#learningtoheal

[cyberiatv]

7 Strange Behaviors of Narcissistic Abuse Victims at Home—Without You Ev...

[learning2heal]

Now you can write for Learning to Heal— just follow 3 Steps:

https://learning-to-heal.com/blog/ ⬅️

1. Tap on the link above

2. Scroll to the bottom of the page

3. Describe what you may enjoy writing about!

*No pressure— no worries— only healing vibes*

#LearningToHeal

Once we receive and review your info— I will give you access to blog posting privileges and access to our Blog Prompt Inspiration board on Pinterest!

Oo lala! ✨

[broken-n-discarded]

Learning to function again

So every since my narcissist discarded me I have been struggling to function. Just basic things like getting out of bed and doing things I know I need to do is so difficult. I much rather stay in bed with my head buried under blankets fast asleep where I dont have to deal with all the pain. Everything when I am awake reminds me of him. Just breathing makes me think of him and I hate it. Its strange how you loose your identity in someone and when they are gone you feel like you dont even know who you are anymore, you morph yourself to be what they want and need. You dont even realize you are doing it till after they are gone and you are left not knowing what to do without them. The sad thing is that I actually would happily keep living my life that way if her would take me back. That I would be happy with my identity being what he needed and living for him if it meant he would always stay. I realize that it is not healthy, but if you cant be honest with yourself who can you be honest with? 

It got alot worse when he went public with his new gf, something that I was never allowed. For 2yrs I was his gf but in secret, he always had a reason or excuse. Always a promise of soon he would start to tell people, he just wanted to wait till it was closer to the time I would move there. Did I mention that I was suppose to move to another country for him? I was more than happy to fit into his life there and make him happy. I guess that was to much for him so he went with someone there. Just dropped me like nothing for someone easy. Now she gets to go on all the day trips we planned, meet his whole family and move into the house that we planned for together. She gets the life that was suppose to be mine and I am left lifeless and empty. All of who I was I poured into him and now its gone....I dont feel like i have the strength to build myself back up even though I know I need to. I hate when people tell me I should be grateful he left, because now I get to live the life I want....they dont understand that a life with him is what I want and so now i have to find a way to get by until I get to die. I dont feel like I will ever be happy without him because I never have been. The best and worst times of my life have been with him. People want to say that the ones that broke you cant fix you, but with him he could. He broke me when he left, but any time he came back I was magically whole again. Then the fear and anxiety of loosing him again would set in. Being an unknown narcissist victim I never understood why he kept coming back or why he treated me so poorly when he claimed to love or want me so much. Now that I know what he is, I understand he knew what he was doing and it was all a game, yet it was all real for me and I still love and miss him everyday. Every point in my life without him, I barely existed and survived. Now I have to live the rest of my life without him, because I dont think he will ever come back this time. I think this was his last round with me. Hes getting older and he just came out of a long unhappy marriage before we got back together and I have a feeling he will stay with this one. I hope he doesnt, I hope it doesn't last like all the others, but he sadly never looses. He always wins with his charm and fakeness. He actually treats people like crap but hes so charming his friends and family just think hes funny and let it go when hes actually belittling them on purpose. For once I wish he would loose it all and finally be forced to feel something. Forced to feel all the pain that he has caused me and I am sure others. 

Having to make a life for myself is not something I want to do, I am sure that to many that sounds awesome. I dont feel like I have the intelligence and strength to do it on my own, but I have no choice since he has left me and took with him the life that I wanted, dreamed of my whole life. How do you go on? How do you live knowing that another gets your dream that apparently you were not worthy of?

[wandereroftherealms]

Christmas is 20 days away, and I find myself dreading it the closer it gets. So I drew for the last hour and a half to process my grief. (the top right sketch was made back in March)

l. Christmas night, 2018. That was the last time I saw you. We said our "see you later, love you bye's", but when you closed the door, I felt a knot of fear build, and twist in my gut, I put it behind me, and told myself I was overthinking it. Little did I know that a month later, we lost you.

ll. In nearly two years, I have only had two dreams that would be considered "good" about you. The rest of them, I can't begin to explain how horrible the nightmares would be, and I think I will leave details out of this.

lll. I keep your cube in a cube either on my bookshelf or at my desk while I work. Sometimes it helps me focus, other times I'll hold it, and remember the grin on your face when you first made it, and how proud you were.

IV. I recently bought a trunk, to keep everything that reminds me of you in one space, sometimes I'll open it, and look at the keys you carried, go through the pictures of you from your childhood, up to when you and Mom were still married and lived in NY. I thought it would bring me peace, it does sometimes, but I find that I cry most of the time when I open it, I don't want to, but maybe it's what I needed to feel.

-I used to love Christmas, the joy of seeing family, and friends over the holidays, and spending time with everyone, seeing the lights, the tree, christmas movies, music, etc. Now, I want to step away, and be alone for that day. It's nothing against my family, and I know that wouldn't be fair to them either, it's just a lot of pain that comes back, and it's very difficult to process while trying to keep it together for everyone.

Maybe one day I will be able to enjoy Christmas again, it would take a long time, but I have people in my life that I love, and I want to be able to be there and celebrate with them, it's just going to take time.

[emotionallylostinlife-blog]

Act 2

It was a long week.. a week of stepping on egg shells, working to communicate better and pushing him to do more.

He kept pushing himself backwards- focusing on the issues rather than trying to solve it.. I realized that I could only do what I was doing and encourage him..

He was starting a new job and he was excited to start. We were excited for him to start. Maybe this was going to give him more motivation.

The week seemed to drag on.. a week full of ups and downs and emotions ran high. But we stayed full of hope. Damn, hope is such a strong thing..

Looking back, I second guess myself: was what he said a clue? Was his actions showing us something? I shouldn't have pushed so hard maybe..

On Friday, he decided that a trip to the hospital was his best bet... that was hard.

Suicidal thoughts are all about the person involved. There is never much in movies or books that shows the sadness, fear, or emotional toll on the family when it comes up.

There isnt a book that says what you should do. There isnt a book that says everything will be okay after. I wasn't sure that he needed this help- that we couldn't do this together as his support system. But he did. So we went and we supported him.

He laid in the bed and he dug at his nails. He spoke in a smug voice as we talked to him. It hurt that it seemed like he didnt care that we cared. It hurt that he was so withdrawn.

I tried to rationalize my thoughts and hope for the best.. he worried about his car so I said, "I hope that you didn't lose everything by being here.." He looked me dead in my face and said, "it only matters if this works."

I can't get that out of my head. Those words may never leave..

How did I not see that he was that bad?

[mistykj]

My sweet @daiziedukejohnson has been gone now for almost 2 months tommorow and I found this on my floor, it's her Favorite dog food. She was always a messy eater and threw at least a few pieces out to eat later. Now mind you we don't have any dog food anywhere. 😱🤔😏 It's her way of saying she's still around my heart wants to believe that..#MyAngelDaizieDaCockaSpanielGirl🐾🌈🐶 #GoneToDamnEarly💔🌈🐾 #CockerDaSpanielGirl #MyHeartIsNotWhole💔 #CockerSpaniel #SomeoneDropOffaNewCockerSpanielGirlOnMyDoor #LearningToHeal https://www.instagram.com/p/CJXkhSbJ0Fj/?igshid=jr1xl63al0m8

[bourgeoislatte]

Looks like I’ll be checking out Stationhead ambassador program. 🤔 We shall see what really goes on this new cool live streaming radio station. #neosouljams#igolivetomorrow#virgoseason#selfcare#tryingtofindmyway#ownyourglow#coffelife#stationheadradio#lattesrandomthoughts#lattesconfessions#learningtoheal https://www.instagram.com/p/B1o-TdwgyZE/?igshid=1u9xuea7gwi1f

[gabbydbarbosa]

Even in a place filled with despair and walls that have thousands of traumas from thousands of veterans, there is a reminder of the beauty of this hauntingly beautiful state. #takingamoment #centering #breathing #learningtoheal #tocope #toembrassmytraumas #fortheyaremine #vaclinic #lookattheflowers #therapytime #itsoktoseekhelp #fightingthedemons #vaappointment #traumasurvivor #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillnesssucks #askforahelpinghand #tryingtoheal (at VA Midtown Cboc) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1O4PrXngBC/?igshid=13770rv81za04

[morningstarmoonchild]

Went out to the ranches near my aunt's house and got to meet the local handsome gentleman, Millantros. Anyone who knows me knows it's on my bucket list to ride a horse. Though that didn't happen today I did at least got to meet a very friendly one. We had a bond. 🖤🐴 #nilissues #myjourney #learningtoheal #stepone #millantrosthehorse #animalbond #horse #suchalove #hetriedtoeatmyshirt (at Sylmar, California)

[learning2heal]

Accepting Writer Applications for The Learning to Heal Blog Learning-to-heal.com/blog #blog #writingcommunity #writerslift #blog #stories #books #wordpress #knowmore #blogging #bmore #creativity #writinglife #authorlife #story #books #culture #nature #learningtoheal #learning #bookboost #articles #internet #websitepost #bloggers #author #writer #authorsofinstagram #muse #shortstories #readercommunity #support #ontehblog https://www.instagram.com/p/Clr7X6Bji_b/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[2plan22]

RT @learningtohate: Whatever you do, DO NOT SHARE this photo of NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre with Russian agent Maria Butina. Apparently, Wayne wants it removed from the internet. https://t.co/rKNX3ULylJ 2PLAN22 http://twitter.com/2PLAN22/status/1080687744773472257

Whatever you do, DO NOT SHARE this photo of NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre with Russian agent Maria Butina. Apparently, Wayne wants it removed from the internet. pic.twitter.com/rKNX3ULylJ

— Darrell Hill (@learningtohate) December 31, 2018

[whisperingwillowssds]

These two love birds wrestle and run together from sunrise to sunset! Jake likes Fayah but he adores Indi. Follows her anywhere and everywhere. Really, can you believe he was dying and brought in to be euthanized just a few weeks ago? Compassion and love can go a long way! We need to come up with their celebrity nickname!! 😘😊🐶🐶❤ #whisperingwillowsseniordogsanctuary #whereloveiswhisperedtothelastbreath #germanshepherdmix #greatdanes #learningtoheal #lovedatlast #rescueseniordogs #oldfriendsarethebestfriends #rescuedandloved #endanimalabuse #stopanimalcruelty (at Whispering Willows Senior Dog Sanctuary)

[jkcomfort]

#poem #poetry #poetic #poetrycommunity #poetrycommunityofinstagram #poetryofinstagram #poemoftheday #writing #writingcommunity #writingsociety #writingofig #writersoftumblr #writerscommunity #writersofinstagram #writersoninstagram #writersofig #words #friend #brokenheartedpeople #hopeful #learningtoheal #life #thursdaythoughts💭

[readingtext]

RT @learningtohate: Whatever you do, DO NOT SHARE this photo of NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre with Russian agent Maria Butina. Apparently, Wayne wants it removed from the internet. http://bit.ly/2ArXD23

Whatever you do, DO NOT SHARE this photo of NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre with Russian agent Maria Butina. Apparently, Wayne wants it removed from the internet. pic.twitter.com/rKNX3ULylJ

— Darrell Hill (@learningtohate) December 31, 2018

from Twitter https://twitter.com/bjohnson January 01, 2019 at 09:21AM via IFTTT

[learning2heal]

The format of many of our posts and posting schedule may change, but the quality of our content will always remain the same! Feel free to send a message if there is anything in particular that you wish to see more of! Visit Our Site (still under construction) for pre-launch offers! Learning-to-heal.com #learningtoheal #LinkInBio #GIVEAWAYS #startup #announcement #presale #web3 #tipsforhealthylife #candlelover #holistic #healing #digital #herbs #selfcare #spreadwellness #comment #fitness #health #homeremedies #ownthenew #truthatallcosts #soywaxcadles #candlecommunity #tealights #cbdoil #youstart #mediation #nationaleducationday #massage #factsmatter (at Baltimore, Maryland) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClHDiMbuThl/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=