#lex and nightmare often relax and talk about things

[caycanteven]

"You are a stubborn little thing, do you know that?"

"I do. Though, would you have me any different?"

"No, I would not."

"Why?"

"I would miss the way your soul burns with passion for what you believe in."

"How romantic. Anything else?"

"...and with how adorable it is that you think you can challenge me."

"Ah, there it is."

[coeurdastronaute]

Stud 10

Previously on Stud

“No.” 

“I thought we agreed not to look at the price tag.” 

“How much does it cost?” Clarke wailed, groaning as she looked at the spec sheet the realtor had given them on the trip over to the building. 

“What were you complaining about if not the price?” 

“I don’t complain, thank you.” 

“You often voice your concern in a loud and disgruntled manner,” Lexa explained as she continued scrolling on her phone, checking her emails eagerly. 

The car slowly trickled its way down the busy streets toward their evening appointment. It’d become somewhat of a routine at this point, and Lexa was certain their realtor would get sick of them after a dozen or so showings, and they were none the closer to agreeing on anything. 

“It has five bedrooms and six bathrooms, Lex.” 

“But the location and the view.” 

“We don’t need that big of a place.” 

“One can be an office, one is our room, one is an art studio for you, and that leaves two bedrooms for visitors. You know Aden will be dying to stay, and my dad, and your parents when the visit. And what about Raven? She needs a place..” 

“We don’t need that much space. Your dad owns a place on the Upper East, so he doesn’t need any room.”

“But the view.” 

“Can we at least agree on size?”

“I don’t like to limit ourselves. What if we find the right place but it has like an extra bedroom?”

With a sigh, Clarke tossed the paper between them on the seat before looking out the window of the unmoving scenery. It was a rainy day, and a balmy evening. She hadn’t enjoyed the house hunting as much as she’d thought she would. Something about finding a place together felt more like a nightmare than a dream. They couldn’t seem to agree on much of anything, and Clarke didn’t want to fight anymore. She just wanted to magically find a place they agreed upon and she wanted to not live out of suitcases at Lexa’s because her place sold so quickly. 

It didn’t help that Lexa was a little busier than normal with her new pet project, or that Clarke was feeling the pressure of work and her parents and her friends. It was a rough spring, and she just wanted something to work out. 

“I don’t want a big place. I want something comfortable, and ours. It can be a studio for all I care.” 

Lexa paused and turned off her phone, the back of the car going darker with the absence of its light. It’d been a long few weeks of running around and looking everywhere, and she wasn’t sure why, but it was only right there that she felt a wave of sadness on her chest. It might have been Clarke’s voice, or her optimism despite it all. 

There was a way in which Lexa was vastly aware of how much she worked, and with Maggie getting started, she was conscious not to get completely sucked into it. She also knew that she was distracted, and Clarke was kind enough not to hold a grudge. There might have been a tiny part of Lexa that almost didn’t want to find a new place because she loved her place, and she did not like change. 

“I take back the thing about you complaining all the time.” 

“I don’t think you said all the time.” 

“Right,” Lexa nodded and smiled, taking her girlfriend’s hands. “Let’s skip this one. It’s not for us anyway.” 

“We already told Elaine we’d be there. I’m not going to make her mad. I kind of like her and she’s put up with us.” 

With a dramatic flourish, Lexa sagged against the back of her seat and chanced a peak at her girl to see if a tantrum would have it’s desired effect. It never did, but she always had to give it a try. When it failed, she tried to the grin, the same grin that led to window sex, that grin. It was effective sometimes, though she never tried it in a car. 

“I promise you right now, that we will find a place by May first, and we will be enjoying our own place all summer.” 

“We’re going to London in June, and I was invited to a family trip to some beach house. And we promised my parents we’d visit.” 

“Okay, we will find a home and we will have a place to come back to, just ours,” Lexa kissed her girlfriend’s hand and held it, trying her best to sound as reassuring as possible. “Plus, that’s not a family trip. That’s the annual board retreat and it’s dreadful.” 

“What about the family trip?” 

“Aden picked camping. So we’ll be hitting a few national parks.” 

“But you.... You guys own like mansions on lakes.” 

“Dad’s stoked. We used to camp all the time when we were kids. He dug out all the old gear and booked the grounds.” 

“Like tent camping?” 

Lexa smiled and nodded earning a slight sigh from the teacher beside her. 

“For someone who is adverse to the luxury of my position in life, you sure do like the fancy digs and vacations.” 

“I know,” Clarke shook her head and looked out the window again. “I’m getting spoiled. I just don’t like nature that much.” 

“So you’re bailing?” 

“No! It’s a family trip, of course I’m going to be there.” 

That part made Lexa feel a bit warm in her chest. Of course Clarke would say something like that, and of course she would like to go anywhere her family did. So she squeezed her hand and picked up the paper to look at the specs for the place. 

“Maybe this place will be it,” Lexa offered. “Too big and all. Wouldn’t that view of the park be so nice? And those windows.” 

“You do seem to love windows,” Clarke recalled, flushing slightly. 

“I think we’re here,” Gus offered as he pulled up to a building. “Nice looking place from the front.” 

“We’ll find our way home tonight, Gus,” Lexa informed the driver. “I think I owe Clarke dinner.” 

“I can wait.”

“No,” Clarke offered sweetly. “She really does owe me dinner. Have a good night. Thanks for the lift.”

“Good luck in there,” he smiled and closed the door after letting them out. 

Before he pulled away, Gus stood by the car and watched. Clarke hugged Lexa’s side and Lexa had her arm over her shoulder. She kissed her temple absently and the driver who had held her in his arms on the day that she was born felt insanely proud at the moment he’d witnessed. He’d always worried about her, especially after the death of her mother. But Clarke was a spark. Lexa knew him well enough to know he’d still be there, to turn around before they moved to the elevators with the realtor and gave him a wave and a smile that he returned. Gus truly did hope they would find their home, because Lexa needed a place to come back to no matter what. 

XXXXXXXXXX

The view of the park was spectacular. 

Clarke didn’t pay much attention to it, not at the present moment despite her forehead resting on the glass. She felt Lexa kiss her shoulder before her tepid breath moved to her neck and a hand that tugged her shirt higher while another was firmly rooting around in her shorts. There were words happening,but Clarke couldn’t really decipher much of them. Her fingertips clawed and found no traction against the glass. 

As sloppy and poorly planned as it’d been, Clarke relaxed, going slightly limp, allowing the window and her girlfriend to support her as she tried to catch her breath and remembering the feeling of the cool glass against her heated skin. 

“I love our place,” Lexa whispered, kissing Clarke’s shoulder and earning a chuckle. “So many windows.” 

“I don’t know which will be worse,” Clarke stood on her own slightly. “Sore from moving all of the stuff or from christening every surface and new piece of furniture we get.” 

“How can you be sore when I make you feel so good?” 

There was a mischievous grin there that Clarke kissed in an instant, gobbling a Lexa in such a good mood up deliciously. Even though they were both slightly sweaty, she held her close, not minding the smudges she was sure existed behind them. 

“Our place,” Clarke muttered, something she was still not used to saying. “Can you believe we agreed on a place?” 

“Yeah, because you’re spoiled and I give you whatever you asked for. It was inevitable.” 

“Shush.” 

“Our first night, and you’re hushing me. Sounds about right.” 

“You make me sound like I’m a demanding brute instead of an incredibly devoted,” Clarke explained, kissing her girlfriend’s neck. “Alluring,” her jaw. “Loving,” her lips. “Supportive partner.” 

“You’re a complex woman, Griffin.” 

With a shrug and a smile, Lexa relaxed a bit. The sun was setting later as the spring bloomed in the city. There was something sweet to the moment, and she was savoring it because she was someone who held moments tightly. 

“We should order dinner. We didn’t unpack anything.” 

“The bed is set up.” 

“And that’s it,” Clarke shook her head. 

“You wanted to do it all yourself.” 

“Yes, well, I got distracted by your affinity for--”

“Fucking you against hte window,” Lexa agreed quite seriously. “Yeah yeah. When are you going to stop using that as an excuse?”

“When you stop doing it.” 

“So… never?” Lexa pushed forward again until Clarke was leaning against the window. She hissed slightly at the chil as hands moved to her hips. “You’re just so pretty and I have an outrageous amount of affection for you.”

“Don’t sweet talk me.” 

Somewhere between the kiss and the complaint, the buzzer went off. And despite Lexa’s idea to ignore it, Clarke slipped from her grasp and pressed the button. She felt her stomach growl and she realized how hungry she was. They did need to eat, and they did need to start unpacking. With a forlorn glance she looked away from the windows once again. 

“Your dad is on his way up,” Clarke yelled from the other room. “Please wipe off the window or something. I’m going to clean up in the bathroom.” 

Despite the frantic screech and order, Lexa just looked around at the boxes and held up her hands, unsure of how she was supposed to find anything. Instead, she listened to her girlfriend swear as she bumped into something and ran into the bathroom. Lexa just moved toward the door. 

“Hey, kid,” Alex grinned and hugged his daughter at the door. “I was just heading home and I thought I’d bring you a house warming present. See if you needed any help hanging up shelves. I’m quite good at that kind of thing you know.” 

“I know, I know. Not yet, but I’ll let you know.” 

“I ran into Elaine in the lobby.” 

When he moved aside, Lexa saw her realtor and nodded politely at her. 

“Great minds,” she offered, holding out a bottle of wine. “I tried to drop something off before, but you guys were quicker than I thought you’d be moving in.” 

“The reno guys were really good,” Lexa explained, examining the bottle. “Thank you. This is one of my favorites. Come in, guys. We haven’t made a dent in unpacking, but please--”

“Where’s that pretty girlfriend of yours?” 

“Sorry, I was just… um… is that wine?” Clarke breezed in and accepted a bigger hug from Alex than Lexa got. She kissed the realtor’s cheeks and accepted a half-hug. “Did you two plan this?” 

“No, no, just good timing,” Elain blushed slightly as she looked from Alex back to the pair. 

“What do you think,” Lexa turned to the girl who hugged her side. “Our first dinner party?” 

“We were just going to order, and these are both very good looking wines,” her girlfriend agreed before turning to her father. “Would you both like to join us?” 

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Alex waited for the inevitable refusal of his refusal. 

“Yeah, I just wanted to drop this off. I hadn’t even planned on coming--”

“You can’t let us drink this on our own,” Lexa shook her head. “Come on. We’ll have some food and finally christen this place.” 

There was a slight elbow in her ribs, but Lexa was proud of her choice of words. She was proud of her place and she was proud of her girl, and she was proud of being someone who could invite people in for a quick dinner and drinks. 

“Please stay,” Clarke offered again. “We always order too much, and you’re saving me from having to do any unpacking tonight.” 

“I think we have to stay then,” Alex grinned and looked expectantly at the realtor who finally gave in. 

“Perfect.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“It was a very nice place,” Elaine promised. 

“You’re being generous,” Alex chuckled as he shook his head. “We thought it was going to be a nice area. We should have listened to you.” 

“I can’t believe Mom let you make that call,” Lexa laughed before taking another sip of her wine. “Or that you let him buy it.” 

“We were all young and dumb,” the realtor shook her head and took another drink as well. “That would have been thirty or so years ago.” 

The foursome sat on a hodgepodge of furniture assembled on the patio overlooking the park and the trees and the beautiful sunset. With take out containers passed around and random plates and plastic cutlery, they shared and laughed and drank wine from coffee mugs. It’d been an evening of good conversation and good wine and good food, and much to Lexa’s liking, she stole food from her girlfriend’s plate and laughed at her father’s stories. 

“Your mother never let me hear the end of it, anytime we bought a new property, I wasn’t allowed to even say I like it or not.” 

“At least we agreed,” Clarke offered. “I think you eventually had a good eye to find this place.” 

“Well, when you finally agreed to live with me, I figured I should provide adequate shelter.”

From her spot, Clarke leaned against Lexa’s legs and looked up at her, smiling and in love. It was a sight to see. Lexa swirled her wine and took it all in, as she was known to do, while her father reminisced with Elaine, barely remembering each other from too long ago. Lexa rubbed her girlfriend’s shoulder and her neck absently. 

“It’s almost unbearable, isn’t it?” Alex shook his head after watching the two of them. He smiled at the pair across from him. 

“What’s that?” Elaine leaned closer. 

For a moment, Clarke and Lexa were making eyes and whispering, smiling, happily unaware that they were now the subject of observation. 

“How happy and in love they are.” 

She turned her gaze upon them and sighed, amazed by it after finally having the time to observe them. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“I’m so proud of her.” 

This time, Elaine turned toward the beaming father and smiled smaller, to herself, in awe of such honesty and the source itself. 

“Don’t look now, but I think your dad is hitting it off with the realtor,” Clarke whispered after tossing a glance at the pair across from them. 

“You’re completely impossible lately. Trying to set up everyone we know.” 

“Maggie and Raven could hook up.” 

Lexa just shook her head and finished her drink. 

“Can I get anyone a top off?” she interrupted the conversation as she stood. 

XXXXXXXXXX

“I think she liked him and he was certainly interested in her,” Clarke informed Lexa. “You didn’t pick up on those vibes?” 

“My dad doesn’t have vibes.” 

The girl at the sink snorted as she continued to rinse out the paltry amount of dishes they’d accumulated in their tiny dinner party. Disinterested in anything at all, Lexa absently played with her empty mug, waiting for the moment to carry her girl to the bedroom and sleep off the inevitable wine hangover. 

“Aw babe. He might not know it, but they were definitely hitting it off.”

Despite how amused Clarke was at the whole thing, Lexa felt her cheeks grow warm at the thought of the betrayal. It didn’t sit right, it didn’t feel right, and everything felt heavier caught in the wine-shaded haze of the long night. 

“There’s no way. He’s… he’s not interested in anything like that.” 

“For someone who likes fucking me against windows, you sure are a prude. He looked like he was having fun. Let the man flirt a bit.”

“You’re reading too much into it.”

“Does he at least know that you’re okay with him dating someone else?” 

“I’m not.”

There was a pause. Clarke looked up from the kitchen sink toward the girl at the island, and she waited for the joke, for the laugh, for the punchline. But nothing else came. 

“You can’t expect him to be lonely for the rest of time.”

“He has friends. He stays busy.” 

Hands were on hips, and Lexa knew it was a fight before she could stop it. But she didn’t care. She was having feelings, and they were burning up through her veins and scorching her neck and cheeks and chest. 

“And every night he crawls into an empty bed, Lexa,” Clarke argued. “I don’t know about you, but when you’re gone for a week, by Tuesday I’m absolutely sappy with missing having you near. I can’t imagine how that is for him.” 

“He doesn’t want anyone else.” 

“Maybe he doesn’t, but don’t you think it’s important for him to know that you don’t want him to be alone?” 

“No.” 

It was stark and honest for the moment. Lexa wondered if she sounded selfish or confident in her delivery. There was a thin line between spoiled and demanding. 

“If it were you, and something happened to me, I’d want you to never feel an ounce of sadness or like you were alone or like I would want to take away one second of your life pining away for me.” 

“But you’re you, and you’re not dying,” Lexa shook her head and spoke forcefully with her hands. “I don’t want anyone else. I want you and only you. Ever.” 

“Your father has a few decades ahead of himself, and he’s supposed to pine away forever?” 

Lexa didn’t like the thoughts in her head or the words that were coming out of her mouth or her girlfriend’s mouth. But they kept happening. There wasn’t a pause button. 

“That’s my dead mother you’re replacing!” 

“No one could replace her! I can’t believe you’re acting like this.” 

“I never thought this would be an actual option. I’m sorry I’m not mature enough to handle the idea of my father with someone else.” 

There was something to be said for the honesty. Clarke only ever asked for that from her girlfriend, and when she got it, the actual hard parts, she was always proud, even in heated exchanges or disagreements. Maybe even more so then. And even when she was mad, she softened because it was Lexa. 

“I didn’t know your mother,” Clarke began, soft and gentle despite the anger she fought to keep down for the moment. There would be time to be forceful later. “But I’ve heard stories from everyone I’ve met through you. She was a force that I can’t even fathom. Your father’s potential choice of going on a date with a woman does not take away his love or devotion to her. Nothing could do that.” 

Lexa grit her teeth and took a deep breath. 

“She was my favorite person and sometimes I feel like I’m losing her.” 

“Just because you don’t actively think of her every second doesn’t mean that you aren’t. She created your whims and your thoughts and your like and dislikes-- she made you a person and every action you do is because of her. She’s innate to you, love.”

“I don’t know.” 

“Gus told me a story about how he saw your mom and dad fighting after some event, and when he mimicked her, he moved his hands,” and Clarke moved it to show what she meant. “And it was exactly what you do when you get frustrated and mad. You just did it two minutes ago. She’s not gone. Your father deserves happiness.” 

“He does.”

“Let the man go on a date.”

“I can’t stop him. He’s an adult--”

Clarke gave her a look until she acknowledged her power. Lexa nodded and looked away before flopping down on the still-covered couch, defeated and exhausted from the uproar of thoughts and feelings. 

“I’m sorry I yelled,” Lexa offered quietly between them. Clarke didn’t move closer, but just stood across the room until she leaned against a chair. 

“I’m sorry I yelled,” she returned. “You’re just insanely frustrating sometimes when you’re purposefully obtuse. And I know your father, so I know who is really to blame for that genetic gift I have to deal with.” 

Despite the dig, Lexa smiled to herself and snorted. Sometimes Clarke was too good at deciphering her, and to be left so bare and honest and broken down into her simplest parts was excruciating and wonderful, all at the same time. It’s easy to see what’s wrong with an engine when you take it all apart to find the source of the problem. 

 “I hadn’t thought of any of this. I don’t know what to think.” 

“We can figure it out tomorrow, if you want.”

It was hesitant because the entirety of their conversation had been so heavy and unresolved that Clarke wasn’t sure Lexa would want to go to bed or if she’d be stuck in her head about most of the ideas. But Lexa watched her shy smile and she returned it, holding out her hand before moving. 

Clarke crossed the box-mined living room and took a seat on her girlfriend’s lap, carefully kissing her cheek before laying her own on Lexa’s shoulder. 

“I wouldn’t know what to do without you anymore,” Lexa confessed, the first time she’d had that thought. “You’ve ruined me.” 

“Guess I should stick around then, huh?”

Lexa hugged her close and nodded. 

“I’ll talk to my dad.” 

“Only if you’re ready.”

“Maybe I should talk to aden first. He’s brilliant.” 

“He surely got the brains,” Clarke agreed. “And the talent, and the physical prowess, and the--”

“Okay, okay. I get it.” 

“Let’s go to bed. I’ll make pancakes in the morning.” 

Lexa smiled and nodded, because nothing in the world sounded better to her than waking up with Clarke and eating pancakes.

NEXT

[plusultramha]

🖤CHEXIAN🖤

Who are they?: Cheshire and Lexian.

SHIP NAME: Chexian.

Endgame or non-endgame?: Endgame.

How did they first met?: These two met when they were teenagers. 

What was the first impression about each other?: Cheshire liked Lexian instantly and tried to flirt with him, but Lex wasn’t really out of the closet yet, so he rejected him (quite aggressively if I might add).

Who kissed who first?: Ches kissed Lexian first, basically to make him shut up.

How often do they fight?: Quite often. Lexian has a very short fuse and Cheshire knows exactly how to ruffle his feathers, even if sometimes he doesn’t do it on purpose.

Who is the dominant one?: That would be Cheshire. Lexian has a very dominant energy which he tries to keep all the time, but sometimes Ches makes him submissive or he simply gives up.

Most trivial thing they fight over: Probably by something Cheshire kept messing around about and Lexian didn’t like.

Who is most likely to apologize first after an argument?: Definitely Cheshire. Lexian is WAY too proud.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?: Lexian is a musician, so when he’s alone he’s usually working on something music-wise and doesn’t really mind not having Cheshire there. Ches on the other hand is usually doing a job, so he’d be focused on that.

Nicknames for each other?: They don’t really use pet names. Since they’re close, they call each other “Ches” and “Lex” respectively. Lexian also calls Cheshire by his real name, Killian, when they’re alone.

Who cusses more?: They both can cuss quite a lot, but Lexian takes the cake.

What would they do if the other was hurt?: Take them to safety, or beat the shit out of the person responsible, depending on the severity of the wounds.

Who is the more protective?: Cheshire is, but they don’t really act that protective with each other unless it’s a very serious situation.

Who is more likely to hurt the other? (Physically or emotionally): Physically it’d be Lexian, he’s way too aggressive sometimes. Emotionally, both of them could do some damage if they wanted to.

Who is emotionally stronger?: They’re both kind of messy, but maybe Cheshire is a bit stronger emotionally.

Who is physically stronger?: They’re pretty much equal. Ches is bigger than Lexian, but he has great strength due to his quirk.

Who treats who’s wounds more often?: They both can get in trouble quite a lot so both of them have to take care of wounds every once in a while.

Who gets more jealous?: Lexian FOR SURE. Cheshire is flirty by nature, even if most of the time he doesn’t do it to get anything out of people, so it pisses off Lex quite a lot. Cheshire doesn’t get jealous unless there’s veeeeery good reason for it.

Who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?: Cheshire does. Lexian still has trouble showing affection in public.

Who is better at cheering the other up?: Ches is. He’s a dork so he’d do anything in his power to somehow make Lexian laugh.

Who sits on who’s lap?: They don’t really do it, but sometimes Cheshire makes Lex sit on his lap since he’s smaller than him (Lex is not a fan).

Who would give the other an unprompted massage?: If they’re chilling alone somewhere, sure, they could.

Who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports?: Both of them, actually. They’re pretty competitive when it comes to games.

How they spend time together?: They love hanging out and just relaxing in one of their houses, but they also enjoy going to concerts or fun music-related activities, which are usually suggested by Lexian.

Who is the night owl?: Cheshire is. Lexian LOVES sleeping.

Are they cuddlers?: They absolutely are.

Big spoon/Little spoon: Ches is definitely the big spoon and Lex the little one. It just works with their heights.

Who likes seeing the other wearing their t-shirt?: Cheshire loves seeing Lex wearing his clothes, as well as he loves stealing clothes from him.

Who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares?: None of them usually do, but Cheshire would be a bit more likely due to all the things he’s seen during some jobs.

Who initiates kissing during a movie, thus distracting the other from the movie all together?: Definitely Cheshire. He wouldn’t give a single shit about the movie. Sometimes, Lex could do it too.

Who stares at their partner while they’re sleeping?: He wouldn’t admit it, but Lexian does quite often.

Who kisses their partner while they sleep?: Cheshire does.

How do they hide their pain when they’re upset? Do they even try to hide it? Does the other one notice?: It’s very noticeable when one of them is upset, even if they try their best to hide it. They usually don’t like talking about it, but somehow they always end up doing it.

Is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other?: For Lexian it is. He doesn’t like to feel vulnerable at all, and sharing his feelings would make him feel so. Cheshire is a bit more open, but prefers to add a bit of humor to it to make it less awkward.

Do either of them have a special item that reminds them of each other?: Not really, no.

Who cries more? How does the other person react to it?: None of them are the kind of people who would cry often. If one of them did, the other would probably freak out a bit and not know what to do at first.

How about teasing? Do they tease each other?: Cheshire IS a huge tease. He teases Lexian constantly, which sometimes doesn’t turn out quite pleasant depending on what he decides to tease him with.

Who’s more patient? is it hard to break that patience?: Lex has 0% patience, so Cheshire has to have it for him.

Who’s more likely to fall asleep with their head on the others lap?: Both of them, actually. It’s one of those quiet moments they so rarely get.

Who likes to play with the other’s hair?: They don’t really play with each other’s hair per se, but Cheshire likes to mess Lexian’s hair up sometimes.

The place they mostly likely accidentally fall asleep together?: Each other’s beds, of course.

Their favorite pass time together: Playing video games. Lexian playing music for Cheshire or even teaching him about it.

Relationship:

Cheshire and Lexian struggled quite a lot to get to where they are right now.  Ches is not one to give up easily, and Lexian is not one to make things simple for anybody, so their relationship is a constant push and pull. At the end of the day they both love each other deeply, but their personalities clash often, making it challenging for them to have a quiet day. The fact that they had to break up when Lexian needed to move away only made things feel more intense. Chesire didn’t want him to go, and he also couldn’t go with him, so the fact that Lex still left broke his heart, even if he wouldn’t openly admit it. But it is the same for Lexian, since he asked Cheshire to come with him and he refused, wanting to investigate his mother’s disappearance which he could only do there. He understood his needs for answers, but it still bothered him that he would just let him go that easily. When they reunite, things are a bit awkward. None of them really wants to talk about how they left when they separated, feeling hurt over it, yet the both of them still care for each other and would give it a second shot. Cheshire suggests this, but Lexian refuses at first, hiding under his usual angry self and saying he doesn’t want to deal with Cheshire’s bullshit anymore. Of course, with time, things change and Cheshire manages to break through Lexian’s walls, getting back together.

How they met and first impressions:

They met when they were teenagers. Cheshire liked Lexian instantly and tried to flirt with him, but Lex wasn’t really out of the closet yet, so he rejected him (quite aggressively if I might add). He was with his group of friends, who didn’t even know Lexian was gay at the time, so the fact that Cheshire approached him with the clear intentions he had made him extremely anxious. However, Ches seemed to understand what was going on and later on found Lex when he was alone, apologizing for putting him in an uncomfortable situation. Lexian tries to play it off, saying he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and tells Cheshire to leave him alone.

How they got to know each other:

They frequented the same night clubs and Cheshire was very quick to spot Lexian in a crowd, which was impressive sometimes (or annoying, according to Lexian). With time, he managed to convince Lexian to give him his phone number so they could hang out without his friends being around. Lex reluctantly accepted this, wanting Cheshire to stop bothering him, but deep down feeling curious about him.

How, when and why did they fall in love:

It all happened slowly and with time. At first they were both testing the waters, Cheshire was mostly playing around like he always did, while Lexian preferred it that way, since he didn't feel ready to have an actual relationship with a guy. But eventually, Cheshire confessed how he only wanted to spend time with Lexian and no one else, which put Lexian in the spot, trying to figure out if he actually wanted the same with him. Turns out, he did.

What do they bring to the relationship:

Cheshire has helped Lexian come out of his shell a bit more. Since he had been bullied in the past, Lex didn't feel comfortable talking about his sexuality with anybody, and preferred to keep it a secret or even pretend he wasn't gay at all. But thanks to Ches he starts accepting who he is and showing it to the world. Lexian on the other hand managed to become the only person Cheshire has even fallen in love with, which is a totally new experience for him. He wasn't used to having an actual, serious relationship, being used to making out and one-night-stands, but Lex made him want more out of life.

[ecfandom]

New HC!!

Rehab AU

Lexa is a famed Hollywood director who is known for her evocative and thought provoking films. But she’s also known to be a lose canon and a little unhinged. She comes from a lot of hardship and busted her ass to get to the top, but not without...baggage.

That baggage explodes all over the floor when Lexa’s highly public breakup with her actress girlfriend is blasted all over the media. Lexa, known to drink and partake in things less than recreational, spirals into an all out bender. The media frenzy is UGLY.

Lexa hits rock bottom and is told that if she wants to continue working with this particular studio, she has to check into rehab. And when she does, the media forgets about her and she feels...alone.

And she’s always felt alone but maybe didn’t really notice it before? Or maybe she didn’t know it was loneliness. Maybe she thought that gnawing ache at her heart was just a product of who she was. But when she gets home after 6 months or rehab to her huge, empty house...well maybe she’s finally figuring out what lonely feels like.

But a day later when there’s a knock at her beach side mansion, she thinks lonely—anything, really—would be better than the girl standing at her front door with two suitcases and a box.

Clarke, as she comes to learn, is her mandatory, studio-appointed live-in post-rehab sobriety coach.

“You’ve got to be fucking shitting me.”

“Afraid not,” Clarke says, her smile never fading. But Lexa didn’t spend decades training to not know when someone was faking it.

Not for the first time, Lexa is grateful her house is so big. It means she only has to see Clarke during her three mandatory, nutrient-packs meals and her two fitness sessions. As someone who was used to her own specifically crafted 6-day a week workout routine, the mandatory sessions with Clarke are maybe the worst part of her infringement on Lexa’s life.

Clarke, somehow, is always smiling no matter what vitriol Lexa spews at her. She’s resilient, Lexa will give her that. And it’s nice, sometimes, to not always be so alone. Clarke’s hands are soft on her sweaty forehead when she wakes up from nightmares. Her voice is pleasant as it coaxes her back to sleep. Somehow, in the  mornings after, Clarke always knows what Lexa wants to eat.

The more Lexa tries to resist, the more Clarke is there, and eventually, Lexa is too tired to keep fighting. The first time Clarke makes her smile is at the gym.

“Why don’t you show me YOUR routine this time,” Clarke says after an hour of Lexa’s typical moaning and groaning.

Clarke lasts all of twenty minutes and has Lexa’s lips twitching as she desperately tries to do a pull-up.

“A valiant effort.”

“I won’t quite.”

“Then for both of our sakes, let me help.”

Clarke let’s her take her by the hips and hoist her upwards. Lexa tries to ignore how nice the skin of Clarke’s hip bones feel beneath her palms.

Lexa still struggles. There are nights she thinks her skin might literally turn inside out if she doesn’t have a drink. It’s one of those nights and Clarke is at the store. Lexa wants so badly to run down to the gas station for some cheap liquor. A cigarette. Anything. But she thinks of Clarke’s face, how it would fall in disappointment the way it always does when Lexa broke any of her rules.

Lexa runs straight for the pool and jumps in, clothes and all.

The cool water soothes the pain down to a tolerable, dull ache. Clarke finds her there pretty quickly. She squats down by the side of the pool, a beautiful grin on her face as Lexa wades over to her. Lexa can’t quite keep herself from leaning into Clarke’s touch when the life coach runs her hand over Lexa’s forehead, pushing back a mess of wet hair.

“Whatcha doin?” She asks, and Lexa nearly loses herself in that sweet smile.

Lexa loves the balcony at night. It’s why she bought the house. The stretch of private beach, the waves against the rocky cliff side, the seagulls, the smell of salt and fish, the warm breeze. It’s all collides into perfection for nights spent on the balcony.

Clarke is licking ice cream off her fingers, has gotten to her pinky, before Lexa realizes she’s staring at the pretty girl with rosy cheeks and beach crazy hair. There’s nothing white like beach hair on the sweet, persistent woman.

Lexa clears her throat and looks away, picking at the skin of her thumbs. Clark’s hasn’t caught this bad habit yet, but Lexa has faith she will soon enough.

“Whatcha thinkin about?”

When Lexa looks up, Clarke is looking over at her, the fairy lights strung above their heads glistening in her eyes.

Lexa shrugs. “Just wondering when this will get easier. When I’ll stop craving everything that wants to put me in the ground. I’m just wondering when I stop being an addict and get to be a good person.”

“You’ll never stop being an addict, Lexa.”

It’s not said with malice, but still, somehow it’s hurts and it’s not what she was expecting. Not from Clarke. Her sweet, always smiling, always encouraging Clarke.

“You just have to train yourself to be addicted to something good for you. But you’ll never stop being and addicted. Once and addict, always an addict...”

It rings too personal for Lexa to miss. She looks up but Clarke isn’t looking at her anymore. She’s looking off across the ocean and seems like she’s miles away.

“Are you...” Lexa starts to ask, but Clarke shakes her head.

“I loved an addict. And he died. For a while, I thought it’d kill me too.”

Lexa doesn’t know what to say. Not that she could if she did. Not with her heart in her throat. Clarke loved an addict once. She wouldn’t make that mistake again. Nodding, mostly to herself, Lexa excuses herself for the night and convinces herself that Clarke could never love her. It’s better that way.

If Clarke feels any differently about Lexa after their talk, she doesn’t show it. Lexa, however, can’t meet Clarke’s eyes.

It doesn’t take long for Lexa to remember what lonely feels like. Clarke is right there, but somehow, Lexa feels so alone.

Her therapy sessions are getting harder. She can tell Clarke senses it on their rides back. It’s on these rides in particular that Lexa wishes she could have her license back already.

Her therapist is ruthless and leaves no stone unturned.

“It’s time to talk about Aden, Lexa.”

Clarke sits there silent, for ten minutes, just staring out the window, challenging, refusing to talk.

“He was five when he died. You were?”

Lexa clenches her jaw.

“Fifteen, is that right?”

“I won’t talk to you about him. I won’t.”

“It was your birthday. You went to your family’s lake house. You didn’t know he had wondered down to the shore after dinner.”

“Stop.”

“It wasn’t your fault. Your parents, they shouldn’t have been drinking—“

“Enough!” Lexa doesn’t know she’s stood up until she finds her therapist looking up at her. She storms out, nearly breaking the front door as it slams open. Clarke jumps at the sight of her, jumping up to catch Lexa by the shoulders.

“Lex, hey, what’s—“

Lexa’s crying. She never cries, but she is. She’s crying and shaking her head and saying, “I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

“Okay, it’s okay. You’re okay,” Clarke soothes, her hands now on Lexa’s cheeks. “Let’s get you home.”

Lexa sleeps for nearly twenty four hours. When she wakes and wanders into the living room, Clarke is waiting for her with a plate of fruits and veggies and cheeses. She’s made Lexa’s favorite smoothie. Her hair is down and wet, her cheeks flushed from a warm shower she must have just finished. Her shirt is thin and airy and she looks so wonderfully soft. Lexa relaxes as soon as she sees her.

“I made your favorite.” Clarke holds up the glass with a sort of nervous hopefulness to her that makes Lexa smile.

“Thank you.” She takes it and sips from it. It’s perfect and it makes her laugh.

Things aren’t fixed, but they’re better. Lexa has nightmares every night for two weeks, but somehow it feels like detox. Like after all the pain, she will finally find some closure.

It comes, or starts to, one night on the balcony. Clarke is sipping on a coke, Lexa on her healthy, fruit infused water, courtesy of Clarke.

“Who’s Aden?”

Clarke says it with no warning and Lexa quite nearly chokes on her strawberry water.

“You say his name. In your nightmares.”

“Clarke—“

“You don’t have to tell me. I just thought...it might be nice to talk about it.”

“The way you talk about your addict?” Lexa bites back.

Clarke pales and Lexa immediately regrets it. She gives an inch. “If you can’t talk about your dead boyfriend, don’t ask me about my dead brother.”

Clarke looks up at her, some shade of surprise on her face. “He wasn’t my boyfriend.”

“Your husband then.”

“My father.”

“Oh.” Lexa shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I thought.”

“That’s why you left.”

“What? I never—“

“Maybe not physically, but you did leave. We had something, and I was just getting around to beating myself up for the ethical dilemma of it all, but you fixed that for me when you woke up one day and acted like you couldn’t even stand the sight of me.”

“I—“ but Lexa doesn’t know what to say. She shakes her head, trying to put it all together. Clarke liked her? Clarke LIKED her. And Lexa...Lexa messed it up. “You liked me?”

“You didn’t know?”

Lexa shakes her head.

“I think I may have been falling for you.”

“What?”

“You’re surprised?” Clarke asks with a chuckle. “Look at you.”

Lexa does which only makes Clarke chuckle again.

They sit there quiet for a while. Lexa’s still processing when she says, “He was five when he died. He was my baby brother. He should be graduating high school this year. But I couldn’t save him.” 

“Lexa--” 

“I turned to the very thing that killed him. My parents were drunk, and I turned around and fell right into line. What kind of bullshit? I mean, come on. Talk about bottom of the barrel.”

Clarke’s hand falls to her knee and Lexa nearly startles at how soft and gentle it is wrapped around her thigh. “Tendencies towards addiction are often hereditary, Lexa. You can’t blame yourself.”

“I can.”

“Well, you shouldn’t.”

“Clarke—“

Lexa’s eyes fill with tears as she shakes her head. “I could have saved him. I should have noticed sooner. I should have been watching him.”

“You couldn’t have known, Lexa. Oh, sweet Lexa.” She grips Lexas face in her hands and wipes at her tears. “You don’t deserve this kind of agony. You don’t.”

“He was just a baby.”

“And you were just a child. A child, Lexa.”

Lexa swallows, staring into Clarke’s now wet eyes. She’s never seen anyone so beautiful.

They fall asleep on the balcony together that night, Lexa’s head in Clarke’s lap, Clarke’s fingers in her hair.

It takes a two weeks for them to end up on the balcony at night together again.  Clarke’s in the pool, Lexa at sitting on the edge with her feet in the water.

“I didn’t cheat on Costia,” she says suddenly.

“What?”

“My break up. The media. They said I cheated on her. I didn’t. I would never.”

“Okay,” Clarke says, frowning at her with a smile.

“I just needed you to know that.”

Clarke smiles again something small and sweet. “Okay.”

“Do you believe me.”

“I do. But does it really matter?”

“It does.”

“Why?”

“Because I think I was falling for you too.”

Clarke swallows, and wades over until she’s standing almost between Lexa’s legs. “And now?” She asks, her eyes cast down. Her eyelashes are sprinkled with water droplets and it makes Lexa’s breath catch.

“Now...I’m just hoping I don’t hit the ground before you catch me.”

Clarke laughs and it sounds like pure joy.

“Do you think...I could maybe kiss you?”

“Please,” Clarke breathes.

Lexa scoops her up under the arms and and hauls her into lap. The kiss isn’t great because neither of them can stop smiling, but it doesn’t matter.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke chuckles, pulling back. “Can we do that again?”

Lexa grins and leans in, and this time, it’s perfect. When she pulls away to catch her breath, she can’t help but think back to Clarke’s words.

“Why are you smiling?”

“I can’t smile after kissing the most wonderful girl I’ve ever met?”

Clarke grins as she shakes her head.

“Alright. Well, I was just thinking.”

“What were you thinking?”

“That I could spend the rest of my life being addicted to you.”

[gashinamoon]

steal some covers, share some skin

Summary: Kara and Lena spend some peaceful moments together as the sun rises.

Words: 1781

Tags: Fluff, ALL THE FLUFF, very very minor angst, Pillow Talk 

Notes: I literally got this idea at 2 in the morning and I made a bunch of half asleep notes in my phone and somehow managed to turn it into something coherent when I finished work tonight. Honestly, I've been thinking about this all day and I couldn't wait to get home and finally write it!

Please let me know what you think when you're done :)

Read on AO3

Lena doesn’t like to let herself think too much about how Kara staying over has become a normal almost everyday thing.

For so many reasons.

The main of which being that to Kara, spending the night at Lena’s is just a sleepover. A friend crashing at a friend’s place.

They have dinner, talk, watch a movie (if Lena is home from work early enough anyway) and then they go to sleep. In the same bed, of course, because that’s what best friends do. They share everything. Including a bed.

Sometimes Kara has to shoot off for unexplained reasons but she always comes back and Lena doesn’t like to pry. Because she has secrets too.

Like the fact that she’s in love with her best friend.

She knows she should tell Kara. Or at the very least, she should tell Kara just to stop staying over so often because sharing a bed with her almost feels like taking advantage and sometimes when she wakes up from a nightmare about Lex trying to kill her, she almost reaches out for her hand. Almost.

Spending so much time with Kara is also slowly starting to eat Lena up inside. And if she’s honest with herself, she’s not sure how much longer she can keep pretending everything is fine between them before she snaps.

But she keeps quiet. For Kara’s sake mostly but also because she’s selfish and if keeping her feelings for Kara a secret means that Kara will keep spending so much time with her, then so be it. Even if it’s slowly killing Lena in the process. Even if she can physically feel herself getting completely attached.

She knows it’s going to hurt when Kara inevitably finds out the truth.

But she doesn’t let herself think about all of that.

At least, she tries not to.

Lena always wakes before Kara, and today is no exception. It’s a Saturday so there’s no alarm ringing on her bed stand; there’s just the gentle morning sunshine slipping through the gap in the curtains, pulling her out of her dreams. Opening her eyes and stretching lightly, Lena takes a few moments to just appreciate the peace and quiet of the early morning. She can hear Kara snoring softly beside her and she finds herself smiling involuntarily. She turns her head to look at her and finds Kara is facing away from her, sleeping soundly on her front with her hands tucked under the pillow, her blonde waves splayed out on either side of her. They’re so close to each other that Lena can smell the fresh berry shampoo that Kara uses; she’s started leaving a bottle in Lena’s bathroom since she spends so much time there lately and the intimacy of it never escapes Lena. They’ve both kicked the covers off of themselves during the night at some point given that it’s the middle of summer and as the sun rises early and shines directly into the window, the bedroom can get warm quickly.

Lena watches Kara sleep for a long while, knowing she should stop being such a creep and get up and make them both breakfast, whilst still being unable to deny herself of these few peaceful moments where she’s free to imagine what their lives could be like if things were different. Everything about her makes every bone and muscle in Lena’s body feel relaxed and she finds herself even breathing in sync with her, slowly and deeply.

She watches Kara’s body rise and fall with her breathing, and finds herself drawn to a small patch of sunlight shining on Kara’s back, almost at her neck. She knows that if she just reached out to touch it that her skin there would be slightly warmer than the rest of her body. She knows that she could so easily lift up her head and press her lips against that warm patch of skin, could so easily rest her head against it and breathe in the comforting scent of… well, of Kara. She knows that from there she could so easily wrap her arms around Kara and fall back into a restful sleep, where nothing else in the entire world matters. She knows that she could-

“Um, Lena? Are you… snuggling me?”

Lena’s eyes dart open instantly at the sound of Kara’s voice and she sits up in a flash, horrified to find that at some point during her half asleep daydream, she’d actually moved even closer to Kara and rested her head on the firm muscles of her back. Lena feels her cheeks flaming and tries desperately to think of something to say.

“I um… I think I was having a bad dream or something and I uh- I just- it’s- I’m…”

She’s freaking out and she’s knows it, she can see it plainly on Kara’s face as she turns over and looks at her worriedly. Even in her panicked state, Lena can’t help but notice that Kara’s tank top has shifted in her sleep and her perfectly toned stomach is completely on display and one of the straps has fallen down her arm leaving her right shoulder and most of her chest exposed. She’s staring, Lena knows she’s staring and she feels her cheeks flame even hotter and forces her eyes up from Kara’s body to her face again.

Kara’s watching her intently, and almost unreadable expression on her face, and Lena thinks she’s either still dreaming or just plain imagining things as she sees a soft blush fall over Kara’s cheeks too.

“Are you alright?” Kara asks, quietly and ever-so-softly, her hand falling over Lena’s which is clutching the bed sheets for dear life.

She tries to speak, knows she should say something, but she can’t because she’s this close to just saying everything and so she settles for just shaking her head instead. She feels more than hears Kara sigh and when she meets her eyes again, something in them tells her that Kara knows.

“It’s okay, Lena,” Kara whispers, her thumb stroking over Lena’s knuckle.

Lena doesn’t mean to whimper at that, she really doesn’t, but she does anyway and the sound makes Kara blush again.

“Are you- Do you- Is it-“ Kara’s just as stuck for words as she is and all of a sudden Lena feels so guilty for putting her in this impossible situation and she knows they’re right on the edge of everything changing and she finds herself holding her breath, trying to draw out the moment because she also knows she’s about to lose Kara forever.

“I’m sorry, Kara,” she whispers. “I don’t- I didn’t mean- I couldn’t help-“

But she doesn’t get the words out because all of a sudden Kara is sitting up too and pulling her towards her and suddenly her lips are on hers and Lena forgets how to breathe. Kara’s lips are so soft and warm and they’re a thousand times better than any daydream Lena has ever had about them and that’s the only way she knows she isn’t dreaming now, because no dream could ever prepare her for the real thing. She tries to pull away, because she has so many things she wants to ask, to say, but Kara doesn’t let her. She slides her hands into Lena’s hair and pulls her even closer and when Lena feels Kara’s tongue slide along her bottom lip, she swears to god her heart stops. Lena moves her arms to Kara’s waist and dances her fingertips across Kara’s ribs, her skin so soft and warm and perfect and Lena can’t help the warmth that rushes through her entire body when she hears Kara moan lightly, her tongue dipping fully inside Lena’s mouth. Lena kisses her back eagerly, her own tongue exploring Kara’s mouth too, her hands slightly more hesitant against Kara’s body, almost as if they don’t know which part of her to touch next, as though they want to touch all of her, to feel her right there, to convince themselves that she’s real, that this is actually happening.

When Kara eventually pulls back slightly, the need to breathe interrupting everything, her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are a shade of blue Lena’s sure she’s never seen before and Kara reaches up to touch her glasses, her anxious habit, only to find that she isn’t wearing them given that she only woke up a few minutes ago and she chuckles lightly at herself. The sound of Kara’s laugh makes Lena’s eyes feel wet and then suddenly she feels a tear trickle down her cheek and she has no idea why she’s crying. Kara’s face falls instantly.

“Oh my god, are you okay? Did I do something wrong? Did I misinterpret everything? I’m so sorry, I know I should have asked but I just-“

“Kara, shut up. Please,” Lena laughs, wiping her eyes. “Just please. Don’t talk for a second, okay?”

Kara nods and closes her mouth, the slightest bit of tension that had suddenly appeared on her face, slipping away again, a trace of a smile on her lips.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? You did everything so right. I can’t even tell you how… right that was. For me, anyway. But it’s okay if you don’t feel like that too. If you just wanted to see how it would feel or whatever. I get it. It’s okay. I don’t want you to feel like you need to do anything just for my sake. I know that-“

Lena stops talking then because Kara’s laughing, and even in the most serious of moments, Kara’s laugh just makes Lena smile, makes her forget about whatever it might be that’s making the moment so serious.

“I love you, Lena Luthor,” Kara says as she laughs, and Lena’s sure she’s never seen her best friend look so alive.

“Y- you do?”

“Yes. In so many ways. In every single way. I have loved you for so long that I can’t even remember what my life was like before you,” Kara responds, and suddenly, Lena isn’t the only one who’s crying.

“Are you sure?” She asks, because how can she not when she’s spent the last year dreaming of this moment whilst all the while convincing herself that it will never happen. “I didn’t even think you were…”

“Gay? I wasn’t! Not until I met you anyway. You changed everything.” Kara punctuates the end of her sentence by kissing Lena again. “Every.” Kiss. “Single.” Kiss. “Damn.” Kiss. “Thing.”

Lena kisses her back, messy and playful and uncoordinated kisses, and all the while they’re smiling and laughing and crying together.

The rest of the day continues in much of the same way.

If you want to be tagged in my fics, please feel free to let me know! :)

[leaughrilke]

parents supercorp hc: lena is enamored by her child like it takes up so much of her time when she really lets herself think about how there is so much love she can feel for someone and so much love she receives back

HONESTLY THO 

with the first pregnancy, with finn, lena’s happy, she is but she’s kind of terrified??  bc kara’s so excited and she has fears too, but she’s so ready for this baby?? ?  so ready, she’s got lists of names and has been spending a lot of time poring over every detail she remembers from krypton, asking alura’s hologram question after question in order to make sure she has all the customs right, that remembers everything correctly in order to welcome their child into the world they way any child of krypton would be.  but lena doesn’t—its not that she doesnt want the baby??  its not that at all.  she cant think of anything better than another piece of kara out in the world, can’t think of anything better than the painfully bright smile kara had when the test came back positive, so bright it felt like it was tearing lena apart

the root of the problem is this: lena wouldnt know a healthy family dynamic if it hit her in the face.  like she sees the danvers, she sees kara’s little ragtag family of superfriends, but when you’re not raised in an environment like that???  its hard to think that you can ever create an environment like that for your own kid, god knows i struggle with that.  she knows kara’s going to be operating at like a fifteen.  she’s pretty sure she’ll be lucky if she can manage a seven, maybe.  she keeps thinking about how her therapist characterized her childhood as one of disorganized attachment, that she never had any one nanny very long bc lillian would see them beginning to bond and would fire them, that her only real connection was lex, lionel sometimes, and they both left her too.  god, how is she going to do this?

kara says the pregnancy drags on, that she can’t wait until their little person is here but lena thinks it goes by so fast, her body changing faster than she can track, their apartment filling with cribs and toys and little onesies and sleepsacks quickly, so quickly and then she’s about two days overdue and she wakes up with twinges but refuses to admit it, tells kara it’s braxton hicks again, she’s sure

she’s been working from home for the last several weeks and kara’s been keeping closer, been using her stacked vacation days before her maternity leave goes into effect (bc catco sure as shit offers paid leave to both parents!!!!  u think cat grant wouldnt do that shit?????) 

lena cries when her water breaks.  full on tears.  kara thought for a second that its because its a big thing, you know??  she’s a little close to tears too, but lena keeps crying after the initial shock should have worn off and she’s like lena??  honey??

and lena isnt making a lot of sense but the biggest thing kara gets is its too early, we’re not ready, it’s too early

sweetheart, the nursery is completely set up, we have clothes and toys and that nursing pillow, we’re ready, you’re overdue!

i’m not ready

and oh, kara’s not sure what to do with that bc this is something that needs to be talked about but lena’s also contracting everything three minutes and kara’s not sure she can drive her fast enough 

lena’s screaming through the whole thing, screaming and crying and begging for this baby to stay, don’t move, i’m not ready for you and kara’s heart is breaking and she wants to help her, wants to make this better for her but there’s no stopping this and lena knows it too, bears down with all the strength she has and kara thinks that if her hand could break, her wife would have broken it by now but then

well.  then their son is crying too

kara cuts the cord, looks up at lena with wide wet eyes and breathes lee, he’s beautiful and lena’s still crying, but when the doctor lifts up their son she reaches for him and it is immediate, no stopping it, she takes one look at his little face and she’s done, she in this, and there isn’t a single doubt in lena’s mind that she would rather watch the entire world burn than ever let him down, ever let him doubt her love

kara’s afraid to hold finn for a while (that’s a story for a different post tho) and while lena’s hurting for her, wishes she wasn’t as afraid, she’s selfishly so pleased bc it means she gets to hold finn all the time.  she gets to just???  be with her son?????  she didn’t think her heart could get any bigger, thought that kara had expanded it as much as it could grow but then finn stretches or grabs hold of lena’s finger or necklace or makes those soft sleepy little baby noises and she’s p sure her heart doubles in size again and again.  she can’t put it into words???  she’s not even sure if she wants to, bc it feels too much, too big for words.  she feels so warm and full and finn falls asleep nursing sometimes, falls asleep with his eyes trained on lena and her heart shatters in the best way, bursts open and reforms again and again

she brings him to work with her a lot bc while she’s itching to go back to her office, she also feels a lil sick at the thought of not being right there with him.  investors and board members sort of have to just learn to expect the ceo of a fortune 500 company to come to meetings with her baby strapped to her chest, learn to speak quietly bc she has no qualms abt shutting a meeting down if finn gets woken

ultimate mama bear mode activated

gOD she spends like A Lot of time just......marveling at their son??  in awe of how full her heart feels, how quickly her entire world has rearranged around this little thing (not that little tbh......finn is a Hearty baby, all roly poly double chin)  like.  it’s wild.  she can’t believe it, cant believe that she once was so certain she would be alone forever, that the luthor name would hold her down, press her into the river bottom until she drowned.  but now???  now she’s lena luthor only professionally, now she signs her legal documents lena danvers, now her entire world has narrowed to two wonderful, golden beings, to kara’s smile and finn’s laugh, to the family that welcomed her and embraced her

AND THEN MAIA COMES ALONG and its the same but its so different bc lena sort of knows what to expect????  but it hits her a little differently, no baby is the same, and its not lost on her that now she has a daughter and with the relationship she had with lillian, it’s a Big Thing.  she’s relaxed into motherhood with finn, gotten into a rhythm and somewhat managed to reign in her constant world stopping awe at how much she loves her kid, but maia is so different, has a completely different personality and she never falls asleep nursing, isn’t as mesmerized by lena’s necklaces, but she falls asleep tucked into the crook of lena’s arm and likes to play with lena’s fingers and she makes it so easy for lena to feel confident, so easy for her to feel like she’s doing well.  

maia smiles early, freely, laughs often and likes it when lena dances around the kitchen with her so she does it nearly every day, finds it so easy to split her time between maia and finn, finds her love growing every day and sometimes??  she just has to call out for the day bc she just wants to spend the day with her family????  wild right/????

she and kara turn into Those Moms that always have at least two hundred photos of their kids on their phones at any given moment.  somehow they are always photos none of the superfriends have seen before

alex isnt sure how they manage it like there is only so much time in the day

AND THEN LITTLE STELLA??  she’s so wildly different from her siblings, so so tiny and lena thought it would be different because of how stella came to them, that maybe lena would have more issues to work through bc stella was orphaned and that, in of itself, makes her confront her own issues but nope, not at all

kara flies into her office, still dressed as supergirl even though her cape is a little bundle in her arms, and she’s got a look on her face that makes lena put down the contract she was looking over and get up, go to meet her halfway and when lena looks down, she gets the look on kara’s face, knows then that kara’s already just as in love with this little thing as she is with finn and maia, and she looks down and falls just as in love as well.  the little baby in kara’s arms is so tiny compared to finn, compared to maia, tiny and delicate and she’s sleeping until lena steps closer, little eyes blinking open and lena knows the facts, knows that babies this young can’t focus their eyes (and god she’s young, kara tells lena she’s only a few hours old, at most), but this little baby is looking up at her and lena knows that this baby is her baby, as much as finn or maia are hers

god lena didnt know her heart could grow any more.  she thought she’d have burned out by now???  she didn’t think anything could be this renewable, this expandable, but her heart is overflowing and lena knows she’d bring her children the stars if they asked.  stella stays much smaller, worries her mothers for months until she finally starts putting on weight, and the worry never goes away but it fades bc lena gets to see her children together, gets to discover this new level of pride and love when she sees maia helping stella turn on the faucet when they’re told to wash their hands before dinner, when she catches stella slipping into finn’s room when lena’s just left after he’s had a nightmare, when she watches finn tuck a blanket around his sisters when they fall asleep during family movie night

AND THEY LOVE HER SO FREELY lena can’t believe it, can hardly stand it.  they love her so so much, lena doesnt think she deserves it.  like???  she still fucks up, she’s not the perfect mother by any means, but they all know she’s the perfect mother for them.  what other human could love them so fully?  what other person could so easily adapt to their unique challenges and needs?  what other mother (besides kara, obviously) could handle their temper tantrums and shitty behavior with so much patience and calm?  

god the kiddos love lena.  they rlly rlly do.  she is so so careful with each of them, careful in different ways, the best ways.  like???  they all know they won the parental lottery, her and kara bring their a game each and every day and sometimes the kids get bratty, bc theyre kids u know??  but they never forget that their mothers are the best

and they know a little bit about lena’s childhood, know that lillian was never loving, kind, patient.  that she never sat up with lena when she had a nightmare or put her hair in plaits with gentle hands.  that she never tucked her in at night or came to every recital or play or game, or sat on the bathroom floor when they were sick or helped pack their bag for a sleepover.  that she never cared for lena the way lena cares for them

they’re all p good abt being vocal with their love for lena, but stella is the best at it (solely bc she can tell when lena’s having a Bad Day, knows when she needs to be a little louder).  she usually catches maia and finn up to speed, usually ropes them into helping her make a card or pool their money to get her one of those cheesy #1 Mom mugs from hallmark (kara has several variations of SuperMom) or sometimes they rope kara into helping them cook dinner for lena

THIS WAS A V LONG WAY OF SAYING THAT LENA IS SO SOFT WHEN IT COMES TO HER FAMILY, SO SOFT WHEN IT COMES TO HER CHILDREN.  GOD SHE WOULD DIE FOR THEM IN A HEARTBEAT.  SHE WOULD BURN THE WORLD FOR THEM BUT GOOD GOD THEY FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT HER