned Hope around, back toward the door of the bedroom. As soon as they were gone, Killian leaned over to Emma, pressing a kiss to her brow and whispering in her ear.

“You can sleep for a little while longer, babe. I’ll send Henry up to get you once breakfast is ready.”

All he got was a muffled Mmmph in reply. Killian chuckled and made his way to the bathroom.

Our next fic is a continuation of A Christmas Surprise. Told mostly in Killian’s pov this time, it begins with Killian and Alice’s reunion and goes all the way to Killian and Emma’s wedding day! This is a long one and so will have two parts. Part One will post on Dec 8, and Part Two on Dec 15.

Killian Jones sat in the darkness of the giant present in which he was hiding, waiting for his daughter’s Christmas program to begin. He couldn’t wait to see his starfish when he surprised her after she sang her solo this evening. He was proud to serve his country, but the long deployments made things especially difficult. Having Liam and Elsa so close by and willing to care for Alice when he was gone was a blessing he didn’t take for granted in the least, but he was so thankful that he was home for good now and was eligible to retire in just a few more months.

Which made him think about what would come next. What the future might hold and how the lovely Emma Swan might fit into it. He’d been thoroughly gobsmacked when he laid eyes on the golden haired beauty who was Alice’s teacher when he arrived at the school earlier. And then the revelation that she was single sent his heart rate ratcheting up like he hadn’t experienced since he’d met his late wife. It had been six years since he’d lost his beloved Milah, and the thought of re-entering the dating scene hadn’t crossed his mind once in all that time. He was still relatively young and handsome, but with his very young daughter and Navy career, he didn’t have the time or inclination to put himself back out there.

But Emma Swan might just change his mind on that front.

He knew his countenance sported a goofy, thoroughly besotted smile when he heard movement on the outside of the present in which he sat. Bright light from the auditorium flooded the dark space as the box’s small door opened, helping him immensely in the schooling of his features before being confronted with the object of his thoughts as she handed him his dinner.

“Do you have enough light to see to eat in here?” Emma asked, looking around.

Killian grimaced. He hadn’t really thought of that. “Perhaps not.”

“I can stay for a bit while you eat, turn the flashlight on on my phone. So you can see to eat,” she stammered. The blush on her cheeks was adorable, and Killian’s heart rate picked up yet again.

“That would be great. Thank you, Emma.”

She smiled as she moved into the space with him. It was a bit cramped with them both sitting on the floor, but he didn’t mind it at all. He tucked into his Christmas meal of roast turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes, green beans and cranberry salad as Emma told him about some of the antics Henry, Alice, and her cousins had gotten up to this semester.

She told him about Liam Jr and Colin hiding Alice’s pencil box on the first day of school. Meant as an initiation of sorts, it had made Elsa’s morning that much more hectic and stressful trying to find it and make it to school on time. Emma related how she’d had trouble containing her giggles when the twins confessed what they’d done, handed over the pencil box, and got exactly what was coming to them from their mother. Later on the same day, in retaliation, Alice and Henry had hidden away the twins’ lunch boxes. Killian had to stifle his laughter at the story.

Then Emma told him about the time just a few weeks ago when Alice was delayed coming back from the restroom. When Emma went to look for her, she found the child peeking into the auditorium where her cousins were engaged in a basketball game with another school in the area. Colin had just made a shot, and Alice was cheering loudly for her cousin from the hallway when Emma found her. Killian’s heart swelled.

And finally, the new fic I’ve been working on is inspired by Francesca Bridgerton’s story. I wrote the entire first ch of the fic, almost 8400 words, in five days, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to finish it next month and post it sometime in November. No promises, but that is the hope…

There is a moment in every man’s life in which his future becomes clear. A turning point of sorts. The moment when he becomes a man, when he leaves the irresponsibility and temerity of youth behind and turns his eyes to the future. A future that he’d never allowed himself to think about before. Unfortunately, that moment came for Killian Jones when he first laid eyes on Emma Nolan, at a supper celebrating the imminent marriage between herself and Killian’s brother Earl Liam Jones.

After years of chasing anything in a skirt, Killian grimaced at the irony. In all that time, he’d never allowed his heart to become entangled with his many, many romantic exploits. Allowing himself to be chased until he conquered, his reputation as a rake and a scoundrel was well deserved. He’d even stopped attending church, although he assuaged the pricking of his conscience by telling himself the derelict stones of Kilmartin Abbey on the Kilmartin estate up in Scotland couldn’t withstand a direct strike of lightning, which would surely happen if Killian Jones ever showed his face inside. No originality among his ancestors there, when it came to naming. They were so proud of the title when it was newly bestowed about 300 years ago, that they attached it to everything they possibly could.

Killian Jones

Worst of Sinners

He would have had it printed on calling cards if he didn’t think it would actually kill his mother. He may never have seduced a virgin or slept with a married woman… Oh very well, if he couldn’t be honest in his own head, then what was the purpose? He’d slept with plenty of married women. But only those whose husbands were tossers, and only when they’d already produced at least two male offspring, three if one of others was sickly. He may have a modicum of honor left in his blackened soul… because this was the one thing that truly did it. Blackened his soul beyond all redemption.

He coveted his brother’s wife.

And had since that fateful moment two years ago. The day he met Emma Nolan. Emma Nolan Jones now. Lady Kilmartin. Countess Kilmartin. Wife of his brother. The Earl of Kilmartin.

He could torture himself for days thinking of every iteration of Emma Nolan Jones, but it would never change the simple fact. He couldn’t have her. She’d never be his.

I hope this whets y’all’s appetite!!

Tagging the usual crew. Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed.

@jrob64 @teamhook @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @artistic-writer @xarandomdreamx @undercaffinatednightmare @the-darkdragonfly @stahlop @superchocovian @pirateprincessofpizza @tiganasummertree @anmylica @cosette141 @motherkatereloyshipper @zaharadessert @jonesfandomfanatic @ultraluckycatnd @jennjenn615 @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713 @kymbersmith-90 @booksteaandtoomuchtv @wistfulcynic @mie779 @snowbellewells @lfh1226-linda @aprilqueen84 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @pirateherokillian @elfiola @ilovemesomekillianjones @justanother-unluckysoul @poptart-cat-78 @myfearless-love @goforlaunchcee @searchingwardrobes @gingerpolyglot @gingerchangeling @djlbg @cocohook38 @cs-rylie @thisonesatellite @donteattheappleshook @deckerstarblanche @veryverynotgoodwrites @wefoundloveunderthelight @fleurdepetite @alexa-fangirl-forever @bluewildcatfanatic @qualitycoffeethings

[destiel-wings]

I noted down my thoughts while I listened to the tortured poets department for the first time (every track in order) and here's my album reaction

1) fortnight

I like the sound, makes me feel like the album is going to sound like midnights 2.0

2) the tortured poets department

somehow this song sounds exactly like i was expecting it to sound. love it, it'll def grow on me

3) my boy only breaks his favorite toys

interesting melody. caught me from the first note.

4) down bad

probably my favorite so far??? definitely midnights 2.0, particularly, I'd say the album so far sounds like midnight rain

5) so long, london

HER VOICE HERE HELLOO

another possible favorite. the intro gives me a mixture of christmas vibes + death by a thousand cuts intro

6) but daddy, i love him

the intro gave me happier fearless album vibes (with super subtle country touches), but it sounds like its own song. this is pure taylor with a 5.40 minutes song 💖👌🏻

7) fresh out the slammer

interesting change of rythm in the middle of the song, like in evermore. I'll need to listen to it again

8) florida!!!

the song i was most excited about cause i LOVE florence + the machine!!! I'm so glad she actually sang in it, i really felt the collab and there is something magical about this song. I would expect nothing less from a collab with florence 😍❤ i loved hearing taylor explore these more haunted/epic vibes. It still felt coherent with the rest of the album

9) guilty as sin?

loved it from the intro, love the rythm. I don't know what it is about it but it made me think it seems like a song that might have been from the 90s, but with a modern midnights sound?? one of my favorites.

that "am i allowed to cry?" in the end? PERFECT.

i felt some super subtle 90s vibes in certain moments of the song?

10) who's afraid of little old me?

the intro is chefs kiss perfection. OMG I LOVE THE WHOLE OF IT SO BADLY. One of the best songs of the album, 100%. Immaculate vibes. Great lyrics. Original melody that isn't flat standard but still catchy.

11) I can fix him (no really i can)

this song is like if cowboy like me was written for ttpd. and I'm saying this in the best way possible. this song is evermore(album)-coded. the melody reminds me willow too. 11/10 👌🏻

12) loml

excellent intro, yes, give me a sad song!!!! my favorite songs very often are in the second half of the albums or towards the end. this one is absolutely beautiful. another favorite (there are already so many favorites for me and I'm still at track 12 💀)

"I wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all" yes taylor, kill me please 🥲🙃💔

13) I can do it with a broken heart

this one is you're on your own kid's sister. It adds up to Taylor's songs whose music is 🤩💖🎊🎉 while the lyrics are 💀🔪💔😞

one of the songs that i was claiming for myself from the title alone.

14) the smallest man who ever lived

you can understand from the very first (sigh) note that this one is going to be a high quality song. I think this is more or less how i expected this whole album to sound like. a quiet folklore poetry heavy album. --but OH!! the way the song builds up in the second half got me!! LOVE IT LOVE IT. another one of the best ones.

15) the alchemy

I liked it. It has less elements that grip you on the first listen but i think it's one of those songs you won't able to get out of your head once you get them.

16) clara bow

this one surprised me. liked it a lot.

17) the black dog

I had high expectations for this one. I liked it. I'll need to listen to it again.

18) imgonnagetyouback

this is where I'm starting to hear this album's sound as its own (as in different from midnights 2.0). all the vocals have been very cohesive throughout the tracks. I love them. there's something unhinged about this album as a whole and I'm HERE FOR IT.

19) the albatross

perfect intro, I just knew from then it was going to be a 10/10 track already. this one is another one of the best ones. perfect. THIS is how i thought the album would sound like.

20) chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

beautiful, beautiful song. again I'm hearing something from evermore.

21) how did it end?

THE PIANOOOO!!! 🥺 THE VOCALS!!! ANOTHER FAVOURITE, AND ONE OF THE BEST ONES.

Maybe even my favorite???

22) so high school

90s vibes!!! again, but with the modern sound of the album. maybe I'm the only one who hears the 90s vibes and I'm making it up in my mind, but there's something slightly retro about it. and her mentioning american pie in the lyrics kind of confirms it. I'm in love with this song.

23) I hate it here

"I hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind" ME TOO TAYLOR, ME TOO. love the melody of this song, and the concept. there's something delicate about it.

24) thanK you aIMee

i love that there's something from the past in this album, like taylor went back to her high school years bringing back old wounds and relating to how she is now.

25) I look in people's windows

what I'm loving about this album is how much more intimate it seems, compared to midnights. the sound may seem similar at first, but even that one is more intimate. It's less constructed, more unhinged at times, like she's writing her diary again, and that's something she hasn't done in a while, since folklore and evermore featured characters and stories that weren't necessarily autobiographical

26) the prophecy

I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS SOUND 😭😭😭 the whole album, and this song. It sounds so good. Another favorite.

27) cassandra

right there in my alley. immaculate vibes. I may cry this song is so beautiful. how much of a clown would that make me to say this is another favorite??

28) peter

why does taylor always put her best songs at the end of her albums, or in the extra/deluxe songs??? I'm in love with this one too, dammit. the melody and music is so perfect. one of the best ones??

29) the bolter

there's something of the early taylor in this song?? it's so cute

30) robin

ohhh. dreamy. something solemn, like a dreamy hymn? I can picture her sitting at the piano playing it, in front of an open window on a sunny morning with lots of green trees outside on the second floor.

31) the manuscript

again, somwhow this sounds exactly like i thought it would sound like. "but the story isn't mine anymore" hit 👌🏻🥺🥹

I think this album is going to be a little masterpiece. So many great songs. Catchy, but not in an obvious way. Very intimate. Emotional.

GENERAL THOUGHTS:

I'm obsessed already. I'm just mad at taylor for giving us incredible albums with half of them being digital only.

[thephysicsofmiracles]

This evening, I went for a stroll in an area I hadn't explored yet. The cloudy moon was ghostly and in the Celtic wisdom which my mother bestowed upon me, (though I was the only one listening!) I know it symbolises the caution to find stillness in the unknown and not make hasty decisions - wait for more information to come to light. I stumbled upon a community garden filled with flowers of strange varieties and burgeoning fruit and fat hens that stared at me obnoxiously. After wandering for a half hour or so, taking mental notes and snap shots for my own future permaculture planning that I've been envisioning for years, I was captivated by a fluttering ensemble that wafted over-shoulder so close I heard it's winged rapture reverberate in my ear, which turned out to be two butterflies in the midst of a balletic waltz, tumbling over, around and besides each other, amorously lost in a spontaneous orbit of mutual admiration. My immediate thought was: "If only I could be loved like that." Bold as they were, their time together seemed fragile, and I walked on as proscenium-arched jacarandas graciously harboured their momentary paradise. Wandering on and musing some more, I came by a tiny library the size of a doll house, the likes of which children had labouriously constructed containing an assortment of books and paraphernalia and labelled above in painted handwritten letters, "Free". I decided to peruse the generous but tatty collection, hoping for something with poems or a local guide to trees and native fauna. Immediately, I was surprised to see a copy of a recommendation from a friend from about 18 months ago, which I'd had on my "to read" list ever since: The Celestine Prophecy. I had recalled the conversation I had with her where I confided about finding someone I felt a strong, energetic pull toward and the confusion I experienced when they developed a serious connection with someone else. She recommended it for the clarity it provided around soul contracts and past lives and how the dance or "quantum entanglement" of two Souls can progress you just as powerfully and passionately in your Soul's development without an ensuing romance. It rang true because the inspiration I received from him to change my life was a profound turning point for me, one which I have only motioned forward from ever since. Something about his example, his heart’s intention to continuously evolve and self-invest in the face of the common adversities most Australian males almost never overcome for fear of social alienation from their immediate family and friends, mirrored my transformation intensely and helped me re-route toward my authentic individual purpose on Earth (outside of everyone's expectations) seriously for the first time. At that point I had only an inkling he had found a deep connection to someone; it wasn't until much later that my apprehensions were confirmed, although I was the same tangle of sadness and perplexity, missing someone I hadn't the opportunity to know but somehow felt a complete otherworldly sense of belonging to or with, or something. I don't know if I'll ever read it, to be honest, but it's message does give me the strength to let the beauty of the knowledge be mused over with sincerity and conscious appreciation for its value and fleeting cycle of life, before it passes out of view. I know my heart's song belongs to a great someone, and I am praying that his integrity and self-investment to prepare for a strong foundation for true love is as intentional and committed as mine. Though the meaningful passage of tangled magic that was this persons deep reflection has left a gentle imprint on my life that I hope will yield the same love which he discovered in a kind-natured someone, to me in due time. ~ Chantal Eva

[andoqin]

List of dramas that I am watching or want to watch, just for personal record reasons:

Cdramas:

The ingenious one (36/36): this drama has blown me away so far with its incredibly nuanced and sharp writing, its love stories between all the major couples and the absolutely magnificent cinematography. FINISHED verdict: HIGHLIGHT drama of the year for me so far. Smart, engaging, complicated, peak romance of all sorts, just what the doctor ordered tbh (overly long review can be found in my tags). 9.5

Chang Feng Du (40/40): I did not realise how close to the end I was. This drama is very pleasant and I adore our mains, but sadly except for a few highlights (the early beating gjs put on himself, the destruction of the gu family and the aftermath, the battle for wangdu) the writing hasn’t been able to keep the narrative tension up which is sad. FINSHED verdict: Very pretty and engaging in the beginning kinda loses me in the second half and then fizzles out emotionally, doesn't crash and burn but doesn't exactly stick the landing either 6.5

Gone with the rain (10/30): adore the gremlin4gremlin couple and from the spoilers I’ve seen not gonna adore much else

An ancient love song (1/16): incredible first episode and with only 30 min per ep and 16 eps in total this is gonna be a short fun ride I hope ( with lots of angst and tears naturally).

Here we meet again (18/32): started this for Wu Qian playing to type and Zhang BinBin being pretty but oh boy I’m struggling I just don’t care about the conflicts and in s surprising twist, I like the flashbacks to high school much much more, which is very funny if you think about the fact that the reason I started liking wu qian in the first place was because of her show stealing performance in the flashbacks of My Sunshine. I’ve been promised kisses in the near future so I’m gonna hold out till then but this might end up another drop.

Hidden Love (5/25): this one promises to be v sweet and kinda short but oh my god I have so many dramas on my plate rn so this might end up the first drop.

Till the end of the moon (22/40): I think I watched ep 1 when it started but then I got busy and now I am just staring at gifsets and crying, it’s definitely on the list to watch tho.

Heroes (6?/38): I started this a while ago, was really into it and then got busy… dammit. I might just rewatch the beginning so I can remember most of the set up for sure but man the visuals on this were so good, aaaa liu yuning.

Blood of youth (0/40): the last 12 months really have spoiled us with interesting looking wuxia dramas and this one is definitely on the list, I have been gifbaited once again.

Ray of light (0/30): usually hs dramas are something I avoid, but because I will not be watching the longest promise, for reasons, and bc @storge is a gifmaking temptress, this has made it on the list.

The legend of anle (0/39): Lmao trust YOUKU to screw up the release with bad subs only 1 ep even for vips and no released schedule… but at least I can put this on the backburner for now. Lmao should have known not to trust a youku dilreba drama, the tl has soundingly spoken and I'm gonna avoid this.

Ancient Detective (0/24): I was recced this by a friend when I mentioned my love for wuxia dramas, and since it’s almost shockingly short for a cdrama it’s on the list. EDIT: this got @purplehanfus seal of approval so it is def going up the list and since it's complete I'll probably at least watch it before the ongoing ones.

Butterflied love (0/22): see I barely made this post and already forgot about the screencap that got me started on writing it, the screencapa look great, but the drama is on mango, so who knows when I’ll truly be able to watch this

When I fly towards you (0/24): Well, I wasn't interested bc modern youth drama, but then I heard it described as "updated It Started with a Kiss" and... I'm weak? ISWAK was pretty much my crack gateway into asian dramas and while IDK if i could rewatch it today, something in me will always love this kind of story. Maybe it's like a quick palate cleanser in between since apparently eps are only about 30 mins.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook(0/40): CHENG YIIIII, in a possibly bromantic role? Or maybe het romance, I'll take it all. Plus I've already seen he's bleeding copious amounts as per his contract, so that's most of the checklist done.

Lost You Forever (0/??): because nature abhors a vacuum I apparently must have?? A minimum to watch pile and this actually and genuinely looks good??? A Yang Zi drama in 2023??? The mind boggles. Anyway I've been reading the recaps with delight, and am def going to watch this when part two airs in a couple of months but until then I have a thankful reprieve...

Kdramas:

See you in my 19th life (4/12): since kdramas release so slowly this is on the backburner but it does have some great gifsets that keep enticing meee

King the land (2/16): I am watching this for junho but it is kinda hard bc I have so much else on my plate and while I don’t mind a classic romcom type story I feel I need a bit more of an emotional hook

Story of the nine-tailed 1938 (0/16): so so many gorgeous and hilarious gifsets so little time. I loved season one so so much and the fact that this focuses on the brotherly relationship?? Extremely smart writing decisions were made!

The red sleeve (0/16): I blame @dangermousie for this she keeps reblogging angsts junho on my dash and I am but god’s weakest warrior.

Love tractor (0/8): gay himbo farmboy falls in love?? You bet this is on the list

Lady durian (0/?): ok this is only on the list for crack reasons but, daughter in law is in love with mother in law and both women are like 40+ truly kdramas have entered a new era and I kinda wanna be here for that

EDIT: Revenant (0/12): Kim Tae Ri in a spooky drama? POSSIBLY POSSESSED KIM TAE RI??? how could i forget to put her on this list, plus it was written by the Kingdom writer and I adore that drama plus it's only 12 eps which is smart in this case so... let's hope i get to it at some point D:

My dearest (2/20): I checked this out because it's got pretty much everything going for it from a production standpoint and boy did the first two eps deliver. This has got 2 seasons though so I'll probably wait until the second season is airing, since it won't be too long till season 2 or so the internet tells me.

My lovely liar (0/16): minhyun learned to act and I wanna see it happen!!

Jdramas:

Our dining table (2/10): ok this category is gonna be a bit shorter bc I haven’t watched too much drama recently but omg the gifs for this I am just crying thinking about it they look so cute??

Jack o‘frost (0/6): people have recced it and it’s short so here it is.

Utsukushii kare s2 (0/4): Season 1 was an unexpected delight so I hope s2 works just as well.

She loves to cook and she loves to eat (0/10): the manga for this is amazing (and hungry making) so I hope this adaptation holds up.

Ok this list is in no way exhaustive (well except for me being exhausted just trying toward this down) and probably subject to change ( I haven’t even looked at thaidramas or twdramas I gotta stop for now) but hopefully this will keep me on the ball and maybe I can add to it whenever a new tempting gifset crosses my dash…