#just imo i think that any relationship post-crash is kinda weird...

[lostsyren]

Sofia/Rafe/Kie…OBX’s Latest Love Triangle?

I think I’ve finally understood why I can’t get behind the Sofia/Rafe/Kie love triangle plot line, or any kinda interaction between the three characters with a shipping dynamic in mind.

The (clearly fabricated) rumours or Rafe and Kie becoming a thing, while Rafe and Sofia are trying to patch things up (?) is just odd. And having both of them be linked to him in a romantic sense gives the impression he is a prize— something to be coveted and fought over. His affection is worth something.

When it is not. (I’m not talking about fanon and policing who you can and can’t ship— do whatever!! Purely talking about the narrative of the show!!)

If anything, his affection is an affliction— it actively hurts the person who he bestows it on. Whether that be Ward, Wheezie, Barry etc.…he’s hurt them all in some capacity. Trying to “save” Ward by killing the Sherriff. Offering Wheezie drugs. Dragging Barry into his bullshit.

And he does the same thing with Sofia tenfold. We see his affection multiplied, thus the affliction Sofia feels is multiplied too. (This point is disputable cuz objectively, the other people in his life have been affected way worse…BUT I think Sofia suffered more in the sense that she was so high off the ground on the fantasy that Rafe fed her, that when it inevitably came crashing down, she fell harder, as she loved him more [don’t wanna hear anything, that girl LOVED that man, she lost all self respect idc!!]).

So, if we’re to suddenly have a plot point where Rafe and Kie go through an arc of growth and healing together, and Rafe becomes a viable option for her as a love interest, then this affection as affliction pattern will be lost. It will be wildly out of character. There should be no world where getting with Rafe Cameron promotes growth and healing, which is what Kie’s arc should be heading towards.

[ And if we consider what their relationship would look like if it was in character…

Firstly, I don’t think Kiara will hold him accountable. What power does she have? She can anger him, she can remind him of his mistakes. She’s fearless and just. But Rafe wouldn’t just bend so easily to her word. (Don’t bring up Singh’s mansion pleaseee, he was only nodding his head and biting his tongue cuz he was about to get killed, his compliance was not because of kie). Secondly, Rafe will probably get violent. Anytime anyone mentions his crimes, he gets defensive. He is not hurting kie because he wants to fuck her in some weird sadistic power play, he’s hurting the thing that’s making the noise…the object that’s announcing the trauma that he hides from. (That’s why the “I’m a killer too” line was so odd…why is he admitting it?? I feel as if him being cognisant of the fact he is a killer should’ve been more profound😭) And thirdly, someone who can’t shut up even if her life depended on it, and someone who will physically subdue a person if they’re saying something he doesn’t like, having a romance seems so stupid…when they can’t even have a conversation. ]

Okay I went off on a tangent. Lemme get back to the point— Sofia and Kiara both liaising with Rafe gives the impression that Rafe is being proffered as a prize.

The ‘who will he choose/who is better for him’ narrative that it will imply, is so odd. And this fandom is already doing that (I’ve probably written some post about this too cuz it literally points you in that direction of thinking).

Like please, get that man away from kiara. If they do bond, it becoming romantic will feel so out of place.

I understand it looks like I have a contradictory perspective, considering I ship him with Sofia. BUT his relationship with Sofia only highlights his character better imo. It clarifies he isn’t villainous all the time, but it also conveys he can’t be with someone unless that person enables him blindly. Them developing Rafe and Sofia’s bond further will be interesting to see, now that the wool has been peeled off both their eyes; Rafe is once again struggling to deal with a betrayal from someone he trusted/loved/cared about, and Sofia being forced to actually assert herself if she wants to be with him and save what they had. It pushes both their characters in a direction where they’ll get developed whilst also retaining their nature.

And Rafe is clearly NOT the prize in this situation. He’s not acting as Sofia’s saviour, or saving grace, he’s not helping her (even if he thinks he is).

I feel as if Rafe and kie shippers lean into this idea of Rafe being the one to aid Kie and help her come to terms with her grief– and that is the catalyst to push them towards each other…but idk that concept is so unappealing and odd to me. Sofia acts as a great romantic foil, where Rafe’s character is augmented…his harshness, his volatility, his cruelty. I just think people find asinine reasons not to like her character because they genuinely view her as an impediment to their ship rather than looking at her character objectively.

And then comes this stance of well there’s other characters that are more important than Sofia who Rafe should have scenes with…and I agree, his relationship with Sarah is indisputably the most salient one and deserves development/closure. But it’s a TV show…you can have more than one storyline… stop pulling reasons out of thin air to get mad at the fact Fiona was spotted on set and her scenes are with Drew.

Conclusion is, yayyyy Sofia/Fiona are getting more scenes, and I’m excited to see what they do with her. But I really hope that it doesn’t involve Kie cuz it will just worsen/obfuscate the development for Kie, Sofia and Rafe.

[joonebugg]

Hot take but there shouldn't be shipping in the mouthwashing fandom. Anyway goodnight

[shrinkthisviolet]

The Problem with KATAOW S3

(Yep, I’m finally doing it)

Okay so, let me just say that the season overall? Phenomenal. Clearly planned out, not one of those “oh no we need to make another season” seasons, the enemy is defeated in a satisfying way, the characters’ arcs are concluded–

Wait. Hold that thought. Because my problem with this season concerns one person. Or, I guess, one mandrill, since he isn’t a person at all.

That’s right, I’m talking about Hugo/Scarlemagne.

So I didn’t even realize something was off when I first started the season, until I read this fic (it’s an alternate S3, and I absolutely recommend it). The comments gave me pause, because they said that they felt Scarlemagne was acting too passive in S3. I’d just gotten done seeing him and Kipo talking with his “brotherly advice,” so I didn’t understand that.

However, the more I watched, the more I realize that the comments were right. Scarlemagne was a background character, and normally, this wouldn’t be a problem (it’s Kipo’s show, not his), except...this is his redemption season. And they kinda try to one-and-done it in one episode, which I feel does a great disservice to him and the show overall.

His relationship with Kipo is also...gone for some reason?? They bring it up in the 9th and last episodes, but other than telling us “oh hey remember that they’re siblings?” it’s nowhere. As if it doesn’t exist. Which is sad because that could’ve been the key to his redemption.

Kipo only redeems him to form HMUFA (she also wants to do it for their relationship, but that’s not really made clear), but what if she just wanted her brother back? What if HMUFA was important, but not as much as having a family again? Remember, this is the girl who went toe-to-toe with him in last season’s finale and called him out and pushed him until she threatened the safety of her loved ones.

She doesn’t back down, and she initiates change. In a way, regarding her brother, Kipo herself was also made passive, which is a shame–that’s a fundamental misunderstanding of her character.

Scarlemagne’s moral ambiguity is also pretty much gone. Now, in regard to the pheromone thing, that could just be him being tired of arguing about it, which tracks. But the fact that he gives in to Wolf’s reasoning instead of KILLING THE PERSON WHO TORE HIS FAMILY APART AND TORTURED HIM AND IS TRYING TO KILL HIS SISTER? Yeah, no. I don’t care how redeemed Scarlemagne is, he would never give in to an argument like that.

Also Wolf would never make that argument in a situation like this. I get that she’s less hardened and more like Kipo now, but...she calls Kipo her sister. Her pack. Wolf was raised a wolf, at the core of it, and even I, as an older sister, would throw moral compasses out the window to protect my siblings. THAT’S JUST HOW FAMILY IS (in my experience)!

He and Kipo don’t really have any arguments. He doesn’t try to get her to see his perspective, his advice (“make them fear you”) doesn’t come back to haunt her later (especially when she...basically does that twice? Anyone remember that? The writers don’t)...what’s the point of a morally gray villain if they’re not clinging to their reasoning?? Sure, maybe Scarlemagne realizes his dictator impulse was wrong, but he could’ve said something like, “I made a place for myself in a world that was trying to hurt me. All I wanted was to unite the mutes and guide them. I wanted a family again.”

And Kipo could say something like, “That’s not a family. Families don’t mind control each other to keep them in line.”

Scarlemagne: “Ah right, I forgot. They just leave their created children for dead and shame them for ever wanting to use their powers against corrupt people. My mistake.”

Like?? Obviously he went about it the wrong way, but...he thinks his intentions were good (as morally gray villains do), and he was hurt, and let’s face it, Lio’s moral absolutism (critiqued very well in this post) pretty much ruined everything (also that dumb decision to wait around?? Tf??). Scarlemagne doesn’t have to change Kipo’s mind, but...maybe some indication that he’s still in that cage for a reason? That maybe Kipo’s tried to help him before, but he won’t renounce his intentions (only the dictator part)?

Like...COME ON, writers! You can’t even say that moral ambiguity was too much for a kids’ show, because this show has it in SPADES (Lio is forced to reckon with and apologize for his mistakes, as he should, and ATLA/LOK was practically the blueprint for moral ambiguity in kids’ shows).

So I think I’ve covered everything? But I have one last complaint: Hugo’s death.

IT MAKES NO SENSE

I kinda knew it was coming because I spoiled myself 😂 (that’s all I knew though, the rest was a surprise), so I was expecting Mute Emilia to eat him or something as he was flying. That wouldn’t have been great, but it would’ve been better than CRASHING INTO THE SIDE OF A WALL OR SOMETHING

Like...are you KIDDING me?? I know mandrills aren’t super strong, but this is BOGUS in a show where falls like that never hurt anyone (yes, I’m aware that everyone who falls like that is a Mute, but they’ve fallen like that as humans, too. Idk. Plenty of other media has their heroes get up and be fine after falls like that).

Also...he was just starting his redemption!! It could’ve been something awesome!! But they threw it away, and for what?? A moment for Hugo to forgive Lio (Song didn’t really do anything imo, but she was kinda complicit, and I find it weird that she didn’t even apologize?), sacrifice himself in a stupid way, and then just...die??

Nope. I don’t accept it. I refuse. We weren’t shown a gravesite, so I choose to believe Hugo appeared right behind Kipo at the end, all “quit telling people I’m dead!” “Sometimes, I can still hear his voice!” (Screw canon, this is canon now. KATAOW screwed itself over when it didn’t even have the decency to give Hugo a proper death).

Oh also, Scarlemagne passively accepting Wolf as Kipo’s sister is soooo unrealistic I can’t overstate it! I’m just gonna refer you back to the fic series linked above, which handles this so much better. There’s no way Scarlemagne would take a surrogate sister label lying down, that he wouldn’t have an identity crisis (if Kipo can adopt siblings at random, can she disown siblings too?), that he wouldn’t shame Wolf for it, that she wouldn’t have an identity crisis...

Oh also, Kipo herself has problems, as outlined in this post (which includes my reblog of it where I also state my problems with her). I love Kipo as a hero, but...S3 could’ve done more for her.

Maybe I’ll write a fix-it for this season one day. Who knows. But I wanted to get all this off my chest 😂 feel free to debate in the notes and reblogs!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #311

“somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that i had in february of last year.”

What is something that is so awful it gives you pain in your teeth? Extremely sweet and/or cold treats. What is something you would like to teach someone? I love educating people about meerkats, snakes, tarantulas, opossums... lots of animals. What is something people tend to come to you about? For me to take pictures for them. What is something you would be willing to gamble? I don't mess with that. What's something you're absolutely 100% sure about yourself? Uhhh that I really like creating things and just being artistic. How often do you self-reflect? Probably too much, really. When was the last time you realized that you were the problem, if ever? I feel like a problem now, still living with and financially depending on my mom. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? Ha, Mom and I got lost driving one day looking for roadkill for me to photograph (that will always feel weird saying) and wound up pretty far north from home, kinda close to Virginia. It was a fun afternoon/evening. What are some sights around the world you would like to see some day? I'm honestly not crazy about pursuing ancient architecture, but I'd take the opportunity for some if I could, especially in Egypt. OH! Venice would be cool, and whatever that city is with the umbrella "ceiling" layer outside. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? No. Apart from sleeping, name something you enjoy doing in bed: Sit on my laptop or read. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah, or at least something of the sort. Do you stay friends with your exes? Girt and I are close friends, while the others I don't have contact with. Not because we're on bad terms (I may be w/ Jason, but I think our last meeting was freeing for both of us and distilled any remaining tension), we just don't talk. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Pretty sure no, I'd crash. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? One or two. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. How many pregnant people do you know? Good Lord, a lot. People are bored in quarantine apparently lmao. Who was the last person to play with your hair? Myself, outta boredom, kinda just twirling it. Have you ever seen the inside of a computer? Yeah. ^If yes, can you name any of the components? I could probably identify the motherboard. If you could get a new phone right now, would you/which kind? I would. Idk what kind, though; I'm not very familiar with what's up-to-date. Have you ever cut your own hair? No. If you had the chance, would you start your life entirely over? No. How old is the eldest member of your family? I don't know really, given both pairs of my grandparents are dead. Probably some aunt or uncle on Mom's side. I don't remember their birth order. Do you drink the milk from the bowl after you eat all the cereal? No, it grosses me out for whatever reason. UNLESS it's after a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, then I'll drink it. Do you know anybody who has had an online relationship? Yeah, me, and some others. One thing that your guy best friend doesn't like about you: He's never told me about something he doesn't like, so I can't speak for him. How about your girl best friend? Ummm you'd have to ask her, too. Do you loan your friends money? *recites the usual financial woe story* Are you taller than your siblings? No. Do you have “photoshoots” with your friends/family members? Definitely not regularly by any means. Are you generous? If you ignore monetary generosity for obvious reasons, I think I am in other ways. Are you afraid of lizards? No no no, I love those tiny lil dinosaur boiz and gorls!!!!! :''') Ahhh, I want a tegu especially one day. How legible is your signature? It's perfectly legible, imo. How hot are your neighbors? I don't even know my neighbors. Well, Mom's spoken to the woman to our left more than once if they were both outside, but I know she's an older woman whose appearance I never really noted, but regardless, I know I wasn't attracted to her. Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who's your buddy? Yeah, I can finally play it regularly since they began offering a daily box with a few items in it, like the balls. I'm not checking, but I think I'm like... around 23? My buddy is Charmeleon because I love love loooove that evolution line and absolutely want a Charizard ASAP. :') What's the most daring thing you have ever done? I guess that would be the story about how I challenged my rather intense fear of fair rides that can trouble the stomach by going on whatever the thing's called where you slowly go very high up and then drop down abruptly. Yeah yeah yeah, I was safe the whole time, but it was daring by my standards, haha. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced twice already; the first time it closed while I was in the psych hospital and had to take it out, and the second one I just gave up with it after I kept losing them in my sleep and they just fell into the fucking void or something because I could never find them come morning. I eventually had none left to replace those I'd lost. And yes, I wore the curved types, they still just came out somehow???? Probably didn't help that I sleep like, ON my face sometimes, but... lol. I've been thinking of doing it one more time, but this time with a hoop ring. Nostril piercings are just really cute to me. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Somehow. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Do you have tan lines? HA. Absolutely not. Not even in the summer. Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip piercing? Yeah, he had snake bites. Has anyone told you they were in love with you? Yeah. Have you ever seen a bald eagle in person? Yes. Have you ever been vomited on? What about in vice versa? Oh my fucking god no, don't even make me imagine it. What is one family member you wish you were closer to? My sisters. When and where did you lose your virginity? Since then, what was the longest time you've ever gone without sex? I dunno, his bed or mine when I was maybe like 16 or 17. Been many years. What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone? That I'll experience heartbreak again. Do you think that your life is exciting enough to be made into a movie? Do you think anybody would actually enjoy it if it were a movie? lol fuuuuck no If you were the opposite sex, would you be attracted to you? I don't know? If I was a different person, I'd obviously have unique tastes, too. Have you ever walked around your house naked? Oh no, I'm way too uncomf for that. Do you prefer profile pictures of you by yourself or with someone else? Me by myself. Did it bother you to find out that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Toothfairy were not real? Not really, no. I'd been suspicious about it for a long time anyway. Is there a food that you only recently started to like? If so, what is it and when did you start liking it? How often do you try again foods you don't like to see if your tastes have changed? Hm... I'm unsure about "recently." I'm not very adventurous with food at all, so the answer for the last part is not often at all. Who would you NOT want to read the surveys you've posted on here? What would most likely happen if they did read it? Is there anyone you actually wish would read your survey answers but doesn't? Probably my therapist lmaoo. It'd spark some concern, especially regarding my PTSD, for him to be able to see "wow, she is deeply scarred." I don't really "wish" anyone else would read them, other than the occasional answer I wish He Who Shall Not Be Named could hear. Do you watch Glee? If so, which song do you want to hear on there that they have not yet done? If not, which TV show do you think has the best soundtrack? I don't watch it. The answer is obviously Supernatural, like good good shit right thar. Do you think you would be able to pull off a crime perfectly, without being caught? What about other lies? For example, cheating on your partner without getting caught? Would you be able to get away with it? Ha, hell no. I'm way too clumsy in more ways than physical and would overlook so many details. And I wouldn't WANT to get away with cheating on my partner, thanks. Do you know anyone who has divorced and remarried the same person? What do you/would you think of someone who does that? I don't think I do, and it's not really my business, but I'd have silent doubts, probably, depending on why they split. Do you say goodnight to anybody before you go to bed? If so, does it feel weird if you go to bed without saying it to them? I say goodnight to my snake Venus; even if she's in her hide, I say it when I walk past her terrarium. It probably wouldn't feel weird not to, but I want to, even though she can't even hear me lmao. How do you react when you're scared? Do you scream, jump, cover your eyes, etc.? I am VERY jumpy, tend to gasp easily, and sometimes scream if I'm seriously scared. Who is the best storyteller you know? What do you find best about their storytelling? Is there an interesting story of theirs you'd like to share? I don't know. Do you strongly dislike (or even hate) any bands or musical artists? If so, what caused such a strong negative emotion towards them? Not for purely their music, that's just stupid, but I could certainly dislike artists for what they do as people. For example, I haven't looked into it whatsoever, so it could be a load of bull, but I know Manson recently had some sexual misconduct or assault allegations rise against him, and honestly, I'd believe it. He's one of my favorite artists (emphasis on the "art"), but definitely not high on my list of favorite people and keeps doing things that are making me lose more and more respect for him. Then there's Otep... again, one of my favorite musical artists. I agree with a good handful of her values, but she is nevertheless an absolute holier-than-thou, intolerant bitch. I don't like her as a person. Do your parents have any collections? If so, what do you think of those collections? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes stuff; it's all over his "mancave." I don't have an opinion on them. Do you have a favourite role of Johnny Depp's? If you don't like him, what is your favourite role of an actor you like? I'm not familiar enough with all his acting roles for this, but I know he's incredibly good at what he does. If you were in a competition to win your dream prize, and you were allowed to decide what the competition would be (trivia about your favourite band, a foot race, singing, etc.) , what would you choose and why? Uhhhh maybe facts about meerkats? Reason being it's something I'm honestly very knowledgeable about. What is your least favourite thing about the English language? Are there any other languages you prefer besides English? It breaks its own "rules" ALL the time. If I was fluent in German, then I might actually prefer it. There are many parts to the German language that make it very precise and clear what and whom you are addressing (ex., there are two different "you"s for singular and plural usage); the only real downside I see to German is the sentence structure is odd, but then again, I mean, it does encourage active listening to get all the parts of a sentence you need to understand what is being said. Would you be upset if a long-term partner confessed that they had committed a serious crime before you met? How do you think it would affect your relationship? Hm. I guess it would depend on the crime? I sure wouldn't be happy hearing they committed an as you said serious crime, but I'd have to consider if there were other red flags for danger going on, again, if it wasn't massive in my eyes. Do you enjoy watching the special features found on most DVDs? What do you usually enjoy more: the deleted scenes, the bloopers, the audio commentary, or the behind-the-scenes footage? I have to be seriously into whatever I'm watching to explore these. I do love me some bloopers, though. Was there something you were afraid of as a child that just seems silly to you now? I had that usual "monster (or in my case, skeleton) in the closet" fear. Have you ever had a crush but then found out he’s gay? Almost positive my puppydog-love middle school bf actually is gay. I also had a crush on a closeted gay guy for a little bit that same school year. Nowadays he is so open about his sexuality and even does drag, and he's great at it! It's wonderful seeing how far he's come in his confidence. Would you ever be a porn star? What'd your name be? Oh no, hunny. Does blood make you squeamish? No. What's your favorite Pokemon? Ninetales. <3 I also have a very soft spot for Charmander, though. What was the last event to cause you any sort of heartache? My older sister got in a wreck yesterday because some impatient bitch ran a red light. She's fine but did break her clavicle and is going to be using a sling for probably a few months. It was definitely upsetting to hear about. What do you do when you like someone? I tend to get very shy around them, more than I naturally am, and smile a lot. I try to stay in contact with the person, and it's maybe a 60/40 chance I'll wait for them to make the move versus me, but I've done it. Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced? YEAH. Especially as someone who needs to mentally prepare for company, don't do this. Do you enjoy rain? To a degree. If it hangs around too long, it affects my depression. I LOVE going to sleep to rain pattering on the window, though. You love Jesus, yes? I don't believe he was a bad person; quite the opposite, actually, but I don't "love" him. I won't go too deep into why just because I'm not in the mood to offend people today lmao. Who’s your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. She's my rock. How many different beverages have you had in the last 24 hours? Just water and Mountain Lightning (a Mountain Dew ripoff for us poor folk, haha). Oh wait, I did have a meal replacement shake for lunch yesterday, I think? Or that might have been the day before... How many brothers does your father have? None, unless I've seriously forgotten him having one. He only has a sister, to my knowledge. What kind of camera do you use? I have a Canon EOS Rebel T6. If you could change you name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't. 25 years with a name I quite like has worked out fine. What was the last song you listened to in the car? Uhhh it was "Drugs" by Mother Mother, I think. Are you the youngest, oldest, middle, or only child? I'm the middle child between my parents. What's the best thing about the place you currently live? Hm. I would say for practicality's sake that we're very close to pretty much everything, but seeing as I enjoy long car rides... With that in mind, I'd say who our landlord is. She's a very close family friend who is very understanding of our financial position, so pretty forgiving with some things. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yessss, I need breakfast to start my day off. Can you hear anyone talking right now? No, just singing. I'm listening to Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. What's your favorite flavor of ramen? I solely enjoy the spicy pork bowl by Yakisoba. I've never had another I've liked. I lived off that shit in the apartment. I guess what they say about college kids is true, haha. Never realized that. When was the last time you had a bowl of soup? What flavor? Back when I got my snake eyes tongue piercing, I tried vegetable soup only to find I didn't like it anymore. Do you have any tinned foods in your cupboard at the moment? Yeah, lots. I couldn't name 'em all, besides like, diced pineapple, corn, and beans. We always have those. What was the last food item that you tried for the first time? On Thanksgiving, I was actually brave with food for once and tried that sweet potato dish that's topped with marshmallow, and it was okay. I never liked sweet potato before, and while I couldn't eat a lot of it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Does anyone in your family have green eyes? No. What was the name of your first ever pet? I was born into my family with a beautiful collie named Trigger, but I have zero recollection of her because she passed away from old age when I was very young. My first personal pet was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow (no, I have no idea why I named a green lizard that); I can't remember who came first. I adored them both. I feel so bad looking back though, I was so uninformed on how to properly care for a water dragon that she (or he, we were never sure) was, as far as correct husbandry goes, horribly taken care of and stunted from having a tank too small. I consider myself lucky she seemed to really trust me and loved being held, even sleeping on me, and she did live out her full lifespan. I was lucky; please, please, never adopt a reptile until you are properly educated on their unique care. Where was the last place you went out for lunch? What did you order? Mom bought me McDonald's a few days back because I was really craving it. I had a double cheeseburger and for once large fries, because that's what I was seriously wanting. I usually get small or medium. Where was the last place you went for an evening meal? What did you order? I feel bad and selfish for breaking my own "stay the fuck home but for emergencies" rule, but my mom, one of my sisters, and I went out to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. I think I ate a chicken sandwich with Chipotle sauce? I actually don't remember for sure. I do however remember the cheesecake I got: some cinnamon swirl one that was fucking glorious. Oh yeah, and we had an appetizer of these pretzel ball things dipped in fondue. I ate waaaay too much, but it was a special occasion, so whatever. Have you Googled anything today? What? I ensured I spelled "clavicle" correctly. Yaaaay, I did. What do you like to eat for breakfast these days? Special K cereal, a sandwich, sometimes those pancake & sausage on a stick things I mentioned at some point in the last survey I think, or a Jimmy Dean breakfast bowl. Maybe other stuff I'm just not thinking of. Is anyone in your family a nurse? No, but I have family in the medical field. Do you like to wear lipstick? What colors do you think suit you best? Not really, no, but I will sometimes for pictures. It smudges too easily yet is also hard and annoying to get off. I only really wear black. Who was the last person to recommend a book to you? My therapist recommended a book for the whole PHP group, but I can't remember what it was. Something self-care related. Who was the last person to tease or joke around with you, in a friendly way? I wouldn't be surprised if it was Tobey, the "family friend" I mention a lot. She probably said something technically rude that she thought was an appropriate joke. Is there a jar of peanut butter in your house? Yeah, always. Does anyone you know own a tabby cat? How about a cocker spaniel? Tabbies are very common, so yes. I don't think I know anyone with a pure cocker spaniel, but my late dog's mother was one. Do you have blinds or curtains in your bedroom? What colour are they? I have those slanted blinds that you can close by pushing them upwards or downwards with a stick thing. They're white. What was the last beverage you tried for the first time? Some form of juice I wasn't a fan of. Orange and peach, I think? Who was the last person that said you were beautiful? I think a friend on Facebook when I changed my profile picture. Is/are your pet(s) fixed? My cat is neutered, but obviously my ball python isn't. Roman would mark the house like crazy before we got him fixed... but even if he didn't, we still would have done it. Please make spaying/neutering your cats and dogs a financial investment priority. If you do the research, you would marvel over the "damage" especially one fertile cat can cause. Hell, my childhood experience with cats is enough proof of that.

[jaylos]

Rant - Rise of the Isle of the Lost

(alternative title: i read rise of the isle of the lost so you don’t have to)

first off i’m probably biased but if you got something out of my opinions in the past then maybe you’ll find this interesting as well.

there are spoilers, obviously, but if you ask me, you really don’t have to read the book, save your money. (i put a short summary under the cut so you know what’s going on)

i’m gonna be honest this turned more into “i’m picking this book apart” than just a rant lmao. i blame the excessive amount of cinemasins i’ve been watching over the past few days.

and be warned - this is gonna be LONG and not very nice.

~summary if you haven’t read the book~ Arabella (Ariel’s niece) snatched the trident to fuck around, causes a storm, and loses it in the ocean. Waves carry it through the barrier to isle territory, because the barrier is penetrable for a short amount of time due to Arabella’s magic fuckery i think.

Uma hears a rumor that the trident is here, but she has no way to get to it before someone else finds it.

Captain Hook hosts a race where everyone can enter with anything that can swim, the price is a pirate ship. Uma wins the race and now has a ship and a pirate crew consisting of Harry, Gil and a few others.

Through Sophie (Yen Sid’s apprentice) they learn that Ursula’s golden seashell necklace is on the Isle of the Doomed (where Maleficent’s castle is) and they sail there to find it, because there’s enough magic left in it to guide them to the trident or something.

They find the trident but then Mal&Co show up.

While all this is happening Arabella tells the rotten four that she lost the trident, and through the magic mirror they find out where it is, and that a lot of people on the isle of the lost are looking for it, so they set out to find it first. FGM catches them as they try to steal a boat that belongs to Ben’s family, but Ben shows up to convince FGM that it was fine. The five of them then drive the boat to the barrier, where Mal pokes a hole and calls the trident to her, just as Uma is about to get her hands on it, overpowering Uma.

There’s also a sideplot where Ben goes to the great wall of China with Lonnie to solve a conflict between two villages but this is all totally irrelevant.

~end of summary~

and just to get this out of the way - don’t give me that “it’s a book for children” bs. just because it’s for a younger demographic doesn’t mean it can’t be good.

ok let’s start with the things i liked:

- Lonnie has a sword (which is a clear sign of lesbianism)

- Jane wants to do magic and she wants to help people fairy godmother style. i love this because 1. it gives her more personality and 2. it’s exactly how i imagined her lmao.

- Mal uses magic despite the magic ban.

- i like Gil, he’s kinda cute. and Harry too, and the dynamic between him and Uma and Gil. (ot3 anyone?)

now to the cons:

- Harry has this obsession with his hook (which he has to hold in his hand cause he still has both hands) which i find interesting, it has so much angst potential but i already know i’m gonna have to write a fic about that myself cause it’s gonna be hella disappointing in the movie because either 1. it’s not talked about at all or 2. it’s only good for a joke or two. (”oh no! my hook!” cue sitcom laugh track)

- the use of the word “guyliner”

- CJ is Harry’s younger sister, Harriet is his older sister. the gastons twins are gil’s brothers. Melissa de la Cruz *grasping at straws*: conSisTEnCy

- speaking of consistency, the anti-heroes club isn’t mentioned once, in case you were wondering.

- there’s another school besides dragon hall on the isle, it’s called Serpent Prep. like, i know there are characters (mostly Uma) who appear now for the first time without being mentioned before, ever. i can forgive that. but making up a whole new school just adds to the confusion of how big the isle actually is, and it’s also completely redundant.  this world just feels like a car accident where more cars keep crashing into the wrecks that are already blocking the street.

- carlos being in favor of the magic ban. what. remember how he was a slave for the better part of his life? “people should learn to live without magic” suck my toe (i made another post about what i think of the magic ban here)

- idk if this is on melissa de la cruz or what but the writing is just. not good. the sentences are boring, the use of adverbs is weird, the characters are shallow, the worldbuilding is.. idk how to describe it. it’s like when you look at the window of a shop and it looks nice, but when you enter it’s empty. or like a cardboard facade.

- all the characters do and say the things that are most obvious for them, but nothing beyond that. there’s no life in the characters and the world doesn’t draw you in.

- also the pacing is awful. in my first reading session i read about a third but it felt like nothing had happened. there’s so much setting up (and most of it is boring, it feels like every character just appears for their mandatory line but it has no relevance) and i’m just waiting for the plot.

- janelos. if you’re a janelos shipper than good for you, but i’m not and i’m salty. they could have such a great platonic relationship, why why why does it have to be romantic? (don’t bother, i already know the answer) they had a scene together, which was kinda sweet (through my platonic goggles), but “her laugh is cute” is not fucking enough to make a romantic relationship believable. 

their entire romantic relationship is built on “he was a boy, she was a girl” and nothing else.

- also devie. i’m pretty indifferent to this ship in general but the way it’s portrayed is so lackluster, like. doug shows up (for no other reason than showing up at least once in this book), is called evie’s boyfriend and that’s kinda it. we didn’t see how they got together, we don’t see what their relationship is like (except doug sorta putting evie on a pedestal), it’s just.. kinda there. wow. so much feeling.

there’s so much time wasted on meaningless worldbuilding that there’s no time left for giving life to the characters and their relationships. (actually there would be time, the book is not that long)

- (safe for uma, harry and gil) this book doesn’t even try to get me to like the main characters and completely relies on the fact that i already know and like them from preceding works.

- there’s always a parallel plot with Ben going on in every book, which is.. not terrible, but especially in this one it’s very distracting from the main plot, besides, what he’s doing is rarely all that interesting.  he’s travelling with lonnie and they had a nice scene together but it ended before it got anywhere near interesting. (Lonnie was about to get character development but then it was about Ben the end)

- not that i dislike ben, or that i don’t care for what he’s doing, but his sideplot is kinda just there so that is already short book isn’t even shorter. in the last book it had at least something to do with what the others were doing, but this time it doesn’t have any significance to the main storyline whatsoever. imo they should’ve just cut the whole bit out and put this content somewhere else, idk, give him his own diary or something, but now it’s just annoyingly strewn throughout the actual story.

(edit: you know what nevermind, this whole plotline is bullshit i’m not even gonna go into it but they punch a whole into the great wall of china and i crave Death™)

- the room that is taken up by ben’s sideplot could’ve been used to elaborate the relationships between the characters, or the characters’ inner lives. this book does so much tell not show that everything feels flat. “they’re best friends, they’re boyfriend/girlfriend, they love each other very much” ya thanks for telling me but is anything gonna happen to back these statements up or

- there’s an entire page that’s basically a montage of the pirate crew repairing Uma’s ship and it’s hella redundant (just like 50% of the book tbh)

- somehow interesting scenes are left out and when the plot is picked up again it’s “this happened and now we’re somewhere else”.

- the other characters get a sideplot too, which would be nice except they all have like 1 character trait and it’s all pretty meaningless. plus, the chapters are all super short and jumping between plotlines all the damn time is annoying.

- new characters appear just to be a plot device. happened with freddie and maddie in book 2, happens now with Arabella in book 3. she’s the niece of Ariel, but we don’t know who her mother is (based on her being described as wearing purple i’m gonna guess it’s Alana) which is excuable because i guess you can’t expect the readers to know all the names of Ariel’s sisters, but it just adds to her being a throwaway character. $100 that Arabella won’t appear in dd2. 

- actually, going off on a tangent about maddie here, wasn’t her background story basically the same as uma’s? that she was a friend of Mal’s when they were little? whatever happened to her, guess well never know cause she’s never gonna appear again.

- new things are made up just for convenience, or idk maybe it’s supposed to flesh out the world but it all feels so disjointed and loveless.  the annual seaside festival (i think it’s called?) where king triton whips out the old trident to give Arabella an opportunity to lose the trident in the first place, the R.O.A.R. competiotion (i forgot what that’s short for too, but it’s a mix of parcour and fencing, whatever) just to give Jay some other purpose besides “is also there” instead of, idk, an actual personality and inner life (but the VK’s dealing with the aftermath of growing up on the Isle is probably too serious and scawy uwu) like idk it’s probably the same in a lot of other stories, but instead of giving life to this world it all feels meaningless (like 98% of wicked world tbh)

- Lonnie has an older brother who wants to launch a hiphop career, and his name is Li’l Shang, which is an absolute fucking joke and takes the cake for worst name in this franchise.

- Ursula’s golden seashell is on the isle because for some reason it didn’t make it to Auradon where it was supposed to be displayed at the museum. i get that they want to use what they can from disney movies but this is just bullshit. the seashell being on the isle makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

- the critical overuse of the word “swaggered”

- seriously it’s like de la cruz saw one of those “words to use instead of walked”- tumblr posts and picked two (swaggered and sauntered)

- almost halfway through, wondering if there’s gonna be a plot

the things in this story just sorta happen, there’s no real suspense curve.

- ok this is really subjective but “Lost Revenge” for a name for a ship is so unnecessarily edgy lmao

- i’m writing most of this stuff as i come across it and at this point i’m just groaning in agony. they just introduced a new character, Sophie, who is Yen Sid’s sorcerer’s intern. intern for sorcery. on the isle of the lost. sure. also, apparently yen sid brought her with him when he moved to the isle like???? i mean the people of auradon already didn’t give a shit about the children that were born on the isle, but they just let yen sid take a little girl with him??? what the fffffffff (also sophie is another throwaway character that will never appear again. i’m blaming this on the fact that there are approximately 462 different canons in this franchise and we don’t get the chance to get attatched to characters that only function as plot devices in whatever canon they appear in)

- a new character called Charlie is introduced as the village elder of Stone Village (china, next to the wall) and he’s only a few years older than ben. he’s the descendant of ??? (molly and arthur weasly, probably) (seriously this is a throwaway character if i’ve ever seen one)

- mal’s morals are inconsistent. she has no problem using her spellbook for minor inconveniences but doesn’t want to steal a boat because it’s not the auRaDOn wAy.

- evie scolding mal for using the spellbook too often because that way she’ll never learn to live without magic (yadda yadda) but she also does this when mal opens a gate with magic in order to get to the boat they are going to steal, even though the matter is pretty time-sensitive and they had no other way of getting around that gate. like i get the idea of “solving problems without magic”, but this was really not the time to play moralizer, evie.

- there’s a yacht club building and FGM is giving it a new coat of paint with her wand solving problems without magic eat my entire ass.

she keeps using her wand!!! what the fuck!!!!

- i’m not going to go into detail over this but everything falls into place so conveniently that there aren’t really any obstacles to overcome and every conflict is solved within a matter of sentences.

- there are small cliffhangers every 200 words because it keeps jumping between plotlines. before you even get the chance to get into one of the plotlines it’s over again and it takes ages for anything to move along cause the stories keep interrupting each other.

- i’m losing my fucking mind over here as we speak. FGM catches the rotten four trying to steal a boat and she seriously thinks sending them back to the isle is an appropriate punishment. this is absolutely ludicrous and completely disproportionate. “this is exactly what we feared when we let villains into Auradon” they! are! children! (i know technically they’re teens but this doesn’t change the fact that imprisoning them on the isle again is super fucking cruel) i can’t believe how terribly literally everything is handled in this goodforsaken fantasy world. (not to mention that this is an insult to the character of FGM)

- so it’s been established that Mal can turn back time and she uses it when Uma reaches the trident. mal turns back time, uma doesn’t have the trident yet. so far so good, right?

look, i know time travel stuff is always prone to plotholes, but this is just ridiculous. 1. when she first uses it she comes to the conclusion “those with villain blood appear to be immune”, because evie wasn’t affected by it. it works on uma (though she remembers reaching the trident but doesn’t understand what happened) and it’s not made clear how it actually affects someone with villain blood. the setup for this whole shtick was weak. idk if i explained that well enough but you can ask me if you want a more detailed explanation i still have salt left lmao. 2. through carlos we know the others felt it happending, but what about ben? they don’t explain it to him even though he should have no memory of mal turning back time. 3. this book had all the time in the world to make this universe’s rules of time travel a little more clear (like why did nothing happen to both uma’s row boat and the speedboat? do objects not get set back in time too?) 4. one rule was explained tho: “it only turns back time to the top of the hour, and only if it’s been less than fifteen minutes” so mal might only have turned back time for like 1 minute, which would explain why the boats remain in the same spot, but it doesn’t change the fact that everything conveniently falls into place again because it just so happens to be *just* the right time for it to work (meaning no more than 15 minutes after a full hour) which in turn makes me wonder why this “top of the hour” rule was established in the first place. they could’ve just left that bit out and this whole thing wouldn’t be another case of dumb luck for the protagonists. i guess i’ll just go fuck myself.

- ok safe for that time travelling bs the last third is actually a lot okay-er than the rest. there was a cool scene where harry fell down a hole and was scared an panicking. this and the whole pirate-crew-escapes-from-a-trap-filled-cave was the best part of the book imo.

- after the great showdown between uma and mal (where they’re not actually face to face due to the barrier and thick fog, which is kind of a cool way to safe their encounter for the movie, i’ll give them that) mal stumbles backwards when she caught the trident and accidentally knocks evie overboard, which is completely unnecessarily dramatic, because the climax is already over, and is just there to show once again how gay mal and evie are for each other, without actually delivering. same old. (there’s also a scene where evie looks at mal “with a fond smile” while she’s sleeping like come on. those two scenes contain more feeling than any interaction between ben and mal ever. and at the end there is an exchange between the two that literally, like word for word, draws parallels to an interaction between ben an mal like are you kidding me)

- Evie says several times that Mal shouldn’t use magic, which is not too out of character i guess, i mean Evie has enough baggage concerning magic that this is believable.

she did use her mirror a lot, which is clearly magic, but somehow this is different from mal solving a problem with her spellbook?? hypocritical much. and it kinda retcons on the whole setup of her not being comfortable with magic.

in the end she gives her mirror to the museum, but it wasn’t her idea. it would’ve tied in with her previous statements a lot better if she herself had been like “i should give up my mirror so i have consistent characterization”

- Audrey dumps Chad for reasons unknown. not that i care all that much about that ship (i do think it’s interesting tho) but idk is this just so the movie doesn’t have to explain why they aren’t together anymore? (would be kinda lazy) felt like it was just there for cheap laughs.

- i’m surprised Jay didn’t get an Obligatory Love Interest™ but actually i’m not surprised because none of the writers care about jay.

- you might remember R.O.A.R. (the fencing/sword fighting-parcour-clusterfuck-sport). so chad was the captain of the team and has practised sword fighting all his life, but jay manages to beat him after a total amount of? 3? or so hours of training? and immediately becomes the new captain? bull

- also jay is supposedly really good at parcour, right? but he needed to practise wall jumps cuz his technique was bad or something for some reason. why tho. isn’t parcour his forte and why did carlos make the team before jay did. like not saying he can’t do roar but come on.

honestly tho, i kinda set myself up for this. i mean i already didn’t like the second book but for some reason i thought this one was going to be different.

the writing, characterization, worldbuilding etc. is just really lazy to me, and tbh i think it just exists to squeeze more money out of this franchise.

other people with different expectations and lower standards for writing might enjoy this tho idk

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

50 Singles Reveal The Red Flag They Shouldnt Have Ignored At The Start Of Their Relationship

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50 Singles Reveal The Red Flag They Shouldnt Have Ignored At The Start Of Their Relationship

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Cataloged in Romance

50 Singles Reveal The Red Flag They Shouldn’t Have Ignored At The Start Of Their Relationship

January Nelson Updated December 11, 2018

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If your person displays any of these red flags mentioned on Ask Reddit, RUN.

1. “I’ve cheated on everyone I’ve ever been with. But I won’t cheat on you, you’re different.”

SURPRISE! She cheated on me.

2. Started with him not liking one of my friends. Then it moved to hating all my friends. Then it moved to hating my brother and parents. Then it went even further and transformed into wanting to get me away from them as soon as he could. He even told me once or twice that he’d kidnap me if he had to.

3. He was very proud about how good he was at manipulating people and causing them problems – up to and including costing one person her job. Justified in that he only did it to bad people who deserved it.

The problem was, it was people he determined to be deserving.

4. She was always angry about something. I loved being the person to hear her out and take her side, but soon enough, I was always the person that made her angry.

5. I had to always ask for sex, I chalked it up to him being shy… he was gay.

6. Every ex he had was described as “crazy”. I thought maybe he just had bad taste in women. 2 years later, I found out he was pilfering money from my bank account to do drugs. When I confronted him about it he broke my ribs and then played the victim while stalking me for 3 months.

7. We had a summer job painting and repairing dorm rooms. While we worked, one of us would start singing a song. If he picked the song, we would sing it together. If I picked the song, he would sing a different one on top of me until I switched to his song. This was a perfect metaphor for our entire relationship.

8. Instant gratification that was never enough;

A whole relationship of, “I need this, I REALLY need this” and as soon as she had it (I bought it); she discarded it and moved on to something else shiny she REALLY needed.

9. Unreliability, always had an excuse for everything, and never liked being held accountable.

I tried being understanding and forgiving, thinking I was taking the high road. It increasingly frustrated me until I stopped believing her when she gave her word. It was downhill from there.

Trust is a core pillar of any relationship, and if I could go back in time, I would simply tell myself to never compromise on that belief.

10. He would go on these weird rants about how controlling and unreasonable my parents were for giving me a curfew, wanting to meet him, making sure I had food and money. You know, being parents ’cause I was 17 at the time and still in school.

Guess who turned out to be completely controlling and unreasonable?

11. The swarms of people warning me about the person and how terrible they are.

12. He went into a blind range and threw me against the wall, he bawled, and apologized, over and over, told me how sorry he was. I should have known that wasn’t going to be the only time that happened. I should have left.

13. She had a boyfriend when we started dating, was not aware of this fact, but when I found out i told her to choose him or me. She broke up with him and started dating me. I learned pretty quickly that if a girl cheats with you, she will cheat on you.

14. What I thought was low emotional intelligence and lack of introspection turned out to be a complete lack of empathy and full-fledged covert narcissism.

Came to a head when I found out he’d been having sexually explicit conversations online with women, he said it was no big deal, didn’t have anything to apologize for because “why would anyone get upset about that,” and was utterly incapable of recognizing that what he thinks and feels may, perhaps, be different than what I think and feel.

15. Just that we wanted different things in life. She wanted to move to NYC and I wanted to stay in our sleepy college town near the mountains and the ocean. I think we both thought the other would change their mind, but it didn’t happen.

16. Him and I didn’t have toO many plans. Just I would go hang out with him for the day. It was normal. He got a call from one of his boys to go play some basketball. Which is fine imo, we didn’t have to much going on that day and I didn’t want to yoko.

I was his only ride there and back. I’m okay with this. I told him I would sunbathe and read a book while they played. He can have his boy time. (He knows I love my books.)

I got totally engrossed with the book while they were playing. It had only been an hour and he comes up to me and says I need to take him home.

Okay, no problem. I noticed he was upset but thought it was something do to friends. I was surprised that he left so soon.

Nope, seeing me on the grass and enjoying it made him jealous. The book was more important than him. I was so confused. I mean you can have your girl time and your boy time but when both of them kinda collide, would this be the best scenario?

17. I mean, sure, she has a boyfriend and probably shouldn’t be flirting with me so hard, but you know, that dude treats her like shit and doesn’t realize how lucky he is to have her.

I bet you can’t guess how that relationship ended four years later.

18. She told me in passing that she accidentally burned half of her ex’s kitchen while she was cooking. Didn’t think anything of it until I came home to half of my wardrobe on fire in the back yard. Looking back, I probably should have seen that coming.

19. I guess I must have really took to heart the moral of every fairy tale about how ultimately the best people are being poor and humble, so when I was a teenager and very young adult I just didn’t care if a guy was “between jobs” or had no career goals or whatever.

Guess what, ladies, that’s how you wind up dating guys who you wind up supporting while they sit on the couch and make messes they expect you to clean up.

20. He hated when I wore low-cut shirts because that meant people saw some cleavage. He literally took me to the mall to buy me a belt because he was scared my pants would fall down and people might see something. He got pissed the first time he saw me wear a skirt and tried to make me feel bad for choosing it, because he didn’t think I’d be careful enough to keep my legs closed and people might see up my skirt. I should have fucking ran way earlier than I did. Controlling behavior doesn’t stop over time, it just gets worse.

21. She had anger issues. Oh my word.

Don’t ignore that red flag, unless you want to live with someone who gets annoyed by the sound of an ambulance passing by while you are talking to them on the phone.

22. Dated a guy for about a month when he finally invited me over his place. When I showed up I noticed kids toys and he mentioned he was letting his brother and his wife and their kid stay with him. Nope. It was his brothers house and he was crashing in the spare bedroom. The Audi? Also his brothers. Designer clothes, you guess it…not his! The thing is I’m not even shallow. I wouldn’t have cared if he stayed at his bros, took the subway to work, and wore plain clothing. But why lie?

23. Treated waitresses like trash.

Made outrageous demands of my friends, treated them like servants.

Smoked pot daily, and always tried to hide it.

24. That little details in stories didn’t always add up. Any single one could be easily dismissed or laughed off. But they kept coming, and kept getting harder to ignore.

Turned out she was a compulsive liar. I hope she’s better now. I’m pretty sure the cause of this was being molested by her father (something I later surmised by adding up a bunch of clues) and desperately needing to fabricate her own reality.

25. We had mismatched libidos from the start. I convinced myself things would get better when we were married; I chalked it up to Catholic guilt. He actually became completely disinterested in sex after we got married. He had brushed me off several times while we were dating. He even went so far as to throw me out of the bed once and tell me to “take care of it myself” on more than one occasion. The signs were all there. I just ignored it.

26. Guy used to try to get my attention with little puzzles. Don’t judge him, I was into it. Also this was years ago at school and we didn’t have all you kids’ fancy shit.

So he sent over a hangman.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

It took me a while to get it for some reason despite all the vowels. The word was ‘Oedipus’.

I was his girlfriend for 4 years. I don’t know how I ever managed to ignore all the weird shit with his mum. He warned me, kind of.

27. Her habitual abuse of my wallet. She’d come to me for little things at first like her rent being due and she need a tenner or twenty to make it through the week. Some small cash for groceries or bus fare to school or an appointment. This would go from once a month to in the end multiple times a week. She’d always tell some sob story till I gave in. Later found out she always had the money, in fact she had plenty in the bank, she just didn’t want to spend her cause she was saving up for a wild party vacation with her (as it turned out not so gay) male friend.

28. Everyone in her life/past was a terrible person and screwed her over somehow.

Yeeeah, turns out she was the problem.

29. My ex would get upset with me over any contact I had with other guys, every conversation I had I needed to tell him about so he could make sure I wasn’t flirting. It was very cleverly done because he was subtle at first (definitely got scary worse after a while) and anything that I pointed out he chalked up to PTSD and being cheated on in the past.

Also he frequently bragged about having no empathy. That in itself should’ve been my “get out quick” indicator, but I had low self esteem and stuck around.

30. He liked to drink. I mean cool I like to drink too, but whenever he drinks, he drinks a lot like he’s always drunk whenever we drink. I always ended up looking after him like I’m some kind of babysitter.

31. Little lies are really significant. If someone lies about things that are really unimportant, it’s a red flag. I had an ex lie to someone about a situation we were both in together. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I planned my exit at that moment.

32. Clinginess.

Dude got legit upset whenever I had to go to work or whenever I had a prior engagement with friends. I’m talking ‘acting like you’re actually trying to neglect me instead of taking care of actual needs’ levels of upset. Like, ‘gets moody and passive aggressive because you won’t be on the phone responding immediately all the time’.

Also he proposed to me within a few months of us even knowing each other.

We’re friends, now, but with a healthy level of distance.

33. My ex didn’t like my dog. And my dog didn’t like him. Looking back, that was the first red flag I dismissed.

34. My ex-slammed the door in the face of a delivery person because he was taking too long to double check the order. I was appalled of course but didn’t think it was a big enough deal to break up with him. What I should have learned was that if he treats one person that way, he’s liable to treat those closest to him that way as well.

35. Boyfriend literally made a joke about how much he drinks on our first date.

Two years later, we realize he’s a severe alcoholic.

36. My ex husband lied constantly and was so proud of himself for pulling it off. Late for work? Took pictures off the internet of a fender bender and claimed it was him. Didn’t want to hang out with a friend? Comes up with some insane story about a sudden death in the family to get out of it last minute. Could not believe it when I just straight up told people I didn’t want to do something instead of coming up with some story to cover. We were together for ten years and when he started lying to me I noticed pretty fast, but I always thought I should have seen the warning signs.

37. He bragged that he was going to be a great lawyer as he was good at manipulating people.

He gaslit me for well over a year whilst cheating on me. Jokes on him, he flunked law school in the end.

38. Always had to be right even when wrong. Correcting me on absolutely everything to the letter and being offended when I did the same. Thought it was just competitive spirit, realized it was toxic later.

39. He always expected me to take care of things. At first I didn’t mind paying for meals and driving him around occasionally, but it got old real fast when I was also paying for his phone and our apartment.

40. The drinking. I enjoy a drink or several regularly however my ex took drinking to a higher level than I knew possible. The Red Flag was coming home to find her drinking Vodka and grape jelly. She had run out of mixers.

41. His anger issues. It started out as just him holding grudges against past friends, to getting worked up over football games, but then slowly turned into him hating my friends and family, and eventually towards me. I’m honestly lucky I wised up and left when I did, I don’t think it would have been much longer before he got physically abusive.

42. Her buying me tons of stuff and paying for things, including renting me a car when I didn’t have one so I could drive to her place, was a huge red flag that she wanted to control me. But I liked all the free stuff and she gave good blowjobs so I went in even deeper with her. Turns out, yep, she wanted to control me. A few months in she started talking about wanting to “fix” me. The obsessive behavior and the lies, my god the lies (I’m pregnant, I have cancer, etc) just got bigger and bigger.

43. He showed me pictures of his ex fiancé naked in a tub and told me “well they ARE nice pictures, right?”

I just kinda nodded and looked away. I feel so stupid for not breaking up with him at that moment.

44. He would get mad if I hadn’t seen his favorite movies. Not just like “I can’t believe you haven’t seen movie!!!” Like genuinely upset and he’d make me promise I’d watch it as if it were a condition of our being together.

The same guy told me that I’d be exactly his type of I dyed my hair black. He told me that 3 months into already dating. I knew it wasn’t optional to comply.

45. He hated his parents. This red flag is actually more of a grey flag based on a person’s reasons for said hatred. In my case, my ex hated his parents for stifling him, even though he lived off of them and relied on them to cater to his every whim. I thought it was so inspirational that he wasn’t someone who could be controlled, but later it spiraled into him turning that anger towards me. It did not end well.

46. I wasn’t the type that she normally went for. She preferred tall, white, lanky guys with blond curly hair. I’m short-ish, mixed blood brown, more stocky than lanky, and have dark wavy hair.

She continued to fawn over these preferred guys even when we were together for years. Also, we had hobbies that didn’t really overlap. I supported her in her things but she seemed indifferent to my things.

Turns out that she never really wanted me for me. I was an convenient escape from her family life. When I gave her that escape in the form of moving with her 200 miles away from them she no longer needed me. She no longer needed what I represented because her family wasn’t there to give her hell every day anymore.

She pulled away slowly more and more while I was left trying to figure out what was wrong. By this point we were together for 7 years and in the middle of planning a wedding.

She started cheating on me with, who else, but a guy is fits her preferences exactly. Also this guy was 8 years older, unemployed, no degree, no job training, and MARRIED. She knew that he was married. He knew that she was engaged. They knowingly were cheating together.

She only fessed up after I caught them together.

Seven years of my life, stolen.

47. That she didn’t clean up after herself. I didn’t realize this would be a lifelong annoyance but my wife literally won’t clean. She is 100% content sitting on the couch watching her shows while I clean. She hasn’t washed a dish since 2011.

48. He worked as a dispatcher at a police station. Never saw a problem with breaking small laws like speeding because he “knew the officers”. Years later he is in federal prison because he “knew people” and didn’t think he’d get in trouble.

49. Almost all his exes apparently were crazy…

50. For the first 2 months we dated, any time I suggested going to his place instead of mine, there was always some reason why he couldn’t do it.

Eventually discovered that he was a hoarder.

Image Credit: Kevin Laminto

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