#joohyunrk

[rkpjy]

⭐️MGA 5 EPISODE 3 ↪ perfoming romanticism by leo with @rkjeonghxn outfit inspiration: x  x line distribution & times: x 

it’s always easier to move on to the next round when there are a lot of contestant. the fewer they become and the harder the choices will be for the five ceos. there’s undoubtedly a lot of raw talent in this room, some maybe more polished than others, some mostly relying on their popularity and star factor. the latter can’t be downplayed of course, as there’s no reason to have skill in the first place if people aren’t interested in you or want to follow you. still, it’s always a little annoying to see such people get by with minimal talent.

soon after jinyoung returned to his seat following his interview, the entire set falls silent. everyone’s eyes are glued to the judging panel, waiting for the dreaded moment when they will announce the results. his newly found acquaintance changbin is nominated as the top rapper, which comes to no surprise to jinyoung, but it’s choi minho who takes the win. unlike a lot of people here, jinyoung doesn’t feel any type of way for that guy. despite his best friend being in convex, he knows very little about the group and what kind of drama happened that led to the rapper’s departure. he’s not a hater nor is he a fan, and although he didn’t dislike his performance, he wouldn’t have gave him the win either.

he keeps a straight face throughout the eliminations, just quietly wishing not to be on that list when the singer’s turn comes. the top 3 dancers are called to the stage, and he recognizes hwang yeji from that one day at the hospital. they haven’t spoken since and he wishes her well. she’s a pretty good dancer despite her young age, but so is lee chaeryeong. as for suwoong, well, it’s not a question of talent really, but more his personality that jinyoung can’t quite figure out. he’s satisfied with yeji’s win, just as he is satisfied with heejin’s win later on. there was a slight disappointment about not making the top 3 but then again, he still believes he performed the best he could. for someone as obsessed with perfect as he is, it’s hard to accept average results, but he’s a good sport. heejin, as he’s noted multiple times already, is a very good singer. he wonders if she can dance well too, because if she does then she’s almost guaranteed to go to the end. her looks are very idol-like, not to mention she’s young.

joohyun was probably the most surprising elimination for jinyoung. he knew she made a mistake, they all did, and it’s unexpectedly fair that they wouldn’t favor her due to her past participations and already established level of popularity. she’s one of the known contestants here that everyone talks about to the point where jinyoung also knows about it, and even if don’t want to show bias, maybe he thought they would show more leniency towards someone they know, and he now stands corrected. there is no second chance in this competition, and no room for weakness.

he applauds heejin’s win with a proud smile, and it’s probably the first time anyone will have caught him looking so pleased since the very first audition. he’s also happy for sihyeon who’s finally been recognized for her talent. it’s kind of funny how some of those who changed categories managed to survive unlike those who truly wanted to show their best skill. in hindsight, it was pretty clever of them to do so and jinyoung wonders if this was calculated on their part. he doubts so for daniel, who probably just innocently wanted to show another side of himself. but that’s if he’s still the same person he knew all those years ago in busan. maybe he’s changed, like jinyoung did.

he doesn’t care much for the following eliminations, as nobody he knows has been sent home. instead, he pays close attention to what is said next. they are to be paired off in duos and present a neat performance showing not only talent but also teamwork. and it’s probably what he dreads most as of now. it’s not as easy for him to get along with people as much as he’d like, and depending on who he ends up with, this assignment might be his first real challenge. he doesn’t necessarily want to be with a friend, however, because it doesn’t always mean it will lead to a good performance. he ends up with yoon jeonghan.

they’re not friends per say, but they do know of each other and have worked together in the past on musical productions. jinyoung is very enthusiastic at the idea of performing with someone who has talents and tastes similar to his, but it can also be an obstacle in the end. they can’t put up something too expected. it’ll be boring to watch for everyone.

that’s the subject they talk about when they first meet up for practice. “since they know we’re both passionate about musicals, i don’t think we should choose that type of song. what do you think?” he asks jeonghan who promptly agrees. they’re both aware they need to showcase something different, more creative and challenging. something that will throw the judges off, hopefully in a good way. they spend a while just searching online, or scrolling down their playlists in order to find the perfect fit. and after going through several choices, they finally decide on romanticism by leo. the key is to make all the right changes to the choreography and harmonies so it looks and sounds as if it was meant for two people instead of just one. they need to be in complete unison, and not just seem like two individuals performing the same song at the same time.

their first practice consists of making these arrangements and going through them a couple times to see if they fit well, and deciding on the parts they’ll each sing. they both agree to practice on their own whenever they have free time, then meet together every day for several hours so they can put it all together. it just won’t work if they both work separately.

while jinyoung criticizes a lot, he’s also very open to criticism himself. as long as it’s nothing insulting, he believes this is the only way one will grow, and not with fake praises. if he sucked, he wants to know. if he does one movement wrong, he wants to know so he can fix it. if jeonghan feels it would be better if they switched one part because it sounds off, he’ll be open to the idea. what he finds exhausting is those who are too scared to make any kind of negative comment, or who take everything too personal. they’re impossible to work it, not to mention annoying. it’s all meant to enhance the performance. the judges won’t chose the best out of the two of them. so either they win together, or fail together. it doesn’t matter if one sings five seconds more, as long as it makes the whole thing better.

it’s surprisingly easy to work with jeonghan, and jinyoung comes home at night almost with a spring in his step, telling mina about how practice is going with a lot more details than usual. he’s optimistic, hopeful. if it were to suddenly come crashing down....

the two men sit next to each other, and jinyoung can’t help but notice there’s so few of them compared to the first episode. sixty chairs have disappeared since then. he remains exactly like the second episode, face stoic as he watched the first few duos perform on stage. the only moments he stops being a statue is in-between performances, as he leans over to jeonghan and whispers things inaudible to cameras, about what he liked and didn’t like.

yugyeom goes before with him, with a contestant called do kyungsoo, and he honestly has no idea what to expect when they first start. it seems like they managed to use each other’s strength and make up for the other’s weakness quite well, and jinyoung hopes it’s enough for them to make it through. some of the duos make unexpected yet good pairs, and some match so well it’s almost boring. he wonders if this will be the case for jeonghan and him, although they didn’t go for a musical number. are their skills too similar? but it’s not like they can suddenly pretend one of them can rap either, so there’s nothing they can do about it if they were put together.

they go near the end, with only three duos left after them. they both bring a chair to the center of the stage and sit on them after introducing themselves. the original artist has a very specific way of dancing, that makes every movement look smooth but not sloppy, and sensual but not sexual. there’s a fine line they can’t cross, and jinyoung does feel like they got in down after hours and hours of practice. jeonghan starts off the song with his first lines.

In my mind you’re my lord, the reality is not close enough You’re my one You’re my one

jinyoung parts his legs in a swift motion as the dance obliges, and because there are no backdancers, instead of gesturing to his empty side, he briefly cups jeonghan’s chin instead, making it one of a several modifications to the original choreography. it’s not hard to imagine he’s singing to his girlfriend right now, and wishing she was the one dancing with him. jeonghan and him aren’t exactly flirting together, their actions more inclined to the audience, but there still needs to be a connection between them, a sensuality that can be felt all the way to the very back of the studio. I see through your body, The sign that gets my sensitivity wet Your eyes are chasing after my movement As if saying come after you

in the middle of this verse they both stand up, leaving their chairs behind for the time being. the way they arranged this part suits the lyrics well. it’s as if they’re also chasing each other, delivering their lines back and forth like one echoes the other, and as jeonghan finishes it, jinyoung prepares for the chorus. two minutes isn’t long at all, and after this they’re jumping straight to the bridge so the transition isn’t too cut and dry. Dive-in for me at this moment, make me shiver one time Romanticism in our world together now Let’s feel it romantically, together now

the dance gets more intense and demanding, but they’ve arranged for them to sing half of it together, harmonizing each other. jinyoung’s gaze is piercing, and he has fun flirting with the crowd. there are a lot of parts in this song where they rub their chest, their face or roll their hips, and there’s a risk to make it look cheap and very cringe-worthy if they’re not careful, so they made sure to tell the other whenever it was too much, or not enough. they want to mesmerize the audience, not turn it off.  Piece of you for just one moment Feel me from now on

Let’s feel it sensually, together now Girl you know I’m watching you together now

they had to cut the last chorus in half to fit in the time requirement, but in the end it doesn’t really matter since they jump next into the other half which is kind of a nice follow-up and uses the same lyrics. they sing most of it together, dancing in sync.

together now.

[rknak]

                     *·—————   𝕄𝔾𝔸 SEASON 5 !!

                                                      ( CALLBACK INTERVIEW )                            ♡   mentioned: @rkjaemin; @rkeunji; @rkkokoro; @rkharuto;                                @rkseungmin; @danielxrk; @moonbokrk; @joohyunrk   ♡

when it’s her turn, she walks calmly to the room. this was the easy part. all she needed to do was sit in a chair, act pretty, and share her opinions. none of those things were hard for nakyung to do. they re-touch her makeup and she’s thankful for it, saying so when the artist leaves her. the interviewer tells it’s about to start and she nods in understanding. her lips smoothly transition into a smile.

“ how did you feel when you received the news of the callback? “

“oh…” she starts. her hands automatically appear into the frame, holding each other as if the girl had just come out of a fairytale. that was what princesses did, wasn’t it? “i was really scared i wasn’t going to make it. i showed an image i think people wouldn’t quite associate with me, and it worked out! it gave me the confidence to show what i did today. it was tough to choose something, and i really wanted to do ‘genie’ by chichi, but i thought this performance would be more interesting for the phase we’re in.”

“ how do you think you did? “

“i think i did well!” nakyung says with confidence but her voice is chipper, trying not to fall too much into her cocky side at the first given chance. “i wasn’t too sure if singing while dancing would be the best option for me, but it worked out in the end! i think… if i had only danced to the song, it wouldn’t have been the same. i wanted to show my charms but also that i’m not here only for that. i really want to be an idol in the future, so i’d like to convince the judges that i’d be able to take that role if they take me on this ride.”

“ what did you think when the judges were revealed? “

“my first thought…” she looks off, thinking back to what felt like were ages ago but was still vivid in her memories. the girl isn’t sure if she’ll ever be able to forget this day in her life. “the first thought i had was ‘wow, they’re so pretty’.” she chuckles. “people say everyone looks better in real life but it’s a bit unfair just how good looking they all are… especially katie lee. i really want to be like her one day. she’s my role model.”

“ were there any performances you liked? “

“yes, of course!” her mind starts working, trying to separate each of the 99 other performances into their own thing instead of one big ball of confusion. so many sang, so many danced, so many rapped… there was a list of instruments used, too, but that didn’t automatically mean they all did well. “i think it’s important to be creative in shows like these. if you’re going to cover a song you must do better than only a simple cover or else the audience may just overlook you.”

she talks as if she is experienced in the area, and she is but as a spectator. nakyung was a grade a fan, and she knew exactly what other people like her would be looking for. “there was na jaemin who covered a song by brave girls. he used a remixed version which was very interesting to watch. it’s a very popular song that people covered many times before, so the fact he changed it in such a cool way really made him stand out to me.”

“there was eunji, too, who performed ‘woman’ by boa. even if she did just that, it is a very powerful song, and when she was just walking at the start of the song it was very enchanting and she has the talent to back it up, too.” nakyung nods, trying to think of any other performance she enjoyed. “there was also a foreign person, kokoro, who decided to perform ‘into the new world’. whoever likes chichi is someone i should like, and the fact she chose this song out of all the others really made it interesting. she really fits the image, too, i believe.”

getting out of the cover zone, nakyung tries to think of any other thing that caught her eyes. “that other kid, too, naruto? i feel like everybody is going to mention him, but his performance was very interesting. i had never seen anything like that before and i was very impressed. i just wonder if he has any other skills than that. if he passes this round, he won’t be able to survive only on skating all the time.”

“apart from him, there was another boy that was very adorable. i think his name was seungmin? he said he’d like to show a fiery side of him just like his red hair or something like that. his song was very calm, though, but it was a very nice mashup. maybe he should dye his hair blue next time, or another color like that.”

“ were there any performances you didn’t like? “

“well, i think there were performances no one really liked who missed a step or forgot their lyrics.” nakyung shrugs, not wanting to give them any attention. “not that i necessarily dislike their performance, but i really don’t understand what all these previous contestants are doing here. i honestly don’t think i can even name them all… there’s daniel, moonbok, joohyun… and isn’t this her third time already? i think… there are other people out there who could be using this opportunity, you know? they are probably here only for rating and it’s kind of sad to see, really. and if one of them win, wouldn’t that be bad? i think this should be banned for future seasons. if the companies would like to sign them i’m sure they know where to find them.”

“ that will be all for today. you can return to your seat. “

“thank you!” she bows to the interviewer and other staff present before leaving the room.

[danielxrk]

                         ✞ INTERVIEW *    THE FIRST

it's strange, being in the interview room. well, it's not that strange, since he was just in one for the auditions, but this is something mostly new for the mgas, so he doesn't feel that same comfort of experience. instead, he feels some apprehension over his usual inability to speak well. he did something like this once during the mgas, when they asked him who his picks for best vocalist, singer and dancer were, but aside from that and last year's audition interview, that's all.

at least he knows now that he can write well, at least as far as songs go. if he can just get words like that to come out of his mouth somehow, he should be golden.

the interviewer greets him, and daniel smiles back with a bow. it gets started almost immediately.

"how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?"

he can't say like i deserved it, or i knew it from the start, even if he felt some of both-- strange and foreign, because for the most part neither were true. nothing was guaranteed, and he knew that, but maybe he expected it anyway. "it was a good feeling," he says, and that's innocent enough-- true, too. "it was...proof that i deserve to be here again? or that i get a chance to prove i deserve it. i thought i'd gotten better since last year, but if i didn't get this, it would mean i got worse, so i was-- i am --relieved, mostly. it feels like a second chance. i'm grateful."

"how was it seeing the set for the first time?"

he's sure they ask everyone these questions, mainly designed for new contestants, and he also can't answer this with it wasn't that different from last time, even though he thinks it, but-- "it's cooler than last time," he says with a grin. "it was a little intimidating-- more the amount of people than the set itself? i don't think there were this many people last year, but it felt..." he hums, trying to think of how to describe it. it didn't feel like coming home, no, that's not it at all, but like coming back to an old stomping ground to reclaim his honor, like walking into his chance for vengeance. "it felt good to be back," he settles on, that grin back on his face.

"what did you think when the judges were revealed?"

"i thought 'isn't this early?'" he admits with a laugh. "but i was still a little shocked by how impressive they are, even after already seeing them before. i guess that isn't what i remember most about the show. you can tell they know what they're doing, and i...want to impress them more than i did last year. i want to earn another compliment from them this time."

"how do you think you did?"

he smiles, not in a self-satisfied way, but more thoughtful. "i don't know," and it's honest. "i was just enjoying myself, really, so i don't know if i did good or bad, but i'm satisfied with it." that answer could be enough, but the thought of his performance makes more emotions surface, and he dwells, for a moment, on whether he should share them or not. he doesn't know if any of this will air, but his motto so far this competition has been i'm not guaranteed anything, so i'll give it everything i have right now. maybe that counts for this, too. "i wanted to prove i'm different now than i was last year-- someone better, in every way. i wrote a lot of songs in the past year, both for empty enigma's album and not, and i think that might be the thing i'm best at, so even if i was nervous to share that, i wanted to show the best side of myself that i could. i know i'm far from the best singer in the competition, and that i can barely dance, and maybe i can rap okay. it might be kind of cool that i can both sing and rap, but i think...my song sets me apart?" but that makes it more personal, too, and will make the criticism sting more. it's not his best song, either, but it's one his heart is in. "i hope everyone liked it." a laugh follows it up, "if they didn't, that's okay too. at least i'd be remembered as the guy with the bad song instead of not remembered at all." he doesn't know which is better, really, but at least that's something.

"were there any performances you liked?"

"oh, there were a lot!" he chimes in happily. "i probably can't just say everyone in empty enigma, right? but i thought they all did well, anyway, so i can't not mention them. i've never seen kenta and woojin dance before, actually, so it was really nice to see them do it on a stage like this. minhyun too! he hasn't in the band for too long, so i think we're still getting to know all of his talents. i'm glad he gets to show them off." but sungwoon? "i think sungwoon did the best, though. don't tell the others," he laughs. "his performance was really..." what can he even say? was his reaction anything indicative of what anyone else thought while watching him, or was it a unique experience, as the one being sung about. "moving? yeah. you could tell he meant what he was singing, and i think that's...a unique quality in a performer, and an important one. sometimes that's more important than talent, but he has both. i'm jealous," he adds it as an after-thought, but breaks into a smile shortly after.

"were there any performances you didn’t like?"

the most useful thing his mother taught him was the old proverb if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all-- probably much of the reasoning why daniel so rarely spoke previously, and he's still outgrowing that phrase, or at least outgrowing the thought that he never has anything nice to say. "my mom always said 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," he says it anyway, eyes downcast, and he scratches at is elbow, wrestling with this question. he'd probably get more screentime if he just dissed someone, right? but he doesn't need it that badly-- not at the cost of his integrity.

"there were some arrangements i didn't like. that's the only thing i feel qualified to have a real opinion about, honestly," he decides. because i'm not good at anything else is what goes unspoken. it's probably inferred. "there was also the trot cover of...ring ding dong?" he laughs at even the mention of it. "i thought it was weird, but it was pretty funny, and definitely not forgettable, so i have to give him credit. i still don't know if i liked it or not, honestly. i'm just confused, still." suwoong is an interesting character, that's for sure.

"i feel like there were a lot of forgettable performances, too, but i think that just...happens, with 100 people. standing out is probably what's most important in this part of the competition." i hope i do.

"what did you think of joohyun’s performance?"

his face lights up at the mention of her, beaming ear to ear. "i was so surprised!" he says. "joohyun and i are good friends," he explains. the backstory seems necessary, and maybe if this doesn't get cut, her choosing to sing one of empty enigma's songs will make more sense. "i grew up with her, and then i moved away, and just kept meeting her again and again, even after that. she played in a band, and she played in a lot of the same places we did, so i still kept running into her, but i didn't keep in touch with her until after last year's mgas. she's gotten to know all of the guys since then, so most of us know her pretty well. i guess she wanted to support us." no, that was definitely too long to make the cut, but maybe dramatic enough to get partially aired. no, probably not. there are some very important facts he hasn't touched on yet, however, and the close-lipped smile on his face is a proud one, if not a little smug. "that was my song! i mean, it's empty enigma's song, but it's one of the ones i wrote and composed, so i felt really honored."

"is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?"

"nothing is certain," he replies easily, gaze growing a little distance, but that much he's sure of. he looks back up, to meet the eyes of the interviewer, and then the camera. "i guess...maybe mason? you could see his experience up on stage. it was really impressive, even to someone like me who hasn't paid much attention to idols. he was in a group before, right?" "convex," one of the producers supplies, and daniel nods knowingly despite still not knowing what the hell that is. it sounds vaguely familiar. maybe they're one of the groups jeongin likes? why is he not in convex anymore, though? maybe baek jiyoung wouldn't be too happy to see him...nothing is guaranteed. "maybe sungwoon too, though. he has the experience, the talent, and the stage presence, and i don't know what else a judge would want. i'm not just saying that because i'm his friend, but because he's genuinely so much better than me. i look up to him, and i think lots of people would, and that seems like something the judges would like, too."

"is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?"

he can't help but laugh, even in the face of a harsh question. "i won't say the same thing again," he assures, even though it applies here, too. he wracks his brain for bad performances, and some stand out. "i don't know their names, but there were a few people with unstable vocals, and a couple that forget their lyrics. i don't know if that will be enough to eliminate them, because i think if they made it here, they have potential," and he nods, eyes drifting down to his lap. "i was almost eliminated at this point last year," and he'll never forget it, and the guilt he felt for outliving hyunjoon even though he didn't want this dream then. there's uncertainty even now. "every week i thought i would be eliminated, but i wasn't. i'm grateful the judges saw enough potential in me to keep me for so long, and to let me learn so much. i think it would be nice if people that are lacking today got the same chance i did, but i know someone needs to be eliminated. i think the judges will make a good decision."

the interviewer announces that as the end, and daniel's a little startled by how quickly it came to an end. he feels less confident now than he did for his audition, answering now after hours of sitting and feeling drained on every level. maybe he did the best he could. he bows again, then exits, and joins his friends, waiting in anticipation of the results, a pit in his stomach on behalf of the others.

[rkxsungwoon-blog]

☆ mga5 callbacks; june 27; interview !

once the performances are over, the ceos retire to discuss the results of the day and, subsequently, the eliminations. letting out a sigh, sungwoon slumps forward in his seat and fiddles with the loose zipper on his keyboard’s cover. the day’s exhaustion slams into him in the span of a few seconds. after four odd hours stuck in these uncomfortable chairs, he thinks he might be ready to go home. but the most important part of this whole ordeal is yet to come: to see who actually makes it onto the show as an official contestant and who will have their journey cut short. the worried frown on sungwoon’s face is more for woojin, kenta, and minhyun than himself. they did amazingly well and deserve to make it through. just this round, he thinks, wringing his hands together. just let them get through this round. let us all get through this round.

he hasn’t really considered what he would do if he gets eliminated here and now. laugh at himself, maybe. go through another crisis of ability? sungwoon made it past this point last year, and he’s much better now than he was back then. he wants some sort of acknowledgement of his skills and his growth, but he knows just as well that the universe doesn’t owe him anything. with everything empty enigma has already accomplished, maybe he’s reaching for the stars. however, sungwoon has never been okay with just being content. if he can push forward for more, he’ll take it. so he wants to survive today, and next week, and the week after that. sungwoon refuses to let himself consider the alternatives. 

the staff call individuals out one by one while the ceos deliberate. he’s a little confused until someone lets it spill that they’re doing more interviews. frankly, it’s unexpected; sungwoon can only remember doing one interview last year, and it wasn’t until episode seven. this is a holdover from earlier seasons, apparently, so sungwoon is happy to just roll with it. interviews don’t phase him, and he certainly has a lot to say about the performances he’s watched so far. some of his friends are… not as forthcoming, and he is absolutely thinking about woojin here. god, he hopes woojin will be okay during the interview.

“ha sungwoon!” he’s deep in conversation when he hears his name and nearly jumps in surprise. after asking keta to watch over his keyboard, he follows the staff to get his hair and make-up retouched. in spite of his tiredness, he chats amicably, gently prodding them for any idea of what to expect during the interviews. one of the make up artists laughs at his attempts and says, “you’ll do just fine, sungwoon.” he takes her reassuring words to heart and heads into the room ready to get through this. all he has to do is remember to reign in a few of his more passionate opinions, but if there’s one thing sungwoon does feel confident in, it’s his ability to know what is appropriate and what isn’t. 

“welcome back, sungwoon. this isn’t your first time on the mgas, but we’re still curious to hear how you felt when you received news of the callback.” 

after greeting the interviewer and taking a seat, he ponders the first question. “honestly? i didn’t think very much of it when i first got the email. i was busy making kimchi, which is just about the most korean thing i could be doing.” the chuckle comes easily as sungwoon recalls the rest of the band bothering him to abandon his work and check his goddamn email. they’d been so excited to hear they were going through to the next stage of auditions… their reaction to the news sticks with him more than his own. “i think i was happier for my friends than i was for myself.” especially for kenta, minhyun, and woojin. “some of them are getting to experience all this for the first time and it’s fun to see them go through the whole spectrum of emotions, you know?” 

he didn’t get to experience it with the whole band last year, so get the opportunity to now means the world to him. “their enthusiasm is infectious, though, and they ended up getting me excited too.” especially daniel, whose been the whole group’s champion from the start. “i guess aside from that, i was a little relieved as well; i felt like i should be able to do this much.” especially after his showing last year, to not even make it to callbacks would’ve been awkward. not that he’d ever expressed his doubts to his friends—or to himself. “i wasn’t ready for my journey to be cut short, though, so i’m grateful i got a chance to perform today.” 

“were you surprised when the judges were revealed?” 

“yeah,” he says immediately. even amidst everything else going on, the arrival of the five ceos caught sungwoon off guard. he understands the reason behind their presence here; it makes sense that they’d want to be involved in the selection process for the show itself. and to see how potential contestants react to their sudden appearance—whether they can keep their composure or fall apart in a bundle of nerves—is equally important, in his opinion. the live shows aren’t easy; not everyone can handle the kind of pressure that comes with it. “i might’ve blacked out for a few seconds in shock,” sungwoon laughs. “they are a lot more impressive than i remember. i mean, their collective aura is no joke. did you see so jisub? and katie lee… wow.” the ceos radiate power and prestige. it would bowl a lesser person over. 

“i was looking forward to performing for them again,” he continues after a small pause. “but if i’d known they would be here today, i would’ve done something different.” it’s hard to imagine what else he might’ve performed off the top of his head, but sungwoon knows he probably would’ve taken a risk and showcased a skill they wouldn’t expect to see from him. “but hey, that just means i have to live to fight another day.” he scratches his neck. “regrets and i aren’t good friends. i don’t want to go home and think, i should’ve done this or what if i’d done that. hopefully i won’t have to. hopefully the universe will be kind enough to give me one more opportunity to perform for the judges.”

“so how do you think you did with the performance you prepared?”

“there’s always room for improvement.” no matter what he feels about his performance right now, sungwoon knows he’ll discover a million things he could’ve done better once he stops and really thinks things through. it’s not in his nature to be complacent; the nagging voice in the back of his head criticizes more easily than it compliments. “i’m never fully satisfied with anything i do, but i think that’s a good thing. it just means i’ll keep pushing myself and keep try harder next time.” rather than being a burden, he thinks the attitude is a healthy one to carry into a competition like this one. 

“that being said…” the corners of sungwoon’s lips curve up, his previous serious expression fading. “this performance was representative of who i am. i worked on the piano rearrangement myself, and i really wanted to showcase a combination of my vocal and instrument skills. and i sang from the heart—which might not count for much, but that might be the most authentic performance i’ve given in my life, so how can i not be happy with it?” he’d left it all out there, bled himself dry, and he hopes at least a fraction of that came across to the ceos and to his audience. “my answer might be different tomorrow, but for now, i think i did alright.” 

“what did you think of joohyun’s performance? she sang a song by your band, empty enigma.” 

ah. surprise briefly flickers across sungwoon’s face before he can cover it up with a smile. it makes sense for the staff to ask him about her performance out of the other ninety-nine, but he can’t say he’s prepared to answer. “i still can’t believe it,” he chuckles, fingers idly picking at the stray threads sticking out of his pants. “my brain stopped functioning for a while. like, i actually thought i might’ve died and entered nirvana. for someone to perform our song on a stage like this one is… unreal.” his jaw dropped when he recognized the familiar music, the lyrics he’s come to associate with daniel pouring out of joohyun’s mouth. 

sheer shock eventually gave way to gratitude and confusion—why empty enigma? they’re not exactly… mainstream. it has to be a big risk doing one of their songs. sungwoon wonders if she did for daniel’s sake. he’s not sure what to feel about that, but now isn’t the time to unpack it either. instead, he presses both hands to his warm, pink cheeks as he thinks about the viewers hearing empty enigma’s music. joohyun’s done more to promote them than any of the band members have. “i’m thankful joohyun liked our music enough to do our song, and i think she did it beautifully.” he turns to the camera and sinks into a small bow. “thank you, joohyun! i hope someday we’ll be able to perform this song together!” 

“and what were your thoughts on your band members’ performances?” 

his face splits into a wide grin. “i thought you’d never ask.” sungwoon can talk about his friends and their performances for hours, but he tries to keep it brief. “all of them did a great job. i know i sound biased, but i didn’t realize how good most of them are, so actually seeing them up on stage was a shock for me.” he dives into woojin’s performance first since it’d left the strongest impact. “woojin… i didn’t know he could dance like that. i mean, we live together, but he’s a private person—so seeing all that charisma and raw talent come out? i’m proud but also slightly offended he didn’t tell me he could do that.” similarly, he didn’t know the full extent of kenta’s dance skills, though they’d come as less of a surprise than woojin. “kenta was also amazing. doing a jun song isn’t easy, but he pulled it off with elegance and charm. he’s truly a talented performer.” 

talking about minhyun is a lot easier when sungwoon doesn’t have to do so in front of him. “i knew minhyun could sing, but his dancing skills were a bit of a mystery to me.” pausing, sungwoon bursts out laughing as a thought hits him. “i guess that’s how you can tell we’re in a band, huh? none of us knew the others could dance.” he takes a brief moment to collect himself before continuing. “anyway, i really applaud him for showcasing both his singing and dancing today, and i love bruno. minhyun really did him justice.” god, he hopes this doesn’t air; sungwoon isn’t sure how he’d explain gushing about minhyun on camera to the man himself. “i believe minhyun has the confidence and talent to be an idol, so he’s definitely one of my top picks out of today.” 

finally, he comes to daniel and his eyes light up. “daniel… he’s polarizing. i’ve heard a lot of people say he isn’t talented, but he did an original song today. that has to count for something.” he loved daniel’s performance, but he’d probably love anything daniel does. the faint pink from earlier is still in his cheeks, and he hopes it isn’t obvious just how much he cares. just in case, sungwoon cuts it short. “his singing and stage skills have improved immensely, so i hope people recognize that and support him a lot this year. he deserves it.” 

“were there any performances you liked?”

there were a few sungwoon paid attention to aside from empty enigma and joohyun’s. “eunji—she did boa’s woman. i thought her voice and her presence were both commanding. i’m a fan. i enjoyed jeonghan’s song choice and vocal color as well; he’s a potential contestant i would definitely keep an eye out for.” he should probably diversify and mention more than just vocalists, but as one himself, sungwoon tends to focus on the competition more than the rest. “i heard someone sing day6’s shoot me—sihyeon, i think? i thought her song choice was very bold. i liked it.” day6’s music is some of his favorite to listen to, and he almost wishes he’d done of their songs as well. “hyojin’s acoustic cover was really good too. i wasn’t familiar with the song, but i like how he performed it.” 

this is harder than sungwoon anticipated; a lot of the performances that came first have blurred together in his mind. “some of the mash ups were very clever. i can respect the skill that goes into making them.” there were a few others, but he can’t remember them off the top of his head. “oh!” sungwoon says suddenly, smacking his palm with his fist. “the guy who did the trot version of lc9? i kinda enjoyed that. though my grandfather loves trot so i might just have a soft spot for it.” the name of the performer slips his mind, but the song itself is stuck in his head. 

“were there any performances you didn’t like?” 

sungwoon wonders how many people have actually answered this question. nobody wants to be edited as the designated asshole, so he imagines the answers have been safe so far. sungwoon isn’t eager to shoot himself in the foot either, but truthfully, there were a few he didn’t care for. “i think there are some performers who could probably benefit from a few years of experience,” sungwoon says carefully, his expression controlled into one of bland interest. “but shows like this have ways of making you grow up fast, so i don’t know if it’s all that important.” 

he wonders if he should just list the performances he didn’t like—the kid on skates, for one, because this is an idol competition. the one who’d done the baby shark remix didn’t seem all that serious either. “i also hope more contestants take the competition seriously moving forward.” sungwoon could rip into a few vocal performances if he really wanted to, but he eventually shakes his head and flashes the interviewer a smile. “i don’t think my opinion matters much, so i’ll leave it there.” 

“is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?”

“mason,” he says bluntly. “but everyone can probably see that coming.” it’s wild to think a debuted idol is on this show, and such a high profile one. his sheer wealth of experience both terrifies and inflames sungwoon; he doesn’t want to just roll over and lose to someone like that. “he’s a former idol with a fanbase, with the skills and training, and with the prior experience to kill it in this competition. i believe he’ll make it to the finale.” is it unfair? maybe. if sungwoon’s worried about going up against him, he wonders how some of the green newbies feel. “i hear there are a few other debuted idols here too. junhee—he did jonas brothers? i heard he was an idol as well, so he’ll probably have an edge over the rest and make it through easily. you can’t deny that people who’ve experienced this lifestyle, whether as idols or trainees, have a distinct advantage in this competition.” 

other than that… “i think moonbok might move onto the next phase; he was on the mgas last year. i hope joohyun goes through since she deserves it the most, probably.” for fairness’ sake, he should mention people he hasn’t spoken about yet. “i’m confident minkyung will, and likely chan as well. i remember being impressed by him.” and last season didn’t have many rappers, so sungwoon is positive at least a few will go through now. “if any of these predictions come true, maybe i can see the future?” he breaks off and laughs at the thought. him, a psychic? “i hope that’s true! it’d be cool.”   

“some would say you also have an advantage over others as a member of a band.” 

some? sungwoon would like to meet them. “maybe? but performing as part of a band and as an idol are two different things.” he’s not sure how to explain this to someone who hasn’t experienced the energies for themselves, but you can’t compare the two. “the way you play to the crowd—and play off them—differs when you’re in a band. it’s a lot more casual and fun and intimate in some cases.” personally, he thinks it’s freeing; there are less rules and restrictions, no illusion of perfection to maintain. 

“as an idol, you need to be more poised and precise with everything you do. i mean, i can’t say for sure, but from what i experienced during the mgas last year, it was… nothing like i was used to. the expectations for idols are sky high.” sungwoon shrugs and claps his hands together. “i don’t think my band history gives me much of an edge over anyone.” his fellow competitors don’t have to agree, but at least sungwoon made an attempt to clear the air.  

“is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?”

he grins slowly and shakes his head. “that’s not for me to judge, is it?” no way is sungwoon getting caught out on that question. but privately, he thinks skater boy is probably a goner. 

“thank you for your time. you may now return to your seat.” 

“thanks for all your hard work.” exchanging farewells with the interviewer, he heads back to his seat, eager to discuss with his friends as they wait for the eliminations to take place. maybe the interview could’ve gone a bit better, but sungwoon is glad he didn’t say something dumb. it’ll have to do for now.

[xrkeunji-blog]

                        -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji.                                                            ┆interview questions & response

the glaring eye of the camera lens doesn't intimidate her any less than it had the first time, but when they call her into the room at least she knows what's coming now. eunji sits, back straight, ankles crossed, hands clasped together in her lap, the perfect attentive posture. her face, powdered matte, remains pleasant, smiling. but for all of her careful fronting, it does nothing to soothe the clamminess of her hands and the cold drop of sweat down her back.

performing was easy. she loses herself in the audience, in the song, in her movements. speaking to the camera like this is much, much harder.

a bored-looking face from out of the shot glances at her, asks her to repeat her name for their editors, and glances over a list of questions they've undoubtedly already asked a dozen other contestants. it should soothe eunji that the process is so streamlined, that it's supposed to be as painless as possible, after five seasons and a whole previous episode to iron out any kinks. instead, it unnerves her further. she's asked for her name, but she's not an individual. she's a personality at best, a character they mean to sell to their viewers. eunji clings to any sense of self she has, desperate to keep her identity even through this whole process.

"what did you think of the results last week?"

the smile she's forced onto her face immediately falls. not entirely, not like a tower crumbling to dust, but like a project abandoned, unable to climb any higher. "the friends i came with all made it in," she says, taking the attention away from herself and allowing her lips to relax into a little smile again. "joohyun, jeonghan, and junhee. i honestly wouldn't be here at all without them, so i'm really glad that we're still all on this path together."

"honestly," she bites her lip for just a moment, her brow furrowing as she wonders if she's sharing too much with a stranger, with the country potentially. "i didn't think i should make it this far. i'm old and rusty at my performing skills and i've already had my shot. i feel bad taking it from the people who were eliminated, especially the younger ones who probably wanted this more than i do. but i owe it to them and myself to do my best as long as i can."

"how do you think you did?"

she hesitates to collect her thoughts, distracted only briefly by the worry that her silent time on film is wasting space on their memory cards. that's not her problem, she tries to tell herself, but she can't shake the feeling that they'd rather her hurry up.

"i wanted to show another side of my skills, but i still wanted to give an entertaining performance. i did ballet as a child and before i started training to be an idol as a teenager, so i wanted to show some of that. but honestly, all of the songs i remembered were so boring." she risks a little laugh now, showing the camera that she has a personality behind the shyness. "i'm also a little out of practice, so the choreography i picked sort of blends contemporary dance with more of a.. hip hop style? i get to show both. and the song is really nice to, so i was happy with the performance i picked. as for my execution.. well.. i hope i looked good on camera. i felt good dancing."

a little bit of confidence can't hurt, right? she can practically hear junhee cheering for her already.

"what did you think of joohyun’s performance?"

this time her smile crumbles to dust.

"she stumbled," eunji speaks hollowly, almost distantly, dropping her eyes to her lap and making little effort to mask her worry. "she's a very dear friend of mine, so i don't want to see her get hurt. i know she's very talented and that she'll work as hard as she possibly can, but i don't want to see her press herself too hard. she's.. strong, so incredibly strong, but she's stubborn. i wish she would know when it's time to rest."

eunji blinks, feeling an old wetness in her eyes. it's the camera, she tells herself, it makes her anxious and on-edge, pushes her to her limits and makes her emotions raw and vulnerable. joohyun's not dying, she's not losing out on her career, she just fell once. she should be okay.

"otherwise, i think she's incredibly talented. i hope the judges don't look at her too harshly for what happened. if anything it shows how hard she works and what risks she's willing to take for her dream. i think it can be very admirable, though i wish she would be more careful."

"is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?"

what do they expect her to say? do they want her to throw her friend under the bus, to volunteer herself for the chopping block a second time? she clasps and unclasps her hands in her lap, another stretch of silence while she considers what answer to give.

"i hope it's not me," she says, though she's not sure it's the truth. "i owe it to the people who aren't here already to do my best. but... you won't tell her this, right?" she looks at the staff behind the camera, knowing that they'll look at her with closer attention now as she shares what seems to be a secret. eunji knows she's giving them a show. "i hope joohyun goes home. i love her to death but i think she's pushing herself too hard... i'd rather see her eliminated than permanently hurt. i think she'd prefer that too, even if she doesn't see it right now."

the interview finally ends, and eunji is dismissed. she thanks the staff, bows, acts as polite and nonchalant as she's been trained to do. but she can't hide the relieved slump in her shoulders as she escapes that glass eye once again. when will she stop being afraid of the cameras?

[yutark]

YT —@yu.n uploaded new video!

hello by adele / conor maynard cover (choreography) partner: @joohyunrk

caption – 「 watch and support joohyun on the mgas! ✌️                                             」

                                                                                           – 6th JUL 2019

This was not Yuta’s favoured style of dance, although it’s where he began when he was younger and had spent his childhood on. His mother having signed him up for when he was seven years old, wanting to push him towards the arts and performing. Despite what he would say now about that time of his life, he enjoyed going to those classes and he still prescribed to practising and instilling what he learned into his current choreography and classes.Still, it’d been a while since he delved so far into the style and he was admittedly, more nervous than he liked to be whenever he was about to perform. His gaze darting towards Joohyun one last time, hoping she wouldn’t be able to tell that he was anything but confident in what they were about to do. In his mind, this was to show his support for her during the MGAs. It allowed him a minute or so to put the spotlight on her and gain her more attention. 

If she could do well, and if could get signed somewhere else to follow her dreams, he would be happy for her.

He hadn’t expected her suddenly to be gone from TRC, and he wanted to encourage her on to wherever she went next. Yuta would never confess to his soft spot for other dancers, even if it were obvious. There was an immediate understanding that he felt whenever he was with people who liked or could dance as well as he did -- how much stress the body could be put under, how many injuries, how much a tiny fraction off could tear at the ego, how anybody could think they could do it and how much pure joy could be felt during those brief seconds when everything paid off. Ever drop of sweat and blood. 

Rappers and singers could practice standing on one spot, they would never understand.

The beginning of the song made Yuta focus, snapping his attention to what he was supposed to be doing and the correct facial expressions. Unlike when he performed his usual style, whether it be throwing sexy gazes or smirks, or grinning and having fun, he had to keep his features still and silently expressive. Even the movements were softer, more fluid than he would use during practice in TRC and for his monthly videos. It had taken a few practices with Joohyun to get his body to loosen up and remember how to move the way it needed to for this choreography. Time he spent alone in the TRC practice rooms, going over the lines again and again, trying to make certain they were perfect; not too rigid and not to sloppy.

Their movements went from falling in time to out of time, as they moved through to the build up of the song. Something he thought was meaningful in the storyline of the song, or how people would fall into sync when they were in love and then how they would drift, bit by bit, apart. It was something he missed whenever he did HipHop or KPOP -- the lack of story within the movements that allowed him to follow what he was meant to feel and follow. He could remember using these references to remember the choreography when he had first begun when he was younger, how it allowed him to piece together every step and learn how to express his emotions. As he grew older, drifting towards wanting to be cooler and to take classes in HipHop dance, he focused more on stifling what he felt and ignoring the lyrics to listen to the beat. Music became less about what they were saying, and more about how to block out the static to match his steps to the beat.

At the build of the song, their movements increased in pace, hitting the louder beats over the vocals. This was his favourite part of the song -- although he managed to make himself dizzy at least once during practice with the spinning. The soft noise of their feet across the floor, facing one another and then moving again. He knew it was wrong to be thankful that Joohyun was shorter than some of his other dance partners, but he was. It made it easier whenever he had to draw his arms over her, or when it came to the final twirl before she stepped out of focus. Yuta’s gaze lingering on her as the last of the song filled the room.

It truly shouldn’t have taken him this long to consider how the song coincided with Joohyun leaving TRC; and it hadn’t been what he meant for it to do. The epiphany coming with the break in his expression, as a smile crookedly draws on his lips and he brings his hands together to clap for Joohyun. His laughter ending the soberness of the choreography, motioning to Joohyun.

“If you want to see more of her! Watch her on the MGAs,” coming happily from his lips, eyes crinkled with delight. “She’s really good. You saw it!”

[rkyeji]

#5011 & dance - this is me ( 0:00 - 1:26 ) - outfit 1 / 2 - hair mentioned: @rkminhyun, @moonbokrk​, @rkchwev​, @rkapril​, @rkjeongin​, @joohyunrk​, @rktaeyang​, @rkeunji​

hearing her name had been a shock--  she was happy for herself, this is what she had wanted to do since the last season of the mgas. showing herself in front of the ceos of the big companies, even though she didn't care much about what company she wanted to join, she listed a couple of them down regardless.

one thing yeji struggled with after hearing the announcement was finding another dance to show, yeji had already shown a lot to the judges. now she had to show them more, she had to show them who she was as a dancer. even though the previous week had been her, now she wanted to show another side of herself.

this time she wanted to show them her versatility, partition was powerful, the dance she learned for the next performance was also powerful but in a different way. there was so much going through her mind, her mother encouraged her-- jeongin did as well, even though he was sad over the fact that he got eliminated.

on the day of the recording she found her seat, next to unfamiliar faces-- one side there was a male that was incredibly tall, at least she felt he was. yeji bowed at the male, "its nice to meet you," when she sat down she noticed the male to the other side. 'his hair... so long,' her mouth opened in amazement for a moment before she quickly corrected herself, "i'm hwang yeji, its nice to meet you." looking at him again, she realized he was a rapper-- if she remembered correctly he had participated in the mgas te previous year. yeji sat back in her seat, glancing around, hoping she could see her friends. to one side she was sure she could see hansol, a little further she spotted april and she quickly waved in the direction of the female. slowly but surely she spotted multiple of her other friends as well, taeyang. yuri, changbin and ryujin were sitting further away from her but she was still excited to see all of their performances today.

while watching the other performances, yeji looked in awe-- everyone that was before her had prepared well.

suddenly it was almost her turn, she watched joohyun perform from the side of the stage as she prepared to perform. stretching and warming up her body, yeji didn't want to hurt herself while performing-- "number 5011, hwang yeji--" yeji walked up to the stage, her hair was styled the same. it was easier for her to dance with it up in a high ponytail. it was somewhat nerve-wracking being the second one to perform out of all of the dancers. the female before her had been both beautiful and talented-- beauty was something yeji always felt she had lacked.

that was until... yeji turned her gaze up as she found hansol, her chest felt warm before she quickly turned her attention back to the judges.

yeji smiles, bowing in their direction-- "i'm hwang yeji, please enjoy. " she found the center of the stage, rolling her neck before locking eyes with the staff member that controlled the music, nodding at them.

the music starts, yeji stakes her stance and on the beat she starts, jumping slightly back as if she is being pushed. figting off the invisible chains. this was a choreo originally made for a group of people-- but yeji had adjusted it to suit one person. yeji dances powerfully, confidently with a strong gaze.

when the sharpest words wanna cut me down i'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

the song's beat calms down-- the look in her eyes changes her dance moves suit the lyrics of being beaten down--then yeji looks straight into the camera, 'this is me', covering her eyes with the palm of her hand before unveiling her eyes through an opening between her index and middle finger, before her entire face is shown, looking straight into the camera for a moment before the beat picks up again.

yeji's moves are big, she wasn't going to apologize for who she was, never-- this was who she was, this is how she dances and this is what they get if they decide to send her through to the next round. the dancer was dancing with her entire body-- with her soul, yeji wanted to go through, she wanted the judges to see the potential in her so she would get through.

'this is me'

yeji struck a powerful pose, exhaling heavily when she was done. after a couple of seconds she stood in front of the judges again, her hands folded together, "thank you for your time," she told them, bowing again before hurrying off the stage. she locked eyes with the next contestant, raising her hands in fists as she mouthed 'hwaiting' to the female, she couldn't quite remember her name but right now. yeji felt the adrenaline after performing, it hit her like a brick wall and she tapped her feet nervously.

yeji suddenly felt more pressure, like she was carrying her younger cousins dreams on her back as well even if he hadn't told her to do it. she wanted to make it far-- for her own sake yes but also for jeongin's sake. it took a couple of minutes for her to relax but when she was calm, yeji found her way back to her seat, sighing heavily-- she was happy with her performance today, regardless of the results but she did hope that she would go on through to the next round.

[rkjei]

˟ ▀   icarus falls .

something burns in her, but jei doesn't understand why.  why it matters to her so much.  why she cares.

joohyun is both someone that she barely knows, and someone that she feels like she knows everything about.  perhaps it's because they're all too similar in a way, or maybe it's just because she likes her.  it's rare for jei to connect with someone so easily, and maybe it was made easier by the fact that she and joohyun are rather similar.  that they've gone through some similar situations, that they're both bitter and jaded but still find things that sparkle in the world.

joohyun is a diamond, and she deserves better than this.  maybe that's why jei is so mad  -  because she'd doing this to herself.

finding out that joohyun was kicked from trc was painful enough as it was.  they'd managed to finally connect and get closer, only for tiger jk to destroy her contract barely a month into her training.  it left jei out of sorts and even more angry at the entertainment industry than she already was, even though she understood it.  she hates herself for understanding.

but this? finding out joohyun was trying out for the mgas  -  for the third season in a row  -  only makes her furious.  knowing that she was removed from trc to rest her injury only further unsettles her, and realizing that joohyun is going to debase herself for a chance at a show that only keeps tearing her down when she deserves so much more than it gives her makes jei want to slap the girl upside the head.

she won't, though.  joohyun is a diamond.  

it's about time that she sees it, so she's going to make her see it when they meet up.  it's just a simple meeting over coffee, but jei knows that it means more than that.  because joohyun means more to her than that.

˟ ▀  &. @joohyunrk

[rkseongmin]

ninja training

@joohyunrk

he’s padding down the hallway to the next studio for lessons when he spots a familiar figure who shouldn’t be in these halls. he slows until he’s just stopped, eyes narrowing as he takes the form in of joohyun noona. she’s... why... why is she here? his eyes glance around to make sure he’s still in trc building and he didn’t end up wandering out and away somewhere. but nope, he is still at trc and she’s still walking towards him. “....ah....joohyun noona?” he finally speaks up, confusion clear in his voice even though his overall expression is blank still. not giving away much of how confused he is over this. he’s pretty sure there haven’t been any other new trainees--or maybe there was and he just hadn’t been paying any attention. 

that would make sense, he kind of doesn’t pay much attention to anyone. now that it’s been two weeks in the company and things are slowly starting to make more sense, he’s falling into his habit of ignoring. plus, he wasn’t here most of the week because of school so it could have happened during those days. “noona, you can’t just wander around trc.” he finally clears the distance between them, voice a hissed whisper as if he’s worried he’ll get in trouble for interacting with a intruder. 

[rkchoutzuyu]

*pointers

starter for @joohyunrk

Tzuyu knew she was interested in the event announced by the community center from day one. She chose to attend everyday that way she’d be able to do different classes. It was also a good distraction from her regular life. She’d have to focus less on what’s going on at home. What better way to forget everything than to dance? She was actually looking forward to more physical activity than her usual run or weekend yoga. The community and cultural center had set up a room that would be used for the dance class. To be truthful, she didn’t know either of the songs and just picked based on time. She looks around the room as she walks in and notices others were already there. Though, the confidence drop was not enough for her to leave the room, she wondered how she compared to the others. Judging by how a small number had prepared, they had never dance before. Those who like her wore comfortable dancing clothes, though, clearly had some experience.

Without much thought to anything else, she sets the bottle of water she’d brought with her down on the floor near the back of the room and takes her place next to another woman. She gives her a friendly smile and introduces herself “Hi, I’m Tzuyu. Nice to meet you” There’s not too much time for chit chat as the last of the people interested straggle in and the instructor up front gives directions for stretches before they get into the choreography. It was a fast choreography. Even just the first minute that they worked on had many moves. Enough to have others who may not be used to physical activity panting. She commended them in her head, they were doing so well though they were tired. Once they got a break, she went towards the back for her bottle for a drink.

[memoirsofrkxjiyeon]

behind the scenes

@joohyunrk

thanks to this experience she ends up bumping into the one and only joohyun who happen to be sitting with her & juyeon, the first thing minhee noticed about her that she was much prettier in person not just on the television screen. it seems everyone had the same idea about vlogging this experience like it was behind the scenes take of mgas, the staff said it was okay but it must be uploaded after the mga episode was aired which was totally understandable. the trainee thought maybe it would be a nice idea to get an interview with ex-contestant to find out more about being on the show and she thought her viewers would enjoy that too plus she had the perfect person in mind. 

“joohyun! would you mind if I interview you for my vlog? give them a little inside information about your experience and what it is like being on MGAs. I think you would be the perfect person for it plus I would love to get you to know more too!” that was it, she gave the pretty female her proposal all minhee could do is to wait and see whether she says yes or no meanwhile in her mind she was already thinking about all the questions she could ask too. 

[rkxjongsuk]

emotional reunion ||

@joohyunrk

He had felt very sad when his best girlfriend was eliminated from the team during the mgas. it had been her dream company and here he was awkwardly at his third year while she had been trying non stop. a part of him initially wished that he had been the one to be eliminated but here he was still actually real and functioning in trc. however when he heard of the new triple threat challenge, he hoped that she would be one of the winners.

lo and behold, she was and jongsuk could feel tears of happiness pouring down his cheeks. she had finally made it.

as soon as she stepped foot into the building, jongsuk just tacklehugged her. he was so happy that his mga best friend was finally here! "youre here! it toook some time but you're here!!!" he exclaimed almost grinning and crying at the same time.

[danielxrk]

✞ SELF COMPOSED SONG *   NEVER LOSE YOUR FLAMES      ( so eat my dust, that's all i am, a speck out in the crowd )

daniel doesn't check his phone until after class is over, and when he sees that blinking email notification, he doesn't think much of it at first. it's not that he's forgotten about the mga auditions, moreso that he's so relaxed about it, he doesn't even think about when they'll get back to them. it's only when he sees who his recent email is from that his eyes widen. his next course of action is easy: high tail it off of campus and to the sharehouse where the rest of his bandmates live. they went into this together; it's only fitting that he opens this with them, too.

when he arrives, kenta and minhyun are sitting in the living room, staring at what daniel can only assume are their respective emails. he just stands in the middle of the room silently at first, looking between them, and figuring out where all of them are (woojin probably in his room-- safe bet) before he breaks out into a slow smile. "okay, let's do this!" he declares. "who wants to go first?" crickets. daniel still isn't too bothered, and it's unusual. typically, daniel is a bundle of nerves, even over mundane matters and things that ultimately have no lasting impact. an email that could change his entire life? no big deal.

the more he thinks about it, the more his supernatural confidence wavers, as thinking usually goes for him. "i'll do it," he offers regardless, before he slips even further and ends up cowering in fear within a few minutes. he drops his bookbag onto the floor in preparation. he doesn't know what to expect, truthfully. if the daniel of last year made it to callbacks, surely the daniel of today will too, but he knows he isn't talented enough to feel entitled to anything, and he doesn't. he heard all of the singers in that room, and was still struck by the same inferiority he felt the season before, suddenly unimpressed with what he thought was his tangible growth over the past year. he thinks he'll find peace with any result regardless, so he taps on the email on his phone, and reads it, scanning, expression concentrated before is eyes shift back to the expectant faces of his friends. "i got in," he says, completely straight faced before he ends up grinning. "sungwoon, i got in!" he yells, just in case the other didn't hear him from his place in the kitchen-- whatever he's doing in there.

he encourages the others to open their emails next with a level of exuberance only his closest friends ever see from him, even going as far as chanting “open it open it open it,” until they finally cave and listen to him. one more callback notice, and then another, and another and even if daniel had faith in all of them– believed they could make it this far –there was still a pessimistic part of him that translates to disbelief now. how lucky are they, that they make up five of 100 people? no, it’s skill more than luck. and probably the fact that they’ll make for good tv. that helps.

he's unbelievably, undeniably proud of them, and it takes a minute or two for it to really settle in. this isn't just going to be him and sungwoon, but all of them together, no one left behind, at least for one set of performances, and he'll savor it as long as he can. with this email, however, comes the realization that there's much work to do, in a relatively short time. ah yes, that part of the mgas. daniel can't say he missed it. he wonders if there's much about this process he missed at all, and briefly, why he came back. of course, there's the band, and the album, but underneath it all lurks the ever-present question: does he really belong here? he can believe he belongs on stages in dingy clubs, in between heavy bassline's and sungwoon's voice sinking into everything. he belongs there, but maybe not on a show of people wanting to be idols. then again, he's here because of where he belongs-- because they all belong on stage, playing their songs in front of bigger and bigger crowds, more and more love for all of the members, surpassing what he and sungwoon ever received on their own. that's why he's doing this, ready to go through the whole process over again, this time with a clear goal and the clear thought that this time, he knows what he's doing.

he stays over at the empty enigma sharehouse after he arrives, going through the notes app on his phone, full of potential songs he saved when he was trying to think of a song for his first audition. so many of them required a guitar accompaniment for him to keep true to himself, therefore couldn't make the first cut. i'm so tired ended up being one of the last songs he added to the list, and he settled on it almost immediately which leaves...several other choices. the standout pick is wasteland baby by hozier, but he fells some overwhelming, incapacitating fear when he thinks of actually performing it on stage, in front of the people that he knows will be there.

sungwoon. joohyun. in one room. all he can picture is both of them thinking any love song he performs is about them, and he knows what person every love song he hears is about today, and he can't bear to do that to the other one of them-- that false hope, that surge of emotion for reasons that aren't genuine. maybe it's mainly because he's scared to sing i'm in love, i'm in love with you. he could convince himself it's because he isn't ready for the plunge into the depths that those words are, but it might really be because he's afraid he means it. he's so scared to mean it.

so he leaves wasteland baby on the backburner for a time when he's braver-- a time where he's stronger, and not so weighed down by worry, and searches for his next best option, still sat in the empty enigma living room, staring intently at his phone. last year, he performed a song on his guitar in english, and he doesn't know how he can't do that this time, but it needs an upgrade. he thought of performing one of his own songs at the audition too, but again, wanted to wait for a time when he could marry it to some kind of instrumental, too determined to let their composition shine through too.

that thought still circles in his head: what did he miss about the mgas? and he finally finds his answer. he misses working toward the same dream together-- misses everyone banding together and helping one another despite it being a competition, and the bonds forged under unbearable stress and pressure, lasting relationships, and the experience. the growth. there's a song he wrote for that, not long after the mgas, not long after his mind and heart were dominated by sungwoon's sudden disappearance afterward.

the song: never lose your flames, about his feelings on the show, and his feelings about himself in general, and words he wanted to tell the contestants he shared his time with, among all of the doubt and the criticism. it only seems appropriate to bring out now, if he wants to stand out and show what he thinks he's good at. it's a step up from last year, and it reflects who he is better than anything else he could think of. he needs an acoustic arrangement, and thankfully, he started one back when empty enigma were still preparing for their album, while they were toying with the idea of a secret track-- something soft to contrast the rest of the album. in the end, it didn't make the cut, and daniel wasn't torn up about it; a better song did, and nlyf didn't quite seem to match as well with the rest. maybe it made more sense for daniel to sing it than sungwoon all along. cameo to sing it instead of squall, he means-- yes, of course.

so when woojin asks if he knows what he's performing on the very first day, daniel can honestly say he has something in his mind, and he doubts it'll change. he spends his time divided from the apartment with the guys and his own, finding comfort in working in the presence of his friends, even as they go about their practice individually, and finding solitude in the kind of work that can only really be accomplished alone. he retraces his lyrics, wondering if he should edit anything-- tweaks the arrangement to make sure it shows off his best sides, and will translate well to an audience instead of remaining a song on an album that would never be played live. the more work he puts into the performance, the more convinced he becomes that it's the right choice. not an easily misconstrued love song-- check. a teaser of what to expect on empty enigma's album? check. that's all he really needs.

he helps the others where they need it, playing the parts of his song he's worked through on his guitar in exchange for any help they may need, though naturally they don't need it, aside from kenta with a little korean pronunciation. maybe the others could use the help, and just don't want it from him. it's a disappointing thought, but one he keeps out of mind and doesn't allow it to trouble him too much. how much help could he really offer to kenta and woojin with their dancing, anyway? minhyun is fully capable of preparing himself, proving his slightly unexpected talent on their album and in all of their recent shows. sungwoon on the other hand-- well, daniel is a little afraid to find out what he'll be performing, so maybe it's best that he doesn't. regardless, the more time he spends with them, the more convinced he becomes that they'll all do well, and where he felt fear last year, he now feels excitement.

he trails minhyun and sungwoon into the venue, hovering behind them, like he can prevent some kind of tragedy should the keyboard fall and crush sungwoon beneath it's weight or something. he wrestles back and forth with whether he should offer his own hand to help, and even though minhyun at the least seems entirely capable, he still finds his hand supporting them from the back, and he releases as soon as they find their seat. it's somewhere in the middle of everything, equal parts close and far from the stage, and as he sits, he's satisfied.

it's minhyun, then him, then kenta, the sungwoon, and woojin follows, and this is probably for the best, as much as he desired to sit next to sungwoon. there's some inkling that he might need his space-- time to process, and as much as daniel feels the pull of his company, he wants to give him that, so long as he isn't wrong.

soon, the peace and comfort of the band's familiarity is disrupted, first by the group that sits behind them. he doesn't think much of the male that sits behind him, but the more of his friend group that trails in, the more unsettled he becomes. maybe it's just eunji. last time he saw her, she wasn't happy with him-- closer to livid, more accurately, because she realized he and cameo were in fact the same person. cameo, who flirted at empty enigma's comeback halloween show, too enthusiastically and overbearingly, and daniel, subdued regular of her mother's friendship, always soft-spoken and kind-- two distinctly different sides of the same coin. he doesn't blame her for her feelings, so he doesn't try to talk to her-- doesn't even try to look at her, and instead, faces forward, eyes fixed on the stage, determined not to drift to anywhere he may see her.

thankfully, minhyun's reliable presence beside him brings some comfort, as does kenta's talkative nature, and woojin's predictable safe distance from everything, whose company he still appreciates, and...sungwoon, whatever incomprehensible and powerful something that he is to him. soon they're joined by a stranger who seems immensely friendly-- hyunggu, he introduces himself, and daniel offers him a handshake and a smile, though slightly hesitant, despite his typical reservations of dealing with strangers and the discomfort of who exactly sits behind him.

equal parts thankfully and unfortunately, someone significantly more familiar slides into the seat directly behind him, and as he looks out of instinct, it's joohyun. he smiles upon seeing her on instinct, and she smiles back, and as bad as he should feel having both her and sungwoon in close proximity, in the moment he's just glad he doesn't have to worry about how she's doing by herself. here, he can see her, and proof that she's okay. her injury has been frightening, the termination of her trc contract distressing, and daniel tried to spend as much time with her as he could during her recovery, both so she wouldn't be alone and for his own peace of mind. he knew her tendency to push herself, and yet he...didn't stop her for signing up for the mgas despite likely not being fully recuperated. as much as he fretted over it, for the sake of her safety, he had to admit there was part of him relieved to have her, as horrible as he felt about it. here joohyun was, endangering herself, and here daniel-- someone supposed to take care of her --was, thankful that she was here, and that he didn't have to go through this show without her. somehow it gives him strength.

there's more though, two...vaguely familiar figures joining hyunggu in front of them, and it doesn't take long for daniel to realize who they are, despite not knowing their names, and their appearance is incredibly puzzling to him. he has mixed feelings: one, the guy that punched him in the face last year for no reason, and the other, a guy who got stood up for a date in the cafe daniel works at, then proceeded to dump his entire life story on poor daniel. both were incredibly surreal experiences, and he feels similar seeing them now. the life-story-sharer, who introduces himself as suwoong, swiftly apologizes to daniel for what he did to him upon recognition, and daniel simply smiles reassuringly. "it's alright. at least you got me out of making coffee," and honestly, daniel always appreciates that.

in between daniel talking to taeyang-- his gym buddy and guitar collaboration buddy, strangely both in one person --suwoong starts yelling over the row his bandmates are in to talk to eunji, and daniel grows rigid. life senses the opportune opportunity to shit on him, and yugyeom turns around then, with an attempt to...flirt with him? daniel wonders if he remembers what even happened last summer, and decides he must not, given how drunk he seemed that night. he tries to i'm-too-innocent-for-this and i'm-too-oblivious-for-this himself out of this dialogue, because he would like to be excluded from this narrative, especially right in front of the two people he's in love with, and-- wait, what?

it's all incredibly overwhelming, something like sensory overload, the front row too rambunctious and the back row too intimidating, emanating with some sinister energy that makes daniel certain he's being talked about unkindly. his eyes keep wandering to sungwoon, and he never catches him looking his way, and daniel frowns without intending, because he feels like just a look from him would give him some reassurance, though he writes it off as sungwoon feeling similarly to him. understandable. daniel understands all of it, even if he wishes they could be...he doesn't know what he wishes they could be. a little warmer, maybe-- a little closer, a little less like sungwoon feels so far away even when they're separated by mere feet.

joohyun leans forward then, and he feels it before he hears her somehow, her voice a whisper. "it's going to be mga8 by the time this is over," she says, and daniel laughs. "mga10," he corrects her. "you gonna be on that one too?" he almost feels bad, but he plays it off with a cheeky smile as he looks back at her, and she pushes him, so he laughs again, and he feels a little better. he can always count on her to show up at exactly the right time. their entire history is evidence.

suddenly, however, he's distinctly aware of sungwoon's presence, and the air feels heavier, and the ease slowly drains out of him, replaced with that ever well-known feeling of guilt, like a new friend he immediately hit it off with. no, the guilt isn't new. it's a new situation, but this feeling settled in him from somewhere close to the day he was born. he can't do anything without fear of hurting someone. he doesn't want to. he wants so desperately for everyone close to him to be happy; he never wants to be the reason for their pain, but he knows he is. maybe not to joohyun. he still doesn't know what she feels about him, even if she kissed him during the sn project finale. he wrote that off as a brief moment of impulsivity due to excitement, only for the sake of his own sanity. but there's sungwoon, and he knows better than to think he hasn't put him through the wringer-- knows he might still be doing it, even now. he knows that despite all of this, it was sungwoon he confessed to, not joohyun, and after some ruminating, he knows what that means, even if he's afraid to admit it.

finally, the real show begins, and shakes him out of his thoughts, and he's glad to focus on the entrance of the ceos. he's seen this all before, and it doesn't surprise him, but his eyes widen regardless, because he forgot how poised and respectable they look-- like they're shining, and even daniel, with his complete disinterest in idols, can't help but admire them. this ignites a burning desire to impress them, and he hopes at the very least, bringing them an original song will set him apart in their eyes. even more than that, he hopes they don't think his song is absolute garbage. that worry is unfortunately very real. everyone claps, and then the performances begin.

he watches with rapt attention at first, and if he wasn't distinctly aware of the strategically positioned cameras and microphones to catch every reaction of the audience (he was), he is now. he wonders how many of his conversations from earlier will air, and whether they'll paint him as a hero, villain, or some background character this time. the performances are good overall; mnet knew what they were doing when they narrowed down to this number, and then there are some that...are not. maybe they were kept for their personality (daniel can relate) or for humiliation on national television for the country's amusement. then again, maybe some of this audience will rank him among the performances that aren't good. all he can hope is that it's less of them than last year. he thinks it will be.

the longer time goes on, the more he's overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the row in front of them, so he turns his attention to kenta, bundle of energy he is, and he chats with him during breaks as distraction, and then in a low voice during performances, still giving those on stage the proper respect, of course. his eyes keep falling to sungwoon regardless, and he wonders if he's okay. he seems uncharacteristically quiet, but maybe that's just on account of daniel hogging kenta, though unfortunately, he's smart enough to not be fooled by is own excuses. half of him wants to ask him, and he leans forward in his seat to get a better look at his face, and maybe he's about to-- but something holds him back. he just wants to fix this, but knows better than to try now.  are you okay? i love you, you know. i want you to be okay more than anything.

somehow, it's not in regards to his performance that he's at all shaken, and when so jisub calls his name for his performance, he stands with a smile. if he didn't have this subtle, indwelling confidence that surrounded him ever since he settled on this song, it would be kenta's squeeze of his hand, the pat on his back by minhyun, sungwoon's uttered good luck that puts any of his doubts in stage, and he slings his guitar over is shoulder.

everything is a little more intimidating on stage, and he makes the mistake of letting his eye rake across the audience, taking them in. this is the amount of people that will hear his own, personal, pain-stakingly written song. his gaze snaps back to the judges, and another smile blooms on his face when he meets so jisub's eyes. he wonders if so jisub is glad to see him again, after calling him a great contestant last year, even if it was paired with comments about the weakness of is voice. maybe the ceo held some small sliver of faith in him. he doesn't want to disappoint him.

"hi, i'm kang daniel," he greets, smile appearing once again. "you may remember me. if not, hopefully you will from now on," and he leans away from the mic, making final tuning adjustments on his guitar, and he realizes something-- adds: "for good reasons, i hope," and he laughs lightly. "i'll be singing an original song for you today. i hope you like it."

riddle me this, i gotta figure it out are they laughing at me because i'm prone to fear and doubt? am i messed up, am i loud? well, eat my dust, that's all i am a speck out in the crowd

usually daniel is crushed by insecurity. that was him, on this show last season-- in these shoes a year ago, shaking and uncertain. maybe it was his personal life in the past year that he could credit with his growth and new confidence, or perhaps it was this show itself, showing him he could stand on stage in front of a large audience-- as himself, not cameo --that did it. perhaps it was the aftermath, and the threat of his band falling apart that revealed how important music really was to him, and how important the people he made it with were. they're all here too, and he thinks that's why he can stand on stage like he belongs here. his eyes drift to all of them where they're sitting, and his lips curl up in a smile as he sings, before he faces forward again.  

i'm trying to clean up the mess i made but the towel i used to soak up my worry it just went up in flames you see i got a conscience like gasoline i could siphon shit it out, get up and leave but, i fuel the fire with everything they said it's stuck in my mind you're better off dead

he originally wrote this part with criticism from the mgas in mind, but it grew into a different animal-- all of the criticism in his life that built and built until it stitched itself into the fabric of his existence, self-replicating without anyone else's help. he edited the words here in his mga version, necessarily, replacing the previously explicit version with something more family friendly, and it's amazing how comfortable he feels here, behind his guitar, singing his own words. originally, this verse built into the chorus, but for this two minute arrangement, it goes on, building up even more.

feeling like i’m nothing’s something that i’m getting used to trying to devise a plan that’s positively fool proof nobody can see me past these walls that i’ve been building now it’s starting to cave in, but i won’t give up

daniel's fool-proof plan was always cameo, and the escape that he was (is?), and everything he spun to cover him up. he was a mask, and before the mgas, kang daniel never knew music or the stage by himself. the illusion began to shatter, the worlds started to collide, he started to panic, and yet he pressed on on account of some newfound love and purpose he never possessed before. now, he carries cameo with him, but stands on stage as kang daniel, and it's like this that he's the best version of himself. next, the chorus hits, the guitar something close to exploding, and this is the message he wants all of his friends-- everyone in this room-- to know, so he smiles.

if you got the keys, then start the car and drive as far as you can if you got the blood, then you got the heart to give yourself a chance seems like we've been so scarred some people call it art i hope you make peace with your pain and never lose your flames

there are probably countless people in this room that think they don't deserve to be there, just like daniel did last year. even more than that will be beat down and shredded by the pressure and absolute necessity to push forward and remain strong. he wants them to keep going, to give themselves a chance no matter what anyone says-- to take this opportunity in front of them with all of its pain and all of its joy, and make the most of it. don't let it crush you, don't let it take anything from you. we can do this.

the chorus gives way to what is actually his favorite part of the song: a brief break for nothing but his acoustic guitar, something he composed himself without anyone else's help. he steps away from the microphone briefly, to look down at the frets as he strums, and he smiles, genuinely content. he likes singing, but his heart will always be with some kind of guitar more than anything else. nine seconds, and he returns to the microphone.

feeling like i’m nothing’s something that i’m getting used to wanting to fit in, i always wanted to be perfect to you i gotta get up out this bed, if you can see inside my head you understand i got to give up

the words are personal, but also applicable to many, he thinks, so it's both a message to others and himself, with his mother, her oppression, and how much it impacted his entire life in mind. after two months on his own, he's breaking free of it, but sometimes it feels like that isn't the case. at least he doesn't want to give up as badly as he used to-- as much as he wanted to under her rule, even at the time he wrote this song. he used to float by without direction other than what she told him, and now he's so much different. he's grateful. he heads into the pre-chorus, through it, skipping past what was originally a keyboard part written for sungwoon, and then starts the final chorus, taking these final moments to bask in the glow of the stage, unable to fight back the smile on his face.

if you got the keys, then start the car and drive as far as you can if you got the blood, then you got the heart to give yourself a chance seems like we've been so scarred some people call it art i hope you make peace with your pain and never lose your flames

and then it ends, but his grin doesn't, eyes disappearing into crescents, all genuine satisfaction and enjoyment. he keeps a tight grip on his guitar and bows, and is about to head off the stage before he makes a split second decision to lean toward the mic again to chirp a quick, "thank you!" and then he scurries down the steps and back to his seat.

he grins at his friends as they greet him upon his return, and pointedly ignores the fact that sungwoon doesn't. minhyun and kenta perform soon after him, and suddenly the show is a lot more interesting-- not that it wasn't before, of course, it was just, you know..blurry. long. excruciating in an enjoyable way, somehow. he pats minhyun's knee encouragingly when it's his turn, squeezes kenta's shoulder before he leaves to get on stage, and quietly cheers "go kenta, go!" with the most faith in him in the world. he has faith in minhyun too, of course, but anyone that doesn't is just..wrong.

they prove is believing in them isn't misplaced, with minhyun's voice even more striking without the company of heavy drumbeats and crazed guitar riffs backing it. he can dance too, which daniel didn't know, but that isn't a surprise because he didn't know anyone in this band could dance despite half of them listing it as their best skill on their forms. he gives kenta his full attention at first, amazed to see him dance for the first time-- thankful that he gets to be here to see him stand on stage like this, but he soon becomes distinctly aware that nothing separates him and sungwoon now. the desire to reach out to him is like an itch-- to grab his hand, maybe, or to push him into woojin just to mess with them both, or to slide over just so he can be closer to him, like that'll help him get inside his head, but maybe inside his head isn't where he wants to be. maybe he just wants to be with him.

the others return, and so daniel returns to watching the performances, and surprisingly, they pass more quickly now, but he still turns around in his chair to look at joohyun with concern. he knows it can't feel good on an injury to be stuck in these chairs for so long, so he mouths "are you okay?" to her, not wanting it to be caught on one of these dangling microphones should it put her at a disadvantage. she nods to him, and he nods back hesitantly, but it doesn't stop him from checking on her periodically for the rest of the night.

soon, it's sungwoon's turn. hyunbin calls his name and daniel just looks up at him as he rises, dazed, eyes following him as he leaves and makes his way to the stage. he always knew sungwoon belonged on stage, and the spotlight on him reminds daniel of it now, and he can't help but smile. he feels the same as he did last year when sungwoon took to the stage-- so glad he has the chance to show everyone his talent, and that so many others can hear him like he has.

daniel knows the song as soon as it begins, and he's glad sungwoon found it, because the piano intro is meant for him. he doesn't make the connection between the lyrics and their relevancy until sungwoon starts to sing, and his heart immediately turns to some kind of mush that oozes down to his feet. he feels positively sick, but not in a bad way, in a way he could feel for the rest of his life, and he's so overcome by emotion, absolutely overwhelmed and overtaken by it and everything sungwoon is. daniel knows english almost as well as he knows korean, and he knows this song, and he knows what all of this means, and when sungwoon looks him in the eyes-- he wonders if it's the first time he has today --daniel knows what that means, too. he doesn't break eye contact with him, and he feels his gaze in his bones. i need you too, and he thinks he needs sungwoon more than anyone. he needs him more than anyone does; he needs sungwoon more than he needs anyone.

he's swept away in all of it, like it's a tide rolling in, slow in its rising and powerful in its impact. even among it all, he almost wants to sing along. it's just the sungwoon effect. the bridge is softer, but he still feels his heart quiver in his chest, and it all reminds him of what he said the other day: i know i really like you, and that it feels…limitless, like it could be anything, and he feels that infinity, burning straight through him. he could listen to sungwoon sing forever, but in that moment all he wants is for sungwoon to come back. soon it ends, and he does, and he barely gives him a chance to sit down before he's reaching for his hand.

and when sungwoon's fingers curl around his, he's so glad. sungwoon looks at him, and he can't help but smile, even if he meant this as a gesture more serious and sincere. he wants it to mean everything he can say, not only because of the cameras, but because he knows it could never creep its way up from his heart and out of his mouth, at least not yet. it's i understand and thank you, and there's no room for doubting whether this song was about him. he knows it. he still feels it somewhere underneath his skin. it's i love you, i love you, i love you, and when sungwoon squeezes his hand, daniel squeezes back.

                [ :00 - :42, 1:45 - 2:43, 3:08-3:30, but sped up a little for time *]

[rkxsungwoon-blog]

☆ MGA5 EPISODE TWO ; JULY 4 #5008 HA SUNGWOON ; skills performance ( singer ) performance: sorry (고백) by yang dail (양다일) ( 1:10 - 2:10, 2:20 - 3:15 )

perhaps one of the only perks of being a ha in this competition is that sungwoon’s survival is confirmed fairly early on. exhaling, he stumbles over a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and sags against kenta in relief, his fingers automatically scrambling to grip someone’s hand but finding purchase only in the fabric of kenta’s shirt. palms slick with sweat, he can only offer kenta a silent promise to take care of his laundry later while holding on for dear life.

sungwoon closes his eyes and waits until minhyun’s name is called, then daniel’s, then woojin’s and even kenta’s before his face splits into a wide grin. is he allowed to feel relieved that he still has a future on this show? that they call do? that empty enigma survived the proverbial axe-blow? letting out a triumphant whoop, he tries to drape his arms over as many of their shoulders as he can (which is not many, admittedly, but he makes the attempt) and pulls them close. “we’re through!”

he doesn’t know if it’s fate or the universe or just the force of their skill that ensured their survival, but he’s grateful they can continue on this journey together for a little longer. he feels like he’s getting greedier with each hurdle they cross—let them get through just this round, just next week, just till the end of the show—but sungwoon has never fully learned to curb his ambitions. with each victory, he allows himself to dream a little bigger and bolder, envisioning a future in which all of empty enigma—

win? but they can’t. last year had two winners, which seemed like enough of a stretch. at the end of the day, this is a competition, and his beloved friends are his rivals. as if to drive the point home, the next challenge is one of skills: contestants are grouped together by their main talent, with eliminations slated to take place at the end. naturally, singers make up the largest category, with dancers following after, then rappers. conversely, this means the largest number of people eliminated will come from the singers, and sungwoon is not cocky enough in his own abilities to believe he doesn’t have to worry about his own position.

minhyun and daniel are singers too, and while sungwoon is grudgingly impressed by minhyun’s skills, he can’t say the same for daniel. as much as he loves daniel as a performer, sungwoon is aware just about everyone else in their group is a better singer than him. he can name five or six more skilled than himself, and he feels… dread settle in his stomach at the thought of daniel ending up near the bottom of the list. at the thought of, perhaps, him or minhyun making it through without daniel. sungwoon is less worried about woojin and kenta; woojin has an amazing talent for dance, and kenta… he believes in kenta with his whole heart and prays it’ll be enough.

he doesn’t want to compete against empty enigma yet, not one-on-one in such a cutthroat atmosphere, but part of sungwoon wants to embrace the challenge head-on; it was the skills performance which sent him home last time, when he’d been assigned to dance when all he wanted was to sing. this is his chance at redemption, and yet… he casts his gaze over his friends, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. not at their expense.

“i’m switching to rap,” sungwoon announces, climbing to his feet. it’s a snap decision, more of a joke than anything else, but in his heart of hearts, he wishes he could just so he wouldn’t have to compete against his friends. the rap category is the only one an empty enigma member doesn’t already have a claim to. one of the people sitting around them snarkily asks if he can even rap, and since sungwoon is committed, he asks someone to drop a beat for him. he does a small lap while pumping up the crowd before launching into an ill-thought out, terrible, no-good freestyle.

my name is ha sungwoon i never sing out of tune you will cheer for me soon and then i’ll fly off to the moon

by the end of it, those who aren’t laughing are looking at him with a dumbfounded expression. “it’s just a joke, guys. don’t worry,” he says reassuringly. “trc won’t be picking me up any time soon.” sungwoon only intended for his performance to ease some of the tension around them, but then daniel announces he’s actually switching to rap. and all sungwoon can really think is, why, because he knows daniel has some experience with the skill, though surely not enough to be confident in for this stage of the competition? but daniel reminds sungwoon of the last time it was only his voice up on that stage, and sungwoon’s expression immediately clears in understanding. “you know what you’re doing,” he says, giving daniel’s shoulder a squeeze.

he still has some reservations, but sungwoon trusts daniel; only he knows what’s best for himself. besides, sungwoon has enough to worry about on his own.

this is where it all becomes real.

-

sitting through the first episode is excruciating, mostly because sungwoon cringes every time his face pops up on screen. of course they highlighted his height again, and of course his little stumble with his keyboard aired. he supposes he shouldn’t complain; his edit wasn’t malicious. mnet can (and has) done worse. at the end of it, he’s exhausted all over again, but it does give him more of an idea who to watch for—and who to worry about. keep your rivals close, as they say. or at the very least, stay informed. sungwoon refuses to be caught off guard.

his phone blows up with messages after the episode—most a variation of jokes on his height again (hyung, you grew .5 cm? ㅋㅋㅋ) or expressing shock over the fact that he’s in a band (empty enigma?? lol what kind of a name is that?). his sister calls to profess her love for minhyun and sungwoon yells NO ANYONE BUT HIM (and variations thereof) into his phone for a solid eight minutes before she sighs and tells him the heart wants what the heart wants.

one of his friends just sends him a quote: ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result’. sungwoon is confused and annoyed enough to call him immediately and ask what the fuck he’s on about. “do you really think anything will change this year?” his friend asks. “shit, dude, you’re doing this hellish show again and for what?”

“all of empty enigma is on it this time,” sungwoon says, throat dry. “i’m doing this for them. us. it’s not—”

his friend is quiet or a long time. “it’s okay to say you want it too, you know? you don’t always have to hide behind other people. it’s alright to admit you just want—to win, or to get a contract. whatever.” when sungwoon doesn’t answer, he sighs. “good luck, though. hope it works out.” the distinct click of the call ending fills his ear, but sungwoon doesn’t move for a long time.

he hasn’t—well. he hasn’t thought about winning in those terms. with four other peoples’ survival hanging on the line, sungwoon doesn’t have the luxury to entertain thoughts of winning. his natural competitive edge wants to accept nothing less, but winning (or even placing high enough to receive something) comes with caveats he can’t afford to think about yet. empty enigma is a unit, or have been operating as one so far, but as this stage (and every stage from now on) has been driving home, they can’t be one forever. sooner or later, they’ll be pulled apart. sooner or later, one of them won’t make it through. and that day could come as quickly as thursday.

a full body shudder runs through him at the thought. not yet, sungwoon thinks desperately. he’s playing with fire by making so many demands of the universe, but what else does he have? not yet. we’ve got a ways to go before i’m ready to say goodbye.

-

woojin and kenta are often absent during the week, busy preparing for their performances elsewhere. it makes sense; as dancers, they need a different kind of environment to practice in. thankfully, the acoustics aren’t bad in their sharehouse, so sungwoon and minhyun can more or less manage here. daniel comes over during the week to hang out, though he’s secretive about his own performance. sungwoon guesses he wants to keep it a secret (daniel seems to be writing his own rap) so he tries not to pry too much. the curiosity really is killing him, however, along with the anxiety. but the snippets he manages to catch aren’t that bad, and they go a long way in smoothing over some of his worries.

his own performance is, in some ways, equally as complicated to settle on as the previous round. sungwoon hoped it would get easier, but his tendency to overthink always comes back to bite him in the ass. this time is no different. after two rounds of songs in english, he knows he wants to sing something in korean, but the question still remains: what, exactly, is fitting for a performance of skill?

sungwoon’s mind wanders to their album tracklist again, or any of the songs buried in his laptop—the ugly children that didn’t quite make the cut. he wants to sing his own music up on the stage. he didn’t realize how strong the desire was until he heard daniel perform his own song last round, and then joohyun sing for empty enigma. he too wants to stand up there and say, this is something i created. this is my work. this is something only i can sing.

as always, he calls his sister for advice. sunyoung is opinionated and drawn in easily by a pretty face, but she knows how survival shows work and is surprisingly shrewd for a thirteen year old with no musical talent whatsoever. sungwoon trusts her opinions. but once he tells her he’s considering singing an empty enigma song, it’s her turn to drown his eardrums out with a shrill NO! “oppa! your image!” when sungwoon doesn’t get it, she explains long-sufferingly, as if it should be obvious, “you just revealed you’re in some super weird band! you can’t get up on stage and sing your angry music. you’re going to alienate people.”

“since when were you using big words?” she may have a point. “but that’s my music, you know? i… we all worked hard on it, and i want to—”

“mom and dad watched episode one,” sunyoung cuts in, and for a split second, sungwoon sees—red and blue and pitch black in a sequence, his breath catching in his chest. this has to be a fucking joke, but sunyoung has never sounded so serious and solemn in her life. “they didn’t recognize you till your dumb introduction, but they definitely saw you after that. they were paying attention and… i don’t think they were...” she doesn’t say it. happy. of course they weren’t happy. sungwoon wants to laugh. like he cares.

“you expect me to give a shit about what they think?” and once again, sunyoung doesn’t say what they both know. he does. after everything, after all their crap, the little boy inside him cares, craves their approval, wants to still make them proud. the pragmatist in him knows that time is long past; his parents would be horrified to learn of what he’s done, what he dreams of doing, who he loves—his angry music might be the least of it. and yet so much of who he is in empty enigma is their doing. the long-simmering rage he holds inside his chest is for them. they should know.

“no angry metal songs, please,” sunyoung repeats, her voice small. “they’re going to watch episode two with me.” her tone turns pleading. “just sing something nice, oppa.”

“fine,” he says, and his sister heaves a sigh of relief. the blood still roars in his ears, drum beats in his mind gearing him up for war. but sunyoung is not an enemy, not an opponent, not a rival. she’s a teenager caught in a difficult place, and some days sungwoon wishes this wasn’t her burden to bear. that she didn’t have to play middle-man like this. none of this is her fault, he reminds himself, rubbing his temples. “i’m sorry,” sungwoon adds a moment later. a poor substitute for a hug or anything remotely brotherly, but it’s all he has to give.

“talk to you later?” she phrases it as a question as always, accepting the apology with more grace than sungwoon could ever possess. he says yeah before hanging up and throwing his phone onto his bed. he wants to believe this is all a sick joke, but it was naive of him to think he could somehow skate through another year of the mgas without his parents finding out he was on the show. sunyoung did inform him they were keeping a closer eye on her after last semester’s grades, and there’s no way she was going to miss the mgas for anything.

it would be easier if sungwoon knew why they wanted to watch him. they haven’t cared about anything he’s done for a long time. they haven’t cared about him in general, not once they pawned him off on his grandparents. it took sungwoon a long time to come to terms with that fact, and he’s not going to pretend it was easy. neither is he going to pretend that coming to terms with it means forgiveness or letting go or any of that feel-good bullshit. what he feels is closer to resignation, a dull acceptance of the status quo and his role as the unwanted child.

maybe it’s as simple as them wanting to make sure sungwoon doesn’t embarrass them. keep up appearances and everything. he wonders what they tell people he’s doing, if they mention him at all. he imagines it’d go something like ‘my son goes to snu! he’s pre-med!’ because they always hoped he’d become a doctor. or he’s being too charitable in assuming they even tell people they have a son. that sounds about right. either way, he’s not pre-med—he’s a singer! surprise and sorry for bringing shame to the family and all that. he dares them to chastise him either way. dares them to say anything, knowing they won’t.

if it weren’t for sunyoung’s request, he would’ve said fuck it and sung one of the extreme songs he’s written about his parents over the years, consequences be damned. it might be his only chance to make them listen to him. they’ve never had a good track record with that. sungwoon remembers being five years old and clinging to his mom’s skirt, begging her not to leave him behind only to be met by a blank stare. or being eight and waiting next to the phone on his birthday for his parents to call (they don’t). or even to be nineteen, wrapped in his own grief and coming face to face with strangers who are supposed to be his parents and finding—no recognition, no sympathy. he stopped trying after that, figuring it was no use. and he sang, because he couldn’t do anything else, praying one day they’d listen.

god. his unfulfilled hopes stack up one by one, and he’s surprised to find they still hurt when what sungwoon wants is to feel nothing at all. “guess that takes find yourself out of the running,” sungwoon says out loud. it isn’t funny.

after spending the rest of the day in bed rebuffing any concerned inquiries by his housemates, sungwoon throws himself into preparations with renewed vigor. sunyoung asked him to just sing something nice? he can do that. it only takes a quick search to land on a fitting song. a ballad, of all things, but one he thinks can showcase the strength and beauty of his voice. it’s a risk, in a way. the real challenge of this stage is to captivate the judges, to deliver a performance worth remembering.

the temptation to resort to a flashy stage or a gimmick is strong; after all, they’re competing against forty nine other people all hand-selected by the judges as worthy contestants. you need to stand out somehow. sungwoon can already imagine the influx of remixed songs and girl group choreographies, the original songs meant to impress even though they’re unfamiliar. desperation mixed with a desire to win means the performances will be… interesting.

but sungwoon is not a gimmick and doesn’t want the world to see him as one. he can’t pull out a metal song and hope it’ll work out, all for maybe a minute of screentime. the ballad—just sungwoon and his voice up on that stage with no instrument to hide behind—is the perfect way to make this all about the singing, the way he’d wanted it to be last year during the skills stage. no fancy tricks, no showing off on the keyboard, nothing else. the lone spotlight on himself stripped down to his bare minimum should scare him, but all he feels is anticipation. it’s finally time to be heard.

(the bitter part of him wants to say, look, mom and dad! at least a ballad singer is presentable, right?)

practice keeps his mind off the mess that is his life. he’s grateful for it keeping him occupied through the lonely hours. sungwoon sings himself hoarse, then spends hours nursing his throat back, reminding himself he has better technique than this. he knows he’s pushing it too far this time, but it’s do or die. with just his voice highlighted, he can’t afford to make any mistakes. no going off tune, no voice cracks, absolutely no observable strain. when he begins feeling restless, he practices in the mirror to make sure he doesn’t grimace or look ugly while hitting the high notes.

sungwoon feels something akin to ready by the time thursday rolls around, if not fully confident he could sing this song perfectly in his sleep. he just hopes everything will go off without a hitch during the actual stage. everyone will be watching, he thinks before bed. and damn if that doesn’t fuel his desire to give the best performance possible.

-

when they arrive at the venue on thursday, sungwoon is momentarily taken aback at the sight of the reduced chairs. last week’s elimination didn’t feel like much, but looking at the stage now drives home just how big of cut the judges made last week. he wonders if this week is going to see their numbers halved as well. twenty five sounds too low for this early in the competition, but with all the changes, sungwoon can’t predict anything either way. he has no idea what to expect.

what he does know is that he does not want to be sitting in the same place as last time; the row behind them was emanating hostile intent, while the one in front had dumbass energy. neither are vibes sungwoon wants to be surrounded with at the moment, not during this round, and he’s glad daniel seems to feel the same. after exchanging a look, daniel directs them to sit across the room and sungwoon happily follows, already feeling lighter than last week. daniel (rather forcefully) tells him he’s sitting next to him this week, and sungwoon holds back a laugh. “you want to hold my hand that badly?” he asks teasingly, but with real warmth as he thinks, i do too.

of course, the peace is shattered when kenta waves over their loud seatmates from last time. sungwoon considers getting up and moving in a game of impromptu musical chairs, but daniel’s hand on his arms roots him in place. maybe it wouldn’t be fair to abandon daniel to this—or maybe sungwoon is just easy when it comes to him. regardless, he sighs and covers daniel’s hand with his own before settling back into his seat. “the things i do for—” oh, cameras. remembering them a moment too late, sungwoon presses his lips together and shakes his head. not love, not out loud.

thankfully, the performances begin sooner this time, though it’s a double edged sword. with the singers performing first, sungwoon’s name is called all too soon. he doesn’t have much to measure himself against, no room to adjust his performance accordingly based on what he’s seen so far. that might end up being a good thing, but for now, he feels the tiniest bit nervous as he approaches the stage. will he be good enough? no, he thinks. fuck that. he is good enough to stand here among this group of talented individuals. he’s not doubting himself.

he bows once he’s on stage, mic in hand. “hello! this is the still-growing sprout ha sungwoon!” his introduction is cheerful and a little cheeky; he is a good few centimetres taller thanks to his insoles, but no one has to really know that. “i’ll be singing sorry by yang dail today. i hope you enjoy my performance.” maybe he should’ve made a joke about how it’s no toxic and he hopes it won’t put people to sleep, but if he’s doing his job right, it shouldn’t.

taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes as the first notes of the music wash over him. it’s a pretty ballad—but not a love song, which feels strange to sing after two rounds of the same thing. sungwoon is better at embracing heartbreak, however; it’s been a constant companion in his life and hasn’t fully left him even now. he channels that heartache, the weariness into his tone during the first verse.

your cold face our fights that come all the time all the scars that were sent and received sometimes, we feel bad and it builds up for a while so now none of you remains in me

it feels strange to do this without playing an instrument, but this is what sungwoon wants. his voice and his voice along. beginning gentler than he normally would, he keeps his voice smooth throughout the verse, lingering on notes where required. the song tells a story of a love crumbling apart, but sungwoon thinks in that moment of his parents—the scars sent and received, the guilt he still feels in his weakest moments for his own emotions. now none of you remains in me, he thinks, eyes fluttering open at the line. he wishes that were true. maybe it can be. he’s certainly all himself, with nothing of his parents in him.

i know it can’t be helped but i don’t want to let you go but when i call your name i don’t feel anything i’m just here

the chorus builds and sungwoon rises with it, his clear voice growing louder and more powerful before easing back into something softer and fragile. he finds it surprisingly easy to shed his personas from the first and second stages in this competition to emerge onstage as a versatile vocalist who lays it all up here. bares it all, because he sings every song like it’s his own, like the lyrics belong to him. he doesn’t have to sing his own music to connect and to make other people feel it too. he doesn’t need his crutches—his instruments—or even squall to feel like he’s soaring, to feel like he’s doing something worth doing. and he doesn’t need anyone’s approval to be here.

sungwoon hopes his parents are listening, not for their sake or even his own; he just wants them to get the message. this is him, this is what he can do, and here is what he thinks of their interest and their disapproval and their olive branches: i don’t feel anything. whatever hopes he’s secret held onto—he lets go. the final lines of the chorus are a soft admission, equal parts resignation and acceptance, and in the pause between them and the bridge, he looks at the judges without seeing them at all. maybe he’s not singing for them in this moment but himself. still, the corners of his mouth lift slightly as he makes eye contact with katie lee before turning away.

i used to draw you out every day now i can’t i don’t want you anymore

the bridge reminds him of climbing a staircase; as the music swells, so does sungwoon’s voice, his head tipping back as he pulls the microphone away from his mouth by the slightest amount. he doesn’t want his words to get muffled or slurred, and thankfully, his pronunciation remains clear as he sings. instead of embracing anger, he sings the song like a goodbye, a farewell with years and years’ worth of sentiment behind it. kinder than his parents deserve, maybe, but sungwoon is tired of it all and thinks he could, for once, afford to be kind. with the final line, he transitions easily into the vocalization and thinks, this is the end.

the end can’t be helped but you’re trying not to let go but even that is meaningless to me

here is where he unleashes his voice fully, emotion mixing with power and control to deliver an impactful chorus. the high note comes easily, and sungwoon holds it with little effort. he feels his voice come from deep inside, bursting out of him with a force that surprises even sungwoon. but he can do this much. he can show this much if he wants to get any further. as sungwoon sings the final lines of the song, he feels none of the triumph of last week—this is a denouement and the soft epilogue, the vulnerable action of saying, i’ve done enough and now i’m spent. he is spent. he’s said all he needs to.

feels like something i’ve procrastinated now i think i should tell you

he stays on stage for a few seconds following the end of the song, waiting for the music to fade away. sinking into another bow once he’s done, sungwoon gives the judges a smile before returning to his seat. he feels lighter, like he left the weight, the pain, the sadness all on stage. unlike his empty engima performances, he doesn’t carry any of the emotions off with him to brood on later. he’s—free. buoyant for once in his life, sungwoon nearly skips back to where empty enigma sit—only to realize how bad of an idea it is when he suffers a slight shoe malfunction. also known as: the slow-motion horror movie moment when his shoes fall off and his insoles—

sungwoon scoops them up and hugs them to his chest as he sits down, noticeably shorter. kenta doesn’t let it go without a comment, and sungwoon bristles because he doesn’t need this from his fellow shortie, of all people! “you can’t judge me for this,” he huffs. “you know what it’s like.” he’s pretty sure kenta is also wearing considerable insoles. maybe not as much as sungwoon, but then again, he’s also not sandwiched between the freakishly large daniel and minhyun. “expose your shoe lifts right now,” sungwoon continues. this is a matter of pride. but kenta protests even as sungwoon says, “take off your shoes if you have nothing to hide!”

and kenta, being kenta, says something extremely weird which has sungwoon wanting to rub his temples. “you don’t put… you don’t put makeup on your feet?” they’re feet. which is, admittedly, a very strange hill to die on, so he accepts kenta’s explanation without comment because he wants this to end. after fixing his own shoes, sungwoon straightens up and thinks about asking kenta to elaborate on his point when daniel squeezes his hand, a soft you did well bringing a smile to sungwoon’s face. daniel pulls away too soon, but sungwoon doesn’t chase his warmth, not willing to ask for more than he can give right now. he’s lucky he gets this much.

sungwoon endeavors to pay attention to as many of the other performances as he can, but his attention starts to wander near the end. though he tries to keep his muttered asides and bad jokes to a minimum, it feels natural to share them with daniel, like they’re back in 2018, being… well, dumb and happy. god, he loves it.

when the performances switch over to the dancers, with joohyun leading the group, he grows more alert—enough to see her stumble even with his untrained eye. wincing, he turns to daniel on instinct; seeing wrestle with indecision, sungwoon touches his arm, his voice dropping low. “go see if she’s okay.” and daniel bolts. maybe some other day he’d feel something. even a week ago, he would’ve felt something. but none of that is joohyun’s fault, and sungwoon—wants her to be okay as well. so he swallows whatever else he could’ve said and waits for daniel to return.

his attention is split until woojin takes the stage, and once again sungwoon is awestruck by how powerful and precise each of his movements are. kenta follows shortly after, putting on a cute performance that has sungwoon grinning and cheering the whole time, even if he and kenta did beef earlier (for like five minutes, over something very stupid. it’s how they roll). once the dancers are done, the rappers begin taking the stage one by one. at some point, sungwoon realizes daniel is holding his hand again. it’s probably the nerves coming through, and hell, sungwoon is nervous too. he doesn’t know what to expect, but daniel has never had a bad performance, so—

“go kill it,” he tells him seriously, before daniel has to take this stage. and because it’s daniel, he does light the stage on fire with his self-written rap. it’s a lot better than sungwoon ever expected; once he picks his jaw up off the floor, he’s cheering along, playing the hype man for daniel. every single line packs a harder punch than before, and by the time daniel is done, sungwoon is pumped, and all he can see is daniel. the proud smile on his face doesn’t slip as daniel returns to his seat. “so,” he says. “that was a lot better than my freestyle.” but he’s joking and lacking the words to tell daniel just how much he loved the performance and hopes his excitement says enough.

once the rappers are done, sungwoon runs his eyes over the fifty left, all of them having given it their best up on that stage. there’s no way all fifty of them can move on even if they all deserve to, but he hopes that empty enigma are some of the lucky ones. they have been so far, right?

we’ve got a ways to go yet.

[xrkeunji-blog]

                       -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji.                                                           ┆interview questions & response

one by one they're called. eunji watches as contestants follow the sound of their name, lead behind some small and inconspicuous door on the set. she could have guessed what was going on easily enough, even before the first couple auditionees returned to their seats to spread the good news. they're dropped behind a camera, another cold glass eye, and interviewed.

eunji sighs to herself. she swears she is not the vainest person in the world, but she does wish that they had invited the contestants back there before their performances. she's sweaty and her hair has got to be a mess, and it's only by luck's hand that she thought to throw a bare-bones makeup bag into her purse before leaving home. she excuses herself from her friends, praying that the other girls in the building don't have the same idea that she does. or at least, that they'll get the idea after she's done using the mirror.

when she finally sees her reflection, it's not as bad as she had though. sure, she's oily and her hair is a bit frizzy, but at least her eyeliner and mascara haven't started to bleed; she's mostly unmelted. the woman blots around her nose and cheeks as best as she can with cheap paper towel, fishing a compact out of her purse to re-apply some powder. there's never a promise that they'll have makeup artists for them again, and even if they do, eunji would rather be as little trouble for them as possible. she adds a little more color to her lips, and tries to tame a few flyaway hairs with water before deciding she's presentable enough and returning to her seat between the boys.

"need a touch up?" half-jokingly she offers her compact to jeonghan. she wouldn't be surprised if he pulled out his own, perhaps less surprised at that than if he actually took her offer. "we wanna look good in front of the cameras. it's the only thing some of us have to go on." she chuckles to herself; she doesn't expect to be invited to the next episode for filming.

her name is finally called, and eunji leaves her things in her seat with a promise from junhee to keep an eye on it for her. there's no place for personal items in an interview like this, and certainly she doesn't want to look like she's dying to run out the door as soon as she possibly can, even if that is the truth. they sit her down in a small room, that unfeeling lens staring her down just as she knew it would, and tell her they're just going to ask a couple questions. she nods her understanding.

"how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?"

eunji smiles as she hesitates; what do they want her to say? how excited she was, that it was a dream come true? all she had felt at the time was dread. she has to go back, junhee would never let her give up so quickly and easily, especially if that meant wasting a seat that another hopeful might have had in her place. "anxious," she breathes, deciding on honesty. "i mean, i didn't know if i would be able to put on a good enough performance. these sorts of things.. they really intimidate me." the laugh she lets out is nervous, her smile thin.

"how was it seeing the set for the first time?"

"intimidating," she answers honestly again, using the same word as before entirely on accident. "there's so many cameras, and i've never been on television before. i don't know if you know.." it's not something she likes to brag about, or even talk about in general, but it's slipping from her lips before she has a chance to stop it, "i debut as an idol when i was a teenager. our company was really small and didn't have much money, so we were never invited on music shows. i think being here makes me think about how things might have been different if we had better luck.. or something."

she sends a silent prayer that they don't question her further on her past as an idol. she's thankful when the next question has little to do with what she just said.

"what did you think when the judges were revealed?"

was she surprised when she saw them? maybe, but the shock was temporary and faded fast. the ceos have been judges on the show since its inception; it only made sense to see them, even if it was a little earlier in the process than she might have expected. "they've been on every season of the mgas, i knew that if i continued to be called in i would see them eventually. i was a little surprised to see them so early in the process, but i don't think i was too shocked."

"how do you think you did?"

her smile seems more transparent now than ever, a worried little twitch of her brows betraying that she's not very confident in her own performance skills. she should talk herself up, right? convince them that she did well even if she did not. but eunji has never been a liar. the forced smile on her face pains her enough. "i think i did okay," she speaks slowly, gathering her words as she lets them spill from her lips. "it's been a while since i've sang and danced at the same time, so i think i took a risk. maybe it's too early in the competition for that sort of personal challenge.. this is still just an audition. but i thought it might make me stand out."

"what did you think of suwoong’s performance?"

the smile on her lips now is something a little more natural, a lot more playful. "who?" she feigns ignorance, as if she's never heard the name before in her life. she wonders, briefly, if everyone is being asked this question and about suwoong specifically. there's no way that they would have known about their childhood friendship; eunji herself hadn't even recognized suwoong until about halfway through the auditions.

"i'm kidding. he did the trot version of ring ding dong. it's very memorable." his performance had put a smile on her face when she saw it and even thinking about it now gives her some sort of joy. "we actually used to dance with each other as kids, so i was surprised that his performance focused more on singing. i wouldn't have expected that from him.. but then again, i haven't seen him in several years. if nothing else, i'm glad these callbacks gave us a chance to catch up."

"is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?"

"there's a lot of repeat contestants, aren't there? i know joohyun participated several years in a row.. some of the boys sitting in front of me did last year as well, i recognize them. they should all move on, shouldn't they? they've probably only gotten better since last year, and i think the one was quite popular." she doesn't mention daniel by name, and it's only out of some sense of justice that she decides to leave sungwoon unnamed as well.

"is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?"

eunji smiles and shrugs. "me?" her laugh is soft, but doesn't quite stray into sadness. "i wouldn't be very surprised if i was. there's a lot of talented and unique people here today, and i think a lot of them want this more than me. i don't know if i'm ready for this, to be honest. being in front of all these cameras scares me more than i want to admit."

she sucks in a breath, a quiet little sigh. "i hope my friends make it, though. they deserve it. jeonghan would be so good on tv, and i can tell how much junhee wants this. i'd be happy if i can just cheer them on."

the interview comes to a close and eunji thanks the staff member for their time as she's dismissed. finally she can leave the ever-present eye staring into her soul, leave this place behind. she paces herself, trying not to look like a fleeing creature as she returns to joohyun and the boys. she sinks to her seat, a smile of thanks on her lips as she retrieves her purse from junhee. she sighs. she doesn't even know what to hope for.

[rkchaeryeong]

Leaning On

@joohyunrk

Chaeryeong had pulled an all nighter last night and was definitely up for anything when her alarm rang. She still had to get up and leave for school, no one would take tiredness as an excuse – not even if she got there late.

The day was hard to get through and she felt like she fell asleep every break they had – at the same time the girl didn't feel any less tired for it. Once classes were over, she planned to get home right away and get some sleep. Both studying and practising dancing wouldn't work in this state. Telling her friend she wouldn't join her and some others to go to a cafe, she waited semi-patiently for her bus. Without checking whether this was the right one, she got on and sat down next to a girl.

She preferred to sit by herself, but no free ones were available. The girl stared around the bus for a while, until her eyes didn't seem able to stay open anymore. She barely noticed her head leaning to the side until she realised she was leaning onto the other girl's shoulder. Her face flushing red, she quickly bowed and apologised, before looking the other direction, scolding herself.

But her exhaustion didn't disappear and her eyes closed again, her head falling to the side again, until she leaned onto the girl's shoulder once more.