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turneradora · 10 months ago

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THANK YOU SO MUCH TO Emma Jones for the article in the Telegraph

🌹❤️💋

The Telegrah

Judith Woods

27 September 2024 2:30pm

Here I am, avidly watching the first few episodes of Rivals, the sizzling new Disney+ treatment of Dame Jilly Cooper’s raunchy blockbuster, before my interview with dreamboat-y Aidan Turner, when my 22-year-old daughter walks into the room.

‘What the actual?’ she cries, open-mouthed in horror. ‘Oh my God! What are they doing?’

I chide her prudishness. ‘Well, if you must know, Rupert Campbell-Black and a woman he probably just met have reached a shuddering climax on Concorde,’ I explain. ‘Your generation didn’t invent sex, you know, darling – the Mile High Club has been around for…’ but it turns out that’s not what’s triggered her.

‘These people are SMOKING! On. A. Plane. Who even does that?’

Everybody, that’s who. Welcome to the sassy, sexy 1980s, Missy. Double-breasted suits and taffeta skirts, booze, bonking, endless ciggies and hairstyles so fugly (the mullet, for pity’s sake?) as to have recently crept back into fashion.

It’s all there: rampant sexism, social climbing and conspicuous consumption, to a banging soundtrack of Eurythmics, Hall & Oates, Haircut 100 and the rest – no idea how The Birdie Song got in there though. Did people really...? Yes, we did. Now run along.

From the moment the opening credits roll on Rivals, it’s fair to say we are immersed in a very different, instantly recognisable universe.

I lapped up every transgressive minute. Why, dear readers, the last time I enjoyed a pleasure quite so guilty was when Aidan Turner took off his shirt in…

‘I’m not here to talk about Poldark,’ says Turner very politely, with a fabulously winning white smile, when we meet. So we don’t. At least for a bit. We are here, after all, to discuss his new role in this very different literary classic – and no, ladies, he’s not been cast as the libidinous blaggard Campbell-Black. As if.

County Dublin-born Turner, 41, was a shoo-in for dashing Declan O’Hara, the saturnine Irish journalist turned reluctant chat-show host who finds himself at the epicentre of a battle royale in the cut-throat world of independent television.

David Tennant plays Corinium TV boss Lord Baddingham, and Alex Hassell’s Rupert Campbell-Black has ascended to the lofty heights of Tory Minister for Sport.

I could try to explain, but that’s about all the primer you need – rest assured that with this high-budget adaptation, even the most loyal of Cooper’s fans will find themselves safe in its (wandering) hands.

‘Rivals is about the three things that fascinate all of us: sex, power and money,’ says Turner. ‘That trifecta is especially potent when there’s a clash of status and class. Class informs all sorts of things, including the sex, which is sometimes completely transactional on both sides. From the very top to the very bottom of the ladder, everyone’s slightly on the make.’

Speaking of the top and indeed the bottom, the eight-part series employed not one but two intimacy coaches. ‘They had a lot of intimacy to coach,’ confirms Turner breezily. ‘I think they really improve sex scenes because they encourage creativity and it all looks so much more authentic. There’s a lot of bonking. I want to say I did a lot of bonking – I can’t quite remember how much.’

Declan is very much the dark-eyed, watchful outsider, his integrity as deep-rooted as his humongous moustache – ‘artist’s own’, remarks Turner. (He speaks in mellifluous Irish tones and uses his own accent to play Declan.) Amid the jostling for supremacy in the first few episodes, Declan’s only crime appears to be wearing mustard socks on air and having sensuous congress with his own wife (played with exquisite brittleness by Victoria Smurfit).

Such uxoriousness appears borderline scandalous in Dame Jilly’s masterfully constructed world of egos, oneupmanship and serial adultery, which signals that despite being a workaholic, Declan is clearly a good ’un – although, to be fair, I have only seen the first three episodes.

‘I hadn’t read Rivals before. It seemed very British so it wasn’t really on my radar, but it’s really fun – although later on it descends into something much murkier. I just read the scripts initially and then was really struck by how faithful they were to the book,’ says Turner, who is married to the American Succession actor Caitlin FitzGerald, 41. ‘You get a real sense of the characters in the first 15 or 20 pages and it’s a mark of excellent writing that you feel you already know these people.’

Whether or not you like them is up to you, but it’s absolutely gripping and Turner’s character is right at the heart of the story.

‘Rivals is a really truthful depiction of an era that in a great many ways was hugely problematic,’ says Turner. ‘It’s not being refracted through a modern lens and some of it is quite shocking, particularly the way women are treated. There’s also endless back-stabbing; Declan is detached, the one who sees what’s going on, and because he’s not from this class-bound world [he] struggles to understand the playbook – but he’s married to a woman who does and that causes tension.’

To research the role of a broadcasting homme sérieux, Turner trawled YouTube to watch hours of Firing Line, the US current-affairs talk show presented by conservative pundit William F Buckley Jr for 33 years. From 1966 to 1999, he verbally sparred with leading figures of the age.

‘I felt it was important to look to older shows, the way they were presented and the communication style,’ says Turner. ‘The interviewee would be given time and space to answer questions in full. These days it’s very different; the nearest we have to that now would be podcasts.

“Once filming started, to be honest I was channelling my dad the whole time. He’s an electrician not a journalist, but Declan is very like him – the way he carries himself, the tone of his voice, his passion. He feels very Irish and so does Declan.’

For Alexander Lamb, an executive producer on Rivals, finding the right fit for the pivotal character of Declan was crucial. ‘The very first person we thought about – the very first person we cast – for Rivals was Aidan. He was the lynchpin because he just felt so right; he’s got depth but also such charm and that was exactly what we wanted. A lot of the cast was built around him.’

That cast also includes EastEnder Danny Dyer, Katherine Parkinson, best known for The IT Crowd, Emily Atack of Inbetweeners fame, and Claire Rushbrook, who was in the first series of Sherwood. When it came to Turner, Lamb had been impressed by his previous standout roles as a vampire in the supernatural series Being Human and a clinical psychologist in police procedural The Suspect.

‘Aidan hadn’t played sexy-dad-with-teenagers or an intellectual journalist before, so that gave the whole thing a freshness. I think there’s a lot to be gained from getting actors out of their comfort zones,’ observes Lamb. ‘I’ve never really worked with an actor before who was so conscious of his performance. He would come back behind the camera to see if he could improve on what he’d done.’

Dame Jilly, adds Lamb, needed no persuasion in casting Turner. ‘It did not escape her just how good-looking Mr Aidan Turner was. Let’s just say she became quite the fan.’ Turner responds in kind, with unalloyed admiration. ‘Jilly is so sharp, perceptive and really funny – she’s very kind, but as she was seeing the daily and the weekly rushes I am quite certain that if she hadn’t liked what any of us were doing, she would have told us very swiftly.’

Later, he quietly relates a telling conversation with Cooper at a garden party held at her Gloucestershire gaff (to call it a pile would be too excessive, to call it a house too modest), one summer evening last year, after filming.

‘I remember a surreal moment when she took me by the arm and led me around the garden, pointing out the place where she would write and how she would look over the valley,’ he says. ‘And then she pointed out the houses where her nearest neighbours and friends lived and said, “This is Declan O’Hara’s house, and that one’s Tony’s house,” and explained how she would visualise the world of Rivals. It was a very special moment.’

How magical, I say. He nods very slowly, the corners of his mouth twitching, eyes crinkling at the preciousness of the memory. He’s so unabashedly soulful, I almost have to look away. And so to business: is Turner really as handsome as they say? Hmm. Maybe that’s what strikes you first but, in truth, it’s the least interesting thing about him.

Born in Clondalkin, a town outside Dublin, before the family moved to a suburb of the city, Turner admits he was never academically inclined. With a low boredom threshold, he struggled to concentrate at school, but when his accountant mother took him along to dance classes, he excelled; he went on to compete in ballroom dancing at national level, but lost momentum.

There was a stint working as an electrician with his father, but it was a job at the local cinema that sparked his interest in acting, entering the Gaiety School of Acting, Ireland’s national theatre school, where he graduated in 2004. After appearing in several theatre productions, including Seán O’Casey’s Easter Rising play The Plough and the Stars, he got his first major television gig in 2008 in the Irish hospital drama The Clinic.

‘I was a lowly receptionist and Victoria Smurfit, who is my wife in Rivals, was a consultant,’ he smiles. ‘Let’s just say we didn’t have a huge number of scenes together back then, so it’s great to catch up now.’ Soon the BBC beckoned and he was cast as Dante Gabriel Rossetti in the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood drama Desperate Romantics.

The six-parter failed to make a mark, but led to a critically acclaimed role in the comedy-drama Being Human, where he caught the eye of director Sir Peter Jackson, who cast Turner as the dwarf Kili in The Hobbit trilogy between 2012 and 2014.

Various other parts followed, culminating in his award-winning portrayal of Captain Ross Poldark in the 2015 revival of the BBC classic, which ran for five series and made him both a household name and a pin-up among ladies (and interviewers) d’un certain age.

After he was shown scything a field shirtless, a sheen of sweat on his ripped – sorry – torso, the Sunday-night concupiscence became so pronounced that media commentators called out the reverse sexism and denounced the reductive way in which Turner was being treated as a piece of prime meat. A decade on, he still seems mildly baffled, but not ungrateful, for the attention, if loathe to dwell on it. ‘There are worse things to be known for than having a nice physique,’ he says, philosophically. ‘But that was a long time ago and I’ve done a lot of fully clothed work since.’

Hilariously, in Rivals, Declan finds himself sharing a schedule with a series called Four Men Went To Mow, featuring a quartet of topless hunks – with scythes. Turner almost leaps off the sofa when I bring it up. ‘I know! I was reading the script and when I saw the Four Men Went To Mow reference, I assumed someone was deliberately winding me up. Then I realised it was actually in the original book, so I took a deep breath and let it go.’

I can confirm he’s fully dressed for our interview, wearing a mustard top by British menswear brand Oliver Spencer, which he dryly describes as ‘drab chic’, Levi’s 501s, and a pair of trainers. He points out they are classic white Reeboks with a natural gum sole. I admit I didn’t know that was A Thing. ‘To be honest, neither did I,’ he shrugs in good-natured agreement. ‘They were a present from a mate of mine – he’s a musician so far cooler than me, obviously – and he was very emphatic that the soles were a big deal.’

On his wrist is a 1969 Omega Seamaster. ‘It cost less than £2,000, it was an anniversary gift and the only watch I own,’ he offers, pre-emptively. ‘Oh and I’m not sponsored by Omega, none of that.’ Would he like to be? I ask mischievously. ‘Ah well, I’d certainly take the phone call. You always like to have options.’ This is all the more interesting because later I ask if there’s any truth in tabloid rumours that he has variously been earmarked as the new Bergerac and the next James Bond. He denies both charges.

‘But you’d take the calls presumably?’ I suggest. A pregnant pause follows. ‘You know, I don’t think I would. I have to say I think I’d pass on those.’ Bergerac I can understand – but intimations of 007 are, like talk of knighthoods, not to be trifled with, much less dismissed out of hand, however cat’s-chance unlikely.

Turner just pulls a slightly apologetic face (possibly for the benefit of his aghast agent reading this). But really it should come as no surprise; Turner has built up a reputation as a protean performer, moving seamlessly between television, film and the stage in a variety of markedly different roles.

Last year he appeared opposite Jenna Coleman in a minimalist two-hander, the West End revival of Sam Steiner’s 2015 fringe hit Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons Lemons, about love and language. Director Josie Rourke says she cast Turner not just because he is ‘brilliant’, but because he has an ability to connect with his character and with the audience.

‘Aidan is a very technical and focused actor who really works hard to prepare – in that respect he’s not dissimilar to David Tennant. That might make him sound dour or serious, but he’s very personable and funny,’ says Rourke, a former artistic director of the Donmar Warehouse in London. ‘He’s acutely aware, in a lovely way, of every single person in the room. There’s something fundamentally unselfish about his performances.’

Off stage, Turner leads a quiet life with his family in an 18th-century house in east London, which he famously furnished with the table and chairs from the Poldark set in Cornwall. He looks amused when I wonder aloud if he hangs out – virtually or actually – with the slew of young Irish actors, like Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan, who have made a name for themselves.

‘It sounds boring but I work, and then when a project is finished I start reading scripts again,’ he says. ‘I’m not on social media, I don’t get wrapped [up] comparing myself to anyone else. Frankly, it’s hard enough keeping track of my own career. Since the birth of our son, my wife and I have agreed that only one of us will take a job away from home at any given time; we’ve not [had] a clash yet but we’ll have to see what happens when the time comes.’

They did, however, both have plays on in the West End at one point last year; he was appearing in Lemons while she was in The Crucible.‘It worked out really well, we headed out in different directions during the day, catching up with friends and getting stuff done, far too busy to see each other,’ he recalls. ‘Each of us did our show then we would meet up afterwards and share a cab home. It was really fun, but that sort of synchronicity is quite rare.’

Like a lot of actors, Turner is guarded when it comes to discussing his personal life. Although frenzied interest from the paparazzi has calmed down post-Poldark, every so often pictures do appear in the tabloids – and Rivals will no doubt increase his bankability. It is something he accepts with equanimity.

‘If I do get snapped, I don’t make a fuss or get angry, but I try to stay out of the way.’ I remind him of a very striking photo of him putting the rubbish out in a frankly extraordinary receptacle. ‘Ah yes, maybe I should get rid of the fluorescent pink wheelie bin, a bit of an own goal,’ he sighs.

I bet he doesn’t. Far too much of a compromise. I do manage to winkle a few details out of him by playing my fellow Irishwoman card and discover that he’s a ‘serious’ pool player – just this week he settled down in front of a recording of Steve Davis and his teammates taking the 2002 Mosconi Cup in Bethnal Green.

He plays golf, enjoys music, and is an avowed Nick Cave fan.

‘I’d have to say my favourite downtime is having friends round for good banter and food in the garden, weather allowing. I’m trying to perfect the manly art of beef brisket in my [Big] Green Egg barbecue. I think one of the reasons Rivals was such a happy show to work on was because so many of the scenes were us all together at parties. Then at the end of the day we’d kick back and half of us would still be in character.’

And what characters they are, all dressed up in their ’80s finery, jockeying for position, angling for seduction as Tears for Fears belt out Everybody Wants to Rule the World. Gen Z won’t understand, much less approve (lock up your 22-year-olds), but as a snapshot of a bygone age, Rivals promises to be TV gold, and at its glittering epicentre, Declan O’Hara, legendary brooding broadcaster with the biggest ’tache in town.

All episodes of Rivals are available on Disney+ from 18 October

#aidanturnerinternational #séries #rivals #declan #disney+uk #disneyplus #Aidanturner

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ryuichirou · 1 year ago

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Skipped the day yesterday, so I’ll try to reply to more asks today!

Starting with the ones about our LiliSil comic from yesterday…

Anonymous asked:

HOLY SHIT LILIA His thighs are not a snack!

(I would've done the same 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻)

These thighs are a snack much better that whatever Lilia was munching on in a previous comic… leg > spaghett

Anonymous asked:

Silver doesn't get flirting or teasing at all... Very sad..... At least his plump thighs must be super delicious ❤️

He is just way too used to Lilia acting this way I guess… this is like a default to him lol nothing special to see here. But yeah, at least his plump thighs are super delicious 🥰

hipsterteller asked:

I saw silver and lilia…

Ouch, got bonked …

Anonymous asked:

…

I’ll share spaghetti with the old dude. Not because I think he’s hot or anything, mind, but because I’m a pig and spaghetti is spaghetti.

I think this one was sent after the first LiliSil midnight snack comic, so…

Very valid, Anon, but I have to warn you, Lilia is a competitive eater when it’s 3 AM and he’s having cold spaghetti.

Anonymous asked:

Random Ignihyde student A probably: I’m living in an actual nightmare. Royal Sword it is then.

(this is related to this post)

Poor guy, I feel so bad for him, he’s just trying to live his life… these creeps would be happy if he transferred to another school though 😭

Anonymous asked:

Opinions on Idia being fucked in a cosplay?

Or being fucked by someone in a cosplay

Both options are great, and I don’t know which one is going to make Idia die of cringe, embarrassment and arousal faster lol

Whenever this scenario is mentioned, I always think about Lilidia first, since Lilia is kind of a nerd himself + wouldn’t mind dressing up. In fact I did draw this once, if you consider a maid outfit a cosplay… we might revisit the theme of cosplay in Idia smut sometime, it’s a very fun one.

Idia desperately needs to get fucked in a cosplay, that’s for sure.

Anonymous asked:

haha funny scenario :)

ok now actually draw idia whimpering and bleeding on the floor :))

:) Come on, Anon, why would I do something so mean to Idia? This isn’t like me at all, I would never.

Anonymous asked:

Good lord, thank you for the dark, twisted food you’ve been providing us in the way of headcanons. I’m drinking them in like water y’all. 😩

Thank you so much for enjoying them, Anon! <3 I am super happy to hear that you like them.

I really hope to finish the rest of the posts about darker themes and hcs soon; it’s truly amazing that people are interested enough to ask for more of that.

Dark and twisted food is our true passion 😔💕

Anonymous asked:

i NEED to breed those eels 😭🤚

Unfortunately, in this blog the eels are busy breeding Idia…

Anonymous asked:

Do ya think that in the heat of the moment Sebek would try to breed Malleus, not knowing , or forgetting) that it doesn't work like that (unless it's A/B/O haha) ? Like he'd get SO intense that even AFTER he'll finish inside his liege he'd get excited again from the thought of his liege carrying his- THEIR children.

I think the young hormonal horny fae part of Sebek’s brain could make him believe in anything, like if his instincts win over and his confused body just goes ballistic, which is very likely to happen if he is lucky enough to have any kind of intimacy with Malleus. But this is Sebek we’re talking about; it could go either way with him.

Then again, we did have a comic about Sebek bragging about being the one to breed his liege, so maybe he doesn’t even need to be in the heat of the moment to think about this type of thing. It’ll definitely get him excited in like 2 seconds though lol

Anonymous asked:

I headcanon that the Science Club members talk crap and gossip while doing their club activities. Kinda like stylists at a salon but meaner.

I think every club does that to an extent lol, Science Club too. Is there a reason you headcanon them specifically as being gossipers?

All of them talking shit about everyone… and then there’s Rook with his singing….

Anonymous asked:

Kuro x TWST au where Riddle is Ciel's cousin who goes to live with Madame Red and Grell after his OB. Skip ahead and Riddle is introducing Floyd to his family. Madame Red doesn't think highly of him but he makes Riddle happy so she doesn't protest. Sebastian and the tweels are three pees in a pod, so only a raised eyebrow and approval. Ciel tho goes full kink shaming. He cannot believe his most esteemed respected favorite cousin is not only a monsterfucker but also into THAT sort of personality

Come on, Ciel, you shouldn’t be judgmental, just look at your butler for fuck’s sake lol Plus, it’s difficult for Riddle too! He wants Floyd to behave properly, it’s not his fault he can’t…

I hope the tweels bully Ciel lol

This is one of those moments when I really regret Yana not being able to do a proper crossover between Kuro and Twst, all of these boys interacting would’ve been so interesting.

artfulhero-m asked:

It's been a little over a week since I sent that huge ass essay, and in the spirit of being extremely happy to be a cringe weird little freak, have you heard of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley? I literally heard about it weeks ago cause I heard it's what the Internet has considered "the incest game" so because of that, and the cute art of the game, I bought it weeks ago and finally got around to playing it and oh boy yeah the incest is very throughout the game. AND IT'S AMAZING >:) Literally the most toxic of sibling relationships, but like that's what's got my brain latching hard they're SO codependent on each other.

Sorry I just needed another moment to just kinda yell into the void in your ask box again if that's okay lol. After sending that essay last week while on the verge of passing out for the night not even 100% sure I sent it to the right ask box I just immediately got sick the next day, which took me out for the entire week lmao. Then halfway through the week I figured I was done with sleeping so the stars have finally aligned for me to play "the incest game" and now the brain rot for The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is kinda severe and only getting worse so as a result, just needed to know if you heard about it too lol.

Yeah, we’ve heard about the game! At some point it became impossible to avoid, and while we haven’t played or watched it, the discourse around it is fascinating and very telling. We are just very happy in general that the game exists, and not necessarily because of incest, but because it’s always cool to see games with darker and more problematic themes getting popularity and recognition, especially if this is the game where the main characters are kind of shitty people lol And the artstyle is cute, I agree! It’s such a pity the author got harassed, I hope it didn’t affect them in any way.

All of that being said, I hope you get good rest and have a good sleep every day. I know it’s easier said than done, but please take care of yourself, this is very important. I also hope you feel better and surround yourself with fictional toxicity only lol Enjoy your problematic brainrot.

#replies

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mothmans-wedding-photographer · 11 months ago

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Mothman's Buffy rewatch, Season 4, episodes 4, 5, and 6, "Fear Itself", "Beer Bad", "Wild at Heart"

Fear Itself

FEAR ITSELF FUCK YEAH

It's coming out mode dryly sardonic

Ok Buffy girl please don't

Buffy is kind of reminding me of me when I'm really low rn and I don't like it

Fuck this guy, do not purposely activate someone's fight or flight response if you're not prepared for them to fight

I love watching Willow grow as a witch

That's so real sometimes I don't understand if people want encouragement, to vent, or actual advice

The stabby banana svsjsnsjd

Sombrero Giles

Giles having Halloween fun is kind of sweet

He comes baring spiders

Playing with magical symbols in Sunnydale after what just happened at graduation is a bit stupid

"The bonds of true friendships transcends" awww

Ok professor Walsh 🙄

Riley before he becomes annoying

Xander you should know better than anyone here that the symbol could be dangerous

Oz!!!!! Be more careful!!!! You're a literal werewolf and your girlfriend is a witch

Rare Joyce W

"I will always be here for you" you certainly weren't in the past

I think I would cry that's so gross

OZ'S NAMETAG I LOVE THIS

Oh these scenes are hard to watch that's a lot of eyestrain

Rip that guy

"And we'll back you up on it, even if they question us separately"

That's a lot of bats

Bats are cute but I don't want them touching me tbh

ANYA IN THE BUNNY COSTUME!!!

Aww she's worried about Xander

"Thank the lord" "You're welcome" SJSNEHEHSJDJ I love his dry humour <3

Chaz has trauma now yippee

Peril from Wings of Fire is so Anya coded

"Well so's your face!"

"I'm not your sidekick!" I'm still rotating that post about how Willow is more aware of the narrative than anyone else in my head

Poor Xander's fear of not being seen, Willow's fear of not being good enough, Oz's fear of not being in control... I love this episode

"Something good?" Always the optimist

Aw she made a little guy

Oh shit too many little guys

Creepy broken neck guy

Oh that would be scary as shit plus isn't one of her biggest fears being buried alive

CHAINSAW GILES

Oz immediately getting out of his crouching position to comfort Willow 🥺

GILES WITH THE CHAINSAW !!!! PICS THAT GO HARD

GILE WHY DIDNT YOU STOP HER WHILE SHE WAS WALKING

HES SO TINY IM CRYING

"Fear me!" "He's so cute!" "Who's a little fear demon?"

"No, i'ts just tacky"

STAMP

Anya's fear of bunnies mentioned

"Actual size" CRYING

Beer Bad

Fantastic episode being followed up by a terrible episode

Oops all daydream

Xander becomes a bartender

"Mon girl frere"

Parker sucks Buffy you need to get over him and quick because I'm really getting bored of this plot point

WHY DID XANDER'S VOICE SOUND LIKE THAT

I actually like Riley right now

Buffy be a girl's girl and tell that girl how Parker really is

This is so awkward

This guy is so fucking annoying and also highly classist

Poor Xander didn't even get to make him show ID

Buffy :( you're not a slut, he is if anyone. I don't like that term but he definitely fits it more than her

That's a wild thing to say??? "You should be covered in men"

Is that the other werewolf? I think so

They've got the spidey sense for sensing other werewolves

I hate this man he's so pretentious

He's so goofy (derogatory)

Or naur the beer is getting to her

She read the reading !!!

That girl must be so fucking mad like the audacity

No smoking

Awful to watch

He said the thing guys he said beer bad

Yeah get him Willow !!!!

Oh brother this guy stinks YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN YOUR INTENTIONS

This is so the right amount !!

Bonk

Scaring them with fire sjsnenebej

Guys there's plenty of leaves to go around

The laughing 😭😭

"My brother-in-law's a warlock" lmao??

The British drinking age is 16 Giles stfu

He's pulling the tricks on Willow 😭

LMFAO SHES SO JDBEJENSJEJ

Oh those poor women

Lol get fucked Parker

Cave slayer sidhdheh

Smokey Bear would be disappointed

Well she tried

Aww cave Buffy still cares so much about Willow

Putting the women right next to the cave people who kidnapped them (to be fair Xander didn't know but I feel bad for them)

GIRL SJSBSHD

It's good that she saved him, she just needed some revenge first and I can respect that

"Foamy!" "Good, as long as that's clear"

It's too bad he apologized when she was still in caveman state

LMAO DESERVED

Wild at Heart

The entire opening scene I'm crying 😭 vamps that don't banter back are the worst

LMAO SPIKE MONOLOGING AND THEN GETTING TASED

Giles at the club

The Rolling Stones are still going now, a over a decade after this show started 😭

I get it Willow but you don't have to say it

Oh this is so awkward to watch

Girl you cheated on him you don't have a right to talk

Oh he didn't lock that very well

Throws her important documents at the werewolf

Oh there's two of them now imagine having to wear that

Well shit

She goes uncaged? So does she just maul people every night?

Why do you belong together? Just because you're both werewolves?

I feel really bad for Oz, he's dealing with all this guilt for something that's not his fault. He tried to lock himself up

I feel so bad for Xander his parents suck

Sarah McLachlan mentioned!!!!

Oz tell her the truth!! If she knew you guys could fix it (< he's not going to do that)

Personally I would let her get hunted. Its not like Buffy is going to kill her and she's already morally bankrupt. This is just setting yourself up to cheat and Oh my gosh he just kissed her damn didn't even wait until they were wolves

I guess that she could hurt someone before Buffy gets to her. So maybe this makes sense. But he should have just told Buffy who it was

What happens if your wolf form memorizes the code

Veruca you are not helping

At least he's bringing up that she cheated so the narrative didn't completely forget

Rare Riley W

Girl what are you doing

Cheating plotlines are soooo annoying why did every 90s early 2000s show have them

Ok at least she didn't go through with it

Military guy, part of that organization that I forgot the name of

Veruca is just like comically evil

Why's she moving her head like that

Why does her wolf get to be blonde but his doesn't get to be ginger

Oz kills a woman(wolf)

Get tranqed idiot

It's really nice that Buffy just immediately goes to comfort her

Oz leaves the show :(

I know it's probably for the best but their relationship was really nice (besides the cheating lol)

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #buffy summers #willow rosenberg #xander harris #oz btvs #spike btvs #rupert giles #riley finn

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whaleofatjme1920 · 3 years ago

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ayo can I get a gate guardian x child reader who ran away from their parents due to neglect?

SCP 001, Your Guardian Angel

[GN!Reader]

[Warnings: Christian religious trauma, neglect, but I don't go that deep into detail about it. Really, the religious trauma is the worst part of this one. Also some mentions of not eating]

[AN: Y'all don't know it but I obsess over theology and angelology is amongst my favorite stuff to actually talk about. Did you know that sometimes, Uriel is considered the archangel of Friday? Changed the prompt a bit,,,? Because I had some thoughts-]

Part 2

Mama and papa don't really love you, they've said that time and time again. And when they do, it's because they're trying to pray the demon out of you, the demon that took root in your heart.

But you don't have a demon, you're sure of it! It's not your fault that there are little nubs sprouting from your back that are sure to take the form of wings. You have horns curling like a ram near your ears, and you've never bonked anyone with them!

Mama and papa say that you need to hide these things from other people, because what would the priest say if he saw you like this? What would the congregation say?

You have a really weird ability about you. People can stare at you for as long as they want, but they won't see your budding wings or horns unless you want them to. But it's kinda painful to keep that up for very long. One time, your mama and papa had you go an entire weekend, and you almost passed out. Your head went fuzzy, small body falling to the floor, it was painful, and scary.

Mama and papa made you hide yourself even more, confining you to the house.

Sometimes, they'd go days without paying you any attention.

They never touched you. Never hit you. Never ever laid a hand on you but they didn't love you. And oh, how your tiny heart broke. You cried, lots. Like Alice did to make a pond with her tears, your bedroom floor became the ocean.

Never once did they ever tell you they loved you. They talked about their lord whenever your tiny voice would beg for food, for attention, for a sliver of a notion that told you that you were still alive but were continually drowned out by the "will of God".

Barely 7 and without a loving touch your entire life.

And y'know, it's foolish to think that you almost had something good for once. Papa came into your room, hat in hand, and told you the three of you were going out on a picnic near the old dock. You remember seeing it a few times when you were even smaller. Your little nubs that were beginning to sprout feathers the color of your hair began to flutter, and your papa told you to stop.

You corrected yourself and apologized before bounding up to his side, eager to hold his hand. in your happiness, you hardly noticed how he kept you away at an arm's distance.

They loaded you up in the car, and you were too excited to even notice they didn't have a picnic basket. What were the three of you going to eat?

The drive took an hour, and you feel asleep on the way there. You dreamt of good food to ache your hungry tummy, and soaring high, high up in the sky.

When you woke, it was the late afternoon. It was a peaceful, late in the summer, the tall grass swayed, the water on the lake was sweet and every now and then, a fish would jump from the water to catch a tasty morsel. The sun was heading down, and without its heat, you began to grow cold.

Mama and Papa were nowhere to be found. They had to be playing with you, right? You called out for them, thick tears welling in your eyes as you ran about the tall grass, looking for them. Louder, and louder still, where were they?

You could feel your heart breaking, sobs devolving into hiccups. You couldn't breathe. Your hands balled into fists as you began to tear at the earth, your horns snagging on the tall grass as you yanked it up like threads of hair. You screamed in a tone no child should ever emit and stomped at the dirt, letting out all the anger your tired body would allow.

You haven't eaten in days.

Your rampage leads you back to the old dock, rickety boards of wood looking like they'd crumble under an adult's weight. Furious, but cooling down, you find yourself drawn to the water. And slowly, you make your way over, dropping to your knees and crawling due to the strength leaving your body. You want to nap. Your heart feels slow and weak, like you've used up all the energy you could possibly muster for one last hurrah. Your horns weigh your head down heavily as you near the dock's edge, hand reaching out to touch the water, but just barely allowing your fingers to dance across it.

Your breathing is slowing. Sleep will be upon you soon-

"They blessed them with an angel and look how terribly they've treated them." It's a voice that sounds like an amalgam of everyone who has ever lived in benevolence, sweetness, something kind and gentle, warm and fuzzy like a hug and pure love rolled into one.

Light dances across your tired eyes and you look upwards, peering at the glowing being that sits atop the water with legs crossed neatly over one another. They look positively divine. 6 large pairs of wings fan around them, sporting armor that looks most regal, and multiple pairs of eyes that look at you with pure love.

You blink and suddenly the being is sitting in front of you, hands reaching out to hold you. You feel even smaller as they cradle you in their large grasp, a soft song echoing in the back of your head.

"Who are you?" You ask softly. You sound like a frog, what with all the croaking.

"Someone who loves you." You feel the being stand almost weightlessly, holding you tightly to their chest as if you were a newborn and needed the skin to skin contact. They walk across the lake, uniform ripples forming under their boots. "I apologize," they continue, "for not receiving you earlier."

You don't even know what that means, only that they're sorry. You feel tears well in your eyes again and bury your face in their warm, armor covered chest, barely noticing how the multiple pairs of eyes squint slightly as if a mouth you cannot see is smiling.

"My little angel," they hum quietly as they lovingly brush one of their clawed hands over your head, "my little angel." It's repeated in multiple languages before it forms to a tongue that feels gutturally familiar. You know this tongue, you know it well, but it falls flat on your lips. Another hand softly wipes away your tears, and another gently hushes your attempts to speak.

Their fingers skillfully wrap around your horns, sliding things over them. Your small fingers reach up to feel the coldness of metal, recognizing it as bracelets? Rings? Whoever this is, they're adorning you. The nubs on your back no longer ache, it's as if the growing pain has stopped. The crickets continue to sing as their steps grow higher and further removed from the water.

"Where are we going?" You ask, your body no longer feeling as exhausted.

Their multiple eyes gaze down at you before glancing back upwards. "Somewhere safe, somewhere familiar, somewhere good" they answer. "You never should have been placed here to begin with."

You feel their 12 wings wrap around you, much like a cocoon, lifting you higher and higher. The warmth is overwhelming. After years of shivering alone in a dark and empty room, you almost feel like it's too much and not enough all at once. You close your eyes and allow yourself to melt into it, the feeling of hands lovingly cradling you, Enochian songs, and overwhelming light making you feel whole again.

#scp x reader #scp headcanon #scp 001 #scp 001 x reader #scp 001 headcanon #gate guardian

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karlswrites · 4 years ago

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Pride In Arms

First things first, this is gonna be a multi-part one-shot series. I don’t even know if that’s a real thing in fanfic writing, but it is starting today.

Today’s special boi is Luci-Goosey, which I’ve named him out of admiration.

I hope you enjoy this half-headcanon/half-one-shot of Luci carrying you!

Warnings: None! Enjoy your fluff!

Word Count: 1,126

Love ya, Luci.

Boy howdy, you were tired, plain and simple. After all the strenuous activities the student council put you through, exhaustion had begun to swallow you. Walking had become a challenge. Even lifting yourself from the House of Lamentation’s main stairwell was now impossible. You were halfway up the stairs when your legs gave out.

Now, you were stranded, feeling light-headed and dizzy. It sucked. For a moment, you contemplated summoning one of the demon brothers to help out. Eyeing the sigils on your arm belonging to Mammon, Levi, and Beel, you decided none were suited for the job; Mammon would freak out and complain, Levi would make some sarcastic comment, and Beel would be eating. Instead, you needed someone strong, serious, and reliable. Crap, you needed Lucifer.

As far as you knew, he was almost always the demon for the job. Diavolo relied on him a lot and for good reason. However, the thought of actually relying on him worried you just as much as it enticed you. In your daze, you imagined him standing before you, smirk and all, with his dark crimson eyes peering into your soul. Lucifer would undoubtedly help you, but there was the threat of him needing something in return. He might assign you even more work, or he might find compensation via other slightly more promiscuous means. That thought sent a shiver down your spine. The growing warmth spreading across your cheeks didn’t help.

Suddenly, a dark figure appeared at the stairwell’s base. Speak of the devil: it was Lucifer himself (Sorry, not sorry, but I’ve been waiting to make that joke). His figure was blurry in your hazy eyes, and you squinted to better focus on his expression. It was blank, not to your surprise. Lucifer was looking as disinterested as ever, and you almost laughed. He noticed this from below; of course, he did, as his attention was on you ever since he entered the room.

Taking graceful steps, he strode up the stairs to meet you. He stopped at your feet and looked down on you. His countenance was just as you imagined: a small smirk pulled at his lips, and his crimson eyes glinted in the house’s dim light.

“What are you doing lying around?” he asked, his smirk widening with each word. You let out a tiny scoff, your shoulders slumping forward.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m tired,” you retorted. It seemed as though your response amused him. You didn’t doubt the sadist was enjoying the situation.

“Listen, I’m only like this because of all the Student Council tasks today,” you explained to him. With a huff, Lucifer dropped down in front of you. His eyes softened, but his smirk stayed the same.

“Diavolo sometimes forgets how fragile humans are.” It was his feeble attempt to cheer you up.

Then, you heard him mumble something else about Diavolo being unreasonable under his breath. Lucifer remarking against authority (twice) was unheard of.

“Careful, Luci,” you started, “wouldn’t want the Lord himself hearing that-” Lucifer’s quiet laugh interrupted you. What was once a smug smirk was replaced by a playful grin.

“You needn’t worry. I’m more concerned about you.” His words surprised you. They were kind and genuine, fairly different from his usual aloof nature. What he did next shocked you, though, as he carefully wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“May I?” he asked, pulling you into his chest.

The unexpected softness had you scrambling for any coherent thought. You opted for a nod, and Lucifer hooked his other arm under your knees. He picked you up in one fluid motion, and you noticed that his red eyes never left yours. There was a slight pressure against your body that kept you glued to his. Luci had you locked in. He almost felt princely. With the absence of a white horse, you half-expected Cerberus to burst through the doors and carry you into the void, not a sunset.

“You seem out of it,” Lucifer commented. You only nodded again, not about to let those thoughts slip into words. The demon hummed in response and began walking up the rest of the stairs.

His steps were long and slow, careful not to add any unpleasant feeling to your daze by moving too quickly. Taking advantage of the situation, you nuzzled your head into his shoulder. Luci’s soft velvet cape felt soft and smooth against your cheek. The cape’s fur collar brushed against your nose, making you giggle. Lucifer did not comment on the noise, but you swore you saw some hint of pink on his cheeks.

You realized you were way too aware of everything. You could feel how his hands carried you, how his thumbs would frequently rub circles into your side. It was both a blessing and a curse that RAD’s uniform covered your legs. If Luci had access to your skin, you’d be done for. The fires of hell would consume you, and you’d be seeing Heaven a lot sooner than expected. Seriously, how could his thumbs rubbing circles into you be both relaxing and exhilarating at the same time? You hoped you were having a similar effect on him, though you truly didn’t expect him to feel much. This was Lucifer, after all.

He passed your door and continued walking. Before you had a chance to question him, he quickened his pace and arrived at the last door down the hall. He gently nudged it open with his shoulder, careful not to bonk you against the doorframe. Through half-lidded eyes, you could see how focused he was carrying you. He appeared more focused here than he did when doing his own work. It was almost impressive. It made you smile. You sighed contently, snuggling closer into him. Lucifer mimicked you, a heavy sigh of his own escaping from his lips.

The next course of action was to find a place to lay you. He set you down on a rather large red leather couch (try saying that 5 times fast), and the cool material was a vast contrast to Luci’s warmth. The demon must have sensed that you missed him because he quickly shrugged his cape off. Luci draped the cape over you, satisfied with how you immediately buried yourself into it. You gripped the hem, burying your cheeks in fur and wrapping yourself into a velvet cocoon. It was almost as cozy as him. At least it smelled like him. With the overflowing smell of cologne and the comfortable material, your daze shifted to sleepiness. The last thing you remembered before slipping into unconsciousness was Lucifer’s back. He was heading towards his desk, no doubt about to continue working. You swore you saw Luci look back at you and smile before your eyes completely shut.

#obey me!#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me luci x reader #obey me diavolo #oneshot #self insert #fanfiction #obey me fluff #lucifer fluff #fluff #tired af #MC is tired #poor sheep baby #carrying #bridal style #luci love

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brainbashin · 4 years ago

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HIYAA I ABSOLUTELY LOVE UR ACC'S VIBE, also hehe may i pls ask for scout hcs if he has a daughter that acts just like him tytyy <33

🔪 𝔰𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔞 𝔡𝔞𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔰 𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔩𝔦𝔨𝔢 𝔥𝔦𝔪 🔪

a/n; omg <3 <3 <3, thank you so much!! that is very sweet of you to say. i hope you enjoy.

contains; fluff, cute and platonic father daughter relationship, female reader. perhaps an ooc scout as i get a feel for him.

good lord. have mercy. one was already enough, but now two? this is awful.

well, for everyone else anyway. but not for you and your father.

you are spoiled rotten by scout. even if you weren't anything like him, you're his princess and whatever you ask for you get.

no matter what you do this man is shedding a proud fatherly tear.

he loves when you pick up his accent and vocabulary. the moment you say a little "doink!" or "bonk!" or anything of the sort everyone else is groaning in agony while he feels like he can run leaps and bounds across base.

"that's my girl."

you two make quite the iconic duo, though. he's taught you everything he thinks you need to know.

how to swing a bat? check. how to throw a punch? yep! how to shoot a gun? roger that.

even when he's long done with being a merc, he teaches you these things. he's very protective of you, and doesn't want anything happening to you. he wants to be sure you can take care of yourself.

he wants to be the best father he can be. he didn't grow up with his own father, and he doesn't want to give his own kid the same experience. wondering where he is, who he could be, why he wasn't there. he doesn't want those thoughts in your head.

he tries his hardest to be a good dad, but he gets really scared about it sometimes. the thought, the idea of raising an entire person, that the littlest thing could change your personality, your mindset.

he doesn't usually stop and think like this. his brain is sometimes too fast to think about others, or how his words may affect them.

but you're his entire daughter, and sometimes having an entire kid can change up your life, y'know?

tries so hard that he even attempts to cook for you. he sucks at it, is absolute garbage at it, in fact. you two often order takeout or something.

you, being his kid, with his genetics, with his exact personality, probably suck at cooking too. i'm sorry it's just how the cookie crumbles.

you can only hope your other parent is still in the picture and can cook decently. because you two are a disaster, especially together. i pray for whoever is still with scout at this point.

either way, though, scout absolutely adores you. he would give up the entire world for you. he often calls you his little mini-me.

probably gives you nicknames that are female derivatives of his own name. even if your name isn't similar to it. like jennifer or something like that.

#BRILLIANCE 🩸#tf2 x reader #tf2 #tf2 scout #tf2 scout x reader #team fortress 2 #team fortress 2 scout #team fortress 2 scout x reader #tf2 headcanons #tf2 imagines #tf2 scenarios #team fortress 2 imagines #team fortress 2 scenarios #team fortress 2 headcanons

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 4 years ago

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raven-san, can we please have a wedding crashing where jade needs to marry this girl from another crime family to consolidate power and become the next head of the leech mob :)) but floyd's like I'M BORED and annoyed that his brother's being snatched up by a random chick, so he asks basketball bros, and azul, to help save jade?

This one is super long, so I added some extra sections and placed the rest of the wedding crashing below the cut!

***Spoilers for Jamil and Floyd’s Unique Magic!!***

"I object to this wedding...!"

Pre-Wedding Jitters

A call comes for the twins in the dead of night, without warning. It’s their parents with exciting news: they’re naming Jade as the next Don Leech. The catch? The Leech mob’s in the middle of a merger with the Worm mob, and he’ll have to marry Don Worm’s daughter to secure the deal.

Jade, ever the dutiful son, is honored by his future title and calmly agrees to the arrangement. On the other hand, Floyd’s annoyed by the idea, and can’t keep quiet about his irritation. He calls out to his twin in the darkness.

“... Ne, Jade.”

“Ee, Floyd?”

“Are you really okay with going through with this? You’re just gonna do what they said? Even though you don’t know the Worms at all? Even if you’ve never met that girl before?”

“It is a request coming directly from father and mother. How could I refuse them? And, furthermore... If I do not undertake this task, then it would fall to you, the next choice to inherit the title of Don Leech. I cannot allow that to come to pass--fufu. You do so enjoy your freedom, yes?”

“... Jade, you’re so dumb sometimes. What’ll happen to your freedom, then? Will you get so busy with being the big boss and being married... that you won’t have time to play anymore?”

“... Perhaps. But that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.”

That thought doesn’t sit well with Floyd--not at all.

“I trust that you will make your own fun of the situation,” Jade reassures him. “You always do.”

As the weeks pass, Floyd sees less and less of Jade around, since he has to prepare for the wedding. Jade reassures him that he’s doing just fine, but Floyd can see right through his lies. He can tell that Jade’s more frazzled than usual--there’s a lingering to his words, and a longing in his eyes, savoring every last bit of autonomy he has before his fate is forever sealed.

Floyd hates it. He hates being lied to by his own brother, and he hates feeling powerless to stop the wedding. Floyd’s so angry that he develops this murderous aura in the weeks leading up to the wedding, which makes everyone around him shy away.

One day, he gets sick of being in the water--it’s a reminder of the wedding to come--so Floyd plays basketball on land to vent. He ends up chomping down so hard that he deflates a ball, then dunks another basketball so hard, he breaks the net.

He sprawls out on the ground and angrily shouts at the sky. His basketball bonks him on the head... and that’s when an idea hits him: maybe he can’t stop the wedding alone, but no one said he couldn’t phone some friends.

Assembling the Dream Team

Floyd first dials up Azul, who agrees to help after some whining and signing a contract agreeing to pay Azul handsomely for his services (... although truthfully, the octopus does want to help Jade, but doesn't immediately agree to do it because of his pride as a businessman).

Floyd also calls his old basketball buddies for help! Jamil and Ace are much more adamant than Azul, but Floyd strongarms them into pitching in. ("Umihebi-kun, Kani-chan, if you don't help me rescue Jade, I'll get suuuper mad, you know? I don't think you'll like me when I get mad. Moray eels are strong hunters, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem for me to track you guys down and give you a good squeeze~" "OKAY, OKAY, WE'LL DO IT!!")

Together, the four boys meet up to scheme of a way to disrupt the wedding without jeopardizing the Leech mob's future. Floyd actively leads the discussion, allowing his hidden genius to come to the surface.

Ace doesn’t contribute much to the strategy (laid out by Azul), but he does keep the spirit up with some jokes. Meanwhile, Jamil provides snacks for them when they work late into the night (though he keeps passing semi-glares to Azul whenever the octopus compliments him or tries to be friendly).

In preparation for the crashing, Azul brews some potions to give Jamil and Ace so they can take on temporary merforms. After all, the wedding will be underwater, in the Coral Sea, and they’ll need tail fins.

The date of destiny draws ever closer... and Floyd's never been so excited to cause chaos in his whole life.

The Crashing - Team Azul & Jamil

They split into two pairs on the day of the wedding—Azul and Jamil, and Floyd and Ace. Floyd uses his position as the future son-in-law to Don Worm to arrange a meeting between himself and the don... except Azul and Jamil will show up instead.

Don Worm shows up to the meeting in his finest clothes (which is very little, given that he’s a merman), sounding a bit annoyed the sudden summoning. “Make this quick, I’ve got to go see my baby girl’s big day... Wait. You fellas aren’t the F. Leech boy.”

“No, we aren’t, sir. We are his representatives... Proxies, if you will,” Azul insists, giving his warmest and most welcoming smile. He uses a tentacle to tug on Jamil’s tail, forcing him to smile too. “You see, there is an important business matter we needed to discuss with you on behalf of Floyd.”

“Hoh? And what would that be?”

“I believe my business associate would be better off explaining the matter than myself.” Azul gestures to Jamil, who has his head down.

“Oi, what’s with you? Don’t you know who I am, boy? It’s rude to not look your elders in the eye when they are speaking to you!! Show me the respect I deserve, from one professional to another!!”

“My apologies, sir.” Jamil looks up, locking eyes with the mob boss. “... Is this better?”

“Yes, that’s...”

“Snake Whisper.”

Don Worm suddenly goes glassy-eyed and slack-jawed. Azul claps at the sight, showering his partner with compliments. “As expected of the talented Jamil-san! Even one look from you can bring a mafia lord to his downfall. Truly, your Unique Magic is most impressive!”

“Save your flattery for later.”

Azul’s lips curl into a smirk as he whips out a golden contract from his briefcase and offers it to the don. “Now then, if you wouldn’t mind, sir... sign on the dotted line.”

The Crashing - Team Floyd & Ace

Ace and Floyd rush to the wedding venue, their tails cutting through the water like knives as they swim at a breakneck pace. Ace can barely keep up with Floyd, who surges far ahead.

“H-Hey, should we really be barging in like this?! Don’t mob families have weapons and other dangerous stuff? Is there a backdoor we can take instead? Hello?! Floyd-senpai, are you listening to me?!” (He isn’t.)

The open, underwater comes into view, and Floyd barrels in without any hesitation, tearing right through some decorations and knocking over the wedding cake with his tail. A loud CRASH! echoes through the waters, drawing eyes to him.

Jade stares at his brother from the altar—wide eyed, but a mirthful smile on his lips. Floyd waves to him, and then to his mom and dad in the crowd of guests. “Hiii, Jade! I’m here to pick you up now.”

The Worm girl starts sobbing, wailing something about how her special day’s been ruined, and where is her papa to put an end to this? At her signal, security guards, and some of the rougher looking guests—Worm family associates—lunge at Floyd, claws and teeth out. A few of them have produced wands, and what seem to be guns—loaded with harpoons.

“Bind the Heart!” Objects and stray magic go flying in all directions, hitting both people and wedding decorations. Cloth tears, columns crumble—but it’s one man against many, and he can only bind so many hearts before the blot starts to stack.

Ace makes it just in time, sending their foes and their weapons hurtling through the water with a blast of wind. “This is why I said to be careful, dammit! Your Unique Magic’s such a crapshoot—don’t just use it whenever, or you’ll be sushi!!!”

“Ahahahah! Kani-chan’s being all heroic today! That’s so cute. Don’t worry, I can play my part, too...!!”

Using his tail, Floyd hooks around a drifting merman and chucks him straight into another. They collide with a CRACK!—but Floyd barely registers it. He’s already bolting off, grabbing heads and smashing them together, slicing through others like a knife through butter.

There’s a crazed, frenzied look to him, gleeful laughter cutting through the waters and mixing with the Worm bride’s screeching. I forgot how scary Floyd-senpai can be, Ace realizes. (Jade and Floyd’s parents are cheering for him from their seats.)

Jade looks quite proud of his brother, even laughing along to the brutal slaughterfest. His bride stares at him incredulously. “Stop that brute! He’s ruining MY special day!!”

“No,” Jade replies calmly. “I don’t think I will. This is far too amusing to let it end so soon.”

She lets out a frustrated scream and launches herself at her groom, hands going for his throat. The Worm girl is slammed back with a strong hit to her gut, courtesy of Jade’s tail.

She flies back, slamming into a column—and feels a tail wrapping around her and squeezing tight. Constricting her to the point where it was difficult to breathe. A livid mermaid glares down at her, teeth bared in a snarl.

“No one lays a hand on my children,” Mama Leech declares. “No one.”

From the corner of her eye, the Worm girl can see that Jade has cast off his bow tie and flitted over to Floyd, embracing happily in a battlefield adorned with red ribbons trailing through the water. Her vision is abruptly blocked off by a broad-shouldered merman wearing a grimace.

“Now then, what shall we do with this one?” Papa Leech wonders aloud—though from his tone of voice, he has nothing good in store.

The Aftermath

“You’re all fish bait when daddy hears about this...!” the Worm girl warns, her words raspy. “Th-The merger won’t go through...! There’ll be war between the Leeches and the Worms...!”

A loud throat clearing comes from behind. “Fortunately, that won’t be happening.”

Azul and Jamil make their appearance, the octopus merman smugly showcasing a contract. “Ashengrotto—Azul Ashengrotto, legal and business extraordinaire at your service, Don Leech and Lady Leech.”

Papa Leech grunts. “What’s that you’ve got there?”

“This?” Azul’s smirk widens. “Why, it’s a prenuptial stating that, in the case that an act of violence is enacted by the bride toward the groom, the marriage is considered null and void... and the bride’s family assets are to be claimed by the groom. Signed by Don Worm himself.”

“Wh-What?! Impossible!! How did you get daddy to sign such a stupid deal?!”

“Oh,” Jamil says nonchalantly, “we have our ways.”

“So... Uh, Jade-senpai’s still gonna be the next Don Leech?! And he’s gonna be in charge of an even bigger and richer family... How is that any better than the situation before?! You’re just giving him more resources for committing crimes!”

At that moment, two hands come down on Ace’s shoulders, causing him to freeze up.

“Kani-chaaaaan! Everyone!! Thanks so much for your help~”

“Yes, you have my sincerest thanks, Ace-san, Jamil-san... Azul.”

“It is my pleasure to assist such VIP clients. Ah, but there remains the matter of my promised payment—” (Jamil and Ace internally groan at Azul’s words.)

“Payment?” Don Leech scoffs. “After the ballsy operation you boys pulled off today... I’m more inclined to give you job offers instead of a one time sum. How do you lads feel about being hired as the Leech family’s personal lawyer, interrogator, and... well, whatever the heart one is good at.”

“My, my! Such a generous and lucrative offer—“

“There is no way I’m accepting that, especially if that means working with Azul.”

“Oi, I’ll have you know I’m good at lots of stuff!! I’m the one that saved Floyd’s tail fins, is no one gonna acknowledge that?!”

“You did amazing, sweetie!!” Mama Leech chirps—her tail grip tightening until the Worm girl passes out. Ace leaps back in fright. “As a reward, why don’t you let me give you a hug?”

“S-STAY BACK!!”

“Ahahahah! Everyone’s getting along so well, Jade. Isn’t this fun? You wouldn’t be able to enjoy this if you had gone to get hitched.”

“Fufufu. You are correct, Floyd. How sad it would have been if I were to miss out on touching moments such as this. From the bottom of my heart... I thank you for thinking of me, and for rushing to my aid. I could not have asked for a better brother.”

... What Floyd doesn’t know is that this was all according to keikaku Jade’s own machinations. He would never take the order to marry lying down—but he couldn’t outright defy it without immediate consequences, either.

Thank the Great Seven Jade has reliable puppets friends to help him out of a pinch. I’ll be certain to put the additional funds we have gained to good use... Perhaps to start a little mushroom farm.

#Floyd Leech #Jade Leech #Azul Ashengrotto #Ace Trappola #Jamil Viper #twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #wedding crashing #spoilers

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fandomlurker · 4 years ago

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A Ponderous Rewatch: Jockey For Position

Now that we’re done with that long cameo, it’s time for our feature presentation for tonight, and it’s a doozy!:

We open with Pinky frantically running on a spinning globe while Brain stands above him on the…globe holder? I don’t know if that part has a name or not.

“[winded gasps] Can I stop now, Brain?”

“Not until I finish my demonstration.”

Brain, that’s just… Well I was about to say it was mean, but given that Pinky understands the details of his plans better when Brain demonstrates it or draws elaborate diagrams, maybe it’s for the best? I doubt Brain could make that large globe spin just by using his hands, and Pinky’s been seen a lot of times running on the mouse wheel in their cage so he’s gotta be pretty in shape. Still, it feels like Pinky’s been running for a lot longer than he needed to…

You know what? I change my mind. It is a bit mean, Brain.

“When I build my reverse geotropic arrestor, Pinky, and throw it from the North Pole like this…”

The word “geotropic” doesn’t quite sound right. I wonder…

…Okay, yeah, Brain’s getting worse at naming things.

“…In a matter of seconds the cable will become taut, gravity will cease, and everyone will fly off the face of the Earth!”

Oh my GOD, Brain. This has got to be the stupidest plan you have come up with yet! Nothing about this will work.

Well, there goes poor Pinky.

“Leaving us alone to assume control.”

It’s still “us”, huh? Noted.

Long Pinky.

“Egad, Brain, brilliant! Haha hehe heh—!”

Pinky, sweetheart, I know praising Brain is kind of your thing but this is one time I’m going to have to call you out on your bias because this is super not brilliant and I’m actually a little worried for Brain’s mental state.

“—Oh wait, no, no. What’s going to keep us from flying off the Earth?”

That’s one flaw of many, Pinky, but I guess it’s as good a start as any.

“We will duct tape ourselves to a tree.”

Because the tree will totally stay in the ground when the Earth abruptly stops spinning. Not that it will stop spinning, because none of this makes any sense.

Brain, did this idea come from, like, a dream you had or something? Is that why the plan is working on dream logic?

I know this is a comedy cartoon and this is all a joke but sometimes Brain’s plans are so fucking out-there I just have to roast him for it.

“Unfortunately we still need to raise money to buy a one billion ton magnet. But I have a solution!”

Oh boy, can’t wait to hear the solution to this one. It’s gonna be stellar if the whole plan today is anything to go by.

Oh nice, Brain’s the one sewing for a change! Usually this is Pinky’s area of expertise, but it’s always nice to see that Brain can do some classically domestic things too.

“Tomorrow is the running of the Kentucky Derby. Do you know what that is?”

Most of my knowledge on it comes from “My Brother, My Brother, and Me” goofs, so my mind keeps autocorrecting it to “Kenfucky Derby”, but go on.

“Umm… Oh! A very large hat?”

“Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed.”

“I’ll try.”

Well, that’s going to come back to haunt them.

“The Kentucky Derby is the biggest horse race of the year. There’s a one million dollar purse going to the jockey riding the winning horse.”

“And I am going to win that purse!”

Okay, first off: Pinky, are you just going to stand there and stare at Brain as he gets changed? Like, I understand they’re naked normally and this is the exact opposite of stripping but umm…

Secondly: Brain, did you really have to get that up close to tell Pinky this? You two are making this too easy for me.

“Zort, Brain! A million dollar purse?!? Ooooh!~ You’re going to need matching pumps and earrings for that!”

Pinky’s got his priorities in order.

“Focus, Pinky, focus!”

“Now watch.”

And now Brain’s ordering Pinky to watch him dress and I just…I have no words. This is all so suspect. Why do you two even need a dressing screen if you’re usually naked anyway? And it shouldn’t matter if anyone sees you get dressed unless this is some weird reverse nudity taboo you two have developed and if that’s the case, why are you allowing Pinky to watch? And if it’s for a dramatic reveal WHY ARE YOU ORDERING HIM TO WATCH YOU CHANGE???

This episode is already so goddamn wild.

I am really not sure how I feel about that pan-up of Brain when he’s thrust his pelvis forward. At least the outfit is cute, though.

“Narf! Oh, Brain, I get it! You’re a beautiful lawn ornament!”

“Beautiful”, huh? Also noted.

“Look at me, narf, I’m a pink flamingo! Ahahaheh!”

Oh LORD, Pinky, how are you—?!?

“I’m a cement deer! Ah hah!”

PINKY, STOP, YOU’RE SCARING ME! D:

“Oh, I’m one of the seven dwarves, Brain!”

That’s more acceptable but Pinky, sweetie, warn me if you’re going to nightmarishly shapeshift again, okay?!

I guess we can add that to the list of random abilities Pinky has.

“Stop it, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you.”

You are much calmer about this than I would be if this happened in front of me, Brain.

“Oh. Right-o, Brain. Narf.”

“Now let us make haste, for we have much to do before the race begins.”

“Poit.”

So then we cut to Churchill Downs, and I can only assume another roadtrip adventure was had off-screen.

“First, Pinky, we must visit the stables.”

“Inside, we will find the winning horse.”

“Err… How are we gonna do that, Brain?”

“The racing form, Pinky.”

My bet’s on... [squints] hLUUNO the horse.

“By analysing the velocity-based pace line, mile turf win and bayer speed figures, we’ll find a grade one stakes claimer who’ll give us a key horse situation.”

“Key Horse Situation” would be a great band name. Also, whoops, little bit of an error on the name plaques, background artists.

What do your mouse eyes see, Pinky?

“Err, can’t we just ride the pretty one?”

SHE!

So here she is, one of the few characters debuting in the Animaniacs run that will matter to PatB lore going forward aside from our main duo.

A fun fact for you all: Phar Fignewton’s name is a triple reference joke. “Phar Lap” was a champion thoroughbred race horse in the late 1920s and early 1930s. Fig Newtons are small pastries filled with fig paste. Lastly, “Fahrvergnügen” was a slogan for Volkswagon starting in 1990. Translated, it means “driving enjoyment”.

Phar Fignewton makes a whinnying noise and ends it off with a goofy laugh.

Brain is not impressed.

“Heavens, they’re multiplying…”

Pinky is instantly smitten with her.

BONK!

“This is a business trip, Pinky!”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, Brain.”

“Here is our horse.”

“’Daddy’s Little Angel’…”

I guess it’s an ironic nickname.

“Pinky… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Whu… I think so, Brain, isn’t Regis Philbin already married?”

…

Now I’m wondering if Pinky is suggesting that one of them marry Regis or if he’s suggesting that Regis marries the horse. Either way, what the fuck?

Yeah, same.

“The race, Pinky. By combining the statistics and my low body weight, this horse cannot lose! The prize money will be ours!”

GAH! Brain, I’ve had enough minor heart attacks from this episode because of Pinky’s eldritch morphing ability, I don’t need another one of your bizarre close-ups to do the same!

“Now I must take the place of the real jockey.”

“Hello?”

“Is this the Jockey who’s going to ride ‘Daddy’s Little Angel’?”

“Yeah.”

“This is Ed Mcmahon from Publisher’s Smearing House. You’ve just won ten million dollars.”

Pinky delightedly and silently listening in and chuckling in the back is precious.

And honestly, Brain, I don’t know why you’re crouching here, but it’s also cute.

“I won ten million dollars… I WON TEN MILLION DOLLARS! I am outta here! Later!”

The mice are lucky that he’s so excited about winning all that money that he forgets to do basic things like ask when and how he’ll get the money.

“Louie! Louie!”

“Later!”

“Who’s gonna ride my horse? I mean, Louie is the smallest, lightest jockey in the entire world!”

Did you know that there’s a weight requirement for jockeys, but no height requirement?

“Not anymore!”

“[GASP]”

Whoops, I just noticed another error, though it’s minor: Brain’s jockey outfit throughout this scene is light tan and purple instead of the pea green and purple that it’s supposed to be.

“You’re a jockey?!”

“Actually, I am a mouse in the early stages of an elaborate scheme to take over the world.”

The more this happens, the more I’m starting to think that Brain does this shtick on purpose to emotionally and mentally disarm people who would otherwise suspect that he’s not human. The fact that it works shows you just how idiotic the human beings of this world are.

“Well, fine, we all need a hobby but…will you ride my horse?”

Oh, sir, I think it’s much more than a hobby at this point. If only you knew…

“I shall ride! And win!”

His design is a little odd here, but it’s still a good pose.

So Brain next has to be weighed to make sure he meets the requirements.

“Saddle: Seven pounds. Saddle and rider: Seven pounds 3 ounces.”

So if you can recall from the previous rewatch post, a house mouse on average weighs 19g, and a common wood mouse weighs 23g (it can be up for debate which type of mouse Brain is). Converting Brain’s 3 ounces of weight to grams would result in him weighing 85.0486g.

Brain does have a bit of a cute little potbelly thing going on, but he’s also consistently much smaller in height and width than the average adult mouse in the series. I think the incredible difference in weight is mostly coming from the heft of Brain’s, well, brain and skull…and the muscle mass packed into that tiny body to help keep him upright.

“A genetically perfect jockey! This is fantastic!”

Please don’t phrase it like that.

“…Let’s look into early retirement.”

That jockey on the left is going through some shit, man. He looks like how I feel after working an eight hour shift on the holidays.

And so we skip to the beginning of the race!

That poor, poor jockey…who changed colour schemes for some reason.

There’s Phar Fignewton with a jockey who honestly looks like he’s high.

And here’s our little mousey fella, who has somehow managed to make this aggressive horse obedient.

“Camptown race is five miles long, do-dah, do-dah.~”

He’s so happy he’s singing to himself! This is honestly so precious that I completely forgive him for not getting the lyrics correct.

Coincidentally, Daddy’s Little Angel is positioned next to Phar Fignewton.

“Ooh, isn’t this exciting, Brain?”

Uh oh.

“Pinky, what are you doing here? Your weight will disrupt my winning calculations!”

I don’t know if it’d be that off, Brain. The combined weight of two mice is still much less than that of a human jockey.

“But Brain, it’s too exciting! I—“

[TARGET LOCKED]

“Oooh! Heh. Hello.~”

I think I’m going to save my thoughts on this whole…thing until the end. Right now I will say, however, that I wasn’t quite expecting the tongue-hanging-out-of-gaping-mouth lovestruck/horny??? reaction.

“Pinky, the race is starting!”

Too late, Brain.

And we’re off!

Bye, Pinky.

“There’s baloney in our slacks…~”

Pfft.

So as the race goes on, we get to know a few more of the horses’ names: Isle of Yap (a nice callback to the first PatB short), Flamiel (which is apparently the WB writers’ favourite word?), and Leggo-my-Egoiste (a double reference to an old Eggo slogan and the name of a cologne).

The other jockeys are more than a little surprised by Brain and his steed taking the lead early in the race.

Phar Fignewton is trailing way behind.

Meanwhile, Pinky’s woken up from fainting, seeing the oncoming horses—

--and promptly freaks out and stumbles back down again.

“Victory, she waits for me! Oh, the do-dah-day!”

You really have to stop tempting fate like this, Brain.

Phar Fignewton’s very tired, but what’s this?

Is that…Pinky in harm’s way?

ThePowerOfLove.mp3

Determined and fueled by her inexplicable crush, Phar Fignewton starts gaining ground on the other horses.

Brain didn’t calculate for this!

…Oh! Hi, Warners! Looks like they’re cheering Phar on.

“Oh no! Yah! Yah! Yah!”

I didn’t think whips were allowed in races like the Kentucky Derby, but apparently they are. Their use was only restricted—not banned—in the summer of 2020, which is alarming to say the least.

On a different note, I know some of you folks are now jotting down the fact that Brain knows how to use a whip. I see you.

She makes the save!

And she also wins the race! Way to go, Phar Fignewton!

“In the words of the great Willie Shoemaker: ‘Nuts!’”

It was a good try, Brain, but honestly I’m glad you failed this time if only so that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself with your actual world domination plan’s failure later. Maybe take a couple nights off to rest up a bit and formulate plans that aren’t totally bonkers, hmm?

I might as well go ahead and talk about this now. I…am conflicted on this whole Phar Fignewton thing. It makes for a very strange one-off joke about Pinky instantly falling in love with a distaff counterpart of his that’s a horse for whatever reason…but the fact that she’s not a one-off character is baffling in and of itself. Like I’ve said before, she’s mentioned a couple of times going forward as being Pinky’s girlfriend, or as a bizarre joke at Pinky’s expense about him being in/having been in a relationship with a horse. There’s even a small running gag about Pinky’s reaction to people’s disgust about it: “People can be so intolerant!”. I don’t know if the joke is supposed to be one about racial segregation or a wink and nod to queer folks in the only way that the writers could get away with in a cartoon at the time (in a “see, Pinky’s down for a relationship with anyone, even outside of his species!” type of way).

Phar Fignewton herself is a sweetie but besides that she has no personality to speak of and we’re just meant to assume based on physical appearance that she is equivalent to Pinky. And like, she hasn’t been uplifted to human levels of intelligence and sapience like Pinky has because of Acme Labs, but she seems to be naturally sapient for some unknown reason and just simply unable to speak English.

On top of all this, the relationship is very shallow and the only reason we’re given as to why Pinky likes her is because he finds her pretty. It’s perfectly in character for Pinky to easily fall in love, as he does so with other animals a couple more times in the spin-offs, but it just feels weird that this is the one that sticks around purely to become a running gag that gets mentions that are sometimes literal years apart from one another.

And listen, I know the writers most likely made this a thing just because they thought it was a funny joke and a few of them managed to remember about Phar and would use Pinky dating her as a gag. I know this. But it doesn’t make it any less confusing and weird. I remember the jokes about Pinky and horses from way back when I first watched Animaniacs and the PatB spin-off when I was a kid and I never had any context for it because I don’t think I ever saw this specific episode. Coming back as an adult and seeing all these episodes in order and watching this one in particular and finding out the context is “Pinky thinks a horse is pretty and the horse and him are in love and long-distance dating now” is both underwhelming and leaves me with more questions than answers.

…Also, if my earlier theories on why the writers made this joke are correct, does this mean Phar Fignewton is metatextually a beard for Pinky?

I just don’t know, folks. You’re welcome to leave your thoughts on this in comments.

Let’s wrap this up.

So as we can see, Brain is, as usual, back to work on another plan that involves—

—a goddamn cannon, holy shit! What is he using the glue for? That’s a little ominous, given what’s been involved in this episode.

There’s a hammering noise in the background and we see Pinky putting up a photo of Phar Fignewton.

“Pinky, will you please stop that? I’m trying to concentrate on tomorrow night!”

Wow, you’re more irritable than usual, Brain. I didn’t think some delicate hammering would annoy you that much.

“Mwah!~”

…Despite my ramblings earlier, that’s very cute of you, Pinky. I’m sure you could’ve gotten a better photo, though.

“Why, Brain, what’re we gonna do tomorrow night?”

Try to take over the world, of course! Right, Brain?

“Guess.”

…

Umm, wow. That’s a first. You look like you’re absolutely enraged, Brain. All this over some hammering sounds?

This had me taken aback a bit when I watched it the first time, not gonna lie. We’ve seen Brain after a plan’s failure plenty of times before. He’s been frustrated, sure. Humiliated at times, or maybe he just sighs in resignation and walks off into the sunset. It always ends with him simply using these feelings to fuel the fire in him to do better tomorrow night.

This is the very first time we’ve seen him jumpy and irritated at the most minor of things and so angry that he literally refuses to participate normally in his and Pinky’s shared catchphrase. And this was for a plan that was just to fund the real plan! So why is this time any different?

Oh.

OH.

Okay, that’s… That makes a lot of sense, actually. Damn.

Hey, fanfic writers? Ya’ll ever use this as the very first time Brain experiences romantic jealousy? Let me know.

“Oh yeah, try to take over the world. Right.”

I think even Pinky’s put off by this development, if his hesitant and quiet finishing of the saying is anything to go by.

And that’s what we end off with.

All in all, this episode is a wild ride of strangeness in small moments and bizarre additions to lore and ends on the first subversion of the long-running closing gag of the series. It’s not exactly a great episode, but that ending is intriguing enough for one of the main purposes of this rewatch. In short, I’m just baffled.

Luckily the next episode is much better. Next time, the mice head on down to Tennessee to seek world domination via country music.

See you then!

#Pinky and the Brain #PatB #Jockey For Position

22 notes · View notes

godwithwethands · 4 years ago

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lmao i don't know all your shipping preferences but can i say, i much prefer sam with ba'al than with jack (this might be because i'm a high jack/daniel shipper but also, i just prefer the sam/ba'al vibe over the sam/jack vibe)

I'm a multishipper so I ship pretty much everything simultaneously: I love JackDaniel too 🥰🥰🥰 They are so cute and so good for eachother 🥺

Honestly yeah I prefer the vibe of BaalSam to JackSam as well 👁️👅👁️ But that's personal taste and interpretation of course 🥴

Oh no now I feel like explaining in depth why I love Baalsam and why I ship it... oh no... someone stop me 😩... LET'S FREAKING GO I'M GONNA EXPLAIN WHY!!!!

Mino’s “Here’s why I love BaalSam so much” aka just me gathering up the few baalsam crumbs the show writers, Amanda Tapping and Cliff Simon left in their wake....and baking a cake with those crumbs.

Before I start, PSA: English is not my first language, so please bear with me if there are any mistakes 😭

Okay so I feel like at first I can't explain it without mentioning the differences with jacksam, and to all jacksam shippers: I love jacksam to bits too and they're so good, as the show has showed us multiple times, but I miss a little spice here 😩🌶️

I will also briefly talk about things I have found in Baalsam fics that I adore in (Fic points)!! And link back to fics I love with (x)!!!!

(Mid-writing note: I realize I say a lot about Baal and less about Sam, and that is because I just think about Baal way much than I think about Sam, mainly because we have so little Baal screentime compared to Sam’s screentime. I often wonder how/what he feels and try to analyze his behavior closely. 🥺 I don’t do it as much with Sam, sadly 😭

1. The ship dynamic scale (totally made up by yours truly, me 😎)

I often describe the ships I prefer as "A is obnoxious and B is struggling to stay sane" (maybe because it is a description of my own relationship??? 🤔) (this is exagerrated for fun and giggles don't worry i am fine and happy). They are all a variation of this, in different levels. I'd say jacksam fits level 1, Jack being obnoxious sometimes but in an endearing, jokingly, "aww you're such a goof 😍😂" way, and Sam's not really struggling, she just laughs and shakes her head, her heart full of love for her man.

Baalsam on the other hand. Oh boy. They are on level 5 out of 5. What the hell. Baal is obnoxious, in the villain way. And that means, a VERY extra way. He's mean obnoxious. Putting salt in the wound obnoxious. "if you don't shut up I will punch your teeth in/shoot you" obnoxious. Sam is struggling every minute to stay sane with this crazy motherfucker. He's SO MUCH. ALL THE TIME. But joke's on her, she also thinks it's funny. 🤡 That's her sanity flying out the window.

Seriously, Sam has to put her foot down. She has to play Baal’s game and sometimes be mean too. I feel like Baalsam allows Sam to unveil her true potential. A strong woman who takes no shit from men and 2000 years old overlords. She can be 200% true, smug, mean. Maybe JackSam respect each other too much they wouldn’t dare saying/doing some things like Baalsam would 🤔 Maybe Sam is restrained by everything she lived with Jack, the respect she has for him, the 10 or so years spent having him as her superior officer.

A lot think that Sam got her smug from Jack, but I don’t agree: she was smug from the get-go in COFG. She just can’t be too smug with him around or it’d sound like insubordination. Aint she tired of being nice? Doesn’t she wanna go apeshit? That’s what baalsam is. Sam going apeshit and quitting being the perfect nice girl.

Baalsam is an explosive volcano and it ravaged me 😩💖💖💖

2. Baal is a Villain

Send him to horny villain jail!!! BONK!!! 💥🔨

Baal being a villain is VERY important. Villains are so extreme. Everything he does, he does way too hard and too much. His evil plans? As layered as an ogre. Onion. I meant onion. His wardrobe? Nothing but the finest. His love? He'd give his Queen the Universe.

I love that. Everything he does, it's too much. But it's so amazing. Urghhj I love it SO MUCH. Sam is overwhelmed 😩💖 All of that for HER?? Damn, boi either really wants to get laid with her especially or.. 🙊‼️ I love the concept of a Villain’s Love because it knows no boundaries. A villain won’t be held back by things like morals, the love they feel is disproportionate......AND I DONT KNOW Sam being able to provoke this kind of feeling in Baal’s little snake heart makes me lose my absolute fucking mind!!!!!

Very important too: even if he becomes a SGC ally in one way or another in whatever AU, Baal will still keep his good ol' villain habits. Sam would try to tone them down, but they will always be there. You don't erase 2000 years of bad habits 😭. His first solution will be murder, and she will go "we talked about this." Classical Enemies to Lovers shit 🥴💖 (x)

(Fic point: When Baal does something so extreme yet so so soooo damn sweet for her and Sam can’t believe it??? 10/10 Or when he acts on his villain plans for distasteful jokes and that puts Sam on a tight spot and he immediately feels bad at the unfair treatment she gets because of him (x))

3. The endless verbal jousting

I love watching them being mean to each other. If Baal goes too far, she /would/ hit him, and he would turn his other cheek saying "Do it again, loved it". What a freak 🥴🌶️ (x)

Honestly I just love their little sparring matches, even more so when they do it in front of an audience. Like lmao guys..... y'all flirting in front of everyone what the hell!!! BONK !! 💥🔨 horny jail for both of you. At least Teal’c seems to enjoy their jousting 😂 He even teases them holy shit, Teal’c is the true multishipper in that show!!!!

(Fic point: When they argue and come to a fistfight (mostly Sam hitting and Baal taking or blocking the hits)? HELL YEAH!!!!)

4. Admitting the other’s qualities

I’ll start with Baal:

Baal seems to appreciate the courage Sam shows in front of him. You could explain her confidence in The Quest by saying that at this very moment Baal doesn’t have an advantage on Sam since she’s the one holding the gun. There is something else, and I will bring it up later.

Let’s talk about Reckoning!!!! The situation is different, Baal actually called for help whereas he was supposed to kill everyone on Dakara. And here goes the little sparring match in front of Jacob 🤡 Sam ordering Baal around??? Being smug as hell??? 10/10 love it

It’s the first time he sees her and he’s taken aback. He should look mad, having a woman addressing him like that. But he looks rather surprised and curious of what’s going to happen next. I can literally hear the little “Hm. Interesting.” in his head. Baal enjoys that smug look on her face. Tau’ri female who??? Who IS she!!! Quick gotta be a jerk so she won’t suspect I’m crushing super hard right now!!!! Cliff Simon decided Baal will be the horny one among the System Lords and holy shit he did just that 😂😂😂 i’m sorry i’m just incohenrently babbling at this point I CANT BELIEVE THIS, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!! you thought that huge ass post was going to be me thoughtfully bringing points and evidence? nope it’s just me losing my shit.

I believe that, despite what Baal says, he recognizes Sam’s intelligence to some extent. He’s just too proud to say it clearly and is too busy testing Sam’s limits. The more I think about it, the more I feel like he really looked for that punch in The Quest. Some kind of... I don’t know... “What makes you so special, as a female Tau’ri, to be on your kind’s elite scout team? How much can you take before you retaliate, if you retaliate at all? Show me what you’re made of.” kind of thing? Baal has shown some kind of interest in Earthlings in the past. He has studied them while living among them and he seems to like how different they are from other humans, Now he knows she’s as fierce as she needs to be to survive in this galaxy.

Have you sEEN his smile and his laugh after she punched him in The Quest? AFTER SHE TURNED HER BACK TO HIM TOO, OH, MY GOD. He really wanted a drastic reaction from her and he got it.

That is a “I love me a woman who can kick my ass” kinda smile if you ask me 👁️w👁️...

What makes me think that it was a test is: after the punch and Sam’s threat to kill him, he stops being so annoying and they can finally work together. But why? Why did he care about being killed? He was a clone, there’s no way he was still hoping to steal the Sangraal from SG-1, so his mission as this one Baal clone couldn’t be fulfilled anyway. That makes me think that he was just testing Sam’s limits, and maybe having a little fun with her.

(Fic point: I LOVE IT when Baal gets access to the SGC and everyone gets on his nerves because he thinks they are all dumb as shit. But when he talks with Sam, he’s not so annoyed. She can keep up with him. Well, sometimes she needs a little help but- Maybe she’s okay to be with sometimes...(x))

Sam’s turn:

It’s no problem for Sam to admit Baal’s intelligence. However the idea of working with him just makes her go [grimacing emoji] 😭 😭 😭 She just knows he’s gonna be obnoxious pfahahaha But!! She trusts and values his knowledge nonetheless! She knows that teamed up with Baal, they can solve anything. I believe that’s why she asks him for help so easily despite...Well, Baal being Baal.

I feel like, when you put the "it’s a matter of life and death” thing aside, Sam’s desire to learn could push her towards Baal. She knows there is a lot she could learn from him, and they can work together once he stops insulting her every 5 seconds. She can learn from him in those moments.

(Fic point: I love fics where Sam learns things from Baal... It’s usually very sweet, because Sam is absolutely adorable when she’s excited about science and Baal can’t help but melt a little bit when she smiles so bright at him. Thankful.)

5. Sam’s kindness

I said earlier that, as we all know, Baal is a villain. But what’s important here is that he is a Goa’uld System Lord.

No trust, no kindness and love allowed between those guys. Those would leave the door open for treason and low blows. (See Qetesh in Continuum)

(I believe the only Goa’ulds truly in love we saw were Apophis and Amaun’et)

Now what I tell myself is: that must be pretty freaking lonely. In any shape or form. You can’t have friends, because you can only befriend your fellow godlings who will try to kill you at any given opportunity. Same for mates. 🤔 Baal is just alone at the top of his army and that’s all. What if this isn’t enough? He is different from other Goa’ulds.

What if Sam’s genuine worry and thankfulness towards him in Reckoning were the first time he had someone feel those towards him for like, hundreds, or even thousands of years? Not something distorted and stained by any slave-to-god adoration?

He is soooo surprised. He even stutters a little? At a loss for words when faced with kindness, you, galactic overlord? And she looks actually worried about him and his ship about to go down, when before saying thank you, she asks him what’s going on. I like to think that this first interaction shaped what Baal will think and feel for Sam forever....And that it made him a bit soft for her 🥺 Maybe he sees in Sam (and in the rest of SG-1, see: how much fun he’s having with them during The Quest) a possibility for friendship and maybe more, something he hasn’t considered for A WHILE. He seems to be thinking “did she really say that...wait what do I answer to this...uh....Good luck.......ok i said it. damn that was weird.”

Also can I briefly talk about this??

Why does Sam look so embarrassed in a “Oh god right Dad is right there and saw all of that hUM.” way 😂 I don’t think she felt like it was creepy, since Baal was just responding to her kindness, and she definetely doesn’t want to talk about her being nice to a System Lord with Jacob bjfdjgbfdg

(Fic point: All I can think of is this fic where Sam gets thrown in a prison cell with a badly beaten up Baal (his symbiote is not able to heal his wounds because of a collar he wears), and she refuses to leave him there to die. They escape together 😭💖💖💖 (x))

6. Sam knows Baal will never hurt her

Maybe this is a result of Sam’s kindness in Reckoning, but Baal made it clear to Sam that he would never hurt her directly. And this is what I was referring to when I said “there’s something else” in Sam’s confidence in confronting Baal. This line below activates all of my monkey braincells because what the hell!!!!

That’s “I kinda like you” in Villain language is it not????? Out of all the things Baal could have answered to “You can kill me if you want”, he decides to say “I would never dream of killing you.” with a voice so soft... oh my god. Talking about soft....

Is it me or Baal’s touch on Sam is kind of gentle....like he doesn’t hold her wrist too tight or anything,,,, 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭💖💖💖 Because honestly, another Goa’uld would have yanked on her arm so hard to put their hands on that hard drive but no no no he just closes his hand on her wrist and lets her go gently when she pulls out of his grip and AM I OVERANALYZING THIS?????? IM SORRY I GOT THAT TRAIT FROM MY DAD!!!!!!! we just have that tendency to watch things over and over again to notice all the small detailsssss

I like to think that afterwards, once the heat of the moment gone, she noticed that, hey. He /could/ have hurt her very badly, she was at his mercy after all. But he decided against it. Maybe because she’s the only one who’s been nice to him for literal cenTURIES????? HHHNHNHNHNHN I CANT!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE SHE NOTICED IT!!!! And that it’s why she’s so confident addressing him like she does in The Quest.

I think I’ve addressed pretty much everything here and I’m going to talk about more things I like about BaalSam but more on the headcanon side 🤔

Miscellaneous:

About Baal’s host:

I have said multiple times that Baal is different from other Goa’ulds, and I really don’t think it is just an act.

He is willing to break the god act, change strategies when he realizes there are better ways to proceed, searching for new allies in drastic situations, etc etc... Baal is way more human than other Goa’ulds.

What if that was because Baal let his host’s thoughts influence his own?

Why wouldn’t there be asshole humans wanting to be hosts to asshole Goa’uld symbiotes? Just like the Tok’ra, but on the villain side? (even if Tok’ras are assholes lol) (except Jacob. I love Jacob) (And Martouf) (I don’t like Martouf but he’s the only one with Jacob that I consider a Real Tok’ra) (The other ones are hypocrites) (ANYWAY!)

I love to think that when Baal doesn’t have the flanged voice, it is his host who speaks, as Tok’ras do. I know symbiotes don’t have to talk with the flanged voice but. Having Baal and his host thinking so alike that it doesn’t matter if it’s the host or the symbiote talking makes so much sense to me. It really could explain his different way of thinking. Baal has shown curiosity for humans and how they think, how to better manipulate them...What if it was because of the good experience he has with his host? It could also explain why he’s the horny one amongst the System Lords 😂 He is just very human in a lot of ways.

Now you’re like “ok but what does that have to do with Baalsam” AND YEAH I HEAR YOU !!!! I just think it may be easier to imagine Baalsam for a non-shipper if you see Baal in that light? 🤔 🤔 🤔 it sure helps Sam seeing herself with him in fics 🥴 I don’t know!!! We know so little about Baal, and there are so many possibilites. I’m going way out of the Baalsam remit but at the same time, I strongly believe those who don’t understand the ship are those who stop their analysis of Baal at Abyss. He is so much more than just “that one Goa’uld who tortured and killed Jack in that one episode”. Baal has so much potential that makes this ship work!! Sam seeing that potential makes this ship work!

Sam hosting Baal (yes, the symbiote):

OKAY OKAY OKAY SO!!! This is something I LOVE to bits!!

That’s a thing that is great if as I said, Baal and his host are on the same wavelength. But it can work without it nonetheless.

Sam hosting Baal, consensual or not, is always ALWAYS such an amazing trope. (x) It’s really something that makes me hyperventilate because it makes them so close...so blended...it’s infinitely intimate... When Baal is in love with Sam, it’s even better. (x) I almost can’t describe it because it is so wonderful. Being able to feel each other’s feelings. Baal healing Sam from inside when she’s injured. Sam deciphering his emotions and most importantly the affection he has for her, especially when he still haven’t confessed it? holy shit it’s SO DAMN GOOD!!!!! The silent conversations they can have within Sam’s head, Baal pouring Goa’uld knowledge into Sam’s mind. It’s just the two of them and I can’t express how comforting that is to read.

i don’t know, random stuff I like i guess, I’m almost done:

He just really craves her attention huh. Look at that smile, so cute...”I’m smart! Did you know I’m smart as hell? Of course you did. But I Would Like You To Acknowledge It.” He’s even bouncing on his heels, i love when he does that!!!! He is turning towards Sam especially too 😭💖 and she’s just ê____ê LMFAO

(Maybe this is just another “it is my speciality and not yours” moment but hey i like to give him the benefit of the doubt 💖)

Baal being “I’m tired of being a villain, I want to be loved now”...Aren’t you tired of going apeshit? Don’t you want to be nice? just a little bit?

Baal using so much petnames so easily... i’m usually not a fan of those but having him saying “my love, my sweet” etc etc oh fuck!!!!! i don’t know wHY it gets me!!!

A lot of Baalsam fics are smutty, and while I enjoy that, I still think they have so much potential on the spiritual level. They’re both nerds and they both have so many things to learn from the other. (x)

Baal taking Sam on his ship to show her some neat space stuff.

Baal loving motorcycles just like Sam and modifying engines with naqadah.

Guess i’m just gonna link to fics I love now nvkjfdg and that I haven’t linked to already--

In the Lap of the Gods - Rating: M - Sam gets stuck in a sarcophagus with Baal. Really well thought fic, I love it!!!

The Mating game - Rating: M - Ten dates. Can I call this slow burn? It’s slow but not too slow. Please read this, it’s hilarious and so well written like- this fic makes me lose my absolute shit!

The Mating Game: Endgame - Rating: E - Read after The Mating Game. Honestly yEAH!!! Amazing sequel to an already amazing prequel, what else can I say 😩💖 you got some Host!Sam action in this too!!

Enemy Amongst Us - Rating: E - Hmmmm Sam falling for Baal is always yummy 🥴 It has more than that, it’s pretty wild!!!!!!

Those are not all but they are the ones i prefer 🥺💖💖💖 (along the ones I linked during the essay)

I think I’m done? Congratulations for reading all of this lmao 😭💖 I hope you can see why I love Baalsam so much now!! They are just SO MUCH FUN!!!

feel free to send me asks and stuff about this TvT/

#stargate sg1 #baalsam #samantha carter #baal #my thoughts #that was long but fun #i dont think im bringing anything new to this part of the fandom but heyyyyyyyy #*daniel voice* anyway i'm sorry but that's how i feel about it!!!!! what do you think?????#in conclusion: THEY ARE HILARIOUS. that's it #i could have just said that #but i didnt #me*baalsam

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chiseler · 6 years ago

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The Gospel According to George

When I was in my early teens, I went to some Halloween event dressed as Lazarus, or at least the way I’d always pictured him: Full Arabic robes, desiccated, rotting flesh, and a blood-smeared mouth. Nobody seemed to get the joke, which I found hard to believe. Even as a kid in Sunday School it seemed pretty clear to me Lazarus was a zombie. According to the Bible story, he’d been dead long enough for his corpse to begin putrefying. Then Jesus came along, raised him from the dead, and unleashed him across the countryside. You never hear much about what happened to Lazarus after that, but I imagine he left a trail of carnage wherever he went.

But Lazarus was small potatoes compared with the impact the Zombie Jesus had on the world.

The big allegorical message of Richard Matheson’s 1954 novel I Am Legend is pretty obvious. Overwrought, even. And it bonks audiences over the head even harder in the two most faithful film adaptations: 1964’s The Last Man on Earth and 1971’s Omega Man.

After holding off hordes of undead, mutated, and downright sinful former humans for years following a plague, our hero (Vincent Price or Charlton Heston, take your pick) concocts a serum from his own blood (get it?) that could turn the vampires or mutants or zombies or whatever the hell they are into normal human beings again. His blood could save them, should they care to partake (get it?). Then they impale him with a spear, but he lets them have his blood anyway because he’s such a nice guy (GET IT YET?!). Then he collapses and dies, arms outstretched and Christlike. What I always found interesting about I Am Legend in simple allegorical terms is that it’s a story in which the undead could theoretically be resurrected a second time, but our hero isn’t even resurrected once. Nope, he’s just dead there in the pool with a spear through him.

The world’s awash with Christian allegories, from The Pilgrim’s Progress and Billy Budd to The Day The Earth Stood Still, E.T., and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Of all the films inspired, even loosely, by Matheson’s short novel, for my money none offer a more accurate and realistic portrait of contemporary Christianity than George Romero’s Dead series, in which he leaves all the ham-fisted crap behind. After all, why only have one paltry little Jesus when you could have a world swarming with Jesuses everywhere you look? Isn’t that a happier thought? Instead of merely telling the story of the Son of God, across the films Romero actually spreads it out, giving us the history of what happened after the Lord Jesus ascended into Heaven. And of the films in the series, in simple allegorical terms none comes closer to capturing the very essence of Christianity than 1979’s Dawn of the Dead.

But let’s back up a minute first.

Unlike the novel, Romero’s Night of the Living Dead starts at the beginning. Here comes the newly resurrected Jesus (Bill Hinzman) wandering through a graveyard and anxious to spread the Joyful Word of the Lord: He is risen, indeed! But who does he run into first? Doubting Thomas (well, Johnny) and his whiny, simpering sister, Doubting Barbara. Try as He might, though, Jesus can’t get them to listen. Not at first anyway. But bless him, he keeps trying, and eventually even that snickering Johnny sees the light. Johnny, we must presume, even becomes the first of the new disciples.

Well, before you know it, the Pennsylvania countryside is overrun with Born Again Christians, all trying to spread the Word and extoll the virtues of the Holy Communion. You’ll be much closer to God if you just eat a little flesh (and that includes intestines, as was explained at the Last Supper) and drink a little blood. By film’s end the Born Again Christians have successfully converted most of the unbelievers in that abandoned farmhouse, even as the local pagan and philistine community try to stop them.

Ah, all those happy Christians and all that communion. It was a good start, an accurate portrayal of the early spread of Christianity despite overwhelming resistance, but it wasn’t until Dawn of the Dead that the allegory comes fully together to illustrate what Christianity had become in the two millennia since the Zombie Jesus first walked the Earth.

As the film opens, thanks to the fact that Jesus was raised from the dead Christianity has spread over the globe, save for a handful of heathens who remain resistant to the Word of God. They do everything they can to stop the spread of the Good News, including using violence (isn’t that just like a heathen?) but of course it’s useless. Their machine guns and machetes are no match for a solid faith, and the ranks of the Born Again continue to swell. When simple, crude violence proves futile, they try to hide, but you can’t hide from God. He’ll find you, alright.

Meanwhile, what’s life like for a Christian? Well, you get Born. But that’s not enough, because you are figuratively dead in your sin, so you get born Again, then you take some communion and convert a heathen at the same time (even those pesky Hare Krishnas come to see the light), you travel with a community of like-minded friends and fellow Christians, you stop for more communion here and there along the way to reaffirm your faith, then you all go shopping at the mall.

Second down the list after communion, Christianity really is all about buying things. Tourists buy fake relics and prayer hankies in the hopes God will grant them magic powers. You tithe a certain percentage of your income to the church so they can build a new gymnasium. In certain sects you can shorten a dead loved one’s stretch in Purgatory if you buy enough votive candles. At Christmas you buy as much shit as you can to celebrate the birth of Bill Hinzman, show up those stupid heathen neighbors of yours, and prove how much you love God. If you’re a televangelist you buy fancy cars and houses and hookers to prove how much God loves you. If you’re the Catholic Church you buy real estate and funny hats and the silence of all those little boys you raped so those followers who don’t read the papers will continue to believe you’re the earthly embodiment of godliness. Buy, buy, buy. And what better way to symbolize that than with a trip to the mall?

The genius of Romero’s allegory in Dawn of the Dead is that the mall not only represents “the mall,” but the kingdom of heaven itself. It’s clean, it’s bright, it’s filled with beautiful music and jam-packed with all sorts of nice things to buy. Sometimes it may seem closed to us, but all we need to do is wait a little while, continue believing and taking communion whenever we can and converting more heathens. It doesn’t matter if the crowds outside grow, because there will be room for everyone in God’s Holy Mall. If you continue to have faith, some day soon a group of Heavenly bikers will show up and open the gates to allow all the believers inside (where, yes, you can have even more communion!). And the shopping can’t be beat!

Yes, even more than Matheson, it was George Romero who finally showed us all the true meaning of Easter. Thank you, Bill Hinzman!

by Jim Knipfel

#Jim Knipfel #The Chiseler #George Romero #Night of the Living Dead #Dawn of the Dead

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aikainkauna · 6 years ago

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Fanfic trope meme

Apologies to those of you who see this for a third time, as I’ve crossposted it to both LJ and Pillowfort. Feel free to comment over on there (or my other posts) if you like. And of course, feel free to grab this one and do it yourself, if you like.

***

Grabbed this meme from a couple of people on LJ. It's... well, apparently about fanfic tropes. Some of them more terrifying than others.

I have written:

-Hurt/comfort (Yeah, baby! Most of my fic is this.)

-Body swapping (Sort of? Souls slipping into each other's bodies for a bit? Jaffar feeling what Yassamin feels? Sex swap, I've definitely done.)

-Soulmate identifying marks (tattoo, red thread of fate, etc) (I have! The Throne of Solomon. And maybe The Past Forgotten counts, in its way. I may have written more, but I forget.)

-Snowed-in cabin/isolated together for extended period of time (The Jaffar/Pwinzezz Cavefic!)

-Found families (I guess the Samarkand gang counts for poor old Fadl? Even if Jaffar *is* his brother, so technically it is his family. But he does have his religious congregation and Zainab, and is... well, he always does seem to be seeking something, so he's the kind of guy to go for this trope.)

-Fairy tale/mythology AU (And not just when I am writing in *actual* fairytale/mythology fandoms. Which I am doing most of the time, what with Thief of Bagdad being a 1001 Nights fanfic anyway. So I'm writing fanfic about a fanfic of some age-old RPF (fantasy AU!) about historical figures from the late 700s/early 800s...)

-Enemies to friends to lovers (Yes, please! Aplenty. I'm surprised that enemyslash/FoeYay/Hero(ine)/Villain(ess), whatever you want to call it, isn't mentioned on this list.)

-Characters swap roles AU (Uh... I've written sexual switching in some isolated chapters? Like when Laura briefly doms Torsten in The Fall of Angels, to help him get over some traumas?)

-Friends to lovers (With RPS, Veidtbone in particular, and Theta/Koschei. This also seems to happen whenever I write femslash.)

-Magical connection (telepathy, etc) (Doctor/Master basically ruined me for all my other ships what with their telepathic ability. So that now, it feels less interesting for me to write love/sex that *doesn't* have telepathy.)

-Fake dating/fake marriage accidentally turns into feelings (see next trope)

-Royals/political marriage turns into feelings (These last two are pretty much the same thing in ToB, as I've had Yassamin marry Jaffar a couple of times--like The Past Forgotten and The King's White Falcon, but without him laying a hand on her for up to a year, until she finally grows a brain and realises how loveworthy he is after all.)

-Seemingly unrequited pining (Emphasis on the "seemingly." Jaffar's unrequited pining is painful enough in the movie, so there's no point in making him suffer any more.)

-Accidentally fell in love with the mission target (Well, *kind of,* what with Torsten. Lars-Erik was definitely his mission target in the original film, and at the start of Because The World Belongs to the Devil, he made no bones about having wanted to kill Laura Erika [the teenage girl version of Lars-Erik in this AU, to those of you just joining in] when she was born.)

-They break up (but then they get back together) (With Jaffar/Fadl. Fadl's stormed off in a huff at least twice in the past. And Doctor/Master is always the same old on-off car crash, isn't it? Although this is not a favourite trope of mine, as the setup would usually necessitate them being an existing couple in the first place, and I tend to not write canon or "plausibly lovers" ships because they're already happily together. What do Two and Jamie, Holmes and Watson etc. need me for? They're already as good as married. Let them have their happiness.)

-Supernatural creature/human romance (Sort of. I've written Time Lords/humans, humans/djinn at least. And surely wizards count as supernatural romance, anyway?)

-Reincarnation/'25 Lives' AU (What's with the 25 lives? Is this some big fandom thing again? One of the darkest, most fucked-up fics I ever wrote was the Master killing the Doctor during sex and fucking him as he regenerated around him. As you do. And there's reincarnation in one of my Jaffar/Pwinzezz fics, but I won't spoil it for the new readers by telling you which one it is.)

-Selfcest (possibly due to time travel) (I am scratching my head trying to remember when I wrote this and in which fandom, but I have the distinct feeling I've written it. I've certainly whacked off to that World Of Simm!Masters clusterfuck what with the pink dress so many times I... I think I broke two clit buzzers during that time. I've certainly drawn it. And drawn some Connies on Connies. And then there's, of course, Sarosh the Sexbot who's a clone of Jaffar, looks-wise, but he is very distinctly just a robot, not a living character as such--not the sort with which you could have a real, interpersonal dynamic. My problem with selfcest, in general, is that I like having that character dynamic--and that requires the characters to be different from one another. If it's two characters that are too similar--if they fulfill a similar role in the canons--it's hard to create a dynamic between them and to make it interesting.)

-Polyamory (Swinging away ALL the bloody time with the Roses!Jaffar and Yassamin, and Torsten/Laura. Sometimes I miss the monogamous 'verses.)

-Amnesia (I've got a post-movie "Jaffar comes back from the dead" WIP I'll probs never finish, because it doesn't seem to get off the ground. If I wrote this trope, I would have the characters gradually regain memory, though; complete mind-wipes are horrid. I did have Handy lose the majority of his cognitive/motor/Timey skills in No More and that was the main reason I had to... well, I'm not going to spoil it if someone hasn't read it yet, but it wasn't the cheeriest of fics. The Past Forgotten *sort of* has this, but I don't want to spoil as to how that happens.)

***

I could write:

-Daemons (Why the archaic spelling? I have written djinn, so I almost put this in the 'have written' section. I can't remember if I actually *have* written real demons, because I might have. Surely, Torsten counts...)

-'Everyone is evil'/mirrorverse AU (Well, mostly, if I want to explore "evil" characters, I write about those types of characters in the first place, without having to turn anyone evil. Devilry is the 'verse for that. Hell, usually it's the other way around; I try to look for the human elements of the baddies, or at least explore their logic--what makes them tick, what makes them the way they are. So, IDK, I could've also put this in the "unlikely to ever write" section.)

-And they were roommates! (This would be terrible and also hilarious, whatever characters ended up becoming my victims. Even if I'm more interested in those hurt/comfort plots, overall. And I have always found it *impossible* to live under the same roof with other people because I need peace and quiet and solitude too much. So this is almost a bit too much like the sorts of negative RL experiences I don't really want to get more of in fic. But I *could* write it as a comedy for cheap lols, especially if the stress were resolved by hot bonking, ASAP.)

-'They all work in an office' AU (Otherwise, I would've put this in the "just no" category, but... the Barmakids were civil servants. So I *could* write Jaffar and Fadl drowning in paperwork--"WHY DID WE EVER introduce paper into THIS EMPIRE?!?" and cursing their fates and Jaffar restraining Fadl from braining Harun al-Rashid with a paperweight. Same with Lina doing Zainab's books and trying to hold back The Fist of Death when Fadl carelessly drops a piece of his lunch over her perfectly calligraphied accounting.)

-'Falling for a coworker/teammate is a bad idea' except this is fiction so it works out (Maybe. Just maybe. But it'd also be in a medieval ToB context.)

***

I will probably never write:

-'Groundhog Day'/karmic time loop (I just never got the appeal of this. Sounds like the sort of thing experimental writers would like? The sorts who really like filling in bingo cards and challenge lists?)

-Vampires/werewolves AU (I'm not that big on either. Super-unpopular opinion coming up: I prefer sex to the sublimation of it that vampires are often all about; bloodsucking in lieu of sex, and/or being seen as way better than sex just always feel to me like a cheap cop-out from writers who are disappointed in sex, or afraid of it. I've never grokked it any more than that stupid, stupid "chocolate is better than sex" quip from women who don't know what masturbation is--yes, it fucking well is sex, TYVM! I much prefer to make partnered sex better than it is IRL by adding supernatural stuff like telepathy to *that*. Immortality alone is interesting to explore, as are Gothic themes, but all the usual themes that vampires *specifically* usually represent just... either hold little interest for me, or then, I can explore them in other ways.)

-'Pride and Prejudice' AU (I don't hate Jane Austen, but it's not my fandom. That kind of society stuff and being witty over teacups in bonnets has never really been my thing--if anything, I usually have my characters exist in their own bubble, isolated from society and its restrictive mores and social stresses.)

***

JUST NO!

-Coffee house AU/food service AU (AUGH! Please, no coffeeshop AUs for me; the world is full of them already. Maybe I could write it as some terrible, short parody? Or doodle it? But no more than that.)

-Hogwarts AU (Haven't read HP. Young Adult isn't really my genre. I know, I know; I've just lost all my WLW cred.)

-High school/university AU (I've done Time Lord Academy-era stuff with Doctor/Master, but I expect this means a sort of American high school/university AU with jocks and cheerleaders and shit. Hell, no. Again, the exact sort of horrid society stuff I would rather have my characters escape from.)

-Adopting/raising a baby (Erm, not unless you count Jaffar/Yassamin adopting a cheetah? They do have kids in some 'verses but there's none of that everyday baby stuff that this question/trope probably implies. I'm squicked by babies, sorry.)

-Unusually specific occupation AU, like, the Author clearly has the same job (It worries me that this is, by virtue of its inclusion here, apparently seen as normal and acceptable..? When it's crap fanfic, inserting yourself into something that should be about the *established* characters instead. Jesus, I don't want to go in expecting a fanfic, and then find out it’s your diary instead! Unless you're Anaïs Nin. And even if you really *do* want to write about yourself, then just... write original fic? An autobiography? A blog? Write an OC that has your job. Don't do this false advertising where you insist it's fanfic when it's not. That's a dick move towards your readers.)

-Loyalty kink (see next trope)

-Alpha/beta/omega (Too creepy. I can write about piss, shit, incest, necrophilia and cannibalism, but not these last two. Any more than I can glorify the Nazis I've written about; I either take the piss out of them, as with Strasser, or just step outside of their politics and bring them into the land of happy sexings like with von Kolb, with the aim of dragging him out of that madness and leaving it behind.)

-Hot single parent(s) (Please. Rundvik: "You love children." Torsten: "I loooooathe themm.")

-Unrequited pining (Too much of an emotional squick. Has to be requited. I write fanfic to fix things, to avenge wrongs, to set things right. I don't write them to make the characters more miserable than they already are. Unless it's for temporary, character-development purposes, that is.)

#writing #meta #personal #meme #and no #idk what's up with the extra spaces in the formatting either

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yukiwrites · 7 years ago

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Flora, Learning the Truth

Thank you so much for commissioning me again, @xpegasusuniverse! Thanks for the patience, too! I hope you like the pain! ;D

Summary: Felicia guides her sister Flora to the one who can clear their doubts regarding their differing memories: Commander Anna. She reads two forbidden books to the both of them, telling them their true origins.

Commission info HERE and HERE!

Part 1 - Part 2

Weren't she holding Flora's hands, Felicia would have fallen on her face at least three times on the way to Commander Anna's study room.

"Honestly, Felicia, don't skip like that! How old do you think you are?" Flora laughed, pulling her sister back from a stumble for the fourth time, right in front of Anna's room.

"Heehee, I'm sorry," she shyly scratched the back of her neck, enjoying to the utmost hearing her sister's laughter again. She blinked slowly, her foolish smile widening as she committed every aspect of her sister's into her memory.

She would wake up soon enough, so she wanted to take one last look at her twin before the dream faded.

"What's the matter, Felicia? You're staring." Flora waved her free hand in front of her sister's face, making the pink-haired one snap out of it.

"Oh! W-we're here!" Her voice cracked as her smile froze on her lips, her fingers tightening their hold on Flora's hand. She gingerly knocked on the door. "Commander Annaaa? Are you there?"

Flora gasped, pulling Felicia's hand to her. "What are you doing?" She hissed, "that's no way to talk to your superiors, Felicia!"

A muffled laugh sounded from inside. "Come on in." Anna said from behind her desk, the smile still over her lips after Felicia opened the door. "I did wonder who would knock on my door so chiperly like that, but knowing that it was Felicia, it's fine. She's always like that."

"I suppose..." Flora twisted her lips, following her sister inside. "Good to meet you, Commander," the maid bowed, trying but failing to let go of Felicia's hand so as to bow properly, "I am Flora, Felicia's sister-"

"Twin! She's my twin sister, haha!" Felicia hopped on her feet, hugging Flora and squishing their cheeks together. "Don't we look alike, Commander?"

Anna snorted yet again, slowly taking the inkpot away from the corner of the table, placing it beside her. "As far as physical apparences goes, yes."

"We also have the same ice powers!" Felicia made a whooshing movement with her free hand, summoning a draft of cold wind. It scattered the papers Anna had just sorted, but thankfully nothing was stained by the ink, like so many times before. "O-oh whoops, I-I'm really sorry about that, Commander! L-let me help tidy it up-"

"No need, no need! It's fine, really, Felicia. Thank you for offering." Anna jumped from her seat, quickly circling the table to pat the sisters on their shoulders. "Now, you didn't come here to just show your sister off, did you?" She guided them to the door, wanting to take the threat of document-ruining away from her desk.

Flora sighed, understanding Anna's reasoning for taking them out of the room, ultimately pulling Felicia out herself. "Commander, I heard from my Lady Corrin that this world has a very... special nature."

Anna raised one eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Maybe me and my sister have been affected by this nature, I'm gathering. We have very distinct memories regarding the war, despite our lives in the castle before it being essentially the same -- with one crucial difference."

Felicia lifted her index. "Flora keeps saying Lord Corrin is a 'she'! B-but he even got married and had a hoshidan-style wedding and everything..."

"Our Lady Corrin had the traditional nohrian-style marriage, Felicia! How could your memories be jumbled like that? We even talked a bit before I entered the portal to this world..." Flora once again checked her sister's temperature, wondering if something changed her sister from inside-out after being summoned to Askr.

"Ah." Anna placed one closed fist over her open palm. "I think I know what's going on. Come with me."

The twins tilted their heads to the side at the same time, then glanced at each other before nodding and complying. Anna guided them through the large corridors towards the royal library, vaguely listening in to Felicia's babbles of how her life had been in Askr and how she's gonna show her sister 'the ropes' of working as a maid there.

"I'll end up cleaning more of your messes instead, aren't I?" Flora sighed, rubbing her thumb on Felicia's hand as the pink-haired one refused to let go.

"T-that's mean! I got a lot better after the war, you know!" She pouted adorably, stealing a snort from her twin, who patted her on the head.

"Yes, yes, I believe you."

A few steps ahead, Anna smiled woefully, longing for such sisterly interaction with one of her many, many sisters scattered around the countless worlds. If she could bring peace of mind for these twins, she would feel at least a bit better despite not being able to have it herself.

"Alright, we're here. I'll head down to the restricted area for a bit, so wait for me over there," she gestured with her chin towards two large sofas separated by a short, round table.

Once again the twins exchanged looks and nodded, walking towards the sofa. "I wonder what she has in mind," Felicia looked up in thought, tapping her index over her lips.

Flora twisted her mouth, narrowing her eyes. "Neither Lady Corrin nor Lord Kiran specified what this 'unique' nature of Askr is about, so I'm hoping Commander Anna has a definite answer. While we wait, why don't you tell me more about these false memories you have, Felicia?"

"T-they're not false!"

"I find that hard to believe since I just spoke to you before crossing the portal and you were fine then."

"But it's true! Lord Corrin decided to stay in Hoshido because he heard about King Garon setting up Queen Mikoto's death and couldn't bring himself to come back and call him 'Father' again! T-then Lord Ryoma got missing; we went to Cyrkensia, then to Ice Tribe and you-" she lost her voice, widening her eyes. "Y-you..."

Flora flinched, immediately taking her sister's hands with both of hers. "Felicia? What happened?! You're pale, you're- your skin's growing colder by the second!" She pressed her forehead on Felicia's, then tapped on the pink-haired one's cheek. "Felicia?!"

The maid looked down, her lips dry and her eyes burning. "You..." a low sound and long left her throat, refusing to say the words.

Anna chose that moment to come back, her expression somber. She held two large books on her arms: One with a red cover, titled 'Book of Birthright', and another with a purple cover, titles 'Book of Conquest'. "I remember now why the story about having both a man and a woman named Corrin who ended the same war in different ways rang a bell." She said, her voice but a whisper.

Flora looked from her frozen sister to the apathetic Commander. "Yes? What's going on here?"

Anna sat on the opposing sofa, placing both books by her lap, away from both maid's hands. She then took a deep breath before speaking again. "It's frowned upon to reveal the world's history to their Heroes, since we never know from which moment in time they came -- they cannot know what's going to happen to them lest story changes." She slowly looked up to the pink-haired maid, whose eyes met her. "But this part of the story has already ended, isn't that right, Felicia?"

The maid but nodded, her expression devoid of soul. Flora squeezed her sister's hands. "Enough of this, Commander! Tell me what's afflicting my sister this instant! I can't bear to see her like this!"

Anna looked down again. "Sometimes, the choices certain Heroes make in their world are so significative, they change history entirely -- to the point of forming another, completely different world, despite sharing the same fundamental points. The person known as 'Corrin' is one such Hero -- the choice they make reflect on how history's going to play out, giving birth to more than one solution for the same problem: The World of Birthright," she raised the red book, "and the World of Conquest," she raised the purple book. "The two of you share the core memories of that world prior to its changes -- though also bearing a very fundamental change such as the gender of your Master -- but the moment the crucial choice was made, the world was split in two."

Frowning, the blue-haired maid, stared at the books in Anna's lap, the gears of her mind finally clicking together. "So this Felicia here, she-"

"You come from the world of Conquest." Anna pointed to Flora. "And her... she comes from the world of Birthright, where something terrible happened."

Felicia flinched, bonking her head on Flora's shoulder. "B-but it's alright now! She's right here with me! I-I don't care if she's from another world or anything, she's my sister! R-right? We're sisters, Flora!"

"But-" Flora started, but the expression in Felicia's face made her stop. She was about to say that they weren't real sisters, but was afraid the younger one would shatter if she did.

Breathing in, Flora shook her head.

"What happened to me in your world, Felicia? Did I... die?"

"Oh, Flora!" Felicia threw herself in her sister's arms, Anna taking that as a cue to leave them to sort everything out. "How could you do that to me?! You left me all alone... You... s-set f-fire... and I couldn't-" She sobbed, not being able to voice that terrible memory, tears once again staining Flora's clothes.

Flora gulped, quickly hugging her sister back, squeezing her on her own chest. "So I used that magic..." She mumbled to herself.

Every Ice Tribe chief learns a very especially deadly fire magic that is able to survive any kind of temperature, no matter how low; no matter how strong the cold wind. It was, ironically, called Cold Fire, and was the only thing that could protect an ice tribesman from the power of a fellow comrade. It was taught in case someone turned traitor and would be needed to be dealt with: the death would be clean as no ashes would be left, and no one would be able to put out the fire.

So Flora killed herself in front of Felicia, most likely after spurning her sister for joining Hoshido and staying back to protect her Tribe. She knew herself well -- she did turn her back on Lady Corrin for a while in the past, after all. Most surely she did the same in Felicia's world, but the pressure of guilt and her sister's purity must have been too much for her to bear.

She squeezed the hug more and more, though Felicia welcomed it as her muffled sobs turned into hiccups. "Does that mean I'm stronger than the Flora you know?" She whispered, caressing her sister's hair. "We may not be actually related, but I promise I won't ever leave you, Feli. I'm sorry for what the other me did."

"F-Floraa!" Felicia held her sister's waist so tightly it almost broke a rib or two, but the blue-haired one endured it, her cheeks overflowing with warm tears.

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone, Felicia. It's alright now, we'll meet here for as long as we can." She whispered, kissing her sister's forehead, who nodded, still sniffling. "Until you don't need me anymore, let's keep on being sisters..."

#flora #felicia #fire emblem fates #fire emblem heroes #fanfic commissions #my writings #Yuki's Commissions

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braden-ffxiv · 7 years ago

Text

i’m ranting about this irl and in my D&D group chat rn but I’M GONNA DO IT HERE TOO

I FUCKING HATE CRITICAL FAIL RULES IN TABLETOP RPGS, ESPECIALLY D&D, ANY EDITION

they’re absurd. and while they can be a whacky fun way to create whacky situations in fights, from a game balance perspective they’re GOD AWFUL

critical fails happen when you roll a 1 on a d20. that means there’s a 5% chance to critically fail. this seems to make sense on the face of it, once in a while you’re gonna suck, even if ur great.

but let’s put that in context. at 20th level a D&D character is basically a fucking GOD. he can slash dragons in half on his own with his sword. he is super-competent at everything, richer than entire nations, has thwarted world-spanning threats. he is fucking unstoppable.

but, somehow, every once in a while, 5% of the time, this walking deity will just, sometimes, accidentally, BONK HIMSELF IN THE FUCKING HEAD WITH HIS SWORD.

and, considering 20th level fighters get anywhere from 4-8 attacks per round (if going the TWF route), he’s statistically guaranteed to bonk himself in the head at least once every 5 rounds. 5 rounds in game time is 30 seconds.

let me repeat that. ONCE EVERY THIRTY SECONDS OUR WALKING MELEE GOD IS ACCIDENTALLY BONKING HIMSELF IN THE FACE WITH HIS OWN SWORD, or something equally absurd. if your master of fighting goes TWF, it’s even worse, where he is, on average, bonking himself in the head with his sword EVERY FUCKING TEN SECONDS.

imagine if, every 20-30 seconds, luke skywalker flailed ineffectually and accidentally slashed himself with his lightsaber, or tripped over his jedi robe. imagine if, every 20-30 seconds, superman forgot how to throw a punch and fell flat on his ass. imagine if, every 20-30 seconds, indiana jones lost grip on his whip and just let it fly across the battlefield. imagine if, every 20-30 seconds, gimli swung wide and chopped off his own foot.

now if the idea of the world’s most elite fighters suddenly become fucking morons and bumbling around on the battlefield every 30 seconds isn’t ridiculous enough, also consider this -

fighter- and melee-type characters already have a massive mountain to climb in D&D to match up against their wizard and cleric friends, who can win entire battles and solve entire campaigns with a few spells at level 20. now also consider that for pretty much every useful spell the wizard needs to cast, THEY NEVER HAVE TO ROLL A DIE to determine if they hit. there’s no chance to critically fail your attempt to turn into a giant red dragon and eat an entire village with shapechange. there’s no chance to critically fail at stopping time and piling 15 quickened fireballs on top of your enemy so they implode into dust. there’s no chance to critically fail at scrying the location of the Evil Overlord, teleport in, cast fly, and swoop around the air laughing as the Evil Overlord swats at the air with his Evil Doom Sword like a child swinging at a pinata.

i know why DMs use critical fail rules - without a detailed analysis like this, it makes some kind of ‘sense’ that people can occasionally fuck up, and they don’t think about the unfair affect it has. a critical failure can be fun on the battlefield, but good lord do i just groan when i hear somebody runs critical failure rules.

just let a 1 be a regular failure. fighters don’t need to bonk themselves in the face every 30 seconds.

#ooc #d&d #dungeons and dragons #3.5e #mostly 3.5 anyway #idk if people use crit fail in 5e #i imagine it'd be better there #MAYBE #i still think most wizard and clr spells there #don't require rolls #the best spells anyway #honestly if ur bab is higher than like +6 #u shouldn't be critically fumbling around #with your goddamn weapon #ESPECIALLY if you're a fighter with #weapon focus/specialization

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thelastspeecher · 8 years ago

Note

Stangie in 8 + 10 in the super hero au? Like, the thing that made Stan always hope it was Angie was the blonde hair poking out of the back of her mask? And Angie is just trying to not freak out over her close friend/crush being in life threatening situations every other day.

8. Oh, my God, I thought you were going to die. Please don’t ever scare me like that again.

10. Wait, my hero’s secret identity is… you? To be honest, I’d always kind of hoped…

Okay, so, I took some liberties with this. First, I wasn’t sure what superhero AU to do because I have like a million and none of the ones I’ve posted about before seemed to fit your prompt very well. So I sorta combined some of them, including the ones I haven’t posted about? I think you can get context from the ficlet, though, so background isn’t needed. Also, I switched who had which reaction. It felt more organic that way. And, something I’ve learned from this: if you send me a two-in-one prompt, it’s gonna be long. This sucker’s almost 1.5k because I couldn’t shut up.

Send me a ship and a number and I’ll write a ficlet!

Stan heard a small noise comefrom the couch, where he’d deposited Angie while she was unconscious. He looked over at her. She was beginning to stir. After a few more minutes of acting like shewould wake up, she finally opened her eyes.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” Stansaid idly, closing his newspaper. Angieturned her head to look at him in the armchair. She frowned.

“Stan?”

“Yeah,” Stan confirmed. Angie’s gaze fell upon a small pile of foldedclothes on the chair next to Stan.

“Why…do ya have some of myclothes?”

“I told Fiddlesticks that youfell in some mud and needed a change of clothes, so he brought ‘em over. Didn’t question it at all. How often do you fall in mud?”

“Change of clothes,” Angiemumbled to herself. She turned her headagain to stare up at the ceiling, clearly thinking. “Why am I on yer couch?”

“I mean, I wasn’t just gonnadrop you on the floor, and if I put you in my bed, you’d have questions. If I put you in Ford’s bed, you’d have evenmore questions. Figured the couch wasthe best place.”

“Hmm.”

“Man, Fiddlesticks wasn’t jokingwhen he said you take forever to act like a human being after waking up,” Stansaid. Angie let out a small, pinchedgasp and sat up abruptly, clutching the blanket to her chest. She looked at Stan, her face pale. “Finally figured out why you needed clothes?” Angie nodded jerkily. “Yeah, you can’t exactly walk back home inheroing duds.” Angie closed her eyestightly.

“Stan…” She took a breath. “Why- how- what happened?”

“You got knocked out. I tried to find that hero you run with, whichI’m now realizing is probably your roommate, but couldn’t get a hold of them.” Stan looked down at his hands. “I, uh, knew you needed to be patched up, youwere looking pretty rough. But hospitalsare a no-go when you’re wearing a mask, and like I said, I couldn’t find yoursidekick.”

“We’re partners in fightin’crime. Neither of us is the sidekick.”

“Whatever you say,” Stan saidwith a shrug. “Anyways, I figured- Ifigured, better someone you know to take off your mask than some stranger. And I did have to take off your mask. You got a pretty nasty gash on your leftcheek.” Angie’s hand went to her cheek,which had a large bandage on it. Shefrowned at Stan.

“How did ya know it was me?”

“I didn’t know Jetstream wasAngie McGucket before taking off your mask, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“But you just said that you knewyou wouldn’t be a stranger to me.”

“Yeah, well…you’re not the onlyperson in the room with a…” Stan tappedhis face, indicating where his red domino mask went. Angie dropped the blanket in shock and staredat him.

“Good Lord.”

“Yeah. It’s me, the superhero with the lamestcodename ever, Flamethrower.”

“How did I not know?” Angiegroaned. “Ugh, it’s so obvious, now Ithink ‘bout it.”

“Eh. I somehow didn’t know you wereJetstream. Even though I could see yourhair peeking out from behind your mask every now and then.”

“Sometimes I’m in a hurry. And it ain’t a mask. It’s a cowl.”

“Same difference.”

“No, it-” Angie froze. “You- you didn’t tell Fiddleford, did ya?”

“No. I told you when you woke up, he just thinksyou were visiting me and fell outside. Imean, Ford already knows, I didn’t wanna let anyone else find out about yoursecret identity.”

“Ford knows?”

“He helped me patch you up. Man, was he pissed when I brought anunconscious, injured superhero into the house.”

“Yeah,” Angie said quietly. She ducked her head. “Good Lord, yer Flamethrower.”

“Are you happy or angry aboutit? I can’t tell.”

“Happy.” Angie rubbed her nose. “Makes things easier.”

“…How?”

“Now I don’t have to choosebetween the two of ya.”

“Choose? For what?”

“Flirtin’,” Angie saidboldly. She grinned crookedly at him.

“Flirt- oh.” Stan grinned back at Angie. “I knew you had a thing for me.”

“You knew nothin’.”

“If that’s what you wanna think,I won’t stop you,” Stan said, still grinning. Angie shook her head, hiding a smile. “Man, if I knew you were gonna confess your love for me, I woulda takenJetstream to my house sooner.”

“I didn’t ‘confess my love’,”Angie scoffed.

“Pretty damn close.”

“Pfft.” Angie rolled her eyes. She swung her legs to hang over the couch andgasped in pain. Her face paledagain. Stan started to get up from hischair. Angie shook her head at him. “I’m fine.” She winced visibly and hunched over, breathing rapidly andshallowly. Dread filled Stan’schest. He moved over to her.

“Hey,” Stan said quietly. “What’s-” Angie shook her head again.

“Just- m’ healin’ factor ain’tkicked in yet. The movement- must’vejostled some bruised bones or somethin’,” she said in a tight voice.

“You have a healing factor?”

“A minor one. It’s nothin’ special. Ya can’t see my flesh stitch itself togetherlike with some folk. But-” She paused to wince in pain. “I’ll be able to walk home to recuperatesoon.”

“You’re not walking anywhere.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’ve got a car. I’ll take you to your place.”

“Okay.”

She never gives in that fast. Stan’s dread grew heavier. She must really be hurt.

“What- what happened, in thefight?” Angie asked quietly. Stanscratched the back of his neck.

“I mean, from what I could see,up until you got knocked out, you were just getting the normal bumps andbruises.”

“The ones that heal overnight,”Angie said with a nod.

“If you’ve got a healing factor,yeah, they would. But, uh, while youwere flying, the baddie swung for you and bonked you on the head. I didn’t realize what had happened until Iheard you hit the ground.” Angie movedslightly and let out a small whimper. “Okay,we are getting really close tohospital territory here,” Stan said nervously. “I’m good at patching people up on the outside. And that’s what I did with you. But if you’ve got internal bleeding or brokenribs or a concussion-” Stan froze.

She’s confused and can’t remember what happened recently. What if it’s not from taking a while to wakeup? Stan jumped up and raced to thekitchen. He rummaged through somedrawers, searching for a flashlight.

“Stan?” Angie said weakly.

“I’m coming,” Stan calledback. He ran back into the livingroom. “Shoulda done this right away.”

“What-”

“I gotta check for a concussion.” Stan shone the light in Angie’s eyes. Her pupils contracted. He let out a sigh of relief. “Okay. All good on that front.”

“Forgot how dangerous thiscareer can be,” Angie mumbled.

“I’m surprised you’re not morebeat up,” Stan said. “You’re a twiggything like Fiddlesticks. You should’vecrumpled like a popsicle stick house.”

“‘m tougher ‘n I look.”

“Yeah, but…I’ve seen you inaction. You’re not careful. Pretty sure every fight I’ve seen you in,your sidekick reminds you to think before jumping in. And you ignore them.”

“Like yer one to talk.”

“I’ve got cushioning,” Stansaid, gesturing at his body. “And I still get more bruises than I canexplain to concerned neighbors.” Angierolled her eyes.

“This is why I didn’t tellFidds. He’d give me the same spiel. But it’s worse from you, ya big hypocrite.”

“Hey, normally I encourage hotheaded behavior. You can ask Ford. But- shit, Angie, this- this is really bad.”

“I’m fast. I don’t usually get hurt this much.”

“‘Usually’,” Stan repeated. Angie sighed.

“Can’t we go back to goofin’ ‘round? I didn’t even get to flirt on ya yet.”

“After you take a shower andanother nap.”

“Lord, ya sound like Fidds.”

“Don’t insult me like that.” Stan watched her, concerned. “Can you get up on your own?”

“Yes. I’m not an invalid.” Angie began to stand up, but cried out andfell back to the couch.

“Okay, I’m taking you to the ER.”

“No…”

“You- We’ll just cut off yourcostume and cover you with a robe or something.”

“Do ya have any clue how muchthis costume cost?” Angie asked. “I’ll just-let me take another nap. I heal fasterwhen I sleep.”

“…Fine.”

“And call my roommate. They’re prob’ly worried sick ‘bout me.”

“Got it. On one condition.”

“What?”

“Don’t get hurt like this again.”

“You know full well I can’tpromise that,” Angie said softly. Shelaid back down on the couch. “But…in thefuture, I’ll try to fall close enough to ya that you can catch me. The news folks can snatch a Superman-LoisLane-style photo of us.” Stan coveredher with the blanket.

“Deal.”

#this was a lot of fun to write #as you can probably tell by how I couldn't stop #I think I stole the name Jetstream from the books I've been reading lately whoops #Flamethrower tho is my default Stan superhero name. he got flame powers.#Stangie #Angie McGucket #Stanley Pines #superhero AU #ficlet #my writing #writing meme #ask #nour386

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fandomlurker · 4 years ago

Text

A Ponderous Rewatch: Bubba Bo Bob Brain and Cameo

Can I just say that I think I’m somehow getting worse at keeping the screenshot count down?

Neither the cameo nor the main episode in this post are animated by TMS, so that’s not the reason for the surprisingly high screenshot count. However, the regular episode is animated by Wang Film Production, who are the same folks that animated the very first PatB segment and have done most of the episodes I’ve covered so far, including the previous one. I can tell they’ve gotten a better handle at animating our main duo in the skit we’re looking at today, especially Brain. Wang Film Production is no TMS, but they’ve gotten very, very good at expressions. They’ve also seemed to settle into a rounded and soft design for Brain, something that they’re kind of known for among fans if I recall correctly. Pinky can still be a little…off at this point in time, though.

Moving on, the cameo that we’re starting with is animated by Akom Film Productions. They’re the folks who usually do the animation for the Chicken Boo and Goodfeathers episodes, and they usually do a pretty good job with those characters. As far as our mouse duo go, though, Akom has only done “Opportunity Knox” so far. You know, the one with the oddly nightmarish Brain close-ups. Thankfully we get none of that since it’s only a short bit.

So yes, onto the cameo in “Noah’s Lark”!

So this is actually a Hip Hippos episode, but luckily we don’t have to deal with them at all right now. The premise is the story of Noah’s Ark, obviously, but the character of Noah is done as a parody of the stand-up comedian Richard Lewis, who was somewhat popular in the 80s. The most modern and notable media he’s been involved in that people on Tumblr might know him from (or at least, what I think folks here might recognize, it can be a little hard to gauge that since both millennials and gen z folks are the main demographic of this site) are Robin Hood: Men in Tights where he played Prince John, and Curb Your Enthusiasm where he plays himself.

Noah is rounding up two of every animal to go onto the ark (which is a popular depiction of how the story goes, but is actually false: it’s supposed to be seven male and female pairs of “clean” animals of each species and one pair of “unclean” animals of the same species, but that’s as far as I’m going into that topic). He’s nearly finished the list and has just been mauled by the wolverine pair, and…

“Lab mice?...”

The fact that he’s specifically asking for a pair of lab mice raises a lot of questions that I don’t think we have time to unpack.

The pair of lab mice that he gets is, of course, Pinky and the Brain.

And Pinky is, for the very first time in the series, crossdressing, presumably to pass as a female mouse so he and Brain can survive the great flood by boarding the ark.

…This is also a lot to unpack.

“Check!” they both exclaim, although Pinky does it in a very deep voice for some reason.

Wow, look at the surprise and then hostile suspicion on Noah’s face there!

Their outfits are very 1950s, with Brain even carrying a suitcase. Anachronisms aside, these two really went all out for the “we are a normal, heterosexual pair” ruse, didn’t they? Not only is Pinky in a dress and a blonde wig, but Brain even put on a little bowler hat. Why did he feel the need to do that? Did he feel left out of dressing up otherwise? Was he afraid he wouldn’t look “manly” and hetero enough without it? I have so many questions…

“Whew! These pantyhose are killing me, Brain!”

Wow, for once it’s Pinky physically hurting Brain, even if it’s a relatively minor tug on the ear.

“I think I prefer knee-highs…”

…Pinky, you’re not even wearing pantyhose. What the hell are you talking about?

Assuming that this is just the result of an animation oversight (which, honestly, I’m certain it was), we now know that his disguise went so over-the-top as to include pantyhose which Noah wouldn’t normally see…and also it’s a type of pantyhose that Pinky doesn’t even like wearing, which implies to me that this is something Brain acquired for him.

There is just so much going on in cameos like these if you think about them for even a few seconds.

Also, I agree with Pinky. Knee-high pantyhose are much less uncomfortable to wear.

BONK!

So the mice are allowed to board and the audience is left to think that their little ruse worked, but immediately after the two run off and are out of listening range Noah rolls his eyes and says

“Who am I to judge?”

Heavily implying Noah completely saw through it and let them on anyway. Wow.

That’s the end of their cameo. Who’d have thought that this little scene would be the precursor to Brain having Pinky crossdress to disguise him as Brain’s wife so many times in the series? And who’d have thought that this very first time wouldn’t fool anyone at all?

But now let’s move on to the meat of this rewatch post:

We open to Acme Labs at night, as usual, though I’ve never noticed until now how lonely and eerie the place seems if you ignore our mouse duo.

“Pinky… I believe I have conceived my most brilliant plan to date!”

Oh boy, we have another first for today! Brain is very much a fan of using temporary mind control for his plans. It’s the method he falls back on the most, which is very interesting when you consider his various psychological issues involving having control taken away from him all his life.

“I shall use subliminal mind control to take over the world!”

“…Pinky?”

The hand-on-hip pose here is great.

“Today’s inside story is country mega-star Willie Ray Cypress!”

Uh, Pinky? Considering that this is pretty much the expression you had while looking at Pharfignewton, I am very, very worried about you looking at the Billy Ray Cyrus parody the same way.

“Don’t tell my head, my empty hollow head!~”

“You know I wouldn’t understand!~”

Same, Brain. Same. It’s just like Pinky to enjoy a song as earworm-y as this (not to mention how relevant this parody is to his everyday experience with Brain’s plans), but lord was the real song this is making fun of annoying as hell back in the day. Like, I was a small child at the time this song came out, and I still hated how often this would be played on the radio.

Luckily, Brain pounces on the remote’s off button and puts an end to the nonsense.

But oh, the look of sad betrayal on Pinky’s face is heartbreaking! I’m sorry, sweetie!

“It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob.”

Heh, Brain said “boob”. /inner six year old

“You have no idea…”

“Pinky, do you know what a subliminal message is?”

“Something you leave on a subliminal telephone answering machine?”

Nice try, Pinky.

“No. It is a recorded message perceived only by the subconscious human mind.”

Two things here:

This diagram bothers me because my mind always interprets the way they’ve drawn the bottom of the cerebellum as the person shutting their eyes extremely tightly.

Brain using his own tail as a pointing stick is very, very cute and I love this detail.

“I have recorded such a message.”

He’s still holding his tail, aaaa!~

“Citizens of the world, you are under my control. You will do whatever I say…”

“Nice mix, but it’s not exactly danceable, is it?”

Oh, Pinky. Only you would sincerely compliment Brain’s incredibly dry mind control message and then immediately point out a flaw that has nothing to do with its purpose. Bless you, you stupid and wonderful little mouse.

I like how Pinky’s interjection startles the hell outta Brain for a moment, too.

“If people heard this message enough times, they would succumb to my control and we could take over the world!”

Notice that despite Pinky being a minor annoyance and despite the fact that Brain claims that everyone will be under his control, yet again it’s still both of them taking over the world.

“What do you think, Pinky?”

And he still wants Pinky’s input. It’s small and scattered and very, very subtle, but in my opinion this is Brain’s most frequent way of showing that he cares about Pinky. Brain likely isn’t even aware that he does it. Pinky might not be aware, either.

“I think I’m getting dizzy and I rather like it! Ahahahahahoo!~”

“Sometimes you hurt my head, Pinky…”

And yet, Brain. And yet…

“The only problem: How to get this message repeated worldwide airplay…?”

Offscreen, Pinky turns the TV back on and startles Brain again, but only for a moment.

Another great pose and expression here: Mildly annoyed, but interested and on the verge of an idea.

“I just adore Willie Ray!”

“I listen to his song twenty times a day!”

I…really don’t know why they chose to have this shot done with Brain walking over the “camera” towards the TV so we get a brief close-up of Brain’s mousey behind. It made me laugh, though, so I thought I’d share.

“Pinky… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

I’m also kind of obsessed with this brief expression of Pinky’s I unintentionally managed to capture. It’s a bit of a smug, knowing, and yet endeared look. I’m sure it’s completely unintentional on the animators’ part, but I love the idea it gives me of Pinky knowing exactly what Brain’s thinking but purposefully saying something entirely unrelated to playfully tease him.

“Well, I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so.”

To be fair, Pinky, I think burlap chafes everyone. And were you thinking about doing a potato sack race? That’s the only connection to burlap I can think of that would be in any way relevant...

“Country music, Pinky. I will go to Nashville and become the biggest country music star of all time! Everyone will hear my record and my subliminal message and I will take over the world!”

In all honesty, that would probably be easier to do in the early 90s when this takes place since country music wasn’t such a…well, “dead” is a bit of an exaggeration, but country music as a genre is incredibly unpopular nowadays with the occasional notable exception. In the early 90s? Not so much.

“Egad, Brain!”

This is the most enthusiastic swoon I’ve seen and heard from you yet, Pinky.

“Oh! But no, no… It takes people years of hard work to become famous, Brain.”

Well, that or they’re born into a famous family. Or they’re just rich.

“Why, take Kathie Lee Gifford for example: She did community theatre, and—“

I actually can’t find anything via Googling about Kathie Lee doing community theatre before she became famous. She seems to have studied music and drama in university, and had a folk music group in high school, but the only reference to theatre I can find is professional musical theatre in the late 90s.

It’s possible Pinky’s right, though.

BONK!

BRAIN! …Wait, where did you even get that tiny club?

“Stop talking, Pinky, I must think.”

You… Brain, I think I’m starting to see why some fans believe you may be as neurodivergent as Pinky is, but in a different way. I can’t in good faith elaborate on that myself, since I haven’t been diagnosed as such and it would be completely disrespectful of me to do so, but if anyone wants a good little theory on that, try here.

“I have calculated every ingredient necessary to become a country music mega-star. Read me the list, Pinky!”

He’s typing by hopping from one key to another, aww!

Eeeh, the lettering work on that computer is pretty bad, though.

“A cowboy hat.”

“Check!”

“A southern dialect.”

“Check, ya’ll!”

“Nice, Brain.”

The way Pinky says “nice” here reminds me of this meme. Also, aww, Pinky’s always ready with the compliments.

“Working class values…”

“I enjoy beef jerky and the comedy stylings of Gallagher. Check.”

His visible cringe at having to say he enjoys Gallagher is wonderful. I first heard about Gallagher through My Brother, My Brother and Me, but for anyone that doesn’t know, Gallagher is a frankly terrible prop comedian whose most famous act was smashing things on stage (usually fruits of increasing size) with a large mallet that he called the “Sledge-O-Matic”, ending with smashing a watermelon. It was apparently a mildly popular bit of comedy in the south. Does that sound entertaining? No? Yeah, that’s…that’s why Brain is cringing so hard.

“A song.”

“Check!”

A song titled “A Song”. Brain, sweetheart, I think you’re going to need to put in a little more effort than that.

“A name consisting of not less than three words.”

“From now on, I shall be ‘Bubba Bo Bob Brain’. Check.”

I would make fun of him for this name, but honestly it’s kind of genius in its bland simplicity.

“And…a height of at least six feet!”

“Aaa--guebuh…”

Whoops. Forgot about that one, huh?

“Drat!”

“There must be some way for me to increase my height…”

Gee, if only you had a fully operational mechanical human suit just laying around.

“Hmm, let me think…”

“Don’t hurt yourself, Pinky.”

He is trying his best!

“Faster, Pinky! Faster!”

…Why does Pinky have to spin the thread? The whole point of sewing machines like this is that they’re powered electrically, Brain. Are you just making him do this so Pinky feels included?

Oh. Oh no…

Brain’s “WTF?” face is great. He’s surprised and yet not at the same time, because things like this just happen when you have Pinky around.

“You amaze me, Pinky.”

“I do my best…”

A very cute exchange.

So instead of using the mechanical human suit they usually fall back on in times like these (maybe it’s under six feet tall?), the mice instead come up with…this.

“Proceed, Pinky.”

I have to give them some credit, regardless of how ridiculous this is, as sewing denim to make a very bizarrely thin and tall pair of jeans must have been an absolute nightmare.

“Ki-yi-yippee-yi-yo. How do I look?”

I’m getting flashbacks to the similarly deadpan singing of “Camptown Races” from last episode. Brain’s really on a western kick lately, isn’t he?

“Oh, very nice, Brain!”

Your finger-framing may be focused on the back of Brain’s head for some reason, Pinky, but your pupils are definitely pointed a bit…lower.

“It’s ‘Bubba Bo Bob Brain’.”

“You are my manager, Colonel Pinky.”

This is a reference to Elvis Presley’s manager, Colonel Tom Parker, who was honestly quite the bungler when it came to managing Elvis’ career. I honestly don’t think Brain’s making a subtle jab at Pinky’s competency here for once because Brain’s grasp of pop culture he’s not already interested in is surface level at best most of the time.

“You discovered me playing the guitar on the front porch of my humble pig farm. Any questions?”

“Oh, just one: When you farm humble pigs, how far apart do you have to plant them?”

“…If I could reach you, I would hurt you.”

Hey now, you’re the one that asked, Brain.

“But for now, on to Nashville!”

“On to Nashville!”

BONK!

“This is a pain that is going to linger…”

That’s what you get for rolling your eyes at Pinky’s enthusiasm.

No perilous car trips this time! Instead, the boys are getting bus tickets to Nashville.

“Two tickets to Nashville, please.”

“Ooh-wee!~ You’re a tall drink a’ water, aint’cha, darlin’?”

…Ma’am? Excuse me, ma’am? Ma’am, are you flirting with The Brain?

Like, sorry, that “tall drink of water” saying is not just to point out that someone’s tall. It’s specifically for flirting with someone who is tall and gorgeous and a refreshing sight to see, like a tall glass of water on a hot summer day.

This lady is flirting with a mouse on stilt legs.

I know that Brain’s disguises are prone to inexplicably work even when by all rights they shouldn’t, but…

“Actually, I am a lab mouse on stilts.”

Brain does his usual bold and plain truth shtick and I’m a little surprised that he didn’t react to what she said beyond that. Then again, this is Brain and he’s quite terrible when talking to women in general, so maybe we dodged a bullet here.

“…At least he didn’t ask me to pull his finger.”

I’ve worked in retail and food service for years, ma’am, and if that’s the extent of your experience with unpleasant men, consider yourself lucky.

“EGAD, Bibby-boo-bop-Brain! Round trips are so exciting!”

“It’s ‘Bubba Bo Bob Brain’, Pinky.”

“Right! Sorry. Zort!”

Honestly, Pinky’s version is much cuter.

“Concentrate, Pinky, concentrate!”

BONK!

“YES! This pain will definitely be with me a while.”

Brain out here looking like a bad Minecraft texture.

Hello again, Warner Siblings! Gosh, that little fringed western skirt on Dot is cute.

“’The Rowdy Ranch Nightclub’… What are we doing here, Boobie-baa-baa-Brain?”

I checked the official subtitles for this and yes, that is exactly what he mistakenly calls Brain here. We have had both of these two call each other “boob” or some permutation of it this episode.

Pinky and the Brain sure is a show that exists.

“…It’s ‘Bubba Bo Bob’ Brain. And according to statistics, and inordinate number of country western superstars have gotten their start at this very establishment.”

You probably didn’t need me to tell you this, but there’s no Rowdy Ranch Nightclub in real life. There is, however, “The Rowdy Ranch”, uh, ranch in Texas.

“Egad! [gasp] Do you suppose Minnie Pearl performed here?”

“One can only hope…”

Man, Brain, you are really laying the sarcasm on thick this episode. Come to think of it, he’s been slightly more sassy towards Pinky than usual this episode as well. I suppose he’s still sore about the end of the last one. You know, for reasons.

BONK!

At least he’s getting some karmic punishment for it, I guess.

“I am a telephone repairman from this area!~”

This little ditty this man is singing has bugged the hell out of me for quite a while, as it certainly sounds like it’s a reference to something but I never knew exactly what it was referring to until just now thanks to an old Animaniacs Usenet group from way back in the day: It’s a parody of the song “Whichita Lineman” by Glenn Campbell. The writers are really giving it their all with the pop culture references this time.

“When I give the signal, play the subliminal message tape.”

“Right-o, Bippie Bebop Balloola!”

“…Sometimes you frighten me, Pinky.”

Why, though?! Despite it being a mistake it’s honestly a goddamn adorable one. Why must you fear affectionate, innocent, unknowing malapropisms, Brain? Pinky’s still going to do what you told him to.

Anyway, Brain is ushered onto the stage as a newcomer and he’s…not exactly any more eloquent than Pinky was just now.

“Howdy, you all. Here’s a little…ditty I wrote. Hope you enjoy it…you all.”

Here’s the thing: Brain’s not one to get stage fright, and while he’s not the best actor he’s still usually better than this. He was saying “ya’ll” and getting the country-isms perfectly fine beforehand, although he was still doing it in his deadpan Brain way.

Now, suddenly, after hearing Pinky cutely screw up his fake name and going on stage he’s starting to mess up. It’s like Pinky’s error is still in the back of his mind and flustering him enough to throw him off for a bit.

He gets back into the swing of things when he starts singing his song, though.

“I am a lab mouse, I escaped from my cage

Never had a job, never earned minimum wage.~”

“He ain’t half bad.”

“Ain’t half good, either.”

OUCH. That’s a little harsh. Sure, the lyrics are kinda blah but he’s a decent singer here. Really, it’s just not a genre of music that his voice fits very well.

Also, lady? You’ve got a suspiciously busty doppleganger in the back there. That’s got to be a bad omen for you.

“But you will respect me, YES, once my plan is unfurled!~

You will call me your leader, I’ll be king of the world!~”

Careful, Brain. Your complicated emotional complex is starting to show in those lyrics.

There’s some more nice facial expressions here too. I can’t really capture it with still images, but Brain’s got a very tender demeanor when he sings about being king of the world.

“Now, Pinky!”

…I just noticed that Pinky’s wearing a completely different outfit here at the nightclub than he was when boarding the bus to get to Nashville. He was previously in an all-white colonel outfit and now he’s in a more generic yet very sweet cowboy get-up. Did you make yourself an entire wardrobe, Pinky?

Another minor detail is that while Pinky’s cowboy hat is a generic tan colour (although before, it was white), Brain’s hat is completely black, which as per western film traditions marks him as a clear villain.

You and I know he’s not really a villain and is, at worst, an anti-villain…but I thought this was worth pointing out anyway.

“Citizens of the world, you are under my control. You will do whatever I say.”

I love how he does this completely unneeded strum on his guitar in the middle of his subliminal message. It's for the drama!

“Buy my record and listen to it twenty times a day.”

Corporations be like…

Who am I kidding? Corporations nowadays would have you pay a fee monthly to have a song on your phone playlist and you would never really own a copy.

“Let’s buy his record…”

“And listen to it twenty times a day…”

Lady, that doppleganger is still over there. Do you need a distraction while you sneak out the back?

This smug lil’ jerk. Gotta love him, though.

And so Brain’s cassette tapes fly off the shelves at record speed.

Man. Cassette tapes. I feel so fuckin’ old…

“I don’t know ‘bout ya’ll, but I can’t get enough of Bubba Bo Bob Brain. Let’s hear it again!”

JFC, that spittoon. Blegh! And just what do you need that rope for?!?

“Well, he’s the hottest thing to hit Nashville since my mama’s jalapeno grits! Here’s Bubba Bo Bob Brain!”

Having just recently learned what exactly “grits” is, I am very disturbed by the idea of jalapeno grits.

“I’m your biggest fan! What d’you say to that?”

Hi, Dolly Parton! I’ve gotta say that the animators nailed the caricature of 90s Dolly here pretty well. She’s instantly recognizable, unlike some other celebrity parodies Animaniacs does. It’s not just because of Dolly’s, uh…most renowned physical characteristics, either. That’s a very Dolly Parton smiling face.

Not much to say here other than that Dolly’s a sweetheart of a woman, from what I know about her, especially for a celebrity. She’s a staunch supporter of Covid relief and Black Lives Matter as well.

That said, she’s sadly—both in the 90s and now—most well known for…

“I’d say puberty was inordinately kind to you.”

BRAIN!

Well, yeah. That.

I guess now you can see what I mean about Brain not being very good at talking to women. Like, he’s definitely not ogling her here. In fact he’s just kind of…stating something he’s noticed and looking absolutely done with this whole celebrity thing. But Brain you don’t just make a joke like that about a woman’s bust size no matter how deadpan you do it, you ass!

“Haha, go on.”

She takes it well, though, just like Dolly seems to in reality.

Still, though! Brain, you retroactively deserved all those run-ins with doorframes.

Continuing on the buxom southern women thing this episode has decided to run with (seriously, what’s going on here?), we now have a brief parody of a Hee Haw skit.

“Hahahahaha!”

“Hey, Bubba Bo Bob Brain, I just got back from France!”

“How’d you find it?”

“I used a map.~”

“Hahahahaha!”

Yeah, that’s an accurate depiction of Hee Haw style humour.

“And the Country Tune Award for best male vocal goes to…”

“Bubba Bo Bob Brain!”

Here we have Garth Brooks and Crystal Gayle emceeing this awards ceremony. I had to look up who these two were supposed to be, though, since the caricatures are pretty vague this time.

“EGAD! YIPPEE! Narf! Ah hahahahahaha!”

Aww, he’s so happy for Brain! And oh, is that yet another outfit I see? And a much more appropriately sunshine-y yellow and flamboyant one at that! Pinky really went all-out for this.

Again with the tongue hanging out too, except this time it’s more understandable.

“You’re embarrassing me, Pinky.”

And you’re continuing to be a jerk, wow. Someone needs a nap or something.

“Pardon my effervescence, but your accolade is more than any bucolic mouse merits.”

“What’s he sayin’?”

“I don’t know.”

Yes, Brain just used the word “effervescence”, much like in that one Tumblr Twilight meme. To those reeling from the fact that this compares Edward to Brain via their shared pretentiousness: You’re welcome.

Also, a Brain-to-common English translation: “Pardon my bubbly enthusiasm, but your award is more than any countryside mouse deserves.” Would that have been so hard to say, Brain?

“…I’d like to thank my mama and Elvis.”

I wouldn’t thank Elvis. He was an asshole. But that’s probably not wise to say at a 90s country music award show, so I guess it’s understandable.

“Oh, how nice!”

“Well isn’t that nice!”

“I’m outside the Grand Ol’ Opry, where tonight’s concert featuring country music sensation ‘Bubba Bo Bob Brain’ is being televised worldwide.”

“In two words: Bubba is hot!”

I… That’s twice in this episode where a human woman thinks a tiny, big-headed mouse on stilts is hot.

Furries, come get these poor, confused women.

“You gotta know how to cut ‘em

Know how to shuffle

Know how to deal the cards, before you play Fish with me.~”

Hello, Kenny Rogers. I only know the song parodied here, “The Gambler”, again through “My Brother, My Brother and Me” and the long and hilarious conversation about it.

It’s kind of weird to have a song that was made famous by Rogers in 1978 sung like it’s a recent hit in an early 90s awards show, but ehh. Maybe the shelf life of hit country songs is a lot longer than songs of other genres.

And then you die in your sleep~

“Do you realize what will happen if the world hears my song just one more time?”

“An angel will get its wings?!”

If only, Pinky.

“NO, Pinky!”

I think all this country stuff is really getting on Brain’s nerves. He’s being snappy and irritable and lashing out an abnormal amount ever since arriving in Nashville, and there’s not a lot of joy in the minor successes he’s had so far. Like, compare Brain smiling and praising Pinky for his work during the alien encounter spoof they did together, the last episode with Brain cheerfully singing to himself when he was certain he’d win the race…to now where he’s yelling at Pinky for minor mistakes that no one but himself is aware of and being joyless and faking pleasantries and rolling his eyes at the country stars he’s surrounded by. This mouse is crabby as all hell, and I don’t think it’s just because he finds the whole country western thing stupid and below him. This is a mouse who’s done and will continue to do degrading things to achieve his goal of world domination without this much jerkishness.

I think he’s still fuming about the whole Pharfignewton and Pinky thing, and the current plan being a very rural, country-focused plan like the last one with the Kentucky Derby is just exacerbating it by reminding him of it. Like, you don’t even have to take it in the gay way I am and instead take it in a “how dare that goddamn horse take the complete attention of my friend/world domination partner away from me and my plans, this sucks and I can’t believe Pinky’s just being his usual dumbass self like everything is fine and the same” sort of way.

But the gay way makes way more sense, fight me.

…Okay, don’t fight me, I’m tired and old and I really don’t want to get in internet fights about cartoon mice.

“My subliminal message will take permanent hold, and the world will be under my control!”

Ooof! We’re back down to “my” control and not “our”. Jeez, Brain. You really are spiraling right now, aren’t you? Your attitude has quickly devolved from the beginning of this episode...

“Oh, that.”

And dang, even Pinky’s enthusiasm is starting to get deflated.

“Now, do you remember what you have to do?”

“Yes. I need to make a dental appointment. I have horrible plaque buildup!”

Pinky, you do realize that unlike a regular, non-sapient mouse you can just brush your teeth, right?

“The tape, Pinky, the TAPE!”

“Oooh, right! When you give the signal, I play the tape.”

“And now, I’d like to introduce…”

“This is it, I’m on.”

“Good luck, Booba Bip Bop Brain!”

Folks, I swear to you that I tried to get a decent screencap of Pinky slapping Brain to figure out if he slapped his back or his ass and for the life of me I could not get it. The slap goes by just that fast and I’d honestly have to go frame by frame if I wanted to get it, but my video player will not go that slow.

Either way, Brain is certainly startled by the contact but is fixated more on the continued mangling of his fake name.

“How many times do I have to tell you, my name is--!”

Uhh, Brain? Getting a liiiittle close there.

“—Bubba Bo Bob Brain!” exclaims Kenny Rogers. And oh boy are these screencaps exploitable. Again, you’re welcome.

“Yee-haw! Let’s start this hootenanny!”

Better than last time you came out on stage to sing at a show, at least.

This time the crowd even sings along with him, and they’re not even hypnotized yet. Much better.

“Now, Pinky!”

“You are under my control, you will do whatever I say…”

“I will do whatever he says… Whatever he says… Whatever he says… Whatever he says…”

A confusingly consistent detail here: Every woman in the crowd has swirly red hypnotized eyes and every man in the crowd has swirly green hypnotized eyes. Why? Who knows!

“Way to go, Blubber Boo Bean Brain. Narf!”

Heh, that hand flip.

It looks like Pinky is trying hard to suppress his verbal tic here for some reason? Or maybe he’s just realized that he’s messed up the name again and is cringing in anticipation of Brain yelling at him? Either way, poor guy… You really don’t deserve any of what’s coming.

And what’s coming? Well, given Brain’s heightened pissy attitude and his mental issues with not having things go exactly the way he wants them to, plus his obsessive need this episode to correct Pinky on this one thing that doesn’t need to even be addressed because no one else hears it, plus other repressed emotions…

“Do me a favour and forget my name. While you’re at it, forget you ever knew me!”

Holy shit.

…Now you fucked up, Brain. Now you fucked up.

Man, I hate the one thick facial hair on the dude in the middle. It’s so unsettling.

“Hey, who’s that skinny guy on stage?”

“Who is he?”

“Get him off!”

“Boo!”

“We wanna see someone famous!”

Yup. Look at what you did. You messed this up all because you were having a temper tantrum about Pinky messing up your stupid false name. You hang that head in shame. And you apologize to Pinky.

Later...

“Tonight’s inside story: A complete unknown somehow made it on to the stage at the Grand Ol’ Opry.”

“…Turn that off, Pinky.”

You know what? Keep it on for a bit, Pinky. Let Brain wallow in this humiliation just a bit more. He needs to have the lesson set in.

“I’m trying to concentrate on a better plan for tomorrow night.”

“Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?”

“Same thing we do every night, Pinky:”

“Try to take over the world!”

Hey wait just a minute! You can’t just reuse this excellent ending from “Win Big” on this episode! Brain doesn’t yet deserve to get back to being cocky and determined after being such an ass!

Ahh well. He does get better, folks, I promise. This is just a rough patch. Brain is… He’s going through some things, I think. He’s not processing his emotions in a healthy way and it’s really coming back to bite him.

Listen, I understand this whole thing with Brain being extra grumpy and hostile after the whole Pinky dating Pharfignewton thing is largely coincidence. We don’t actually know what order these episodes were made in, after all, and the Animaniacs writers were not big on continuity.

Here’s the thing, though: I still find it fascinating that these episodes were aired one after the other…especially with a random cameo with Pinky and Brain disguised as a married couple in between. It makes for the beginning of a strange sort of arc that occasionally reminds us that, hey, these two mice are a duo and something is amiss when that duo is broken up or there is a strain put on that relationship.

I’ve read that after a while, network executives at the time tried to push for these mice to settle down and have families and for the skits and the eventual spin-off to largely abandon the whole world domination thing. They wanted it to be more sitcom-like to rival and imitate shows like The Simpsons.

That obviously doesn’t work. It can’t work. The writers, especially Peter Hastings, very much pushed back against the idea. When you have a duo of characters who fit together and play off one another so well, when the basic premise of a story is of a pair of characters working together to achieve a goal, and when those characters just mesh so perfectly and basically complete one another…trying to add another main character just puts the entire story completely out of wack and/or changes it into something unrecognizable. You can add reoccurring characters off to the side, sure. You can have a nemesis or two pop up and return every now and again. But with something like Pinky and the Brain where the main story is a small pair against incredible odds working towards a singular goal, disrupting that core relationship is going to cause a domino effect that will ruin the whole thing.

All this to say that I like this approach that’s going on here much more, even if it was completely unintended by the creative team: There is the element added of Pinky, off-screen, dating someone. It’s not something that’s brought up a lot and whenever it is brought up, Brain is irritated. We’ve seen at the end of the last episode where this development was introduced that Brain is unusually snappy, and now in the next episode he continues to be angry more often than he was before. It’s a more subtle and smooth way of seeing how these characters react if something or someone threatens to come between them, in a way that doesn’t immediately break the entire premise to pieces. Of course, it helps that Pharfignewton is…largely absent for all this and is only brought up every now and again. It’s not a perfect way to explore this kind of thing, but it’s preferable when compared to something like Pinky, Elymra, and The Brain.

However, after this episode Brain’s temper begins to de-escalate, and we won’t pick back up on this accidental “arc” for a few episodes. So to folks who are maybe a little bit bummed out about his behaviour here: don’t worry. We’re getting quite the breather next time with a very odd alternate universe skit courtesy of the Warner Siblings messing around with character placement, as well as an entire Animaniacs episode devoted to a Pinky and the Brain skit…fantasy style!

#Pinky and the Brain #PatB #Bubba Bo Bob Brain

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