xrkeunji-blog

[xrkeunji-blog]

hi rookies!

i don’t usually post messages when i drop a muse but in this case i wanted to be very clear in case my intentions were ever taken out of context or misused! 

i’ve had eunji since december, but i’ve been talking about dropping her since... may? i think? maybe early june. i kept her because i wanted to participate in the mgas (last year i dropped rkxkevin around the same time and regretted it immensely while i watched my friends have fun) but i never wanted her to win or get signed. so while i am dropping her now that she’s out of the mgas, the event is not the cause of this drop. i’m not angry, upset, or even annoyed that my muse lost. if you read her last solo, you’ll know perfectly well that lowkey i did this to her myself!!

i have to go to third muse jail now (i think) but you’ll see a new muse from me come october, which is the real reason i’m dropping eunji. stay tuned!

as for what eunji will do from now on... she’ll stay in seoul, but i think the mgas made her realize she really doesn’t want to be an idol anymore. it was a childhood dream that turned into trauma and she thinks it’s best for herself to just move on. she’ll go into musical theater more and help her mother run the secondhand store. maybe she’ll even help her friend joohyun run her own boutique! she’s not really gone or dead and will be around in dms and off-dash if anyone needs her!

[xrkeunji-blog]

                                   -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji ft. ha sungwoon                                                             ┆episode four interview

she's still reeling in the embarrassment of the stage when she's called into the interview room, her head ducked low as if she'll be able to hide from the stares and the oppressive eye of the camera. what's the use in asking if anyone noticed that? she already knows they all did, and now they'll watch and rewatch their mistake until they get bored of laughing at them. eunji wants to go home, she knows she deserves to go home after messing up like that.

the woman is forced to lift her head as she takes her seat, pressing her lips tightly together and trying her best to hide her discomfort. she's mortified, she's terrified of this interview, and she feels like she might cry. they worked so hard, how could they mess it up so badly?

"so," the staff member on the other side of the camera is obbligated to ask, of course. eunji tells herself that they're only doing their job. "what happened out there? you made a pretty big mistake."

eunji swallows pas the lump in her throat. they're going right in for the kill.

"i.. don't know what to say," she drops her eyes, unable to speak as clearly or calmly if she has to meet someone else's or be stared down by the camera. "we messed up. i didn't even realize we had practiced all week with the wrong version of the song.. i should have noticed the time." she's stupid, so damn stupid.

she feels a familiar burning, a sign of the wetness to come from her eyes. the deep breath she takes is shuddering, fighting desperately to ward off tears. she's utterly humiliated. eunji still can't believe what happened. "or i should have noticed when the music sounded different at the start of the song. i just thought it was a more professional mix.."

finally she raises her head, her eyes red and puffy from tears yet unshed. "i'm so sorry, mostly to sungwoon. it's okay if i get eliminated for this, but i'm sorry he has to be dragged down with me. he's very talented, he deserves to go farther in this competition."

"how was your teamwork this week?"

eunji has to take a minute to collect herself, unable to switch from her utter remorse into a more routine interview. at least it's not a totally unnatural segue; she had already been talking about sungwoon at least.

"we worked together so well.. we already knew each other beforehand. we're neighbors," she explains, her voice softer than usual. "i think that's what makes our screw up even worse, because we were doing so well in practice." she thinks about the laughter, about their danny and sandy failures, about how well the week went, hiccups notwithstanding.

she sighs. "you know, we almost did summer nights from grease instead. we kept laughing too much ad had to change our song instead.. now i'm wondering if we wouldn't have messed up if we had been able to do that instead."

regret is going to haunt her for a short eternity, eunji is already certain of it.

it's hard to follow the rest of the interview, her answers short, distracted. she's obsessing and she knows it, unable to shake herself out of the moment that will most likely be her damnation. if she apologizes frequently enough, maybe it will make a difference. in reality, she knows better than to hold out too much hope.

"i hope jeonghan and his partner make it back into the competition," she answers another question, forgetting about herself for a moment to speak about her friend instead. "he's serious when he says this is his last chance, but i don't want to see him give up. i can.. only imagine what he's feeling right now, having to fight for his survival with the other eliminated contestants." briefly she wonders if she and sungwoon will have another chance like that. she hopes so, for his sake more than her own. she's wanted to leave since the moment she got here. just not like this.

[xrkeunji-blog]

                             -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji ft. ha sungwoon                                                       ┆performing can you feel the love tonight

first joohyun, then jeonghan. eunji takes a deep breath, swallowing down her tears as the eliminations are announced. her friends are dropping like flies and here she is, still yet to be enthused about being here. if she could trade places with either one of them, she would. joohyun wants it more than she does, obvious to the point of risking her own health to keep pursuing a ream. jeonghan deserves it more than she does; when he calls this his last chance, she believes him, no matter how much she wishes it wasn't.

four friends are narrowed down to two. sure jeonghan gets another chance, but eunji knows better than to keep her hopes too high. as much as she wants to believe in him without a shred of doubt, the fact that he's in such a precarious position at all has already made a mockery of her skills in prediction. so she doesn't cry, though she's sure the camera and its all-seeing tyranny will see some redness around the rims of her eyes, some extra glimmer of tears that threaten to spill.

eunji takes another breath, bracing herself. it may not be fair that others are gone when she goes on, but she should go on bravely for their sakes.

at least her partner for this week isn't a total stranger. however eunji might feel about the band popularly known as empty enigma and the damned liar named kang daniel, also known as cameo, she can't hold it against sungwoon. in the past they've gotten along well; they're neighbors after all, even if they didn't know it until.. well, that's a story better kept to themselves. if she's going to be paired with one of the boys in the competition, she's glad it's one she knows and one who's as nonthreatening as they come, at least in her eyes. they've taken out their trash together. she's not afraid of him.

still, it's awkward when they're first paired together.

"should we pretend we don't know each other?" eunji risks the joke, a hesitant smile on her lips.

he answers her, "i think the problem is that we know each other too well."

she's inclined to agree, but it lightens the mood enough that they can start working together, or at least stop dancing around each other as if they're afraid to come close. eunji has danced every episode so far, maybe singing a little but not quite having the chance to highlight what she knows she can do. with sungwoon she sees an opportunity to show her talent, and he seems to be more than happy not to have to dance. it's a change of pace for eunji, her warmup exercises looking very different than they had the last few weeks. she still rolls out her neck and shoulders, but she's not doing splits or touching her toes to get ready to sing.

ideas bounce back and forth between them. sungwoon doesn't want to do another acoustic song or a ballad, eunji doesn't think she wants to limit herself to the pop genre as she already has. they both agree that they want something dynamic and different than they've done before, but they come to a blank when it comes to selecting exactly what.

"showtunes?" eunji suggests, joking more than anything. she's shocked when sungwoon actually seems to be onboard.

and that's how they end up laughing until their stomachs hurt, sungwoon trying his best to be danny zuko and eunji desperately trying to stay in character as sandy olsson. it just doesn't work. she can't get through a whole verse of summer nights without erupting into giggles; it's just a ridiculous concept to her. leather jackets, slicked back hair, bragging about the girl he had a hot summer fling with.. but it's sungwoon. she simply cannot handle it.

"we need to try something else," she wheezes, wiping tears of laugher from her eyes. they talk seriously for the first few minutes, sharing the shows they know and songs that they might be able to do. but eventually, they veer off topic. did you see that eclipse is having a comeback? have you seen the new spiderman movie? what do you think about the lion king remake? "the lion king is a musical too," eunji points out, and suddenly she's pulling up the duet on her phone. she's known the words since she was a child.

it's amazing that they can take a song from an animated children's movie seriously, but they couldn't get through a classic like grease. it's ironic in the most embarrassing sense.

but eunji supposes that she should be thankful that they're actually doing something now, not just busting their guts every time they look at each other. maybe because it's a beloved disney movie that eunji doesn't feel much embarrassment to sing it with sungwoon, not like other love songs. their harmonies and added embellishments make their voices stand out, and they rehearse seriously for the first time since being named partners.

and the day of the episode recording rolls back around. oh, how eunji wishes that they could have stayed in that practice room forever, laughing and carefree and safe from the cold eyes of the cameras. but it was all for this anyways, to show the judges, the contestants, the audience at home what they're capable of. eunji watches as pair after pair performs ahead of them, her expressions and reactions kept on a tight leash. she's enjoying every duo just fine, but nerves for her own performance keep her on the edge of her seat. she can't relax, not even to make a joke with sungwoon.

the second group from the last, they finally take the stage. eunji swallows the lump in her throat down at the first glimpse of the cameras right there in their faces. can she fake ease and confidence when there's nothing to look at but the lenses or her partner? she's not sure. but she takes her seat anyways, settling on the stool and feeling her palms turn sweaty against the microphone in her hand. she glances at sungwoon and smiles. now or never.

when the track starts playing, eunji thinks it sounds different than the one they rehearsed with. perhaps the show had used some of their resources to arrange something a little better, but there's no time to think too much about it before they're starting their first lines. they jump in together, eunji watching sungwoon as they share notes, split into harmonies, and perform their own little solos. the song is beautiful; it still gives eunji chills even after hearing it so many times. she's quick to forget about her worries about the instrumental; it doesn't seem to detract from their performance at all.

most thankfully, they don't burst into laughter in the middle of it.

they're close to the end when it happens, the music stopping before they know to. eunji's brows raise in surprise, but she was a professional once; she knows to keep powering through the technical difficulties. sungwoon follows suit, continuing the notes as they've practiced. that's when she hears it, one of the ceos telling them to stop. eunji drops her microphone from her lips, looking up at the judges. what was wrong? do they just want them to redo it all properly for the recording? but no, she doesn't see kind faces up there, she sees hyun bin looking rather annoyed, telling them that they're going over their allotted two minutes.

that's when it hits. they've been practicing the wrong cut of the song all week.

eunji's heart drops into her stomach, her face paling and her mouth falling agape dumbly. "i'm sorry," she bows immediately, begging pardon from the judges. there's no excuse for this; they've screwed up. they screwed up big time, especially considering they're supposedly some of the more experienced contestants on the show. the woman is utterly humiliated, her head hung low as they return to their seats. they're done for, she knows it. she whispers a second apology, this one for sungwoon only. if it were just her own career on the line, she wouldn't be so upset. but she's dragging him down with her, and she's never been so remorseful in her life.

[xrkeunji-blog]

                              -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji ft. kim jungeun                                                                          ┆performing holler by tts

names are called. first, names of people who won't be returning for the next filming. eunji holds her breath, squeezes the hands of both boys sitting to her left and right. they can't be so lucky, right? not all of them can continue, no matter how talented and beautiful the woman knows all of her friends are.

it turns out that she's correct in that assumption. but it's not the hands she's holding that she has to let go of.

tearfully, eunji reaches past jeonghan to hug joohyun, careful of her injury, but desperate to hold her nonetheless. guilt eats at her gut, a cold memory of staring down yet another camera lens and confessing to an interviewer that she hopes joohyun will be eliminated to give her time to recover. now that her wish has come true, eunji would do anything to take it back. joohyun is the best of them, one of the strongest and definitely one of the most talented. eunji can't help but feel that she's taking the place that should have belonged to her friend, especially after both of them had chosen dancing as their skill.

she knows it's not a good bye forever, they'll have dinner as a friend group that night, but it hurts nonetheless. the staff aren't too patient, finally asking the eliminated trainees to leave the building. the remainder stay to be briefed on the next mission.

names are called again, this time in pairs. junhee is the first to leave their little squad, paired with a sharp-eyed girl that eunji only vaguely recognizes as the dancer who had performed before her. she wishes him good luck, but there's an ache of wistfulness in her chest all the same. it would have been nice to be able to perform with him. she hears daniel's name next, and watches as he's paired with another girl. eunji bites her tongue and drops her gaze. she has nothing nice to say about daniel these days; she just hopes that girl will be okay.

finally, she hears her own name, and that of a girl she recognizes as one of the many dancers vying for a spot in this competition. she greets the girl politely, introducing herself even though they've already heard their names from the staff calling them out. of eunji's many faults, one of them has become shyness. she's quiet with the girl at first, only sharing questions and answers that are relevant to their performance. what skills are you comfortable showing? can you sing? what sort of music do you like to dance to?

but it's through those distant questions that she starts to open up. soon there's laughter shared between them, the eye-widening moment when they both have the same suggestion about their performance at the same time. their teamwork prospers from there, each meeting in jungeun's mother's studio becoming more and more of a joy.

"even our names have good teamwork," eunji jokes as they take a break during practice. "kim jungeun and jung eunji."

they decide to both sing and dance, but they're smart enough to play to their strengths. eunji's the stronger singer, so she takes the greater bulk of the adlibs and challenging lines. in return, jungeun gets her own short solo in the dance break. it's balanced, it's fair, and eunji thinks they're looking and sounding great by the time they get to the performance.

duos are called up one by one and the anticipation builds in the woman's gut. it's the cameras, as always. she hasn't gotten comfortable in front of them yet. when it's their turn to perform, it's all eunji can do to ignore the lenses that fixate on her and her partner so stubbornly. if she looks into that cold glass eye, she's sure that she'll stumble, forget her words, or some other equally damning mistake. it wouldn't be fair to jungeun to mess up like that now, not when both of their progress in this show depends on each other.

so she avoids the cameras altogether. she performs for the judges instead, making eye contact with each and every ceo watching them. she performs to the audience of other entertainment hopefuls, gesturing out at them as if this were her own concert. she performs to jungeun, her partner in crime, smiling at the girl she shares the stage with.

as the some comes to a close, they turn their backs to the audience, hands finding each others hips like they had started in the beginning and mics lowered to their sides. eunji lets out a little laugh, breathless as she comes off of the high from the stage. its out of their hands now. they've done everything they could do to prove they deserve to stay in this show.

[xrkeunji-blog]

                        -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji.                                                            ┆interview questions & response

the glaring eye of the camera lens doesn't intimidate her any less than it had the first time, but when they call her into the room at least she knows what's coming now. eunji sits, back straight, ankles crossed, hands clasped together in her lap, the perfect attentive posture. her face, powdered matte, remains pleasant, smiling. but for all of her careful fronting, it does nothing to soothe the clamminess of her hands and the cold drop of sweat down her back.

performing was easy. she loses herself in the audience, in the song, in her movements. speaking to the camera like this is much, much harder.

a bored-looking face from out of the shot glances at her, asks her to repeat her name for their editors, and glances over a list of questions they've undoubtedly already asked a dozen other contestants. it should soothe eunji that the process is so streamlined, that it's supposed to be as painless as possible, after five seasons and a whole previous episode to iron out any kinks. instead, it unnerves her further. she's asked for her name, but she's not an individual. she's a personality at best, a character they mean to sell to their viewers. eunji clings to any sense of self she has, desperate to keep her identity even through this whole process.

"what did you think of the results last week?"

the smile she's forced onto her face immediately falls. not entirely, not like a tower crumbling to dust, but like a project abandoned, unable to climb any higher. "the friends i came with all made it in," she says, taking the attention away from herself and allowing her lips to relax into a little smile again. "joohyun, jeonghan, and junhee. i honestly wouldn't be here at all without them, so i'm really glad that we're still all on this path together."

"honestly," she bites her lip for just a moment, her brow furrowing as she wonders if she's sharing too much with a stranger, with the country potentially. "i didn't think i should make it this far. i'm old and rusty at my performing skills and i've already had my shot. i feel bad taking it from the people who were eliminated, especially the younger ones who probably wanted this more than i do. but i owe it to them and myself to do my best as long as i can."

"how do you think you did?"

she hesitates to collect her thoughts, distracted only briefly by the worry that her silent time on film is wasting space on their memory cards. that's not her problem, she tries to tell herself, but she can't shake the feeling that they'd rather her hurry up.

"i wanted to show another side of my skills, but i still wanted to give an entertaining performance. i did ballet as a child and before i started training to be an idol as a teenager, so i wanted to show some of that. but honestly, all of the songs i remembered were so boring." she risks a little laugh now, showing the camera that she has a personality behind the shyness. "i'm also a little out of practice, so the choreography i picked sort of blends contemporary dance with more of a.. hip hop style? i get to show both. and the song is really nice to, so i was happy with the performance i picked. as for my execution.. well.. i hope i looked good on camera. i felt good dancing."

a little bit of confidence can't hurt, right? she can practically hear junhee cheering for her already.

"what did you think of joohyun’s performance?"

this time her smile crumbles to dust.

"she stumbled," eunji speaks hollowly, almost distantly, dropping her eyes to her lap and making little effort to mask her worry. "she's a very dear friend of mine, so i don't want to see her get hurt. i know she's very talented and that she'll work as hard as she possibly can, but i don't want to see her press herself too hard. she's.. strong, so incredibly strong, but she's stubborn. i wish she would know when it's time to rest."

eunji blinks, feeling an old wetness in her eyes. it's the camera, she tells herself, it makes her anxious and on-edge, pushes her to her limits and makes her emotions raw and vulnerable. joohyun's not dying, she's not losing out on her career, she just fell once. she should be okay.

"otherwise, i think she's incredibly talented. i hope the judges don't look at her too harshly for what happened. if anything it shows how hard she works and what risks she's willing to take for her dream. i think it can be very admirable, though i wish she would be more careful."

"is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?"

what do they expect her to say? do they want her to throw her friend under the bus, to volunteer herself for the chopping block a second time? she clasps and unclasps her hands in her lap, another stretch of silence while she considers what answer to give.

"i hope it's not me," she says, though she's not sure it's the truth. "i owe it to the people who aren't here already to do my best. but... you won't tell her this, right?" she looks at the staff behind the camera, knowing that they'll look at her with closer attention now as she shares what seems to be a secret. eunji knows she's giving them a show. "i hope joohyun goes home. i love her to death but i think she's pushing herself too hard... i'd rather see her eliminated than permanently hurt. i think she'd prefer that too, even if she doesn't see it right now."

the interview finally ends, and eunji is dismissed. she thanks the staff, bows, acts as polite and nonchalant as she's been trained to do. but she can't hide the relieved slump in her shoulders as she escapes that glass eye once again. when will she stop being afraid of the cameras?

[xrkeunji-blog]

                      -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji.                                                         ┆dancing to trust my lonely by alessia cara

being here doesn't seem fair. eunji wouldn't have been so upset if she had been dropped after the callbacks; really, she'd anticipate junhee, jeonghan, and joohyun being more upset than she would have been. but here she is, back again, feeling as if she's stealing a child's dream out of their hands when her own time should have been long gone. but that doesn't mean she'll perform poorly. she owes it to those that were eliminated far too early, if not just to herself, to do her best. and it's televised after all; she may as well give the audience a good show.

immediately after the mission announcement, eunji knew she wanted to do something different than what she's shown so far. sure, pop covers and hip-hop style is fun and an attention-grabber, but she has a whole background in ballet and contemporary dance that she hardly ever gets to use. at first she scrolls through an ipod from middle school, trying to remember old routines and gauge how appropriately they'll show her skill level.

it's then that she realizes how boring it all is.

not just for eunji, who's danced to the same sad-slow ballad a hundred times in her life already, but for an audience as well. even if the song is different, at some point all of them start sounding and looking the same. perhaps her first plan wasn't her best plan. rather than give up entirely though, eunji instead reaches out to her resources.

the studio she goes to is pretty small and usually she only takes classes for the exercise. but it has kept her in shape and maintained her flexibility, so eunji can hardly complain. how shocked she is that the teacher she approaches knows what she's going to ask before she even says anything; i saw you on tv! what are you going to do for the next episode? that's when eunji has to admit that she doesn't know, but she hopes that the people here will be able to help her find that out. they know her skills, after all. they've seen her dance on more than one occasion.

english is just one of many languages that the woman doesn't understand, but an online translation of the lyrics helps her put context to the moves she's trying to perfect. eunji's blood almost runs cold at how perfectly these words speak to her; how long has she spent trying to please men who have only screwed her over? it's a new way to word her journey toward a more healthy relationship with herself and the world, but she decides she likes it. i've got to trust my lonely. and she does now, at least more than she ever did before. she's happy with herself, with being alone and figuring out where she's going from here.

also, she just loves the choreography. while not quite what she's used to, the elements of contemporary dance pull her original idea together with something that will look so much more fun on stage. she practices with the teacher until she's sweaty and breathless, and then practices more. it's like she's a teenager again, dancing until her feet are too sore to bear her weight any longer and singing until her voice is hoarse. only for now, not so much singing.

eunji enters the recording space with the same nervous anticipation that she had the first time, searching immediately for her friends before finding a seat. they start with the singers, the contestants being called up to stage one by one the same way they had at the callbacks. the dancers are next, and eunji lets out a cheer when joohyun's invited to the stage.

she worries about her friend though; that injury hasn't had any time at all to heal, and poor joohyun was already in pain at the callbacks just from sitting in those hard straight-backed chairs for as long as they did. eunji bites the inside of her cheek as she watches the performance, half-ready to jump from her seat at any moment in case her friend needs assistance.

finally, the name jung eunji is called. she stands, swallows nervously, and takes the few steps from her seat to the stage. she lays down to start, closing her eyes as she eases down on her back. it's the cue to start, and after no more than a second or two of stillness, the music plays and she sits up immediately.

it's a story she's telling in this choreography, eunji had realized. even without knowing the meaning of every phrase word for word, she hopes that she can capture the message and communicate with her audience. he movements in the first verse are stiff, jerky and her expression fearful or frantic when appropriate. at the bridge she puts a painful expression onto her face, as if struggling with something immense. you did a number on my health, the song sings, and eunji dances just that.

the chorus is an apex of sorts, the part of the story where the dancer realizes exactly what the singer is saying. don't you know that you're no good for me? yes, she finally realizes, albeit a little perplexed at first, he isn't good for me. slowly she builds confidence, dancing around the room as she realizes how much better off she is without that man, without any man. she flies like a bird finally released from its cage, wings spread for the first time in months as it soars toward its freedom. her movements are bigger, more joyous, expression smiley and confident where it wasn't before. i found my footing on my own, the singer coos, and eunji plants her feet firmly on the ground.

finally, the clip is coming to its close. she lays back on the floor the way she had in the beginning, this time with a final smile before her face falls out of view. eunji lays there, chest rising and falling as she catches her breath. was it the effort of the dance that has her so winded, or coming down from the adrenaline high? perhaps both, but regardless she can't lay here forever. she stands after a few seconds, bowing and thanking the ceo judges and the audience for watching before hurrying back to the safety of her seat.

it was a rush for sure. for just a moment, eunji relishes in the feeling of being back on the stage, of performing with a purpose and an audience. for just a moment, she thinks that maybe she actually wants to be here. and for just a brief second, she thinks that it would be pretty cool to win.

[xrkeunji-blog]

                       -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji.                                                           ┆interview questions & response

one by one they're called. eunji watches as contestants follow the sound of their name, lead behind some small and inconspicuous door on the set. she could have guessed what was going on easily enough, even before the first couple auditionees returned to their seats to spread the good news. they're dropped behind a camera, another cold glass eye, and interviewed.

eunji sighs to herself. she swears she is not the vainest person in the world, but she does wish that they had invited the contestants back there before their performances. she's sweaty and her hair has got to be a mess, and it's only by luck's hand that she thought to throw a bare-bones makeup bag into her purse before leaving home. she excuses herself from her friends, praying that the other girls in the building don't have the same idea that she does. or at least, that they'll get the idea after she's done using the mirror.

when she finally sees her reflection, it's not as bad as she had though. sure, she's oily and her hair is a bit frizzy, but at least her eyeliner and mascara haven't started to bleed; she's mostly unmelted. the woman blots around her nose and cheeks as best as she can with cheap paper towel, fishing a compact out of her purse to re-apply some powder. there's never a promise that they'll have makeup artists for them again, and even if they do, eunji would rather be as little trouble for them as possible. she adds a little more color to her lips, and tries to tame a few flyaway hairs with water before deciding she's presentable enough and returning to her seat between the boys.

"need a touch up?" half-jokingly she offers her compact to jeonghan. she wouldn't be surprised if he pulled out his own, perhaps less surprised at that than if he actually took her offer. "we wanna look good in front of the cameras. it's the only thing some of us have to go on." she chuckles to herself; she doesn't expect to be invited to the next episode for filming.

her name is finally called, and eunji leaves her things in her seat with a promise from junhee to keep an eye on it for her. there's no place for personal items in an interview like this, and certainly she doesn't want to look like she's dying to run out the door as soon as she possibly can, even if that is the truth. they sit her down in a small room, that unfeeling lens staring her down just as she knew it would, and tell her they're just going to ask a couple questions. she nods her understanding.

"how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?"

eunji smiles as she hesitates; what do they want her to say? how excited she was, that it was a dream come true? all she had felt at the time was dread. she has to go back, junhee would never let her give up so quickly and easily, especially if that meant wasting a seat that another hopeful might have had in her place. "anxious," she breathes, deciding on honesty. "i mean, i didn't know if i would be able to put on a good enough performance. these sorts of things.. they really intimidate me." the laugh she lets out is nervous, her smile thin.

"how was it seeing the set for the first time?"

"intimidating," she answers honestly again, using the same word as before entirely on accident. "there's so many cameras, and i've never been on television before. i don't know if you know.." it's not something she likes to brag about, or even talk about in general, but it's slipping from her lips before she has a chance to stop it, "i debut as an idol when i was a teenager. our company was really small and didn't have much money, so we were never invited on music shows. i think being here makes me think about how things might have been different if we had better luck.. or something."

she sends a silent prayer that they don't question her further on her past as an idol. she's thankful when the next question has little to do with what she just said.

"what did you think when the judges were revealed?"

was she surprised when she saw them? maybe, but the shock was temporary and faded fast. the ceos have been judges on the show since its inception; it only made sense to see them, even if it was a little earlier in the process than she might have expected. "they've been on every season of the mgas, i knew that if i continued to be called in i would see them eventually. i was a little surprised to see them so early in the process, but i don't think i was too shocked."

"how do you think you did?"

her smile seems more transparent now than ever, a worried little twitch of her brows betraying that she's not very confident in her own performance skills. she should talk herself up, right? convince them that she did well even if she did not. but eunji has never been a liar. the forced smile on her face pains her enough. "i think i did okay," she speaks slowly, gathering her words as she lets them spill from her lips. "it's been a while since i've sang and danced at the same time, so i think i took a risk. maybe it's too early in the competition for that sort of personal challenge.. this is still just an audition. but i thought it might make me stand out."

"what did you think of suwoong’s performance?"

the smile on her lips now is something a little more natural, a lot more playful. "who?" she feigns ignorance, as if she's never heard the name before in her life. she wonders, briefly, if everyone is being asked this question and about suwoong specifically. there's no way that they would have known about their childhood friendship; eunji herself hadn't even recognized suwoong until about halfway through the auditions.

"i'm kidding. he did the trot version of ring ding dong. it's very memorable." his performance had put a smile on her face when she saw it and even thinking about it now gives her some sort of joy. "we actually used to dance with each other as kids, so i was surprised that his performance focused more on singing. i wouldn't have expected that from him.. but then again, i haven't seen him in several years. if nothing else, i'm glad these callbacks gave us a chance to catch up."

"is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?"

"there's a lot of repeat contestants, aren't there? i know joohyun participated several years in a row.. some of the boys sitting in front of me did last year as well, i recognize them. they should all move on, shouldn't they? they've probably only gotten better since last year, and i think the one was quite popular." she doesn't mention daniel by name, and it's only out of some sense of justice that she decides to leave sungwoon unnamed as well.

"is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?"

eunji smiles and shrugs. "me?" her laugh is soft, but doesn't quite stray into sadness. "i wouldn't be very surprised if i was. there's a lot of talented and unique people here today, and i think a lot of them want this more than me. i don't know if i'm ready for this, to be honest. being in front of all these cameras scares me more than i want to admit."

she sucks in a breath, a quiet little sigh. "i hope my friends make it, though. they deserve it. jeonghan would be so good on tv, and i can tell how much junhee wants this. i'd be happy if i can just cheer them on."

the interview comes to a close and eunji thanks the staff member for their time as she's dismissed. finally she can leave the ever-present eye staring into her soul, leave this place behind. she paces herself, trying not to look like a fleeing creature as she returns to joohyun and the boys. she sinks to her seat, a smile of thanks on her lips as she retrieves her purse from junhee. she sighs. she doesn't even know what to hope for.

[xrkeunji-blog]

                         -.✦･｡ﾟ━━━━ jung eunji.                                                             ┆performing woman by boa

she lets out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding when she sees him, a familiar face. arriving first wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world, certainly it's the better option to arriving late, but eunji can already feel an uncomfortable chill down her spine. the cameras, though pointed away from her for now, seem like a many-eyed monster, a beast ready to pick through her flaws and bring the worst of her out without mercy. her television experience is minimal; bitterly she thinks it may have been more substantial if her childhood debut hadn't been so cheaply produced. perhaps she would have felt more confident in front of the cameras now if it had been different then. her inexperience makes her leery.

the woman takes her first steps towards jeonghan when she sees him. he's just as familiar a face, but where the sight of jeonghan had given her relief, he floods her system with anger and dread; hot and cold and uncomfortable enough to make her hesitate and falter in her path for just a second.

eunji fixes daniel with a cold look, her jaw setting itself and her lips pressing into a fine line as she takes her seat by her friend. she won't look at him again, not unless for some reason she absolutely has to. discovering his lies had been traitorously heartbreaking in the moment, a dead giveaway on the triple threat challenge as she watched and waited for junhee and jeonghan's performances, and she hasn't forgiven him yet. if he had just talked to her, told her the truth, and maybe hadn't acted like a sleaze in a poorly lit club at a halloween party, maybe she would feel more amicable. but for now she leans over, whispers for jeonghan's ears only, "that’s him, that’s the guy."

jeonghan only replies casually, and eunji takes the cue to remain poised for the cameras. she may not have as much acting experience as the boys on either side of her, but she's getting there. quietly, she slips her fingers between junhee's. there's a comfort in the innocent touch, an amicable warmness between their palms that steadies her nerves and grounds her in the face of her fears.

contestants trickle in like a leaky faucet and find their seats on either side of the stage. they chatter, the room steadily increasing in volume, and at some point a boy stands a row in front of her, a few seats to the side, waving and trying to get her attention. eunji drops her eyes to her lap and feels the hand around hers squeeze softly. she squeezes back in silent acknowledgement, but she doesn't look at him either. just who was that guy waving at her? there's a tickle in the back of eunji's mind, a half-memory trying to claw its way to the surface after years of being neglected. but it's slow to rise, and before she knows it the show is being called to action.

one by one, the boys and girls are called to the stage. the ceos' voices ring out clearly through the microphones, announcing each lamb before they are lead to the slaughter. when eunji hears her own name, called by the steady voice of baek jiyoung, she rises as if in a daze, her fingers slipping out of junhee's hand. she tries to swallow and realizes her mouth has gone dry. was she nervous out of anticipation for what the results of her performance may bring, or is it that old chill in her spine back with a vengeance?

"my name is jung eunji," she introduces herself as they were instructed to, bowing politely to her judges and audience. she puts away the thoughts of his being a sacrifice, that the hundred pairs of eyes watching her are waiting for a bloodbath and the evaluators a slaughter. nervously, she wets her lips with her tongue. "i'll be performing woman, by boa."

confidence is the key in her song choice, and eunji knows that with that weak introduction, no one should be expecting a great show from her. she knows how she looks, half-trembling under the cold glass eyes of the camera lenses and voice far too soft to be picked up without the help of a microphone. she closes her eyes and takes a breath to steady herself, to remind herself of a time before her dreams were shadowed and tainted by a cruel world. she imagines that she's fourteen again, her eyes brighter and her chin held higher and a natural bravado to the way she carried herself. she had been sure of herself once; who's to say she couldn't be again?

she finds her spot on the stage, adjusting her posture and then standing as still as can be while she waits for the music to start.

and she takes her first step.

eunji holds her chin high, fixes her gaze right on katie lee's as she sings the first words of the song. she goes through each ceo like that, her eyes alight with some fire that she wasn't sure she even still had inside of her. and then she continues on, performing for the crowd as if she was finally on that debut stage she never really had gotten. she sings and dances as any good idol should be able to do, steady in both voice and feet after squeezing in as much practice time as she could manage leading up to this. her old training had not left her entirely, and she had stayed in pretty good shape even if she was no longer sixteen years old.

the last few notes spill from her lips, her routine and allowed two minutes coming to their end, and the last percussive accompaniment lead her into her ending pose. she stays there for a moment, her chest rising and falling less from being out of breath and more from nerves. it's over, she's done it.

eunji rises to her feet and thank the ceos for watching, again timid after exhausting the bulk of her confidence in the last 120 seconds. she all but scurries off the stage, no longer the woman she sang of but a quiet little thing as she returns her equipment to the staff and bolts back toward her seat. it's there that she finds junhee's hand again and warm smiles from all of her friends. she returns them gratefully, sinking into her seat with a relieved sort of sigh.

[xrkeunji-blog]

junheerk‌:

rkjeonghxn‌:

[` group message - j³ :

+ no, no you cannot + your ass better be sitting in that chair waiting for your turn or so help me + this kid in front of me is so young i’m surprised he even knows how to read

[ GROUP ✉ ⤑ j³ ]

> you can’t quit now! you’ve barely begun > it will get better, promise > yeah.. there’s a lot of younger people here too.. it’s crazy > at least we have experience that they don’t, right?

[ group chat ✉ ⤑ j³ ]

↳ i want to go home :( ↳ they are young though. all the more reason to quit now and go home! ↳ experience doesn’t matter we all failed for a reason

[xrkeunji-blog]

performance (~1:00-~2:00)

her hands are still damp from her bathroom break when she returns to the practice room she's assigned, only getting lost a little bit on the way back. it really does help to have so many children around; they walk with such confidence from classroom to classroom that eunji is absolutely certain that this is the place that they spend most of their weekdays. how many of their classmates are already trainees, or even idols? the thought is almost depressing, so she strays from it quickly and willingly.

surely the audition process must be over soon. they've been at this all day, and the youngest ones, the children who look like they're not even out of middle school yet, are barely keeping their eyes open. some great maternal instinct in eunji wants to scoop them up and tuck them snugly into bed; they deserve the rest after the long hours they've put in today as mnet's slaves. in the least selfish way possible, eunji prays that they don't make it. they have plenty of time to chase their dreams of fame. let them be kids for a while longer and enjoy their freedom before they sign it all away.

suddenly, there are auditonees being called again. eunji feels like she's been trapped in a "but wait, there's more!" style infomercial as it's explained to them that they'll have to improvise a skill other than the one they previously displayed. she goes pale. it's not that she lacks confidence in her voice, but she had only prepared one performance. a second one? she's caught off guard, though she feels stupid for not thinking something like this may happen.

it's a blessing that eunji is no stranger to vocals. the woman hums at first, and then runs herself through more complicated warmups as she scrolls through her phone, desperately texting jeonghan and junhee for song suggestions while scrolling through her own playlist. nara's solo songs, junhee suggests, and eunji knows exactly which one she wants to do. she knows the song well enough, has sung it enough times in the shower, but she pops in an earbud and listens to it on repeat and sings along until her name is called to show her second skill.

eunji again finds herself on the marked spot in front of a panel of judges. they know this is improvised, that there was hardly any time to practice and perfect anything, so she prays that they'll be merciful. there's no accompaniment, nothing prepared for her, so she swallows nervously and prays to anyone who's listening that she'll at least get the first note right. the rest should follow, or so she hopes.

after a beat of hesitation, she opens her mouth and sings.

they're waving her off before she knows it, her minute up and she's dismissed. not just from the room this time, but from the building and audition entirely. it's been a long process, and it's all eunji can do to keep from sprinting out the door. she texts the boys immediately. i'm free! how much longer do you have? let's get dinner tonight.

[xrkeunji-blog]

example&inspiration for special skill

"do you have any special skills, eunji?"

she knows that they ask the question knowing exactly what she had written down on her application. shifting her weight nervously, the woman thinks about her instruments at home, perched quietly on twin stands in her bedroom. why didn't she think to bring them with her this time? perhaps it was unconscious self destruction, or the conscious decision that she didn't want to look like the middle school try hards while waiting in lines. a guitar is certainly not the heaviest instrument to carry around, but it's large and very visible.

"yes," she answers them in her quiet, polite tone, her eyes lowered as if in docile submission. "i play bass and guitar.. but i didn't bring my instruments with me." she gives a little helpless shrug, as if to say 'what can you do about it?' it's out of her hands.

"this is a music school," someone says, and eunji looks up with wide eyes. "there has to be a guitar around here somewhere."

and they do find one. she was sure that they'd get too impatient after thirty seconds and send her out without giving her a chance to show that she's more than a pretty face and dancer's legs. how much more do they need to know about her anyways? the mgas are not a high school talent show, though the age of the contestants may cause that confusion. there's not a separate prize for most improved, most interesting, most likable. it's winners and losers based off of what poor young talent the company ceo's want to snatch up, and eunji doesn't consider herself a winner. maybe she hopes she's not a winner.

it would have been too much to hope for a bass, since she left her own at home, and someone's pressing an acoustic guitar into her hands. the poor thing has seen better days, and eunji takes a moment to tune the loose strings up enough for a decent little performance. at least she's been working on something lately. the movie is old news now, especially with the newest disney movies taking up time on the big screen, but she's been practicing it on and off since emma watson donned the signature yellow ball gown.

she tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles shyly at the interviewer and the camera before plucking across the strings gently, tenderly. there's a clear passion for music as the instrument sings the well-loved little melody, the smile on eunji's face not fading even under the scrutiny of her evaluators. perhaps it's the song, or the instrument, or the woman's pure love for music altogether, but for a moment nothing in the room exists except her, the well-loved practice guitar from the music class down the hall, and the sound.

the song ends and eunji returns the guitar with a half-bow and a thanks. maybe she's a little flushed, as if she had been caught in something intimate with the instrument. and maybe she had, in a sense. all she thinks about is how at peace she is with the performance and with herself. if only she can ride this calm mellow through the rest of the day, just maybe she can survive the mga auditions. she doubts it, but she dreams regardless.

[xrkeunji-blog]

the makeup artist gushes about how smooth and unblemished eunji's skin is and the woman can't help but smile. "thanks," she says to the girl, who's probably closer in age to her than any of her fellow auditionees. eunji feels more like a friend to her than anyone else she's seen here so far (gosh, she misses her boys.. and girls; if only sujeong or joohyun were here with her). "i sell skincare products on the side, it's good to know my marketing strategy is working." the both of them laugh as the stylist dips a brush into some loose powder. can't look too shiny on camera, especially after sweating so after her dance.

she had only put on a little makeup herself before coming out here this morning; a little bb cream, a little mascara. the stylist doesn't add much more to what she already has, though she shades around her eyes just a little, adds a little more definition to her nose and jaw so she doesn't blur into one pale blob on camera. eunji's grateful for the artist's help, and sad to part ways when she's dragged instead to practice some questions before the real deal.

eunji's experience with interviews is limited, even recalling her years as an idol. no one had cared for their group then, too small to be in any demand. they hadn't even made it onto music shows, and the few interviews they had done were less than professional and did next to nothing to get their names out there. she's hardly even had a real job interview; working for her mother's store never required such a thing of her. so naturally, she's nervous as she takes a seat, a camera staring her down menacingly, unblinkingly.

thank god for the few minutes of practice before they start the real deal.

the little red light blinks on far too soon though, and eunji can feel the cold sweat on her back and in the palms of her hands, politely clasped in her lap, as a staff member asks her their scripted questions in a bored-sounding voice.

"who are your musical influences?"

"i have a bunch," she answers, putting her best smile on her face. speak as if to a friend, she tells herself, be personable for the camera. "i like listening to a lot of pop artists like taylor swift and ed sheeran, and it's inspiring that they write their own music too. i also like shawn mendes. when it comes to korean artists, i really admire a lot of girl groups. when i was a girl, chi chi made me want to be an idol too." that much is true, though it's been close to ages since she's thought about that innocent time. how life has changed her.

she takes a little pause to consider a little further. "i also really admire some newer groups. luxe, and my cousin is in eclipse. i'm proud of her." she doesn't intend to name-drop like that, not thinking that a celebrity family member might give her an advantage. eunji just says the truth. "i have dance inspirations too, like mina myoung. beyonce too, as a performer, but who doesn't look up to her?"

"why do you want to be an idol?"

i don't. not anymore.

eunji can't say that to the camera though, not without hearing jeonghan and junhee berate her for bombing her own chances like that. instead she forces her lips to stay smiling, pretending that she's unbothered by the question. "i said chi chi inspired me, and i meant it. i used to try to mimic their dances and i wanted to be on stage like them. and then.. when i was a teenager.. i did debut. but it didn't go well."

that's the understatement of the century, though eunji forces herself to laugh as if the memories don't bother her. "you probably haven't even heard of the group's name, it was so bad. we never made it on music shows. i thought it was over after that, but a friend from that company convinced me to give it another shot. so here i am." she shrugs a little helplessly. if not for junhee, she wouldn't have tried this at all.

[xrkeunji-blog]

choreography [ 0:10-1:10 ]

chattering of excited teenagers surrounds her and for a moment eunji wonders if she just entered a hellish dream where she's back in high school. she's impressed and terrified by the practice room, marveling at the mirrors and quality of the floor as well as well as wanting to shrink into the darkest corner and vanish there forever. but she's been to auditions like this before; she knows better than to stay still and idle while she waits her turn, especially while it's still relatively early in the morning.

the woman finds an uncrowded corner of the room and begins her favorite stretching routine. head to toe, rolling her neck and her shoulders and everything down to the very ends of her feet. she does her lunges, something like a yoga pose, pulls her arms across her chest until her muscles forget the morning chill and feel more prepared for what's to come. if she closes her eyes and forgets the chattering youth, she can almost pretend it's an audition for literally anything else. she shouldn't want to be an idol anymore, not after what that industry did to her, and yet here she is.

she's able to run through her routine slowly, step by step, three times over before she hears her own name being called. anticipation and dread fall like cold, sharp stones into her stomach and for just a second she forgets how to breathe.

nerves before an audition are natural. her extreme reaction is not, and she knows this.

still, the young woman follows the staff into he room promised for the private auditions, and she does her best to smile at the judges who sit there. they look bored already, and she distracts herself from her fears by wondering just what each man and woman's role is. perhaps the one farthest to the left is a sphere choreographer, and the one in the middle is a mnet program writer. maybe this one is a samsung representative, and that one has been in charge of trainees for the last ten years. eunji makes names for them in her head, humanizes them. they're not better than me, we're equals in this space. the thought soothes her, though she knows that they're still responsible for evaluating her abilities.

with a slightly more confident smile on her face, eunji bows and politely introduces herself before taking the place marked on the floor. she's here to dance, and that's what she does. she gives her prepared backtrack to a staff member and they quickly and easily plug it into their speaker system, giving her a signal before they start the music.

it's not original choreography, and it's not something she learned in any class either. she saw this on the internet, liked it, and learned it in her own time. but eunji feels cute and confident enough to lip-sync to the words she knows, for a moment forgetting about the judges until she makes direct eye contact with one. she almost trips, almost falters, but old training takes over instead and she smiles a brilliant smile as she continues on without hiccup.

sixty seconds are over far too quickly, and yet not soon enough. she's breathless by the time the music fades out, her allotted time over with, and she thanks the panel for their time with another polite bow before she's being ushered off somewhere else.

[xrkeunji-blog]

[ group chat ✉ ⤑ j³ ]

↳ i’m gonna throw up 🤢 ↳ can i quit now guys can i just go home

@junheerk & @rkjeonghxn

[xrkeunji-blog]

this was a mistake. it’s early in the morning, far earlier than her normal waking hours, and eunji knows that unpredictable june weather will make her wish she had never worn this cardigan in the first place by the time the sun is high in the sky. for now, she wraps thin fabric around herself tighter as she surveys the line she stands in. they’re children, most of them, with bright eyes and round cheeks and dreams of being famous. and then there’s her, a young woman well into her twenties chasing down a dream that she should have left in her past.

she didn’t get here early, she had no eagerness to, so her place in line is somewhere too far away to see exactly what’s expected of them at the entrance. eunji pulls out her phone instead of chattering like the kids around her are, texing junhee, jeonghan, joohyun, even yeri. anyone who she thinks might get a response out of at this hour, anything to distract her from what she’s about to do.

“why did you make me do this? x(” she sends to junhee.

“these things still make my skin crawl” to jeonghan.

“i miss you” to joohyun.

“i was going to dance to an eclipse song ^^” to yeri.

the woman engrosses herself in her phone, passing time in the line until suddenly she’s at the front and she’s giving her name to the staff member there. she takes her name tag with nervous hands and presses it against her shirt, always visible as the staff members had made her promise. she wears it like a brand, like a scarlet letter on her chest, while the youths around her chatter excitedly about how excited they are. she can’t seem to manage to mimic their enthusiasm, though she follows the rows of people into the gym. a benefit of being surrounded by children: she’s certain that a good portion of them actually attend this school on a regular basis, and having never set foot in seoul arts before she doesn’t mind having a couple tour guides handy.

content warning for body image/weight, vague mentions of past struggles with eating disorders

a flutter of anxiety rises in her stomach as they’re told they’re being measured. it’s just height and weight, she tells herself, steadying her breath before it can get out of control. she thinks she might’ve walked out immediately if it had been anything more; the thought of a stranger’s hands brushing her thighs, her stomach, innocent enough behind the excuse of a measuring tape makes her stomach churn what little breakfast she even ate. even so, she’s uncomfortable when it comes her turn. she straightens her back as they mark down her height and tries not to shiver as the plank touches the crown of her head. this is fine, she tells herself. 

the scale is another story. she doesn’t have time to text junhee for support, she’s not even sure that he would have time to reply anyways. she knows she’s healthy, that the softness of her stomach and the roundness of her thighs is a good thing. she knows better than to fall into the habits of her teenage years. but stepping on that scale in front of strangers is close to too much than she can bear. holding her breath and sucking in her stomach won’t do anything to change that number, but she does it anyways when she takes the leap. eunji doesn’t look at the scale. she just waits for them to write down what they need before she can scurry off, phone clutched in a white-knuckled hand and primed to ask her boys one more time: do i have to do this? can i just go home now?

[xrkeunji-blog]

// ( ★ ) MGAS SEASON 5: ENTRY APPLICATION FORM

FULL NAME: jung eunji BIRTHDATE: 18 august 1995 GENDER: female HEIGHT: 162 cm WEIGHT: 47 kg BIRTHPLACE: seoul, south korea CITY OF RESIDENCE: jongno-gu, seoul, south korea

PREVIOUS MUSICAL EXPERIENCE: 

ballet/contemporary dance lessons 7 years

idol trainee (very small company) 2 years

idol (very small company) 2 years

cardio/misc. dance classes 1 year

musical theater 4 months

FAMILY RELATIONS:

mother: song miran, 49, small business owner

cousin: kim yerim “anna”, 20, eclipse member

MAIN SKILL: dancing

OTHER TALENTS: 

proficient in guitar

proficient in bass guitar

excellent eye for thrifted fashion

beauty/skincare consultant

FAVORITE MUSICIAN/INSPIRATION: taylor swift, ed sheeran, mina myoung, beyoncé, jonas brothers, luxe

IMAGE PROFILE: [ headshot.jpg ]

DREAM COMPANY: undecided

2ND DREAM COMPANY: undecided

( ✗ ) Move the symbol between the parentheses if you agree to the terms listed by the audition guidelines and also agree to be present during the official dates of the MGAs Season 5.

[xrkeunji-blog]

god, she hates christmas.

okay, that's not entirely true, but eunji certainly hates managing her mother's store during the holiday season. there's always too many customers, too many people complaining that they don't have the right sizes in the clothes section, that their trinkets and things are too limited ("do you have another one of these? do you have more in the back?"). no, they don't have more in the back, and this is a secondhand store, not a mall. their items are one of a kind for a reason; they literally only have one of them.

the shop is mostly quiet for the moment, a blessing since eunji has been on her feet and helping brusque and rushed customers since they opened that morning. it gives her a chance to straighten up the shelves and racks a little bit, put new inventory out in the spaces that have gotten too sparse, and to finally get off of her poor aching feet for a moment. but she has to be productive, doing something to help her mother's shop out, so she sits down with an instrument plucked off one of the walls. surely the bass guitar will sell better if it's in tune; in all honesty, she thought about bringing it home with her, but she doesn't need two basses. even if this one is pretty, and in excellent shape for being sold secondhand, it's probably much better off in the hands of a new beginner, something cheap to learn on.

still, she kinda wants it, even if it's selfish. she settles for tuning the instrument, slowly, almost lovingly, and she's testing the second string when the bell rings and the shop door opens. it's a familiar face, she realizes, and she doesn't rush to finish her work and put the instrument back. daniel has always been one of her favorite regular customers; he's sweet and patient and will absolutely give her the time she wants and needs to do this job properly.

how uncanny it had been to see someone who looked just like him back in october. eunji can't help but think of it now, low lights and loud music and some dickhead who just wouldn't leave her alone. she'll have to ask daniel if he knows about his metalhead doppelganger, and how daniel is absolutely the superior clone.

as she sort of expects him to, daniel approaches her, and she flashes him a smile to let him know it's safe to approach. "hi," she returns his greeting. "yeah, a little bit. i mean, not right now, this thing probably hasn't been tuned in a decade, but yeah." she plucks at one of the untuned strings and makes a face at the note (or lack thereof) that it makes. "why? do you? wanna do my job for me?" she jokes, making a slight gesture with the guitar as if to offer it to the boy.

✞* thank you bas(s)ed god ╯

                                                                                                              ⊰ ◝ @rkeunji  ⊱  

december 13th

he walks into the thrift store, mina in tow, as usual. this time, it’s because she wanted to look for christmas presents, and she insisted daniel needed to as well, which– she was probably right. there’s really no need to chaperone her here anymore, even if his mother originally sent him with her because she was young and she didn’t trust her not to spend too much money otherwise. he’s pretty sure she could just take the bus now, and that she has her own money to spend (and he has a feeling she goes by herself without telling him, too) but he doesn’t mind. it’s almost a tradition now, and there are all kind of interesting things in the store. he likes seeing what’s different and the same from the last time he visited, and he he likes seeing eunji, too.

he lets his sister peruse the store as she pleases, separating before, eyes scanning the shelves and racks as usual, though he doesn’t usually find anything for himself here. maybe, like mina suggested, he’ll find something for someone else. he keeps his eye out for eunji too, though he supposes he could always find her by the register; that always seems too forward to him, and he doesn’t want to keep her busy while she’s on the clock or hold up any lines. 

it’s his first time being there since the empty enigma halloween party, and seeing her there, and introducing her to cameo. she didn’t seem to recognize him then, but maybe it was just the dark lighting, or maybe the silver hair and change in demeanor was really as diverting as he always hoped it was. still, he’s apprehensive, worried she’ll recognize him as the slimy bassist that hit on her at a halloween party. he’s torn between remorse and lack of regret for that night, if only because he never could’ve been so brave otherwise.

he finds her in one of the aisles along the wall, tuning a bass, much to his surprise. heart eyes emoji intensifies, because surely she wouldn’t know anything about tuning a bass if she didn’t play herself. “hey,” he greets her once he makes it to her side. “do you know how to play?” he asks, unable to keep the excited smile off his face.