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ssamie · 4 years ago

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thirteen. “til death do us part”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide, jumping off a bridge ;-; (nobody dies tho)

masterlist. suicide freak!

"well what happened afterwards??" kuroo asked kenma

the boys were in kenma's room chilling and playing games while kenma tells kuroo about his confession "uh.. nothing really" kenma said with a sigh

"she didn't respond but she didn't really reject me either" he said "she had a call from her agency saying they needed her for something and she had to leave"

kuroo was visibly disappointed at the result, patting his friend's back as he let out a sigh "well, like you said, she technically didn't reject you" he said "plus, she's been fawning over you for a long time. im pretty sure she likes you back"

kenma furrowed his brows and shrugs. "sure i guess.." the pudding head muttered

"cmon, kenma! don't get all sulky on me now!" kuroo exclaimed. the boy laid back on the bed and pulled out kenma's phone, placing it between them and began counting

"ten.. nine.. eight..seven.. six.."

"what the hell are you doing?" kenma deadpanned "im counting down the seconds it takes before y/n tells you to meet up or something" kuroo explained

".. five.. four.. three.."

"im pretty sure it doesn't work like that-" he was cut off by the loud ringing of the phone. the caller id was shown, revealing it to be y/n herself. kuroo jumps up and cheers, yelling and howling in happiness as he ruffles kenma's hair

"kenma, i told you!!" kuroo exclaimed excitedly "dude, i should be a fucking psychic"

"no, you shouldn't"

kenma picks up the phone with shaky hands. he sends kuroo a wary glance, who simply gave him a thumbs up in return. his trembling fingers answered the call, and then pressed the phone to his ear

"h-hello? y/n?"

"kenma! how's my favourite pudding-head doing? ow-" she asked

kenma furrowed his brows as he heard her wincing from the other line, undoubtedly from pain. "um.. are you okay?" he asks worriedly

"oh yes, of course i am" she answered way too quickly for it to not be suspicious "but i do need your help for something.. come to the same bridge from last night" she said in a serious tone

kenma gulped as he made various frantic gestures to kuroo, silently asking for his help. though kuroo was no help since all he did was smile blankly while holding up two thumbs up

"um, okay! do i go there now or..?"

"yup! bye-bye ~"

kenma then let himself drop to the ground as soon as the call ended. he felt like turning into a puddle and drying up from the nervousness flowing through his whole body at the moment

"k-kuroo.." he mumbled "dude, you okay?" kuroo asked with a chuckle "like i said, y/n is definitely responding to the confession!"

"yeah okay-" kenma grumbled

"but please help me up. 80% of my nervousness is now in my knees. i can't stand."

kenma nuzzled his nose into his hoodie, covering half of his face as he nervously approached the riverbank. like he said beforehand, his nervousness has traveled down to his knees and it seems that it still hasn't left.

"hey hey hey ~ over here, kenma!" she yelled

kenma looked up to see her waving her arm around like a madman. though, one of her arms were in a sling, and she just looked quite roughed out more than usual

he jogged over to her with a frown while eyeing her obvious injuries "hey, what what happened to you?" kenma asked her

"oh this? this is nothing" she said with a laugh "i somehow broke it during a mission last night, but not to worry, the ever so lovely yosano-san cured me" she laughed nervously

"ah yes.. yosano-san.." she shuddered

it left kenma thinking of what could have possibly been so bad about getting cured. though he left it be and paid no mind.

"so why did you call me?" he asked her. he was feeling quite anxious at the moment and he was feeling very thankful that she wasn't acting indifferent towards him

"well, i called you over for multiple things" she said

"firstly.."

kenma gulped as she paused dramatically, leaving him to anticipate whatever it is that she has to say

"i need you to play this game for me so i can pretend to be better than chuuya." she stated with a straight face. she then handed him her phone, which had the game's chat open and had chuuya laughing and teasing her

chuuya's messages consisted of 'you're such a fucking loser' and 'you suck balls' among others.

"what?" kenma sweat dropped

"please! that munchkin will get too happy if he wins one more time!" she pleaded

kenma sighed but did as he was told. he was playing the game while she watched him with sparkling eyes "kenma! you're a lifesaver!" she exclaimed once she had won the game

"could you imagine me losing to chuuya?!" she scoffed out with a grin "gosh! my ego wouldn't be able to handle such torture!"

"now, secondly.." she paused once again "eat this ramen with me!"

kenma sweat dropped as she had randomly pulled out two cup ramens, which for some reason are both hot and in well condition

"where did you even get that?" kenma asked her with a soft laugh

"that's a secret! but did you know-" she mused "the reason i got this for us is because ranpo-san told me about it. apparently, its a 'deathly spicy ramen' and he wanted to refer it to me"

kenma blinked at her but smiled anyways "wow. so then im assuming you're expecting us to die from this?"

"its worth a shot!" she cheered. she handed him chopsticks and sent him a cocky grin "i'll let you know i can handle spicy food quite well"

"so if all else fails, i packed a ghost pepper just in case-"

"please put the pepper away <3"

kenma sighed as he reluctantly ate the ramen, slurping on the noodles and soup as tears brimmed his eyes "im not very good with spicy food.." he muttered as he fanned his mouth

"finish it!!" she exclaimed, though tears has also brimmed her eyes

"you're in the brink of tears too!" he groaned in agitation

"these are tears of happiness! i can almost taste the death looming over us!" she exclaimed with a grin

after finishing the very spicy ramen, she had unfortunately concluded that it was, in fact, not deadly. in the end, the pair had to run to a nearby food stall to buy some drinks

and as they were drinking, y/n had once again perched herself onto the flat surface of the metal railings, letting her feet dangle as they watched the sunset in peace

"y/n.. about last night.." kenma muttered out nervously

"ah yes, your confession?" she chuckled "no need to worry about that. i already know what im gonna say.."

kenma blinked in shock, frantically averting his eyes from her and to the ground as he felt his anxiety rocketing

"which brings me to my third reason of calling you over.." she said "kenma, there's something i need to tell you" she said

her expression had gone aloof and the playful smile on her lips has now faltered "what is it?" he gulped

she took two steps back as she looked him in the eyes. her (e/c) orbs not seeming to give any hints as she peered at him

"y/n.. if you're gonna reject me then-" he was, of course, cut off once again as she suddenly pulled her 'injured' arm out of her sling and popped it out to wave at him

"boo!" she cooed out with a dumb smile

"what the hell." kenma replied as he blankly stared at her

she laughed and slipped the sling off, folding it neatly before casually throwing it down the bridge "did i have you fooled?" she chuckled "anyways.. about that statement you didn't get to finish.." she hummed

"what makes you think i would reject you?" she asked him

her bandaged hand patted the spot next to her, indicating that she wanted him to sit. following her wishes, kenma hesitantly sat next to her.

he was fiddling with his fingers as a huge and overbearing wave of silence washed upon them. fortunately for him, she wasn't looking so she couldn't see his trembling body, and the nervous look on his face

"well, i kind of assumed you don't like me since.. you kinda left me hanging last night.." kenma muttered

"hm, i did do that.." she hummed back quietly "what would you do if i said i liked you back?" she asked him

kenma couldn't see it, but it seemed he could basically feel her cheeky smile appearing "um.." he stammered

what would he do? he didn't really know. he didn't plan that far ahead. and kuroo was nowhere to give him some awful but doable advice.

"i-i don't know.." he stuttered out. kenma could feel himself heating up. its like his cheeks was on fire as he felt bursts of embarrassment and butterflies banging on his stomach.

"would you kiss me?" she mused

kenma froze up. he looked up at her, face beet red and eyes as wide as saucers, as he mumbled incoherent words

"well- no? i don't really know how to do that-" he stammered "or yeah- if you want- or um- i love you."

she chuckled and slowly faced him with a gentle smile "i love you too, then" she laughed

kenma has officially blown a fuse.

his face exploded into a bright red as he felt all the weight of the pressure and anxiety leave his body

"so, do i get my kiss now?" she asked teasingly

"uh well-" kenma muttered with a sheepish smile "i dunno how-"

he was cut off by a hand grabbing a tuft of his hair from his nape. her fingers tugged on his faux blonde locks as she pulled his face closer to his

"itadakimasu~" she cooed out

kenma.exe has stopped working.

once her lips had pressed onto his, his whole body tensed up. though a total contrast to his reaction, she was quite calm. obviously calm enough to shove her tongue down his throat.

their kiss was short but sensual. he took notice of how deliciously addicting her tongue danced against his. he definitely needed to ask where she got all those kissing skills from later on.

he may not like the answer since it was from chuuya, but let's not get into that..

she pulled away after a minute, her grip on his hair loosening as she pressed one last peck on his parted lips. she backed away and licked her lips to tease him.

"oh my" she cooed at him "if i would've known you taste this good, then i would've kissed you much sooner"

"u-umm.." kenma muttered bashfully

he was blinking sluggishly as his fingers lightly graze his lips, reminiscing in the feeling of hers against it.

"y/n.. will you be my girlfriend?... please?" he asked in a quiet and flustered tone. all the nonexistent confidence he had before has now fully evaporated away.

"of course." she mused

"wait-really??" kenma asked her with a look of disbelief and sheer happiness

he bit back a smile as he looked up to look at the setting sun, then back at her. her features were illuminated by the soft golden rays, making her look simply ethereal, atleast to him.

kenma was then brought back into reality as he felt the soft skin of her hand and the textured bandages touch his.

she intertwined their hands and brought it up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. she chuckled at him as he turned his head to the side, trying to hide his blush from her.

"til death do us part." she grinned

"okay, that was very sweet.. but when it comes from you, it kinda seems like you're about to kill us both-"

without uttering another word, she pushed herself off from the railings she was sat on, and tugged him along with her.

"y-y/n?! y/n!" kenma shrieked as he felt himself free falling in the air. his grip on her hand tightened as he nervously recoiled into a ball. the cold air hit his skin in the most nerve wracking way, leaving his skin with goosebumps and shivers tingling down his spine.

"so this is what it's like.." she mumbled

kenma looked over to her, the panic in his eyes gradually fading as he was met with her warm and love-filled orbs. she held the most tranquil and peaceful smile as she looked at him with a sense of joy and plenitude.

"y/n.." his lips quivered as he gripped her closer

she simply smiled at him as both of their hair flew erraticly due to the wind. the sound of the flowing water got louder and louder

until finally, they hit the surface with a huge splash.

she faintly heard loud and ragged breaths coming from kenma as he swims back up for air, hastily paddling against the strong current to drag himself and, her as well, back to land.

"I KNEW IT! ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" he exclaimed once he catched his breath

she laid down on the grassy ground beneath them and closed her eyes. she had a faint smile on her lips as she mumbled under her breath

"double suicide.. im definitely not dying unless it feels like that.." she whispered

kenma's demeanour softened at her words. he laid down beside her with a huff, tucking his wet hair behind his ears and doing the same for her.

"if we're gonna kill each other, atleast tell me first." he sighed "also, drowning is definitely scratched off your list"

"well, you look like you can't swim so.." she chuckled playfully "that's not a valid excuse" kenma sighed, though a fond smile etched itself on his lips

they probably looked quite strange to other's perspectives, if anything, they looked like dead bodies that had washed up to shore.

but they didn't really care.

"also, that was a very weird assumption. do i really look that lanky to you?"

"yes <3"

kissing scenes are so weird to write, or at least for me ;-;

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crow-writes-stuff · 5 years ago

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Help me sleep

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dazai Osamu & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), possible Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs) Characters: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs) Additional Tags: Whumptober 2020, Sleep Deprivation, Sleep Deprived Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya Takes Care of Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Sharing a Bed, Literal Sleeping Together, Post-Decay of Angels Arc (Bungou Stray Dogs) Series: Part 6 of Soukoku Whumptober 2020 Summary:

Dazai can't sleep. He finally asks Chuuya for help.

Ao3

Dazai stares blankly at the papers in front of him. He's trying to make sense of the black squiggly lines all across them. "Dazai-san?" Atsushi interrupts his concentration. "Hm?" Dazai asks without looking up. Atsushi fidgets with his belt before answering: "You seem really tired. Maybe you should finish early today?" Aw, he's concerned about Dazai! He finally looks up and gives Atsushi a smile. "What makes you say that?" More fidgeting. "Uh, well... For one, the papers you've been looking at are upside-down." Oh. Hm. That explains his troubles. Dazai shrugs and stands up. "Maybe you're right," he says with a cheerful voice, "tell Kunikida I'm calling in sick." This takes Atsushi by surprise, and he stammers through his response. Did he expect more resistance? "Oh, um, s-sure. But, uh, Dazai-san?" Dazai suppresses a sigh and looks back at Atsushi. "Yes?" The boy's expression is absolutely sincere when he asks: "Are you alright? You've been acting a bit strange lately. Everyone is worried." Ah, so Dazai has not been hiding it as well as he thought. He waves Atsushi off with a lazy smile. "I'll be fine, no need worry." That at least seems to placate the other for the moment, and he lets Dazai leave without further questions. Technically, Dazai didn't lie. He is sure that he'll be fine. Eventually. For now, he's leaning against the wall of the staircase and looks down at his shaking hands.

He's so tired. He has barely been sleeping, ever since... Ever since the whole disaster of the Decay of Angels situation. Sure, it worked out for them in the end, but Dazai's mind has known no rest. And neither has his body. He has tried almost everything he could think off to finally get some sleep but to no avail. Logically he knows that he only has two options left. Three, if he considers a successful suicide an option. He really, really would rather avoid both options. Which is precisely what he has done until now. The first is simple and would probably be effective as well. But taking drugs, even if they're regular sleeping pills, leads down a path he knows all too well. So that's a no from him. The second option is the last resort in every case. But what choice does he have at this point? Of course, he could go home and fail to rest again. But he knows how much his body can take and it won't be long until it reaches its limit. Death due to lack of sleep is not what he had pictured for himself.

Dazai sighs and fumbles with his coat to get his phone. The screen looks blurry to him, but that isn't the phones fault. Besides, he doesn't need to see to find what he's looking for. He starts the call and holds the phone to his ear. While listening to the quiet beeps of the starting connection, he sinks down the wall. Might as well sit down while he waits. It doesn't take long for the call to be picked up. "What the fuck do you want?" snarls an all too familiar voice. Dazai smiles. Good old Chuuya. His smile quickly falls again, and he takes a breath. He doesn't want to do this, but he's out of options.

"I need your help." The line goes completely silent. Dazai isn't too worried, though. Because as much as they fight with each other, their partnership has always been build on one fundamental truth; If one of them needs help, the other will provide it. As predicted, Chuuya soon asks: "What do you need?" His voice is even, but Dazai likes to imagine he hears a tiny hint of worry. Dazai almost wants to laugh, but he can't muster the energy. He's going to sound so pathetic. "I can't sleep." Another moment of quiet before Chuuya says: "Dazai if this is some kind of joke..." "It's not," he's quick to respond, "I think... I think I haven't slept for more than two hours this past week." The fact that he's unsure speaks for itself. He can hear a quiet sigh at the other end of the line. "Okay," Chuuya says, "Are you at the Agency?" Dazai nods before he remembers that Chuuya can't tell. His brain really isn't at its regular capacity. "I am." He hears quiet rustling and imagines that Chuuya is sitting at his desk, probably doing paperwork. "Wait there. I'm going to pick you up." The line goes dead without Chuuya waiting for confirmation. He knows Dazai will comply. He's the one that asked for help after all.

Dazai continues staring at the black screen of his phone, before resting his head on his knees. He just wants to finally sleep for more than a few minutes.

He sighs and checks the time. With a start, he realises that he already zoned out for a while. Time to go outside. He doesn't want Chuuya to come in here and perhaps run into someone else from the Agency. That would take to much explaining. Something Dazai does not have the energy for.

He makes his way downstairs and notices that he's swaying slightly. Looks like his sense of balance is also affected by the exhaustion. He's honestly a bit disappointed by his body.

Outside he leans against a wall for support. He doesn't have to wait long for Chuuya to turn up. The expensive red car is an instant giveaway even before it slows to a stop. No one gets out, so Dazai makes his way to the passenger door. He sinks into the leather seat without looking at Chuuya. Chuuya is looking at him, though. Dazai can feel his eyes as if they're burning into his skin. Finally, Chuuya turns to look at the street again. "Seatbelt," he says and starts the car again. He waits for Dazai to comply before driving off. Dazai really wants to make a joke, but his mind is blank. Chuuya usually isn't this concerned with safety, he's pretty confident in his driving. But Dazai notices that the seatbelt prevents him from slumping forward. So he settles back, his head leaning at the window. Perhaps that was the intention.

A hand on his shoulders brings him out of his thoughts. The engine is turned off, and Chuuya is looking at him again. They've already reached their destination. Said destination clearly being the underground garage of Chuuya's home. Dazai isn't surprised. They get out of the car and Dazai trails behind Chuuya as they make their way up to his apartment. He has stuffed his hands into his pockets. Chuuya has probably already noticed the shaking though. As much as Dazai likes to make fun of him, the other is far from stupid.

Dazai goes through the motions of taking off his coat and shoes entirely on autopilot. He only really comes back when a cup of hot tea is placed on the table on front of him. He doesn't even remember sitting down on the couch. Chuuya is sitting across from him. Neither of them has spoken since they started driving. Dazai already thinks that Chuuya is merely waiting him out when his expectations get defied. "This is going on since you came back?" Chuuya's talking about his little prison cell where he tried getting information from Dostoevsky. Of course, Dazai hadn't gotten out, until the threat of the Decay of Angels had been neutralised. But Chuuya is right. Dazai nods. "It's gotten worse over time." In the beginning, he had thought that it would be a temporary thing. That he'd soon be back to his old self. Sleeping on his desk if he wanted, head clear when needed. Instead, he just got less and less sleep.

Chuuya doesn't pressure him into talking more, and he appreciates it. He slowly drinks his tea. It's some kind of herbal mixture, presumably to help him sleep. He already tried that, but he doesn't comment on it. It won't hurt either.

He's staring at his empty cup when Chuuya stands up with a sigh. "Come on then." Dazai looks up at the offered hand and allows himself a tiny smile. Chuuya isn't looking at him anyway. He lets Chuuya pull him to his feet, and they head towards the elaborate bedroom. It's not the first time Dazai is here, but he's still fascinated by the giant dark wood bed frame and the deep red sheets. Chuuya once said, that now that he has money, he's not going to compromise on his own comfort. Looking at the bed, Dazai gets why.

Chuuya is already undressing when Dazai comes out of his thoughts. He turns around and starts unbuttoning his shirt. He places it on one of the chairs in the corner, his pants and socks soon following. When only his underwear is left, he turns back to the bed, where Chuuya already sits crosslegged with the blanket folded back. He's changed into a pair of pyjama pants and is leaning against the headboard. Dazai feels a slight pang at the few unfamiliar scars he spots. He ignores it however and starts crawling into bed. Chuuya easily puts his arms around Dazai and pulls him against his chest. This is far from the first time they have shared a bed. They shift until they're both comfortable, with Dazai having slung one arm over Chuuya, his head resting on the other's chest and their legs tangled together. Dazai closes his eyes, listening to the steady heartbeat of his partner. They may no longer work together, but he's never really stopped seeing Chuuya as that.

Chuuya starts gently playing with his hair and Dazai sighs. He had hoped that he would just fall instantly asleep, but that doesn't seem to be the case. "Everyone is safe," Chuuya says softly, and Dazai stiffens. How does he know what's on his mind? Chuuya sighs now. "So that is what's keeping you up? You're worrying about what happened to your friends." He pauses, waiting for a reaction that doesn't come. "And what you could have done differently to prevent it in the first place." Dazai squeezes his eyes even closer. Chuuya is right. "And you're probably trying to come up with a thousand plans to prevent something like this from happening again." Chuuya definitely knows him too well. Not that Dazai regrets this in any way. Chuuya always was weirdly insightful. And he's the only one with whom Dazai can be truly honest, even if he often isn't. He nods slightly, not reacting otherwise.

Chuuya's voice is gentle when he continues: "You're not going to like it, but there wasn't anything you could have done differently. We were all taken by surprise." He's still stroking Dazai's head, and he relaxes a little again. "And you can't prevent your friends from ever getting hurt again. But when it happens," Chuuya sounds like he's smiling now, "you'll find a way to get them out of it." Dazai sighs softly. Perhaps Chuuya is right once again. "And you won't be alone," Chuuya whispers finally.

Dazai smiles as he finally relaxes completely. Chuuya isn't going to leave. No matter how much he hurt him in the past, they're still partners. Dazai is safe with him. Probably the safest he'll ever be.

"Chibi is getting sentimental," he mutters, barely conscious at this point. Chuuya laughs softly. "Go to sleep, idiot." And Dazai does. Because Chuuya is right. Whatever comes next, he won't be alone to handle it.

#whumptober2020 #no.23 #sleep deprivation #Bungou Stray Dogs #fic #bsd #bungo stray dogs #soukoku #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya

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yukilumino · 8 years ago

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I can’t believe this became longer than expected! A chapter about Kafu’s story (My OC, for the ones who doesn’t know her). At this point of time have in mind: Kafu has been in the Port Mafia for 3 years or so, She has interacted with the agency before, she doesn’t know their abilities nor they know hers and the events happen a month after [this] I think that’s all the context you need, for more info go to her tag on my blog or feel free to ask. This hasn’t been proof-readed, so sorry for possible mistakes. This is written in second person so you can know more about how Kafu thinks and feels (or at least I tried to). First time portraying BSD characters and a lot of self-indulgent dialogues.

Spider Lily [ words 4,852 ] [ tw: Kidnapping, stalking ]

in the language of flowers, red spider lily means: Never to meet again/Lost memory/Abandonment

“Remember, at 8 o’clock I’ll come to pick you up”

That was your deal. Chuuya got you a free day, but you had to fulfill all of his requests. It wasn’t a bad deal, in fact, you gained more than him, reason why you obeyed every word he said. You didn’t want to cause him any problem, after all.

You watched the car went away quietly. When it totally disappeared from sight you walked to the big building that was at your back. You didn’t even remember why you chose that orphanage or when did you decide to send part of your money to them. But before you were aware of it you loved those kids as if they were yours. The moment you crossed the main door an avalanche of tiny bodies were running and hopping to your arms. You couldn’t answer all of their questions, but you for sure felt loved. It was going to be a great day.

The morning was progressing like any other time you went there. You first talked with the headmistress about issues with your bank transferences and then you’d have all the time you wanted with the kids. You even had prepared a couple of songs for them. They enjoyed them a lot and you loved their happy smiles, it was a win-win situation. After your “private concert” they ran again where you were -they were always running, though- and started talking about how they were doing in the orphanage and how happy they were because Kafu-chan visited them again. You didn’t always have the time you wanted to visit them very often. Actually, you only visited them each two or three months, so it was special when it happened. Suddenly, you realized one of them wasn’t there.

“Momo didn’t come to play.” –Said one of the children. “Momo! You are so boring, always reading alone.” “Don’t you like Kafu-chan??” “So selfish, Kafu-chan came to visit us and you only think about reading.”

One after another the voices of the kids called Momo, but they only received a minor look from him. Momo was an 8 years old boy with dark hair, grey eyes and a book always in his hands. He was shy, very intelligent and he barely talked, although, when he did, their conversations were really mature for a kid his age. Socializing wasn’t his strong point, although you knew he was good hearted and more loving than he seemed.

“Momo appreciates books, but I know he appreciates us even more! He is one of us, after all, so we are not going to let him alone.”

That said you went where Momo was. This time he stopped reading and stare at you with curious eyes. You were sure he wanted to play, but also knew that chapter was too interesting for him to let it unfinished. Not a problem for you, though! You bowed with your back before him, doing signals with your hands. At first he looked a bit confused until you explained that way he could continue reading and be with them at the same time. Then a little smile drew on his face and Momo didn’t take too long to be on your back, still with the book in his hand. You played with them for a long time as if hours were seconds. Your ability didn’t affect children so you felt safe every time you were with them. No barrier could separate you, you could be yourself and it was the life for you.

Noon arrived before you realized it and the headmistress demanded your presence in her office. The kids complained about it, but you told them it should be important so they had to be patient. You also promised you’d prepare them a surprise to be such good kids. You followed the headmistress through the corridor and when you entered her office you could see some familiar faces. You never thought you would ever see them again after how they got to know you were in the mafia. Much less knowing how you only said goodbye to them without explanations about it, but there they were, eyes fixed on you.

“Long time no see!” –Waving at you with a smile, Dazai seemed less surprised than you. “N-Nagai-san….” –Atsushi, on the other hand, had this face full of worry and mixed feelings. “Nagai-san, please, take a seat, we would want to talk to you about something.” –And there went Kunikida, always straight to the point.

The headmistress looked at you with total distrust and followed all of your movements while you sat on the armchair that was indicated to you. Interrogation was the right word to this entire situation. You already knew the main subject of it, so better be clear from the start.

“Of course, I’ll answer all of your questions, but I’d want to point something out. Maybe I’m from the mafia, but it’s not my hobby to kidnap orphans. You know, I prefer people around my age.” “Ohhh then this is going to be faster than expected! Good~” “You are what?! How do you-??!” –And the headmistress lost her cool faster than you expected. Although Kunikida coughing and putting his glasses correctly was worth your comment. “A little bird said to me two of them went missing and that the headmistress explained to them that they had been adopted. Despite this, they suspected it was a lie, because nobody came to visit them and it wasn’t announced at all.” “Which one told you that?” “You tell the sin, not the sinner~. However, you dismissed them in front of their partners and now others call them a liar and they feel terrible because of it. If you are going to tell a lie, headmistress, at least make sure you don’t hurt anybody in the process. Would you?” “A pitiful girl from the mafia is scolding m-?!” “Being the fact that two minors have disappeared. Shall we continue our work?” –Despite having a smile on his face you could swear you felt annoyance from Dazai’s words. “May you take a look at this, Nagai-san?” –Kunikida continued, passing some envelopes to you. “The headmistress informed us these letters have kept coming during this past month, and you are its addresses. Maybe they can contain any hint?”

You were a bit startled by Atsushi’s words. Technically nobody except Chuuya knew you went to the orphanage, or at least it would be somebody who definitively would contact you in person. You didn’t understand what was going on so you decided to open them quickly. Cut letters pasted on paper creating nasty sentences accompanied by some photos of you, some of them covered in a substance you preferred not to think about. The content of the envelopes were without a doubt, perturbing. You left your recent discovery above the office desk to make the rest aware of the situation. You had handled with stalkers before, but none of them had reached this level. The thoughts of all the presents in the room were cut by a knock on the door.

To the answer of “come in” a little girl opened the door. She was one of the children you were playing with before, Haru. She brought an envelope with herself.

“Ka-chan, sorry, but a man told Haru to give this to you.” “Oh, don’t worry, Harucchi, thank you.” “Haru. Did you know this man or did he tell you something more?” –Kunikida kneeled before her. “….” –But Haru was so scared of him she didn’t tell a word. “Don’t worry missy! Kunikida may have this stern face and be obsessed with ideals! But he only wants to help!” –Dazai to the rescue. “Dazai….” –Although Kunikida wasn’t really pleased about his ways of doing it. “Nope…” –Haru finally stated.- “He only wanted Haru to give the letter to Ka-chan really bad. So Haru has been a good girl and came here quickly!”

“I’ll make you look only at me” and a photo of you with Momo on your back were enough for you to get up and hurry out of the room in his search. Knowing him you were sure where he may be and your only wish was to be on time. You arrived to Momo’s room and it was a mess, that bastard was faster than you. Glued to the window was a note with an address on it…He wanted you to go. You ran to the entrance, but were stopped by Dazai, who was waiting in front of it.

“You weren’t thinking on going alone. Were you?” “If giving that man what he wants saves Momo be sure I’ll do it. Alone or not.” “Well, I wrongly formulated the question, my apologies. This is the agency’s work; it’s our duty to go. My real question is: Are you coming or not?”

You kept silent for a moment, that question stole your words. You understood what he meant and your slight opened mouth changed to a smile. An energetic “yes!” left your lips and he smiled back. You hadn’t time to waste.

Kunikida drove all of you to the addressed destination while Dazai and he explained in detail what they had on mind. You’d go first to distract the kidnapper because that way he would think you went alone. Meanwhile, they would inspect the area looking for the children. With the kids safe and sound, Kunikida would stay with them and Atsushi and Dazai would go and finish the job. Atsushi nodded in agreement, but at the same time was worried about leaving you so much time with your stalker. You told him not to worry because you knew how to defend yourself and joke with an “I’m from the mafia, after all”. Atsushi’s face showed he was having a hard time assimilating it. He was so pure…

Old and abandoned houses lost in nowhere had a discount for criminals or he just was so cliché? You approached the building, the broken windows allowed you to take a peek inside, but of course he wasn’t going to be on sight. You took a deep breath before entering, but didn’t hesitate; you had a mission to accomplish. Soon the kidnapper appeared behind you, you heard his steps, but you stayed still. Maybe it was risky to let him do this, because you didn’t know what he was going to do, still you need him to feel he was in an advantage position. He put his hands on your waist and whispered something nasty on your ear. Then you turned around and distanced yourself, telling him that without information of the kids you wouldn’t do anything. This bastard answered he had them on a cage and if “you were good” he’d give you the key to it. He also pointed out if you didn’t obey him he couldn’t assure the safety of the children. If he always flirted this way you were pretty sure he had to be alone as fuck. Then you suggested him to go to one bedroom to be more comfortable “a ruined entrance hall wasn’t your idea of erotic”. Neither of this was, really, but the rest would need space to operate and with both of you in the entrance they surely wouldn’t have it.

“Ahhh, I’m so happy. I knew you would accept me sooner or later. I still remember your words about how I didn’t know you and that you could perfectly be an assassin or a Mafioso. You asked if I could love you despite that. But now I have my answer! I don’t care what you are, baby, because if I’m as bad as you then our relationship should be perfect! As perfect as you…”

Then he reached a hand and touched your cheek, looking at you with sick eyes. Those love-sick eyes you had seen so many times. With him this close you could recognize he was a regular customer in the bar where you performed. You turned him down a couple of times and it seemed like he wouldn’t give up easily. Although it wasn’t his fault, your ability was the culprit of him having these wrong feelings. Instead of anger, you felt sympathy for him, yet you wouldn’t allow the guy to do as he pleased only for pity. He took a sip of your ability, got intoxicated and touched what he mustn’t. Now he was going to take the full bottle and regret it deeply.

Key in hand you left the bedroom and found Dazai and Atsushi looking for you in the corridor.

“Nagai-san! Are you ok?? How was-“ “I’m okay, don’t mind me. Most important, Atsushin, where are the kids?” “They are sound and safe. Kunikida-kun is at the entrance with them. I’m sure they are dying to see you.” –After Dazai’s answer you were again in a hurry. “Excuse me then! Ah! The kidnapper is in the room! He’s tied so he won’t give you any problem!” “T-tied?!” “Oh~?”

Was he still half-naked when you tied him? Well, unimportant details. His dignity died enough the moment he called you “Kafu-sama”, but now it was Atsushi and Dazai’s problem. At the moment your only preoccupation was the rescued children. The instant you arrived their location they ran to hug you, their scared faces changed to bright ones when they felt your arms around them. The tension, the worry, all disappeared and seemed like a distant nightmare and you couldn’t be grateful enough.

“Kumiko, Momo, Aki. Did you say thanks to Kunicchan?” “K-Kunicchan?!” –was the only contribution Kunikida made to the conversation. “Ahhh, sorry Ka-chan, we still didn’t do it.” “Don’t worry cuties; you have gone through a lot. Do you still remember how to do it~?” “Yes!!!”

Three high-pitched voices talked in unison just before jumping where Kunikida was, starting a group hug. Kunikida’s stability didn’t take long to fall and so he did with the kids clinging onto him. He shouted a lot, scolding them not to attack people that way. He seemed embarrassed at the same time as happy and even Momo was playing along with it. The scene in front of you was so heart-warming and cute you couldn’t help but laugh at it. While this was happening Atsushi and Dazai returned, police already informed to take care of the kidnapper. You went near them while listening to the situation and wait until they stopped talking. Then you broke the distance and hugged them tightly. Each one was embraced by one of your arms and your heads were together. You usually were afraid to be so close to people due to your ability, but you felt so grateful for their help, you were so touched and happy your body moved on its own. “Thank you…” was what you said in a soft, but cracked voice, wishing your feelings would reach them. You stayed in their warmth for a bit before let them free again, looking at them with a sincere smile. The silence was then abruptly cut by three familiar figures that continued their hug attack with the three of you.

The situation returned to normal after Kunikida scolded all of you, this was a serious matter, for god’s sake. For now you were thinking how to return to the orphanage, because you were too many to properly fit the car. You also had to wait for the police to arrive, so Atsushi suggested to divide yourselves between those vehicles. You kindly refused for obvious reasons and added you had to make some things before coming back. Although Momo and co. accepted it would be safer for them to wait for the police, they complained about you going. Dazai agreed with the kids and offered he to accompany you “It would be sad for a beautiful lady to go by herself!” he claimed. That way the space problem would be solved, so you hadn’t much of an option.

Dazai and you took a taxi to the city and he asked where you wanted to go. He looked amused by your response, but you really need to go to the supermarket. You weren’t familiarized with supermarkets so when you got inside it your eyes opened a lot and you stated your amazement in a loud voice. The cashier told you not to raise your voice, still you couldn’t help it. Chuuya always took you to restaurants because you both hadn’t much time to cook, so this was new for you. Dazai chuckled at your back, but you would have done the same to be honest. You went where he was, grabbed his hand and told him you both had a mission. You promised the children you would make them a surprise and they went through a lot so you wanted to keep it no matter what. You thought making Sukiyaki would cheer them up, but you never did it before, so you need his help. Dazai kept staring at you with amused eyes and then he started making exaggerated gestures with his hands, saying how you of course would need his help and how he couldn’t leave a damsel in distress. After laughing at his behavior you started your purchases. Dazai suggested all kind of ingredients, from beef, noodles and mushrooms to wasabi, crab and mochi. No matter how strange it sounded, you put it in the cart without questions. When you were going to pay, Dazai tried to charm the cashier into giving you a discount, but you stopped him on time. That wasn’t right! No matter how ironic it would be coming from someone working for the mafia.

“That has been really enjoyable!” “I’ve never seen someone so excited about buying groceries.” “Well, in company all is better and we did it to make somebody happy. I’m sure it will be delicious!” “Do you think so?” “Yes! Because they are the ingredients Dazacchi helped me choose!” –You couldn’t erase the smile from your face, you were wishing for the kids to prove it. “Dazacchi, huh?” –He kept silent for a moment, somewhat thoughtful. – “Then I was also a good kid! I deserve a prize too! Maybe something like-” “Here!” –Before he could continue you put in front of his gaze some colored and strange-flavored candy. “You have the habit of cutting people’s speech halfway, did you know?” “Ah! Sorry! I just-“ “These are for me?” –He cut your sentence on purpose with a smirk. “…. “–You looked at him for a bit before laughing at the situation and kept talking between chuckles. – “Yes, yes it is. I realized you were looking at them curiously and I thought they would be a cute detail! O-only if you want them.” “Of course I want them! You bought them only for me, they are legitimately mine! “ “Ok, ok~” –You gave the candy to Dazai who was stretching his arms like a toddler asking for a new toy, pout included. “Do you think I could choke myself with the wrapper?” “Don’t you prefer me to feed you?” “Only if it’s mouth to mouth~” “It sounds like fun~, but only if you don’t try to die with my present.” “Your rules are so tough, Kafu-chan.”

Your little stroll with Dazai was accompanied by endless small talk. It was about the most trivial things, but you treasured every word of it. For some reason you felt comfortable by his side and didn’t mind to show it when you were together. Time always flew quickly when you two were chatting and before you were aware of it you were again at the orphanage. You told Dazai to go with the rest, because you had to talk with the headmistress first. She welcomed you with a serious face, yet different from the one she gave you when you clashed hours ago. Her gaze softened a bit; sorry and thanks being her initial words. She was sorry for unconditionally doubting you and thankful to you for rescuing the kids. You accepted her apology, but you had already made your mind and had a long conversation ahead with her.

The sun was hiding by when you finished talking, but you didn’t care, you wanted to leave all this matter clear and closed. You were again at the entrance hall, ready to go. The weather prevision was right per once and you were happy for buying an umbrella because of it. The downpour made the afternoon darker than usual, just like your mood. The more you got away from the orphanage, the more the children filled your thoughts. All the time you spent together, all the smiles they brought to you and then sudden flashes of this incident. “It is for the best, it is for the best” you repeated like a mantra, still the pain wasn’t going away. It always happened, you loved things and then you had to say goodbye to them, but this time you’d make sure they stayed alive. You got to the place where the mafia would pick you up and sat in a rock bench, it was wet, but whatever. Ahhh! These depressive thoughts wouldn’t make you any good! Your kids were going to eat the most delicious sukiyaki ever, be happy and grow healthy! Because that’s what they deserved! And you…well, you…

“There’s place for one more?” –A familiar voice cut your train of thought. “… Dazai-kun? Why aren’t you with th- Ahh! You are going to catch a cold!”

Your reaction time was amazingly slow, but how could you ever think someone would go out without an umbrella in weather like this? You tried to cover Dazai with your umbrella as fast as you could, although by then he was completely soaked. Soon he was the one holding the umbrella, because the 21cms of height difference resulted in a comical situation if you were the one doing it.

“Please, take care of yourself. What were you thinking going out in the middle of a downpour?” –You said while trying your best to dry Dazai with your little handkerchief. “Because the last time you ran away without a word you disappeared for a month.” “…You should be with the rest.” “To be honest, I think it’s the other way around.” “Don’t be silly, I’ll cry like a baby if I do. Besides, I can’t stay.” “…” –Dazai looked at you with a bit of disapproval. “This time I’ve been able to protect them, yet I don’t know if it would be possible a next time. They were attacked because of me and I can’t let that happen again.” “It’s the price to be attached to something. The more things you have, the more you’ll have to lose” “You are right, but I’ll never regret loving them. Not a single time. If I do I’ll be denying the fact they made me so happy.” “Although right now you have this sadness in your face and a hole in your heart?” “Yes.” “It’s a contradictory feeling the one you have.” “They gave me hope and strength. It doesn’t matter if I’m sad right now having to say goodbye, because all these good feelings will stay with me forever.” “Will you be ok losing what you love again and again only for the sake of its safety?” “No. I’ve lost enough things and I won’t lose them anymore.” –You raised your head after being looking at the rain all this time and looked Dazai in the eye.- “I’m going to fight, I’m going to return as a better version of me, using the strength they gave me.” “And what strength would that be?” “Love” “Ohh?~ And you said it so confident at all!” “Of course! I’m not ashamed of how I feel. Love is the best feeling ever!”

Then you raised both of your arms enthusiastically and hit the umbrella in the process, which swayed by your action. After your “woah!” you helped Dazai stabilizing it by holding his hands and continued talking for a bit with a smile before letting him go.

“To protect what I love I’ll become unstoppable” “And your plan starts with you sitting on a wet bench under the rain” –Dazai teased you. “Says the one who came walking under the same rain” “Achooo!!! Ahh~ my body is losing its warm! Maybe the day when I finally receive the hug of death has come???” “pfff… Not on my watch” –You couldn’t help but laugh at his exaggerated affirmation and decided to get along with it. You sat closer to him, shoulder against shoulder and covered the hand that was holding the umbrella with yours. - “I know it’s not very much, but you could also, you know, return before the mafia picks her subordinate up.” “Or I can keep you company until they arrive.” “But-“–Your complain couldn’t continue because Dazai rested a finger on your lips. “Shhhh. If you try to kick me out now I’ll be very offended! Besides, the agency has dealt with the mafia before. No less than Atsushi-kun had a bounty on his head.” –Your surprised face had to be real, because Dazai smiled and kept elaborating. - “Atsushi-kun’s ability… he’s… a weretiger.” –By then you already knew he loved to be dramatic, but you must admit those pauses got your attention. “He’s a big sized kitty!!! I want to pet him!! I bet he’s very fluffy and big in tiger form, like a giant plush!!” “A plush that can break your neck.” “Well, I’ll die happy then. Like in movies when people die in their lover’s arms.” “That’s the spirit for a double suicide!!” –Dazai looked incredibly excited for a moment. “I see… but it would be sad. I mean, I wouldn’t want for the person I love to die just after finding them.” –You made a pause, put together your hands and couldn’t avoid smiling softly. - “Rather than committing suicide together… Wouldn’t it be better to find together a reason for living?”

Dazai kept silent for a while looking at you, silence that was soon ended by the motor noises of a car coming near you. It stopped in front of you and you already knew who they were. For your surprise, the one getting out of the car wasn’t Chuuya, but Kouyou. This made you a bit nervous, because, Kouyou, despite being your mentor, didn’t appreciate you a lot. You were afraid of what could happen and then Dazai stood up and greeted her with total confidence. You felt your heart skipped a beat.

“Shall I be surprised? What are you scheming now, Dazai?” “You flatter me, Kouyou-nee-san. Can’t I keep a lady company?” “Your smiles may fool a bimbo girl, but not me.” –Her tongue was as sharp as her katana, but you were already used to it. – “Kafu-kun, I suggest you to choose better your companies.” The rain stopped a few minutes ago, so you closed your umbrella and stood up too. In a way, you appreciated Kouyou’s comments despite them trying to be hurtful. People always showed their best side to you due to your ability, so said comments showed a part you weren’t always able to see. In addition, she gave you the opportunity to change and let you stay, reason why you expected for both of you to get along someday. However, today wasn’t that day. “Don’t worry, Koi-san, I won’t give you any problem. Besides, I trust Dazai.” “Perhaps did he tell you about his past or the real him?” “For me, the real Dazai is the person who has been with me until now and the one I trust. To tell about his past or his secrets is for him to decide and it won’t change my mind.” “Why so?” “Because he’s my friend.” “…you are so naïve it’s risible. Let’s not waste more time, it’d probably start raining again.” –She turned herself around direction to the car. - “And you, take care.”

You looked at Dazai and saw him waving, still being very quiet. You knew Kouyou would be impatient soon, but you didn’t want to go away like last time, not now. Then you offered your umbrella to him.

“Please, take it. I’m not going to need it and I don’t want you to catch a cold for real this time.” –You left the umbrella in his hands and smiled at him again. - I have said it before, but thank you, for all… Well! I have to go or Koi-san is going to get even more irritated! See you!”

Moments before you could go into the car a voice called your name so you stopped for a moment and turned around. “Thank you” were Dazai’s words. Your eyes brightened and a big smile was brought to your face, you nodded and then parted ways. It was a bittersweet day and a lot of things happened, leaving a mix of feelings inside you. You were sure it would bring consequences in the future, but for now, you peacefully looked outside the window, observing all those bright lights sparkling in the dark of the city.

#bungou stray dogs #bungou sd #bungou stray dogs oc #bsd oc #Nagai Kafu #writing #Atsushi #Dazai #Kunikida

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